Cum Town | Premium | 04/22/2019
[00:00:00] I told my friend I said it's gonna be a couple of Italian guys
[00:00:05] Doing just telling stories shits and farts and he said nobody wants to hear that
[00:00:12] Nobody wants to hear a couple of Italian guys
[00:00:15] Talking about the old days the old New York
[00:00:19] Where used to be before they cut pizza in the slices back out used to be your whole pie?
[00:00:25] Yeah, nobody acted like a fucking faggot about it
[00:00:28] You getting there they let all these girls moving
[00:00:32] These girls moved here back. It used to be New York was guys only just a fellas
[00:00:36] You want a single bitch south of 115th Street
[00:00:45] Down here was all guys. Well just the fellas you go
[00:00:48] Let me get a pizza and be the whole fucking circle. Let me get a nabi's let me get a fucking pizza
[00:00:53] And they get the whole circle and then these women came down and said oh I can only eat a slice
[00:00:59] And I said why cuz it looks like you're fucking vagina
[00:01:07] No, it doesn't that's not what a pussy looks like I got get shut up bitch
[00:01:12] Hey, get the fuck out of here. I've seen a fucking pussy. Get back the bitch town the Bronx
[00:01:17] And then you know a Puerto Rican guy would come and be like what the fuck you just say about their Bronx
[00:01:23] Like no, I'm in her, you know where the girls live and then you know his friends beat me up
[00:01:31] Old New York stuff. That's old New York. That's good. Once upon a time in America things used to be different
[00:01:44] God damn. Yeah, I guess that yeah, we were almost getting that was a chaz Paul Monterias Bronx tell so I went
[00:01:51] I went back for my dental follow up. Oh, yes how to go brother after having my gun good shape
[00:01:55] They said I mean that yeah, they were like yeah, the luke bombs aren't rotting my gums are now good
[00:02:00] I don't need to see a period honest two weeks of
[00:02:06] Very nice turn my tongue brown, but you know she said when you stop using it that shit will go away
[00:02:12] Really? Yeah, but then I got went in there the first time because I got a cleaning and a whitening package
[00:02:22] Your teeth both I'd heard from other people that it's like kind of painful and
[00:02:27] What they don't tell you is that it's not painful while it's happening. It's after you leave
[00:02:35] Like every five now, what do they do to your teeth?
[00:02:38] They just scrape that shit use like a light right put a gel they put a hydrogen peroxide gel on your teeth
[00:02:45] And then they use a UV light to activate it and just whoa, it's just yeah bleaches your teeth nice. Can you get to your pubes?
[00:02:52] Yeah, yeah, you get some nice bleach tips
[00:03:03] Teaching women Pilates. Oh nice. So some news on my end. I started therapy today and my therapist told me unequivocally
[00:03:13] I was at the bookstore that day that Nick says I wasn't there. Oh really? Yeah, he says
[00:03:22] So I'm feeling pretty good. That's interesting. I feel like I won there you explained everything to him
[00:03:27] I explained the whole story it pretty much took up the whole 45 minutes
[00:03:30] I didn't really talk much about my parents or you know any of that stuff, but
[00:03:37] But we got to the bottom of the bookstore thing
[00:03:40] So I just wanted to let everyone and come nation know oh hold on. I'm getting a phone. No, you're not getting a phone
[00:03:45] Hello holding his hand his fingers is this Adam's their own thing. Oh, you got Adam's file mixed up
[00:03:52] With another guy who was at the bookstore and you're looking at Adam's file now, and it's actually he's gay. No
[00:03:58] Oh, okay, leaving your therapist is just like well
[00:04:01] It was very nice meeting you and just reminded make sure you're not in the Pentagon on August 7th this year
[00:04:19] Know I made sure not to find the only non non-Jewish
[00:04:23] Therapist in New York City that guys clients are nothing but Jewish guys like you and he's like you my employment your name
[00:04:32] Adam Friedland, huh? What a what a surprise all right?
[00:04:36] I'll put you down as Adam Friedland for
[00:04:38] Yeah, you walk out and then another guy that just looks like the Shelby version of you walks in and he's like my girlfriend spending all of my money
[00:04:55] I don't think she respects me and originally I was fetishizing it, but now it's all the time
[00:05:03] At first it was the only way I could come
[00:05:05] But now I think it may be too much now I look at my account and it's making me say it and you know
[00:05:11] I don't deserve this. I was one of the cool ones
[00:05:14] I had a record collection. I did I mean that guy did I am a record collection guy audio file
[00:05:26] You'll be a tight voice to have all the time is the winning the poo voice
[00:05:37] That's me dude. We didn't we say at one point. We were gonna get a little barriers surgically attached to your head
[00:05:44] No, no, we just said something about raping someone and having Shrek here. That was last last yesterday
[00:05:50] Well, I remember that one at least no we were saying you get Teddy barriers. I would love that
[00:06:02] I want a little crop top of my cock hang out was it was that's my Halloween costume
[00:06:07] We need the poo crop red crop top my dick out. Oh, no pants. No, you can't yeah my cocks out your belly out
[00:06:14] belly out cock out handful of honey or is it pussy juice
[00:06:22] Was he an imaginary friend of Christopher Robin was yes, Winnie the poo. What do you mean? Was he real Winnie the bitch?
[00:06:29] Oh, dude time out. I'm sorry. Thank you. I got we can go forward now
[00:06:36] Disrespect Winnie that we got it too excited
[00:06:38] It's fucked up. Were you guys surprised when you found out it was a guy Winnie? No, no I was what a gentleman
[00:06:46] I didn't know that peppermint Patty was a jerry bird is a boy, but it seems like he's a girl
[00:06:51] Yeah Hispanic women identify with tweet. Yes, we did birds of boy. That's right. Twitter birds a chola
[00:06:58] He's Latinx. I forgot that from peanuts
[00:07:01] But I didn't realize peanut from peanuts peppermint Patty was a lesbian
[00:07:04] I thought it was a boy because her friend no like Leslie really a friend used to call her sir
[00:07:12] Didn't know that yeah, it was who's Dom sub relish
[00:07:28] Number one HVAC company in the fucking northeast
[00:07:31] I'm is short for Dominic sub is short for submarine sandwich
[00:07:35] No, no, no sub relacious is full. This is full last name. So relate sub relish Dominic sub
[00:07:54] And they're putting in number zero Adam Friedland
[00:08:29] Should blown hundred million point late
[00:08:39] One out two strikes just rolls to the catcher
[00:08:43] It stops bouncing and just rolls and he's walked the managers having a stroke and legally no one else can pull them out
[00:09:01] Yes, come on man. What are you looking at your phone dude? I just saw our souls through the semi-finals the
[00:09:13] Congrats to the fuck our channel dude. Why fuck ours when did you start watching?
