Cum Town | Premium | 01/23/2017
[00:00:26] You know, I've been out marching since Occupy.
[00:00:50] You didn't see the New York Times front page today.
[00:00:53] There was like that row of cops and riot gear.
[00:00:56] No, no, and me and Stog, just in front of them.
[00:00:59] We were kissing like, he was in a sailor's outfit.
[00:01:12] I went and I was, you know, obviously it involved my favorite activity, which is apologizing
[00:01:20] I just had a giant sign that said I'm so very sorry.
[00:01:27] I was a guy painted up like Chief Wahoo.
[00:01:34] Trying to get racist, racist chants going.
[00:01:42] You know, really when you can't use slurs, you can't really...
[00:01:52] Women's in general, you know, it's like if you can't beat them anymore, join them.
[00:02:03] That was actually repealed immediately.
[00:02:05] My sign is actually a picture of Bill Ingvall saying, here's your sign.
[00:02:14] And look, the fucking march was awesome and it was really cool to see all those, you know,
[00:02:19] But it was also really funny because there was an incredibly fat person.
[00:02:23] I don't know if it was a woman or a man in completely...
[00:02:29] And they were just wearing a fucking Guy Fauci mask.
[00:02:33] It was one of the best things I've ever seen in my life.
[00:02:39] I only saw two yesterday and I think there were probably half a million people out.
[00:02:50] You trying to get docked by Anonymous, dude?
[00:02:52] I'm sorry, I'm pro Anonymous, free all political prisoners, free Chelsea Manning.
[00:03:02] So yeah, me and Adam are good marching boys.
[00:03:05] And Nick, you know, you're not doing your part, dude.
[00:03:31] So I just went to keep everybody happy.
[00:03:34] I got home from Boston at like two and I was like, well, I'll be honest, I just basically
[00:03:47] Boston actually had the largest protest.
[00:03:55] Boston's always the best in everything.
[00:03:59] There's a place in a story called Boston Pizza.
[00:04:05] My favorite pizza place, there was a place called 911 Pizza in Rhode Island.
[00:04:17] Wait, Boston did have a good march though.
[00:04:21] Yeah, compared to their puny population, their fucking insignificant, what some would
[00:04:28] call a three and a half inch population, half inch arrest population.
[00:04:32] They're not very girthy population at all.
[00:04:36] You boy had some chowder though in Boston.
[00:04:46] This is my, this should be this guy I hung out with.
[00:04:58] And we were at my girlfriend's place at the time.
[00:05:02] We were at my girlfriend's place at the time and she made cookies and he was all fucking
[00:05:05] He's like, oh, these cookies are delectable.
[00:05:07] And we just like burst out laughing his face.
[00:05:13] Why are you attacking a man for having a great vocabulary?
[00:05:16] I don't see any problem with calling them delectable or scrumptious.
[00:05:19] If your entire vocabulary came from like the Wonka packaging from like marketing materials
[00:05:31] What was your, what was your FAT score?
[00:05:38] My verbal and my cholesterol were both really high.
[00:05:49] Adam, I feel like you were feeling a little energized.
[00:05:53] I, you know, obviously part of my brain is wrecked now with comedy and whatever where
[00:05:59] I can't really take anything fully serious.
[00:06:03] My favorite part was I saw a guy with, there's all these fucking sign anti-Trump signs and
[00:06:07] there's just a guy holding a fur store sign in the middle of them.
[00:06:15] That's like, on 53rd there was a guy holding, a Mexican guy holding a sign for like Dunkin'
[00:06:24] But I don't think he was doing that as a bit.
[00:06:30] Yeah, I mean, I think I can't really take anything fully seriously.
[00:06:32] I got to say, I was like spending a lot of time making fun of how shitty all the chants
[00:06:37] You need, I think for a good chant, you need three syllables.
[00:06:47] And there's so many, I guess, like a left or liberal protest.
[00:06:52] There's so many different causes that all come together and they all have their own
[00:07:01] The funniest one, me and my friend that I was there with, we were making fun of my body,
[00:07:08] And then all the men go, her body, her choice.
[00:07:12] It was just a, yeah, it was a very flaccid showing from a lot of them.
[00:07:17] So you think women shouldn't have their choice of their body?
[00:07:26] The worst chant is, hey, hey, ho, ho, Donald Trump has got to go.
[00:07:30] The choice, the Durham choice has just become so loaded for me because of that shit that
[00:07:34] anytime I hear the kids' choice awards, it's not.
[00:07:37] I just think the abortion should be up to the baby.
[00:07:41] I think the baby should get to decide whether it's a border or not.
[00:07:44] That's a baby, just a thumbs down coming out of my mom's pussy.
[00:07:51] It's like touching a pregnant woman's stomach, like always kicking.
[00:08:07] He's like male babies, get to the juice and they get to board it or not.
[00:08:12] You know, I hopefully one day women won't have to suffer through pregnancy.
[00:08:15] We'll find another way to create people.
[00:08:18] And then we could just kill all women because we don't need them anymore.
[00:08:34] And also because they're people and etc.
[00:08:37] Anyway, well, this is the first Trump, the first Trump is president.
[00:08:47] They just straight up lying about the fucking...
[00:08:52] Oh, Sean Spicer getting knocked the fuck out was the best.
[00:08:59] Sean Spicer lying about the crowd size was the second best.
[00:09:03] My favorite actually was kind of the sleeper hit, which is Frank Luntz complaining about
[00:09:12] He's like, there's drunk people harassing the paying customers at the Mariotte.
[00:09:16] And then he posts his picture and it's like a Starbucks and there's like maybe two women
[00:09:20] that are like scolding people and a child.
[00:09:28] He's making it sound like he's in fucking Broad House.
[00:09:31] And it's like any other Starbucks I've ever seen.
[00:09:35] But it's just so funny imagining Frank Luntz being harassed at all because he looks like
[00:09:39] Yeah, weren't they just harassing him maybe because he's a fucking...
[00:10:01] Fingers and Frank Luntz is sweaty, horrible ass.
[00:10:11] Them just straight up being like, actually it was the biggest inauguration of all time
[00:10:16] despite all the fucking proof otherwise.
[00:10:20] And then being like, and it's actually more people went there than Obamas.
[00:10:26] Why the fuck are you bringing up Obama?
[00:10:50] Yeah, but that's because Ross Perris, what the fuck?
[00:10:54] Yeah, he's going to be literally the worst president.
[00:10:56] What the fuck do you think Trump is going to be dude?
[00:10:58] Well, man's got 30% approval rating already.
[00:11:02] I mean, but yeah, Bush too should have taught you that...
[00:11:08] I mean, I guess if he puts us into some fucked up fake war, then yes, which probably he
[00:11:15] But Cory Booker and he's going to do fucking lay mis-songs and think they just know it.
[00:11:26] Yeah, I love that he was just like, grandstanding of the fucking Jeff Sessions.
[00:11:31] Which by the way, he was going to get in no matter what.
[00:11:41] He doesn't vote for it because he's getting free Viagra from Pfizer, which is what I think
[00:11:45] Dude, we should make it clear too that it is like the crack of noon and I am seriously
[00:11:58] Most of the three episodes are midday, I think.
