Cum Town | Premium | 05/13/2019
[00:00:06] Ugh, I got a bunch of goddamn ants in my penis.
[00:00:17] I've been watching gay pornography make a woman.
[00:00:23] stuff's off, Mike, but we're just gonna do this.
[00:00:32] You move the mic, you don't turn the recorder off
[00:00:38] That only took two and a half years to figure out.
[00:00:53] They played the song four times in the movie.
[00:00:56] I feel like the director was actually fucking with the audience.
[00:01:01] Like he's trying to make you lose your mind.
[00:01:04] But yeah, the lyrics are like as if like a Romeo dialer,
[00:01:12] that writes Stephen Paddick fan fiction.
[00:01:21] And I do not personally know Stephen Paddick.
[00:01:28] It's just some guy with like a Geosities website.
[00:01:34] I don't know, his website lists him as an engineer,
[00:01:43] It's just so funny because it's like, you know, Indian people
[00:01:48] And it's like, well, I mean, is this what the doctors are doing?
[00:01:55] Yeah, I try to get a bit to work for a while
[00:01:57] that I never could about like how, you know, it's like fucked up.
[00:02:00] The Indian guys who were doctors over there
[00:02:03] have to take shit jobs here because it's like,
[00:02:05] anytime there's like the most fucked up medical shit
[00:02:09] in the world happening, it's like a baby
[00:02:11] born with nine dicks growing out of its face.
[00:02:15] And the doctors like somehow like get it down to seven dicks.
[00:02:21] And all the end, they're just using basically chickpeas
[00:02:25] That was happening like all the time, 10 years ago,
[00:02:29] Oh, yeah, that's weird that that keeps happening.
[00:02:37] I'll blame it on a disaster that I don't really know much about.
[00:02:41] Like, damn, is this cat still horny for a car?
[00:02:47] Should we add your cock is probably the size of a cat's cock.
[00:02:50] Yeah, the cat's pussy covered in spikes.
[00:02:54] Adam's dick looks like one of the coopas you can't jump on
[00:03:05] I just go get in that pussy and tear it up one pump.
[00:03:09] We think a really nice cat's penis looks like.
[00:03:13] Like a really nice human penis is just thick, smooth.
[00:03:23] What do you think the stud of the cat world?
[00:03:31] Or is it like the dominance, like the way the cat carries itself?
[00:03:36] Because I heard that it's not the size of the cat dick that
[00:03:41] Obviously, I don't even know that other animals get pleasure
[00:03:43] from sex outside of like dolphins and baboons and shit
[00:03:48] But a cat, just theoretically, what do you
[00:03:50] think a really, really good cat's cock?
[00:03:53] Like if a cat or female cat was in a cock.
[00:03:59] I think he should have had sex with cats.
[00:04:02] Yeah, that would have been a good look for him.
[00:04:04] We had trouble for having sex with cats
[00:04:18] The guy who did not apparently fuck his cat,
[00:04:42] Only thing I know about Buckingham Palace
[00:04:46] Up until this point, never paid attention once.
[00:04:53] I think the baby's name is Roger or something.
[00:04:55] But they said, should Megan Sparkle and Chris Duke
[00:05:01] or whatever the president of England's name is,
[00:05:04] should they raise their baby to be black?
[00:05:20] And it's like, that's not a black person.
[00:05:29] She looks like she's from South Jersey.
[00:05:30] That looks like the most racist Italian woman
[00:05:33] She does have that kind of melod of could be Italian,
[00:05:38] All right, I'm not going to have a real point on this.
[00:05:40] I was just trying to land on calling the baby
[00:05:52] There's a picture of Matt Ruby is at a party with Megan
[00:05:58] Marco that comic Matt Ruby, you know that?
[00:06:01] I was thinking of the guy that killed Lee Harvey Oswald.
[00:06:41] I don't know how that ties into this song from Kirby.
[00:06:47] He has him like, oh, he's covering something.
[00:06:52] Jeff, stop getting your cocksucked by that pink blob.
[00:07:01] My mother go off about the Meghan Markle thing,
[00:07:05] as I saw these other headlines, they were like,
[00:07:07] women everywhere are yes, queening at Meghan Markle showing
[00:07:10] off her post pregnancy body and standing up for body
[00:07:16] standing next to Chris Duke or whatever.
[00:07:26] For my entire life, the only thing I know about that man
[00:07:38] To make the point that this man's been braided
[00:07:46] And now his dumb wife has some stretch marks,
[00:08:00] The one is like, I'm going to go shoot some Johnny
[00:08:05] Yes, that's the one you're thinking of.
