[00:00:00] God I want to kill myself. Summer time boys. It's almost over. We're gonna go back into the

[00:00:07] next seasons. Summer time and my dick is little. You love winter. I don't know if I got another

[00:00:14] summer every man. Really got tried to hold it together. You did better than summer. You're

[00:00:19] almost there. You're almost there. I did. Yeah. You know. I'm telling you man. That's progress.

[00:00:24] That is progress. I'm telling you man. It's nothing worse than having mental health. That

[00:00:31] having a mental health problem. I can't wait to do my new comedy special about it. You should

[00:00:37] do it. What's it gonna be called? It's my vagina brain. My brain. My pussy brain hurts.

[00:00:45] My pussy hurts. I got a pussy in my head and it hurts from being fucked by life. But my

[00:00:51] super comfortable life that still bothers me for some reason. I fucking hate it. I hate

[00:00:58] it. But then it becomes like sickle hole. You see like a guy missing a leg and you're

[00:01:02] like you fucking piece of shit. Yeah. Fuck you. You fucking. Look at Mr. I deserve real

[00:01:09] struggles. I have a problem. I have an actual issue that makes me sad. Yeah. Just fucking

[00:01:14] do an HD remake of Final Fantasy seven. So I don't kill myself. Dude it's coming. Relax.

[00:01:26] They're completely wrong thing. They're completely redoing it. I've been waiting for years. Okay.

[00:01:30] It's not single Metroid release on the switch. Fucked up. That's no charges for G lane. That's

[00:01:36] fucked up. And now the what's really fucked up is there should be cheat codes where you

[00:01:40] can really see Sam is his pussy. Yeah. Her tits. They not a conical way. Yeah. Because

[00:01:46] remember when it would be she'd be in a bikini when you would see it in Nintendo. And it

[00:01:50] was just blocky. Yeah. Yeah. Like what the fuck I'm a craft style. I remember the old

[00:01:55] little craft that you could sort of beat off to they were like they were still square.

[00:01:59] They were square but they were like they were octagons. Yes. There was some depth to them.

[00:02:04] There was a little curve. There was some curvature. There was like it was like the dice that

[00:02:09] nerds play Dungeons Dragon's with borrow a gun from Dan Crenshaw and kill myself with

[00:02:13] it. You should. That would be the best way to go out. Oh yeah. Be like, Dan, come on.

[00:02:22] It's me. You're born. Did you borrow your boy? Me. Dude. It's me. Let me borrow it. Come

[00:02:27] on, dude. Let me see one. No, I need it for cool. I need to just be chill with it. That's

[00:02:33] why you borrow a gun from a friend is to be chill to have it in your fucking. Oh, right

[00:02:37] here. I think I need to have time for a background check. Dude, I just need to borrow your gun.

[00:02:42] Let me just see real quick and not do anything with it. That's how everybody borrow shit.

[00:02:47] Totally. My friends like, let me borrow a DVD. Yeah, let me borrow a DVD. You're like,

[00:02:52] you're not going to watch it, are you? Of course not. No, okay. You're going to hold

[00:02:55] it because you got it. You got to be a patriot to watch it to watch the Blu Ray collection

[00:03:00] of every Kevin Sorbo. He's got a new and juicy stuff. I cannot wait. No, I didn't say it.

[00:03:06] He's like, they take away all the guns and antifil has taken over a town. Yeah. And

[00:03:11] he's the only one with guns. He's the only one out of like, he kills antifil. It's not

[00:03:17] right. It's looks awesome. Yeah. It's like in a world with how guns only the outlaws

[00:03:23] will have guns. And it's like in what like, what makes you think all of your conservative

[00:03:27] friends wouldn't be the ones who kept all the time. 100% Yeah, the point of this movie

[00:03:32] is you are the out you're keeping your guns. That's exactly what's going on. Right. And

[00:03:39] if like, if you just zoom out beyond the last 10 years to maybe the last 70 or whatever,

[00:03:46] it's like, where's your stance on this when we militarize the police and took guns away

[00:03:51] from black people? Yeah. Where's the Kevin Sorbo movie where black people are going

[00:03:57] around murdering police officers? Because it's the same plot. That would be awesome.

[00:04:01] Yeah. I mean, I can't wait for this Kevin Sorbo movie. I can't wait for black Joker.

[00:04:06] Black Joker's going to rock, dude. There has to be a ha ha ha. How you ass. There go. Ha

[00:04:18] Harley Quinn is just fattish. Yeah. Still named Harley Quinn. Yeah. You said we're going

[00:04:26] to be seven women. I ain't trying to be sitting in a coral day. Damn. Oh my god, baby. The

[00:04:34] police are coming. Go do you baby? I love you. Shut up, bitch. Shut up, bitch. How on

[00:04:48] your ass? Damn. Why be serious? Why? Why? Why y'all being so damn serious? Why y'all

[00:04:59] staying? Why y'all? Do be serious? You want to know how I got these school? Y'all trying

[00:05:06] to find out how I got these motherfuckers play by seal. From Africa. Damn. And that'll do

[00:05:16] it for this week. Thank you for listening. Thank you for listening. Just think about

[00:05:21] black. I don't know about Chinese Captain Janeway. Okay. Yeah. Let's hear that one.

[00:05:29] Chinese who is the promosy Mr. Chacote. I don't know who the prom is from Star Trek

[00:05:36] for. Oh, yeah. I haven't seen it. Yeah. But that's good, man. I like that's cute that

[00:05:41] you're pretending that you haven't watched Star Trek for a while. I've seen I've only

[00:05:44] seen is that the one with the Jerry Ryan's? I mean, first of all, season. Yes, nine.

[00:05:48] I don't believe that the show you would have been hooked on the replicators. Shit. I almost

[00:05:54] hit my pants on that one of the premise of a replicator. What's a replicator? And everybody's

[00:05:58] room in their bedroom is a fucking hole in the wall. And you go computer. Let me get

[00:06:03] you kidding me get macaroni. Are you fucking joking? Just thanks for that. Are you serious?

[00:06:09] Yes. Oh my God. And is it Holy fuck get this? Is it that? Is it nutritious? These mother

[00:06:15] fuckers still have a cafeteria. Oh my God, even though they got just for the love of

[00:06:19] the game, dude, for the community. Because no, dude, sometimes you don't you want to be

[00:06:25] out there. You want to feel the cafeteria table. You want to you want to lunch lady to

[00:06:29] Orf telling people where they can sit. It's like having it's like having a half court is

[00:06:34] like having a hoop in your driveway versus having access to a full court. Mm hmm. You

[00:06:40] know, I love hooping. I would love to have that mansion at the end of their will be blood.

[00:06:44] Yes. You know, just drinking myself to death. You know what man? That's what you hold on

[00:06:50] for. Yeah. Make enough money to just buy that thing. Someone in death with a bowling

[00:06:55] pin. I just want to have like the shittiest comb over greased to my forehead. You're kind

[00:07:00] of headed that way. Just just so drunk. Adam comes back. He's like it's nine forty five.

[00:07:06] I come back. It goes back tries to start the Patreon again. We can do another podcast.

[00:07:14] I looked at the numbers and we can do another podcast. Oh my God, beating you to death with

[00:07:23] the fucking zoom H six. I'm finished. I'm old dot. Hell yeah. That would be incredible.

[00:07:39] Yeah. Life sucks. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, life's gay. Life's gay. LG. LG. Life's gay. You

[00:07:48] could kill yourself. Why not get a sick ass Korean TV and stuff? Why don't you get the

[00:07:53] fucking LG fucking N V dude and the good shit. Yeah. What is that? The cell phone that had

[00:08:01] the flip keyboard. Oh, that was my absolute shit. I held on to those for quite some time.

[00:08:08] Yeah. I thought that was a sidekick. No sidekick. That was no shut up. That was a T mobile

[00:08:14] phone. And I think there was there was I don't know if that was that used to flip. Was that

[00:08:17] no key? It's a two way. I think the sidekick was just its own company. Yeah. I can't remember.

[00:08:22] I know it was. I used to sell those motherfucks. Oh, yeah, dude. And you try and sell them

[00:08:26] to death girls. There's no way I haven't told that story. Yeah, I think you have that in

[00:08:33] the time I was a child with big tits. Yeah, it'd be nice to just have a deaf wife. You

[00:08:38] get there. Yeah. Listen, we're setting goals. Yeah, you beat out of the day. You're mentioned

[00:08:45] with your deaf wife doesn't hear a thing. Never learn sign language. You don't need

[00:08:51] to just not any. She's waving her hands at me. I'm like, bitch, you know, you know, I

[00:08:57] don't know. And don't you dare do those guttural ass fucking noises either. You stay silent

[00:09:05] and I will ignore I am interpreting all of that guttural noises as sexual depravity. And

[00:09:11] I will take it out on my assistant Adam.

[00:09:19] It's a moaning in my house. They're having gay sex in my house. I suck your dick. I suck

[00:09:32] it up. I drink your penis. Ladies and gentlemen, if I say I'm a gay man, you will agree. This

[00:09:39] is my boyfriend. Alessandro.

[00:09:43] Hello. Just weren't completely out of the time. This is my boyfriend Alessandra. This is a

[00:09:55] gay company. We have gay sex. We go from town to town having gay sex for money. God,

[00:10:04] no, I want to watch that. You said that you wouldn't have gay sex in the church. You said

[00:10:11] you would just do it outside. And now you're having gay sex in the church. Get out. Slapping

[00:10:17] him across the face. Good ass movie. Good ass film, dude.

[00:10:28] Dan O'Dude. I got to say at first I didn't like his fucked up face. I like Paul Dan.

[00:10:32] I like Paul Dan. Every time I see him. I have to say it to that bitch. My ex girlfriend

[00:10:37] would see him on the train all the time. Oh really? Yeah, he's around. She'd be like,

[00:10:40] yeah, no, I was like, ran into him and she knows where his apartment is. Yeah, and she'd

[00:10:44] like, yeah, yeah, I don't know. I think about it. She knew the door code. She was like,

[00:10:50] oh, you know, one time I had to like I mentioned the date or something. It was like 12 18. She's

[00:10:56] like, Oh, that's weird. That's Paul Dan. Oh, never mind. She's like, what? She's like,

[00:11:01] not nothing. That's the size condoms Paul Danowhere. 12. Where's the 12 18? Yeah. Dan Paul Danow

[00:11:10] uses condoms. Yeah, dude. I don't know whether to be mad about luxury condoms. Dude. Yeah.

[00:11:16] Turkish Turkish delights. Artisanal condoms. Yeah. 12 18 is the day knows. But it's the

[00:11:25] door code. Do is a problem. Excuse me? What did you say? What? Did you say? Yeah, she'd

[00:11:33] never seen his movies. Yeah. But she kept thinking running into him. Yeah. No, I liked

[00:11:41] them in that escaped to Dan Amoras shit. He was great in that. He's married to who Elia

[00:11:47] Kazan's granddaughter, Zoe Kazan. Is he the guy that is really annoying Hillary?

