[00:00:00] Alright, there we go. Yeah.

[00:00:02] Imagine sucking penis. You can do it if you're gay.

[00:00:11] Yeah, so by now you've all seen the video.

[00:00:15] Imagine I could get hard.

[00:00:19] I have an idea of contract killer.

[00:00:21] My big son.

[00:00:22] Gal Gadot.

[00:00:23] My hot ass girls.

[00:00:26] You may say that I'm actually gay.

[00:00:30] And then I don't like fucking girls.

[00:00:33] You could say I'm a fucking...

[00:00:38] You could fuck me in your ass.

[00:00:41] You fuck me in your ass.

[00:00:43] Fuck me in your ass, pal.

[00:00:45] Well, that's why it's imagine.

[00:00:46] Dude, imagine that.

[00:00:47] Imagine you could fuck me in your ass.

[00:00:51] I'm imagining a guy going into his own ass.

[00:00:55] Like bending over.

[00:00:57] Seeing you bent over with your ass cheeks spread apart inside his ass.

[00:01:02] How did that video happen?

[00:01:04] Well, it's weird to imagine that all of those people are even friends.

[00:01:08] Yeah, I mean, clearly they probably are all just...

[00:01:10] I have the same age interest.

[00:01:12] It's something like that.

[00:01:13] It's somebody, some PR person.

[00:01:15] Just an idea.

[00:01:16] That conference call.

[00:01:17] Yeah, what's up?

[00:01:19] Yeah, I got the crucial idea.

[00:01:22] The crucial idea.

[00:01:25] The most sick dope idea.

[00:01:26] The most precious idea.

[00:01:27] So what we're going to do, everybody, we each take turns with a verse,

[00:01:30] and we're going to do it selfie style.

[00:01:32] Ellen's selfie style.

[00:01:34] And in six months, everyone's going to find out it was actually an ad for fucking, you know,

[00:01:39] you know, you know, carbide.

[00:01:41] Yeah.

[00:01:42] You know what I'm saying?

[00:01:43] The Dow Chemical Company.

[00:01:45] Imagine a world with clean fracking.

[00:01:47] Right.

[00:01:48] Imagine a world with, like none of the economic things...

[00:01:51] are adjusted in any way, shape, or form.

[00:01:54] But it's just religion that's the problem.

[00:01:56] Yeah.

[00:01:57] The problem is only God and the government.

[00:02:00] But us just celebrity pigs stay exactly the fucking same.

[00:02:06] Yeah.

[00:02:07] And we placate you with a faggot song.

[00:02:09] With a gay-ass song.

[00:02:11] But we won't give you any money.

[00:02:13] Mm-hmm.

[00:02:14] Even though we're rich as fuck.

[00:02:16] You don't even have to give the money.

[00:02:18] I don't care about not giving the money,

[00:02:20] not donating anything.

[00:02:21] Just shut the fuck up.

[00:02:23] Right.

[00:02:24] Just shut up.

[00:02:25] Well, that's what I mean.

[00:02:26] Shut up.

[00:02:27] But the minute you start singing, cut a check for a food bank, Gal Gadot.

[00:02:29] Right.

[00:02:30] Like you dumb fucking...

[00:02:31] You know what the world needs is for me to have even more attention.

[00:02:36] Exactly.

[00:02:37] They just wanted it.

[00:02:38] They thought it was going to go viral.

[00:02:39] It was going to be like, wow.

[00:02:40] Thank you so much.

[00:02:41] My grandmother's probably going to die.

[00:02:43] Yeah.

[00:02:44] But it was nice to see fucking Joshua Groban.

[00:02:46] Actually, I don't know if he was in that video.

[00:02:49] I only watched the Gal Gadot part.

[00:02:51] And there was like a guy with floppy hair that I thought was...

[00:02:55] I don't actually don't know who Josh Groban is.

[00:02:57] Yeah, I don't know who Josh Groban is either.

[00:03:00] Josh Groban.

[00:03:01] I can't wait to see the actor Josh Groban.

[00:03:04] Like actually it's Josh Groban.

[00:03:06] And he's like, I flew all the way here with coronavirus across the world to meet Josh Groban.

[00:03:14] Oh my God.

[00:03:18] This man done.

[00:03:20] Gay was Corona.

[00:03:21] Prokash.

[00:03:22] You fucked us all over.

[00:03:23] Prokash.

[00:03:24] Prokash.

[00:03:25] You done did it.

[00:03:26] You did it.

[00:03:27] Prokash.

[00:03:28] Oh my God.

[00:03:30] Oh, I've done it again.

[00:03:33] I've given everyone coronavirus.

[00:03:36] Can I at least have sex with Josh Groban?

[00:03:39] Can't I please have sex with Josh Groban?

[00:03:41] No.

[00:03:42] Did you explain that he doesn't hear his no Josh Groban?

[00:03:45] He's an actor or singer or something.

[00:03:48] Oh my God.

[00:03:49] Will can I have sex with him?

[00:03:51] May I please have any sex?

[00:03:53] How about with you?

[00:03:55] May I please have any sex with anyone please?

[00:04:00] Fuck.

[00:04:03] Yeah.

[00:04:04] They got it over there.

[00:04:05] They got it over in India.

[00:04:06] Oh yeah.

[00:04:07] Real bad.

[00:04:08] Everyone's got it.

[00:04:09] Is there any country that's untouched?

[00:04:11] We've got like Iceland.

[00:04:12] Dude, Subs there in Africa is rockin'.

[00:04:14] Really?

[00:04:15] Not a single case.

[00:04:16] Salute to the fucking...

[00:04:17] It's two motherfucking hot, dude.

[00:04:18] That rules.

[00:04:19] Yeah.

[00:04:20] This is what the hotups have been waiting for.

[00:04:22] Hey, respect.

[00:04:23] Respect does nothing I love more than a reversal of fortune.

[00:04:27] Yes.

[00:04:28] You know what I'm saying?

[00:04:29] A flip.

[00:04:30] Absolutely.

[00:04:31] That's the best point.

[00:04:32] Whenever you watch a movie, dude, everybody's worried about white slavery with Obama.

[00:04:35] But if it happened, I would just be gladly being whipped, imagining the end of the sting in my head.

[00:04:41] Yeah.

[00:04:42] You know?

[00:04:43] I would be playing the entertainer theme.

[00:04:45] Yeah.

[00:04:46] Imagine my black overlords is Robert Redford and Paul Newman.

[00:04:51] Da da da da da da da da da.

[00:04:53] It's a long time, you see?

[00:04:56] Ba da ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba.

[00:04:58] Yeah, I do remember when everyone was worried about white slavery back then.

[00:05:02] Yeah, everyone was worried about me.

[00:05:04] We used paper.

[00:05:06] MPR.

[00:05:07] They couldn't stop talking about white slavery.

[00:05:12] Shit, remember 2008?

[00:05:14] We knew.

[00:05:15] We knew.

[00:05:16] Exactly the cards that were on the table, man.

[00:05:19] We know it was floating around.

[00:05:20] Good thing the Republicans fought him off on that one.

[00:05:22] I got to be honest, dude.

[00:05:24] Yeah, I made it through the house.

[00:05:25] I made it through the house when they couldn't get the votes in the Senate.

[00:05:31] Yeah.

[00:05:32] White slavery.

[00:05:33] White slavery.

[00:05:34] All it says is the law says it's legal to own white slavery.

[00:05:37] Yeah.

[00:05:38] And then how it gets rolled out, who knows?

[00:05:41] You like your slaves?

[00:05:42] You can keep them.

[00:05:44] But you can also buy white ones now.

[00:05:46] Yeah.

[00:05:47] We're going to have slaves.

[00:05:48] And they're going to be white.

[00:05:50] They're going to have white slaves.

[00:05:54] Joe Biden was ready, dude, to be the white slave.

[00:05:56] There's all these Democrats losing their minds over Trump.

[00:06:00] Everything he does, they can't stand it, especially during the virus.

[00:06:03] This is what makes the virus great.

[00:06:04] The virus is hilarious.

[00:06:05] And him calling it the China virus, and they're like, stop unsanging China virus.

[00:06:12] It's just they can't handle it.

[00:06:14] I've been all to have strokes.

[00:06:15] I don't know if this is real, but I saw someone.

[00:06:18] It looked as probably Photoshop, but then he crossed it out.

[00:06:21] Yeah.

[00:06:22] He crossed out Corona and wrote Chinese.

[00:06:23] Yeah.

[00:06:24] I love that.

[00:06:25] He's like, I've got a few edits.

[00:06:28] It mostly looks good.

[00:06:30] Obama would have done a call.

[00:06:32] Probably nothing different.

[00:06:34] And then he would have been like, well, wash your damn hands.

[00:06:36] And everyone would be like, wash your damn hands t-shirts.

[00:06:40] Yeah.

[00:06:41] We're going.

[00:06:42] I mean, he probably would have done it a little differently, but it mostly wouldn't be

[00:06:45] saying, yo, damn hand, he wouldn't be saying China virus.

[00:06:48] He wouldn't be saying China virus.

[00:06:50] We might have gotten a little testing a little earlier, but it would mostly be a bumper sticker

[00:06:55] type of thing.

[00:06:56] It would be a bumper sticker type.

[00:06:58] Yeah.

[00:06:59] I guess it's probably going to get pretty bad here in New York.

[00:07:02] Oh, yeah.

[00:07:03] But everyone has it, right?

[00:07:04] Everyone's coming to contact with it or some shit.

[00:07:07] You told me that my other a couple other friends told me that.

[00:07:11] Yeah.

[00:07:12] I mean, I don't know.

[00:07:13] You've got to talk to, but I'm not going to get fucking tested.

[00:07:15] I feel fine.

[00:07:16] Yeah.

[00:07:17] I don't I feel horrible, but it's also like I've been getting fucked up every day for

[00:07:21] seven days.

[00:07:22] That's probably it.

[00:07:23] Probably that's probably it.

[00:07:24] 31.

[00:07:25] You're just fat with yeah, shortness of breath and a headaches.

[00:07:29] More of it.

[00:07:30] That's every day.

[00:07:31] His entire life.

[00:07:32] Again, regular obese.

[00:07:34] You said Tito said he had it.

[00:07:36] Really?

[00:07:37] Yeah, I don't know if he got tested, but he had the flu or something.

[00:07:39] Damn.

[00:07:40] And there was another comic that it had.

[00:07:41] Yeah, I've seen a bunch of comics have it.

[00:07:43] Really?

[00:07:44] Not a bunch, I guess.

[00:07:45] Literally.

[00:07:46] Like confirmed.

[00:07:47] Just one.

[00:07:48] No one savage that he had it.

[00:07:49] I saw Noah.

[00:07:50] And he got he got tested.

[00:07:51] I saw Noah.

[00:07:52] Which I had completely forgot about that guy.

[00:07:54] Yeah.

[00:07:55] I was friendly with you know, it's funny.

[00:07:56] I remember he would be at the stand a bunch.

[00:07:58] He popped up and he had coronavirus and I was like, oh, yeah.

[00:08:01] You know how sometimes your people are just gone?

[00:08:03] Of course, you know.

[00:08:04] And then you see him again.

[00:08:05] You're like, oh, nice.

[00:08:06] Because he didn't want like, I probably forgot about because I got off Facebook.

[00:08:10] Right.

[00:08:11] And that was already like four years ago, maybe five years ago.

[00:08:14] Oh, yeah.

[00:08:15] Anyone that you were keeping like track of via Facebook, they're gone.

[00:08:18] Yeah.

[00:08:19] I have no memory of them.

[00:08:20] Yeah, I like no.

[00:08:21] I was friendly with it.

[00:08:22] Just good guy.

[00:08:23] And then I saw him.

[00:08:24] He had coronavirus and it was like, oh shit.

[00:08:26] Yeah.

[00:08:27] Well, hey, good to see your face again.

[00:08:29] It's like, yep.

[00:08:30] All right, stay safe out there.

[00:08:31] Yeah, stay.

[00:08:32] He's dead.

[00:08:33] We've killed him.

[00:08:34] He died from him.

[00:08:35] Anytime we hear anyone has Corona, me and Nick ride out with the fucking Uzi.

[00:08:37] Yeah.

[00:08:38] We let the chopper sing.

[00:08:39] I did almost buy a bow and arrow on Amazon last protection.

[00:08:42] Well, just in case, you know, that's the thing women are like, I need tampons and makeup

[00:08:48] tutorials.

[00:08:49] Yeah.

[00:08:50] And dudes are like, I'm buying a gun.