[00:09:21] I was I didn't have a team until they had the champ champions league run in
[00:09:27] 2006 early 2006 bandwagon and they lost to Barcelona in the final bandwagon you to get the new FIFA
[00:09:36] Yes, I will I'm probably what comes out in the fall
[00:09:39] I I buy every new FIFA and every new NBA 2k and I play for
[00:09:44] Seven hours combined and I just have them every year. Oh, yeah, dude. I I the amount of video games. I buy now
[00:09:51] And it's a well not a lot. I guess yeah, no, it's a symbol of wealth. It's no
[00:09:56] I do plan on playing like I did play red dead that's true, but I got grant that thought of five and I barely played that
[00:10:01] That's a good one though brother. Yeah, that's a man. They kind of peaked with fucking I thought four was pretty good. Yeah
[00:10:08] But like we have to go on dates and shit. Yeah, I saw this extra shit
[00:10:12] I don't like but I love playing the cheats doing a super jump you could jump in on top of a building super
[00:10:18] In red dead you could do really no, but I mean there's cheats and red dead really yeah
[00:10:23] Well like unlimited ammo and you just go around with Tomahawks and that's
[00:10:30] Really how you doing and then you fucking acts to the face tight. Yeah, you're looking at flaming bullets
[00:10:36] Where their titties in red dead you're you're drunk in the bar looking for your friend half black half
[00:10:42] I played that one and if you walk into you're looking for Lenny not Charles
[00:10:47] Yeah, if you walk into the Charles is the one that's in the saloon. There's a guy fucking
[00:10:51] Really is a girl riding his cock. I did walk into your position. She's got like a brawl. You can't know you see titty
[00:10:57] Maybe I just didn't react to it because it's a
[00:11:00] Yeah, and I'm Asian. Yeah, it's not gonna stop me brother
[00:11:03] Because I remember they had that advice city there were titties and the nipples are just crosses. Yep, and I love every second
[00:11:10] Yeah, of course, I you're going that VIP room. Yes, sir. You could buy that strip. I spent so much time
[00:11:15] Just tip it where knows that that's the new one where you tip them
[00:11:20] But either way in every every time the strip club
[00:11:23] I've spent hours in the in the grand theft auto strip clubs. This is named Tommy Tommy Vercetti. I think so
[00:11:31] Dude vice city was awesome. That was the best one of all the best game of all time. Yeah, I
[00:11:37] Love the dude. Yeah, I just I wanted to be living in the 80s doing cocaine
[00:11:42] Mm-hmm on one of the on the Fagio scooters. Yeah, get a pussy on the back of a fat so funny
[00:11:52] It was all that that porn star mission, right? Yep, candy sucks. Oh, yes, bro. I literally beat off the candy sucks
[00:12:06] I don't know if I actually but I remember looking at that being like, oh, yeah time to beat off
[00:12:11] Yeah, you know what I mean? It was the appetizer at least to a beat off sesh plus
[00:12:15] I believe the pause or the loading screens and you know what they gave you they gave you the in the manual
[00:12:22] You folded it out and it was a picture of a hot lady. Oh, okay. Yeah
[00:12:27] Yes, sir nice because I was playing it in Greece my family's in Greece and I didn't have my usual masturbation like
[00:12:33] Yeah, you know a kuchar mons. I didn't have my AOL calm dial up that I could log on to so I had to make do with
[00:12:40] My my cousins vice city. Yeah damn. I love that game
[00:12:45] Yeah, shut down. No neither hacking every game. We should do that kind of as in Greece
[00:12:53] He would you would just get like a fucking hacked PlayStation. Oh like a mod mod a situation you get and and
[00:12:59] You would go to stores. Yeah, and they would sell you burned copies
[00:13:04] They would rent you burned copies of the fucking games. It was awesome
[00:13:11] Who could have seen it who could have seen it collapsing?
[00:13:15] When the fucking blockbusters were just like a guy burning all the fucking
[00:13:19] You teeth heard baby. Oh, yeah now what it's it only lasts like maybe two seconds. Mm-hmm. Yeah
[00:13:26] Yeah, it feels like you know like a hot like needle on your nerve. Yeah
[00:13:32] The things we do for you from vanity dude, that's right for his name. It literally zero difference
[00:13:37] Not know you look gorgeous. I would fuck I would fuck I think don't look wider if you shave
[00:13:43] I would have sex with you right now, but only because of your teeth
[00:13:46] What if I became trans just because I wanted to be hot
[00:13:51] I just want to know what it's like to be hot. Yeah, your girl and face app is hot, right? Yeah, I would fuck it stops
[00:13:57] This cute mine looks like my sister. They somebody took the picture of you as a teenager. Oh, that's a good one
[00:14:03] Yeah, little chubby girl, you know a shubby girl named like dot or something. Yeah
[00:14:08] She would really make a real effort just getting taken advantage of just closing the door to your to the manager's office at the car dealership
[00:14:15] Being like you've been doing a lot of good work around here
[00:14:28] Sometimes if you're a little friendlier with some of the people in the office, okay
[00:14:34] It was a long way. Oh in the office. Yeah me. Well, I feel like I'm pretty friendly zip
[00:14:39] What the heck yeah, I just said zip. Oh, mr. Mullen. I'm just trying to get you used
[00:14:45] Why do you have a fucked up half up mozzarella stick in your lap? I said zip as I pulled my sweatpants down
[00:15:03] Yeah, this is Jordan flu game right here
[00:15:16] Because you tied it for business so it stay up
[00:15:24] Just tearing your tear away pants off zip
[00:15:37] Honestly if I was dot and it was at that car dealership where they had the fucking that fucking lime green Pontiac Sunfire
[00:15:43] I would suck for that. Yeah, I would suck for that car
[00:15:52] Actually, I wouldn't I was gonna say if I could suck a guy's dick right now and then 15 year old me gets that car
[00:15:57] I would be happy, but I wouldn't do that why I
[00:16:02] Don't want to suck a guy's because you wouldn't yeah
[00:16:04] I know but like think about how happy you would have been in your life
[00:16:07] You wouldn't have needed to do comedy you'd have got pussy because you might have got any coolest car in Greek town dude
[00:16:14] Like a local one would have given you the confidence to work out and take care of it
[00:16:20] That's true if I'd only gotten a morsel of pussy at 15. Yeah, my whole life's different
[00:16:25] Please ever come of person. Oh, yeah, it would have saved your life and first of all it would
[00:16:37] We'd create a whole different timeline stop Wow you would continue to be piece of shit stop. Oh my god
[00:16:43] We would split the universe it would yeah
[00:16:47] Multiverse damn okay if someone tells you you suck this man's dick right now 9 11 doesn't happen
[00:16:53] No, I'm proud of that. Oh you do it. No 9 11 is good for 9 11 Ross
[00:17:02] Yeah, yeah, I think so yeah, I think you'd have to I think 9 11
[00:17:07] It like was the kind of push over the edge for me and a lot of people my age as far as like
[00:17:15] Our whole shit doesn't even exist if 9 11 doesn't happen. Yeah
[00:17:19] Yeah, 9 11 in eighth ninth grade and then we have the financial collapse seventh if you're young and youthful like me
[00:17:26] Yeah, I had ninth grade Wow ninth grade 9 11. Yeah high school getting bullied by 12th grade girls
[00:17:36] Think I would suck the cock to stop 9 11. Would you yeah? Why would I if I also got the Pontiacs on fire?
[00:17:43] Oh, I would have to be a two for one. Yeah, I mean you would already do it just for the Pontiacs on fire
[00:17:48] Yeah, if you're throwing a 9 11 on top of the shore
[00:17:55] What would you guys suck a dick for to make your childhoods better
[00:18:06] We'll make it so that 30 year old me doesn't actually
[00:18:10] That's the right answer. Yeah, that would be cool
[00:18:22] Damn that was Schrodinger's cat is yeah
[00:18:25] He sucks the cat's dick. Mm-hmm, but in the box it comes in it if it's outside. Yeah of the box. It doesn't come
[00:18:32] What about you Adam? What would I suck a dick for respect?
[00:18:41] This the basic level of respect I have the most money face in the world
[00:18:46] I've somebody said yeah new face. That'd be great. I mean some of your short film that I it might be
[00:18:51] Turned into a feature I think but it's like it's a diner scene and this guy sits down
[00:18:57] He's with his dad at the diner is like 65 year old dad, and then he's like in his 20s. He's all sweaty. He's like
[00:19:04] Thanks for meeting with me. He's like I know this is like
[00:19:08] This is gonna be fucked up, but I just want I need you to look just hear me out
[00:19:11] Like this is fucked up. He's like I was hanging out a couple weeks ago with these guys and
[00:19:17] We're all like chatting and drinking and one of these guys. He's like some fucking like tech billionaire
[00:19:25] And you know we start talking about money or whatever and like I like as joke said fuck
[00:19:31] I'll also suck my dad's dick for two million for two million dollars or whatever and
[00:19:42] And I said what and he's like, you know, let's do it and then you know
[00:19:49] He's like this guy serious. He has the money
[00:19:51] That's so funny and then the dad's like just looking like disgusted or whatever
[00:19:56] Yeah, of course and then like he's like but it's like this would take care of everything
[00:20:01] You'd be able to pay off the mortgage. It would pay off my student loans like all this stuff and the dad's just like
[00:20:19] I have each we get about a million of pieces like you guys a factor in probably like 10 years of pretty severe therapy for both
[00:20:27] Yeah, it's really funny. That's really good. Yeah, it was really good
[00:20:30] I wish I could remember the name of it instead of just doing just doing the bit just doing a bit
[00:20:35] What other movies and stuff do you guys would a good parts of movies you remember that we could just say for an hour?
