Cum Town | Premium | 09/01/2019
[00:00:00] My Miami's famous musical group, Two G's in the middle, just hanging out.
[00:00:10] We're the Two G's, my girl Niaisha and herlanda, hanging off to our sides.
[00:00:23] Tragedy's struck for Two G's in the middle when it was discovered that the entire group
[00:00:48] I feel like that's kind of out of the vein of what?
[00:01:31] It's funny because boo-yod existed in the culture for years prior to that and no one
[00:01:40] It was the thing we invented in the 50s and people were like, I don't know.
[00:01:43] That was the black community invented boo-yod while the rest of us were working on lasers.
[00:01:52] Have you ever been to an African-American history museum?
[00:02:01] There was a lot of advancement in the 1980s.
[00:02:07] What's more jazz than putting your balls in an ass?
[00:02:11] There was a lot of emetic expression, right?
[00:02:12] There was a lot of guys that were just like, little tri-anything.
[00:02:16] And there was a guy who was famous, like, Boomshaka-laka, Boo-yod.
[00:02:22] And they were like, man, Eric's on a whole nother life.
[00:02:31] Oh, he's just sitting on the corner saying things.
[00:02:34] They were like, people were like, one day we're going to say that and it's going to mean
[00:02:38] And Boo-yod was just a wreck, because no one knew what it was for.
[00:02:48] And he was a schizophrenia and he would say things like, talk to the hand.
[00:02:49] And people were like, what does that mean?
[00:02:51] And then 40 years later, somebody was like, oh, talk.
[00:03:01] He was like the guy that invented lasers.
[00:03:04] See, what happened with lasers is some guy was like, check this shit out.
[00:03:09] And then they were like, cool, we don't know what to do with this.
[00:03:13] And then even to this day, we're finding new things.
[00:03:15] It took until 1994 to figure out that you can do the silhouette of a naked lady with a
[00:03:21] You can shine it in the eyes of mentally disabled kids.
[00:03:23] And piss them off in your special needs at school that you're in for emotional problems.
[00:03:30] There's a different guy I knew that would do it.
[00:03:35] There was a guy I knew who was the world's biggest asshole.
[00:03:39] A guy named Justin that would fucking, he would shine.
[00:03:43] He was going around shining a laser pointer and the retarded kids eyes.
[00:03:58] I don't care who you are, that's funny.
[00:04:06] Get to the part where he's putting the balls in the ass right now.
[00:04:10] You need to look for all the time, say?
[00:05:38] The way it does pop out of the ass is very satisfying.
[00:05:47] Yeah, that's what it's what it's saying.
[00:05:50] I mean, anything better in your ass than a dick.
[00:05:57] It would be like what you got to get the hard nut in.
[00:05:59] The way that his balls pop out and there's like a pop.
[00:06:04] Yeah, I want to watch that on loop, dude.
[00:06:09] I love how he's taking suggestions from the rest of the guys in the gang band.
[00:06:16] It's the same thing as how lasers work.
[00:06:21] I was at the, I stopped at the bank in South Williamsburg, you know, or Orthodox U neighborhood.
[00:06:30] And I got to say, dude, it's like the way they say you got to see.
[00:06:33] It's like the way you got to see a basketball game in Madison Square Garden.
[00:06:39] There's a bunch of Jews hanging in front of a chain link.
[00:06:50] Me depositing my monthly check is like slam dunking.
[00:06:54] Just a bunch of Orthodox Jews and some cops, cops standing around wearing cash, rocker bar,
[00:06:59] glasses, making sure nobody rips anyone off.
[00:07:01] Makes sure nobody gives somebody a bad deal.
[00:07:04] Then argument doesn't escalate and somebody soothes somebody else.
[00:07:10] They're letting people pet the dog that day.
[00:07:32] You just see that there's like a Jewish guy on Chabbos and you see him sweating profusely.
[00:07:39] And then they're like, oh, I can't wait to turn the AC on tomorrow.
[00:07:44] And then another line that says he's sweating because he can't use money.
[00:07:51] The joke here is that he's nervous about that.
[00:07:55] He's in anticipation for using the money.
[00:07:57] The explanation is going down into the Garfield cartoons.
[00:08:02] All of the rest of the newspapers are fucked up.
[00:08:04] Is he explanation for your anti-Semitic cartoon that's in the Sunday paper?
[00:08:12] Just Beatle Bailey was like, you see the Jew loves money.
[00:08:23] We do Orthodox Jews work at that bank though.
[00:08:32] God, they give $15 minimum wage for sure.
[00:08:41] They have their own police or whatever.
[00:08:43] They have their own little sirens on their cards.
[00:08:55] Some guy who's got like a little fucking.
[00:09:04] They won't treat you bad if you kill a Jewish cop, will they?
[00:09:08] That seems like you shouldn't be able to do that.
[00:09:12] He's like, we're having a police that's just for our race.
[00:09:15] That opens up a bit of a problematic door.
[00:09:20] It's like an neighborhood watch kind of thing.
[00:09:23] No, we got our own whites only police department here.
[00:09:26] It's only white people are allowed to be cops.
[00:09:28] And they basically what they do is enforce the laws to make sure that white people are kept safe.
[00:09:34] And that there's, I don't think there's anything weird about it.
[00:09:37] Well, that's the thing about orthodox use.
[00:09:40] Whereas in Chinatown, they have personally branded fire departments.
