Cum Town | Premium | 08/30/2020
[00:00:00] Yeah, the Mrs. Field store. That's what they were. They were like rest stop places.
[00:00:05] That's how I remember him. I started the episode, by the way.
[00:00:13] What happened to some of the... I happened to tell him cookies.
[00:00:19] Thanks, man. I just bought women's shampoo.
[00:00:21] You're starting to look like the clown from Spawn.
[00:00:24] Dude, my shit's been laid. I got deep conditioner.
[00:00:33] I see a bounce. I see a little bounce. Voluminess, brother.
[00:00:37] Yeah. It's really because it's like, you're not bald.
[00:00:44] You're really not a bald guy. I mean, there's like, your hair's kind of shitty in the front, but...
[00:00:48] Right. I have shitty front hair. Yeah, that's it.
[00:00:51] But I'm a man of hair is what I remember.
[00:00:57] I've been looking at different bald hairstyles that I want to really...
[00:01:01] Like the Frasier, when he had his shit combed all the way back,
[00:01:05] but he's bald up front. I want to do that.
[00:01:09] Tony... So, it's gonna go... I'm gonna go Frasier...
[00:01:14] And then once the bald ponytail's... air is over, we're going Tony Soprano for at least a year or so.
[00:01:19] Yeah. As long as I get to where you can braid it, then let it go.
[00:01:28] That was a great... She's got these big two dreads on either side.
[00:01:33] One of my favorite moments of high school was getting my hair braided and feeling a girl's breasts and pussy...
[00:01:43] What did it feel like? It felt awesome.
[00:01:46] For the first time ever, we're hearing what pussy feels like.
[00:01:51] It was really warm. Her pussy was very warm.
[00:01:54] What? A girl that braided my hair in high school. That's pretty good.
[00:01:57] There was definitely... I don't know... did you guys have long-haired white boys in Virginia?
[00:02:04] Because there was definitely every black girl in my high school wanted to braid my hair.
[00:02:10] And I let the one with the biggest titties do it.
[00:02:14] The cool thing about having long hair as a teenager is you get guys that are like 37.
[00:02:18] They were like losers. They're like, man, I used to have hair like that.
[00:02:21] It just bald. I used to look just like you.
[00:02:24] And you both work stocking yogurt at the grocery store.
[00:02:33] You're like, I'm never going to end up like that guy.
[00:02:35] And then you end up like that guy in your life.
[00:02:38] Yeah. And then there's some 17-year-old and you're like, you know, I used to fucking...
[00:02:42] There were guys who were like me and they would give me shitty advice.
[00:02:49] Yeah. I'm not the different. I'm not like that guy because I used the computer.
[00:02:55] Whatever you're doing on your phone is the exact same thing as the shit I was doing on the computer
[00:03:04] I literally found myself thinking about a middle school basketball game today where I scored
[00:03:11] Because I saw a guy wearing the Iverson's. You know the Iverson's that zipped up.
[00:03:18] I saw him in a story or park he was wearing those.
[00:03:21] And I'm instantly thinking about putting up 16 against, I remember who it was.
[00:03:26] One of those fucking rich schools and...
[00:03:34] But our school was played in the like rich, like the private league for some reason.
[00:03:50] Stop. If you were good at basketball, the streets would have gotten you.
[00:03:54] I was good, but I stopped growing at five seven.
[00:03:56] If you still were just like amazing at basketball, but you looked the way you do, like you could dunk.
[00:04:05] Like if I could steal someone's powers, like mom star style.
[00:04:17] Even if you could, you'd fuck all your shit up on the way down.
[00:04:28] That it's been here for like six months.
[00:05:01] I knew there's a trans comedian named Rye.
[00:05:10] When I met them, they were like one foot in, one foot out.
[00:05:13] They were just cross-dressing at the time.
[00:05:20] Because we're in dresses and eyeliner and ship.
[00:05:27] Before you get titties and hormones and stuff.
[00:05:29] My reaction always is to be like, nice guy.
[00:05:32] You know, whenever somebody I just sort of casually know comes up that I don't have anything bad to say about.
[00:05:39] But not really friends with the person either.
[00:05:42] But just because I feel like even mentioning somebody in any context is kind of negative if it comes out of my mouth.
[00:05:50] For you to give a minor compliment is not even a compliment, just to mention somebody.
[00:05:57] What I'm saying is you have to minorly compliment them.
[00:06:04] People are like, what the fuck would he do?
[00:06:06] People just assume you're smiling knowingly when you say their name.
[00:06:19] You know, Farrakhan reached out, told me to holler at you all.
[00:06:23] Well, actually I've been in intermediary.
[00:06:25] They keep trying to cancel him and it won't happen.
[00:06:30] He's trying to get him through Nick Cannon, which is such a funny way to get him in a Farrakhan.
[00:06:37] That's like when Al Capone got got for tax evasion.
[00:06:41] Well, the thing is Farrakhan's been talking about the JQ.
[00:06:44] Well, he's got, that's why he can't be canceled because he makes some really good points about
[00:06:48] That's the thing is like, yeah, if he said anything that was technically untrue, maybe you could
[00:07:01] But it's, it's, no, I don't think it's that.