[00:08:12] Just to revisit the Sean King of England,
[00:08:18] It's Sean King, but then also King of England.
[00:08:22] I'm not calling him just the Sean King of England.
[00:08:40] The Hard Dick champion of the King of the story.
[00:08:52] I would love to live with Dairy Queens.
[00:08:56] You would love to live at Dairy Queens.
[00:08:58] You're only eating the ice cream sometimes.
[00:09:00] And then after that, you're sleeping on those metal.
[00:09:05] But the blizzards, you flip upside down
[00:09:11] I worry that Dairy Queen, like for us all.
[00:09:25] The podcast before, but there was this like fat guy
[00:09:27] that worked in one of this fat Jewish guy that worked
[00:09:29] And he was like, can I have a dollar ice cream cone, please?
[00:09:37] So I don't know how to look at people in a way
[00:09:49] that I would do anything other than like,
[00:09:54] And you know, he's like kind of like looking at me.
[00:10:02] I don't know if I put it in the cash register.
[00:10:05] you know, and he's this fat guy holding an ice cream cone.
[00:10:08] He's like, you know, I really don't have to patronize
[00:10:14] Jase, like if you could say, please or thank you
[00:10:28] The other people here don't speak English.
[00:10:33] You're going to come back in 45 minutes for another dollar.
[00:10:40] This is your fucking, the hook is all the way through your cheek.
[00:10:52] You should have thrown it at the dollar at him.
[00:10:58] I gotta say, when they opened up a dairy queen over at a golden
[00:11:10] those were the rage about 10 years ago was an outdoor mall.
[00:11:18] And golden ring Plaza, they opened up a dairy queen.
[00:11:23] And let me just say for the Halkeys family, that was big time.
[00:11:32] We would bring fresh, we'd bring our own bread and olive oil.
[00:11:38] We would have chicken tenders, burgers, and the blizzard.
[00:11:45] Well, of course we were also getting ice cream at him.
[00:11:54] I saw the trailer for the Joaquin Phoenix.
[00:11:59] What's the fun way that you say Joaquin Phoenix?
[00:12:03] No, I'm sure there's an fun atom way that you do it.
[00:12:08] I'm sure you're like, yeah, it's my favorite actor.
[00:12:20] No, I have too much respect for him to get it wrong.
[00:12:23] I told you at Cats' Deli, they have his picture on the wall
[00:12:39] Oh, yeah, it's just another trailer for it.
[00:12:43] They're trying to make it like the King of Comedy
[00:12:48] I'm sure he did a pretty good job, but it's like,
[00:12:56] it's a real tragedy only because it turned the Joker
[00:13:02] People think they can prove they're a good actor
[00:13:07] The Joker is one of the gayest characters of all time.
[00:13:14] Yeah, it was one performance and now there's like
[00:13:16] this whole culture surrounding the Joker.
[00:13:22] It's like, he thinks authority is a Jerry clown.
[00:13:35] And dude, honestly, I re-watched that movie again recently.
[00:13:48] I mean, he- I'm gonna suck my own dick.
[00:14:00] Honestly, Heath was gonna really do some damage, dude.
[00:14:13] But maybe they did some verse action too.
[00:14:29] That movie was pretty boring other than that spit.
[00:14:47] And then he actually makes that movie be good.
[00:14:54] All right, I forgot what we were talking about.
[00:14:56] He probably would have done some cool shit, man.
[00:14:59] He was incredibly charismatic in 10 things I hate about you.
[00:15:03] He stole the microphone and sang that song.
[00:15:31] And she fucked Keith Hernandez and tried to steal his wife's money.
[00:15:35] She tried to call their bank account and be like, hello, this is Keith Hernandez.
[00:15:42] I don't know if she fucked him, but she was like house sitting for them.
[00:15:53] I would get my ass eaten by Keith Hernandez.
[00:15:58] He's one of those just for men models, right?
[00:16:03] Voice color guy for the Mets now, I believe.
[00:16:06] I think he's like one of the worst to do it.
[00:16:13] Is this like a famous fact about the Keith Hernandez?
[00:16:20] I don't remember what I think I heard him on maybe a part in my take interview.
[00:16:25] Like six months ago, he talks about having a cat named Paco or some shit.
[00:16:30] Both of the New York sports team color commentators are like retarded.
[00:16:52] Well, trying to find the right way to sit with his headphones.
[00:17:08] Because if you have codeine, please send Nick's name.
[00:17:14] You know, I don't know the difference between opiates and opioids.