[00:09:45] Well, they also have the two, the twin dragon fire, the, the, the raging dragon fire department.
[00:09:51] They got a bunch of fucking cool shit on the.
[00:09:57] No, it's still empty and why they just.
[00:10:00] And they have NYPD like Chinese cops in Chinatown.
[00:10:05] They have, I mean, they have like beat cops that are Chinese.
[00:10:08] Yeah, but they're still, they still work for the police.
[00:10:11] They're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, we're the, we're the real loyalties
[00:10:15] Shamarim, Shamarim is not an G. Shamarim is not the NYPD.
[00:10:29] I've never seen one that's under 25% body fat.
[00:10:34] So we could probably rob anyone we wanted in those.
[00:10:38] I mean, they have the real cops can still go.
[00:10:40] You'd be greatest to see the, no, they can't.
[00:10:42] They shamarim like, hassling somebody and come up and be like, sorry, Christian FBI.
[00:11:14] I don't know how the fuck had happened.
[00:11:24] And you somehow went all the way to HBO and then fucking, I guess it clicked on HBO now,
[00:11:30] which had probably highlighted and then the first thing that popped up on HBO now is Bill
[00:11:37] It's just like that time you, it accidentally, you stepped on and it was just gay pornography.
[00:11:45] No, you can't get gay porn on Apple TV.
[00:11:59] I just like to say being gay on that podcast, dude.
[00:12:06] I tell you, I've never looked at gay porn in my life.
[00:12:17] It was during the war with the Chinese.
[00:12:21] I cried the whole time and then I slit her throat.
[00:12:24] I used the propellers in my B-52 to chop her body up.
[00:12:31] I was so sue by the way my peepee felt.
[00:12:35] I just had to slit her throat and chop her up into a bunch of pieces.
[00:12:46] We're going to get you the judge right away.
[00:12:55] All this man did was chop up an oriental.
[00:13:09] Are you saying it was a dream sequence?
[00:13:22] Then, I don't even have war with the Chinese.
[00:13:32] I don't know where these Chinese came from.
[00:13:37] He just killed a child he had sex with.
[00:13:47] Jimmy Stewart in the Eagle of St. Louis.
[00:13:52] But yeah, anyway, fuck Bill Maher, whatever.
[00:14:12] Bill, if you don't like religion, you shouldn't like it was real.
[00:14:14] I'm sorry, but BDS is a bullshit purity test for Democrats with no understanding of history.
[00:14:21] It's because the Jews are white and the Palestinians are brown.
[00:14:25] And so automatically the Jews are the ones that fault.
[00:14:30] That's how reflexively like hypocritical that state.
[00:14:33] I think that like it's so funny that him and I'd probably say Chandler Bing are like the two most like they have such an obnoxious Jewish affect but they're not Jews.
[00:14:48] Yeah, he's like got that like nasal like I like I told you San Francisco.
[00:14:53] Also, you know what I've heard is that he doesn't leave that set.
[00:14:56] He has a fucking cabana on the lot that he just goes to.
[00:15:00] Dude, it was right by the way we were saying.
[00:15:02] This motherfucker is like wants to talk about how the world works and he's literally so out of touch.
[00:15:07] He never, he never leaves a fucking a hundred foot by a hundred foot area.
[00:15:18] Yeah, he just stays in that fucking cabana on the lot.
[00:15:20] And he wants, you know, and then repeatedly he's made that point about like I've been saying it.
[00:15:27] I can't wait for a recession because we'll get rid of Donald Trump.
[00:15:36] You just want to like we like you don't even give a shit about Donald Trump.
[00:15:44] That show makes so many like 65 year old fathers like feel so heard.
[00:15:55] I want to chop them up like a Chinese whore.
[00:16:00] And our next guest, our next guest, racist Jimmy Stewart.
[00:16:05] We're like 65 year old men that are too pussy to even just be into like military history.
[00:16:14] To even like to engage in the fantasy where they could have been.
[00:16:18] You know, they're like, no, but I made the right move.
[00:16:21] It's like, um, yeah, it's like for like, you know how when we watched Easy Rider, we're
[00:16:26] like, this is what our dads close our clothes.
[00:16:34] That was me in the 60s, riding a motorcycle around getting pussy.
[00:16:44] You pretended to learn guitar for like four months.
[00:16:51] If you're listening to this in your old Suck Art Dicks.
[00:17:00] I'll fucking kill you with my bare hands if you're old.
[00:17:04] There's like zoomers now which are like the generation younger than us and they're like,
[00:17:06] it's our turn and it's like there's zero distinction between like it's the same exact culture.
[00:17:20] They got tick tock and they're kind of black pill.
[00:17:24] Is that what you think or is that the 18 year old girl you had sex with told you?
[00:17:28] You've observed all the 14 year olds that fuck or is this something.
[00:17:32] Yeah, because they were the kids that like had iPads at restaurants.
[00:17:35] Yeah, because their parents would shut up.
[00:17:38] I mean, I felt like that was the only one.
[00:17:43] I mean, but her daughter might just be.
[00:17:46] I mean, it's like I'm talking about people that are like 15 to 20 now.
[00:17:52] I think it has the same fucking spread as a millennial shit.
[00:17:56] A lot of the SJW shit is millennial shit.
[00:17:58] I think it's more a millennial thing than a Gen Z.
[00:18:04] You're probably thinking about like five cool.
[00:18:07] What I think you're doing is repeating things I said to you four or five years ago.