[00:07:03] I mean, you can't cancel somebody for saying reality.
[00:07:09] No, I think it's, it's more because Farrakhan's been doing the same act, you know, his entire
[00:07:15] He's never like used to say that, you know, Jews have amassed too much power and well, he's
[00:07:21] Are you saying somebody can get canceled for not changing their act?
[00:07:25] I think, I think you can't get stays true to who he is.
[00:07:30] I think if he tried to change his act, then people could dredge up old stuff and say now
[00:07:35] It's funny if Louis Farrakhan tried to be woke.
[00:07:41] I know, but it would be very funny to see that.
[00:07:47] He'd be like, yeah, maybe it's time to shut up and listen to Indian women.
[00:07:53] I would love to see Louis Farrakhan with like, try and talk to aspiring, like so, some,
[00:08:00] like a girl from like Brown, I was trying to get into sketch.
[00:08:04] I'm going to get a megaphone and just march down Fulton and be like, hire more Indian
[00:08:12] We're out here to get more Indian women jobs on Netflix conversations.
[00:08:23] I'm trying to make sure that more, more Brahmin Indian women have access to the Indian women.
[00:08:36] I knew a guy that was that guy, that's a style of guy.
[00:08:44] It was funny because you're like a lacrosse bro, but he was like an Indian, I came from
[00:08:54] And I think he might have raped somebody.
[00:09:04] He was kind of like a duttering old fool.
[00:09:09] His daughter was a sexiest guy in the latter.
[00:09:11] His daughter was a sexier than his daughter.
[00:09:20] You can be the Sultan, Adams, Jazz, Aladdin.
[00:09:27] I'm just salted in the version of the Latin where he gets, she's not, Jazz was not his
[00:09:36] If his soul is trapped in the body, I'm fucking, that's okay with me.
[00:09:54] Yeah, her pussy is like an open for a business.
[00:09:56] You're like a, you're an earl or some shit and you're like, I have to fucking travel 6,000
[00:10:02] I got to ride it on an elephant to try to get this royal pussy.
[00:10:08] I mean, honestly, Jasmine was worth it.
[00:10:18] Because it's the African-American character.
[00:10:21] Robin Williams is the suicidal character.
[00:10:24] It's a black, it's a black style of rock.
[00:10:49] I found some of Doug's tweets from when he was nine and he said the N word.
[00:10:56] In history class, we learned with what they used to do to green people.
[00:11:06] It's internalized anti-Indian woman hatred.
[00:11:13] I remember when Patty had an eating disorder.
[00:11:17] At the end of the episode, she had to do it like to the audience.
[00:11:24] If you don't like eating lunch to be pretty, talk to somebody.
[00:11:31] She does sound like she's working at Waffle House.
[00:11:43] Just trying to hang out and be one of the...
[00:11:45] She's got more than those women that cruises into her like late thirties.
[00:11:48] Oh, I guess you're going to hang out all the time.
[00:11:53] Actually, from afar, it looks like teen her.
[00:11:56] But if you got close, it's like a red and stimpy close up.
[00:11:58] And she's burying her loneliness because none of her guy friends will want anything.
[00:12:04] She committed too hard to being one of the guys.
[00:12:28] That word mayonnaise has a lot of history behind this.
[00:12:32] Adam Manning's is Shelbyville Adam that's not Jewish.
[00:12:40] I love spending money and being generous.
[00:12:42] I've seen three movies, but I definitely have thought a lot about them.
[00:12:52] You're saying that I see a lot of movies, but I don't know anything about them.
[00:12:57] You just do sort of book or like third grade book reports.
[00:13:10] I say something smart, you think that I stole it from the...
[00:13:24] Now, you don't have to make this about you.
[00:13:30] I was talking about a fictional character named Adam Manning's.
[00:13:32] Clearly talk about a new fictional character.
[00:13:35] There's a movie right now called Black Adam.
[00:13:43] I was trying to get him an audition name.
[00:13:46] wanted to get in the room to play black Adam. Do we gonna do it in black face? No, I would
[00:13:52] have brought a different level to the character. Actually, I would have I would have accepted the
[00:13:56] role and then I would have rejected it because Jenny Slate would have inspired me. Right. For
[00:14:01] voice acting. Exactly. Do you show up to that with a do rag on? Of course I do. Yeah. Yeah. That's
[00:14:08] true. Because yeah, I get a Puerto Rico flag fitted over an untied do I learned on the Refinery
[00:14:14] 29 Instagram page. It's your favorite. I'm not allowed to wear a do rag. That's how you support
[00:14:19] black lives matter is you make sure you don't wear a do. What if you want waves? Yeah, I was
[00:14:24] thinking about that. You're not allowed to know what waves are. That's anti black lives matter.
[00:14:29] Fair. You gotta get an knowledge. For sure. You know what that is. I want waves, dude. Yeah. You
[00:14:34] gotta get a brush and just be constantly brushing forward. I was jealous of the constant brushing.
