[00:00:00] Yeah yeah well Gucci and my dick looks like a lemon

[00:00:11] great song I love it go listen to lemonade everyone stop the podcast and go

[00:00:17] listen to Gucci Mane lemonade when he was still fat and on drugs and on drugs

[00:00:23] I'm happy for his glow up man are you are you jealous of having an ice cream

[00:00:27] tattoo yeah yeah yeah I think it gets free ice cream for life that would that's

[00:00:32] how it should work it really should yeah you get that shit on your face dude

[00:00:36] you get us whatever you want mm-hmm maybe I should get titties on my face and

[00:00:41] then I get free titties for the rest of my life yeah that's a good idea from a

[00:00:44] brothel there's probably a brothel in Amsterdam that would do that a breathle

[00:00:48] a breathle a breastel breast yeah a breastel did you ever used to jack off

[00:00:55] to that show an HBO cat house of course it was like the documentary about the

[00:01:00] the bunny ranch yes I did yeah I love that the guy died Dennis Hoff RIP all

[00:01:10] right to conservatives political legend yeah that was basically conservative

[00:01:16] socially liberal legend one of the chicks that I saw recently a picture of and

[00:01:22] I'm like that's actually terrifying that I jacked off to her but was named Air Force

[00:01:26] Amy I don't remember I don't remember any of them I didn't jack off to it in

[00:01:31] like with an emotional way it was just there were so many titties yeah you just

[00:01:34] it's a it's a mechanical thing what show it was called cat house it was a

[00:01:40] quote-quote documentary on HBO that you weren't but you know we're just

[00:01:44] supposed to learn about how this brothel work I just had a flashback to driving

[00:01:48] through the desert and I don't know where somewhere in between Texas and

[00:01:53] California but like Eastern California which I mean I'm sure you it would have

[00:02:00] been in Nevada somewhere it's just like but you know how like Eastern California

[00:02:05] is just like a fucking wasteland mm-hmm I'm trying to move because I you I was

[00:02:10] driving through like literal ghost towns like Sierra Nevada zone a little bit

[00:02:15] south of there mm-hmm I'm trying to remember like gold something like Goldstone or

[00:02:19] gold I don't know I've been yeah all these like depressed towns and then I

[00:02:24] pulled off on like some road and there was a sign like just spray painted on

[00:02:28] like fucking OSB just like brothel hell yeah with an arrow that goes down this

[00:02:36] driveway like just open space this fucking shitty like trailer now like

[00:02:42] just at the end and it's like oh god I mean I'm gonna fuck you over there but to

[00:02:49] be one of those people everything around that is more with brown tea to be the

[00:02:53] kind of person even witness it whoa look at this yeah like imagine driving by me

[00:02:57] like a brothel I'm horny there's no way there's not at least one girl with

[00:03:02] Down syndrome in that fucking for sure no one's over it she's just drinking

[00:03:06] vegetable oil yeah get capes are smooth it keeps her pussy juice keeps are juicy

[00:03:14] and she having you gonna have it a nice time here in California well it must be

[00:03:20] Nevada right because that's where it's legal everywhere but yeah I guess it was

[00:03:23] it was probably yeah everywhere but Clark County yeah yeah my dad had to like we

[00:03:28] had family friends that were like skiing in Utah and it was like the dad in the

[00:03:33] Sun and their car broke down like it's like blew up kind of like they're

[00:03:37] whatever they got picked up by a truck I'm on my way yeah my dad's too men are

[00:03:45] stranded somewhere I'll be there so they got like picked up by like a truck or

[00:03:50] something it was like pre-self and they call my dad from a payphone and he had to

[00:03:54] meet them like in like the middle of Nevada like barren wasteland where like

[00:03:59] two highways meant that was like where they plan to meet and the only thing

[00:04:03] there was a brothel so my dad tells this story where he was like sitting in the

[00:04:07] parking lot and some dude came out and he's like you can't fucking sit here you

[00:04:10] gotta come inside at least have a drink mm-hmm that's what happened and I think

[00:04:14] that I don't yeah I don't know I had to go inside yeah legally they made me they

[00:04:20] got mad at him he said that they had a gun or something he had a gun and he made

[00:04:24] me give him a head but yeah the gun to my head and I sucked his penis he had the

[00:04:28] way there for like four hours apparently yeah I'm sure that was a mistake I don't

[00:04:34] know I don't think my dad's cool enough honestly you dad was like I got that

[00:04:38] four hours early and all I could do was hang out at the brothel is your dad

[00:04:43] seen Joker yet no I don't think I'm kind of worried about my dad first

[00:04:48] but my dad's not gonna see it until it comes out on DVD look at it the red

[00:04:53] box yeah and then he'll see it and I'm just like dreading that phone call what

[00:05:00] do you what do you worry about you think you might make him snap like a falling

[00:05:03] down kind of thing he's he's gonna like it and just but it's gonna be like you

[00:05:08] know the worst I loved when he when he how he stuck it to those black ladies you

[00:05:13] know it really it says something he's gonna be thinking he's like the first

[00:05:17] person's like it reminds me of taxi drags yeah yeah but that doesn't read

[00:05:22] anything or well do I saw I saw it what day it is yeah oh you saw it yesterday

[00:05:27] yeah and that that is first of all it is just a fucking comic it just goes down

[00:05:32] smooth it's fun but it's a dumb move it's fucking stupid people are really

[00:05:37] trying to like really read into it yeah they just retconned it again like they

[00:05:43] just re-fucking did the Batman story again and it's fun it's basically just a

[00:05:48] Marvel movie for guys they're like fuck Marvel dude I'm smarter than that I

[00:05:52] watched or Sazy it's like old New York it's like taxi driver and fucking King

[00:05:57] of comedy it's like it was funny when he brought it like intellectual children's

[00:06:01] awesome intellectual they were great you were right the last week on the same

[00:06:05] level as like X-Men first class which is also a good movie yes up yeah it's

[00:06:10] fine just the right I would why anyone needs it to be smart I don't think

[00:06:14] anybody's walking away from it thinking like that was smart yeah but yeah no it's

[00:06:19] great it's a great movie it was just it was I'll watch it on it's just a

[00:06:23] an entertaining movie it was fine yeah I don't think it was as good as you guys

[00:06:27] you guys your Cox were on double-hard for it I loved it I'm gonna see it again

[00:06:31] real I mean I will see it again it's an it's an amazing performance yes he

[00:06:36] does crush it yeah I don't want to spoil ship but there are some awesome

[00:06:40] and yeah there's like five awesome big laughs in it you realize you're the only

[00:06:44] one that cares about spoiler no dude there's people right now they're like

[00:06:48] thank you stuff yeah but those are the worst people no they're good guys I'm

[00:06:52] trying to enjoy fucking movie I hate spoiler alert people what are you

[00:06:55] fucking talking I hate it and if things been spoiled for you yeah I don't care

[00:06:59] you don't care shut up you don't want to that's fucking steal those guys trust

[00:07:04] me because you think that they're gonna be on your side but they're like right

[00:07:08] now polishing a gun at home and they're like I knew stop agreed with me we can

[00:07:13] be together for a because we have the same opinions about spoiling no dude

[00:07:19] spoiling things is bad he's gonna mail a big chocolate cake with a bomb and you

[00:07:25] won't be able to resist I hear it taking I'm like I gotta eat this cake it looks

[00:07:30] good he's gonna see the hospital like wait a minute you ate the bomb

[00:07:36] isn't it good it was good I didn't know it better it's not my fault now get the

[00:07:41] bomb out yeah get the bomb out with my free health my free Bernie Sanders health

[00:07:46] now that Bernie is fucking president dude which will happen in the future when I

[00:07:51] eat the bomb yeah I want more barbecue fucking barbecue chips now you know what

[00:07:58] a couple's just right for me when it comes to barbecue dude I love Casey

[00:08:03] masterpiece chips as a kid is my favorite chip now I was never about about JC