[00:20:39] Oh, yeah, I used to do that. I used to try and I tried to get that joke the work on stage like for I would go on stage and just
[00:20:48] Like complain that it's the end up comedy can't be me just like
[00:20:52] Quoting my favorite parts of the Simpsons. Yeah, you guys remember that Simpsons episode when it would crush too much of you did that though
[00:20:59] Yeah, I watched him a goobies literally just quote Cartman for like seven minutes. Yeah, that's it was awesome
[00:21:06] I was laughing the other day thinking about how Aaron Glaser is sort of Nanette's Wario
[00:21:22] Look like nana, but I'm going to to rip other comedians
[00:21:35] Destroy that you know it's funny. It's because people are like think about all the careers
[00:21:39] Louis C K ruined by raping those women. It's like well think about the career Nanette has because she was right
[00:21:46] Oh interesting and then Cameron the Spazino. Yeah, and it's like you really got also right you really got to ask yourself
[00:21:53] Is it bad? I think yes, I think I just asked myself, but you have to ask yourself. I
[00:21:58] I did okay. I'll admit. Yes, you I guess you have to ask yourself. You do have to ask
[00:22:04] I don't know. Let's say that you do have to ask yourself, and I'm asking myself and I would say yes
[00:22:09] I wish I'd be great if we could eventually parlay this show into something like the view
[00:22:15] Incredible. Yeah, we have to I would love if we have to agree to take like pills that you know or I'd we just
[00:22:21] Start drinking would just be on pills. Yeah, you'd have to be like I'd be high. I would just be heavily trained heavily trained
[00:22:29] But just surrounded by like flowers in a studio audience. We have a DJ and I'd be credible
[00:22:36] I don't know any you drink about it. Why why not I know you would be the joy Bay Har. Yeah the hot one
[00:22:46] Dude you bring up anything. I'm like, I don't fucking know now this mola guy. What is he he makes juice
[00:22:58] We what's his deal he owns a juice company
[00:23:08] Yo, you see when me can't Megan came at joys like
[00:23:12] Dude did she joy? It's been dunking on Megan for weeks
[00:23:16] Yeah, well Megan's retarded. Yeah, of course
[00:23:19] But how dare you come at joy Bay Har a fucking comedian stands up comedian. Yeah, we take care of our fucking own dude
[00:23:26] Yeah, we got a joy says brotherhood joy says a goddamn word. I'll fucking
[00:23:36] She says jump I say I can't I'll say my foot doctor said
[00:23:41] I'm still six months away from jumping. I still don't legally have a foot
[00:23:48] I'm not legally qualified damn. Can I get disability? I want a little rascal scooter, dude
[00:23:52] I want to get disability. Yeah for being a player cock off or gay being gay retard. Okay
[00:23:58] Sir, you've sent us 19 letters now. You're faxing the office and that is an audit disability
[00:24:05] I thought about that is because you can't get a disability card from the MTA and it's like how is there a way to just say you're
[00:24:11] Retarded probably to get free subway rides. Yeah
[00:24:15] Yeah, I mean there's no like I can they really check it's not like that you have to present them with a form from the doctor that says
[00:24:21] You probably do you can't just go there and say you're retarded
[00:24:35] I'm feeling like I'm feeling like their parents give someone a fucking piece of paper
[00:24:41] I don't know, but this is the premise for a 90s comedy. It's literally this the that movie the ringer
[00:24:47] Well, that's the true to win the special Olympics, but can you imagine?
[00:24:51] It's just like a guy with the stakes are so long sleeve t-shirt on and then a short sleeve flannel over top of it
[00:25:06] What happens when you want to ride the train for free you want to save on balance 48 dollars a month
[00:25:12] You would say way more than that dude. What's a what's a what's a monthly cost?
[00:25:17] 121 damn for real. I get I get do not not ride the train at all
[00:25:22] No, I just get I just fill my shit up with money
[00:25:24] I started doing that because I don't ride the train luck I used to you know, you know, I drive half the time
[00:25:30] I've been on I've been on a steps kick. I will be walking to Green Point after this for example
[00:25:42] If you're gonna get a fucking if you're gonna save a hundred twenty dollars a month
[00:25:46] It's worth committing major fraud and also mocking the retarded. I
[00:25:55] Have a little dig I see to make you fuck me some people are still trying to get a rise out of me over the bonobo thing
[00:26:06] And clearly it doesn't affect you at all it affects me and make you laugh good because you laugh because I was right
[00:26:12] So yeah, oh, thanks for reminding me that again once again. I was correct about the bonobos
[00:26:18] No, you really you trolled me hard by reminding me of how correct I was
[00:26:26] Apple sauce with his fingers on his temples like floating three feet above the ground
[00:26:34] Oh shut up. So it did mention this though. Apparently Sebastian is a crab and not what yeah
[00:26:42] He's a crab. He just looks like a lobster
[00:26:44] No, he's a lot so he's a lot to give him like big black people lips and it made his face too big
[00:26:48] And so you can't be a crab. I mean doesn't look he's a lobster
[00:26:52] But you couldn't put those lips on a crab that had to make the eyes come out to meet the lips
[00:26:56] That's an old that's what a lobster looks like. Yeah, I know but it's a crab
[00:27:00] Yeah, that doesn't make why would why would they draw him is a different for why don't why would a lobster have a Caribbean accent?
[00:27:06] Why would a fucking crab have a Caribbean accent because they live in the Caribbean
[00:27:09] Lobsters probably live all over the place. They live in you were saying lions live in Rome
[00:27:15] Which I don't even know if that's true. They do the the original distribution alliance was all the way up to fucking like
[00:27:22] Yeah, I mean it's just say they were all throughout Greece and like Turkey. No, we didn't have lines. They did have lines
[00:27:28] Actually, you're right. There's a lot. I don't know. I don't know if it's about lines a lot
[00:27:31] I don't know if it said you know cuz there was the what is it the Barbary lion or whatever?
[00:27:36] It looks the same I guess is a regular line, but that they have a smaller that that shouldn't fucking like England
[00:27:42] But what I'm saying North African line what I'm saying is why can't a lobster be in the Caribbean, huh?
[00:27:48] Why can't a lobster be in the Caribbean because it's just not it's not their culture. They're not allowed
[00:27:54] Dude, he's not a crab. I don't give a fuck. Yeah, that's a fucking lobster. Sebastian. Oh everyone knows. He's a fucking lobster
[00:28:09] Why okay, you know what let's say he's a crab what kind of cocks the crabs have don't even know
[00:28:14] I'm googling this shit right now. I spent all my time learning what lobster penis is
[00:28:29] Well Disney says he's a crow what yeah, well Disney also says that fucking Dan Schneider is not a pedophile. Thank you
[00:28:36] Yeah, that's right. Yep. So what side of history do you want to be on? Yeah, the Christian side
[00:28:42] That's right. Look, I'm just trying to be on the Christian side of history. I'm gonna start saying that
[00:28:47] Look, I'm just I'm just trying to be on the Christian side of history here. What the fuck. How is he a crab?
