Cum Town | Premium | 04/27/2020
[00:00:04] If push comes a shove, I mean, I'm recording just the sound from the computer.
[00:00:09] So if you can't figure your shit out, welcome to the world of everything fucking breaking.
[00:00:13] Everyone is thinking that it's you being incompetent when really almost everything just gets fucked up constantly.
[00:00:22] Oh, I think I figured it out because I'm a fucking genius actually.
[00:00:34] Can you imagine trying to, trying to give that shirt to a fucking fifth grader in 1998?
[00:00:52] We know you were born with a cleft lip, bitch.
[00:00:54] That's the kind of shirt like a retarded kid but accidentally we're at a school, an elementary school.
[00:00:59] And just people would have a field day.
[00:01:03] That would be one of those where you're like, hahaha.
[00:01:08] Somebody put that shirt on that retard so...
[00:01:15] She's always like saying stuff like, meow and chicken.
[00:01:28] I just want to draw pictures of horses.
[00:01:39] Nobody's sitting next to her in the cafeteria.
[00:01:43] Because she's always trying to drink her milk through her damn nose.
[00:01:56] She be biting the lunch ladies' hands and shit.
[00:02:07] Well, that's what happens when a Greek man normalizes being a damn freak.
[00:02:15] We're all just turning more into ourselves.
[00:02:37] Just ready for the fucking compound, man.
[00:02:40] You look like you're in the scorpion smoke plan or whatever.
[00:02:44] Yeah, that's one of the later guys they added.
[00:02:49] Where they're trying to pretend like they're not just still copying the outfits.
[00:02:53] They're just changing them in Photoshop, different colors.
[00:02:54] Yeah, it's like this now it's not about like not having enough memory for enough characters.
[00:03:01] We didn't need more fucking sub-zero type of guy because it was initially what?
[00:03:18] And then they added reptile in like two or three.
[00:03:22] There's reptile then who's the other guy?
[00:03:37] I just watched Mortal Kombat the movie for old times sake and what a fucking awesome
[00:03:54] We tried to stay up all night by watching Mortal Kombat.
[00:03:58] Because we wanted to sleep on the plane.
[00:04:09] If it wasn't for Covid, Nick would be in China right now going through his fucking...
[00:04:13] He's finding himself doing Kung Fu on a mountain.
[00:04:19] You would be at the Toronto International Gay Sex Festival.
[00:04:26] Adam would be on a date to Metrograph with a seven-year-old girl.
[00:04:32] Yeah, Adam would be going to Metrograph.
[00:04:45] Me and my girlfriend, who dresses like a house painter.
[00:04:54] Yeah, she's got a cool norm core kind of binder.
[00:04:58] She wears Reebok classics and a house painter gear.
[00:05:02] And she's literally never worn makeup once in her life.
[00:05:20] And minor difference in what I'm saying and what you're saying.
[00:05:28] Then she goes to Cooper Union and not NYU.
[00:05:33] Adam, don't make it real, motherfucker.
[00:05:35] Don't insist that he actually just describes real women you dated.
[00:05:41] I just want to get the facts right, Dan.
[00:05:46] Well, I don't want Nick because people are going to think it's factual.
[00:05:53] I just don't want a young lady's life to be ruined.
[00:05:58] You want to be like, I ruined her life.
[00:06:03] No, that would be you who ruined her life.
[00:06:07] It's far more likely that it would be you.
[00:06:09] I'm not the one that involved anybody in all this shit.
[00:06:11] No, Nick would ruin his life by accidentally sinking his...
[00:06:19] Remember that phase where you gave them a name?
[00:06:26] If the Bees are out there trying to figure out which girl at NYU is...
[00:06:32] Just as a safe measure, just go ahead and harass anyone at NYU.
[00:06:38] Check out any 16 year old in a pre-college program at NYU.
[00:06:46] Just a seven year old is going to NYU for TikTok videos.
[00:06:56] She's majoring in Zoom backgrounds at SVA.
[00:07:01] She's majoring in the Swish dance at Tish.
[00:07:06] So that's the way Nick would ruin her life.
[00:07:07] Adam, I think what he means is you would romanticize it.
[00:07:10] You would basically Woody Allen style ruin her life.
[00:07:28] You know what I want in addition to this?
[00:07:31] The big wide tie from the sting and then the big floppy hat.
[00:07:39] Or maybe a spiver, a spy fedora and then also the big...
[00:07:44] So you want a clashing of styles and cultures?
[00:07:57] I'm going to be a wrestling guy named the different ultimate warrior.
[00:08:09] But not jacked, just a gay guy wearing outfits.
[00:08:14] Not a really strong guy with face paint on.
[00:08:18] A guy who is much stronger than the one lobbing these criticisms that they think they're
[00:08:31] But that is not what the guy is talking about.
