Cum Town | Premium | 12/19/2016
[00:00:00] It's Friday, December 16th, 2016, and we are live at the Anthony Kumiya Studios, top
[00:00:19] Puerto Rican, Reynolds State Podcast, one of the many podcasts that are part of the new
[00:00:31] We get only on patreon.com slash comtown.
[00:00:34] If you want to subscribe to gas digital, there's a fake website out there that's not
[00:00:41] They're trying to steal your passwords to give them to Russians.
[00:00:45] So make sure you subscribe to this one, the one and only true Puerto Rican rattlesnake
[00:00:53] Featuring your hosts, the realize dude, the Puerto Rican rattlesnake, and the two other
[00:00:56] realize dudes slash Puerto Rican rattlesnakes.
[00:01:07] The second and Louis J. Gomez three Tokyo Drift.
[00:01:11] I'm actually, yeah, I'm a Louis J. Gomez.
[00:01:22] We're going to go to today and we're trying to figure it out, but Sam Hyde is in town,
[00:01:29] So I don't know if this one will probably be the regular one, and then the Sam one will
[00:01:34] If we can figure out scheduling, which would be cool.
[00:01:37] He hit me up kind of last minute and then plans are fucked.
[00:01:40] So hopefully it works out and we can have him on.
[00:01:53] I've never really had a conversation with the guy.
[00:01:55] So that's like the chief concern is that like it'll just be weird.
[00:02:06] You know what my like, I'll never get circuited.
[00:02:07] This is like the hierarchy of how the episode can go.
[00:02:16] Number two, it gets weird and there's a bunch of Nazi stuff.
[00:02:18] And then the third option, which is the worst, is that there's not even Nazi stuff.
[00:02:30] We'll just make if we must we'll kill Adam to earn his respect.
[00:02:37] It's important that your guests respect the show.
[00:02:53] Afterwards, I was like, what did I say exactly that you got mad about?
[00:03:07] Back story, me and Stavros were invited onto the Anthony Kumiya show as the host of
[00:03:14] They're still unfamiliar with who Adam is.
[00:03:23] Well, that's good because I asked you specifically to keep my name.
[00:03:33] So this is why we didn't have you on, dude.
[00:03:35] You're just going to do like racist mockery of the way black people talk.
[00:03:39] We're trying to take this podcast in the direction now, dude.
[00:03:49] So instead of working out, you just have warts.
[00:03:54] You have warts and you piss yourself off the fence.
[00:04:00] I can't, I don't really pay like I've been off Twitter.
[00:04:03] Well, a guy with a stone cold Steve Austin avatar asked me to be a guest on his alt
[00:04:24] Anyway, so we're a Kumiya and some were, you know, two good app.
[00:04:31] And this, the, there's just a porn star there and we're just having a regular discussion.
[00:04:41] She literally, she was only there to put on some pajamas.
[00:04:44] And then later I put on some pajamas and she gave me a weird trashy lap dance.
[00:04:54] There's like literally as I'm getting this lap dance from some fucking porn star.
[00:04:59] There's just six fucking sweaty ass Kumiya fans with their phones.
[00:05:04] Just like taking pictures and video, one of which is a very large retard man.
[00:05:15] She just gets up in the middle of it and storms out.
[00:05:19] And then she comes back and she's like, you guys are trashing autistic people.
[00:05:29] I mean, legitimately, I mean, compared to what we have said, I think I think I, what
[00:05:33] I said was, is we were talking about Battlefield, I guess.
[00:05:39] I can never tell what's a fucking ad and what isn't on that show.
[00:05:44] Like, you know, we'll just start talking about something and it'll be like, you know, it's
[00:05:47] kind of like, it's like that steak delivery system.
[00:05:50] You're like, yeah, that's a stupid idea.
[00:05:55] You know, it's you look, you're like, Oh, I mean, it's great.
[00:05:58] I guess you don't know, you know, it's all live read.
[00:06:03] So you start talking about Battlefield or whatever.
[00:06:06] And then I said something about, we're talking about like who's fucking annoying when you're
[00:06:09] playing like modern warfare or whatever.
[00:06:11] You start talking about like knife guys and then shocking guys.
[00:06:13] And we're talking about like the riot gear guys.
[00:06:15] And like the people said, yeah, the people that just use the riot shield and like a first
[00:06:22] And then they like crouch and then they like slowly walk towards you with the riot shield.
[00:06:27] Yeah, as a weapon, I'm like, what kind of autism do you have that you fucking play a
[00:06:30] first person shooter and you're like, I want to be, you know, the guy, I want to be the
[00:06:34] guy that stomps out the Ferguson protests.
[00:06:36] You know, so something like that, you know, I just mentioned autism.
[00:06:42] And then they'll like talk her back and they're coming back in.
[00:06:44] But context, like right prior to that, she's like five seconds before.
[00:06:50] She's saying that Joy Bay are should kill herself.
[00:06:53] And that, you know, she's like, going Hillary Clinton, calling Hillary Clinton, and then,
[00:07:01] Yeah, yeah, which I don't give a shit about how you do whatever you fucking want.
[00:07:05] But like don't then turn around and be like, you can't say that.
[00:07:09] Yeah, especially at the Anthony Kumi show, that's supposed to be a safe space for guys
[00:07:17] That's like if I went into a rape crisis center and started throwing dildos at people.
[00:07:22] To tell me I can't mention autism on the Anthony Kumi show.