[00:08:52] Yeah.

[00:08:53] Oh, yeah.

[00:08:54] I'm buying a gun right now.

[00:08:55] I'm getting a couple guns.

[00:08:56] I know multiple dudes that are like, yeah, just buying not only guns, but more guns.

[00:09:00] Yeah, right.

[00:09:01] They already had guns.

[00:09:02] Yes.

[00:09:03] And now they're getting even more guns.

[00:09:04] It's like how I bought a couple extra frozen pizzas to each his own.

[00:09:08] Yeah.

[00:09:09] You probably would have been fine with what's in the cupboard.

[00:09:10] Yeah.

[00:09:11] But paranoia stocking up.

[00:09:13] Yeah.

[00:09:14] I prepared not at all.

[00:09:17] Yeah.

[00:09:18] You don't have to.

[00:09:19] You can still order takeout.

[00:09:20] Yeah.

[00:09:21] And not only that, but now I feel like a hero.

[00:09:22] Right.

[00:09:23] Because they're like, thank you so much.

[00:09:24] Businesses down.

[00:09:25] They basically suck you off when you get when you get takeout.

[00:09:27] It's like, buddy, I'm living my life the same way.

[00:09:30] The little Chinese guy on the motor, moped.

[00:09:32] Yeah.

[00:09:33] No, I get this place in my neighborhood that just opened up.

[00:09:37] They were so good.

[00:09:38] Because it's not good Chinese in Astoria.

[00:09:41] And my boys, the Chinese guy, his name is Ryan, who I'm sure is, that's his fake name.

[00:09:45] I'm sure he's got some other name.

[00:09:46] Yeah.

[00:09:47] Lion Ryan, dude.

[00:09:48] Lion Ryan.

[00:09:49] That name is real name.

[00:09:51] But his real name is Lion.

[00:09:53] Yeah.

[00:09:54] He's like, yeah, my name's Ryan.

[00:09:55] You're like, good line.

[00:09:56] That's the line, Ryan.

[00:09:58] His real name's Lion.

[00:10:01] So good.

[00:10:02] Who's on first?

[00:10:03] A little gel and like a felon.

[00:10:05] Who sucked first?

[00:10:06] Who sucked first?

[00:10:07] Who's who sucked first?

[00:10:09] Who sucked my guy?

[00:10:11] Well, who, but who, but what was sucking seconds, Kyle?

[00:10:14] Imagine making love to my ass.

[00:10:16] We just put him in there in the middle of the video.

[00:10:20] Imagine, imagine fucking my ass.

[00:10:24] Imagine making love to my ass.

[00:10:27] To my ass.

[00:10:30] Imagine making love to my ass.

[00:10:33] I'm like, Michael, no.

[00:10:35] Can you please just look at the lyrics?

[00:10:38] You should have, you were 30 years old when that song came out.

[00:10:41] You were 700 years old.

[00:10:45] Imagine, imagine, imagine.

[00:10:47] Imagine for a second fucking me in my ass.

[00:10:51] I hope Michael Douglas doesn't get it.

[00:10:55] Yeah.

[00:10:56] So the Charlie Rose episode gone forever.

[00:10:59] Brutal awful.

[00:11:00] Guys, no joke.

[00:11:02] One of the funniest episodes we've done.

[00:11:03] It was very funny.

[00:11:04] I wish I could remember what made it so funny.

[00:11:07] We had a lot of good ones, dude.

[00:11:09] Yeah.

[00:11:10] And there was like, the Charlie Rose thing stands out, but we started strong.

[00:11:12] I don't remember what.

[00:11:13] We really gave it to Adam on that one.

[00:11:15] Yeah.

[00:11:16] Well, he deserves a break, I guess.

[00:11:18] Yeah.

[00:11:19] Adam has coronavirus.

[00:11:20] Adam has, oh yeah, Adam's dead by coronavirus, by the way.

[00:11:23] That's when we didn't actually die, then we didn't get to it until like 10 minutes in.

[00:11:28] That would be the way to do it.

[00:11:31] Imagine.

[00:11:32] Imagine.

[00:11:33] Imagine.

[00:11:34] Imagine.

[00:11:35] Imagine.

[00:11:36] Imagine.

[00:11:37] Adam's dead.

[00:11:38] There's people who are like, please make him dead.

[00:11:43] I would want that.

[00:11:47] Yeah.

[00:11:48] Michael, come downstairs for dinner.

[00:11:50] Come.

[00:11:51] I'm hating Adam.

[00:11:52] I'm hating a 33 year old Jewish man.

[00:11:54] I don't know.

[00:11:55] Hating Adam right now.

[00:11:57] You saw it on my Google challenges.

[00:11:58] I saw that I was going to be a perfect Adam.

[00:12:04] Imagine sucking my penis.

[00:12:09] Imagine.

[00:12:10] Fucking my.

[00:12:12] Imagine hooking my ass.

[00:12:15] Imagine.

[00:12:20] That song sucks.

[00:12:23] Yeah, it does.

[00:12:24] It's a fucking bad song.

[00:12:26] It was bad.

[00:12:27] Whatever the original point of the song sucks, it fucking sucks.

[00:12:30] If you like that song, fuck you.

[00:12:33] Fuck yourself.

[00:12:34] Check.

[00:12:35] If you're the guy that sang the song, I hope you get murdered by a crazy person.

[00:12:39] By a deranged fan.

[00:12:40] By somebody who rocks.

[00:12:44] You broke MDC.

[00:12:46] Yeah.

[00:12:47] Mark David Chapman.

[00:12:48] Mm hmm.

[00:12:49] He took me a while to figure out what MDC was.

[00:12:52] Mark David Chaps.

[00:12:53] Yeah.

[00:12:54] A plus size king.

[00:12:55] Was he plus size king?

[00:12:56] He was fat.

[00:12:57] The only reason I know that is because Jared Leto got fat to play him in a movie.

[00:13:00] That's because Jared Leto weighs like nine pounds normally.

[00:13:02] He got normal.

[00:13:03] Nah, he looks fat.

[00:13:04] He looks fat, dude.

[00:13:05] Yeah.

[00:13:06] To play him in a movie that no one saw.

[00:13:08] Literally nobody saw it.

[00:13:09] Yeah.

[00:13:10] That's the Jared Leto movie.

[00:13:12] It is.

[00:13:13] Did he win the Oscar for pretending to be trans?

[00:13:16] For playing crayon in what's it called?

[00:13:20] The Balliers Club.

[00:13:23] Dallas, Dallas, penis.

[00:13:24] Oh, Dallas, penis club.

[00:13:29] I got what I've got for you right here is a fresh penis to suck.

[00:13:35] I had to bring him in from the list.

[00:13:37] He's like passing out working and the doctors like, listen son, I don't know how to tell

[00:13:41] you this, but your dick's too small.

[00:13:46] What?

[00:13:47] Fuck no, man.

[00:13:48] Come on.

[00:13:49] Look at me.

[00:13:50] I'm the fucking rodeo.

[00:13:51] The fuck you mean my dick is too small?

[00:13:54] That's fucking with Jennifer Garner.

[00:13:58] It's like, it's okay to have a small dick.

[00:14:00] Fuck you, bitch.

[00:14:02] Dallas, penis club.

[00:14:03] And he just has a timely riff on a movie.

[00:14:11] On a recent film.

[00:14:16] Not only timely, but insightful.

[00:14:19] Definitely.

[00:14:20] That was penis club, dude.

[00:14:27] Yes, sir.

[00:14:29] So what is the part of the movie sneaking in medicine from like Mexico?

[00:14:34] Yeah.

[00:14:35] Yeah.

[00:14:36] So he gets Mexican Cox in this movie.

[00:14:38] Yes.

[00:14:39] You know our version?

[00:14:40] Yeah.

[00:14:41] I've been going down to Mexico and stealing penises.

[00:14:45] I can't do McConaughey.

[00:14:46] He seems like it would be easy to do.

[00:14:48] I'm gay.

[00:14:49] I'm gay.

[00:14:50] I'm gay.

[00:14:51] Yeah.

[00:14:52] You know.

[00:14:53] I'm gay.

[00:14:54] I'm gay.

[00:14:55] I'm gay.

[00:14:58] That's the thing about the children I have sex with.

[00:15:01] I guess that's literally the movie.

[00:15:03] Yeah.

[00:15:04] Hold on.

[00:15:05] That's the thing about the male children I have sex with.

[00:15:08] I keep getting older.

[00:15:10] They stay the same age.

[00:15:11] That's the thing about having sex with kids.

[00:15:14] The older I get.

[00:15:17] He's painted himself into a corner.

[00:15:22] Let's see how he gets out of this one.

[00:15:24] I got nothing on that one.

[00:15:26] Tip two.

[00:15:27] By giving up.

[00:15:28] Imagine getting fucked in your hands.

[00:15:34] Fuck, dude.

[00:15:36] I'm going crazy already, bro.

[00:15:38] Yeah.

[00:15:39] This is fucking gay.

[00:15:40] Yeah, I just keep doing Mandarin Chinese on duo lingo.

[00:15:44] No, I am.

[00:15:45] And then doing chin-ups.

[00:15:46] Respect.

[00:15:47] You look good.

[00:15:48] Oh, thanks, man.

[00:15:49] Yeah, I'm going to get fucking swole of shit and quarantine.

[00:15:51] I'm not.

[00:15:52] I'm going to go fucking crazy.

[00:15:53] Yeah.

[00:15:54] I'm going to get fat as fuck.

[00:15:57] Dude, edible.

[00:15:58] Although I guess my drugs are almost over.

[00:15:59] That's the one saving grace.

[00:16:00] What do you mean your drugs are almost over?

[00:16:03] I've been taking edibles pretty much every day.

[00:16:06] And pills and stuff.

[00:16:07] What is that?

[00:16:08] How is it almost over though?

[00:16:10] I don't have any more.

[00:16:11] Oh, I almost ran out of them.

[00:16:13] And then you think, do you think for some reason this time that it doesn't mean you're

[00:16:17] just not going to buy more?

[00:16:19] It's going to be hard to get them.

[00:16:20] Will it?

[00:16:21] I think so.

[00:16:22] No, drug dealers.

[00:16:23] What are they going to do?

[00:16:24] Oh, NYC demands the drug dealers stop selling drugs during the quarantine.

[00:16:30] Oh, drug dealing businesses must see.

[00:16:33] No, but my most of my drugs at comedy clubs.

[00:16:36] I see my guy.

[00:16:38] I guess I could drive to his place, but I'm not trying to do all that.

[00:16:42] Dude, I'm literally only leaving the house for essential podcasting reasons.

[00:16:46] Yeah.

[00:16:47] And I'm staying in the house with all the other shit.

[00:16:48] I'm paranoid.

[00:16:49] I guess I went to AutoZone today.

[00:16:51] Did you get the zone?

[00:16:52] I went in.

[00:16:53] I got into the zone.

[00:16:54] I saw the guys.

[00:16:55] Where the hell were they doing?

[00:16:57] How's business at AutoZone?

[00:16:58] Oh, you know.

[00:17:00] Yeah.

[00:17:01] It's pretty bad.

[00:17:02] Yeah.

[00:17:03] Yeah, what's just going to do the whole ass economy is going to get fucked, right?

[00:17:06] I mean, it was already getting fucked naturally, right?

[00:17:09] Or was that is the dip because of coronavirus?

[00:17:11] Or is this just like bad timing?

[00:17:13] Do you have any idea?

[00:17:16] Was the economy bad?

[00:17:17] The economy really got its cock-suck from what I understand.

[00:17:20] No, it was fine.

[00:17:21] No, the stock market got its pussy stomped.

[00:17:23] No, the stock market, all the markets are doing fine.

[00:17:27] Trump was pushing to have interest rates cut for a long time, and then they did it consecutively

[00:17:33] and Trump wound up being right.

[00:17:34] What do you mean, the fucking market?

[00:17:36] Are you doing it?

[00:17:37] Trump is right about everything.

[00:17:38] Okay, all right.

[00:17:39] I'm not, I don't know enough to know when you're being obviously sarcastic.

[00:17:42] Yeah.

[00:17:43] But it seems like they got their fucking holes torn asunder.

[00:17:48] The stock market?

[00:17:49] Yeah.

[00:17:50] What are you defining as post-corona?

[00:17:51] Post-corona?

[00:17:52] I don't know.

[00:17:53] I just, as far as I know, I mean, I don't have any fucking investments anymore, but that,

[00:17:59] but from what I hear, everybody's fucking 401k got fucked up.

