Cum Town | Premium | 08/17/2020
[00:00:00] Oh, they do it. We're going to get this one over. This one is going to be mailed in. We're going to mail it in. We're phoning in mailing it in you fucking pieces of
[00:00:09] shit. We're mailing in like our votes for Donald Trump. That's right. That's the that's the that's the fucking
[00:00:17] fuck. What's the word I'm looking for? The paradox that I'm in. I want to vote for Donald Trump by mail and he's not making it easy.
[00:00:25] Mm-hmm. I'm pissed off. Donald Trump. Oh, that's good. Yeah, he's fat. Everybody they say they look they say I look strong. They say I look like Hercules.
[00:00:37] I go in there. They say you look like Hercules. I sit down at the dinner table. They can't they said look at his beautiful body.
[00:00:43] It's one of the best bodies we've ever seen.
[00:00:47] Donald Trump. That's beautiful. And that'll do it for this week. It would be great. It'd be like oh, I'm sorry.
[00:00:53] I confused seconds for minutes. I was looking at the dial and I. We did 70. Yeah. Well, that's an hour folks hour one minute two minutes. That's we're good to go.
[00:01:04] So thanks for listening and it wouldn't be funny to do that one week. Yeah, just to put out a three minute episode and look and plug at the end of it to. Yeah.
[00:01:15] Yeah. Because the show has gotten worse over the years and people are like I'll get like the answer and people are like.
[00:01:22] It's like you don't even care anymore. You don't put effort forward and it's like did you think we cared in the beginning? No.
[00:01:29] Maybe I can give a fuck at all. You know what I'm trying to do is create a job.
[00:01:33] Yeah. I shouldn't be a job creator for myself. Do you understand how much this was a fucking mistake?
[00:01:40] Yeah. But whatever man, keep paying us I guess. Yeah. We'll do it. But we're not happy we have to do it. Yeah.
[00:01:50] Yeah, dude. I got it is funny that now everyone's sucking off a post office because I was thinking now's the first time ever you could pretend to be a mailman and get pussy. Yeah.
[00:02:03] I'm trying to get a little pith helmet and get my dick sucked. Dude, it's weird that only some of them get the pith helmet and it's like I guess you would have to.
[00:02:10] Does that come out of your paycheck or something? Interesting. Because it's really only the Chinese ask guys.
[00:02:16] It's weird that there's like a rice patty to post office pipeline that exists.
[00:02:22] And the hat would carry you through. Yeah. A promise of a similar style hat. You go from like the background of this like helicopters at sunset.
[00:02:32] You know, rolling stones playing and you're looking over your head and then a rope comes down.
[00:02:38] And instead of it being United States Marine Corps air cavalry, it's fucking the United States post office.
[00:02:45] It's a male cargo. Get a job. Get some job with us.
[00:02:51] Get on board the helicopter and we're taking you to Delaware to hand out mail.
[00:02:57] To hand out mostly coupons. Mmm go, kicko baba. Kicko baba, where you are?
[00:03:10] That's right. Yeah. You won't have use for that time anymore. Do I have to say it again?
[00:03:17] Gun, fuck, bang, gun, fuck, bang, go, good, fuck, bang, big cow, gun, fuck, bang, ah.
[00:03:28] Yeah, what a cool language. It is cool. Yeah.
[00:03:31] If you see that guy, I think he's feeling the best.
[00:03:34] But it's just singing one, two, three. Yeah, yeah.
[00:03:38] One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Yeah.
[00:03:48] Yeah. Well, foreigners, especially in places that are just barely touching, you know,
[00:03:55] culture, western culture, is like they don't have, they're interested in culture is built on
[00:04:01] like layers and layers or western culture, popular culture, whatever's perceived as cool or hip,
[00:04:06] is built on layers and layers and layers of self negation. Yeah.
[00:04:10] Like it's like not only do you have to do the things that are very currently cool right now,
[00:04:15] but you have to think everything that was cool five minutes ago is extremely gay and
[00:04:19] though exactly why it was. Right, right, right.
[00:04:21] And then somehow distance yourself from it. So you're all things at once and then also none of the things that you have been up until this moment.
[00:04:29] You're, that's, and you know what, that's why you have to stick with classic stuff,
[00:04:32] Hawaiian shirts, fucking track suits. Right. That'll never end for me.
[00:04:37] Or you pick one thing, usually something that's grounded in your identity and then you stick with it,
[00:04:43] you know, because if you stray from that, no matter what, for a hot second, it may seem cool,
[00:04:50] but you get a little distance from it and it's garbage. Right.
[00:04:53] Take for example, being like a, like a 32 year old Jewish man. Right.
[00:05:01] And then in the same breath, turning around and making fun of Michael Rapaport.
[00:05:05] Right. As if you won't sound exactly like that. You were him in in 10, in 10 minutes. Yeah.
[00:05:13] In retrospect. I was just talking with that. About somebody.
[00:05:17] Well, about somebody. Yeah. Yeah. With some with Michael Rapaport. Yeah.
[00:05:22] Because Michael Rapaport, at least there's some consistency there. Totally. He was like, yo,
[00:05:30] We're not moving past that. This is the way I talk.
[00:05:33] I love you got to respect it. And you know, some good movies.
[00:05:38] It would be funny if Adam gets to be like 65 years old and he's like, well, that's big facts.
[00:05:45] Do you dead ass have an early bird specialty?
[00:05:53] That's basically just saying daddy oh and shit like that. Wow, dude.
[00:06:01] It is funny because it's like there is like a whole class of like aging, like boomer, that they just, they see the time they spent like culturally appropriating in the 1970s as a form of activism.
[00:06:18] Yes. And they'll pat themselves on the back for it while they live in like sheltered enclaves.
[00:06:23] 100% not exposed to any black people. What's that even close? You know,
[00:06:33] Right. And then they'll like close their eyes and shake their head while listening to the piano with Nordstrom's.
[00:06:38] And be like, no, I get the brothers. That's like actually that's a French guy in a tuxedo.
[00:06:48] Actually, I bet you get a nice little fuck. Nordstrom's a classy place.
[00:06:51] They don't get paid that much. But it is very hard to get that job.
[00:06:55] Really? Because I talked to Nordstrom guy one time. I'm like, I'm like, how the fuck do you end up?
[00:07:03] Well, I was so curious because I'm like, this isn't like being a mall Santa.
[00:07:07] No. You know, and he's like, no, it's, it was fucking very hard to get this job.
[00:07:11] That's hysterical. Yeah. What's the, what hoops does he have to jump through?
[00:07:14] I don't remember. It was, this was already like, you know, I was a teenager. I was working at the mall and I just-
[00:07:19] You were hanging out with him afterwards in his car.
[00:07:23] It's a lot. It's weird because I, you know, it's your memory kind of gets jumbled up, but I, and I know it's impossible because I used to shit at the Sears.
[00:07:37] And which mall is this for the listeners?
[00:07:40] Lake Forest. Lake Forest. Yeah. And I would go shit at the Sears, but then it's like maybe it wasn't even a Nordstrom's because now I'm having like,
[00:07:48] now it may have been just a pianist at a restaurant that I went to one time because it was lying.
[00:08:04] And I never, because they don't have a pianist at Sears and I was certainly not.
