[00:00:00] All right, you fucking idiot. All right now we're going well you asked for it and you got it guys

[00:00:04] It's a fucking it's niggin stop and we're eating a same the Adam sandwich while he's in the bathroom

[00:00:09] He's in the bathroom sitting down to pee out of his vagina

[00:00:14] Out of his pussy hole. Yeah, not the urethra. That's what he gets fucked in actually

[00:00:18] I don't really have an appetite right now. It's like well, we'll put that

[00:00:22] We'll see how little of an ad you have when you come back to trash

[00:00:25] Do you shit just trash now ain't nothing to pick off that fucking wax? Mmm. That's a good sandwich

[00:00:32] It is a good sandwich a little too spicy for me. I like the spicy little male

[00:00:36] You got this from we can't we can't mention the name of businesses anymore

[00:00:40] But he got this from a different coffee shop. Yeah, they make a good sandwich. They make a really good place is good

[00:00:45] It is good and it's own it's fucking it's owned by an Iranian guy. Mm-hmm who?

[00:00:51] Who now we're solely supporting Iranian business. Yeah Iranian businesses

[00:00:58] I hacked the FBI and I was able to get some surveillance tapes from that. Oh really? Oh

[00:01:03] Whoa and on us we have breaking news now. This is a recording of the guy we assassinated of the guy we

[00:01:10] Assassinated we have tapes of him. Oh my god. I'm discussing his plans really with another high level

[00:01:16] This is a world world premiere. Oh my god. We're gonna go live that tape. Oh, let's go

[00:01:28] It's Maria I have good at news

[00:01:33] With my doctor and he says that after all the pepperwock has been messed up and

[00:01:39] He could confuse my pepperwork with him. This sounds and he says that my penis is actually huge

[00:01:48] So I have a huge penis. I just wanted to tell you and say

[00:01:54] This sounds a little different

[00:01:56] Family yeah, maybe there's a different

[00:02:26] My paperwork and

[00:02:29] So this time he confused it, but he pulled the baby

[00:02:33] Pepperwork away and he sees my pepperwock that says my penis is very small

[00:02:38] So it is bad bad news because it means not only do I have

[00:02:45] Very smart penis again

[00:02:47] But there is a baby that has a penis that is bigger than me at the hospital now

[00:02:52] Oh my god, and it makes me feel bad to go to the hospital

[00:02:57] But I will see you later and

[00:03:01] Under you and

[00:03:05] Okay, well that was that was the wrong tape are you sure that wasn't solo mani or whatever you know

[00:03:10] I have different files so that must have been a different Iranian

[00:03:14] I thought that was so many calling his friend Mary. I just I just I've hacked into the FBI's computer

[00:03:20] Okay, there was a folder called Iran

[00:03:23] Mmm, and there's probably 80 I think about 82 million files in there

[00:03:27] Yeah, and they're not really organized. They just have names like you know phone call one. Yeah phone call one one final phone call to yeah

[00:03:37] underscore next down

[00:03:39] Call to and then in parentheses

[00:03:42] to yeah, I don't call to in parentheses one

[00:03:45] Yeah, and it's very good news. Yeah, so I picked one of them

[00:03:50] And I thought it was solo mani, but I guess it's this guy that the FBI has been spying on

[00:03:53] Mm-hmm a man with a very small penis telling his friend mare shum

[00:03:57] Yeah, he thought it was big medically for a second

[00:04:00] But actually the doctors confused it with the baby's penis

[00:04:03] Yeah, I found out that it was actually the correct size, but the baby has a

[00:04:06] That is not here right now

[00:04:13] Yeah, yeah, I thought I had it, but it looks like it's mostly just that guy's voicemail

[00:04:19] Interesting his friends calling him Wow

[00:04:22] Which you know ideally we get to a situation where we're not doing the podcast at all

[00:04:28] Mm-hmm, and it's just just those guys. It's just those guys that would be fun boys

[00:04:31] So we do an episode where it's fully us calling each other back and forth with those guys

[00:04:38] Doing voicemails. Yeah, well we could just play the real recordings. I mean yeah, yeah, just real Mershawn

[00:04:51] Mershawn it's not quite yet. How do I get fun? Call of ice?

[00:04:56] How do I make fun? No, there it is. It's there it. There you go. Mm-hmm

[00:05:05] Mershawn my it's my arya badness better. Yeah, you've reached my give rich bear shum

[00:05:12] It's not quite right. You need to be more rich. You've reached bear. There we go

[00:05:16] You've reached bear shum. I'm not here right now. Leave a message

[00:05:22] Okay, all right

[00:05:24] bear shum. It's mariara. I've got great news

[00:05:28] My penises this month to be sucked on

[00:05:32] so

[00:05:33] It is bad because my wife should cannot suck my penis. Mm-hmm, but also a get back and I suck on my penis

[00:05:40] Okay, that's good news. No, that's bad. No, but it prevents the shit stop releasing the Mershawn. This is a voicemail

[00:05:54] Whoa, you had a what the hell you bridge better shot. No, that was the voicemail

[00:05:58] I don't even think you will leave a different leave a different message this time

[00:06:02] Yes, sorry about that. There was a Jewish person

[00:06:06] who was trying to

[00:06:08] Trying to say the Holocaust happened

[00:06:13] But he was doing something worse than the Holocaust while I was telling about my penis

[00:06:21] Because he is rude

[00:06:25] Anyways

[00:06:29] Yeah, damn that's cool. I like that effect it is yeah, it's a cool effect

[00:06:34] Oh, yeah, so fucking we got that motherfucker dude

[00:06:39] Who are you going? Are you going us or Iran in this one? Did you Rose McGowan sweep? No, it wasn't so fucking funny

[00:06:46] She's making it about her. No, she was like dear people of Iran. We have

[00:06:51] Disrespected your flag. We have disrespected your country 52 a percent of us humbly apologize

[00:06:57] 52% people to vote of her Hillary Clinton

[00:07:00] Oh, but that and then she goes on to say that she didn't even vote for a real quick. Wait. She didn't yeah

[00:07:05] She's a registered Republican

[00:07:07] What Rose McGowan? Yeah, I mean celebrities are literally insane. Yeah, I would love that

[00:07:12] I would love to just write a fucking just an op-ed right now

[00:07:16] That's the same that says thanks. You said you said you weren't home. Okay, finish my sandwich

[00:07:22] We got to start I'm too stressed. I'm gonna have it

[00:07:24] I want you to say what you guys to finish my start recording everything you fucking said

[00:07:29] What do you mean recording everything I said with your Hoover? Yes

[00:07:32] I'm not gonna get into another situation with you where you say you don't we can eat a sandwich and then we're not allowed

[00:07:37] I eat my sandwich. It's already look the deed is done the deed. I'm too stressed to eat

[00:07:42] There's two bites left. I'm probably gonna have most of them. Yeah, I want you guys to finish the sandwich

[00:07:49] You know leaving a drop of juice

[00:07:51] Yeah, I'm gonna leave the crud just a little bit of crud

[00:07:54] I left you some there is some in there you told me to eat it all but I even left you some I'm not a good friend

[00:08:00] I am not even fat

[00:08:04] Would a fat person do this would a fat person leave the feet of the bunny of the chocolate bunny

[00:08:10] Yeah, that was for a baby that you told me specifically you're giving to work that fucking baby doesn't even know shit about doesn't know chocolate or

[00:08:16] Jesus

[00:08:19] Sorry, I'm having a little diabetes

[00:08:21] That beach your diabetes really on oh

[00:08:25] So were you the roommate that like leave a little bit of juice and then puts it back in the phone what I just said

[00:08:31] Yeah, I just I am the thing Nick just okay. I do do that though for real. Yeah, you do it to your roommates

[00:08:37] I do it to myself, but here's a thing my own fridge. Yeah, that's the most annoying yourself

[00:08:42] No because I'm fucking lazy. I'm like well

[00:08:44] I'll throw this out later some cuz if there's a little bit of juice left of the container

[00:08:48] You don't have to bitch ass bitch ass faggot future Nick

[00:08:56] Gay ass Nick

[00:08:58] Sex and maybe when he comes out of from his bedroom after having gay sex

[00:09:03] He can deal with the milk

[00:09:06] But not cool now not cool now Nick who's have who's not having sex

[00:09:10] It's not having sex but is ordering a gay prostitute to come to a home about an hour to fuck that

[00:09:15] Big

[00:09:17] Future version of man the future version is gonna be so pissed

[00:09:23] Right now dude cool Nick cool Nick

[00:09:26] No, Nick using my dark web account to have order gay prostitutes to prank using Bitcoin to prank future me into being gay

[00:09:33] That other to get revenge on future me for all the things past me did the cool

[00:09:38] Because they're aligned with each other

[00:09:40] Because it's past Nick and future Nick are teaming up to fuck over the cool current me the me version

[00:09:47] It's making fun voicemails on his computer

[00:09:51] This making fun of Ronnie and voicemails on his computer and then when somebody asks what you're doing you go

[00:09:57] I'm working on my career

[00:09:59] I don't have time for this. I can't come to the wedding. I can't I'm sorry your brother died

[00:10:05] But it's none of my business none of my fucking business mom

[00:10:09] I've got my own business now and it's making t-shirts

[00:10:14] And business is

[00:10:17] Well now when you get the fucking listen we are we're already working on a character dude you get a voice winner you get like a

[00:10:24] Like an answering machine. Yeah, and then you have a gay Ronnie and guy talking. That's a design somehow. Yeah

[00:10:30] I'm gonna get I'm gonna do you you're doing you IP. I'm gonna start selling vintage answering machines

[00:10:35] I'm gonna buy them and then load them with put my own voice for your corded yet

[00:10:40] They'll put like print my own PCBs and do all the circuitry myself. So when you hit play, it's just it's pre-loaded with

[00:10:47] Iran, you know what it connects a great idea connects to Wi-Fi and you get new Iranian voicemails every week

[00:10:53] I love that it'll just download no joke. You can make it fortunate off that

[00:10:57] Yeah, a little thing next to your door and it does downloads new fun voicemails you come home

[00:11:01] It's it hooks up the series uses home kit. So it geo fences your location

[00:11:06] So you come in the door you're bringing friends over there like oh, I love that the smell of your glade plug-ins

[00:11:11] I don't know where you have reached my out. How are you doing?

