Cum Town | Premium | 11/25/2019
[00:00:00] let's stop let's just not do it yes dude yes we can it can stop whenever we
[00:00:16] have the power not yet I know I'm just like not come up with our own shit I'm
[00:00:20] trying to buy a ski resort first dude once you buy property though let's call
[00:00:24] it oh yeah let's put a date on the can you have to pay for the couple million
[00:00:27] dollar more ski resort you buy the whole thing turnkey operation just live in
[00:00:32] the lodge okay like my restaurant I love that's cool a turnkey is nice you just
[00:00:38] show up there we have the waiter and then you schedule a ski race down the
[00:00:41] mountain down and there's like a family mm-hmm there and they're renting
[00:00:44] equipment I'm like one day the my rich skiing friends will come back and take
[00:00:49] this mountain away from you faggot snowboarders like a man with a sex seven
[00:00:55] year old excuse me what was that guy owns the yes sorry he's our boss sorry
[00:01:01] I'm gonna say whatever he wants the mountain and he has yes to say slurs
[00:01:06] yeah if you just pretend we're in an 80s movie he'll leave you alone
[00:01:13] eventually I'm just wearing like bright pink bright pink neon snow suit
[00:01:20] just walking around with like a woman that looks like Grace Jones it clearly
[00:01:25] trans hell yeah that's awesome that's just a flat top haircut come on Olivia
[00:01:33] damn six foot eight these are these people are done
[00:01:42] fucking jacked girlfriend that would be awesome dude yeah I'll be done what
[00:01:48] kind of mount what kind of stuff would you have like hot cocoa of course right
[00:01:52] I love it dude yeah every winter I'm like oh I'm gonna drink hot chocolate and
[00:01:56] it's like how chocolate's babies yeah it's not worth it as an adult but then
[00:02:01] you have one I don't have one it's not worth it come on like a drink the baby
[00:02:05] molars because you know you're just like you're just yeah how many calories it's
[00:02:09] like having a milkshake I can't do it oh I'm not think come on you can't be
[00:02:13] thinking about that type of shit what are those I get if I have like some of a
[00:02:17] milkshake at a diner the waitress comes these mhm while I'm drinking it I just
[00:02:21] got them the spear doms what are they're uh they're actually women's they're
[00:02:28] the F or the P6000's mmm Nike's and I got them how many leaders of I got them
[00:02:35] I mean hold on how many leaders have come your pussy can take yes and I got
[00:02:39] them for metric I got them in a size 11 and a half which hits me as a 10 and
[00:02:46] interesting I'm gonna lose my belt what you're wearing a belt yeah I got these
[00:02:51] pants these pants are one size too big on four by accident yeah let's do a
[00:02:56] fit check let's go around the room say what we're all wearing I am wearing
[00:02:59] the same clothes I was wearing last time you get a little it's the same exact
[00:03:02] clothes the bowl skine moles I put on regular jeans these came out of the
[00:03:08] wash already looking like yeah they look horrible those are those Levi's
[00:03:12] commuter jeans five five eleven the five eleven the vice five eleven is the
[00:03:16] number one baby that's your favorite pants what am I wearing Adam what's
[00:03:20] what's it looks like an ass crack to me what else what's underneath what number
[00:03:25] those are Adam is digging into my ass these are Gucci I can't stop I can't
[00:03:37] this motherfucker touched my nuts from the back stop do you want him to tell you
[00:03:43] what the pants are I do it doesn't seem like this is part of the bullet
[00:03:48] I got a jazz so over my furniture no his boxers are touching your friend
[00:03:52] anyways guys I was it I was those Levi's those are Levi's they don't have this
[00:03:57] stitching and there was a huge line mm-hmm and we were all waiting in line
[00:04:00] everybody yeah and the some guy like I don't know look a homeless person
[00:04:06] then yeah of course real fat huge guy like six five good
[00:04:11] morbidly obese and he's got one of those like walkers you know sometimes like a
[00:04:15] little bit of somebody's ass crack will be out his pants were completely down
[00:04:23] he's just the best slowly walking from the hole
[00:04:27] oh my god yeah isn't taught his two whole act not even close to just being like
[00:04:38] you know some of it I love it yeah yeah fucking rules what kind of pants
[00:04:41] really wearing I don't know but you probably dressed exactly like I do so
[00:04:46] Nixon and Adidas hoodie dude I've been so depressed tree foil and he just
[00:04:50] finally went got a haircut you look nice I get a haircut I feel better about
[00:04:54] myself you still go to that place on Franklin yeah you're wearing a George
[00:04:59] art by George Halkey is by Judgey follow my name is a sweatshirt or a long
[00:05:05] sleeve t-shirt a long sleeve t long sleeve t is a good look for the season I
[00:05:09] feel like I think so I'm wearing a pair of pants you're wearing a gap you're
[00:05:14] wearing a garter belt you have a turtle you have rollers in your hair you have
[00:05:19] lipstick on I'm wearing a Borat style G string underneath my shirt and slacks
[00:05:29] and a what's it called a barber jacket I might get some Mac Walden under I just
[00:05:35] threw out all my old apparently they're really good I mean they we know there
[00:05:39] was free no it doesn't matter no on the premium we say whatever we'll fuck all
[00:05:43] the companies they're very highly rated yeah by GQ they are nice I mean I've been
[00:05:49] getting gap under or Old Navy underwear and they wear really nice for like the
[00:05:54] first four washes yeah but then they fall apart yeah I've like Calvin Klein
[00:05:58] underwear that I've had for like a decade that's what I wear usually yeah
[00:06:01] that's good but then I have like Adidas compression shorts that I got into
[00:06:05] wearing as underwear but do they fuck up your balls yeah they're really uncomfortable
[00:06:09] yeah I mean they're like particularly fucking uncomfortable yeah cuz it's like
[00:06:14] you do that all constantly yeah well I used to wear them they're only like
[00:06:19] fucking you know like cuz it packs everything in tight or whatever and then
[00:06:23] this next transitioning I'm transitioning I'm have my I'm compressing both my
[00:06:28] breasts and my heart until I can buy better breasts I want it I don't listen I
[00:06:34] know I already have tits I don't want men's tits you want a girl I want it so
[00:06:39] I'll compress my men's tits until you can put some lady titties on top of them
[00:06:43] bitches yeah do you see that sprite commercial that like conservatives are
[00:06:47] mad about no it's like you know a bunch of shots of like trans fam like a
[00:06:52] family with a trans family member whatever and then it ends with like a
[00:06:56] father dropping a son off at like gay pride and the kid like turns his dad and
[00:07:00] the dad's like all proud watching him and it's like pride means like like pride
[00:07:06] is what you feel when someone you love chooses to be free it's like sprite and
[00:07:10] it's like the problem you should have with it is that it's gay not that it's gay
[00:07:17] like gay people it's just like fucking sprites right yeah fucking Pepsi tried
[00:07:23] to do that with that fucking black lives matter years ago and this one is
[00:07:27] equally as tasteless well but they don't have a card that a Kardashian it's not
[00:07:31] you know yeah people aren't dying true it's probably it but it's like the old
[00:07:36] Norm McDonald's like sprites sucks you know it's like the worst sprite had a
[00:07:40] hot moment in the fucking early 90s it did but people still fuck with sprite
[00:07:45] I think so I don't think so the amount of citrus reporting live from the hood
[00:07:50] I'm free to live here I'm at the I'm at the dusty as Bo De Ge and bedside there's
[00:07:56] three cats living here dressed like dressed like the guy in a Woody Allen movie
[00:08:01] that's right with his old right in 1990 yeah like the guy Woody Allen bumps into
[00:08:05] the guy there's a there's an 11 year old boy whose ringtone is the call to prayer
[00:08:12] I love when the Bo De Ge guys are doing that they're like ringing up condoms and
[00:08:16] like doing like do we 50 bro they're watching this man I got Saks back here
[00:08:24] for trying to pick up they're watching those videos of like speeches yeah yeah
[00:08:29] oh really I'm in in landscape mode yeah yeah they're always in landscape yeah
[00:08:34] they're never holding their shit upright they're always so they're shit like this
[00:08:38] and then like what could possibly that's the other thing I don't because I
[00:08:42] never went to church and I don't fucking yeah I don't go to most church like
[00:08:46] once or twice yeah a couple of times over mass remember my neighbors they were
[00:08:51] Catholic and they like I missed they missed my birthday or something like I
[00:08:57] don't know what one of them could be like their kid couldn't come to my birthday
[00:09:00] party so they brought me to church to make up for it what and then dinner okay
