[00:00:00] So it's the kind of shit that we've got in the face.

[00:00:02] Yeah.

[00:00:03] What's your shit we have in the face?

[00:00:04] Good afternoon.

[00:00:06] Y'all listening to the Charlie Rose podcast, Charlie Hose here.

[00:00:13] And we've already started.

[00:00:15] I already started.

[00:00:17] I want to get out of here earlier.

[00:00:19] I'm going to be raping my hairdresser after the show.

[00:00:23] And I want to make sure I have enough time to trap her

[00:00:27] in the bathroom.

[00:00:29] You know, I actually read an account of the rapes.

[00:00:32] And the first move that he did sort of akin

[00:00:36] to Cosby putting Spanish flying girl's drinks.

[00:00:40] And he would just interview women.

[00:00:42] And they would fall asleep.

[00:00:44] Yeah.

[00:00:45] And then he would take advantage of them

[00:00:47] after he's boring ass interviews.

[00:00:49] Am I holding the right mic right now?

[00:00:52] They're tangled up.

[00:00:53] What's up?

[00:00:55] Charlie Hose.

[00:00:56] I heard him from the bathroom.

[00:00:58] I've got good news.

[00:01:01] I'm sitting here with the Bigfoot monster truck.

[00:01:04] And tell me, your tires, they're very large.

[00:01:07] But have you ever considered what if the tires were tiny?

[00:01:11] It's just a still shot of them.

[00:01:13] Just the monster truck pulled up to the table.

[00:01:17] In the studio?

[00:01:18] Yeah.

[00:01:18] Charlie Hose has coked out of his mind.

[00:01:21] One of his eyes is just spinning around in the circle.

[00:01:24] You're a very sexy monster truck.

[00:01:27] Have you ever had your tailpipe sucked on like a lollipop?

[00:01:33] Oh, fuck.

[00:01:34] Damn.

[00:01:35] The boys are having sex.

[00:01:36] You have you who are my mustache.

[00:01:38] No, you got your little fake ass you who.

[00:01:39] It's real.

[00:01:40] No, they discovered the formula.

[00:01:42] It's your at home, you who though.

[00:01:44] There's just some panicking at the you who

[00:01:46] factored home like somebody figured out the formula.

[00:01:50] Somebody's making their own YouTube at home.

[00:01:52] They're on YouTube?

[00:01:53] Yeah, I'm drunk.

[00:01:55] Oh, yeah.

[00:01:56] Next up the wagon.

[00:01:57] I'm off the wagon.

[00:01:57] We got him back.

[00:01:58] We got our boy back.

[00:01:59] I'll make him own liquor, make him own YouTube.

[00:02:02] Little moonshine in the tub.

[00:02:04] I would love to be like a back water moonshineer,

[00:02:07] but I'm making you who.

[00:02:08] Yes, dude.

[00:02:10] When they fucking go to the cars,

[00:02:11] when they make it illegal, they make chocolate milk illegal.

[00:02:13] Yeah.

[00:02:14] Pop down, boys.

[00:02:15] I think it's the fuzz.

[00:02:16] It's the law, man.

[00:02:17] Law man's coming.

[00:02:20] Dude, yeah.

[00:02:21] Your boys wouldn't be making your own you who out here,

[00:02:25] would you?

[00:02:26] No, Sheriff.

[00:02:27] Where?

[00:02:28] Filman.

[00:02:30] Child.

[00:02:31] Child.

[00:02:32] Pornography.

[00:02:34] Videos.

[00:02:35] Oh, OK.

[00:02:36] Well, carry on, boys.

[00:02:37] And then it shows walking out, and then he just hits the frame

[00:02:41] of the door.

[00:02:41] Wait a second.

[00:02:44] I reckon child pornography is illegal.

[00:02:49] You're like, oh, we met you who were making our own you.

[00:02:52] You know, that's OK.

[00:02:53] All right.

[00:02:53] See you, boys, later.

[00:02:55] Wait a second.

[00:02:58] That's when we shoot the house.

[00:02:59] That's why I came here in the first place.

[00:03:03] But it's not illegal.

[00:03:04] We thought it was for a second.

[00:03:06] And we just remember.

[00:03:06] We kind of riff that it was, but it's actually just chocolate

[00:03:09] milk.

[00:03:09] Yeah, you're both legal.

[00:03:10] You're a bad cop.

[00:03:12] All right.

[00:03:12] I'll see you, boys, later.

[00:03:14] Hey, listen, if you hear about anybody making child porn

[00:03:17] pornography, because the town is getting real upset about it.

[00:03:22] Here's my card.

[00:03:23] Do you have my number?

[00:03:25] I will get back to you.

[00:03:26] Is there a town that's well known?

[00:03:28] Is there a Hollywood for child pornography?

[00:03:31] Hollywood, California?

[00:03:32] Yes, right.

[00:03:32] Yes, that's true.

[00:03:33] No, no, there isn't a town.

[00:03:34] They just fuck for her.

[00:03:35] There is a town in Florida that is entirely populated

[00:03:40] by registered sex offenders.

[00:03:42] Is that real?

[00:03:43] So yeah, so they can be away from the general population.

[00:03:47] Do they fuck each other?

[00:03:49] Do old pedophile men take to their own sailor moon

[00:03:52] costumes?

[00:03:53] They're all behaving well.

[00:03:54] It is very funny that it's in the state

[00:03:56] with the largest amusement park.

[00:03:58] It's true.

[00:03:59] Next to the fucking Disney world.

[00:04:00] Yeah, it's a Kissimmee Saint Cloud, right outside Orlando.

[00:04:06] I believe it's Kissimmee.

[00:04:08] Is it Kissimmee, my dick?

[00:04:09] You fucking piece of shit, Nick.

[00:04:11] You know what you're saying?

[00:04:12] Kissimmee?

[00:04:13] Kissimmee?

[00:04:14] I believe it's Kissimmee Saint Cloud.

[00:04:16] I don't know.

[00:04:17] I'm saying Kissimmee, my dick.

[00:04:18] No, they're always saying Kissimmee,

[00:04:19] but only because I'm not looking at shit up.

[00:04:21] Exactly.

[00:04:22] This town is Disney World.

[00:04:23] You don't get to have any kind of culture or special bullshit.

[00:04:25] Even though that sounds like a Native American.

[00:04:27] There was.

[00:04:28] It says Vinny.

[00:04:29] Vinny would know.

[00:04:29] There's a hat.

[00:04:30] I think he's moving there.

[00:04:32] Is he moving to Disney World?

[00:04:33] He's moving to Disney World.

[00:04:34] He's good, so there's a bringer show.

[00:04:36] I shouldn't have said that.

[00:04:37] I'm going to get 500 text messages from him now.

[00:04:39] They're like, bro, thank you so much for saying

[00:04:44] that I'm moving to Disney World.

[00:04:46] He's going to have a t-shirt that says,

[00:04:48] I'm moving to Disney World, the t-shirt tour.

[00:04:52] The shirt is going on tour.

[00:04:54] They're selling tickets now.

[00:04:55] $43 plus shipping.

[00:04:58] I've already stolen money from a children's hospital

[00:05:01] by a band Marjera cameo pretending like we're still friends

[00:05:05] to promote the t-shirt going on sale.

[00:05:09] Speaking of Disney.

[00:05:10] Yeah, video search history is just take cameo watermark off

[00:05:14] how.

[00:05:17] Speaking of Disney, there was a kid in my high school

[00:05:20] who every year for Halloween would dress up like a blue man

[00:05:23] group.

[00:05:25] And he was salutatorian of his class.

[00:05:28] He was like three years old.

[00:05:28] What's a salutatorian?

[00:05:30] The most Italian?

[00:05:31] Yeah, salut.

[00:05:32] I made it in the most of past.

[00:05:34] I don't know how to read, but I got a fan of Cheney

[00:05:36] in my pockets.

[00:05:36] No, no, he was one of the five Jewish kids of my high school.

[00:05:40] But the superlatives are just really racist.

[00:05:44] I love that.

[00:05:46] And now the award for darkest days.

[00:05:48] The darkest in the school.

[00:05:54] That's not an award.

[00:05:55] That is not an official award.

[00:05:57] We're not putting that in the year.

[00:05:58] That is not an award.

[00:05:59] Get the microwave.

[00:06:00] Take the microwave microphone away from that boy.

[00:06:08] So he is John.

[00:06:09] He was like mad.

[00:06:10] You weren't expecting his name to be John.

[00:06:12] It was John.

[00:06:13] But it was.

[00:06:14] Yeah, J E Y W.

[00:06:18] Yeah, my name John.

[00:06:21] John.

[00:06:22] Don't kill me.

[00:06:27] Yep, John and Mark.

[00:06:29] M A three R's Q. Mark.