[00:08:09] I was definitely shitting at the Sears.
[00:08:15] It was in the Craftman's, Craftman's tool aisle, which is another thing they don't have at Sears anymore.
[00:08:23] Oh, really? That was the coolest part of Sears.
[00:08:28] As a kid, you're like, this store sucks dick. It's not as good as the other ones.
[00:08:31] Craftman. And then you take a right turn. It's like, oh, this is a fucking Home Depot now.
[00:08:36] And it's not, but it's not as scary as Home Depot.
[00:08:39] Yeah. It's a little kid. You were scared. It's big.
[00:08:41] Sears, you understand a department store. Yeah. A department store, a child runs wild.
[00:08:45] You hide in between the little things. Yeah. You know, you've probably had some nice fucking
[00:08:49] Sarku, Japan. I have another, yeah. Another early memory of being, and I don't even know what
[00:08:55] mall it was. Because it's, it's had to be somewhere in Virginia.
[00:08:58] Because I remember being with my grandmother. Mm-hmm. And then, um, we went to the mall and it's like,
[00:09:05] this is one of the things, it's like, did something happen? I don't know.
[00:09:08] I don't know. Because it's, it's, it's, it's hard to explain, but I remember being,
[00:09:13] I remember being in the mall and then going into like a stock room, thinking it was a dressing room.
[00:09:19] It was a, it was a room I shouldn't be. Oh, no. And then, um, and there was like the walls were like,
[00:09:26] some kind of like, it was just like a weird red, red and maw of color scheme.
[00:09:30] Mm-hmm. It was just sort of like visually offensive. Yeah. And then that's it. That memory ends.
[00:09:35] And then I remember being in, um, and they have just sent memory. It's a man's cologne.
[00:09:40] A defensive driving class. I mean, watching the video. And in the video, this was years later.
[00:09:48] So this is a decade later in the video, they're explaining how anti-lock brakes work and, um,
[00:09:55] they were like, why you should, maybe you should, like this prior to anti-lock brakes.
[00:09:59] I forget the point of the video, but it's like if you're hiding or you're on ice, you should pump the brakes or something.
[00:10:03] Right. So it shows the guy pumping the brakes, but it's a shot of like, I don't know, like the, the,
[00:10:08] the floor area, the driver's had floor area of like a, uh, I don't like a cutless Sierra or something.
[00:10:15] And it had the same kind of red. There was like a red velvet interior to the thing.
[00:10:21] And there was something that was like, oh, this is something's wrong.
[00:10:25] God damn dude. And I have no idea what it was.
[00:10:30] And, but it was just one of those things. How old were you at that mall? The first time?
[00:10:34] I don't know. It must have been like four row. Yeah. Four or five.
[00:10:39] I don't think gay man in a velvet tuxedo suck your dick.
[00:10:42] I don't think because I feel like those are the kinds of things you, I don't believe in like repressed memories.
[00:10:47] I do believe in like inexplicable emotional trauma. That's like, you know, because it's like,
[00:10:53] there's different levels of trauma. Yeah. You could just, you could just be misplaced in the mall for a second.
[00:10:59] Totally. And as a four year old, you're so scared.
[00:11:02] I remember going into a bathroom. Then a kind stranger promises to take you to your grandma.
[00:11:06] I remember going into a bathroom one time. And have you ever seen those bathrooms in older buildings where they have their round sink with the pedal?
[00:11:11] Yes. You know, the first time I saw one of those, I would horrify them.
[00:11:16] They didn't know what it was. I went in the bathroom and I was like, what the fuck is this machine?
[00:11:20] It was like something out of nightmares. Hell yeah. Yeah.
[00:11:23] Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm trying to think of like shit that scared the fuck out of me. It's a little ass kid.
[00:11:28] I used to have this recurring nightmare that I would be in like, in like school when I was a kid.
[00:11:36] And then, but the school always had an additional wing, like a secret wing.
[00:11:41] And then there was always an element of like, you know, your clothes are missing or something like that.
[00:11:45] Or you know, you don't have your homework or something.
[00:11:48] But then I would go into the bathroom. I need to use it. And then the bathroom would be all just like sort of like,
[00:11:53] you know, the way like, like at one of those like refineries or like where there's just pipes.
[00:11:59] The floor is just all these weird pipes. And there's no like, I don't know how to use any of these pipes.
[00:12:04] And they all kind of just like interlock and you can't use the bathroom.
[00:12:07] But that was like a, that was like a recurring nightmare.
[00:12:10] Damn, I don't remember any of my fucking nightmares as a little ass kid.
[00:12:15] I think I spent so much time in my subconscious.
[00:12:18] I was scared of the one thing. The theater of the mind.
[00:12:21] I remember, I remember one time going to my mom.
[00:12:25] And it was the first, I was like three.
[00:12:27] I was like four. And I had a memory of being two.
[00:12:33] And they were molested by a guy in velvet, Tuxedo.
[00:12:35] And then it got to the most extreme. And then he came through.
[00:12:40] Be funny if we were both, we were abducted by a pedophile.
[00:12:44] Just they're calling them the Maryland child rapist.
[00:12:48] And we were both molested. And then the guy's driving around.
[00:12:52] And he's like, well, you're sick. My father's sick.
[00:12:56] Whoever is like, that's the only explanation in dog kennels.
[00:13:02] We're like, what the fuck? And then we're just dropped off wherever.
[00:13:06] Right. And then he threw a donut in the back seat.
[00:13:09] And I got most of it. And you've been, you've been mad about it.
[00:13:15] And he's like, yeah, no, I don't know where the parody song came from.
[00:13:19] I do sometimes I wonder if I was molested because my dad, my parents
[00:13:27] would never let me sleep over anywhere.
[00:13:29] And they would freak out if I was missing for even like, a fucking hour.
[00:13:34] Like I increase one time. I just kind of went and played video games and got lost in an arcade.
[00:13:38] Yeah. And I told my dad I was going to be with my cousin.
[00:13:40] But I was like, don't worry. I'll stay here. I lied to her.
[00:13:42] They're worried that you like belong to a senator.
[00:13:51] Yeah. He just says you in a bird cage completely nude.
[00:13:54] He's so gross. He's at the Capitol and they're passing laws.
[00:13:59] They're maybe they're voting into his ass.
[00:14:02] They're using him as a trumpet to announce the vote.
[00:14:12] But I'm and he was just and I lied to my cousin told her my dad was cool with me being at the arcade.
[00:14:19] And then my dad was so my family was so freaked out that I was gone for like, I'm like, I was only gone for like an hour.
[00:14:26] Just playing video game. Like it's not a big deal.
[00:14:28] And he freaked out and he wouldn't let me sleep over anywhere.
[00:14:31] And he was like, you never know. There's there's sick people out there.
[00:14:34] So something and I was a really cute kid.
[00:14:36] Yeah. I was adorable. So I'm thinking I might have gotten my little ass fucked or sucked or something.
[00:14:42] I remember being with my mom and my grandma and we were walking through a parking lot.
[00:14:48] And I like went a different way. And it was like, I don't know why I did.
[00:14:52] Yeah. And I was like maybe 10, 15, 20 feet behind them or something.
[00:14:55] And there was like, there's like a tunnel and then you could go over and I went over.
[00:15:02] And then I get to the end of the tunnel. They're not there.