[00:07:25] Yeah, dude, the best part was though, she comes back and she's like, my brother has
[00:07:36] And it's like, and it's like, well, wait a second, your parents were such good parents
[00:07:41] that their retarded son is a doctor and you're a porn star.
[00:07:45] It's like, yeah, I don't know if you have to be right.
[00:07:54] So she was like a Trump porn star kind of late.
[00:08:01] But those guys are, I found out from Gavin that those guys are all anti pornography now.
[00:08:11] Well, Gavin, I did red eye with him and he was like, yeah, you know, he's like, I don't,
[00:08:14] you know, he's like, yeah, no pornography.
[00:08:15] I'm against pornography, which like, wait, he is too.
[00:08:20] You spent the last like year and a half talking about how you're, you know, pro freedom of
[00:08:28] Did you, did you read that New York Times interview with two people?
[00:08:31] Tomi Laren, the girl from the Daily Show.
[00:08:40] She was like, she was like railing against liberals and snow, liberal snowflakes and
[00:08:45] And then she was like, it is very offensive.
[00:08:47] However, when people use the word retarded.
[00:08:51] So they're white retarded people out there and they deserve to be fucking shielded.
[00:09:05] I'm the only guy that when I say, say whatever the fuck you want, I actually mean it.
[00:09:11] I'm the only one which makes me a fucking hero.
[00:09:14] And if you criticize me, you should be putting jail.
[00:09:17] You should be fucking gassed immediately.
[00:09:21] I guess somebody said that does pick up.
[00:09:23] They do things that are going to shit yourself.
[00:09:29] You're just going to fart on your mic and then get pink eye from it.
[00:09:36] You know, I started like, I bought a bunch of produce and shit.
[00:09:38] I'm like gearing up to buy that Vitamix or whatever.
[00:09:42] So I started making, I made like one green smoothie.
[00:09:44] Evegetables for the first time in a fucking like decade.
[00:09:48] And immediately just wanted to throw up.
[00:09:58] You know, I mean, I don't even know what this shit is.
[00:09:59] I just bought something that was green.
[00:10:01] You know, I'm like, can you even eat that much ginger?
[00:10:04] There's that, you know, because in certain cultures, it's a medicine.
[00:10:07] Like if you go to China, that's their fucking, you know, that's their, that's their, their
[00:10:14] So I just ate like the equivalent of like 35 bottles of Klonopin.
[00:10:19] And now I'm having like a negative reaction to it.
[00:10:24] So I was reading online that with produce, you have to look out because there's the
[00:10:29] fucking, a pork parasite that if you handle raw pork and you eat the pork, there's a
[00:10:37] And then the people that handle pork, they shit out the parasite and they don't wash
[00:10:41] their hands and then they handle produce because that's a lot of, a lot of people who work
[00:10:45] in agriculture, a lot of like, you know, people from South America, whatever, they handle
[00:10:48] the produce, get the eggs from the parasite.
[00:10:51] But if you eat the eggs rather than the parasite itself, which is found on produce, they go
[00:10:58] Yeah, you get like this, all these people have like seizures and neurological problems
[00:11:04] So it's like, fuck, I'll stick with candy.
[00:11:08] Going right back to fucking peanut M&Ms.
[00:11:12] So I'm getting a Vitamix and I'm putting peanut M&Ms in there.
[00:11:18] Dude, that would probably be delicious.
[00:11:20] They'll fucking whip that up into a nice spread.
[00:11:21] You can just put peanuts in there and it'll make peanut butter.
[00:11:27] Yeah, we can do that after after my TV shows up.
[00:11:40] Yeah, we're basically, we're basically Samuel L Jackson after the move on.
[00:11:44] That money started coming in and I'm like, I'm going to save it.
[00:11:47] I'm going to invest in real estate and I'm like, nah.
[00:12:00] And now I don't know, also, I don't know if this is offensive to the people who listen
[00:12:04] Because I know it's like, you know, hey, we need this money so we can start like making
[00:12:08] videos and stuff and it's like, you know, am I doing that?
[00:12:13] But I don't know what's more offensive.
[00:12:15] What do you mean more offensive to save the money?
[00:12:18] We're going to pump it back into the economy and create jobs.
[00:12:20] It would be much more offensive to save it.
[00:12:24] So those are Americans making those TVs.
[00:12:27] I don't know about offensive, but I think that you guys, you know, should like save money.
[00:12:34] That's why you don't get a cut of the money, dude.
[00:12:37] Well, one day when you guys just stay in your fucking bank.
[00:12:42] Yeah, you're trying to fund Israel, dude.
[00:12:45] You're trying to buy fucking rockets to kill Palestinian children with.
[00:12:47] I'm trying to, and we're over here trying to fucking reinvest in the American economy.
[00:12:52] The PS4 Pro doesn't have an ultra HD Blu-ray player.
[00:12:58] So you can't even watch 4K movies on the...
[00:12:59] I thought that was like the big fucking selling point.
[00:13:07] Blu-ray, this is the problem with home media is Blu-ray doesn't support 4K.
[00:13:13] Blu-ray, all-traged D does, which they had the release, I guess, because they didn't want
[00:13:18] to admit like, oh yeah, this like future-proof, home media format doesn't support the TVs and
[00:13:25] shit that are going to come out like three years after they fucking launch it.
[00:13:28] So there's Blu-ray Ultra HD, which is in 4K and HDR, but you need a Blu-ray HD or an ultra
[00:13:42] It turns out there's really no reason to have one.