[00:18:02] That happened in 2008.

[00:18:04] No, bro, this just happened.

[00:18:06] When?

[00:18:07] Like, fuck it, five days, six days ago.

[00:18:09] That's not before Corona, or that's still after Corona.

[00:18:13] I mean, we had cases in the United States starting, the first case in New York was March

[00:18:18] 3rd.

[00:18:19] Okay, whatever the fuck dip happened.

[00:18:21] Mm-hmm.

[00:18:22] Do you think that happened because of the regular economy problems or because of Corona?

[00:18:26] I think it's because of Corona.

[00:18:27] I don't think you can put that on Mr. President.

[00:18:30] In fact, I'm sorry, dude.

[00:18:32] Yeah.

[00:18:33] I don't fucking bad mouth your boy.

[00:18:35] King Trump.

[00:18:36] Dude, fuck it.

[00:18:37] Now that the options are Biden and Trump, I'm going Trump.

[00:18:40] You're going Trump?

[00:18:41] Yeah.

[00:18:42] Fuck it.

[00:18:43] I really don't care.

[00:18:44] Fuck.

[00:18:45] I do not care.

[00:18:46] They really, I mean, holding those primaries was absurd, dude.

[00:18:49] Yeah.

[00:18:50] They really want to fuck with the boy.

[00:18:51] Yeah.

[00:18:52] God damn it.

[00:18:53] I love Bernie.

[00:18:54] Why?

[00:18:55] Did they have to fuck?

[00:18:56] Is that Biden cannot even talk, bro?

[00:18:58] Yeah.

[00:18:59] He hasn't been seen once.

[00:19:01] What do you mean?

[00:19:02] Yeah, I've been seen.

[00:19:03] Like he's not around.

[00:19:04] He hasn't, he's not online doing shoot.

[00:19:06] He's not.

[00:19:07] Bernie's out there saying fuck to people.

[00:19:10] He's saying fuck.

[00:19:11] He said I'm been dealing with a fuck.

[00:19:13] Well, there's no one to shove around anymore.

[00:19:15] For Biden?

[00:19:16] Yeah.

[00:19:17] He's great if he's he's an empty auto plants right now.

[00:19:19] The clear front runner, you know, everyone backs out and he's still going around pushing

[00:19:24] people around and touching them, slapping them in the vault for Donald Trump.

[00:19:28] You fucking homo.

[00:19:29] Listen, why don't you vote for Trump then you fucking career.

[00:19:32] Listen, you Nancy Faggot.

[00:19:34] You know, when I was in World War II and then it's like MSNBC being like, was Joe Biden

[00:19:42] in World War II?

[00:19:43] And they're like, that's a very good question.

[00:19:44] And you know, it's really not even worth asking.

[00:19:47] Right.

[00:19:48] But Bernie Sanders was not running anymore.

[00:19:50] Yeah.

[00:19:51] Bernie Sanders is not running anymore, but it's important to point out that he's not only

[00:19:54] Satan, but he molest children.

[00:19:58] Bernie Sanders who is not running.

[00:20:00] Yeah.

[00:20:01] He's not running World War II.

[00:20:02] Why you can't say for sure that Bernie Sanders, molest children, we brought in a body like

[00:20:07] a molestation, molestation body language expert who Joyan Reed met on Facebook.

[00:20:15] Joyan Reed was buying eugenics pills.

[00:20:18] You knew a tropics from him on Facebook.

[00:20:21] We actually met in the group Fags Get the Hell out of here, which someone hacked my

[00:20:26] Facebook and added me to it and made me an administrator.

[00:20:29] I've been an administrator since 2007 on the burn all Fags Facebook group.

[00:20:34] And I met this body language expert.

[00:20:37] Fuck.

[00:20:38] Yeah, it's going to be awesome.

[00:20:43] We don't imagine raping Gal Gadot.

[00:20:47] No, this is my to that.

[00:20:51] I'm trying to get the piano roof right.

[00:20:54] No, maybe not.

[00:20:56] I don't know.

[00:20:57] She rapes somebody.

[00:20:58] Did she?

[00:20:59] She did a me too.

[00:21:00] Yeah.

[00:21:01] She like tied someone up and used crop McGonham while her idea friend on their cock on somebody's

[00:21:04] roommate and Edel Lee.

[00:21:05] Remember that story?

[00:21:06] I actually are you being sure?

[00:21:07] Yeah.

[00:21:08] Yeah.

[00:21:09] That's awesome.

[00:21:10] No, she got in trouble for that.

[00:21:11] She did Israeli style rape in Israeli style.

[00:21:15] The doctors are calling it in Israeli style.

[00:21:19] God damn, dude.

[00:21:25] And there are no dangerous kite flying children.

[00:21:29] Imagine getting your dick cut off.

[00:21:34] I'm imagining it.

[00:21:37] I would not be cool sucking me off.

[00:21:40] Do you think do you think anyone's ever gone into surgery and they've woken up with their

[00:21:44] cock cut off?

[00:21:46] Yeah, I had a sketch I wrote where it's like, I guess in a car accident and he like wakes

[00:21:53] up in the hospital and he's got bandages all over his face.

[00:21:56] And they like, he's like, what happened?

[00:21:58] They're like, you're in a really bad accident, but don't worry.

[00:22:01] We're able to reconstruct your face and he's all nervous and they take the bandages off.

[00:22:04] And his nose looks like kind of weird, but it's like mostly fine.

[00:22:07] He's like, what happened?

[00:22:09] They're like, yeah, your nose was completely severed and we're able to reconstruct it.

[00:22:12] And he's like, that looks pretty good.

[00:22:14] They're like, yeah, we just removed your penis and use that to make your nose.

[00:22:19] And he's like, wait, what?

[00:22:21] What?

[00:22:22] And then, you know, he's like, they've cut his dick off and he's like freaking out.

[00:22:25] Yeah, of course.

[00:22:26] He's like, no, put it back.

[00:22:27] We're like, we can't.

[00:22:28] We turned it into a nose.

[00:22:29] It's a nose.

[00:22:30] It's a nose now.

[00:22:31] Now you're going to you want to smell pussy while you're inside it.

[00:22:33] Yeah.

[00:22:34] What the fuck did you think we're going to do?

[00:22:35] Let you walk around without a nose looking like the fucking Red Skull?

[00:22:38] Yeah.

[00:22:39] No, no chance.

[00:22:40] You're going to cut your dick off.

[00:22:41] God, that would be horrible.

[00:22:44] Yeah, it would be horrible.

[00:22:46] Sort of a nightmare before Christmas.

[00:22:47] I don't see it.

[00:22:48] It's just like that movie.

[00:22:50] We are cutting dicks.

[00:22:53] That's my, I'm like a guy who's never seen Nightmare before Christmas.

[00:22:56] Because I got comedians started saying Sophie's choice and then I've never seen the movie.

[00:23:00] Right, right, right.

[00:23:01] Like that's a real Sophie's choice.

[00:23:03] So is it?

[00:23:04] I know I've complained about that.

[00:23:06] Or is it a regular choice?

[00:23:08] It's just a choice.

[00:23:09] You're describing, you're describing a choice.

[00:23:12] Having to choose between two things.

[00:23:14] Yeah.

[00:23:15] Yeah, that's a real Sophie's choice.

[00:23:18] Okay.

[00:23:19] Your time's up.

[00:23:20] Go leave New York.

[00:23:21] I got a, I got a Sophie's choice for you.

[00:23:23] My dick or my balls.

[00:23:25] My dick or my balls.

[00:23:27] The choice is yours.

[00:23:28] The choice is yours.

[00:23:30] Yeah, just the guy wake up in the saw room.

[00:23:33] There's like a hole in the guy's.

[00:23:36] The guy's, the guy's taken.

[00:23:38] It's got two separate glory holes.

[00:23:40] Yeah.

[00:23:41] One person taking a smaller one underneath for his balls.

[00:23:45] Yeah.

[00:23:46] Liver die.

[00:23:47] Liver die.

[00:23:48] Yeah.

[00:23:49] My dick or my balls.

[00:23:50] Yeah.

[00:23:51] I have to do what to them.

[00:23:53] Do you suck we want, I guess your balls, like if I have to suck one.

[00:23:57] Yeah.

[00:23:58] And then it's like, it's, it's, it's like the title saw and it's, but it's stylized like

[00:24:02] um, like what?

[00:24:05] Here I'm going to try it.

[00:24:07] Yeah.

[00:24:08] It's been doodling on his iPad Pro this whole time.

[00:24:11] Probably drawing me looking gorgeous in repose.

[00:24:17] It's like the, the title's like that.

[00:24:18] That's a, that's a really good joke.

[00:24:23] It's visual.

[00:24:24] It's visual.

[00:24:25] Hey guys, aren't going to get to see it.

[00:24:26] You guys aren't going to get to see it.

[00:24:28] But it's saw and I guess I've turned it in to suck me off.

[00:24:33] By the way, I've stylized.

[00:24:34] I've done some stylizing.

[00:24:36] It's really good.

[00:24:38] Yeah.

[00:24:39] Put that on your Instagram stories, man.

[00:24:42] Uh, maybe.

[00:24:44] Let the people see.

[00:24:45] Yeah.

[00:24:46] I've been doing this for my dicks getting chopped by dicks getting chopped.

[00:24:49] Mm hmm.

[00:24:50] I wanted to do a, I had an idea.

[00:24:52] I sent to a couple of people.

[00:24:53] Remember the old NWO logo?

[00:24:55] Mm hmm.

[00:24:56] So it's, uh, shit.

[00:24:57] Uh, of course, dude, the wolf, I was a red NWO guy, of course.

[00:25:02] Um, look, were you a Hollywood Hogan type guy?

[00:25:04] No, not really.

[00:25:05] I didn't, um, actually give a shit.

[00:25:08] Wow.

[00:25:09] Fucking loser, dude.

[00:25:10] Yeah.

[00:25:11] And so too busy fucking being retarded.

[00:25:15] Yeah, being retarded, but just to do a shirt like that.

[00:25:18] That's good.

[00:25:19] Yeah.

[00:25:20] You want to describe it or shit on?

[00:25:23] Yeah.

[00:25:24] So it's the NWO logo, but then outside of the box after the NWO, there's the letters

[00:25:29] R and then D.

[00:25:30] That's a really good actually.

[00:25:33] Yeah.

[00:25:34] That's a great one.

[00:25:35] Yeah.

[00:25:36] That's going to sell big time.

[00:25:37] And people are going to be so excited when they buy it and then they're going to be like,

[00:25:41] wait, where the fuck am I wearing?

[00:25:42] Yeah, they're just getting beaten up immediately.

[00:25:44] Damn.

[00:25:45] Nightmare before Christmas.

[00:25:46] Yeah, that's a real nightmare before Christmas.

[00:25:48] Where in that show would be a real nightmare before Christmas?

[00:25:52] That'd be a real nightmare before Christmas.

[00:25:54] That's the deal with this.

[00:25:55] This is how many things we're using the word nightmare.

[00:25:56] Dude, I was at the fucking NBA dude.

[00:25:59] Dude, took me four hours real nightmare before Christmas over there.

[00:26:03] Nightmare before Christmas.

[00:26:04] Nightmare before Christmas.

[00:26:20] Call me fucking Jack Skellington because that shit was a nightmare before Christmas.

[00:26:24] Call me Jack Penis Taster.

[00:26:26] Okay.

[00:26:27] Because it was a real jingle all the way.

[00:26:32] Call me Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[00:26:33] Please call me that.

[00:26:36] Okay.

[00:26:37] I guess I will.

[00:26:39] Sorry to hear about the grocery stores, I guess.

[00:26:43] Sorry about your penis getting cut off in that machine.

[00:26:47] What's machine?

[00:26:49] I don't know.

[00:26:50] That's the story.

[00:26:51] My first version is the story the guy told.

[00:26:53] Oh, okay.

[00:26:54] Gotcha.

[00:26:55] Gotcha.

[00:26:56] Yeah.

[00:26:57] Do they, what do they do?

[00:26:58] They kidnap Santa in that movie?

[00:27:00] They kidnap Santa.

[00:27:02] They're going to fuck him.

[00:27:09] My son wants me to fuck Santa.

[00:27:11] I mean, this is, and all the things if you fuck Santa, you become him.

[00:27:17] I'm going to fuck Santa Claus.

[00:27:21] I'm going to fucking become Santa Claus.

[00:27:31] Not if I can fucking first.

[00:27:37] Yeah.