[00:08:32] He's making a clear judgment based on the jacked steroid guy from the 80s.
[00:08:37] Because he's fat, the guy who observed it.
[00:08:41] And it looks like the new ultimate warrior is feeling a little...
[00:08:44] A new wrestling character called the Fat Observer.
[00:08:47] Who observes everything through his fat eyes.
[00:08:51] He's too jealous of people committed...
[00:09:10] Don't even try and say that I said that.
[00:09:14] You're the editor of the Fat Observer, which is your newspaper.
[00:09:19] Actually, I read an interesting article in the Fat Observer.
[00:09:24] Yeah, I read a Lindy West op-ed in the Fat Observer.
[00:09:39] What are the craft services tables looking like on the production of Shrill?
[00:09:44] Because you know, that was probably like day one.
[00:09:47] She's like, this needs to be corrected.
[00:10:01] You have tremendous confidence about you.
[00:10:05] Yeah, I mean, because to look this stupid and then still be able to live your life, it's like you have to transcend.
[00:10:12] You know, I could go out of my apartment like this.
[00:10:17] I mean, you should wear that on the train.
[00:10:20] And just talk casually with the 75 year old Haitian woman at the laundromat.
[00:10:30] Yeah, there's less laundry because my wife left me.
[00:10:38] How are you how are you dealing with all of this going on?
[00:10:46] You're like, Oh, no, actually, Shane, Shane, I'll say my broken.
[00:11:03] No, no, I don't have a fucking sourdough starter.
[00:11:12] No, you don't need to get defensive about this.
[00:11:14] It would be, I'm feeling defensive today.
[00:11:15] It would be cool if you had a sourdough starter.
[00:11:23] I guess you can't literally eat a plant.
[00:11:26] Have you seen those like salads places where they're like, actually, we grow the plants
[00:11:32] And it's like, this is, this is why, you know what?
[00:11:34] It's like people are like, wow, 25% of restaurants in New York are never coming back.
[00:11:39] And it's like, yeah, but 45% of them shouldn't have been here in the first place.
[00:11:46] And with New York, it's like, we're going to lose like fucking 70% of small businesses,
[00:11:51] In New York City, you have to factor in that probably something like 62% of small businesses
[00:11:56] are some like billionaires, 43 year old daughter, right?
[00:12:00] That just is like, I want an apothecary.
[00:12:05] It's a place that sells fucking Mason jars.
[00:12:11] It's on, on Bedford Avenue in prime Williamsburg.
[00:12:15] It's like cork, it's cork, Mason jars and then soap that's made out of fucking like
[00:12:23] And then at the counter, they'll have like a, they'll have like a nasty woman bump.
[00:12:26] That is, that is funny though, thinking that like whoever made this juice soap and World
[00:12:31] War II was like, actually all the, it's, it's all sustained by source.
[00:12:36] It's all of the soap actually comes from sustainable sources.
[00:12:45] Well, the thing is, is the Holocaust produces a lot of carbon emissions, which is really
[00:12:52] So we figured if we use, we use the Jews to turn them into soap.
[00:12:56] Like a native American, we use every part of the animal.
[00:13:05] So, you know, I acknowledge my privilege, but also I need a business in, in, in Brooklyn
[00:13:11] Heights where the rent is $85,000 a month to sell things that no one will ever fucking
[00:13:22] We're probably going to turn a profit and maybe if things hold maybe 35 years.
[00:13:30] No, I don't really, the business stuff.
[00:13:33] I'm like, you know, my thing is customers, the products.
[00:13:42] And flossing around the people that I employ is if I'm changing their life simply by allowing
[00:13:49] For fair, for under market wages almost certainly.
[00:13:56] This juice store, this juice up store is a movement actually.
[00:14:01] It's like, you know what, do you know what?
[00:14:03] Who probably went out of business over this whole fucking thing?
[00:14:28] He's been doing, he's been trying to decipher an ancient Chinese.
[00:14:31] I would love it if Allah like, you know, it's like Allah would take the side of just a white
[00:14:39] He's like, I, you know, I mean, I'm one hand.
[00:14:48] You don't, you don't think you're done.
[00:14:51] I, you probably should get your head cut off.
[00:14:54] But if it's between you and this bitch.
[00:14:57] I mean, if we got to go there and it's just a matter of who's right, then yeah, I mean,
[00:15:20] You just going to end up cutting all their heads off.
[00:15:22] You got to, you got to woo them in other ways by telling whores to shut up sometimes.
[00:15:38] Just a Pakistani woman who's like, who has a mixtape.
[00:15:46] I'm thinking about a specific comedian.
[00:16:02] What else is going on out here in the youth?