[00:13:54] Yeah, we did just celebrate Nick's final birthday.
[00:13:57] I honestly only got it because I wanted to watch fucking like, Ben Hur and shit in like
[00:14:04] But apparently like 65 millimeter film has the equivalent of like an 18K resolution.
[00:14:13] Yeah, it's still like four times the resolution.
[00:14:18] So it's still not even going to look as good.
[00:14:21] It turns the TV behind a mansion with a private theater.
[00:14:30] But there's better than 4K OLED now, right?
[00:14:34] That's not, you can still, you can have a 4K OLED TV.
[00:14:39] What OLED means is that each individual pixel has a light source behind it.
[00:14:44] So the contrast ratios with OLED are much higher.
[00:15:09] I always know he gives a fuck about that shit.
[00:15:12] This is like the number one C net consumer review podcast.
[00:15:17] They're like, what kind of fucking mouse pad should I get?
[00:15:22] If I'm in the market for a gaming keyboard.
[00:15:25] Yeah, I want to, when we were at, what do you call it?
[00:15:33] What's the Jewish electronic story we went to?
[00:15:40] I just want to get something there and like be some.
[00:15:46] I really want a shirt that just says, I've been laughing about like being like an
[00:15:51] Yeah, that's just, that's what he hates.
[00:15:53] It's not like the media and the bank stuff.
[00:15:58] And just going around with a fuck Hanukkah shirt.
[00:16:03] That shirt would be very, very important.
[00:16:16] I want to go to B&H Photo and just like stand at the register for 20 minutes winking until
[00:16:26] You know what's cool about it goes up, but it goes down.
[00:16:37] I should be a website called Gripen where you complain your way to this.
[00:16:44] The TV I bought, I was looking on the Best Buy website and they have like a Q&A section.
[00:16:49] And so it's like, you know, it's just compatible with blah, blah, blah.
[00:16:52] You know, HDMI have, you know, like audio return channels or whatever.
[00:16:56] And then there was one question, all capital letters.
[00:17:03] Also does it has a translate to Hebrew?
[00:17:16] Yeah, in the question, best regards as Edelman.
[00:17:17] No, electronics are like, there's like a tariff on it in Israel.
[00:17:26] Tariff is actually, that's a Jewish name, right?
[00:17:35] All right, if it's from China, twice as expensive.
[00:17:40] I was watching fucking hat, my roommate was watching Happy Feet yesterday.
[00:17:44] Everyone's unemployed in my apartment house.
[00:17:59] Well, I think it was one of those things where she hated the fucking place and she
[00:18:01] thinks they were gonna fucking try to get somebody else anyway, so she was like, fuck
[00:18:09] Anyway, so she's watching fucking Happy Feet.
[00:18:11] Dude, that movie, there's just like fucking, this shit, I love Disney movies that are, you
[00:18:16] were just allowed to be so racist up until like three months ago.
[00:18:19] Like the whole movie is like a white Penguin can't sing and dance or everybody can dance.
[00:18:25] So then he finds the short Latino Penguins who can all dance and they're all sexually aggressive
[00:18:31] tough to be female Penguins and like the ruling class Penguins are like these fucking squat,
[00:18:38] like fat hooknosed Penguins that are just like warning against the fucking, you have to
[00:18:44] listen to God or else he'll take away your fish.
[00:18:48] And there's like a black Penguin that fucks every Penguin and they're all Robin Williams
[00:18:55] Wait, that's why I love the Penguin Batman character.
[00:18:58] Yeah, it's like an interesting character because he's technically...
[00:19:03] So he's bad because he's rich, but he's also disabled.
[00:19:09] So that creates like a weird sort of identity crisis where he's like, you know, at the
[00:19:13] bottom of the privilege hierarchy, but also at the top.
[00:19:16] He waddles because he has Rickets or something.
[00:19:20] I also think originally it was just that he's ugly.
[00:19:30] I just remember the Tim Burton movie where his parents, the baby comes out and they're
[00:19:38] And then it's like raised in the garbage.
[00:19:47] I had when I was like 19, I had a sketch I wanted to do about a dumpster baby that somehow
[00:19:53] And now he's this guy that has a chip on his shoulder because he was raised by trash.
[00:20:15] I guess he was just a fucking ugly rich person, huh?
[00:20:19] How does he get money though if he's fucking raised in trash?
[00:20:27] All the words they use at basketball camp.
[00:20:31] Perseverance, good sportsmanship, teammanship, do goodmanship, good manmanship, manmanship.
[00:20:42] That's really what it takes in this not rigged capitalist economy that we're in right now.
[00:20:54] The same way in basketball all it takes is like, you know how many fucking just stupid,
[00:20:58] poor white kids pay to go to those basketball camps?
[00:21:03] You're not going to be in the fucking...
[00:21:06] It's just, you know if you're going to the NBA or not.
[00:21:10] I didn't only because we were poor, but I wanted to.
[00:21:13] I thought I was going to go to the fucking NBA, dude, when I was like in sixth grade.
[00:21:19] I stopped growing in fucking middle school.
[00:21:22] I was on the middle school basketball team and I was like good for middle schooler and
[00:21:27] then I'm just five, seven trying to get into the high school team and they were like,
[00:21:31] all right, well what are you doing here?
[00:21:33] You're a power for it and then you're like, yeah, I'm a center.
[00:21:37] It's like you're five, seven, and six grand.
[00:21:41] And then there's just like a six, seven fucking kid in my fucking high school.