[00:28:53] That's fucking bullshit, dude. Yeah, I'm fucking pissed crab himself
[00:28:58] Hey, I'm bad Marjara, and I'm here with Sebastian the crab and this is
[00:29:03] Rachel Pissing Ariel's face dude. This is a fucking lobster. We're gonna piss and crab himself's face
[00:29:20] Dude this is a fucking lobster dude fuck this I'm mad
[00:29:25] But let's just see what crab penises are like let's take a look at the crab penis
[00:29:30] What's like the welcome to the University of Jamaica the little mermaid the
[00:29:35] The breeze has a hard cock when he when they get married sex
[00:29:41] Welcome to my class look no, that's line king
[00:29:47] Well male hermit crabs evolved larger sex organs to avoid losing homes
[00:29:51] A study suggest hermit crabs with more valuable easily stolen shells have evolved larger penises to more safely made
[00:30:00] Shell your cock has to be longer so you can fuck while you're in it. Mm-hmm respect dude
[00:30:06] I would love to do that just stick my dick out the window
[00:30:15] Alpha males who spend too much of their time gaming yeah to mate have evolved large long cocks
[00:30:22] To get them sucked through the fire escape while playing red dead redemption to
[00:30:29] Bread bread very large penis is sometimes half the length of their shell anchored bodies bread
[00:30:35] Imagine having a dick that's half your fucking body, which I do bread
[00:30:39] But you guys imagine it because your dicks are small bread. I would never imagine that
[00:30:51] Brunching crab grabs man's penis in river. That's pretty good
[00:30:57] See I'm looking up crab penis and all I'm getting is hermit crabs
[00:31:01] Yeah, they got the most famous penis in the I'm gonna look up Jamaican crab penis. I
[00:31:07] Like watching people freak out over this
[00:31:10] Moller report what is going on with this shit, man
[00:31:12] They just released and who's the fat guy that looks kind of like Steve Bannon who Jerome Corsi? No the attorney general
[00:31:20] Oh bar. Yeah, who is that guy? He's the new attorney general
[00:31:25] Was it that little motherfucker that looks like an elf. Yeah Trump got rid of him. Oh, really Jefferson bow regard
[00:31:31] Yeah, what's what's my man Jeff B up to he's he's he bow regard
[00:31:44] Well, I don't know what Jamaican crabs cocks look like. So I'm sorry
[00:31:48] There's no such thing as a calypso Jamaican crab. I think they just made it up for the movie. Yeah, they made up
[00:31:53] Oh, yeah, I don't know if they have any
[00:31:56] Well, let me look up Jamaican lobster. Yeah crabs don't actually have Jamaican accents. Yeah, I don't I don't think in real
[00:32:02] That's it made me up for the movie. That's why I don't have a dick
[00:32:18] The good news is that if I was not a cartoon I could not even say fuck I could not even be alone want pussy
[00:32:28] My exes don't see that prison suck on my dick and then fuck my butchy very horny but I can never
[00:32:38] Damn that was 15 year old me dude without the fucking sunfire
[00:32:42] Do that it must suck to be one of those in cell guys. Oh, yeah, that really I mean it's like
[00:32:49] That sucks to never get pussy cuz it's like I get mad. Yeah, well, it's like like you're ugly
[00:32:56] Yep, but then nothing redeems you absolutely not and you
[00:33:01] You think that there are rules for pussy right exactly. It's like you wear to college
[00:33:07] I made as much money as possible where the fucking bought axe body spray
[00:33:11] Yeah, you think you've followed all the rules and the only thing that's wrong is that it's the women that aren't fucking you
[00:33:20] Must be hard that sucks. That sucks. I mean it just sucks. Yeah, I remember not getting I didn't get those
[00:33:25] 21 because it's also I remember how horrible life you could be a fat you could be like a fat
[00:33:30] Disgusting unfuckable woman and then be like I'm writing a book about it. No be on like the New York
[00:33:37] But if you're like one of these guys and you're like nobody wants to fuck me like
[00:33:45] Isn't plotting you whatsoever. Yeah being a man is like high ceiling very low floor
[00:33:52] You know what I mean? It can be awesome as hell all risk. No, oh high risk. I risk I reward
[00:33:58] Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess it makes sense. Yep. Yeah, sorry guys. Sorry. You don't get pussy. Yeah
[00:34:04] Yeah, it's pretty it's pretty nice to be ugly shit and still get the fuck you should get into gambling and drugs
[00:34:09] I think me no those guys feel like an insult guy get just get really in the gambling and drugs
[00:34:15] Yeah, cuz this if you get in the gambling
[00:34:17] I think makes sense because either you'll become rich or you'll die. Yeah, and that's
[00:34:21] You know what I mean? Like if in the off change you get rich you'll get a lot of pussy
[00:34:26] Well, you need to do is find a very ugly woman that you can friend zone
[00:34:30] Lean on her for emotional support and then get your kicks off with
[00:34:34] Gambling and drugs and prostitutes. Yeah, I'd say donate all your money to girls on Twitter's only fans
[00:34:42] Just feel like you've developed a personal relationship with a stranger and then you know
[00:34:47] We're talking about what their birthday is and stuff send send her send her presents off her Amazon wish list after wish list
[00:35:01] It's like I feel bad like I always hate the idea of carrying a bit over from like one
[00:35:07] But I cannot stop doing that boy. So bad
[00:35:12] Doesn't even sound like him. We don't know what he is
[00:35:18] And he doesn't know where his dick is or if he has one
[00:35:29] Fuck Tim I would like to get into gambling, but it makes me too nervous I gamble a little bit
[00:35:35] We play a little poker the other night. Yeah, we play some poker
[00:35:40] I won Wow, but it was time to wrap up. So we were all tired everyone kind of just went all in yeah, right?
[00:35:49] Yes, I had pocket aces which I brought with me. That was a yeah, that was fun. I wait King Ace
[00:35:56] No, that same hand. Yeah, I had two I had two a no no I King Ace suited and he had pocket aces Wow
[00:36:03] Yeah, two great hands. Yep. Yeah pocket aces cowboys
[00:36:45] Rockets in the pockets to throw up a bit of going on this
[00:36:49] Yeah, yeah, I'm all in ever just I fall
[00:36:58] There's rockets there's cowboys. Yeah, there's what's Queen's ladies couple of cups
[00:37:12] Two princes princes. Yeah, are those the Jacks? Yeah
[00:37:30] Well the reason I was thinking that song
[00:37:32] Because it's deaf that song is definitely the soundtrack to
[00:37:36] You part of the state. Yeah, 100% Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I got I got the soundtrack to the top of the state
[00:37:47] Oh nice. Yeah. Well, I guess it would just be the soundtrack to our cold
[00:37:53] I've never seen it. Yeah, Nick's been bringing it up
[00:37:56] I have if you could open up my asshole and put you a tongue inside it. Give me a hit now. Oh
[00:38:10] This is from your 90s playlist Nick Nick's got a legendary
[00:38:19] Is the song we're just a yes the plan is I pretend to be retarded to get cheap a bus ticket
[00:38:31] Mike that's a terrible idea. What if the most terrible idea anyone in the hurt
[00:38:37] Was actually the greatest idea this summer
[00:38:40] The weird guy from dead man on campus. Oh that guy
[00:39:02] I want sex with men. Yeah, be cool if we had a serious show where we just give up and start
[00:39:16] Just take us through your list what song is this?
[00:39:21] Nick, I'm gonna hurt him. Look, Lothian 90s
[00:39:24] He really is okay. I've never heard this song in my life
[00:39:33] Never heard this song never no, but I fucked the girl who sings it
[00:39:50] I'd never said low key and I've certainly never said high key high key is worth
[00:39:58] That's my penis, but my ass cheeks lick my butthole lick my ballsack suck my
[00:40:25] Okay, I don't know this one either. Yeah, you're not gonna be able to identify any so
[00:40:31] put on put on cherry cherry cola savage garden
[00:40:37] It's not already on the plate. It's for our Australian fans. Are they Australian about this? Yeah
[00:40:48] This is tight, but I know what it is we need I fuck with weed
[00:40:54] I wanted to have sex with your in college
[00:41:38] Oh not a single one you don't have how bizarre that Maury guy
[00:41:44] OMC there's three of them. There's brothers who like Pacific Islander
[00:41:49] No, they're Maury and I there like I think two of them
[00:41:52] There is three brothers and I think two of them like died from separate heart attacks whoa as opposed to linked heart attacks
[00:41:59] You fucking bitch. Yeah, that's right stop you own the goddess ass logic stop. Well, you know facts don't care about your feelings
[00:42:07] Well, then here comes other facts you stupid fucking asshole
[00:42:12] What about heart attacks only maybe they were doing only about heart attacks. No other facts. Maybe they were doing
[00:42:23] I see that but come on member, but this is not what people wanted. No, they want to remember the no
[00:43:01] But this definitely sounds like say anything
[00:43:06] Oh, this is fucking cut this yeah, I'm trying to put on a blazer and walk through the city
[00:43:20] The one-and-one or this is an Indian guy
[00:43:34] That's right everyone thank you for giving us five dollars a month
[00:43:47] Yeah, people are gonna get this all they're gonna put your playlist together
[00:43:51] They're gonna listen to when they're at my playlist
[00:43:53] I'll share with anyone there at corner you can just ask me for it and I'll share it with you put it on a spot on
[00:43:58] It's on Apple music Apple music. Did you finish that?
