Cum Town | Premium | 07/27/2020
[00:00:00] my day all alone in the moonlight getting pussy from your ass.
[00:00:13] It's 1 30 p.m. on Sunday, January 12th, 2007.
[00:00:26] I was already performing in the streets.
[00:00:36] We're talking, making what $20 at fucking high tops?
[00:00:41] It's hosting for Andy Andrus to Y's acres, comments.
[00:00:48] That's the first time I got paid to the economy.
[00:00:52] First time I got paid to the economy, I believe it was winning
[00:00:55] Erwin Lorings comedy competition at the seafood restaurant.
[00:01:21] Look, OK, Adam, I see why you're having a nice time.
[00:01:27] At the decor, absolutely, it was inspired by themes of the ocean.
[00:01:33] OK, and I think it's to be they served pot, you know, chick shrimp poppers.
[00:01:39] OK, that's a seafood restaurant as far as I'm concerned.
[00:01:41] Yeah, the theme was there was a guy named EJ who landed somewhere.
[00:01:46] But yeah, they were like portholes on the wall.
[00:01:49] And then later an Indian family bought it, turned into an Indian restaurant
[00:01:52] and it still had portholes and it still had like the yeah, like a captain.
[00:02:00] Yeah, that place was so funny because it was like, you remember somebody's like
[00:02:08] So we just like fired bullets into it from the street.
[00:02:12] Yeah, but it was that bar because I spent a lot of time there because not only did
[00:02:17] they do shows there, but also I ran the open mic at college perk for a long time.
[00:02:26] Yeah, that was like the Monday Mike that I ran and then we would go hang out at EJ.
[00:02:32] I always meant to do college perk and never did.
[00:02:38] I thought it was so cool running and open.
[00:02:40] Dude, of course, when you're fucking 19, you're doing comedy.
[00:02:48] This is where that story about the fucking that guy who was like, you know, yeah, I spent
[00:02:53] the week at Westminster College and I fucked everybody.
[00:02:57] No, that's EJ's landing for everyone is the site of a lot of stories.
[00:03:00] That's the site of my brother trolling Tom Myers by pretending to be a black guy in the audience.
[00:03:07] What do you say to me about urban cars?
[00:03:10] He was like, it just went over their head, but it was my brother talking like a black
[00:03:18] There was one night where Tom was going up.
[00:03:23] Tom was going up and then he was like shooting on the Orioles and like people just were leaving
[00:03:28] the bar and he was like, ah, can't handle talking shit about the Orioles.
[00:03:38] This college town bar, like a D minus bar in a college town.
[00:03:49] The best thing I saw there was there was a hypnotist that Erwin booked.
[00:04:02] And I remember because I had never even been to Ohio.
[00:04:04] So I could seem like this far off distant place that this guy drew.
[00:04:08] He was pretty far from College Park, Maryland.
[00:04:09] Yeah, to do hypnotism and there weren't enough people for the show to do hypnosis.
[00:04:16] And like, you know, me and another comic had like done the show there earlier.
[00:04:22] So it was like, all right, I'll like sit in one of these chairs.
[00:04:25] And there was like an audience of like three people.
[00:04:30] And then so like he just asked you to do things, but you don't want to destroy this guy's show.
[00:04:33] So you're like, you know, he's like, now you're a cop and you're like, I'm a cop, you know,
[00:04:40] because you don't want to like be like, I'm sorry, this isn't right.
[00:04:44] Just like, you know, like put the brakes on the thing.
[00:04:48] But then there was this one woman who said she was like, I have no memory of what happened.
[00:04:52] And it was like, you're probably molasses.
[00:05:01] You have to like buy into it in order for it to work.
[00:05:05] In order for you to like give your brain to some guy that drove from Ohio.
[00:05:10] I don't, I don't think it does not make sense to me that it works in any way, shape or form.
[00:05:15] It's like at a Pentecostal church or something.
[00:05:18] It's probably the more juice, the more people around the more
[00:05:23] But it's like, how can those like, preachers like make people faint and stuff by like touching them?
[00:05:28] They have to like believe that they're, they're magic.
[00:05:34] It's the same thing as like, you know, you ever do like hallucinogens with like people and they're
[00:05:38] like, I'm like meeting God right now and everybody, nobody else is even starting to go.
[00:05:43] Nobody, nobody else has started to feel anything.
[00:05:51] I did that the first time I spoke to weed.
[00:05:53] I didn't get, you know, when you don't get high, you're like, dude.
[00:06:00] I mean, maybe I'm not high, but I'm feeling something.