[00:11:53] Did you read that in your your secret school directory of in my black book? Yeah. Wait,

[00:11:59] is he the guy who snitched or is he good? Ellie Kazan snitched. Yeah. Fuck. He directed

[00:12:06] on the waterfront. Come on. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Fuck you do that means Turkish though. No,

[00:12:11] or Greek. Oh, the Turks can have him, dude. If you just think fuck him. Although, you

[00:12:17] leah means like Mr. Olive was Turkish was Homer. Shut the fuck up, dude. Don't fucking

[00:12:25] joke about shit like Johnny's Turkish. He would shut up. Everyone shut the fuck up. Okay,

[00:12:31] I see what you're doing and I don't appreciate it one bit. You were home. First of all, Homer

[00:12:35] was not fucking dirty. You see that? He was the tour. No, he's ionic. He was an ionic.

[00:12:40] Yeah. I yes, that's a part of ancient Greece, dude. That was our fucking culture. Turkey.

[00:12:46] No, he's Turkey. That's like saying some guy Muslim. No, shut up. He was a Muslim. Do

[00:12:52] not say that. Well, I guess I don't care. He's Muslim, but he's Greek Muslim, Turkish Greek.

[00:12:58] Take it. He was blind. Yeah. Tie up air air to one. That's fine. That rules it like you

[00:13:11] could be a blind guy back then. They're like Homer, man, you wrote like a crazy book and

[00:13:14] he's like, I did. I was just talking and saying stuff. I was saying dumb at you. Somebody wrote

[00:13:20] down all my shit and I wrote it. I was singing it. That's tight because I was just saying

[00:13:25] shit, but what's it? Isn't it what happened? Like he just got credit for it. Yeah. Yeah,

[00:13:30] I was like tall tales. It's like a story here. Yeah, I was like, good for him, dude. Do you

[00:13:35] identify with Homer? Adam, you kind of the Homer of telling jokes. What do you mean?

[00:13:39] You just kind of hear jokes you like and you say them. I've never done that. You went off

[00:13:44] stealing Brandon Ward. I was a bit. Who said that? Brandon Ward. I was side being bit.

[00:13:51] I actually said that on his podcast last week. I think that's where he got it. Yeah. That's

[00:13:58] so fun. Yeah. I think I did. I think I said something about a civilian. And then he tweeted

[00:14:04] it. He just tweeted word for word things that he'd come out of your mouth. I don't think

[00:14:08] I said Donald Trump writing a civilian term. Well, that's the that's the genius's turn.

[00:14:13] Yeah. Yeah. You just say Trump in there. Damn, dude. I know that's a catch food, but I got

[00:14:19] excited. I heard treats it a bowl. Yeah. And the kids automated treats for his cat. Oh,

[00:14:26] that's so funny. And I was like, damn, it's not treats. It's food. Yeah, food is treats.

[00:14:32] It's not getting automated treats. It kind of defeats the purpose of treats. I guess

[00:14:37] the cat gets treats when it does something. It's for like positive reinforcement. You

[00:14:42] know, the purpose of treats is to enjoy the treats. There's a there. The purpose is the

[00:14:49] of the treat enough itself. No, it's a train the cat to do things. No, no, no, I come one

[00:14:53] back and you know what? This is exactly our fundamental philosophical difference. You

[00:14:58] are fat. You're philosophically. I enjoy. Yes. I enjoy the treat for the for the

[00:15:07] madness is your philosophy. You were attracted to philosophy because you thought it was a

[00:15:10] science of injecting fillings into desserts. Oh, yeah. Filling awesome. Yeah, just a show

[00:15:16] of like little reading glasses on and like a bunch of ready to take notes in philosophy

[00:15:20] one on one. You're like, the cream goes into the Twinkies at what part of the like, what

[00:15:25] are you talking about? Like I did say I thought this was philosophy. Filling, I thought I

[00:15:30] thought this was a class where they explained to us how to host this company. There's a lot

[00:15:36] of feelings. Dude, there's Boston, a fucking cream ass donuts. I see we've got to know

[00:15:41] it all in the class. Well, teachers pet pie filling is technically a filling. Whatever

[00:15:49] it's inside of a canola. Oh, big time. That's something I would like to. It's like egg or

[00:15:54] something. I don't know what I think is involved. Yeah. I remember those that ad campaign where

[00:16:01] the bears go and they chew up and they open a trailer. Where's the cream filling? Yes.

[00:16:08] Yes. What was that even for Twinkies? Yes. Remember they would sell the Twinkies that

[00:16:15] already had a fucking bite out of them? I don't remember that. That was an ad campaign.

[00:16:19] Smart. And yeah. And there was a guy who's job. I think it was you. I guess it was another

[00:16:25] fat guy. No complaining. They're going to be like, fuck that shit. Where's the rest of

[00:16:28] my Twinkie? Well, I mean, I would assume that they fill it out in different ways. Well,

[00:16:36] you're an optimist, man. I wish I could live my life. I wish I wasn't trapped in this

[00:16:41] place. Maybe there's more. No, we're never getting it back. There's more. Never fucking

[00:16:45] putting them back to normal. Nothing will ever be good. And when you really think about

[00:16:51] it, it never was. No. The famous Pauli Walnuts. That shit's so good. Do you ever feel we're

[00:16:58] Christopher's like, do you ever feel like nothing good ever happened to you? And he's like,

[00:17:01] yeah, nothing did. So what? Man, that's great. That is great, dude. I love it. Yeah.

[00:17:11] Shouts at the Pauli got so much pussy called his mother a whore because he found out.

[00:17:15] She was his aunt. Yeah. And his real mother was a whore. Who's a whore? Spoilers. None.

[00:17:21] Or tone. What's just right here about you? Fucking a 12 year old. Stay out of it. Watch

[00:17:28] your own fucking. You keep earning. That's all you got to worry about. Just Tony having

[00:17:37] an internal meltdown about being in love with pepper. That was truly a moment of inspiration.

[00:17:44] Well, fucking Tony just reading like fucking highlights to have something to talk to pepper

[00:17:48] and about when he is off school. I love at the beginning with the mistress when Tony was

[00:17:53] so into them. Yeah, he would always fall in love. Beautiful. Yeah, he got you this painting

[00:18:00] of a French lighthouse because of that thing you said the week before Carmel is like telling

[00:18:06] you haven't been home in nine days. Get off my fucking back. You fucking bitch. I headed

[00:18:16] to the episode ends with him beating the side woman to death. Yeah, what I learned from

[00:18:23] that show is that Tony Soprano is cool. He's the good guy. He's the cool guy. Yeah. And

[00:18:28] that's how I live more like that. Oh, I got a shit brewing. I got a hot shit. Broom. I

[00:18:35] just got really hungry as we hit record. Do you want to eat my penis? Hungry for what?

[00:18:41] No, he doesn't have snacks. Dude, you got those granola bars. There is a cracked open that

[00:18:46] giant Hershey's kiss that was sent to me. I'll take one by r slash, I think safe for work

[00:18:52] redheads is the subreddit that sent me that giant. I like that. Also, if you ever thought

[00:18:57] about sending me poisoned food to kill me, please. Yeah, I will spend maybe two days being like,

[00:19:03] I can't eat this. I might have poison in it. And I'll be like, I guess I'll eat it. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:19:07] So as long as it's, you know, looks delicious, as long as an expiration date on that fucking

[00:19:12] poison, feel free to murder me. That would honestly, that would you would be doing Nick a favor.

[00:19:18] You'd be taking it out of his hands. That would be gay though, dude. What?

[00:19:24] Letting somebody poison you. Yeah. It would be somebody stupid. Well, you know who did that is

[00:19:30] Socrates. He drank the hemlock. Yeah. Yeah. Cause what are the haters got to him or something? Yeah.

[00:19:36] I don't recall the specifics. I want to die like that, dude. Just fucking poison. He was talking

[00:19:40] shit. Just with my hand up. Yeah. My boys. Yeah. Your boys being like, come on, man. Come on.

[00:19:47] Don't watch me die. I'm about to do it. I'm about to fucking die. Yeah. That rid it.

[00:19:52] Get my shirt off. That like bulk in war criminal that drank the poison in like that was awesome.

[00:19:57] International war crimes court. Yeah. I know he probably did some horrendous shit, but I just

[00:20:02] know him as a hilarious guy who pulled an awesome move. Yeah. He's a sick dude. And a good ass.

[00:20:09] He's became a good ass meme. I'll give him that much. Damn. He's dead. He's dead. He's a cool move.

[00:20:15] Fuck. Especially when someone's about to do something to you. Yeah. When someone's got your ass.

[00:20:19] Who does the poison move anyway? And you kill yourself like to best them.

[00:20:25] Respect. What kind of poison can you drink now? I bet you they got really good poison, dude.

[00:20:29] Yeah. That like doesn't taste bad and you don't even hurt. This is why we need the second amendment.

[00:20:35] So I can get poisons. Yes. You could use your gun to get poisons. Yeah. And the only reason

[00:20:40] poisons are illegal is because of black girl magic. Mm hmm. Because they have cauldron. They

[00:20:46] had to try to take trying to take that. And that's the root of all of it, dude. You got to look at

[00:20:50] who the most marginalized people are. And that's who they're really trying to fuck over. Black witches.

[00:20:55] Yes. Black wiccans. I'm trying to get lizzo's juice to kill myself.

[00:21:04] Lizzo's pussy drippings. Yeah. But I of Newt, lizzo's ass cheek hair.

[00:21:12] And some some pussy. I don't think that's poisonous. I of Newt might be combined with

[00:21:22] ass cheek hair and pussy. Do girls do that shit cauldron type shit now? Yeah. That's part of

[00:21:28] socialism part of culture. Part of socialism being a hecking socialist. I would love to brew up

[00:21:33] my own dick pills. Yeah. I'll be a warlock. Is that what they're called? Like ground up rhino horn.

[00:21:40] I would have a cauldron. Me and my boys just fucking it's glowing blue. I wish that shit was

[00:21:45] real. I know. It'd be fucking awesome, dude. I would just be doing spells all day long.

[00:21:49] All kinds of fucking weird shit. I wish it was real. Yeah, you'd be a mage. Turning into a bat.

[00:21:55] That would be so sick. There's got to be some magic, right? Well, Jews. You got some spells.

[00:22:01] Someone's got to do something. We can turn into insects. Someone can do kind of ink.