[00:06:33] Mm hmm.

[00:06:35] Go ahead Adam.

[00:06:36] Oh yeah.

[00:06:37] Anyway, his dream was he was Matt.

[00:06:39] He was really good at school, but his dream was to be in the blue man.

[00:06:42] Oh yeah.

[00:06:43] I think he told us.

[00:06:44] He was pretty short.

[00:06:45] But I looked him up on Facebook recently.

[00:06:48] See how he's doing.

[00:06:49] How is he doing?

[00:06:50] He's an Imagineer at Walt Disney World.

[00:06:52] What's an Imagineer?

[00:06:53] I don't know.

[00:06:55] He's he's he's he works there and his wife is also in the Disney Corporation.

[00:07:01] Wow.

[00:07:02] So they're just an Imagineer.

[00:07:03] I don't know.

[00:07:04] He comes up with the dream.

[00:07:07] Adam doesn't know.

[00:07:08] Wow.

[00:07:09] What am I supposed to fucking know?

[00:07:10] You brought it up though.

[00:07:12] You specifically brought it up.

[00:07:13] That's what it said.

[00:07:14] And then you said it like a point of pride.

[00:07:16] Yeah.

[00:07:17] You said it like he's the president.

[00:07:18] Well, because it sounded like a weird job title.

[00:07:21] Well, what is it?

[00:07:23] Mm hmm.

[00:07:24] Okay.

[00:07:25] You tell me what a fucking Imagineer is.

[00:07:26] No, we didn't tell the story.

[00:07:27] Well, I just saw the words.

[00:07:29] Some of the engineers imaginations.

[00:07:30] Mm hmm.

[00:07:31] Okay.

[00:07:32] You're right.

[00:07:33] Duh.

[00:07:34] Duh.

[00:07:35] It probably is just like what they call the janitors there.

[00:07:38] Fucking idiot.

[00:07:40] But you know.

[00:07:41] Are you tired?

[00:07:42] Don't call me that dude.

[00:07:44] Sorry.

[00:07:45] You know I have that in my family.

[00:07:47] That's true.

[00:07:48] Do you have a retard in your family?

[00:07:49] Dude, I told you I have 12 siblings.

[00:07:50] They're all retarded.

[00:07:51] Mm hmm.

[00:07:52] And you're not.

[00:07:53] That'd be pretty funny.

[00:07:54] The only people that get mad about that term is like I have a sibling that's retarded.

[00:07:59] Yeah.

[00:08:00] And you don't know how annoying they were growing up.

[00:08:02] So now you can't use that slur because it's somehow racist to me.

[00:08:08] That's so fucking true.

[00:08:10] Yeah.

[00:08:11] Thanks brother.

[00:08:12] I remember thinking the kids who had retarded siblings were so noble.

[00:08:15] Oh yeah.

[00:08:16] And I was like damn I could never have that amount of integrity.

[00:08:20] Yeah.

[00:08:21] I could never do it.

[00:08:22] Imagine how much better of a person I would be.

[00:08:24] Well, that's not me.

[00:08:25] Guess it's time to make fun of them.

[00:08:27] Oh no, they've got time for a second.

[00:08:30] I thought about what my life would be like but yeah nope.

[00:08:33] Gonna stop that immediately.

[00:08:34] Yeah, I'm essentially a bad person and I can't escape that so I might as well lean fully

[00:08:39] in.

[00:08:40] And just wait for punishment after death.

[00:08:43] Which won't come.

[00:08:45] Which won't come.

[00:08:46] Which is almost sad.

[00:08:47] No, no, yeah.

[00:08:48] Because in a way burning in hell would be the redemption I really want.

[00:08:53] But instead in my final moments I realized that I was a piece of shit and it wasn't there

[00:08:58] will be no cosmic.

[00:08:59] There's no balancing of it.

[00:09:02] You were just negative just a little.

[00:09:05] I am the hell.

[00:09:07] You're all those private moments.

[00:09:09] Where you're like I can't wait for hell.

[00:09:11] Those were hell.

[00:09:12] Yeah.

[00:09:13] I'm like nurse tell my family to leave.

[00:09:15] I don't want them to see this.

[00:09:16] They're like you don't have any.

[00:09:18] There is no family.

[00:09:20] There's no family.

[00:09:21] You're in Guadalajara.

[00:09:23] Yeah.

[00:09:24] No, it's just Adam with a fucking zoom.

[00:09:26] He's like one more.

[00:09:28] One more.

[00:09:29] One more.

[00:09:30] One more.

[00:09:31] I need to take my girlfriend out to her kinceañera.

[00:09:34] Right.

[00:09:35] It's a rite of passage.

[00:09:37] It's a rite of passage in the Mexican community.

[00:09:40] I don't know why you have to make fun of that.

[00:09:43] It's got my Panama hat on.

[00:09:44] I'm surrounded by macaws.

[00:09:46] Yeah, it's true.

[00:09:47] Emaciated.

[00:09:48] Yeah.

[00:09:49] Adam's just like come on.

[00:09:50] This is six years from now.

[00:09:52] Yeah.

[00:09:53] Just one more.

[00:09:54] There's just one more.

[00:09:57] There's a Mexican guy.

[00:09:59] There's a Mexican guy standing next to me with his fingers on my carotid artery.

[00:10:04] And I'm by polis and he's going bee, bee, bee, bee.

[00:10:10] So what the Bible that baby.

[00:10:23] Good.

[00:10:24] You're like, Carlos, you don't have to do the baby.

[00:10:29] Oh my god.

[00:10:30] Thank you.

[00:10:32] I'm so tired from doing the beep

[00:10:39] Feel good, where's beepy Carlos? I love I love that you're you're a vision of Mexico's just the Flintstones

[00:10:45] What is the dinosaur? It's a game people get beepy Carlos back in here

[00:10:53] It's a leaving the guy you choose mouth you piss into

[00:11:04] To eat the human shit from the house

[00:11:06] I am the toilet

[00:11:15] I would go that far. I just I just think that the beep machine could be a guy. Yeah sure that's cute

[00:11:20] That is cute. I'm just taking it the next to the next level to the Flintstones corollary

[00:11:27] the Flintstones hypothesis

[00:11:30] Bet they had dinosaurs that ate your pussy and

[00:11:33] In I don't think that that's

[00:11:36] That the Flintstones was like no, but I don't think people if there was a pretty reboot of the Flintstones

[00:11:43] Okay, Betty would have a fucking little salamander looking dinosaur that eats her pussy cuz like a vibrator

[00:11:50] Dinosaur because Barney doesn't lathe pipe that good Barney row. It's like Barney probably lays pipe

[00:11:57] Fred might not lay pipe. They probably both lay pipe. No Fred doesn't like pipe. You don't think Fred lays pipe

[00:12:02] No, Fred's more of an al Bundy vibe

[00:12:05] He's just sick of having to have sex with his wife

[00:12:09] They probably had fun. They probably had they're probably one of those couples had a lot of fun

[00:12:14] But then he got that bitch knocked up and they were like 23

[00:12:17] He's got these dumb ass kids. Yeah, there's an adult son that you don't see on the show

[00:12:25] Fighting the Dyno Wars

[00:12:27] Like a kid that they gave a bat to no, that's that's bam bam. That's Barney and

[00:12:36] And I think I've discussed this before but making Wilma Rosie as much. I love Rosie

[00:12:43] Yeah, absolutely Travis making her Rosie Rosie

[00:12:48] Oh, oh, yeah, and it was and it was

[00:12:50] Uh fucking what's his name from Marana's Rick Marana's yeah, he was actually a good against the lads. He was a good

[00:12:58] Barney anytime I see remember that movie making me want to get in the bowling

[00:13:04] I'm like damn. I didn't know bowling was awesome. Yeah

[00:13:08] No, I liked I fucked with Fred Flintstone dude. That's why I'm sad that here you guys don't think he lays pipe. I

[00:13:14] Guess I haven't really thought about it

[00:13:16] But fuck dude his wife was hot as shit now. He's on he's on that blue too

[00:13:22] Absolutely sitting in a living room not fucking often, but he loves his wife

[00:13:26] He does they do love each other for sure he the sexual relationship

[00:13:30] They have this she gets drunk and goes and tans on the patio and he's like you look so hot

[00:13:37] Your breasts look so hot while you're tanning and then he just sits

[00:13:40] He said he yells that through the fucking screen door

[00:13:43] And he just jacks his little big and hopes the blue shoes kicking in hopes a kick in but then he gets back to watching TV

[00:13:49] Yeah, it depends how good TV is that day whether they fuck or not if it's a good-ass movie

[00:13:54] Right if he catches the last half of like lethal weapon or rush hour

[00:13:58] They're not fucking baby. It's beautiful is it there

[00:14:02] Now what do you guys think about the fact that dinosaurs might have just been big-ass chickens like with feathers and shit?