[00:16:08] I was everybody like kind of making jokes about like liberals being like, Oh, now there's
[00:16:13] a girl boss or whatever to preempt any of that.
[00:16:16] And it's like, okay, well, of course, obviously liberals aren't going to be doing that.
[00:16:21] I mean, that's like kind of step too far.
[00:16:24] And then you check Twitter and it's like, Oh, they absolutely are.
[00:16:27] Do you remember when Saudi Arabia, Saudi Arabia finally let women drive and Hillary Clinton
[00:16:34] tweeted like, ladies, start your engines.
[00:16:38] She would have that gift of Beyonce and Lady Gaga in a car together.
[00:16:56] How can that be a sister when she, he's so fat and full of life and she seems so stern
[00:17:07] Cause he's addicted to Emmental cheese.
[00:17:13] I know he was a bad guy, but it was just nice to see myself.
[00:17:19] Well, that's like, it's, that's the flip side.
[00:17:20] All this girl boss shit is like, you know, those women, it's not based on any kind of
[00:17:25] It's like they just like something like they see themselves reflected in something.
[00:17:29] Yeah, because they're all fucking insane narcissists.
[00:17:32] So even when it's a fucking dictator, they're like, there's something about her.
[00:17:42] It's like, yeah, I mean, Kim Jong Un is an evil dictator, but he's also like a fucking
[00:17:48] He loves basketball and movies and he's, yeah, he's a best friends with Dennis Rodman.
[00:17:58] So you see that and you're like, I don't know.
[00:18:03] Not how me also as a fat guy that loves basketball and is slowly killing himself.
[00:18:12] But dude, honestly, his fucking sister probably said him up.
[00:18:17] They should make a Disney movie where Kim Jong Un is the good guy, the cute little fat
[00:18:30] She looks like the bad guy from fucking what's that?
[00:18:48] She's just like a fucking bony bitch that like looks mean.
[00:18:51] She looks kind of Russian a little bit.
[00:18:56] You know, she looks like she looks like Martin Screli.
[00:19:06] Was Kim Jong Un getting some Albanian put?
[00:19:08] No, I guess she was born out of a Korean lady.
[00:19:11] It's where I don't know what's going on with her names.
[00:19:40] We need a little less Kim Yo Jung, a little more suck yo dick.
[00:19:49] I would just be tweeting fantasies about SEAL Team Six going and gang raping.
[00:19:56] And then people have to explain why that's why.
[00:20:33] There's no no official word has come out yet though.
[00:20:42] I mean, it's probably like if he is dead, they're going to find a man to take his place.
[00:20:49] And these people are just assuming it's going to be a fucking girl.
[00:20:55] And then North Korea is like, oh, of course not.
[00:21:03] Who's the second guy most in power over there?
[00:21:09] Dude, I think he killed all his siblings.
[00:21:11] It might be a jib dong, jib dong, jib dong song.
[00:21:20] I'm guessing based on what I know of their syllables.
[00:21:25] Based on my expert knowledge of Korean syllables, it may be Dick Bong Boom.
[00:21:32] There was actually a World War II fighter pilot named Dick Bong.
[00:21:43] That's a great Dick Bong that shoots motherfuckers out of the sky.
[00:21:57] Who's this guy that got drafted this name, Pinasini?
[00:22:06] I was waiting for you guys to bring it up.
[00:22:21] Do you understand how happy I would be right now?
[00:22:25] I'm about to get the Pinasini jersey anyway, dude.
[00:22:38] I mean, it's not even like, I mean, you could probably find a bunch of Italians that have
[00:22:42] that name anyways, but it's spelled in a way where they're like, nah, come on, it's different.
[00:22:48] Yeah, there's no C. It's literally P-E-N-I-S-I-N-I-N.
[00:22:54] I wanted to call them because like 311, they're doing like, you know, if you're lonely during
[00:22:59] me, you know, if you're like sad, you can call this the government.
[00:23:03] I can't imagine anything more depressing than that.
[00:23:07] I guess I'll call the municipal government to talk to keep me company.
[00:23:11] Have you tried calling them about anything?
[00:23:13] What did like the legitimate problems you can have?
[00:23:17] If you call them, they'll tell you to go fuck yourself.
[00:23:19] It's like I can't, I'm kind of sad and they're like, well, have you tried suicide?
[00:23:24] It probably works like the exact opposite way.
[00:23:26] They're like, sir, there's a form you can fill out that have the police come kill you.
[00:23:32] I don't, I'd have to transfer you to nine different numbers to figure out what the form
[00:23:39] But I'd suggest to a lot of people, you could probably just kill yourself.
[00:23:43] Or if you're black, just go ahead and go ahead and just yell in the streets.
[00:23:50] But yeah, I mean, like I, it would be fucked up, but I did want to call them as like a,
[00:23:56] like a Staten Island guy named like Anthony Loney, I don't know.