[00:15:04] And then like I just went to the car and waited at the car.
[00:15:07] And eventually they came back to the car and they're like, where the fuck were you?
[00:15:10] And I was like, I just walked the other way. And they're like, you know, and then my mom was like, you can't do that.
[00:15:14] I don't know. It's probably like eight. Yeah.
[00:15:16] She's like, you can't do that. Growing up, she's like, you remember Jenny or whatever.
[00:15:20] And like, like, sort of my grandma. My grandma's like, oh, yeah.
[00:15:23] You know, she's like, my friend Jenny, she she wandered away and then they found her in the woods three weeks later.
[00:15:30] And she had been raped. And she was never the same again. She was ruined.
[00:15:43] So I wonder sometimes I truly wonder. Yeah. I guess we'll never know.
[00:15:48] I guess we'll never know. And the reality is my mom would have loved it if I was raped.
[00:15:53] She would that would have made her day.
[00:15:57] Oh my God. She would have had a story for the rest of her life.
[00:16:00] Yeah. Just telling her friend just at the post office in line. My son was raped, by the way.
[00:16:07] Are you using this pen? Yeah. My son was right. My son was right. That pen reminds me.
[00:16:13] My son had a pen in his ass. Just a bumper sticker that says my son was raped.
[00:16:19] Cutting people off in traffic. Did you see the bumper sticker?
[00:16:28] But I persevered. I made it through it. Yeah.
[00:16:32] Now my son, of course, done. Yeah. Trash, dog shit. He's ruined. But I have survived.
[00:16:39] And I'm the president of the Holocaust didn't happen.
[00:16:48] Did you see this? Marge Simpson fuck? Oh my fucking God.
[00:16:52] It really is. That's why I was trying to ask you before what that movie is.
[00:16:55] If anyone knows the name of it, I saw it. Another thing I saw as a kid that I probably shouldn't have.
[00:16:59] There was some war movie I saw and I think it was about fucking Tibet.
[00:17:03] But I can't remember exactly. And a child is forced to kill their own parents.
[00:17:09] There's another movie I saw as a kid and I forget what it is.
[00:17:14] But there's a scene where a kid's forced into a corner in a public shower and then older kids piss on his face.
[00:17:21] He gets pissed on. I feel like there was a similar like POW vibe.
[00:17:26] And it all kind of gets blended into like Empire of the Sun seven years in Tibet, like Kundun, like this whole empire of the sun.
[00:17:34] Is that the one with the? I think I saw a movie where someone's like the prince or something.
[00:17:39] The last prince of China or some shit. The last emperor. Yes. Yeah. Maybe.
[00:17:45] I don't think it was that maybe. I don't know.
[00:17:49] I don't remember. I saw it in school and I didn't retain much of it. I remember he's pissing in a bucket.
[00:17:53] Yeah. I remember somebody's face getting pissed on in a shower or whatever.
[00:17:58] Did they use the real piss? I don't think so. And then, yeah, somebody being forced to shoot their own parents.
[00:18:07] But anyways, I imagine having to animate the March Simpson doing that Donald Trump.
[00:18:14] The president said, actually, Orange Batman. Never Trump Trump bad.
[00:18:25] The Simpsons vote Kamala Kamala good Trump bad.
[00:18:31] That's like they call her smart or something like what was he?
[00:18:35] Trump said that Kamala Harris sounds like Marge Simpson.
[00:18:39] And he's like, I always tell my kids not to name call or whatever.
[00:18:45] It's like being an animator and having to make that is like being forced to shoot your own parents.
[00:18:54] If that is what the movie I'm thinking of.
[00:18:58] Or having your face pissed on by a bunch of other boys in the showers.
[00:19:02] Which again, could have just been a nightmare because I want to say it was McCauley Culkin in that role.
[00:19:10] Right. But in your head, anytime it's a little kid like crying, it's McCauley Culkin.
[00:19:14] Anytime a little kid is doing something with gravitas.
[00:19:19] Which by the way, shots out to his brother who didn't get molested.
[00:19:23] It seems like and just gets to have a nice career now.
[00:19:32] But he's on you know that other that show.
[00:19:44] And probably didn't get fucked by Michael Jackson.
[00:19:47] Which probably McCauley at least kissed Michael Jackson in a nonchial way.
[00:19:55] But yeah, the Simpsons thing is so fucking pathetic.
[00:19:59] It's just like just the corpse of your, one of your favorite of your grandfather or something.
[00:20:04] You know, the president said that Mexicans are all rapists.
[00:20:25] Did you, Marge, did you know that Joe Biden raped Terry?
[00:20:32] Homer, we're not allowed to mention that.
[00:20:41] There's more evidence for that than there was that Brett Kavanaugh did anything wrong.
[00:20:50] Instead of being a transgressive, clever satire, we're supposed to be just dog shit fucking literally
[00:21:07] It's not even supposed to be a joke anymore, Homer.
[00:21:15] The Bart Simpson's Butterfingers commercials had more integrity than whatever the fuck the show is now.
[00:21:25] I didn't even like Butterfingers, but you had to eat a mick back in the day.
[00:21:30] Marge, how about a final episode where Black Bart starts off protesting and then he comes into our house and murders us for reparations?
[00:22:02] Miss Piggy sort of sounds like Hornier Marge.
[00:22:23] Did you see that their, their, the Lisa got raped at Chaz?
[00:22:48] I'm from, I'm from Winslie, Winslie Field.
[00:23:00] Did they just get on a nice wind streak?
[00:23:01] Like they beat France and then they were like, all right, I guess we're going to try and beat the next one.
[00:23:08] They have a good, I guess they had a good navy, right?
[00:23:14] British people are so fucking such a bit.
[00:23:16] Yeah, it's crazy because you think about ancient empires or whatever, about the Mongolian Empire.
[00:23:26] Alexander had some nice stuff going on.
[00:23:29] Alexander wasn't as expansive as the Mongolian Empire.
[00:23:36] He was sucking a fucking, he's sucking cock.
[00:23:43] Who knows what kind of cool shit they had in that fucking place?
[00:23:51] Alexander the Great was playing fucking Dreamcat.
[00:23:54] He was out there playing crazy attacks again and his dicks suck by a guy and an Indian guy and a fucking girl from Egypt.
[00:24:02] Yeah, I love when people try to make a cultural argument for how the end of the American Empire is caused by the same cultural inputs.
[00:24:14] It was degeneracy that brought it down.
[00:24:16] As if it's like the problem with why America is going to slip.
[00:24:21] It has nothing to do with trade or economics.
[00:24:24] It's only because black people are allowed to have their own TV shows.
[00:24:28] Wouldn't degeneracy be more the people making the TV shows or fucking children on Island?
[00:24:36] No, because that's actually how the Empire was built.
[00:24:49] You have the decency to do it in secret.
[00:24:53] Oh, did you know that Donald Trump visited Jeffrey Epstein's?
[00:24:58] Marge Bill Clinton went there more than anybody else.
[00:25:03] As long as you're going to bring that up.
[00:25:05] Let's be honest, your bill Clinton was on the island 21 times.
[00:25:10] There's multiple pictures of him with the victims that came forward.
[00:25:34] It's very important that we all vote for Joseph Biden.