[00:14:08] That's been debunked. They didn't have feathers. What do you mean? That's been that was some dumb-ass scientists

[00:14:14] It said that shit, but why should we believe that I mean if you look at what a penguin

[00:14:17] Oh, there's no fossil evidence that they had but we don't know what their bodies

[00:14:23] This goes back to the owl discussion because owls I was pissed off to find they're so little underneath right so dinosaurs

[00:14:32] We're thinking they have like this little muscular little fucking based on their skeleton

[00:14:37] But if they would if they were puffy a shit like owls or like penguins

[00:14:42] Who look big a shit, but that's all

[00:14:45] Neck so what are you saying that that would also piss you off? It would piss me off if dinosaurs weren't cool in dinosaurs. You're on

[00:14:53] If they were big-ass scary-ass birds, I would

[00:14:55] Didn't happen that was the thing they were floating like fucking ten years ago to get people on some Facebook

[00:15:01] This is some gay shit that scientists do everyone's a lot of like fuck people realize science is gay

[00:15:07] Time to do it

[00:15:09] They got me dude on this one. I'm thinking like is the moon actually cheese

[00:15:14] No, hell yeah, and then they'll like float it for a couple years and be like we're sorry the moon is a cheese

[00:15:19] It's not is that why they tell you chocolate is good for you every couple years or I think that's just that's a you're thinking of a commercial for chocolate

[00:15:27] No, they say dark chocolate's good. Yeah, you suppose have like a gram of great gut dark chocolate or red wine

[00:15:35] People say red wine is good for you. Yeah one glass though. Mm-hmm. Not the way me and

[00:15:41] You and the boys me and my French friends you and you and Pierre me and Pierre when you hit the steam room I

[00:15:48] Went to a state. I went to a Russian steam room recently. I love it, dude

[00:15:52] We should go shit together. Do they give you a massage there? You can pay for an optional massage

[00:15:58] I want like an ad on I had a massage from a guy who looked like he also fixed the radiators there

[00:16:04] There's just some little where did you go in New York? No on it when I was on a holiday

[00:16:09] Oh, I can't I and she when I was in Chicago

[00:16:12] Mmm, there's a little man who gave I wanted a sexy Russian bitch with big ass titties

[00:16:17] No, it's always a guy and he's always wearing a full tracksuit even though it's 300 degrees

[00:16:22] He was wearing a polo tucked into his khakis. Yeah. Yeah, and I was wondering like what if I get hard

[00:16:28] Yeah, I wish I could ride a T-rex around

[00:16:31] Yeah, yeah, what a guess tonight is Donna the steam Donna saw

[00:16:35] The T-rex Donna saw them the old bitch ran to her food. Yeah from the olden times

[00:16:44] I should probably increase that size of that meal no, it's just a little dude

[00:16:50] You want to keep your cat little and fuckable, but look that's barely any food. I can't see

[00:16:56] Yeah, but how many times does it come out of debt twice? Oh, maybe a little bit more food. Yeah, I'm just wet food

[00:17:04] Nice and a little bit of kibble. Oh, I got some I got a little kibble for you pal

[00:17:09] What my nuts?

[00:17:12] You have me to eat your test. I want you to eat them with a fork and a knife and then you won't have balls anymore

[00:17:18] Now they would grow back. No, they don't grow back. That's my star power. He said hold he said hold is in the center

[00:17:24] Now yeah, hold my nuts sounds like sounds like damn my dick is real small and Adam's like hold my balls

[00:17:36] Check this out what I would be when you're on stage Sean Patton whispered in my ear. He's like

[00:17:44] He's like yeah, man in those sweatpants you can just see his entire dick

[00:17:48] And he's like stop packing and I was like oh

[00:17:55] Well, how dare you why I have a huge nice penis if Sean thought that why'd you stop?

[00:18:01] I just stop him. This is you're such a fuck. You're not eating this piece of shit

[00:18:05] Well, that was free press. I got a big penis. That was free press from my cock

[00:18:09] I didn't show he's a friendly guy people respect him. He talks to a lot of people if he said if he shot patent to tell

[00:18:14] This is the difference between me and you no no no no no

[00:18:21] Adam like it's all that have been me standing there. Yeah immediately, you know, I'd say oh totally huge. Yeah

[00:18:27] 100% sure no okay, Nick you are you are one of the most hating ass motherfuckers. I know this is a dictatorship

[00:18:45] Because I sit right with myself morally

[00:18:48] So I don't need any fucking damn democratic input on this

[00:18:51] My instant reaction to your statement of saying no was visceral disgust. That's true. That is true as was mine by the way

[00:19:01] Well, it affects you. Yes

[00:19:09] We'll give you a little we'll be halfway give me halfway and let me finish yeah wait

[00:19:14] Can you make his voice can you make his voice like high pitch? No, my voice is high pitched enough. Okay?

[00:19:20] First of all there is a zero percent chance Nick after everything I know about you

[00:19:28] That you would have been like stavros has a phenomenal penis Sean. I wouldn't say I wouldn't say I wouldn't say like that

[00:19:34] You're right. I would be if he said is stop packing. I say it looks like it. Yes. No, you wouldn't. Yes

[00:19:40] I first of all I absolutely okay. I have to keep it moving. Okay, I have three points

[00:19:46] I have three points. Let's hear the second of all my response was like I I was like I didn't say all

[00:19:51] Contratus be fucking French to people. Okay, but I said I said no. I don't believe so I didn't say it's a horrible penis

[00:19:58] Third of all no he didn't ask you. It was a why would you say it's a horrible penis

[00:20:02] I did not say it was a horrible penis. But why would that even be a fucking option? He said his soft packing

[00:20:07] I said I don't think so

[00:20:09] Second of all unbelievable on a podcast that is broadcast

[00:20:12] 200 that's different and that's different. That's different right here. We're having fun with him and

[00:20:19] He's our friend. That's our show. That's a broadcast. This is real life. She'll mean Sean Patton of friends in real life

[00:20:26] It's not you pulling you know fucking the comedians aside and being like I just want to let you know that stav is

[00:20:33] I did not pull it aside. You're like before I did not pull it aside

[00:20:37] Please like he's like damn in those sweatpants you can see stops entire dick press and he was impressed with it

[00:20:44] And what did you do you threw fucking water on that flame? Yeah, you motherfucker

[00:20:48] He saw it he saw my penis and he made a value judgment

[00:20:52] Quiet down he made a judgment that it was big

[00:20:55] There instead of letting that go and letting that spread beautifully like a like a like a bee pollinating

[00:21:02] The New York City comedy scene and the hangers on large penis that it's a nice-looking cock that looks nice

[00:21:09] I didn't say I didn't say what did you have to do? No, I didn't say it's an ugly penis

[00:21:15] Hating this

[00:21:17] Adam no it was not hating ass. It's not gonna ball Nick if you claim if you claim I do no if you claim

[00:21:24] I do you would have been like Sean. It's great. That's not what I said. So against your nature

[00:21:29] That is not what I said, you know, you would have expanded upon it and said no Sean. It's a terrible penis

[00:21:35] No, yes, you would have because you are a quintessential shit-talker

[00:21:39] And that is just part of your now look I agree with what you're saying, but that's not the kind of shit

[00:21:44] Thank you. Stop. I agree with where you're coming from. However, I don't I actually do not believe Nick would have if anything

[00:21:51] He would have told Sean had a big penis and then he would have laughed about the fact that he told him a lie to me later

[00:21:56] Mm-hmm

[00:21:57] And he would have been like I got you buddy. He would you know, I'm gonna say that you to say that someone has an origin

[00:22:04] He's not me as you support me. Okay. That's where your mind automatically

[00:22:09] Well, I will say okay. You have my solemn

[00:22:12] Promise for this I am critical right yes, I'm not fucking I'm not I'm not demeaning somebody for you know

[00:22:20] Like that's a freebie for stop absolutely that if if that a man if stop was on stage

[00:22:27] It's not was on stage a good friend of mine if stop was on stage and Sean Patton said I think stop

[00:22:32] Rose is a good person. I then I would say I don't know about that. Okay

[00:22:38] Well, that's not what we're talking about

[00:22:40] I don't care what Nick thinks about me as a person. I care what my dick the reputation of my penis amongst my

[00:22:47] Holy shit, I would say I would say he's a good comic

[00:22:51] Definitely a good comic. I don't know about good person

[00:22:53] No, I'm not saying his dick looks huge in those pants. I'm like maybe that's why he's a bad guy

[00:22:58] Yeah, there we go. Who cares why yeah all that matters

[00:23:00] This is that someone out there had in their head for the first time in maybe my entire life

[00:23:06] Mm-hmm the thought that my dick is huge and instead of letting that exist out there

[00:23:09] Yeah, and letting me know what that feels like for a second. What did you have to do?