[00:11:15] But I got fucked in my eyes

[00:11:17] My ass is getting back by black guys

[00:11:20] I've got the bad news my ass is open and people are like are those Iranian voicemails?

[00:11:25] Is that an answering machine and you're an Iranian man who has gay friends

[00:11:29] And you're like yes

[00:11:32] And they're like son you've got the job and that was the president of the company IBM

[00:11:38] You were having him over for a international business to meet your family for the big job

[00:11:43] You're like like sweetie

[00:11:46] You can't fuck up the pot roast because I'm trying to get the big job at the big company

[00:11:50] And I want to make sure that my Iranian voicemail machine provided by downtown industries is working

[00:11:56] Luckily you've got a master at the helm doing all the soldering and circuitry himself

[00:12:01] Not even thinking that there's some kind of regulation that prevents people from plugging stuff in it was

[00:12:08] Made in a garage

[00:12:13] Of so is best us power right it's it's an asbestos powered answering machine. That's also a cup

[00:12:19] It plugs in the toddler sippy cup. It's toddler sippy cup the baby can drink out of the answering machine

[00:12:29] Your baby can drink out of the answering machine. Well, it's calling you gay

[00:12:33] And the wires are all I came up with the wires designed myself

[00:12:37] That's right, and I thought you know it'd be cool if it just you know a lot of the thing a lot of stuff is too safe

[00:12:42] Absolutely, dude. Let's go back. Yeah, the fucking lead up in Sinclair. Dude the fucking yeah store jungle. Yeah. Oh

[00:12:53] It's a guy that's like yeah, they call they call him uptown Sinclair. Mm-hmm. He thinks he's better than everybody

[00:13:01] Uptown Sinclair is cool a black guy that really loves meat being safe. Yeah. Yeah, so he's got to have fancy meat, huh?

[00:13:08] Oh, we got a regular uptown sink. We got uptown Sinclair. He ain't trying to eat no fucking he doesn't yeah

[00:13:13] He doesn't want to drink

[00:13:20] I heard some shit like they're gonna fucking serve us fucked up pork again. Yeah

[00:13:24] What do you know the Trump did some regulation FDA's like lowering pork standards?

[00:13:38] Oh, man, this is gonna be such a great sandwich and then there's the rest make another call the rest

[00:13:46] What

[00:13:48] So it's a video of fucking Jimmy Fallon pretending to laugh it

[00:13:56] What's his name but in slow motion? Yeah, you laugh, but

[00:14:00] Pretending to laugh hard could be the key to his career. Yeah, that's what I'm training Jimmy Fallon. Oh, yeah

[00:14:06] That's what I'm doing here guys. Why do you say that? It's true. It is like you're probably gonna be a late

[00:14:11] It's a fucking way to it's great way to ingratiate yourself to people. I love last and it's also there's nothing wrong with it

[00:14:16] No, having a good time. Yeah, you ever laughed at something

[00:14:19] Wrong

[00:14:21] I'm gotten yourself into trouble. So what do you mean? Like you thought someone was doing a bit

[00:14:25] Oh, yeah laugh and then all the time. I've had to I've had the backpedal my last problem. You've left at Adam

[00:14:31] That's was wrong. I know I know you're about to do what am I about you're about to make me

[00:14:36] Whoa, what the fuck I'm not I didn't had him. Sorry. That's where you laughed at. Yeah, I laughed at a shot

[00:14:43] The gunshot no no the thing you said before

[00:14:49] You've done a lot of laughing at things sitter you always try to claim that I laugh at like

[00:14:58] You always try to claim that I laugh at you know like the most vulnerable members of society. Oh, yes

[00:15:04] Yeah, that's true. That is a common refrain

[00:15:06] You guys to say that I take videos like yeah, I don't do that. I don't do that. Maybe you did one time

[00:15:13] Maybe I did one time and then you forget it. Yes

[00:15:16] 60% of my personality at this point

[00:15:19] Well, that's what you get for making a mistake around

[00:15:23] fucking Nick judge judge judge

[00:15:26] Cuz he will judge you he will forgive judge bread forget judge bread. Mm-hmm judge. I'm judge head. Yeah

[00:15:34] Give me such a real pussy and get suck me off. I'm just a little the little monitor

[00:15:39] I told you guys I can't you find you guilty suck suck my day. Rookie rookie. Give me head

[00:15:45] Get taught me off. You know you're kind of cute for a cop

[00:15:53] Yeah, he sucks off the guy that's better. That's much better judge head judge head mega city one

[00:15:59] My population 18 billion every three seconds nine people get sucked off

[00:16:07] He's got like very special powers has been condensed into judge jury and executioner and judge head is the sexiest

[00:16:15] He's just a regular judge judge everybody's wearing high heels well

[00:16:18] I'm sorry for saying that you laugh at the most vulnerable members of society. Yeah, I don't laugh at them my snicker

[00:16:24] It's a big difference and I don't come on of course, you know, I don't

[00:16:31] You know I have a backpack for cheese sandwiches, that's true

[00:16:35] I'm handing those cheese and you make them do riddles and if they get the riddle

[00:16:39] I give it I give a cheese sandwich to a gentleman. He's like I'm actually a businessman. I'm not I'm not a I

[00:16:45] Just happened to be a I really need that I really need that

[00:17:10] That is awesome

[00:17:12] There you can be you can be alright do what you tell me hurts now

[00:17:18] I should have pooped before this would you have what did you eat last night? Um, I?

[00:17:24] Said that in 2020 I'm gonna deal with my lactose intolerance and I haven't already failed you have ice cream sundae

[00:17:32] I had pizza and ice cream

[00:17:35] Why are so many Jews lactose intolerant because we're in bread. I think it's funny. Yeah, no

[00:17:41] We're like disgusting in bread like we have congenital birth defects

[00:17:45] No, it's actually fuck our cousins the majority of the world is lactose intolerant

[00:17:50] It's only like it's like Germans and then fucking like Northwestern Europeans were like let's drink milk central Europeans

[00:17:57] I don't think have lactose yeah, well they also nobody ate pork and then like they fucking I don't know the

[00:18:04] Really yeah, like they who started eating pork that shit is delicious Germans. I love pork and I feel bags

[00:18:10] I love pigs. I thought that they're a kindred spirit of mine

[00:18:12] They're smart and they eat like shit. Yeah, and but they are very bright

[00:18:16] Yeah, that's mean to eat them. I know and it hurts me every time but they're smarter than dogs

[00:18:22] I know and I thought I don't know they're alive. I know it sucks. It's so sad, but they're so delicious

[00:18:28] Dude, they're martyrs. They're cool. We should put a I want a pet pig, dude. I eat pig all the time

[00:18:34] I mean I should do it. Mm-hmm. It's so good dude a slow roasted shoulder

[00:18:40] Come on pork belly. I had that on New Year's Eve. So ratatouille is kind of like veggie tails in Korea

[00:18:47] Yes, exactly. It's about talking food. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh

[00:18:54] Jesus

[00:18:55] What is ratatouille over there? It's like it's like veggie tails

[00:19:00] Is that putty?

[00:19:01] Yeah, what?

[00:19:03] Just thought of this maybe you could tell Jerry for a little stand-up show

[00:19:08] You know how those Koreans they eat rats

[00:19:12] Which isn't even the stereotype, but it'll it'll allow it's close enough. I

[00:19:19] Think it's close enough to to what the thing is to warrant. I love that episode of Seinfeld where putty starts using Jerry's pussy eating move

[00:19:27] Do you remember that they have like a move that is yeah, they call it the sponge

[00:19:31] Yeah, no, no the sponges Elaine get has pussy sponge you call it fast of us

[00:19:36] What is this what is a contraceptive sponge? You literally put like a sponge in your pussy

[00:19:40] It's a little it's it's the little sponge from the green mile

[00:19:44] I've never seen that show you've never seen the green mile dude. You would love

[00:19:51] Awesome, yeah, it's about yeah, they go there. Is anyone have pussy honestly you see it

[00:19:58] You should go home and watch the green mile tonight really you knowing you you will love

[00:20:06] Probably you know and I'm going on a limb here and I haven't thought about it at all the best the Stephen King

[00:20:12] Oh, that's Stephen King. I think so and I think you're right. I can't even know it's like supernatural

[00:20:19] I can't even catalog where I can't catalog all of his movies in my head Stephen

[00:20:23] Emma wrote a nice story. Yeah, there's has to be a better when no one gets killed in fire from the hip

[00:20:29] The green mile best Stephen King movie

[00:20:32] The best one I can think of right now

[00:20:34] The shining is that Stephen King? I think it is. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's that's obviously better

[00:20:40] That's better. Well, I win this round and I haven't seen either of those movies

[00:20:44] I've seen the shining I won't know you'll think it's tight, but I'm telling you you'll love green

[00:20:53] Because it's it's deeply sentimental and you're a sentimental I am sentimental you like Shawshank, right?