[00:18:18] Adam is holding a diary that says things next.
[00:18:28] You know a guy that lived with a live with this dude and like they were moving or whatever
[00:18:37] And he told me he told me he's like this guy's sucked or whatever but he's like he like either
[00:18:43] And so Bobby went through it and he found the page where he literally had a list titled
[00:18:53] That is one of the worst things I've ever heard in my life.
[00:19:01] Were you that guy that lived with Bobby?
[00:19:12] It might be anecdotal but the zoomers that I've definitely anecdotal.
[00:19:18] It's definitely anecdotal I'm saying but they like got rid of Instagram when they were
[00:19:23] How does that have any bearing on their fucking position?
[00:19:27] Because I think that like millennials are all embarrassed about like saying problematic
[00:19:31] things when they were like 18 or 17 and now they try to virtue signal their way out of
[00:19:37] it by like dragging other people and like call out culture and stuff because they want
[00:19:42] Do zoomers don't have Instagram so they can say the N word for you.
[00:19:44] No I think that zoomers kind of like had to process that way.
[00:19:47] That's not that doesn't apply across the board.
[00:19:49] I think that plenty of woke people were never problematic.
[00:19:52] There is a subset of like recently woke people that are into this fucking like redemption
[00:19:58] for their irony thing where they have to like self-flagellate and say oh I was I hated myself
[00:20:05] and that's why I needed to something awful forums to say the end.
[00:20:08] And I was like who is this for you fucking who does care about no one cares.
[00:20:18] You would be more respectable as like yeah I got a fucking job now.
[00:20:26] Not even I grew up it's like I have responsibilities.
[00:20:28] I don't want to fucking like yeah I have now I'm sorry.
[00:20:31] Yes I'm an adult with responsibilities and there's more at stake than like my mom being
[00:20:43] No I think that this is my theory and it's maybe not.
[00:20:47] It's something you said five years ago to me.
[00:20:50] You didn't say this five years ago to me.
[00:20:53] You can't take any good point that I make and say that I came from you five years ago.
[00:20:58] I've never done this before where I said it's my point.
[00:21:02] I think you've repeated a lot of yeah first of all I'm not repeating anything.
[00:21:09] Here's my hunch Felix or will say constantly.
[00:21:13] Here's my not saying in this instance this.
[00:21:21] See Mr. Has everyone's opinions catalogs and say so you can.
[00:21:25] Matt Matt thinks that they're like scared of them.
[00:21:29] I think besides what a he's going to wear today.
[00:21:33] I believe I'll put on my Zumars or black pill.
[00:21:42] Why does that have to be a great holder?
[00:21:44] It's because all the millennials are shamed.
[00:21:53] Okay when we were adolescents when we were in high school middle school.
[00:21:57] We didn't have like call out culture and like virtue signal bullshit.
[00:22:10] Always try to find things you know when we were in high school.
[00:22:12] People like people people be like oh aren't you worried about being canceled.
[00:22:21] But I say for the most part no one's getting canceled.
[00:22:25] Yeah people were saying really fucking problematic homophobic shit.
[00:22:28] I think they grew up in a time where this like canceling was a thing and so they processed
[00:22:33] it a lot younger than us and I think that that's where there's a difference between us
[00:22:38] I don't think it's canceled shit if they're black pillows because the fucking world's
[00:22:43] That's what I think they're in the planet.
[00:22:50] Anyways it's going to be great to see how millennials similarly fuck the economy the
[00:22:53] same way boomers did or in a different way that's equally as shitty but then they're
[00:22:58] not going to have any of like the art to hold up to demonstrate that it was worth any of
[00:23:17] The fact that people who listen to me complain about Adam fagging around the apartment.
[00:23:24] Fagging around is a funny thing to say.
[00:23:33] You know who thought it was funny first me when I fucking said it.
[00:23:36] Well I'm glad you said it because this is a comedy podcast and that was a funny thing to
[00:23:40] say for our comedy podcast but I wouldn't say it's true because I don't put on opinion
[00:23:49] I distinctly remember my take in talking about it like probably around 2013-14.
[00:23:54] I was like there's this assumption with like millennials because they talked to like fucking
[00:23:58] you know like a 23 year old in 2013 is like looking at what fucking 16 year olds are doing
[00:24:07] And all that like the kids are all right shit or whatever and it's like well they're not
[00:24:12] I mean people are going to be inundated with this retarded fucking quote unquote discourse
[00:24:16] between you know older people who always look lame no matter what they always look fucking
[00:24:22] Yeah but it's also the only out is to be fucking black built but as time goes on it's like I
[00:24:29] I mean sure there's a couple of them that are heroes and forward thinkers like Elliot
[00:24:41] I think he's millennial probably actually.
[00:24:45] I think Zuma started like staring through time on righted ships to drag along compatriots
[00:24:56] I mean it's no I mean he was the Herman honestly.
[00:24:59] I said it before Dickensian it's it's it's really I mean yeah I felt like I was reading
[00:25:04] great experience getting manifesto is you read it.
[00:25:11] It's like it's like the length of a fucking like a short novel.
[00:25:18] I mean for a guy that what is the writing or the content like smashed his parents car
[00:25:24] in the bunch of shit because nobody fuck me.