[00:12:05] I don't know, I just haven't been sleeping well.
[00:12:10] No, I just stayed up watching band of brothers.
[00:12:42] Yeah, I got to stop playing Grand Theft Auto V. That's all I've been doing with my life.
[00:12:47] Just playing Grand Theft Auto V and then also just ordering Chinese food.
[00:12:57] If I have my druthers, I'm going wings.
[00:13:02] I love rangoons because it's an appetizer, but it's really a dessert.
[00:13:07] It's like a cream cheese treat in that sweet red sauce.
[00:13:15] They have so many fucking sauces on Chinese food.
[00:13:20] Chinese food family I lived with, they would just...
[00:13:23] They would make like General South chicken every night.
[00:13:31] I don't know if you live with a black fam, then they're like, did it again?
[00:13:37] Yeah, general sauce is so on the nose, dude.
[00:13:41] General sauce is like invented by a Jewish guy in the lower side.
[00:13:49] There's literally a documentary and I have watched it.
[00:13:54] You're gonna tell me this motherfucker, go to sleep.
[00:14:03] We're at a baseball game, Nick and I just sang that for an hour.
[00:14:12] And you tell me he dreaming about sushi.
[00:14:17] I'll tell you, I'm only dreaming about one thing.
[00:14:43] That bit was born in Staten island, watching the Staten island yankies singing.
[00:14:51] break for us, but you know, it could be worse. It could have been three towers.
[00:14:58] No, four. They almost got the fucking dude. How fucking how how pissed off as a guy
[00:15:03] that they got the contract for the World Trade Center back in like the late 60s.
[00:15:08] And he's like, I just sold the world's biggest building. He's like, forget this.
[00:15:13] Let's double down to let's tell him to let's tell him to. And then 9 11
[00:15:18] happened. He was like, why was I so greedy? I could have saved so many people.
[00:15:27] It would have just been a rectangle. Just one big rec. Is that why we only rebuilt
[00:15:31] one building? Because we can't, we got to cocky. We can't do two towers.
[00:15:36] Oh, yeah, that we learned this time. So we built one triangle. So when it's, uh,
[00:15:41] when it's destroyed, well, now it's like seven buildings. Wait,
[00:15:44] is there another one coming? There's like two world trade center, three world
[00:15:49] trades. I think it goes up to five. There's going to be a discoveries zone they
[00:15:51] put in there. Um, my friend's biggest Dave and bussers.
[00:15:55] My friend works in the world trade center. I went up there with,
[00:15:58] with my sister and she was in town and most of it's empty because people,
[00:16:02] people don't want to go there. They think they think that it's going to get hit
[00:16:06] by terrorism. I don't know about most of it, but they have huge vacancies and
[00:16:09] there are floors that just have nothing on it. We should put come town offices.
[00:16:13] Yeah, we should start an anti-buzzlem think tank and rent out the top floor.
[00:16:27] Yeah. We just fucking, uh, while we draw Muhammad on the crayon itself,
[00:16:33] did they ever end up building that mosque at ground zero? Yeah, dude.
[00:16:37] That's what the freedom tower is. That's what it is.
[00:16:39] It's a mosque. Yeah. Yeah. That's an obelisk. Yeah.
[00:16:42] Yeah. But just saying, man, all the fucking the eight years of Obama,
[00:16:46] all the people that were living about shit like that. Now it's the polar opposite.
[00:16:51] Uh, yeah. Yeah. Now there's like, yeah, they're, they're starting a boond
[00:16:56] and not it Auschwitz. The Donald Trump fucking, uh, uh, beer hole.
[00:17:06] Yo, it is. Well, Steve Bannon wrote the fucking inaugural address.
[00:17:10] He wrote it. He co-wrote it. Yeah. Did you see the picture of him at Mar-a-Lago working on his
[00:17:15] inaugural address? That was so awesome. It was so awesome because one,
[00:17:18] he like was curling up the legal path for some reason. Like he didn't want them to see
[00:17:23] any of his brilliant words. And two, he was holding a Sharpie. It was awesome.
[00:17:27] He was riding his speech and fucking Sharpie out of legal address. Why is he writing his own
[00:17:31] speeches? No, he wasn't writing his own speech. It was just a stupid photo. He just posed for a
[00:17:35] picture. And he's like scowing. And he also called Mar-a-Lago of the winter White House.
[00:17:40] Oh my God. He's fucking, oh man, he's going to go to Florida for the winter.
[00:17:46] I can't wait till he just, he's going to be a golf course and shit. He's not going to be in the
[00:17:49] white house. Yeah, but every president does that. Yeah. Obama loves the golf. No, but he's not
[00:17:53] laying out a golf. Half of being president is playing golf. Now watch this draft. Yeah.
[00:17:59] Now watch this draft. They fucking love playing golf.
[00:18:02] Have you got an Amaro-a-Lago is nowhere near as bad as fucking Rick Perry's nigger head
[00:18:09] ran. Yeah, that's true. I mean, that he became president. I mean, yeah. That's been the name for a
[00:18:15] long time. There's no reason to change it. It was called that when I got it. You moving to
[00:18:23] apartment. It says nigger on the wall. Do you buy no red? No, you want to keep your security
[00:18:27] deposit. You want to get that security deposit back, leave nigger on the wall. And that's what
[00:18:34] we're doing with America. Fuck dude. Are you Secretary of Energy? Yeah. The one that once
[00:18:41] that in the four years ago said he wanted to get rid of the. Yeah. Secretary of Energy.
[00:18:47] How about that? Yeah. It's a new type of magic where you create the n word out of
[00:18:52] the element. That's what N word G is. If you ask me, I made up the term. That's just what slavery
[00:18:58] they're bringing back slavery and they're calling it N word G. Well, it's N word G is I like to
[00:19:05] imagine it's when you like summon the N word. Oh, oh, that's the angle I was going with that. I see.
[00:19:11] So you just, it's like alchemy. Yeah. Yeah, you get some protons and like, basically,
[00:19:18] that's why we wear the robes or magical, magical robes. We put them all and then we summon the
[00:19:25] N word out of thin air. That's what N word G is. Remember that ad? It's like, it's just hard to
[00:19:36] believe we live in a world where queers are allowed to serve openly in the military.
[00:19:41] Okay. What was that? You don't remember that fucking repair ad from like 2012? Yeah, no.
[00:19:46] No, it's like a 2012 campaign ad. He's like wearing some like dumb hunting vest. What is him walking
[00:19:53] around and he's like, you know, I can't believe we live in a country where gays are allowed to
[00:19:58] serve openly in the military, but our children aren't even allowed to pray in school. You remember
[00:20:04] that? No, dude. Sounds about right. Yeah. Awesome. Did you ever read that? There was an article about
[00:20:10] his college days about what he was like at Texas A&M. Oh, true. Yeah, he was just a great guy. He was
[00:20:17] like really bad at school, but really good at pranks. He was a prankster. He was a prankster. He
[00:20:24] loved pranksters. Yeah, he loved to prank. And he would his classic prank used to be was he put
[00:20:32] fireworks in the men's restroom in the dorm in the toilets and flush them and they'd go downstairs
[00:20:40] to the little beneath them, which was the women's restroom. So what women were taking
[00:20:44] shits that are like the explosions. What the fuck? There's just ceramics in women's pussy.