[00:14:39] I'm gonna sleep with the brush in your hand. Waves. As far as I know, it stands for white
[00:14:43] slaves. White slaves. I think that's a good idea actually. But I don't know anything else.
[00:14:48] That's a good thing. Yeah, it would be good. You'd be funny if you're talking about how like
[00:14:55] Barack Obama would make white slavery happen. Right. It does happen. But then white people still
[00:15:00] own all the white slaves. That would be that is right. Yeah. That would be great. That's basically
[00:15:04] Walmart, right? No, they pay people fairly. No, I don't think they do. I thought they did.
[00:15:10] They famously don't. Then one of the places. One of the Costco. Costco pays fairly. Do they?
[00:15:19] Yes. And they give good benefits. And they got those fucking little chicken bakes. Yeah. Those
[00:15:25] chips go off. There's so good. There's so much good shit at Costco. The chicken bakes are next
[00:15:31] fucking level. I don't know what they introduced those. This is another part of just black people
[00:15:36] stuff that I had. No, it's out of refinery 29 has taught me that I'm not allowed to know about.
[00:15:42] No, it's not a black. It's a black dog. I'm not a black. Chicken heads. I don't know what these
[00:15:48] are. Chicken heads. You could get chicken heads if you have enough chicken. The only thing I know
[00:15:53] how to say is I'm sorry. Dude, the fucking dead kid who went and murdered people. Yeah. He is so
[00:16:02] funny looking. I can't stop looking seven. He's literally a dumb ass child. Yeah. He volunteers
[00:16:08] at the police. Yeah, he's like, I mean, he looks like he's them. He looks like he's gonna grow up
[00:16:14] and look like Bill Dogerieve. Yeah. And like, maybe in jail in jail. In jail. I thought they gave
[00:16:20] him the key to the city. Yeah. They made him the man. I think they finally arrested him, right?
[00:16:24] Yeah. Ed is fucking out. This motherfucker. They let him go home. His mom drove him to kill the
[00:16:29] people in a cross state line. Did she get a risk? Did she get arrested? I don't know, but that's
[00:16:34] that's fucked. And also, I'm jealous of how supportive his mother was. It's crazy that people are saying
[00:16:40] he's like an American hero, like Ann Coulter said that's insanity. That's he's just like a white
[00:16:46] supremacist that just fucking shot protest. I mean, like, yeah, he's a he's a murder. It's wild.
[00:16:52] I'm gonna go ahead and go on a record and say this is the last white thing I'm doing.
[00:16:54] You said that last time. This is it. Dude, we're gonna get we're gonna pull you back in.
[00:16:59] Finish your point. I just want to make everybody. Godfather three. Godfather. You're Godfather
[00:17:04] three Al Pacino every time, brother. No more. Just when you think you're out. No more than you back
[00:17:08] in. If Adam mentions Wave Greece to me one more time. I didn't bring that up. I'm just going,
[00:17:15] I just wanted on record. And Jamil, this is not a white thing. We don't think of this as a white
[00:17:19] thing. And we're on the record. We've said this many times that our writers room is entire women
[00:17:23] of color. That's true. We know that. Yeah, it's all Persian Gulf women.
[00:17:32] That's a that's a good style of purse. The Persian Gulf, they got some
[00:17:36] some sexy type motherfuckers over there. Some Aladdin and Jasmine's
[00:17:41] hot. Is it? Oh, yeah. Have you guys ever jacked off to like, uh, Mia Khalifa? Oh, big time. Sure.
[00:17:48] She's a wizard. I would have had to. Yes. Fucking hot in here. Yeah. Um, I don't have a
[00:17:57] scene. Why don't you have a man? Because there are bars on that window. Take them down. So I have
[00:18:01] to put who the fuck's going to get into there. Take them down. So I have to put the you say on.
[00:18:06] You said I hold on. Let's let's shoot the podcast at my place. Yeah. I was agreed to flip the room
[00:18:12] back around. You said, Oh, no, no, it's fine. It won't be too hot. Fully Adams for fucking Adam
[00:18:19] again. Yeah. This is kind of Jasmine behavior. We've come to respect. No respect.
[00:18:29] Put your dumb as a baby now. I suspect that for Adams. Yeah.
[00:18:37] Yeah. I guess baby say gay and ass regular. Yeah. His first word was gay.
[00:18:46] Dance motherfucker. I love my fuck. My gay. My gay mother fuck.
[00:18:56] I'm on my bank. All right. Yeah. It's pink. What are you all talking about? I just got the AC go.
[00:19:02] It's already instantly better. Yeah. Wasn't it on before I was in it was on in this room,
[00:19:07] but not in the second room. Come on, man. Because it's probably. You know,
[00:19:10] wouldn't do that. By the time we will Adam by the time the stop get here that AC should be
[00:19:15] blast. I had it. I had the board set up nicely. The board was nice. I put headphones and a mic.
[00:19:22] It looked really cute. And I love. Yeah. I cleared off the table. I wanted to make it nice.
[00:19:26] I'm a dead and winner that is he's blast. Why do I love cold and I love I've been taking cold showers.
