Cum Town | Premium | 01/16/2017
[00:00:00] Okay, this is the makeup premium episode we
[00:00:10] Already this is a damn sorry, bros. Yeah. I don't know whose fault that was probably mine. I don't know what happened
[00:00:19] Did you check the levels? Yeah, I checked the levels something happened where somebody unplugged their mic
[00:00:24] Yeah, I think maybe it got switched maybe like I did the levels and then somebody switched inputs or whatever for simplicity or something
[00:00:35] And I don't really remember I think it was pretty good. It was an alright one. Yeah, that's fine
[00:00:42] I'm still waiting for this coffee to kick in
[00:00:45] Yeah, you had a very eventful weekend my dude. I did we did Detroit did Detroit with the Legion of Skanks and
[00:00:59] And people were cool was all fans that came out
[00:01:03] Not of me. Yeah, but LOS fans. No, not even that just fan people who are fans of things
[00:01:11] I'm sure they like things in their life not comedy. Yeah
[00:01:14] They could be classified as some kind of fan antique fan or something. Yeah
[00:01:18] That's chill. Yeah, it was in a strip club
[00:01:24] Great place for comedy, I guess we're the the worst strippers in the audience or were they backstage
[00:01:30] I mean they're at work and that's like you were at work and then they're like oh hey
[00:01:35] We're gonna cut your hourly rate for about two hours while people put on a comedy show. Yeah
[00:01:39] That's really a little big turns bombing there definitely is a kind of an overlap in stand-up comedy and stripping
[00:01:48] Yeah, that's the kind of the observation a hack comic would make
[00:01:56] Yeah, it's dark in here everyone's laughing at me. I can only last three minutes. Oh nice
[00:02:03] Well, I would I would have said I would have said funnier stuff, but yeah
[00:02:07] Let's like what go ahead go for it dude
[00:02:09] Do the bit that literally every single open mic or at their first open mic has ever done
[00:02:14] I'm not gonna I wasn't doing it as a as a bit. I was doing it as a my first time doing stand-up
[00:02:20] I really feel like you know look kind of like a stripper up here
[00:02:23] You know I think I could see more like first time having sex. Yeah, I see that bit. Yeah that bit
[00:02:28] Yeah, I don't see the stripper thing. Yeah, we'll go ahead Adam finish the stripper bit. Okay, you're brilliant stripper bit
[00:02:34] Well, I just want to know why they don't make the whole plane out of the black box
[00:02:40] Why they don't make the whole plane out of black people
[00:02:53] It's been I've been did that impression so much I'm worried about
[00:03:03] This is just for the bonus apps although the snitch from the kumia thing that was a bonus
[00:03:08] Yeah, so we've we're not even a snitch. I mean I fuck that's all shit
[00:03:14] It's not you fucking weasel that right then wanted to take the the part out of that where we said that we like
[00:03:21] Ant and it is like look Ant what they're saying about you
[00:03:26] We've got traders in our midst dude. We got a fucking go undercover as listeners to find them and fuck them up
[00:03:31] Dude, don't worry dude. I'm like in real good with the black lives matter movement
[00:03:40] Yeah, we're gonna dox all these fucking truckers. I bet you hear here
[00:03:44] Here's the thing you don't even need the doxies people. I can just guess their names Leo
[00:03:56] But it like a very reasonable one to we just mad
[00:04:04] one time I was like scrolling through ex-videos and
[00:04:08] And like I've never I never understood people to get mad at like interracial porn
[00:04:12] There's people to get like mad at that so funny
[00:04:15] I never bothered me, but you know, it's just whatever and it was like in the interracial section and there was a video that was like
[00:04:22] White bitch gets railed out by her black boss and I was like her boss
[00:04:35] You know maybe waiting other 50 years he's the maintenance man or he's the janitor
[00:04:40] He's the prisoner of the he's the slave of that office
[00:04:47] Level of interracial porn. I'll accept if I had a black my black my boss in blockbuster was black
[00:04:55] She was as good as you could be it being a boss of blackbuster
[00:04:57] It was so funny to work a lot of just like as the ship was sinking. Yeah, it was like my fucking
[00:05:02] I don't remember what it was my freshman year of college or some shit
[00:05:04] I'd like to imagine a black woman being promoted to the manager position of blockbuster and she's like standing there like you know
[00:05:10] Up right like somebody does when the president gives yes the metal on her and she's standing there like Joe Biden
[00:05:16] Yeah, but then the the district manager of
[00:05:20] Blockbuster who's promoting her is like pressing on long fake nails
[00:05:33] Giant long fucking nails, then they open a little tiny jewelry box and there's a piece of gum that she starts chewing
[00:05:53] Fuck yeah, that was a fucking horrible job. I was so bad at that shit although I stole so many movies blockbusters work
[00:05:59] I worked at the one on it was in Baltimore on
[00:06:08] liquor store now. Okay, so not there anymore. There's only are there any at all. I don't think so no
[00:06:13] They were done. Yeah, I like for the last couple years occasionally you would see one. Yeah, that was really
[00:06:20] Yeah, I'm hanging on but no man. I'm I fucking loved blockbuster. Yeah
[00:06:24] I used to love just spending hours in there and trying to pick a movie. It's fun
[00:06:30] Yeah, and then you build a rapport with your blockbuster guy and you know you talked to him
[00:06:33] You know and get recommendations for shit and then of course as soon as you leave you're like what a fucking loser
[00:06:39] Yeah, that yeah, that was me. I remember seeing like I don't know if the guy was a closeted gay man or what but I remember
[00:06:47] And he was old as shit. So I guess he just didn't know how to use a computer
[00:06:50] Yeah, and you know like blockbuster famously doesn't have porn but
[00:06:54] He this guy me and him build up like a real good rapport and I remember one time he he was getting I think I don't remember
[00:07:02] What it was it was really a very highly critically acclaimed documentary at the time
[00:07:06] And he had he's got a stack of like two DVDs the highly the fucking documented that I loved and saw and we're having like a 30-minute
[00:07:13] fucking conversation about how good this documentary is we're fucking vibing and I just I spring that up and the other one is just like
[00:07:20] Softcore gay porn. He's just like it was it the movie fluffer
[00:07:25] That's the one the blockbuster had really
[00:07:29] Fluffer that was just on the shelves in blockbuster and it's like there's no way this isn't just gay pornography
[00:07:35] Well, no this yeah, I don't I didn't see fluffer. I don't know it was also the female in series which I'm pretty sure
[00:07:40] Oh, yeah, that was just porn I did that was that was on that was on cable. I think female in maybe I think I showed
[00:07:47] Yeah, Emmanuel. I did beat off to that Emmanuel was the other one on it was like a
[00:07:53] Space based softcore pornography. I love this shit. I love blue titties. I love green titties
[00:07:59] I love I love all that alien types cuz they remind you of candy
[00:08:03] Yeah, it's like I think I'm thinking I'm stuck in on gobstoppers
[00:08:07] That would be awesome titties it tasted like candy sign me up cool. It comes out
[00:08:12] Just Hershey kisses for nipples. Oh dude. I would bite them off
[00:08:19] Titties that nipples that regenerate that are fucking that's heaven. That's how I know all of died and gone to heaven
[00:08:27] What's uh, what's that Leo DiCaprio movie?
[00:08:30] The which means the top no no when Titanic no no inception
[00:08:35] Conception that's how I'll know I'll be a dream you stop. You would have never remembered
[00:08:42] You could have kept him going for the aviator. Yeah, good reading great great. Yeah
[00:08:50] Did you guys see the you said you have a great but Romeo plus Juliet?
[00:08:54] Yeah, that movie suck dick. Why were they talking in fucking Shakespeare's
[00:08:59] Die like like you look that's a good fucking idea John like was on my movie is so funny though
[00:09:05] I don't remember he's he the main bag. It's not funny on purpose
[00:09:09] Do you remember the pest yeah, it used to be my favorite? I love John Leg was on
[00:09:14] I loved into it the creek like two months ago really yeah, and I wanted to go see him
[00:09:19] He was just doing the creek the week at the creek. He was yeah, really and it was like John like a so funny
[00:09:24] Yeah, yeah, I remember that they used to get like Colin Quinn would like warm up for his hours
[00:09:28] He still does I mean Rebecca produced his last album. No the one before not New York's the New York one constant the Constitution
[00:09:36] Constituted yeah unconstitutional. Yeah, those were good. I like New York story. Do you see that one?