[00:22:05] Petit files. Yeah. Are they all just pretending to be satanic or do they have powers? What do you

[00:22:11] talk about? Oh, the rich pedophiles. Yeah. I mean, most pedophiles aren't rich. But you know what I

[00:22:16] mean? The ones that do like the yellow king and all that shit. Yeah. I don't know. Do they actually

[00:22:21] have magic? They don't have real magic. I think it's I think it's a convergence of like in the

[00:22:26] middle of the last century, you have all these like highly potent hallucinogens that are being

[00:22:33] manufactured both by governments as like, fuck drugs or weapons, torture or mind control or

[00:22:41] whatever scarecrow. Those are regular people. Yeah, regular people get their hands on them and

[00:22:46] then also this like import of like Eastern philosophy. So like, so is dumb shit going on. It's just

[00:22:52] boomers. Yeah. Where they take Janice, they take basic shit and then elevate it to this level where

[00:22:58] yeah, I mean, that's where I feel like mid-century satanic cults come from. Even though there's a

[00:23:02] history of it prior to the mystery. What about Mr. Crowley? He's in it. aristocracy. Yeah. I mean,

[00:23:09] it goes back to like, I think like satanic cults, France in the fucking like mid-1800s they had like

[00:23:17] there was a popularity of that. But I think in the West or in America, rather, I mean, I don't know,

[00:23:23] it's all like conspiracy theory shit. So I don't know. My point is someone's got to have magic.

[00:23:30] I don't know if they have magic, but I do. I'm at the point now where I do believe that there's

[00:23:34] rich people that put on like, I believe that masks and shit. I fucking 100% robes. And they fucking

[00:23:39] like sacrifice children and animals. I mean, the animal sacrificial for sure. That's documented.

[00:23:44] That fucking happens. And then like, so the ones that are really trying to flex are killing kids.

[00:23:50] And then the wake of like the McMartin preschool and the satanic panic of the 80s is now this like,

[00:23:55] push where it's like, oh, it never existed. There was never any kind of satanic ritual abuse. And

[00:24:01] it's like, but those were laws of animals. I mean, what's up? But those memories were false memories.

[00:24:07] Right. Yeah, that was like the that was the point of what happened then.

[00:24:13] What the McMartin said. Yeah. And then like shitty investigative techniques. But I mean,

[00:24:16] there's got to be like some kind of gray area in the middle. I mean, it's like, like,

[00:24:21] write off all accusations of abuse from that time period is like, oh, yeah, no, it's just,

[00:24:27] there was no kind of organization or anything going on. Didn't McColl and Colc and say they

[00:24:32] was like pedophiles that made like shoes out of kids they killed in Hollywood. I haven't heard

[00:24:38] that's pretty cool. Kevin. It's like they control everything. And it's like, well,

[00:24:46] where are you going to go? They all personally own all the islands. That's true.

[00:24:50] We have nowhere to go. Go to the Greek Isles. We can go to that big trash island in the middle

[00:24:54] of the Pacific. Yeah. So living there, come to the Greek Isles, dude. All you can do,

[00:24:59] really. You guys invented pedophiles. Yeah. But that we did it the honest way.

[00:25:03] You teach him some math. He sucks your dick. Yeah. You give him some fucking life. How do you

[00:25:09] know Epstein wasn't doing that? I guess he was just getting massages. You know, to be fair,

[00:25:14] I don't know that. But I think he was, you know what it is? It's like Starbucks became this big

[00:25:19] operation. If it was just a little neighborhood coffee shop, I guess what I'm saying is to be

[00:25:26] kept as a pedophile operation small, it wouldn't be that big. If he was a mom and pop shop,

[00:25:31] he was a mom and pop. Vinny saying he would help that business. He's like, can we call it something

[00:25:35] different? Salute Salute. Vincenzo. Vincenzo. Beadle. I don't know. Can we call it something?

[00:25:47] Can I flex my horrible branding skills?

[00:25:49] Yeah, dude. Just fucking comic sans font with no drop shadow behind it. We gotta get Vinny on

[00:25:57] Shark Tank. Just defrauding them. I'm sure it would work. I guess he's going to jail. No,

[00:26:03] he's on probation and he can't leave Connecticut. Because of us? No, just in general.

[00:26:10] Oh, I thought he like implicated himself on the show or something. I'm sure he did. Yeah. Well,

[00:26:14] he did. Yeah, it was clearly documented in Brooklyn. So no, this is this just happened. He was

[00:26:19] like, can I come back on the show before my probation case? Dude, honestly, going to jail for

[00:26:29] that three minutes bottom funny moms would be awesome. Definitely worth it. Just doing crowd work.

[00:26:36] Calling a guy. He had a real powerhouse set on the show.

[00:26:40] He had to leave me. We should do a true crime documentary about Vinny.

[00:26:44] Yeah. We'd be like NPR people that are convinced he's innocent. Yes. But we never bothered looking

[00:26:50] at what he was charged with. Never. And we find out in the last five minutes. And it's like,

[00:26:54] it turns out Vinny was guilty. It was completely in a very obvious week. 100% guilty of the crime.

[00:27:04] We should do that, dude. That should be like our serial. Dude, you can have you can pick any

[00:27:09] crime in the world. And all you have to do to make it a successful true crime series is like

[00:27:14] hire the best intro guy in the world. Yeah. If you have a cool intro, like, you know, like evidence

[00:27:23] files slamming down, then they zoom out in the file, the files spell out fucking, you know,

[00:27:29] directed by Dick fuck ass. And then, you know, the tape recorder. Well, you need a bitch that talks

[00:27:35] like and today. And that's what I thought. Could it even happen? I thought this was a small town.

[00:27:42] No, no, no. No, you need like some Jewish. Oh, yeah. The main investigator. Yeah. Well, I've been

[00:27:48] living in Israel, my entire life. Israel is a small community, but it's got its secrets.

[00:27:55] It's definitely sort of a voodoo element to a lot of this. You don't think voodoo's part,

[00:28:02] they got something gone? I don't think it does anything. Someone's got magic, at least a little bit.

[00:28:07] I'm what you call an Israel a Jew bag. And I've been living here in Israel delta, my entire life.

[00:28:15] You see, there's a sea in a river and in between the two is a land of voodoo and secrets.

[00:28:23] Calling Judaism voodoo. Yeah. Right. No, but just a true crime doc, but you treat Israel like

[00:28:28] it's fucking Louisiana. Yeah. And they're like, well, at locals have known for years that they've

[00:28:34] been going over to the West Bank and killing children, sacrificing them to the devil, to the

[00:28:41] devil God, to the devil God, to the devil, Jew God, what's the one you're not supposed to say?

[00:28:49] Is it Yahweh or is it? I don't know. I don't know. What happens if you say that? I don't know,

[00:28:55] but we're going to get in trouble. Fuck. They take your bar mitzvah away. Dude, they're never going

[00:29:00] to take that away. How much money is you clear on that, dude? Dude, I think my parents stole it.

[00:29:06] I've not seen a dime. I feel like every Jewish guy knows like yeah, my parents stole my bar mitzvah.

[00:29:11] I feel like you make like 15. All my friends got like sick dance parties. We had a lunch at my

[00:29:15] house and like half of my family got in an argument with each other. Wait, you didn't go

[00:29:19] somewhere else? There was no banquet. We went to the synagogue and then we had like a catered.

[00:29:24] The reception was at your home. The reception was at my home. Wow. Mostly adults. That sucks.

[00:29:31] Yeah, it sucked. I had a bad bar mitzvah. My friends had the best ones. You had a bad bar mitzvah.

[00:29:37] Bad bar mitzvah. I would love to have a bad bar mitzvah. Yeah, a little I will think I will.

[00:29:41] I will come to my bar mitzvah. Not going to front. I had bad bar sheets, bad bar, bad. I

[00:29:46] flunked with bad bar heavy, dude. I wanted to like bad bar, but there wasn't enough media available

[00:29:51] to me. I'm like, what's going on with this elephant? Where suits? He's a king. I've only seen maybe one

[00:29:56] book and I'm like, I want to know more. You've sold me on it. I would love to know more about

[00:30:02] these. He's an African king. Dude, I fucking love bad bar. I had him in Greek. I had Greek

[00:30:09] dubs of bad bar. Yeah. So I didn't even I don't I didn't know he talked African until this moment.

[00:30:14] To me, he talks like a Greek guy. No, that mean they yeah, his dad drives around in a Mercedes.

[00:30:19] It's probably a war criminal. Yeah, it's like EDM means. Yeah, I do remember that about bad bar

[00:30:24] that I remember thinking was weird that he was just like wearing suits and a crown. He never had

[00:30:30] didn't he have a hot air balloon? Maybe. I don't even remember really. I feel like he had a hot

[00:30:37] air balloon, but I loved that bar. Me too, bro. Yeah, my friends had sick bar mess was like my rich

[00:30:43] friends. When David had a white tuxedo with tails and a top hat, he like made his mom get it.

[00:30:50] Fuck is this dude? Did he get pushed? I just I go to look up bad bar. His parents hired sexy

[00:30:55] women to like dance for all the boys. Shot girls look up bad bar. And what you get is like high

[00:31:00] fashion fucking dress shirts. Oh, did you do bar more? No, no, it's actually bad bar, but it's a

[00:31:07] fucking $890 shirt. What? Fuck that dude. Yeah. You know what? I'm gonna get in the bad bar now.

[00:31:16] I love it. I'm gonna start watching just getting pissed on social media. Fuck you. I'm allowed to

[00:31:25] like shit. Babar the mother fucking elephant. Yeah, the Babar cinematic universe.

[00:31:32] Dude, what the fuck is this? Barba Papa. Babar fucking had sauce, dude. Yeah, this green fucking suit.

[00:31:41] Barba Papa is a 1970s children's picture book by the French American couple and that Tyson and

[00:31:47] Talis Taylor. Sounds gay. It is gay, dude. It's just grimace. It's just pink grimace. Oh, yeah.

[00:31:53] 1930s. 1970s. Oh, and look, look who they be fucking.

[00:31:57] Babbar. Babar the man in the yellow hat. No, that was curious George. Yeah. Who's Babor.

[00:32:06] Some guys. I guess Babar was a French thing. Wait, it's an 80s. Babor some real guy.

[00:32:13] Some fucking Indian guy or some shit. Criticism and controversy.

[00:32:17] Of Babar? Yeah. What is it? He fought. Babar raped. Babar got into the zoo. Oh, people say that

[00:32:24] the stories seem like a justification for colonialism. Okay. Well, yeah. Yeah, he's got this green suit

[00:32:35] and fucking crown. Look how much better off I am now that I learn how to dress like a French

[00:32:41] man. The children's book is messed up. The story of Babbar. Oh, there we go. This is what is this.

[00:32:50] Dead spin. Probably some guy named Babbor. Bad shot of the Mughal empire. Oh, yeah. I guess Babbar's

[00:33:00] mom gets murdered. Oh, damn. By Hunter. That sucks. And then I'm trying to go dedicate my life to

[00:33:09] the rainforest. That would be cool. That would be cool. Just living down there. Just fucking dying

[00:33:14] of spider bites day one. But not before I get my picture with my buffalo rifle and my

[00:33:19] fucking my cool bush hat smoking my pipe. I'm trying to find out about this motherfucker Babbor.

