Cum Town | Premium | 10/21/2019
[00:00:00] car. All right, we're live. We're freaking live, bitch.
[00:00:05] Well, premium of us are premium. Welcome to premium come
[00:00:08] town. I don't have to think about anything. No ads. Nothing
[00:00:12] to think of. No thoughts. Just putting 60 minutes on the on
[00:00:17] the stopwatch. And as soon as it hits zero 60 minutes 01
[00:00:23] check out, we are not understanding the difference between
[00:00:25] seconds and minutes. Check it getting ready to clock out.
[00:00:30] Come on, isn't it 60 seconds on the time? That's 60 minutes
[00:00:35] that we that's what we would do. Yeah, I said that we'd stop
[00:00:38] at 60 minutes and one second. Oh, yeah. Yeah, nice. Yeah, you
[00:00:43] guys ever watch the show 60 minutes. Let's start there.
[00:00:45] Mm hmm. Yeah. Morely safer. What a name. How about a show
[00:00:50] called 60 seconds, right? And it's fucking was it was name
[00:00:54] Mike Wallace. Mm hmm. And he's like, there's some people say
[00:00:58] that Muslims are good, but other people say that they're bad.
[00:01:00] This has been 60 seconds. I like that, man. He's a 45 second
[00:01:05] commercial. Yep. You get that that old motherfucker. Yeah,
[00:01:10] who's dead. Who? Andy Rooney. Oh, yeah. Oh, with the eyebrows.
[00:01:15] I'm gay. Am I? I'm gay. I don't like being gay. I was
[00:01:20] straight. I'm gay and I'm a grouch. Gay is that everyone makes
[00:01:25] fun of you struggling. It's not my fault that I'm gay. I just
[00:01:28] before this one. Struggling with sexuality. Andy Rooney. Yeah.
[00:01:34] Often I felt like a girl. I've asked people to introduce me as
[00:01:38] her, but they refuse to do it. Why can't I use the bathroom that
[00:01:43] I want to use? I'm not showing my penis to a child. And if I
[00:01:46] did, it would just be to be instructive. I'm not trying to
[00:01:50] fuck them. I want to have sex with other people of gender
[00:01:54] confusion. Is that how it works? I don't know. I don't fucking
[00:01:59] know anything. I think I'm I'm fine using the the bathroom that
[00:02:04] you identify, but I'm against gender neutral bathrooms. And
[00:02:09] that's only because the other night I took a real nasty one
[00:02:13] and there was a super hot girl right back. Fuck them. What
[00:02:16] do you think yet? It's not it was embarrassing. Good. I felt
[00:02:20] well, you should feel powerful. I don't know if that's how I
[00:02:24] would feel. You should feel bad. Yeah. I like to go into the
[00:02:28] bathroom and I put on fucking I take shit with me. You want to
[00:02:32] have to shit. You take poop with me? I leave it in the
[00:02:37] you move afloat. My beats pill in the bathroom. I put on goodbye
[00:02:41] horses. Tuck my penis or my legs dance. Come in. I go, would
[00:02:49] you fuck me? I'd fuck me. And they're like, we just listen, we
[00:02:54] want to give you an award. Yep. For bravery. Yeah, a purple
[00:03:00] heart for valor. That's me. Oh, you can't be trans in the
[00:03:06] military, right? Trump said that's not allowed anymore. Yeah,
[00:03:09] who knows who gives a shit. Fuck the military. That's true.
[00:03:12] Yeah, it's good for trans people. That's what I say. Damn.
[00:03:16] That's right. If there's a war, we should say we're trains.
[00:03:18] Yeah, 100%. Where would you? I'm putting I'm putting she
[00:03:23] she her in my bio. The second the draft drops. You honestly
[00:03:27] would be funded. You shave that mustache. Yeah, you come
[00:03:30] your hair to the side to be drafted. No, I thought the draft
[00:03:34] in World War two went up to like 40, didn't it? I think it goes
[00:03:37] up to like 38. Well, then I'm not too old. You're too old. I'm
[00:03:46] too fat like military ages like you're gonna list until you're
[00:03:49] 38 now or something. But I don't think they draft you past
[00:03:52] like fucking 29 or something. But also you have to be a
[00:03:57] physical specimen. No, you don't be drafted in a draft. I watch
[00:04:03] some Peter Jackson, the NFL draft about World War one when they
[00:04:07] took all this like World War one footage and then colorized it
[00:04:09] and then like, Oh, yeah, yeah, smoothed it out or whatever. Was
[00:04:12] it good? I heard it was good. It's good. Yeah, I saw a clip. It
[00:04:15] looks the clip of the trailer. The world was so goddamn funny.
[00:04:19] There's all these like British people. They're like, I guess
[00:04:21] we're having a war. They're like, what's that? Like, I don't
[00:04:23] know, but everybody's signing up. Like no one knew what it was.
[00:04:27] They were like, yeah, I thought German people were fine. I
[00:04:30] didn't know what was happening or why we were in Germany. But
[00:04:33] everyone was signing up. So I did. And then like, you know, they
[00:04:36] get there and it's like, yeah, one of my mates is half his head
[00:04:41] exploded when she'll went off near him. And wait, like they
[00:04:45] would do like, you know, they're like, if you didn't have your
[00:04:47] gas mask, what you would do is you would soak your shirt and
[00:04:50] piss and shove it in your mouth. And no solution for everything
[00:04:55] was pissed. Like you know, your boots to be too tight. So you'd
[00:05:00] have to loosen them up with the piss. We would piss in the boots
[00:05:02] and let him soak for a couple of days. Dude, one of the funniest
[00:05:07] Wikipedia pages is the Polish military in World War one. Like
[00:05:11] Poland was so behind technologically. I guess it's why
[00:05:14] people are mean to Polish people because they're like,
[00:05:17] because they're like the rednecks of Europe or something. But
[00:05:20] yeah, they just they had they tried swords and stuff.
[00:05:24] They got mowed down by trying to try to fucking like with
[00:05:29] tend to sort is like a lifesaver. Yeah, they're like, yeah,
[00:05:35] Dude, World War two sounds so fucking well, World War one or
[00:05:39] one one. Yeah, this trenches, they're all just being digging
[00:05:42] tunnels. Like your entire company gets gas and then you're
[00:05:45] all blind. For the rest of your life. You're just you and all
[00:05:50] your your mates and blokes are fucking blind. You never get to
[00:05:54] see a red splotchy titty again for the rest of your life.
[00:05:57] You know, I thought it was quite fun. I wanted to get my go
[00:05:59] with Jerry. So he's so end up. And then
[00:06:04] yeah, just fucking. So they were gassing and they were
[00:06:07] gas mustard gas mustard gas being shell because like you
[00:06:10] didn't really you didn't get shot. I mean, they were like
[00:06:12] snipers and stuff, but you die from like indirect fire. Oh,
[00:06:16] so be nothing but like just being shelved all fucking day
[00:06:19] long, which like, you know, even if it's not hitting you, like
[00:06:24] you just have your you're going deaf. Yeah, you're being your
[00:06:27] skulls being fucking vibrated constantly. There's no way out
[00:06:31] any way you turn. There's just fucking explosions. God damn.
[00:06:34] So like they're all just deeply PTSD. Yeah, you know, they
[00:06:38] don't have a name for shell shock, baby. Yeah. Damn, you know,
[00:06:42] they beat the hell out of their kids. Yeah, the guys there's one
[00:06:46] guy explaining like running across like the field, I guess
[00:06:50] when they're no man's land. Yeah, when they're like trying to
[00:06:53] get over to the other trench or whatever, move the front
[00:06:56] forward. And he's like, you know, and you know, in that
[00:07:00] moment, you know, you're just going to get the chop. It's not
[00:07:03] just a matter of when you know, he's left and right. This guy's
[00:07:07] you know, his leg came off and then fucking yeah, just like half
[00:07:12] his face was sheered off and his he's like probably the most
[00:07:15] day, the most amazing display of anatomy of her because
[00:07:19] somebody's just like opened up. And he's like, you know, the
[00:07:21] shooter shooter guy in the head because his eyeball was like
[00:07:24] hanging out and fucking, you know, his innards were all exposed.