[00:08:09] masterpiece yeah that's what I'm talking about we're Jesus Christ and that's

[00:08:14] what this podcast is now it's about barbecue reviews and and God from a

[00:08:18] religious viewpoint from the Christmas

[00:08:23] kind of barbecue okay so we've got that vinegar shit North Carolina I just

[00:08:29] watched last hit temptation of Christ the Scorsese movie yeah Willem de Foe

[00:08:34] Willem being Jesus with his fucked up eyes it's really sick dude I read the book

[00:08:39] but I haven't seen the Bible no the last temptation Christ oh is it a book my

[00:08:44] boy Niko Niko Skazanzaki's bitch oh is it Greek book yes motherfucker is it

[00:08:48] does that pictures or yes that's why you read the book I was like my eyebrow

[00:08:53] raised as soon as you said I read the book then it's like oh yeah I have pride

[00:08:59] in my country some guy you play my job like this I wrote a book yeah my uncle

[00:09:06] Niko is the road it's about Jesus last temptation it's a bit better just

[00:09:10] getting busing yeah I don't have book about Jesus getting pushed yeah literally

[00:09:14] it's about pussy yeah that's the Greek perspective on God sick man the point is

[00:09:20] yeah Jesus gonna get sucked up I just love that image he's just on the cross

[00:09:25] church is there a girl god that God wants to fuck yeah that's a big titties

[00:09:30] yeah Satan's a girl who won't give the pussy up and that's why I put you to hell

[00:09:33] yes fuck you bitch you can't hang out of my house then go down go downstairs I

[00:09:39] want to pussy or you go to the fire bits that's basically Greek Greek

[00:09:45] orthodoxy you are allowed to get pussy as a priest though and that's why we don't

[00:09:49] molest yeah the way you fucking sick Catholics do I'm not gonna be funny if

[00:09:55] they're because there's got to be a couple of those Orthodox bishops molesting

[00:09:59] boys and then they find out they're like come on man yeah come on man we let you

[00:10:04] that's the one thing we had but it's Greek stuff yeah well as long as they teach

[00:10:09] them fucking geometry yeah you can have sex between their father just loop up

[00:10:14] those little boy thighs mm-hmm were you baptized Nick yeah really oh hell yeah

[00:10:22] me and Nick were you confirmed no no but baptized yeah confirmed you were at

[00:10:28] 13 I guess it's a Catholic bar mensfoot kind of vibe but they don't get shit

[00:10:33] for it yeah they just you have to wear a gay little suit look at my friends

[00:10:39] confirmation pictures and be like faggot you know just sitting on like they're

[00:10:45] wearing all those tables called where you put your keys of gay guy table now

[00:10:51] you know next like the door front door your side no it's on a side to the

[00:10:55] entrance table yeah yeah everyone knows we're talking confirmation photos

[00:10:59] you're nice bow tie faggot did God give you that I like I like the pictures of

[00:11:07] me in a nice little gay suit dude my parents didn't even get me a suit from

[00:11:10] my bar mitzvah what I got like my grandma like she came from South Africa and she

[00:11:15] got me like this like pattern shirt and black slacks and I literally am dressed

[00:11:20] like Nelson man tell me am I very suited your bar mitzvah no no I didn't have a

[00:11:25] suit until I was an adult no my what are you talking about do you know how much

[00:11:30] trash is your are your parents trash no they were I mean we were kind of broke

[00:11:34] around that time but they also a child shoot cost like $30 yeah it's there they

[00:11:39] don't cost anything there's a picture of Jim Elle that then we'd like smash cut

[00:11:43] to the reality of the situation and I'm like I want to dress in African clothes

[00:11:47] no we're gonna listen to rap at my bar mitzvah and I need to make my all my

[00:11:53] friends think I'm the black kid at school all my friends had yo-pass

[00:11:57] bar mitzvah my friend David wore a white tuxedo white tie like bow tie and tails as

[00:12:04] a 13 year old boy did he get pussy at his party yeah he did get pussy items

[00:12:09] like wait at his bar mitzvah he's like my friend that like was getting pussy first

[00:12:12] he was like he got pussy at 13 he was the most sick at sports out of all the

[00:12:16] Jews and then like his parents caught him smoking weed in eighth grade and like

[00:12:20] sent him to like religious like like Jewish no like yeah like it's called

[00:12:26] the Ashiva I don't know yeah but they like sent him away and you know and it

[00:12:31] was kind of over but at 13 he was the coolest fucking guy and also the funniest

[00:12:35] fucking guy I've ever met what's he up to these days Nick met him in New Orleans

[00:12:39] whoa yeah yeah he's like he's like a he's got five kids or something oh damn

[00:12:44] some boring guy yeah nothing remotely remarkable about it yeah but it's like

[00:12:50] money it's like those kids that are like the funniest kid you've ever met at

[00:12:53] 13 like that's how they all end up basically yeah none of them go into

[00:12:58] comedy that's not true they just don't know what to do with it they end up like

[00:13:02] going to open mics and they're very funny but it's like this isn't stand up

[00:13:08] yeah I just think they just have good lives yeah they know no a lot of them go

[00:13:12] to rehab really early a lot of those kids that I knew like got it got into drugs

[00:13:17] once it got pussy getting pussy and like the really funny yeah if you get pussy

[00:13:22] too early there's nothing to fucking yeah there's nothing to strive for for

[00:13:26] the rest of your life I think that's probably but if you get it too late and

[00:13:28] you then you get into comedy yeah yeah but you're never too late and you can

[00:13:33] never fucking off and it turns you in there now it turns you know I'm not a

[00:13:37] treacherous you know maybe someday you can fuck to it you know yeah that's what

[00:13:44] I'm trying to find out can I fuck too much then off to to make it so that I

[00:13:50] wasn't a bitch in high school mm-hmm and we'll stay tuned for the information

[00:13:56] mm-hmm I'll let you know if it ever happens I don't know I I feel like I did

[00:14:01] everything I wanted to do already yeah and now it's like fuck I mean the only

[00:14:08] thing I wanted to do that I didn't do was kill myself I kind of don't even really

[00:14:14] want to do that anymore it's just like was that an early it feels too dramatic

[00:14:17] yeah it would be like yeah it's a drama queen move yeah I'm 30 yeah kill myself

[00:14:24] yeah we would clown you your funeral yeah so it wouldn't be a funeral yeah I would

[00:14:30] make sure of it not against your wishes we'd hold one to call you gay yeah and

[00:14:35] we get you like nobody I'd have I'd have the Navy SEALs disposing my body we get

[00:14:41] the like Epstein no one would know about you you get those some of been

[00:14:46] a lot of treatment didn't yeah your referee oops steam and he's like a retarded

[00:14:51] version of Jeffrey Epstein he's like oh oh I'm a less did a kid that was a baby

[00:14:56] see Daisy I've raped the baby that's good man Jeffrey oops steam that's a good

[00:15:03] Halloween costume yeah and that's in blackface for so okay are you allowed to

[00:15:09] go is what's the prime minister yeah yeah you're allowed to blackface if you're

[00:15:14] making fun of the character of Justin's it's essentially what this podcast is

[00:15:18] hmm claiming it satire to do something race yeah it's a it's a technicality

[00:15:23] that we get off my man loved blackface dude yeah he's he did it like 12 times

[00:15:32] there's video there's pictures there's like different garb dude he did his toes

[00:15:38] he did his fucking finger hands yeah that's that's dedication I wonder if he

[00:15:43] did his dick no you're wearing clothes well he did one thing where he stuffed

[00:15:48] his pants to give him like a big dick well that's that's for the character I

[00:15:51] know the character of a blackout with big dick

[00:15:56] what a fucking loser and his family used to be the fucking president to yeah

[00:16:00] Pierre so he's just some rich piece of shit that did blackface yeah French

[00:16:05] Canada's different bro oh that's right French yeah they never had slaves so I

[00:16:10] guess it's okay yeah that's true I can't I don't know about what would be wrong