[00:44:02] The the screenplay what's up guys you're listening to the first responder podcast rock you by
[00:44:35] Fuck Muslims coffee is a really great project every
[00:44:39] Every dollar you spend goes to buy a bullet for a blackwater
[00:44:43] mercenary to put directly into the brain of a four-year-old girl trying to learn how to read
[00:44:57] Our special guest is MMA fighter and inventor of truck nuts
[00:45:10] Rescribing in from fucking I don't know some shit town in Arkansas
[00:45:15] Also recently exonerated for war atrocities he was on trial and got off
[00:45:21] And now he he works he works for the police department teaching them how to do armrests
[00:45:30] He goes from police departments the police department teaching them how to how to do Brazilian jiu-jitsu
[00:45:42] That's my favorite shit should I become an MMA guy dude? Yeah, I learned bjj. Oh, you're saying become an actual fighter a fan
[00:45:54] Dude no joke Pete my mother roomy my big dog he's also he's been
[00:46:00] Buying a lot of chocolate covered almonds and it's been kind of a step back for me. They're so good. They're so good
[00:46:07] The little saltage. I love that salt is fuck. Yeah, my parents had him at home. He throws him in the freezer, too
[00:46:16] And it's really set back my progress. I'm I've stabilized it around
[00:46:25] Mmm. I've been here for a good number dude. It's a good number, but they call me to call me the 77
[00:46:37] Damn, I want to kill myself. Yeah, dude. I would love to yeah
[00:46:41] I honestly want to just the more I think about it. It's like well it's spring again. It's like what am I just gonna keep doing this?
[00:46:48] Yeah, you like the winter no, I mean no, but it's a reminder another season. Yeah, yeah time passing and you're still fucking conscious for it
[00:46:57] I was still here. Yeah, I went to target the other day and I was looking at walks
[00:47:01] I was like, well, maybe I should get place with a gas stove
[00:47:16] Well back to the place. Maybe we should just stop
[00:47:22] Until and see how long it takes for everyone to unsubscribe. It would probably take longer than you think
[00:47:27] Yeah, we can milk that for a good couple months and then we could yeah, we'll just I don't know
[00:47:33] Well until the money runs out and then we'll kill ourselves
[00:47:36] Just go on a tropical vacation. Well, we won't have to kill ourselves someone will do it for us
[00:47:41] Podcasts we don't have to be friends anymore
[00:47:44] We could all kill ourselves together. Well, we can you know go our separate ways
[00:47:49] Yeah, but then but we want to but it would be a nice gesture. I would I would finally go to South America
[00:47:56] To sacrifice myself to a volcano. Okay, but then of course become the god
[00:48:01] Yes, the leader of whatever those people down there because now to be to be clear
[00:48:07] Would you jump in and survive because you have some kind of supernatural ability? Yeah, I grow wings. Yeah
[00:48:14] It would be cool to go down there with fake wings and just convince the village that I'm a god
[00:48:21] The damage you can do with with paper mache
[00:48:25] If you find one of those tribes that is like completely sealed off from the okay
[00:48:29] We're like in the middle of the Amazon problem is you don't really
[00:48:33] Know these fucking retard go down there and try and teach them Christianity and it's like don't bring books motherfucker
[00:48:38] No, bring those wings. Yeah, I'm a fake pair of wings. Yeah, or horns horn. Give yourself devil horns
[00:48:44] No, they won't they won't like that. They don't know that are they do that kind of shit is rooted in humanity
[00:48:51] We're body armor you where you wear Kevlar body, okay?
[00:48:55] Head to toe and then horns and wings and you show up and you say I am your god
[00:49:00] I just go down there dress like in halo shit. You have a gun
[00:49:04] But if they shoot arrows at you the Kevlar take care of it and you just pick up rocks off the beach and just start
[00:49:09] Whaling no you need a gun no a harpoon gun no, they don't okay. Maybe it maybe like a small sidearm
[00:49:16] You know like a Glock 17 you shoot three or four of them exactly get the message or even better a flame thrower
[00:49:24] Yes, yeah exactly correct. You showed them a flame throw that would fucking blow their mind and you incinerate one in front of the other
[00:49:31] Oh my god anyway, I'd like to be that kind of missionary
[00:49:36] Teach them the good that would be cool. I have to admit that would be cool
[00:49:41] Well, that's what happened to that guy that Asian guy that was like I'm gonna go to this
[00:49:44] Oh, I'm gonna teach them fucking parables about oh yeah
[00:49:48] Gays shit like washing up bitches hit feet with it my hair the
[00:49:52] Badu doo try but off the coast of India
[00:49:55] I'm gonna go save these people with the Bible and then they ate them right awesome. Yeah, something shit like that
[00:50:00] Yeah, they've barbecued his ass and then and then everyone was like oh
[00:50:09] Yeah, that's what you get for trying to use Asian. Yeah, that's what you get for trying to go down there whatever
[00:50:17] It may always crack or as Asian. I guess you know, I don't know if that's the way that works
[00:50:23] I mean leave those motherfuckers alone. I guess well unless you're giving them cool shit
[00:50:28] Why they're fucking assholes. They eat people
[00:50:30] Bro, give him something cool. Don't give him a gas Bible
[00:50:33] Well, you start with the Bible say learn how to read and then you move them up the PlayStation
[00:50:36] You give them snack packs you give them strange cheese you give me you
[00:50:42] And then you give him fucking a flat-screen no way do you just give them weed man
[00:50:50] You show them reggae show them reggae and weed that's what I would do
[00:50:55] Make sure that they chill out a little bit, you know
[00:50:59] What if you sent porn stars over there to suck everyone's cock?
[00:51:02] They probably not attracted that they're probably attracted droopy ass titties and like but they don't know any better dude
[00:51:09] They wouldn't see like a fucking you know you tell me you say you send Lisa Ann over there
[00:51:20] You can do four or five of those little ass dicks in her mouth at a time. Oh my god. She's a machine
[00:51:24] Yeah, you don't think they'd like that legitimately. You don't think they would be honest with me. No more bits
[00:51:30] They wouldn't whether or not they would like Lisa Ann to suck their dicks. Yes, probably I don't know
[00:51:37] Yeah, I think they would but I think they probably rape her first
[00:51:41] I think that I mean how much do they rape in those societies Nick? I think it's all rape
[00:51:48] No, they got they dance or something when I was in anthropology class in college
[00:51:54] I learned they told us about a new times the a molar report is four hundred forty eight pages long
[00:51:59] You need to know these seven key things one Trump did try to sabotage the investigation
[00:52:04] Number two so many lies so many chains store. It's like the New York time. Yeah three fake news not so much
[00:52:12] Well, he tried to sabotage it, but his aides like didn't listen to yeah, they were like, yo, we can't do that
[00:52:23] But you see he did have a funny ass meme. Oh, yeah, yeah, he's been dropping fire
[00:52:28] No, he won great. He won. I'm guessing that the God Trump Hillary goes to jail
[00:52:35] She'd put her in fucking jail dude. Honestly after that
[00:52:38] I guarantee you it comes up during the election. I hope he does dude. I hope he fucking puts her in jail
[00:52:44] That would be hilarious. It would be funny, but man would that be
[00:52:49] Some hilarious like we would essentially just be like a South American
[00:52:54] Dictators shit it would be worth it just to watch like, you know fucking the people on TV crying that lady with the pussy hat
[00:53:03] This earth screaming. Yeah, I think inauguration. I love the funniest thing to ever happen
[00:53:15] Why would you do that ever he's going to be inaugurated? There's no question as to whether or not he's good
[00:53:24] God yeah, I bet you that bitches and voting for Bernie. Yeah
[00:53:32] No, she's going for Kamala with but did you get with that with that?
[00:53:38] Stanky ass pussy of hers. Everyone knows that the fragrant push Kamala actually I heard a rumor that her pussy is trash
[00:53:45] Really? Yeah, I heard it was good, but it smells a lot but good
[00:53:49] I like a nice I like I like a nice you like some nice pussy odor. Yeah, I like it
[00:53:55] I like to have it on me in my nostrils the rest of the day
[00:54:00] So you know shower you like to sniff your underwear your fresh underwear that you just put on then took off yeah
[00:54:07] Fresh out of laundry underwear that you put on for a second and take off and you've also showered prior
[00:54:14] You're clean the underwear is clean. You put the underwear on you take it off
[00:54:17] You put the underwear on you take it off you smell it and that's how you smell pussy
[00:54:21] But to be clear very very fragrant pussy. Yes, so that's how much as if the underwear was just on a pussy directly yes
[00:54:31] But I really stinky one is that what you're saying no ladies and gentlemen of the jury. He says yes
[00:54:40] Some girls that I'm just staying yeah, did you stay in counseling? I'm sorry. Did you did you molest my client? No?