[00:21:46] I went to tennis camp once and my dad came a little bit early to pick me up and then
[00:21:51] he got really mad at me because at the end of tennis camp we had to go scramble around
[00:21:57] The coaches were like, all right guys, let's go pick up all the balls.
[00:22:01] And all the kids were going nuts trying to pick up as many balls as possible.
[00:22:04] There wasn't even a fucking prize or anything.
[00:22:12] He's like, that's incredibly lazy of you.
[00:22:15] You're taking advantage of everyone else.
[00:22:19] And he's like, no more tennis, no more sports camps for you.
[00:22:25] And then from then on out it was Jewish camp.
[00:22:27] Well ironically that is the most Jewish thing you could do is sit back.
[00:22:35] When I was 15 I got fired from my pizza restaurant job for being like three hours late
[00:22:39] to work and making my boss miss her oncology appointment.
[00:22:49] Well, my dad's wife wouldn't let him borrow the car to give me a ride to work.
[00:22:58] I wasn't allowed to live there unless I had a fucking job.
[00:23:00] And then it was also like I couldn't get her fucking ride anywhere.
[00:23:04] I worked at the same grocery store as my step sister and they would give her rides but
[00:23:19] So like I got fired for that and then my dad like came to pick me up.
[00:23:22] I was like well, you know, I took the fucking bus and took an hour and a half to get here
[00:23:28] And then he was like lecturing me, you know, because I'm like, thank God that job sucked.
[00:23:31] He's like, you shouldn't be happy about losing these kinds of jobs.
[00:23:34] Even if it's, you know, no matter what the job is, you have to appreciate.
[00:23:38] And then like a year later he like ran out of money and it started working for like minimum
[00:23:49] Like, yeah, well, you know, you shouldn't be, you should take pride in your work.
[00:23:54] She said she'd do the dad working, an old ass dad working in fucking retail.
[00:24:00] Yeah, I wish my dad would just do that shit.
[00:24:02] My dad has a fucking, he has his own business, but he like never makes any money.
[00:24:07] He just fucking runs a giant warehouse and fucking sleeps there.
[00:24:18] He's got like 12 motherfucking cats in them.
[00:24:25] He has like a huge, he's taking better care of those cats than he ever did.
[00:24:31] He's had more meals with those cats than he has with me.
[00:24:34] He's just got a giant woodworking warehouse though.
[00:24:37] He's got like equipment and fucking, you know, what are their names?
[00:24:54] He barely, he barely, his business is like covers rent.
[00:24:55] He's never like he barely like I paid his like car insurance last year.
[00:25:01] I was the most successful member of my family.
[00:25:18] And he made his bones saying that, you know, war is bad.
[00:25:26] The banks, they're actually, they're fucking out to get you.
[00:25:32] Do you know that actually he had to change his name because of anti-Semitism and his
[00:25:58] I mean, I have to play a right in his name.
[00:26:14] He convinced me, his Hillary Clinton thing convinced me to vote for her.
[00:26:24] Well, I'm not going to tell Sam I voted for Hillary.
[00:26:29] I paid him illegal to go over to vote for me again.
[00:26:32] That was the funniest shit in the world when gay pride was happening two years ago.
[00:26:37] And I was just walking through it and I saw all these like his seeds protesting gay pride,
[00:26:41] but then I looked closer and they were like day laborers dressed as the seeds.
[00:26:47] And then I saw I took a picture of it and I was sending to people.
[00:26:50] I'm like, look, the seeds paid day laborers to protest for them as a joke.
[00:26:54] And then the next day I read the paper and that's exactly what the his seeds do.
[00:26:59] They went to Home Depot, got a bunch of day laborers dressed them up like acidic juice
[00:27:05] and then fucking made them protest gay pride.
[00:27:08] I went to the Schvitz last week and there's a ton of receipts.
[00:27:18] There were a ton of receipts like in the steam room and stuff and there were women there.
[00:27:23] And they were just sitting there like it's definitely against the rules, but they were
[00:27:27] But like at the at the on the roof of the baths, people go up there and like smoke cigarettes
[00:27:34] and drink and you can you can really weed and shit up there.
[00:27:38] Yeah, it's really tight because you leave the steam room.
[00:27:40] It's like it could even be super cold outside, but you go upstairs and it's like really
[00:27:49] One of these fucking classes was holding court and like talking about about the Blazio.
[00:28:00] So he's just fucking he's got the dumb curly hair.
[00:28:03] He's completely naked wearing a fucking towel.
[00:28:08] Sitting nice to a woman that's topless.
[00:28:15] Don't those guys like fight like they fuck.
[00:28:16] There's a really good documentary about gay hussets because they're kept away from women
[00:28:24] Kind of like how fucking Muslims like like in a lot of Muslim countries they like fuck
[00:28:29] Well a lot of a lot of hussets are into trans women.
[00:28:32] And if you go on Craigslist, casual encounters there are trans sex workers that have Yiddish
[00:28:44] Because they have such a high classed clientele.
[00:28:52] Because like they're kept away from women.
[00:28:56] That's so it's so why would they want to make so much sense too.
[00:28:58] It's so funny how they're like you know they'll be like they look like they're from
[00:29:02] the 1800s or whatever and then you know they're going around doing their dumb 1800s shit.
[00:29:08] And then you just like you see them and then they'll pull out like the newest iPhone.
[00:29:15] So it's like they do all this 1800s shit and they're like well I have to have sex with
[00:29:26] Wherever there aren't explicit rules like there obviously wasn't anything written about
[00:29:32] There's a really good documentary about gay classes called Trembling before God.