[00:16:16] for a Taiwanese person into blackface how dark were they to begin with Taiwanese

[00:16:21] people they're Chinese they're Han Chinese some of them are little no

[00:16:26] crispy you're thinking of Thailand I might be yeah long fingernails dark

[00:16:33] purple pussies gum I don't know about that yeah this shit

[00:16:39] they're gum gum I don't think that's true well you know different different

[00:16:46] strums I I don't know I guess it would I guess I don't know I feel like they

[00:16:52] like to try these person does blackways I guess it is racist yeah it is what we

[00:16:56] talking about of course why is it racist because it's an offensive portrayal of

[00:17:01] a different race but they didn't enslave black people so what is it more

[00:17:06] racist here I didn't enslave Jews what if I fucking had a big ass fake nose on

[00:17:11] or whatever our Egyptian people do it there no they're the ones who enslaved

[00:17:17] them I know but Jews were never slaves that's made up thank you for saying

[00:17:22] honestly it's made up we can move on that was by the Bible that was the whole

[00:17:25] point of this conversation was to get you say that's just fake I call bullshit I

[00:17:31] agree man it's nice out it is really nice out I had a really nice stroll in the

[00:17:40] city right before I came oh yeah on the way back from my appointment who was

[00:17:46] his name my therapist yeah but it was just talk about the Dodgers I'm gonna pay

[00:17:53] $600 an hour no they can play about baseball just crying rich really

[00:18:01] is stupid yeah it's so stupid man yeah it's like well I made too much money I

[00:18:06] guess I have depression now that needs to be medically treated with a friend I

[00:18:10] have to pay for that's right yeah I am paying someone to hang out yeah it feels

[00:18:15] like he's a bud no he's not he's not your friend dude you don't love you I

[00:18:20] think he does no he doesn't I think we're I think we're homeless no he told me

[00:18:24] you fucking he saw you saw really yeah cuz we fuck girls together me and your

[00:18:29] therapist yeah and I watch yeah Nick's a Nick's it's not taking I take notes you

[00:18:33] saying you're better friends with him Nick is art Nick is art I pray I doubt

[00:18:37] yeah I sit there with my legs crossed and I have a notepad and I write down

[00:18:40] pretending to not begin

[00:18:45] I'm doing this for real I'm like denial he's yeah very hard hard to know I'm so

[00:18:51] angry no I want to fuck this person okay extremely yeah I've seen Nick's notes

[00:19:02] and I pay Nick $500 for that service yeah an hour to take notes when you're

[00:19:07] double teaming some with your therapist specifically your therapist yeah cuz

[00:19:13] we're trying to make it to nationals of in the double-teaming circuit of

[00:19:17] therapy the nationals of therapy oh really I don't know you could win at it the

[00:19:22] world's greatest minds doctoring each other that's right and having sex

[00:19:28] niles and judge by Niles and treasure yep try you by the fictional characters

[00:19:32] Niles and Fraser is not also a therapist yes dude of course what the fuck I

[00:19:37] forgot what would you know I don't know is Joey fucking roommates with Chandler

[00:19:42] yeah they are right they're fine are they I thought they were friends they're

[00:19:48] all friends but some friends are roommates oh shit why was they called

[00:19:53] roommates the show because they're not all roommates but they're all friends

[00:19:56] none of them would be hanging out if they were they live across the hall yeah

[00:20:01] apartments that would be great told you life was gonna be this way

[00:20:07] that's it yeah I do yeah remember the late go your jobs a joke you broke

[00:20:21] love life to you a deal away that's right and I never understood that part but

[00:20:26] it stands for dead on a ride that on the police show up to it I'm seeing

[00:20:31] somebody that's been murdered yeah and that's your love last what your love

[00:20:35] life is which is pretty sad yeah I would be a bummer seems a little extreme but

[00:20:40] hey you know like you're always stuck in second gear remember that transmissions

[00:20:46] cars had those and some else some the reason you're here is you are friends

[00:20:55] with me I'm Joey and your Chandler Chandler's a Chandler and Joey show that's a

[00:21:08] good road Ross had his own apartment or he lived across the street Ross remember

[00:21:13] yeah did rock he had his own place though I can see with on his paleontology

[00:21:17] what was his ex-wife's name Susan no that's George's wife on sign that's

[00:21:23] right that's right his fucking yeah he's getting divorced the whole time from

[00:21:26] that woman you never see no you see her for a second she's a lesbian in the

[00:21:30] pile yeah she leaves him for a man but in the pile no woman her like a woman

[00:21:35] like karate teacher but yeah no in the pilot episode of friends Ross is upset

[00:21:43] because his wife's leaving him for a woman yes yeah that's right and what's

[00:21:49] her name gee Shores that would be awesome I ain't I'm done Ross I ain't suck it

[00:21:56] yo little dick no mo you know what I'm tired of dress

[00:22:00] yeah

[00:22:04] yeah Shores leaves some for a man named Marshall's Marshall oh you want to go back

[00:22:09] did we see this and their friend TJ Maxx is all like what this is eternal

[00:22:23] recurrence this is just people I ain't repeating bits but this is it's more

[00:22:28] than that yeah there's really only four things I'm capable of thinking about

[00:22:32] it's funny I open up Twitter discount retail and then it's funny I don't know

[00:22:37] what it is but I've been on I've been on Twitter since 2009 a decade now whoa

[00:22:42] and every time I open that app used to be website yeah I had my instinct is like

[00:22:49] say something about how French horns are gay or something about monster trucks

[00:22:55] yeah it's just this powerful force in my head to not tweet something about

[00:23:00] French horns or monster yeah and that's it why do you hate French horns man well

[00:23:05] I it's mostly it's all French stuff but yeah it's because everything France

[00:23:10] invented they're like oh this is the French France we did by excuse us we

[00:23:16] just let you know we came up with this whereas no other countries doing this

[00:23:19] that's right they you know they call it a saxophone or fucking trumpet but I

[00:23:24] don't feel like France didn't name it the French and France is like oh we got

[00:23:28] the French press that's very rare on some coffee maker percolator fucking I

[00:23:33] feel like we use the word French to make it sound fancy no no French fries French

[00:23:39] fries they just call him freaks bomb de frete bomb de frete de France called

[00:23:44] the free de France they say from from from free for sure free from feet for

[00:23:51] sure often that's why FF French fries from free yeah so you know that's why

[00:23:58] French horns yeah that makes sense dude what else we got going on man my French

[00:24:06] bread oh yeah French bread I mean you name it let's name French stuff you for you

[00:24:11] name it and I'll tell you um French horns French press French bread French

[00:24:17] fries French like a lot of food French people about like a French tip French

[00:24:23] French nails oh the thank you Adam yeah I forgot about that yeah or French French

[00:24:33] French dip French made outfit French French French dressing French onion

[00:24:38] soup yeah French fries when about that guy isn't there a guy whose last name is

[00:24:49] French French do I hate I hate how France made that guy which was originally

[00:24:55] Jean-Luc Picard's characters name French do it wow they let him keep the last name

[00:25:00] on Star Trek the next enterprise was French Stewart that's right that's what

[00:25:05] they call them but then French doer was born the actual guy French toast of

[00:25:13] course French kissing yes French kissing which everyone kisses with their tongue

[00:25:20] this is just we should just have a three-person family food game starts

[00:25:28] with the letter D and then there's no limit to the amount of answers the

[00:25:33] earth Vader Darth Vader daffodil has these child Donna here Donville Donna

[00:25:44] here Ryan Donna Hugh Donkey Kong Donkey Kong Ryan Donna he's a good one I wouldn't

[00:25:50] saw that our friend Ryan that Shepherd Carilla de Vil mm-hmm darning like

[00:26:04] darning socks yeah active doing that the silver gun from gold nigh I'm

[00:26:12] pretty sure that started with the dark hanging from the three musk yeah

[00:26:17] that's a good one the guy Dom del we disco fries fries with dungaree yeah