[00:23:13] You have to stomp that out before it could be born you got to do a rat

[00:23:17] I said I don't think do you know how rare that is I said I

[00:23:21] Someone in the world to think my dick is big and one of my good friends

[00:23:26] It okay from happening. I didn't obviously didn't say oh contrary

[00:23:29] How many people in the world do you think you have that do you think think you have a big penis zero?

[00:23:34] Okay, absolutely, and if there was one okay, okay, hold on. Can I just say something?

[00:23:40] What if there was one wouldn't that feel good to you just knowing someone's out there someone you're never gonna fuck

[00:23:45] Someone who's never probably gonna see your hard penis though. It really it'll just be

[00:23:49] Comedian you like let's say it's great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah

[00:23:54] I like

[00:23:56] The way I yeah the way I admire Sean you admire Greg proof. I'm Neil hamburger. Okay. I

[00:24:03] heard that Adam

[00:24:05] As a juicy hog

[00:24:08] And then stop was like actually he doesn't it's small no

[00:24:12] O contrary all called trial

[00:24:15] Is your fucking dumbass eyebrow raise all I said is I

[00:24:20] well

[00:24:22] Just like some fucking garden district Nancy spread rumors around anti rumors about your face

[00:24:28] You're making this homophobic. Yeah. Yes Sean O contra

[00:24:32] Oh my god, I may elucidate

[00:24:42] The what I perceive to be the truth of the situation. Oh, yeah, I said our dear friend stop rose has

[00:24:49] quite the contrary

[00:24:51] style of being walk

[00:24:53] P1 E balls out of the okay out of the three of us you are by far the biggest gossip Nick second of all

[00:25:00] The matter though, I just said I don't think so that didn't even confirm that I'd seen it right still I did negative

[00:25:08] I don't want her on the operation. I'm political. Okay, thank you. Okay. Thank you. I can't tell you

[00:25:14] You're a million. I can't tell you anything, but okay fine and then the final thing and here's the final thing

[00:25:19] There's no reason to be talking about all this stuff because you made a mistake for okay moving forward see

[00:25:24] This is another another mark against your character. Let me let me finish. Let me finish go ahead. Okay

[00:25:29] Moving forward. Yeah listening to your response. Okay not nix

[00:25:33] It hasn't influenced me in the slightest for your response as my friend and that being your penis

[00:25:38] You know having forward if you finish go ahead if anyone makes a comment to me in public mm-hmm

[00:25:44] It says does stuff has have a large penis moving forward because of how I know you feel I will tell them yes

[00:25:51] Okay, okay, I made a mistake day late in the dollar motherfucking short

[00:25:55] Now

[00:25:57] Here's what's gonna happen here's what's gonna happen to he's gonna go around telling people stops making me say that he has a large

[00:26:04] Penis no, I'm not gonna do that either. He's gonna go do this is a character

[00:26:08] He's gonna do he's gonna go do you're reaching our at the Brooklyn house

[00:26:14] Brooklyn house of having a period

[00:26:16] Always little fucking his art school friends. I don't have any art school for that half the act is painting your face

[00:26:24] I don't have any art school friends. I don't trust those a guy with glitter all over his asshole

[00:26:32] How's that Bernie Sanders my god, you know what and then I was like I Bernie. I kind of like that guy's act. Yeah

[00:26:39] Well comedy sucks anyway. Yeah, anyways

[00:26:43] But then yeah

[00:26:45] Are you gonna really do that?

[00:26:47] Publicly stops making me say is a lot isn't that crazy? No, I'm not gonna fucking do that to my art school glitter asshole friends

[00:26:54] Who don't exist?

[00:26:55] But sovros publicly publicly it doesn't matter now, man. It's like I publicly I apologize to you

[00:27:01] I should have told you I should have told you know you made a big mistake. I just said yes Shawn

[00:27:07] He's got a large penis

[00:27:09] see

[00:27:10] My guess but I should have been like haha of course. Oh, yeah, just an oh, yeah

[00:27:15] Just keep it moving just don't do anything don't commit one way or the other I wasn't but don't be negative

[00:27:19] I wasn't shitting on you you were I said I don't think so

[00:27:24] I've got a free bean you had to take it away from a freebie from a man. Oh now who's being homophobic

[00:27:29] It's it's not a bafobe if a fine-ass girl said oh I see stops dick print is he packing of course

[00:27:35] I would not have been like yeah, I know

[00:27:38] I can't believe no no no that is because if anything this is so much easier to say it to a man

[00:27:44] Who your friends within a high woman no the things that matter to me in life are being a good friend being a good son

[00:27:51] And being a good husband. Yeah, those are the only three three things well

[00:27:54] Shri

[00:27:54] The mean one one for three right now and if a friend of mine says that I did something that hurt them

[00:28:01] I will correct that behavior and I did not it said I did not intend on hurting you by telling Sean Patton that

[00:28:07] I didn't think that you had a large penis

[00:28:09] We're speaking of you showed me last week and it was very funny. Yeah, man anyway look

[00:28:18] Apologies accepted, but you really and I am making a coffee right now

[00:28:22] And you did something bad and what'd you do it you spent the entire time talking about how bad of a guy

[00:28:27] I am yeah, when I did nothing that's exactly no because no you were reporting when I did no you were reporting to be

[00:28:33] You're misrepresenting yourself. No, I'm saying I was calling you out on that this again

[00:28:41] We're gonna have to do this again for a second all I'm demonstrating is fully acknowledging that I'm a bad guy

[00:28:47] Even I yes wouldn't do something exactly to that degree. That's how egregious your behavior

[00:28:57] Can you make me a coffee

[00:28:59] Well, that's not true

[00:29:07] Wow listen man, you don't have to fucking bring all this stuff up because you made a really really fucked up mistake

[00:29:13] Okay, just because you tried to show Sean pat pat in your penis in the bathroom

[00:29:18] And you wanted to look at mine more yeah, you know what I really want to go do is look at that guy stavros his penis

[00:29:24] See how stage right now

[00:29:28] Shout out to Shawn he crushed he ripped it up last night him and his new teeth. He robs pretty ass teeth

[00:29:34] He looks better Robert goolay. Look at motherfucker. It's wild every time I see him now. I'm like what are you doing car commercial?

[00:29:42] What about the serenade me

[00:29:45] Damn we should have Sean on yeah, that man's lived a wild-ass life

[00:29:48] He had he's told me some stories that he like won't eat he's like too scared to tell like on the record anywhere

[00:29:55] Cuz they involve crime and I'm like god damn dude. How's a man so gentle and beautiful like you get into such

[00:30:01] You know tough situations. Yeah

[00:30:05] Anyway, I'm still a little I'm still a little shaken up by the way. I was mistreated by my good friend

[00:30:10] Yeah, I might have coronavirus you think so yeah, my throat hurts. No, you don't have it. Yeah

[00:30:18] Don't you need do you have a fever you need a fever? I don't have a fever I had trouble swallowing earlier

[00:30:24] That's not what I heard I was eating rice and I couldn't and it got stuck in my throat

[00:30:29] And then I was trying to like throw it up or swallow and I couldn't do anything

[00:30:32] There's just a bunch of rice stuck in my throat and I had trouble breathing

[00:30:34] Hmm, then I was like trying to barf it up. I couldn't it was like it's weird

[00:30:39] I don't know what that maybe you need something that'll go down smoother than rice. What's what I tried to I tried to do

[00:30:45] I you drink a bunch of I have a bunch of tapioca

[00:30:49] Yeah, that's good, but not something sweet you want that you want exactly that

[00:30:56] Consistency but it can't be sweet because that triggers

[00:30:59] Something in your glands. Yeah, so if you want to close your eyes and open your mouth. I might have something for you

[00:31:04] Just give me a sec here

[00:31:06] Yeah, what are you doing beating off? Yeah, what can you wait until after you make me whatever you're making?