[00:07:27] Jesus Christ. And then the guys like explaining like
[00:07:30] dissociating or whatever while running across the field. And
[00:07:34] he's like, you can taste the roof of your mouth. And like, you
[00:07:37] know, you like smell the inside of your nose. He's like, you
[00:07:40] just fucking like, you're just gone. God damn. Yeah. Like a
[00:07:45] like an art bitch with like a septum looking out the window.
[00:07:48] It was because of machine guns, right? Why? Like the reason
[00:07:51] they got stuck in the trenches was like before that wars hadn't
[00:07:55] really been fought with machine guns and like artillery or
[00:07:58] whatever. Yeah, artillery. Yeah. They would just be muskets
[00:08:02] before they'd like line up on a battle. But then machine guns
[00:08:07] were invented. That's fucking cool. You couldn't do that. You
[00:08:09] would put on a fucking your finest, gayest uniform. Yeah,
[00:08:13] red shit. If you had if you had it. I mean, part of that, I
[00:08:16] mean, you always had to like buy your own shit. So there's
[00:08:18] people just showing up like naked. Just a guy in sweats.
[00:08:24] With a shitty fucking gun is that made? Yeah. Yeah. How
[00:08:30] like getting clown for being poor at war? Well, even
[00:08:32] World War one, like, you know, they didn't have regular
[00:08:35] uniforms. I mean, they had like uniforms, but it's like you
[00:08:38] just picked like if your shit didn't fit, you'd be fucked.
[00:08:40] Damn. And then you only issued one uniform. Damn. And you have
[00:08:43] to like stay in that and it's designed poorly. So your shoes
[00:08:46] get wet and then your foot you get like gangrene. Yeah, the
[00:08:49] cut your legs off sleeping in like little tunnels and shit. You
[00:08:53] just sleep in the trenches to get rained on. And then pictures
[00:08:57] of like battlefields from World War one or hilarious because
[00:08:59] it's like it was like a French town. But then it just looks
[00:09:03] like hell. Yeah, because it's like everything's been like
[00:09:06] blown the fuck up. It's just all mud and like broken tree
[00:09:09] trunks and like the remnants of a church. Damn, dude. Yeah. And
[00:09:14] the reason it all started is because someone killed some
[00:09:18] fucking random guy. The great grandfather. The guy who's
[00:09:23] like a Serbian issue. Yeah. And I yeah, spilled all the leaders
[00:09:29] of Europe were like cousins. And then they were like you
[00:09:33] fuck with my dumbass Albanian cousin, dude, I'm about to
[00:09:36] fuck you. Yeah, kind of. It is fucking funny that they were
[00:09:41] just all cut. It's just like family squabbles like Greece had a
[00:09:44] king and it was just some German guy. Yeah, they like Mary
[00:09:48] people off. They're just like, yeah, you guys now that now that
[00:09:51] the world now the world war two's over you guys get a king. We're
[00:09:54] just gonna put a German guy in here. He's just gonna rule you.
[00:09:59] But then we told him to suck our fucking hard cocks. Hell, yeah.
[00:10:02] Yeah, thank God the world's not run by a small cabal of a
[00:10:07] That's true. Yeah. Thank God. It's not like that. Thank God.
[00:10:12] It's not descendants of the banking family that was in power
[00:10:15] at the time. Oh, that was happening. Literally the same
[00:10:19] exact family. It would. Yeah. What is up with the Rothschilds?
[00:10:24] Is that just the anti Semitic thing or no, it's real. It's real.
[00:10:28] I don't know. Adam, you want to weigh in? I've never met them.
[00:10:31] I just know the jail electronic. I don't talk about people
[00:10:34] that I've never met. You know, electronic like fucked like
[00:10:37] has a child with like some with a Roth child. So it's like, yeah,
[00:10:40] he's never making music again. Yeah. He was about to drop that
[00:10:44] album. Yeah. And then he nutted aside. It's one of the six Jewish
[00:10:48] banking families. Great granddaughter. And it's like, yeah,
[00:10:51] this man's just gonna be on a fucking good for God. Dude, I
[00:10:54] know if you're a Roth child and you're listening to this and you
[00:10:58] want some of this fine, fine Greek nut. Mm hmm. Blasted inside
[00:11:04] your rich Jewish pussy. Yeah, I'm never I've never seen them at
[00:11:08] the meeting. So they're past it. They're not even they don't go
[00:11:12] to the they don't go to the meeting. They're they're post
[00:11:14] Jewish. Yeah. They're they're so rich. They don't even have to
[00:11:17] be Jewish. Is that that's kind of like that's like going super
[00:11:21] sane if you're Jewish. Yeah, money is like going up in power
[00:11:25] level. That's the goal. And you want to you want to go super
[00:11:28] sane and become a Roth child. Mm hmm. Jeff Epp was on that level.
[00:11:31] He was getting there. He was getting there. But then they had
[00:11:34] a the haters had to take them down. All right, Pete Jeff taken
[00:11:38] down by the haters, dude. Dude, I can't stand the haters.
[00:11:45] And he honestly all he did. Yeah. Where did he come from? Was
[00:11:50] he it's like, I don't know, maybe Nick knows, but I think it's
[00:11:53] pretty it's pretty hazy. I know it's from New York, but he's not
[00:11:58] like from some famous family or anything. No, his brother was
[00:12:04] Money or whatever. Let's talk to him. Can we get him on the
[00:12:07] podcast? Frank Epstein? Mark Epstein. Billy Epstein. Billy
[00:12:12] Ray Epstein. Don't fuck my kid. My Eddie Betty kid. Yeah, my
[00:12:17] brother does some weird stuff. I don't know about him. We kind of
[00:12:22] lost touch. Yeah. Don't suck my dick. My fucking little dick.
[00:12:34] Please like my motherfucking ass. I'm fucking gay. My dick is
[00:12:40] fucking small. I want to get so go by guy. Yeah.
[00:12:47] So sure. Yeah, dude, I would not want to be in world. Take a
[00:12:51] war that you'd want to be in. Not World War two, dude. I'll tell
[00:12:54] you that much or World War one. I guess I would like to be I
[00:13:01] guess I would like to throw on my fucking I want to be like a
[00:13:04] drummer boy in the British Army when they were just mowing down
[00:13:08] everybody. Oh, I'd want to be a USO performer.
[00:13:16] One of the hot girls that came with yeah, Jerry Lewis to yeah,
[00:13:20] I'd want to be Bob Hope. One of the girls Bob Hope was
[00:13:22] molesting. I want to be in drag. It was Bob Hope. Grandpa
[00:13:25] Simpson's just guessing didn't do what he probably yeah. I
[00:13:30] don't know. USO tours, man. Well, that's what people were
[00:13:32] saying when the Frank and stuff came out there. Like that's
[00:13:34] just USO culture. Yeah, I got molested in when I was in
[00:13:45] By bent by bent by stop. I'm going to tell you what I brought
[00:13:52] you here. He's got olive oil and a spritzer. He starts missing
[00:13:59] you. Like what's going on? He's like, I'll explain in a
[00:14:06] Damn, that would be I would not like to get molested as a
[00:14:09] grown man. I was 25 by by a former Mormon clean
[00:14:13] comedian. Yeah, it was very funny. It's very funny.
[00:14:16] Shouts out to bets. Sorry, man. I didn't mean to claim that
[00:14:21] What's the cut off from all our station? If I'm 25, that
[00:14:29] complete penis completely inside. Nothing else counts.
[00:14:33] The cut off is busting. Yeah, as long as you don't bust as
[00:14:39] that leave is that in the legal? No, then the book the law
[00:14:43] books in the penetration in illegal. Ain't no penetration
[00:14:49] Classic. Classic. Classic. One of the classic
[00:14:56] dishes. I'm gonna say I'm a judge. In case I'm gonna be the
[00:15:02] dog. That's right. Any kind of any penetration in the
[00:15:13] Paying to decide. Put your diaper to the side. She already
[00:15:27] She's working this inbox. Thank you for playing that. You're
[00:15:38] going. You are going to jail. First of all, it is legal.