[00:19:32] Okay. I love it now. It took like a week to get used to. But now first thing in the morning,
[00:19:37] hopping in there. Now let me add something to you. You think that's I thought that was a fat guy thing.
[00:19:42] You don't like it cold, cold, I mean, I like it. All right. I mean, my based on my parents refused
[00:19:48] to use the AC. Yeah. For Africa level. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Greece is humid. It's hot as
[00:19:55] shit. No one has no one has AC in Greece. But I came over to the fucking the the other side.
[00:20:01] It was when I'm ready. I'm fucking pumping my shit at 60. I usually do 69 because it's funny,
[00:20:07] but I probably like it 68. Like a chili, like a Nancy this part. Yeah. People love their
[00:20:13] their heritage temperature. Yeah. If you ever if you're ever trying to like impress like a
[00:20:20] Persian woman, just blow sand in her eyes. Okay. That's not really a temperature. That's not a
[00:20:25] temperature. Yeah. It's a climate. It's a dusty climate. And that sounds pretty, um,
[00:20:33] uncomfortable. Look, all I can tell you is this. It works.
[00:20:38] I don't know the science behind it, but I can tell you it fucking won't try this. I've tried
[00:20:43] numerous times. Right. Anytime I meet a Persian woman, stand right in the eyes and she's like,
[00:20:50] I think you're smart. Yeah. Those hair that don't start.
[00:20:58] I'm like, Oh, she's she's speaking Arabic. The language of Iran.
[00:21:07] As a result of the romantic language. And after that, you fuck them. And yes. Now we're
[00:21:12] had more married. Yeah. You're a puppy. Chula. Fuck dude. Yeah. I've been getting into what
[00:21:19] Kevin women's tonight. Do we say that on the what on the show or just women's clothes? Women's
[00:21:27] shampoo. Oh, yeah. Is it the smell or smells nice? But also the energy. What is the women's
[00:21:33] shampoo? It's just nice champagne. Garnier fruit tea fruit tea. That's women's. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:21:39] I've been using women's my whole life then. Probably checks out. I don't use like you wait
[00:21:45] until now you only use stuff that was like, I didn't have hair men. Oh, you didn't have hair
[00:21:50] until now, of course. Yeah. But I'm back. Yeah. But you still should shampoo your scalp.
[00:21:54] What do you use? Body wash. Just soap. It's just skin. Oh, okay. Hands up. Yeah.
[00:22:01] Yeah. I just started orange. That orange is dial. I could start using like face lotion a couple
[00:22:06] years ago because my skin was just burning. Yeah. I had no idea. My cousin's fiance was like,
[00:22:11] yeah, you have to moisturize your face. Yeah. And I was like, what the fuck is that?
[00:22:15] You don't have to do any of that shit until you're like fucking 27. And then everything just
[00:22:18] starts shutting down. Yeah. See when you back it up and yeah, like, there's just like a layer
[00:22:23] because we're like poisonous, right? Poisonous. Right. Just got this layer of like, right. Well,
[00:22:28] in Africa, the air is made out of oils. This essential oil. Yeah. Yeah. It's all olive oil.
[00:22:34] Well, there's coconut everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. That's where they're. It's like a level in sonic.
[00:22:41] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's niggas confused. They got Africa with the level of sonic too.
[00:22:47] With coconut. Yeah. It's just there's coconuts everywhere. And they always let off an odor to
[00:22:52] keep away raccoons for the need to coconut. That's back. I teach Afro bets. I teach fucking at NYU.
[00:23:01] I picked up a couple other disciplines through osmosis and the teachers. Yeah. That's the best
[00:23:07] way I used to learn it was osmosis. I literally would take a textbook in the bed with me. Yeah.
[00:23:13] Yeah. I'm sleeping on top of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My teacher wakes you up. You fall
[00:23:16] asleep in the textbook. They're like, learn through osmosis. You're like, the fuck does that mean you
[00:23:20] fucking baggage. You're fucking using word with me. I'll never learn what that means. I'm not learning
[00:23:26] what this word means until osmosis. Jones comes. I don't know what that word means. And I refuse
[00:23:31] to learn it because refinery told 29 told me it's racist for me to watch osmosis. Joe.
[00:23:36] I even know about what it is. I'm not allowed to watch black entertainment.
[00:23:43] Oh fuck, dude. Damn. Those Italian cookies got my sweet tooth going. Yeah. Well, I just wanted
[00:23:50] to, you know, man goes and peaches. I just wanted to provide some nice cookies for the boys before
[00:23:55] the episode. I close my eyes and I see the container of peanut M&M's at Costco. The big one. The barrel.
[00:24:03] Yeah. Yes. The one that's like, you know, that they sell at like Hershey Park probably. Oh yeah.