[00:29:35] But about like how they're like they just they don't know what the fuck to do with their
[00:29:42] But anyway on the roof of the of the Schvitz there is this class that he was talking to
[00:29:44] these like three Russian guys one of whom had like fucking Vigo Mortensen Eastern promises
[00:29:50] like Russian mob tattoos covering his body complete skin like shaved head.
[00:30:02] He's like he's like you know the Blazio he's poisoning the mines and they it all comes down
[00:30:18] He puts all the lives and then he makes the people read the books and do the socialism.
[00:30:37] It's a place for homeless people to download.
[00:30:53] My favorite is those the shit that got around the city now where like homeless people just
[00:30:56] sort of plug in and watch music videos.
[00:31:00] Well no they just steal things to sit on from when the link in YC things came everyone's
[00:31:05] like well LOL people are going to use that for porn and like within one week there was
[00:31:09] like a New York Post article that's like guess what guys people are using them for porn.
[00:31:14] People just like plug their phones in and just like watch porn.
[00:31:17] Not even that it's a homeless guy just fucking with a sitting on a milk crate just watching
[00:31:20] like Ariana Grande videos all night and shit.
[00:31:25] Well I love when you see a homeless guy beating off on the train.
[00:31:29] Because it's like a matter of necessity.
[00:31:30] We're like well got to do number three.
[00:31:40] I didn't yet to see a guy beating off in public yet.
[00:31:45] I saw it on the train like less than a month ago.
[00:31:58] This guy or a pro is a crazy homeless guy and he had a huge really huge.
[00:32:19] As soon as you said somebody doing something bad I fucking knew it.
[00:32:27] He had the duster and but he wasn't the new duster.
[00:32:52] It was late at night but there was a woman who saw it and she just sighed and kept walking.
[00:33:00] Women must just get beaten off too so often.
[00:33:05] Like were we about to striking back or they were like hitting them and stuff?
[00:33:10] I saw like one black guy that just fucking go off on one guy was awesome.
[00:33:15] Did you see the thing about the that Muslim girl that was harassed by transporters on
[00:33:25] Yeah there's a girl that like fucking like a couple weeks ago there was a Muslim girl
[00:33:29] that was harassed by Trump supporters on the train and then she went missing and everyone
[00:33:32] was like wearing safety pins and posting pictures of their safety pins at her and they were
[00:33:36] like you know how could you know because she posted on Facebook she's like I was being
[00:33:40] harassed by Trump supporters and they were calling me a fucking terrorist and trying to
[00:33:43] take my hijab off and like all these New Yorkers just sat there on the train watching and doing
[00:33:50] And then it turns out like she was out with her boyfriend and her conservative Muslim
[00:33:54] father was going to beat the shit out of her if he found out.
[00:33:59] Yeah so she lied about all this Trump support shit.
[00:34:03] Whatever she's a kid kids like how old is she?
[00:34:05] Well the thing that makes it shitty is like it wasn't like yeah Trump supporters harassed
[00:34:11] me on the train it was Trump supporters harassed me on the train and all these New Yorkers
[00:34:16] So you're positioning yourself in opposition to everyone.
[00:34:20] Right right right right right right right right right.
[00:34:22] Oh no the New Yorkers bear like a responsibility for the people that you don't like you know
[00:34:32] And that's the shit that like fucking bothers me it's like that's what I had a problem with.
[00:34:40] She showed up for her arraignment for court date with her head shaved because her father
[00:34:46] made her shave her head in like she had.
[00:34:53] I mean that's beautiful that's part of their culture.
[00:34:56] It's okay to abuse your child to the point where they invent hate crimes.
[00:35:01] I don't want to say that anybody can't do whatever religion tells them to do in the
[00:35:07] But then the sister fucking wrote on Facebook she's like I don't want to like deny anything
[00:35:11] that my sister did or like dismiss anything my sister did.
[00:35:15] But you know it's kind of America's fault that she did that.
[00:35:19] Well I will say I was on the train like a couple weeks ago and there was a woman going
[00:35:27] And she's like I'm an American mother fucking citizen and you bitch ass Africans come over
[00:35:36] Wow so this is a white man saying this.
[00:35:40] That guy was a white guy in a make America great again hat saying all that.
[00:35:43] But yeah she was going off on this dude anyway she has a she has a phone out.
[00:35:52] But then she stops the train and then everyone on the car just starts going like boom.
[00:36:00] She's no one cared about like maybe she was assaulted by the dude.
[00:36:05] I don't know what the fuck was happening.
[00:36:10] But yeah everyone just wanted to get home.
[00:36:14] Well she said don't you touch me you bitch ass African.
[00:36:19] Yeah so that's different so much different.
[00:36:21] But you're saying like New Yorkers don't give a fuck.
[00:36:24] I'd like to think if somebody was fucking doing a hate crime I'd just do something.
[00:36:36] Pensively trying to get out of the room.
[00:36:43] How big is the person doing the crime you know.
[00:36:51] And everyone's taping this so when you get the shit.
[00:36:55] Everyone's taping you getting the shit kicked out of your body.
[00:36:59] Well if it was if it was a straight up Trump.
[00:37:01] I would take off my glasses I would hand them to an old lady because that's really the
[00:37:05] only thing I care about getting broken.
[00:37:12] I'd do the shh thing on her lips and then I'd kiss her real soft.
