Cum Town | Premium | 09/30/2019
[00:00:00] well how's it sound? very good check triple double check oh you're loud that
[00:00:09] cough was loud turn me down turn the motherfucker down right where he should
[00:00:14] be well don't cough then I heard maybe I'm loud
[00:00:22] yes welcome to come town I guess we got to go to a pumpkin patch I can't fucking
[00:00:27] wait dude I've been waiting for years to get a squash we didn't do any of the
[00:00:31] promises but I mean the way this worked out because it's been teetering for
[00:00:35] months yes I feel like next month it'll go back down with the drop-offs and then
[00:00:40] come back up shut up Adam that's how it works why do you have to be negative
[00:00:44] maybe we'll stay negative it is what does it have to do with anything well can we
[00:00:49] celebrate why are you hyper focused on the money instead of the pumpkin patch
[00:00:52] yeah I'm not I'm not really just worm and you you're trying to steal the pump
[00:00:56] you got charts charts and dollar signs rolling around bro you know I don't
[00:01:00] believe in money that's the thing I always say no yeah because you would
[00:01:04] rather we go back to coins I'm thinking about how good my gold standard I'm
[00:01:08] thinking about how good my delts hook in a crew neck walking around that pumpkin
[00:01:11] patch mm-hmm just poking out a little bit some dumb bitch dragging her kid
[00:01:15] around in a radio fly you know her husband was killed in Iraq that's right
[00:01:19] that's pussy for us that's for the team that's for us that's for the hero I'm
[00:01:23] like hey we just said 50,000 there's more than one type of hero we're
[00:01:28] actually kind of podcasting veterans yeah I hope we see one of those engagement
[00:01:32] photo shoots yeah yeah I want it I want those just go up behind the man and put
[00:01:37] your own I fuck the guy yeah no I was in Iraq 50,000 veterans only
[00:01:46] patron the other ladies like wait you weren't a rock or you weren't in Iraq
[00:01:49] yeah shut up bitch I started website called veterans where for $5 a month you
[00:01:54] can sponsor a veteran and advise them all sorts of stuff like hats from the
[00:01:58] gas station sunglasses from the gas station
[00:02:03] yeah you can fill up his his truck which costs $385 to fill up every two
[00:02:13] days this four miles to the gallon yeah dude but in four years when he needs to
[00:02:19] haul something yeah cuz the the stereo system in the truck is actually powered
[00:02:24] by gas it has its own diesel engine that gas powered radio as a fuck you to Elon
[00:02:33] Musk that's right why did he didn't go over to Iraq to fight to not use as much
[00:02:38] oil as possible yeah maybe if it was a war for electricity that's right yes
[00:02:42] maybe when we declare war on the Sun right then he'll use fucking solar panels
[00:02:47] we go to war with the Muslim country that controls all the electricity but
[00:02:54] that's not the element no no and he's gonna it's a victory lap every time his
[00:02:58] fucking four raptor whatever the fuck runs out of gas his F 750 that's not
[00:03:05] cold rolling that's those fucking little children that he killed with the
[00:03:09] the blunt end of his gun when he ran out of bullets and he smashed their head
[00:03:14] open with and just looked at their brains and for a second he was like wow
[00:03:18] that's probably what my kids brains are like but then he snapped out of it and
[00:03:21] kept shooting children and women that's what that's what he fucking that's what
[00:03:26] that gas mileage is for it's for him to fire when you're on the cans because I
[00:03:31] can hear myself I'm so disorienting I'm self-conscious now it's gonna it's gonna
[00:03:36] ruin I like wearing them because it makes it easier to do impressions oh cuz you
[00:03:41] can listen back yeah you should actually put the mic closer to your mouth me yeah
[00:03:47] hmm yeah I don't wear am I my one listen man don't you dare I'm the motherfucker
[00:03:52] on the cans no I mean don't you fucking is that better yeah do I sound better
[00:03:56] now you actually literally do I had this down to I would say a science you
[00:04:02] absolutely never have had any sound thing down to
[00:04:05] I don't think we've ever had good there has been one episode where this
[00:04:10] sound was right there was one or two there was one time where I came and just
[00:04:14] hired somebody to do it oh nice and fix it and then everyone was like just
[00:04:18] sounds like shit no is validated because I'd rather I don't want it to be good
[00:04:23] yes I want it to be bad if someone else does it all yeah yeah yeah and that's
[00:04:26] why I'm a socialist mm-hmm absolutely yeah that's that's my economic theory
[00:04:30] is that I don't want things to be better for anybody yeah you spitefully want
[00:04:35] everything to be worse yeah yeah I want a tattle on people I love to tattle yeah
[00:04:40] I got a I'm sexually attracted to the my little pony tattle tale mmm it was
[00:04:47] there one no I feel like all my little ponies are
[00:04:52] speeches where have you been tattle tale I went to the reporting kingdom the
[00:04:56] tell on people I had to go that we're minding their own they had to go tell
[00:05:01] the king that I think I heard someone say a slur I wish I knew the plot of my
[00:05:07] little I know is there a plot I thought it's just dolls they know yeah it's a
[00:05:11] TV show yeah they're really they're really sexy yeah there's a TV show on the
[00:05:17] oh like the way they made the dolls from the TV show no it's the other way the
[00:05:21] way the carol was a television show the show back and they made the
[00:05:25] dog autistic guys got really into it autistic boys in the early 90s wanted to
[00:05:30] fuck the dolls that they saw the girls playing with I thought that's how
[00:05:33] they did this repressed sexual urge that they wanted to play with these ponies
[00:05:36] that realized itself later in life hmm then when the show was reborn it like
[00:05:43] they're like oh well it's on TV again I guess it's for adults of course I guess
[00:05:46] there's something is on TV well there's actually a lot of jokes for adults
[00:05:49] there's a lot of there's a lot of jokes for adults in there like they do the
[00:05:53] joke about wanting to fuck the ponies that would be I would watch that yeah yeah
[00:05:57] if the show was just if it's like the first like four minutes or just these
[00:06:00] like innocent little horses and then just a guy burst in and flux them all
[00:06:05] yeah I would watch that yeah the jokes for the adults are the people witnessing
[00:06:09] all the things you're drawing online yeah the jokes for adults is your culture
[00:06:15] that's you're not it up yeah you are just laughing at you and you're right that's
[00:06:19] that's the humor for adults in my own now are my little pony guy a brownie
[00:06:25] steven universe actually a lot of jokes for adults yeah now are they gay or
[00:06:31] bronie's exclusively gay or do they fuck with no they want to fuck cartoon horses
[00:06:35] I don't think they want to fuck cartoons it's like but don't they dress up as
[00:06:38] cartoons no I mean there is a cosplay element I went to Bronycon in Baltimore
[00:06:43] like a permanent state of childhood now none of them mature and then that
[00:06:47] realizes itself in certain instances with like outright baby play but a lot of
[00:06:53] led just regressive bullshit watching a children show makes me feel good and it's
[00:06:57] like it shouldn't if you're an adult you watch a child show you should be like
[00:07:00] this is good make you feel disgusted yeah go get laundry done yeah no fuck that