[00:17:21] If you're in the community, you say one.
[00:17:24] If you're addicted to heroin, you call them opioids.
[00:17:41] The thing I like about the American Revolution is that people weren't allowed to shoot an
[00:17:57] There's always a Chinese girl with her huge bush walking around the room.
[00:18:06] You take off your Velcro shoes and attach them to it.
[00:18:21] I want one of those long ponytails like a Chinese guy.
[00:18:24] Yeah, nothing more do I want than that.
[00:18:27] What's the Jet Li movie where he has one?
[00:18:38] I think that was maybe not his first English movie.
[00:18:47] And it's Jet Li and he's trying to fuck and he has to do karate through a bunch of boyfriends
[00:18:53] to finally get to a girl and then he busts and dies.
[00:18:56] And then she's got a series of wooden boards in front of a pussy.
[00:19:03] How about crank and it's like if all don't keep beating all fall down.
[00:19:09] I'm going to keep beating my dick all the way.
[00:19:17] There's no way we haven't said that before.
[00:19:24] Is it like speed where you have to crank in a certain speed?
[00:19:29] Yeah, you have to crank over 40 miles an hour.
[00:19:32] There's a bank robber that's taking hostages.
[00:19:36] One of them is black and one of them is a white lady.
[00:19:45] But I would fuck Sandra Bullock at any point in her life.
[00:19:51] I'm trying to remember what he actually says.
[00:19:54] The answer is shoot the hostage, which is never the answer.
[00:20:02] It's like, he goes, pop quiz, hot shot.
[00:20:10] The bad guy's going to get away and you need to catch him.
[00:20:12] And then the guy's like, you shoot the hostage.
[00:20:16] Shoot the hostage in the knee or whatever.
[00:20:24] No, speed made me afraid of elevators when I was a kid.
[00:20:28] I was afraid of escalators just because I was afraid I would get it.
[00:20:35] Just a fat man slowly being sucked into it.
[00:20:42] I was a little fat boy who was very slippery and greasy.
[00:20:47] I had beautiful natural body oils, child.
[00:20:51] And I was afraid that would only lubricate things more.
[00:20:55] And yes, I was afraid of, like my foot getting trampled.
[00:20:59] And my beautiful athletic career, by the way, as a youth, I was very, very, very good at
[00:21:09] And that was my fear that my feet would get damaged.
[00:21:23] I was wearing like old man, and I couldn't tie my shoes.
[00:21:35] And then his secret moves as he jumps in and it removes all the water from the run.
[00:21:40] That just runs at the bottom of the pool.
[00:21:50] Or I can, but very poorly, a doggy paddle, mostly.
[00:22:02] But like, I tried lap swimming for exercise.
[00:22:08] And it's like I have to go to the hospital.
[00:22:13] Well, Rocky in one of the movies, that's how he gets ripped.
[00:22:18] I believe maybe when he fights clubber Lang, it's a new way of getting ripped.
[00:22:40] My parents signed me up for like swim lessons.
[00:22:45] Did they ever say what the T stands for?
[00:22:54] And I was like no one in this country wears speedos.
[00:22:58] And my dad's like we got you a bikini to wear.
[00:23:09] And then I showed up for swimming swim, like swim team or like swim.
[00:23:15] And everyone had like board shorts on and shit.
[00:23:19] And I just showed up there wearing a fucking little cock out.
[00:23:21] And then I got turned the fuck out by that whole swim team.
[00:23:31] Everyone fucked your ass and sucked your little nuts.
[00:23:38] If you, if there was one reason you'd get molested as a baby, what do you think it would
[00:23:50] You're at much a Gentile baby or Gentile.
[00:23:56] Yeah, you have a completely different face.
[00:23:57] I came Jewish around the time of my bar mess.
[00:24:21] Your leftover with the retail asserting.
[00:24:30] You tried to get apartments hella whatever and just keep running your finger along the
[00:24:28] Get into my best friend choking your hand.
[00:24:49] Rip people off, collect the rent and give me to them.
[00:24:53] But at the time I turn the A, A, A electricity off.
[00:24:56] I think the nature of the heart of the world
[00:25:06] I literally, I remember, because it's all gibberish.
[00:25:10] You don't understand what you're saying.
[00:25:12] I remember reading from the Torah and then, like, in my mind, I was like,
[00:25:19] I was like, please, like, all my friends have pubes.
[00:25:21] When do you mean all your friends have pubes?
[00:25:23] When I was 13, I still didn't have pubes.
[00:25:26] Adam, I've got pictures of all of your friends' penises
[00:25:48] I've been looking at all your friends' penises.