[00:25:44] Homer, did you say that Carl from work isn't voting for Joe Biden?
[00:25:48] Well, I think Carl should be able to vote for whoever he wants.
[00:25:51] Well, if he doesn't vote for Joe Biden, he's not black.
[00:25:55] You go tell him he's being an Uncle Tom.
[00:26:01] I can't tell Carl he's being an Uncle Tom.
[00:26:05] Well, for starters, I don't know which one's Carl and which one's Lenny.
[00:26:14] Besides, there's already a guy at work named Uncle Tom and he's Chinese.
[00:26:22] Yeah, I guess I could do all the ethnic characters on the Simpsons.
[00:26:33] Homer's that guy's name, uh, Uncle Tom.
[00:26:42] I'm getting my dicks out over here, Homer.
[00:26:46] Apparently there's a Chinese guy named Michael Tom.
[00:27:04] Yeah, Flanders would definitely be a Q and on guy.
[00:27:10] We got good, good, diddly, goody, wordarino from Cute, Cute, Curey and Eunee.
[00:27:20] Oh, Donald's job is too immoral for Flanders, dude.
[00:27:26] Because people are like Homer would vote for Trump, and I don't know.
[00:27:35] But I think Flanders would honestly, Trump is, he cheats on his wife.
[00:27:45] Like Flanders would like some fucking loser like, I don't know, Mitt Romney, although he's
[00:27:50] I don't think he'd get side-pussy at win Flanders as approval.
[00:28:36] I can't wait to get fuck-a-ly-diddly in my ass.
[00:28:44] Yeah, I said diddly-fucked the-reno-no-no-no-no-no-no-no.
[00:29:04] I sure is fucking going to church-a-reno-diddly.
[00:29:08] I'm saying homo-suckly-diddly-diddly-duck-a-reno.
[00:29:11] Yes, that's it. Yeah, we've unlocked the formula. Marj can see Flanders's penis from the living room. He's putting it into Todd's ass.
[00:29:29] This hurts, dad. Well, that's just part of being a demon crack. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Gay Flanders. Yeah.
[00:29:45] Homer, I'm going across the street to George Bush's house to suck his penis. In exchange for him denouncing Donald Trump.
[00:29:54] We need good old fashioned Republicans like him. He's good now, but Marj, you don't have any principles.
[00:30:03] And on top of that, you're not funny. Alicia could do this. The least you could do is be funny.
[00:30:13] If we're going to be just a moral, spineless bullshit, we could at least be funny.
[00:30:19] Nah. That's over. Man, how long is that fucking show been on in a while? My entire life. 1989 is the first season.
[00:30:28] Holy shit. Wow, fuck. Yeah. Wow. Our whole lives with the same age. What if when the Simpsons ends we die?
[00:30:37] You know what? It sucks because it's like, you know, you think you have this feeling that life gets worse and you think, oh no, that's just either a process of modern life or aging or whatever.
[00:30:48] But then there's like, you know, it's like trying to figure out whether that's internally sourced or externally sourced or something that's like true about both, you know.
[00:30:57] And there's only been one thing I've loved in my life. Yeah. And it's that show. And the fact that it's still on. Right. And that bad.
[00:31:07] Yeah. Is like, I mean, the fact that that show is that bad is the reason that I have any success. You know what I mean?
[00:31:14] Think about imagine if things are still good. The Simpsons are still on and as good as it was. And there was a bar being set that high. Right. In what universe would people listen to gay Flanders to? Yes. Suck Lee, ugly, my daddy.
[00:31:27] Hey, I'm getting my fucking ass blown out of Reno.
[00:31:31] Call in now. Now I'm a DJ. Now I'm a gay DJ on the radio. You're listening to gay Flanders radio. Call in now.
[00:31:42] First time caller here. Fuck you, gay Flanders. Okay. Why don't you come do it, tough guy? Come do it. Come on. Why don't you come drive your truck directly into my ass?
[00:31:52] I'm not driving a truck. You fucking loser. You fucking bitch.
[00:31:58] Well, I may be a queer Reno, but I'm definitely not a bitch. Why don't you come down here? I'll bite your dick right off and spit it in your asshole.
[00:32:10] Yes. I'll throw up into your ass like a little baby bird. Make you fuck yourself. Don't we'll see who's a bitch, sweet lips?
[00:32:18] You're listening to gay Flanders radio. I was getting myself in the car with, I don't know, I was listening to some fucking contemporary, like easy listening station.
[00:32:30] We've been at W G U P or G B P getting black pussy.
[00:32:36] I'm not going to say that. It's not, it's not what it's saying. It's just, it's just the call number. You gotta stop saying that. It's magic W G B. W G B.
[00:32:49] Whatever the fucking lights on. We've been fined over $8 million.
[00:32:55] There was a way I was saying it that I can't recreate. Sorry man. There's an emphasis on black that I'm missing. W G B P getting black pussy.
[00:33:06] The gross, the gross domestic pussy. The gross domestic pussy. Oh yeah. That's my favorite type. Yeah.
[00:33:14] Disgusting. That's why I'm trying to get some at home pussy. Disgusting pussy made in the USA. I was laughing being like, oh say I'm not gay.
[00:33:28] Bum bum bum. Say I'm not gay. That's good. Say that. I'm fucking straight. Oh say I'm not gay. Your ass will get fucked by me.
[00:33:51] Bum bum bum. I'm actually gay. I changed my mind. I'm gay now.
[00:34:03] Did you see that video that guy in Chinatown talking to the Blazio? No. And he's like, I cannot open up my bakery. And it's the most important time of the year.
[00:34:13] And now we are struggling. We need help. And the Blazio is like, right, right. And he just turns away.
[00:34:23] He just walks away from the guy. Well, the guy's like welling up. And then he walks with that like, you know, how are you doing in here?
[00:34:31] Kind of body posture. Yeah, he does have a bit of like a Frankenstein-ish, a Frankenstein posture. Yeah. Riss out in front, shoulders hunched it up. It's funny. It's like you're not really a real New Yorker until you really fucking hate the mayor.
[00:34:46] Do you been here long enough to really just fucking despise the mayor? Yeah. You know. Oh yeah. And then I guess I don't really care about the subway anymore. Yeah, me neither. Yeah. But I would like to have Chinese baked goods. I'll tell you that much.
[00:35:01] Dude, I would love to go get a little sweet cake in China. Absolutely. Town. Yeah. It is funny. You were literally going to go to China before Corona. They robbed you of that. I could just move back to Chinatown.
[00:35:12] I was there the other day. I like being in that neighborhood. I think so. Yeah. I am not as much space. It's not as much space. I would have to downsize my apartment. Yeah, but I'd be getting an office or something.
[00:35:26] I think I think I was looking on fucking. I saw like a fucking Wild House like for sale my apartment or my neighborhood and I like clicked on street easy to see how much it costs. And I realized my landlord just put my apartment building on the market. Oh, really? You might sell that shit, dude. Why don't you just buy it? I don't. It's like $2 million.
[00:35:46] You have $2 million. Well, now I'm a millionaire Reno.
[00:35:52] Forget my acidity on me. Fuck. I got my penis suckily doodly. You know what? I'm going to pause it because I got a piss. Yeah, that's fine. Okay. Now we're now. I'm drained. My penis is empty.