[00:31:13] You can beat off but I might I'm sitting here with my eyes closed waiting to eat my medicine

[00:31:20] Hold on you'll figure you'll realize what it's all kind of connected in a second here this better be funny

[00:31:29] This better be goddamn funny

[00:31:31] The image of you with your eyes

[00:31:37] My dick is so close to your face and I'm beating off you're like this better be a good-ass joke man

[00:31:43] This better be the funniest thing I've ever tasted

[00:31:47] Guys I'm sorry for getting upset. Oh, we don't care

[00:31:52] Men aren't affected by the we've moved on

[00:31:55] No, I'm just a ten percent of dangerous women

[00:32:02] That quote well behaved women never well behave women seldom have good

[00:32:11] Dude, I just hope Elizabeth Warren's okay, man. Yeah, dude. I hope she's done enough

[00:32:15] There and you're crying and shit. Mm-hmm. And you need something to do with those tears

[00:32:20] Yeah, I mean something a fucking wipe wipe them off your face and

[00:32:24] Just slap them right on your asshole

[00:32:30] Let me tell you the the Bernard campaign

[00:32:33] Mm-hmm has got a special we got a little dog an outreach unit. Yeah, every office campaign office has a little

[00:32:40] Doggy bitch door you can call through

[00:32:43] Ask some pussy first

[00:32:45] Going back you shit up in there and get fucked

[00:32:53] You can get it. Thank you

[00:32:57] No, it's his Amtrak cup. We just went over this last every time with you

[00:33:03] Can you please bring me the half and half as well? I'll do it myself this time. I can't even count on my friends

[00:33:09] Come on give him the half and half

[00:33:15] Yeah, we're taking this is nice. We'll do a little coffee break in the middle of the show now

[00:33:19] We just all take a look take a second drink some coffee. I love it, dude

[00:33:23] I honestly it's like this show. This is this is the most fun. I've had doing the show

[00:33:28] I think the entire time because you're through the looking glass. Yeah matters who cares

[00:33:33] It doesn't like it really doesn't it went on past when it should have and it's fine. Yeah, exactly

[00:33:39] You know there would have been a nice end at some point. We kept it going everyone's divorced

[00:33:44] Yep, no one cares no one gives a fuck no one believes in love

[00:33:48] No believes in anything. No one believes in any except having a good time except getting yeah

[00:33:53] I will never stop getting top getting top eating Chinese food now. We're worried. Oh, yeah

[00:33:59] Elizabeth Warren

[00:34:02] I really think that we took it a little easy on her

[00:34:05] You know, we've made a couple jokes as the number one socialist podcast. Yeah, that's true doing

[00:34:12] Too bad for the New York Times to name

[00:34:15] Do you see that? Yeah, they called us boards

[00:34:18] Yeah, what like rebarred?

[00:34:21] Yeah, they what are you looking at rebarred?

[00:34:25] Are you bombarded it? That's weird that they're allowed to say that

[00:34:28] Robert Bart is black retard, right? That's what it sure I believe so. Yeah, it's a

[00:34:33] We got a couple of bars over here screaming at the top of their lungs

[00:34:43] I just out and about just coming off a public bus

[00:34:48] on a field trip

[00:34:53] Damn, there's a kid that that I legit screamed just like that in my elementary school who had a huge penis

[00:34:58] And he would wear sweatpants with no underwear and pull them down to urinal all the time

[00:35:05] Elementary school and he fucking slammed the kickball

[00:35:09] He had a kickball home run that was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in my life

[00:35:13] Yeah, I had one of my gym class that when we did the presidential fitness challenge straight up to like a hundred pull up

[00:35:21] It was unbelievable

[00:35:23] Yeah, Olympic

[00:35:26] Unreal

[00:35:27] They had special ed right next to the gifted and talented the barge the barge barge named a von

[00:35:35] Yeah, dude, yeah, it feels good to be in the New York fucking times. Yeah, my next time

[00:35:41] I want to be in there forgetting. I love being eluded to yeah. I love being eluded. Yeah, it makes it better honestly

[00:35:47] That's so funny that they said that they couldn't print a name as if that's what they had to talk to it

[00:35:53] Don't let it or use paper. We don't want anyone finding out about it. There was a draft where there was a star

[00:35:58] And because they were in the world realize this shows funnier than the New York Times

[00:36:04] Yeah

[00:36:07] This goes on like nine years and somehow turns into like SNL level that would be real toast. Oh, yeah

[00:36:15] Yeah bullshit

[00:36:17] Yeah, we also work for general electric we all have like Comcast bought the show

[00:36:23] Comcast came down there like we'll give you each time as a godfather offer

[00:36:30] Yeah, we're saying whatever they want. Yeah, we're not using slurs ten million dollars

[00:36:36] I'll do literally one hour. I do not give a Joe Biden Joe Biden's good. We think now

[00:36:41] Mm-hmm. Joe Biden's not cool brain is not melting his teeth aren't falling out during speeches his eyes and bleeding

[00:36:49] That's the people always complain about selling out and it's like if you had the opportunity to ever actually sell out

[00:36:55] You didn't do it. You're the world's biggest moron. You're a pussy. You are

[00:37:00] You're an absolute what about my principles. You mean what will people think of you?

[00:37:05] That sounds like a pussy mindset. Yeah, that's a pussy

[00:37:07] That's not an alpha mindset. I'll be on my jet ski with my 10 million dollars right getting head with with from Dan Bilzerian

[00:37:14] Right. I'm gonna be sky riding the f-word over

[00:37:18] The Bernie rally how sick would it be? Look who won look who doesn't need health care anymore. I got mine

[00:37:24] I got my 10 million baby. I got my 10 million

[00:37:28] And then the plane crashes. I'm like

[00:37:30] I forgot to buy a million dollar plane

[00:37:40] Dude if I get 10 million, I'm buying a row a block of row homes in greek town and making halkies estates

[00:37:47] You should buy in greek town. You should buy the entire city. Oh, rock

[00:37:51] And then no one's allowed to live in no one but makes you and your friends from elementary school

[00:37:56] That would honestly rule you

[00:37:58] I like fake little stores like it's an amusement park some white trash version of uh, blank check

[00:38:05] Not blank check. What's the movie? I'm thinking of blank check. No, no blank check is when the kid get finds a check

[00:38:11] Yeah, and he prints it out for a million dollars

[00:38:14] And they go less than suck his dick. Yeah. Yeah, and that grown woman almost sucks his dick

[00:38:19] He hires a butler and he he gets a boxing gym

[00:38:24] About that a bustler a busler

[00:38:26] Uh, it'll quiet, sir. I'll have my tea in the living room. Uh, thank you. Geez right away. So

[00:38:36] I'll bring the tea in this

[00:38:38] So he just kind of comes throughout the day sort of coming

[00:38:43] Is it anytime he's given an order? It's anytime he's doing anything. Okay

[00:38:48] But he's having a good ad he's like he's got a nice

[00:38:50] He's not one of those guys have you seen those videos with a guy who gets like random or gas

[00:38:54] Your father. Oh my god. Mr. Wayne. He asked me to

[00:39:01] Sorry about that

[00:39:04] I just said to top up

[00:39:06] My pants who gets to become a butler?

[00:39:08] We were talking about this a little bit of live show

[00:39:11] It just rich people pick a poor guy and teach him how to read and then it's like now you have to wipe my ass

[00:39:15] Yeah, and then he becomes the maid

[00:39:18] They give him an education. The job is a literate maid. Yeah

[00:39:21] He knows he knows a little bode a layer and he knows also how to

[00:39:25] He has to constantly help a man change it into different outfits different ruffles

[00:39:29] Yeah, how many butlers do you think fuck the the main mistress of the house? Definitely Jeffrey. Oh, yes

[00:39:38] Jeffrey absolute. That's why they had to get a new on Viv. Yeah first on Viv was fucking Jeffrey. Yeah, yeah

[00:39:45] Mm-hmm. Jeffrey get your little curious George

[00:39:47] I love that dumb suit. I love that in that

[00:39:53] Fantasy of black wealth that they still have a slave

[00:39:58] Well, Jeffrey, that's what the show was about is about a fantasy of black wealth

[00:40:06] And that fantasy of black

[00:40:09] It was considered high fantasy kind of like

[00:40:12] The

[00:40:17] Will

[00:40:22] In the magical world

[00:40:26] Rather watch star wars or the fresh prince

[00:40:32] Tonight is sci-fi

[00:40:36] I meant in that depiction of black wealth not that fantasy

[00:40:39] But it's a fake show any show is a fantasy

[00:40:45] Yeah, it was the wrong word. I deserve to get rosy for it. I deserve this. I deserve it

[00:40:53] I tried said the wrong word. I say the wrong words all the time

[00:40:56] But you know what's in my heart and that's what matters and that is the love of all

[00:41:04] Especially my dick

[00:41:06] I don't know who will drive over to Costco after this, but it's been a fucking nightmare because all these Wuhan faggots

[00:41:13] Yeah, yeah, they buy it. They've been buying up everything

[00:41:15] I was saying there should be a separate line for people that don't care who just want shit. Yeah, you know

[00:41:22] You might what's that wouldn't what kind of oh j post if they're not panicked?

[00:41:26] Yeah, you should be able to buy the should cool line the cool line, right?