[00:09:42] It was really good. I saw him working it out at the creek. I went yeah, that's what I saw it
[00:09:46] Yeah, so fucking good. Yeah, Jerry Seinfeld produced that line about how the Elter Rangers looks like a ski lift now
[00:09:55] Yeah, and the whole thing about green points like you live you could see man had but it takes you an hour on the train to get there
[00:10:02] They should just so fucking yeah, he was fucking he's so good if you're not a New York person
[00:10:06] I might not really be for you. Yeah, sorry you fucking roobs. Yeah, I'm like us seasoned New Yorkers. I've been here
[00:10:14] 15 months now. Oh, you're native. Yeah, so I know a little bit about it, but you fucking assholes. You've only been here a year
[00:10:23] Like September damn. I guess I've been here three years now. Yeah, yeah, I came after you so I've been here a
[00:10:31] Little bit over two years. Yeah. Yeah, most of it was a waste of time. We're New York boys
[00:10:35] Yeah, well, that's what it fucking feels like no
[00:10:38] I I feel like I did well off the bat and then you're to I kind of just mmm waste it
[00:10:43] You did have a nice first year. I remember yeah, yeah
[00:10:46] All the fucking fuck had a long shit was pop was popping off. Yeah, you got swelled
[00:10:50] Yeah, you were you were fucking no, I got swelled your two. Oh, that's right time
[00:10:55] You're one you look like a fucking your diabetics
[00:10:59] Terrible fucking you were sick for 18 months. Oh my god that beard is so bad
[00:11:04] I was so do my friend went to 51st jokes and he was like there's this dude who went up who had the shitty his beard
[00:11:10] I've ever seen my entire life. He looked like shit
[00:11:14] But he was so fucking funny and I was like I was probably my friend Nick actually
[00:11:18] Like that was your friends like I the lumberjack guy with the shitty ass beard. It wasn't even lumberjack though
[00:11:24] Cuz I found a picture you were atrophying. Yeah, you looked horrible
[00:11:28] I was dying my fucking lymph nodes. My lymph nodes were swollen for like
[00:11:32] Yeah, five like six months and then I just had respiratory problems and then I couldn't shit it was awful classic
[00:11:40] Classic you had the worst body too because it was like you had no muscles be that weird like punch belly got a little fat
[00:11:46] Yeah, yeah, you're yeah, you're a week and
[00:11:52] There's like black mold in that fucking apartment. I couldn't eat
[00:11:57] You were eating like is you had no place to store fresh foods so you had like gummy bears
[00:12:04] Shark gummies was the thing you always had in your apartment whenever I came to visit. Yeah. Yeah, you're smoking a fucking
[00:12:11] Englishman Sherlock Holmes. Oh the pipe indoors
[00:12:21] What a real art place station and I got fucking the new final fantasy which is the gay a shit
[00:12:27] Oh, yeah, it's ever seen in my entire life. I
[00:12:31] If you haven't seen I first of all I haven't played any of the final fantasies
[00:12:35] No, I'm not a single one. I've seen people play I tried to play final fantasy seven like on PlayStation 3
[00:12:42] You can download it and I got bored with it very fucking quick
[00:12:45] Mm-hmm and but you know someone was like this is really good and I got it and they're wrong there
[00:12:57] Yeah, everyone looks so fucking stupid you play as papa roach and you're on your way to get married
[00:13:19] So you have to go get married to Evan essence, but you're fucking your bat mobile
[00:13:23] Yeah runs out of gas and then your friend with the muscles has to help you push the car into Texas
[00:13:30] I'm assuming this is like it's so weird. It's like I thought final fantasy was like fun gay
[00:13:35] There's wizards and crystals and shit. It should be used to be called. We ran out of fantasies
[00:13:40] Yeah, this is not a fantasy. Who's fantasy is this to look like a closeted homosexual from 2002
[00:13:50] Yeah, dude what that's not even a dream you would have no that doesn't also that does not happen
[00:13:56] That's something we can avoid here. Yeah, there's no supernatural. I mean should be able to do a spell to get your car going
[00:14:01] Yeah, right. I've literally never had a car run out of gas never. Yeah one time one time my old
[00:14:07] Chevy blazer stavros too, which is what I called it
[00:14:10] It ran out of gas in the fucking tunnel in Baltimore and I just just neutral just
[00:14:16] Wait until it was like a slight downhill and just fucking wrote it downhill to a gas station
[00:14:21] It was mad that was magic this final fantasy shit
[00:14:24] You have to get like you have to eat all the time and you have to fuck it up
[00:14:27] There's so much upkeep. Yeah, and then the eating is even fucked up because it's not like you just go to a place and eat
[00:14:33] There's menus and shit and your friend learns how to cook from the menus
[00:14:37] And then you have to have your friend make you stuff
[00:14:41] While you're like camping with each other and yeah, also the main guy doesn't do shit someone else cooks someone else drives
[00:14:47] Yeah, what is the print? Yeah, the main guy the main guy is good at fishing which is like
[00:14:52] That's what these games used to be right you'd go around fishing or whatever hunter foraging
[00:14:58] Yeah, yeah, and now they have like practical skills like one guy's really good at Twitter
[00:15:04] And other guys are fucking just graded spreadsheets
[00:15:07] That comes up in the game a lot the other guys a Yelp elite review member
[00:15:11] Yeah, but you know I guess I have to play it because I spent the fucking money on it
[00:15:15] So how much was it like a hundred dollars?
[00:15:18] Dude it was 60 it was like the same but all everything else still a nice
[00:15:21] Yeah, everything else I bought was like discounted right GTA 20 bucks or whatever GTA was 20 bucks
[00:15:27] Metal Gear Solid on plane GTA that shit is oh you started it. Yeah, it's good. You still don't have the online shit
[00:15:34] I told people to add me and I didn't say I just assumed you would figure it out
[00:15:39] But it's the same as my Twitter handle or anything else just my name
[00:15:42] Yeah, mine is it when I I might have think is style for 2069
[00:15:46] I'm nice. So yeah, just to show people I'm cool. I smoke weed my 69
[00:15:55] I mean it's like even and that's what I was upset about is because you know before the only reason I actually wanted to play it
[00:16:00] Is because I saw a Briana Wu tweet where she was like
[00:16:04] Well looks like another game for straight white men and I was like oh perfect maybe
[00:16:11] I can play Final Fantasy and there is no way this is for straight white
[00:16:17] Wait, what's a game where she was a gamer gate lady? She's anti-gamer gate. She was well
[00:16:22] Yeah, but she like kind of made her name on yeah, I guess yeah
[00:16:26] She's like gaming related. She's trans she's trans gamer. She hot. No damn
[00:16:33] And then she's married to some kind of Chinese I think
[00:16:36] Oh, what I hate when some kind of Chinese I hate when random women
[00:16:42] I'll never fuck her Mary just cuz you know, yeah, you guys do that thing where you like check the
[00:16:47] Relationship status on Wikipedia for famous people of course like it affects your life. It'll affect yeah
[00:16:52] Although I could do it all the time. I could probably convince so Scarlett Johansson's Mary. Yeah, I know it's actually got divorced
[00:17:00] For ride rattles. I thought she was available to a Frenchman. Oh, this is terrible. I could steal Scarlett
[00:17:07] Do you think you could do that? Do you think you could steal someone you don't have feelings? You don't have wants and desires?
[00:17:13] That's why I do do I think I could steal someone yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to?
[00:17:19] You think you could steal a celebrity is what you're saying. Yeah from their hat from their marriage
[00:17:23] Yeah, yeah when we get a little more come fame. Yeah, which one would you do? Would you do Oprah? Oh do Diane Lane? I?