[00:26:24] dungarees Daniel de Lewis that's two days draw drones department of defense

[00:26:33] well lots of departments yeah department of state department of education

[00:26:39] department energy I worked in a department department of podcasting

[00:26:44] like a floor there's like a lot a sign on the door that would make me feel good

[00:26:48] about myself yeah if I walked it every day I walked through a door that a sign

[00:26:53] on it knows like oh yeah belonging that's my part of the department I feel I'm a

[00:26:58] part of I'm a piece of what makes this happen instead of doing what I normally

[00:27:02] do we just get up piss in the shower uh-huh and then end up not taking a shower

[00:27:09] it takes too long for the water to get hot my dick is often hard in the morning

[00:27:16] so I just pissed out true true oh you let it just trickle that makes sense yeah I

[00:27:23] just piss all over the wall yep I just kind of angle my cock down my hips down

[00:27:29] hmm so that I'm shooting down straight that my cock straight down that's how I

[00:27:34] deal with the morning or I'll piss into a bottle so just put my whole cock into

[00:27:38] the bottle and piss that way like genie that's right a lot like a genie yeah

[00:27:44] that's what that's how Latin met genie genie gets in the bottle he comes out of

[00:27:50] a guy's hard cock yeah you've never had a friend like me oh is it genie like a

[00:27:55] guy like someone beat off huh it's come that become doesn't become a baby

[00:28:01] becomes a blue come becomes a genie cuz you may come with magic oh I thought it

[00:28:07] was a Latin was pissing in the lamp I'm a genie in a bottle you got to rub me

[00:28:12] the right way yeah you don't have to rub steamy you rub the bottle well she

[00:28:18] I think she's talking about her pussy she's talking about her pussy but it's not

[00:28:22] a good and masturbated by a fellow I feel like it's her clitch she was she's

[00:28:26] talking about this thing and that the women used to be modest in the 90s they

[00:28:29] started talking about being masturbated off by if you want to suck on guys

[00:28:36] they meet in the college yeah wherever girls are going now that's right see

[00:28:40] things all these girls are going to college now then they started

[00:28:43] demanded demanding to be masturbated be able to meet them down outside of CBS

[00:28:47] now they're all going off the you want it you want to meet a nice girl well you

[00:28:53] better hit the book spell because they're not dating guys who learned butterfly

[00:28:57] knife tricks anymore which is a shame which is a shame because that's that's

[00:29:01] who's got good cock yeah I can I can fix motorcycles that I know lighter tricks

[00:29:07] mm-hmm you know but they just want a college boy what are you gonna do continue

[00:29:12] dating your boyfriend of seven years that you met in grad school bitch I can

[00:29:17] make a I can flip a Zippo over look at this look how high I said the lighter to

[00:29:22] go yeah it's going very high I'm I legally modified the lighter I love

[00:29:28] when that shit happens yeah I love a tall ass flame yeah yeah I want you to

[00:29:35] know I keep the shit down on by my waist and that's how I let my secret

[00:29:39] oh my god is that a dragon no bitch it's me yeah I like that guys to get the the

[00:29:45] wire that goes to your belt that attaches to the lighter so someone

[00:29:49] borrows your lighter yeah I can't run away yeah yeah great cool man I like

[00:29:57] those I like the action on those wires though the action is fun yeah but it's

[00:30:02] always for like badges to yeah but they get just like get sucked back yeah very

[00:30:08] cool yeah it's a spring or something is but the people that have them are not

[00:30:12] cool the people that have them early I always liked having lanyards and badges

[00:30:17] what did it make you feel like like I was a comedian on a festival I hated

[00:30:25] them I still have my mic I was supposed to give it back but I kept my key card

[00:30:29] for the Hollywood Center Studios nice a lot so I could go back there and just

[00:30:35] walk right into Bill Mars cabana just fucking crunk kill him I wouldn't say

[00:30:40] that because I do actually have the key part so I wouldn't go so far as to make a

[00:30:45] direct threat to somebody where the huh I already sneaking still works I don't

[00:30:51] know I don't even know where it is I just know that I was supposed to turn it

[00:30:54] back in I forgot that's cool yeah it is cool that's kind of rules I break

[00:31:00] mmm look if you're looking for a guy that has made a lighter bigger

[00:31:05] things back in I'm bitch bitch I might be I'm the nae negligence kind of

[00:31:13] bad you know girls love the one that doesn't know that you're my tenants are

[00:31:18] supposed to have fire alarms yeah there's a lot of acidic bad boys out here

[00:31:26] yeah she's she's always trying to fuck crosses I know they're like well you need

[00:31:32] hot water yeah right they really are annoying they're disgusting no they are

[00:31:40] I was walking back I was walking back from like the kalachi place and there were

[00:31:45] some trucks set up with like a like it would look like a fake ancient temple

[00:31:50] for children on the back with loudspeakers screaming some bullshit yeah the

[00:31:55] mitzvah mobile whatever the fuck I've seen that around yeah I've seen a

[00:32:01] like look we have fun it's like no you don't know it's not none of this looks

[00:32:05] fun you're not cool none yeah you're you are the worst people in branding and

[00:32:10] having fun in the entire world yeah and and they should they they shouldn't even

[00:32:15] try I agree I'm like me if I if I had a truck that entice children onto with

[00:32:21] loud speakers could be one of the sickest trucks yeah what would you have on

[00:32:25] it rappers rappers rappers you'd have to get out like they tell you at school

[00:32:31] being Jewish ain't cool but I think it is I think it's real cool

[00:32:36] it would still be a Jewish truck yeah you have no real connection to the Jewish

[00:32:41] faith none I would just take the source material and do a better I see they

[00:32:46] have a they had like a Jewish rabbi rapper yeah Monticea no not Monticea

[00:32:51] who that named uncle Moishi hell yeah that was uh yeah it's pretty gay you

[00:32:58] fuck kids what a cool name uncle my name is Mushy shmolo yeah I demand to be

[00:33:07] taken seriously oh my name shmooly mooch moochoochooch

[00:33:12] mmm slow mo's the best one I remember the day I love slow mo it's so

[00:33:18] disgusting almost like you're throwing up first of all it rhymes with homo

[00:33:23] check hundred points right there right off the bat and then slow slow is

[00:33:30] long it starts with schlong rhymes with homo and the the sound that it that it

[00:33:36] like adds a schluh well I just like yeah I mean it's just like you could not

[00:33:40] have more of like an unscrupulous businessman a guy that's selling like

[00:33:47] like cars that he's ripped the airbags out oh it's faster it's lighter actually

[00:33:56] I remember the day my mom bought me the modest Yahoo CD she I was like doing

[00:34:01] homework she came in she's like Adam I know you like reggae music so this guy

[00:34:06] is like a rabbi that does reggae and I was just a conversation that happened

[00:34:10] among the Jewish parents that they're all like we've got to get the kids on

[00:34:13] yeah that seriously like everyone's mom was like buying them that CD and I was

[00:34:18] like mom I will never fucking listen to this that sounds like the gayest thing

[00:34:22] in the world like please get out of my room or whatever and then like all of my

[00:34:26] non-Jewish friends at fucking public school were listening to it yeah dude

[00:34:29] mine I was like you have got to be kidding me mine is Yahoo was going off

[00:34:33] yeah it's clever that I don't get how that became successful yeah a couple

[00:34:38] on paper it sounds like the worst thing he was why he wasn't born Jewish is he

[00:34:44] converse converted yeah he was born Jamaican yeah he wanted to get an agent

[00:34:48] and make money in the entertainment industry so he converted because let's

[00:34:54] be honest that guy not that should be a rabbi bullshit away from him he's just

[00:34:58] some fucking white dude that makes reggae music no chances he going at it no the

[00:35:03] rabbi thing I think might have pushed it over the absolute push it to the limit