[00:15:41] You really should have video that dude is trying to get off
[00:15:44] or get a life sentence by singing to the judge. And I tell
[00:15:48] you, I'm sorry. But what I've done. You know, judges like
[00:16:11] Like no, no, I got the gift of song. Sorry. This is my power.
[00:16:20] My favorite guy that was in jail is the guy that told the
[00:16:24] prosecutor that she's thicker than a bull whoa, then he does
[00:16:28] the does the finger guns at it. They got fucking rules.
[00:16:33] Yeah, I got no respect. Check that out guys. If you're out
[00:16:36] there on the internet, look that guy up. There was some
[00:16:38] fad lady complaining about something on Twitter the other
[00:16:41] day. And some guy like respondents who are he's like,
[00:16:45] damn, you're looking sexy as hell. We're like, ironically,
[00:16:49] like saying she looks good. Like posting pictures from her
[00:16:53] like. And she's like, and cue the sexual harassment. Yeah,
[00:16:59] that's not what that is. Sorry. You should have selected fat
[00:17:06] shaming. Sorry. You should have realized that that was insincere.
[00:17:14] Oh, fuck. You guys watch the debate. You did. I watched the
[00:17:20] most of it. We did it. Slap was it dead ass. It did asked. I
[00:17:25] thought Bernie did ask a little bit. I don't care anymore. I
[00:17:29] thought honestly, I was happy that he looked healthy. I don't
[00:17:31] fucking care about anything. My dick is hard for Bernard. I'm
[00:17:34] pissed off. Really? You were working on the car all day? No,
[00:17:38] I mean, it's like, it's, I don't know. I just, I don't have any
[00:17:42] face that anything's gonna be. Oh, no. Oh, no, they're gonna
[00:17:45] screw. When Bernie loses, it's gonna be. Well, you saw it
[00:17:48] today that like that, that thing he said about like, about like
[00:17:52] how are we such cowards? When it comes to like the insurance
[00:17:56] industry, three different news outlets said attributed to
[00:18:00] Elizabeth Warren. Really? Including NBC? Yeah, I mean, he's
[00:18:04] being sabotaged. It's crazy. She's actively said,
[00:18:07] shut up to AOC though. Yeah, the whole squad. And
[00:18:11] Masharda to to Lubadad and the other one, a lot of it's
[00:18:20] Oh, Mario. Yeah. Oh, Mario came out big for Bernie. Yeah.
[00:18:26] So it's Cisco. Cisco, all of Drew Hill. I've kind of
[00:18:30] turned the corner. I've kind of turned the corner on Biden
[00:18:33] now. And I really like him kind of because he's losing because
[00:18:35] he's so retarded. Yeah, it's fun. He says, yeah, his brain is
[00:18:39] leaking out of his eyes. I need the fails. Adam of the
[00:18:41] debates. I need more fails. I need the he does have some epic
[00:18:46] fails. So many good. He was just Elizabeth Warren's like, it's
[00:18:51] a comprehensive health care plan, Medicare for all. And there
[00:18:56] will be different we're not gonna look, I'm not gonna pass
[00:18:58] anything that tells people that their costs are gonna go up.
[00:19:03] I'm just not gonna do it. And Biden's like, what if there was
[00:19:06] like a comprehensive health care plan like Medicare for all,
[00:19:09] but like you don't tell people that their costs are gonna go up.
[00:19:13] You just, Elizabeth Warren's like, I literally just said that
[00:19:16] you were sitting there listening to me say it. You're just
[00:19:20] repeating what you are like. I'm I was thinking about I was
[00:19:26] Yeah. Who's his dude? Isn't it crazy that there was a president
[00:19:30] named Barack Obama? That is crazy. I mean, you don't think
[00:19:37] that's what he thought the first one would have been named
[00:19:38] like Stan or something. Yeah. But how crazy is that that his
[00:19:42] name was Barack Obama? They're like, thank you. Thank you,
[00:19:47] Mr. Vice President. I liked when he said Joe Friedle. I liked
[00:19:51] when he said that when he said that poor kids are just as
[00:19:55] smart and talented as white kids. That was that awesome.
[00:19:58] Yeah. Well, he said some dude, literally every debate that
[00:20:02] his judges keep falling out. He doesn't know where the end of
[00:20:05] the sentences go. Yeah. He rocks. I know. I need to fail.
[00:20:10] The reason it's endearing is because everybody wishes they
[00:20:14] were that gone from reality. Oh, yeah, that's true. I'm jealous.
[00:20:18] I I Trump people happy. I don't feel like you can even be
[00:20:22] happy if you're like a fucking Trump guy. Did you get anything
[00:20:25] you fucking wanted out of him? I mean, if you're rich, I guess.
[00:20:28] Yeah, but that's not who I'm talking about. It's not fucking
[00:20:31] Yeah, it's not rich people that are all like gung ho about
[00:20:33] fucking Trump. I mean, people that like Trump for like the
[00:20:36] call for cultural reason, they didn't get shit. They think
[00:20:38] that he's like this guy that's going to upset things. No, but
[00:20:41] I think they still just I don't know. Don't you like the
[00:20:44] narrative of your guys? Technically, you're technically
[00:20:47] in charge? No, you don't think so? No. I mean, it's like the
[00:20:53] inverse of like the black people that thought they were going
[00:20:55] to have white slaves when Obama became president. And then
[00:20:58] they're like deep into the second term. And they're like, okay,
[00:21:02] but I was supposed to have a tie. Where's Todd at? Todd supposed
[00:21:05] to be lining up my sneakers. Toss was supposed to be polishing
[00:21:09] my fucking my forces. And it ain't happened. I don't think I
[00:21:15] don't know how I supposed to be out there in that field. Get me
[00:21:22] Harvish and pussy for me. Yeah, just picking pussy up off the
[00:21:25] street. picking pussy all day. That's his job. I'm sorry to
[00:21:29] bother you. Would you like to come back to my friend to my
[00:21:32] master Don Trell's house? Yeah, just a bunch of white slaves
[00:21:35] in a field singing creed. Well, I just heard the news today.
[00:21:43] Seems my life is gonna change with arms wide open. Hey, all
[00:21:50] right. You know, how you doing? How you doing, baby girl? How
[00:21:55] Yeah, just hollering for their guy for excuse me. Look, I'm
[00:21:58] just a pussy picking slave. Trying to make my way in the world.
[00:22:03] And I was wondering if I could bring you back to my slave
[00:22:06] master and that sex with you. Otherwise, he's gonna pin me in a
[00:22:10] sandbox that I have to sleep in in the middle of the summer.
[00:22:14] Yeah, well, you know, Obama. Yeah, we're I mean, I feel like if it
[00:22:24] would have been nice if there had been white slavery for just four
[00:22:28] years, because you could complain about it. Well, I feel like
[00:22:32] that would solve a lot of problems. We're like, we got bad.
[00:22:35] But here's four years. Get it out of your system. Get it out of
[00:22:38] your system. Now we're no more. Yeah, now we're even it's
[00:22:43] got yes, it's kind of like a cheating pass. Yeah, a whole pass.
[00:22:47] Right. Yeah, for racism the other way. Yeah. You guys get to be
[00:22:52] presidents of banks. I don't think reparations would do it. I
[00:22:54] think it would take a solid decade of white slavery. They could
[00:22:59] use cracker in the right context like in a like a power like
[00:23:03] imbalance kind of sense. Yeah, you know, it could actually mean
[00:23:06] something. Yeah, that's true. There's a lot of I think reparations
[00:23:12] would help. I think reparations plus six months of white
[00:23:16] slavery, because it would be about the pageantry. It would be a
[00:23:20] nice it's a nice image to see the game white people. Yeah, you
[00:23:24] know, sleeping outside. Right. And then be white people with
[00:23:27] black last names, your girl named like Mackenzie Ha Ha
[00:23:31] de Quarius. And she's like, actually, it's Mackenzie acts now.
[00:23:38] Yeah, they they'd adopt the religions. Ha Ha La
[00:23:50] Damn, could you imagine how entitled white women would be
[00:23:52] that survived white slavery? Oh my god.