[00:26:01] And then I did also think of, like, I was like, what if I think
[00:26:07] And then I started thinking of naked ladies and stuff.
[00:26:09] I was like, oh, God's going to be so mad at me.
[00:26:15] Whoa, you think he was alive, but he's dead now.
[00:26:19] When people say God is dead, what do they mean by that?
[00:26:21] You see that in, like, movies and shit.
[00:26:37] It's like alchemy, but with cum to make cum into gold.
[00:26:41] You know, so a couple guys get together and make some
[00:26:55] We turned two soft dicks into two hard dicks and one fucked asshole.
[00:27:02] He was in a bathroom and somebody wrote on the wall, uh, like,
[00:27:06] established Marxism, abolish property or whatever.
[00:27:10] Somebody pointed to the word property and wrote, you mean
[00:27:13] like the ten you used to write this, which is awesome.
[00:27:22] The bathroom is for fucking other guys.
[00:27:25] For meeting other guys that have something.
[00:27:27] Can we stop this nerd shit and pull our cocks out like that?
[00:27:31] Look, no one retweeted it when you wrote it on the internet.
[00:27:38] Yeah, I think Jake should stop writing that stuff on the...
[00:27:41] Somebody linked that article he wrote for the New York Times,
[00:27:44] which I had never read about his tweet.
[00:27:51] It was like, oh, earlier this year, one of my tweets went viral.
[00:27:56] Uh, often I have thought about going viral and when it finally
[00:28:00] happened, it made me realize that social media is nuanced.
[00:28:18] It was mad because, hey, that bitch that looks like me and then...
[00:28:31] But yeah, so the New York Times opinion is just a bunch of dumb assholes.
[00:28:35] And then how did Jake get to write for it?
[00:28:41] You know what's your name that works over there?
[00:28:44] Like, what's comics right from the New York Times?
[00:28:51] She was like, would you ever want to write something for New York Times?
[00:28:53] And I'm like, you know I'm a moron, right?
[00:28:57] I'm like, the case for intervention in Venezuela.
[00:29:01] You know what they really found in Iraq?
[00:29:04] It'd be great to just submit the most racist...
[00:29:09] comedy to mix Sweeney's every single day.
[00:29:14] You just start a blog that's like, my mix Sweeney's edition.
[00:29:18] You know, it's like the great Gatsby, but if he was Chinese, I don't know, should we do
[00:29:28] So you just mean a smart version of our show?
[00:29:41] It's a website for people who are just guaranteed writing jobs on TV because they went to Emerson
[00:29:47] to, you know, like, well, you know, I got some published in mix Sweeney's or whatever.
[00:29:54] Man, I'm so annoyed by people who have like families that support their dreams and shit.
[00:29:59] You know you can go, you can major in comedy at Emerson.
[00:30:05] And people's parents pay for that shit?
[00:30:06] Yeah, they pay like $200,000 so you can...
[00:30:09] How about the fight some motherfucking...
[00:30:12] You went to Emerson DM me and I'll fuck.
[00:30:24] Like, it's not the most pathetic sentence.
[00:30:29] I majored in playing that fucking little game where you put a ball on top.
[00:30:33] Somebody thinks it's real heated about the college tuition debt crisis.
[00:30:43] I'll be in debt for the rest of my life because I went to a $40,000 a year school to major.
[00:30:49] Honestly, Elizabeth Warren, if she says that she's going to cancel the debt of someone
[00:30:56] My degree is from Carnegie Mellon and it's in Go Card Racing.
[00:31:11] I actually wrote my dissertation on the Card Game War.
[00:31:28] There's got to be a school that offers a degree in anime.
[00:31:48] Yeah, there's people that go to school for like medieval history or whatever.
[00:32:00] That's bitch, you know who Robert the Bruce's uncle was.
[00:32:03] Yeah, you know who fucking Chris Duke was related to.
[00:32:09] Back in the day, Chris Duke in the Middle Ages for...
[00:32:16] I think it's like from Longmont Potion Castle, but like trying to remember a name and then
[00:32:35] I must say, I do find medieval shit fascinating.
[00:32:42] Like all these motherfuckers were just...
[00:33:01] So you think that the middle ages was when people were the smartest they've ever...
[00:33:08] The library in Alexandria had a very adamant...
[00:33:16] But he's fascinated by the middle ages.
[00:33:18] I'm fascinated when you were a bunch of shit and they're like the Roman army was big
[00:33:21] dickety shit and then they just fucked each other and they asked so much they weren't
[00:33:28] And then the kings came and fucked them up because they were too busy sucking and fucking.