[00:36:08] Your dick does get a little bigger when you have to piss. Mind those specific.
[00:36:15] I've noticed that. Yeah, we do the podcast naked. A year ago, I started identifying as a dog. So I'm completely nude with a collar on. I said here and sometimes my penis comes out of its sheath.
[00:36:30] Is that part of species confirmation surgery? It's weird. Dogs have two four skins. Double skinned up. Yeah. They're extra. It's like a telescope. It's like a pirate's telescope.
[00:36:44] It would be nice to press a button and your whole ass penis comes out. I would like to look into a dog's penis like a pirate looking for land. What do you think you might find in there? Then it comes in my eye and then I'm like, this isn't my telescope.
[00:37:02] That's how pirates lost their eyes. I don't know that. Getting their eye socket fucked by a dog.
[00:37:11] Yeah, a lot of people know where R comes from. But what made them pirates were just the worst guys. You know, they're rap scallions. Bad guys. Bad guys. And the crew to get them the build more out on the pirate ship. One guy would go, I might.
[00:37:30] In. Another guy. Another guy. Oh, I go G. Right, of course. And then I go, G. You know, I think people get where it's going. Right. And then they go and say E and then no one would want to do it. Right. And then the captain would come out of his cabin. And he would be like,
[00:37:52] R. Right. Right. Right. But the reality is, is they were just, that's all they would do on the pirate ship. Meanwhile, the rest of the sea was filled with actual slave ships.
[00:38:07] With French people like we did not say such a bad way. Yeah, you say they'll spell their way. We are voting for Joe Baden. We are voting for Joe Baden.
[00:38:16] And we are not like these pirates that vote for Donald Trump and spell the N word. We are just businessmen. We are businessmen that are trying to restore order.
[00:38:31] Damn, that's so fucking true again, man. A great historical take for pirates even that bad. Mm. Surely might capture and rape one or two guys.
[00:38:41] But compare that to a whole slew of motherfuckers. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's yeah. I mean, that's the irony of piracy is that they were like in the sea at that time.
[00:38:54] The pirates were the least right. Right. Right. Right. And the fucking the whatever. What is the golden age of piracy? It's like fucking like 1670s.
[00:39:04] Oh, yeah, there's like a 50 year period. It was like awesome to be a pirate. Oh, yeah. That's tight. Yeah, the Blackbeard years or whatever.
[00:39:13] I don't know. Yeah. I mean, it's like the rest of like half the commerce is just fucking chattel slave.
[00:39:20] They just steal some rum every once in a while. I hope we did not have Paris. They come.
[00:39:26] And still I'm still the people that we've we've also stolen.
[00:39:32] Yeah. Pirates probably weren't interested in slaves. There's jewels and you can bury on a secret island. Yeah. Blackbeard's ship, I think, was actually a slave ship that he stole. Nice.
[00:39:43] So I mean, in a way, it's kind of like, yeah, that's one less fucking slave ship. Yeah. That's right. If only there were more blackbeards. Yeah.
[00:39:51] And they called him that because he was gay and he had an African girlfriend. Mm. I didn't know that. Yeah.
[00:40:00] So he was even employing a WOC. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. He's like, I need you to pretend like we're fighting. Like we fuck. You need to pretend like we fuck.
[00:40:10] And that my dick is big. And that everybody needs to think that I'm not a homo. Because even though we're not racist, the homo thing still is still pretty homophobic.
[00:40:21] We're still. That's the difference between us and the Navy. And I'm having fun. I might tell anybody know about my boyfriend, Gay Flanders. Yes.
[00:40:31] Don't let DJ Gay Flanders be exposed. She's just sitting there with a basket full of fruit on her head. Mm hmm.
[00:40:41] Okay. Anything you say? Anything you say, Blackbeard?
[00:40:47] You're making nice. Yeah. Well, you know, they're in the Caribbean. Yeah, of course. We're the fucking good. Yeah.
[00:40:54] The pirates of the Caribbean. Of course. Johnny Depp. Yeah. Johnny Depp. Mm hmm. He's in there.
[00:41:03] I'm Captain Dixocko. Well, I'm Captain Dixocko. Oh, I'm Captain Dixocko. Oh, well, what's your name? Well, I'm Captain Dixocko.
[00:41:12] No, Karen, I live for me. I'm sucking the guy's dick. Orlando Blue.
[00:41:19] All right, here's the rule. So if you come aboard the ship, I must suck your cock.
[00:41:26] Anyone who wants to board the ship must have the cock suck by me.
[00:41:32] What are those movies even about? Is he he's a good-ass pirate? I have no idea, dude.
[00:41:37] I honestly, you know what, that you said that? And I'm like, you know, maybe I will buy a little bit of weed and watch all the pirates.
[00:41:46] Because they got to be fun. I mean, I trust Brock Kymer to make something that's at least fun. Right.
[00:41:51] But, you know, I mean, I know I'll like laugh at a point and then look over and realize I'm completely alone. Right.
[00:41:57] And then I'm like, right, it's not 2007 anymore. It's been 13 years. Now I'm an old man. Yep. And I'm all alone.
[00:42:14] Hey, guys. I know you're thinking this isn't much of an impression, but we're both doing really a lot of facial expressions.
[00:42:20] Yeah. I'm pretending to have a sword waving around.
[00:42:24] Like a dandy. Yeah. So think of that. That's what you should imagine.
[00:42:27] Well, I'm Captain Dixsucker. Captain Dixsucker.
[00:42:30] Yeah, I don't know enough about that movie.
[00:42:34] Now he gets pussy. No, I get pussy. It's me, pussy Flanders.
[00:42:38] Hey, don't ask that boy. I'm pussy Flanders.
[00:42:42] You gonna bring your black ass in here? You better get some pussy.
[00:42:50] Hey, don't ask that boy. I'm pussy Flanders.
[00:42:56] You gonna bring your black ass in here? You better get some pussy.
[00:43:06] I'm Ned Flanders. And I'm gay and I get pussy.
[00:43:08] And I'm gay. And I'm a DJ on the radio and I get pussy.
[00:43:12] Little bit about me. My name is DJ Poon Flanders.
[00:43:16] And I'm gay. And I'm gay and I get pussy on the radio.
[00:43:20] I like gay and pussy. And I'm Ryan Schutt.
[00:43:23] And that's the story of Blackbeard the Pirate. That's absolutely so true.
[00:43:27] Yeah. I wish I had access to children's minds.
[00:43:30] Yeah, why? So I could put that in there.
[00:43:35] Yes. Maybe the show ends with us me inventing a time machine.
[00:43:39] And we go back and we're like, if we just thought about doing the show 10 years earlier,
[00:43:43] we could have been billionaires. You think? No.
[00:43:47] But that's the plan. And we go back in time and we have to kidnap ourselves as kids.
[00:43:52] Right. And we do it in a car with red velvet interior and velvet tuxedo.
[00:43:56] And we're working on the show. But then they're like, fuck, we need to cover
[00:44:00] sorts where we kidnap these kids. And we're like, let's molest them.
[00:44:10] We can't just say, by the way, even if that was our plan,
[00:44:16] we could just say we molested them. We have to molest them.
[00:44:27] Right. And that way. And then we're trapped in a cycle.