[00:35:07] there's there was one slot for that guy in snow got it

[00:35:12] suck dicker sublimo I got my to be gay and put it dick in my ass

[00:35:20] get the dick

[00:35:25] I took it boom boom down

[00:35:28] yep oh yeah oh yeah bitch suck dicker he laughing at Adam's smart yeah it's a

[00:35:40] smart point smart like Joker shots out Todd shots out the boy Todd Phillips

[00:35:47] Todd P Todd main man Todd penis Phillips what if

[00:35:55] you're I was pissed off when I found out that wasn't his real hair that curly

[00:35:59] wig that he wears and everything Todd Phillips yeah when he makes you look like

[00:36:03] I don't even know what he looks like just that guy with short regular ass hair I

[00:36:06] was fucking pissed dude oh you thought he was stealing wig valor from ball

[00:36:10] people no no no remember every time it makes the cameos get that curly

[00:36:15] you play I forget like in is he an old school or something he's an old he's an

[00:36:20] old school he's in he's definitely in at the end of Hank in hangover he's like

[00:36:23] eating some woman's pussy in an elevator dude I would love to cast myself in

[00:36:27] that role yeah the role of a guy eating a woman's pussy in an elevator which is

[00:36:32] a cool move I hope to do it someday I haven't elevators are sexy as hell man

[00:36:38] yeah yeah we're in like a metal box with a lady yeah there's buttons that really

[00:36:44] turns me on you like buttons I love the buttons love the ding ding it's just a

[00:36:49] very erotic the lighting is horrible what dang are you talking about microwaves

[00:36:53] elevators oh sorry if you were very small how long do you think it would feel

[00:37:01] good to be in a microwave now I'd for a second not even if I don't think it would

[00:37:05] feel good before you really heat up it might feel kind of nice

[00:37:11] I don't have laughs in like three seconds you'll kind of be nice dude no this is

[00:37:18] why you're so much of an optimist is that you think that an excruciating death

[00:37:22] being cooked from the inside no I've ever put weed that got wet the electric

[00:37:27] chair how good that would feel that's different bro because there's it would

[00:37:31] be nice to feel warm for a sec before it gets really heated up that's what the

[00:37:35] electric chair is like for real yeah the electricity mostly just passes over

[00:37:42] your skin so it burns the shit out of you well if you're at a low setting maybe

[00:37:49] that would be nice do you ever think of that the electric chair of the market

[00:37:54] either one oh you're saying like the lower wattage setting

[00:37:58] the electric chair sick dude it's so cool that they were like let's it's crazy

[00:38:01] they're like hanging is too brutal let's come up with something just that we

[00:38:07] have to come up with a bit more music to the metal yeah well we don't have death

[00:38:12] metal yet so I guess we'll fucking electrocute people in a chair yeah that's

[00:38:17] actually a great point yeah there is no that is not occur naturally you don't

[00:38:23] get electrocuted no why don't they just shoot people that's actually the most

[00:38:28] humane firing squad yeah it's because and someone explained this to me the

[00:38:32] whole like ban on cruel and unusual punishment means to observers so it

[00:38:37] can't be like cruel for people who are observing it whereas the firing squad is

[00:38:42] like the best way to go out it just looks more barbaric you have to have an

[00:38:46] observer there is that all just to like society in general okay yeah that sounds

[00:38:52] stupid as well I think they do it in the entire so lethal injection is the

[00:38:56] literally the worst way to do it really the highest failure rate oh yeah it

[00:39:02] doesn't work yeah yeah you just in pain you're in pain no I thought you go to

[00:39:06] sleep first and then they that often doesn't work so there's like two drugs

[00:39:09] the first one like is supposed to like knock you out knock you out and the

[00:39:13] second one stops your heart but if the first one doesn't because you can't get

[00:39:16] like doctors to do it because of the Hippocratic oath so they just have like

[00:39:20] you know a prison guard fucking prison yeah fuck it I'll do it I'll get over

[00:39:27] Tom for this yeah okay I'll do it is he black yeah if he's black I'll do it but

[00:39:35] if not I do it I brought my own supersoaker I got yeah can I do it with my

[00:39:40] my own supersoaker into the tubes can I put my super so good as a yeah I we

[00:39:46] ran out of the poison so I've been using my piss I've been drowning them in piss

[00:39:53] it's what I do with rats yeah I'll fucking do it fucking who cares I got

[00:39:59] shit to do I got you to do till APM told Raven's play on Thursday yeah I'm

[00:40:07] trying to think how I would like to be executed you wouldn't want the firing

[00:40:12] close side by cop yeah firing Scott appropriate the best yeah yeah I would

[00:40:18] want yeah I would want to just have a big ass gun and kill his other cops

[00:40:21] as possible I saw a video earlier today of a woman jumping off a building and

[00:40:26] that probably that feels cool for probably a couple seconds it's an

[00:40:30] Instagram video and they like they were right there and so you like watch this

[00:40:34] bitch fall in her head like it's like dropping a fucking watermelon on the

[00:40:37] side see like splatter all over fucking scaffolding holy shit you don't feel it

[00:40:46] at all that's instant but you could definitely fuck you could fuck that one

[00:40:50] has to be so scared how far up was that bitch how far up will you shit splatter

[00:40:55] 911 that sucks dude that's crazy those people jumped like a thousand feet no

[00:41:05] one made it right I often think about how I saw that when I was like 13 yeah you

[00:41:12] you're right you are the real victim no but it's like I don't know I think it

[00:41:16] affected yeah for sure damn for real you think 9 11 affected our generator

[00:41:21] no but just the images someone jumping to their death I agree the planes were

[00:41:26] in a scary because the planes look like a movie you know what I didn't think it

[00:41:29] affected us

[00:41:33] I don't like that no it's making my son or just breeder oh my god stop oh

[00:41:51] just wanted to make sure the fans heard Jesus Christ the fans of the show could

[00:41:56] hear that it's like a really really fat wet nutsack slapping your legs no this

[00:42:00] video is brutal I watch it sounds so wet you know what I mean no don't show it to

[00:42:05] me bro watch it why is that allowed on Instagram it's on world star oh that's

[00:42:18] where I get all my news oh fuck dude that bit that was a fucked up video dude

[00:42:25] yeah that sucked well stop you'll be pleased to know that she was rich that

[00:42:30] is good I guess we see a bitch yeah I don't know I don't know any of the details

[00:42:38] I just made that up make you feel better where it happened New York yeah it looks

[00:42:42] like it I mean yeah it's like NYPD in front of it probably wasn't rich dude

[00:42:46] rich people take pills to die do they yeah dude although that was dramatic so

[00:42:53] maybe she was a drama queen yeah of course she was now tell me this she's

[00:42:57] just doing it for attention

[00:43:00] classic woman that's you there those are

[00:43:04] pussy don't worry everybody and may have just been her period opposite the

[00:43:15] coma oh yeah I'm pretty that was a pussy period there's a good chance that it

[00:43:23] was just a period dude that sucked dude I hated that video yeah it made me feel

[00:43:33] bad I really don't like to see people die unless it's in a cool action movie

[00:43:38] unless Keanu Reeves is doing it you remember that I remember the first like

[00:43:42] phases of death video I saw was that pizza guy getting the guy with the

[00:43:46] pizza getting hit by the car mm-hmm you know that no my friend downloaded on

[00:43:51] Napster hell yeah and it was yeah apparently I had no idea what it was from

[00:43:56] I assumed it was from a movie because it's like the shot tracks of them and then

[00:44:00] he gets hit by the car and it was real no it's from an Australian like PSA

[00:44:06] about traffic safety oh none of them were real like red S one I remember

[00:44:11] there's one video of like Russian soldiers like cutting some Chechen

[00:44:14] teenagers throat damn and that one was real but they're like were there

[00:44:19] cartel executions on there yeah I've seen cartel executions those guys are not

[00:44:24] great man it fucks you up just sit there and watch people don't and then I

[00:44:28] don't know you know I don't do it often but you know maybe like once a year like

[00:44:32] five years ago I saw the Isis that journalist guy yeah I can't see I can't