[00:17:33] Used to jack off to that scene in unfaithful to remember with Richard gear and Diane Lane where she gets fucked in the
[00:17:40] How do you stare? Well, yeah, is that true? Mm-hmm. I feel like beat off the movie. Oh, yeah
[00:17:47] That was like one of my favorites ever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's cucking Richard gear with a Spanish art
[00:17:54] Oh, I've seen that. Yeah, yeah, yeah in the stairwell. That's a good one. I don't think I beat off to that. That's great
[00:17:59] Plot twist something I have not beat off to why I used to beat off to eyes wide shut all the time
[00:18:05] Never thought it was on HBO all the time
[00:18:08] So I just like check TV guide and then go and I think it like kind of fucked with my sexual preferences
[00:18:14] But I think it was like home with a mask on yeah, yeah now I do like phantom the opera type sex stuff
[00:18:19] That's the only way I can get off is come when you're looking at a chandelier
[00:18:23] Yeah, phantom of the opera is a story about a retarded guy that wants to kidnap a woman and
[00:18:28] Presumably right now his name's Eric Eric who's like a 900 year old retarded guy
[00:18:33] That just wants to fuck some woman and then I think that she has to eventually yeah
[00:18:38] Yeah to placate so it's the same plot as of mice and men
[00:18:42] If I remember correctly yeah, I think that's I read a fucked up check that you know
[00:18:47] It's fine. I used to I used to tell people that the working title for of mice and men was the dangerous retard
[00:19:01] It's all the symbolism is gone. I think it spoils it spoils the ending yeah
[00:19:06] Yeah, no because up front they let you know he's dangerous. Yeah, but at the end
[00:19:09] You know that you know that ending is yeah, he kills the bunnies right at the beginning
[00:19:16] To kill a mouse he goes a mouse in the beginning he wants the rabbit farm the rabbit and eventually he kills a puppy
[00:19:23] He kills a man doesn't he no he doesn't kill a man the bully on the like the son of the
[00:19:30] Plantation owner that they're working on is this like you know, he's he's a lot like that the Percy character from Green Mile
[00:19:36] He's like a fucking yeah, he's like he hates everyone on the plantation or whatever and he gets in Lenny's face about something
[00:19:44] And starts like punching Lenny in the face. Oh, so Lenny get well Lenny like
[00:19:50] Eventually George is like get him Lenny
[00:19:53] And then Lenny sets his retard loose. Yeah, well Lenny grabs the bullies fist and then like just cross
[00:20:00] With his hand so he's just mangled. Yeah. Yeah, does he wear his his hand in a glove because it's like the prettiest
[00:20:06] Hand or something. Yeah, something like a really in model. Yeah
[00:20:13] Which wouldn't absurd plot point I think I read that book in like sixth grade
[00:20:19] Yeah, but so he fucks the guys hand up and then Lenny has to get him got guess again
[00:20:24] No, then they have to get get out of dodge
[00:20:26] That's not why they have to fight and leave no everyone covers for Lenny because everyone hates that that yeah
[00:20:33] Yeah, the only person that really figures out that I can't remember isn't there a woman that he wants to
[00:20:38] There is it's the fiance of the bad guy. She's like Lenny. You know, she's like what happened to fucking, you know
[00:20:46] Percy's hand. I forget the fucking car yeah
[00:20:49] Yeah, what happened to his hand and then you know the cover story is that his hand got caught in a machine
[00:20:55] So everyone can spy to lie they think this guy is gonna be a worse liar than a retarded guy
[00:21:01] Everyone backs the retarded guy and is like yeah, isn't he like some guy son or something too?
[00:21:06] He's the other plantation and her son. Yeah, he's a bad
[00:21:10] He's a shitty son got you. Yeah, and then eventually
[00:21:14] Fucking you know, she sees Lenny's face is all fucked up because the dude was wailing on and she's like what happened in your face
[00:21:28] Wait, he doesn't kill anybody a man or he kills her he kills her right because she lets him touch her hair
[00:21:34] And then she's like alright. That's enough and he snaps her fucking neck
[00:21:39] That's right. That's right and it's a story about the dangers of the mentally incapacitated and two years later
[00:21:50] The right to life law the right to protecting lives law
[00:21:53] Which is it there the government so loud to euthanize retarded people. Yeah, yeah
[00:21:59] If they really like that's what I like to say about George Bush. She really had respect for the office. Yeah of killing killing retards
[00:22:07] This that was fun though Nick that was like a sort of Nick Mullen wishbone club. Yeah, yeah
[00:22:13] Next week we're doing flowers for Algernon
[00:22:15] That was what was with our guy. That's about we're sorry dog
[00:22:19] It would be a great wishbone episode is wishbone goes into my cement and then Lenny kills
[00:22:43] Great man, that would be very good. It's a hilarious sketch. That's a great sketch. We won't actually do that
[00:22:49] I mean Adam shots something, but I didn't shave my face beforehand. I look like shit and yeah, you really do have a
[00:22:59] Kind of things, you know what it is. It's not it's not like a
[00:23:03] Consciousness about my appearance so much as it is like
[00:23:06] Facial ticks and stuff and I'm not knowing what to do with my face. Well, I just do gay stuff with my body
[00:23:11] And I don't know it's my yeah, I don't mind the gay stuff
[00:23:13] I just I don't like I look at myself and I look like somebody that has like a fucking neurological disorder like I
[00:23:22] Now you are you just got to get over a baby. No, I feel like I'm not conveying the right emotion when you don't feel emotions
[00:23:29] That's the hardest part about acting for you. Yeah, they have to pretend to know what emotions are yeah, but that's
[00:23:45] Well, that's the cool thing in acting now is acting with no emotion if you saw like
[00:23:49] That Jake Gyllenhaal movie where he's the video guy for like the car accidents the crawler the accountant the you know
[00:23:57] That's over. That's how did we miss that by the way because the account is an autistic. I never saw it actually no
[00:24:02] Do you guys want to watch it after this maybe I heard it's really good. I got a Benno Brian
[00:24:06] He's staying with me. He just fucking texts. I forgot. I bring him here. Bring me an a story already
[00:24:10] For cocksucker. Yeah, tell them to come down. Yeah, yeah, we'll get my cab or something. Okay
[00:24:15] I'll tell you won't actually pay for the cap
[00:24:18] I don't want this to pick up on the mic, but I don't like Ben enough to pay for a cab for him if he had hair
[00:24:24] I'd say we should pay for it. Dude. He's a handsome bald man Ben Ben doesn't he looks good bald dude
[00:24:29] He looks like Justin long bald. Yeah, yeah Ben could fuck big time if he wasn't in a relationship that piece
[00:24:34] I was gonna have sex with his girlfriend. No, he doesn't they don't fuck their shit. Wow. They're both together
[00:24:38] Yeah, that's so cool. Yeah, you know actually me and stop have sex with his girlfriend for him
[00:24:44] Yeah, that's kind of why that is so cool. Yeah
[00:24:49] I was on a megabus once and this girl was talking on the phone and she literally said to the person whoever she was talking to
[00:24:56] She was like well, you know Matthew Broderick
[00:24:59] What's what's her name the Sarah Jessica Parker? Well, you know, Sarah could tear Jessica Parker
[00:25:04] She's she's completely incapable of having sex and Matthew Broderick could have sex with anyone he wants
[00:25:09] She's like so loud on the phone. She's like, yeah. Yeah, she's she's completely dry down there
[00:25:19] Ohio and it was in his sheets in Ohio like to her
[00:25:22] Maybe it was like just Western Pennsylvania or something like two nights ago
[00:25:25] And there's this guy that's like, you know, like the back of his head was fat
[00:25:30] You know, I don't even know where they found a sheets shirt, right in size
[00:25:34] Yeah, he was working there. Oh, he's working there. He's like stocking the shelves and then
[00:25:40] like he was putting up like Doritos or something or like chips on the shelf and
[00:25:44] Like a woman like through him like extra like a whole bag like a bag of bags of chips or whatever
[00:25:52] He's like damn you hit me right my face, you know, and then I was like at the register and
[00:25:59] And the cashier the cash cash cash cash cash
[00:26:04] Can you yeah cash you cash any cash and he's yeah?
[00:26:13] She looks out of the counter. She's like Kevin. Why are these toastinos up here?