[00:20:59] Not really Shawshank's kind of was fucking kind of you know, whatever. It's sort of pays everyone

[00:21:05] Everyone talked it up so much. Yeah, and I was like, all right

[00:21:09] Shawshank is is sort of vapid to be honest with you. I agree

[00:21:13] It like did get his ass fucked. That was pretty funny. Yeah, when they and Morgan Freeman's like they called him a couple times

[00:21:20] Yeah, they fucked him in the ass. They the season they're getting

[00:21:26] The sisters finally caught up with Andy

[00:21:33] God damn, that's gotta be horrible dude getting your ass absolutely plundered when the sisters finally got Andy and they probably are coming in your ass

[00:21:41] They're not asking permission they put a sewing machine that sucks and that was this was 19 third a back when the sewing machines were made out of knives

[00:21:50] Back then everything was made out of knives

[00:21:54] Especially white folks and so the sisters how many of them were there you have to understand when you get raped by white folks

[00:22:00] It's not like the normal way

[00:22:04] When white folks be raping you in general

[00:22:06] I

[00:22:10] Morgan Freeman comes into the video. I'm gonna riff a couple of these out a couple of these off the top of the door

[00:22:15] We're gonna we're gonna riff a couple of these I was just hanging out with Cat Williams

[00:22:19] Cat Williams gave me some notes

[00:22:22] When what people be raping you when you get turned out by a white

[00:22:28] When a white turn your ass

[00:22:30] And it was about to learn that white dick be it

[00:22:38] That prison gay dick be hidden the thing is is them Nazis they got a lot of resentment

[00:22:46] I watched the PIM chronicles volume one last night. It's the best dude. Yeah, one of the one of the pantheon

[00:22:54] And it every year it ages better and better. Oh my gosh the Michael Jackson shit

[00:22:58] They Iraq now the iraq shit the insurgents the insurgents better

[00:23:02] It's anything believe anything fucking the daily show has ever done his joke about white people putting their kids on leashes

[00:23:12] It's a wonder they start shooting up schools when you treating them like German

[00:23:17] And the other thing about that is short. It's not a full hour, but he's smashing the turbo button the whole time

[00:23:22] Oh, he is crushing in a way that like if you had four four minutes that in an hour

[00:23:27] You'd be happy he does that for 40 straight minutes

[00:23:31] The greatest comedian he rules he might be honestly and it's so funny because it's like it's it's not necessarily like an indictment of comedy

[00:23:39] But like something that reflects a truth about comedy that people like forget that's actually in a way kind of noble

[00:23:46] It's that like comedy doesn't require anything other than being funny and that's not that funniness is not an extension of any other aspect

[00:23:54] Right fucking nothing to do with it. Maybe maybe being black

[00:24:03] But it's like you know you don't need to be a fucking smart guy be smart

[00:24:07] You don't need to be some fucking dickhead with a graduate degree and you know in the humanities well smart in the like

[00:24:13] You don't need to be right fucking in the streets Ivy League fucking way you don't have to know

[00:24:18] You funny. I mean not you're really really funny. Yeah, you don't even need to be good at like arguing necessarily

[00:24:24] It's like like but the best jokes are sort of like faulty arguments right they subvert like so yeah

[00:24:29] Cuz part of what's funny about it is even saying that proves how less funny than cat Williams

[00:24:36] They subvert

[00:24:38] Shut up they don't follow good and Adam could shut his ass out Adam was gay

[00:24:46] It turns out I don't like a little more than

[00:24:49] And Adam couldn't wait to please the sisters

[00:24:53] He eventually

[00:24:55] I'm gay

[00:25:04] Adam marched right up to them and said what will it take to be the littlest sister

[00:25:10] Well we watch we watch the protection the Pimp Chronicles as a cleanser because we watched a

[00:25:15] Famous girl comics new hour special you have you have a special no it wasn't me, but it is a

[00:25:22] Do they yeah, I say that who's an an ad no a lot of lasers new special on Amazon

[00:25:30] Now it is wait. Why did you watch all of that?

[00:25:33] Brandon demanded we watch the entire thing is Brandon still here. He is still here in my apartment

[00:25:40] Not paying then that's new special is called Douglas. Yeah, and I want to do a one called Thomas

[00:25:46] Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah full hour

[00:25:54] You know they keep telling us that Douglas is the most important

[00:25:58] With whose Douglas is another one. Yeah, everyone says Thomas is the most important because he has the most friends

[00:26:06] But it's a show for autistic people

[00:26:08] So naturally Gordon should be the most important as he is the most autistic train with the least amount of friends and the worst attitude

[00:26:17] He's also the largest engine the most surly and I'm tired of people disrespecting

[00:26:23] People with a surly disposition I

[00:26:26] Don't remember that there's a Gordon. There's a train called Gordon and he's me

[00:26:30] How many other trains are there? There's Thomas? I remember there's

[00:26:34] Because I did watch Thomas the Tank Engine. Yeah, I watched it a little bit, but it was too fucking boring

[00:26:39] Yeah, I didn't really I mean I guess I was into it because I am you know, I am like something. I'm like borderline

[00:26:45] You know, yeah, yeah, you got a little piece. Yeah

[00:26:49] Little piece of the puzzle. Yeah, yeah, you got a couple puzzle pieces

[00:26:53] Yeah, I did I do remember enjoying Thomas when I was like very young. Yeah, well, yeah

[00:26:58] like three or four mm-hmm and

[00:27:00] Yeah, I remember having like a like a

[00:27:04] Like getting it from Union Station in DC like a

[00:27:08] Tom whistle no not a whistle like stuffed it was like yeah five inches by three inches nice

[00:27:15] Oh, I got something like that that would be an interesting

[00:27:17] Look I got a puffy ass little five by three

[00:27:33] Yeah, just like that was your cherished shit well, yeah, it was like a stuffed Thomas the tank

[00:27:37] I was assessing the street little mother I like that's me street too. I had a big bird in that same fashion

[00:27:42] I had I love I had big bird like like knock-off Chuck Taylor

[00:27:46] Hell yeah, I thought we're so that's a fucking good look. I was so happy with those when I was like four

[00:27:52] Oh my god. Are you kidding me? Yeah, dude? I wanted light up sneakers so bad my leg here. Everybody wanted

[00:27:57] Yeah, I had them for a little bit and then my feet were so fucking big and wide and I couldn't

[00:28:08] I'm stretching it out

[00:28:10] but I

[00:28:11] Guess I asked my mom for velcro shoes because I thought all velcro shoes were light ups

[00:28:16] Yeah, and she just got my feet were so big. I was wearing like

[00:28:19] Seven seven wide as like a fucking eight year old like I had wildly large feet

[00:28:25] And she just got me orthopedic like old man. Yeah, Velcro shoes. So I just had those giant like black

[00:28:31] Yeah, I never had I never had LA gears, but I remember thinking they were so cool. You never had them never had one

[00:28:37] I never had LA gears. I had the I had the bootleg ones from value city, but

[00:28:41] Listen all in matter was that they lit up. What a great idea to

[00:28:44] Absolutely, they should bring them back. I think they are. Are they yeah, they're around nobody nobody was

[00:28:50] Knowing cared. Yeah, I would wear them now. I remember asking my dad for air pennies the penny hardaway shoes

[00:28:57] And he was like we're not even Orlando magic fans

[00:29:01] and I cried but um

[00:29:05] He's like here some nice sat a nice kitten heel for you Adam the same ones daddy has

[00:29:10] Yeah, I mean the three inch kitten heel you're going to wear a negla J the school

[00:29:16] Well kind of similar conno similar to that like my parents as when I was in elementary school

[00:29:23] Bought me like bikini brief underpants because they wore European style underpants

[00:29:29] Same and dude I remember the rest of the middle school when I had to dress out for PE on the first day

[00:29:35] I like took off my pants and everyone's like damn

[00:29:39] You're gay your gay is hell

[00:29:41] Yeah, so that I had to go home and tell my dad that I needed to buy boxer shorts

[00:29:46] Mm-hmm, and he's like wow the underpants that you know

[00:29:49] I bought for you good enough and I was like because they're gay and he's like why would a boy of 13 years old think is

[00:29:56] Undepense okay, I remember I remember being like fucking I must have been in like second grade like early

[00:30:03] And I got a pair of boxers and I didn't like I was like oh yeah, like cool guys were boxes

[00:30:08] I remember like it was before school and my dad like I he was like a sleep or something

[00:30:14] Oh, yeah, and I was like can I wear boxers to school because I had them on I didn't know that they weren't like

[00:30:19] I didn't know they were underwear you thought they were shorts. I thought they were shorts. Yes, and I just went to school