[00:06:05] And then the first time you get high for real, you're like, oh fuck.
[00:06:16] Where did you get paid for the first time?
[00:06:25] That's sort of the birthplace of Dan Nynan.
[00:06:32] That's the house that shackled for it and not allowing people to do rags in it.
[00:06:39] But the first person to really point out Nynan and how absurd he is was Joe Robinson.
[00:06:47] He was hosting laugh right at the high end.
[00:06:50] And he told Joe that he makes $300,000 a year doing comedy.
[00:06:55] And Joe Robinson is not the kind of person that can just be like, oh,
[00:06:57] this person's like a delusional lie or a miserable.
[00:07:01] He has to like go on the radio and be like, this guy lied.
[00:07:06] And then he got into like a war with Dan Nynan.
[00:07:11] And then that's when like the enemy's list was discovered.
[00:07:16] Nynan, emceed an open mic that I did at Rira.
[00:07:22] Like I think maybe I'd even moved to New York and I was just going home to visit or something.
[00:07:30] I was like, wow, I get to see Nynan in his fucking it was like looking at the Loch Ness monster pop up.
[00:07:36] Seeing him in his national natural fucking habitat.
[00:07:45] Well, you know, he flies private jets now so he's he can travel.
[00:07:53] He actually changed the Epstein flight logs to put his name on.
[00:07:58] He's yeah, he edited to say that he was one of the children that was molested.
[00:08:06] Seven year old named Dan Nynan, Dan Nynan was on the flames.
[00:08:22] Yes, in 20 or 2007, I was a four year old boy.
[00:08:32] I wonder if he's pretending to be a Zoomer now because millennials are all.
[00:08:43] I think it's like Lois is 25 or something.
[00:08:51] I think the cut off for Gen X is like 1980.
[00:09:00] I didn't mean that if you turned 25, you were a couple.
[00:09:10] So if you turn 60, you become a baby boomerang.
[00:09:22] Especially now that we're at an age where we're
[00:09:31] It is funny to hook up with a 22-year-old
[00:09:34] and they're just dressing like their mom,
[00:09:36] who is somebody you thought was hot when you were like 80.
[00:09:52] I can't wait to get head from somebody that did Coke with Julian
[00:10:03] He probably got head was from so many girls with sunken ass cheekbones.
[00:10:07] He got way less cute after the drug addiction and alcoholism.
[00:10:13] Like I said, so many 23-year-olds just look like fucking.
[00:10:36] But in a way, it's kind of like fucking the babysitter.
[00:10:39] I had some blossom bitches look after me.
[00:10:44] See, I did and I only had all old Greek bitches.
[00:10:50] I'm going to fuck 23-year-olds with a black ear.
[00:10:53] because their husband died 10 years ago
[00:10:55] and they're not allowed to wear colors.
[00:11:02] and there was like two high school kids
[00:11:04] that were making out near a playground or something.
[00:11:09] damn, I can't wait to get pussy that looks like that.
[00:11:14] I can't wait to get just big heavy jeans.
[00:11:24] Can't wait to reach up into those jinkos
[00:11:30] I guess they were fake bell bottoms just going on a little bit.
[00:11:33] Yeah, they were sort of that 70s revival.
[00:11:35] But I'm thinking more of a 95 kind of look.
[00:11:45] It was all either like old-ass Greek bitches.
[00:12:02] But again, she's just like a traditional like
[00:12:07] And honestly, that is kind of what I like.
[00:12:19] Not nothing you and Rosario Dawson's in that one.
[00:12:24] For our conversation yesterday in the episode
[00:12:28] We had by the way, this is another one though.
[00:12:31] This does feel like we're back on our bullshit
[00:12:33] because we did used to do this quite a bit.
[00:12:36] And we used to just tell people the jokes that we did.
[00:12:44] Yes, we talked about Jennifer Tilly and her big ass titties.
[00:12:56] We talked about Riptorn raping Glenn Close.
[00:12:59] Riptorn and Michael Dungus rapping from Clerks.
[00:13:03] Yeah, I don't want to think about what was lost.
[00:13:09] Dennis Hopper bullied Adam for about 20 minutes.
[00:13:12] That would have been, you know, maybe it was good.
[00:13:21] Okay, just one more and then I'll stop.
[00:13:23] The way you beat the aliens from Independence Day
[00:13:26] is by showing them a picture of Glenn Close's pussy.
[00:13:38] It's like the fucking scrolls in Alexandria.
[00:13:43] Old ancient pussy eating techniques that burned up
[00:13:48] Is Glenn Close the vice president in Independence Day?