[00:24:09] Do they have it? Do they make M&M's Hershey's? I don't know. Mars. Is it Mars? I thought that was
[00:24:14] the same. Same guys. Not Hershey. I've only been to Hershey's Park once and it was probably 25 years
[00:24:22] ago. Reese's. What's Reese's? Are they Hershey? Reese's is definitely Mars. They are. I remember
[00:24:29] that from the tour. And I'm the big Reese's bar. Okay. So Mars and Hershey's must be the
[00:24:34] two main competing because when I went to Hershey's Park as a kid, all I wanted was just, I didn't
[00:24:38] even want to do the rides. I was just obsessed with the Reese's merch. I was like everything
[00:24:42] because my whole thing is things that are different sizes. So their shit is all just like a Hershey's
[00:24:50] kiss coin bank. That's a giant Hershey's kiss. You like things that are different sizes. Yes.
[00:24:56] My first girlfriend had a phobia of things that were like a big, too big. Like a pencil. That's
[00:25:03] why she dated you. Like a pencil that was like four feet tall. That's like her penis. That was
[00:25:06] three inches. I thought she had different size titties. She had large breasts. That were subsequently
[00:25:13] reduced. My uncle. Boo. Yeah. Sorry. Not my wife. Some other guys. My uncle had a wall clock that
[00:25:22] was like a watch. It was like a big wristwatch. I love that. I used to love those. Yes. Yes.
[00:25:27] That I'm with you. A big pencil. Big pencil. A pencil this big. That was cool. Yeah. The south
[00:25:33] of the board. You ever go to south of the border? I never did. The most racist rest stop in America.
[00:25:38] I've never been. It's in South Carolina. And they just have a big ass, like a 40 foot,
[00:25:45] like speedy Gonzalez looking dude. And everything says south of the border. You can't even get
[00:25:52] a talk. Like a Mexican mouse? There's no tacos. It's like a dude. It's just like a fat Mexican
[00:25:57] imagine a sob. How did some barrow on? He could pass. I could do.
[00:26:03] I was on the Instagram account. I was on Foos Gone Wild. Honestly, I was so proud when I
[00:26:10] thought I was in Tokyo when I saw that. I was like, that is so cool. The coasters that are like
[00:26:17] big pennies or dimes. You know what I'm talking about? Oh yeah. Yeah. And also monster trucks.
[00:26:24] The giant fucking Reese's cup. Yeah. That thing. I don't even know how you eat that.
[00:26:31] I don't eat that. I don't use slice it in the piece. Yeah. Yeah. Like pie.
[00:26:35] We're going to get it next year for your birthday. We're going to put candles in there.
[00:26:38] Big 32. Yeah. Yeah. For your 30 second, we'll get you an animal. Are you 35 yet?
[00:26:43] No, I'm not 35. What are you 34? I don't like talking about my 34. 33 and a half. I'm 33.
[00:26:50] Change. Yeah. Jamel and I are the same age, right? Remember we're like 33.
[00:26:55] Oh, you had a late birthday. Yeah. Yeah. But we're the same. No. Graduating class.
[00:26:59] That's more good. Yeah. You're the only 27. You're old. Yeah.
[00:27:06] I'm a lot of people. You have to remember that Jamel was born in Africa. So the time zone difference.
[00:27:14] Yeah. Yeah. The sun, because there's more sun there. The days. No longer.
[00:27:18] Are longer. And so there's actually less years.
[00:27:21] If you really if you think about it. That's not how I think it is. It is how I feel.
[00:27:30] It's not all about. I do have the vibration. We got all of our brand new. Yeah. I recently
[00:27:36] have my brain. Dude, imagine a vibranium cock ring. Yeah. I didn't see Black Panther. I thought
[00:27:43] it would be rude to take it away from somebody. So I stood outside the theater and I as people
[00:27:47] were leaving. I said, I'm sorry for everything. But can you tell me just some details about the
[00:27:54] and what I got out of that mostly was the coconut thing and the right about time.
[00:28:00] Operating differently in Sub-Saharan Africa. Yeah. In a way that makes Jamel younger than you.
[00:28:05] Right. Unfortunately, I will say Adam is the type of guy that lives to be a hundred and
[00:28:11] like 10. Yeah. Yeah. Annoying Jewish guy. A survivor, some would say. No. Yeah. You're going to be so
[00:28:17] annoying to your child's friends. Why? Just coming in, barging in. Hey guys. Yeah. What's on the tube?
[00:28:29] I think young people will think I'm going to read. Hey, Mr.
[00:28:46] I'm going to say, let's rap. I get we're trying to watch whatever the iteration of TikTok is.
[00:28:53] I'm going to be cool because I'm just going to give I'm just going to give them drugs. I'm going to
[00:28:56] leave drugs laying around. Yeah. Yeah. I'll be like, nobody talked to me. Yeah. And I'll grow. I'll
[00:29:02] make delicious food and I'll leave them alone. Yeah. That's how you win a child's heart. Well,
[00:29:06] a fat child's heart. Yeah. You're going to raise your son to be fat. Well, it's part of my cold
[00:29:10] home. I will be pissed if my son is at least chubby. If he comes out as skinny. If he did,
[00:29:18] if my kid eats vegetables, I'm going to be fucking it is funny when there's a family and all of them
[00:29:23] are fat. It's like not even one of you. It's like, I'm just not going to go into the family business.