[00:26:17] And he's like all cuz some black lady wanted them
[00:26:22] Now told her how much they cost and she said never mind
[00:26:29] God damn that shit was so good for me cuz some black lady wanted
[00:26:37] Say a lady say a woman. Well take customer
[00:26:46] Where'd you say this was Ohio Ohio it's so funny too having to like readjust a Manhattan where people are like actually attractive
[00:26:53] You're like pull in after being on the road for like fucking 22 hours. Yeah, and the ugliest parts
[00:26:59] I mean you yet to from here to fucking Detroit is
[00:27:02] Horrendous disgusting there's like yeah, it's just a saga
[00:27:05] Yeah, it's some strangely like hot southern Bell type bitches. I'm like Atlanta, too
[00:27:10] It's just like just sexy ass. Yeah, black ladies. Yeah, well Pittsburgh's got some some lookers
[00:27:16] Yeah, all of the all of the women in the Midwest have the bodies of like cowboys
[00:27:23] So I have like a pretty face, but then like acne and then their heads the wrong size
[00:27:30] And John will ease the men are sexy. Yeah, and we're gonna be sure they're all like, you know
[00:27:35] They they have to work on farms for some of the real fat. Yeah, they're fat
[00:27:40] I guess that's true and there's very few people who could pull off being sexy as hell and fat
[00:27:44] Mm-hmm. That's all the women wear like boys jeans with like with like a Swarovski diamond
[00:27:52] The butth-last right to accentuate your fucking somehow you in your
[00:27:57] 21 pants or say it weighs 21 inch waist you have zero ass
[00:28:07] Jet your ass looks like a change purse. I'm trying to think if I saw any sexy I
[00:28:11] Guess there were some sexy people in Cleveland
[00:28:16] Yeah, very few though. There's like some rock a bill. There's like a rock a bloody themed actually, you know what?
[00:28:20] There was some sexy. Mm-hmm. I guess any major city the sexiest people from around
[00:28:25] 48 whatever 80 miles are gonna be there, but still not yeah
[00:28:30] Yeah in Cleveland. You go right. You just go hit up the rock and roll Hall of Fame
[00:28:34] Everyone look like the hottest the hottest person who's gonna carry
[00:28:40] Yeah, Drew Carey does look like a mid-west woman. Yeah pretty much exactly. Yeah
[00:28:45] Yeah, he like isn't capable of growing facial hair. I'm pretty sure yeah
[00:28:49] I mean, that's not a big deal though. Yeah, but it's not a big deal to me at all
[00:28:55] Would you guys smash me me me me bow back?
[00:28:59] Maybe I would just you know what it looked like she was she was having a lot of fun making the Drew Carey show
[00:29:05] That's what I like about her, but you you know you wouldn't you're lying. Of course not. Yeah, I don't think I
[00:29:15] Good I would be pretending like you're a good person
[00:29:19] It doesn't make you a good person that want to fuck me me if anything you're fetishizing weird fat women
[00:29:23] If he's doing it because she's having fun. He's attracted some other part of her personality not by
[00:29:29] If I was fetishizing and be like yeah, I'm just into a big trash circle
[00:29:34] a big fucking bloated piece of trash yeah, man
[00:29:43] How about football, huh you guys will make this a sports podcast doesn't watch or
[00:29:48] That was incredible yesterday shout out to the Green Bay Packers
[00:29:53] Shout out Darren Rogers. I can't wait my dream. We talked about this before the pod
[00:29:56] I want him to just fucking win the Super Bowl and come out of the closet and it's gonna be fucking awesome come out of the closet
[00:30:02] And yeah, yeah, and and tell everyone to join the DSA
[00:30:09] It would be awesome he who I mean maybe he's not gay nice probably gay well
[00:30:15] Yeah, he's a best friend and then and then they broke up in his best friend was tweeting like the who's like this little twinkly looking guy
[00:30:22] He's like I'm just gonna focus on me now
[00:30:25] There's like if the NFL and everyone you what I knew and then immediately deleted it
[00:30:29] So it was like there was some shady shit and Aaron Rodgers talked to his family
[00:30:33] Mm-hmm. You know like there's this weird like and Olivia Munn was dating
[00:30:37] Well, how do you know what if it what if this is the reality?
[00:30:40] Everyone else in the NFL and his family is gay. Oh, that's I think that's a good that's that's possible. Yeah
[00:30:45] That's sort of like a national treasure plot. Oh, yeah, that's the twist. Yeah. No, you don't understand. It's not me
[00:30:52] That's gay. It's the entire world do this just that much in the closet that he tries to say that everyone else
[00:31:09] It's gay to fuck I'm sick of all these fucking faggots all around
[00:31:39] It's like why are you talking like that you live in Fairfax
[00:31:43] You're from a clean why do you have that accent?
[00:31:46] Fuck yeah, so that's my that's my hope for that and I hope that Olivia Munn is his girlfriend, right?
[00:31:53] Beard as hell, but she made it the your South Park guy, right or a family guy guy, right?
[00:31:59] Did she Seth MacFarlane, but he's also clausen who's gay. Yeah, that's what we're saying. So that's why they say Aaron Rodgers
[00:32:05] That's why it seems like Olivia Munn. That's a good career. The thing about the usually you know, she's so hot
[00:32:10] Here's how you know Seth MacFarlane is gay. He's so productive. She's so funny. That's he's so productive
[00:32:15] I mean he gets so much shit done and it's like you can't do that much shit unless you have like a demon
[00:32:20] Right you're just trying to escape something. Yeah. Yeah, that's why everyone like all closet gay people like for years
[00:32:25] We're like such great workers and shit because it's like that's all like like Sal from fucking madman
[00:32:30] Yeah, like those type of guys and now I feel like now it's not it's pedophiles that are the ones that get all the work done
[00:32:36] Yeah, it's true. They're like I didn't understand he had a family and a great job
[00:32:40] How could he have been a pedophile? Yeah, the Trent the Department of Energy is pretty much all pedophiles pedophiles running on hamster wheels
[00:32:47] Yeah, that's that's what our energy grid is. Yeah. They're just taking care of those nuclear weapons. They're doing a great job
[00:32:52] Yeah, basically what you do is that's just song plays in your head that fucking bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump
[00:32:59] What you think about or try not to think about raping children
[00:33:01] And then that's you know what no one wants to know how the sausage is made, but that's basically the American economy
[00:33:11] Subway Jared was such a pedophile that he ate his way to fame
[00:33:16] And that's how pretty he became the best at eating that is the most
[00:33:20] Untalented man in the world because he was hiding that shame. Yeah, he was able to become famous and then when he was eating sandwiches
[00:33:27] Sure, he came the best at the in the world at eating sandwiches. He just picked a very specific sandwich
[00:33:32] This should suck dude. Sam. So boy. He would eat the six inch right and then he'd walk like three miles
[00:33:37] Yeah, but then you know when he went to jail though
[00:33:40] He actually got a 12 inch now wait. They have some way in jail. Yeah, they do
[00:33:44] Yeah, actually wouldn't be surprised if they had subway in jail. Oh, they know it seems like jail food in Iraq in Iraq
[00:33:50] like all the vendors for like the troops and shit are like subway
[00:33:55] Yeah, I'm in Robbins. No, I went to Japan. Yeah, I want you to pay this like Burger King's on bases and shit
[00:34:00] Yeah, we're just weirdest. Yeah, yeah, everyone Buzzfeed Benny wrote that report from Ford hood after the shooting
[00:34:07] No, he's like hey Buzzfeed Benny here and they sent me to Ford hood to cover the massacre
[00:34:12] Oh, and he was like check it out Ford hoods a lot like the rest of the country. They've got Chipotle here
[00:34:20] Nothing to do with the Ford hood shooting. He just talked about what food they really yeah
[00:34:24] It's it was one of the most ridiculous things that read my fucking life. Yeah, was it sponsored content?