[00:25:28] Oh yeah no Asian GF for it to be that guy going into that man of
[00:25:38] It's it's well it's it's weird because it's like it doesn't hinge on any kind of like
[00:25:43] he what what makes it a good writing is that it has kind of a distinct style that is like
[00:25:50] There's nothing like overwrought about it.
[00:25:53] It's like sort of sincere and paste correctly and like you know I mean you think you like
[00:26:00] did draft or do you think it was I don't know I mean some people just have an ability
[00:26:04] to effectively communicate in like a written way that's like it doesn't need to be dressed
[00:26:09] You know he's got but Stephen King it's great at that.
[00:26:13] Did he did he did L.A. Roger kill sorority girls?
[00:26:20] Well he killed to be very killed mostly now.
[00:26:23] Did I thought he he was trying to go to a sorority house and he never got it.
[00:26:27] No the murder started the murders started in his apartment.
[00:26:30] He invited two other Chinese men over and then killed them.
[00:26:33] It's really yeah he was really really was handsome too.
[00:26:37] Yeah he's fine like he should have gotten some.
[00:26:40] He's got like accidentally tripped into one person.
[00:26:43] Yeah and it was personality was just probably so but he was so annoying.
[00:26:47] He invited two guys over and then killed them and then went to the sorority and didn't have
[00:26:51] the physical strength to open the door.
[00:26:55] He got in the car just shot some girl in the street.
[00:26:58] Yeah and then he started just she started firing that in cell document.
[00:27:11] His parents were incredibly rich but the way he writes about his family.
[00:27:17] Yeah he has in a way where yeah like millennials are all like fucking class conscious to an
[00:27:24] aesthetic extent that they're like ashamed of you know if one of them was an heir they
[00:27:32] You know or Elliot Rogers like the esteemed Roger family.
[00:27:36] Yeah he might get mad at his dad for not having enough money.
[00:27:41] Yeah because his grandfather was like we have to be rich that his family his grandfowlie
[00:27:48] His grandfather was somebody that like he was some some publisher.
[00:27:52] Have you ever read Ted Kuzinski's manifesto?
[00:27:55] I mean and when also when I say that I read the LA Roger manifesto I mean I spent maybe
[00:28:00] Yeah probably means yeah I don't think I've ever finished any.
[00:28:03] There's maybe three books I've ever finished.
[00:28:08] And there's game Blood Meridian is one of them.
[00:28:12] I think uh no you know why it's just those two.
[00:28:20] Yeah I read a book about George Washington like third grade.
[00:28:31] I remember reading some Bo Jackson like either Ghost written autobiography or biography.
[00:28:50] He's like dad guess what I'll be like shut up.
[00:29:07] Do not fucking ever try to enjoy anything with me.
[00:29:13] I used to read John Grisham books in middle school.
[00:29:17] And I read the firm and there's a scene where he cheats on his wife.
[00:29:29] So later he could tell girls and be like actually I jacked off the books.
[00:29:34] It was the only time I've ever jacked off to a book.
[00:29:36] I'm trying to think about I've ever jacked off to the written word.
[00:29:42] How about the written he cheats on his wife.
[00:29:46] Just one of those like pictures that's made out of letters but it's a piece of shit.
[00:29:49] I want to redo the movie cast away but Tom Cruise or Tom Hanks like really like effectively
[00:30:06] Honestly probably you could probably do something with that.
[00:30:11] Tom Hanks coming out of just a hot to made out of shit.
[00:30:22] Yeah yeah that's the intersectional relationship.
[00:30:31] That's why I thought he was so sad when he lost it.
[00:30:39] Yeah I like that he's been eating like bugs for six years and then he comes back and meets
[00:30:43] his wife and then he just like takes a shower and he's like we got a football team.
[00:30:50] That was after that Rams tight and super.
[00:30:53] Yeah I guess we're all just to have businesses usual.
[00:30:57] Me I have I got a parasite that lives in my brain now.
[00:31:13] Sorry I gotta go outside and shit in a bird's mouth.
[00:31:18] I have some impulse to shit in the cat's mouth for some reason.
[00:31:37] He survives because all those pewdiepie packages wash up on the ship.
[00:31:41] He's got like a yeah and he doesn't open one of them and then he fucks that chick when
[00:31:58] Does he get it would be awesome if he too bad it doesn't take place when pocket pussies
[00:32:05] Well you could just use your hand on the island.
[00:32:09] Honestly you could construct a lot of probably exciting pocket pussy options.
[00:32:15] I probably just kill myself two days in.
[00:32:19] You start swimming and die in like a half hour.
[00:32:23] Dude if I had my guitar it would be cool.
[00:32:30] Well you get some of his shit but it's also like you're like completely isolated.
[00:32:40] I mean you're basically in solitary confinement.
[00:32:44] You get sunlight but yeah you'd be fucking you're trapped on a fucking island.
[00:32:48] But it's the thought that the memory of Helen Hunt's pussy is what gets him through.
[00:32:53] That's that's is there thought bubbles and it's just a close up on a pussy like a graphic
[00:32:58] She's just an Annapolis fucking Jack Nicholson right now.
[00:33:10] The end I think they go to Annapolis for something.
[00:33:13] I remember Cuba Gooding Junior plays a gay guy.
[00:33:20] And my dad Greg Keneer might place the neighbor.
[00:33:26] Cuba Gooding Junior plays the boyfriend slash manager of the Greg Keneer's character is
[00:33:34] He hires assistance to I've watched it alone numerous times.