[00:33:27] This was back a standing motherfucker. Yeah. I think he was a conqueror. These bad guys are cool.

[00:33:33] Central Asian. Yeah, I love when you meet Central Asians in America. And it's like

[00:33:38] no matter what. One. No, Russian or Chinese. Well, no matter what they're doing, they're like,

[00:33:43] yeah, I suck. Come out of the bottom of the sewer. There's too much coming in. So they make me suck

[00:33:51] it out. It's pretty good. Like pretty good job. Like, yeah, no, I go to gym. I bench press 700

[00:33:57] 80 pounds. Yeah. And now I just horrible posture, but so strong. Yeah, fucking massive. Yeah, it's

[00:34:03] pretty quiet to shave 18 times a day. And my job is I fucking eat it shit out of the toilet.

[00:34:12] It's at Yankee Stadium. I work at Yankee Stadium. I commute from from Montauk.

[00:34:22] Nice. Actually, I live I live in whatever the worst part of the Bronx is. Yes. And I commute

[00:34:28] all the way to Montauk to eat shit out of a rich person's house. And then on the weekends, I go to

[00:34:35] the fucking club. Listen to fuck some really fucking cool music. You know, you go to the gym,

[00:34:45] bench press nine eight nine. I do 15 sets of 950 pounds. And then I do biceps on Monday. And

[00:34:55] then I do bench press. It's just three hour bicep only workout. No, I don't need they don't even

[00:35:05] know what steroids is. No, I'm like my body is like, you look good, man. But like my body is from

[00:35:11] being irradiated. My grandma looks kind of got a little bit of the touch of Central Asia. These to

[00:35:22] call her Baba Chinese. Yeah. These to call her Chinese in her northern Greek village.

[00:35:30] They did not call it that bar. She's not fat. She's tiny. I used to play soccer. And she loved

[00:35:35] rice and they made fun of her for eating rice because that's what Chinese I knew a cat. I met

[00:35:39] a cat that guy. It was right when fucking Borat came out. And actually it might have been before.

[00:35:45] It went. It was just like the alley. They were really offended because I watched the

[00:35:48] I will G show and I think too many people knew about it. But yeah, you know, I'd be like, hey,

[00:35:52] like fucking Borat, huh? Like in Kazakhstan, the age of consent, you know, he's like, yeah,

[00:35:57] that's it's not like that. I'm like, yes, it is. Yeah, they're pissed. Their government like released

[00:36:05] to like a like a thing against the movie. Oh, yeah, for sure. I'm just so mad because I've said this

[00:36:11] before, but it was supposed to be Albania. But like the Albanian government wouldn't play ball

[00:36:16] or something. I think they shot it somewhere else in like Romania or something. Yeah, but it was,

[00:36:21] you know, whatever. Romania is still trying to get over being vampires. That's cool. So you don't

[00:36:26] think even a guy was a vampire after like you can make a movie here. But it's not you don't say

[00:36:32] what's that is. Is that where they make all the cigar movies now? Yeah, like Romanian like

[00:36:36] fucking Hungary. Yeah. Yeah. Damn, we should write a action movie. Where's Budapest, Hungary?

[00:36:42] Yeah, I think that's where I know it was something, man, I should get back into watching this

[00:36:47] cigar movies. We should we got to finish that series, dude. We started. Oh, that's it was

[00:36:53] was serious. It was like fucking true justice. Yeah, yeah. It was clearly said in New Orleans.

[00:37:00] To be in New Orleans, but they shot it and fucking like vain Seattle. Yeah, and Seattle. So it's like,

[00:37:05] you know, he plays Elijah Kane, who's a former Cajun who's now Seattle police. Yeah. And so it's

[00:37:13] and they they would say he was constantly going into like the bayou. Yeah, but it's in Seattle.

[00:37:18] In Seattle. And he's like, y'all y'all y'all done come around here to know being kidnapping girls.

[00:37:26] If I find out who been doing that, we gonna have problems, sir. You know, where it's like this mix

[00:37:33] of because after glitter, man, he was just your black, your black man. Now you got your black belt

[00:37:40] in. Yeah, I'm a fifth degree blackface. I'm a ninth day in blackface in fucking soft shoe or

[00:37:50] salute to him. Yeah, he's he's great. I wish I could be that man, not even like,

[00:37:57] but just that deluded. Yeah, I heard I was listening to so much alone was on a podcast.

[00:38:05] Should I get a lobotomy? Yeah, that would I kind of want to have a part of my brain cut out.

[00:38:10] Which part? I don't know. It would be part. Yeah, the part we would not be able to hold brain.

[00:38:15] Yeah, of course, the podcast's over. We could, but I would actually that might be fun.

[00:38:20] That would be fun. If I just become a moron like just like not that I'm smart,

[00:38:24] but if I became like Steven Seagull, yeah, I'm like actually, yeah, I've been getting really into

[00:38:29] karate. I'm reading a lot of stuff online. And, you know, I know a lot of people. I'm what you

[00:38:36] call an auto die dact. A lot of I can visualize the moves and it's almost like in the matrix.

[00:38:43] When they plug into his shit and he down low, I can actually do that.

[00:38:48] If I if I do enough five meo dmt, if I take enough BC to I take it and I hold the book,

[00:38:58] experiment the hallucinogens that I've been buying off the dark web. Yes. And I am able to process

[00:39:05] Wikipedia pages. I just scroll them as fast as I can. Like I can fit that limit. And when I got

[00:39:12] to the Wikipedia page for war, because I was so high, I forgot I was learning humanity at once.

[00:39:18] I raced my entire brain. Holy shit. And it was at that point, I felt the spiritual connection with

[00:39:24] the Dalai Lama. And I knew he was communicating with me and he said, you are next. You are the

[00:39:30] next you are the next Buddha, because you're hot because of karate, because karate, because I got

[00:39:36] so good at karate that, you know, women can't resist. Having that's and that's what the Dalai

[00:39:43] Lama needs. The Buddha, I'm constantly getting flus

[00:39:49] your dick sucked 24 seven. Even Seagal has probably raped hundreds of women. Oh my god.

[00:39:53] And it is fine. He's like, I just can't keep a playboy. Can't keep a boy. Yeah, I can't keep

[00:39:59] them off. Yeah, the Russia. Come on. How many he's raping right now? He has a sex scene with like

[00:40:05] some poor young, let me just make it clear. Make it clear. The goal is not to rape people. It's to

[00:40:11] be so oblivious as to think you're not raping people. I would like to be that unaware to not know

[00:40:19] that I'm raping. Is there an insanity defense for rape? Yeah. No, there's a cool defense. There's

[00:40:25] too cool. Your Honor, my my hair is too greased back. I want to show you this is first. Let me show you

[00:40:29] these tapes and we do in karate Russia. We're going to watch the movie out for justice. And I want

[00:40:35] you to honestly tell me that this man has any kind of self-awareness. We're going to watch the show

[00:40:44] true justice. And I'll tell you this, somebody described method acting to him. And so what he did

[00:40:53] is he went around just introducing himself to people as Elijah Cain and changing nothing else for

[00:41:00] seven months. So that's who my client is. That's how fucking stupid this day. Hey, you're

[00:41:07] off, Steven. Steven, we're talking about something but gay and boring. Yeah. Think about you doing moves

[00:41:14] for a little bit. Keep trying to karate chop the desk.

[00:41:16] And yeah, it's trick desk. It's broken. I love those videos where he's in Russia. They just

[00:41:25] keep throwing a wave of people. And it's like, these guys are clearly taking a dive. And he's just like,

[00:41:31] all the demos. Yeah. Just flicking his wrist. Putin does. They do the same shit with Putin too.

[00:41:35] Yeah. Yeah. And they do say Putin, right? Putin's in the, and he also plays hockey. Yeah. And they do,

[00:41:41] and he like scores like eight goals. His team wins like 10 to one. Just at 30 for 30 about like

[00:41:47] the Russian team. I didn't. I want to see it so bad. Which one? It's the one about the Russians

[00:41:53] that lost the miracle game. Yeah. Miracle on ice. Oh, Russian team, because it's like,

[00:41:58] that story is so funny. Yeah. Because it's like, these are people that are selected by the state

[00:42:03] at four years old. They're not allowed to have any kind of life. They just have to play hockey.

[00:42:07] Yeah. And their training, their entire life is coming in there. Their training is so brutal.

[00:42:11] They're a pissing blood. And then they go and lose. And it's like, well, you're going to get

[00:42:16] turned into fucking light bulbs. And you get back to Russia. We're going to fucking grind up your bones

[00:42:21] and use it as ammunition. Yeah, dude. They did some fucked up shit to those Olympic athletes.

[00:42:28] Yeah. You think China's still doing shit like that? I'm yeah. I wish I was Russian. I was

[00:42:33] at a Russian mentality. Yeah. Where you understand that life is basically death. But there's at least

[00:42:39] like chores. So Dick's, I think that's it. I think they're really drunk and just doing parkour and

[00:42:45] like hanging off the side of buildings with GoPros and shit. Yeah. That's because getting

[00:42:49] par as they're already dead. Yeah, exactly. There's nothing to risk. Yeah. You can do you can do pull

[00:42:55] ups. You can do muscle ups off a ledge. There's like a Russian car accident video where a guy

[00:43:00] is just shit spins out and his child flies out of the car. I was just like picks up the kid and

[00:43:05] he's just like, he's just not just keeps going. He barely reacts to it. Yeah. That's pretty

[00:43:14] fucking I would not want to be right. You saw that video of the guy that beat Connor McGregor.

[00:43:20] The Russian. Yeah, it could be. He's not a Russian. He's like, he's like, he's like a

[00:43:25] catcher. I'm like something around there. Yeah. Of him wrestling a bear. He's three years old.

[00:43:31] He's wrestling a bear cub. It rocks. Someone tweeted it and the capture was Russian rushes the

[00:43:37] fucking get up. Yeah. No, it's a mess. I used to going a little ways back to our conversation.

[00:43:47] I used to when I when I didn't study for shit in school, I used to sleep next to the book

[00:43:52] hoping that I would absorb some you do believe in magic. I think that's what's coming out.

[00:43:57] It's a nicer life to live. It is what's a believing God especially. But I didn't believe in God.

[00:44:02] I believed in the trends mutate trends fucking suck suck of jukeosis osmosis of

[00:44:12] the books knowledge into my brain. And I can't say it didn't work. It made me feel better.

[00:44:17] You know what I mean? I mean, probably I can't say it but it gave me confidence. Yeah, but it didn't

[00:44:24] work. But who knows maybe it worked. I was reading about a family that went to some like

[00:44:29] go-kart track in Michigan. There were a vacation and then the wife her scarf got caught in the

[00:44:36] axle. Jesus Christ. Fucking this. She's just permanently in a she's like Terry Shivel now.