[00:07:08] dude I'm dropping my laundry I try to get watching I'm watching the adventures of
[00:07:12] flapjack see whereas I regress to being 15 that's right and I'll sit and I'll
[00:07:17] watch every Jean Claude Van Dammit like a like a like a grown-up man I just
[00:07:22] watch hard target yeah yeah our targets good so funny that he plays a Cajun yeah
[00:07:27] my name's Lance why do they call you that well because it's his name this
[00:07:36] chicken it is fucking why do they call you that because my mama took one that's
[00:07:42] what he says my mama took a chance oh chance but it's chance oh yeah
[00:07:47] my name's chance well why do they call you that because my mama took one it's
[00:07:54] it's okay what's your name yeah as is Cajun why do they call you that he calls
[00:08:01] him Sean's they're doing competing accents yeah Cajun accents I think Wilfrid
[00:08:07] does a little bit better well cuz he's actually trying to do like a Cajun
[00:08:09] accent where Jean Claude van Dammit is doing a Belgian a still friend yeah that
[00:08:14] doesn't make any sense yeah a lot of good kicks though yeah I want a lot of
[00:08:19] good kick is the quest which one is that the one where he's like a French oh
[00:08:24] that's lesionaire I've been having trouble speaking yeah maybe you're
[00:08:28] dying I don't know I keep saying like like doing like the WR thing and what
[00:08:32] am I storing my speech like saying wed yeah like like hard tart why I guess
[00:08:38] those are hot target hot talking something has a hard R in it oh no no no
[00:08:43] nice try but it doesn't actually that's still a soft R uh-huh well it's a hard
[00:08:50] R in comparison to the A do not try and back your way into this through
[00:08:54] linguistics I'm just trying I think I have I'm saying I think I have some kind
[00:08:57] of neurological problem and I have to say it to clear it up yeah that would be
[00:09:02] interesting yeah imagine if you got diagnosed with that how my people would
[00:09:06] say is handy recorder and I've been saying recorder will quarter yeah I'm
[00:09:09] having trouble like making hard sounds hmm maybe because you mocked the
[00:09:15] bronies in the children you know I'm gonna start talking like you go start
[00:09:19] talking like that yeah my my friends mom who used to run she's like I know
[00:09:26] Nintendo yeah yeah I know she started a Milo Pony trading card game so we went
[00:09:31] to brony cons like working in her booth damn have you ever told this story
[00:09:35] before I don't think on the pot oh really maybe I have you've mentioned this
[00:09:44] lady for sure yeah and I know her by the way let me make that clear mmm damn you
[00:09:49] don't be crazy if someone at the brony I know her in a very specific way he's
[00:09:53] making to ponies fuck is that yeah okay got you stuffed animal pony yeah and
[00:09:59] there was like boys cheering Adam in your defense I don't remember this but I
[00:10:04] don't remember anything we talk neither do I that's why I repeat things I remember
[00:10:10] everything that'd be so funny if you got a WR speech impairment it's so good it
[00:10:17] just late on said I should be allowed to say with Todd yes true if you if you
[00:10:22] talk like that if you talk like that if you talk like you know what it came
[00:10:24] from is like having to be mindful of not having my mustache go into my mouth
[00:10:28] all the time and it's like change the way I speak Wow because you like have to
[00:10:32] guard your mouth yeah yeah he was not trimming the whiskers no you won't know
[00:10:38] won't have just brush them like a child no way you'd want a big ass beard it
[00:10:52] yeah the system that's good man so we should we should you know we haven't
[00:10:59] talked about the big news the fuck Khaleesi Nancy Pelosi mmm-hmm Nancy
[00:11:04] pierogi and she's a big Russian bitch okay Polish Polish yeah you cranium they
[00:11:11] all have like virgins versions of that yeah all the foods it's like you know
[00:11:16] like Mediterranean foods all the same people are like bro if you had Israeli
[00:11:19] food it's like not if you had Lebanese food it's like Greek food yeah same same
[00:11:23] as I was just better it's different it's different it's different it's better we
[00:11:29] don't have homies we don't have home they don't have homeless you have
[00:11:31] for off no we don't have no see slight differences well I said
[00:11:36] love it yeah that's it's all the same it's all the same in all those countries
[00:11:43] are trash yes it's an interesting thing I noticed it's a Mediterranean
[00:11:48] country's all-girl trash no they're pretty nice I'm about to retire to
[00:11:53] Greece dude I want to live there forever I want to be on a little boat
[00:11:57] yeah yeah I'm about to retire to Delaware that's the Greece of America yeah I'm
[00:12:05] moving that Delaware might be the worst state to like Delaware like Alabama or
[00:12:10] some road island no Rhode Island's nice parts like Mississippi and shit like
[00:12:16] like all that shit they got fucking fucked up little shacks Mississippi's
[00:12:20] pretty there's parts of it they're pretty there's parts of fucking even
[00:12:24] Delaware that are pretty now the south is nice no man there's parts of that
[00:12:27] shit that are fucked up it's real pretty no real nice really that many also there's
[00:12:32] like yeah whatever real nice real good stuff I thought it was like overblown
[00:12:39] and then I don't remember why I was in Alabama but I was and I did not like it
[00:12:43] mm-hmm maybe it was with WAM City when we were on tour I don't remember why we
[00:12:47] drove through there you guys did some alt comedy for the good old boys I think
[00:12:51] we were driving through there but I don't remember what the fuck was going on
[00:12:55] and we got barbecue or was that with Brandon I don't fucking know dude the
[00:12:59] point is is fucking scared me and it was like a little shack and the barbecue was
[00:13:03] good but everyone was like even fatter than me and it was sticky anyone was
[00:13:08] ugly and I was a skinny boy coming out of it oh this man he fancy because you got
[00:13:14] most of his teeth we got little anorex we got Calista Flock on
[00:13:28] wait wait fish eat some boy yeah boy yeah my man coming to here looking about
[00:13:37] ten pounds they're just filling my mallet with corn syrup yes damn I do want
[00:13:44] some BBQ though yeah we should go to John Brown's smokehouse I would we should
[00:13:48] do is go upstate go to the pumpkin patch check are you coming to Matt Christmas
[00:13:52] birthday well this weekend I'm in Indianapolis yeah I'm out of time too I
[00:13:57] can't fuck I would love to go I was never supposed to go but then I'm gonna
[00:14:01] rush us on and stuff British yeah relax it all cool huh just say
[00:14:06] russia shana that's good issue she knew Russia son of russia shana russia shana
[00:14:13] d i say everyone knows I don't want to go I just not up here saying you row
[00:14:17] you know he doesn't say that he says you know he says gyros like a fucking
[00:14:22] American always said gyros this country is a black English that's right you come
[00:14:28] here and refuse you refuse to speak English refuse to say English words like
[00:14:33] gyro and russia what is that the day of atonement no it's their Halloween no
[00:14:41] that's poor that's poor oh it's there well done so thank you it's a Jewish
[00:14:47] Memorial Day oh nice and which is that's why I remember all the people that
[00:14:51] wink wink died in the Holocaust that's Yom Hasho holocaust remember wait you
[00:14:57] had to make a new one there's no way Moses knew about that one yom Hasho and
[00:15:01] russia kind of a modern David David I don't know that one King David he didn't