[00:23:55] Just a fucking the worst, the absolute worst.
[00:24:00] There's some tweet. I saw a tweet. The sun lady was like, Oh,
[00:24:04] look at her stand in a white woman like that picture named
[00:24:07] Pelosi standing up to a room full of white men. It's like,
[00:24:11] Nancy Pelosi is a white millionaire. What the fuck? She's
[00:24:15] not white any. It's a room of white men. What the fuck is
[00:24:18] Pelosi exactly? You know, bitch. She's a white man. Yeah, she's
[00:24:22] a set of all any postmanopausal woman is a man. Yeah. You ain't
[00:24:27] bleeding. You ain't fucking reading my lips.
[00:24:30] That's true. If you see you. So they're not reading that. That's
[00:24:40] On the debate stage, any closing thoughts if you ain't bleeding,
[00:24:43] you ain't bill don't stop believe it. By journey, we're
[00:24:47] taking a journey. The journey is all the way to the bank,
[00:24:49] Mr. You can write that on a $20 bill. You can say you can put
[00:24:53] that on a $20 bill and mail it to the mail it to Santa. That's
[00:24:57] right. Because thank you. Okay, 30 more seconds. Because Santa
[00:25:03] listen, I don't know a guy usually he was right letters are
[00:25:06] Santa Claus. And the letters would always come back on
[00:25:09] deliverable. What does Joe Biden sound like? That's kind of
[00:25:13] close. He's got he's a cheater because it's either fake. But
[00:25:18] he he what it's not I don't know I'd have to listen to is
[00:25:21] any does anyone actually think Joe Biden is like should be
[00:25:25] president. I think people that are like dad. Yeah, they're
[00:25:28] like they know. Oh, I know that guy. Yeah, from Obama. Yeah.
[00:25:32] My dad's like I would I would absolutely vote for him for
[00:25:34] Blaviden. I want to be the Blav of the Tuesday Ruby
[00:25:42] Tuesdays. We're here Ruby Tuesdays and we're voting for
[00:25:45] president. Like very good. That's right. Very good. Senior.
[00:25:50] Did you see him at the LGBT town hall? Oh my God, we was
[00:25:54] like he was like, you know, you got L you got G you got
[00:25:58] listen, there's bees out there. I got a friend. He was to drive
[00:26:03] a 57 Bel Air and he come by and we say there goes there goes
[00:26:07] LB Steve and that's time for lucky balls. He had the biggest
[00:26:12] pair of balls you've ever seen. And he cut a hole in the back of
[00:26:15] his pants. And what he would do is sit on the bleachers and let
[00:26:20] his balls hang out in his pants in summary support gay marriage.
[00:26:28] Listen, we got firefighters who want to go work on Wall
[00:26:31] Street, but then they got to think about somebody who's who's
[00:26:34] torturing a cat and a cardboard box and they're calling it a
[00:26:37] side show. They've got as on the side of the road as a cat set
[00:26:41] on fire. I mean, that's how that's what you that's how you
[00:26:44] used to get married. This is bad. Now they say two of two
[00:26:47] fellows can't get married. But I remember when it was you want
[00:26:50] to get married to somebody put a gun to their head and you said
[00:26:53] either it's you or your your papa. One of you is going to get
[00:27:04] No, but he literally was like, you know, you think about San
[00:27:07] Francisco and the bathhouses and you know, you should be all
[00:27:14] And obviously what if you were leather you were either in a
[00:27:18] gang that beat people up with chains or you're a homosexual.
[00:27:23] Now everybody's wearing leather kids old people. And that's
[00:27:27] what we want Muslims coming here wearing leather. And that's
[00:27:31] what me and Barack we work together to make leather jackets.
[00:27:36] We started a leather jacket company. And it was called deans
[00:27:40] cool jacket. At the time I was telling people my name was
[00:27:44] Dean. I was going by Dean for a while. And the reasoning for
[00:27:51] that was just because you know, I was one of the first people
[00:27:55] to protest the law is saying the two guys can't get married. And
[00:27:58] instead of voting to change the laws, I said, we're going to
[00:28:01] start with grassroots effort. I'm changing my name to Dean.
[00:28:06] I'm going to go around and then I'll I'll say, what's up, it's
[00:28:09] me gay Dean. I needed to keep my name for when I decided to be
[00:28:15] straight when I wanted to be straight against you had to
[00:28:21] The corporations born. That's it. Look, me and my son did
[00:28:25] nothing wrong. My son did nothing wrong in the bathroom.
[00:28:30] Everything my son discussed with me about that four year old I
[00:28:35] Oh, fuck, dude. Just just just chill, Joe. Yeah, he must be a
[00:28:43] millionaire too. Right? Aren't they all they're all millionaires.
[00:28:46] I think he was kind of broke for a long time. Like for Congress.
[00:28:51] Yeah, Delaware did. But he kind of like, I think through some
[00:28:55] shady shit like God of mansion. Once you're vice president.
[00:28:58] Yeah. No, I think like his house in Delaware, like is worth a
[00:29:02] lot of money. And then you got it through some sort of like
[00:29:06] on Robeth Beach. Definitely to just wear it wearing turquoise
[00:29:11] and silver jewelry. Yeah, I'm Robeth. No shirt, leathery,
[00:29:19] Dude, that's sick. Rehold my beer. That's what we would say.
[00:29:24] We somebody would do something and I would say, we'll hold my
[00:29:26] beer and then I would go out on the beach. One time I got fucked
[00:29:29] in my ass by a man or a. They're not even supposed to be there
[00:29:32] in the beach. And that's what we're saying about climate change
[00:29:35] is a problem. That's how these tropical animals showing up
[00:29:40] over home with you got a guy in the ass. You got two cans
[00:29:43] cutting coupons on Wall Street. They're not supposed to be
[00:29:46] there. It's because it's too hot in Africa where they live.
[00:29:54] Okay, Joe Biden rocks, dude. You're like, so we're gonna have
[00:29:59] to walk that we're barely off. Yeah. No, that's literally
[00:30:02] what it is. It's barely an exaggeration. He just rambles
[00:30:08] dude. It's incredible. No, he's more decayed than Trump. I'm
[00:30:12] trying to buy far. I'm trying to get right in the zone.
[00:30:16] Men dementia? Yeah, maybe you can accelerate it with like a
[00:30:19] huffing problem. Get into gasoline or something. Just
[00:30:23] blows. That's too. It's that's kind of like trying to finish
[00:30:29] your meal by turning the oven the heat on higher. You want a
[00:30:34] nice slow roasted dementia? Yeah, you got to wait that shit
[00:30:36] out. Yeah, I'm definitely getting it. It's in my DNA. Is it
[00:30:40] Oh, yeah, your PNA? My PNA. jeans are made out of piss. World
[00:30:46] war one style. Yeah. Yeah, right. We've been pissing our
[00:30:50] jeans. And then you would we're that sort of decided to call
[00:30:53] ourselves the piss jeans boys. Oh, yes. And we took it to Jerry,
[00:30:58] and we were covered in piss at the time. And that's, you know,
[00:31:02] you just want to have a nice go with your mates. Yeah. Yeah,
[00:31:10] that's that's crazy. And then they got back and like there was
[00:31:13] signs they're like no veterans supplying, please. For
[00:31:17] World War one, not Vietnam. Yeah, the fucking World War one.
[00:31:22] Yeah, the great war Britain was under attack by Germany. And
[00:31:25] they got back to England and they were like, yeah, we're not
[00:31:28] honoring any no veterans to knowing. Yeah, dude, if there was
[00:31:32] the draft stop with would fuck up the bottom of your foot
[00:31:36] again with in basic training, 60 seconds and just fuck everyone's
[00:31:40] wife. That would be awesome. Dude, you know, I would be going
[00:31:47] Nick would go feed if Nick would go full kernel curts. Yeah, I
[00:31:51] would love that. Yeah. I mean, I'll probably get killed immediately.
[00:32:01] No training. No, I think you're just getting pissed in bootcamp
[00:32:05] to affordhood. Punching your drill sergeant forhood. Yeah.