[00:27:38] That's Sinbad.

[00:27:39] Who's also trying to fucking say that movie?

[00:27:41] I believe so.

[00:27:42] Or it's maybe a different black guy and I'm outing myself as an Adam style racist.

[00:27:47] Yeah.

[00:27:48] Let me see here.

[00:27:49] Yeah.

[00:27:50] Adam does do a lot of Adam style racism.

[00:27:52] Oh, yeah.

[00:27:53] Sinbad jingle all the way.

[00:27:58] Yep.

[00:27:59] He's in it.

[00:28:00] Sinbad suck my balls away.

[00:28:03] Suck, suckle.

[00:28:05] Suck my fucking balls.

[00:28:08] Jingle on my balls.

[00:28:10] Damn.

[00:28:11] What do you think Jingle all the way is rotten tomato score is?

[00:28:15] I'm rotten tomatoes.

[00:28:18] Mm hmm.

[00:28:19] 17.

[00:28:20] 15, not bad.

[00:28:21] Yeah.

[00:28:22] Very nice.

[00:28:23] Thank you.

[00:28:24] Oh, yeah.

[00:28:25] Phil Hartman's in that too.

[00:28:26] All right, P, dude.

[00:28:27] Yeah.

[00:28:28] That's the dangerous side of getting pussy.

[00:28:29] Yeah.

[00:28:30] Sometimes a hot woman will kill you.

[00:28:32] And that's a lesson I need to be telling young guys out there.

[00:28:35] She walked into my office like a dumb bitch.

[00:28:37] Like a bitch with big titties, but who's a dumb boy?

[00:28:41] Mm hmm.

[00:28:42] Yeah.

[00:28:43] Have you ever seen his like, his like SNL audition where he's doing that character of the private

[00:28:46] eye?

[00:28:47] No.

[00:28:48] He's like, she had the kind of features that probably made the Nazis embrace that.

[00:28:51] There's some line in there about, she's just like a perfect area in broad.

[00:28:57] That's awesome.

[00:28:58] And the kind of the features that Nazis would write about in their ideology.

[00:29:02] He was so fucking good, man.

[00:29:05] Yeah.

[00:29:06] Hilarious.

[00:29:07] Uh, yeah.

[00:29:09] And he got got by his bitch with big ass titties.

[00:29:14] Does she have big titties?

[00:29:16] Being a child and watching the diamond.

[00:29:18] Innocent.

[00:29:19] In a court of law.

[00:29:22] I just remember being a child and loving Phil Hartman and watching like a, maybe it wasn't

[00:29:27] a child, maybe a teen.

[00:29:28] I remember watching like the story and being fucking pissed and sad, but then she would

[00:29:33] be on screen.

[00:29:34] I'd be like, damn, okay.

[00:29:35] What's up?

[00:29:36] You come over here murder this little penis.

[00:29:39] Yeah.

[00:29:40] You want to, you want to murder your penis?

[00:29:41] With her pussy and her mouth.

[00:29:43] Phil Hartman wife.

[00:29:45] Uh, uh, imagine fucking me.

[00:29:54] Oh, she, I guess she wasn't that high.

[00:29:56] I was just probably horny when I was watching this stuff.

[00:30:00] Imagine eating my ass.

[00:30:02] Damn.

[00:30:03] It says Phil Hartman wife and it puts, and it says married 1987 to 1998.

[00:30:10] Putting the end being when she murdered him is kind of tough.

[00:30:13] Well, I mean, that's when it's not like they got divorced.

[00:30:15] It's factual.

[00:30:17] Boom, boom, boom.

[00:30:20] Damn, I still haven't paid my taxes.

[00:30:23] I filed them, but I didn't pay.

[00:30:25] Shit, why not?

[00:30:26] Because I do it by check.

[00:30:27] What do you mean?

[00:30:29] Well, I just dropped the check off in the mail.

[00:30:31] I want to do it online.

[00:30:32] Well, why don't you just do it Monday?

[00:30:34] Because the post office is closed because of coronavirus.

[00:30:37] No, it wasn't.

[00:30:38] I mailed mine off on Monday.

[00:30:39] Yeah, well, that's what I'm going to tell them.

[00:30:41] But they know it wasn't.

[00:30:43] Yeah, well, they're about to find out the hard way.

[00:30:46] Like making you pay a fucking penalty or some sort?

[00:30:49] Yes.

[00:30:50] By charging you for tax evasion.

[00:30:53] By sending me to jail.

[00:30:56] You're about to find out the hard way.

[00:30:59] Oh, shit.

[00:31:00] Speaking of tax evasion, I watched Blade for the first time.

[00:31:03] Shit, rules, dude.

[00:31:05] Have you seen Blade?

[00:31:06] Yeah.

[00:31:07] If I were ever like sentence for something when they read the sentence, I'd be like, yes.

[00:31:13] It's all going according to plan.

[00:31:16] And then cackling?

[00:31:17] Yeah, and then the judge is like, wait a minute.

[00:31:19] Actually, give him, he's free.

[00:31:21] He goes, no, you can't go to jail.

[00:31:23] He's like, no, no, no, no, no.

[00:31:26] My evil plan, my plan to go to jail and do even more.

[00:31:30] And be gay from inside the prison.

[00:31:35] My plan to be passed around the jail.

[00:31:38] My Machiavellian plan to be a bitch.

[00:31:42] Be raped.

[00:31:43] Be raped in jail.

[00:31:45] The courtroom's empty.

[00:31:46] Herman's kind of just going home.

[00:31:48] The judge has already had his robe off.

[00:31:50] He's folding it up and putting it in a briefcase.

[00:31:52] He's putting the robe into a briefcase and he's completely naked because then he's walking

[00:31:59] out with a briefcase with parts of the robe coming out of it and his penis is on his

[00:32:04] hand.

[00:32:05] He's wearing shoes.

[00:32:06] I would use his shoes.

[00:32:07] He's going to shoot us.

[00:32:08] Okay.

[00:32:09] See you guys later.

[00:32:10] All right.

[00:32:11] See you for court tomorrow.

[00:32:12] I'll see you for court later, guys.

[00:32:14] He's just waiting to see him from the courtroom window, just sitting at the bus stop.

[00:32:18] He's got the freak out.

[00:32:20] He's beating his sister.

[00:32:22] He's eating a lollipop.

[00:32:23] And I'll be getting raped today after day and then in prison.

[00:32:30] Hey guys.

[00:32:31] You just come back to the judge.

[00:32:33] Yeah.

[00:32:34] Marty, good to see you.

[00:32:36] Hey everybody.

[00:32:37] Hey everybody.

[00:32:38] It's me, Rital Judge.

[00:32:40] It's me, Rital Judge, the movie.

[00:32:46] Coming.

[00:32:47] To theaters.

[00:32:48] Coming soon, Rital Judge.

[00:32:51] Rital Judge.

[00:32:53] One gay man's attempt to be sentenced to prison to be raped.

[00:32:57] Starring Michael Ironside as Rital Judge.

[00:33:04] He would do well as Rital Judge.

[00:33:06] Michael Ironside?

[00:33:07] Yeah.

[00:33:08] Who's that?

[00:33:09] You know him if you saw him.

[00:33:11] What's he been in?

[00:33:13] Scanners, most famously.

[00:33:15] Starship troopers.

[00:33:16] I haven't seen scanners.

[00:33:19] You haven't seen scanners?

[00:33:20] No.

[00:33:21] Buddy.

[00:33:22] Maybe what I got.

[00:33:23] Oh my god.

[00:33:24] Yeah.

[00:33:25] Maybe we'll watch scanners.

[00:33:26] I've seen this.

[00:33:27] Oh, total recall.

[00:33:28] Yeah.

[00:33:29] Yeah, he's in total recall.

[00:33:30] Oh, he fucking rocks in total recall.

[00:33:32] Yeah.

[00:33:33] I just watched that too.

[00:33:35] First time?

[00:33:36] No.

[00:33:37] I ran that the fuck back.

[00:33:38] I watched Fast 7.

[00:33:39] I watched a couple Kung Fu movies.

[00:33:41] You know what's I always confused 6 and 7 and 6 is great.

[00:33:45] 7 is kind of a stinker.

[00:33:48] 7 is good.

[00:33:49] It's just too long.

[00:33:50] Yeah.

[00:33:51] 7 is the one where Paul Walker's gone.

[00:33:52] 8's got two amazing like set pieces in it and then the rest of it is shit.

[00:33:58] Is 8 the one where Vin Diesel doesn't know who he is?

[00:34:00] The opening of 8 is amazing.

[00:34:02] No, it's the one where Ledy doesn't know.

[00:34:05] Every movie someone takes turns not knowing who they are.

[00:34:07] Yeah.

[00:34:08] Because the lady, the hot lady doesn't know who she is.

[00:34:11] Yeah.

[00:34:12] Michelle Rodriguez.

[00:34:13] Michelle got.

[00:34:14] Penis.

[00:34:15] Penis.

[00:34:16] Yeah.

[00:34:17] My name is Michelle got Penis now.

[00:34:19] I finally transitioned.

[00:34:20] It kind of works for her.

[00:34:21] Yeah.

[00:34:22] Right.

[00:34:23] Hey everybody.

[00:34:24] This is Michelle.

[00:34:25] Michelle Rodriguez is my dead name.

[00:34:27] I just wanted to come out as.

[00:34:28] She's on Ellen.

[00:34:29] She's Skyping into Ellen.

[00:34:31] She's like, my new name now as a man in the audience is cheering.

[00:34:35] Is Michelle got Penis?

[00:34:41] She loves me in real life.

[00:34:43] Um, or like buyer?

[00:34:44] Yeah, probably.

[00:34:45] I think maybe she's just into like playing Dreamcast and rollerblading.

[00:34:49] Yeah, hell yeah.

[00:34:50] You know, one of those types.

[00:34:51] That's pretty cool.

[00:34:52] Because I remember wanting to fuck her when I saw Fast and Furious the first one in the

[00:34:57] movies, but I was also scared by her.

[00:34:59] Scared by her?

[00:35:00] Why?

[00:35:01] It's the same.

[00:35:02] She's too intense.

[00:35:03] She's too intense.

[00:35:04] In a way that I was like, maybe she'll, maybe I'll be the girl.

[00:35:05] Maybe she'll be the, maybe she'll make me the girl.

[00:35:08] The woman relationship.

[00:35:12] It's funny when they flash back and you realize how young they were in that first one.

[00:35:15] Yeah.

[00:35:16] Paul Walker was 19 years old when they filmed that.

[00:35:19] Yeah.

[00:35:20] Vin Diesel was only, well, he was older.

[00:35:21] He was 57.

[00:35:22] Yeah.

[00:35:23] And then he's 78 now in the movie.

[00:35:27] But they're fucking slim.

[00:35:28] Everyone's slimmer.

[00:35:29] Yeah.

[00:35:30] Everyone's hotter.

[00:35:31] Especially Paul Walker and his wife.

[00:35:35] I feel bad for that.

[00:35:36] Who's the guy with the goatee?

[00:35:38] He's just not in the movies anymore.

[00:35:40] Oh yeah.

[00:35:41] It was a whole different guy.

[00:35:42] Yeah.

[00:35:43] I feel like two is the worst of all of them.

[00:35:46] You mean not Tokyo Drift?

[00:35:48] Not Tokyo Drift is possibly the best.

[00:35:50] Right, right.

[00:35:51] And chronologically, doesn't it happen?

[00:35:53] Yeah, later.

[00:35:54] Yeah.

[00:35:55] That was weird when I was watching.

[00:35:58] It happens right after set or right before seven or something.

[00:36:02] I don't remember what Fast and Furious is to.

[00:36:07] Is there an alert on the news?

[00:36:09] No, I'm going to select my phone, something I'm going to sign back into an iCloud or something.

[00:36:16] To look at pictures of your penis that you watch?

[00:36:19] Yeah, I'm looking at pictures of my own penis.

[00:36:23] Gay!

[00:36:25] Is it gay to check off to your own cock?

[00:36:29] Is it gay to suck off your own penis?

[00:36:35] Probably.

[00:36:36] I would imagine that.

[00:36:37] You're looking at it, but here's what I would say.

[00:36:40] It's not gay if you're looking down at it in your actual hand.

[00:36:44] But if you're jacking off and looking at a picture of it, that's gay.

[00:36:49] That's an interesting hypothetical.

[00:36:51] Thank you.

[00:36:52] I don't know if I really have an opinion on that.