[00:30:28] Because I didn't he was like yeah

[00:30:30] You're that's just drunk driving you to school. You look great champ. Yeah, now I remember being had to be to his

[00:30:39] Credit he was like fucking like asleep. Yeah, and he's like was a guy

[00:30:45] Another pair of boxers underneath no. Oh, that's why I asked because I was like this doesn't make sense

[00:30:51] It's like didn't add up and I'm like I guess we're like tidy whities

[00:30:54] I had nothing on it. Wow. Wow. I just went to school without pants on and then stop you're at home. No

[00:31:01] You walked around all day where yeah, well I was a little kid

[00:31:04] So it was just like they look like shorts. Yeah, just I think lap. I remember when I first because I did the same thing

[00:31:10] I don't remember if they had a I did the same thing where I first wanted boxers

[00:31:14] But I didn't know that the real answer was boxer briefs

[00:31:18] So when I first got boxers because my thighs were so fucking fat

[00:31:22] They would hold the window open and my dick would pop out constantly

[00:31:27] So I just had to I just had my dick would get chafed up against the zipper of whatever I was well

[00:31:32] I yeah boxer shorts

[00:31:35] And I had to quickly change

[00:31:38] The doctors just like yeah, your son is a a disaster

[00:31:42] No, I just had thick thighs baby thick thighs will save lives

[00:31:47] Your son's penis has been torn

[00:31:49] Because she's too fat to be keep us dick in the underwear

[00:31:56] It's been chewed up by

[00:32:00] When I when I told my dad I wanted boxers and not underpants

[00:32:04] He told my mom that I had body dysmorphia. Oh, yeah, and I didn't even know what that meant

[00:32:11] Yeah, but and then and then I was like because the underpants you get me a gay and he's like what's the problem?

[00:32:16] Are you gay?

[00:32:17] And then I had to tell my father in sixth grade that I wasn't gay really yeah, it was a pretty traumatic

[00:32:23] He was sad. He was like, oh good

[00:32:27] Good, I think I didn't have a plan. I think he didn't for us to both come out together

[00:32:32] Yeah, he's like as raw. It's Adam's senior

[00:32:38] Listen, I'm gonna have to give you your

[00:32:40] Yeah, I didn't work out the way we wanted to do

[00:32:47] What do you mean deposit someone he's come on man. He hates a man

[00:32:52] Money

[00:32:54] Yep, so that I would be gay. Yes, that's right. Yeah, that's what it means when you give someone your deposit back

[00:33:00] Did you're paying them?

[00:33:02] He wanted to fuck as you're wanting to fuck you yeah an adult man. I was that was grooming

[00:33:07] Yes, he was gonna sell your pussy. That's a that's a took it to buy some guy

[00:33:12] Salacious like somebody I would love to fuck your boy. He's like we're raising him guy

[00:33:18] For five hundred dollars

[00:33:21] You can get in early

[00:33:26] You can get in early on his ass he wanted to be Epstein West dude

[00:33:31] Yeah desert Epstein they didn't know

[00:33:33] But absolutely well the public didn't know but they wink wink you know we weren't powerful enough

[00:33:40] Yeah, we're not in the right

[00:33:44] You heard stuff that's all that matters is the tax bracket. Yes. I don't think I don't think certain other feature I

[00:33:52] Think that both of those things in conjunction

[00:34:08] Sorry, I have the wrong number I have a boy for sale

[00:34:13] It's time an Israeli guy who has boy for sale

[00:34:17] I have to the

[00:34:22] Have to tell for because the voices are the same I have

[00:34:26] No idea what that sounds like

[00:34:30] But the boy's name is Z

[00:34:32] Freedom

[00:34:34] release for sale for gas X I

[00:34:37] Do like though in this scenario your dad wasn't gonna sell you for gay sex if you weren't gay

[00:34:44] So you know what I'm saying he was only gonna sell your ass

[00:34:47] But what I was saying why would my dad give this pedophile a deposit would might the no that he's giving the deposit back

[00:34:55] He's giving it back. Okay. You're just clarifying. Yeah, but it's kind of that's cool. That is cool. I'm jealous. Yeah

[00:35:03] fuck

[00:35:05] Sounds like you're in a really cool. Yes, help me on trapped in Adam's

[00:35:15] Out of this gate

[00:35:45] Hey fuck yeah.

[00:35:47] Don't wanna die you frackin' bitch.

[00:35:50] Alright, alright.

[00:35:52] And we're back.

[00:35:54] Damn, damn, damn.

[00:35:56] I'm just gonna pretend.

[00:35:59] That's cool too.

[00:36:01] That I have, that I have, that I have it, that I have it.

[00:36:03] Your piece is small.

[00:36:05] No!

[00:36:06] Take it back.

[00:36:07] I'm sorry.

[00:36:08] Okay.

[00:36:09] Damn.

[00:36:10] Oh fuck dude.

[00:36:12] It sounds like you invaded my brain right now.

[00:36:15] I'm trapped in the dark.

[00:36:21] It's me, the AIDS virus.

[00:36:24] Head down.

[00:36:29] We're all trapped in here.

[00:36:32] No!

[00:36:38] It's okay baby, just go to the light.

[00:36:41] Oh man, I'm afraid your daughter's trapped in Adam's ass.

[00:36:47] Mom!

[00:36:49] Mom!

[00:36:51] I'm trapped!

[00:36:53] I'm trapped in here mom!

[00:36:57] It's okay baby, just go to the light.

[00:36:59] There is no light, it's just come.

[00:37:02] There's just come everywhere.

[00:37:05] I don't know how to get out of this.

[00:37:09] It's too much to come off me in the ass.

[00:37:13] Another child, drowned in cum.

[00:37:17] Drowned in cum.

[00:37:19] Welcome to Six O'clock News.

[00:37:21] Another, the 12th child has been drowned in cum and Adam Friedland's ass.

[00:37:25] Welcome to my ass.

[00:37:27] Welcome to my ass.

[00:37:30] That sounds like your voice.

[00:37:32] Welcome to my ass.

[00:37:36] Hell yeah, that's pretty cool.

[00:37:40] That is fucking tight.

[00:37:42] Do you know where you are right now Bruce?

[00:37:44] You're inside my ass.

[00:37:48] Are you God?

[00:37:50] That's right.

[00:37:52] That's Bruce Almighty.

[00:37:54] The scene where Jim Carrey is inside Morgan Freeman's ass.

[00:37:58] My favorite movie of all time, Evan Almighty.

[00:38:01] Yeah, follow up.

[00:38:03] That's a flick.

[00:38:05] Evan Williams?

[00:38:07] Yeah.

[00:38:09] It's just crazy.

[00:38:11] I'm God.

[00:38:13] It made me God.

[00:38:15] My first order of business, 19 more Iron Man movies.

[00:38:17] Boom, done.

[00:38:19] There you are.

[00:38:21] We're fucking replacing every movie with a Marvel movie.

[00:38:23] And then there's a Jim inside the theater.

[00:38:25] So you can fucking...

[00:38:27] Get in the...

[00:38:29] You can buy, get a pump while watching fucking Iron Man 27.

[00:38:33] Return of Warfagged.

[00:38:35] Nah man, it's like, you know, the lot's a powerful movie.

[00:38:41] I cheered up.

[00:38:43] My favorite part is you and Evan texting each other pictures of ripped men.

[00:38:47] Yeah.

[00:38:49] And each other.

[00:38:51] And yourselves.

[00:38:53] Yeah, damn dude.

[00:38:55] And yourselves, each other.

[00:38:59] Same thing.

[00:39:01] What are you upset about that I said that?

[00:39:03] It means the same thing.

[00:39:05] It felt too personal.

[00:39:07] No, that's clearly not the problem.

[00:39:09] You repeat a thing that I had said immediately after,

[00:39:13] is if it's...

[00:39:15] No, he said ripped men.

[00:39:17] And I was saying that to each other.

[00:39:19] And then you said, and yourselves.

[00:39:21] That is what happened.

[00:39:23] Yeah, you're ready to have your thing.

[00:39:25] You gotta be a more open listener, man.

[00:39:27] You gotta be a more open listener.

[00:39:29] I'm an active listener.

[00:39:31] No, you're not.

[00:39:33] Nick's not a good listener.

[00:39:35] I never said he was.

[00:39:37] Don't make this about me.

[00:39:39] No, stop.

[00:39:41] Stop being very, very psalomonic right now.

[00:39:43] I just say you could both work on it.

[00:39:45] Thank you. I appreciate the act of it.

[00:39:47] As long as it's not just me.

[00:39:49] The thing is, is I do listen.

[00:39:51] I'm not better than Nick, but I wouldn't say good, necessary.

[00:39:53] Self-absorbed, narcissist, yes.

[00:39:55] Good intentions.

[00:39:57] But most of the time, only the right direction.

[00:39:59] Pointing the right direction.

[00:40:00] That set up is way more dangerous.

[00:40:02] I know the things that are wrong.

[00:40:04] It's in control.

[00:40:05] No, that's not true.

[00:40:07] I'm like, thank you, Nick. I'm like Dexter.

[00:40:09] You're not...

[00:40:10] You're a dextrous murderer.

[00:40:11] I know.

[00:40:12] But he's a killer.

[00:40:13] Yeah, he murders.

[00:40:14] But he murders bad guys.