[00:13:58] She played the vice president in a movie
[00:14:09] That is what a lot of young girls look like now.
[00:14:15] I had one of those kind of chicks babysit me.
[00:14:30] No, go back to the hot blonde when you showed us.
[00:14:42] But I think when I started masturbating,
[00:14:57] The guy from Buster from Arrest Development,
[00:15:09] and then they get old and destroy themselves.
[00:15:17] Oh, actually, that's true because I saw...
[00:15:31] The coolest parts of aging you don't get to experience.
[00:15:36] I think as somebody who gets to be fat,
[00:15:38] who's gotten to be fat my whole life and enjoyed it,
[00:15:40] it's fun for people that we're not fat.
[00:15:45] one of the routes you can go down is just becoming fat as shit.
[00:15:53] I mean, all the cool aging happens after you die.
[00:15:58] I would love to just be in Subway as a skeleton,
[00:16:01] missing an eyeball and half my face is torn off.
[00:16:04] And just staring at a child and then start crying.
[00:16:07] And so, can you please stop staring at my child?
[00:16:20] And what was that? There was one other thing on that,
[00:16:21] the last one that I liked about like a guy looking at like the,
[00:16:25] like they're talking about the Rage Against Machine album.
[00:16:32] I thought they turned out that guy did that to himself.
[00:16:40] He dated himself to, yeah, two Nigerian guys
[00:16:42] he was having sex with did it to him actually.
[00:16:51] Just seeing Jesse had a good time getting double rammed by those guys.
[00:16:54] Jesse was getting absolutely destroyed by them.
[00:17:00] Do you think they had sex with them after the fake hate crime?
[00:17:07] And then he called the police afterwards.
[00:17:14] Well, they come, the police show up and his pants are down.
[00:17:18] And they're like, and they raped you too?
[00:17:19] He's like, no, no, I just needed to calm down after the attack.
[00:17:23] He spoke a little meth with these Nigerians.
[00:17:26] I was attacked and then I was so distraught that I needed to be violently raved.
[00:17:38] Everybody's talking about Bubba Wallace being Jesse Smolard of the South.
[00:17:42] Oh, that's another thing we talked about.
[00:17:51] It was, they put a freaking nose in my shed.
[00:18:01] You put a fucking nose in my race car, bro?
[00:18:10] Did you see how it was also on like all the other doors?
[00:18:13] No, I'm just saying it looked like a noose.
[00:18:16] I'm saying I looked at one picture and it looked like a noose to me.
[00:18:34] The FBI has been harassing my family for generations for the way that we are in the living.
[00:18:43] There's something that you never talk about in court.
[00:18:47] People are going to start having gotees.
[00:18:50] I think it's already, people are already testing the waters.
[00:18:55] The chin and the mustache don't connect.
[00:19:01] because I would have stupid facial hair.
[00:19:05] I'm going to try and look like a fucking 80 year old man.
[00:19:09] I'm just going to get this shit just huge.
[00:19:11] You should go to some civil war about Nysko tea.
[00:19:40] I keep getting mad at God for not giving me more blessings.
[00:19:45] I thought I was saying about being bald.
[00:20:18] He's the only guy that's got like a fucking 90s.
[00:20:23] Having no talent whatsoever, having a gotee.
[00:20:28] No, you look like you look like a like a 90210.
[00:20:38] If you cut the beard, that's the only thing you're allowed to do.
[00:20:42] I don't want to see you with a shaved face, dude.
[00:20:46] That or a Civil War mutton shop, though.
[00:20:47] My dad grew one of those goteeds after his divorce or whatever.
[00:20:58] He wasn't with me shooting in the gym, Eric Kobe.
[00:21:00] My dad was wearing like gas station sunglasses and got like a goatee.
[00:21:08] There's a picture of him from like HFS of all or something.
[00:21:11] And he's like, he's probably 50 years old.
[00:21:14] 25 years old than anyone else in frame.
[00:21:20] I'm trying to get pussy to Jimmy's chicken.
[00:21:26] I remember the goatee and that was like short lived,
[00:21:30] But he's got like a baseball long sleeve ringer
[00:21:36] Yeah. I mean, he's dressed like a 28 year old.
[00:21:38] And it's like, who do you think you are?
[00:21:44] I'm so pissed my family was insulated from American culture.
[00:21:48] Because I would love to see my dad's midlife.
[00:21:50] My dad would just like, he just got a pleather jacket and like,
[00:21:55] wouldn't fucking put hairspray in his bald ass head.
[00:21:58] My dad's one of those guys that put like, he has eight hairs
[00:22:00] and he would literally gel it to the side.