[00:33:43] I was like I'm going to throw the waitress meets Simon the fag.
[00:33:47] I think that line I was watching with my dad and my dad laughed a little too loud.
[00:34:07] Now you're bringing back the rollerblades into this.
[00:34:09] His legs barely going off the edge of the couch.
[00:34:12] The rollerblades are just facing the TV.
[00:34:19] I used to fucking intern at the Maryland State House of the Delegates.
[00:34:26] I think of a man and then I remove reason and accountability.
[00:34:34] And it just says it's as good as it gets on a line from the movie.
[00:34:37] You should put that and then say from as good as it gets.
[00:34:43] Just do shirts that say from as good as it gets.
[00:34:45] Just do quotes and say parentheses from as good as it gets.
[00:34:51] You might give scumbag Vinny some ideas on shirts.
[00:34:57] He's like what do you think about this one?
[00:35:00] It's like remember when I said big mouth and the gay sex festival and Ben Marjorie.
[00:35:12] Vinny's always got a place in my heart man.
[00:35:15] Yeah Vinny's too much of a piece of shit.
[00:35:18] The thing is where does he get on my show in San Diego?
[00:35:23] He's like riding on the Facebook event and I'm like bro can someone fly me out and I can
[00:35:32] Vinny would have his own like Statler and Waldorf box on the Jenny Jones show with fucking
[00:35:43] You know but I would love to see his commentary.
[00:35:54] We've got we've got scumbag Vinny here today and he's going to be telling fat girls what
[00:36:00] they need to do to get him to lick the pussy.
[00:36:05] I used to fight guys in my neighborhood because it's Italian.
[00:36:13] Have you seen that Jordan Peterson bought?
[00:36:16] Somebody like made wrote a some program or whatever that that can you type things in and it just
[00:36:29] He sounds so much like Kermit the Frog.
[00:36:33] I'm going to talk about this so I can make it say gay shit.
[00:36:42] Everyone was making it say normal things.
[00:36:46] Jordan Peterson would usually say yeah you guys are having him say like stuff like fairy
[00:37:01] The art of sucking dick by Dr. Jordan Peterson read to you by the author.
[00:37:44] I don't know but you can tell Adam's upset.
[00:37:48] Because he wants to be the one who made it.
[00:37:54] Dude I was listening to a three six song the other day and the hook was just.
[00:38:06] No it was just lick my nuts suck my butt lick my nuts suck my butt.
[00:38:20] I did that one with the gay kid at the freestyle club.
[00:38:41] Mr. Johnson said you got to give me my whole time.
[00:38:45] You can't kick me out of freestyle club just because I'm gay.
[00:39:19] We don't care you gay just stop saying you like the ridges on a Snickers bar.
[00:39:55] It would be so funny if you became a freestyle rapper.
[00:40:36] I mean, Native American culture was a joke.
[00:40:41] You see, for the most part, it's a joke.
[00:40:45] I don't think they were serious about any of that.
[00:40:51] They're like, what if I lived in a teepee?
[00:40:57] What if we let the buffalo tell us where to live?
[00:41:05] Yeah, we kind of stole the whole country from them.
[00:41:08] Did they have any big-ass stone buildings?
[00:41:21] There was not a single building in the United States.
[00:41:32] There's literally not a single part of American Indian culture, as far as the continental
[00:41:47] I do like that the Hopi Indians still live at the bottom of the Grand Canyon.
[00:41:56] I guess you can suck my fucking dick if you want to come down here.
[00:42:05] Dude, let's go to the Grand Canyon and play the penis game.
[00:42:14] You can't tell me, dude, you're not my fucking dad, bitch.
[00:42:16] Yeah, I'm here with all my dad for a reason.
[00:42:18] My dick can suck my dick and so can you at the Grand Canyon, which is also Adam's ass.
[00:42:31] Look, his eyes just rolled back into his head.
[00:42:56] Did you see that New York Times article?
[00:42:58] It's like a tenth of fucking sperm donations
[00:43:06] You're either fucking the poor, which is like, it's like, OK.
[00:43:09] So that means that a tenth of that industry is people that
[00:43:19] So it's like, what percentage of childcare workers?
[00:43:26] I mean, it's just it's like, oh, the world is as bad as you.
[00:43:32] Except guys like us who have a job where the only people we
[00:43:35] interact with are, you know, each other.
[00:43:38] We play rock, paper, scissors, and we rape the guy who
[00:43:42] I wouldn't say what we do to Adam is rape.
[00:43:48] What would you put the wig on in the dress?
[00:43:59] You know I only have one small earring,
[00:44:02] I was trying to think of something earlier about how people
[00:44:09] It's like the countercultural movement.
[00:44:15] Flower power is doing whatever you please.
[00:44:35] You know, things are different out in Long Island back then.
[00:44:44] You think, get the hell out of here, hippie.
[00:44:46] Well, tell you what, my free love ideas, John Lennon said
[00:44:55] I know that my spiritual guides are my.
[00:45:05] This is your sentence and you're already guilty.
[00:45:17] I can't believe you kept slipping through the cracks.
[00:45:23] When I converted my Mercedes to bio-teas,
[00:45:25] I didn't drop her on Long Island raping me.
[00:45:33] He's been raping people 2005, starting 2005,
[00:45:41] We've been, listen, sustainable use, compound.
[00:46:03] You can't talk your way out of this, sir.
[00:46:06] I've got my Todd Rungren-Kissett's playing.