[00:32:10] There would invariably be like somebody that listens to the
[00:32:13] podcast in basic training. They're 15 years younger than me.
[00:32:16] For sure. Yeah. They're like, dude, Adam's game.
[00:32:20] Every day like, yes, yes, man. Adam's gay. Yeah. Thanks for
[00:32:25] listening. Hey, hey, dude. Thanks. I appreciate it. But that's
[00:32:28] how you show it. We got to go to war with Israel. So we just
[00:32:32] made we could just focus on getting there and taking out as
[00:32:36] many of them as possible. Yeah. Say if you're really mad at
[00:32:38] him, we'll then shoot him as he's on their side. Yeah. Would
[00:32:43] you take a position in the Israeli army? I senior position
[00:32:46] Adam? Yeah, I would. I mean, I'm basically it's a bidding
[00:32:50] war. If there's an Israel, US war, I'm going to go with whichever
[00:32:54] side gives me. I would try to be the perks in Good morning,
[00:32:57] Vietnam. That would be my job. The radio, man.
[00:33:01] Never was like, it's just all these just Adam in the studio
[00:33:04] being like, Good morning, Tel Aviv. I don't know. What do you
[00:33:09] guys want to talk about? And then, you know, doing the radio
[00:33:12] thing. And then it's like, you know, just like the same shots
[00:33:15] of everyone in the studio, like cracking up and laughing. And
[00:33:18] then it cuts to people actually in Israel. And they're like, this
[00:33:20] guy sucks. No one likes to send him back. Yeah. No, no,
[00:33:26] they're all laughing. Thanks. They're all laughing. But then it
[00:33:28] cuts back to Adam. And what he's doing is showing everyone his
[00:33:31] penis. Oh, that's why everyone's laughing. Well, anything for
[00:33:35] comedy? Yeah, everything for a laugh. Adam has the number one
[00:33:41] hit show. 30 minutes of his penis. Everyone can't stop laughing.
[00:33:47] They do it every single week. And it's just pulling his cock out.
[00:33:52] Damn, I kind of want to rewatch Good morning, Vietnam. Now, I
[00:33:55] never seen it. What if we just just kept doing this but for the
[00:33:59] army, you know, in a war, we do our support for the truth, you
[00:34:03] know, we do our parody songs, you know, I always wanted to do
[00:34:07] like a comic where it's some guy like, you know, he's like playing
[00:34:11] a flute or something. And he ruins like, faggot, like making fun
[00:34:16] of him. And then there's like a sign that says like, you know,
[00:34:19] like war, you know, or whatever in the newspaper. And then it's
[00:34:23] like the war or whatever. And like all those guys are being
[00:34:26] blown up and their dicks are being blown off and the flute guy
[00:34:28] just gets to be in like the band playing the general's birthday.
[00:34:31] And he's like, who's the faggot map? And laughing and everyone
[00:34:38] in the band's laughing at the other truths dying. People in army
[00:34:42] band must really love it when war happens. Oh, yeah. Because you
[00:34:45] go from, you know, basically a fake job to having the best job
[00:34:48] in the army. That's true. Do you imagine being so bad at
[00:34:52] clarinet that they make you go die? They're like, listen, you
[00:34:56] fucked up too much. You're gonna have to you're gonna have to
[00:34:59] get out on the front lines for a while because you suck dick
[00:35:02] at clarinet. Those guys never have to they have to learn how to
[00:35:05] shoot guns and shit. Yeah, training. I went to the army for
[00:35:09] fucking saxophone for the army. Can you do that? You can play
[00:35:13] saxophone for the Marines. One of my friends that's literally
[00:35:16] isn't a baby. He's in the band. Yeah. But I get probably a dope
[00:35:20] band, though. He would go to Germany. Yeah, you know, growing
[00:35:23] up, I like Bob Dylan and stuff like that. But I always
[00:35:26] thought that like anti government stuff was kind of gay. I
[00:35:30] like the music. I like the idea of being a free spirit. But
[00:35:33] but really what I enjoyed is is taking orders and being
[00:35:37] bossed around and imperialism. The worst of both worlds. Yeah,
[00:35:44] my friend's dad just fucking knocked up the second girl. He
[00:35:47] just raw docked some the second woman he had sex with in
[00:35:50] college. They got married and then he just joined the band to
[00:35:53] like leave them. He just be like, Oh, gotta travel with the army.
[00:35:57] That was like cool. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty sad. I'm
[00:36:01] jealous. And then they got divorced. My old neighbor in DC
[00:36:05] got a knocked a woman up and became a clown in the circus.
[00:36:10] Jerome. Yeah. That was the thing. I sold circus. I I hope it
[00:36:15] was the black circus. I don't think so. But yeah, no, he was
[00:36:18] like, yeah, so I was a clown for like three years. Let me ask
[00:36:22] you this. Let me ask you this. This is important question. Yeah.
[00:36:25] If you're a white man that gets a job at the universal circus,
[00:36:29] and you dress up in clown makeup, is that technically black
[00:36:32] face because you're supposed to be a black clown? Even though
[00:36:36] the makeup is the same as regular clown. Interesting. You are
[00:36:40] representing black circles. You're trying to be a black
[00:36:42] clown. I would say as long as there is no underneath. Can you
[00:36:50] see your white skin at all? Yeah, sure. You're I mean, black
[00:36:54] clowns look like white clowns. Yeah, they have the red lips and
[00:36:58] the white, you know, white faceband. Yeah. I would yes, I think
[00:37:05] it's blackface. The only thing the only difference in a black
[00:37:07] clown in a white clown is that the black clowns don't need the
[00:37:09] wig. They just paint stripes on top of their afro. I think
[00:37:16] they still probably need the wig. Because I'm going to look
[00:37:19] up black clown right now. Black clown. That's like that version
[00:37:28] of Joker the boot like version of Joker released in Turkey.
[00:37:34] Yeah, it's homey, homey to clown is homey to clown. It must
[00:37:39] be one of the most famous was the famous black clowns. And
[00:37:42] then there's a bunch of like goth goth clowns. Oh, like
[00:37:45] black like dark. Yeah, which is really fucking gay. That sounds
[00:37:49] like G a Y to me. It was being clown and the goth. That's a
[00:37:57] lot of overlap. That's just gay Y. As I said, in elementary
[00:38:01] school. Remember that? No, it's gay wide, but also gay Y. No,
[00:38:08] that's people would say gay wide. And then that got
[00:38:10] a gay wad. Yeah, that got short in the gay Y. I never got
[00:38:15] never heard that. It's rare. But that was like a thing. You're
[00:38:18] school. Of course, gay wad huge. Yeah, gay wad. It's like
[00:38:21] our tard. Our tard, of course, I remember. I guess South
[00:38:25] park popularize that. But it's like you don't hear it very
[00:38:28] often. But it's an alternative use. Of course. Yeah. That's
[00:38:32] true. You getting a phone call? It's a telemarketer from your
[00:38:35] boy. Is it from your boyfriend? I thought it was my cousin
[00:38:38] maybe because he's saying in mind right now having sex with
[00:38:41] your cousin. No, he's sick. In my apartment right now.
[00:38:43] From all that cocky game. I didn't give him any contact. Shut
[00:38:47] up. He's one of my yous that had them. That's my freaking
[00:38:51] family. I used the band aid you gave me the used band aid
[00:38:54] for my paper. He's from Los Angeles. And it's now I think I
[00:38:58] am sick with some kind of immunodeficiency virus. One
[00:39:03] couldn't shoe give me a new band aid. You had to save money
[00:39:07] on band aid. Well, it's a good band. It still has a stickiness.