[00:20:52] So you just like shrapnel. Just tell me just tell me a movie about him called clan Wilder.
[00:20:59] He's the greatest racist part of your. Did you weren't you in Texas when he was governor? Yeah.
[00:21:05] Did he do any fun hijinks then? He killed some retarded people. Yeah, he was talking about
[00:21:10] secession in like 2009. I remember I remember like, and then there was all these like polls where
[00:21:18] it's like 25% of Texans like want to succeed. And it was like, what the fuck? Dude, they had six
[00:21:24] flags, bro. They had six. Well, I have seven. I don't know. They're supposed to see him. Yeah. Well,
[00:21:32] I mean, then you laugh at that and then California is doing the same fucking gay shit. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:21:37] It's only what they don't even have guns. Well, when Trump after Trump was elected,
[00:21:42] California's talking about we're going to fucking succeed and join Canada,
[00:21:46] which is like, Canada, when you join Mexico, I thought you thought you said Mexico was great.
[00:21:51] Yeah, California just is Mexico. In fact, we stole California. Yeah.
[00:21:55] Mexico. So if you want to succeed, you should be forced to be and it's like 40% Mexican. Yeah. Right.
[00:22:02] But no, they were like, like, proposed new, new North America. And it's like,
[00:22:07] just for a different reason. Yeah, it's a good running in. Which is weird. It's weird.
[00:22:13] Yeah. I thought they were like children. No way earlier than that, dude. He was
[00:22:16] governor in the late 1970s. Yeah. What? Jerry Brown. Yeah. Damn.
[00:22:21] The late 70s, early 80s. He's a browns dad. No. Yeah. He is a Jew. That converted to Buddhism.
[00:22:28] Interesting. Yeah. That's cool. That's a very annoying person. You're really
[00:22:32] converted to Buddhism. You sort of lapsed your other shit. Yeah. Incense. He's a Jew. Yeah. He
[00:22:38] just bought some NogChompa. Yeah. That truly is the first. That's like a blue chip annoying person
[00:22:43] to tell you about. They've got Jewish like roots and then just probably telling you about fucking
[00:22:48] meditation. Oh, there are a ton of Jews that converts beauty. Yeah. I know. It's a big thing.
[00:22:53] At that sin, though, I used to go to these like old Japs came in one day. These like middle-aged
[00:22:58] Jewish women. That's great. Reaking of perfume. And she started to like a Japs plane to the
[00:23:08] sensei or whatever about Buddhism. And he's like, you do not know what you are talking about.
[00:23:13] Like, get out. I just fucking shot her down. And he was like, what you are doing now is called
[00:23:21] the mouth and this bullshit. She's like, excuse me, but I have been in many Buddhist schools before.
[00:23:31] And he's like, yes, and look at you. He was like old Korean man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was like that
[00:23:40] with everybody. But you know, I mean, he was just like sniff people out because he was a bunch of
[00:23:43] fucking white people like coming to his thing. He hated them. Right. You know, so you know,
[00:23:49] he saw me and he was like, well, you just smoke a bunch of weed. Huh? You know, I'm like, no,
[00:23:53] not really sober or whatever he's like. Yeah. All right. Whatever. You know, he's just kind of a
[00:23:58] surly guy. Gump your phone, bitch. What do you do? I was at I went to dinner with Phil the other
[00:24:02] night and he wanted to he was like, dude, I got tipped. Don't worry about it. We like split the
[00:24:09] check and then he's like, I got tip. So the lady brought us our checks and like he loudly
[00:24:15] like turns to me goes, don't tip. And she just looks. It was so funny because literally he's just
[00:24:27] like a, you know, one of the most Jewish looking people in the entire world. He's just loud.
[00:24:32] Don't tip. Yeah. But he like wanted to do something nice. Right. Right. So then he's like, yeah,
[00:24:37] he just left in shame. I said, thank you to her and she liked and even look up. I felt terrible.
[00:24:42] It was so funny. See it. We watched heavyweights again and there's a kid in heavyweights that's
[00:24:46] just looked exactly like Phil. And so I'm like sending pictures of him to Adam and then like the
[00:24:51] car. He's like a background character. And at some point they're like, Phil, the kid turns and the
[00:24:55] kid. Yeah. Yeah. I said that to Phil. Yeah. Yo, I fucking loved heavyweights. Dude, that was my
[00:25:02] shit. Yeah. I said, you know, just be one of the cool fact hit. That was the dream, dude. It was
[00:25:08] early Apatow. Oh, yeah. Him and Steve bro. Steve. Yeah. I know that. Yeah. Who wrote
[00:25:16] Ghost Dog Way the samurai? No, he did not know. He did not. It's not true. Wait.
[00:25:23] Oh, never mind. What? He never mind. I was going to say, is that Jim Jaramish?
[00:25:28] Jim Jaramish wrote it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm pretty sure he wrote it. Yeah. I was like, Ghost Dog Samurai.
[00:25:34] It's a it's it's a coolest movie of all time. That was a movie. That legitimately was my
[00:25:39] favorite movie when I was 12. Yeah. It's a I thought it was pretty cool too. It's with Forest
[00:25:44] Whitaker. It's Forest Whitaker and like Rizzus scored it and he's in it too. And it's like,
[00:25:49] he's like a black guy in Jersey City that is like a black nerd. Oh, no. It's like an ode to the
[00:25:55] Black Dude in the inner city. That's it really into animation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's pre-animated.
[00:26:00] Yeah. It's not a nerd. He is like an actual hit man. Oh, shit. Yeah. He just lives on the roof of a
[00:26:06] building and like collects pigeons and has and has swords and this mob guy saved him from like a
[00:26:12] racist gang when he was like a kid, like a teenager. So he learned how to use swords and then became
[00:26:17] like a contract killer for the mob. Hell yeah. And then he like he has like a falling out
[00:26:21] with the mob. He hits a guy that like, you know, his retainer asks him to and then the mob's like,
[00:26:27] you know, who's this guy that killed this guy and like we got to kill him. So it's like this
[00:26:31] politics. Hell yeah. But he's loyal to his retainer, Louie, who's like the mob guy and they're like,
[00:26:36] he's like, they're going to kill you ghost dog. And that is the way of the samurai. Hell yeah,
[00:26:42] dude. Yeah, we should watch way of the samurai. Hell yeah, a bitch. I'll watch whatever. I love
[00:26:47] that movie. Fuck you. I used to be a big Jim Jarmis fan. I like Jim Jarmis a lot. I saw him in the
[00:26:55] I saw him in Soho like a couple of months ago. And he is just his face is as white as his hair.
[00:27:02] Yeah. He's just he's just like shining. He looks like the fucking in the Lord of the Rings when
[00:27:08] they get the gifts from that from that white lady in the middle of the forest, the lady in white
[00:27:14] or whatever. Yeah. I never watched that either. Those fucking movies look boy. You ever seen anything?