[00:33:31] And then there's 400 years or whatever the fuck.
[00:33:41] What the fuck was going on during the dark age?
[00:33:43] And then they just had knives and swords and shit.
[00:33:48] I don't think that's entirely accurate.
[00:33:50] No, I mean there were people in the middle ages that weren't completely fucking retarded.
[00:33:56] I think the whole idea that we thought the earth was flat is not true.
[00:34:06] Why did they get their asses fucked by the police?
[00:34:08] Well like Rome fell but it's not like it, you know, I mean it was the balls.
[00:34:12] The only thing I know is from like the five times I've read Wikipedia since I turned like
[00:34:20] Also can someone came from the surfs and shit?
[00:34:23] Look at how fucking little dick it being a surf would be dude.
[00:34:27] You're just making fucking potatoes for some.
[00:34:31] He fucks your ass if he wants to probably.
[00:34:45] So you just yeah dude and it's like damn.
[00:34:49] He's a guy who killed people pretty good, got to just.
[00:34:54] Isn't that what the open field system is?
[00:34:56] You just got to kill people and then you got make a castle.
[00:35:05] There's like a commons area and everyone can graze on the open field.
[00:35:11] They're chopping each other's heads off and who's making swords?
[00:35:17] This is just strips of field and you're able to graze.
[00:35:38] There's many different, you know, you can have a graze donut or whatever.
[00:35:51] I just, it's shit is interesting to me.
[00:35:59] And then it was England, but it wasn't England.
[00:36:01] They spoke like eight different languages and it just became English.
[00:36:14] I said Sean or the Arthur Chu documentary.
[00:36:26] Matt LeBlanc, the Adam is hooking up with from the US.
[00:36:30] No one told you life that Adam was fucking Matt from friends.
[00:36:59] I thought you were talking about a full house.
[00:37:16] That's something we learned in Australia.
[00:37:21] I didn't know what kangaroos were until I thought they were deer.
[00:37:26] And then deer with good pussy on the front.
[00:37:37] It was easy, but it was the hard way, if you know what I'm saying.
[00:37:43] My cock got hard because I wanted to fuck it.
[00:37:46] Now speaking, we're not going to be in Australia anytime soon, the next year, but this year
[00:38:07] Camones, these cakeies are four of dollars.
[00:38:14] Yeah, Ross Australia and it's Ross from Friends.
[00:38:27] No, this is the best episode we ever done.
[00:38:41] First of all, Adam, would you mind contributing?
[00:38:45] Tell us what you think about the Middle Ages.
[00:38:48] You come up with Sean King Arthur Chu of England or whatever.
[00:38:52] Well these, I used my paleontology degree.
[00:39:00] To find out that these styles were from three seasons ago.
[00:39:21] So I had to get Adidas slides for two dollar redo's.
[00:40:07] Take a look at your way and we're working.
[00:40:08] That's why you need to show up at Ross.
[00:40:11] Today is going to be the bloating24rock
[00:40:14] and genetics and I like how came that's isolated
[00:40:16] but it's definitely others near the parking lot.
[00:40:35] Oh, well, can't wait to have sex with that.
[00:40:41] Oh, yeah, I guess Gunther would have an answer.
[00:40:43] I always like to imagine that Gunther thought he looked
[00:40:52] But I like to imagine he was just like an autistic guy
[00:40:59] Do you think the guy that plays Gunther, like,
[00:41:02] that's a mistake that it became like a major part of the show,
[00:41:09] I've been to Jennifer Aniston and fucking,
[00:41:15] No, the most recent one, like Justin Thoreau.
[00:41:22] She got married to Justin Thoreau, and there was headlines.
[00:41:29] And it's like, why are you talking to him?
[00:41:35] So respect to that guy sneaking his brain in the face.
[00:41:45] Louis Thoreau, who we were just talking about,
[00:41:50] Well, they're all like a rich French family, I think.
[00:41:55] And it's just, you know, I was thinking that earlier.
[00:41:58] I'm not completely independent of this discussion.
[00:42:01] You were also thinking, no, just a second ago.
[00:42:03] I said, I hope one of my associates tables the idea.
[00:42:08] Why don't we get that one up on the board, of course.
[00:42:15] We surveyed 100 families with big-ass dicks.
[00:42:18] Gunthermony, instead of Germany, right?
[00:42:21] It's a bunch of you guys look like Gunther.
[00:42:22] It kind of was, that's what they were trying to do, blonde.