[00:09:04] like a dinner like like a meal where like hamburger ham no no no why does it
[00:09:12] they just got rid of the band oh that's solid so yeah there was to be fair yeah
[00:09:20] they did go above and beyond like you know you miss my birthday and to them to
[00:09:26] them taking you to church is like a good thing right yeah bullshit yeah
[00:09:31] make you sit through Chuckie cheese and church to them is like right that's
[00:09:36] like yeah because I never mentioned it was never like a thing that was because
[00:09:39] as a child I've been like can you believe this gaseous you know if it was
[00:09:43] just the church thing I was like I was very it was very kind I don't even
[00:09:47] remember playing games I just remember sitting with their family and having
[00:09:49] dinner without eating pizza and being a family be like this what goes like
[00:09:58] they went randomly when you would get a meal with a different family that like
[00:10:02] either didn't hate each other or like just was on their best behavior like
[00:10:07] what if they asked their kids in a nice way what's going on I was always
[00:10:12] I were encouraging me yeah I was shocked when I would go to my non-Jewish friends
[00:10:18] my Mormon friends families for dinner their families are all so nice and like
[00:10:22] sweet but they would drink milk with like at the dinner table like a glass of
[00:10:28] milk the gringo shit that's gringo shit that's some that's some YP post shit
[00:10:32] and they all ask motherfuckers what movie Liberty Heights no so oh yeah yeah yeah
[00:10:38] is that the one where it's like the Jewish guy falls in love with the black
[00:10:42] girl yeah yeah yeah yeah that's a good movie yeah I saw when it came out it might
[00:10:46] be the best Barry Levinson movie in terms of ones that I saw what about a
[00:10:50] diner having an emotional impact better than diner yeah I like that I sort of
[00:10:55] see what you have not the only one I haven't said I literally saw when it
[00:10:57] came out never again but I just remember that scene with like the where the Jewish
[00:11:02] kid has like think he's never seen like deli me yeah yeah yeah yeah oh yeah yeah
[00:11:10] yeah baloney fucking freak and seen baloney Hawaiian baloney's disgusting we
[00:11:15] were not a baloney household but we were a more that that is away from like
[00:11:18] Italian meats that they had to like just change the spelling they just made it
[00:11:22] up yeah oh also King's Hawaiian rolls that family had drank milk those are
[00:11:28] great you know and then they had King's Hawaiian rolls I never had
[00:11:31] coming up yours the Thanksgiving tip some those are so good ten years ago some
[00:11:35] this bitch some fucking bitch yeah we were going to like a friend's giving
[00:11:40] thing which she made was like she got nor is like nor is makes a spinach dip
[00:11:44] soup mix it's like a spinach cream of spinach you can use a little spinach
[00:11:48] dip with sour cream rather than the other shit oh you to get the King's Hawaiian
[00:11:53] bread the one that comes in a pan the big motherfucker hollow that out into a
[00:11:57] bread bowl tear up the bread pieces throw them back okay the spinach dip
[00:12:01] okay in the fucking that's a oh and you bring that to a party I like that dude
[00:12:07] I like the sound of that bro Kings Hawaiian rolls are so good you don't even
[00:12:10] eat them with anything you could just eat them like a piece of bread yeah no
[00:12:15] butter no nothing yeah that's basically why I don't know that I've had a case
[00:12:20] they're so good is it a dessert or is it a role type of bread mmm it's like
[00:12:25] potato bread mmm but it's tasty they're all like connected they're like I've
[00:12:31] seen them I've seen them to tear them out and they look so buttery that they
[00:12:35] appear to be a dessert and they're kind of naked eye yeah okay they are sweet
[00:12:39] yeah maybe I love potato bread sometimes I just eat the slices potato
[00:12:44] bread do that with that shit I you any type bread really I like a burger on a
[00:12:48] potato roll sure yeah against that hot dog potato bonds I'm not a white bread
[00:12:54] type of motherfucker though I like to get a fucking loaf of something just eat
[00:12:58] the middle yeah I never had I never really I never really had much white
[00:13:03] bread like Wonder Bread I remember being purchased maybe once yeah and
[00:13:06] mostly with that was used for was like you could roll it up in the dough and I
[00:13:11] thought that was cool yeah you can just roll Wonder Bread back in the dough
[00:13:14] what and then bake it no I would just do like dough balls oh yeah yeah that's a
[00:13:19] chocolate on there okay oh yes that fucked up snack you were talking about
[00:13:23] as a kid thinking it was normal to feel like hot dog rolls with sugar and
[00:13:27] cream cheese no but yeah sure me and Elvis used to do that butter or or
[00:13:34] cream cheese with sugar on top yeah I don't remember this body use it to yeah
[00:13:40] like used all that fuel to make him tall with a small penis became wide I just
[00:13:46] got wide my small penis he really did get the better end of that one dude I
[00:13:50] resent that mother we literally we were the same height until like sixth grade
[00:13:54] we were like the big boys in elementary school and then this motherfucker shot
[00:13:58] up fucking piece of shit hey um we let's talk about being in a ski lodge again
[00:14:06] though yeah be awesome chilis what I'm saying oh in the ski look oh dude you
[00:14:12] going up to Scandinavia women yeah being like madam I purchased you jewels
[00:14:20] nice use me or like that yeah that's still this is same guy from before you're
[00:14:25] drinking in a coffee mug you have chili that you're sipping on sipping chili
[00:14:28] I'm pouring bourbon into the chili but Irish up this chili I love it I wish
[00:14:36] fucking piss like pouring grain out going to his soups
[00:14:46] time for some Irish potatoes all gratin
[00:14:50] number little Irish driving over to the hotel to see what the owners key card
[00:15:00] might go kind of trouble that my dead name to some of these I wish we visit
[00:15:13] yeah just Irish League be accused of rape this is a guy just like just like a
[00:15:23] barista at a coffee shop he's making something a latte and then he's like
[00:15:27] pouring half a lot they didn't have to come and pouring some water in the
[00:15:30] original cup being like mind if I Jewish up this
[00:15:37] wait have you seen that clip of Chuck of Chuck Schumer what no he he goes to a
[00:15:45] diner to give an interview and he's like let me let me tell you a little trick
[00:15:50] that from the diner he's like you or you order a glass of orange juice okay
[00:15:56] then a tall glass of water then a third empty cup you pour 10% of the orange
[00:16:03] juice into the empty cup you fill the rest of it with water 10% of the
[00:16:08] calories plus you can share it and more people can have orange juice
[00:16:14] to Chuck Schumer just give people healthcare you fucking he's a fucking
[00:16:20] millionaire and taking bribes from people and that's how he's spending the
[00:16:24] money everyone's relatives are dying so Chuck Schumer can fucking you know how
[00:16:29] much is the Senate majority of the earth minority just buy just you fucking cheap
[00:16:37] piece of shit goddamn let me tell you a trick that I like to do it if it's
[00:16:42] really my ad you got a light I'm gonna get this candle okay yeah let's get it
[00:16:46] sexy in here smells pretty we should cinnamon we should do a candle reviews
[00:16:51] on the pot we're about to right now we got what what planned Christmas and
[00:16:55] Christmas cinnamon stick mm-hmm but tone de cinnamon hell yeah Racine just
[00:17:02] texted me um Racine just texted me Alexandra DeDario's pictures were her
[00:17:10] titties oh yeah from cheers like do you remember these
[00:17:16] remember when this happened remember when we said he was like fuck these faggots
[00:17:21] from MSNBC dude they are really trying I didn't watch everything I didn't watch
[00:17:32] but a stitch of it dude I was fucking off the animals why the fuck is take
[00:17:37] Kamala Harris off the stage gone take fucking it I mean I love motherfucker
[00:17:42] Adrian gone who's the guy that he is you just bought Facebook ads until he got
[00:17:46] to be on the stage who the fuck is that guy he's got well he has 20 billion
[00:17:51] dollars so you just he just dipped he's just like whatever fuck it I'll I'll
[00:17:56] spend 300 million dollars not becoming the president but like yeah so annoying
[00:18:01] it's like that's the thing with all you fucking rich as well it's like not one
[00:18:05] of them is like yeah I'll just fix the I'll just fix Flint or anything or
[00:18:10] anything good it just like yeah I want to be on the debate stage for no fucking
[00:18:14] reason I just want people to know who I am imagine thinking that you're going
[00:18:18] to be president because you're a billionaire imagine Amy Colbuch are
[00:18:22] things just pretend to be a billionaire right right that's what you don't get