[00:27:18] I don't watch movies, dude. Yeah. I've seen like a goofy movie. I love that. I've seen
[00:27:25] G's night at the Roxbury. That's a great movie. But I was like 12. I probably watched night at the
[00:27:31] Roxbury like 20 times. It's goofy black. That's a big debate. I have it people. I think he's black
[00:27:37] nerd. No, I think goofy is black. I don't think he's black necessarily. I think the goofy is a black man. I
[00:27:44] think any of them anything. So what is Mickey white? Probably. I don't even know about that. I mean,
[00:27:49] I don't watch enough like it doesn't occur in reality. Right. Right. Right. The fuck is
[00:27:54] fantastic. I think that a goofy movie is those are people but they're just you know, I don't think
[00:27:59] Max goofy son is a young black child that has a really nerdy dad. Oh, so it's like
[00:28:07] a what maybe he's maybe he idolizes maybe maybe maybe he's maybe there's no well a single father.
[00:28:12] They didn't go into that. Where's the where's the mother goofy's a nerdy black guy again.
[00:28:18] Further evidence that he's a black man. No, that'd be single mother. No, it's just a single
[00:28:24] parent household. I see maybe but he idolizes power line the prince style pop star that is a nerdy
[00:28:33] black guy as a cool as a as a cool black guy. And his love interest is like clearly some kind of
[00:28:39] Latina. Yeah, that's true. Okay. Yeah. All right. I'm in. Yeah. I'm damn damn queen. Yeah.
[00:28:46] No, goofy's definitely black. Yeah. Goofy's like the nerdy black guy. The old that like the nerdy
[00:28:51] black dad is someone that doesn't get enough fucking Pete's black. He's in Pete's a he's a cat too.
[00:28:58] No, he's a bulldog. He's a dog. I think they switch it. They can't ever decide what he is. But I
[00:29:03] thought he was like a they're all dogs. You think Pete's black? Yeah, the only white one in the goofy
[00:29:08] movie is the Paulie short character. Yeah. The leading tower of Jesus. Yeah. I don't like the
[00:29:14] Polish whatever fucking career he's his mom owns the fucking comedy store. But still in movies and
[00:29:19] shit just being a dude. Yeah, dude. You don't understand how much power like first of all,
[00:29:23] there were four comedy clubs in America. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. She I mean, she booked like
[00:29:30] the biggest fucking club there was. Yeah. How many favors do comedians Oh, just Oh,
[00:29:35] her? She said, could you put my son on? Yeah. In the 1970s. In the 1970s.
[00:29:44] The comedy store opened their big room. You just be the small room, but they opened the big room
[00:29:48] and they started bringing in acts from Las Vegas and Vegas was like that was that was what New
[00:29:55] York and LA are now for comedy. I mean, you eventually you worked your way up somewhere else or you
[00:30:00] just went to Vegas immediately. And then the goal was to be like a guy that played casinos
[00:30:05] as a regular show. Yeah. And then you made a fucking billions of dollars. So like danger field
[00:30:11] and like all these like the rap. Yeah. Those guys were on Vegas. And the comedy store opened the
[00:30:18] bigger stage and they would bring acts from Vegas to Los Angeles. Mincey started doing that and she
[00:30:23] was paying the Vegas acts, but they're doing like the same amount of time on the same stage of the
[00:30:28] same audiences. So a lot of the younger comics in the 1970s that were in Los Angeles were like,
[00:30:33] what the fuck aren't we getting right? Yeah. And straight capital. So yeah, they went on strike
[00:30:37] and then the strike ended. And some people were blacklisted from the comedy store, you know,
[00:30:42] because they couldn't and there was one guy that famously killed himself. He jumped off like Jesus
[00:30:46] because you know, he's and then his suicide note was like, my name's so and so I used to work at
[00:30:50] the comedy store. Holy shit. Wait, who is this? I forget his name. This isn't the 70s. Yeah,
[00:30:56] in the 70s, something or Eric, something he jumped off the building, the hotel right across the
[00:31:02] street from the comedy store fucking killed himself because he couldn't work the comedy store anymore
[00:31:07] because it used to be you work the comedy store, you get a spot on cars and then there's your career.
[00:31:11] But if you had any kind of falling out, that was it for you. Mm hmm. You know, who was a fucking
[00:31:15] scab during the strike was Jay Leno. Yeah, yeah. But Jay Leno was one of the people
[00:31:22] agitating for there to be a strike in the first place. I thought Letterman was one of those two
[00:31:27] words. They were all like they were all in it together. Everyone who was around back then has
[00:31:32] like the utmost respect for Jay Leno. Yeah, everyone talks about how he was the best stand-up,
[00:31:36] which is so weird. Yeah. Everyone was like, yeah, he was by far heading up shoulders better than
[00:31:42] anyone else. And you hear some of those some of those jokes? Really? Yeah. And it's like they're not
[00:31:46] good. I guess he was just a great stand-up. I don't know a great performer. I don't know what it was.
[00:31:49] Well, it's not like he writes his monologue for the show. He's been doing it for 35 years.
[00:31:53] We've been doing a podcast six months and you're too lazy to come here sometimes. Yeah,
[00:31:58] you should come to a story every once in a while. I think that's fair. No, you have a car.
[00:32:01] That does it. You're exactly like Leno. You have too many vehicles. Yeah. I have one vehicle.
[00:32:07] Fuck both you, asshole. No, I fuck you. You're exactly like Jay Leno. No, you can suck my dick.
[00:32:13] You know what? I'm gonna go on strike. Yeah, I'm gonna go on strike. Well, listen, I am...
[00:32:19] To the story at once. We've already established this. I think I'm in my hand.
[00:32:22] I'm head of the union. All right. All right. And I'm also mobbed up. Okay. So I got to talk to my
[00:32:27] petition to go out to some of the kids that are on Nick's fucking... Let's kill one of the cats.
[00:32:32] I'm completely down for that. You think I would give a shit? All right. Let's destroy one of his
[00:32:39] power tools. Oh, please don't put a hit out on one of my cats. Let's destroy one of his miter
[00:32:44] sauce. Honestly, one of our listeners might do that for free. Kill his cats. Oh my god. Yeah.
[00:32:50] Some of them I feel like really hate the fucking cats. Well, they suck. They're terrible cats.
[00:32:55] Well, they've never even met the cats. We know. We've said it. I mean, they do.
[00:32:59] Objectively, something like that. I don't know. I read Jay Leno's biography when I was like...
[00:33:06] You did? When I was in like seventh grade for like a fucking school project?
[00:33:10] What kind of bullshit school did you go? I chose it.
[00:33:14] I wasn't... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't... Imagine if that's in the curriculum.
[00:33:20] You start with Jay Leno. I love it if you just didn't have like a history class or, you know,
[00:33:25] like a Holocaust, you know, you just had Leno and his late night television was...
[00:33:31] It's just old comics. We did a whole semester on Paula Poundstone.
[00:33:37] What's her deal? She's a pedophile. Something like that.
[00:33:40] Or... And she also got in trouble for driving drunk with kids in the car.
[00:33:45] Yeah, but it seems like it's... That's the weirdest kind of pedophile.
[00:33:48] Like that's what I call the magic school bus. Should we do that one?
[00:33:51] That's a fun drinking game. You run a van, gave a bunch of eight-year-olds. You put them in,
[00:33:55] you get fucking trash, see how far you can get. It's called the magic school bus.