[00:44:38] watch that shit anymore I'm not trying to look at that dude yeah yeah he's so

[00:44:41] afraid to die I saw that cartel be heading with the chainsaw the cartel

[00:44:46] ones are nice because those guys aren't those guys don't give a fuck they don't

[00:44:49] care they're so hard that is cool yeah I want to be like that fuck you yeah yeah

[00:44:54] do the guys like fucking they're like I would be sitting there is handcuffed and

[00:44:59] the guys like starting up a rusty chainsaw and scarf is style he's like my

[00:45:04] name's Miguel I snitched or whatever apologize for snitching

[00:45:16] dude I would be squealing like a fucking pig dude crying I'll be like

[00:45:20] please whatever fuck my ass let me suck you up but we already fucked you we've

[00:45:26] been having sex with you for years then download it off naps you guys to see

[00:45:32] any other fucked up shit off lime wire and after I saw one time I was trying

[00:45:38] to download a nickel lady she had great tits but she had a penis whoa instead

[00:45:44] of a vagina that sounds cool it was freaked up

[00:45:47] instead of what do you mean she just happened to have a penis if she had a

[00:45:52] piece that why are you normalizing women having vaginas that is fucked up yeah

[00:45:56] so one time I did download it's it was like 18 year old Wow way to erase trans

[00:46:02] man thanks it was like 18 year old yeah teen Wow picture off a off of like

[00:46:11] lime wire a cuz are something and I downloaded it and she had a penis so I

[00:46:16] put in the recycle me my dad found it he's like you're downloading unnatural

[00:46:23] things onto the family computer yeah one time I'm pretty sure I download a

[00:46:28] child pornography but other than that but I was a child as well so it's not

[00:46:35] yeah it should be legal right I didn't search it I just he's only a family

[00:46:41] computer on the desktop a folder called stoves folder and just pictures of

[00:46:45] Reese's peanut butter cups stop folder don't touch it was just some homemade

[00:46:58] stuff and I don't I wasn't sure if the people were children but it was just I

[00:47:02] was like I was I couldn't jack off to it and I could jack off to anything at

[00:47:06] that time so yeah the kazade is we're really the wild was the world seeing

[00:47:10] what you're gonna get yeah dude you never just you click on a title of

[00:47:15] something and then you hope that and I had dial up dude so I would set it up

[00:47:18] overnight be days we wake up in the morning and jack off real quick before

[00:47:24] you didn't take that long I remember downloading cuz I would download the

[00:47:28] same picture of how they vary from swordfish yeah and then also some classic

[00:47:33] by the way how they're in swordfish and then also Lisa Welsh miss September

[00:47:38] 1980 I had no idea the time is new the file name so it was like girls tits

[00:47:42] dot jpeg or something yeah and I would download those same two images and beat

[00:47:47] off them which went out it was like two images I'm the king of France yeah so

[00:47:52] much poor yeah we switched back and forth yeah and and I remember that would

[00:47:59] take like 20 minutes to and I would download them every single day yeah

[00:48:03] hell yes I remember beating off three times in a row and the third time instead

[00:48:07] of coming I just started pissing everywhere that is incredible where were

[00:48:17] you in your room yeah I don't know yeah well no hold on not everywhere I mean

[00:48:25] it like I was like oh that's just like piss and then I squeeze your cock off

[00:48:29] do the the thumb over the hole yeah yeah and then you let it and then you shake

[00:48:36] it up like a like a champagne yeah you get an extra hard stream plug it plug

[00:48:41] your yeah then you piss all over the shower which is a tradition I continue

[00:48:46] to this very what were you beating off when you pissed what's that was it those

[00:48:50] two images that cut now that was I think that was I'm pretty sure there was a

[00:48:56] girl who I did not find attractive she was sitting across for me and it was like

[00:49:03] oh in real life you well a memory okay sitting across me and like her fucking

[00:49:09] shorts had been moved over and I could see some of her pubes yeah oh yeah and I

[00:49:14] forget what grade I was in but that that'll do is that age in middle school

[00:49:19] and I fucking yeah I had to beat off so bad I remember a similar thing a girl

[00:49:26] home a girl I did not find attractive same thing but she stretched and you

[00:49:30] could see the top of her pubes come out for a sec mm-hmm that was I beat off to

[00:49:35] that as well dude I got so horny for that apps dude stretching and just catching

[00:49:41] a little glimpse of Penny yeah oh dude one of my my middle school like girls

[00:49:46] were like really into showing off their thong straps that like became a game it

[00:49:51] was it I didn't it not if they saw it did it on purpose dude they all

[00:49:55] railed tailed on purpose that'd be forbidden fruit this is about having access

[00:50:01] something you're not supposed to be hacking yeah I know it's like swordfish

[00:50:05] yeah it was yes exactly that's the plot of swordfish yeah I love being a

[00:50:11] sexual hack don't you find out at the end of swordfish that they're they're

[00:50:14] hacking for the government they're like they're doing terrorism to terrorists

[00:50:19] or something that movie sucks so bad and I rocks the John Travolta sucks I do I

[00:50:24] want to see I remember like the Fred Durst directed one dude that looks awesome

[00:50:28] which one he plays like an insane fan with like a fucked up haircut clown

[00:50:32] fish just clown fish clown fish he's an insane clown posse guy but getting your

[00:50:38] dick sucked but he is not going to start the fun called insane brown posse and

[00:50:44] did this only brownie brownie brown and dark day and ours that's a good idea

[00:50:52] yeah it's Mindy Kaling for a Kumeo non-jiani of course and 17 other people that are

[00:51:01] just different versions of those two what about Lilly Singh did you see that

[00:51:05] awesome show she stole she stole Mary Beth Baroque joke yeah what about that

[00:51:09] bitch that said that she just found out about 9 11 oh yeah Jamila Jamil yeah

[00:51:14] I haven't watched any of the Lilly Singh show but it's like there's no way it's

[00:51:17] less funny than fucking Stephen Colbert so is it good she don't know man it's

[00:51:23] pretty bad it's it actually literally might be I know what you're saying but

[00:51:28] it's just a comedy she's a youtuber she did a sketch where it was like they've

[00:51:34] had four different kinds of jokers but they haven't had this one and it was the

[00:51:38] whole sketch was it's a woman Joker yeah yeah everyone's making that joke but

[00:51:46] there was no jokes she's like a boss she's like hey can you have the reports

[00:51:50] done oh she just was wearing the make up no no not even hair just kind of had

[00:51:56] lipstick there was a little it was the one of the dumbest things I've ever seen

[00:51:59] what I'm telling you bro I did not understand that's a bad shit yeah that's

[00:52:05] crazy mm-hmm and and the whole thing was like I'm the first woman of what is she

[00:52:12] seek and something why is it last name sing I don't know man did you have to be

[00:52:17] seek to have the well you see don't have last names they don't they only have

[00:52:23] one name and then sing means like dude and then the one for a girl is sing a

[00:52:28] poor no they forget the fucking girl version I don't know if it's a seek thing

[00:52:33] because there was a golfer named VJ Singh who didn't have a turban well you

[00:52:39] don't have to have a turban to be seek do you I thought you don't cut your hair

[00:52:43] and you were a turban every single one I thought that's the rules seek

[00:52:47] politician in Canada yeah Frankie Frankie Underwood yeah Frankie Underwood

[00:52:57] yeah I know him Kevin spaces should come back as a Sikh guy that would be a

[00:53:02] lot I found God I found God I take a break and I found God he's got long ass

[00:53:08] hair to turban the big eyelashes bracelet my man straight killed the guy yeah no

[00:53:17] one gives a fuck no one cares that's life that's life that's life that is life

[00:53:26] I'm good suckin a dick and may eat in the

[00:53:30] nastion June but honey I know one day I'll open that hole for you and that

[00:53:41] hole is my ass it's now or never when I was 17 I sucked some guys day was that a