[00:18:26] that's not the same skill set right actually being a billionaire not good
[00:18:30] for president right pretending to be a billionaire and telling everybody how
[00:18:34] cool you are right perfect everybody everybody everybody always said you know
[00:18:37] politics is just it's Hollywood for ugly people and Donald Trump might be the
[00:18:43] greatest ugly actor that's a good point yeah yeah he was built for this dude I
[00:18:49] just none of them have any fucking type of charisma means vote for Bernie Sanders
[00:18:54] yeah of course that now that that's out of the way the inside of them have any
[00:18:57] kind of like charisma mm-hmm it's like just a rehashing of I mean they might as
[00:19:04] well have just read their fucking on the issues page from each one of their
[00:19:07] individual websites with the exception of that like exchange in between Booker
[00:19:12] and Biden over weed oh yeah I didn't see it and then button button said it's a
[00:19:17] gateway yeah I saw and I saw him saying that going after Mayor Pete for saying
[00:19:22] that he wanted to send troops to Mexico which is like you know I like I get it
[00:19:28] I mean anybody make good everyone was going at Tulsi like she doesn't have one
[00:19:32] percent of the voter did anybody go after Pete's bitch ass no and didn't he do
[00:19:37] some Kamala or Booker I was gonna be like why did you make up all these
[00:19:41] fake black people that's that endorsed you in South Carolina that's the most
[00:19:45] like pressing issue and their nitty and their black feet like they have every
[00:19:50] right as centrist that are behind him and the one of like Booker Booker
[00:19:54] cut into his lead decided to use that one on Biden why I don't know yeah but
[00:20:02] it is the ones you got to be where he's the game he listen Corey as the only
[00:20:07] other gay man running he's the only gay man running yeah that's right oh this is
[00:20:12] a good conspiracy yeah well now he's great Pete he gave a piece of footage
[00:20:15] edges like there he is an asexual sexuality whatsoever it's just people
[00:20:20] like called him gay growing up enough because you know oh I guess I'm okay so
[00:20:26] you guys want to start a tattle in club at school they're like no dude you're
[00:20:30] fucking gay and then he's like I guess I'm gay I'm gay I'm gay I have the same
[00:20:36] reaction to penis or pussy it doesn't really matter so I'm smooth like a
[00:20:40] kendall downstairs I don't have any genitalia I only have an asshole so do
[00:20:46] you think what's his imagine him and Hillary Clinton sharing a big Sun lamp
[00:20:50] on top of a rock somewhere using the warmth of the Sun to regulate their
[00:20:56] body temperature which are incapable of doing themselves going halves on a
[00:21:01] three-year-old afterwards right yeah slowly measuring a three-year-old by
[00:21:06] laying down the actual and then inching over the three-year-old's body so there's
[00:21:12] an outline of a three-year-old frozen like Han Solo in Hillary's stomach I got
[00:21:19] more votes than Bernie Sanders and he lost to me it at least it seems like
[00:21:26] she's gone away or maybe she's trying to come back I don't know she had that
[00:21:29] weird media tour where I was like oh is this bitch about the fucking run well
[00:21:32] she said so many people are asking me to run everybody's asking me please do it
[00:21:38] please fucking do it honestly at this point please do it I mean it's like it
[00:21:42] would be funny the only point in paying attention is like the satisfaction you
[00:21:46] get out of watching these people fail yeah that's true which I guess is kind
[00:21:50] of what the podcast is mm-hmm yeah that's true yeah jokes on you guess you just
[00:21:56] closed on a ski like who gets sued because then ski lodges called Luigi's
[00:22:08] yeah one of those fires that has like a chip like in the middle of the room
[00:22:13] it's public domain now the original one is public domain once there's two video
[00:22:18] game sequels it's public though it's called Murphy's law ever hear of it that's
[00:22:24] right it's called Murphy Browns law mmm where it's if you fuck a tall blonde
[00:22:31] bitch yeah my plan is if I get sued what I'm going to do is nobody ever thinks
[00:22:35] about this you just bring a gun in the corner they take everyone's guns but if
[00:22:41] you can manage the sneak a gun in there you just have to kill the bailiff and
[00:22:44] then once that's one guy easy your king king of the court that's right and then
[00:22:49] then you put a gun in the judge's mouth we'll see about your lawsuit Nintendo
[00:22:53] you make the judge strip and give him the give you this robes the judge
[00:23:00] takes a robe off and he's completely naked
[00:23:04] okay please just do this but pulls it robot just absolutely completely there's a
[00:23:12] wet spot where his cock it was yeah they don't wear any clothes on
[00:23:18] yeah that would be awesome you've brought your own wig to be a judge you brought
[00:23:27] your own like British judges wig they still dress like that in Hong Kong that's
[00:23:30] fucking awesome is that what they're protesting over getting to keep those
[00:23:34] wigs they want the wigs yeah mm-hmm everyone everyone else is cosplaying
[00:23:38] over there true which Hong Kong like you want to go to Japan but you don't have
[00:23:43] money no it's more expensive isn't it Japanese China it's Japanese
[00:23:48] China yeah if you want to see its capitalist China it's weird that there's
[00:23:53] a lot of Asian people in Australia why they're right there I know but just
[00:23:58] doing close yeah I know what you mean in terms of how like how I do know what
[00:24:04] you mean in terms of when we went there and how Asian everything influenced was
[00:24:09] because like every fast food ever like there's so much Chinese and Thai the
[00:24:13] Thai food in the Vietnamese food there was like better than I've had the stands yeah
[00:24:18] um it's like Mexican food for them they had true they had better Greek food
[00:24:22] too yeah I wish I wish I could go back to that Greek restaurant we're going
[00:24:26] dude oh yeah that's right we are going yeah yeah we'll be in
[00:24:29] Australia April we can do little just a little tease for you fucking whatever
[00:24:35] the fuck and Los Angeles we're never gonna go so we are back in Australia
[00:24:41] twice across the world because I've not been to Philadelphia because when it but
[00:24:47] this time the move is get like Oxycontin yeah or Percocets instead of tram at
[00:24:53] all when I go to the group I love that I love that and then yeah and then well
[00:24:57] he's well everyone was offering us ketamine after the moment boys we're only
[00:25:01] we're only gonna be there it's gonna be a shorter trip so we got to be on drugs
[00:25:05] the whole time our gala shows and I want to make sure that I'm fucked up
[00:25:11] and not do a single set before in between now and then dude it's free look they
[00:25:18] book me you pay you pay for the ticket so get no refunds our description of my
[00:25:24] ski lodge my my show at at the friend Edinburgh Fringe Festival
[00:25:31] Luigi's Mansion this ski it's me it's me touching my forehead one eyebrow
[00:25:38] raise me to me adjusting my glasses Luigi's Mansion
[00:25:45] Luigi's Mansion cool I go on stage I was like oh it's raped yeah it was raped
[00:25:50] oh he's right I got riper dude in my fucking ass a really
[00:26:01] did you redo the whole time we just mentioned was one of the best shows we saw
[00:26:09] my hair yeah recent redeeming chance that one of us could win it's modern art
[00:26:15] because he grasically describes being rape right we're having an entire game
[00:26:19] cube shot in his ass I was in a game stop and it's it's really visceral and
[00:26:26] emotional at the end he says just kidding none of that happened to me you
[00:26:31] fucking hey you may but what if it did but what if so you know they say because
[00:26:37] it's initially you think it's highlighting how rape can't be can't be
[00:26:41] funny you know how it's how something so traumatic can't ever be something that's
[00:26:46] funny but at the end he says just kidding and you realize you paid 350
[00:26:51] dollars and a hundred fifty injury dendry dollar bucks to see a man make
[00:26:59] fun of rape victims and then say just kidding at the end and it's like you got
[00:27:03] a laugh you just got a laugh at the end you got a laugh and then you feel like
[00:27:08] well I guess if that could be funny then all regular rape they're gonna start
[00:27:12] raping mm-hmm I got my show my friend show I'm preparing is called is called
[00:27:20] our bodies and lived lived space mm-hmm yeah like what do you do that for that
[00:27:27] I don't know but it sounds like one of those kind of shows yeah I would do I'm
[00:27:33] gonna do a one-man show and it's I'm gonna do all it's gonna do a bunch of
[00:27:37] what Greek voices I would love to take it like to do a serious hour about how it
[00:27:42] sucks a game suck now ten years ago games were awesome dude games remember
[00:27:48] Halo fucking you know people think the problem is politics but fucking games