[00:34:00] Comes to the drink. It's called the Miss Frizzle. It's vodka and pussy juice.
[00:34:05] You get some ginger girl, the pussy squared into a cup. There's some vodka in there.
[00:34:10] What if Miss Frizzle was just on mushrooms the whole time? It's just the story of a whole life
[00:34:14] experience. She gave all the kids mushrooms. We're gonna go to space today, kids.
[00:34:20] Here's my question. Was Miss Frizzle a black man? Yes. It was this magic school bus black.
[00:34:27] I think that they left that open to interpretation, but I happen to think she's black man.
[00:34:31] Instead of the magic school bus, it's the double Dutch bus. It just takes white kids to the hood.
[00:34:38] They fucking experience a new type of reality.
[00:34:40] Yeah, like a scared straight type of shit.
[00:34:42] Scared for the magic school bus kids. The double Dutch bus kids.
[00:34:47] Carlos is getting dummied out immediately, dude. Carlos is trying to crack wise in the hood.
[00:34:55] Carlos was the cool one, right? He was like the moderate one, right? He was the most normal of
[00:35:02] them. The rest of them were like archetypes. I don't remember the kids.
[00:35:05] No, I remember the nerd in Carlos. That's it. I always confuse them with the BK Kids Club.
[00:35:10] Yeah, they did a wheelchair kid. The BK Kids Club was one of those like flat top black
[00:35:19] Yeah, exactly. It was a good diversity move. It was so clear that it's like,
[00:35:24] hey, I'm fucking hot sauce, the Latina. Wasn't there a white kid with a cyclops eyes?
[00:35:31] The next man got in? The white kid was from the future.
[00:35:34] Yeah, sunglasses like cyclops. His name was like Kid VR. What? Yeah.
[00:35:42] Was the kid VR? There was a handicap kid named Wiell's. Was it really Wiell's? Yeah.
[00:35:49] The black kid was Goofy. What's his name?
[00:35:56] Fuckin'. I don't remember. There was the annoying white girls in Magic. There's one annoying white
[00:36:00] girl in Magic School Bus. Carlos, I think, was just with crack jokes. That was his thing.
[00:36:05] I just remember that nerd kid. His name was Arthur or something. He kind of looked like Phil.
[00:36:10] Yeah, he did. And then there was the lizard, too. Was it a sentient lizard? I don't remember.
[00:36:17] Well, a lizard was, you know, I mean, it had a job and shit and it worked for a living.
[00:36:25] Yeah, I never watched. Everyone watched the Magic School Bus, but I don't feel like I did that
[00:36:30] much. Well, my parents got rid of cable for two years, so I watched the bunch of that. I didn't
[00:36:35] have cable for a while. Yeah, yeah. I think that my dad blamed it on me, but I think that they also
[00:36:40] were having a dispute with the cable company and he just tried, he like tried to fold that
[00:36:45] into saying that I needed to read more books. All right, so here it is. We got Miss Frizzle here.
[00:36:51] And then there's a black chick, a white girl blonde hair, a white boy blonde hair,
[00:36:56] right, a Chinese girl with an extremely Chinese haircut. That's right. A black kid,
[00:37:02] white boy, Carlos, and then a white girl with brown hair. I don't remember the brown hair to
[00:37:08] white. Yeah, I don't remember half these people. I remember Carlos and the nerd and that's it.
[00:37:13] I remember the blonde white girl. I think she was annoying. And the black girl, I think,
[00:37:18] was bossy, but maybe I'm just being racist in, huh? She's a nasty woman. Oh, yeah, she was
[00:37:24] in that. I think everyone else was bad on brazen nasty women. I loved scared straight
[00:37:30] episodes of like daytime talk shows like Maury when he'd like have like the the. Oh, yeah.
[00:37:39] Oh, yeah. Here's here's the Phil character Arnold Pearlstein.
[00:37:43] From Heavyweight? No, from Magic School. Oh, yeah, that kid looks exactly like Arnold Pearlstein.
[00:37:50] voiced by Amos Crawley in a handful of episodes in Danny Tamborrelli and the rest.
[00:37:57] Arnold is a perspective called Jewish American boy. He's often seen as somewhat of a coward.
[00:38:09] Arnold also inspires a class with ideas and they call him a genius in the episode.
[00:38:15] Dude, let me read the other ones. Let's read the fucking black girl.
[00:38:18] No, Arnold is the one I wanted to see. Basically, I'm going to change the name to Seth Dickfield
[00:38:23] and leave the leave the description in here. Carlos Ramon voiced by Daniel Del Santo. Carlos
[00:38:31] is the Mexican American class clown, always making a pawn or a joke about whatever situation
[00:38:36] the class is in blah, blah, blah. Carlos tries to be funny by telling several jokes, but they
[00:38:42] often backfire. It's called the case to groan Carlos. I remember this shit. I don't know.
[00:38:49] I can't read this in real time. I've been keep expecting it to be funny and forgetting that
[00:38:54] I'm just reading Wikipedia. Then I'm going to put some bits in Wikipedia.
[00:38:59] We're going to do one of this. This is going to be like hardcore history, except it's hardcore
[00:39:03] Googling with Dan Carlin with George Carlin.
[00:39:09] Hell yeah, dude. You guys remember the magic school bus? Remember that faggot Carlos
[00:39:16] with his stupid jokes? Fuck Carlos. I can't even do that. That's not
[00:39:21] carlin. Yeah, that's not probably at home. He's been dead for 10 years. Oh, so you got what he
[00:39:25] sounded like. I haven't hung out with him. I haven't seen my good friend George. Yeah,
[00:39:28] you guys were really good boys, right? Yeah. Well, I'm a huge protege. Yeah.
[00:39:32] Yeah. And by that, I sucked him off in a Mazda protege. That's what a protege is.
[00:39:42] I never, I really didn't watch magic school, but I fucked with Arthur a little bit.
[00:39:45] Arthur. Now is, is Arthur Black? Yeah. Yeah. Basically, I think every
[00:39:50] because it means because it means they've, they've, they've, they've,
[00:39:54] retroactively he's become brought up. They brought him into the community. I don't think he's Black.
[00:39:57] I think he's been a show star. I never understood. I've not blessed
[00:40:02] Spongebob is Black now. There was something suspicious about Arthur because it was like an
[00:40:06] educational show. I'm like, this isn't a fucking. Well, it's on PBS. Yeah. Real cartoons. It's all
[00:40:11] like, you know, it's running stimpy. It's sex jokes. It's people fucking having sex.
[00:40:16] Arthur's trying to learn shit. I never learned shit, right? I don't feel like I learned from
[00:40:21] my teacher. Yeah. Also, I used to just get so mad at Arthur's cunt sister, D.W. Fucker.
[00:40:27] She's, she's just, she's like, more like J.E.W. That's what they should call that character.
[00:40:34] J.E.W. Get out of here. Me and my friends are trying to play J.E.W. Aardvark.
[00:40:42] Oh yeah. I forget it was an Aardvark. Yeah. And the bunny had two gay moms.
[00:40:48] Yeah. My favorite was the bully character that just looks like Sean Patton.