[00:40:15] This is the vigilante thing.

[00:40:17] This is like an every superhero movie.

[00:40:19] You're a mean to your friend.

[00:40:21] I'm Arthur.

[00:40:22] And you're fucking the pedophile.

[00:40:27] Yeah.

[00:40:28] Was there a pedophile in Red Dead?

[00:40:29] In the DLC.

[00:40:30] Oh, nice.

[00:40:31] Get the pedophile package.

[00:40:33] The sex...

[00:40:35] Red Dead Redemption sex trafficking fucking minigames.

[00:40:39] Arthur, I'm met a guy who has sex with children.

[00:40:42] Dutch, I don't know if you're allowed to do that.

[00:40:45] The whole world's changing, Dutch.

[00:40:48] They're bringing in Chinese children to have sex with.

[00:40:52] It was about robbing trains and living off the land.

[00:40:56] Now it's all about fucking kids and private jets.

[00:41:00] Whatever the hell a bar mitzvahs.

[00:41:04] Damn.

[00:41:05] Were there Jews in America in the 1800s?

[00:41:13] Yes.

[00:41:14] They were?

[00:41:15] The slave trade.

[00:41:16] No.

[00:41:17] They were some Jewish slave owners.

[00:41:19] That's true.

[00:41:20] Isn't every guy...

[00:41:21] It's not Jewish abolitionists.

[00:41:22] Isn't every guy that...

[00:41:24] They ran the gamut.

[00:41:26] It's true.

[00:41:27] Jews are neither good nor bad.

[00:41:28] They're just tools.

[00:41:30] Much like most people.

[00:41:31] Yeah.

[00:41:32] Isn't it true that every name that everything is named after in Brooklyn, all those guys were slave owners?

[00:41:39] Like Stuyvesant was a slave owner.

[00:41:42] No.

[00:41:43] Yeah.

[00:41:44] Except like Marcus Garvey, obviously.

[00:41:46] Marcus Garvey was a slave owner.

[00:41:48] Was a slave owner.

[00:41:49] Yeah.

[00:41:50] And white slaves.

[00:41:51] Malcolm X.

[00:41:52] Malcolm X Boulevard.

[00:41:53] Also a slave owner.

[00:41:54] No, for real.

[00:41:55] Wasn't it fucking...

[00:41:56] Yeah.

[00:41:57] Go back to Africa thing.

[00:41:58] It's like, you know, like in the way where you're like, oh man, we really got to go back to make it more slave.

[00:42:02] You got to go back to Costco.

[00:42:04] Yeah.

[00:42:05] Also, yeah.

[00:42:08] No.

[00:42:09] A lot of them are Native American names.

[00:42:11] Like, Kannarsi.

[00:42:12] No.

[00:42:13] That was like a...

[00:42:14] No.

[00:42:15] Like, let's name some names.

[00:42:17] Cause yous go.

[00:42:18] Cause yous go not a slave owner.

[00:42:21] A lot.

[00:42:22] A lot.

[00:42:23] Might have been.

[00:42:24] No, there's some pull-off.

[00:42:25] Grand Army Plaza.

[00:42:26] Yeah.

[00:42:27] Absolutely.

[00:42:28] Jonathan Brooklyn.

[00:42:29] Jonathan Brooklyn definitely was.

[00:42:30] Yeah.

[00:42:31] Michael Williams.

[00:42:32] Well look, the point is I saw a tweet like three weeks ago.

[00:42:35] It sounded right.

[00:42:37] Seemed about right.

[00:42:38] Mm-hmm.

[00:42:39] A hot black girl posted it so I'm gonna believe it.

[00:42:42] Peter Stuyvesant was the Dutch governor.

[00:42:44] Stuyvesant definitely had slimes, dude.

[00:42:46] I think he probably did.

[00:42:47] Yeah.

[00:42:48] Yeah.

[00:42:49] Didn't he have like a peg leg or some shit?

[00:42:50] Yeah.

[00:42:51] He needed, yeah.

[00:42:52] And he was the one who surrendered to Amsterdam to the British.

[00:42:55] I would have never, dude.

[00:42:57] I would have come out with the Blicky firing.

[00:43:00] I think everyone was like, he was ready to go to war and then everyone was like, no.

[00:43:06] Yeah.

[00:43:07] All the merchants were like, no.

[00:43:09] That's why they're, I would have delivered a rousing speech.

[00:43:12] Rose McGowan tweeted an apology to Iran.

[00:43:15] And then fucking like...

[00:43:18] I think that's very kind of her.

[00:43:20] Yeah, it posted the flag of Iran, but it was like it had emojis on it rather than being

[00:43:25] the actual flag.

[00:43:26] Nice.

[00:43:27] And while saying we disrespected your country and your flag.

[00:43:30] Mm-hmm.

[00:43:31] And then she says afterwards, after like prostrating herself for the Islamic Republic of Iran,

[00:43:40] to apologize, she says, okay, so I freaked out because we may have any impending war.

[00:43:47] Sometimes it's okay to freak out on those in power.

[00:43:49] It's our right.

[00:43:50] Mm-hmm.

[00:43:51] That is what so many brave soldiers have fought.

[00:43:53] No, she brought the soldiers in.

[00:43:55] That is democracy.

[00:43:56] I do not want any more American soldiers killed.

[00:43:59] Oh, she's...

[00:44:00] And it's so funny when liberals try to do this thing with the troops.

[00:44:02] I love it.

[00:44:03] If like the troops aren't guys that are like Trump rules, I want to kill Muslims.

[00:44:06] Yeah.

[00:44:07] That's the majority.

[00:44:08] Either them or poor people that we have like forced to be in the army.

[00:44:12] And some of the time, that Venn diagram is also pretty big.

[00:44:15] Right.

[00:44:16] The middle part.

[00:44:17] Yeah, they're like, actually I'm the one that cares about the military.

[00:44:20] I know.

[00:44:21] Everybody but Bernie was like, yeah, this guy was bad.

[00:44:24] It's like the inverse of the guys that like, oh, no, I mean I hate Muslims because they

[00:44:28] rape women and don't like gays.

[00:44:29] Yeah.

[00:44:30] And it's like, yeah, that's why you hate.

[00:44:32] Yeah.

[00:44:33] Yeah.

[00:44:34] Yeah.

[00:44:35] Yeah.

[00:44:36] Yeah.

[00:44:37] Yeah.

[00:44:38] Yeah.

[00:44:39] Yeah.

[00:44:40] So we're going to go on the record.

[00:44:42] Yeah, we're pretty fucked, dude.

[00:44:44] Somebody's like, remember these days and it's a cartoon of a bomb.

[00:44:49] It's a bomb.

[00:44:50] I'm like eating out the ass of the assholes.

[00:44:54] Yeah.

[00:44:55] Political cartoons are hilarious.

[00:44:57] Yeah.

[00:44:58] Apparently, this is like you have an ability to draw cartoons and you're like, okay, I

[00:45:02] could either do something that's like, I could make billions of dollars doing like a cat

[00:45:06] that's like, I mean, the children are happy.

[00:45:08] Yeah.

[00:45:09] They're making children smile at a cat that doesn't want to go to work and it's lasagna.

[00:45:14] Or I can have Obama shaking hands with the crypts and the blood.

[00:45:20] Oh, meanwhile, they're gang raping Lady Liberty.

[00:45:24] Lady Liberty is getting sex shins.

[00:45:28] She's being raped by Obama and a couple of her, his, uh, pals.

[00:45:35] That one guy Ben Garrison does rock.

[00:45:37] Yeah.

[00:45:38] The conservative one.

[00:45:39] Honestly, some of his shit is very horny.

[00:45:41] Yeah.

[00:45:42] I've seen some pics of the AOC.

[00:45:43] Yeah.

[00:45:44] Yeah.

[00:45:45] Yeah.

[00:45:46] Trump looks hot in his.

[00:45:47] Trump's always like a piece of ass.

[00:45:48] He's a fucking daddy.

[00:45:50] Yeah.

[00:45:51] I'm trying to get some of that just beautiful hair ripped.

[00:45:53] AOC, he always draws with big ass titties and big ass teeth.

[00:45:58] Yes.

[00:45:59] With actually, which I don't got no problem with.

[00:46:01] Buckhead.

[00:46:02] I'll get, but I'll get top from some with buck teeth.

[00:46:03] Yeah.

[00:46:04] He does have some with her that's like, you know, okay, like, I get you don't like her,

[00:46:08] but this is just sonic licking her toes.

[00:46:10] Yeah.

[00:46:11] I'm not sure what exactly.

[00:46:14] Yeah.

[00:46:15] You think we could pay Ben Garrison to draw like hand tie?

[00:46:21] Oh, yeah.

[00:46:23] How much do you think it would cost?

[00:46:24] I mean, the most effective political cartoon was if he was just drawing her tits.

[00:46:29] Like real, like, realistic.

[00:46:31] It'd be way more rude than insulting her opinions.

[00:46:34] It's just like realistic drawings of her in Congress making some point about why ice

[00:46:39] is bad, but then her shirts fallen open and her breasts are hanging out.

[00:46:43] Interesting.

[00:46:44] I don't know that I would like that politically, but.

[00:46:48] Busta.

[00:46:49] Busta.

[00:46:50] You got to consider the best Alex.