[00:15:07] know I can't come to work today it's a shoshana mamet did she ever show her
[00:15:14] jitties I don't like to take a peek are you attracted to her in girls and playing
[00:15:20] looking girls in a beginning episode I only watched a couple apps I think she
[00:15:24] almost shows her tits or she's getting her pussy eaten or something mm-hmm and
[00:15:27] they're bigger than you'd expect and I was really hoping to see them out she
[00:15:32] might have some big old however they never come out in that episode so I'm
[00:15:37] wondering do you ever see your titties or at least is there like a wet t-shirt
[00:15:40] situation if some kind or I can see more of the outline you know what I found
[00:15:45] out the other day that holly berry showed her tits and swordfish because they
[00:15:49] gave her an extra $500,000 are you serious yeah so you're gonna say $500
[00:15:54] I mean dude that would have been so fucking awesome they gave her 25 bucks
[00:15:58] she went down it was down in the corner there show a couple of rocks off that
[00:16:02] it's it's money it's just a money talks video you never see those those the
[00:16:07] original some of the original pay you to show your bang bus vibes mm-hmm yeah and
[00:16:12] some of those when they don't fuck it feels like they're real women how about
[00:16:15] Chang bus okay okay yeah and talk my dick
[00:16:20] they're just like smashing into the jersey wall yeah yeah it's also the
[00:16:27] driver of a Chinatown yeah he's not as way to fill it though yeah that's
[00:16:40] interesting that's a good take on it yeah busco bang bang you get bang bang
[00:16:45] bus the bank the best buying all over yeah no that's a good that's interesting
[00:16:51] kind of perspective on it I'm just saying how about you can't get mad I'm not
[00:16:57] saying that's what would happen yeah I'm saying you're right wouldn't I'm be
[00:17:01] raised and that's and that's why I think that I have to explain satire to people
[00:17:06] every time that they just don't that they just don't understand what satire
[00:17:12] is and I have to explain it to them that that would be racist yeah yes I
[00:17:18] agree on them whoa what the fuck do lights go off yeah these go off
[00:17:24] automatically even these yeah he's got smart bolts or you were just a cool to
[00:17:27] present the clouds yeah there was cloud damn dude I just got spooked like a
[00:17:32] lizard because the Sun disappeared spooked like a lizard spooked like a
[00:17:37] lizard no no no no that doesn't look like spooked like very key difference
[00:17:50] yeah we got a new song now it's called spooked like a lizard it's called spooked
[00:17:55] look like no no Steven this one was Steven no man I read I saw you notes
[00:18:03] like a lizard that go put on some handkerchiefs and get your ass fucked with
[00:18:09] your big-ass lips you know what I read on the internet was that Mick Jagger had
[00:18:15] a very little penis Mick Jagger what did you read that I feel he is like he's a
[00:18:20] Google alerts for how big someone's I was doing some research about back
[00:18:26] I highly doubt this is I heard Scotty Pippin at a huge penis okay I think that's
[00:18:33] reasonable to assume just with reading glasses on at the library he puts on a
[00:18:40] Scotty Pippin's birthday looking through microfiche at the library it was his
[00:18:48] birthday yesterday and I heard a story about your your pants around your
[00:18:52] ankles at the microfiche machine and you're like just taking notes and looking
[00:18:55] at my dick and bring it so that pretty things it's bigger than mine who's a
[00:19:00] smaller I said Mick Jagger's dick is small anyway the point is I would I heard
[00:19:06] Scotty Pippin had a big day it was his birthday so I was doing some Scotty
[00:19:09] Pippin research and he used to fuck Madonna and Jordan tried to fuck Madonna
[00:19:16] she was like no because Scotty Pippin has a much bigger penis than you well
[00:19:20] because she's a size queen size queen yes also fucked a Rodman I don't know if
[00:19:25] it was first or after anyway that led me down a rabbit hole of who what other
[00:19:29] NBA players have big dicks or small dicks like NBA player Mick Jagger well
[00:19:35] then I found no I found out he let me finish before you cut me off just stop
[00:19:43] roasting that like fucking professor X or whatever you can read every
[00:19:48] song I'm thinking about every wheelchair
[00:20:02] well no what happened is I then found an article about how professor what are
[00:20:06] you doing get out of here Wolverine chill out Wolverine I'm just looking up
[00:20:09] some stuff yeah stop being fucking I thought I locked this shit we can see
[00:20:15] it's all on the monitors it's fucking on the monitors in the whole school the
[00:20:23] songs playing every we don't hear the song and see the monitors get out of here
[00:20:34] I'm just looking some stuff because from my feet how to beat Magneto this just
[00:20:41] shut up shut the fuck up and get out anyway I found an article about Alan
[00:20:48] Iverson having a penis and that's greatly upset me he's one of my favorite
[00:20:52] players of all time having a big penis little unfortunately I don't think
[00:20:55] that's true I could see it the man said it funny if there is an ex a group he
[00:20:59] posted a photo of him on the shade rule it is cruel it is very cruel to be
[00:21:05] posted without your permission it would be that guy J Williams ESPN does have a
[00:21:09] small penis though that's what I'm saying it could be that kind of type of it
[00:21:12] be cool if there is an ex men whose power was just making people's pants fall
[00:21:16] down that would be cool just pants fall down pan sick people just a good prank
[00:21:24] stir that politician that hates the X-Men yeah we need to protect our kids
[00:21:29] very good job and pants well here's the thing in anyway that led me in that
[00:21:43] listicle about Allen Iverson's penis there was an excerpt from Keith Richards
[00:21:47] autobiography in which he accuses Mick Jagger of having a little boy he's just
[00:21:52] being a hater bro here's each other having a little penises all the time yeah but
[00:21:56] he says a woman we're in the same band too that's true but you do have a little
[00:22:00] dick to be that's not true you know that's not true I know you know my penis is
[00:22:05] literally fine I know it's little that's that's the best adjective that I could
[00:22:09] use little anyway Mick Jagger little penis very big balls so it's kind of cool
[00:22:16] to know it after my own heart exactly I got the same setup it's kind of cool
[00:22:21] does this picture Yoff and Koto's hairline on Charlie Rose but that rules it's great
[00:22:26] what is going on he's looking at a hat made out of hair he's like you know is
[00:22:30] that a coma from guys black person forward yeah they call black dudes do that
[00:22:35] yeah everyone recedes and they're just like I'll just call me fall like an
[00:22:39] optical illusion yeah and yeah that video is so goddamn funny especially the way it
[00:22:45] starts because he's looking around that he's not sure if I don't know what
[00:22:49] you're talking about that's the move is going balls and then getting devil locks
[00:22:53] like the guy from AFI yeah just looking him looking around like not sure if
[00:22:58] he's gonna be able to play this hat hair off Yoff and Koto was the first
[00:23:03] African-American actor to play major villain in James Bond movie living
[00:23:07] let die in 1973 that's a sweet-ass name Yoff it Koto yeah he's tight he's a
[00:23:13] he's a Cameroonian king he's also Jewish what oh yeah black brother damn that is