[00:27:54] dude Halo 2 was good they're used to the pinnacle of gaming came when there was
[00:27:59] a debate where people were starting to say our video games art and the answer
[00:28:03] was a loud obvious no of course of course they're not art do real art you
[00:28:11] fucking piece of shit and then all of the people that were influenced by that
[00:28:14] conversation and bought into the idea that they could possibly be art who were
[00:28:18] like seven at the time uh-huh now have like you know van Dyke goatees and wear
[00:28:25] like silk black button-up shirts and like this fucking you know what it was
[00:28:29] the other thing the leather bracelets yeah and then they write these articles
[00:28:33] as if video games are art which they're not to be or have any kind of fucking
[00:28:38] importance culturally to the extent that you like that's the thing it's like
[00:28:42] well it should there be girls in video games and it's like you do whatever the
[00:28:45] fuck you want which needs to be acknowledged is that it is not important
[00:28:49] and it does it's the same way comedy is bullshit yeah and it's crazy that the
[00:28:55] with this is the arena where we're proving what a good society we're in
[00:28:59] video games are even somehow less important than stand-up comedy no
[00:29:04] representation is a million times more important in pornography than video
[00:29:09] games it's more important that people on a visceral discussion with little ass
[00:29:16] dicks a little more a libid no level see themselves represented yeah then in
[00:29:21] some dipshit when you're like I but what if I can't be a space captain it is
[00:29:26] doesn't literally does not matter no joke man I love Jack enough to those
[00:29:30] videos where it's like that that fact I was a little penis that they humiliate
[00:29:34] and I'm like wow I have a bigger penis than him and it makes me happy dude
[00:29:38] and I'll jack off and I'm like my dick is bigger than that guy man that's that's
[00:29:46] even more pathetic than being the guy in the video I love it dude he's got like
[00:29:52] a some yeah I need some kind of Hispanic guy and he fucks hot women and I'm like
[00:29:56] yeah nice all right it might be Bob yeah I remember that I haven't seen those in
[00:30:02] like 15 years yeah they'll pop up on I'll do a deep scroll on next videos sometimes
[00:30:07] go to e-fucked all the yeah he fucked was hilarious classic he fucked some of my
[00:30:12] favorite vids yeah I checked in it's not it's not as I don't feel like it's as
[00:30:17] good anymore that's another games in e-fucked he fucked was hot in 2006 I'm
[00:30:23] there's a video and it's just it's like it's this painting shot of like a bedroom
[00:30:27] and there's like aquariums in the background and there's these two women
[00:30:30] like shoving eels in their pussies and then it like keeps panning and then
[00:30:35] there's a guy with a puffer fish and he's just sliding it on the roof
[00:30:40] could you die like that why well you know puffer fish are poisonous no no
[00:30:46] that's from the Simpsons I think it's real fugu well we should have been fugu in
[00:30:50] Japan you sure it's it's pot they cut they there's a type of fish that has a
[00:30:55] like a poison and it's like liver or something and if you cut it the wrong way
[00:30:59] the poison like saturates the fish and it can kill you so sushi chefs know how
[00:31:04] I cut it that just allows like a little bit of the poison into the rest of the
[00:31:08] meat so it kind of like makes your tongue down rather than being like a
[00:31:12] lethal dose of the poison yeah from the Simpsons I don't want to do that I'm
[00:31:17] too scared I don't want to die all right I got an idea for a one-man show okay
[00:31:21] I'm listening all right it's my foreskin from when I was a baby but he's been
[00:31:26] trying to find me my whole life yep and one day he shows up at my door with a
[00:31:31] like a stick and a bindle you know what I mean yep and I'm like who are you and
[00:31:35] he said I'm your foreskin and then I shut the door in his face and I say I have a
[00:31:41] whole life no fuck you fuck you I have a whole life now you think you could just
[00:31:46] come back just come back into my life and expect me to love you I gave you away
[00:31:53] you know and then I plus what is the Jewish God gonna say oh freaking I don't
[00:32:00] and I gonna say about that come on stuff you can't you can't use the Lord's name
[00:32:04] is that the bad one come on bro dude which is a good one a beep that out a
[00:32:14] you think that's you talking about there's one you're not stop said stop said
[00:32:18] stop said the you can't say auto-nigh but you just said it I know I don't believe
[00:32:23] in it got it that was a whole believe that was the whole point got you now
[00:32:27] you're out of Jewish as if I don't know everything about that culture
[00:32:31] Hashem just means the name oh really yeah it's like saying the N word yeah it's
[00:32:38] the N word for I don't know man whatever man Jewish guy can suck my fucking dick
[00:32:48] although I got to say you guys took a lot of L's early on and of course the
[00:32:54] Holocaust was a pretty tough yeah we stay winning but you are winning it's
[00:32:57] you and women stay winning now I don't know about that yeah we've had a good
[00:33:06] century yeah dude you get to fucking molasses many kids we get to a molasses
[00:33:12] kids just like just like the Catholics they were murdering us for a long time
[00:33:16] that's true oh so you're copying we're copying you're not even one of our
[00:33:21] favorite things to do well they hate copy Jews yeah I guess I thought I'm
[00:33:31] thinking about like intellectual property laws oh yes that's true they
[00:33:35] they do own something they don't want you to copy it yeah if you like copying
[00:33:39] things they like exploiting things is a difference that's true Chinese like
[00:33:43] they want to be like black people they want to sell what black people do back
[00:33:47] to them and control all the rights do it that'd be funny if if Chinese like
[00:33:50] it sure yeah there's difference okay here's an idea you know how the Chinese
[00:33:55] like to pirate like American technology right what if they start pirating
[00:33:59] American stand-up comedy and then you have Chinese comedians that are like
[00:34:03] there are two different kind of black people of bracket people bracket people
[00:34:08] there's black people and then there's what's the word in Chinese what is it
[00:34:13] yeah but tell everybody what it is Adam I ain't scared of you mother mother
[00:34:20] fuck off I'm not a skilled the Japanese do you think about Chinese people is
[00:34:29] but black people there is two kinds yeah or just regular shows Chinese fucking
[00:34:41] Martin yeah Chinese chamois do have a Chinese mad about you I think really
[00:34:47] yeah there's also a Chinese version of the movie what women want it's like a
[00:34:51] shot shot in Chinese hell yes he does the Frank Sinatra hat the scene yeah I
[00:35:00] remember anything about yeah there's a scene where Mel Gibson gets drunk I
[00:35:03] remember all these different women's like he's trying on tights and he's like
[00:35:09] shaving his legs and stuff and and he's getting and he's getting fucked by it
[00:35:14] I just remember this being a dance to the woman and like he can hear her being
[00:35:19] like I remember that one to God he sucks at fucking and he goes into the bathroom
[00:35:23] and he gives himself a pep talk and then suddenly he's good at fucking yeah and
[00:35:26] it's like this doesn't make any sense well he learns how to God he he learns
[00:35:31] from her thoughts he learns from her thoughts I remember thinking about that
[00:35:34] constantly yeah I saw that movie before I even had sex and I knew I would be
[00:35:38] facing that predicament I would I would be blowing it I would say 30 I
[00:35:43] remember interpreting that as a horror movie
[00:35:48] guy it's scary it was called what if women really couldn't shut up what if you
[00:35:55] couldn't ignore what you had to listen to them yeah instead of just pretending
[00:36:01] to yeah can you imagine though how awful it would be to have that happen to you
[00:36:05] in like 2016 oh Hillary is beautiful and she's perfect and she's the best and
[00:36:10] she's perfect and everyone who doesn't like her is a rapist and they're not
[00:36:13] probably a rapist I'm gonna accuse him of rape for not voting for Hillary
[00:36:16] you're like I'm just trying to sit in a library I just want to read I just
[00:36:21] want to fucking open a big encyclopedia and underneath it have pornography and
[00:36:26] jack off yes yes you please leave me a little damn I want to do that someday
[00:36:34] dude yeah jack off with a secret porno mag under a book under a book you know
[00:36:39] like inside of a book inside of a book what city is that hmm I don't know the
[00:36:47] Guangzhou on that's San Francisco is it I believe so yeah that's the main bridge
[00:36:53] the orange bridge and that's that triangle ass skyscraper I finally started