[00:22:05] Clearly try and get pussy in like a nautica polo that we bought him for father's
[00:22:15] I mean, if you continued, maybe you should try that spray.
[00:22:23] That's my whole, that's the whole thing.
[00:22:24] You're just going to let that's my whole.
[00:22:31] So, you know, that's what I'm doing with the tooth.
[00:22:37] Going to get the impression next week, actually.
[00:22:40] Monday, I'm going to Baltimore for a day or two.
[00:22:52] Well, if you want tooth, you got to do an impression.
[00:23:02] And spit put out of my mouth while kissing the girl
[00:23:07] I'm going to put your penis to the pussy.
[00:23:17] What are we going to do with my famous ribcoyant?
[00:23:26] Larry, Glenn, time to Glenn, show me your pussy.
[00:23:32] It was we were talking about the big chill.
[00:23:34] We recast it with riptorn, Dennis Hopper.
[00:23:38] Although they all were rape and they're
[00:23:46] because I never think about the shows we do ever.
[00:24:23] It's one of the worst fucking pussies I've ever seen.
[00:25:04] Somebody put a picture of Glenn Close's pussy
[00:25:16] And the last thing I saw was Glenn Close's pussy.
[00:25:38] I'm glad to say anything about Glenn's pussy.
[00:25:55] My doctor actually said I got throat cancer
[00:26:00] His wife's name was like Merle or something.
[00:26:07] an old school showbiz guy started fucking,
[00:26:44] Regis Philbin, Michael Douglas, Rip Torn.
[00:26:49] We were talking about, well also Jeff Goldblum.
[00:27:08] I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, uh, put my penis in it.
[00:27:21] It's, this is one of the worst chills I've ever been in.
[00:27:26] It's not the worst pussy I've ever seen.
[00:27:34] I love being a master of doing Rip Torn.
[00:27:42] But you know what, we're, we're extracting-
[00:27:43] We're getting cannibalizing bits and pieces here.
[00:27:51] It did feature Adam finally doing a voice and that was it.
[00:27:57] And that's why I know you want my pussy.
[00:28:00] I just got out, I saw a glain coming out of the shower
[00:28:03] and made me want to go in the garage and leave a car running.
[00:28:07] If anybody needs me, I'll be killing myself.
[00:28:14] Were you guys big who wants to be a millionaire's heads?
[00:28:20] I, you better believe I had some shiny Regis ties.
[00:28:37] I had a Trump tie and I had a Jerry Garcia tie as well.
[00:28:46] just like every shitty dad that like was a deadhead
[00:28:49] made their kids also pretend to like it.
[00:28:52] I got a bunch of ties for free when I worked out of the car dealership
[00:28:55] because my boss got mad at me for wearing the same clothes every day.
[00:29:27] They were like, yeah, we'll like teach you how to sell it.
[00:29:32] They would bring a pastor and to do sermons on Sundays.
[00:29:40] Have you ever heard of anything so cool?
[00:30:08] The morning is the one of the best times to get pussy.
[00:30:13] You can wake up and have a croissant and everything.
[00:30:25] Goldblum on an NBC 8am talking like that.
[00:30:47] And in the dark of the night, maybe more Chinese people.
[00:30:59] No, I forgot all about the Harry Potter angle.
[00:31:06] What were you talking about Harry Potter?
[00:31:09] Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
[00:31:14] Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
[00:31:23] Today's lesson is how to get a cast of spell
[00:31:31] No, yeah, that Hagrid told Harry Potter.
[00:31:40] Oh, yeah, they thought that she was just making breaks.
[00:32:15] I don't think she talked like that in the movie.
[00:32:24] When I was reading the book, that's what I was reading.
[00:32:30] Welcome to the Hogwarts School of Chilling Big.
[00:32:35] And your other professors are Rip Torn,
[00:33:00] For some reason, one of them is a Chinese.
[00:33:10] Everybody else named like Theodophilus,
[00:33:16] Perhaps you would want to do a one-on-one tutoring.
[00:33:57] You know, actually what house you would be in.
[00:34:00] You both would be in if you were in Harry Potter.
[00:34:52] You think the Underground Railroad would have happened
[00:34:58] Also, Harriet Tubman, something about Jesse James.
[00:35:01] Yeah, Harriet Tubman was married to Jesse James.
[00:35:06] Not the outlaw of the guy from the show.
[00:35:08] So much of the show is just schizophrenic.
[00:35:14] It's that Harriet Tubman was married to Jesse James
[00:35:18] Something about NASCAR being the original Underground Railroad.