[00:41:30] It's like I would know this is my regular trip to cost. I just need to get my regular shit that I get

[00:41:35] I'm not stocking up or anything. It's like I used to get caught in rush hour traffic when I didn't have a job

[00:41:40] And it's like oh, that's the worst. I don't I just shouldn't apply to me. I know dude

[00:41:44] I should be able to drive on the shoulder. I'm going to game stop

[00:41:48] When I I'm playing a little day for myself where I go to quiz knows and then games. Yeah, it's not my fault

[00:41:53] I woke up at 5 30 p.m. Mm-hmm

[00:41:57] It's literally not my fault. There should be a late there should be a lane for just chilling people

[00:42:02] Mm-hmm. Yeah, dude. That was so annoying when I would get caught in rush hour going to open mics

[00:42:08] And I'm like come on man. Yeah, that's this is the opposite of having I'm going to lose money on gas

[00:42:13] I'm going to lose money for Kurt to perform and hope Kurt Schackelford puts me in his room

[00:42:18] Oh, don't get me started. Don't get me started. You remember I you know, it's funny

[00:42:22] I thought he was a lawyer for years and then one day I was having a conversation with him

[00:42:27] He told me he was a janitor

[00:42:29] He's a janitor for real. Yeah, Michael. Why are you wearing a shirt and a tie? That's true. I guess I was

[00:42:35] Legendary I just thought he was a lawyer. No, he's a fucking janitor

[00:42:39] His legendary dress code like they his his code of ethics for his shows, which was like it was like 40 pages long

[00:42:47] Yeah, the dress code. Okay

[00:42:50] The dress code was like just no black people. It was like no jerseys

[00:42:55] Do rags baggy pants. That's right

[00:43:00] You thought you were gonna get something I was gonna get a dude. Yeah, sorry damn fuck. Try it. That's right

[00:43:06] There you go. I'm gay. I'm gay. Is it still online too? Yeah, shut up

[00:43:16] That feels awesome. I don't know why you did that was trying to make the salient point about Kurt Schackelford's open mics

[00:43:22] Salient point

[00:43:25] I got something salient for you pal. What is that? It's about five and three quarters inches and you talked it down to Sean Patton yesterday

[00:43:32] I didn't I said I don't think so. I love how like it's always in that window

[00:43:37] There's like a quarter inch window. Absolutely. Absolutely with penis

[00:43:42] My dick is always somewhere between the five and three quarters and six point zero zero zero one. Yeah

[00:43:47] Yeah, there's just some those are machinist numbers

[00:43:51] This is a movie the machinist is about it's about a guy that stays up on I trying to accurately

[00:43:57] Yeah

[00:43:58] fucking point

[00:44:01] Thousand I don't know it's thousands of the inch. I don't actually know what the machinist is about

[00:44:07] It's Christian Bale. I know he gets this son of a boy for it. Yeah, he made his dick as small as it's ever been

[00:44:13] No, it gets bigger if you lose weight. Is that true? Just fucked up. Is that true? Yeah

[00:44:18] How because you lose the shit around it? No, it just looks bigger because the rest you yeah, but doesn't grow

[00:44:24] It does it effectively grows your fupa shrinks first of all, that's a pussy area

[00:44:29] Yeah, but a man has a you have a fupa. We all really have a fupa

[00:44:32] We will have like a like a

[00:44:35] Rounder area above our where our pubes are the point is sure also the acronym still works

[00:44:40] If you replace pussy with penis, but the connotation is pussy. Yeah, I don't appreciate that. Okay. I apologize for thank you

[00:44:47] I will never connote again. Thank you. Yeah, what's not as is a gun

[00:44:53] I have a gay content

[00:44:56] Couple of bards over here with their guns

[00:44:59] Well, the bards took their guns out in front of everybody

[00:45:03] Now the McDonald's just closes down really

[00:45:05] Oh

[00:45:09] Fuck what was I thought I feel like I was saying something

[00:45:13] Who cares

[00:45:16] My dick is on our mosquitoes back

[00:45:19] What do you mean? I got some bites last night. No, you got bad bugs

[00:45:22] I don't have bad bugs. You're floating it now as a just because you sat on the couch and touched everything

[00:45:30] You'll be like oh

[00:45:31] Mosquito. No, I get mosquito bites on my ankles. Yes, I don't have hair on my on my yeah, it's mosquitoes

[00:45:39] All right, I actually

[00:45:42] I don't think they're back. I've been telling you guys for days. Hey, I might have Wuhan

[00:45:46] Just let you know. We're not stopping the show. You don't have it. You could you don't have to I'm not stopping

[00:45:52] I'd love to I did not freak out about it. I just told you the facts and I let you guys react however you wanted to

[00:45:57] All right. I haven't said I have a sore throat

[00:45:59] Just to play it safe letting you know you don't have it

[00:46:02] I have a bug bite on my ankle. So I guess I should let you guys know that. Yeah, you should I have I've had

[00:46:09] Extremely itchy knots recently. Yeah

[00:46:13] No, you have an STD. No

[00:46:18] I don't my dick before my balls. You get a good doctor

[00:46:22] Doctors like you have you have an STD and you're like no. They're like, oh, okay. I'll just put that down then

[00:46:29] No

[00:46:32] No

[00:46:35] No, you can get a CD on your balls, but not your cock

[00:46:39] Yeah, yeah, both both. Yeah, my cock feels I just think it's maybe maybe you finally got an STD after all of your

[00:46:46] Congrats dude all of your your your what is it braggadocio about raw dogging?

[00:46:53] Finally you know you've bitten a dust. I don't believe I have yeah

[00:46:58] That would be fucking that would suck dick to get an STD. It would be fine

[00:47:01] It depends which would be literally fine if it was herpes. I would be pissed

[00:47:05] Herpes is one that you always have you have all of them

[00:47:09] HPV you just sir your body can like clear everyone has a Hpvi I thought

[00:47:13] No

[00:47:15] Percent of the sexual act of population has it yeah?

[00:47:18] Well, there's similar numbers for fucking herpes

[00:47:21] HSV1 it's something like fucking 65 percent. Yeah, HPV also affects

[00:47:28] Most types most strains of scd or hpv only affect women and can also cause the fellas revenge

[00:47:36] Yeah, yeah, it's sick. Finally dudes rock sex hurts them

[00:47:40] Do you throw?

[00:47:43] Uh fuck

[00:47:46] Yeah, oh, I was saying it's fucked up your dick gets smaller when you're fat if anything I should get to get fat

[00:47:52] You know, we had this whole conversation already. We really did. I just remembered it. Well, I was saying it

[00:48:00] Yeah, time is a flat circle. Matthew McConaughey style. You know what I would like is a little

[00:48:05] Whole bag of Hershey's kiss it. No

[00:48:07] I don't want that do not mail me a bag of Hershey's kiss this happened last time

[00:48:12] I casually mentioned wanting a Hershey's Hershey's kisses and somebody sent me a giant novelty one

[00:48:17] Oh, fuck and the problem is is that it's like I don't want it

[00:48:20] But it's very kind of them to do that and so I feel obligated to eat the entire thing and once then of course

[00:48:25] Send it in the freezer and then have a little bit out of time. He did do that for a while

[00:48:29] Okay. Well, that's yeah

[00:48:31] Send it anyway, and maybe somebody else will have you don't you say this shit

[00:48:35] And I had a fucking take five in the fridge. I ate the take five. Did you? Yeah? Oh, I thought I threw it out

[00:48:40] No, I ate it. Okay. Good. Yeah, then send all the candy you want

[00:48:45] I thought I was under the impression that I'd offered you candy numerous times

[00:48:48] No, I I refused it the first time and then we recorded back-to-back and

[00:48:54] A man's willpower can only be so strong to refuse it twice

[00:48:57] Bless you. Yeah, I got a bunch of flavor ice popsicles in the freezer also. No. Yeah little icy pops

[00:49:05] Yeah, would they come in the little sleeve and then this yeah the tube. Oh, I love those are beautiful

[00:49:11] On a summer day. It's summertime treats, but you can fucking have them. I'm never gonna eat them

[00:49:15] I remember going to a day camp and getting those at the end of the day

[00:49:19] It was a Hebrew school day camp. That was a YMCA day camp. Oh, so it was all old nations and creeds

[00:49:26] It was all types of gay guys

[00:49:29] YMCA camp for gay children. Yeah, I was a cop. I was a young leather daddy cop as a child

[00:49:37] That would be cute. Honestly, just a cute little squad of gay. I would love that dude

[00:49:42] I want I mean I've been on the record saying this before you want a gay son. You would be a perfect father for a gay son

[00:49:47] Yeah

[00:49:49] He'd like be arguing with my wife the whole time. I you know, just hang out with him whenever he yeah

[00:49:54] Whenever he wants to really but yeah

[00:49:58] Yeah, take him to fucking Broadway shows. Oh my god. I love Broadway shows. I got my

[00:50:05] My tax return back. Oh nice how much

[00:50:11] Let me just let me just peek

[00:50:13] Sometimes you want to suck my little dick

[00:50:20] I'm so fucking handy. Don't look

[00:50:29] How much money

[00:50:31] Adam, do you do yours yet? No

[00:50:34] Really? We have till the 15th, right?