[00:24:03] Just trying to like, no, no, like an Italian guy, like trying to like first understand
[00:24:10] what depression is as an abstraction, because it's not allowed to put a name to that emotion.
[00:24:15] You know, it's been like, yeah, I don't know, something's wrong with like my, my, you know,
[00:24:27] It's like, yeah, it's like I'm pissed, but I'm too tired to be pissed.
[00:24:32] And then what I'm pissed at is my is my is, you know, it's nothing.
[00:24:37] It's like this fucking it's like being self pissed.
[00:24:40] I'm pissed, but I myself, but yeah, it's like myself, but I'm not that violent about
[00:24:47] It may, I'm thinking about how like, you know, you know, life is kind of like, you know,
[00:24:51] it's like, it's like a game you're thinking about maybe, you know, okay, well, they're
[00:24:57] It's like, it's like the G man, the down 22, the quarter, you know, you're like, fuck
[00:25:03] Let's just get drunk and then drive home.
[00:25:16] I'm fucking, I told you I'm self pissed.
[00:25:18] I'm self pissed is what the feeling is.
[00:25:35] Yeah, you're making me feel like a fucking woman over here.
[00:25:39] Do you think you might have a trans identity?
[00:25:43] Hey, what the fuck maybe, you know, let's talk about it.
[00:25:49] I don't know if there are resources for that or something.
[00:25:56] My dick is fucking, it's completely hard because I'm stuck in my apartment thinking
[00:26:32] I got lipstick and a pair of Jimmy Choo's.
[00:26:37] Nah, it's because it's like my fucking my construction boots.
[00:26:41] So I'm wearing my wife's clothes to keep my stuff nice for back when the jobs start
[00:26:50] I got to keep my, hey, look, Cuomo's saying they're going to open a city.
[00:26:54] It's going to be, you know, it's going to be, they're going to tell you and it's going
[00:26:58] It's going to be a race to get to the job sites because everybody lost work.
[00:27:02] They're going to not, they're not going to pre announce anything.
[00:27:07] You got to keep you all you're getting nice.
[00:27:09] So all that sitting in the bedroom and I'm out here in the living room where my wife's
[00:27:23] She's been going like four or five years.
[00:27:29] I got a cousin out in fucking Hoboken and it's a private eye.
[00:27:33] You know, he looked into it for a little bit, but then, I mean, that was kind of where the
[00:27:36] trouble started because me and him were hanging out all the time anyways and she found she
[00:27:40] came home one time and we were, you know, comparing bodies.
[00:27:43] And that's what pissed off when I said, you want to stay out?
[00:27:48] Were you want to stay out with your cousin?
[00:27:49] Yeah, we would, you know, because we like to pretend to be police officers ever since
[00:27:52] 9 11 while we're trying to solve crimes together.
[00:27:56] You know, like, who's this fucking Mulan Yann across the street?
[00:28:07] Let's sit in our fucking cars and look outside and then see where the night takes it.
[00:28:11] Yeah, let's fucking just hang out real late in the parking lot.
[00:28:16] I would assume you'd have some kind of intimacy with somebody.
[00:28:22] Yeah, I don't know what that fucking word means.
[00:28:29] I don't know, but I don't know about getting too hot on a government line.
[00:28:35] This thing of always being secret gay sex.
[00:28:59] I don't miss my boyfriend out in fucking Elizabeth.
[00:29:04] I go out and see out in Elizabeth sometimes and you know, they call it download stuff.
[00:29:21] That's what you put your bullshit to me.
[00:29:23] But you know, whatever, that's what he likes.
[00:29:26] You know, I just, I try to keep him happy.
[00:29:30] You know, you see the dick on this guy.
[00:29:34] I'm worried because, you know, it's like, I'm worried this guy's probably going to fuck
[00:29:39] So I guess I got to suck it to keep him away from her.
[00:29:50] That's called doing your service to the labor.
[00:29:55] Doing your service to the responsibilities of hard work and honest and honest work you
[00:30:11] This fucking thing of ours, you took it out.
[00:30:15] It's more important than your family, it's more important than anybody in this room.
[00:30:20] And then they all jack off onto a card.
[00:30:21] You know I can't answer that question I took an oath.
[00:30:25] You know I can't answer that question, Doc.
[00:30:28] It'd be great to be like one of those like smug like mafia guys on like the bench like
[00:30:33] already deciding he's not going to testify or whatever.
[00:30:36] Just like kind of taking his time in the chair.
[00:30:39] And then everything the lawyer asked you just goes, I'm not gay.
[00:30:54] Either either answer the question or plead the fifth.
[00:31:18] Running his fucking hands through his olive oil here.