[00:29:30] No, the funniest kind of family is like the Johnny Sack family where it's a massive wife,
[00:29:34] one really fat daughter and one anorexic daughter. Of course. Because of the eating. Everyone in the
[00:29:41] family has an eating disorder. Anthony Fats, Fat Samansia. Fat Samansia. Fat Samansia. Fat Samusia.
[00:29:47] Do white people have people call fats in your community? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
[00:29:52] Every black community has the same name. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Just let me check on that.
[00:29:57] The Jasmine. Yeah. The white Jasmine. A lot of them are named Fats. Should we stop doing that?
[00:30:07] Because we're finery 29. Because we're finery 29. Right. Princess Jasmine.
[00:30:11] Yeah. I will say you were finery 29. Black people have better needs. No one's allowed to be called
[00:30:16] fats anymore. If you're white, black people still allowed to do it. That's cool. Because we
[00:30:21] actually need nicknames. Well, it's also because of the oils in the air. Yeah. So it's a different
[00:30:26] kind of fat. What is it? It's like avocado. It's healthy. Yeah. Right. I'll make a three.
[00:30:32] So the flow the floating coconuts with eyeballs. So one in Africa. And you got to jump on more and
[00:30:39] say if they touch you lose all your coins. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which would explain the
[00:30:45] wealth to scrappins. Right. Right. Right. Actually. Yeah. That's true. Because Mario never loses
[00:30:52] his coins. He just keeps them. Yeah. No matter what. But Sonic is black. If he gets hit even for a
[00:30:58] second, all his coins are gone. Well, they're running around jumping through fucking pipes,
[00:31:01] getting eaten by plants. Yeah. The ring's not coins. Mario just collects money.
[00:31:07] Mario has. Yeah. And then Sonic has jewelry. They has to pawn off at horrible. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:31:13] He hopes to get a good rate. Yeah. It's full thought because like Mario's about like capital.
[00:31:17] Yeah. That's a good one. Think about it. Mario's like a capitalist.
[00:31:27] Mario gets to go on the fucking little clouds. The fucking coins. You know that part.
[00:31:31] I bet those clouds are pissed. Yeah. I would imagine being touched. Some fucking Italian.
[00:31:36] Some Italian. You're just trying to. You can. Marinera boots all over your fly.
[00:31:40] You're fucking clouds. You're perfect. You're in the sky. You're gorgeous. You're just looking
[00:31:45] down in Africa and you're like, look at all those coconuts. Well, I think the clouds are looking
[00:31:49] down. What's Mario world? The cloud has smiley faces on the mushroom kingdom. That's where my
[00:31:56] dick lives. Without you? Yeah. Okay. I'm sending money. I'm sending money back.
[00:32:05] Boss hard to buy a mushroom kingdom for my penis. I hope if I raise enough money,
[00:32:11] I get my penis over here someday. The turtle kingdom represents Israel.
[00:32:17] Yeah. That's true. Yeah. All the koopas are Jewish. Yeah. Absolutely. The movie Master of Disguise
[00:32:23] is actually about the massage. Yeah. Data car we just fucking setting people up. It's a sequel.
[00:32:32] Video recording people having sex with children. It's a sequel to Munich.
[00:32:35] Yeah. Did we do that joke already about Munich to Jeffrey Epstein's island? I don't know.
[00:32:43] Just Daniel Craig being like, we're gonna have them have fuck children.
[00:32:49] I don't think we did for Israel. I just like the idea of data car. We try to plant evidence
[00:32:54] that Alano mayor is a pedophile. That's what that movie is about. She never said she wasn't.
[00:33:00] That's true. What's she gonna do after politics? It feels like she's not gonna be a politician
[00:33:07] for much longer. Why? I don't know. It just doesn't seem like she doesn't have the career.
[00:33:13] I mean, she's not gonna sell out in any way or has she already. I think she's very courageous.
[00:33:18] She's one of the few good politicians. Yeah.
[00:33:23] I mean, she got she won her last election. You gotta play the game at some point, right,
[00:33:27] Donia? Bernie never really did. I guess. He's the only one.
[00:33:32] And whoever the fuck Ed Markey is who I didn't know about until that fucking potato looking new
[00:33:38] that you can't do. The new Kennedy. Who the fuck is that asshole, dude? He's some he looks like
[00:33:42] the red skull plus a Kennedy. That's a cool look. He's no, he's got sunk in ass eyes.
[00:33:48] What do you say? Is this skull? You could really see a skull.
[00:33:51] But he's like a he's a skull that's on fire. Yeah, he is. Yeah. Where's this guy from Africa?
[00:34:01] Joe Kennedy skull. I wish I looked like I wish I looked like a monster.
[00:34:07] It says shame. You can't look like a monster. You can be like that.
[00:34:09] You're a desert guy from didn't you know that guy in Austin? I did.
[00:34:13] There's definitely people who think you look like that.
[00:34:15] Yeah. I imagine if I just look like a monster.
[00:34:24] Nick is holding up a picture of the red skull. Yeah. You should get your nose burned off.
[00:34:30] Oh yeah. I forgot about burn victims. They do like monsters. And that is not a cool look.