[00:44:31] Yeah, that way. If anyone asked where they were, they'll just say they were being raped.
[00:44:35] That's right. We couldn't just take them to an arcade or a movie.
[00:44:43] In the other universe, I already went back in time to show you movies.
[00:44:47] Show me movies. And it didn't work. And it didn't work.
[00:44:51] We had three years. I mean, get out of the time machine. We're not billionaires.
[00:44:55] It's nothing has changed. Nothing changed. And we're like, wow.
[00:44:59] We just are literally gay instead of closeted homosexuals now.
[00:45:15] God, time is gay. I'll say that. Yeah. I'll say that much.
[00:45:23] Boys. Yeah. Have you ever been raped before? Yeah.
[00:45:27] Why are we a dog kennels? Because the Simpsons is going to be bad.
[00:45:35] We have to save the show. While you're getting raped by each other.
[00:45:39] Do you want to save the Simpsons or not?
[00:45:43] I mean, we guess. We're not even that into it yet. We're seven.
[00:45:47] We'll get into it in like a couple short years. Yeah.
[00:45:51] We're just arrested and sitting in a holding cell and we look like us.
[00:45:55] We're actually these boys. We're the kids. We're the kids.
[00:45:59] No, we have a podcast. You're like, what's that?
[00:46:03] It's like, well, it's like a radio show. So if you do it in your house.
[00:46:07] You pick a character from media and call him gay.
[00:46:11] You pick literally any character from media. You understand. We're billionaires from the future.
[00:46:15] This is your big ass beard. I'm fucking toothless.
[00:46:19] My hair like this. I have never looked more like a child.
[00:46:23] They're like, no, you don't understand. The Simpsons is going to get bad.
[00:46:27] I know it's really good now. We know you're which is the best part of it now.
[00:46:31] It's the best part of it now. Call Aeromorris.
[00:46:35] I haven't do a documentary about this. Call up Aeromorris on the phone.
[00:46:39] Yeah. Well, if you're from the future. Yeah. If you're from the future, can you predict
[00:46:43] what's going to happen this year? Like, what year is it?
[00:46:51] No, 2001 around September, we got you, pal. In 2001.
[00:46:55] We don't really know anything. Kosovo will happen at some point.
[00:46:59] At some point in... Like 95 or 98. It's either 2000 or 2001.
[00:47:03] The Twin Towers are going to be blown up by George Bush.
[00:47:11] Every Jew will call out of work on September 11th, 2001.
[00:47:19] That's the sign. I'm not going to tell you what happens.
[00:47:23] When that happens, you know something's coming.
[00:47:27] You're like, you said David, call out of work.
[00:47:31] Well. It was actually Muslims that did it. The opposite of Jews.
[00:47:35] That's what they want you to think, brother. Yeah.
[00:47:43] From our jail cell. Yeah. I love that the Jews didn't go to work.
[00:47:47] Because it's like, that's got to be the worst day for Muslims in America.
[00:47:51] You're a guy that hates Muslims and 9-11 happens. You're like, phew.
[00:47:55] Let's see if we can get the other guys. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:47:59] Let's see if we can get them both. Two birds once there.
[00:48:03] Yeah. That's such an awesome conspiracy.
[00:48:07] Every Jew that worked in the towers called out that day.
[00:48:11] I've heard Greek people say that like with a completely straight face.
[00:48:25] How many Jews work in the towers? It's got to be like 90% of them.
[00:48:31] Yeah. It's probably mostly Jewish people in the
[00:48:35] work in the towers. Do you see though that they're not doing the 9-11
[00:48:39] memorial this year? No. Yeah. Because they're like, oh, it's too dang.
[00:48:43] The electricians can't socially distance. And it's like, that's bullshit.
[00:48:47] Just the only thing is putting a fucking beam in the sky.
[00:48:51] They don't want to accidentally acknowledge the police.
[00:48:55] Because that's how fucking like mired and like political bullshit
[00:48:59] is that they can't, they don't want to like have any kind of
[00:49:03] overture towards the police. All you have to do is flip a switch probably.
[00:49:07] Yeah. I mean, I guess there probably is electricity to set up those giant lights.
[00:49:11] I guess. But I mean, we just had months of protest
[00:49:15] that people packed in together. Yeah. You said that was fine as long as
[00:49:19] they're wearing masks. The lights. The mask and even face shield these motherfuckers.
[00:49:23] The lights have to be outside. Yeah. There's no way.
[00:49:27] That's wild. They're not doing the 9-11
[00:49:31] memorial. It's because Bill de Blasio has sex with Flanders.
[00:49:39] Oh fuck. Mm-hmm. Is he how long is that motherfucker be mayor?
[00:49:43] When is the next mayor election? It was two years ago.
[00:49:47] Did it just happen? Yeah. The last election was
[00:49:55] I hope you're trying to be mayor, dude. It was right when, I think it was right when the
[00:49:59] Louis thing happened. Was it? Yeah. I don't remember that at all.
[00:50:03] Yeah. Cause I was working on a TV show.
[00:50:07] Mm. So you're doing topical de Blasio beating off.
[00:50:11] No. Getting beaten off in front of Louis Jones. No. There's a lady that's
[00:50:19] the network. And she would hang out. But she's like
[00:50:23] she's been around forever and she's like friends with everybody. So she was friends with
[00:50:27] Louis. And so she was like this is fucking bullshit. Like she was like defending
[00:50:31] Louis. And then some like PA complained about her.
[00:50:35] And they were like yeah you can't, that's your boss. Yeah. And like there's no one to
[00:50:39] complain to him. About her having an opinion you don't like.
[00:50:43] But I remember that happening and then also talking
[00:50:47] about the de Blasio thing. But again, I mean we could have just been having a discussion
[00:50:56] scene. And she was a pianist in Nordstrom. Yeah. Which was actually Sears. Mm-hmm. All
[00:50:59] time her sounds cool. You know. Do you have a history ever in your family? Yeah. My grandma has all time.
[00:51:07] Love that. I got a little heart disease. I got a little
[00:51:15] is sharp. Yeah. That's most, most will guess
[00:51:19] by listening to me talk. Yeah. I come from some sharp weeded motherfuckers.
[00:51:23] Constantly aware of the things I'm saying.
[00:51:27] Yeah. I have thought them through. That's the other thing too about that Marge Simpson videos.
[00:51:31] You can hear how old they are. Dude. I know because I hadn't listened to
[00:51:34] and used Simpsons. Yeah. So I'm like what the fuck is this? Yeah. Homer sounds old.
[00:51:39] It's fucked up. They're more. They've been using the same people.
[00:51:43] Yeah. Dude. You know how much money. They must be so rich. Dude Hank
[00:51:47] is there. He gets $600,000 in episode. What?
[00:51:51] Yeah. Respect. I know. Damn. I'm so jealous.
[00:51:55] I know. To just do the voices. You know. I mean the talented voice
[00:51:59] actors. For sure. When you look at that roster the only one that isn't really talented is the bitch that does Lisa.
[00:52:03] She has one. She only had not only does she only do Lisa
[00:52:07] that's just her voice. It's not like she's like throwing her voice because she also
[00:52:11] if you want to trip. There's a movie called
[00:52:19] there's a good scientist that has a time machine and he goes into
[00:52:22] more less dinosaurs to try and make a sense of it.