[00:42:44] And it's Gunther and Targid in Germany.
[00:43:01] That's a bit of, I'm going to say that's a little bit more
[00:43:10] I hope Rachel sees my khaki pants and red shirt.
[00:43:19] If we were to continue to go down the Targuntharmony route,
[00:43:22] that would be a great little riff for it.
[00:43:26] But what's another country Gunther could be that's also a store?
[00:43:40] And see, the tough thing is, Ross is both a character and a store.
[00:43:53] I think, no, the Guntherainer store again, the store.
[00:45:20] So we've moved away from countries and more of the concepts.
[00:45:38] I'm eating pussy and playing perfect art.
[00:46:01] So Ross is involved, but we got Gunther in there.
[00:46:07] That satisfies all of the requirements.
[00:46:11] Ladies and gentlemen, sometimes it's the simplest.
[00:46:15] Only a madman would go back to the Ross well.
[00:46:18] That's why I didn't think it could be the best one.
[00:46:21] That's why he's the best in the biz, folks.
[00:46:27] I just want to be one of the guys that helps that's in the 1960s control room in Houston
[00:46:34] And they're like, these are the supplies they have on the ship.
[00:46:41] We can make a facsimile airlock, vacuum suppressor.
[00:46:49] Do the main fire control system of what about a Ross-Tria?
[00:47:01] I'm from the future, there's going to be a show.
[00:47:05] There's a show and something happens on it.
[00:47:09] One of the guys is gay or something, but he's blonde.
[00:47:12] He seems gay, but he wants to fuck a girl.
[00:47:16] And anyway, we're all the pussy around Houston, huh?
[00:47:27] I mean, no, he's just got to be friends.
[00:48:07] A magazine stand that sells only L magazine.
[00:48:14] Smell magazine and it's like a bunch of women opening their pussy.
[00:48:22] Scratch instead of pussy-centered things.
[00:48:24] Coming up on Smell Vision, the pussy channel.
[00:48:27] That honestly would be a channel so quick if we had Smell Vision.
[00:48:35] How much would you pay for smelling pussy?
[00:48:38] The only show I'd watch on Smell Vision is Southern Dance Moms.
[00:48:46] Just the most like peach cobbler and fucking.
[00:48:53] Like 30,000 miles past the service interval.
[00:48:56] And I was like, oh man, your shit is blown out.
[00:49:03] Somehow it's grainy when you get wet, man.
[00:49:06] Your pussy juice is more like a gelatin.
[00:49:13] What's the most viscous pussy juice you've ever come into contact with?
[00:49:19] Have you come into contact with a thick pussy juice?
[00:49:22] Yeah, some women, it's like this is just Elmer's glist.
[00:49:32] I like all different types of nectar's, if you know what I mean.
[00:49:37] And girls really love it when you're from to their...
[00:50:17] What if he became trans and then he's like...
[00:50:28] I mean, every joke on the show was like, my dad is a fag.
[00:50:37] That's why he's so sarcastic all the time.
[00:50:40] And they're played by that old bitch that used to be...
[00:51:14] So then the joke is she's a woman with a deep voice, so she's a man.
[00:51:20] Yeah, for instance, is one of the most progressive shows of all time.
[00:51:28] You know, it took them like eight seasons.
[00:51:48] In the beginning of the season, there was an Italian guy that didn't even speak English.
[00:51:59] He would say Ross had a crush on her, but she was getting the fucking...
[00:52:03] Her pussy absolutely dug out by this fucking rock.
[00:53:40] Mmm. Let's see. Is there a character named Burlington? No. Burlington?
[00:53:48] Burlington Bear, like, Paddington Bear. Okay. We need a list of everyone that's ever appeared on
[00:53:57] Friends. It sucks, man. It's either I want to be able to do this all the time. And this is the only
[00:54:02] thoughts that I have or not experience what this is. I know what you mean. I have like a
[00:54:09] cute emotional pain for not being able to work through. Yes. Things like this. Yes. It hurts you to
[00:54:17] not be able to. What was Tom Selick's character's name? Oh, when they all want to grow moustaches like
[00:54:22] him, they don't want to get like topped by Tom Selick. They really do because Monica's getting
[00:54:27] fucked. Yeah, Monica is getting fucked by a cool guy. Me and Joey want to be him. What was his name?
[00:54:34] Because maybe we can figure that out. I'm looking up Friends minor characters. Jack Geller? Richard.
[00:54:41] Yeah, it was Richard. I think his name was Richard. Frank Buffet, Jr. Okay, Buffet. You can work with that.