[00:35:21] I was lying about the history of NASCAR.
[00:35:25] I was trying to bait you and going on a fun day with tidbit
[00:35:32] That's one of my favorite moves with you.
[00:35:35] As I set you up for a joke, but you can't resist.
[00:35:43] Instead of we all understand what the reality is.
[00:35:47] let's say something humorous that it's not.
[00:35:49] Well, it is true that NASCAR started off as boot, right?
[00:35:53] And the joke was that it started off as actually
[00:36:08] She's just smashing the noss over the Mason Dixon line.
[00:36:11] And you would think that she would need to be more non-descript.
[00:36:16] People thought she was making breakfast.
[00:36:20] And all that started by saying that they were going to get rid of Harriet Tubman.
[00:36:40] Maybe maybe maybe she has a job at the post office.
[00:36:55] If we're going to do one thing on this chill, it's the fix Harriet Tubman.
[00:37:12] Dennis Hopper is also dead for some reason.
[00:37:15] Well, the ghost of Riptorn comes back as a character.
[00:37:23] He's raping Casper, the friendly ghost.
[00:37:28] He keeps trying to get them all to fuck her.
[00:37:32] We'll save that plot point from Big Chill.
[00:37:35] There's it should you know what it should be.
[00:37:37] You remember those SNL sketches where they had like the
[00:37:40] like something in their sleeve and they would go
[00:37:44] We should have like a 15 minute scene in the movie.
[00:37:46] We're Glenn Close shows everybody her pussy and everyone goes
[00:37:52] It looks like my golden retriever right after she got hit by a car.
[00:38:05] Let's get some other guys in the big dog dog food.
[00:38:08] We were good boomers to be in the big show part two.
[00:38:42] You sound exactly like Richard Simmons.
[00:38:53] Just use, use whatever you're doing before.
[00:38:56] Whatever you were doing before it was working.
[00:38:58] Richard, why are you doing an Adam Friedlin impression?
[00:39:04] We're just trying to have a chill with our friends.
[00:39:17] Let's put on, let's put on shitty music.
[00:39:30] Does anyone want to listen to really shitty music?
[00:39:36] That's the most annoying part about that movie.
[00:39:39] They just keep putting on the temptations over and over.
[00:39:46] Kevin Klein, who lives in a plantation, by the way,
[00:39:49] invites all of his upper middle class white boomer friends
[00:39:53] to come to the plantation he owns in South Carolina
[00:39:56] to help them with his insider trading scheme.
[00:40:03] fuck each other and cheat on each other.
[00:40:06] And then their friend who killed himself,
[00:40:09] but they assume it's just because he's not rich.
[00:40:18] and William Hurt is supposed to be the most sympathetic character
[00:40:33] I think they used to have killing each other left and right.
[00:40:37] you could turn one of your balls into a cock pump.
[00:40:42] I heard about a German guy who could pump.
[00:40:47] Why the fuck are they hogging all the fucking technology?
[00:41:06] We got to go over there to steal the Nazi oven technology.
[00:41:11] That's basically the plot of Apocalypse now.
[00:41:13] We said, we got to go over to Germany to steal all the oven technology.
[00:41:17] We get rid of our own shoe prop. I don't know about that Dennis.
[00:41:40] Do you think they get full nice beards?
[00:41:41] I think I like some like shitty stubble.
[00:41:44] No, I think a lot of them get nice beards.
[00:41:47] How about us sis boys with little hairless cheeks?
[00:41:54] I'll do testosterone if I get more hair on my, I want facial hair.
[00:42:01] I think it's just like the follicles on your face.
[00:42:12] Because I'm high T because I lost my hair.
[00:42:31] I know that the last guy in the big show part two is it's Jackie Chan.
[00:42:46] There's someone who showed me a clip of Steve Harvey.
[00:42:48] Do you understand how bad Glenn Close was supposed to smell?
[00:42:57] Steve Harvey in one of his like 12 TV shows, he has a talk show.
[00:43:02] Jackie Chan recently went on it to like promo movie.
[00:43:07] And like he let Jackie talk for like five minutes.
[00:43:09] And then Steve like just like looks back to him just with that like what the, you know,
[00:43:13] that like exasperated look on his face.
[00:43:16] And then he's like, he's like, now I'm going to be honest with you.
[00:43:20] He's like, I did not understand a word.
[00:43:27] Just invite one of the most famous Chinese artists of all time.
[00:43:31] On your, on your show to be like, what the hell?
[00:43:42] Your job is to have a conversation on TV.
[00:43:50] So I think I saw on Twitter, I don't know if this is just a libel or slander,
[00:43:54] but the Jackie Chan has like a gay kid that he hates or something.