[00:34:31] I went to Auschwitz and here's the snacks I got
[00:34:37] Hmm Cadbury eggs can't get these in the States
[00:34:42] Who though who is Buzzfeed Benny? He's now
[00:34:49] Journal review. What is it I JR? I don't know. Yeah, he's the other one Benny
[00:34:55] He's not Buzzfeed Benny anymore. They fired him after who's the dude that did that tweeted out porn accidentally
[00:35:00] That was a Buzzfeed TV. I am Josh. No, that's talking points. Moo. Oh, it's some other smart shit. Yeah
[00:35:06] Well, he tweeted out porn. So it's not that smart. Oh, yeah. Yeah tweet it out porn by accident
[00:35:12] Yeah, what if you tweet out porn on purpose. It's a good bit. That's smart. Yeah. Yeah
[00:35:19] What the fuck is Wardell's content these days? Oh
[00:35:22] He's gone off the fucking deep. Yeah, this all is power to the players shit. It's like what is that?
[00:35:28] I didn't see it's the I think the game stop motto, which I I think I said on the last podcast
[00:35:34] So I'm gonna just go ahead and say stole that
[00:35:36] Guys and and then it's still like I don't know what he's doing. He's just taking a million videos himself saying power to the players
[00:35:44] It doesn't matter anymore, dude. He's too big to fail
[00:35:48] It's like you tweet anything and people will fuck. I mean, he's like oh, he's Goldman Sachs of comedy
[00:35:54] He's too big to know justice destructive, right? Well, no, I think that let's see
[00:35:59] Let's go right now to brand is Twitter feed. I think a very solid
[00:36:02] social media fame strategy is just a catchphrase comedy
[00:36:07] You find catchphrase and then you do it for about two weeks and then other people start doing it and then you say it's washed and
[00:36:13] Then you find a new one. Yeah, like swag. What happened to swag? Well swag is that's that's years ago
[00:36:19] My friend. Yeah, I bet a swag makes a prominent appearance in Final Fantasy 15
[00:36:26] I told you guys doing he's doing guerrilla mindset red pill jokes now. Oh, okay. Yeah, he's saying
[00:36:33] Yeah, I like his his move now is to listen to chappo not understand any of it cling to one guy
[00:36:40] He repeat their jokes. Oh, yeah, you made fun of a month. What are the other days? Oh, yeah, yeah
[00:36:50] Uh that feeling when the proletariat and whatever and I was like, all right, we get it you listen to chappo
[00:36:59] Come on man stop pretending to be anyway, we've already covered this we don't have to make fun of work
[00:37:03] Yes, we do. Look the show's got a limited scope the people only listen to it
[00:37:08] Because I respond to the DMS what else they would else we got?
[00:37:12] Oh people have been asking about my proprietary spice blend from when I was eating chicken on Mike
[00:37:16] Uh, but you weren't eat it. Everyone got mad at you, but that was me drinking soup
[00:37:22] That's what made the noise well, but they have his fat by association. I was eating. I'm just fat
[00:37:27] Stop just sounds like he sounds like he's not a fucking faggot. Yeah. I
[00:37:32] Saliva's actually digesting the insides of his cheeks
[00:37:41] Yeah, his head's rotting like a fucking old jack-o-lantern from the inside out
[00:37:45] I have to just constantly apply Ben Gator my cheeks
[00:37:49] By the way, I know it's the most obvious
[00:37:54] Observation, but Ben Gay is the funniest name for anything nice. No, what if you knew got a big
[00:38:04] You could get him that as like a mean present my roommate. Let's get him Ben. Yeah, Brian
[00:38:08] We got two bends. Oh, yeah, they're selling Ben get the buddagan next door. I saw it today
[00:38:13] I'm about to buy Ben big tub of Ben game being gay. You call up Dwayne Reed like excuse me
[00:38:19] I I am visiting from Germany, but I am looking for do you have Ben faggot?
[00:38:29] There might be a language barrier, but I'm looking for Ben faggot
[00:38:37] Hey, what's up, Buster? You know, I get some Ben queer. Yeah
[00:38:43] What is it? It's it's a cream if you're in pain or something. Yeah, yeah your muscles. Is it hemorrhoids? No, it's for like
[00:38:51] Brightest or something. I think it's a steroid. It's like a mild steroid. Yeah a topical steroid. Yeah. Yeah
[00:38:57] I love that topical, you know, well, let me tell the people what's in the damn spice blend boy. Oh, yeah
[00:39:02] I go for it. So look I fucking freestyle it. All right. I cook from the heart and the soul
[00:39:14] I don't eat for the heart I get out I'll go on a bender
[00:39:17] But I cook healthy shit, and then I'll just eat fried chicken afterwards
[00:39:20] Here's this here's here are the ingredients fuck around with them until you get a nice fucking mix
[00:39:25] We're talking paprika. We're talking fucking hot pepper. All right cayenne pepper cayenne is cayenne is the best pepper
[00:39:34] It's not cayenne sounds hotter than chili, but you also need to be very flavorful hot chili powder
[00:39:40] Where you talk chili powder not the Philly the red chili flakes?
[00:39:44] No, no, no, hi chili hot chili powder a little bit of hot chili flakes if you want
[00:39:48] I don't cuz they smoke up on my cast iron
[00:39:51] And then you're throwing little garlic salt little fucking onion salt little fucking cumin little bit of cumin less cumin than the other shit
[00:39:59] And then if you want to get fancy little bit of coriander
[00:40:02] And that's fucking that's that's basically it my bitch
[00:40:06] Just try that out sprinkle that on some fucking chicken thighs, and if you have a nice hard dick
[00:40:15] Then over the skin you got a double fucking wait, so you take the skin off put seasoning on put the skin back on
[00:40:20] Right, yeah, re-case your chat. Yeah, absolutely. Yes the mother fuck
[00:40:24] You know my my remade do that you just got to be fucking you know have deft fingers my man my roommate
[00:40:29] You don't I do though when it comes to chicken don't I absolutely do no I cook with care
[00:40:35] I cook the way I eat pussy and fuck why me it sucks dude, so what you do is you peel the skin back
[00:40:40] Look at your fingers look like cigars that fell into a toilet
[00:40:47] But when it cut when it comes to the fucking when it comes to what matters dude when it comes to making a delicious fucking chicken
[00:40:53] Yeah, I find a way but not you know picking up dimes off the floor
[00:40:57] It's very that's very difficult are selecting a floor on the elevator
[00:41:01] These are all things you're incapable of you know my phone is the jitterbug. I don't have an iPhone
[00:41:06] Yeah, I can't I would love seeing to get on an elevator
[00:41:10] And then in fact I gets on and then he pulls a special wand out
[00:41:29] Fucking fat people are so fun to make fun of it
[00:41:32] I know it's so hard like if the roasts are so difficult because it's like anytime I roast anyone
[00:41:38] It's like yeah, I wish I could make fat joke. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's so easy and fun dude
[00:41:41] Zachamico has to go off that's why you got a two-person
[00:41:44] And I guess they're like preparing for each other and it's like Prussards
[00:41:49] He there's just nothing funny about him, right? Well, he's kind of gay looking yeah
[00:41:54] But you know who cares but his dad just died of Parkinson's or whatever
[00:41:57] And so he's been telling people like please don't write jokes about it
[00:42:00] And it's like that's the only thing to write jokes right right right. Yeah, it's like gonna write jokes about it, right?
[00:42:09] Yeah, yeah, Zach's Zach's in the fuck yeah, hopefully Zach wins it dude damn
[00:42:15] They're making what they made Lawrence go up against Prussard first time last yeah last time to yeah damn
[00:42:21] I hope Zach doesn't get out first round though. It's suck dick. Yeah
[00:42:25] Because bruce or is just like a fucking sexy trying to put him over cuz he looks good. Yeah, he's a pretty boy
[00:42:31] Yeah, pretty boy type shit. Yeah, you good joke writer. Yeah, he's good at the rose. Yeah. Yeah
[00:42:39] Yeah, I don't know it's fucking hard to do any and Zach just looks so hollit
[00:42:43] Zach's like if you made someone to roast in a fucking
[00:42:46] Yeah, Petri dish well Zach looks like the guy that would be playing Final Fantasy 50
[00:42:53] He's like the Final Fantasy 15 guys plus snacks plus 35
[00:43:02] He has Liberty spikes and like fucking weird be as a dick piercing. Yeah, yeah
[00:43:07] Yeah, it's got a very like very much like a fucking he looks like Amy actually mall
[00:43:12] That's all the agents skanks kind of aesthetic. Yeah, they're very much like you know 15 years ago
[00:43:19] It's yeah stylistic choice. Yeah, he has horrific style. Yeah
[00:43:23] I mean the fucking one of the best comics. He's very super funny. Yeah quick as shit all that stuff
[00:43:29] But man the half blonde hair. Yeah, he looks ridiculous. Yeah another weird thing is that didn't he come up with black comics in Philly?