[00:46:10] I'm like, and I'm getting some free love.
[00:46:13] I'm getting some doing some black power.
[00:46:55] That video of him playing at Woodstock 99 is amazing.
[00:46:59] I remember going to my cousin's wedding and then watching Woodstock 99 on their TV when
[00:47:04] she went back home to a breastfeeding her kid that she already had.
[00:47:12] She got married, but she had already been knocked up and had a kid.
[00:47:20] Or maybe I'm conflating two different things.
[00:47:23] I remember a wedding and then I remember just being at their house.
[00:47:36] My aunt breast that my cousin in front of me too, one time.
[00:47:39] The first time I saw a baby sucking on a titty, I was like, what the fuck is this bullshit?
[00:47:46] Why is that lady putting, I get horny when I look at titties and you're putting that
[00:47:50] Dude, I remember I told you I saw that at Lucha Lucia before I came into the pot.
[00:47:55] And I remember, because like TV used to have this big impact on me.
[00:47:58] Like I felt like it was this thing that announced important cultural events that I was not invited
[00:48:07] So to see like a bunch of people at a concert, it just frightened me.
[00:48:11] You know, it's like, I don't know what I remember.
[00:48:13] I remember being like, damn, I wish I was Woodstock 99.
[00:48:17] And I've never lose any of the fucking people.
[00:48:23] It was like, I'm never going to be that cool.
[00:48:25] I never know how to like surf or make friends at a beach.
[00:48:28] I wanted to be a guy that knew how to go to a beach and be like, what's up?
[00:48:39] It's like, actually, no, I've been in this town for a while.
[00:48:46] Well, have you tried being the guy that's just been here the whole time and everyone
[00:48:52] They've all made their minds up and think he's a piece of shit.
[00:49:13] Adam and a surfboard with a safety net all around going up to the top.
[00:49:20] It was kind of sad pushing him around in a kitty pool.
[00:49:27] And then he's drowning in the kitty pool because he can't get his role.
[00:49:45] I'm going to put enough water against in his ass.
[00:49:48] A local gay retard drowned in a kitty pool today.
[00:49:56] I'm just being the local Hispanic reporter.
[00:50:00] I sound white until I have to describe the local takobel.
[00:50:12] It's funny when the newscasters do that, but if you had like a couombeau or something,
[00:50:16] but you know, just like an Italian newscaster, that's like the restaurant features Muzzadau.
[00:50:32] Yeah, I don't know how to speak my own fucking language.
[00:50:37] Yeah, I don't even know how to fucking communicate with fucking anybody.
[00:50:41] I didn't, but I barely learned fucking English.
[00:50:46] God damn, when Paulie goes to Italy, dude, that's just the best.
[00:50:57] I got all of homicide life on the street on DVD for 10 bucks.
[00:51:34] Lincoln was murdered by John Moose Booth or maybe some other guy.
[00:51:41] It was like every episode was like a different.
[00:51:44] There's different cases and shit, but there are like over.
[00:51:52] And there's a lot of like Richard Belzer is munch.
[00:52:01] He's a host of all the young comedian specials on HBO.
[00:52:05] The season two episode, Bob Gunn is like such a fucking good episode.
[00:52:25] Oh, he's got free lugs from Long Island.
[00:53:14] He plays like a white tourist family that's like in town.
[00:53:19] They like wander away from the inner harbor and they're looking for their car and
[00:53:22] somebody's teens try to mug them and then the wife is like, not on my watch because she's
[00:53:29] You're asking for the manager and they blast her.
[00:53:41] Robin Williams is what in 1993, it's probably like 700.
[00:53:48] With like less people living in the shot.
[00:53:53] Yeah, no, DC and Baltimore in the early 90s were like just, I mean, fucking war zones.
[00:53:59] Isn't that why they changed the name from the wizards or to the wizards from the bullets?
[00:54:05] Greektown was so bad that they just like.
[00:54:08] That actually stopped all of the crime.
[00:54:10] A bunch of gangsters got into fucking casting spells.
[00:54:14] And then they were like, please can you move to Prince George's?
[00:54:21] We're going to ganyand read Harry Potter.
[00:54:27] They just hired their own private police force.
[00:54:34] We hired a retired like police commissioner who was Greek and he just like stole resources
[00:54:47] It was like safe and like by the mid 90s, but the rest of the city was fucking dog shit.
[00:54:52] Anyway, so then Robert, Robert, Robert Williams, his family is like, he's like just in shock
[00:54:58] and trying to like, you know, his daughter's like, when's mommy coming?
[00:55:12] It's like an amazing performance for him.
[00:55:18] And then, but like he walks in on the detectives being like, yeah, just cry baby early.
[00:55:29] And he goes to like the, I mean, I haven't seen the episode in like 10 years, but I'll
[00:55:33] So I might be fucking up the details, but he goes to like the fucking watch commander
[00:55:37] ever and the watch man is like, these guys deal with like 900 fucking murders a year.
[00:55:45] I don't know what the fucking one would tell you.
[00:55:47] But like they can't like they cannot process this in a way where there's any emotions attached
[00:56:01] Yeah, it has to be funny, which is what, well, how the native Americans lived.
[00:56:06] I know I'm repeating myself, but every time I hear that fucking my culture is in a costume
[00:56:19] That headdress is not like that's not like going to Chinese buffet where the native Americans
[00:56:25] around all the time you'd ever see them.