[00:23:20] a wild hairline it's hilarious you can see how far back it starts to true respect
[00:23:27] to Yoff it for that one yeah he's great there's certain episodes of homicide
[00:23:31] where he's like you can tell he's just drunk
[00:23:33] yeah I said the point of being a police department is to find it get you got
[00:23:40] to figure things out well I've got to be always sounds like it's a cold
[00:23:46] bubbles again Frank couple of office I know it's all about something we get
[00:23:50] bottom of this mm-hmm I haven't yeah good for Yoff it dude yeah he's Jewish and
[00:23:58] in a king and the Cameroonian king yeah that's pretty tight well I hear that a
[00:24:04] lot though people are kings of other plate does he actually have like a
[00:24:06] Africa being a king just meant that you like got your learners permit I mean
[00:24:13] they handed out pretty easily well yeah I mean there's a guy who plays for the
[00:24:16] Orlando magic to play for the blazers last year the fuck Alfred Camino yes
[00:24:21] he's a king he's a king or he's descendant of kings or some shit we all
[00:24:26] are but I don't get that what does that mean you he traces lying back to the
[00:24:33] house of David King David that's right okay who was that guy how far back is
[00:24:37] King David a real guy yeah he was Solomon's dad a warrior King so he who he
[00:24:45] fucked up his line went straight down to our to highly salassie I that's right
[00:24:51] who is a descendant of the King of David that's right who wants us to leave
[00:24:55] Babylon and return to Zion and Zion is in Jamaica it's in Ethiopia oh it's an
[00:25:01] Ethiopian yeah how far is Ethiopia from Israel not that far right hmm it's it's
[00:25:06] kind of far I guess how far is different part of Ethiopia or East Africa East is
[00:25:13] it Northeast yeah it's a horn of Africa it's on the horn yeah it's not that far I
[00:25:18] guess not that far kids you know cuz I guess the red baby right there yeah it's
[00:25:23] it's south of Egypt is it next to Egypt there's a tribe of Jews in Ethiopia though
[00:25:31] tight called Philosha yeah and then they go to Israel and they're castrated
[00:25:36] people are not nice not nice they're like we're gonna just go ahead and finish
[00:25:40] up your circumcision yeah we see some stuff left over see this like Jewish
[00:25:45] Twitter is really yeah dude I know you tried to come for us having that
[00:25:50] meltdown about the Adam Sandler movie yeah saying that it's it's not the time
[00:25:54] to have a they're like in a tool dealing Jewish I'm raging anti-s
[00:26:15] well they got mad because some girl fucking tweeted like the IDF video
[00:26:20] Caroline yeah airline tweeted that IDF video and it's like no one told you like
[00:26:25] Adam hikes we're gonna be this way but she censored it and it's like the
[00:26:29] jokers that it just rhymes with life I mean you know you got to plug some kind
[00:26:33] of joke in there also you are right your joke was better of course it was yeah
[00:26:37] but you're a professional I'm a professional with just some dumb bitch
[00:26:41] she's some dumb with a fucking Twitter account yeah who deserves to be raped
[00:26:47] by no no no I'm trying to find the middle ground yeah I'm trying to find the
[00:26:55] fair middle ground very solemn on it could be a yeah that's right no but yeah
[00:27:02] no they tried to pin that on everybody but it's I don't know if you just somebody
[00:27:05] saying yeah there were like one guy who is a Twitter a now that says it's called
[00:27:10] the Jewish worker which sounds like a just a magazine or something but it sounds
[00:27:15] like an oxymoron it's one well you know the Jewish landlord
[00:27:21] doctors probably work hard I don't know I can't think of other hardworking yeah
[00:27:28] yeah come on Adam you can bankers I think they probably work hard they don't do
[00:27:31] good things I guess he didn't say labor to his is a yeah he said worker okay
[00:27:37] worker and if you like look at their shit all of the pictures are in black and
[00:27:40] white and from a hundred and fifty years ago I think that's why I did any movement
[00:27:45] is to be based around people that haven't existed for a hundred and eighty
[00:27:53] I'm not a fuck so what I got mad the only thing he got mad and then he tried to go
[00:28:00] go at the red scare come town crew is going after everybody but yeah my favorite
[00:28:05] part which I had to clarify was not a career they doubled down at a certain
[00:28:08] point they're like there's literally Jews in the border camps that was the
[00:28:12] funniest yeah what oh yeah that's why they're in there that's certainly the
[00:28:16] reason they locked those kids up that is so funny that is so again I read that
[00:28:20] I was like I really wish I can what is he are there what what the fuck no it's
[00:28:25] no it's the same thing is fucking Italians it's white people that find a way to
[00:28:29] sneakily prioritize their like shred of identity that makes them not white
[00:28:34] Jews have a little bit of a better a little bit of a better deal than I was
[00:28:37] saying but let's not pretend nothing go them being Jewish has anything to do
[00:28:41] with them being in those detention camps well also it's like okay so if people
[00:28:46] got shot in Pittsburgh because they're Jewish does that mean that they're
[00:28:50] structural anti-Semitism no right right right you know if someone goes on a
[00:28:54] random hate crime that doesn't mean that the detention is like the Elliot
[00:28:58] Roger thing Elliot Roger killed like guys also and it would be like oh yeah
[00:29:02] there we don't have fucking a problem with with violence against men when
[00:29:06] four men have been shot it's like you picked us one thing right exactly it's
[00:29:11] trying to say it's an isolated hate crime is like systemic which is like
[00:29:17] retarded honestly what about suck stomach that's and it's you're sucking the
[00:29:22] stem of my dick mm-hmm well you'd have to know you suck the stem of my dick oh
[00:29:28] just from the side to the same degree that if you were like pointing out that
[00:29:31] there are Jewish ice agents there are Jewish people that work for the Jewish
[00:29:36] lawyer there's one of course I'm sure there's Jewish lawyers that work for the
[00:29:39] Department of Homeland Security or work to justify you know putting people in
[00:29:43] those camps if you were to then say like this is proof that the Jews want to put
[00:29:48] yeah you know these are just people that happen to be such a it's such a
[00:29:52] retarded point that guys make yeah he sounds stupid but he also sounds like
[00:29:56] he's mentally ill but that's I mean I guess that's Twitter those are the kind
[00:30:00] of people that they're really court the court the hate you know yeah my favorite
[00:30:05] move is just saying the dumbest thing in the world and then everyone says that's
[00:30:09] that's that's so stupid yeah they're like I'm literally getting death threats
[00:30:13] right now well yeah how about that there was some libertarian guy that was like
[00:30:16] oh so Greta can talk about yeah but that guy job was named Murphy right he has
[00:30:22] to be I mean I don't think I don't think he's actually down he I think he's
[00:30:25] actually a libertarian but the guy is his whole thing is like just saying just
[00:30:31] coming up with the most wild shit well no he does he does he does I didn't
[00:30:35] take this the take is if it's okay to listen to Greta but for Epstein not to
[00:30:40] fuck 60 yeah yeah yeah which is that's so awesome that is oh children cannot want
[00:30:46] to die but I can't get my dick sucked by them hmm yeah that's what about the