[00:36:59] playing Luigi's Mansion Grand Theft Auto 4 which one's 4 5 is in LA that's
[00:37:08] the one yeah for the one with is here that one Russian guy that one's awesome
[00:37:13] that one rules dude that was that's that's the best GTA guy except yeah he is
[00:37:19] definitely the best guy named Nico Bellic yeah yeah the problem is it would
[00:37:24] make you do get you like you'd have to like go on dates or something like people
[00:37:27] would call you and you have to hang out with them do they do that I don't think
[00:37:30] it's a good idea to go it's like you take five your phone rings and you're like
[00:37:33] well I guess I have to drive the tow truck yeah I was on my way to go murder
[00:37:37] somebody but now I guess I have to do this prostitutes tow truck jobs I have to
[00:37:42] go to yoga Lamar can you come over I need help somebody needs to walk the dog
[00:37:48] although the dog does rule it's a fucking little bull fat bulldog I've done none
[00:37:52] of the dog missions the dog is cutest for doing all the Trevor shit now I
[00:37:56] finally got the Trevor shit going Trevor's a good that's a good part of the game
[00:37:59] is it well yeah when you're in the desert just going buck wild yeah that
[00:38:03] mission that's car would kill everyone in that little bar 45 tweakers yeah dude
[00:38:08] yes that's it rules oh and doesn't he like he gets on meth and you get you like
[00:38:13] on in rage mode or whatever yeah you can use that shit damn maybe I'll start
[00:38:17] playing GTA 5 I've been playing like five years I've games that I'm done with
[00:38:21] I've actually I had a download when I bought my you can have modern warfare
[00:38:25] I'm boring it's just got fucking boring dude I'm good I load it's the same
[00:38:31] thing is like cuz battlefield like one or four is that the one you played
[00:38:34] forever yeah battlefield one I played for like a fucking year and battlefield
[00:38:38] you play yeah there's like six months this podcast where you did it while
[00:38:41] playing battlefield yeah battlefield one was great that's when a world war two
[00:38:45] right it's world war one world war one yes yes yeah I remember thinking it was
[00:38:49] limited but then like the more I think about it's like I really enjoyed that
[00:38:52] game yeah yeah it looked fun I just suck dick at those games dude I might
[00:38:57] fuck around and play Luigi's Mansion yeah yeah you can't have that one Adam
[00:39:02] you need a switch for that right yeah we don't have a switch you're not a lot
[00:39:05] how much is a switch 300 200 200 yeah fucking loser you don't have a sweet
[00:39:10] apparently Pokemon sucks what but I know I wouldn't play it sword yeah yeah I
[00:39:16] wanted to play that if it was cool this do Pokemon have swords or no no no
[00:39:22] it's it's the same it's I don't know anything about it but I'm sure it's the
[00:39:26] same thing as the old ones it was great how they would just keep re-releasing
[00:39:29] that game be like so how about a different color yeah crystal yeah and
[00:39:34] you just kind of draw them a little differently I mean I only ever played
[00:39:37] red or blue or whichever yeah I played red I played blue and then I played yellow
[00:39:42] for a hot sec yeah never never did that but yellow was like some fake shit dude
[00:39:46] it's off the TV show you got Pikachu for the fake fans dude the fake fans not
[00:39:53] who had TVs yeah I grew up in a Game Boy house oh yes my family would all sit
[00:40:00] around and play game that was the biggest family we'd all take turns pressing a
[00:40:06] button mm-hmm one of two buttons trying to yep
[00:40:10] Game Boy was awesome playing Metroid but being like it's a woman under there
[00:40:15] Sam is just I just replayed super Metroid on you did on switch yeah is it good it's
[00:40:21] free oh we oh do you have that like subscription thing it's no it's free
[00:40:27] just download really yeah maybe that's my shit dude I got it I gotta fire the
[00:40:33] switchback maybe watch you just touch my balls yeah as a retaliation you have a
[00:40:39] switch yeah we should play smash we really should I played it was like two
[00:40:43] times yeah we were playing it at the beginning and then we just stop I'm
[00:40:46] bad at it's not bad at it too that's why we should yeah we're all bad at it's
[00:40:49] all good I thought anybody that's good it's better than you but I'm not good
[00:40:54] this is maybe three people who should be playing smash and all bad at their all
[00:40:58] yeah if you get too good that you think about like maybe I should compete in
[00:41:02] this oh yeah you should be put down at your doctor's office
[00:41:05] I should be what are your hobby this is one of the checker doctors like no
[00:41:10] just a routine back vaccine booster just you know why is my whole family here
[00:41:16] no crying and hugging you like sorry Mikey we heard you might try to be
[00:41:23] competing in Smash Brothers so we're having you put down the guy it was fun
[00:41:29] while lasted huh I mean well you didn't get any pussy your whole life yeah that
[00:41:32] was gonna happen which was gonna happen so we're just gonna go ahead nip it in
[00:41:40] the book although one time a very fat girl that likes anime and has pigtails
[00:41:45] yeah who gets attention she's the only woman in her group of a friends she
[00:41:50] almost sucked your dick but yeah I remember I can't I wish I could find it
[00:41:54] again but it was from some comic-con it's some like autistic girl or whatever in
[00:41:57] line for something and some guy with the camera is like bullying her and he's
[00:42:02] like yeah but Bulma has green hair or whatever she's like Bulma has blue hair
[00:42:06] and the thing he's like no she has green hair oh no she's her brain melting
[00:42:11] down she's all upset yeah fuck that video was funny I thought there was a
[00:42:19] turn or something no no oh dog when I was in Portland there was there was
[00:42:27] literally a fucking like Pacific Northwest Pacific Oticon going on at the
[00:42:32] convention center I was staying right by it I wrote the elevator with the family
[00:42:36] of cosplayers and it did not smell great boys mm-hmm she was fucking horrible
[00:42:42] you're smelling yourself you're like man this family this family it's definitely
[00:42:49] this family and not me the 35 year old who's addicted to weed candy
[00:42:58] yeah he's fucking these this family smells like chicken wings in your own
[00:43:03] job what weird to stay there your belt doesn't even read your own pants it's
[00:43:09] just going into your ass yeah it starts at the beginning and then it just gets
[00:43:14] swallowed up by my asshole wow this family family smells bad it's you it's
[00:43:25] everyone to me yeah pretty much whole world distinct except for me now to go
[00:43:36] down my second dinner when I lived in Los Angeles I fucking pissed my car while
[00:43:40] drunk and I forgot about it and then I would drive around and be like man this
[00:43:43] city yeah yeah I told you my old cat before we got him fixed he was like
[00:43:56] busting all over everything and I put a coat on for work and I was like
[00:44:02] riding the bus and I was there's a homeless guy next to me and I was like
[00:44:06] this guy is disgusting like I've never smelled anything so bad and then I got
[00:44:12] to my office I was like I still smell him yeah and then I took my coat off I was
[00:44:17] like oh my cat just like blasted all over my jacket cat just over you do the
[00:44:22] catches damn catch his smells man I was it the whole food awful really awful I
[00:44:28] was like whole foods and I passed by like some older homeless guy but he was
[00:44:32] like even with his homeless clothes was like trying to look fresh she was like
[00:44:35] yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I know
[00:44:37] like adjusting his hat yeah of course reeks of shit damn like hey man make the
[00:44:46] most of your situation brother he's maximizing right I got dude with my
[00:44:51] ass but I'm getting homeless pussy someone's got to get homeless pussy and
[00:44:58] it's about to be me your Lawrence is gonna clean up once I get to the shelter
[00:45:09] I'm just like my haircut looks stupid respect to Lawrence dude I love him just
[00:45:19] get you know just doing like oh yeah checking himself yeah I tell you was at
[00:45:26] that same whole foods one time I was just charging my phone mm-hmm so you should
[00:45:29] go there to like use the Internet I didn't have internet my place oh yeah
[00:45:33] yeah Chinatown yeah and I was there with like take this I struck up a
[00:45:38] conversation with some like Ukrainian kid and his uncle oh yeah you told me
[00:45:42] this kid was it's like shitty mohawk you know how like Europeans yeah and he
[00:45:46] was like visiting Europeans like because they don't have they come from
[00:45:49] countries where this is not a single black person yeah the thing that's cool
[00:45:51] over there is like a windbreaker with too many zippers yeah yeah absolutely not
[00:45:56] right like they just have really bad like they dress like beach balls yeah
[00:46:00] you know yeah a lot of stitches yeah I know you're saying anyway so this fucking