[00:31:32] He keeps saying he's not gay, your honor.
[00:31:39] He's the foreman getting up at the end.
[00:31:42] We, the jury, on the first count of conspiracy to commit murder, find the defendant not guilty.
[00:31:49] On the second count of being gay, we find the defendant guilty.
[00:31:56] Whoa, in the judge, is like that wasn't one of the charges.
[00:32:06] I'm sorry, there was confusion in the jury room.
[00:32:10] We kind of got into a 12 angry men thing
[00:32:12] and we sort of lost the point of what was going on.
[00:32:15] Somebody recited the whole O captain, my captain thing.
[00:32:19] It was fucking awesome, to be honest with you.
[00:32:22] I mean, we got into like theater in a way
[00:32:27] that hasn't touched me since probably seventh grade.
[00:32:31] And it really re-inspired my love of drama.
[00:32:38] Yeah, your honor, I just want to thank you
[00:32:43] And if there's a community theater perhaps
[00:32:47] that we could all be involved in after this.
[00:32:49] Because I know we took an extra 17 days to deliberate
[00:32:53] but we were actually just doing American Buffalo.
[00:32:58] What happened in there, your honor was magic.
[00:33:04] that we had to go into death of the salesman.
[00:33:12] We did all of August Wilson and Blackface
[00:33:14] which Miss Unice had a problem with initially
[00:33:19] but we explained to her that it's not foolishness,
[00:33:28] Lord, no, I've done told them the whole time
[00:33:30] they can't be doing no damn Blackface fences.
[00:33:33] When we trying to put this, this Italian man
[00:33:40] Y'all fucking around with costume changes.
[00:33:55] And this man's got a powdered wig talking about,
[00:34:10] Same we're gonna do a man for all seasons.
[00:34:17] Said the deliberations of my idea to accuse him
[00:34:24] We actually believe that if he forces to do plays,
[00:34:38] so they could do the pirates and penzance.
[00:34:44] Whatever y'all want, you'll just gotta give me your
[00:35:01] All right, well, he's free to go then I suppose.
[00:35:17] from not being able to eat the shit that I want now.
[00:35:20] It's like I cross through, there was a period where I had
[00:35:22] no energy and then it's like, you know,
[00:35:26] I mean, well, you probably don't understand
[00:35:31] or you're like doing like really intense cardio
[00:35:34] and you're like struggling to catch your breath
[00:35:35] and your heart rate's like fucking like 190 or something.
[00:35:40] So then catch your breath, high heart rate?
[00:35:44] where it's like you just sort of like transcend above it
[00:35:52] your heart rate's not coming down and you could just,
[00:35:54] you know, just like it's not like out of body or whatever.
[00:35:58] But I'm like like the diet phase with that
[00:36:01] where I have no energy and my stomach hurts
[00:36:05] But I'm like, I also stopped taking my pills.
[00:36:15] Yeah, I know why I mean I could just go,
[00:36:16] I could get them refilled a Dwayne Reed
[00:36:23] I'm not at a risk of embarrassing myself.
[00:36:28] I have the like the anti-psychotics that I can just take.
[00:36:40] Well, there's a lot of things I'd suggest to you.
[00:36:44] Yeah, that you asked me to no longer suggest,
[00:36:55] I did ask you, no, they are not the options.
[00:37:02] or I bring you peanut M&M's all the time.
[00:37:07] or taking your mental pills or not the two options.
[00:37:12] That's not one side of a different coin.
[00:37:14] But hey, man, it seems like you've been not taking them
[00:37:16] for a while now and you've decided this is,
[00:37:25] But there's like, you know, sometimes I'll,
[00:37:29] like my sleep will start to get fucked up
[00:37:30] and I'll just take it out getting stedron PM.
[00:37:33] And that seems to mostly like regulated for the most part,
[00:37:40] You know, it's like there's long stretches
[00:37:42] where you're not like manic or whatever.
[00:37:45] And then like it'll like start to ramp up.
[00:37:49] And then you're not really like aware of it happening.
[00:37:52] that's the key right there, not aware of it happening.
[00:37:54] But the telltale is like fucking just sleep.
[00:37:58] if I'm suddenly at a point where I'm only sleeping
[00:38:02] it's like, okay, well then I have to fucking.
[00:38:08] trying to convince us you should be taken,
[00:38:10] you should not be taking your mental illness pills, right?
[00:38:28] Everything you say dressed like that makes it better.
[00:38:39] Was costumes and not fucking not mind numbing pills.
[00:38:49] I'm not the one that decided to quarantine everybody
[00:38:55] What if I was hallucinating the quarantine?
[00:39:01] I'm like, oh, there's a virus killing everyone.
[00:39:06] You're just talking to a television with a microphone
[00:39:11] You're like, yeah, no Nick forced us to...