[00:30:51] free market yeah it's also like no one's saying I mean no no point you can pick
[00:30:57] apart the entire thing yeah no one's saying Greta should be in charge I know
[00:31:01] it's so fucking stupid in fact she can't she can't run for public office she's
[00:31:05] a baby she's disqualified for numerous miles she can't even fucking vote so and
[00:31:10] nobody's saying like hey people like her should be able to vote yeah I mean
[00:31:14] people are well some people are but it's like that's not the argument that's
[00:31:18] nobody's looking at Greta that the main conversation with Greta is not like
[00:31:22] wow this proves that children should be in charge it's a it's not the argument
[00:31:29] it's like in a in appeal I don't know I like I don't like Greta because it's
[00:31:36] like it's sort of it feels kind of productive it's like not well she's just
[00:31:41] a face that like people could be like well it's an emotional it's an emotional
[00:31:45] like Chelsea Clinton quote tweeted it and was like here's a bro girl it's like
[00:31:49] come on bro here's here's the problem is that like there's enough climate
[00:31:53] science to show the climate change is real yes obviously also like skeptics
[00:32:00] that have their own data and it's like that's where this conversation is playing
[00:32:04] out with people but prior to the prior to the politics and and like yeah like
[00:32:10] before you even get into a political discussion the people that are skeptical
[00:32:14] of climate change are going to like engage with like whatever data they
[00:32:18] have available to them yeah that's funded by like dark money that has like a sure
[00:32:22] that's not the point that's not the point I know the point that I'm making is
[00:32:26] that to put an emotional appeal at the forefront like lens further credence to
[00:32:30] the main argument against climate change or like the main argument in favor of
[00:32:36] climate change than I was and is that it's a fucking conspiracy that it's that's
[00:32:40] politically motivated and it's like if you recognize that the people that think
[00:32:44] climate change is fake are mostly operating on like no I just have different
[00:32:48] data from people as political as it may be and it's like faulty so what are you
[00:32:53] supposed to do you're supposed to like I guess keep saying yeah no yes keep saying
[00:32:59] facts well okay find a different way to reach people with facts not like brow
[00:33:03] beat them with a fucking child there's not gonna accept facts though isn't that
[00:33:06] the whole yeah but they're also not gonna accept a you know what look again
[00:33:10] looks like this contrived you know performative you know display of a moment
[00:33:15] I don't know I think she's a good faith like you know I think she herself is
[00:33:20] saying like that the yeah it's not gonna do anything to change anybody's mind I
[00:33:24] mean nothing will know what it's gonna be is it's gonna be like people we're
[00:33:28] gonna Congress that voted against the Green New Deal saying like you like
[00:33:32] Greta you rock you're a hero so they're like gonna use her as like a
[00:33:36] mouthpiece but not actually doing well like past yeah speaking a fratting
[00:33:40] Clinton on the like someone pointed out that it was her first Chelsea's first
[00:33:45] tweet since the empty yeah it's gonna take a team to get you I don't know if you
[00:33:50] want people to listen to scientists as much as Greta maybe they should just be
[00:33:54] as sexy as well not as good I was gonna say give every scientist big titties
[00:33:59] yeah then I'll listen then I'm tuning in you'd like a Dan Crenshaw type of
[00:34:04] science who's Dan Crenshaw that dumbass with the one I and what kind of
[00:34:09] science is that I don't know like a you sign like a hook and he does cool
[00:34:13] science yeah that's how you get those that's how you get the oh Dan Crenshaw the
[00:34:17] Texas guy yeah yeah if there was a climate scientist that had a hook and
[00:34:21] you lived on a house so is that okay I thought he just has an iPad no no Nick
[00:34:25] saying we need a different style just listen I was listening from once in
[00:34:29] your life I was listening from what I was just listening you know I'm slow but I
[00:34:34] listen it takes me a minute okay so we need a guy with a hook and we need a
[00:34:38] lady with big ass titties yeah and that that's a lady with a hook in an iPad
[00:34:42] lady with a hook guy with a big it I would love to fuck a girl with a hook
[00:34:47] me too honestly have you ever fucked anyone with like a weird something weird
[00:34:52] oh legs or some shit no like a lieutenant lieutenant Dan type bitch yeah I don't
[00:35:01] know like no legs maybe I'm trying to fuck one of these I'm trying to get some
[00:35:05] we did a Dan pussy suck my dick lieutenant dying okay you like my ass is it Dan
[00:35:16] or dang it's Dan oh but the way that forest says it or the spelling I don't
[00:35:23] know man I don't think it's a half hour that movie
[00:35:25] works no it's fucking stupid as shit yeah but everyone's really I've never
[00:35:32] seen it dude my family straight up did not watch American shit until I was
[00:35:35] like 13 that's cool I mean I we'd watch some big things mostly Disney and shit
[00:35:43] but even the Disney shit I watched was like dubbed in Greek mm-hmm what were
[00:35:48] the movies like your ghost the game a lesser no that's the game a lesser was
[00:35:57] is actually yeah that's the most cherished it's like an earnest franchise
[00:36:01] yeah you're just like does bumbling and fucking children oh oh real color I
[00:36:07] keep way oh your god me me moo gama stockola that's for the people that speak
[00:36:16] Greek you're gonna really like that one sorry for everyone who doesn't yeah no
[00:36:20] just literally little mermaid but dubbed I'm gonna talk about this lucky Luke a
[00:36:25] racist ass French cartoon aesthetic aesthetics and of it leaks another
[00:36:30] French cartoon that did I don't remember who was racist but probably was mmm-hmm
[00:36:35] muzzy did not fuck with muzzy don't know shit about muzzy was educational
[00:36:39] that's why yeah fuck that shit Madeline in in Greek never Madeline Madeline in
[00:36:44] English and then James and the giant peach in English dude that she was fire
[00:36:48] and then Fern Gully which fucked me up but the little fairy was hot but the
[00:36:54] but the evil guy fucked me up the machine that ate the forest yeah global warming
[00:36:59] to bring it all fucking full circle we've been we've been warned since
[00:37:03] Fern Gully she'd have been when we started acting what are you doing
[00:37:07] they're pretty texting I'm reading Lizos tweets why did you she apologize I mean
[00:37:14] it's so funny did she's replying to Cookie Monster on Twitter hell yeah even
[00:37:20] yeah I mean just to be fat and then also respect yeah my colleague Cookie
[00:37:26] Monster I was speaking the other day with my colleague Cookie Monster about the
[00:37:37] the direction the dessert industry is heading I would love a summit with
[00:37:43] Cookie Monster lizzo as foremost members of the community as thought leaders in
[00:37:48] the commute in the plus size community yeah one of those fantasy dinners you
[00:37:54] know it'd be awesome yeah what's it any historical historical historically obese
[00:37:58] figures obviously Thomas Jefferson obviously Jefferson Jefferson or Ben
[00:38:04] Franklin sorry Thomas Jefferson was fit no Ben Franklin obviously Ben Franklin
[00:38:08] for show Ben Franklin Dom DeLouis I loved him as a child Chris Varley Lizo of
[00:38:18] course Rosie O'Donnell in her prime John Candy John Candy yes Louie Anderson no