[00:54:52] Yeah. Janice. What about Janice? Vaginus. Vaginus. That just reminds me of pussy. Really? That's cool.
[00:55:07] Fuck. Let's see. Damn, this sucks. I was like reading the Wikipedia for Basic Instinct because I
[00:55:19] watched it the other day. And in the Wikipedia article, I mean, I would just assume they would say
[00:55:26] she shows her vagina. Of course. But it says, they say vulva. What's just the involvement of a
[00:55:33] vagina? I think it's the ball of Swedish. It's Swedish. A blonde pussy is a vulva. Yeah. But they're
[00:55:41] like, yeah, she wasn't aware that she would be showing her vulva in the movie. So the vulva's the
[00:55:46] lips and the vaginas. It just seemed very odd to, yeah, and very clinical. It'd be nice if there was a
[00:55:53] Pokemon that evolved a sore, right? And he keeps going vagina. You're like, no, that'd be cool. It's
[00:55:58] different than that. Vagina. Where would the doctor not? The vagina is just the hole. Oh, the
[00:56:07] ball was the whole the vault is the face, I guess. The face. Nice. So I guess it is more accurate than
[00:56:15] same for Jonathan. Yeah. Well, you know, that classic joke, what do you call the useless skin
[00:56:20] around the vagina? Yeah, of course. The woman. Yeah. Yeah. We told you told her twice. Yeah,
[00:56:29] what do you tell some bitch? The spin punched in the face twice. You already told her twice.
[00:56:37] Right. Yes. That's another really good one. It's with two black guys. What do you tell a woman
[00:56:44] that's been knocked around a couple of times? Nothing you already told her would have to. What do you
[00:56:51] call woman with two black guys? A fucking you washed up used slut. I just say, you just say
[00:57:01] that's what we're telling jokes. Leave us alone. Wow. Bring them off the internet. The audience
[00:57:09] not know that our mothers have been in the apartment this whole time. Yeah. Yeah. This is the
[00:57:15] Mother's Day episode. We don't have the same Italian mom. My stop giving me fucking head.
[00:57:22] I'm hanging out with my fucking friends. I'm trying to not be gay. I'm trying to not be gay. You
[00:57:28] suck in my dick doesn't make me not gay. You can't blow me while I look at gay porn. My still is
[00:57:37] fucking gay. Yeah. I want to watch that Arthur C. documentary. I should have done that before we
[00:57:44] recorded this. Listen, man, there's always that'll give us a lot of fertile material for the next
[00:57:48] time. You want to do a little stop is someone who's experienced it. Would you say that this podcast
[00:57:53] is like pulling teeth? No, well, his beautiful fell out. It wasn't pulled. No, it was pulled. What
[00:58:00] do you mean? You got loose and then they pulled it? They had to pull it. Cracked in half. Oh,
[00:58:04] cracked in half. Um, no, dude. First of all, Rastria gone three. Come on, man. Yeah, that's good,
[00:58:11] dude. In Australia. Ross, yeah, was that a half hour ago? Yes. Should we almost immediately move
[00:58:23] on? Yeah. No, but the fact that we didn't move on makes it a better because rethinking it. I was
[00:58:30] thinking again about the classic designer clothes for people down syndrome by G of Honor, BC.
[00:58:37] I was happy with that. That was good. That cheered me up. I love your suit. Thanks. It's G of Honor,
[00:58:45] good. It's a G. It's G of Honor, with these. Do you have fun? Do they have different portions?
[00:59:00] Yeah. Widen Mids. Yeah. Extra cockroof. The sharing size of peanut evidence.
[00:59:08] Do they have extra cockroof? They have bigger dicks. Retards? Yeah. Oh, they're packing heat.
[00:59:14] We're talking about this weekly. No, they do. I did see a kid in my elementary school with a
[00:59:21] huge retarded cock, but other than that, what are we saying? What are we saying? The nicknames
[00:59:27] that Brendan had? Where are you saying the nicknames that Brendan had for the retards in your school?
[00:59:36] What were the nicknames that Brendan gave the retards? Oh, my friend Brendan. Yeah. He's like,
[00:59:42] I'm like stomping and then frog girl. Frog girl. I know exactly what she looks like. Yeah, it was
[00:59:51] funny. It's because like, I guess I've been kind of mean spirited in my life, but I've always had
[00:59:55] other people around me that were much more than I. Yeah. So you felt good and yeah. Right. And then
[01:00:00] I kind of became an adult. And I was like, Hey, buddy, look at that stupid retard trying to pull his
[01:00:07] pants down in this urinal. People are like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Oh my God. I lost all
[01:00:13] my friends. My bad. The friends I used to have like this killed themselves.