[00:39:14] because everything's, there's germs on everything.
[00:39:18] And he thinks there's a pandemic happening.
[00:39:23] It's just easier to pretend it's happening.
[00:39:27] just if Nick asks you, there's a pandemic,
[00:39:29] but the show we will be talking about a fake health crisis
[00:39:36] Do you remember that movie, Blasts from the past?
[00:39:40] Where they went into a fallout bunker in the 50s.
[00:39:47] I don't remember my Blasts from the past.
[00:39:59] and go back to 1996 and get a young star roast
[00:40:06] Coming out of a time machine dress like this
[00:40:16] You know, how do you learn from the past?
[00:40:36] You're like, I don't know what I'm doing.
[00:40:50] It would just take show me like a six movie.
[00:40:59] but also I insist on some kind of moral compromise
[00:41:06] You have to make a choice about loyalty.
[00:41:10] I only did all this so that you can help me
[00:41:22] You know, I wouldn't help you kill everyone in Baltimore
[00:41:32] Oh, I'll cause you forget what I did for you.
[00:41:49] You would never have seen Kingpin if I hadn't have shown it to you.
[00:41:59] You would have never have seen Ghost Dog way of the samurai
[00:42:05] You wouldn't even know who Jim Tarmus is!
[00:42:17] I did a new painting this morning, you guys want to see it?
[00:43:03] A woman's never gotten better at anything.
[00:43:06] There's some women that are good at drawing or whatever by accident because they did it
[00:43:23] Especially something that women like doing and instantly be better at it.
[00:43:32] Oh, things like women are tipping the moon.
[00:43:45] A kitchen rhymes with bitching because they come from the same source word, which is kunch
[00:44:02] Kunch in the kunch in the kunch in were women.
[00:44:15] Cunts were women that hadn't f**ked yet.
[00:44:22] Actually, there's no translation for women.
[00:44:40] It's kind of like the Islam of languages.
[00:44:50] Did you know she had a fat husband with a little tie?
[00:44:57] Do you ever see Diego Rivera's full name?
[00:45:15] Diego Maria de la Concepcion Juan Nepo Musino Estan Sliao de la Rivera Ibariento
[00:45:29] Can you imagine telling that to a person at Starbucks and they're like, I'm sorry what?
[00:45:34] Look man, what you want me to put on a cup?
[00:45:39] He is so much fatter and uglier than young Frida.
[00:45:48] I know that because of the movie Frida.
[00:45:51] And she had sex with women in that movie too.
[00:45:54] Dude, I dragged off to that movie so much.
[00:46:00] Oliver Platt, cups or titties from the back.
[00:46:13] What I like to do is from across the living, you sit on the couch drinking a beer and you
[00:46:17] lift their breasts up with a fireplace poker.
[00:46:22] No, you just pull it off the thing and you go, Hey, what's going on, Miss Titty?
[00:46:31] Here's the thing that's in pornography.
[00:46:34] You're always bitching about, Oh, I don't pay attention to you.
[00:46:48] Oh, I haven't paid rent in four months.
[00:46:53] That's because they that's because the fucking disease took my job away so they could give
[00:46:57] it to a bitch because they had to give all my jobs and nurses.
[00:47:03] They had to shut down fucking batteries plus so that some nurse could keep her fucking job.
[00:47:08] So instead of bitching to me, why don't you bitch that a homo governor of ours?
[00:47:19] Something about Cuomo getting on there being all authoritative.
[00:47:26] I'm just glad there's an adult in the room.
[00:47:29] Yeah, when he's when he gets on TV and he says, what we care about is science and data.
[00:47:36] That is that sounds like such a cool way to talk.
[00:47:41] I fucking love science and I fucking love slashing fucking Medicare and Medicaid right
[00:47:48] I'm like, you know, when you're like literally four years old and you watch like a movie
[00:47:52] with the president in it where he says something scripted and it's like an independent stay
[00:47:57] and you're like, wow, why can't we have a president like that?
[00:48:01] There are grown adults that still think that way now.
[00:48:18] I feel like I think Aaron Swerken is pretty good.
[00:48:24] It's because like the social networks is sick.
[00:48:26] Well, it's like it's it's like it's if you're like left this or whatever will like correctly
[00:48:31] analyze like something that has right wing politics.
[00:48:34] It just happens to be entertaining, you know, like a podcast, for example, you know, but
[00:48:40] when it comes to like just bullshit liberal art or whatever, they're like, oh, West Wing
[00:48:44] sucks or whatever, because all these liberals just want Bartlett as president.
[00:48:49] It's like, well, technically as a show, it's a very good show on a technical level is a
[00:48:53] fucking entertaining show and it's a good show.
[00:49:05] I mean, I don't really want a lot of sort in his like self parity at this point.