[00:44:42] Jesus. Off of what? A Ferris wheel off a go-kart. A go-kart? Yeah.

[00:44:49] I don't really feel like it, honey. Yeah. Oh, come on. What's the worst? It'll be fun. It'll be fun.

[00:44:55] It's for babies. Go-kart. That's what the bitch gets for wearing scarves. Yeah, that shit is so

[00:45:02] cruel. Like any time I see like a, you know, it's like this is this is uh, Galen and he's five and

[00:45:08] he's a freaking badass kid, but he's got cancer and we just need it's like, yeah, I don't care.

[00:45:14] You know, I don't care about this. I don't care about it. It doesn't seem particularly tragic

[00:45:19] to me. Maybe it's because it's ubiquitous. But a woman that like begrudgingly goes to some fucking

[00:45:24] duck and that guy probably nobody wanted to go on the go-kart. No. They're like, I guess fucking.

[00:45:28] We're on vacation. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do something. Yeah. We should all do something together

[00:45:33] so we can have and then it just rips your wife's head off. And you're like, okay, well, I guess

[00:45:38] that's our vacation to Michigan. Yeah. You ruined it. Damn. Vacation getting decapitated. Vacation.

[00:45:49] That sucks. That's one of those things where it's like in so many junctions you could have been

[00:45:55] like, let's not do this. A hundred. Yeah. Let's not fuck. Let's not do any of this. Let's not go on

[00:46:00] vacation to Michigan. No, that's first of all, that sucks dick. Let's not even look at the go-kart

[00:46:05] place. No. Let's not bring our kid to our shitty trip to Michigan. No, let's just fuck for a second.

[00:46:11] Let's put our foot down when he wants to demand doing something. Can you imagine the kid if he

[00:46:15] like threw a tantrum for that and your mom's retarded the rest of your life? Yeah. Which

[00:46:19] probably like you should have wanted. You should have agreed sooner, bitch. Yeah. These guys like

[00:46:23] that that reach out to me. They have to live with that pain. The show has really helped.

[00:46:28] No, like I killed my mom by demanding to do a go-kart. So I can really relate to when you say

[00:46:36] you're depressed since I get no, I can't relate to you at all. Jesus. No, your life is awful. I'm sorry.

[00:46:42] I'm really fucking sorry. No, I just have such a stupid brain. Yeah. No. My life's really good.

[00:46:48] My life is great. But I'm a piece of shit. I'm one of the luckiest people in the entire world.

[00:46:53] Yeah. Easily. Absolutely easily. I'm living a lottery ticket life. Yes. You have a horrible situation.

[00:47:00] I have never considered any kinds of consequences. The amount of things that have just gone my way

[00:47:05] when they should. I'm not a good guy. I don't deserve it. I'm not particularly talented. There's

[00:47:11] no justification for any of it. You were just a child that wanted to go very earnest and sincere

[00:47:19] wanting to ride a go-kart. Should not be blamed for this. On a vacation. But please. To escape

[00:47:25] your parents bickering. Your parents bickering and now your father has to live with that for the

[00:47:29] rest of his life. And you. Every time he looks at you. Come on, just one. That's what he sees.

[00:47:36] Oh my God. In his head. Just that please. Just one time. Mom, you too. It'll be fun.

[00:47:45] Mom, come on. You guys never want to do anything to get stuff with me. This would be good.

[00:47:53] Oh my God. The beeping from your mother's machines in the other room. Beep. Beep.

[00:48:02] Each breath is another dollar out of your life. Your family's life savings. Yeah. Well,

[00:48:08] they have NHS over there. I guess that's you know what? Canadian? No, I think they were British.

[00:48:13] Oh, they were British. They went to Michigan? I think so. Oh, that sucks. You know what?

[00:48:18] It's funny. It's like now I'm like reframing the story where they're like,

[00:48:21] come on. Let's ride the go-kart. What was it going to happen? These fuckers don't have health care.

[00:48:26] These feet motherfuckers. They don't have health care like we do. Go ahead. Crash into me. I got

[00:48:34] 10 million pounds worth of free band-aids back home. What the fuck is going on? Denise!

[00:48:42] You're scarf. You're British scarf. You're big, stupid, British scarf is caught up in the-

[00:48:49] Burberry scarf. And the lorry's wheels. My wife was killed by a wee lorry.

[00:48:58] What? Go ahead. No. Sorry. Please, please. I was just wondering why the fuck Brexit is still

[00:49:03] happening. Yeah. Did some other shit. That blonde motherfucker that looks stupid as shit.

[00:49:08] Boris Johnson. He got his dick turbo sucked or something? Yeah. President Onslow.

[00:49:16] He truly looks like fucking Jeff Bridges or Jeff Daniels from Dumb and Dumber.

[00:49:20] Yeah. But yeah, he got his cock rubbed. They rejected a no-deal Brexit, which is that like,

[00:49:28] the date expires and there's no deal they'll leave the EU. I believe. I read a headline.

[00:49:34] But like his boys and his own party were like, actually your dick is too tiny, Boris.

[00:49:39] Your name is Boris. Yeah. So we don't fuck with you. And you're British. That doesn't make sense.

[00:49:44] Imagine if Donald Trump's name is Boris. That would be awesome. Just all the focus on like,

[00:49:48] it's our Russian name. He's our Russian. Which is the same as like Hussein Obama.

[00:49:55] How very Russian. How very Russian of all of this. He loves Trump. They love you,

[00:50:02] Boris. Yeah. I mean, yeah, they're the same guy. Well, Boris doesn't. He got more pussy than

[00:50:08] Muslims. Yeah, he does. No, he doesn't. Boris is four Muslims. Yeah, he's like chill with Muslims.

[00:50:14] Really? Or so he said. He seems like he wouldn't be. No, no, no. I just want to move the Latin America.

[00:50:20] Yeah. I'm like, I do well. Oh, big. You got to go to a mountain though, because of global warming.

[00:50:25] Yeah. Get some head on Machu Picchu. Move the Chile. Yes. Yeah. Fish and village. Yeah.

[00:50:31] Yeah. Move to Patagonia. Yeah. I moved REI. Yeah. Scale the wall. Yeah, I'm living at the sports

[00:50:39] authority now. It's a nice life. They haven't found me. I've been living in the sports authority for

[00:50:45] I'm living rent free. Yeah. At the sports authority. I'm living rent free in your ass.

[00:50:52] You're I'm living rent free in your ass. This.

[00:50:54] This. Oh, fuck. I would have loved to live in the sports authority, man. Yeah. I just love going

[00:51:03] there. Of course. Yeah. Sports. Yeah. Your rule best. Wait, Adam, you said you liked it. I loved it. I

[00:51:08] actually didn't. Yeah, it was gay. Yeah. Well, I still loved it. Yeah, I bet you did. Yeah.

[00:51:17] Now that I think about it, I'm remembering the gay kid. He had his birthday. He's like, I can't

[00:51:24] wait to go to the sports authority. Well, that's brave of him to be an out gay kid, you know? Yeah.

[00:51:29] Yeah. Probably had it hard. Oh, he had it hard. All right. Well, you had to go that way because you

[00:51:34] killed his mom in a go-karting accident. Jesus Christ. And I'm thinking about that. Yeah. I was

[00:51:39] just I was thinking about like amusement park deaths the other day. That shit's brutal. Yeah,

[00:51:44] that's how I came across that story. You live a whole miserable life and that's how you go out.

[00:51:49] Dude sucks. Dude. And I remember being wait, wasn't that guy Brent married? Yeah, I thought he was

[00:51:56] doing pretty well. What happened? Oh, his wife's head got kicked off by somebody on the mind eraser.

[00:52:02] And yeah, he just couldn't hold it together, drank himself out of the job. Kids got taken

[00:52:07] away by the state. They're probably getting molested right now. They're probably getting

[00:52:10] molested in foster care right now. Mm hmm. You know, he tried to go back to church for a while,

[00:52:15] but obviously, you know, he knows that's a lie. So the drinking just didn't really stop. Now,

[00:52:22] he kind of like goes to a meetings and tries to fuck women. He just tries to. He shows up drunk.

[00:52:28] Yeah, he gets he gets motels and goes to a meetings and then brings women from the

[00:52:32] meetings back to the motel to fall off the wagon. Makes the real up. He pretends that he's in love

[00:52:37] with them for about six hours and then ties a belt around one of the doorknobs sits down for a

[00:52:42] second realizes he's too much of a pussy to follow through with it. Just, you know, it takes a shower

[00:52:49] goes to Krispy Kreme as a coffee to him. Honestly, moving on and moving right on to the next meeting.

[00:52:59] Dude, I just want I do part of me just wants to be able to keep spiraling and

[00:53:05] but you're not having a reason to do well. You're doing well. You've been going to the gym.

[00:53:09] I know. But what I'm saying is there's something hearing even that and just a man that just gives

[00:53:15] into his addictions and yeah, it does sound kind of comforting. Like the way the way like I have

[00:53:20] an ex girlfriend that's just like a heroin addict and like, you know, we talk like occasionally

[00:53:25] and it's just like she just wants to do heroin. She loves it. Yeah, she loves the shit out of it.

[00:53:32] And it's like what's new and she's like nothing. Absolutely nothing. Yeah. And sometimes I watch

[00:53:38] Netflix, but most of the time I'm doing heroin. Yeah. And it's sleeping. It's so depressing,

[00:53:43] but it's also like get a girl. Yeah. I wish I could be a lot of people your truth. A lot of people

[00:53:51] struggle to know what they want out of life. I don't even know. Not that fucking bitch.

[00:53:57] She knows. She knows. It's the horse. It's H. Yeah.

[00:54:03] That's not true. She wants to get sober. Oh, okay. I'm sure she does. It's pretty sad.

[00:54:07] Okay. Well, then never mind. But it doesn't work.

[00:54:11] She loves her. She doesn't. So.

[00:54:19] Yeah. Yeah. Just I just I mean to not only because even like the entryway into like,

[00:54:26] you know, somebody that had their wife killed it in a museum. It's like,

[00:54:32] there's two ways you can go. You can imagine that this is somebody that had a wife that they wanted,

[00:54:36] but even worse, it's somebody that didn't really have a wife that they were. Oh, that's the former

[00:54:40] like a good enough. And then it's like, was I taking all that for granted? Of course they were

[00:54:45] tortures. That's definitely what happened. Yeah. Somebody that was settling. You hated everything,

[00:54:52] but you didn't appreciate anything. I saw I love that movie Love, Liza. That's such a good

[00:54:56] fucking. I was just thinking about it. We brought it up on the show before. Yeah. I just rewatched

[00:55:01] it. Let's love Liza. It's Philip Seymour Hoffman's wife commits suicide. The movie opens and she's

[00:55:05] already dead and he's like cleaning out the house and he can't bring himself to like read the note.