[00:50:36] Yeah, but you have to fucking you have to send the shit to the accountant before the first of them

[00:50:39] I know did you already do it? I'm almost done with my expenses. I got I gotta send it off today. They yell at me every time

[00:50:47] Oh, yeah, you're fucked bro

[00:50:50] Jesus Christ

[00:50:53] So this is uh

[00:50:55] Time to be libertarian for you. No, it's not gonna be time to be libertarian, but I already paid so much money

[00:51:00] And then oh that was not bad

[00:51:02] Yeah, I had one that I didn't have to pay any almost anything for

[00:51:05] Because you were doing cordiliz

[00:51:07] No

[00:51:08] Because my dick because they were they liked me because the governor was like you're a cool guy

[00:51:13] The government said that

[00:51:15] That's sick

[00:51:17] There should be a government office of sucking my dick

[00:51:21] Maybe a

[00:51:22] Staffed only by a hot

[00:51:26] fucking bitches

[00:51:28] Okay

[00:51:30] Not not too shabby not too bad. Damn. I made a lot of money last year

[00:51:38] Um sometimes how much did you expense dude? I got I got I got I got wild in

[00:51:44] I spent a lot of stuff, but uh, yeah, so I mean I pay all my

[00:51:48] Estimated's up front. Mm. So it's gonna be a big hit up front. Yeah, so my estimate

[00:51:54] I owe

[00:51:56] I have an outstanding balance for last year to the city for $9,000. Oh, it's not but not bad at all

[00:52:02] To the state or to the city to the city

[00:52:04] city

[00:52:06] But there's also that's your business. Yeah, the business the business in march you pay the city in the state and then in april

[00:52:12] April you pay the state and the federal for your personal taxes. Yeah, so

[00:52:18] I guess I

[00:52:20] Yeah

[00:52:25] Today

[00:52:28] Not today the 15th, but yeah, yeah, you might as well do it today

[00:52:33] About about $30,000 for

[00:52:36] That's not bad for you. That's not bad at all. But then when that federal one comes, that's gonna be

[00:52:41] Oh, that's not that's not that's not yeah, that's not that's not until no they give you this email at the same time. Do they?

[00:52:47] Yeah, they'll send you a separate email. Um, I remember them sending the yeah, this is the one for my

[00:52:55] Company. Oh wait, here we go

[00:53:02] You get 1040

[00:53:04] Yes, I don't know. I don't see the

[00:53:07] The whatever I guess I'll figure it out, but yeah, that's not bad only I owe an extra 9,000. Yeah. Yeah

[00:53:13] I don't know anything to the federal now. Do you pay federal corporate tax or not only personal?

[00:53:19] I don't remember. I can't remember which one is which I don't remember

[00:53:22] They just gave me they sent me an email and I had like four different payments to make. Mm-hmm

[00:53:26] So I think you're right. It's city it's city state and federal. Yeah. Yeah, and then personal and and business

[00:53:33] But the personal is negated and at the like city level or something. There's one

[00:53:38] Like a wash is out. Yeah

[00:53:40] Yeah, whatever man

[00:53:42] Fuck taxes. I'm not paying shit. Yeah, the government can suck my whole asshole. Yeah

[00:53:47] So till till in additional 9,000 when I already paid probably somewhere around 96,000

[00:53:54] An estimated time. Oh fuck. Oh, that's a lot because I forgot to do most of my estimates

[00:54:00] Oh, no, I paid them all back in April. I only I only paid one. No, I paid them all up front

[00:54:05] Damn, I'm gonna do that this year. Yeah

[00:54:07] Just so I don't just so I could just do it and forget it this year. I might the reason I did it last year is because it's like the money

[00:54:14] Like the the revenue was increasing. Mm-hmm. So I was gonna owe more anyways, right?

[00:54:18] So you just check in every quarter. Yeah, I've already paid what like it's calculated to be

[00:54:22] And then you adjust it accordingly because you're gonna pay that money anyway. Yeah, I mean it's plus the fucking I think that's not that bad

[00:54:29] Yeah, the smart thing to do is have like most of your money and like some kind of interest barrier

[00:54:32] You count only pay when you have to because it's not like getting interest back on that money if you overpay the iris. That's true. That's right

[00:54:39] But I will never care

[00:54:42] I don't care. I wish I was faster. I blow all the money the better

[00:54:47] Because then I can I was thinking about this the other day. I have everything's going good

[00:54:50] But I don't enjoy any of it

[00:54:52] But eventually one day it'll all fall apart

[00:54:55] Yeah, and then I can start drinking again and just think about when things were nice

[00:54:59] And that's when I can enjoy them. That's true. That is honestly really your speed when I hit rock bottom

[00:55:05] And then it's like then I have nothing to lose by falling off the wagon

[00:55:08] No, I can just get drunk and just sit there and be like yeah

[00:55:12] Things are pretty nice. Yeah with your roommate is it?

[00:55:15] You know, yeah, not washing dishes in the living room. It's like mold. Yeah, you're like

[00:55:20] I'm gonna have my own place. Yeah, you're like how come every time I come home you are doing these voice

[00:55:30] I don't even sound like that. That would be so awesome. That is how you go out. He doesn't sound like that

[00:55:35] Eric, but yeah, I only know how to do that voice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No

[00:55:38] I like that if you when it all falls to shit you live with an african guy and a chinese guy that would be hilarious

[00:55:44] And that's that's how and then you just drink yourself to death with those guys

[00:55:47] And then your comeback is writing a sitcom about you and african guy and the chinese guy

[00:55:54] And but it turns into a pornography

[00:55:56] Into starting you and you get fucked by guys me as nigg you as nigg it would be an honor

[00:56:05] You as nigg would be an honor and a

[00:56:09] Disturring a game porno. Can you think we could get someone who's a fan of the show to be that we want you to play us in our

[00:56:16] Biopic and then we make them have sex with each other. I don't know. I think there were a couple boyfriends at the show last night

[00:56:23] That's cute made me feel good

[00:56:26] No, I don't mean I don't know that our fan. Yeah. Yeah, I mean heterosexual men. Oh head or something. Okay. Okay, or a game in that we would make fuck women

[00:56:35] That would be funny too. Well, I don't know if that would be funny

[00:56:39] I think it would if they want if we could convince them to fuck

[00:56:41] People that they don't normally fuck that would be funny because what's humor something unexpected?

[00:56:47] Well, we'd be forcing them so we would be unexpected not force

[00:56:51] I'm sorry if I use the word force to make it sound like like rape. We're raping them

[00:56:55] We'd be raping them through each other should I get into model building? No, I fuck I keep saying things that I

[00:57:02] On the show that I realize will

[00:57:05] Mean that I'm inundated with messages. That's true. Oh my god. Those are gonna be horrible

[00:57:10] No, the biggest mistake I ever made on this show ever of all the dumb shit. I've said without thinking about it

[00:57:16] Yeah, it's accidentally one time saying should I get into Gundam's

[00:57:21] The amount of messages

[00:57:25] From guys that were like absolutely you should get into making condoms

[00:57:32] Should I get into looking at women's breasts who send me the pictures online

[00:57:36] Honestly, it's the same guys you absolutely should get into looking

[00:57:46] Would you like to discuss the breast you've seen

[00:57:54] You got button fly jeans dude. Yeah, I yeah, I course you did you gotta get zipper

[00:57:59] I need something to hide my vagina

[00:58:02] Do you have a bunch of buttons I could hide my vagina

[00:58:05] I

[00:58:06] Honestly, yes, it is annoying to be wearing button. Why did you get the button fly jeans? I bought them off the internet

[00:58:12] I didn't know they were but the fly. Okay. Mm-hmm. What where are they? Where'd you buy them from?

[00:58:17] I bought them off of a website. What's the website? I'm not gonna say tell me the website

[00:58:21] I'm not gonna say we're gonna see how obvious it is that these are

[00:58:24] Play jeans is it an embarrassing website or something? No because then people are gonna like say like oh how do I'm wearing this brand?

[00:58:31] He's a faggot. You're already wearing button fly jeans. Yeah dress shoes. I bought them from gay guy jeans

[00:58:45] Gay guys

[00:58:47] Trapped me damn once again the master of traps

[00:58:51] Nick Mullen has entrapped me into say gay guy jeans that come yep

[00:58:56] That would be your favorite. We're gonna find out what you these jeans are from one way or the other they look like Levi's to me

[00:59:02] I'll tell you after the wish I knew I mean the jeans brand that exploited

[00:59:06] Third world labor so I could accuse him of wearing those and then he would have to say unique low do they maybe probably every

[00:59:13] Jean bread then that's the one you're wearing. What's the answer? I will say Levi's I will say that I was

[00:59:21] In July of last year sad and got a targeted ad on

[00:59:27] Instagram and bought these dreams and they are more expensive you bought jeans because you were sad I

[00:59:34] Just wanted to spend money on

[00:59:36] Wait, what was last July? Is that you know what was happening?