[00:37:17] And then I'd sort of caress her a little bit.
[00:37:35] We're Americans and we need to come together right now.
[00:37:38] This is a divided United States of America.
[00:37:43] I'd give like a speech and my speech would be so good that it wouldn't even require violence.
[00:37:51] Anything looks like something's happening in a train in a car that I'm in.
[00:37:56] That's just none of my fucking business.
[00:38:00] If it looks like two people are going to start fighting I just fucking leave.
[00:38:06] I don't want to talk to the cops and give a statement.
[00:38:08] I don't want to have to fucking be involved in any way, shape or form.
[00:38:11] Well if it's the thing that's great about New York is like it's every man for himself.
[00:38:20] You want to fucking you want to be a player.
[00:38:24] You worry about the dollars and cents and figure out how you take a fucking cab next
[00:38:32] Well I was telling Stav I saw that dude that dude at fucking 8.30 in the morning I was going
[00:38:38] He opened just this like really old obviously like mentally.
[00:38:47] He opened a can of he opened a can of cream of mushroom camels.
[00:38:53] And he put on like a glove like a winter glove and then he he put his gloved hand like he
[00:39:01] dipped the two fingers into the cream of mushroom camels and just started eating it.
[00:39:08] But you want to hear something fucking sucking that you know.
[00:39:11] You know mushroom camels a world that's somebody that goes to the new school.
[00:39:15] They fucking are doing a performance art project.
[00:39:20] Well you know what I saw him a little bit rich.
[00:39:22] That's a rich man who's going to the new school.
[00:39:45] No one doesn't like the Nazis because they didn't look good.
[00:39:57] Everybody took the eagle from the Romans.
[00:40:01] It's the same shit as all our buildings are neoclassical buildings in DC.
[00:40:04] They're all like modeled after you know.
[00:40:08] Yeah but the Nazi eagle like the third break eagle.
[00:40:21] Yeah he was the guy that did all their logos and stuff.
[00:40:25] He was really good Photoshop and he was searching U.L.
[00:40:34] And the Nazi rally grounds and stuff and uh.
[00:40:42] They were like alright we're gonna give you an internship.
[00:40:48] I was laughing about like if you know you didn't have gold teeth you could.
[00:40:52] Fascism never really got like super popular in the world and like it's happening now.
[00:40:58] The tech industry would be at the forefront of fascists.
[00:41:02] There would be so many people designing like fascist app.
[00:41:07] All the Nazis would live in San Francisco.
[00:41:09] They'd be worrying about like you know clean holocaust like how do we zero carbon footprint
[00:41:20] Yeah I mean all they are it does make sense because they are like Silicon Valley is like
[00:41:27] Like there are the people that do believe in like their bullshit making the world like
[00:41:35] But also all those guys are fucking libertarians because they're all fucking not all of them.
[00:41:39] Dude a lot of the fucking like a lot of the Silicon Valley.
[00:41:43] The Peter Teal dude and the fucking uber people the uber people are fucking fascists.
[00:41:49] You know that like Pittsburgh has like driverless ubers now.
[00:41:54] Yeah and they're gonna fire all the dudes.
[00:41:56] Yeah the humans that drive ubers were just placeholders for.
[00:42:05] You know they're fun they got to pick mustache.
[00:42:07] Yeah I was in I was in Harlem and I went into the McDonald's there and they had those like
[00:42:13] they have the automated cashiers already and I love that they're rolling those out in like
[00:42:18] the neighborhoods where people most need the jobs.
[00:42:22] They're like well let's fire these guys first.
[00:42:25] Oh the factory works then yeah the factory that Trump saved in Indiana.
[00:42:32] I don't try to diminish his accomplishments.
[00:42:35] I'm sorry the fear is save this factory okay and they took the tax credit and they're
[00:42:40] automating the whole plant so everyone's getting fired.
[00:42:43] Yeah the workers didn't get saved it was all like fucking.
[00:42:47] Well he saved like research jobs and also the union was it couldn't fucking negotiate
[00:42:55] Yeah they busted the union they fired everyone now they're building robots.
[00:43:02] Hopefully Nick was sending us all the schematics for those.
[00:43:07] Well I was remembering a story about some kid from Brazil that died from jacking off like
[00:43:11] 42 times in one day which is so funny to me.
[00:43:17] Merman remembered it as a Korean man which is a lot funnier than a Brazilian guy.
[00:43:23] Korean guy that died from jacking off too much.
[00:43:36] But I'm thinking imagine the best part is when he's faltering a little bit he's getting
[00:43:40] He's around 40 you know and he's like now I'm going to keep beating off.
[00:43:48] Well have you like when you're sick home from school like when you're like 13 you try
[00:43:55] And by the like six or seventh time your day.
[00:44:01] It's just when you come it's just it's so painful.
[00:44:07] So we're looking at like a 20 year old what are you thinking like a.
[00:44:09] No I was a teenager some Brazilian teenager.
[00:44:16] So you know his dick is like 35 inches long.
[00:44:23] Even girth I mean like you measure it flat on the top.
[00:44:28] So every time he gets an erection he's losing massive drop in blood pressure.
[00:44:40] So 42 times in one day cold right his brain was without oxygen for an entire day.
[00:44:48] Well he jacked off his giant Brazilian dick to to do they even need porn in Brazil.
[00:44:54] You can probably just jack off to your mom.
[00:45:00] That's why you know I think that I think that's why Brazil their economy is shit.