[00:43:37] Yeah, yeah, but he was like looking like that. No, no, no. He did the classic white trash
[00:43:43] Growing up, which is like you start a wigger. Oh, yeah grow up. You grow into hot topic
[00:43:48] Yeah, I mean like that's how you graduate Wow
[00:43:55] But yeah, that's out LOS and Zach good luck on that shit next funny shit, man
[00:44:08] Lewis is offering lap damp this that shit just frustrates me
[00:44:12] I know I hate that yeah if you want to fucking you go to your club that someone has a joke and I'm sorry for stealing it
[00:44:18] Basically, but it's like getting a bun over there friends. Well, it's game. But no, it's like it's like
[00:44:22] Wanting to fucking go into the fucking strip club is like
[00:44:26] Wanting to eat fish and going to an aquarium. You know what I mean? It's like it just doesn't
[00:44:31] Scratch the itch at all. It just like makes you realize you can't actually it's like wanting to fucking then smelling an aquarium
[00:44:42] Put your nose all up in the yeah, no, it's another level of frustrating because it's also like I don't really want to fuck any of these strippers, right?
[00:44:51] Kind of ugly naked people. I've been to I've been to too many strip clubs for it to for me
[00:44:57] I have never been to a strip club because I'm from Vegas. So all right
[00:45:04] My grandmother's a stripper my dad's stripper dad's gay
[00:45:14] I thought we established this our dad's gay our dads are actually just we say we're gonna
[00:45:19] Appear and trap our dad so we don't be real brothers
[00:45:37] Greek immigrant who's not happy about anything my dad would be abusive to your guys dad's now my dad preferably and emotionally
[00:45:45] My dad's a scrappy guy you probably just biggest
[00:45:49] Yeah, I guess with the fuck up my dad is a rugby player growing up. Yeah, we ain't now bitch
[00:45:54] Yeah, he's a little bottom. He's a little bottom Jew, dude. Yeah, how tall is your dad like five six
[00:46:01] Which is your dad way is he scrawny who is more than me all right?
[00:46:05] You weigh stomach dude flat stomach 65 years old like no you have the body composition of a 14 year old girl
[00:46:12] You understand that's not true at all cuz I have a penis. I don't have breasts. I don't have training bra. Okay
[00:46:17] So your dad what does he do for a living or what did he do for a living? He's an architect
[00:46:22] So you got a little ass. Yeah, but you go out on the you go out on the job side
[00:46:28] So would my dad my dad can build it my dad will fuck my dad or shop my dad will rape your father and because you respect
[00:46:33] Snicks father your dad would never rape my father. Yeah, he would no my dad is a man of pride
[00:46:38] And he was also okay first of all my dad was in the military what military were your dads in the military?
[00:46:43] Yes, my dad was in the Greek military. Okay, so my dad was a compulsory Greek sir military
[00:46:48] My dad did compulsory service in apartheid so that's a wash
[00:46:52] So you're late your dad was in apartheid
[00:46:57] No, he was very active, but he had to do basic training wait
[00:47:01] He used to tell me these stories of what he was it so
[00:47:04] Listen, listen, listen. Yeah, you haven't heard this story before. Oh, no. Yeah, dude Adams family. They own slaves
[00:47:11] I'm actually got here on like everything that he's ever had in his life was basically through slave late up
[00:47:17] So your family used to own Trevor Noah's family. No
[00:47:21] He's his family's responsible for the new Daily Show. Oh geez. That is the biggest atrocity. Yeah, we're committed
[00:47:28] We showed him the June Stute on the we sold one of our abos to June Stewart's when he exchanged for a roof
[00:47:39] We got a roof out of it. We traded our roof
[00:47:42] My dad told me he was in when he was in the South African military had this this really like maybe like five four five five
[00:47:50] So everyone all the white men had to go into basic training for a year after high school before college all the white men
[00:47:57] Just every universal white male constrict. Yeah, basically South Africa
[00:48:02] But then he went to like the inside of Dylan roof's head
[00:48:06] Well, no, no, no, no, no that country Dylan roof was really into Rhodesia Rhodesia, which is another Bob way. Yeah, yeah
[00:48:16] This drill sergeant this like tiny be like this tiny the Pepsi not Coke
[00:48:20] Yeah, he's actually just shot at my dad my dad would be doing like the you know the you know
[00:48:26] 80 pound backpack like running joints. Yeah, and he just shot at my dad
[00:48:30] He's like listen you fucking you it which is like Jew in South African or in offer cards
[00:48:35] It's like listen you fucking you it what hilta didn't do I will do to you
[00:48:40] Oh my god, I am here to finish hilta's job. You call them hilter. Yeah, it's that a Hitler
[00:48:46] Which doesn't make sense. He's just inverting letters. Yeah, I'm doing it with an accent
[00:48:51] Yeah, he's like you fucking you it's if it wasn't for the blanks. It would be you
[00:48:57] Terrible. Yeah, so what was basic. It's like whack-a-mole crazy stories from the land down under
[00:49:04] It is it's pretty sure with crocodile Dundee. Yeah, no well
[00:49:08] He got so so he he a couple of he went to Jewish day school and a couple of his other
[00:49:21] Complained about not having kosher meat. Oh, no, like yeah, which is like terrible like your mom is complaining to the arm strike one complaining
[00:49:28] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so they're like that's already Jewish in another way
[00:49:32] They wake up they wake up all the Jews in the middle of the night. He's got a peanut allergy
[00:49:41] Momma let them let them get you near the peanuts obviously a mom complaint. So then he goes he like
[00:49:48] Jesus they wake up all the Jews in the middle of the night and he's like personal. All right, you fucking you it's one of your fucking mummies
[00:49:58] But he's like this is my dad's story for never never volunteer for anything if you're in the army
[00:50:04] He's like, okay, so we got you some fucking kosher meat
[00:50:07] The day any of you know how to cook and so no one raises his hands my dad raises his hand
[00:50:12] So they take him to a fucking industrial kitchen and there's just a side of a cow
[00:50:19] Literally just a dead cow hanging from hooks and he has to like sound you wish that how your dad met your mom
[00:50:32] like carve up this cow they gave him like a cleaver he had like you know 18 year old boy
[00:50:37] Yeah, just cutting up a cow and then the next day in the mess hall
[00:50:41] All the Jews were like eating steaks well all the offer coders were eating like grueling stuff
[00:50:47] Holy shit, and then the anti-Semitism just went through the roof because that fucking guy's mom complained. That's incredible. Yeah. Yeah
[00:50:54] Holy shit. Yeah. Yeah, how long do you have to how long is in the army? So you do basic training and then you can go to college
[00:51:08] Swaziland which is like the small kingdom and and so they they identified him as a potential political enemy
[00:51:15] Oh really? Yeah, so they they tried to bring him up into the army and send him into Angola in the early 80s during the Civil War
[00:51:25] We're not you're not fighting for the fucking South African army in Angola, so they came to America
[00:51:29] Oh, so you just dipped was that you could just do that? No, they like left they left a ton of money behind
[00:51:34] They like they fucking almost a really hurt
[00:51:41] Yeah, holy shit. Yeah. Anyway, so yeah, my dad would rape him still though. No, no
[00:51:46] My dad would be the my dad went to fuck it the same shit
[00:51:49] You want he was a fucking soldier and he's fucking been building shit and lifting shit his whole life
[00:51:55] My dad's been building shit too, dude. Your best bet is my dad has a heart attack. That's the only way you know
[00:51:59] You're dad's out of shape. No, he's like he's like a strong guy with a horrible heart
[00:52:03] Okay, my dad's a strong guy with a with a heart of gold. He's not strong. He's a hard to hold
[00:52:08] Holy shit, we could all fuck your dad up. You couldn't fuck my dad up. Absolutely
[00:52:12] He's strong as fuck my dad. My dad would just be looking at pictures of trains in the model slot cars
[00:52:21] That's what he would do the entire time. If your dad in good shape. No bad shape. Yeah bad shape
[00:52:28] He's not fat or any short guy. No, he's like 5'10. He's taller than you. Yeah, yeah, my dad's taller than me too. Oh, man
[00:52:36] Not tower over my father. No, it's why we're because our fathers will fuck your father up. Yeah, that's not possible
[00:52:42] It's so true your little your little scrawny Jew dead is so funny that argument my dad could beat up your dad
[00:52:48] I'm like elementary school argument. Yeah, I was just raped though. I remember like getting in it with like just kids with like dads
[00:52:56] Neck tattoos in Vegas. Oh, yeah Vegas is the worst just one of the only response to that was like well
[00:53:01] I can beat the shit out of you. Yeah, what does it mean our dads aren't gonna fight for our honor?