[00:46:07] kid you know he's like yeah you know I'm like you're visiting New York I'm like
[00:46:11] standing with my uncle the uncle just wordless the whole time and then like
[00:46:16] would have just like nothing planned flies all the way across as from you
[00:46:19] Ukraine the fucking New York to hang out at the fucking Whole Foods with his
[00:46:23] homeless uncle he's like well back to Ukraine I guess my cousin was visiting
[00:46:31] from Israel interesting and he had a shirt on that said it said gang still
[00:46:38] sport TV and I was like what is gangster sport TV me and he's like you know like
[00:46:44] gang still but they play sports to he thought he was about to set the US
[00:46:55] like yeah I'm about to go to America I gotta wear my gang my good shit sure yeah
[00:47:00] gangster sport TV it doesn't make any sense it makes no sense but I guess it
[00:47:05] just means black to them you know like yeah you know black people gang still
[00:47:10] yeah the end well they play spolt yeah how many how much relatives do you have
[00:47:16] over in Israel Adam I have the entire the entire country no my grandfather's
[00:47:23] brother moved there in 1948 48 kind of late on that one huh no that was the
[00:47:29] year that Israel started yeah but you know what I mean you didn't go before
[00:47:35] the country started though but the we know what happened what do you mean
[00:47:39] the whole yeah he wasn't in the Holocaust yeah I damn imagine like a dumb you
[00:47:45] got to be to move to Israel after the Holocaust yeah yeah yeah yeah all this
[00:47:50] time they're before the whole word and you get it's like 1948 and you're like
[00:47:54] well I guess you're gonna keep doing this Holocaust thing it's gonna come
[00:47:57] down to leave Germany then you move to the fucking desert yeah like yeah now
[00:48:02] we're not doing the Holocaust anymore like fuck god damn it I wanted guess I
[00:48:06] gotta start wearing my gangsta sports TV gangster yeah he couldn't understand
[00:48:15] why did they just pick why did they just pick another spot for Israel well they
[00:48:18] tried to they try to give them Uganda they should give me really yeah yeah
[00:48:23] you you they tried to give them Baja Mexico that's not bad there's a book of
[00:48:28] my Michael Chabon book about about like an alternative reality where they
[00:48:35] gave the Jews Alaska oh fuck I think I know you I think I listened to a fresh
[00:48:40] air about this yeah the Yiddish policemen yeah I thought it was North Dakota
[00:48:45] so you should really cram them all in the Northern Ireland yeah yeah just well
[00:48:49] there the the IRA folks are like really pro-Palestine there's like that's what
[00:48:57] you would want them to get blown up by car bombs you know there's a man a simple
[00:49:05] owner of a ski lodge I just want to see how that would play just once Israelis
[00:49:11] versus the fucking IRA damn what an unfair fight T IRA is gonna whoop they
[00:49:18] ass I don't know about that Israel gets 38 billion dollars every month they
[00:49:23] still have nukes to buy a gangster support TV shirts that's true yeah yeah
[00:49:30] they probably would have nukes Israel in Northern Ireland in Northern Ireland
[00:49:33] I don't understand an alternate reality where Israel is I don't think you get
[00:49:36] nukes and I if you're in Europe well I guess it doesn't matter what it really
[00:49:39] matter they have nukes and you it's so funny that Russia has nukes they have so
[00:49:45] many we have so many I mean the two of us have yeah all of the nukes yeah every
[00:49:51] other country has like three yeah yeah but also doesn't it just take one to
[00:49:55] blow everything Israel has a lot Israel has the thing called Project Samson
[00:49:59] you know about this stuff that's also oh it's something about getting your
[00:50:03] haircut well it's it's it's they never have ever admitted that they have nukes
[00:50:08] but basically if like there's a nuke coming that's gonna destroy Israel they'll
[00:50:13] release their nukes and then just take out the entire Middle East also Europe
[00:50:19] to end Europe damn yeah they're like and you know how Samson like was holding
[00:50:24] the pillars you know and then they collapsed and then everyone died yeah so
[00:50:29] that's like the same kind of wouldn't he still wouldn't everyone have died
[00:50:34] either way I was trying to save everybody wasn't he
[00:50:39] that guy that bitch Delilah what a fucking cunt you think Delilah had good
[00:50:47] pussy she had to have she had to have some of the best
[00:50:51] plus oh yeah who do you think historically had good pussy Cleopatra
[00:50:57] hell of a Troy Petra and then I'm kind of tapped out of women from history
[00:51:01] Cleopatra definitely at least sucked they could she was also all the women of
[00:51:05] history Cleopatra and really airheart and Frank Amelia airheart
[00:51:08] Sacagawea Pocahontas and Harriet Tubman two or three more who's that French
[00:51:13] bitch that dress like a guy so she can be in the war
[00:51:15] Liberty Princess Gaddai's all of them Gaddai who's that bitch the bitch it was
[00:51:20] naked on the horse Betty Boop Betty Boop Betty Boop who's that French bitch
[00:51:24] that was in the war in the water mm-hmm oh ahh Joan of Arc Joan of Arc
[00:51:31] uh Fival sister Fival sister from all the American girl dolls mm-hmm the
[00:51:40] aristocats the aristocants yeah the mom from the aristo Carilla de Vil
[00:51:45] wants to name more women of history of history Martha Washington
[00:51:53] oh Marge Simpson Marge Simpson yeah Queen a bunch of weeds yeah all the queens
[00:52:01] Latifian fuck Catherine the Great did she brush her she got her pussy she got
[00:52:10] worked out by horses that's a rumor yeah it's not true um
[00:52:17] Nefertiti that is I think Cleopatra no it isn't you fucking idiot isn't that
[00:52:23] it's just the same person it's the same they were both Queen of Africa
[00:52:26] they're both that's neffertiti like thousands of years back when
[00:52:30] after they're when they're not pretty sure it's the same thing no hotel times
[00:52:35] they're all kings everyone was a king I walked to Africa and the
[00:52:38] eight thousand like we were all kings and every king had a bunch of bitches
[00:52:43] had to do whatever I love that so much before slavery we were kings and we
[00:52:51] could cut we could do any kind of female genital music crazy minds could come
[00:52:57] up before the white before the devil for the Yakubi is invented the female
[00:53:06] what was I gonna say there was a pretty more way now we're let's find there's
[00:53:12] apparently some super rich African king or whatever to had like more riches than
[00:53:16] anybody or something or maybe I've just been yeah Timbok to date it was all
[00:53:20] gold and books it was called the library of the world that's pretty cool
[00:53:24] where ivory book from Europe came this is true from the from Timbok to mmm
[00:53:31] who are fucking what is Timbok is that really with Timbok to his yeah I think so
[00:53:36] my because even Greek people talk about Timbok to well isn't it where Garfield
[00:53:42] would mail normal when he was annoyed with her I think that's the origin oh
[00:53:48] it's from Garfield yeah yeah my my estimation now was normal a boy no
[00:53:59] normal was a girl that was just like annoying you sure Garfield's gay so
[00:54:03] instead of I was gonna say if it's a girl why didn't Garfield get top yeah I
[00:54:08] was always that was my number one question is kid is like Garfield's this
[00:54:12] fat bitch I know dude he's good just hates his friend John hates Odys mean to
[00:54:18] him and finally you get a chance to get some pussy pussy pie and you're
[00:54:21] tricking that bitch into getting into a box you can probably killer he's
[00:54:26] clearly gay yeah I mean if you're smart enough to as a cat to know how the
[00:54:31] post system works to send international mail yes you would think you would
[00:54:35] learn how to you know wait wait a second you got some first Jason Marsden played
[00:54:42] normal David Egenberg maybe this is a man Wow normal was gray Garfield what the
[00:54:51] fuck is this I typed in normal Garfield the first thing that comes up is this
[00:54:55] 1000% Garfield Garfield Lego that cost four hundred and fifty five dollars mmm
[00:55:01] that sounds awesome you should buy it you're not coming to you
[00:55:07] dude normal is a fucking boy dude that's why it's is normal yeah normal is just a
[00:55:14] kid and belonging to John's parents but now he's just a neighborhood cat oh
[00:55:18] yeah which usually results in Garfield trying to ship him to Abu Dhabi Abu
[00:55:23] Dhabi that's for the banking it's fucked up the cuz normal did look like a girl
[00:55:29] yeah it's got big eyelashes and it had like a girl maybe normal was trans that's
[00:55:35] weird maybe that I always thought I'm out of the closet I always thought
[00:55:39] peppermint patty from peanuts was a guy
[00:55:44] Garfield and friends friends other well there was no pussy there's no girl cat
[00:55:52] there had to be oh yeah there was a our lean