[00:49:11] People don't talk that way in real life.
[00:49:14] People are like, oh, that's so corny, but it's like that he has his own language, which
[00:49:20] I'm going to watch something that's like a play.
[00:49:25] It's like very like it's self parity to a certain extent.
[00:49:31] But some guys being racist and you know, you say and Alec Baldwin's talking about having
[00:49:42] I used to be a politics nerd when I was a little kid and I never watched it because it seemed
[00:49:46] Things can have bad politics and be cool.
[00:49:57] But for whatever reason, they don't apply to the show West Wing, which is a good show.
[00:50:06] The only thing I watched I the only sort of thing I ever watched was that Matthew Perry,
[00:50:15] I'm like, that's what I mean by he's like, this is fucking self parody.
[00:50:24] And then I saw the one clip of him like like fucking like that comedy, sketch show is one
[00:50:31] of the greatest American institutions for, you know, like just if you see that one with
[00:50:35] the guy who writes, Russ and I was defending it through his parents.
[00:50:39] It's like Connecticut parents are like, um, Charles, when you're done with your sketch.
[00:50:44] The other thing is like, some of the sketch, it's a sketch.
[00:50:48] And it's that comedy show is the greatest institution of American political change.
[00:50:58] Someone on Twitter shared a clip from the newsroom where they're on a plane and they
[00:51:08] He's like, it's so my name is Jonathan Daniels and I work for the news.
[00:51:19] He sees like the captains fucking like like the bars or whatever on his arm.
[00:51:25] I mean, a lot a lot of like the newsroom is bad.
[00:51:28] I tried watching the newsroom and it's fucking sucks.
[00:51:35] Sometimes you get weird taste, but the thing I don't understand about the newsroom, isn't
[00:51:39] it just a show where they go like one year in the past?
[00:51:48] So of course, every time they have the right take, but it's because they have a year of
[00:51:52] hindsight to be correct about everything.
[00:52:03] When it's about the news, no, you mother fuckers.
[00:52:10] Make a show the day after something happens?
[00:52:14] No, if it's a show, if it's a show about the news guy being a fucking guy who knows what
[00:52:24] So I just watched this movie JFK and it's like, you know, they have all these ideas, but
[00:52:27] it's bullshit because that already happened.
[00:52:32] This mother fucker gets to say, oh, JFK is going to be shot.
[00:52:36] If it was a fucking documentary, that would be different.
[00:52:40] But they're acting like they know what they're going to tell me.
[00:52:44] It's like, you know what, give me a show like Star Trek or something where they're making
[00:52:51] I want to get out of this office magic.
[00:52:52] If you need a show, like the guy was wrong about that.
[00:52:55] You know what's something is the show newsroom?
[00:52:58] It's the only show about things that happen in the past.
[00:53:12] But you know, the point if they made newsroom and fucking what's his face, Jeff Daniels fucking
[00:53:18] dumb and dumber was wrong about shit, but he's always right because he has the fucking,
[00:53:23] he gets to be like, it's like, he just calls everything correctly.
[00:53:27] There's one thing if you do a news show and the guy is on the wrong side of certain issues,
[00:53:31] but he's always right because I don't know if they're always I've never seen the show.
[00:53:35] I'm so like two things and they seem to be right.
[00:53:37] Yeah, it's just he's like the doing a show and he's like, it was coming to Catholic kids
[00:53:46] Yeah, he's like that guy didn't go to Vietnam.
[00:53:48] He's a liar and it was actually black Israelites calling everyone a faggot the whole time.
[00:53:53] Who by the way, who by the way, false, are going to do an anti-Semitic.
[00:53:57] Mass shooting in a month in Jersey City.
[00:54:13] Just film reels and then like, but that's also the same format as West Wing.
[00:54:20] They like changed the names of countries or whatever.
[00:54:43] It feels good to get back on the board after being attacked by my prescient point about
[00:55:03] When we watch the newsroom, it will be true.
[00:55:09] Yeah, but you've already seen you've already seen the newsroom.
[00:55:13] You don't get to be right about things in the past.
[00:55:18] It's literally first of all, it's literally not even pressing, but like it now involved
[00:55:23] yourself in your own criticism of the show.
[00:55:30] I'm going to be right when you watch this show that already came out.
[00:55:39] So we're in like a little time bubble right now.
[00:55:46] Every single day, I do this podcast or another one, a movie comes up.
[00:55:53] And I'm like, fuck, I should just watch.
[00:55:55] And I have this fantasy of myself ending the show and then sitting down and enjoying watching
[00:56:02] I haven't watched more than five minutes of literally anything other than hero since
[00:56:08] I've been finishing movies at like 6am when I get up.
[00:56:13] I like watch a movie and fall asleep and then finish it.