[00:45:04] But why I assume their economy is shit and they have so many problems is because they
[00:45:12] Because they're built for fucking and they just have prostitutes walking around.
[00:45:27] Dick really covered it with a covered it hard.
[00:45:35] It's my dick and I'm going to fuck you with it.
[00:45:36] She got really a black market type injections collagen and.
[00:45:45] Otherwise inner ass cheeks and they have completely failed.
[00:45:53] Does it look like it's the saddest thing I've ever said.
[00:45:58] Does it look like when one of those ass that went Trump won?
[00:46:00] It looks like when one of the like one of the Macy's Day parade balloons gets caught
[00:46:13] What would happen if you hooked yourself up to a permanent dick sucking machine.
[00:46:17] And then I found this guy posting on experience project.
[00:46:21] It's like can anyone help me make a dick sucking machine?
[00:46:24] This guy's like I have done it many times.
[00:46:26] He's like in fact I have one that I've constructed out of a three quarter horsepower lawn mower.
[00:46:33] And there's a rod that connects to one of the pistons and then that connects to a cup
[00:46:37] that over like you know it fits over my dick and I can control the direction the amount
[00:46:41] of suction and basically it sucks so hard the friction heats my dick up to the point
[00:46:46] where it's almost burning and I have an uncontrollable orgasm.
[00:46:49] And then somebody responded and they were like I would like to know more about your dick
[00:46:54] And I was laughing imagining that guy is like I love it.
[00:47:00] Imagine that guy is like Bell's dad from Beauty and the Beast.
[00:47:12] Dude how did every inventor not just start with dick sucking machine?
[00:47:15] That's how you know like people are like you know anytime when you take sex ed and you
[00:47:19] learn about like the structure of sperm and shit it's like that's because a scientist
[00:47:25] They invented microscopes and a scientist was like I'm going to jack off on this and then
[00:47:32] Yeah that is the first thing you do with a microscope.
[00:47:35] And there's a scientific reason for it but like he still jacked off on a microscope.
[00:47:40] That guy James Dyson has to have like the most insane.
[00:47:44] He probably has a wing of his house that's just dedicated to it.
[00:47:49] High on noise canceling dick sucking machines.
[00:47:51] It uses the polarity of the earth's magnitude to create an erection and you see a problem
[00:47:59] with normal dick sucking machines is buffeting.
[00:48:03] I went through decades of wind tunnel research to design a new dick sucking machine with
[00:48:09] zero contact frictionless and it simulates the sensation of water being passed up your
[00:48:18] It's definitely, do you think science is magnum opus?
[00:48:21] His gift to the world has to be that big sucking machine.
[00:48:24] Do you think science can make a better dick sucking machine than a real blowjob?
[00:48:29] Well first of all when you were sending us those dick sucking horsepower things.
[00:48:35] Wait what makes me come from a blowjob?
[00:48:46] Thing that makes me come from a blowjob isn't the force of air being a sucking machine.
[00:49:01] Imagining that it's a man's hand surrounding his penis and a man's mouth and that he's
[00:49:06] 12 years old again behind the show knees where he discovered himself.
[00:49:20] It's like Benagan's but it's a better reference for jokes because it's somehow shittier than
[00:49:29] It's a fucking weird creepy bear is the mascot.
[00:49:35] Shoney and Shoney's bear and Smokey the Bear is the same fucking bear.
[00:49:45] Like how much of a concern are forest fires that you need to tell children about it.
[00:49:49] That's right everyone understood like you learn like stop, drop and roll in school.
[00:49:53] Because kids go out to the woods and set shit on fire.
[00:49:57] You learn about like stop, drop and roll in school.
[00:49:59] Like at the same time you learn like the alphabet.
[00:50:02] Which is like you know okay here's basic math.
[00:50:04] Here's like shapes and colors and oh here's what you do if you're ever set on fire.
[00:50:10] Which will probably happen at some point in your life.
[00:50:17] I mean we had McGruff the crime dog which made a little more sense.
[00:50:20] Because there was no the guy that does McGruff's voice turned out to be like a like a bad lieutenant.
[00:50:28] He's like you know beating up prostitutes and shit.
[00:50:38] I remember we had this this cop come in teach us dare in fifth grade and literally taught
[00:50:47] It was educational but it wasn't like telling me the drugs weren't cool.
[00:50:51] He was like yeah you could do heroin between your toes.
[00:50:56] Yeah you just put a belt on your arm and yeah this dude had like been on the streets like
[00:51:01] working vice and seeing one too many horrible things.
[00:51:05] I want to share that just says dare to suck my penis.
[00:51:09] Oh there's the same font and everything.
[00:51:19] That was like a big hipster item was dare shirts maybe about ten years ago.
[00:51:24] Yeah I remember in dare there was a retarded kid in there and like they did some like confidence
[00:51:30] building exercise where like everyone puts a piece of paper on their back and you have
[00:51:35] to go around writing like compliments on people's backs and then you take the paper off at
[00:51:41] the end and you read them you know so you feel good about yourself.
[00:51:45] You're like that way you learn the true lesson that people aren't talking shit behind your
[00:51:52] Which is a bigger lie than the drugs are bad lie.
[00:52:02] So this retarded kid they say you know you go around complimenting people and he didn't
[00:52:12] So he went around writing shit on people's back like I have PlayStation.
[00:52:27] That poor little fucking little asshole.
[00:52:29] I just my phone just fell on the ground I had a heart attack for a second.
[00:52:35] Yeah that would have ruined my fucking day.