[00:53:53] famous song before sopranos or did sopranos put that song you're asking

[00:53:58] Frank's was popular before but that's not one of his famous songs yes it is

[00:54:02] yes it is people know my way people don't fly me to the moon out of your mind

[00:54:07] I'm being a one of being serious that is an incredibly big song I feel like

[00:54:13] sopranos kind of put that on the map I don't even remember it being in the

[00:54:17] sopranos yeah me it's a fucking the opening to a season like season okay

[00:54:22] you know what it's like I don't even associate it with the sopranos it's like

[00:54:25] I'm not gonna remember just like I don't remember any other instance of Frank's

[00:54:28] and Atro on the fucking sopranos I remember that song and I think season

[00:54:34] the no that's premier of either two or three Adam that I won't shut up that's

[00:54:40] that was an earnest question the sopranos put that song on the I feel like

[00:54:45] it was like a secondary snotra song that kind of where the top song woke up this

[00:54:50] morning top sopranos so you got my way the the song from the theme of married

[00:55:05] with children no way that's not a top one that so that's another question was

[00:55:12] that a secondary snotra that married with children blew up I mean it's

[00:55:17] probably that one's definitely more associated with married with children

[00:55:20] yeah then snotra but the question it that is ridiculous I don't think it is

[00:55:25] when I had said I was 21 I had gay sex again I had gay sex again so I will

[00:55:37] everything I've said about I know I said like the joke or whatever but I would I

[00:55:42] would 100% and like I think it's stupid that it was so Batman involved like I

[00:55:47] don't need to see that the boy or whatever but I would 100% watch a Joker

[00:55:52] where it's like the norm McDonald is threatening Seth Simon's on what does

[00:55:56] he say so Seth Simon's got same energy and he posted a picture of the Joker and

[00:56:01] Donald Trump which is like shot got oh my god you fucking loser and fucking

[00:56:08] Norm McDonald wrote hey you fucking piece of shit it's you that's the Joker

[00:56:12] failed stand up to kill someone who got a TV show I cannot wait to meet you and I

[00:56:17] will that's so that is awesome

[00:56:27] norm just like fuck you bitch fuck talk to him Norman got his ass got his gay

[00:56:41] I want a soundboard with that woman's exploding and then that old guy

[00:56:46] getting kicked off this time so wet got his ass

[00:56:52] I'll sue what that would I would hate to hear that noise again what ladies no no

[00:56:59] the guy can go there yeah got his ass got his his beer shattering Seth

[00:57:05] Simon's just replies weird tweet weird tweet is that what he said yeah everyone

[00:57:12] thinks I'm a faggot weird a tweet I just noticed that I just decided to make

[00:57:17] myself a professional tattle tale and now everyone thinks I'm a faggot doesn't

[00:57:20] like me interesting what a fucking loser man yeah I hope that guy feels bad

[00:57:29] every fucking day who Seth Simon's he doesn't know he just hoping to like is

[00:57:34] he so wait that guy's trying to be a comedian still no he's just trying to be

[00:57:38] like someone that people think is a good person talk about making art when

[00:57:45] people cloun he thinks he's a poet I think no yeah that rules yeah yeah yeah

[00:57:53] is being a man wanting to be a poet it's like someone actually DM me after

[00:57:59] hearing us talk about him on the show to say that they went to middle school with

[00:58:02] him yeah I got that same DM yeah I didn't what do they say I don't know that he

[00:58:08] liked random humor well they were the kind of defending him to me and he was

[00:58:13] like please don't kill him it's like it's too late I already got his address look

[00:58:18] it's a go listen I can't call this off look I'm tactical when I get when it

[00:58:24] comes down the chain of command which is a series of characters in my head that

[00:58:28] I've created to avoid responsibility for my actions when the orders come down

[00:58:34] the pipeline with my coping mechanism to keep my conscious clear while I'm

[00:58:41] murder people right when the joint chiefs of staff that I fully hallucinate

[00:58:45] my living room there's just an admiral we just walking and he's like it got

[00:58:55] damn it it's too dangerous I told you I'm out of the game so yet with a blindfold

[00:59:03] on assembling an M16 yeah somebody else found an article he wrote years ago about

[00:59:12] SNL firing Katie Rich or whatever and about like I guess he was a free speech guy

[00:59:18] you know years ago because of the Baron Trump thing right yeah that's the thing

[00:59:23] he doesn't like he's so no longer a free speech guy well you know lock and

[00:59:28] change yeah which is what makes him an enemy of freedom which makes him and

[00:59:33] then the Punisher mass comes down does he wear the mask the pun who said Simon

[00:59:38] Punisher mass comes down no that's just a logo I think he's I don't think he wears

[00:59:42] a mask he's not a coward he doesn't need a mask yeah he wants to he wants you to

[00:59:45] look into the eyes of the man who's punishing was his name Frank Templar

[00:59:49] something like that yeah I think it's yeah Kelly and Frank temple Frank Douglas

[00:59:54] Frank Frankie Frankie names names Frankie Underwood the Punisher rank

[01:00:01] there no character named Frank Sinatra that's good I like you know that's already

[01:00:06] a guy well I already drew the whole look it's drawn it's eroded so it's the

[01:00:12] guy's name I use man and this is friend Benjamin Franklin it's all in pen I'm a

[01:00:19] professional you want me to not use pen oh sorry like a fuck I guess dramatically

[01:00:24] tearing all the pages trying to raise it I guess oh I'll try to erase it but I

[01:00:29] can't because it's pen tearing up oh there's already 200 copies made and

[01:00:35] already off to the stores his name's Frank Sinatra the Punisher the legal

[01:00:43] department handle that oh I'm fired now could you name a character that like a

[01:00:49] famous guy's name and it I mean I guess it's just a name right yeah like you could

[01:00:54] just make a superhero named Frank Sinatra not addressing it would be weird well

[01:00:58] you would most certainly get sued why with Frank Sinatra was so alive he died in

[01:01:04] 9-11 right he did yeah I feel like he was in the suit and type you know he'd

[01:01:08] send some guys to come over and have a little talk like hey everyone attention

[01:01:14] I just like everyone at Bergman and Associates you know for Karen's 57th

[01:01:21] birthday we have a special guest Frank Sinatra is gonna be singing in the office

[01:01:26] hey everybody how are you thanks for having me at the 110th floor of the

[01:01:31] North Tower it's a beautiful morning 802 a.m. how you doing beautiful clear skies

[01:01:46] I'm so glad I don't have to take the elevator take so long doesn't it folks

[01:01:51] to get down those stairs and there's a beautiful big bird outside saying hello

[01:01:58] and he's getting closer

[01:02:07] yeah Frank Sinatra was doing a improv cruding for 57 year old last moment he

[01:02:14] really didn't even money he didn't need to be there at all he was just trying to

[01:02:17] be nice yeah it was 802 a.m. so you got it up at round 6 a.m. 530 how to get in

[01:02:22] hair and makeup obviously was a man this this this jet fuel was hot but not as

[01:02:27] hot as Palm Springs and my relatives and gentlemen you need a break from Vegas

[01:02:33] check it out so he was Italian but he had blue eyes huh something doesn't

[01:02:39] matter special special no no that just means he was one of a kind you know he

[01:02:43] was you know also is Italian and blue eyes blue eyes Jesus Christ yeah that's

[01:02:48] true crystal clear blue eyes it's true that is what he looked like yep he

[01:02:52] basically looked like Dean Martin Italian Jesus with long hair

[01:02:57] gorgeous like your own yeah Italian yeah some under dunk the bread make the sauce

[01:03:13] what about a look at Jake Jake screen capping Norm McDonald's tweet being

[01:03:18] like oh what do you say because he doesn't want it he doesn't want to quote

[01:03:23] Norm McDonald because he doesn't want he doesn't want to know I'm a don't yeah

[01:03:27] doesn't want to deal it talking on my norm can you say something mean about

[01:03:32] this guy we've been yeah what is norm up to these days dude he's been on sports