[00:36:53] This is where Adam shines because he's a lot better at opening his mind up to beautiful

[00:37:01] possibilities.

[00:37:02] Right, yeah.

[00:37:04] He's wearing himself with deeds of the flesh.

[00:37:08] I'm thinking about like, do I want to watch the Patriot games later?

[00:37:13] Of course.

[00:37:14] I'm asking the tough questions in my mind.

[00:37:18] Will I...

[00:37:21] Will I...

[00:37:22] Fuck.

[00:37:23] I don't know.

[00:37:24] I know, dude.

[00:37:25] I want these quarantines.

[00:37:26] You should suck, dude.

[00:37:27] It does.

[00:37:28] And our lives are pretty good and we want to kill ourselves.

[00:37:35] We can't even imagine what you're going through over there in every town USA.

[00:37:40] Although, you know...

[00:37:41] Yeah, I drove the AutoZone today.

[00:37:44] People are just out.

[00:37:45] Yeah, they are.

[00:37:46] I've been in my apartment thinking like, damn, everyone else out there just sitting there

[00:37:49] apartments and I'm driving around.

[00:37:50] There's people buying bagels.

[00:37:51] Bro, I'll tell you who was not inside driving through this motherfucker and you kind of

[00:37:56] hinted at this.

[00:37:57] The LaHosseeds are out and about.

[00:37:59] Oh, yeah, they're not going to...

[00:38:00] Like, it's packed.

[00:38:02] Like everywhere else, people are out, but it's...

[00:38:04] They will.

[00:38:05] They will absolutely not abide by the fucking quarantine rules.

[00:38:10] Yeah.

[00:38:11] It won't happen.

[00:38:12] There won't be any enforcement of it.

[00:38:13] Although, I did see on that Citizen app that there's a movie calling the cops on them for

[00:38:18] going to synagogue.

[00:38:19] But they won't do it.

[00:38:21] And that's the other thing too, is because it's like, you know, people are like, oh, well,

[00:38:25] kids don't get it.

[00:38:26] And then I don't know.

[00:38:27] And they're dumb, like, religion minds.

[00:38:28] I mean, like, that probably means that, like, children are free to congregate or whatever.

[00:38:33] But they do get the virus.

[00:38:35] It's just mild in them.

[00:38:36] So they're just...

[00:38:37] The children are just giving it to people.

[00:38:38] They're just going to fucking transmit it.

[00:38:40] I mean, yeah.

[00:38:41] They're going to be the ones that fucking really cause a problem in Brooklyn and the

[00:38:44] list.

[00:38:45] Interesting.

[00:38:46] Yeah.

[00:38:47] Maybe it's something we need to get ahead of.

[00:38:48] Maybe get ahead of it.

[00:38:49] And, you know, I don't want to...

[00:38:50] This is also where we need Adam.

[00:38:54] Well, it's also where we don't need it.

[00:38:57] You know what I mean?

[00:38:59] You know.

[00:39:00] If only there was a country that already had a solution to these problems that's currently

[00:39:07] dealing with the coronavirus themselves.

[00:39:10] That's right.

[00:39:11] Israel.

[00:39:12] Send them all back to where they were born.

[00:39:15] Yeah.

[00:39:16] Israel.

[00:39:17] Oh, yeah.

[00:39:18] Oh, yeah.

[00:39:19] Like, you know, I guess like Italy now has more cases than China.

[00:39:23] Damn, for real.

[00:39:24] Yeah, more deaths than China.

[00:39:26] Holy shit.

[00:39:27] Yeah.

[00:39:28] That's the difference between Italians and the Chinese, dude.

[00:39:30] The Chinese are going to get in there, you know, efficient.

[00:39:33] The Italians are out there eating pasta and shit.

[00:39:36] Lady and the tramping each other up until like three days ago.

[00:39:39] Mm-hmm.

[00:39:40] Yeah.

[00:39:41] What's the count in New York?

[00:39:42] I mean, it'll probably be like...

[00:39:45] I wonder if they're going to stop announcing because for a while they were saying, oh, we're

[00:39:49] not even going to bother to track it.

[00:39:50] Yeah.

[00:39:51] Because the numbers in New York are supposed to be wild.

[00:39:53] But honestly, it's like that's probably the smartest thing to do.

[00:39:58] Not announce?

[00:40:00] Not test and not announce.

[00:40:01] I mean, no, that's the wrong answer, but it's also like, you know, if it is, we're all

[00:40:05] exposed to it.

[00:40:06] It is as contagious as they say it is.

[00:40:08] It's like you do take...

[00:40:09] Oh, yeah.

[00:40:10] They need to lock us the fuck down, bro.

[00:40:13] Yeah.

[00:40:14] Fuck.

[00:40:15] Yeah.

[00:40:16] Which, you know, I guess that's some kind of dispute between the...

[00:40:20] What, Governor and the Mayor?

[00:40:24] Because Diplasia wants to quarantine the city, but the Governor doesn't want us doing that.

[00:40:29] Because if you quarantine, if you say nobody can leave, then because everyone in the city

[00:40:34] is a fucking transplant or a lot of them, they're all just going to scatter.

[00:40:39] So consider all these people are fucking exposed and then they're just scattering.

[00:40:42] They go back to Cleveland.

[00:40:43] They go to fucking Westchester.

[00:40:45] They go elsewhere.

[00:40:46] It causes a problem elsewhere in the state.

[00:40:48] If you had like some kind of tri-state measure to lock down everything, then maybe that would

[00:40:51] make more sense, but...

[00:40:53] Nah, dude.

[00:40:54] Nah, I say shut it down, except for the Chinese spot.

[00:41:00] And every, you know.

[00:41:01] Yeah.

[00:41:02] So I can continue to get spicy chicken wings.

[00:41:04] Spicy chicken wings.

[00:41:06] Chinese delicacy.

[00:41:08] It's crazy that they're eating bad over there because it's like, can we just send Chinese

[00:41:12] food to China?

[00:41:13] Exactly.

[00:41:14] Do they...

[00:41:15] So good.

[00:41:16] This wouldn't have happened if they just had their own food.

[00:41:18] If you had general sows.

[00:41:20] Yeah.

[00:41:21] You wouldn't be eating fucking pangolin.

[00:41:22] Right.

[00:41:23] If we domesticated the wild Chinese, the feral Chinese, the way that our pet Chinese is

[00:41:29] here, have been domesticated.

[00:41:33] But there, you can move a general sows chicken.

[00:41:35] That's true.

[00:41:37] No, you're right.

[00:41:38] You're really onto something with that one, dude.

[00:41:40] Yeah.

[00:41:41] We have to domesticated Chinese instead of doing it.

[00:41:44] From the wild Chinese.

[00:41:46] The jungle Chinese out there.

[00:41:49] Picking up bats and whatever.

[00:41:51] Is that really how this shit started?

[00:41:53] Oh, there's that.

[00:41:55] Is that just the thing a racist says?

[00:41:56] Because it's hard to disagree to differentiate.

[00:41:59] No, that's probably where it came from.

[00:42:02] Is that how every...

[00:42:03] We get every disease someone fucks a rich man.

[00:42:05] Yeah, I mean, swine flu came from pigs.

[00:42:07] It's like, you know, people were like, oh sure.

[00:42:09] Came from eating pigs.

[00:42:11] Right.

[00:42:12] Right.

[00:42:13] You know, it's like, well, yeah.

[00:42:14] Cow the same thing.

[00:42:15] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:42:16] Fucking pieces of shit.

[00:42:18] What was mad cow?

[00:42:19] You go fucking crazy?

[00:42:20] Yeah.

[00:42:21] If you eat a fucking burger, your brain would do something.

[00:42:24] You're like, ah!

[00:42:25] Ah!

[00:42:26] Ah!

[00:42:27] This burger!

[00:42:28] Making me want to say the N word.

[00:42:31] Yeah.

[00:42:32] Matt, as you like eat the beef and you're like, I'm pissed.

[00:42:35] I'm fucking pissed.

[00:42:36] I'm pissed off.

[00:42:38] I'm fucking angry.

[00:42:42] I was in Greece when that shit was going on.

[00:42:43] And I was scared because I love burgers.

[00:42:47] But I wasn't eating a lot of burger.

[00:42:48] I was actually eating a lot of lamb and pork at the time.

[00:42:52] What when Matt Cow was happening?

[00:42:53] What was that?

[00:42:54] Like 94?

[00:42:55] No, it was later than that, wasn't it?

[00:42:57] 94.95.

[00:42:58] For real?

[00:43:00] For sure.

[00:43:01] It was in between like 94 and 96.

[00:43:03] I was in Greece one of those summers.

[00:43:05] Yeah.

[00:43:06] And I was pissed because the fuck...

[00:43:07] Because Greek meats are so goddamn good.

[00:43:09] A Greek steak.

[00:43:10] Yeah.

[00:43:11] Just because I don't know.

[00:43:12] Maybe they don't have as much fucking chemicals in their shit.

[00:43:17] There's much hormones.

[00:43:19] Yeah, let me see.

[00:43:21] Maybe there was another thing.

[00:43:23] Little flare up.

[00:43:24] I mean it's possible I was over there 96.

[00:43:26] Yeah.

[00:43:27] I remember it being a thing back in...

[00:43:29] Yeah.

[00:43:30] You have more than 8 and 184,000 cattle were diagnosed with the peak of new cases occurring

[00:43:34] 93.

[00:43:35] 93?

[00:43:36] 93, yeah.

[00:43:38] There must have been a little flare up or something.

[00:43:40] No, it's like in the United Kingdom from 1986 to 2015 more than 184 were diagnosed.

[00:43:46] Oh, actually, actually.

[00:43:47] Yeah.

[00:43:48] But in the early 90s, early to mid 90s is when it peaked.

[00:43:50] Because I remember that's when it was...

[00:43:52] I was in elementary school.

[00:43:53] I remember being like third grade and people were going nuts about mad cowboys.

[00:43:56] Right.

[00:43:57] Is that the reason Jack in the Box was killing people or was that just regular E. coli?

[00:44:01] That was probably E. coli.

[00:44:03] I remember as a fat child hearing everyone's dying from Jack in the Box and being like,

[00:44:07] damn, I still want to go.

[00:44:09] I didn't know what Jack in the Box was.

[00:44:10] You knew about other fast food restaurants?

[00:44:13] That's how I found out about it.

[00:44:14] I was like, wait, what the fuck?

[00:44:15] There's other fast food.

[00:44:16] You were reading like Cheeseburger magazine.

[00:44:18] Cheeseburger monthly.

[00:44:19] Under your blankets with like a flashlight.

[00:44:21] Your parents were like, stuff goes good to bed.

[00:44:24] You're like, I am sleeping, Margaret.

[00:44:27] I'm in sleep right now.

[00:44:29] I'm like, he's reading.

[00:44:32] He's learning how to sleep.

[00:44:34] He's reading about the fucking Cheeseburger again.

[00:44:37] Come on.

[00:44:38] It's like smiling at the threshold of your room thinking you're learning how to read.

[00:44:48] Yeah, I was looking at the pictures of different burgers.

[00:44:52] Why did you get him?

[00:44:53] You don't even know how to read him, I like how.

[00:44:55] Why did you get him that magazine?

[00:44:59] He cries for eight days straight.

[00:45:01] They're like, well, then he can't have the magazine.

[00:45:13] Just like the bedroom, the tented bed.

[00:45:16] The tented cover and there's a light on it.

[00:45:19] Just your pages starting.

[00:45:21] Wow.

[00:45:22] Look at it like a fucking jack in the book looking at fucking Sonic.

[00:45:25] Right.

[00:45:26] They have data tots.

[00:45:28] It's like running your fingers over the name Texas and the water burger.

[00:45:33] They're like, one day.

[00:45:34] Is this a map on your wall with pins on it?

[00:45:39] One day I'll be 31 and high as shit and eating water burger in the horrible and plain old

[00:45:46] Texas, the worst town in America probably.

[00:45:49] Got a plano was so fucking gay.

[00:45:52] What'd you go to a plano for?

[00:45:54] That was the club.

[00:45:55] I was in hyenas.

[00:45:56] I like the club.

[00:45:57] It was just the fucking suburbs, bro.

[00:46:03] It was one of the little dickest neighborhoods of all time.

[00:46:06] Yeah, Texas is funny.

[00:46:08] It really is another America.

[00:46:11] Too big.

[00:46:12] A different culture for sure.

[00:46:14] Yeah.

[00:46:15] It's the same.

[00:46:16] It's just Texas.

[00:46:17] It's almost the way it's like going to America.