[00:54:47] Yes, is that a yes, I heard everybody everybody
[00:54:58] Now guilty bitch ass motherfucker says what listen I'm just a simple country bitch ass mother fuck
[00:55:05] And I know you're a bitch ass mother fucker. I see you
[00:55:18] Fuck so anyway, yeah, you that's what you mean right Adam. No, I meant I have a penis
[00:55:26] Yeah, I meant girls girls that girl essentially make love to me
[00:55:31] Right wrong I meant smelling smell it smell it smell it pussy girl
[00:55:37] No, no, no you did not ladies gentlemen. He did not
[00:55:48] Old scene Gregory Peck in Cape here my client knows that
[00:55:54] His penis is actually a pussy and it was never a man's penis
[00:56:03] It smells the microphone smells after you smell because you're good. That's what you're smelling is your pussy
[00:56:11] I just would like to point out that my client is a gay man and is incapable of rape
[00:56:26] It's not true that I did anything but rape he just
[00:56:32] I've been researching how to make a pussy squirt. I was laughing imagine in the
[00:56:38] Petify here who thinks China's one child policy means you're allowed to do it once
[00:56:42] He's like, you know, they made a lot of progress in China. They're got the lead economy
[00:56:47] And I think a lot of that is due to their one child policy
[00:56:50] You do it once you get out of your system you get it out of your system
[00:56:55] And then you go right back to work in the factory
[00:57:03] That's all I want is just one touch give me a little whiff
[00:57:07] Mm-hmm that sweet Adam Friedland walk around the mall and use one of those dinosaur head grabbers to
[00:57:20] damn by the overall you see I got through a kid off the balcony at the ball of America we're not getting pussy we're not getting pussy that is
[00:57:29] A wild move. Yeah, I gotta say I do not condone that
[00:57:33] Yeah, can you imagine being the family at a table at the rainforest cafe the witnesses a murder?
[00:57:40] They're like our trip to the rainforest cafe is ruined. Well, I'm leaving a review. Yeah, I'm gonna leave a review
[00:57:47] I heard the mall of America's bullshit and they got like multiple radio shacks and like multiple gaps
[00:57:53] Well, it sounds like it's turning into the mall of Syria if you ask me. Yeah, it's true now that there's terrorist attacks happening
[00:58:00] Damn, dude, you guys hear that why would you Michael Jackson's been a good funny? It's like no
[00:58:05] That was a fake article. It's your fake art. Yeah, that was true
[00:58:09] Oprah said sorry. It was fake everything. They said was fake everything. I think they said they got it wrong
[00:58:17] It was fake. Well, I've been monitoring it pretty close. Why do you love pedophiles man so much? It's just some pedophiles
[00:58:24] Top pedophiles you're top the Michael Jackson forest cafe the girl
[00:58:31] Yeah, it's gorilla pedophile he raves other baby rules or baby people. I don't know. Do you think they do that?
[00:58:36] They don't have monkey they've pedophilia and animal kingdom. Maybe there's like a chimp. That's just ostracized from the other ones
[00:58:45] Chimp dittler. I wonder I don't that's a very good question. I can google it or figure it out
[00:58:50] Is there pedophilia in the animal kingdom? I bet you
[00:59:07] Know you just have to all how does six and a half inches
[00:59:13] It's um, but is he African no no, he is you
[00:59:25] Call back Bell Atlantic. I believe it is common amongst
[00:59:31] Although not in a coercive manner the young appear to be willing. I'm sorry
[00:59:35] Can you can you start from the beginning again read it I believe it is common amongst bonobo chimpanzees? I
[00:59:50] This sweet sound such a wild answer it's like that it's not coercive in the young bonobo
[00:59:56] That's a real Milo Yiannopoulos take on chimpanzee
[00:59:59] It's normal they groom the kids. Well, I mean if the baby monkey wants to get his cocksucked
[01:00:19] Well if the child wants to be molested who's who's being damaged?
[01:00:29] But monk do my do do monkeys have childhoods? Yeah, they did
[01:00:34] But once you're not a baby. You can't you should be able to fucking the animal kingdom dude. Yeah, once you get puberty
[01:00:39] I mean no, I guess yeah, I guess that is what I mean
[01:00:44] Here's a nice question that comes up when you search or they preview best hit monkeys
[01:00:48] Okay, what's the question this is a question on Quora is pedophilia as natural as being gay
[01:00:59] Damn as far as I can tell I was born a pedophile I was never
[01:01:10] Waiting for me. Yeah, you're honor. I just wanted to my self a pedophile
[01:01:17] He's credit as Leonard Johnston a pet of comma a pedophile. This is fake dude
[01:01:22] It looks to be real. I don't identify as a pedophile your honor. I'm more of a get-head of
[01:01:28] I don't I only ask that they suck my set me on the penis if that's wrong. Well, oh it is wrong
[01:01:45] Oh gosh darn it look. I don't cuss around children
[01:01:48] I mind my peas and cute. I have never cussed around a child. I don't display anger around them
[01:02:04] The top answer is from a guy Dan holiday comma. I'm gay
[01:02:09] I'm about to go in a Dan holiday. Oh, yeah, yeah
[01:02:26] You asked me to come to your quarters. Yes, Mr. Wolf. I was wondering if you would suck me off. I
[01:02:48] The captain asked me to suck him on the penis
[01:02:54] And I did not like it if you asked everyone you came across in a day to suck you off
[01:03:00] Do you think someone would I know you would go to jail?
[01:03:03] Just for asking yeah, you would go to jail damn
[01:03:07] Here's a New York Post headline penguins might just be nature's most perverted animal
[01:03:16] I'm going to put a full blown sexual psychopaths who engage in prostitution pedophilia and even necrophilia
[01:03:23] I wanted to I wanted to see if we can put you do like a man on the street and just have you go around asking people to suck you off
[01:03:29] Let's see if any of those but you got to ask like some those like haggard old crazy hopeless ladies
[01:03:38] Legally I have to let you have to do it, but I don't want that it's called gambler's choice
[01:03:47] Damn penguins get boozed up off what fermented fruits
[01:03:52] Yeah, like elephants like Barry pumpkins to ferment them and then dig them up and then get drunk
[01:04:00] Damn animals are smart, dude. Not all of them
[01:04:06] Dogs are particularly smart. Yeah, they are you thinking
[01:04:17] They're smart take order German shepherds and shit like that you know I'm saying yeah
[01:04:26] It was they didn't wasn't they don't have anything against you captain
[01:04:41] Food board one oh nothing he just asked me to see if his asshole was cute
[01:04:49] May I figure it yeah, you know I'll never understand Klingons
[01:05:14] Wanted to know if you think my asshole is cute if you appreciate my asshole
[01:05:19] Now please don't take this the wrong way captain. I just want to know this is not an invitation
[01:05:29] Data do you think my nipples are too big for a man? I?
[01:05:41] Damn data doesn't have nips no no they don't give them to give a cock's got dials
[01:05:46] Nice yeah, they have a cock or an ass does he have to shit no?
[01:05:52] That's pretty cool. He just shits up math
[01:05:55] Is it a gay relationship with Bishop from aliens?
[01:06:00] What's aliens good question good question what is what is what is the movie aliens? Oh?
[01:06:10] No alien there are two different movies. Oh fuck
[01:06:14] What's the one that the robot in the first movie is the hobbit is the guy plays Bilbo
[01:06:23] No an alien. Yes the robot is the guy that plays Bilbo in the Hobbit
[01:06:31] Sigourney Weaver they're all with Sigourney Weaver
[01:06:39] Wait wait when was alien 1980 like two or some shit there the first alien. Yeah, I think like 70
[01:06:48] That's a banger. That's a good ass movie. Yeah, that's when we're Paul rises the fill in this Jew, right?