[00:56:31] It would be like if they wore a tuxedo if there was a fucking and it would be like,
[00:56:38] It's like, well, he's wearing a masquerade ball.
[00:56:43] And a tuxedo seems like it is a costume.
[00:56:49] That would be a good white person costume.
[00:56:55] Why people do you wear in tuxedo tuxedo?
[00:56:56] If you saw a native American guy wearing a top hat and topped in tails, go around full
[00:57:07] You know, like the guy on the New Yorker.
[00:57:10] You wouldn't be like, that's not a costume.
[00:57:17] No, I would say that's a sharp dress, man.
[00:57:21] Everybody crazy for a gay guy with a heartache dick.
[00:57:31] That's all about how you're gay to get pussy.
[00:57:43] ZZ Top is actually abandoned by falling asleep while getting a dick stop.
[00:57:54] That's my favorite shit on earth, dude.
[00:58:03] That's quite the way to start your day.
[00:58:05] I'm looking at the lineup for Woodstock Nighting on.
[00:58:15] White Glev's John and the refugee All-Stars.
[00:58:16] That's probably around the era when the carnival came out.
[00:58:24] John and Whistle from The Who Who's Dead Now.
[00:59:04] I was at this wedding this weekend and there was acoustic guitar girl playing while they
[00:59:08] walked down the aisle and I just fucking fell in love with her.
[00:59:12] And I did not talk to her, but she was playing a little...
[00:59:16] If she listens to the podcast, I was at this wedding.
[00:59:35] I thought you said this is Mrs. Mullen.
[00:59:39] I use a professional telephone voice because I've been trained in telephone-anunciation
[00:59:43] classes, which I have an associates degree in.
[00:59:47] I excuse me, but I have an associates degree in telephone-anunciation.
[00:59:58] Do the lineup for the East Stage on Saturday, July 24, 1999.
[01:00:04] It's a big rock into Wyclef John, into the Counting Crows, into Dave Matthews, into
[01:00:09] Atlantis Morissette, into Olympusket, into Rage, into Metallica.
[01:00:15] That sounds like the best concert ever.
[01:00:19] Atlantis Morissette, three acts later, you got fucking Rage.
[01:00:28] That's how you know you're fucking old, if you're unironically...
[01:00:37] I mean, I would leave when Rage was done.
[01:00:48] I thought you said Megadeth, not Metallica.
[01:00:51] That would be so weird if Megadeth was headlining all those people.
[01:00:54] They're like, yo, we're gonna put Megadeth on last after everyone that's...
[01:00:59] Everyone on that lineup is more famous.
[01:01:02] Who did John Grisham fuck in that book?
[01:01:06] Well, it's Tom Cruise's character from the movie.
[01:01:13] So the protagonist fucks the shit out of the movie.
[01:01:14] I only want to play a guy named Crom to.
[01:01:17] I'll be in the movie with a character that's being named Crom to.
[01:01:30] The scene doesn't require that level of intensity.
[01:01:36] That movie, Wilford Brimley, plays the bad guy.
[01:01:47] In the book, he gets involved with this law firm that I think he has to do some things.
[01:01:58] And I think it was like a set up, actually.
[01:02:07] Yeah, they were talking about her nipples and the sun.
[01:02:15] No, they don't describe the pussy, but you know, that's really where the imagination,
[01:02:35] The mission in possible series is great.
[01:02:41] It seems like he would not be chill at all.
[01:02:46] And you know when that talented is chill.
[01:02:48] I don't think he's a cool guy, but as an actor, I fucking love it.
[01:02:52] Eyes Wide Shut is good, but not because of Tom Cruise.
[01:03:00] But I will say mission in possible, he freaks it.
[01:03:08] You can't make mission in possible, guys.
[01:03:12] It's just a couple months ago, and it didn't.
[01:03:18] No, first of all, you're fucking racist.
[01:03:20] No, no, because mission in possible is all about the mask.
[01:03:22] Which means you could easily just have fucking Jackie.
[01:03:29] That's not until mission in possible three.
[01:03:32] Is that the one with Philip Seymour Hoffman as the bad guy?
[01:03:40] Just turn me around and fuck me in my arm.
[01:03:41] Jackie Chan is not as good at acting as Tom Cruise.
[01:04:16] I didn't know that was fucking motherfucking.
[01:04:23] And the first one is still so fucking good, dude.
[01:04:28] If you do a double feature and by double feature, I mean you watch every mission in the hospital
[01:04:33] and then you watch every Fast and Affurious.
[01:04:41] Dude, he jumped from fucking space in the last one.
[01:04:44] And he broke his leg and they had to stop production for six years.
[01:04:47] That's weird though that he became an action star, isn't it?
[01:04:51] He was just like a regular ass famous motherfucker.
[01:04:59] Top Gun is the movie that played in action.
[01:05:02] He was in Days of Thunder is kind of risky.
[01:05:12] It's, you know, it's not action, but it's Days of Thunder is the word for it.
[01:05:17] But that's not the word I was looking for.
[01:05:22] That's exactly the word I was looking for.
[01:05:28] That's why I got these beautiful acne scars all over.
[01:05:31] I'm going to look up all of Tom Cruise's fucking dude.
[01:05:40] Dude, he turned down his mission impossible was his main shit.
[01:05:44] That's what like that's what if you want to talk about turning him into like Jerry Maguire.