[00:34:35] It's not a good look. So you really changed your tune. I did. I just remembered burn victims.
[00:34:39] There was a burn victim like comedian and someone described him bombing to me which is like
[00:34:48] I can't imagine. Oh god. Because all the jokes are about how it doesn't have any skin.
[00:34:52] Oh jeez. Oh just eating it. People are like we can't even muster enough sympathy.
[00:34:59] Just these jokes are this bad. Just get off stage man. Get off stage. Just stop.
[00:35:03] They got it. They can't give people like you skin the fuck.
[00:35:08] Not yet. They can. Once we get stem cells going.
[00:35:12] Then whatever happened to that. I felt like a white make it shiny.
[00:35:17] Whatever you want. South Park did an episode by stem cells like 20 years ago.
[00:35:22] What the fuck are they? I think for reasons sucking babies and shit.
[00:35:26] Yeah. I think it's because like maybe it causes some fucked up immune response if you just
[00:35:31] start injecting stem cells in the. Because that's the other thing is like immunotherapy and like
[00:35:37] gene therapy and shit. Probably in like 100 years though. Like I mean you know it's 100 years.
[00:35:43] I'm pretty some wild shit that they can do. Yeah. You know. Damn. We'll be none of that none of the
[00:35:48] none of the main things will be fixed. Your dick will still be small. It doesn't work.
[00:35:54] Yeah. They got a big dick. You get quick. I need it quick.
[00:35:57] I got like 10 years. Let's get that shit going in the pipe.
[00:36:02] What do I got to do to get that front loaded? How can we? Yeah.
[00:36:07] Because I don't have much. I'm already feeling like I'm getting tired of having sex and I'm ready
[00:36:11] to just get fat as shit and die. Yeah. I got like 10 more years where I actively want pussy.
[00:36:17] Yeah. So we need we got about six to really fix this. Yeah. You got to write out those last four years.
[00:36:22] It's all bad. The greatest. I'm working to start a new Nobel for dick stuff.
[00:36:29] And the KNOB. The Nobel Prize. Yeah. God damn. I wish dude.
[00:36:40] There should be one rich guy. What the fuck is Jeff Bezos doing? Elon Musk could do it.
[00:36:45] That's true. Have you seen his have you seen pictures of Elon Musk? I will say from 10 years ago.
[00:36:50] I think I respect how good his plugs are. I mean, his plugs are next level.
[00:36:54] Yeah. It's fucking insane. That picture at the PayPal offices, he looks like shit.
[00:36:59] Absolutely. That's more than 10 years ago. They changed the shape of his head, too.
[00:37:02] You know, it's 20 years ago. Yeah, it's like 20 years. It's 1999.
[00:37:06] Yeah. You know who did this similar thing was Jeremy Piven.
[00:37:10] Do you see him? He looks like shit in person. In the Larry Sanders show,
[00:37:14] he looked older than he probably looks now. I mean, he came to the stand and my man, God damn,
[00:37:20] it's so funny. He was trying to do stand up. The Pivs. Yeah. The Pivs.
[00:37:25] Well, you know, that's you get me too. That's the next step. He really had jokes about like,
[00:37:31] guess I have to do this because I'm a rapist.
[00:37:37] You say it like that. That is pretty good. Actually.
[00:37:40] Right. So solid bit. Yeah. He got like a bunch of drunk blonde bitches to come in for his part
[00:37:46] only. He did fat Tuesdays. He popped in on fat. The Piv was on fat Tuesdays,
[00:37:54] but his hair looks kind of bad. I don't like mine. It just looks gorgeous.
[00:37:59] Yeah, but I actually have no respect for men with you. You kind of have spiky hair right now.
[00:38:04] What's that? Yeah, you look like Bart Simpson. Yeah.
[00:38:06] Yeah. You should get you should get a bleach tip.
[00:38:11] Okay, man. I said, what is that? A young Bart Simpson?
[00:38:13] A young Bart Simpson? Who the hell is this?
[00:38:16] Is this fucking Bart Simpson over here? Oh my God. Am I looking at a young Joe Kennedy?
[00:38:26] Bart Simpson? Oh my God. Is this fucking Bart Simpson over here?
[00:38:30] It's like Bart Simpson and Joe Kennedy had a baby.
[00:38:32] Oh, what did Joe Kennedy, the guy who was in the mafia look like?
[00:38:37] The grandpa? Yeah. Or the great grandpa, I guess? I don't know.
[00:38:42] Probably Irish. Yeah. Is that the Irishman? The guy they talked about in the Irishman.
[00:38:46] He is the Irishman. It's crazy. We all watched the Irishman before lockdown. Isn't that hard to
[00:38:51] believe? The perfect lockdown movie. If you need to spend 37 hours watching something.
[00:38:59] That would have knocked out half a lockdown if we had that fresh.
[00:39:03] What's going on with Locke? I don't understand what.
[00:39:06] Especially in New York where Cuomo is still having his stupid fucking meetings every day.
[00:39:11] There's nine people that live in New York City.