[01:06:53] No, that one is aliens. That's from like
[01:06:57] Wait, what that's the second. I don't know about villain. He definitely is yeah
[01:07:02] Wait, I thought it would be a good idea to shave ten dollars
[01:07:07] Is that so bad that I tried to have all of you murdered
[01:07:11] Ripley all I'm saying is if we could have shaved ten dollars
[01:07:16] Wouldn't have to I wouldn't have to I do shave money on a parking spot when I get back home
[01:07:20] You know is it that wrong that I try to have all my friends murdered so I can get a better parking spot synagogue
[01:07:28] Well my point is data he has a mouth so you could at least fuck his mouth. Yes
[01:07:33] But it feels like he should have an asshole as well captain do I have permission to fuck data?
[01:07:43] Wolf that's something you two have to decide between the two well if data is a computer
[01:07:50] Yeah, and he's the captain of the ship. He should give people permission to fuck his mouth
[01:08:03] He's the only one who can decide whether or not he wants to fuck unless the card wants to fuck him
[01:08:09] Rank on data gotcha. Yeah in fact, it's probably in violation of the
[01:08:18] Sex on the ship sex on the ship. There aren't people married and stuff. Yeah, you can get married you but you can't just bust in the computer
[01:08:25] Yeah, that's fucked up. Yeah, you know I using the equipment. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I
[01:08:31] Was always imagining like thinking about how much cum must be on the floor of the holiday. Oh, yeah
[01:08:36] Yeah, it's just filled with cum. I love that visual. Yeah of just you like you zoom out
[01:08:43] Yeah, to him. It looks like he's fucking balls deep in a woman. They just look at just him
[01:08:54] Yeah, you love the idea of watching a man
[01:09:06] It's funny he's got his phantom hands on he's got his hands on some phantom hips and he's just like
[01:09:12] It's cockets hands free coming that would be hilarious
[01:09:26] Are you you sing you so I'm just singing this song from call me by your name. Yeah, so
[01:09:31] Mm-hmm. It's like a dollar first song something my love the best of my love
[01:09:50] Do man, I just think it feels good if I like massage it no if I like use my fingernail to cause like
[01:10:00] Yeah, yeah, something like you know what I don't know if that makes sense that will you know?
[01:10:04] Well, no, I mean if you dig dig your fingernail into your gums while you have nerve pain it like
[01:10:09] At least you know where the pain is momentarily. Yes. You're sort of like bundling it and then you let it release
[01:10:15] And then you take it away, you know, I mean I actually know what you're talking about
[01:10:18] Yeah, and I we're not saying if you're just explaining it if you try and like get an oil stain off something if you add oil to it
[01:10:25] Remoisturize the original oil and you clean up the new oil with that's not sure it is no damn
[01:10:31] I mean it's not university of Maryland college price
[01:11:19] Born to have gay sex I've heard that one so there only one a half gay sex now
[01:11:27] Born to get pound what good is confidence?
[01:11:35] Did you have any older like siblings or cousins or anyone that shaped your music as a child? No, no
[01:11:44] So that's how'd you find all this music? You're listening to it. It's always on. Yeah, it's always on the radio
[01:11:49] I guess I never the only thing my parents have really did was Greek music and then my cousin Olga fucking she
[01:11:57] Like spice girls and shit like that and that's why I developed a love for
[01:12:02] Boyman's and girl bands and sink backstreet boys. Yeah, you know my parents just like little bit s Club 7
[01:12:08] The white classics, you know fucking Bob Dylan
[01:12:17] You got the jazz the jazz singer everybody my name is John. Fill me up. So
[01:12:27] Well if we can get all the boys down here preferably ones that are now able to produce everyone in the August you're all going to come into
[01:12:37] You're gonna come into my to burn. I'm gonna drink it out of the mouthpiece
[01:12:45] Marching band the most popular type of music in America is now no longer cool after we found out John
[01:12:52] Fill me up suza has been drinking boys come through his duper. I
[01:12:56] Guess we'll have to start listening to jazz
[01:13:00] Guess we have to let the blacks have a turn
[01:13:04] Look if our choice is let gays control the music so the blacks
[01:13:09] We're gonna just let the blacks have it
[01:13:11] Actually, you know I'm saying that as a joke when I think that's kind of what happened
[01:13:16] That's probably what happened. Yeah gay people would took over popular American music and then the powers would be we're like
[01:13:21] All right, I don't want it can't deal with any more of these prohibition parties
[01:14:01] Smashing pumpy no, not even close cuts. Who is this?
[01:14:16] Third I blind no, but third I blind is good. Who is this dishwala what?
[01:14:26] It's all yeah, why don't you dish swallow what's that guy? What was that guy's name Tokyo dishwala?
[01:14:32] Yeah, Tokyo sex wallet respect to the sex whale. Yes, sir Tokyo sex whale
[01:15:06] me wait let me see if I can time it perfectly and then she says she for me
[01:15:17] I didn't I was hoping I could nail it right at the bada bada bada but I don't
[01:15:25] know where that is it's a portrait baby
[01:15:27] Tonic the Tonic the Ed Chorg if you could only see my cock and boss I can you
[01:15:37] know I'm so mad that's my own yeah if you could only see how gay I have been
[01:15:50] yeah I used to fuck with this this album yeah yeah I thought this was awesome
[01:15:56] what I'm right here the name of the album stabbing west where did you get
[01:16:03] music as a kid tower Sam goodies dude I mean I would listen to the radio this
[01:16:10] would all be on the radio I can't remember where I got this CD in
[01:16:15] particular I think I just like either had it from a friend or like yeah I don't
[01:16:21] remember I mean I had friends that had like high-speed internet they could
[01:16:25] download like full albums and and burn stuff yeah that's what that's where I
[01:16:31] heard because I got high for the first time yeah
[01:16:33] but some other shit but I was like one day I'll fucking smoke weed this guy
[01:16:39] this guy ruined his whole day because he got high yeah he's gonna be great with
[01:16:44] this episode just gets fucking take it down for copyright whatever dude we know
[01:16:50] it's we played more than 15 seconds here's the thing is literally not the
[01:16:53] rule I think that's no no as we're discussing it if you don't use it's
[01:16:59] always you're covering it if you're talking about it it's not
[01:17:03] right violation we didn't get in trouble for that episode we kept playing that
[01:17:09] one song we've never done that we're talking about Adam we've never done
[01:17:14] anything illegal no isn't there something where it's like if it's not
[01:17:20] parody into less I think the way it works is anyone can sue you for anything
[01:17:27] they want and then once you've been sued it's up to you to spend tens of thousands
[01:17:31] of dollars on a lawyer to be like no they was commentary commentary that's
[01:17:36] the word I was like but you understand that's a process where like you don't
[01:17:40] even get to say that you don't get to that part until you've already spent a
[01:17:43] shit on a fucking money on like yeah interesting that's what we got to do
[01:17:48] we got to we got to like become critics cultural critics we are like the show
[01:17:54] the critic like the stakes yeah which he said about your pussy I was gonna say
[01:18:00] yeah no sexually he's yeah I would love a little tattoo before get drug Adam get
[01:18:07] him but knocked out and then tattoo on his inner thigh the critics saying it's
[01:18:11] stinks towards his pussy I love that you have a pussy yeah do you what's your
[01:18:18] favorite episode what's your favorite joke from the show
[01:18:23] I love it's okay my favorite joke so that show that you love that you don't have
[01:18:29] a favorite after school you can't name a joke from my favorite joke is a it might
[01:18:36] be the it might even be like the pie I don't remember but I remember as a
[01:18:39] little kid always laughing was like New York New York it's a horrible town the
[01:18:44] air is brown and the water is brown it's the solid ass joke baby solid joke the
[01:18:50] water is actually quite nice and you know shut up we're proud of it yeah cuz of
[01:18:55] bagels the bagels also the to his son talked about bagels and I remember
[01:19:00] eat what damn did I truly have a fucking some kind of eating disorder I
[01:19:05] literally just flash on the hunt yeah really you think so I think so yeah but I
[01:19:12] just I just I flashed back to eating a lender's bagel with butter I remember
[01:19:16] this you should hang out with like with the anorexia and your stomach hang out
[01:19:20] like that you're like yeah I just gotta remind myself all the to eat all the