[00:53:07] You dad just coming into the elementary school like fucking pushing the kindergarten teacher out of the way like we're zet faggot Billy's dad
[00:53:18] Now we got a bone to pick right here in front of the Legos
[00:53:22] There were dads I remember when we first moved to Vegas that had like bleached tips. Oh, yeah, yeah neck tats
[00:53:28] Barb to wire tats. So yeah, the final fantasy that final fantasy that
[00:53:33] Yeah, final fantasy. Yes, motherfucking dad. I can't get over how shitty this game is. Yeah, it looks horrible
[00:53:40] Yeah, it's sixty bucks. Well spent. Yeah, I mean the combat's fun. I guess I mean
[00:53:44] I'm hoping that gets like I just acclimate myself to these
[00:53:48] You know vent like look at this guy look at the fucking tattoos on his arms
[00:53:53] Yeah, yes, five no he has tribal sleeves and
[00:53:57] And then one of those one of those wristbands that has the watch incorporated into yeah leather leather strap wrist
[00:54:04] I'm sure there are some comptown listeners that where leather
[00:54:09] I love the other braces is just nothing else. It's just a leather
[00:54:18] That was my second grade car Halloween costume Kevin's
[00:54:22] Big chest yet that has to be the most inaccurate cost dude
[00:54:28] I'm on you. I'm basically the same. What are you a poor cowboy a poor fat cowboy?
[00:54:33] Can figure out your parents used to buy you costumes at the store do they like put you in some rags and like send you to
[00:54:39] I think it would it would vary there were years where the Hercules one
[00:54:44] I was fucking adamant about wanting and I got that that was a party city joint and then I think we figured
[00:54:50] Then one year I was the dough boy so that you know yeah, and that was just like white white shirt white face paint
[00:54:57] My mom could make shit. My mom. I was sonic. I remember my mom like so to sonic. Yeah, my parents would make all my
[00:55:03] I never go to the store. It was so annoying
[00:55:07] I remember what time elders when we were like how old were we when like the Monica Lewinsky shit was going on third grade fourth grade
[00:55:16] Fourth fourth fourth fourth. Oh Monica. Yeah, it was my father fucker
[00:55:20] I'm thinking I was my roommate for all the weeks who talked about a bunch
[00:55:23] I grew up with him. He's my roommate. He's a hilarious dude and
[00:55:27] unintentionally and intentionally he was in fourth grade and he got remember those bill Clinton mask was like the tongue out
[00:55:32] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:55:35] I'm talking to you like lipstick all over my friend my friend
[00:55:39] Immigrant kid my friend my friend Daniel had that my friend Daniel had the bill Clinton one
[00:55:46] And it was the costume was Bill Clinton getting his dick sucked and I remember
[00:55:53] He was like smart knew about politics or whatever
[00:55:57] We use like nine and complaining about Jerry Falwell and shit. That's hilarious. Yeah, he's like a PhD now
[00:56:03] And he like is like a big some kind I've been talking. Yeah, I'll just fucking idiot
[00:56:06] I have nothing to talk to you. It was a smart. No, he's smart
[00:56:09] But he's not he's smart, but like hasn't gotten a PhD or anything like that. Yeah, but yeah, that's just so funny
[00:56:15] I remember mom was scandalized. I think that was the year I was I was
[00:56:20] The dough boy was I was the dough boy and he was very dope and getting his dick sucked. Yeah, yeah
[00:56:26] You were Bill Clinton's penis and there was cum coming out of your head out of your head
[00:56:32] there's a little your penis with an America pin and like cum coming out of it and
[00:56:36] And my favorite was around Halloween this year when there were all those moms dressing their gay little sons up like Hillary Clinton
[00:56:43] They're like he wanted to wear this. Oh, yeah
[00:56:45] It's like hey, I'm fierce it up like just like these like little boys wearing pantsuits
[00:56:50] I'm much of that actually happened. Well, there was a one one. Yeah, there's like three or four that went around Twitter brave
[00:56:56] Little boy dresses up as Hillary and you know maybe there was one very big about all the children that not only didn't have costumes
[00:57:02] But weren't even able to have clothes because they were tied to chains in the basement of Comet ping-pong
[00:57:10] And you're gonna selfishly dress your child as Hillary Clinton
[00:57:12] What if that's their thing being one of Hillary cosplay Hillary want to fuck children dressed like her
[00:57:17] Yeah, yeah, how about instead of the bill Clinton getting his dick suck costume?
[00:57:20] It's Hillary, but then she's got a strap on and it's going into an infant
[00:57:25] So you just get a strap on and put it on like a baby doll and then your Hillary Clinton
[00:57:30] That is easily the weirdest for a pet of
[00:57:45] They're like eldest this is fourth grade
[00:57:49] I'm a total coster head. I'm a real Halloween head. I just love Halloween
[00:57:54] I'm real candy and the child showing up to someone's house like that
[00:58:02] Trick or treat and we have a cowboy and a princess. Oh Jesus
[00:58:11] I'm Hillary Clinton. Oh hi get it. It's pizza gate. That's adorable and it's true too. It's adorable and true
[00:58:17] Fuck Jesus Christ, man. Yeah, I love me some damn H. Wean
[00:58:24] Yeah, the candy dude. You gotta get the fucking twizzlers popping favorite. What's your favorite Halloween candy?