[01:00:17] Oh boy. Oh, do you? Yeah. Yes, sir. RIP to the friends we've lost and the friends we've made.
[01:00:31] That's right. RIP to them too. You see this article invites it's like how to end fat phobia or
[01:00:37] whatever. No, but it's interesting. But it's in fact, just fat people have gotten way too big for
[01:00:43] their business. I'll tell you these fucking folks sounds like something everyone should brush
[01:00:49] up on. Yeah. Like because the problem with fat phobia is like, if you want to make fat people feel
[01:00:55] good, number one, pretend they're not fat. Number two, don't ever pretend they're not fat. Number
[01:00:59] three, stop thinking fat is a bad word. Number four, don't ever say the word fat. Yeah. You know,
[01:01:06] it's like there's so much work to be done to like, you know, you're not gonna like so much
[01:01:13] mental gymnastics. Yeah. No, no, I just mean like, because ultimately what they want is it's
[01:01:19] fat people that want to be like, I'm hot. Right. And it's like to reprogram everybody to the extent
[01:01:24] where you're as hot as like people that are the same size, you know, it's gonna take a hundred years.
[01:01:30] Seven generations by my count. Oh yeah. And then, you know, I mean, they pointed they're like,
[01:01:34] well, you know, big women were actually more attractive in the 1910s. And it's like,
[01:01:38] for the fields, they needed them to plow that you would attach them.
[01:01:41] And I was like, were they? I mean, you look at pictures and it doesn't seem that way.
[01:01:45] You know, there's nobody nobody from history looked like, they have a picture like that
[01:01:50] 1880s world fair. And it's like, the world's fattest man. And it would be like literally
[01:01:55] any bartender in Austin. Yeah. Apparently, bitches, they wanted a sturdy bitch in the villages.
[01:02:08] To survive the winter. Yeah. You know, yeah, you need a woman that's fertile. Yeah, maybe famous
[01:02:16] people were always small, but regular kind of the way the world is now, honestly. I feel like
[01:02:23] people like thick, thick bitches, not model looking girls. Yeah. I like, I like some fat titty
[01:02:32] meat in a nice thigh. It is really frustrating to see what girls and gay guys think is a hot one.
[01:02:39] Yeah. Versus like, what we would straight guys. Yeah. Straight guys like us.
[01:02:44] Because it's different. Yeah. You know, straight straight guys like us. Like a girl, it's like six,
[01:02:50] seven. Yeah. Big fat, it's hard cock. Yeah, of course. Oh, this is our crumbs drawings.
[01:02:57] Of course. We just want to be crushed by giant women. Honestly. Yes. Is that is that who that is?
[01:03:03] Is that our crumb? What? Yeah, he was crushed by that's how he died. He was crushed by
[01:03:08] women. Yeah, he had a thing. He had a thing for being like big, big bitch cartoons. Yeah.
[01:03:13] Is that the one where the bitch is like sitting on someone's head or some shit? Maybe. I mean,
[01:03:17] he did a million cartoons. So I don't know. I saw one. Yeah. I mean, that's right. I want to fuck her.
[01:03:30] Yeah. Hard Ark. There's a lot of stuff for him. Yeah. A lot of different avenues and directions.
[01:03:36] Arslur come from. No, I don't think I'm thinking of Arkum. Oh, maybe I am.
[01:03:44] splendor? No, it's a that's not about our crumb.
[01:03:49] Arkrum does the cartoons. I got a piss real bad. I'm very bad. Okay.
[01:03:52] I got to go to I got to go meet Phil. Oh, shit. How long we done?
[01:03:57] An hour and three minutes. Oh, nice. Do you got to go? I do.
[01:04:02] Obviously these bitches aren't that hot in our crumb thing. Well, there's one with the big
[01:04:08] big. Unfortunately, it's my fault. No, no, no, it's Ross's fault.
[01:04:15] Yes. It's the writers of friends's fault.
[01:04:19] Naming one of the characters. We're derailing our show, but not having conducive names to
[01:04:27] follow. That's true. Ross, Australia. Hey, come see us in Canada.
[01:04:34] In June, June 16th, Toronto dot events. Come down, don't events.
[01:04:42] Toronto Montreal Ottawa. One of the thing Toronto Montreal Ottawa Vancouver and
[01:04:59] Apparently, someone was saying that like, I don't know, we didn't plan the tour good or
[01:05:03] some sort of fucking, just shut the fuck up and buy tickets.