[01:19:24] time cuz I have such an unhealthy attitude the food it's like you know it's like
[01:19:28] I'm fad these fucking women get a fucking fry down yeah you're like all like I know
[01:19:40] I have an unhealthy relationship where it's like I think I eat one thing and
[01:19:44] I'm gonna gain weight and it's like I just go to the wrong one I just go to
[01:19:51] the wrong eating a talk like somebody who's recovering from anorexia but
[01:19:56] you're right right right right three geez gals I'm telling you it can be done
[01:20:04] you can overcome it anyway what do you bitches doing after the anyway you guys
[01:20:09] trying to fucking go hang out my car and trying to have thin sex yeah we're
[01:20:14] gonna have thin sex together cuz we're all thin
[01:20:20] huh yeah just go to like an anorexia support group and just sitting around
[01:20:24] being like I look in the mirror and I just think fat
[01:20:36] whispering in my ear how fucking dare you we all look the same you all look
[01:20:49] damn yeah that would be funny maybe something I'll do
[01:20:58] dude but they're gonna be beautiful and white they already are man this guy's
[01:21:02] lighting the room up literally this is not like it gets the pain continues for
[01:21:07] 24 hours the whitening process is done that's what they're gonna look like
[01:21:10] they're they're not gonna get any better than this you can't do it again I'm
[01:21:14] not ever doing that shit again fuck that I mean it was like an add-on to the
[01:21:18] fucking group on for the cleaning but yeah it's not worth it shit about white
[01:21:24] teeth it was like yeah fuck it I guess yeah I already paid for it yeah cuz I
[01:21:28] got a group on for a cleaning nice and I just came with the whitening nice yeah
[01:21:33] that's good dentistry yeah they fucking sell their shit on group on yeah yeah
[01:21:37] there's literally no reason to have health insurance I know you could just
[01:21:43] get it on group on can you literally can happen yeah they cover my
[01:21:48] you know I'm paying so much you know how's that machine going great dude it's
[01:21:51] gonna be tight we plug it in every night just sleeping like a general fucking
[01:21:54] fat Darth Vader I am I got it with me now dude into my backpack really you
[01:22:00] could just take a nap here on the couch if I wanted to yeah just sleep for me
[01:22:03] I want to see you sleep Rook I am Papa John's could I try it out no why not
[01:22:11] it's not calibrated for your nose you brought up your beer what are you saying
[01:22:16] about my nose it's too large for it yes well I'm gonna say my home huh big
[01:22:22] right yeah thanks bro no problem so yeah I'll take it with me whatever I'm
[01:22:28] you know I'm gonna sleep somewhere else I'm gonna take a little nap nice dude
[01:22:33] that'd be cool if you want to like just knock out on a park bench put your
[01:22:38] mouth yeah find a plug you just go into a star bus you don't plug your fucking
[01:22:49] laptop excuse me I'm trying to take an app in here yeah oh no that man that
[01:22:55] man set up his dialysis setup your iron lung yeah yeah can you turn down
[01:23:03] this fucking Sarah Bareilles to work with focus plan I'm trying to take a nap
[01:23:06] just line up all the chairs excuse me I bought a cake pop like it's video excuse
[01:23:12] me I'm trying to sleep excuse me the disability office done open for over two
[01:23:17] hours I'm taking a nap and roll over the chair in your ass comes out facing
[01:23:23] the rest of it somebody tries to wake you up and you just shard all over
[01:23:28] yeah yep yep yep yep well what that what that funny thing to wrap up yeah
[01:23:40] hopefully if they say it takes a couple months to for all your sleep to catch
[01:23:45] up really yeah it works like that yeah it takes you a while where your sleep
[01:23:51] so fucked up well you gotta catch up you're just not sleeping well so it's like
[01:23:55] in a cut it takes like two or three months you feel fresher during the day I
[01:23:58] actually do feel a difference when I sleep one night I just fucking passed
[01:24:02] out on the couch you actually get a sleep study because I wake up and I just
[01:24:05] want to die yeah hold on you're done I'm getting a call yeah it's from your
[01:24:10] doctor this is a real call I'm like the earlier one get on the phone with your
[01:24:14] doctor like hold on oh your dick is too small to fall asleep you said you have
[01:24:19] my files and stops no he don't hold on I'm talking to your doctor my doctors
[01:24:25] dumb bitch you're so really smart yeah well my doctor is mad that I'm seeing
[01:24:29] another doctor on the side so he's just saying that no he's just saying that
[01:24:34] oh you know this man hold on I'm talking to your doctor well I'm talking I'm
[01:24:39] actually still and you have an award the James Beard award for penis measuring
[01:24:43] in the of New York first of all that's an award for best best restaurant and I
[01:24:49] know oh they added a category this year because they're so good at it
[01:24:55] wait a second no hold on I'm on the phone still I'm all shown the phone with
[01:25:01] James Beard himself now he's conference standing he said that's real what yeah
[01:25:06] and my doctor I'm just gonna start going to every open mic in Brooklyn being
[01:25:11] like to get this James Beard award for restaurant sick yeah should not be an
[01:25:15] award for having the best beard that's a good bit yeah I'm gonna give it back to
[01:25:23] the room yeah you think wow yeah my name's James Beard what am I gonna do with my
[01:25:27] life have a beard or come up with some faggot award
[01:25:33] whoa whoa taking over Brooklyn one open mic at a time
[01:25:44] fuck my cheeky so oh yeah we have funny moms tomorrow also guys oh so you know
[01:25:50] the 22nd true come out come out we got a be great if you went to your sleep
[01:25:55] study and you woke up in the morning and never like you ate all of the equipment
[01:25:59] she's burping up wires what you can't say you can't think it was the wires
[01:26:10] for spaghetti that would be that would be a classic comedy is your machine
[01:26:26] loud no very silent it doesn't make any noise very little noise it's gonna be
[01:26:32] so funny when they're not funny but I feel bad for Ryan Shubbany has to like
[01:26:36] discover you dead it's been a bad smell for like a week he's like stop roast
[01:26:46] that's a good shot man I would die because I try to put Arizona iced tea in the
[01:26:51] okay instead of water yes this guy like okay in there you have to put water in
[01:26:56] it yeah humidifier oh and it blasts up your nose nice actually man it's actually
[01:27:03] really nice what if you're sick and you got a stuff he knows it helps you breathe
[01:27:06] that's a tough one I have not encountered that yet see see pap
[01:27:13] machines that's right continuous persistent air pressure machine I
[01:27:19] believe see pap see pap see pap see pap see pap damn you gonna play off game
[01:27:33] tonight yeah I scored a tick to go see de angela Russell and the boys take on
[01:27:40] the Raptors you love scoring ticks fucking jealous I'm gonna go see this shit
[01:27:46] maybe out maybe I'll just see geek it's like I won't you trying to go so I mean
[01:27:54] kind of but no how much of the cheap ones going for I'm not trying to be in
[01:27:57] those leads like some broke bitch it's nice a Barclays though it's always a
[01:28:01] good view it was nice when they were bad you can go for like a dollar oh sorry
[01:28:08] they're playing the the Sixers not the Raptors the magic of playing the Raptors
[01:28:12] yeah I wasn't even listening to you yeah I'm I'm done I'm real damn I'm gonna
[01:28:29] get my teeth when I'm telling you man it's not fucking worth it this shit sucks
[01:28:33] I'm just gonna get full porcelain veneers extra large get big ass teeth
[01:28:39] big Gary Gary BEC Gary BEC yeah I want big Steve Harvey teeth do that video you
[01:28:45] showed me the Steve he's have no race dude yeah yeah the same got same kind of
[01:28:51] teeth what do you mean Steve Harvey and Gary BEC have the same tea what do you
[01:28:55] mean what do you talking about you know what I mean bitch I got the bad news
[01:29:01] I went to the doctor and he's to do their teeth and he says that I thought
[01:29:06] they were very white but it turns out that there's just a bear shums come but
[01:29:12] the good news is my wife she did not find out that they had bear shums come
[01:29:18] because I'd love to suck his penis damn I'm out of steam yeah I think this one's
[01:29:30] over I'll see y'all next week see you tomorrow see you tomorrow at funny moms
[01:29:35] and once again we're gonna be coming to some cities soon not ready to an
[01:29:41] little teaser but get ready get those pussies wet wax them will be wax your
[01:29:49] asshole hair and put that on your pussy was being put that on Ohio we're not
[01:29:54] just and you and it just press the new port news Virginia