[00:46:54] It's bus to top.

[00:46:58] Bustology, dude.

[00:46:59] Yeah.

[00:47:00] I'm a psychologist and I love to bust.

[00:47:02] I'll say that much.

[00:47:04] Yeah.

[00:47:05] Although I probably should re-up on dick pills, you know.

[00:47:09] Are you not?

[00:47:10] Are you not?

[00:47:11] I've been fucking own natural to mixed results.

[00:47:13] Oh, you got to get back in there.

[00:47:15] I got to get back in.

[00:47:16] You need to take all this.

[00:47:17] I got cocky, dude.

[00:47:18] I got cocky.

[00:47:19] I had a couple of really nice showings, natural, hard as dick.

[00:47:22] And the last couple times, you know, I've done a lot of taking a lot of breaks to jack

[00:47:27] my little penis off.

[00:47:28] You need the tab.

[00:47:29] I'm on the pills now, huh?

[00:47:30] Nope.

[00:47:31] I'm off the pills.

[00:47:32] Can I have your sex off the pills?

[00:47:34] Can I have them?

[00:47:35] You're not fucking anymore?

[00:47:36] Nope.

[00:47:37] I'm just-

[00:47:38] Sell a bit 2020?

[00:47:39] Yeah.

[00:47:40] No FAP 2020.

[00:47:41] No FAP the whole year.

[00:47:42] Mm-hmm.

[00:47:43] That's going to be a creamy, juicy load, January 1st, 2021.

[00:47:46] I like this hard one.

[00:47:47] Hillary is a little groundhog.

[00:47:48] You'll see.

[00:47:49] That is good.

[00:47:50] Yeah.

[00:47:51] Oh, yeah.

[00:47:52] You know, she's- yeah.

[00:47:55] Hillary is the one person he never makes fuckable.

[00:47:58] Yeah.

[00:47:59] Because that's part of what they hate about her, I guess.

[00:48:01] I don't know.

[00:48:02] Okay.

[00:48:03] You got to think about her bustability.

[00:48:04] Mm-hmm.

[00:48:05] We really need to concern-

[00:48:06] We really need to concern bust-

[00:48:07] We look at the Democratic field for 2020 and you got to consider the bustability of

[00:48:12] these candidates.

[00:48:13] Well, what's your face, wins in a mile?

[00:48:16] Tossy.

[00:48:17] Tossy wins.

[00:48:18] Clobuchar.

[00:48:19] Clobuchar, you know, in terms of-

[00:48:20] If you were trying to get pegged, if you were trying to somebody call you a little worm

[00:48:23] and fuck your ass?

[00:48:24] I feel like it would be like fucking-

[00:48:25] Probably,

[00:48:27] the only way to play text gloves is in the back of a garage?

[00:48:29] Well, you wouldn't fuck

[00:48:30] Clobuchar.

[00:48:31] She would- Old- old nitrile gloves covered an oil.

[00:48:34] She would f- Fock your ass and then she would jack you off clinically, but it would feel

[00:48:38] great.

[00:48:39] Mm-hmm.

[00:48:40] Yeah, well-

[00:48:40] You'd be scared.

[00:48:42] You wouldn't be-

[00:48:43] Yeah.

[00:48:44] You wouldn't be- you wouldn't be turned on but you wouldn't understand why.

[00:48:45] She'd be shaking all hot-

[00:48:47] You're shaking like telling her the smallest conformers to all of her-

[00:48:49] All of her weird-

[00:48:50] Home your temple veins popping up.

[00:48:51] Oh shit.

[00:48:52] I'm actually kinda getting stiff thinking about that.

[00:48:54] I kind of would fuck love.

[00:48:55] Yeah.

[00:48:56] I thought you weren't fucking though. I would you fake an exception for a club a show? Yeah

[00:49:02] Bernie as much. I like him at this age not possible. Are you kidding dude?

[00:49:08] He's over six feet

[00:49:10] Yeah, I know listen see me catching me in the fucking civil rights era

[00:49:15] Marching marching next to Bernie and dr. King and I'm sucking his dick. Yeah, but right now the man's 80 whatever

[00:49:22] Dude they've been trying to say he's anti-semitic hilarious, but then I heard a quote. I've been trying to say that I'm anti-semit

[00:49:37] But he said but Bernie did say that

[00:49:41] If you need hearing aids that will be covered by Medicare for all

[00:49:45] But if you need a rhinoplasty that won't that is anti-semitic. Yep

[00:49:50] Honestly, that should be covered. Yeah, I mean a deviated septum. Well, no Joe, but it air quotes if it should be covered

[00:49:59] Thank you

[00:50:01] Like dysmorphia is like you know or gender identity stuff is real then it's like as much as like a fucking like sex change is important

[00:50:08] Like you should cover

[00:50:11] Cosmetic surgery for somebody that's fucking like MTF. Thank you that I'm gonna agree with that

[00:50:17] Yeah, you get a rhinoplasty to make I didn't know you know that about rhinoplasty because it's like some some some of the people that trans are like fucking

[00:50:26] You know like fucking Johnny Bravo

[00:50:30] It's like fucking Arnold's face. Yeah

[00:50:34] Those features are gorillas skull. They're like I want to be a girl. It's like alright

[00:50:38] Well, we're gonna have to chisel maybe fucking 15 pounds of neck bone off of you

[00:50:43] Well, that is a facial feminization surgery is part of it. Yeah, that should be covered rhinoplasty include

[00:50:49] I'm trans in the scent in just with my nose. I want a ladies small button nose. Yeah, no making more fuckable

[00:50:56] A hundred well, I'm not trying to be more fuckable. I just wanted not have such a well

[00:51:00] I'm letting you know it would all right all right. I don't care what you think

[00:51:05] Thank you

[00:51:05] I'm gonna use your fucking mouth like a pussy when you get that you nose, dude

[00:51:09] I want that on record what that I have to do with my mouth

[00:51:12] Well because it's what he means won't be blocking your it'll be easier to

[00:51:18] To fuck your man. Honestly. It's impossible for me to kiss because my nose is so big. Yeah, I get that

[00:51:27] I hear Larry David fucks young women. Yeah

[00:51:31] Yeah, he's a 14 15 years old. No, no rich man. Not that every man does that he's not three parentheses a rich man

[00:51:40] I definitely a rich well like girls in their in their 20s in the Mids 20s. All right

[00:51:47] Pretty cool. No against the law. I didn't say I said it was pretty cool. Although I also heard well

[00:51:52] Wait, how old is he though? I was heard Robert?

[00:51:56] Fucks like a young ass girl. He's married. No, I think they gotta do worse. I think so. This guy

[00:52:04] That owl fucking rocks, dude

[00:52:06] That's a fucking major. You know what for it's fucked up though

[00:52:10] Owls aren't even like they're like little ass birds under all those feathers. Yeah

[00:52:15] As soon as you said, you know what's fucked up. I knew you're gonna mention what I was look like without their father

[00:52:20] I hate that dude. It's a bit. They have what just like a shit cuz they're the only they're really one of the few plump

[00:52:26] Animals in the kingdom. He thought out exactly I lost one of my heroes. They just have impressive plumage. Yeah

[00:52:34] Which fucked up makes them silent. I wanted them to be nice and chunky boys, dude

[00:52:39] But they're killers too. No, they have the exterior of a fat person, but inside there's stealthy killers fucked up

[00:52:47] I hate that like me. No, I'm relate to the yeah, no, but you're don't look bad. I know I mean

[00:52:53] My person out you have the interior your heart your heart my tactics. Oh my my tactics are what?

[00:53:01] I'm silence

[00:53:05] Your personality is like your plumage

[00:53:09] My look I'm in L

[00:53:12] I'm I'm yeah, I'm not a now. I was her cool as shit. I fuck with owls. I fucking love them so much

[00:53:18] But I'm really I am fucking annoyed. They're such a bad. They're probably the most beautiful animal no

[00:53:25] That's cool. I fuck with it, but it's not gorgeous

[00:53:28] That is awesome. I don't fuck with birds if I had I don't either and that's a well documented where this goes for me

[00:53:35] bird sanctuary all owls

[00:53:38] Like you know central PA okay, I get a nice little one bedroom apartment Phillip with owls

[00:53:45] Sanctuary stealing my my grandfather's fucking sanctuary

[00:53:51] Just in York, Pennsylvania, baby

[00:53:53] main Street York

[00:53:55] Working as a police officer in Philadelphia

[00:54:00] Hours to my owl sanctuary

[00:54:05] Fuck I

[00:54:08] Don't I did I was scared as a little kid

[00:54:10] I read a story about an owl killing a mouse and it fucked me up

[00:54:14] Because it would it would freeze you freezes them they shriek and the poor little fuckers are frozen and then they get their asses

[00:54:20] Eating up did you have to dissect into this guy's in school pretending to be asleep is pretty cool

[00:54:24] Yeah, you mean their shit. Yes, you're right and there's little fucking rat bones in there

[00:54:30] Shit they regurgitate all of yeah, whatever I'm gonna fuck you know we all know

[00:54:37] But it's fucked up it's funny

[00:54:39] I've heard seeing the word regurgitate use so many times it's like a cliche to refer to somebody that doesn't have their own opinions

[00:54:46] That using it in the technically accurate way felt wrong. Mm-hmm. Yep

[00:54:51] Why do you regurgitate my nuts because I haven't eat well, that's what you think

[00:54:57] Remember that half of Adam's sandwich that you had

[00:55:04] That's just like screaming in pain

[00:55:11] A little house that somebody made for that's pretty tight. Yeah, I love him, dude

[00:55:15] I want a big owl sanctuary. I'm about to search. What's the fattest bird? Look at these guys

[00:55:20] Look how fucking cool he looks and says listen. I'm not I'm not saying it doesn't look coming out to say hello

[00:55:25] He's so happy to be in a sanctuary, but I do hate how little they are under their feathers. Yeah, and I think a lot of people would too

[00:55:33] Well, it's not up to them. Oh Corey Busted the largest flying bird in the world native to Africa

[00:55:40] Male Corey Busted's just two times the fattest bird. I watch what's the fattest bird?