[00:46:23] It's like how Australia felt like a different fucked up version of America.

[00:46:28] Yeah.

[00:46:29] It always feels like not as extreme a difference, but just a little.

[00:46:32] It's weird because people identify the Midwest or the heartland or whatever with being real

[00:46:37] Americans.

[00:46:38] But those people are aliens to me.

[00:46:40] Whereas Texas feels more like these are just these are.

[00:46:43] That's what America is, baby.

[00:46:45] Exactly.

[00:46:46] Yes.

[00:46:47] These are regular people.

[00:46:48] Wait, why do you say that about the Midwest?

[00:46:50] I don't know.

[00:46:51] They're the weird passive aggressive niceness that they talk about.

[00:46:54] They're fucking weird.

[00:46:55] Yeah.

[00:46:56] They're all snobs in a way with this false humility or whatever.

[00:47:00] Right.

[00:47:01] That's true.

[00:47:02] Whereas all of the stereotypes about Texas and people being like, oh, from Texas or

[00:47:06] whatever, that doesn't really, I don't think that's necessarily true.

[00:47:12] I don't know.

[00:47:13] I haven't spent enough time.

[00:47:14] I will say the South has the same thing about hospitality and manners.

[00:47:19] Sure.

[00:47:20] The threatening way.

[00:47:21] The South doesn't have, I mean, I guess they probably do somewhere, but like, you know,

[00:47:25] I mean, the scariest rednecks are the ones from like upstate New York or central PA.

[00:47:30] Yeah.

[00:47:31] They're not like, even the ones in Maryland do we had our fair share of Western Maryland

[00:47:35] rednecks.

[00:47:36] Brutal nightmares.

[00:47:37] One of the terrible.

[00:47:38] Real nightmare before Christmas situation.

[00:47:41] If I get stuck in fucking Westminster, do you?

[00:47:44] Cecil County.

[00:47:45] Cecil.

[00:47:46] Yes, Cecil.

[00:47:47] That's a nightmare before Christmas.

[00:47:48] Little man, because they have a girl's name as their county.

[00:47:51] What's this?

[00:47:52] It's Cecil County.

[00:47:55] Actually, that's a man's name, I think.

[00:47:57] It's just like a British man.

[00:47:58] It's a gay man.

[00:47:59] It's a gay man's name.

[00:48:00] My name is Cecil.

[00:48:01] Cecil B. Deville.

[00:48:02] Yeah, I remember I did one of those Westminster shows and some guy was drunk too, but some

[00:48:10] guy was talking to me about how Western Maryland was going to secede.

[00:48:18] Oh, cool.

[00:48:20] From the Union, from Maryland.

[00:48:22] From Maryland.

[00:48:23] From Westminster County.

[00:48:24] From have what?

[00:48:25] Yeah.

[00:48:26] As a capital, Cumberland.

[00:48:27] Yeah.

[00:48:28] A city that's entirely propped up by the economy of Pittsburgh.

[00:48:31] Yeah.

[00:48:32] Not even in its own state.

[00:48:33] Yeah.

[00:48:34] Yeah.

[00:48:35] No, no, I think it's more, I mean, they're Pittsburgh, but they're also West, what's West

[00:48:39] Virginia?

[00:48:40] Yeah, it's part of that Martinsburg Pittsburgh like.

[00:48:44] And they have that shitty fucking economic grid.

[00:48:47] They have Frostburg.

[00:48:48] Yeah.

[00:48:49] Well, they have the school and then there's like a big prison out there.

[00:48:51] But houses are like $100 for like a six bedroom.

[00:48:54] Yeah.

[00:48:55] It's like, my brother, I'm just, thank God he didn't do it.

[00:48:58] He was like, I'm going to invest in Frostburg.

[00:49:00] Dude, I've looked at property in Cumberland before because it's in Maryland and you're

[00:49:04] like, I mean, it's still Maryland.

[00:49:06] Yeah, but then you forget it's like fucking, it's passed West Virginia.

[00:49:10] Yeah.

[00:49:11] It's hours passed West Virginia.

[00:49:12] You could drive to New York in the same time from Baltimore that you could.

[00:49:16] It's just three and a half hour drive.

[00:49:17] Yeah.

[00:49:18] It's fucking insane.

[00:49:19] Is it three and a half hours?

[00:49:20] It's just three and a half, bro.

[00:49:21] To Frostburg.

[00:49:22] Where is Frostburg?

[00:49:23] It's in Cumberland.

[00:49:25] It's in Cumberland.

[00:49:26] I don't know if I've ever been to Frostburg's campus.

[00:49:29] I have.

[00:49:30] My little brother went there.

[00:49:31] Yeah.

[00:49:32] But I've been to Cumberland.

[00:49:33] It's a very pretty city.

[00:49:35] It's nice.

[00:49:36] Yeah.

[00:49:37] It's cute.

[00:49:38] Yeah.

[00:49:39] And it's like, you know, quaint.

[00:49:40] It is.

[00:49:41] It's one of those places where it's like, you know, like, and there's a lot of small towns

[00:49:45] like that where you drive through them and you're like, wow, this is really nice.

[00:49:48] And then if you stop for more than 30 seconds, you're like, never mind.

[00:49:51] No, this.

[00:49:52] Yeah, exactly.

[00:49:53] Right.

[00:49:54] There's one antique shop and then it's all just like, you know, methadone clinic.

[00:49:57] Yeah.

[00:49:58] And oh, I'm sorry.

[00:49:59] It's two and a half hours.

[00:50:00] Yeah.

[00:50:01] I was going to say.

[00:50:02] There's still a noise.

[00:50:03] It's way too far.

[00:50:04] Two and a half is still brutal.

[00:50:05] That's true.

[00:50:06] Yeah.

[00:50:07] From Baltimore.

[00:50:08] In Maryland.

[00:50:09] Yeah.

[00:50:10] But just the some of those what they got like a handful of like churches or something on

[00:50:14] the skyline.

[00:50:15] They're nice.

[00:50:16] I don't know.

[00:50:17] Yeah, the skyline is not bad.

[00:50:18] It's very pretty in the fall.

[00:50:19] I always used to like driving through Cumberland when you're headed west.

[00:50:24] Mm hmm.

[00:50:25] No, dude, the Cumberland is not the move for property, bro.

[00:50:28] Oh, of course not.

[00:50:29] It's a horrible investment.

[00:50:30] I'm going to look out pictures of Cumberland now.

[00:50:35] Yeah.

[00:50:36] I'm just going to sit here and look at pictures of Cumberland, Maryland.

[00:50:39] Mm hmm.

[00:50:40] Well, they had one place that had good fried chicken.

[00:50:42] I remember that.

[00:50:43] Mm hmm.

[00:50:44] Yeah.

[00:50:45] I mean, look, in the fall, the colors, you got the mountains in the back.

[00:50:47] Yeah.

[00:50:48] You got the river.

[00:50:50] The suck a dick off river.

[00:50:51] The suck a dick off river, dude.

[00:50:52] From the suck a dick off Indians.

[00:50:54] I am gay now.

[00:50:57] I am gay now.

[00:50:58] I am gay now.

[00:50:59] And we will put the peace pipe in my mouth.

[00:51:01] And then as the chief of every feather I have on my head represents a man I've sucked

[00:51:09] off.

[00:51:10] And another tribe to keep peace here on the banks of the suck a dick off river on the

[00:51:17] mountain.

[00:51:18] It's just like painting like hieroglyphs on a piece of paper, the mountain, the balls,

[00:51:26] the river, the mouth.

[00:51:30] You see this, son?

[00:51:32] The penis brings the river from the balls into the mouth.

[00:51:38] Whatever's going on.

[00:51:46] Yeah.

[00:51:47] Whatever that.

[00:51:48] I like that there's no, it's not like a wolf symbolizes the penis.

[00:51:52] There's no, the river I guess is the only metaphor.

[00:51:56] It's just penis balls in the river into the mouth.

[00:52:01] He couldn't say come.

[00:52:03] You sound you always have to try at least a little bit.

[00:52:09] You have to do a little bit has to be kind of fake.

[00:52:13] And that way it makes it special.

[00:52:16] You got to make everything you have to make it feel special.

[00:52:20] You got to make things special.

[00:52:22] Fuck dude.

[00:52:25] Ah, the one silver lining here is I got a roasted pork shoulder waiting for me at home.

[00:52:32] Yeah I keep buying food and then eating all of it immediately.

[00:52:36] That's my problem.

[00:52:37] There's no way for me to stock up.

[00:52:39] Exactly.

[00:52:40] I'm more of kind of a proud of the Badlands scavenger kind of guy that prepares in no

[00:52:44] way.

[00:52:45] Yes.

[00:52:46] Other than just having rope.

[00:52:47] Eat the carcass.

[00:52:48] Yeah.

[00:52:49] I'm prepared to just run over a grandma with my car and steal her groceries.

[00:52:53] That's smart.

[00:52:54] That's just going to die anyway.

[00:52:55] She's going to die anyways.

[00:52:56] But people are like what if we have to fight for and they are imagining a situation where

[00:53:00] it's them versus.

[00:53:01] No, I'm going for the most vulnerable people.

[00:53:03] Of course.

[00:53:04] And I'm running them over with my car.

[00:53:05] You start with the low hanging fruit.

[00:53:07] You start the lying fruit for you hoard resources.

[00:53:10] You think figure out what people need most.

[00:53:12] Yes.

[00:53:13] And then you lure them in and kill them.

[00:53:14] They can't make economics.

[00:53:15] You kill them and then you wear their skin.

[00:53:17] Yes.

[00:53:18] Yeah.

[00:53:19] You suck the corpses cock.

[00:53:20] You got to suck the sun.

[00:53:21] The river.

[00:53:22] And many generations ago a man came to the tent and he asked me to suck his penis.

[00:53:42] And I said yes.

[00:53:44] And from that day we've opened a game and then we were all gay.

[00:53:51] And she had a string here now and also that it worked out and she's going big.

[00:53:57] And then I figured she was him in the middle there.

[00:54:02] And she mentioned.

[00:54:03] I was like it now.

[00:54:04] She said over here and over here were you all are in the building.

[00:54:11] One is the My

[00:54:19] ocker.

[00:54:20] Last week, that's gonna work this time.

[00:54:21] I'll give you head.

[00:54:23] My people have an expression.

[00:54:25] Fuck you.

[00:54:26] Bitch.

[00:54:29] All right, Mike, well, your Puerto Rican pal.

[00:54:31] Yeah, well, some of us have a different definition

[00:54:34] of what native means.

[00:54:36] So Puerto Rican man wearing beads in his hair.

[00:54:39] Yeah, well, I voted for Elizabeth.

[00:54:41] Yeah.

[00:54:44] You're wearing a Yankees fitted with a baseball jacket.

[00:54:47] You got an Avorex jacket on, Mike.

[00:54:50] I know you're not a Native American.

[00:54:51] Hey, yeah, I'll give you head for $20.

[00:54:55] If you let me stay, I'll suck your dick.

[00:55:06] Well, now we're talking, Mikey.

[00:55:11] Oh, fuck.

[00:55:13] Yeah, I think I'm going to make this up.

[00:55:14] I'm going to this guy replying to Elizabeth Warren.

[00:55:17] Serious question, can real Donald Trump

[00:55:19] be prosecuted for negligent homicide if, in fact,

[00:55:22] he delayed coronavirus testing because he wanted his family

[00:55:26] to profit from it?

[00:55:28] I'm so fucked up.

[00:55:29] That's what's going to happen.

[00:55:30] We're going to get the president for homicide.

[00:55:33] Thanks for asking Elizabeth Warren, by the way.

[00:55:35] Wow, great question, dude.

[00:55:37] You fucking loser.

[00:55:38] Dude, these resistance people are so far.

[00:55:40] Such pieces of shit.

[00:55:41] We're in a pussy.

[00:55:43] Truly.

[00:55:43] Yeah.

[00:55:44] Wow, I wish we had a guy like Obama in office

[00:55:46] who ordered the extra judicial murder of a 16-year-old

[00:55:49] American boy to drone.

[00:55:52] American's overseas.

[00:55:53] But he was a badass lawyer who knew the law

[00:55:56] and knew how to change it, to do whatever he wanted.

[00:55:59] Then prepare it for a fucking senile old retard

[00:56:03] to do even the same shit but worse.

[00:56:05] But it's worse now because you're finally paying attention.

[00:56:10] Look, he's up in the ante.