[00:38:27] doesn't make you seem like a big Louie Anderson guy I was not a big Louie
[00:38:31] and I probably loved him I was a big Christian like life with Louie the show I
[00:38:35] actually did that was a pretty good show and Bobby's world I didn't like really
[00:38:39] any of the Fox cartoons which is what Bobby's world I think life with Louie was
[00:38:43] on that I think it was a Saturday morning because I remember when life with
[00:38:46] Louie was new and they like did all this new show coming out and I was like
[00:38:51] awesome this is gonna be a new strong I love you I watched it and I thought it
[00:38:56] was pretty good I hated his voice was you know caught you off guard yeah the
[00:39:02] eke the cat was good I remember that you remember that I remember that name but
[00:39:07] I remember I like you know what I fucked with I didn't see that much we was
[00:39:10] Felix the cat yeah because it was on in the 20s no there was like a couple good
[00:39:15] ones and it was pretty trippy too I remember seeing one Felix the cat and
[00:39:19] really fucked me up yeah yeah anyway back to naming fat people I'd like to hang
[00:39:27] out with other fat people Taft the president no fuck him he couldn't fit in
[00:39:34] a bathtub that's iconic yeah but he's not that bad honestly really I think everyone
[00:39:39] was smaller back I think we should go back to hosing the president down did we
[00:39:43] do oh that Taft I think Lizo should be president and she should live outside of
[00:39:47] the White House because she can't fit in the well we get her like no like a big
[00:39:52] tractor tire on a rope to push around and a trough to eat out of yeah wait a second
[00:39:58] one like a you know yeah like a big exercise ball with a rope that you can
[00:40:05] knock around the tree and is that what the all the presidents get to live in
[00:40:08] the good let me just Google elephant toys oh okay yeah and every president should
[00:40:17] be treated like an elephant would you get as many peanuts as you yeah and then
[00:40:20] you just hose them down from space mm-hmm okay I like that what kind of toys
[00:40:27] they have for an elephant is there there's an elephant that paints now you guys
[00:40:31] seen that yeah he rocks they're my favorite animal bro elephant yeah because
[00:40:37] they're smart they're smart they're good at the moms are nice to the kids ladies
[00:40:42] eat each other's pussy when they're friends yeah they jag off by slamming
[00:40:46] their penises into their stomachs so funny yeah I guess they have barrels
[00:40:53] that hang from chains that's pretty cool
[00:40:58] yeah they're tight and they say you have a good they have good memories they
[00:41:01] have an elephant a little smart if you're a
[00:41:04] it's like I have people use that as an argument to not hunt them yeah it's like
[00:41:08] you know oh well you shouldn't hunt elephants because they're very smart
[00:41:11] and they have empathy or whatever it's like that makes the killer sweeter
[00:41:15] right exactly makes it more difficult to kill them I mean hunting is about
[00:41:20] overcoming the sensation that you're doing something wrong right with fire
[00:41:25] power yeah with firepower to understand you're something you're
[00:41:29] asserting your will and power which should kill you a little bit on the inside
[00:41:33] that makes you feel alive yes you kill a part of yourself but you're stronger
[00:41:36] you're stronger stronger after you've done that's what hunting being yeah
[00:41:40] because you can work that way all the way down the lid if nobody did that nobody
[00:41:46] had the courage to do that yes how we get cheeseburgers we'd all starve to death
[00:41:49] that's so true I count people care about global warming but they think it's
[00:41:53] wrong to shoot an elephant that is a great point that makes that is what you
[00:41:57] think heating up the earth the elephants the elephants yeah they're so big yeah
[00:42:02] they fought there's and I don't know if it's all elephants but are a distinctly
[00:42:07] remember seeing a picture of an elephant wearing a like a chef sapron and baking
[00:42:12] it was a cartoon elephant yeah but I think that reflects so they're using
[00:42:17] natural they're talking about the bar ass the bar has a Mercedes bar yeah
[00:42:21] but bar is a bar just whip like a he's really a lot of resources yeah he
[00:42:26] probably has elephant slaves the bar yeah Dumbo is racist well no he's not
[00:42:31] racist the crows yeah well he's from the 40s of course yeah I guess that's
[00:42:36] different time yeah yeah you go back and look at top see the elephant the one
[00:42:41] that is in kill there's no way that elephant wasn't racist yeah it was
[00:42:46] no words the elephants don't know words I don't know no but they know colors
[00:42:53] how do there's got to be an animal that like can't see black people you know
[00:42:59] what I mean no you got to be like outside of the visible spectrum no no
[00:43:03] that's not I don't think you don't think I do not think that there's an
[00:43:09] you don't think that that's possible I mean I think it's probably possible I
[00:43:13] don't know if I guess maybe I mean not all like a bowl maybe huh like a mole but
[00:43:20] if you could see like a would they not be able to see like a tan but they have
[00:43:23] bad person bad vision they wouldn't be able to see them either okay they're not
[00:43:28] doing DNA test man all right I'm just wondering where you're what you're
[00:43:31] coming at we a bat bats are well but see if they can see them they can probably
[00:43:37] echo locate them they could echo locate them so that's how they see something
[00:43:44] to think about in that sense yeah what other animals do you guys like I like
[00:43:50] that a hippo is actually dangerous hippos are assholes they're strong they'll
[00:43:54] fuck they'll fuck you up I like elephant I like monkeys monkeys are tight although
[00:44:01] dolphins chimpanzees will murder each other like they do yeah not just war but
[00:44:06] like they do murder they do work mom hits yeah they do war as well they do
[00:44:11] like number one guy and it's like his boys want the one hit what yeah number
[00:44:16] two guy and his boys want to kill him they'll do it in the night really though
[00:44:19] girl is is really sweet and vegetarian really silverbacks are vegetarian yeah
[00:44:28] I mean they they got to protect their bitches but you know they got they got
[00:44:31] thick cheeks to use a rules ass yeah dude I saw those girls fucking at the zoo
[00:44:37] yeah that's awesome it was one of the coolest things I've ever seen I can't
[00:44:40] wait to see you go or no they were bears I saw bears fucking in the zoo I want to
[00:44:44] ride the gorilla I don't want to ride I want to ride a gorilla it would be
[00:44:51] awesome to do it to be where they bought to inhabit a gorilla's body for a
[00:44:54] little bit just yeah that power they've tiny cocks though that is that is a
[00:45:00] fucking damn so they're like they're like you in that regard but what are they
[00:45:06] really strong also no you're not strong really strong in an alpha dominant male
[00:45:10] I that's why I said that's why I said in that yeah they're in multiple regards
[00:45:15] challenging you right now and you you can either tear my head off or show
[00:45:20] a little bit pussy could you tear my head off I could probably tear
[00:45:26] I know where hold on it's not been neck but Tara had a lot I could snap your
[00:45:31] neck if you're already dead maybe yeah here's what I were using a knife how
[00:45:35] are next next you say so easy in action movie it's their it's fake it's
[00:45:39] absolutely fake so the if you're asking I think could I could I tear your head