[00:55:10] He's going to work and like just trying to continue living his life, but like just being

[00:55:15] weird at the office. Yeah, of course. You know, like laughing too hard jokes or whatever and people

[00:55:19] are like, man, just go home. Yeah, of course. And then he's like cleaning the house and then he

[00:55:25] just puts like the rag in his face while he's cleaning and like knocks himself out when he just

[00:55:29] starts huffing. Then he's like getting into like huffing household products. Respect.

[00:55:33] And he starts huffing gas. Nice. And like he's buying the gas and somebody in the gas station is like,

[00:55:41] you know, like he's being weird about it because he's buying it to huff gas and the guy just assumes

[00:55:47] he's into like model airplanes. Right. You know, like RC planes. So he's like, Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah,

[00:55:53] that's what it's for. Yeah. And so he's like, well, you got their own gas, you know, and he gives them.

[00:56:00] And then he gets into model airplanes and then he's just becoming like a mental retard.

[00:56:06] And going to like RC plane events. Yeah, it's really depressing. Yeah. It's a dark one leaving

[00:56:14] Las Vegas because it's like such a depressing movie. And you think like it's like, Oh, it's like

[00:56:18] maudlin bullshit is like just written by some kind of like try hard or whatever, you know, somebody

[00:56:23] that's like, what's the darkest movie? Right. But that guy, Jonah Brian who wrote it like killed

[00:56:28] himself while they were like making. Yeah, like I mean, like you're consulting. He's like, yeah,

[00:56:33] I guess that looks fine. Like he's being made into an awesome movie. Nicholas Gage and Elizabeth.

[00:56:41] Yeah. And they're like, and that's a wrap. Everybody's like, all right, I'm gonna go to

[00:56:45] his alcoholic. I'm gonna go back to my hotel. Yeah. Yeah. John O'Brien. Yeah. Damn. Yeah,

[00:56:51] it's about Nicholas K just trying to drink himself to death. Yeah. I'm a prickly pair. Yeah.

[00:56:56] Yeah. You need to get the fuck out. You and your little slut friend. I love that shit.

[00:57:03] Who directed that bad boy? I don't remember. That's not no leaving Arizona's the one that's

[00:57:09] raising Arizona leaving Arizona. I love that. There is in two movies, but leave it.

[00:57:18] Just both leaving place saying saying who directed leaving Las Vegas. There's now a hundred thousand

[00:57:23] people sitting listening to this. Shouting. You fucking asshole. Who was at Spielberg? I don't know.

[00:57:31] Yeah, it was Steven Spielberg. It was between Goonies and Schindler's. No, because the other guys,

[00:57:37] the brothers directed Arizona, right? The Coen brothers? Mike Figgis. Mike who? Mike Figgis.

[00:57:46] Wait, did Spielberg direct the Goonies or no, that was John Fuckley. He produced it, I think,

[00:57:53] whatever. Who cares? Yeah, Mike Figgis, who did internal affairs.

[00:58:02] Made a bunch of shitty movies. Yeah, I've never heard of that name. So internal affairs was just

[00:58:06] a movie that was on pay per view. Didn't we just talk about? Isn't that the one that's...

[00:58:11] We talked about infernal affairs, maybe, which is what the false... No, it's the

[00:58:18] based, the departed one. It was a... What's up, Cold Creek Manor, he also directed, which I saw in

[00:58:24] theaters. What's up with the whole thing where you just kind of steal, it's got Steven, it's got

[00:58:28] Steven Doref in it. Well, you can, if it's a foreign language film, you know, that's fucked up.

[00:58:34] Why? I mean, if you... I guess it's... Tarantino, I found out. Did you ever see the American one boy? No,

[00:58:42] of course not. Yeah, I never saw it on the internet. I bet he doesn't even fuck his daughter in that

[00:58:46] one, because it's Will Smith, isn't it? But is it, it's the same director? John Wu. Yes, it's John Wu.

[00:58:54] I just watched Hard Boiled two weeks ago. Yeah, I was like a dumb bitch going through a

[00:58:58] blockbuster, and like she picks up like face off or whatever. And she's like, John Wu. Oh my god,

[00:59:06] this is for us. There's a director named John Wu. I bet this is, I bet this is about just bitches.

[00:59:15] Just being sloshed with your friend. Getting trash. Having rosé and getting

[00:59:20] calm in your pussy. Just getting trashed. It's so funny that like, you know, there's like,

[00:59:30] you know, the, I don't know what the in-cell community or the guys get mad at like those kinds of

[00:59:37] women or whatever, you know, they're not being like traditional, but it's like, no, there is no

[00:59:44] good option. Right. You know, also you're not traditional. You don't fuck it all. You don't have a job.

[00:59:48] I know. You're weak as shit. You don't do anything. And if you had the option, you would fuck as

[00:59:52] much as those people do. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So it's what you want is someone that's as

[00:59:57] bitter as you. Right. It's the yang and the yang, brother. And you got, you're on the wrong side of

[01:00:02] that one. Yeah. If you were an ugly, wooing ass bitch, you would be getting your pussy filled.

[01:00:07] And honestly, you know what, it does seem kind of unfair to take mass shootings away from those

[01:00:11] guys. I'm going to disagree with that. It's their culture. It's their culture.

[01:00:15] So I can't do, I can't beat for Halloween. Yeah. Because it's their culture and in so.

[01:00:21] It's not a costume. It's not a costume. Right. Damn. I, um, yeah, like I said, I think we should

[01:00:30] get them some pussy. There's not going to be anything that happens. It's just going to continue to be

[01:00:33] mass shootings just constant. Yeah. I mean, Sandy Hook happened and they killed babies. Yeah, I

[01:00:38] don't care. It's, it's, I mean, it's fucked up, but it is kind of funny. Yeah, it's absurd. It's like,

[01:00:43] oh, I guess what this is just, it's just there's never going to be. We're just this fucked.

[01:00:48] Oh, well, I mean, Sandy Hook was crazy, but the one that was like, I mean, fucking Stephen

[01:00:53] Patek was the one where it's yeah, that one. It's just mowed down people. Like that was a what you

[01:01:00] do on Grand Theft Auto. You get high. You get the the boat, the most illegal gun with cheat codes,

[01:01:07] 600 people. Fucking wild. I mean, that's like insane. Yeah. And they're like, well, it's in the

[01:01:14] Constitution. Didn't one just happen? Yeah. In Texas. Beto said fuck again. Yeah. Beto. I love

[01:01:20] when he says, guys, Beto, Beto had to try out some cuss words with his weird marionette arms.

[01:01:27] Yeah. What a fucking idiot. He's a piece of shit. His dig really shrank, dude. He used to be fat and

[01:01:32] juicy for one minute. Only because he was running against Ted Cruz. Yeah, but he could have just

[01:01:38] run against that other fucking Texas idiot. Yeah. Corn and luckily. Corn and John Cornyn.

[01:01:45] John Cornyn. Is that who it is? I didn't go see Hobbs and Shaw. I heard it was bad. I didn't,

[01:01:50] you know what? You know what I do? You'll see it on a plane. You know what? It is an issue. I think

[01:01:56] legitimately, yes, back at the last couple of years. And like now it's weird that it finally

[01:02:01] started to click. It's like, I don't think moving to Brooklyn was good for me. Mm. I think Manhattan

[01:02:05] was great. Go back. I hate Brooklyn, dude. Brooklyn sucks because I used to go to the, I would go to

[01:02:10] the, I would have nothing to do. So it's like, Oh, I'll go get dim sum. Yeah. I would sit in

[01:02:14] Chinatown and walk around. We used to get that dim sum place all the time. I'm reading a

[01:02:17] New Chinese restaurant and then maybe like I wouldn't do. There's like four fucking movie

[01:02:22] theaters right around the corner. Mm hmm. I would just walk there. And now it's like going to movies.

[01:02:25] Like, you know, it's almost like living a suburban existence, but fucking Manhattan is right there.

[01:02:30] Yeah. You get that. Yeah. You're, you're isolated like the suburbs, but you don't have a fucking big

[01:02:34] yard. Yeah. You know, and like, Oh, that is true. You don't have a good shit. Yeah. I could have a

[01:02:39] fucking above ground pool. I could be drinking in that thing. I think we know the solution, man.

[01:02:44] Yeah. Either the suburbs are back to man. Back to drinking. Yeah. I was going to say,

[01:02:49] stay here, but get drunk. I've been having dreams about it. About what going on? Drinking.

[01:02:54] Yeah. Drinking. Yeah. No, I remember. I had a dream. This is a fucking stupid. I am, but like,

[01:03:00] I had a dream. I was at some party or whatever. And there was a solo cup filled with like, you

[01:03:06] know, beer clearly. And I would like out loud. I was like, I'm so thirsty. I need some water.

[01:03:12] And then I drank as much of the beers. I could as fast. I can. I'm like, Oh, that's this is beer.

[01:03:18] Like in the dream, it's like I accidentally like, no one just in the dream being like,

[01:03:25] Oh, I accidentally drank an entire cup of that was that was you to yourself, dude. Right.

[01:03:30] That was just you slowly sneaking in my subconscious. Like, come on, dude. Yeah.

[01:03:37] Enough of this. I need water. I'm thirsty.

[01:03:39] Yeah. Go back to Manhattan, dude. Yeah, maybe. Why not? Because it's like,

[01:03:48] you're all set up here. I'm set up. I need to figure out the future. Yeah. Like financial

[01:03:53] shit. I got you. I need to have where would you move in Manhattan back to Chinatown? Yeah,

[01:03:57] well, I'm mad at you. Yeah, for sure. I would move there. Yeah. Try back. It would be cool. I mean,

[01:04:02] if I had tried back if you got money, $15 million. Yeah, I'd get a fucking place and try back.

[01:04:06] West Village is really nice. West Village, I don't it's too like a little noisy. Yeah,

[01:04:10] it's like too much of a no, not that area. Like, oh, the other cool.

[01:04:14] The West. Yeah. With the gay guys on the other side of each other. On the other side of like,

[01:04:19] IFC, you know, like, oh, over there. Yeah. No, that's still just moved to Tribeca.

[01:04:25] Just go a little bit south here in Tribeca. You got the Dunkin Donuts.

[01:04:30] Dwayne Reed. Yeah. Rub and shoulders. That's where it's from, dude. It's from Tribeca.

[01:04:34] Charlie's. Dwayne Reed Street in Tribeca. Yeah. That's where it all started, baby.

[01:04:40] Damn. What about Tri-Pussy? I would love to try. Tri-Pussy for a change.

[01:04:48] Tri-Pussy? Tri-Poo-Cha. Tri-Poo-Cha. Yeah, the Tri-Poo-Cha neighborhood is named after

[01:04:54] trying Pussy for a change because it was all gay guys. Well, I didn't know that.