[00:43:58] Well, the roundhouse kicks because he's gay.
[00:44:02] Just straight his head just like smashing through the drywall.
[00:44:08] The Jackie Chan spin kicking his son's heads with the wall.
[00:44:19] I mean, I don't believe, I don't know if it's true at all.
[00:44:23] I don't want to believe it either because I'm a big Jackie fan.
[00:44:27] Rush hour is one and two, the drunken, whatever the fuck.
[00:44:30] My son got his penis cut off as well, Jackie.
[00:44:43] We're not here to argue about Jackie Chan's gay shot.
[00:44:51] Riptor is somehow in the house memorializing himself.
[00:44:57] Let's not forget that we're all friends from college.
[00:45:14] There's some ghost stories about Harriet Tubman.
[00:45:29] You'd think there'd be more famous ghosts in media.
[00:45:39] And that other guy who's in the spirit realm with him.
[00:45:43] Maybe Patrick Swayze died and that's why they're all there.
[00:45:51] I've been spending the whole week one by one making clay pots with you guys.
[00:45:57] Yoda and realize it, but I've been behind you the whole time.
[00:46:02] Just touching all of them in the shower.
[00:46:06] I think we've talked about it before, but
[00:46:08] Will P. Goldberg doesn't fuck his wife.
[00:46:12] They like, they touch each other's faces or something.
[00:46:22] You won't fuck your husband through a woman.
[00:46:25] Well, you just want to see the hot sex.
[00:46:31] Just Jeff Goldblum like fucking at the Ouija board.
[00:46:48] And when I get to heaven, I'll give you $15.
[00:46:58] You can see me in the living room tonight.
[00:47:55] Trying to get a head from Patrick's way.
[00:47:58] Yeah, but using the Ouija board to ask.
[00:48:00] He's in the living room at the big chill house by himself tonight.
[00:48:20] He's on like a red carpet somewhere doing like promo for Disney Plus.
[00:48:28] He's you could tell like he is geeked at that rock.
[00:48:32] And he's like he's doing the fucking like the teeth mash.
[00:48:35] And he's just like Disney Plus is amazing.
[00:48:40] Yeah, like he gives a fuck about Disney Plus.
[00:48:43] It's one of the most incredible streaming service.
[00:49:15] You guys see that picture where you had like two young ass hot girls
[00:49:20] Yeah, people try to like cancel them for it.
[00:49:30] I know the nose who he knows that girl's name.
[00:49:34] Because he stalks everyone on social media.
[00:49:40] Let me see who I can name drop where he figures out the extent of his.
[00:49:44] Will you want to see who I can name drop?
[00:49:58] And I don't think I can't even, it's just a generic.
[00:50:13] But something about it is drawing you in.
[00:50:16] Even though you know it will take your penis away, it will take your manhood.
[00:50:22] So Jeff probably just gets pussy from young ladies, right?
[00:50:26] I think in that Disney Plus interview, he's like straight up trying to fuck the interviewer.
[00:50:32] I mean, if it's going to be anybody, it's a guy like that.
[00:50:35] He seems like a sex creep, but he dresses like in skinny jeans,
[00:50:57] Guys that look like that look all right.
[00:51:05] That's not what I'm not even close to looking at.
[00:51:07] I just said, guys, he's way hotter than you.
[00:51:09] Look at a picture of him at your age, he would blow you out of the water.
[00:51:33] I mean, Adam thinks this guy looks like him.
[00:51:56] Oh, of course, he's marginally more attractive.
[00:52:01] I'd say we look the same maybe in the asshole.
[00:52:44] You don't think I could go Puerto Rican?
[00:52:52] you know, because regular people get told they look like a celebrity.
[00:52:56] And it's like maybe they have some marginal one like feature sort of.
[00:53:00] And then, you know, but they're like, well, people always say I look like fucking so-and-so.
[00:53:06] Yeah, as long as you understand that you're hideous.
[00:53:09] Yeah, you look like the fucked up man of them.
[00:53:13] And like the alien clone room killed me.
[00:53:20] But to be clear, you're not even that with Jeff Goldblum, Adam.
[00:53:24] All you're talking about is being Jewish.
[00:53:33] I could probably play a fat Puerto Rican.
[00:53:39] Chicago Tribune commentary removal of the Columbus statue is left a hole in the heart
[00:53:47] Oh, you know, we never talk about that guy that killed a judge or whatever.
[00:54:05] You found the worst picture of him of all time.
[00:54:09] The worst picture of him and the best picture of you, he's still hotter.