[00:56:13] Because Elizabeth Warren's screencapped Donald Trump's tweet

[00:56:16] where he said the China virus and she blurred Chinese.

[00:56:19] The word Chinese.

[00:56:20] Incredible.

[00:56:22] Blurred it.

[00:56:23] Yeah.

[00:56:24] Say he shouldn't say it fine.

[00:56:25] Right.

[00:56:26] But blur it's not a fucking slur.

[00:56:28] Also, now what's going to happen is everybody's going to read this

[00:56:31] and they go, I only signed the Defense Production Act

[00:56:33] to combat the, what is that word?

[00:56:37] What?

[00:56:38] What?

[00:56:39] They're going to squint.

[00:56:41] Because it's blurred.

[00:56:42] And they'll be like, I can't read the tweet.

[00:56:44] What?

[00:56:44] What?

[00:56:45] I'm saying, they're voices going to be affected.

[00:56:47] That's what it does when I'm squinting.

[00:56:50] What?

[00:56:51] What did she say?

[00:56:53] Vyra's what Chinese virus?

[00:56:56] I don't think I'm going to say I don't think that's going to happen.

[00:56:59] And then she says, President Trump, are your eyes stitch shut?

[00:57:02] Hospitals need kids ventilators and other.

[00:57:06] What's wrong is sleigh and eye dope.

[00:57:10] President Trump, and from open your eyes.

[00:57:13] Open your eye.

[00:57:14] You know, hold them open nice and wide.

[00:57:16] In our TP we have a saying.

[00:57:21] Whoever smelt it, whatever the fuck.

[00:57:24] That's it?

[00:57:25] No, I'm trying to, I was trying to, I thought stink.

[00:57:28] In my mind, the word stink was in the whoever smelt it, dealt it.

[00:57:31] And I was going to get them with chink.

[00:57:34] Oh, I see, I see.

[00:57:36] Once again, my aging mind fails me.

[00:57:39] That's okay, man.

[00:57:40] Yeah, I'm retired.

[00:57:41] Yeah.

[00:57:42] You know, I'm retired.

[00:57:43] I'm retired.

[00:57:44] Podcast or emeritus.

[00:57:45] I'm retired.

[00:57:46] I smoke my pipe now.

[00:57:47] You know, I see some of the younger guys out here and I'm like, you got good instincts.

[00:57:51] Yeah.

[00:57:52] But you need to, you need to stop hanging out with those street friends of yours because

[00:57:55] they're going to drag you straight down into the fucking car.

[00:57:59] You want to get out of here?

[00:58:00] Listen, kid.

[00:58:01] You're like, all right, Mr. Mullen, please stop coming in and stop hanging with my black

[00:58:04] friends.

[00:58:05] It doesn't matter which euphemism you do.

[00:58:10] We know what you're getting.

[00:58:12] You're a roadscob.

[00:58:13] And you're telling me to drop out of school.

[00:58:17] The only way out of the hood.

[00:58:19] Like I look in Greenwich.

[00:58:21] I'm a black millionaire from Gregor.

[00:58:27] Listen, brother, man.

[00:58:28] Listen, if you want to get some little boy, pick up out the hood.

[00:58:31] You want to get if you, if you're trying to not be a sucker, you got to try to be a sucker

[00:58:36] at the system, then what just mentoring black millionaire children is that like a fucking

[00:58:44] pharmaceutical CEO.

[00:58:45] Yeah.

[00:58:46] Yeah.

[00:58:47] Just a bad piece of shit.

[00:58:48] Right.

[00:58:49] You're like, I just can't see you go down that path.

[00:58:53] Yeah.

[00:58:54] I just don't want you shot.

[00:58:55] Mm hmm.

[00:58:56] We're doing cocaine.

[00:58:57] You're doing crack.

[00:58:58] Right.

[00:58:59] Like your father.

[00:59:00] I'm like, I'm going to show you something and then I'm just driving through a middle class

[00:59:02] black neighborhood.

[00:59:03] Right.

[00:59:04] You want to live, you want to end up like that?

[00:59:06] Yeah.

[00:59:07] It looks kind of nice.

[00:59:08] This is a woman taking money out of an ATM, a TD bank.

[00:59:13] She's probably going to use that.

[00:59:14] She's getting into a Chevy car.

[00:59:17] Yeah.

[00:59:18] She's going to use that.

[00:59:21] Yeah.

[00:59:22] I'm the playing fucking inner city blues.

[00:59:23] You see that?

[00:59:24] She's getting that blasting inner city blues.

[00:59:26] I'm driving around.

[00:59:28] Just a woman walking out of a Panera bread.

[00:59:31] No.

[00:59:33] Watch out for that welfare queen.

[00:59:34] This ain't living.

[00:59:35] Right, Martin.

[00:59:38] It's not living.

[00:59:39] Oh fuck.

[00:59:40] Damn.

[00:59:41] I can't wait to eat that poor shoulder.

[00:59:46] Yeah.

[00:59:47] I've been cooking that bitch since fucking 1 a.m. last night.

[00:59:49] Yeah.

[00:59:50] What do you do?

[00:59:51] Just put it up and on low.

[00:59:54] No.

[00:59:55] Imagine killing yourself.

[00:59:57] Imagine sucking.

[00:59:58] You really did deserve to get murdered.

[01:00:01] Who did?

[01:00:02] John Leonard.

[01:00:03] For saying the N word, woman is the N word.

[01:00:06] You think you should be canceled for that?

[01:00:09] Saying the Beatles were bigger than Jesus.

[01:00:11] Yeah, you're mad about it.

[01:00:12] You've brought that up before.

[01:00:13] Yeah, I mean I do think he deserves to be murdered for that.

[01:00:16] No, it's like, okay, you want to be bigger than Jesus?

[01:00:19] Prove it.

[01:00:20] Yeah.

[01:00:21] Time to be a Jesus.

[01:00:22] He came back after they got his ass.

[01:00:23] Yep.

[01:00:24] Time to be murdered.

[01:00:25] It looks like you're littler than Jesus.

[01:00:26] That's what you do.

[01:00:27] You fucking glass is wearing British piece of shit.

[01:00:29] You fucking four-eyed bird.

[01:00:31] Four-eyed British.

[01:00:32] Yeah.

[01:00:33] Coxlegger with your circular glasses.

[01:00:35] Yeah.

[01:00:36] I would love to beat up John Leonard.

[01:00:38] If I had a time machine, he probably raped, right?

[01:00:41] Yeah.

[01:00:42] I'm going to introduce his startup where you could beat up John Leonard.

[01:00:44] I guess he beat his wife.

[01:00:46] The first one are Yoko.

[01:00:47] I have no idea.

[01:00:48] I just saw people responding to that gal gudov video.

[01:00:50] They're like, wow, cool.

[01:00:51] A song from a wife beater.

[01:00:52] It's like, yeah, that's the problem with this video.

[01:00:56] Is that John Leonard beat his wife?

[01:00:59] That's what makes this cringe-worthy and fucking embarrassing.

[01:01:02] Oh, fuck.

[01:01:03] Yeah.

[01:01:04] It's going to be crazy when the whole world is destroyed by this virus, if that does

[01:01:10] happen.

[01:01:11] Yeah.

[01:01:12] And then our legacy leading up to it is just all this.

[01:01:16] We need more women in charge of executing retards.

[01:01:23] No, I'm not even.

[01:01:25] See, I'm too tired.

[01:01:26] I can't.

[01:01:27] I would have been, I would have been riffs-enctual on that one.

[01:01:30] Dude, it's okay, man.

[01:01:31] In a different time, you know?

[01:01:33] In another life, I would suck your dick.

[01:01:38] I would suck you up.

[01:01:40] I don't remember the rest of the song.

[01:01:43] Yeah.

[01:01:44] The one who fucked my ass.

[01:01:48] Katy Perry.

[01:01:49] Calling it Chinese doesn't stop COVID from decimating the world.

[01:01:53] Well, yeah, neither does not calling it Chinese.

[01:01:55] Yeah.

[01:01:56] What to say is being racist.

[01:01:58] It's not helping the fucking whatever, man.

[01:02:02] Fuck, fuck Trump.

[01:02:04] Fuck that bitch.

[01:02:05] Where are the tests?

[01:02:06] Where are the tests?

[01:02:08] Sure.

[01:02:09] It means those lines.

[01:02:10] I could suck you off.

[01:02:13] I'm trying to get fucked inside my ass.

[01:02:17] Somebody responding to Senator Warren with Madam President.

[01:02:22] Ugh.

[01:02:23] I mean, it's like she lost.

[01:02:25] What do you mean?

[01:02:26] Yeah, she got cream.

[01:02:28] This isn't even like a fucking Hillary thing where she won the popular vote.

[01:02:32] She wasn't the fucking nominee.

[01:02:36] She lost her home state.

[01:02:38] She was third.

[01:02:39] Yeah.

[01:02:41] To two white men, by the way.

[01:02:43] Yeah.

[01:02:44] That's the thing.

[01:02:45] No minority people fuck with her.

[01:02:48] Yeah.

[01:02:49] Senator Warren.

[01:02:50] Are you the high-residents?

[01:02:52] Yeah.

[01:02:53] Adam President.

[01:02:54] Adam President.

[01:02:55] What do you guys think we should do?

[01:02:58] That's Adam President.

[01:03:00] I don't know.

[01:03:02] This is fucked up.

[01:03:04] Guys, I just want to say for voting for me, I really love you.

[01:03:10] All right.

[01:03:11] Cool.

[01:03:12] All right.

[01:03:13] See you later, man.

[01:03:14] No, I mean it.

[01:03:15] I'll take off.

[01:03:16] Yeah.

[01:03:17] I love you so much for being a friend.

[01:03:18] All right.

[01:03:19] Later, man.

[01:03:20] All right.

[01:03:21] Well, you know, we're going to just chill.

[01:03:22] All right.

[01:03:23] So, see you.

[01:03:24] I'm actually...

[01:03:25] I have...

[01:03:26] I got a thing I got to go to.

[01:03:27] Yeah.

[01:03:28] I just got to watch.

[01:03:29] I just leave my own apartment.

[01:03:30] I actually...

[01:03:31] I have to go stand in the other room.

[01:03:34] Yeah, I got it.

[01:03:35] Dude, there's so much other shit happening right now.

[01:03:38] I got a really busy afternoon.

[01:03:40] Yeah.

[01:03:43] Just fucking looking at the menu for Luigi's Mansion.

[01:03:47] Yeah.

[01:03:50] Slowly nodding off and jacking off twice while the music for Luigi's Mansion.

[01:03:54] He plays the whole time.

[01:03:56] Yeah.

[01:03:57] A friend of mine was saying that he thinks the CIA made the virus nice.

[01:04:00] And it's like that would be...

[01:04:01] What?

[01:04:02] I don't know.

[01:04:03] I have no idea.

[01:04:04] That's awesome.

[01:04:05] It would be funny if the CIA was like, let's just kill everybody.

[01:04:07] Yeah.

[01:04:08] If they wanted to, wouldn't they just make it more lethal?

[01:04:11] What?

[01:04:12] The CIA?

[01:04:13] Mm-hmm.

[01:04:14] I don't know.

[01:04:15] I mean, I don't know if the CIA didn't do this.

[01:04:17] Of course not.

[01:04:18] It's just...

[01:04:19] I mean, like this is historically just a thing that's happened.

[01:04:21] Yeah.

[01:04:22] What the motivation is, other than the like, feel like there is ultimately some kind of

[01:04:27] human control over everything.

[01:04:28] Right.

[01:04:29] And we can't just be like wiped out by a bug.

[01:04:30] Right.

[01:04:31] By some guy trying to have some fucking raccoon stew.

[01:04:35] Yeah.

[01:04:36] Look at the...

[01:04:38] How shitty this meme is.

[01:04:40] I bought an old Jeep and named it Elizabeth Warren because it's all white but says it's

[01:04:45] a Cherokee.

[01:04:46] Brutal?

[01:04:47] Yeah.

[01:04:48] Just...

[01:04:49] Jeeps don't say they're anything.

[01:04:50] Yeah.

[01:04:51] It's a Jeep.

[01:04:52] That is what it is actually.

[01:04:53] Yeah.

[01:04:54] The Jeep actually is a Cherokee.

[01:04:55] Yeah.

[01:04:56] As much as it's a Jeep, it's also a Cherokee.

[01:04:58] It's a Jeep Cherokee.

[01:04:59] You fucking idiot.

[01:05:01] Yeah, right.

[01:05:02] Well, it says it's a Cherokee and it's like it literally is.