[01:04:58] And there was a guy that came down here and was like, why don't you follow his Tri-Pussy for a change?

[01:05:01] And then, did I Poo-Cha? And that became the name of the neighbor. I love that.

[01:05:10] Fuck, dude. Damn. Does De Niro live in Tribeca? Yeah. That's where his film festival is.

[01:05:16] Yeah. He gets paid $100,000 to go to NYU at graduation and be like, fuck Donald Trump.

[01:05:23] Whoa, Bobby. Donald Trump is a fuck who's crap. He's a crap fuck. He's a crap fuck. He's a crap

[01:05:34] fuck who fucks his own poop. Robert De Niro destroys Donald Trump. He destroyed the president.

[01:05:45] Dude. I got a fucking shit. I'm starving, dude. My dad's gonna kill himself. No.

[01:05:53] It's in the DNA, dude. That's all right. I just got like 45 texts from him at once.

[01:05:58] And it's cool he texts. Well, he usually doesn't. My dad still says dad at the end of his text.

[01:06:06] Like, I don't know who it's coming from. My dad didn't have like a, I went and got him an iPhone

[01:06:10] like a year ago or something. And he's like took the texting fairly. My mom did too. But you can't,

[01:06:15] I mean, you'll text him and he won't text you back for like three and a half weeks. Yeah.

[01:06:18] Yeah. And I'll be like, sorry, can't talk right now.

[01:06:29] Sorry, my dick is small, brother. I feel like I got a hot mud pie type of shit coming out.

[01:06:35] You know those? The mud pies. Well, it's warm and it's like

[01:06:44] it's not a solid. It's a little solid. It's not diarrhea. Oh, I had I had straight

[01:06:51] diarrhea for like a week, bro. After I got food poisoning from Oakland,

[01:06:56] from a whole food in Oakland. I was gonna get Chinese food.

[01:06:59] I was gonna get Chinese food. And I was like, no, do the healthy thing.

[01:07:05] Ritistry chicken poisoning. Ritistry chicken in a salad. Remember that gay guy that tried to

[01:07:11] frame whole foods for homophobia? That was awesome. It would have moved. It makes no sense.

[01:07:16] What was it? He like made a game. I thought that was that made a homophobic cake, right?

[01:07:20] Free cursor to Jesse Smallwood. Yes. We're saying that they wrote fuck a gaze or something.

[01:07:25] It was like no gaze allowed on your birthday cake. Like imagine being the cake decorator

[01:07:31] at Whole Foods and being like, this is my shot. This is where I let them also why would it?

[01:07:36] Yeah, it's not going to be Whole Foods, man. I'm going to ruin this gay birthday.

[01:07:42] Yeah, no, because they all that shit about the bakeries had been in the news. So some gay guy,

[01:07:47] like like that just goes to show how fucking lazy he was.

[01:07:50] Well, foods, whole foods immediately like not only produce security camera footage,

[01:07:54] but like zoomed in on the cake. Yeah, yeah, that was a great one.

[01:08:01] I respect that guy, but he really should have tried harder. Yeah.

[01:08:04] When's Jesse going to have his comeback? Any day now, dude.

[01:08:08] He just that role needs to come across his debt.

[01:08:10] Should talk about how like he should just like be like Dave Chappelle and he's

[01:08:14] keep his name out of his mouth. And then the the did Chappelle do a bit about him?

[01:08:19] Yeah, I didn't see the whole thing. The new special. It's funny.

[01:08:22] It's good. Shut was watching it. The only part that I got was the only part I saw was

[01:08:29] he was saying he was saying a gay slur followed by the N word in an African voice.

[01:08:36] Well, that's that's that's. And that was from the room. That's funny and I'm gay.

[01:08:43] I'm laughing at it. I'm laughing. I'm laughing. I'm gay and I'm Obama. I'm Barack Obama.

[01:08:48] And I'm gay and I'm right. When I'm drawing shut, but I'm gay. I'm gay and I am right.

[01:08:57] The door is closed. I don't know what this Jesse Smaller was thinking.

[01:09:06] Everyone knew he was lying. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. That's funny. It's funny to me. And I'm

[01:09:14] gay. I'm gay. And my health care is going to be fucking bullshit. We're calling it gay care.

[01:09:23] We're calling it gay care. We will be we will be place to put your gay friend

[01:09:28] during the day. Well, my roommate's gay. So we have to pay for gay care. Gay care center. Yeah.

[01:09:33] They knew gay care center. Oh, I love gay. This gay guy's playing with plots next to each other.

[01:09:38] Yeah. Fingers played out. I made a necklace. It's made out of macaroni.

[01:09:47] Wow. Those plots are really beautiful. Shut up. Where are you? Gay care? I'm at gay care center.

[01:09:52] What are you looking at? The wall of the gay care center. Look out the window. It's really nice.

[01:09:56] So I've looked. My neck hurts. Yeah. You're neck sleeping on planes and shit. Oh, yeah.

[01:10:00] You've been traveling too much. Are you out of town listening? No, you're here.

[01:10:03] This weekend I'm here and then Monday I leave for Greece. Wow, I'm jealous, dude.

[01:10:08] I can't wait to get my little nuts tanned on the Greek Isles. Yeah. Wow. That sounds really nice.

[01:10:13] I gotta be in Toronto next week. Toronto. I like Toronto, man. I'm going to go to Atlantic City at the end of the month.

[01:10:21] Oh, yeah. I'm going to. Yeah. Why? It's a it's a it's a invite only event. Invital.

[01:10:26] Yeah. Atlantic City. Yeah. A friend of ours. You got a party bus. Nice, damn. Yeah. Did you get that?

[01:10:34] Did you get that detail too that there's a bus that's been running? Yeah, I told him last night to invite you and he's like, oh, yeah. Nick was.

[01:10:39] What the fuck is this? So I thought I think you might be in Greece. Yeah. The fuck kind of invite you.

[01:10:45] Who I need to know about this though. Yeah. Oh, it's uh, it's it's Matt's birthday.

[01:10:50] Nice. Matt's birthday. I don't think he wants people knowing.

[01:10:53] We can cut that because we're going to get a bunch of people come. Everyone's going to show up. Yeah, that is true.

[01:10:58] You got everyone from the Reddit. Yeah. They're all going to show up to Atlantic City and ruin the party bus.

[01:11:03] Oh, fuck dude. Is it a party bus that's rented or a regular bus? I don't I don't know if it's I hope it's a John Madden bus.

[01:11:13] That'll be awesome.

[01:11:14] Nick, you gotta take to the gambling in two days. I hope they I hope they bury John Madden in that bus.

[01:11:23] He's burping on it. Is he dead? No, he's kicking. He's kicking. Pat Sumerals dead. Thank God.

[01:11:29] He fucking drank himself to death. Really? I think so. We're a great way to go.

[01:11:35] John Madden dead. You know who she get on the pod? Frank Kelly in though. Yeah. Yeah, he could do all all all his force.

[01:11:43] He just starts doing a voice and I'm like, wait, wait, shut up. And then I just do it worse.

[01:11:47] Yeah. I wrote him and do a shit of your version. Like, ha ha. And then I just talk over.

[01:11:54] I would love to do that. Yeah. Yeah. That is. He's a guy who he's doing an impression of.

[01:12:00] I'm like, yeah, no, I know that guy. Yeah. Yeah. No, he is 83 years old. Yeah. Ernie Chambers. I know who he is.

[01:12:07] Yeah. We all know big earned change. We know we know who he is.

[01:12:10] Yeah. We all know we've all heard of Ernie Chambers. We can all do an impression of him.

[01:12:15] Yeah. Not that impressive. Yeah. Not one of your best ones, Frank. Frank, could you shut up?

[01:12:21] Quit hot doging. Calliendo. Yeah. Show and all. Start suck. Dogging. This dick.

[01:12:28] Boom. Just like Frank Calli gendo. He's over here. Turn it into a girl. Yeah.

[01:12:34] Yeah. Frank Galliendo. Mm hmm. Gao. Frank Galli gendo. Frank Galli gendo.

[01:12:41] Genda genda. Thanks for being a gal. You gender. Oh my god. He looks horrible. Who Frank Calliendo?

[01:12:48] No, John Mann. Oh, well, he used to be so hot. He's so fucking ugly. When we were kids, he was so young

[01:12:55] and hot. I mean, you kind of looked like that before. Yeah. That extra fucking droop. That's

[01:13:01] going to be a nice thing about dying down early. Yeah. People at a certain point just look like a

[01:13:06] balloon that's been left around the brain. That guy. Just shriveled. Yeah. Deflated. I'm going to get

[01:13:12] so much plastic surgery if I get that old. Yeah. No, just get fatter and fill out. That's true.

[01:13:17] That's what I will do. That's what a lot of people, you know, they think that they're like,

[01:13:21] wow, what happened to Marlon Brando? And it's like he kept his skin. He wanted to keep, he didn't want

[01:13:26] wrinkles. Yeah, he didn't find a single wrinkle on that man. He knew what he was doing. That is how

[01:13:34] I'm going to go out. We were very similar. We were beautiful in our youth. Yeah. Getting a little

[01:13:40] fatter in our thirties and getting much better. I remember stop during a street car named his

[01:13:47] I remember how hot I was when I was 23. Dude, your shirt just constantly dripping wet.

[01:13:52] A street car named Desiree. There you go. Stand. How you doing?

[01:14:01] Nick, you want to get dinner after this? No, I'm going to go to the gym. Just got to get

[01:14:04] fucking to go to the gym. Oh, I always have to go to the gym. You're right. You never go in the

[01:14:09] mornings? I always want to. And then I start thinking that's why that's why it's great to go.

[01:14:15] It stops the thing. It's true. And I know this. Yeah. Don't do it. Yeah. Yeah. You go in the morning,

[01:14:21] yourself. I go in the mornings and I do yoga afterwards. I end up calling a customer service

[01:14:26] department. Getting mad. That's always something. Vacuum is broken now. So you have to call John

[01:14:34] Dyson. It's not worth it, bro. You're rich. Throw the vacuum away buying you one. You're out of your

[01:14:38] mind. You're out of your mind. It's a warranty. It's lifetime. No, it's how you become not rich.

[01:14:43] He's doing shit like that. It's not worth it for your happiness, brother. Yeah.

[01:14:47] Yeah. Except you like it. Yeah. You like the eternal battle. Your sisyphus, your s

[01:15:06] a man who has been exiled from his village and to get revenge on them, he's he's gathered up all

[01:15:19] the shits for years and he's made a giant turd ball that he's rolling to the top of the mountain to

[01:15:19] let roll down on the village to destroy it. But he gets to the top of the mountain and he has to

[01:15:25] shit. So he has to go back down to add more shit to the ball. So every time every time he gets up

[01:15:31] to the top of the mountain, he's like, Oh, fuck, I got a shit again. It's like, well, I can make

[01:15:36] this ball even bigger and then eventually he just dies. Whoa. Yeah. Because there's nothing in his

[01:15:42] system. And the myth of sisyphus is that it's not about that. That's what that's what the myth is.