[00:40:54] He's got a, yeah. What animal was that? It's just a fucked up looking. It's just like a potato.
[00:41:00] Sean Patton. It's just a character of just Sean Patton.
[00:41:04] Ah fuck dude. Yeah. That's important. Watching PBS is some poor kid shit because that was
[00:41:09] before you had cable and shit like that. Yeah. That was with the bunny. That's cable. And there
[00:41:14] were still other options. Like what? There was like Fox box and W.B. kid. Saturday morning
[00:41:19] cartoon. That's Saturday though. We're talking about after school. They had after school. There
[00:41:23] was like Batman animated series. There was W.B. No. Yes. Yeah. And X man. Yes dude. Yeah.
[00:41:29] X man. You're right. When I went away and went away and went away. X man was on Fox. Yeah.
[00:41:33] It was on Fox. You know it's so weird. Anytime I like sometimes when I think about trans people
[00:41:38] getting surgery. I imagine them like spinning in the air as like you know with like computer graphics
[00:41:44] and stuff. And you know like arms out arms out. It's like the parts change while the X men song plays.
[00:41:56] Like computer and then Brad is turning into Celeste. Yeah.
[00:42:00] Yeah. Good name for a good name. Trans folks. Yeah. Nicely done. Thanks. I'm going to trans
[00:42:11] into storm. Hell yeah dude. Oh man. Yeah. If I was the lady I'd want to look like storm. Absolutely.
[00:42:17] Actually no. I'd be around. I want to be rogue dude. Oh because you like the highlights and the
[00:42:22] highlights. They are they're all the roguas the hottest one. You were hot. I want to be hot.
[00:42:27] If I'm going to be a I'd smash in the hot. Yeah. I would trans into gambit the.
[00:42:34] The wise talking Louisiana. Yeah. What the fuck was this power? Is he made cards? Turn
[00:42:42] into fire. Yeah. It was. I thought it was a comic book. So you just get lazy with that shit.
[00:42:47] It's like. Uh his power is like you know he he can turn CDs and I don't know they charge
[00:42:54] us up to CDs and they become blue. Yeah. They discus something like that I guess.
[00:43:01] This is parking spot man. He always finds a parking spot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That would be a
[00:43:07] tight superpower. Yeah. No. And those X-Men movies for such fucking shit. I love how
[00:43:12] Frazier was the beast. The ones are good. Yeah. Frazier is the best. Frazier dude. Yeah.
[00:43:17] I don't like his Frazier dude. He's the greatest actor of all time. I don't know what you're talking
[00:43:20] about. Well Frazier was kind of the beast in the show too. That was like percussive. Yeah. In the
[00:43:25] show that's fine. But you can see his dumb Frazier face in that blue makeup. You're like this
[00:43:29] fucking Frazier's a gay man in Seattle. He's not a fucking cool beast. I just think it's so amazing
[00:43:34] that apparently he was so fucked up on pills. Yeah. And fucking alcohol. Jesse Grammer does go hard.
[00:43:41] Apparently. A fucking dumb bitch wife and all those uh. Rex white. Oh yeah. Like real housewives.
[00:43:47] Yeah. He's just trying to bimbo's like just apparently he they said that it was like a
[00:43:53] remarkable transformation. He would just be bumbling and fucked up like Ozzy Osbourne's style on set
[00:44:00] and then they'd yell action and be like, Niles. You know, he just like snap. Just like become
[00:44:07] Frazier cray. That's so funny. I think you did that with that show. Is that like being a rock star?
[00:44:11] Yeah. Yeah. It's like doing puns and quips and shit. A character that does jokes about the French
[00:44:18] revolution doing the fuck up on the radio. The guy that does therapy on the radio. Yeah. And he's
[00:44:26] just a fucking, you know, complete junkie. Yep. It's amazing. Actually, actually, though, she was
[00:44:33] the high like you definitely would fuck Rogue number one, right? Storm, dude. What do you mean
[00:44:38] Rogue? She's WSC. Huh? You mean on the list of your fuck you would book Rogue first? Probably.
[00:44:44] Yeah. Probably. She would suck your powers out. What is that the thing? Everyone was going to
[00:44:47] roll. Storm then G. Right. If you touch her, she'll fuck you. You gotta wear a condom. Gotta wear a
[00:44:52] condom. No thanks. That drow down, baby. It would suck your dick. Oh, damn. You're so
[00:44:59] going out of your dick. You'll probably pretty good. Every part of your body, you just touch any
[00:45:03] part of your body with your dick and her body sucks it. Yo, she's back up. She's back up. Wow.
[00:45:11] But it just takes your powers. Your life for? I get a hand job with gloves for Rogue. I started
[00:45:16] fighting. I started fighting those big yellow gloves. That's the only way she could, she could
[00:45:20] have sex with giving fucking like dishwashing glove hand jobs. I was sorry, I'd be a fun sketch
[00:45:26] to have like the X-Men Academy or whatever. And like everybody's got their powers. And then
[00:45:30] this one guy, you know, like it's like we gotta stop this guy in storms like power of like weather
[00:45:36] or whatever. And then Wolverine like gets his claws out. And there's one guy that's like tiny
[00:45:40] dick man. And then they're all like, does he know he's not a mutant?
[00:45:48] Just let him just beating on with his thumb and his one finger.
[00:45:51] Yeah, like no, you just got a small dick and he's like, no, it's a power. I'm a mutant with mutant power.
[00:46:07] Tiny dick man. Oh god, they just don't have the heart to tell him.
[00:46:13] Constantly has his little penis out. He's wearing like a latex suit that covers his face. Like Spiderman,
[00:46:20] just a whole cutout. You can see how small is taken. We need you here in the control room,
[00:46:28] little penis man. We need you to, we need you to plug in my iPhone charger. Find a place to
[00:46:36] plug this in. Behind the bar. Do me a favor and close my tab for me. That's your mission.
[00:46:45] Is to go see if we have enough creamer in the refrigerator. Is your task that only you can
[00:46:53] achieve? That's true because the X-Men was sort of all about inclusivity and like people that were
[00:47:00] objective or that were like shut out of society and like finding their own community.
[00:47:04] Yeah, that's the joke. Okay. That's the joke.
[00:47:07] Okay. You dumb bitch. It's very nice. I just think it's very nice of them.
[00:47:16] And then there's another guy that's like on the rices. Bob Power is on rices.
[00:47:23] Fuck. And it's Rick Perry. Yeah, that's the joke.
[00:47:36] Stop. Has anyone ever told you you laugh like Roseanne at the end of the Roseanne?
[00:47:41] The credits. Yeah. Yeah. Where they're going around the the table. Maybe that's why I laugh
[00:47:46] this way. Yes. I watch Roseanne as a baby. Is it a little less kid? I can't even print it.
[00:47:50] Roseanne is O'Zan. Ooh, baby. Is it ducks? Like the first thing they see is their mother.
[00:47:58] It's called like imprinting. So maybe the first thing I saw in the
[00:48:02] first thing you saw was Roseanne. Yeah. You say Roseanne? Roseanne.
[00:48:07] I don't know why I said that. I can't control the word. It's not like a game out dude.