[00:52:25] Wait I think I know that movie. It's like
[00:52:28] he says time machine but it's also kind of a spaceship weirdly. Yeah it's like it's got wings and shit.
[00:52:32] So they go back in time and they take dinosaurs and he gives them a serial that makes them like smart and kind.
[00:52:38] And he brings them into the future. And then he has an evil brother that goes back in time and gets the regular dinosaurs.
[00:52:44] Who has a different kind of serial that makes them violent. Just so clearly a movie made to sell
[00:52:52] and then the evil brother. That's the thing is like you know you think about like
[00:52:56] well I guess you don't really think about it but it's so easy to write a movie.
[00:53:00] Yeah. You know. Yeah. Especially children's movie. Totally.
[00:53:04] Like this what an awful idea. So the evil brother who was
[00:53:12] Which is like no one in history. So many people who lost their eyes. No one's gone insane from like losing their eye.
[00:53:18] And he just has like a screw in his eye and has this evil power.
[00:53:22] That's not explained. Why the screw is like evil magic power or whatever. Yes.
[00:53:28] But he has he gets dinosaurs and he makes them evil so he can use them in his circus in central part.
[00:53:38] That's right. Yes. So the good guys are
[00:53:41] represented by the natural history museum and the evil people are represented by
[00:53:45] central park. And this movie was produced in like 1990
[00:53:49] New York. Yeah. So at the time it's like I guess that kind of makes sense.
[00:53:53] The park is where you go to do drugs and rape joggers. Of course.
[00:53:57] You know. So yeah he has this like kind of like
[00:54:01] like circus punk circus. You know that he
[00:54:05] like you know has these dinosaurs at or whatever. But there's a
[00:54:09] little boy in the movie who's homeless. Right. And he lives on the East River in a raft.
[00:54:13] Jesus Christ. And he wants to join the circus. Right. And so he
[00:54:17] becomes friends with the dinosaurs who land in the East River when they come back from like the past or whatever.
[00:54:22] So he makes friends with the dinosaurs who are somehow hidden in New York City. No one can see them. Right.
[00:54:31] girl who's like her father's like some hot shot
[00:54:35] finance guy and her parents don't have time to spend with her because they're both being like the mom's being a man-hatting bitch and the father's a
[00:54:41] finance guy. So they become friends. But the girl is voiced by
[00:54:45] Yardley Smith or whatever that bitch is. Who does Lisa? And it's the same exact voice.
[00:54:49] That's hysterical. Yeah. I did not. I probably saw that movie
[00:54:53] before I saw the Simpsons I guess. Yeah. Because I never, because I saw it as a little kid. Yeah.
[00:54:57] And I never thought of it as Lisa. That's fucking wild. Yeah. I think there's other things that
[00:55:03] pop up. She's voiced and it's just Lisa. Respect. Honestly, she's the one that's the most impressive. Yeah.
[00:55:09] And I respect the most. You just talk. Yeah. The Adam of the Simpsons. Yeah.
[00:55:14] Ha. That's so funny. Dead ass part. Big facts. Damn dude. I would like one Simpsons check.
[00:55:26] Yeah. $600,000 in episode. Crazy. A billionaire.
[00:55:31] The only time he got in trouble at work is for doing a poo for 25 years.
[00:55:35] Who's doing a poo now? Harry Condobolo. Is he? Yeah. He bullied his way into the job.
[00:55:41] Now he gets $600,000 in episode. That's my name is. Dude, that fucking tweet from that Indian girl
[00:55:47] that was like, Hey, I got an idea for an episode. A poo says he's no longer performing Indian
[00:55:53] voice for Homer anymore. And he dresses him down with the years of harm that Homer is putting
[00:55:59] on the show by expecting that. And Homer, you know what he does? He actually shuts up and listens for a change.
[00:56:04] And then she like tweets at the Simpsons. It's like, I'm available to hire as a writer. Oh my God.
[00:56:10] And it's like, even by current standards, that's a horrific episode. It's not even an episode.
[00:56:16] It's a scene. It's half of a scene. Yeah. That's completely Homer just listens. Yeah. Right.
[00:56:23] That's not the point of the camera. Homer does better. Yeah. It's like, you're literally not.
[00:56:31] How about this? It'd be like, that'd be like me doing a tweet. Like, how about this?
[00:56:37] Here's an idea. We make sure black women don't die of diseases at Johns Hopkins. I'm available
[00:56:43] for surgery to hire as a guy that does surgery. I have fucking zero. I've demonstrated that I don't even
[00:56:51] understand the most basic element of what writing means in the context of sitcom or comedy anything.
[00:57:00] Was she a writer or anything? I have no idea. I feel like every Indian woman is a writer now.
[00:57:06] The ones that didn't become engineers are now just writers that they talk about their conflict with their parents.
[00:57:12] And by writers, I mean just on Twitter. On Twitter. Yeah. A couple mediums under their belt.
[00:57:18] Oh yeah. My Tinder date with why I went on a Tinder date with a man from the lower cast.
[00:57:26] And what it revealed. Yeah. Ultimately, of course, I didn't allow him to touch me. Yeah.
[00:57:31] But it wasn't instructive. How about I arrange a date between you and the police?
[00:57:39] Oh fuck, dude. Damn. What are they up to? You don't hear much from them.
[00:57:46] Do you guys name Pritar? No. The Indian women community.
[00:57:51] I don't know. Yeah. I guess it's like they can't really.
[00:57:58] It's kind of like time to amplify black voices. That's kind of what happened because during Obama, it was like, you know.
[00:58:05] Well, you guys get to be president. We get to be the sitcom writer. Well, it was. Yeah. It was it was like.
[00:58:11] Blackuary. You know what I mean? It was like black, black Sashana. Yeah.
[00:58:16] Blacks. I'm trying to think of a holiday that black teens black for Nagila. Yeah.
[00:58:22] Black black dependence day black dependence day. Yeah. Today is not just our independence day.
[00:58:31] It's black black black. It's June teens. Did we do that? I think so.
[00:58:40] We've done a lot of independence day type of situations. Today is not just June teens.
[00:58:46] It is our independence day. And then he has sex with the aliens.
[00:58:53] And they're gay, by the way. And the aliens. Yeah.
[00:58:58] Yeah, that's about right. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, the aliens are five and he has sex.
[00:59:04] They're a little boy. We have to have sex with the aliens to make sure that the Simpsons is good in the future.
[00:59:15] Yes. Yes. And then Obama's there. And he's like, um, disappearing. I'm being erased because Bill Pullman went back in time to molest himself as a gay alien child to save the Simpsons.
[00:59:31] So now DJ Poon Flanders has been written off the show.
[00:59:38] I'm evaporating before your very eyes. Oh, yeah.
[00:59:51] What's up? I'm trying to think what I should eat after this. I don't want to eat anything bad.
[00:59:56] I made a memory of an Edmonton. I went to the Tim Hortons there and they had these spinach egg white bites that were very good.
[01:00:04] And I was like, damn, I figured out how to make these.
[01:00:08] Egg white bite. Yeah, and I did. Well, I had this crate of egg whites sitting around from Costco.
[01:00:13] And so I just bought a shit ton of spinach and then white onion chopped it all up, tossed a little bit of olive oil, salt and pepper and garlic powder.