[00:58:31] Favorite I used to water fingers when I was a kid really butter fingers my favorite
[00:58:35] I don't like you guys caught on your tea. Yeah, I think I like butter fingers only because the Simpsons advertising
[00:58:40] Yeah, no, I didn't actually like it Reese's I think her, you know
[00:58:43] I love butter fingers man. Sometimes like that. It is shitty. I get stuck in your teeth
[00:58:48] Yeah, the peanut butter was that honeycomb? I don't know. I know what it is. It was camels. It was all
[00:58:55] I fuck with dot you guys remember dots those two. Yes motherfuckers off the paper
[00:58:59] No, no, no one of those off the people I started liking as an adult fucking whoppers especially because yeah
[00:59:05] You can drink them. Mm-hmm. I love I just you gotta like suck the fucking you kind of like suck the
[00:59:11] Was it called the powdered milk or whatever the fuck? Yeah, we actually have a bunch of British candy in front of us
[00:59:17] Amber brought us amber and we're brought as British candy back from
[00:59:21] From across the pond. It's all you all dude. Yeah, she brought him from Guy Richie
[00:59:26] There's like a guy Richie washes over there and now she's in snatch to the snatching
[00:59:31] He was like yeah life is like a bunch of layers and it's it's a day layers go on top of each other
[00:59:37] Into a cake and that's why this movie is called a layer cake
[00:59:40] Is do you guys see the fucking King Arthur have we talked about this the guy
[00:59:47] Dude, it's bad fucking awesome. It's kind of like Final Fantasy ish. It's like it's bad. Oh, yeah, it looks horrific
[00:59:54] Yeah, I mean I haven't seen the movie. I saw the trailer trailer. Yeah, it's fucking awesome
[00:59:58] I think it's the guy from Sons of Anarchy. He's King Arthur, and he's like dubstep King Arthur. Oh, you Charlie Hanham
[01:00:04] I think so. Yeah, he's a good actor. I like him
[01:00:06] The fact that Sons of Anarchy is the most poorly written
[01:00:12] So funny about Sons of Anarchy and why Kurt Sutter is like such an interesting guy because like he's
[01:00:20] Objectively a fucking moron right if you if you listen to him speak. He's a very dumb guy, you know
[01:00:25] Hey, Wendy's in that show. Yeah, yeah, but
[01:00:28] This he is so good. There's some people that are very dumb, but so good at constructing a compelling story
[01:00:34] Mmm, even if like elements of the story are unbelievable or all the characters are as stupid as he is
[01:00:45] Talent completely separate from intelligence. It's like being funny. It's exactly like some of the funniest people
[01:00:50] I know are complete fucking well Tracy Morgan is probably sort of retarded. Yeah
[01:00:54] It's like impossible to have a real conversation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but he's funny
[01:00:58] Well, it's like people do that with people do that with comic like people think I'm smarter than I am just because I'm funny
[01:01:03] It's like no, I'm a fucking idiot right. I'm just funny. You're pretty funny
[01:01:07] You're not funny, but I you're not funny, but you're you're pretty smart. I'm funnier than you bitch
[01:01:16] Bitch when I say unfunny things on the podcast on purpose completely
[01:01:23] Yeah, you're doing irony when you start off the show with an with an open mic bit about how comedy's like strippers
[01:01:37] The Oliver Stone Nixon movie again. Oh, yeah, it seemed like 15 years. Yeah, Anthony Hopkins is shit
[01:01:44] Mm-hmm. He is really yeah, he just can't see them well like half the time. He's like he's like he's like
[01:01:51] Yeah, he's like well, we're gonna have to have kiss and Jen here and then
[01:01:55] We're going to talk to him, you know, and he's like just drops the accent. He can't fucking do it
[01:02:01] Yeah, you know the 90% of his performance is the fake teeth that he's wearing, you know, yeah
[01:02:06] There's another Nixon movie I want to see which is the Robert Altman one with Philip Baker Hall his just secret honor
[01:02:13] Yeah, yeah, it's just one guy the whole time. Yeah, I've seen it. Is it good?
[01:02:17] It's tedious. It's tedious. Yeah. It's a good performance. Mm-hmm, and it's it's Philip Baker Hall
[01:02:23] Is it I think it is you just see how I think it's Philip Baker Hall is not no I think it's George C. Scott
[01:02:31] Well, whatever. Yeah, no, I think it's George sucks cock
[01:02:36] We just speaking of Robert Altman the three of us the come boys watched McCabe and Mrs. Miller last week
[01:02:42] Good movie good movie come come town recommends do you know what I want to do that the come town so much of
[01:02:48] Come approval. We got to do more shit like that. I want it. I swear to God. Let's go. It is. It is Philip Baker Hall. Yeah
[01:02:53] Yeah, yeah, I thought yeah, I saw it like ten years ago. I thought it was uh, it's on film struck Scott
[01:02:58] Oh, is it dude? Let's take shrooms and go see cats
[01:03:02] My birthdays February 11th. Mm-hmm that weekend Pisces yeah
[01:03:06] Aquarius aquarium. Let's go do some dumb shit and like for the pot or rip
[01:03:11] But you know what I mean like this to take a field trip and fucking do something stupid like go see cats on drugs
[01:03:17] Let's just do something down and maybe go get Korean. I don't I don't want to ever do mushrooms again
[01:03:22] I'm over mushrooms. All right. We'll do salvia
[01:03:29] For the pot for our fucking listeners dude
[01:03:34] How we doing there guy got to go get Ben? I forgot I got a good thing. Well, I thought I said tell Ben to take a cab here
[01:03:50] B. I hold on hold on. Oh, you know what was on the premium episode they got a wrist is that
[01:04:03] It was a good episode it was a good I was in a bad mood at the beginning and then I worked my way out of the headache
[01:04:08] Well, wait isn't isn't your shit is it just one track missing is it Adams or just you don't know which track it
[01:04:13] No, it's Adams. Oh, just put it up. Do you put it up?
[01:04:19] I bet you could legitimately put it up. Just put it up and see what it happens
[01:04:23] I might I might you know what I should do is well
[01:04:26] I already erased it. Yeah, but it would have been cool is to just me personally rerecord Adams
[01:04:32] Just listen to it and then live monitor it you really should have
[01:04:36] That would have been a lot of work, but it would have been a lot of fucking work. Yeah. Yeah, especially
[01:04:41] My bad though, dude. You just have it for the fault dude. What the fault the fault is taking up space on my fucking computer
[01:04:48] No, but it on my computer also. We didn't mention that we're recording on MLK today. Oh, yeah shit MLK day
[01:04:57] You know, Martin Luther King's most famous quote. Mm-hmm
[01:05:05] And that this is definitely real. Yeah, how many all like sex? Mm-hmm
[01:05:11] And he said I had a dream a fantasy if you oh that one day
[01:05:17] white people and black people will both dress like the band train and take a
[01:05:23] Batmobile Audi through the desert on their way to get married
[01:05:27] 15 was his dream that was his dream. Oh God fuck. I okay guys. I hate to bring up the news
[01:05:33] I know that we've been getting political. We were trying to stray away from that. Just do bits Trump. So that's the episode
[01:05:53] Even shittier version. Yeah, look at Brandon's tweets in
[01:05:56] Yeah, this isn't bro. I just found out about fucking
[01:06:05] I'm a I'm a break is like a red one. Yeah, I'm a Trump appointed Steve Harvey to go around the country
[01:06:12] Oh, that's when you're gonna talk about yes, of course we have to talk about that
[01:06:15] Yeah to go around the country with Ben Carson and to fix America's inner city
[01:06:20] Is a hilarious I would love a reality show where people go to get brain surgery, but then like as the gas sets in and they're
[01:06:29] Steve Harvey walks in and he's like surprise
[01:06:34] They can't find Ben Carson so I'm doing the search Steve done shot the baby Steve done
[01:06:47] I'm just saying I wanted to bring it up. Yeah, Steve kills somebody and then he just drops the mic to his side and walks around the room
[01:06:54] Looking flabbergasted. Yeah, it makes that stupid race. Yeah. No, what the hell?
[01:07:00] What is Steve Harvey and Ben Carson like just can you imagine how funny it's gonna be they're gonna go around the country?
[01:07:05] That's a hilarious pairing that pairing is the first of all the most brilliant
[01:07:10] I mean just on on the strength of that alone
[01:07:12] But how like how amazing is it they're gonna go around the country shouting at little boys for not calling like ladies ma'am right?
[01:07:19] Thank you. That's amazing. Do you know how much better that is than Obama hiring a fucking Kumar from Harold and Coomar?
[01:07:30] Fuck you mark. He took a federal job to destroy his movie career right right right?
[01:07:36] I don't know what the fuck he was I'm sure it'll be back. No, I hope you're not back
[01:07:41] Another hair in Coomar. Yeah, you're right. You're right because now they got the guy the guy in uh, yeah the night of who's taking all the
[01:07:47] I kind of wish Obama had destroyed more people's media careers
[01:07:51] That actually would have been great if Hillary had become president
[01:07:53] She would have hired Lena Dunham for some bullshit rolling. She would have been done
[01:07:56] Never have to hear our long national nightmare. She'd be over tucked away at the back of the Holocaust museum
[01:08:02] What's what do you mean girls is about that?
[01:08:03] She's a fucking extremely rich person that's gonna be able to produce awful shows and movies for the rest
[01:08:08] But if she was in Hillary's administration, that wouldn't stop it wouldn't end uh, yeah would she'd be secretary of abortions. Yeah
[01:08:15] Now i've never had an abortion, but I want black people too because I care about them
[01:08:26] Uh boy. Yeah, well, that's the makeup. What if bang cars to the Steve Harvey?
[01:08:31] Just make everything we have to end this episode. I gotta piss so bad
[01:08:34] You guys great see you in we get well, we're gonna have another regular episode probably tomorrow the day after because this was late. Thanks guys