[00:59:39] I mean is that 2019 or 2018?

[00:59:43] 2019 because we're far enough away from July that I would still refer to it as July you know what I mean?

[00:59:48] I would say I would too, but you're right. It's March. Mm-hmm. July. I got you here

[00:59:58] No, I only agree what it make when I

[01:00:01] Know it's not brown housing. We have the same

[01:00:04] stupid head

[01:00:06] Cuz I know exactly what you mean information tumbles through our head and it's like the same pachinko

[01:00:12] Yes, because you're right it makes more sense to call July the one in a couple months

[01:00:16] Yeah, but in my head. I'm like oh, yeah, July. Yeah, that was July. I got them in last July was 2018 July

[01:00:23] 2019 July you know it was going on in 2019 July. I wasn't gonna bring anything up. I'm just I'm talking about time

[01:00:31] I know

[01:00:32] Superficial conversation about time I bought something from an Instagram ad the time

[01:00:38] Actually, I did get an incredibly embarrassing Instagram at the other day

[01:00:43] Acne studio shut up stuff. Yeah, that's what it is

[01:00:46] That is that a brand? Yeah, it is. Yeah, they were on sale. You see their ads all over New York

[01:00:51] I don't know why he's we're gonna look him up acne. No, they come on stop fucking embarrassing

[01:01:00] All right, we'll drop people drop the acne studios are gonna be like you fucking faggot

[01:01:04] You got quite they have their nice Swedish from the Swedish jeans

[01:01:08] They're nice jeans if they had a pressure when you go to shop men

[01:01:12] This

[01:01:15] God is a guy dressed I don't wear the other clothes

[01:01:18] I just bought a pair of jeans from them that are normal jeans. They just have a zipper

[01:01:23] They should have a zipper and I didn't know that they were button fly when I bought all right

[01:01:27] We're looking at the website here. Damn. These are expensive jeans

[01:01:31] They were half off when I got them. You know, I like a deal

[01:01:34] I know you like it. I spent a whole wow I spent a hundred and sixty dollars on these fucking jeans

[01:01:40] They're nice boot cut high-rise. It does say button closure, which I would confuse to be fair

[01:01:47] Like of course this button closure. Yeah, you close jeans with the button. That's the end of the process. Yes

[01:01:53] Are they all button? Yeah, you know, you know comb I've never owned pants from this brand before and

[01:01:59] Then I bought these jeans and they were button fly, but they're fine. The jeans are fine

[01:02:03] They've held up nicely. They're nice jeans. Thank you, Stavros. You're welcome brother

[01:02:10] But yes, they were they were twice as much money as that originally and I saw a deal and I pounced on it

[01:02:16] Hey, man, so you know what? That's the stupidest kind of deal, right?

[01:02:20] When it's something that's already exorbitantly expensive

[01:02:23] Yeah, and then it's half off and you feel like you're getting a deal

[01:02:26] But you're still spending a lot of money on something

[01:02:28] This is your look though. You should just buy all your clothes from here. Doesn't that look like Adam?

[01:02:32] I

[01:02:38] Message me or emailing me about the you who we think already

[01:02:44] I guess we talked about it before hey short and simple and the new fan have been listening for about two and three months that coconut

[01:02:50] Wagerink is actually fantastic. That's all I want to say. Thanks for the great content

[01:02:54] So folks if you've seen the kind of messages that we want ever question me again

[01:03:00] We don't I never question you I wanted to taste as live. Yeah, and we said we were gonna do it. We'll do it

[01:03:06] All right, I'm gonna have to actually get you have to go to

[01:03:09] Really dial in that ratio because it's it's I did it by

[01:03:13] By taste but I guarantee you I can get it fucking

[01:03:17] Indestinguishable the only way that it won't taste like you who is that the consistency might be a little different because you who is very watery

[01:03:24] And there's sediment in it, which is disgusting

[01:03:27] There's no sediment you there is sediment you if you don't if anything I was in a settlement enough

[01:03:34] One of these you are supposed to shake it up

[01:03:36] But you who does have some kind of gross like like like suspended fat or something. Yeah, well it's made and you know

[01:03:44] Probably some hell is just so good. Yeah, it's not chocolate milk. It's chocolate drink. Oh

[01:03:49] Chocolate drink. Yeah

[01:03:51] You who is an American brand of chocolate drink that was developed by Natali Oliveieri

[01:03:58] In New Jersey in 1920

[01:04:01] Wob

[01:04:03] I'm a make a bigger drink. I make a chocolate drink for the little boys and girls

[01:04:08] I was a

[01:04:16] Chocolate drink that all the boys come to the get this as of 2019 the drink is primarily made from water high fructose corn syrup in way

[01:04:28] Fuckin just you said coconut water. I use coconut water

[01:04:31] So which I guess the sweetness from the coconut water replaces the high fructose corn syrup. That's right. Yeah, so Nick created a healthier

[01:04:39] You who you should sell that shit in fact you shouldn't have given the formula away. We could have bottled it

[01:04:45] And we could have called it cum drink. We could have called it cum drink. We could have sold it a selling optimum nutrition

[01:04:52] Which is very expensive what's that Elvis like I'm gonna start making soaps and he bought soap and he would put like a

[01:05:01] Dab in a lab in it because when you see I made it. No, there's a clean guy

[01:05:07] Stop and I were talking about

[01:05:09] On the way to the show last night in the car. We were talking about what if we bought the burrito place when it was going

[01:05:16] Burrito place

[01:05:18] Lucha Lucha. Oh, yeah, and then we could have had and then like fans when it come to New York

[01:05:23] And it could have been like part of their like New York Odyssey to come to the that was a good

[01:05:28] But we probably just needed better management. I know we we had an opportunity to invest

[01:05:33] Yeah, but I miss it it costs like what a business costs like 80 million dollars

[01:05:38] And then they you get you earn

[01:05:40] $25 a year on it. Yeah, the food the food industry margins are really bad

[01:05:46] Mm-hmm as of early February 2019 you who's made from water high fructose corn syrup way

[01:05:53] Less than 2% of cocoa

[01:05:56] Non-fat dry milk natural and I'm gonna start making my own YouTube at home. You who?

[01:06:09] Well listen everyone

[01:06:10] You know we're gonna tune in next week for the test live taste test and come see us in Australia

[01:06:17] We have funny mom's tomorrow funny mom's tomorrow. We had a big day last night. It was a very good show coming

[01:06:25] Come tomorrow to funny mom's come this

[01:06:29] The 17th St. Patrick's day. We're gonna be at the stand actually. We're doing it's raising awareness to cure Irishness

[01:06:38] and

[01:06:39] Yeah, come see me at fucking in London and Dublin coming up the 29th

[01:06:46] In Dublin at the sugar club and 31st of the 4th at the Soho theater

[01:06:51] Funny mom's is the 16th and the 23rd and then we're off for a month

[01:06:55] So two more chances to see us this month and then we'll be back in May. What should I eat for dinner? I'm a trip to Costco. I

[01:07:02] Would say I would say get a five dollar rotisserie chicken

[01:07:06] The chicken bake damn could you pick me up dog food when you're there? No, come on bro. I

[01:07:15] Don't want to just take a trip just to buy one. I'm going just to buy cake cups

[01:07:20] You seriously do me a favor

[01:07:23] Get the fucking the get the fucking I'm only getting one thing. I guess I won't go get the dog food. I'd rather not go

[01:07:29] All right, all right, man in the purple bag. It's in the purple bag

[01:07:35] What's the purple bag?

[01:07:38] Kirkland brand Kirkland the Kirkland brand dog food in the purple bag. I'm gonna get your dog the nicer food

[01:07:44] So she hates you from now on my dog

[01:07:46] You can't you get that you have no idea the bond between me and that piece shitty food. All right

[01:07:54] So yeah, do all that shit come suck us off

[01:07:56] He's fuck me in the ass. What'd you say the 17th is is fat Tuesday? Yep?

[01:08:01] All right, the three of us will be there

[01:08:03] mm-hmm and

[01:08:05] Yeah, come come see us come see Nick on the road next week right Nick when he we're going Cincinnati

[01:08:11] Yeah, bands in town down pussy. I got some road days Nick may I'll start plugging them later in the man's in town

[01:08:18] calm slash Nick

[01:08:20] All right, thanks a lot for everyone. Thanks for listening to come town. Bye fakes and I'm sorry