[00:45:45] off with my bare hands yes that's the question on the floor piggy back on
[00:45:50] the shoulders quiet Adam let him let him answer
[00:45:52] thighs to pull up right well that's not ripping no that would not rip your head
[00:45:56] off the amount of force required to rip your head clean off your fucking body
[00:46:01] would be I mean it's like yeah I think it's impossible yeah I could do it with
[00:46:06] my thighs the way with some of those bitches like crack a watermelon no
[00:46:10] do you tear a phone book that's like a parlor trick you could probably you
[00:46:15] could probably learn how to terra phone oh that's it's a it's a trick yeah I mean
[00:46:21] it requires like some degree of grip strength but it's not as like impossible
[00:46:25] do you score it beforehand or something I don't know if they score it it's a
[00:46:28] matter of like this fanning the pages with your fingers or something like I
[00:46:33] like a magician show me how like car like to tear decks of cards and stuff
[00:46:37] oh wow because that's like you know that's all like you know when you were
[00:46:42] aside side show both your magic school no I had to share a garage with the
[00:46:48] magician and even though that L.A. does now it wasn't an L.A. it was on the road and
[00:46:55] there was a magician living in somebody's garage and I was sleeping on their
[00:46:58] couch and it was a garage a couch garage garage the couch was in the house the
[00:47:06] magician would basically spent his entire day in the garage well that's the lab
[00:47:14] he's gonna come up new tricks anyways if I was gonna tear your head clean off
[00:47:18] your body yes the first thing I would do is I would kill you I would strangle
[00:47:23] you okay and then wait until you're dead not as impressive as doing well he's
[00:47:29] alive yeah that would be impressive it would not happen if you were a lot I
[00:47:33] could do it you litter there's no fucking way you're there if I practice my
[00:47:38] uppercuts there's no way you're doing I would just practice my upper you don't
[00:47:41] you can't even get a grip on his fucking head like if you're trying to grab his
[00:47:44] hair it would just rip the hair out of his scalp before anything else fucking
[00:47:48] there's no way to grip this not a cut I would uppercut it no you kill him first
[00:47:53] okay and then what you do is you lay his body flat on like some kind of surface
[00:47:59] maybe the top of this table whatever and those heads hanging off his heads hanging
[00:48:04] off seems like you're using gravity to do your work yeah you would have to you
[00:48:08] would have to you would have to find a way to use as much like leverage as
[00:48:11] possible to continue like twisting his neck to tear at the muscle fibers in
[00:48:17] either direction like basically like trying to break a piece of plastic and
[00:48:21] to break the so then you would torque his neck in both directions over and over
[00:48:25] again until you destroy all the like the muscle fibers while his body's rotting
[00:48:30] and then the spinal column though and this vinyl column and and yeah from that
[00:48:35] well the what you the hard thing to get through is like these these neck
[00:48:38] muscles mine are pretty weak right now they're pretty weak but they're still
[00:48:42] like still fibrous mm-hmm sure yeah interesting but that's how I would tear
[00:48:49] your head off your body you could do that if I'm dead you could do that I don't
[00:48:53] care if my dad's being a dick you could just tell him I said you could do it
[00:48:57] oh really he might be like don't touch the boy's body yeah you find out you have
[00:49:01] like asthma or some curable disease and I tear your head off and then the
[00:49:06] defense in court is like it's what he wanted he want you want to suffer
[00:49:09] anymore mm-hmm he wanted me to take he had allergies yeah and he couldn't live
[00:49:15] with them anymore yeah I guess if there's other ways to do it you know what we
[00:49:18] could do is we could tie a rope around your ankles we could go on the roof and I
[00:49:23] could really get you in like a good headlock upside down and then jump off the
[00:49:28] roof and I would oh yeah off that way but then I would probably put the roof
[00:49:33] my legs you know when I when you need a trampoline I guess yeah if there was
[00:49:37] like some kind of soft landing for me this is a thing we've been invited to be
[00:49:42] in the new jackass movie something I want to try Adam if it meant being in the new
[00:49:48] jackass movie I would let them in to me no no would you kill it would you die
[00:49:52] for that would you die for that your head has to pop off probably I mean I
[00:49:56] jump off the Empire State building holding your head well it's tight you
[00:50:00] you've got like a zero slack bungee cord it is it is quite the honor so we go
[00:50:06] down like 40 stories we're at terminal velocity yes and then it rips your head
[00:50:11] probably ripping my arm out yeah your arms probably going in his head
[00:50:18] ripped off his heads ripped off and I believe it would be funny to see an
[00:50:27] armless yeah body just landed then the missbusters just crossing their arms
[00:50:32] looking at the TV myth completed or whatever proven it works
[00:50:39] mythbusters can suck my dick they're like for this one we talked about a
[00:50:45] doctor and a physicist and I was like never no we won't we're not doing that
[00:50:52] we're not doing any research I'm going to jump off the Empire I'm going to kill
[00:50:57] my friend and possibly myself ripping his head off to be in jackass to be in the
[00:51:02] new jackass and being in the new jackass is just sending Steve Ho a DM with that
[00:51:09] video they find every Hot Wheels car in my ass all time they're like did this
[00:51:16] one make the cut they're like we didn't film that he just wanted he wanted he
[00:51:22] kept calling himself the parking garage you know and nobody was talking about
[00:51:27] respect yeah I would love to be the jackass but I don't want to get hurt I'm
[00:51:34] too I'm too delicate I guess I would I guess I would shit in public or
[00:51:39] something I want to be in it I guess I would let I don't know an alligator near
[00:51:48] my balls actually I wouldn't I would do something with my balls though I would
[00:51:55] like it like real pain peeled out and let them do whatever I would show my balls
[00:52:00] maybe party boy maybe I could be obese party boy you know how they had you know
[00:52:05] they admit like we man was like the little party boy I could be the fat party
[00:52:13] boy although I guess it I'm not as fat as the fat guy in jackass is he still alive
[00:52:17] Preston yeah wow what would even be my angle they have a fat guy you could be
[00:52:26] the gay guy in jackass oh no they already have a bunch of those no no that's you
[00:52:34] fuck I don't want to be the gay guy yeah god damn it fuck they need their first
[00:52:41] gay guy and you would be dead right I would be dead from getting my head you
[00:52:46] be the dead guy Nick would also be the dead gay guy he'd be dead from falling
[00:52:49] off the I know you're the dead guy the cool guy the dead guy was slick back
[00:52:53] hair you wouldn't and I've got a leather jacket on and I've got one foot up on
[00:52:57] my Harley and I'm like hey guys what are you doing jackass you guys doing jackass
[00:53:01] no you wouldn't they would be like shut up whoa you'd be like shut up you're
[00:53:05] stupid and ugly cool Mitch cool Mitch yeah you change your name to Mitch it's
[00:53:10] cool Mitch from the 50s like you guys are here at Dick Dale
[00:53:17] ba-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah.