[00:56:15] I've been getting up, I've been getting up ass early and going outside and working on
[00:56:19] my car and first thing in the morning doing chores like that, fucking rocks.
[00:56:23] That's why you should get a farm, dude.
[00:56:24] Yeah, reminds me, it reminds me to help with my grandpa in the morning.
[00:56:28] You know, you wake up and you have some bull.
[00:56:39] I watched a movie called sorceress yesterday.
[00:56:42] It's like one of those Conan the Barbarian ripoffs and it's like a fucking sorcerer, an
[00:56:48] He's about to kill his daughters, but then a fucking wizard kills him and then he gives
[00:56:53] the daughters superpowers and then 20 years later, they grow up and they're just fucking
[00:57:01] And it was like shot in Mexico and it's just like horny.
[00:57:04] There's a horny goat and there's a horny monkey in fucking suits and they fuck.
[00:57:09] You fuck one of the twins, the other one feels in an pussy and it just not makes any sense.
[00:57:14] There's like a horny, there's like everyone's horny.
[00:57:22] And I watched another one called King Slayer where like the good guy commits rape like
[00:57:26] three times in the movie and they were just like, this is what's good.
[00:57:32] Because they kind of stopped doing that.
[00:57:33] They used to be in basically every movie.
[00:57:35] Multiple people have recommended that shit you recommended to me.
[00:57:55] Dude, the Chris Hemsworth movie is it's Thor, right?
[00:58:02] And he's half John Wick, half Jason Bourne.
[00:58:07] They have to get some kid who's been kidnapped by an Indian drug lord.
[00:58:17] And it fucking, he kills like a thousand guys.
[00:58:20] He's just stabbing people's fucking throats.
[00:58:29] There's only like eight, there's only like a couple minutes where he's not murdering
[00:58:34] But it's so, it's so fucking beautiful, dude.
[00:58:39] And to see my boy Thor thriving like this makes me happy.
[00:58:43] I'll forever have a fucking, I'll forever have a emotional connection to him because
[00:58:50] And I'm nervous that they're going to make the second that Ragnarok has Natalie Portman
[00:58:54] I'm nervous it's going to be like some fucking, some, they're going to get politics involved.
[00:58:58] Well, he was, she was in the first Thor, wasn't she?
[00:59:01] Yeah, but they got Thor Ragnarok love and something.
[00:59:04] I just, oh no, they're trying to make a girl boss daughter.
[00:59:14] No, horror, horror, horror, Gagnon cock.
[00:59:18] There's certain things we don't joke about on this podcast.
[00:59:22] I will not have you besmirch Thor Ragnarok.
[00:59:23] The stops favorite movie, horror Gagnon cock.
[00:59:31] Your favorite movie is horror Gagnon cock.
[00:59:36] Your favorite movie is chocolate Charlie and the chocolate factory.
[00:59:39] It's a different movie where even the children are also made out of chocolate.
[00:59:49] They're all just the chocolate grandpa.
[01:00:01] All right, well, I gotta go make some food.
[01:00:05] I said I had a second win, but no worries, brother.
[01:00:12] Well, listen, subscribe on Motherfucking Patreon.
[01:00:16] Especially now that we have to pay $300 to $400 a month for this live streaming bullshit.
[01:00:36] I've been working on a dude's rock shirt for like a week and a half.
[01:00:39] I can't because I'm trying to, like this style I'm not like familiar with and I want to get
[01:00:44] right and not be lazy about it, but it keeps, it's alluding me.
[01:00:51] I'm going to try to start with the shirts with some of my original artworks.
[01:00:56] Oh, yeah, I can't wait till you have a gallery of your bullshit.
[01:01:00] No, I'm going to have an opening when I get back to New York at a real hip gallery.
[01:01:08] I cannot wait to go and just trash your dog.
[01:01:16] I would have hated, but you are, you are progressing.
[01:01:21] As long as people are improving themselves in some way, I have no problem with you.
[01:01:26] What I don't like is stagnation and I get nothing but that from you most of the time.
[01:01:35] These are the lessons that the different Ultimate Warrior brings to the table.
[01:01:40] I feel like when you say it, you make any point, it's kind of sage.
[01:01:56] I heard that all the movie theater chains are going to.
[01:01:59] I heard the movie theater chains are not going to make it.
[01:02:17] It's hard to do an impression of him because it's easy, but then not really.
[01:02:21] It's like you know, my daughter's a little fed.
[01:02:26] Like young Jack Nicholson is like that too, where it's just like...
[01:02:33] It's not the cartoonish, Nat Jack that everybody does.
[01:02:36] Listen, do you want to go to the bathroom in my mouth or something or what?
[01:02:43] And then Baldwin's like, you know, just kind of...