[00:48:13] That's not like I'm choosing to say these all fucked up. Roseanne sounds like some like a
[00:48:18] flat chested woman from Williamsburg that you would be obsessed with for months. Me. Yeah.
[00:48:24] Dude, I got a hand drop from Roseanne last week. I think she hates me.
[00:48:30] Dude, I seriously think she hates me because I'm Jewish. I just love apologizing to her.
[00:48:37] Would you be with a girl who hates Jews? Of course you would. Oh my god. That's the dream, baby.
[00:48:42] Of course you would. It would be a woman that drafts your mouth like a house Indian.
[00:48:49] Oh my god. She wore the same outfits as me? Yeah, of course. Oh yeah.
[00:48:54] Just belittled you in front of all her friends. Yeah, it'd be incredible.
[00:49:00] Honestly, I do want to date someone that hates comedy.
[00:49:05] Yeah. I think that would rule. Hey, just show them your act.
[00:49:10] Yeah, you got you there. Bitch dickhead. Yeah, you're at. Just watch just if they see you
[00:49:15] do comedy, they'll hate it. Yeah, well, that's pretty much how I tailor my act to make women hate me.
[00:49:22] So that I know you're talking about, I kind of want to take a break so I can go get more coffee,
[00:49:26] but then we only have 10 minutes left. Really? We've been getting 50 minutes? Yeah.
[00:49:30] You do. That's what happens when you slow it down. Yeah. Talk real slow. This is chopped and
[00:49:35] screwed. Come down. Yeah. We just drank pro methazine. We should do episodes where we're high on certain
[00:49:41] we're on lean. I think that would be fun. I can't do it. I'm sober. I haven't touched your narcotic
[00:49:48] five years. I love you. You and Soder like guys who are so like so is like sober, but he's never
[00:49:55] not. Is that count? You're always under a fight. Yeah, no, it's always funny when I like talk to
[00:50:01] people that like they think they can relate to me or whatever like Evan Williams is sober or whatever.
[00:50:06] And his name is literally a whiskey and he's like, well, what have you been up to? I'll be like,
[00:50:11] I don't know. I mean, I need to wait too much below the other night. And he's like, I can't
[00:50:16] do that. Oh, Evan would go off the deep end. Shouts out to Evan. Actually, Evan, Scott and
[00:50:22] Zachamiko are all going to be on the roast master shit. So shout out to the boys on the television show.
[00:50:28] Yeah. Yeah. They're all funny as shit. They're all New York boys. And I hope they always
[00:50:34] he was on it too. He was a yeah, just penis McDade just make didn't make the
[00:50:39] unfortunately wasn't on Comedy Central shit. The too many white guys probably. They cut
[00:50:43] them. They cut them out. Actually, that is like it seems like legitimately what happened. Of course.
[00:50:48] Yeah. I think it stands for just playing McDade. I think it's just penis because that's all
[00:50:54] these hoes get. They just get Jamie McDade. He's a big come boy. He loves the pop. I see
[00:51:00] a piece. Shouts out to a Jewish person. He's the waspiest piece of shit I've ever seen. No,
[00:51:07] he's he's he's Irish. He's Irish Jewish. He's gyrish.
[00:51:16] That would be an annoying combo to basically anything plus Jew who would just be pretty annoying.
[00:51:21] I don't know about that. I think it's pretty cool. What about shiny rabbit?
[00:51:24] Shiny Jew. He had in that. Oh, the Ryan was so wrong at the bank today.
[00:51:39] I love these new ones. That's characters.
[00:51:43] Oh, fuck. All right. I need to cough anymore. My days started.
[00:51:47] That put on there for the actual hours. Yeah. I don't know. I think mixing a Jew is always
[00:51:56] makes a cool person. There are plenty of cool examples of half Jews. Very cool people.
[00:52:02] Like Lanny Krabitz. Lanny Krabitz. Lanny Krabitz.
[00:52:07] A quarter of Lanny Krabitz's daughter or half of Lanny Krabitz's daughter.
[00:52:10] Yeah, I mean that's that's slash slash is half Jew. He's basically just the majority.
[00:52:16] The majority of like light skin. The majority of light skin Black Americans are part Jewish
[00:52:23] because the vast majority of slave owners in the South were actually. That's not true.
[00:52:29] Every slave owner was. Anyone that's the child of someone that mysteriously left the towers the
[00:52:36] day before they were struck is half Jewish. You know what I spent the other day doing?
[00:52:44] I actually there was a big Orthodox field trip out of the towers that day. That was a coincidence.
[00:52:53] There was a pro-Israel march at a viewing point of view with a clear view of the towers that day
[00:53:00] across the river. It was a binoculars testing event. It was a coincidence.
[00:53:13] From across the Jersey River. Across the river in Jersey. They had to go to Jersey. It was for
[00:53:21] it was a coincidence. A co is but spelled C-O-E-N. Cohen is good.
[00:53:28] Let's go back to that Chinese Jew character.
[00:53:34] These are Gefirte fuchsia dumplings that don't taste so good.
[00:53:46] They sat on me underneath the air conditioning.
[00:53:48] You know me I can't complain but my therapist is trying me nice.
[00:53:59] I don't know what these women want. I date them and they seem like they hate me.
[00:54:05] I just want to date a girl that hates me for being Chinese Jewish. I hate me for my personality.
[00:54:19] Oh I hate my mother. My mother say when you settle down with good Chinese Jew girl.
[00:54:27] You need to find rough. I cannot see another Mayor Keepsun movie again. After what he said.
[00:54:36] Hey this is a pastrami. Just imagine them trying to say Israel.
[00:54:54] Yeah so next week's guest is Miss Swan. Yeah. My favorite thing about Miss Swan is that they
[00:55:00] had an Asian cast member. They didn't let Bobby do it. They were like no let's do it racist.
[00:55:07] Yellow face for us please. Yeah. Unlike us who are doing satire.
[00:55:13] Yeah no yeah we're not actually racist. None of us voted for Donald Trump.
[00:55:17] We met him at a march. Yeah I marched. I said sorry. That's some moral story folks. You can
[00:55:24] do and say hateful things as long as at the end you just go just kidding. Yeah just playing just
[00:55:31] kidding. JP and I learned that from the goofy movie. That was basically the plot of the goofy movie.
[00:55:37] At the end he says just kidding. Yeah yeah he molasses Max and he goes oh just kidding.
[00:55:42] Gosh gosh. No he didn't molasses Max power line the pop star. The Michael Jackson based pop star.
[00:55:51] It was a big prince. It was half prince. Oh yeah he was half half prince. The molestation part was
[00:55:56] just a news walking. Yeah he moonwalks. The power line was so fucking cool. And the leaning tower of
[00:56:03] Jesus. They made the dog look like Paul Isor. Because they knew people were only going to go
[00:56:08] see the movie if they knew Paul Isor was in it. I love that shit. There's a Rodney Dangerfield
[00:56:12] movie where he's a rover danger. I love that movie as a kid. I was a danger. Fear dude.
[00:56:18] Sorry I'm doing the character. You're going back now. Your method dude. Lover danger left here.
[00:56:25] And he just looks exactly right. Oh yeah. Oh Rodney Element. I was saying the other day.