[00:39:10] Yeah. And that has been finding band aids outside on the sidewalk
[00:39:15] to save money. But that one to be clear is from you. Although
[00:39:19] you have been finding them the one you gave him the game the
[00:39:21] game. I gave him my AIDS. My AIDS band. That one is yours. Yeah,
[00:39:25] it was rude of me. I'm gonna have to talk to his mother. She's
[00:39:27] gonna be pissed. If you okay, how sick is he? He's got like a
[00:39:31] cold if he if you could cure him, but he had to lick your penis
[00:39:35] would you do it? I think we kind of probably did that with
[00:39:38] your kids. So yes, you would. We kissed we kissed each other's
[00:39:41] butts or whatever. Whatever little kids do normal. No, I never
[00:39:46] did that. No, I don't think we did that. But that was my cousin
[00:39:49] that I did a penis party with. Oh, nice. Yeah, we invented that
[00:39:52] game. Well, that's been gone. That's in your runs with your
[00:39:55] family. We used to interrupt our parents dinner parties with
[00:39:59] with our dicks out and say penis party penis party. So
[00:40:03] answer the question. I thought it was a good bit, honestly.
[00:40:05] Answer the question. If it would cure his cold, would you let
[00:40:08] would he would secure a cold? No, stop roast. No, my mom, my
[00:40:15] mom like worked with this lady and like I would have to hang
[00:40:17] out with her son sometimes. And he was he was like a dick. He
[00:40:20] was just fucking mean to everyone bullied everyone. And but
[00:40:24] when it wasn't directed at you, it was the funniest shit in
[00:40:26] the world. Yeah, and I may have told this story already. But
[00:40:28] there was one time we were in his basement and his like
[00:40:30] sister had this like, I guess it was like a fucking antique
[00:40:34] dollhouse that kind of like opens up, you know, and he had a
[00:40:38] crowbar. And I don't know how he started. I remember this
[00:40:41] story. He's like, he's like, Oh, no, what's going on in this
[00:40:47] Smashing at all. Did he go to jail? I probably know, you know, I
[00:40:52] don't know. I mean, I was like, I didn't see that guy after I
[00:40:55] turned like fucking 10. But the mental image of that guy
[00:40:59] destroyed. And I'm like, I can't inhale. I'm laughing too hard
[00:41:02] at my fucking larynx disease. Yeah. While he destroys, you know,
[00:41:07] because you know what's like what's coming is an hour later is
[00:41:10] you're going down there to play with the dolls. Oh my god.
[00:41:15] Scream. She realizes what he did. And then she shows his or
[00:41:21] their mom. And then you just hear her like screaming his name
[00:41:26] What? God. I was playing with it. I don't even know. As
[00:41:38] her she fucking probably did it. Oh fuck a classic.
[00:41:46] Destruction of property. Yeah, just punching down as hard as
[00:41:50] you can. Just fucking punching down like you're driving a
[00:41:55] scallop or into the stone. Fixing comedy. With that guy.
[00:42:04] Let's get him a fucking special dude. Dude, I would watch that. I
[00:42:07] would watch a show that's just a bad kid that fucking just hurts
[00:42:11] people's honestly, I would love to watch this is called bad.
[00:42:15] Eight year olds with emotional problems. Yeah, it's like pulling
[00:42:19] the fire. Lovely. Just fucking like just raising his hand in
[00:42:23] third grade and the teacher calling on him being like, I heard
[00:42:26] you got raped over the weekend. So I heard I walk past the teachers
[00:42:30] lounge and I heard that you were raped on your date. The teachers
[00:42:33] just like the tea like glory a single tear going down her face.
[00:42:37] That's not appropriate, Derek. Derek, go to the office, please.
[00:42:40] Derek, go to the office. Stop telling me I got raped, please.
[00:42:45] Derek, every weekend you tell me. Okay, I'm gonna go to the
[00:42:48] office, but I'm gonna be laughing about you being raped in
[00:42:56] show called shitty kitty kitty kitty is a great show.
[00:43:01] Fuck. Did your husband break off the engagement? Because you're
[00:43:03] yeah, your husband left you because you're fat. If we're
[00:43:09] cutting and pasting, are you gonna cut your wrist and eat
[00:43:13] And your husband left you? I'm just asking.
[00:43:25] Yeah, that would be that would be a perfect show. It would be
[00:43:30] it was no plot. Nothing. It's a reality. It's that one kid from
[00:43:35] from summer high tie. Jonah, none of the other characters. Yeah,
[00:43:40] his dad never comes back. Yeah, yeah, another good one would
[00:43:45] just be to have just a class of just killers, just like these
[00:43:48] horrible kids and a different substitute teacher every week.
[00:43:51] That would be fun. God damn, did you guys ever see a teacher
[00:43:55] cry? Yeah. Yeah, all the time, multiple times in school.
[00:44:00] One time, my brothers went to a shitty or middle school and I
[00:44:03] did. They weren't they weren't smart enough to get into the
[00:44:06] only good middle school in Baltimore. There's like, you had
[00:44:08] to test out of the public schools. There were three okay
[00:44:12] schools. What was really good? Your parents didn't tell you
[00:44:15] that it was the only school with a cafeteria that could accommodate
[00:44:17] you. Your son qualifies for as a disabled person because it
[00:44:24] is way. Dude, honestly, I would have loved to get chosen to the
[00:44:31] school with the best cafeteria. Yeah, our cafeteria wasn't even
[00:44:34] that good. Anyway, it was like a the school was fucking like a
[00:44:41] bad school like that one kid got stabbed for his charizard
[00:44:44] when people were still doing like Pokemon cards and shit. And
[00:44:47] one of the teachers was pregnant and there was like two girls
[00:44:50] fighting. And she was like, all right, stop. And one girl like
[00:44:55] that got pushed into her stomach. And the teacher just she was
[00:44:59] pregnant. The teacher just knocked her out cold. She just
[00:45:03] straight upper cut in a sixth grader. Defense mechanism is
[00:45:07] awesome. Can't help it. Such a good story. Big system in action.
[00:45:11] The Paris, Paris, sympathetic nerves. I got a nerve aid systems.
[00:45:16] Oh, yeah. Something very good. Look, you got there's a
[00:45:18] parasympathetic nervous system. And nobody knows what this
[00:45:22] thing does. You know, you put your hand on a stove. And next
[00:45:25] thing, you know, me and Barack used to talk about it all the
[00:45:27] time. Remember pogs, you should be able to collect them. But if
[00:45:30] you didn't have enough, they'd send you to jail. And I was one
[00:45:33] of the first guys that said that we should only be arresting the
[00:45:35] black kids. Vice President Biden. Do you have a do you have a
[00:45:44] Do you have a can you answer the question, please? Oh, yeah,
[00:45:48] it's it's Monday. No, it's Thursday. But that was not the
[00:45:53] question. The question was about the deficit. I had a teacher in
[00:45:58] like ninth grade Spanish teacher, who was like the first
[00:46:02] semester each Spanish. Oh, interesting. No, no, she was she
[00:46:06] was a white woman, but she taught Spanish. Oh, regular peggy
[00:46:09] hill. Yeah. So the first semester we had like a Mexican guy
[00:46:13] from Mexico teach. And she went down to Mexico. She taught
[00:46:17] there. Someone reached the pencil shop. He rocked. He was
[00:46:21] great. One of you reached. Can one of you do the pencil sharp
[00:46:26] on our body? He had no notion of like cheating. Like we like
[00:46:31] people were it was just a fucking free for all in his class. But
[00:46:34] then she came back the second semester pregnant. And there was
[00:46:39] one day where we're like really off topic. And then she was
[00:46:43] like something happened. She started crying. And she's like, I'm
[00:46:46] 32. I'm single and I'm pregnant. And and I lost my it was my
[00:46:52] first time. So excuse me. So she said, excuse me. I have a
[00:46:58] question. Is it your fault that the baby died? No, Jonathan, it's
[00:47:05] not my fault. Because I walk past the teachers lounge and I
[00:47:07] heard Mr. Miles say that it was your fault because you're a
[00:47:11] bitch. You were smoking because you smoke during the
[00:47:14] pregnancy because you smoke cigarettes in the parking lot
[00:47:16] and you're a fucking drunk. Is that is that what happened? Go to
[00:47:23] the office. So wait, this, hold on a second. So basically, she
[00:47:28] went down to Mexico to teach got knocked up by some Mexican
[00:47:32] guy that I guess like, you know, and then she's like, I'm gonna
[00:47:35] keep the kid. Yeah, she's like, I'm a Saudi game. He was like,
[00:47:39] yeah, yeah, yeah. And yeah, she was Mormon. So she never had
[00:47:48] sex. And then she like men more like more women. Yeah, that's
[00:47:53] right. Multiple lives. Look, it's true. I went to Utah and I
[00:47:57] met some of these people. They told me the Mickey Mouse, his
[00:48:00] name used to be Jonathan. They didn't even know he was a
[00:48:04] mouse. He's just supposed to be a, you know, black fella with
[00:48:06] big ears. And that's, you know, it used to be black fellas. They
[00:48:10] all had big ears back then. That's why you could, you could
[00:48:12] holler at them from across the street. People don't do it
[00:48:14] anymore, but they kept screaming. And now every time I go out, I
[00:48:18] can't, as I see a black guy, I start yelling across the street
[00:48:22] like this. And it's, you know, so Russia is a similar thing.