[00:55:45] It's the Corey Busted

[00:55:47] Although you know what it oh, this is a fucking good bird too now. Look at this fucking guy

[00:55:53] Yeah, what is that a

[00:55:55] Corment

[00:55:57] What is that a red-titted corment? I don't know but I wouldn't I'm horny for it. I don't know anything about birds. I like to I

[00:56:06] like a fat bird I

[00:56:08] Like to just say the names of things. I think I purge. Yep

[00:56:12] And then although in general I do not like they do scare the odds you're gonna run into somebody knows birds

[00:56:18] You know I'm saying you know what I think is back

[00:56:20] Fuck they're the closest relatives to die. I hate these motherfuckers and their little beaks and they're fucked up little scaly feet

[00:56:27] They're talons fuck that. Oh penguin you cute though. I fuck with penguins rock. I just saw a fat penguin

[00:56:34] I was rock

[00:56:36] It's so cool. That's a basic ass opinion. Shut the fuck up Nick. You should care. That's what I like

[00:56:43] I like what I like and I won't apologize

[00:56:46] Shoe shut up. Oh you like that you like the birds. They made like nine Disney movies about no

[00:56:51] It's just acceptable cuz fucking birds are scary with their fucking sharp edge. It's not it's not fucking and beaks

[00:56:59] It's cool the how slow they walk, but how fast they swim. I don't care about that

[00:57:05] Missiles in the water that is actually and then they get on land and they just like walk around all goofy and waddily

[00:57:12] Oh another good bird is that big fucked up bird that moves around like a dot like a fucking a condor

[00:57:17] He's gonna know that's cool. They're fucking no it's like some big-ass fucking bird

[00:57:22] It did also made the rounds on Twitter where it looks kind of like it's fucking a

[00:57:25] Pop it worse bird turkeys red-breasted nasty. Yeah chickens to chicken suck my dick turkeys are disgusting

[00:57:34] Yeah wild turkeys

[00:57:37] Like prehistoric. I don't fuck with terrifying. Let me look a big-ass bird that looks like a muppet

[00:57:45] It looked it was fucking cool when I think I think turkeys are satanic

[00:57:51] Okay, I'm with you

[00:57:53] Fuck I don't know they have weird rituals

[00:57:57] But they're like they like walk around in circles and stuff the shoe bill. I believe is what I'm thinking

[00:58:03] What is it on the fuck has got a whole rabbit?

[00:58:05] See that's when it starts getting scary. No

[00:58:09] Maybe it's the shoe bill. I

[00:58:12] Don't know I

[00:58:15] Just saw it's some this is almost it, but oh yeah, this shit is fucked up, dude

[00:58:19] Damn shoe bill. I don't fuck with you

[00:58:24] Emos emos or emos and

[00:58:27] Austroges don't fuck with them. Nope. I agree although. I would like to eat an ostrich egg

[00:58:32] It's huge like an all-new such a big fucking sunny side up egg

[00:58:38] Do people eat those you can I love this dude you type in chicken and you just get pictures of a dead

[00:58:45] Fucking dumb animal

[00:58:47] No, dude imagine just a huge just all that yoke. You see someone break a chicken's neck by just spinning

[00:58:53] It's fucking at around no

[00:58:56] Grab the body and you spin

[00:58:59] Fucking thing. Oh

[00:59:02] Wish animals weren't so delicious because I do feel bad about eating them sometimes

[00:59:06] I don't feel bad about eating a chicken at all. That's not a guy. Yeah, I get that. That's an idiot or fish fuck fish

[00:59:13] And they're tasty a fish isn't a guy fish is not a guy

[00:59:18] So's a cow though a cow is a dude, but they're so good cows a chick actually yeah

[00:59:23] That's true a check like eating pussy a cow is like a big a big girl. You know what I'm saying? Yeah

[00:59:30] Elisso

[00:59:32] So every time you eat a ribeye steak. It's like eating lizzo's pussy. I wouldn't do it

[00:59:36] I love steak. I love steak so much

[00:59:43] Fuck dude. I would love a nice fucking ribeye

[00:59:45] What other kind of animals

[00:59:51] Like animals they have like a Latin taxonomy or yeah, yeah, so the Great Horned Owl

[00:59:56] This is name in Latin Bubbo Virgin anus

[00:59:59] I

[01:00:02] Not yeah, I believe you yeah

[01:00:05] Bubo Virginia Virginia is you're right?

[01:00:09] Yeah, pretty good. It is good pretty pretty fuck Latin dude. Yeah

[01:00:15] The Roman Empire yeah, I agree. I'm tired of their shit

[01:00:20] Sick of them and what happened the fucking the Vikings fuck like killed them balls I

[01:00:25] I

[01:00:27] Listened to a podcast about this eight years ago, and I forgot what happened. I listen to hardcore history

[01:00:32] Yeah, it was pretty cool. Maybe I'll re-listen you thought you thought it would be more like

[01:00:37] Sex kind of stuff. No, I didn't mind that hardcore. No. No. Yeah, I would like Dan crawling to fucking

[01:00:44] To just do some voicemails

[01:00:47] The and that was a man's penis and I pulled out your pin. I'm getting on my knees

[01:00:52] And I'm zipping your pants and I'm sucking your cock this article was written by some of it clearly wants to fuck out

[01:00:59] Okay, so there's a section called calls it refers to like you know the noises they make

[01:01:05] The Great Horned Owl's song is normally a low-pitched but loud ho ho ho ho

[01:01:11] We're also transcribed as boo boo boo boo

[01:01:15] who ho who

[01:01:17] Or who ho oh

[01:01:19] Oh, who oh oh who and can last four or five syllables?

[01:01:25] One transliteration is you still up me too. Mmm, which is no, that's not what it's not the transliteration Nick

[01:01:34] It's not that's not with the owls trying to fuck. It's not saying that to you the guy who's sitting around listening

[01:01:39] No, it's saying it to the other owl for some owl pussy. Yeah, but it's not your job to transliterate

[01:01:44] I don't care

[01:01:44] Why are you so mad that this guy has or understands how owls fuck cuz I want to beat him to death or trying to fuck the owls

[01:01:50] Instead of just sanctuary's he's not trying to fuck that in your apartment in your your cop apartment

[01:01:56] He's not trying to fuck them. He's saying that they fuck each other the call is resonant has warranted descriptions is varied as solemn and terrifying

[01:02:04] But it makes owls horny

[01:02:09] I don't like owls

[01:02:11] They're nocturnal I like to see a picture of them, but I don't see them in real life. Yeah pictures are fun. I

[01:02:18] Think they look cool. I think the OVO owl looks cool

[01:02:22] I don't respect the forest. I don't respect the forest. I'll go on record is saying that I respect the final

[01:02:28] I don't respect nature. I don't respect the forest. Yeah, and owl call is associated with scary forests at night exactly

[01:02:35] Oh

[01:02:37] Fuck nature's what's in us. It's somewhere. No nature's about to take us back by the way nature's about to knock us off a couple

[01:02:43] Pigs, mm-hmm. They got Australia on fire down there. Yeah, I was smiling the other day thinking about all the fucked up spiders

[01:02:50] It had been killed

[01:02:53] And deserve it

[01:02:55] I would love to be the guy in Australia that's just showing up in like some shelter whatever and he's like

[01:03:00] Oh, I made it. I'll save just many spotters as I could just like dumping out a bunch of tarantulas all over the floor

[01:03:07] Trying to save these little guys

[01:03:09] This fire is everywhere

[01:03:11] It's just like a devil screaming. Oh fuck these spiders. Yeah, I hope they get that sorted out

[01:03:17] But time we go there. What about a koala are those in danger? Yeah, but fuck who walls are nasty. Yeah, they're naturally fire

[01:03:24] Retarding they're cute though. Which means they become retarded

[01:03:27] They're not what about all the good what's that they become retarded when they catch them. Yeah. Oh, I'm on fire

[01:03:34] That seems like a problem. Do you think you'd want to have all your wits about you once you turn on fire?

[01:03:39] I'm becoming on fire. How is that an evolutionary advantage? I don't get it. I don't know

[01:03:45] Like we got to save these equality we didn't have to conserve them before but now they're on fire and retarded

[01:03:52] What about all the good pussy in Australia is it safe?