[00:52:37] Dude get a little case dude what do you do.
[00:52:42] Yeah yeah one with like a little lip on the front.
[00:52:44] Look at my shit dude I got that big boy that I switch.
[00:52:46] I get my Otterbox to Felix about this one.
[00:52:50] I wish there was an Otterbox for your dick because I am clumsy with this thing guys.
[00:52:57] I thought Otterbox was what you called your your boy pussy asshole.
[00:53:02] I thought that's what your your top calls your asshole.
[00:53:13] Let's take a try and take it to show these afterwards.
[00:53:17] I know you guys like I tell a lot of dating in New York stories but I was seeing this
[00:53:21] girl who had a cloaca which is a primordial tale.
[00:53:30] Yeah it's a pussy chicken has you pee ducks.
[00:53:34] Yeah you pee shit and have sex in one hole.
[00:53:45] She's from she's from she's from Pittsburgh I think.
[00:53:54] What else did what else was she about you from?
[00:54:03] So she I think of some sort of nuclear.
[00:54:04] Is that where a Three Mile Island is Pittsburgh?
[00:54:12] I fucking hate now somebody's gonna be.
[00:54:17] And then they do you know what they do they do it ironically now they're like you know
[00:54:20] they'll send me an angry message be like that's not what that fucking means because they hear
[00:54:24] me say complain about people right right right right and then they'll do it ironically.
[00:54:29] And now they're gonna do that ironically.
[00:54:30] When the fans make jokes they're always really funny.
[00:54:39] You can easily be replaced with you know how much better it be if that old guy Bob was
[00:54:45] Who's Bob's the great Bob's this guy that hates Bob's Bob's.
[00:54:48] Really he's like every he's like I fucking hate.
[00:54:53] Bob's like this is my break for my cunt wife every I got two hours a week Bob and I'm
[00:54:59] just that fucking kite kill bits ruin the show.
[00:55:10] I don't care that he hates me I love him.
[00:55:11] Bob was like a race wars fan he added me on Facebook like a year and a half ago or something
[00:55:14] and he would comment on my status isn't gonna be funny but it's I thought it was like somebody
[00:55:18] doing an old guy character right so I messaged him and I'm like what's your deal he's like
[00:55:22] just a race wars fan and I was like are you but are you really an old guy like a like a
[00:55:28] really fucking old man and it's like well I guess that's you know relative.
[00:55:33] Wait so that picture in the pool with the drink is actually him.
[00:55:39] Yeah no no I think that is actually like an old guy.
[00:55:47] So those are the people you're shitting on Adam.
[00:55:50] The guys that buy are Vitamixes are fucking TVs that maybe you'll get maybe you'll get
[00:55:55] a cut one day I'm not wasting the money that I don't get it.
[00:55:58] Maybe yeah I don't get any of the money Bob but I'm not wasting what money I don't get
[00:56:03] on the I'm paying back my student loans like a like a slave.
[00:56:08] Yeah all of all of Adam's share of the show goes to weaves commissary.
[00:56:16] No he's not but I still put your money in his fund.
[00:56:24] His conviction was vacated or something but he'd spent like I think two years awaiting
[00:56:36] He was in prison slash jail for a while.
[00:56:39] Mm-hmm yeah but now he lives in like Serbia or something.
[00:56:42] I think he got kicked out of Serbia actually.
[00:56:47] No I think it's just you know a visa thing or something.
[00:56:50] Wait I think he's I think I saw some like pictures with him and Tila Tequila or something.
[00:56:58] Tila Tequila being an Achi is so fucking funny.
[00:56:59] Yeah I don't know what you said even mean how can you.
[00:57:07] I did legitimately beat off the Tila Tequila.
[00:57:13] One there's only one where she fucked a guy I think.
[00:57:18] She really beat off to one celebrity sex tape slash porn and that's Joni Law.
[00:57:31] You know that's that's the thing about me.
[00:57:40] Yeah I did do a character where I played a like a transracial like racial studies student
[00:57:45] at the Grinnell College of the mountains.
[00:57:47] I went on to like defend Rachel Dolezal.
[00:57:51] So I'm like doing this whole like transracial is a real thing.
[00:57:56] He was like you know and I'm like doing bits.
[00:58:02] I'm like you know I always knew that I was a different race growing up.
[00:58:04] Like when we played Monopoly as a kid you know everybody wanted to be the dog or the race
[00:58:08] car but I always wanted to play as the dice.
[00:58:13] And he's like he's like which you're really transracial.
[00:58:21] Yeah and after the show he was like what so what's the deal with all that I'm like no
[00:58:37] He was my favorite wrestler when I was a kid.
[00:58:39] Because he was bringing you know it's funny.
[00:58:47] I was a particularly small as a kid but he was just cool because he was smaller or whatever.
[00:58:52] And then I met him and he's much bigger than me.
[00:58:57] He's like six one and probably like Scott Hall.
[00:59:02] Like relative yeah because he was always like the high flyer and DX.
[00:59:10] Shawn Michaels and also the the road dog and Billy Gunn dude.
[00:59:18] They didn't even bother with any any window whatsoever.
[00:59:25] His song was about fucking people in the ass.
[00:59:41] And his fucking finishing move was the fame asser.
[00:59:46] And he just fucking would sit on people's heads and fucking you know.
[00:59:51] Like slam their head to the ground with his ass basically.
[01:00:06] And then we got I got to call Sam and see if we can figure out the schedules all fucked