[00:53:21] yeah what is the when is Sir Frog guitar gonna come back back in
[00:53:25] really worse should we get those guitars and we can get it's just a
[00:53:33] the you guys invented surfing to no we didn't just as the micro fees for your
[00:53:49] pants down I knew it has a little take out your like well I was searching for
[00:53:56] Dix and Dick Dale came up so I want to see if his dick was bigger small so I
[00:54:00] typed in Dickdale Greek. Dickdale. That's a pretty cool name.
[00:54:18] I love to listen to Dickjail. I love listening to Dickjail. I can't wait to listen to him.
[00:54:34] What are some other hits of Dickdale? Just that one, right?
[00:54:38] Wipe out. Wipe out. That was probably as big as his.
[00:54:42] Oh my dick. Nice. Oh my dick. Is my dick. Is it a wipe out?
[00:54:52] Yeah, I like that. I cannot believe people pay us $50,000 a month.
[00:55:03] We get paid for this? We just didn't know. Yeah. No, no, no, no, we're not, Nick.
[00:55:09] Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it, bro.
[00:55:12] Suck my penis. I'm doing ad reads and I don't know why.
[00:55:18] Just ask me to. Yeah. No, it's because it's a bit.
[00:55:21] Oh, it's a bit, yeah. Suck my penis, fuck my ass, I'm gay.
[00:55:26] My spine hurts. My spine hurts. My back hurts.
[00:55:30] For being on the frontier. Maybe you have suck dick-a-biffeta.
[00:55:35] Sounds like Nick got his back blown out. Yeah, by a man, by a guy.
[00:55:39] Yeah, I was riding my horse to your girlfriend's place.
[00:55:42] What? Yeah. And I had to ride there fast because she's like,
[00:55:46] hurry, my pussy is sealing. It's been too small by Adam's penis.
[00:55:51] And now it's sealing up permanently. Does that happen?
[00:55:55] Yeah, it's, I had to squeeze so hard. Come on. You know that's not true.
[00:55:58] You know that's not true. The interior walls had to overwork themselves.
[00:56:02] If you're listening, is made of. Is that true, medically?
[00:56:05] To find it. Adam, is that true? And now it's seizing up.
[00:56:08] Oh, does your dick, do you like the girls pussy?
[00:56:10] No, it's not. And you know, you know that I am, that feel when no GF,
[00:56:14] dude. You know that that's not true. You know Nick doesn't have a horse.
[00:56:19] You know I don't have a girlfriend who has a weird pussy disorder.
[00:56:22] Me stop got horses and we didn't tell you.
[00:56:24] What? Yeah, dude. You guys are fucking assholes.
[00:56:26] What would you show up to the pumpkin patch on horseback?
[00:56:29] Yeah, I also registered my horse in your name so you have to pay the taxes on it.
[00:56:33] Oh, you got a horse tail. You got to pay horse tax.
[00:56:37] So when you owe $350,000 at the end of the year,
[00:56:42] my, my bust. How expensive is this to have a horse? Pretty expensive, right?
[00:56:48] Yeah, stable fees. I forgot to feed you.
[00:56:52] What? He bought a boat and then put it in my dad's name so that.
[00:56:55] That's that's. Without asking him and it wasn't my dad's dad.
[00:56:59] It was my mom. Shut the fuck up. My dad.
[00:57:03] He's like, are you fucking serious? That is a good if he didn't even
[00:57:06] fuck with him. That's a great move. I respect that move.
[00:57:10] He's like, what are you gonna do? Sue me, you fucking idiot.
[00:57:15] Pay the fucking taxes or go back to making your little model airplanes.
[00:57:29] Adam has a small dick. Adam has a large ass.
[00:57:32] He got to go to get an answer about the time, huh?
[00:57:35] So I have to go to therapy. You got to go to your therapist.
[00:57:37] You got to go to your therapist. I got to go to therapy.
[00:57:39] I just take my pants off and he says it's not terrible.
[00:57:42] I have no GF. They're like, oh yeah, I'll definitely talk to you about that for
[00:57:46] $200 an hour. That's definitely a therapy problem.
[00:57:50] That's not what I talk about. That's definitely a knee.
[00:57:52] I talk about a deeper problem. I talk about things.
[00:57:55] But I know space. No, I talk about existence and that kind of stuff.
[00:57:59] Space, the final frontier. Like how big Einstein's pussy is.
[00:58:04] Things that I read. These are the boys.
[00:58:09] It's mission to boldly say. It's mission. Should you accept it?
[00:58:15] To find its mission to seek out new life and baby gels.
[00:58:27] On our quest to the Gamma Squadron, we have still not found a girlfriend.
[00:58:33] We are pursuing a distant distress signal all the way in the Delta
[00:58:39] Gamma Sphere that is perhaps a baby gel whose core broke down
[00:58:43] or she needs boyfriend to member Mitter and give our kiss.
[00:58:56] This is all good stuff, man. Yeah. Thank you.
[00:59:02] It's called Star Trek, the Indian Generation.
[00:59:09] They're just looking for the planet. You could probably have no one say anything.
[00:59:14] You could probably do that for 40 minutes.
[00:59:16] Dude, this is one of the sketches on the sketch show I'm writing with Lewis.
[00:59:28] What China, now a woman's sexual reproductive organs. Very nice.
[00:59:33] He's getting turned up and getting horny looking at the captain.
[00:59:41] Captain, our shields are at 10 percent. What should we do?
[00:59:44] We should meet a baby girl. No, I'm now.
[00:59:48] The Kardashians are fucking killing us.
[00:59:53] The Kardashian. The Kardashian is so beautiful.
[00:59:56] Well, folks, come see us at Funny Moms tomorrow.
[01:00:05] I think it'll just be me probably. I'm out of town. Adam's gone.
[01:00:11] Nick will be doing Star Trek, Indian Generation, and his apartment alone.
[01:00:19] Come see me in Medford, New Jersey. It's some weird airport
[01:00:23] on October 11th. And then I'm coming to Detroit.
[01:00:29] He has the best because he smells the worst of all of this.
[01:00:34] I'm coming to Atlanta on November 23rd.
[01:00:38] And they don't think, shut up. And I'm Thanksgiving.
[01:00:41] I'm going. I'm going to be in Baltimore home for the holidays.
[01:00:47] Of all of the Star Trek officers, he is this.
[01:01:00] Fat Tuesdays every Tuesday at the stand.
[01:01:03] I'll be there and go to come.town by Nick's t-shirts.
[01:01:16] Yeah, we'll play the tree in your name.
[01:01:20] We'll play the tree in occupied territory and say,