[00:54:14] This is awesome because it actually is bothering you.
[00:54:17] You see, that's why you would go back and Google it.
[00:54:23] He's, he's becoming a bit of a fashion.
[00:54:27] You're saying this doesn't look like me.
[00:54:32] Oh, you know, he's getting pussy on the side.
[00:54:36] Yeah, I really like the idea of Big Chill too.
[00:54:43] Michael Douglas, Jeff Goldblum in the house.
[00:54:49] And then Jackie Chan featuring Jackie Chan.
[00:54:54] You can't have Jackie Chan with everything.
[00:55:02] And there's only, the only woman is Glen Close.
[00:55:06] Whoopi Goldberg is only there to channel the ghost of Patrick Swazie.
[00:55:13] But so Riptorn's ghost is just there to hang out.
[00:55:15] I think half the movie, he's dead and half the movies is alive.
[00:55:19] And we keep weaving in and out of that without explanation.
[00:55:31] Hey, does anybody want to listen to some shitty music?
[00:55:54] The way he dresses is a little annoying, I will admit.
[00:55:57] He clearly just hired some guy to be like,
[00:56:09] Maybe I, maybe I should stop hating and I should hire a stylist.
[00:56:24] Spider-Man is such an important part of the MCU.
[00:56:26] Because there may be a little divorce happening.
[00:56:36] So Sony and Marvel are having a hard time coming to terms
[00:56:39] on the agreement to co-produce Spider-Man.
[00:56:42] So it's looking like Spider-Man may go back to Sony
[00:56:51] but to all these mountains of Broduchere.
[00:57:10] But he was dressed fucking stupid as shit.
[00:57:22] Disney Plus, how about it plus getting fucked in your hands?
[00:57:32] Damn, I wish my brain was working just a little bit better.
[00:57:46] Let's see what the mountains of Broduchere.
[00:57:48] I guess every time I look up mountains of Broduchere.
[00:57:51] Do you know what the mountains of Broduchere?
[00:57:53] It means Mr. Bond to not have a penis that works.
[00:58:06] This is why you want to destroy the world.
[00:58:09] You seem pretty gay just to begin with.
[00:58:11] I don't remember the plot of this movie.
[00:58:15] Yeah, I have no idea what the point is.
[00:58:23] I am Anton Chagor, but I have blonde hair now.
[00:58:26] In this iteration of the character I am.
[00:58:29] I went through a breakup and tied my hair blonde
[00:58:37] The prequels of this James Bond movie is Call Me By Your Name.
[00:58:43] And my character was played by Armie Hammer.
[00:58:47] I had a Triss Mr. Bond with a 14 year old boy.
[00:58:55] The dad in Call Me By Your Name is definitely gay, by the way.
[00:59:01] I said that when we talked about it and you guys fought me on it.
[00:59:19] Well, I don't know what I'm calling for.
[00:59:42] He's hanging out at the big chill house.
[00:59:58] I want you to meet my friend Anton Shagur.
[01:00:03] We did payoty buttons together right in eight year old.
[01:00:29] I don't know the difference between movies and real life.
[01:00:33] That's what makes me such a good actor.
[01:00:51] Is that what the fucking song in Harry Potter is?
[01:01:30] My friend John Williams is coming over later.
[01:01:37] He's going to be here in about an hour to fuck me and my ass.
[01:01:42] John Williams is also in the big chill too.
[01:01:51] I just got fucked in my ass by God Williams.
[01:02:02] I enjoyed watching it and I'd watch it again.
[01:02:04] And the best part about being a ghost is you can watch people live cases.
[01:02:13] You're going to sneak up on people and watch them live cases.
[01:02:24] I get what did I watch that in like I literally look I know the the jaws that
[01:02:32] But everything else I could take or leave in Jaws.
[01:02:46] You were on the in the USS Indianapolis, weren't you?
[01:03:00] Yeah, well, our friend Patrick Swayze died.
[01:03:06] We all got a house down in South Carolina at plantation.
[01:03:12] It was me, Michael Douglas, Rip Torn, Jackie Chan.
[01:03:37] You know, you know that you can tell by measuring from the tip of his dick to his boss.
[01:03:47] 17 of us went into the house only three left.
[01:03:55] Well, Jackie Chan lost it and started fucking everybody.
[01:04:00] When that tiny Chinese dick hits in your ass and those tiny Chinese balls roll back into his ass.
[01:04:26] Jackie Chan raped every single man in the house.
[01:04:57] How to feel to get raped by a Chinese guy.
[01:05:07] I watched part of that movie on television.