[00:48:26] Because you got guys over there cutting coupons.
[00:48:30] The next year, I had this English teacher that I was
[00:48:37] saying, okay, was this lady hot? She was not. She was okay.
[00:48:42] She's not that busted. Yeah, I would say she wasn't hot. No,
[00:48:46] she just never got her pussy filled. She was a little bit
[00:48:49] overweight. But she was she kind of had a pretty
[00:48:52] possible that you're just fat, not pregnant. Excuse me.
[00:48:59] Go just go to the office. Just Derek. She's crying. I'm not
[00:49:02] answering. Just go to the office. Derek. She's crying. She
[00:49:05] opened up to us. Can I have 50 cents for the vending machine on
[00:49:07] the way to the office? No, Derek. Can I have 50 cents for the
[00:49:11] vending machine in the teacher's lounge? Derek, I keep
[00:49:13] lending you money. Can I have the key to the teacher's lounge so
[00:49:16] I can get a fucking minute made? The next the next year, I'm not
[00:49:20] trying to cuss. I just don't know I'm mad. And if I had a
[00:49:24] minute made, maybe I'd fucking feel different bitch.
[00:49:29] Six. First grade. They put my man straight up in special ed.
[00:49:39] It's just a rude kid with a bunch of retarded kids. For sure.
[00:49:43] Yeah. Yeah, the behavior kids going to special ed, which are
[00:49:47] the worst kids to be around retards. The bad behavior. It's
[00:49:52] literally the worst kind of like prison rapists putting those
[00:49:56] retards in jet pop. You're sending in mom's that's like that
[00:50:03] plotline on on Oz when they fucking his retarded brother
[00:50:08] fucking. I remember I never said actors named Ryan O'Neill is
[00:50:12] retarded brother Cyrus shows up in the prison. Oh, yeah. And
[00:50:16] he's like the Irish mobster and he's got a retarded brother
[00:50:18] that gets arrested for I don't know, joking. Yeah. For snapping
[00:50:25] the owner of the farms, daughters, so he's in jail and he's
[00:50:31] immediately just raped by Nazis. And they do it to piss off his
[00:50:36] brother. They don't even want to rape him. They're just like,
[00:50:38] this is a really fuck with Ryan. Probably would, honestly. Yeah.
[00:50:43] Damn. What did how did he react? He shoves one of them down in
[00:50:48] elevator shaft, I think the the brother or the rapey or the
[00:50:54] Nazis, one of the Nazis, he does. But does the retired brother
[00:50:59] kill him? I can't remember dude. That show is actually really
[00:51:02] not good. Oh, it's horrible. Yeah. Like I was like, Oh, I was
[00:51:05] like looking for a show to be almost as dumb as this podcast
[00:51:09] actually. Yeah, no, it's duller because it you can tell they
[00:51:11] feel like they're saying. Yeah, they're trying to be good. And
[00:51:14] it's like one of the stupidest things of all time. Yeah, when
[00:51:17] Beecher like beats that guy up with a dumbbell and shits on his
[00:51:20] face. It's like, what are we doing here? What is this? Yeah, we
[00:51:27] should do a prison show. That's how it really is. Yeah. The
[00:51:30] real shit. Yeah, make it. Can I go to the minute? Can I get a
[00:51:33] minute made from the machine? Making ramen and putting my
[00:51:36] grieving ramen in a de read putting Doritos. There is someone
[00:51:40] posted a pic on Twitter recently Slim Jim of like a prison
[00:51:43] where it's like five PS4s, five flat screens, everyone's gaming
[00:51:47] they're like damn, it looks fun in there. It's awesome. Yeah. I
[00:51:50] would love to go to prison. We just get you on PlayStation. You
[00:51:52] can't. Once we get rid of private prisons, they're just going to
[00:51:55] be nice. Oh, once once we go back to state state run prisons.
[00:52:01] Well, the problem is resolved. Yeah. All of the problems in
[00:52:05] prison and with the end of for profit prisons. What do you
[00:52:10] mean? Are you doing a bit or you mean no, I'm serious. There's
[00:52:13] still problems in public prisons. Like what? Like enough
[00:52:18] pussy. Yeah, not enough pussy underfunding. Probably
[00:52:24] probably crowded, you know, violence. I don't know. That
[00:52:27] sound like problems. Suss shit. That's on sex shit. Would you
[00:52:31] tell us for being for smoking weed? Yeah. There is too much
[00:52:42] such shit if you ask me. If I were president, no more such
[00:52:46] shit. No more such shit in jail. We're just gaming. Yeah. Everyone
[00:52:51] gets a PlayStation. Everyone gets their own land. Everyone gets
[00:52:54] their own Madden franchise mode file that can never be saved
[00:52:57] over. You know what I mean? Do my cousin's staying with me right
[00:53:03] now? And we got in an argument the other day, because I beat
[00:53:07] Tony Hawk. I got like every like everything that you needed
[00:53:11] to collect to get absolutely not to get brag. You're not good
[00:53:14] to listen. You need to get your bad video games. Okay, this was
[00:53:18] the PS one day. Not good at video games. Listen to get to get
[00:53:23] Spider-Man because I guess active. No, never got Spider-Man. You
[00:53:27] never got Spider-Man. You cheated and used Game Shark. You
[00:53:31] had the game shark. I might have cheated a little bit, but
[00:53:36] yeah, but big surprise. So but I just wanted to skate a spider
[00:53:42] were bad as Spider-Man. You can do any of his special tricks. You
[00:53:45] can do a single one of his specials. But I had Spider-Man for
[00:53:48] about two days. Saved on my fucking memory card and then he
[00:53:52] erased it and I brought it up to him a couple days ago and he's
[00:53:55] like, I didn't fucking erase shit. And we like both got heated
[00:53:58] again. So this is like literally a beef that's like 20 years old.
[00:54:01] He did it because why would he be so mad? He definitely did
[00:54:04] it. Because we got like a physical fight about it and our
[00:54:07] parents like had to break it up. And I punch I punched out his
[00:54:10] tooth. Nice. Because I used to be bigger than him lying and I
[00:54:14] sat I sat on his head and I was punching his face. You've
[00:54:16] never been good at punching. Never been good at video. Never
[00:54:19] had Tony. This is what your brain came up with to replace the
[00:54:23] memory of you looking as dick like an ice cream cone. And
[00:54:27] you're like, maybe that's not Tony Hawk. Now that's what we
[00:54:30] play Tony. I knocked one giant lift 123. Let's play Tootsie Roll.
[00:54:42] Your dad's a god damn it. What does that mean? Is all I'm
[00:54:46] being raped again? Every time we come over here for a gun
[00:54:51] copor out and gets raped. I'm just storming out of the house.
[00:54:57] That's not what I would have played. There's a couple of
[00:55:01] steps he just moves in place. Everything's giving every family
[00:55:04] function. All the mother boys right. I was the oldest cousin
[00:55:09] was raping me. On both sides. A bunch of little kids told me
[00:55:14] you know, they're little dicks. That is funny. But that
[00:55:19] wasn't happening. I'm stronger than everyone else. And that's
[00:55:21] how it happened. Oh, man, is it a true Adam got raped by his
[00:55:26] cousins? That is too, John. John is in your right. Jonathan,
[00:55:29] that is the social studies. But that is the correct answer.