[01:03:40] he's chilling at the crib do you follow him on Instagram no is he a good

[01:03:45] insta follow he just joined nice he's the best man the podcast is living life I

[01:03:51] don't know if the podcast the first two seasons of that podcast were great yeah

[01:03:56] the first one was unbelievable someone just so funny someone to fuck boom boom

[01:04:04] boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom

[01:04:11] what was that song even about it's a sex thing your personal Jesus having

[01:04:16] your own Jesus yeah but is it like I'll be come on man it's right there in the

[01:04:20] title but what does that mean wait you got like dumbass music questions you

[01:04:26] really do first did anyone know about Frank Sinatra before the

[01:04:29] sopranos that's not what I asked for beta actually for the record that is

[01:04:34] not what I asked number two is the Pesh mode real is that an actual mode

[01:04:39] that you can what is that a D Pesh mode well the Pesh is the Gary Goldman thing

[01:04:45] to Pesh yeah what about Joe DePeshy you're on

[01:04:54] personal so what yep what do you want your own personal Jesus over here Joe

[01:05:01] DePeshy mode what do you want your own fucking personal Jesus over here what

[01:05:08] what do I look like a clown right look like a your own personal Jesus what I

[01:05:14] look like a fucking Jesus guy or something is that what I look like do the

[01:05:21] Pesh what does the Pesh mean the push it's some gay British word they made up

[01:05:28] yeah life's gay yeah so fucking true yeah look how cool they look no yeah it

[01:05:36] looks kind of like Shia LaBeouf I can't wait to see that shy movie about his

[01:05:40] dad yeah I love the trailer his dad is a man

[01:05:43] Adams man that shy stole his idea for a movie I wanted to make a movie where I

[01:05:47] play my dad yeah I take roller-playing lessons for like three years to prepare

[01:05:52] for the role oh she is playing his own father yeah and then he hired some like

[01:05:56] even Steven's looking at his kid to play him just what mm-hmm whose his dad is

[01:06:00] like a his dad is some loser that like was like a wanted to be a Hollywood actor

[01:06:05] and then his son became a famous actor that's weird that's a weird movie

[01:06:10] interesting though I think he's a drunk to or something or stunt man maybe what

[01:06:16] if he fucks his dad was David Foster Wallace was he would never take off the

[01:06:21] bandana I was in the impression that Shiloh Buff's father was Shia Foster

[01:06:25] with famous comedian David Foster Wallace did famous bit lover of bandanas yeah

[01:06:31] my man was probably the number one white bandana where what about Axel Rose

[01:06:35] other than I was gonna say Brett Brett Michaels what was that why didn't

[01:06:39] anybody stop him I could who David Foster Wallace yeah I think he was probably

[01:06:43] bald I think I think he probably was no I think it was probably an insecurity

[01:06:48] thing bro then you don't use a fucking bandana just wear a hat yeah but guys

[01:06:53] like that are so like like genius personality types there's like so they

[01:06:57] have like weird quirks like that yeah it's like I kind of like me yeah no you

[01:07:02] consider yourself a genius type I am no not at all I do yeah and I am what's

[01:07:09] your personal flair a genius type is a self-described genius I never said that

[01:07:17] I was talking about David Foster Wallace oh what is it Dietzen Watson or Borshead

[01:07:23] that's the question Americans are asking this week when the sandwich wars

[01:07:28] we're in the midst of a sandwich trade war Diane I would say Borshead yeah

[01:07:35] Borshead yeah all right moving on to our next segment you're watching I'm drunk

[01:07:41] news morning you're watching the prompter broke and my dick is hard dude the

[01:07:48] matlour stuff is so funny oh yeah he just raped someone can you imagine that

[01:07:52] matlour he raped again you're missing into a key and then you about it yeah

[01:07:56] oh yeah I thought we knew about that though imagine you're at the Sochi

[01:07:59] Olympics getting fired up over curl and you're like I gotta fuck somebody in the

[01:08:03] ass did he fuck someone in the end yeah dude he went into like some interns

[01:08:08] fucking hotel room and like jeez fuck her in the ass yeah what and she

[01:08:14] reported it yeah and they were just like no matlowers like actually she was my

[01:08:18] girlfriend is that really what he said yeah what yeah he's like that bitch is my

[01:08:24] bitch you're honor you're honor here's yeah on a of me taking her the cheesecake

[01:08:31] factory she was my bitch that bitch is she's lying and she's my bitch actually

[01:08:37] yeah and I could prove it she's got lauer tattooed under her left butt cheek

[01:08:42] that's how you know she's property for the whole squad you think you think the

[01:08:47] you think the guys of the more of that morning show ever fucked together like

[01:08:51] Matt Matt and and definitely I'll rocker for sure on retainer yeah yeah he did

[01:08:59] the weather damn it's work is a kid you see all these people that are adults

[01:09:03] that get paid the smile yeah you don't realize that they're all just sex

[01:09:07] perverts you know yeah I'll tell you who definitely has bodies on him

[01:09:14] Seacrest for sure I don't think so I think that dude I think that dude is like

[01:09:19] like huffs like jencom and has like the darkest personal secret life yeah I

[01:09:25] think like and then he like gets to work in a drug haze and then he's like

[01:09:29] camera turns on he's like Ariana Grande and Justin Bieber you know you know okay

[01:09:34] I can see that I think it's an extreme I want to make a movie out of that honestly

[01:09:38] I think it's like a guy that's so empty lot of movie whose whole life whose whole

[01:09:42] life is jealous of of shy LaBeouf and that's why you got so many I'm trying to

[01:09:46] be like a LaBeouf I'm trying to like try to pivot honestly so when you say you

[01:09:51] mean you mean like a character like the Joker maybe yeah no no that's good about

[01:09:58] David Joker Wallace oh and that's a movie where because everyone's saying the

[01:10:03] Joker's dumb but how about a movie about what if the Joker was David the

[01:10:10] smartest man of a long time the smartest person who wrote some long gay

[01:10:15] book that I'm not a guy that's how you know it's smart because it's so long to

[01:10:19] who would do the real hard work of figuring out whether lobsters are sad

[01:10:24] that kind of essay though the kind of thing it takes a genius to think about

[01:10:29] I do is is my lunch upset what is it what is it

[01:10:33] implication you want to go get lobster right now I would I would love a lobster

[01:10:38] role how about David lobster well yes you like a buttery lobster roll or a

[01:10:44] mmm-hmm I like Joker lobster fag it's it's a lobster and Joker makeup but he's

[01:10:52] also gay oh yeah that oh yeah that is correct mm-hmm I don't think we're gonna

[01:11:04] do better than Joker what was it lobster fag that's right I don't think we're gonna

[01:11:08] tell that pay attention for that and the upcoming shy lobof movie that's

[01:11:14] right so come see us at funny moms tomorrow I don't actually I don't know

[01:11:20] if I'll be there but just comes to the show anyway and fat Tuesdays every

[01:11:25] Tuesday at the stand I'm gonna be in Detroit this weekend the 19th and 20th

[01:11:30] and Kalamazoo in Detroit and then I'm doing mother freaking I'm gonna be in

[01:11:35] Lafayette Louisiana New Orleans on the eighth and ninth of November I'm gonna

[01:11:40] be in Atlanta I'm gonna be in Bridgeport Connecticut I'm gonna be in fucking the

[01:11:44] stress factory so just go to stavey.biz

[01:11:49] slash tour we also gonna be in like Houston I'm gonna be in Baltimore

[01:11:53] Thanksgiving all type of shit but come to funny moms come to fat Tuesdays

[01:11:58] every Monday and Tuesday go to cuteguyskissing.com that's Adams background

[01:12:05] back home page and go to come downtown and buy t-shirts from our boy Nick and

[01:12:12] anything else boys no do you agree that that's your back that's your web page

[01:12:18] I was pissing out in here we do you agree say yes or no yes I agree that's

[01:12:22] right you do all right goodbye everyone