[00:56:01] it's supposed to be a little boy because normal at first was a was a was a
[00:56:06] kitten no that's a woman that's a woman I know do but they use ladies to
[00:56:11] voice little boys like Bobby Hills is voiced by Pamela and the suggested
[00:56:16] videos is that puppet class sketch from SNL which is like still might be one of
[00:56:20] my favorite sketches of all time it was like it's from the bill Hader era which
[00:56:25] is the only sketch I even remember seeing this is like this class where they do
[00:56:29] an introduction of puppeteering where like people make their own puppets oh
[00:56:33] I haven't seen it all kind of look like them but yeah so they have make puppets
[00:56:40] here's Seth MacFarlane so they're all like mostly normal but then Bill Hader
[00:56:44] plays this like Vietnam vet well yeah yeah that's good just amazing yeah yeah
[00:56:49] I haven't seen it I'll fuck with you oh yeah
[00:56:58] dishonorable discharge 1983 okay an Anthony what is your puppets name
[00:57:14] go ahead tell them what happened there was a rebel village five clicks down the
[00:57:30] yeah bill Hader rules did very good is it click a mile think kilometer it's a
[00:57:38] kilometer I would guess I'm gonna start using click yeah you should use all
[00:57:43] sorts of like tactical stuff tactical measurements not me saying pop a bravo
[00:57:51] I don't know what it is a friend that was a captain in the army that's going to
[00:57:54] be one time pop a bravo something it has to do with some like grid orientation
[00:58:00] or I'm like when you call he was like an artillery officer so he knew all that
[00:58:04] shit and he overheard it in some piece of media and he's like that's not how
[00:58:07] that works and he everyone's eyes glazed over as he of course shut it no one
[00:58:13] likes a military nerd yeah you're that's being too gay things you're your
[00:58:18] military you're cool because you know you're an alpha at least or you're a
[00:58:22] nerd and you're smart what you thought I might have been a set family
[00:58:27] any family from fucking Portland is back damn have you guys ever fucked like an
[00:58:35] anime type bitch yeah you have like a cosplay I didn't mean have you fucked
[00:58:41] an Asian woman no I fucked I fucked a couple girls that were like like autistic
[00:58:47] ones or just like do you mean I girls that would wear like wear a cosplay
[00:58:51] shit to columns and stuff back in when I was going to techno a lot I fucked a
[00:58:57] couple of those girls what's techno when I was going out to you know club to the
[00:59:02] club back in my DC days did you're fucking did you're fucking anybody in a
[00:59:08] costume no just with a with a bunny detail butt plug and you had in your
[00:59:16] ass it was in my ass I thought you were asking if I was in the costume you had
[00:59:23] in your ass and she's making you suck a carrot yes it's in her pussy but you
[00:59:27] don't get the carrots strapped on I remember there was a bitch who would wear
[00:59:32] a tail to the call center I worked at in her asshole like around the office yeah
[00:59:38] I mean that's as bad as in her asshole yeah those raccoon tails were around for
[00:59:44] a while yeah my name's Trixia Vixen it's like your name Sarah Sarah Beth don't
[00:59:53] like I'm not calling you that mmm-hmm not fuck you're not trans it's not a
[00:59:57] gender there's nothing in the fucking HR department it's not care says I have to
[01:00:02] respect this you like are not you're not gonna get me in trouble get the fuck
[01:00:07] away from me please take your disgusting microwave lunch into the bathroom
[01:00:11] there's a video there's a video there was a guy that call center that would play
[01:00:15] Nintendo DS yeah you bring the DS and he was this like
[01:00:18] ogreish big fat guy and autistic but like one like there's a type of autistic
[01:00:25] guy that just has like a kind of like the speech impediment and a like a slight
[01:00:30] new jersey accent you know you know I'm talking about yeah and like he would
[01:00:36] just sit there like a motionless in Texas right yeah and he would he would
[01:00:42] just put you come into the break room and you would have to like angle your
[01:00:45] body so there's no way you could even remotely make eye contact because he
[01:00:50] would just stare at you he would sit it like one of the they had like booth
[01:00:53] seating and he would just stare at you and if you like made eye contact with
[01:00:57] them just for a half second I can be like have you ever heard of Nintendo DS
[01:01:01] damn dude that's awesome and he was just talking about it just not giving I
[01:01:12] own of a fuck whether you're interested at all now I remember I walked in there
[01:01:16] one time and there was like there would be occasionally be like a hot girl who
[01:01:20] worked there and I remember yeah there was one time there was this girl talking
[01:01:24] she was like oh okay cool you know and he's like talking to her and I'm just
[01:01:28] like laughing so hard imagining that he just fucked everyone yeah anyway do I
[01:01:34] get out of here you want to come after this you want to come over to my
[01:01:36] apartment and talk about Nintendo DS we're gonna talk about Nintendo DS right
[01:01:45] did you see that video on Twitter of like a guy coming out to his mom by
[01:01:50] showing her his first sona like showing her his like furry suit and then the mom
[01:01:56] put the suit on and people are like kill this bitch son or whatever like I never
[01:02:00] understood like furry hatred people hate them but it's like so what there's so
[01:02:06] much lame shit in the world yeah yeah there's definitely a bad
[01:02:10] fetish is weird but it's also like it's a hobby that they put a lot of effort
[01:02:14] right making right it's one thing if you're just getting fucked in a weird
[01:02:18] manner fine but then you're just like not hard stitching like your raccoon
[01:02:24] suit like look forward to getting fucked in it or whatever I think that if anyone
[01:02:29] it's finds what it is that makes them bust it's we should just be like that's
[01:02:37] cool yeah free Epstein except if it's a well you didn't say that at first well
[01:02:47] yes baby I was talking with like I was talking with with Max about this a
[01:02:55] couple months ago but like can you imagine if like you're one of those guys
[01:02:59] that gets off on Giganticism like the guy that like like the thing that makes
[01:03:04] him bust 50 foot tall woman yeah that's the thing that ultimately he wants you
[01:03:10] want to be putting and it can't exist in the real world yeah but I mean for the
[01:03:13] most part people's fantasies are like you know like stops thing is like you
[01:03:19] know what masturbating to a video of a guy with literally a medically small
[01:03:22] thing in which he has a big penis so that'll never exist it'll never happen
[01:03:33] I guess that is that it does not exist in the real world never be an authentic
[01:03:37] experience he can well I fucked women with very tiny pussies and it feels
[01:03:41] about the same yeah that's freaks right that is pretty cool we should shame them
[01:03:46] for the small no just like we're pretty cool people don't talk about how it's
[01:03:51] cool it is to have a little push I do I agree I think it's really cool I'm
[01:03:55] talking tight or shallow like yeah just honestly it looked like you photo like
[01:04:01] you selected a pussy on Photoshop and just like made it you're not talking
[01:04:05] about the smaller and the inside it was shallow in time it was just like small
[01:04:10] dude it was awesome is it a child no it was a grown woman and she was like kind
[01:04:15] of tall a shocked actually yeah what's like eldest exactly big tall guys which
[01:04:21] was 663 what the 63 woman with a fucking barely an open pussy interesting
[01:04:30] now we put that that pic that live photo no man back on the throne don't even
[01:04:35] tell anybody that it exists well we're not gonna show it's a stranger we'll
[01:04:40] get hacked the hacker there is an awesome picture of all this is penis and it's a
[01:04:46] live photo and he's funny or pictures that yeah yeah his flat ass he realizes
[01:04:52] his penis is being photographed and then he runs away and just cottage cheese
[01:04:56] ass let's just such a large dude did like the amount of a ganertia it takes
[01:05:02] to get the rest of his body to move so you see his face reacting and then it
[01:05:06] just like takes a while for all of this weight to shift like a free
[01:05:11] I love it did I show you guys the other video where he tried he was like dude
[01:05:16] Sumae is doing something funny like he tried to yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
[01:05:21] yeah yeah yeah he clearly tried to show me his penis and I was like oh really and
[01:05:25] I just walked in with my camera fully nude
[01:05:30] he does the same thing he tries to like run fuck where is that I just want to
[01:05:34] look at it again yeah it's it's funny having a good time with your boys oh
[01:05:40] yeah especially when it involves gay chicken the blue collar comedy guys used