[01:05:57] He was like a fucking mostly what I mean is that he seems like he just sucks.
[01:06:04] But there's plenty of movie stars that are like movie stars that don't seem like they
[01:06:13] Paul Newman's like the greatest person that's ever lived.
[01:06:16] Robert Redford seems like he would be like a dumb born kid.
[01:06:19] Robert gethead like he wouldn't he would be.
[01:06:25] Like he if he if he went to a vent hosted by Robert Redford he'd be a nice guy or whatever.
[01:06:29] But at some point at some point he would say about like how badly he misses Obama and
[01:06:34] how we just need to get Obama back and be like shut up.
[01:06:38] Shut up you dumb fucking piece of shit.
[01:06:53] Why aren't you fucking chill like Paul Newman was?
[01:07:11] When some movie Adam was in about a guy who kissed his flowers on the he has.
[01:07:16] He makes employee friend out of flowers.
[01:07:18] If you've heard of George O'Keefe the flower represents pussy.
[01:07:29] The only people that like that shit is like aunties that wear turquoise and silver jewelry.
[01:07:37] It's like if you consider it somebody who made magic eyes high art.
[01:07:50] I like that picture of Einstein with his tongue out.
[01:08:18] Have you been to the African American history museum yet?
[01:08:29] So I was talking in the, yeah, during the quiet guided tour.
[01:08:43] It's that you're making a racist point.
[01:08:44] I hear you're making some kind of point is why we're asking you.
[01:08:53] I'm sorry, I've never been to one of these.
[01:09:00] I remember I was in DC with R.E. Schafirides.
[01:09:23] I already grew up in like fucking silver spring.
[01:09:31] Adam knows all of the details about him.
[01:09:41] I know all those all those scant guys take their penises out all the time.
[01:09:44] Yeah, they suck each other off and stuff.
[01:09:47] They're like, this is why I could say faggots.
[01:09:52] I bet it's like Lewis, no one challenged you.
[01:10:13] But at the same time, they're smart for how inbred they are.
[01:10:16] Well, there's different sets of inbreeding that's happened.
[01:10:20] We just have certain congenital birth defects.
[01:10:29] Tasex is like a disease that only Jews get from decades and centuries of inbreeding.
[01:10:39] I think your opinions are yours and not stolen.
[01:10:46] I was the first one to say that Jews were black-pulled.
[01:10:53] I was in this Lewis and Clark motherfucker comes into my teepee, puts on my headdress
[01:11:32] I'm going to spend the whole night there.
[01:11:35] Just hanging out with a guy with the fellas.
[01:11:55] Just dislocate every joint in your body.
[01:12:04] Crank the heat all the way up, sweating.
[01:12:15] But when I drive around in my VW bus, I know that I'm going to find the choices V.
[01:12:23] When I'm on the shores of Long Beach, Long Island.
[01:12:25] When I'm driving around fucking a thousand seven, looking for women to free love.
[01:12:35] And I'm thinking, I'm just playing my Woodstock 99 compact disc.
[01:12:40] I know that they're I'm listening to Todd Rungren.
[01:12:45] Do you know that he that he was live Tyler's?
[01:12:50] He raised live Tyler and that Steven Tyler was her estranged absentee father.
[01:13:06] Did you know John Voigt was Angelina Jolie's back?
[01:13:09] Okay, can I go back to doing the bit where the anaconda is a giant dick in the John like
[01:13:18] Can we just get back to we're me being the guy from anaconda?
[01:13:24] Here it's John Voigt as a weird old white guy waving his big dick at people.
[01:13:31] He's killing you a thousand whiz baby bird.
[01:13:33] And I was like, did you know that Angelina Jolie?
[01:13:41] I don't even know who the fuck Todd Rungren is.
[01:13:58] This is how hidden of the fact this is that live Tyler uses Steven Tyler's last name.
[01:14:06] This is how much of a well kept industry secret it is.
[01:14:09] Well, a lot of people think would think that Steven Tyler was the guy around, but he wasn't.
[01:14:20] That's just a man that nutted inside the pussy.
[01:14:29] I don't care how many people busting inside Brianna.
[01:14:33] I'm going to take all the financial resources.
[01:14:38] Even though that guy gets to keep raw dogging on the wind.
[01:14:40] Even though the test went even further and said that my dick was small for no reason.
[01:14:48] Even though Maury read it and the test says that your dick is small.
[01:14:55] Who I'm going to raise these kids anyway.
[01:15:01] They my own because you my huge bitch Brianna.
[01:15:05] You might be I just want to fucking walk around the food court at the mall with you.
[01:15:14] I want to slap your big face around and FYI and raise them like they were my own dumb
[01:15:21] I just just because these kids don't have my shitty jeans doesn't mean they're not going
[01:15:28] They're going to have the fucking abuse.
[01:15:35] Then it's fine by me because a real man is is not just some sperm donor.
[01:15:41] A real man is the guy that lets his wife fuck other people.
[01:15:46] It takes a real man to not to just completely give up and capitulate to a world that demands
[01:15:54] everything of him, including his dignity.
[01:16:02] You know who wouldn't be on Maury caught dead saying I'm going to raise these kids?
[01:16:15] Come see us at Funny Moms every Monday but tomorrow Labor Day.
[01:16:23] If I have that, see me in Philly, see me in Fort Wayne and Indianapolis and just added
[01:16:33] Louisville, Kentucky and I've got some shit in the works trying to get it.