[01:05:05] Yeah, it is.

[01:05:06] That's what it's called.

[01:05:07] And also, you can change the color of a fucking truck, no problem.

[01:05:11] Mm-hmm.

[01:05:13] Let's fuck that guy up.

[01:05:14] Whoever did the Chinese virus.

[01:05:17] The fucking Chinese virus, dude.

[01:05:20] I'm going to start calling every STD the Chinese virus.

[01:05:24] And then you can just be like, well, I have the Chinese virus.

[01:05:29] And then somebody gets HIV from you and you're like...

[01:05:32] China is asshole.

[01:05:34] It was the...

[01:05:35] China is asshole.

[01:05:36] Yeah, we see that video.

[01:05:39] China is asshole.

[01:05:40] No, who is that?

[01:05:41] He said, Donald Trump, don't trust China.

[01:05:45] China is asshole.

[01:05:46] Who said that?

[01:05:47] It's the guy.

[01:05:48] Hong Kong protest.

[01:05:49] That's really good.

[01:05:53] I would love to have a video of just some liberal white woman to rural China to apologize

[01:05:59] to a Chinese peasant for Donald Trump saying the Chinese virus.

[01:06:02] Oh, yeah.

[01:06:03] And she's like, I am so sorry for what that pig non-leader said.

[01:06:10] And he's like, boy, where, where, where, where, where, where.

[01:06:15] And he's just like shitting into a pot while she's talking to him.

[01:06:20] He's just like spitting in her face and she's crying.

[01:06:23] And he doesn't know why.

[01:06:25] Because he thinks that's hello.

[01:06:30] Yeah.

[01:06:31] Yeah.

[01:06:32] Boy, what are you doing?

[01:06:34] Boy, all you got, what are you doing?

[01:06:36] Just trying to sell her or whatever the fuck you just like.

[01:06:39] Yeah.

[01:06:40] He's got bracelets he's trying to sell.

[01:06:41] He's got bootlegs.

[01:06:42] Nice.

[01:06:43] My skulls.

[01:06:44] He's trying to sell her his circulation.

[01:06:45] Yeah.

[01:06:46] Right.

[01:06:47] He's just blowing dust in her face.

[01:06:48] Well, we know where, we know where, we know where we go.

[01:06:49] Well, you know what we know where we go.

[01:06:50] Well, you know what we know.

[01:06:52] We know where we go.

[01:06:54] We know where.

[01:06:56] We know where we go.

[01:06:58] We know where we go.

[01:07:00] We know where we go.

[01:07:03] And you're right.

[01:07:04] It's wrong of me to expect you to accept my apology because I'm guilty for being complicit

[01:07:11] in a system that allowed a white man of rape to reach such office to do racism towards

[01:07:18] someone like you.

[01:07:20] Such a beautiful, sweet, innocent man like you.

[01:07:23] Who are you?

[01:07:24] He's just wearing.

[01:07:27] He's already wearing her pussy as a shoe.

[01:07:29] She doesn't realize it.

[01:07:30] He's just trying it on.

[01:07:32] He's putting a little heel to shoe heel.

[01:07:40] He's using that to get his foot all the way in her pussy.

[01:07:43] Then D

[01:07:41] D

[01:07:45] I'm sorry but he thinks you are a shoe.

[01:07:49] He thinks you are a shoe to wear.

[01:07:54] And I will and for that and as such I will be that.

[01:07:57] And I will be that shoe for you to do honor and service to Elizabeth, to Queen Elizabeth.

[01:08:04] And she didn't, it's so funny how much people are like, how much they just love that fuck.

[01:08:12] Like who gives a fuck about Elizabeth Warren?

[01:08:15] Why do they love her this much?

[01:08:16] They just jumped from Hillary to her.

[01:08:18] Yeah.

[01:08:19] Whatever man.

[01:08:20] Fuckin dumb bitch.

[01:08:21] You're taking super PAC money.

[01:08:23] Not endorsing the boy.

[01:08:25] And dumb bitch, you lose it with suck my ****.

[01:08:27] Whoo hoo hoo.

[01:08:28] Dumb bitch alert.

[01:08:29] Dumb bitch alert.

[01:08:30] Dumb bitch.

[01:08:31] Well, fakes folks, it seems like it's that time.

[01:08:38] It's that time for us to sign off and suck you in the pussy.

[01:08:43] Yeah, we don't have any live dates or anything.

[01:08:47] Buy my man's shirts.

[01:08:48] You selling shirts?

[01:08:49] Yeah, technically you go to cum.town.

[01:08:53] Cum.town my boys got shirts.

[01:08:55] Oh, and also I'm thinking I'm going to sell my calendars.

[01:08:58] This is funny.

[01:08:59] Somebody responded to it and blurred out everything except the word.

[01:09:01] I'm trying to do this.

[01:09:02] That's good.

[01:09:03] Go to starry.biz.

[01:09:04] I'm going to sell my calendars and everybody who buys it, all of it, I'm going to fucking

[01:09:11] donate to something useful.

[01:09:13] So I'm going to do a little fucking fundraising here, folks.

[01:09:16] And then I'm going to, you know, I get a little Twitch streaming going.

[01:09:23] Do something, dude.

[01:09:24] I don't know.

[01:09:25] But yeah, we'll find out some figure out some way to stream because you know what?

[01:09:29] We got you with the content and it's not because we care about you.

[01:09:32] It's because we don't know what else to do in our apartment.

[01:09:34] Yeah, we'll think we can do it.

[01:09:36] It's the only thing we can do is just go online.

[01:09:38] Yeah.

[01:09:39] So we're going to maybe get some kind of couple messages from people that are like,

[01:09:43] yeah, like we need you guys to make stuff for us while we deal with this.

[01:09:48] And it's like, that's not why we're doing it.

[01:09:49] No.

[01:09:50] It's for us.

[01:09:51] It's the same thing as the Gal Gadot thing, but we're better at it.

[01:09:54] Yep.

[01:09:55] That's exactly correct.

[01:09:56] We're not going to do some dumbass song.

[01:09:58] No, we're going to talk about, you know, the nightmare.

[01:10:01] We're not even Christmas, but it's about that's what people need right now.

[01:10:04] And so you need to hear about a guy that's.

[01:10:06] Don't forget the Dallas penis club.

[01:10:10] That's another thing you'll hear about from us.

[01:10:12] I hate to tell you this, son, but dick is too small.

[01:10:15] You're dick is too small.

[01:10:16] Fuck no, man.

[01:10:17] Come on, man.

[01:10:18] Not me.

[01:10:19] I'm a rodeo.

[01:10:20] I'm a guy with a big dick.

[01:10:21] That's me.

[01:10:22] Fuck my daddy had a big dick.

[01:10:23] I got a big dick too.

[01:10:24] Daddy had a small dick.

[01:10:26] My daddy, watch your goddamn mouth partner.

[01:10:29] If my daddy were here right now, he'd show you his dick.

[01:10:36] So yeah, wait to see mine.

[01:10:37] If I could just see my dad, he's penis one more time.

[01:10:41] If I could just see on that, I'd be able to sell the farm and move on to a different

[01:10:45] life, but he's gone.

[01:10:48] So it's my job to total fight the goddamn bank trying to take our land.

[01:10:52] And all I want to do is see my daddy's penis.

[01:10:56] I could just suck on my daddy's last time.

[01:10:59] One last time out here, and then I wouldn't have to prove myself as a man doing all this

[01:11:03] farm bullshit.

[01:11:04] I could just be gay.

[01:11:06] I could just be the gay queen like I want to be.

[01:11:11] So yeah, we're going to be doing stuff like that.

[01:11:15] I think I'm twitch.com slash stobby, baby.

[01:11:17] I think I walked out of the boat to twitch accounts that I had.

[01:11:21] Nice.

[01:11:22] Make a third.

[01:11:24] Yeah.

[01:11:26] And then we're talking about trying to figure out doing maybe Patreon live streams.

[01:11:29] I'm worried about getting banned from twitch almost as soon as I use it.

[01:11:33] Yeah, that's what you would.

[01:11:36] You can't even say there's a lot of stuff you can't say.

[01:11:40] Right.

[01:11:42] But maybe we'll do Patreon live streams or something.

[01:11:45] Or find some other source.

[01:11:47] Anyway, whatever.

[01:11:48] Or maybe we won't do shit.

[01:11:49] Just shut the fuck up and listen, you pieces of dog shit and good luck out there.

[01:11:52] They say, Hey, stay safe guys.

[01:11:54] Make sure you're, I mean, I don't think anybody listens to show really us to worry about it.

[01:11:58] Yes.

[01:11:59] So just keep doing what you're doing.

[01:12:00] Just continue.

[01:12:02] Don't change anything.

[01:12:04] Continue to be unemployed and staying inside.

[01:12:09] I guess yell at your mom less or do it over the phone now because she's, you know, she's

[01:12:14] old.

[01:12:15] I do a brand new Facebook, but apparently today is my day.

[01:12:21] Just like the grocery store.

[01:12:22] As we all know, the coronavirus, COVID-19, whatever we're calling it this week.

[01:12:27] Real quick, we're calling it the Chinese virus.

[01:12:31] Completely insane.

[01:12:33] And the woman in line in front of me, just apropos of nothing just starts shrieking at

[01:12:39] the poor little guy ringing her.

[01:12:40] Oh, we go here.

[01:12:42] Where do we go?

[01:12:44] He has just touched his face and that he therefore must wash his hands.

[01:12:50] Just shrieking this to the top of her lungs.

[01:12:52] So I'm assuming she surely to God must be the head of the CDC because she says it was such

[01:12:56] conviction.

[01:12:57] And by the way, lady, it's your not supposed to touch her face.

[01:13:01] It doesn't really matter as much if he touches his.

[01:13:03] I digress.

[01:13:04] The little guy says, I can't wash my hands right now.

[01:13:08] She says, I'll wait.

[01:13:09] Great.

[01:13:10] Well, I'll wait back as lady.

[01:13:11] He says, I have hand sanitizer.

[01:13:14] So he takes like a quarter of a little squirt, does his little thing on his hands for about

[01:13:18] a quarter of a second, which basically would have just served to inside a riot and maybe

[01:13:21] kill off two small weak germs to which the head of the CDC and her kitten covered lab

[01:13:27] coat, nods fervently.

[01:13:29] Look what he's saying.

[01:13:31] Save the universe with that.

[01:13:33] He kind of refrains from rolling his eyes, which I think makes him a saint.

[01:13:37] And then she goes.

[01:13:39] I have no idea.

[01:13:40] I just clicked on it.

[01:13:41] I thought it was Kathy Bates initially.

[01:13:43] Just some fat lady.

[01:13:44] Yeah, but it's actually every other woman in the south.

[01:13:48] Oh, god damn.

[01:13:49] Instead of it being Kathy Bates.

[01:13:51] Yeah.

[01:13:52] Man, big ups to Kathy Bates for figuring out how to be a movie star while looking like

[01:13:59] Kathy Bates.

[01:14:00] Yeah.

[01:14:01] Because you know, I mean, when a guy does it, it's whatever.

[01:14:04] Yeah.

[01:14:05] Right.

[01:14:06] But man, the fucking she's not.

[01:14:09] She's not funny.

[01:14:10] Yeah.

[01:14:11] She's gotten charismatic.

[01:14:12] She's a good actress, but it's like, you know how many hot good actresses are.

[01:14:20] Yeah, they got, but you know, get a shot.

[01:14:22] Kathy Bates, one time in her life.

[01:14:24] Imagine how much better misery would be if it was some big-titted bazongas in your face.

[01:14:29] And James Conlon and his shit cracked and he just sucking on a big ass titty.

[01:14:33] She's sucking his dick and his fucking.

[01:14:36] It's only 40 minutes long.

[01:14:40] It's 12, it's 17 minutes long.

[01:14:43] It's just so fucking, we're just going to porno.

[01:14:46] James, man, the movie would rock.

[01:14:49] And misery is my favorite movie.

[01:14:52] Oh, boy.

[01:14:53] He's like reading his book to her.

[01:14:57] She's just topping them off.

[01:14:58] And he's like, no, this is awesome.

[01:15:00] I can't get to the best part.

[01:15:04] He's like, I'm not going to finish you off unless you tell me the ending.

[01:15:09] He's like, that's insane.

[01:15:11] And then he did boss early.

[01:15:12] Yeah.

[01:15:13] The movie ends.

[01:15:14] That'll be all.

[01:15:15] All right.

[01:15:16] Bye.

[01:15:46] You