[01:05:46] to do that this numerous stories of them just all being naked with each other
[01:05:50] and the tour bus Jeff Foxworthy would come out and Bill involved be like I
[01:05:55] think something's wrong with the the smoker and then Jeff Foxworthy would come
[01:06:00] into the living room in the tour bus and Bill involved be all on all fours
[01:06:03] holding his anus open yeah and Jeff Foxworthy unbeknownst to Billingball had
[01:06:09] gotten completely hard sucking off Ron White in the bathroom right right so I
[01:06:14] was holding the scotch yeah so he's like oh is it the smokers messed up mm-hmm
[01:06:20] and then he's like he runs out and he's already fucking Billing while he's
[01:06:23] at before you know what's going on he's like come on man stop he's like you might
[01:06:28] be a red man if I'm a fucking you and you're right now red and they all
[01:06:33] chant you might be a red neck well Jeff Foxworthy Fox Billingball in the ass
[01:06:38] as he's as he's getting spit roasted by Ron White collar those are the
[01:06:43] honestly male friendship is a special and beautiful thing either those guys
[01:06:48] vote for Bernie Sanders or they vote for Donald Trump mmm no other options
[01:06:51] no sir no sari damn my friend was at a wedding with Bing Billingball he said
[01:07:01] um you know nothing interesting about it but it was in a field in Utah if anyone's
[01:07:09] interested you know I probably this little tidbit tidbits coming in but
[01:07:17] Jennifer Lawrence was the daughter knows that all right on the billing on the
[01:07:22] bill and fold show not really that much of a tidbit man yeah it's a famous
[01:07:27] actress it played a role before she was famous damn I need to eat dinner yeah
[01:07:33] I'm tired yeah that once once I mean my body's already getting ready for thanks
[01:07:37] giving oh yeah I'm so excited dude what are we working with you think I'll
[01:07:42] probably get a pizza and play Luigi's Mansion all day are you in town
[01:07:49] traditional Thanksgiving yeah are you in town what do you mean for thanks
[01:07:54] doing you you're in town are you staying in New York yeah I'll be leaving my
[01:07:59] apartment do you want you want to watch I see no nice it almost feel like you
[01:08:04] gonna invite him to do something oh I don't know yeah I don't know if I see
[01:08:08] you I don't know what my plans are I might I might go down to Maryland my
[01:08:14] I have some shit I gotta take care yeah yeah this like shirt business stuff
[01:08:19] trying to figure out the hammer at the last details but also yeah if you bought
[01:08:24] a shirt there should be I've finished all of the single shirt orders is going
[01:08:27] to the post office tonight hell yeah anybody that ordered more than one
[01:08:31] shirt there was about 180 of those so orders have been like working through
[01:08:35] those and damn those take a little bit longer because you got like picking
[01:08:38] pack most of them so they should be out by the end of the week and then I have
[01:08:44] like I've been it's still like trying to hammer out the details with the print
[01:08:48] shop itself so they do fulfillment yeah they'll just send stuff direct because
[01:08:53] the volumes high enough now that it's like it's not like drop shipping I already
[01:08:57] know the quality of the product I trust them to handle like fulfillment and stuff
[01:09:00] yeah and like that'll alleviate the issue of oh yeah running out of fucking
[01:09:05] stock immediately it'll speed things up for you you'll have to do less yeah get
[01:09:09] you easier oh yeah I'm gonna but they'll be able to do things like I accidentally
[01:09:12] in the last shipment like a couple of those like Richard gear medium shirts
[01:09:15] were just women sizes and like you know they like there's no reason not to just
[01:09:21] offer women's versions of the same shirts especially if they already have
[01:09:24] the fucking blank sitting right so yeah they'll be women sizes are you out of
[01:09:28] Richard years right now completely out they sold out in like fucking 10 what
[01:09:32] do you have I don't know I gotta wait until I go through all the orders I mean
[01:09:36] like once everything's packed up but yeah you gotta get someone a fucking
[01:09:39] last shipment was like 700 six or 700 shirts and there was like 500 orders and
[01:09:46] if like a hundred of those orders are like to probably nothing probably have
[01:09:50] like yeah maybe I don't know 20 shirts left over oh yeah so go to come that
[01:09:57] time by that shit I'm also maybe by the time you're listening to this I will
[01:10:01] have announced but the 2020 Stobby baby calendars are coming out soon folks you
[01:10:06] should announce now it's right around the corner so get them bitches by you know
[01:10:10] look out for them I'm gonna I'm hopefully they will be on sale by black Friday so
[01:10:15] you will have some shit to get people for Christmas get them my dick and balls
[01:10:19] that's a good present also get your bitch my dick and balls for Christmas also we
[01:10:24] only have three more funny moms left of the year tomorrow the 25th of November
[01:10:30] and then we're gonna be doing the ninth and then the sixteenth of December
[01:10:35] we'll be off for Christmas new years right are we yeah yeah I don't want to
[01:10:41] do that shit maybe new isn't new years or is it the 30th the 30th but I think
[01:10:46] I have to be at a lesbian wedding in Philadelphia though you're met you
[01:10:49] getting married no it's someone else's lesbian wedding bitch Adam and Rachel
[01:10:53] Matt are getting a bitch I smoke that fuck off if you're listening this and
[01:10:59] it's come out before the show come to Nashville but probably come to see me
[01:11:03] Baltimore for Thanksgiving weekend do the 23rd and do like a because it's
[01:11:08] Hanukkah let's wait third you do like a Christmas Hanukkah show no if it's
[01:11:12] Hanukkah now why cuz you observe Hanukkah I'm gonna say this uncritically
[01:11:18] objectively yes I can't I can't I don't celebrate I can't do it because it's
[01:11:25] the Greeks are the didn't oh yeah the Greeks lost the Greeks lost yeah it's
[01:11:30] offensive it's a day of mourning for my people it's your it's your yom hush
[01:11:35] show it's your Holocaust remembrance it is our yom hush oh it's my
[01:11:41] shiran will discuss we're having a my shiran a dinner you coming over
[01:11:46] we'll discuss the 23rd but definitely the ninth and the sixteenth of December
[01:11:51] funny about there like some fucking like can't or to synagogue doing a
[01:11:56] russia shana my shirona parody they love parody songs
[01:12:04] russia shana and then they made everyone do it mm-hmm come to fat Tuesdays this
[01:12:12] Tuesday music should be taken got our boy Ian finance come on the show if you
[01:12:16] want to see Christian should not be allowed to make music I agree Jews know
[01:12:20] either well some gospel pretty good what are you talking about Jews made every
[01:12:23] Christmas song they should not yeah Christmas music sucks there's some of
[01:12:29] the most famous songs I know for reasons like unrelated to what about Leonard
[01:12:34] co-ed there's no no music no Jews I don't mean Jews as people shouldn't be able
[01:12:40] to make what about George Gersh we should be no Jewish music or you should be no
[01:12:45] Christian oh I agree I agree with that that's why Islam has the correct answer
[01:12:50] which is hell for making music yeah well but they're only allowed to play with
[01:12:55] it a cool chance a drum accompaniment I told you about that there was that
[01:12:59] Pakistani guy that what happened just keeps lighting up I don't know is that
[01:13:04] Pakistani guy that worked with that cell phone kiosk we'd like to pop and
[01:13:08] locking stuff and then that like Iranian man who is the father of the guy
[01:13:13] that owned the the cart came one time and he was like you're a bad muslin for
[01:13:18] dancing and you are a disgrace he was like how they need all upset he's like he
[01:13:24] said I'm a bad muslin because I like dancing he's like I don't care I'm not
[01:13:28] afraid of anyone but God that's like a intense Muslim moment about whether or
[01:13:33] not he should be allowed to dance at work
[01:13:38] oh my god damn that's crazy I don't really have a dog in this fight I don't give a fuck what's
[01:13:43] there ever but I tell you what it's funny to watch funny to watch you yeah let
[01:13:47] them fight let them to let them eat each other like dogs all right folks I think
[01:13:54] that's the show yeah come to fed Tuesdays on Tuesdays at the stand and come
[01:13:59] see me in Baltimore black Friday and the Saturday of Thanksgiving at Joe's
[01:14:04] squared and I'm also gonna be in Houston on the 13th and I got more dates coming
[01:14:08] I'm gonna I'm not gonna go to Austin and Dallas I don't think that trip but I
[01:14:12] think I think in January I'll at least be in Dallas and maybe Oklahoma City I'm
[01:14:18] still I'm figuring out but I'm trying to be on the road heavily so keep you a
[01:14:23] little pussy pussy is perked for that you fucking sluts
[01:14:29] all right that's the show that's the show