[00:56:32] I got to know this pic dude. I was saying the other day the movie. No respect. No respect at all.
[00:56:38] Oh god this is so amazing. Dreams. How much are these dumplings? Dumpling.
[00:56:49] Chinese Rodney Dangerfield. Wow. The girls only play if you make a feat real tiny.
[00:57:00] She's got to have tiny feet. Fuck dude dude. What about Chinese Trump? We gonna
[00:57:06] build the war. We are now we're just trying to find. It's got to happen organically dude.
[00:57:16] Dangerfield one was already pretty. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No no.
[00:57:21] Rodney's hard to do because he's like he seems like he would be an easy impression but he's
[00:57:26] he's more difficult. I got no respect. I can't do it. Oh man that's bad. I got no respect. Nothing.
[00:57:37] He's tricky. How about Adam? Can you do Chinese Bob Dylan? Yeah of course. You know what people
[00:57:41] was a big hit. Chinese Charles and Heston people liked but I forget what the context.
[00:57:49] You know what it was it was because we were talking about how every movie like white guys just played
[00:57:55] like he played fucking what was his name? Yeah that's right. Yeah yeah. Oh yeah. Me no Riki.
[00:58:02] Please sucky. My dick. I have to sucky sucky.
[00:58:12] Yeah that's what it was. That's a good one. And thankfully all of this is legal now
[00:58:23] that Donald Trump. Well we have to just imagining different 1600s. Dude that's this is what this
[00:58:29] is great broadcasting. This is what radio should be. Absolutely. You'd say you take a celebrity and
[00:58:34] you say what if they were Chinese. Listen if Trump has his way gets rid of NBC SNL which is by far
[00:58:45] the worst show on NBC according to the president's Twitter and replace it with mad TV.
[00:58:50] Staring at me with us. Oh shit. Yeah we would have to get mad TV. It would have to be mad TV.
[00:58:58] They did reboot it but we'll re reboot it. They have no problems doing that. Yeah we're gonna
[00:59:02] reboot it. It's a Chinese reboot. This where you take a show and then you make a Chinese
[00:59:11] or racist Chinese version of it. God. Woo. God damn boys. Now this is some podcasting.
[00:59:18] This is some spark we were missing. Yeah no I'm trying to think of other celebrities that would
[00:59:24] be fun to do. To just be Chinese. To be a Chinese version. Guys we can also do Japanese.
[00:59:29] About lick parley. Yes you just be with our names. Landa Lausi favorite MMF item.
[00:59:38] Dude it's gonna be funny watching her drift into obscurity. Yeah she's done. She got a
[00:59:43] shit split the last fight. Well it's like was there one last night an MMA last. Oh yeah it was
[00:59:47] Chaol Sunon versus Tito Ortiz. It was awesome. Tito fucked him up. Chaol was looking like shit.
[00:59:53] I don't know anything about him. Oh they're well Chaol Sun is hilarious. It's a funny dude
[00:59:58] and Tito Ortiz is dumb as shit. He's a Trump guy. Yeah he was wearing a make-a-man grade again.
[01:00:03] Oh really? Sure. He's Jenna Jamison's husband. Ex-husband. Ex-husband. Yeah yeah.
[01:00:07] He married the most beautiful woman in the world. Most beautiful woman in the world dude.
[01:00:12] That was so funny. He married the most amazing. He was just a mainstream porn star. That was
[01:00:16] such a weird time. Yeah she was famous for being a poor forgetting fucked and shit. Yeah well so
[01:00:21] it was Ron Jeremy. Don't be a fucking sexist dude. No that's weird too. He's ugly and is you know
[01:00:26] although he's funny looking at least. I gotta give him that. Yeah I am a sexist. What can I say?
[01:00:32] I gotta do better. This isn't what the march is about. The march of Dimes. You know what I'm talking
[01:00:38] about? Ten. Ten. Ten pieces. We did a joke on that other episode about how it should have just
[01:00:47] been called the Slut Walk. I thought they like. I thought that was the name that they chose.
[01:00:51] Slut. Like me. Yeah. They're still there. We go back calling it the Slut Walk. Yeah that's right.
[01:00:57] Who went out to the Slut Walk? Guys right in. We did. I went out. I'm a slut. Yeah. Excuse me.
[01:01:04] You're not allowed to call me that. Only I'm allowed to call myself that in certain context
[01:01:09] because I'm not offended by it but I am all the time. I'm an anti-slut-shaming baby. I think
[01:01:17] everyone should suck and fuck whomever they play. Yeah sure but I mean but the thing is just like
[01:01:22] all the people that it's a lot of people pretending like they're not offended by things when they're
[01:01:26] constantly offended. Like you think you can hurt my feelings? It's like actually no I'm not even
[01:01:31] trying to interact with you. You walked up to me and said that I'm offending you. Right.
[01:01:36] By in the context of you could never offend me. Right right right right right. And that's just why
[01:01:41] that's like annoying to me. Totally. It's like no I don't care. Yeah. You care. Everyone who says
[01:01:46] they don't care cares the most. Yeah yeah yeah. I'm not mad. I have never been mad.
[01:01:52] You claimed to never have been mad online. Me? Yeah. Yeah I've never been mad about anything.
[01:01:57] My secret is like incredible Hulk. I'm very strong.
[01:02:06] I'm extremely fucking strong and I can fuck you up if I wanted to. That makes so much sense.
[01:02:10] Yeah. You guys want to get boxing gloves and fight?
[01:02:12] Ah well I would be afraid that I would kill you. Yeah. One punch. I want to get boxing gloves dude.
[01:02:22] I want to be fucking I want to be a boxer dude. Yeah. Yeah dude. Just fuck people up.
[01:02:29] Lie to die. I'm strong like you Nick. Teach me how.
[01:02:31] Now how about Chinese incredible Hulk? Yes. I think we're good.
[01:02:37] Yeah maybe uh. Incredible Hulk doesn't speak though. Huh? Incredible Hulk doesn't speak
[01:02:41] though. Fuck I need another cop. Bruce Banner. We gotta find a fun way to end this one boys.
[01:02:45] Um you wouldn't have liked me when I'm angry. Yeah. My dick becomes normal sized.
[01:02:56] That's rude. We're cheeky boys and we're doing my jokes.
[01:03:02] Fuck that. That's fine. That's an area. The Chinese dick joke.
[01:03:09] Oh we got uh our show on the fucking Monday. Tomorrow? Tomorrow. The 23rd.
[01:03:15] Hey come on everybody. This will go up today right Nick. Yeah I guess.
[01:03:17] So uh tomorrow night the 23rd. I come on everybody. Doors are at eight. I would suggest
[01:03:23] the show's gonna start at nine but I would suggest getting there closer to eight because the
[01:03:26] sea's filled up by like eight fifteen last month so um try to get there. I can I can promise you
[01:03:34] all the comics will take their sweetest time getting there but you should try to get there
[01:03:39] all the time. We'll get them to be there on time. We'll start at nine. We'll try to
[01:03:41] browse there. We'll start at nine on time. Yeah and I'm doing a benefit for playing
[01:03:45] parrot here on Friday somewhere on the Upper East Side. I'll tweet about it. Uh yes. All right thank you everyone.