[01:00:21] And then you like four, I don't know, shit ton of egg whites. And then you just pour it in a muffin tin.
[01:00:28] And I'll bake it. Make that bitch? Yeah, 350, 15 minutes. Pop them out and now they're all in the freezer.
[01:00:35] At night, I'll take a couple, put them in a paper towel, put in the refrigerator, and then I hit them with the steam basket in the morning.
[01:00:44] Oh, steam is big. Because microwave, I was getting worried. It's going to dry them out. No, that ruins it. Yeah.
[01:00:51] Yeah, you steam them in the steam basket. Love that. Nice, juicy.
[01:00:57] The olive oil kind of rises in surface and pools in the indentation. Yes, sir.
[01:01:02] Yeah. But having that with the cholula of green chili hot sauce.
[01:01:06] I'm a green chili hot sauce, man. And it's destroyed my ass.
[01:01:10] Well, my ass is diddly-stroid. My ass is, b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-diddly-o now. Diddly-biddly-bitch.
[01:01:19] I'm the diddly-doodle-doodle-doodle. Yeah, buddy, yeah, buddy, yeah, buddy. I'm gay, folks.
[01:01:23] Yeah. And now it's Porky Pig. Dude, I'm gonna be hilarious to watch The Simpsons now in Flinders.
[01:01:29] It's just like, they just insert him in a scene for no reason. Mm-hmm.
[01:01:32] Just because they don't, like, that's how lazy the writing is. Yeah.
[01:01:35] There's something else going on. He comes up. He's like, how do they do the diddly-doodle-doodle-doodle-doodle?
[01:01:42] All right, see you later. All right. Okay. You have to pay me now. Mm-hmm.
[01:01:48] That will be 500,000. Yeah. Damn, bitch. Oh, fuck, dude. Maybe I should just leave.
[01:01:59] I should leave New York. I'm starting new life in Greece.
[01:02:02] You know, I think about that, but then I like live on a little, I live on as a little fisherman.
[01:02:08] You know, but then I went into, I went into the city yesterday to do a little business at Barnes & Noble.
[01:02:18] Uh-huh. Jack off? If you catch my drift. Yeah.
[01:02:26] That I got during the sale thinking maybe I could get other movies that are now back in stock for the criterion price.
[01:02:34] They said no. So you ran an errand for no reason?
[01:02:38] For no reason. And then I just said, well, fine.
[01:02:42] Well, guess what? Fuck you. Yeah, fuck you, bitch.
[01:02:46] She's like, excuse me. I'm like, I said, thank you.
[01:02:51] I said, do you have any books on going back in time to molest yourself? Thank you very much.
[01:03:01] Mm-hmm. Ma'am. That's for everything you do. Yeah.
[01:03:04] I want to thank you and the other essential workers.
[01:03:07] That's the thing. The word, we don't say first responders anymore. It's essential workers now.
[01:03:12] I think you change in the language. You used to say before dinner, God blessed you, amen.
[01:03:16] The Lord Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, thank you for being our friend.
[01:03:21] Thank you for being a friend there and back and back again.
[01:03:25] You're heart is true. You're a friend in a confidant. Jesus Christ, amen.
[01:03:30] Right. Yes. It's a grace. Absolutely. It was simple.
[01:03:34] And now we say race before dinner. Black, Chinese, Japanese, Jewish, Indian.
[01:03:41] The other kind of Indian. Right. These are all the races that we respect and admire and we hate white people.
[01:03:48] A woman. That's America folks. That's America.
[01:03:54] That's your living in it and they want to come into your house and they want to have sex with your kids to save the Simpsons.
[01:04:00] Is that what you want? But the Simpsons is already ruined. Mm-hmm.
[01:04:03] Okay. And those kids, by the way, your kids are them, by the way.
[01:04:07] Think about why they push this virus. Think about why they push the vote in mail.
[01:04:12] Who works at the Post Office? The most Chinese people you've ever seen in your life?
[01:04:21] You may think that this show is just a meandering, directionless,
[01:04:26] coalition, coalition of, of, of, of, you know, memories, whatever. Have premises.
[01:04:34] A coalesce? That's not a word. A coalescence. A coalescence. A coalescence of a coalesce, a coalesce, a coalesce.
[01:04:42] A coalesce, a coalesce well. That's the thing about French is like you may think that word isn't French, but you can just say it
[01:04:49] and then who's going to stop you? Some French fucking pussy? No. Absolutely not.
[01:04:54] over there and tell them what their words are.
[01:04:57] That's the America I remember, you know,
[01:04:59] where we didn't do whatever I was saying about dinner.
[01:05:07] A bunch of pieces of misshapen eggplant
[01:05:11] that you buy off Instagram, soaked in ketchup on the plate
[01:05:15] because you had to spend all your money
[01:05:18] Yeah, that's what you want to not fucking die, bitch.
[01:05:21] Because you need your universal healthcare.
[01:05:30] That's another thing is because with universal healthcare
[01:05:34] We're cutting off children's genitals at birth
[01:05:36] and when they're 15 they get to decide what gender they want
[01:05:40] to be and then we sew back on the correct ones.
[01:05:45] Get ground up into the soil and for you to eat.
[01:05:58] That's like the most, that is beyond Trump level pool.
[01:06:03] Especially just the part where they left it in
[01:06:05] where he's just fucking rambling and he's like,
[01:06:10] they've got her, they're making a Corvette.
[01:06:15] You know, my dad, oh, you just seen my dad was a hell.
[01:06:25] this setup right here, he's just sitting in the car.
[01:06:36] Literally just to prove he can drive a car still.
[01:06:41] Literally prove he's got the mental faculties.
[01:06:46] They said that they're saying Corvette,
[01:06:48] they're making a Corvette that goes 200 miles an hour.
[01:06:58] It probably is true, but it's like, who gives a shit?
[01:07:01] You know the direction things are heading.
[01:07:06] Are you saying it the way, like, just a guy on the street
[01:07:14] Well, it's so funny because it's like car culture
[01:07:18] It's like it makes as much sense as him doing a political ad.
[01:07:22] Where he's like, check out all my eight tracks.
[01:07:30] You know, I heard that they're making a whole streaming
[01:07:33] service where you can listen to Jefferson airplane
[01:08:00] And if you sucked all my penis, whatever happened to getting
[01:08:07] Fucking and sucking and man fucking in your ass.
[01:08:14] I don't even know any of the lyrics of the full out.
[01:08:16] When you suck my dick, it's having to the bell.
[01:08:25] But I think that's the reason I never liked music
[01:08:32] I couldn't separate like the sounds from the words.
[01:08:37] I knew the show was called save by the bell.
[01:08:40] But I thought the guy was saying save butter ball.
[01:08:49] It's all right when you say butter ball.
[01:08:54] It's all right when you suck all my dick.
[01:09:00] And I would have just been six watching me like, OK.
[01:09:09] Supposed to go have lunch with Christina.
[01:09:24] You guys have a longstanding relationship
[01:09:45] Remember his weirdie makes me speak in Chinese.
[01:09:58] Adams competing in the 2020 gay surf championships.
[01:10:05] You either have to be good at surfing or really gay.
[01:10:07] He was like, you fucking faggots do the show.