[01:03:54] You mean the the chicks? Yeah, I don't think there's any good pussy to offer dude

[01:04:02] Wow, that's fucked up for you to say no, no, I don't believe that not a one in the whole country

[01:04:07] I don't believe that and remember that gals when we're in Australia and adam says you guys are adam who doesn't have sex

[01:04:16] 2020 oh, that's true. I guess you won't be having sex on the road adam. No, I won't

[01:04:21] Well

[01:04:23] Will I will be because I have actually met someone guys and she's in the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day

[01:04:30] LDS

[01:04:31] Little dick and we're waiting to get married in our in a temple

[01:04:37] And then we will see each other in our underpants. Nice, but that's months away folks

[01:04:43] You think mormons got good pussy?

[01:04:46] 100%

[01:04:48] 100%

[01:04:50] I'm for real now thinking about how tight would be to have just acreage in central pa and just fill it with owls

[01:04:56] Just out there keeping track that would be cool looking at them

[01:05:00] Yeah, dude owls don't like right or they chill in the same place. I think they chill in the same

[01:05:04] Do owls have a natural predator in central, Pennsylvania another apex predator is

[01:05:09] There's no there's nothing that eats the owl. What about what about a fucking I don't I didn't look it up

[01:05:14] But I'm pretty sure

[01:05:15] What about like a fucking be cat if they were getting like owls are flying around hunting and then they just get fucking like scooped by an elephant's trunk

[01:05:22] That would be cool if elephants just like the owls randomly

[01:05:27] Oh shit

[01:05:29] That's my favorite animal and then but then but then but then GOP Adam over here

[01:05:34] What do you mean GOP it's nothing to do with politics secretly republicans?

[01:05:37] No, it has nothing to do with politics. Yeah, right. No, it's that the mother stoking war with the row

[01:05:42] It's at the mom's rape and no people

[01:05:45] Is that they can remember?

[01:05:47] Mom distances

[01:05:50] They're good at directions the girls eat each other's pussies with their trunks and the moms are nice to the babies

[01:05:55] They love their babies. Did you hear what I said?

[01:05:58] And they eat each other's pussies with trunks, which is cool very cool

[01:06:02] Just the fucking they're bi and they beat off by slapping their giant cocks on their stomach

[01:06:08] That's awesome. So cool. I love you. Right. Elphins are cool. I love when girls in a species or bi

[01:06:15] That's pretty tight. Yeah

[01:06:18] I wonder if the guys are bi too. I didn't hear anything about you think a trunk getting sucked by a cock getting sucked by a trunk

[01:06:24] There's no this thing is a by a male

[01:06:29] It's just gave well giraffe fuck each other because elephants dick kind of looks like the trunk

[01:06:33] And it would make sense if the pussy lips look like the ears it would on a girl elephant. That is true

[01:06:40] That would be cool. They should have really floppy pussies

[01:06:44] That flutter makes doing a good thing with this hand right now guys. We're sorry. You can't see it. It was good. They're fluttering the ears like

[01:06:52] Yeah, that's how you know they're horny. They're pussy unfurls. There's just flies. Sorry. I got sorry girls

[01:06:57] I got flies all over my pussy

[01:06:59] I'm on my way to the dsa meeting is a big woman a big bi woman with my big pussy lips and my big opinions

[01:07:07] I'm on my way to vote at the dsa

[01:07:11] And then I have a podcast with two other elephant bitches

[01:07:18] Condelephant friends are gonna do a podcast and this is in the animal kingdom they're talking about

[01:07:24] In the animal the yes, the animal dsa. Yeah, you've read animal farm. Yep. It's like that

[01:07:31] You remember the chapter where a bunch of elephant bitches start blogging about pigs

[01:07:35] They got a podcast now and a patreon elephant bitch patreon

[01:07:40] That gets up to $200 and then they get into a fight

[01:07:45] Because they don't understand business

[01:07:47] Elephant business elephant business. He wild babar and his fucking boys are raking in the cash

[01:07:55] Oh, yeah, babar doesn't even know is an elephant. He thinks he's a businessman

[01:08:00] He thinks he's cute

[01:08:02] Babar is cute, dude. Yeah

[01:08:05] Call me bad bar out this motherfucker. Yeah

[01:08:09] That bar is one of my

[01:08:11] Big uh

[01:08:14] Yeah

[01:08:16] I have a tool before I have bad bar sheets on my bed. Yeah

[01:08:20] No, I know I know that and a bed spread. Yep. We got it. Yep. You heard that story

[01:08:25] You're the one who told us we told we heard it. I'm sorry for bringing it up again. Okay, man

[01:08:31] I was gonna say bad bar is one of my plus-size icons growing up as a boy. He's a prince

[01:08:35] Damn, I'm going to a real nice place in my head thinking about that owl sanctuary. Nice dude. Yeah

[01:08:40] You could get it a little bit of woodworking dude sent your piece. I'm not far from here

[01:08:44] I know wake up like 6 a.m. Make a big thing like green tea and it put get like fucking four cups of rice going

[01:08:51] Okay, you know, I thought you're gonna be eating Japanese breakfasts. Yeah, have local volunteers come

[01:08:56] Maybe we meditate for a while. Let me go document the owls

[01:08:59] Okay, and then we come back darmatoc eat some rice have some green tea. What's darmatoc like darmin greg the

[01:09:06] Show talk about the show darmin greg

[01:09:08] And then I come into the city to do my racist podcast

[01:09:11] Mm-hmm, and then I go back to my simple you take the Amtrak twice. Yeah, my simple bucolic life or I'm working with owls

[01:09:17] Oh, dude, this is crazy that darmat Greg hooked up because he's so straight lays and she's a wild. It's true

[01:09:24] She's so you know, she's a word. See how far

[01:09:27] Disorder and she cuts dude. Allentown is two hours from here. Yeah, is that good enough for you?

[01:09:32] You need yeah, no, I mean, I said no I did look at the problem is like I think taxes are high in like the Lehigh Valley

[01:09:37] Mm-hmm, and then there's no, you know, it's not like fucking Westchester or Hudson Valley. We can just take metro north

[01:09:43] There's no trains no trains that go out that way

[01:09:46] Western Jersey is kind of like that. It's like horse country. It's all Lehigh Valley. Yeah. Yeah, I mean leah

[01:09:52] I think Lehigh Valley tech I don't know the boundaries of it, but like eastern PA. I think is like the center of it

[01:09:57] And then it's everything in like

[01:09:59] Northeastern PA and fucking north western Jersey. Yeah

[01:10:02] Yeah, hmm interesting. It's rural out there. Yeah

[01:10:09] nice

[01:10:11] You know find nothing but find a little Amish market to go to get some fried chicken remember with me

[01:10:16] You enjoy. Yeah, that was a that was a great day. That was a great day. Yeah, I wasn't there

[01:10:23] Yeah, you weren't I wasn't there. That was way before I mean, did you did you live in New York?

[01:10:28] Yeah, you're visiting. Yeah, we were all down there for we did a show or something

[01:10:32] You know, it might have been like the weekend we saw the the divorce guy. Yeah, that was a fun weekend

[01:10:37] Like we went down there

[01:10:38] I think me and you both did big hunt or something that makes sense

[01:10:41] Then we went down there because I know Adam wasn't there because we drove down

[01:10:43] I remember it was what the show was happening because we did a periscope or something. You're right. It was very early on. Yeah

[01:10:49] Yeah, that was fun. We did a good ass fried chicken. Yeah, I mean had that fried that was a good fucking trip

[01:10:55] Yeah, I don't know what about it. Mm-hmm made it. This wasn't really fun

[01:10:59] It was like uncharacteristically fun for like compared to the podcast

[01:11:03] Another trips we've taken interesting probably just the food well beats me

[01:11:10] No idea

[01:11:12] You're saying because I wasn't there. What's wrong?

[01:11:14] You were there. Were you there? Yeah, were you there? I was at the bookshop, but I was not there at the Amish market

[01:11:19] My bookshop shut the fuck up

[01:11:22] I don't want to start this yet

[01:11:24] Bookshop. I can't wait till this is the way that will when the podcast ends that will be the last argument. Yeah

[01:11:32] I don't care anymore, but be at the bookshop not being the bookshop, but don't give a shit

[01:11:36] I mean, it's like oh, so you're above the bookshop argument literally. Yes. Okay. Well, I was above it first actually

[01:11:42] Yeah, so we brought it up. No, you brought it up actually before we started the show today. No

[01:11:48] Yes, you did no chance

[01:11:50] I'm still looking for play property. Um, well, I think that's uh the show. Yeah

[01:11:57] Because this doesn't feel funny anymore. Who cares? How's it? Who cares? They fuck this?

[01:12:02] Um, and also I need to eat something because I haven't eaten

[01:12:05] Other than the sandwich that I started eating. Yeah, beginning of the show

[01:12:09] Mm-hmm. Well, listen folks, please come see me on the road. Stavi dot bid slash tour

[01:12:14] I'm coming to tampon the 26 mil walkie on the 29th appleton the 30th Chicago

[01:12:18] 31st and the 1st then we got providence

[01:12:22] The fucking dallas dc Tucson phoenix

[01:12:26] And doublin at the sugar club and the seo theater in london. That's in march. So come out

[01:12:33] More shit popping coming to your ass soon. Yeah, come dot town for shirts. I'm still waiting on

[01:12:40] This fucking place. Oh really? Yeah. Oh by my calendars by the way

[01:12:44] Stavi dot biz also all right

[01:12:46] Bye