[01:15:47] That's what the Camus, but the story, the true story. Yes. Camus, unlike. Oh, he wrote a book called

[01:15:54] the myth. That's right. Yeah. What was the stranger about? It's about a guy who was hot on the beach and

[01:16:01] he kills just he kills a Muslim or something. He's hot. And it's too spicy. It's too hot.

[01:16:07] Too spicy on the beach. The kabob he sent he sold him was too spicy. You're reading any Thomas

[01:16:13] mom doesn't get pussy in that book. No, I know that you love that book. Holy mountain magic mountain.

[01:16:18] Magic mountain. Holy mountain is the movie. Yeah. But there's a collection of death and

[01:16:22] Venice and other stories. And I think it's death in Venice where Thomas mom was like probably a

[01:16:27] pedophile and probably had sex with his own son. Oh, yeah. No German. Yeah. No. Yeah.

[01:16:38] That sucks. I'm pretty sure I just got those vibes from yeah. Yeah. Something I read from

[01:16:42] reading his books. You got those. Yeah, you get a weird vibe because in magic mountain, there's

[01:16:47] I mean, the whole thing's like a fucking allegory for like,

[01:16:50] like certain like pre World War one, like European or like continental ideologies, I guess.

[01:16:59] So it's all symbolic, but there's a French woman that represents like the mystique of like

[01:17:08] Asiatic ideals because she's like kind of Chinese looking. But when he initially describes her,

[01:17:14] he calls her the fucking like the like the Kazakh or something. I can't. Now it's been a long

[01:17:21] time since I've read the books. I can't remember what it is, but he always relates her to a boy.

[01:17:25] He had a crush on. Oh, no. Young. Well, that's well, so it's so he is gay. Thomas Mon is probably

[01:17:33] a closet homosexual, but gay in the way he writes about boys the way fucking the protagonist of

[01:17:39] Lolita talks about like girls like this innocent love he had for another boy to reclaim your eyes

[01:17:44] a boy. Yeah. Yeah. Probably a pedophile. Damn. So he he wants to fuck boys so much that the only

[01:17:54] women he wants to fuck remind him of boys. Well, I don't know because I don't think I've ever

[01:18:00] fucked a woman that reminds me of a boy. I have magic mountain somewhere. I can probably have

[01:18:04] you Adam. No, they've seen a couple girls that you fuck. They remind me of a boy.

[01:18:10] Their names are Jan Janice. Oh, I didn't give away my copy of magic mountain. That would upset me.

[01:18:18] To who? I don't know. Probably some dumb bitch. I mean, that's who you give books to. That is

[01:18:24] your yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Check this out. Oh, yeah. I got I read these. I have some pussy, please.

[01:18:29] Yeah. Give me some. I would like to cash in my pussy ticket. It's like a chuggy cheese. Yeah.

[01:18:37] Just a bunch of losers standing in line with like eight books. I would like to cash in my pussy ticket.

[01:18:45] Oh, I can only get a spider ring for reading fucking reading Hemingway only gets me a fucking

[01:18:52] slap bracelet. Well, how about four of these books by black women? Yeah. That gives me that

[01:19:00] gives me triple pussy. Oh, yeah. You give him give him some some Marquez and you're getting a top

[01:19:05] shelf pussy. Give it 20 a 20 year old a copy of love in the time of color. Yeah. Yeah. You

[01:19:13] line yourself up with some primo, Vigino. Absolutely. You can say that one again, brother. Yeah,

[01:19:20] primo, Vigino. Primo, Vigino. Oh, I thought you met that idiot. Like, no, I mean, I'm pleased.

[01:19:25] You wanted me to say it again? I did. Okay. I meant it both figuratively and literally.

[01:19:30] I love referring to books as pussy tickets.

[01:19:36] I would like to cash in a pussy, please. Yeah.

[01:19:41] And then you know what? I was I want to make a shirt and it's got John Waters on it and it says

[01:19:45] if someone reads books, you have to fuck them. Yeah. If a man gives you a book, if a man gives

[01:19:52] you a book, you've got some fucking bitch, you stupid bitch, John Waters, John Waters,

[01:19:58] and just a different gay guy with a mustache. This is a picture. Steve Buscemi.

[01:20:05] The bottle shop. That's Steve Buscemi and Miller's. Oh, yeah.

[01:20:09] Yeah. In the tuxedo. Yeah. That's so funny. Yeah, if he had you some pussy tickets, you got a

[01:20:16] fucker. Jesus fucking Christ. I'm just saying you got to suck the guys fucking dick. Is that such

[01:20:20] a fucking big deal? Would it kill you to suck his fucking dick? Would it be the worst thing in the

[01:20:26] world? Would it be the worst fucking thing in the world? If you just suck the guys fucking dick?

[01:20:30] Who can play that game, pal? Fuck me, man. Yeah. Well, I think I have to shit. Yeah.

[01:20:43] There's no funny moms tomorrow. There's no funny moms tomorrow. Nothing funny about life anymore.

[01:20:49] Nothing good or funny about life. What do they call it? A hell world? This freaking hell world.

[01:20:57] I'm just going to meditate on that family whose mom got their next snapped by a go-kart.

[01:21:03] That's good, man. Until I fall asleep. That's a good idea. Yeah.

[01:21:09] I mean, it does make me feel not better, but at least like, well, you know, it's like, well,

[01:21:15] I guess it could be that. I could. Yeah. I guess I could have loved the woman and her

[01:21:20] be taken away from me, potentially, instead of just not having the capacity to love.

[01:21:26] Well, not even that. But in sort of like a in like a Solomon way where it's like,

[01:21:33] I've acquired all this wisdom and I've done all these things and I still don't feel anything,

[01:21:37] but it's like, I haven't acquired anything. Yeah. I've spoiled myself with pedestrian luxuries.

[01:21:44] That's all it takes. What happened? What did Solomon? Didn't he? He did some shit.

[01:21:49] He was like the king of the baby. Yeah. I know that everyone knows that, Adam.

[01:21:53] He was David's son. Oh, he was David's son. Yeah. Did he have Israel? Well, King David is the

[01:22:02] highly Solasii is the director, Senate of King David. I didn't know that. Yeah, King of Zion.

[01:22:08] That's where he's the king of Zion. The Lion of Ethiopia. The Lion of

[01:22:12] Zion. That's a good song. Iron Lion of Zion. Iron Lion of Zion.

[01:22:17] I mean, brother. That's just lion. Lion. Zion. Yeah. And I'm isn't it like I'm flying like the

[01:22:24] iron line and make that up? I don't know. And I'm sucking and I'm pee. P drinking.

[01:22:35] No funny moms. See me in Philly on the 21st. See me in Fort Wayne, Indy and Louisville on the 27th,

[01:22:42] 28th, 29th. We got fucking some weird show in Medford and New Jersey coming up. We got Kalamazoo,

[01:22:51] Michigan, then Detroit. Damn, you booked all these? Yeah. Damn. That's a lineup.

[01:22:56] Yeah. What's the space in between the two? Huh? What's how much time do you have in between?

[01:23:01] The first two were in September and then Kalamazoo to Detroit is only three hours. So that's one

[01:23:07] weekend. Okay. And then Medford is just a one offs that I can drive to from home. I'm trying to

[01:23:13] take a little time off on October to like work on some other projects and shit, like just write

[01:23:17] some scripts and shit. Yeah. And then I see I miss that. I miss the feeling of being on the road.

[01:23:24] Anytime I do it, it's fine. Like going and doing that show in Chicago was great. Yeah.

[01:23:27] But then as soon as I'm back in the hotel room, it's like, oh yeah. Once it was once you're in the

[01:23:32] hotel, it's better now that I fucking like when you were when I was single, and if I didn't fuck,

[01:23:39] I can't imagine even if I were single that I would like derive any kind of pleasure from being like,

[01:23:44] all right, let me fuck. No, but it's because the reason it's awesome is because you know,

[01:23:48] you don't have that going the night. It's just a way to extend the night and not be alone with

[01:23:54] your thoughts. Because then when your hotels are so horny, when you're when you're just like,

[01:23:58] you don't have to go home to the hotel. It's just like, oh, I'm going to worry about fucking now.

[01:24:02] And then you fuck. And then by the time you, you know, you're groggy, you're fucked up,

[01:24:07] you spent all night trying to fuck, you have fuck, you wake up hungover, you take an edible,

[01:24:11] you eat chocolate covered pretzels on the plane. Damn, I missed doing that shit.

[01:24:16] That's so much better than doing yoga. Being on the road fucking rules. Yeah.

[01:24:20] I had fun this weekend, man. Yeah.

[01:24:22] It's also going to be nice. It'd be bringing a feature that is like somebody that your boys

[01:24:27] were like, yeah, Jamel came down to San Diego with me and we like drove back up after.

[01:24:31] I think that's true. But also, especially when I like, I'm trying to book these, I did this run

[01:24:36] that was like, like rant, like Lancaster on the way to Pittsburgh and then Buffalo and then

[01:24:44] some other town and fucking whatever. Basically, it was four days. Yeah. Cities that were three

[01:24:50] hours apart. All in my car, there was something nice about being totally alone, something like

[01:24:55] meditative about that shit. We were just like on the road, on the road, working on your act,

[01:24:59] like a motherfucker, you know, doing long sets. Yeah. Doing long sets with the long ass little

[01:25:05] pole. That's what my dick is. But anyway, go to stavi.biz slash tour. I'll have more dates up

[01:25:13] there. I'm trying to figure out Houston, New Orleans. I want to go to Austin. I want to go to Denver.

[01:25:19] I'm trying to figure Atlanta. I'm trying to get some shit popping.

[01:25:22] I'm going to do Galway. Somebody booked me in Galway. What's Galway?

[01:25:26] Yeah, book Nick in Ireland. The motherfucker needs to go back to the motherland, dude. Yeah.

[01:25:30] Eat some potatoes fresh off the farm. He's to go back to Wakanda.

[01:25:33] McHonda. He needs to go to drop kick Murphy's Wakanda. They should make a Boston McHonda.

[01:25:40] Or Mark Wahlberg. He goes to Ireland. Yeah.

[01:25:43] Are you saying that there's an Irish Africa? Yeah, that's where Irish food, they come from Ireland.

[01:25:54] Mm hmm. Like they don't come from Boston. I'm from, first of all, I'm from Dorchester.

[01:26:01] Oh, fuck. You fucking Vietnamese piece of shit. The origin story.

[01:26:07] Just Vietnamese guy trying to tell that I know.

[01:26:09] I'm like, is this? Yeah, fuck that. I'm fucking Dorchester.

[01:26:13] Yeah. All right, bros. We'll talk to you soon. Bye. It's been real.