[01:05:11] Maybe they're there because Robin Williams killed himself.
[01:05:19] They're ghosts, but they're still there.
[01:05:21] I mean, Swayze decided to become a ghost after making the movie ghost.
[01:05:28] And then Riptor is that's not explained.
[01:05:31] And I love that he's sometimes he's in person and sometimes he's a ghost.
[01:05:34] Patrick Swayze is only there so Jeff Goldblum can try and get whoopi Goldberg to suck his dick.
[01:05:39] It was just a cute scene with him in the living room at 3am.
[01:05:44] And everybody else has passed out from a long day of reminiscing.
[01:05:49] And fucking Glenn Close comes in with like a cup of hot chocolate and tries to sit next to him.
[01:05:54] He's like, can you get your feet away from me?
[01:05:59] And guess don't stay please put shoes on, but put put put put some shoes on.
[01:06:05] Can you put some shoes on and stop trying to sit on the couch like that?
[01:06:31] I don't want to fuck you, but maybe I can shit Jackie's come to your pussy.
[01:06:46] I'm actually coming straight to you know what?
[01:06:48] It's the new way we're doing movies now.
[01:06:52] It's all it's they've taken everyone from different movies green screen them in.
[01:06:58] Yeah, that's how fucking Hollywood works.
[01:07:06] How do you feel about your performance in the big chill too?
[01:07:15] Feel like I'm on the Janet Cola Hill overlooking room.
[01:07:41] Well that memory is one of my favorite memories.
[01:08:05] Yeah what would that even be just a regular guy.
[01:08:07] Robert DeValle's whole thing is like in every movie he's always just like
[01:08:11] picking things up and turning it into a metaphor.
[01:08:15] Like Glenn Glenn Close's pussy is kind of like a stapler.
[01:08:21] You can put stuff in it and hold things together but sometimes you got to open it up.
[01:08:27] And I it's meaningless if you can't do the voice.
[01:08:33] I'm trying to think of it but I don't know.
[01:08:39] Yeah the the the the movie rock the impressions I want to be able to do or at least get close to
[01:08:43] that I can't at all hackman fucking with the guy I just said Dennis Hopper do ball Dennis
[01:08:50] Hopper I could probably eventually get here and there.
[01:08:58] Yeah Gina Hackman's that's pretty good.
[01:09:12] Well the hell wasn't I invited to the chill.
[01:09:26] Yeah and then Tommy Lee Jones which you think would be easy but very very fucking hard.
[01:09:35] Yeah I can't even picture his voice right now.
[01:09:46] Actually in my in my mind I'm making it even smaller.
[01:09:50] It's going smaller and smaller and smaller.
[01:09:53] The dick is a speck in my brain right now.
[01:10:02] You were kind of holding my dick with your head.
[01:10:04] You know it's in my brain right now a bunch of really hot girls with their tits out laughing at it.
[01:10:11] Is it all my body or is it just it's on your body?
[01:10:14] My father was your fatter and your dick is smaller.
[01:10:20] My father was a sheriff for Jeffrey Epstein's Island.
[01:10:33] It's getting his voice and my father was not even close.
[01:10:40] I'm not going to try another impression.
[01:10:46] You do have him going close down and actually.
[01:10:48] You've been doing most of the episodes.
[01:10:52] You've been doing most of the episodes in the fall of Richard Simmons.
[01:11:04] I think I'm going to go home and make some shrimp fried rice.
[01:11:12] I think I'm going to contact the ghost of Harriet Tubman.
[01:11:17] And see if maybe she could maybe convince who they.
[01:11:24] They're probably friends from breakfast.
[01:11:31] They probably know each other from breakfast.
[01:11:48] I've got a slave of my own and my boss.
[01:12:08] It's good in the context of the speech that you know.
[01:12:14] That would just sound like me doing an accent.
[01:12:24] When you get a voice right, you just like it's just there.
[01:12:30] And the rest it's just sort of an approximation.
[01:12:35] I can't do any voice except my father's rip tour.
[01:12:38] And I really don't have anything in the arsenal.
[01:13:14] My father was riding on a horse in front of me,
[01:13:26] And he said goodbye to me and the sun came up.
[01:13:33] Yeah, can you please get off my property?
[01:13:59] My father spent half his life on his knee second dick.
[01:14:16] We're going to suck people off at them.
[01:14:18] It would be cool if the movie ended with an ad.
[01:14:33] Well, I kind of want shrimp fried rice now.
[01:14:36] But usually where you should go is that fried rice place on decal.
[01:14:39] It's not just going to make it to be healthy.