[00:55:34] That's not true. He did fucking erase my memory. And I'm
[00:55:41] fucking mad again. Just bring it. That is bullshit. Yeah. He
[00:55:45] was being a fucking hater on that trip. Yeah. But I did punch
[00:55:49] out his tooth and get in trouble. Nope. I did. I mean, I can
[00:55:53] ask him to pretend he did. You want me to call? No, I'll call
[00:55:57] him right now. He's at my house. I'll be like, did I punch out
[00:55:59] your tooth? Because I should make it easy again to erase someone
[00:56:02] save file. It's not I don't even know how you do it. How the
[00:56:06] fuck do you see? No, like a game I'm playing. How do I I don't
[00:56:10] even know you could do it. Why why should it make that easy?
[00:56:13] I don't know. It's hard people's feelings. There are a lot of
[00:56:16] video game freak out vids of people erasing like their world
[00:56:19] of warcraft account. They're like roommates or boyfriends
[00:56:23] world of warcraft account. There's one where it's like a
[00:56:25] girlfriend erasing her boyfriends world of warcraft account.
[00:56:28] Well, he goes out to get cigarettes and he just punches the
[00:56:31] computer. Jesus. He freaks out. Yeah, I mean, you're really
[00:56:36] it's funny because it's like, it's gay playing that game is
[00:56:39] gay. 100% Wazing your life with that game is gay. It's not
[00:56:42] something valuable. Like, yeah, of course, learning how to drift
[00:56:45] in a jet with a thousand dollars. It's very different. It's
[00:56:52] different. It's pathetic. It's like this. It's this these are real
[00:56:56] world skills that will be valuable when we go to war and
[00:57:00] I need to drift. That's right. When they need people. When it's
[00:57:03] one to one combat, a little drift combat. Yes. When we decide
[00:57:07] that conventional warfare no longer the answer, it's a battle
[00:57:11] of who can do drifting? Archery. Yes. And who is the best at Tony
[00:57:19] Ark First Gator to? That's right. And it won't be Adam. It
[00:57:22] won't be for Adam's job will to be being molested by the enemy
[00:57:27] troops to distract them. Well, I get my drift to correct.
[00:57:31] Anything to help out the war card. Shut up. Anything for
[00:57:38] Uncle Sam. Anything for my country. Yes, sir, to me. Someone
[00:57:41] who I don't rank you per se because I'm a hired mercenary
[00:57:46] of paramilitary. Yeah, you're inside the system. I'm already
[00:57:50] they ran out of ranks to promote me too. So I had to quit and
[00:57:53] join a contractor. So I can have special titles like double
[00:57:57] sergeant. Those pictures of those blackwater guys are always
[00:58:01] so funny. They love being the troops. Yeah. They just can't
[00:58:06] quit. Damn, I think I got my cousins called. Don't say that
[00:58:12] it was from kiss. Yeah. Don't say it was. Ma'am, was it from
[00:58:16] kissing? No, it was. She was. She was. Okay, you're in a role
[00:58:20] pal. Why is Jonathan? Who's Jonathan? I missed that. He's
[00:58:23] bad kid. Oh, the bad. I thought no, that's Derek. Derek was the
[00:58:27] bad ever man. He changed to Jonathan. Okay. Well, I was
[00:58:30] listening context. We've talked about two things this
[00:58:33] podcast. Joe Biden. I thought this was a pretty solid one.
[00:58:36] Joe Biden and Jonathan the bad kid. Bo Jaden. Bo Jaden. How about
[00:58:41] that? I like that, man. I like it a lot. I like it a lot. I'm
[00:58:48] freaking horny mate. I'm freaking horny. I want to say
[00:58:56] Oh, man. I'm dizzy. I'm really dizzy. Dizzy Gillespie. Who's
[00:59:05] this? Who was Dizzy Gillespie? Really? Jasmine. But I've been
[00:59:09] having a but I've been having a but I've probably like Dizzy
[00:59:10] Gillespie stuff. But I've been having a but I've been having
[00:59:12] a but I've been having a Bob guy. He's a purist. Is he? I don't
[00:59:17] know. I'm just trying to remember that he's in burns. What
[00:59:19] about Dizzy Molesty? That's good. He like he makes girls. He
[00:59:27] makes them faint from his jazz music and then he molests
[00:59:30] that. Was he getting was he getting pussy? I'm sure all
[00:59:34] those motherfuckers were they were doing heroin. Everybody
[00:59:36] who's even remotely famous has the option to just get as much
[00:59:40] pussy as they want. It's true. It's crazy. Yeah, that works.
[00:59:44] Even from a podcast. I know. I mean, yes. I know. It's
[00:59:49] ridiculous. It's like you think about like, I mean, I tried to
[00:59:52] do a bit about it but becoming even remotely notable and then
[00:59:58] you just get hit up by people that are like women that are
[01:00:00] clearly in relationships that are currently doing better.
[01:00:05] Boyfriend doesn't have to find out. He's got a six pack. Yeah,
[01:00:08] right. And then it's like you think back to like all all the
[01:00:12] relationships you've been in where your girlfriend was like
[01:00:14] I met the Oxy clean guy. He's like she wanted to send her like
[01:00:18] oh weird. Yeah. So what happened? You like met him at
[01:00:22] the mall and that's crazy. Like the lunch for three hours or
[01:00:25] what? Like where were you? Why is your pussy so clean?
[01:00:29] Yeah. Why is your pussy? You just spot us.
[01:00:37] That's it. That would have been the punch line if I had ever
[01:00:40] finished the job. That was good. It's gone. Now it's now it's
[01:00:43] stuck. Thanks. That was good. Come on. No, that makes the joke.
[01:00:47] I can't fucking go do that now. Yeah, you can. I was this close
[01:00:51] almost getting back in the stand up. No, come on, bro. No.
[01:00:56] Yeah. That's how you would do that. And why is your pussy so
[01:00:59] clean? That's good. No, you got Billy. You got it.
[01:01:04] No, no, nothing's going to top that. No, it was good stuff. I
[01:01:09] got to give it to you. Adam, shut the fuck up.
[01:01:21] Alright, stop telling the retard to get the shut up.
[01:01:27] Just being written up. He told the mentally disabled
[01:01:29] student to shut the fuck up for trying to spell his name out
[01:01:34] loud. Fucking idiot. What? He's an idiot. That's what the term
[01:01:42] used to be. I read it in the fucking encyclopedia. Okay,
[01:01:46] well, why don't you read other things in the encyclopedia? Why
[01:01:48] don't you suck my dick like you never did your husband so he
[01:01:51] left. Okay, just go back. Can I watch Pokemon? Can we turn
[01:01:58] the TV on? We turn Peppa Pig on. This is the fucking five year
[01:02:02] old loves Peppa Pig. Ask you about your book. I'm trying to
[01:02:06] watch Bob the Builder. Can we put the TV on it? But it's
[01:02:10] fucking writing. So it means we can't have recess later. So we
[01:02:16] should be able to watch videos in class, you fucking bitch.
[01:02:22] No, we can't watch Peppa Pig. Alright, so we have funny moms
[01:02:29] tomorrow. Yes, we got to book that. We got to book that
[01:02:32] bitch that shirt. I did. Okay, good. Yeah, we got funny moms.
[01:02:37] We got fat Tuesdays every Tuesday at the stand 730. And then
[01:02:41] big news are going to move us to the downstairs room starting
[01:02:44] November 12th. Congrats. We're gonna be doing a bit. Yeah, so
[01:02:48] please come out and see us. Hopefully we can do it up. But
[01:02:52] yeah, come see me. I guess this just happened. I'm in Detroit
[01:02:56] today. If you're listening. And then I'm at the stress factory
[01:03:03] here in New Brunswick on November 6th. I'm in Lafayette,
[01:03:07] Louisiana, New Orleans, the eighth and the ninth. And then
[01:03:10] Atlanta the 23rd Nashville the 24th Baltimore Thanksgiving
[01:03:14] weekend. Come suck our little hard cocks at funny moms come
[01:03:19] see us at come see us at Fat Tuesdays later. Thanks a