[00:39:18] It's like even now the rest of the country is going hard with the protests again because of the
[00:39:24] murder or the shooting. Nothing in New York. I'm sure there's some stuff happening.
[00:39:31] I think there's absolutely nothing. There is.
[00:39:33] I checked. I went around and I said, I'm here with Refinery29.
[00:39:39] Can I hold up this crest white strip results chart to your skin to make sure that you're
[00:39:45] allowed to answer these questions? Right.
[00:39:47] How do you, how do you, are you enraged? Can I get you anything?
[00:39:59] We're giving $20 to black people because of the shooting.
[00:40:05] That would be a good viral video to make.
[00:40:07] Yeah. Well, there is a viral video of, I don't even know if it's viral.
[00:40:10] I found it on YouTube, a guy going around like Compton.
[00:40:13] I'm giving Jordan's to like homeless black people.
[00:40:23] Hey, what's up, man? I just thought you could get some fresh kicks.
[00:40:29] Give this motherfucker some Kirkland signatures.
[00:40:37] Give this motherfucker some fucking Costco gear.
[00:40:41] I don't know, man. I basically only see you, motherfucker.
[00:40:49] I think I might be finally fully offline.
[00:40:52] Yeah, because I didn't delete anything, but like, I just never,
[00:40:58] I'm like, yeah, I'm not on the phone anymore.
[00:41:01] It like finally, it finally now fully sucks.
[00:41:08] There's nothing redeeming about being online anymore.
[00:41:11] I really only use it for sports news at this point.
[00:41:15] I don't give a fuck about the election anymore.
[00:41:19] I mean, you should check out after you're 30.
[00:41:24] now, which now the cut off is 30 years old for grown man.
[00:41:45] I'm about to just get offline and go to a fucking monastery, dude.
[00:41:53] Go to a monastery and they're like, okay, but you got to shave.
[00:42:03] You get to the top of the mountain in Tibet and you're like,
[00:42:08] They're like, we're about to make you Buddha.
[00:42:22] I'm going to have a nice ball ponytail.
[00:42:25] And then, like I said, when it's over, I'm going supreme.
[00:42:28] My beard's almost long enough to tie it behind my head now.
[00:42:35] I'm going to shave my head completely bald
[00:42:51] Yes, I'd like to place a pre-order for absolutely everything.
[00:43:03] I'm going to be over here with the Mario Galaxy merchandise
[00:43:11] Wearing those traditional Japanese sandals with the blocks.
[00:43:19] Wearing cargo shorts, a kimono as a jacket,
[00:43:22] and those traditional walking shit over.
[00:43:27] Having a key ring that has 85 keys on it.
[00:43:59] Yeah, this is a good, good, good, good.
[00:44:01] I just saw a fucking awesome Japanese mafia movie.
[00:44:38] He was the best handicapper in Chinese,
[00:44:56] That's where the bosses were in Cleveland.
[00:45:31] I've been reading the Refinery 29 page.
[00:45:35] And I've got some shit to say to fucking white people.
[00:45:41] That is an awesome time of guy to be a guy who goes with-
[00:45:48] and it's like, it seems like that's the majority of people
[00:45:52] is like people in the last month and a half
[00:46:04] It's like, you don't even have pants on.
[00:46:13] Well, it's also what your father gonna-
[00:46:21] The Republican instead of the same people
[00:46:26] You're just doing it to hopefully get sucked off by a girl
[00:46:30] That's why you're doing posts like that.
[00:46:35] Girl with a big old bone through her nose.
[00:47:35] I used to play backgammon when I was with E.
[00:47:37] When I was very small I still play no you don't yes, I do when was last time you play back in like last week
[00:47:54] We never played back that's all he's girlfriends here his girlfriend Eric
[00:48:58] Yeah, you can't say lie on me. Yeah, don't let me catch you saying that guys
[00:49:13] Sonic does not ever race. Yeah, he's a blue hedge. What about knuckles tail is knuckles is
[00:49:18] Mate knuckles is black now. He's a black anime. He's got he's got like dark Dominican vibes
[00:49:30] Not directly black. Yeah, he's black would pretend he's like David Ortiz. Yeah
[00:49:43] Like anime martial arts that's what I was saying. Yeah, that's what I
[00:49:47] Rewind the tape everyone I said knuckles this for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He is. He's definitely because he stands like that
[00:49:53] Right moves to Japan. Yeah, yeah, he's himself Japanese. Yes. Yeah, that's you know that's you knuckles is yeah
[00:50:00] Bought a sword. Yeah, absolutely at the convention center. Yeah. Yeah, yeah
[00:50:04] His first swords at the convention center later on he can't believe real shit. No, they're only can't believe you bought swords from there
[00:50:11] He's like I was such a new burly or buying swords from the convention
[00:50:15] I was making myself laugh the other night cuz I guess they're putting ghost dog on criteria
[00:50:19] Oh, hell yeah, and it's like if there's a like they add a scene where he goes to GameStop
[00:50:23] To ask if they have a persona for used copy or persona for PlayStation 2
[00:50:30] What is that fucking game I've no I didn't play it. It's like you don't even like a doctor. You're like a lawyer
[00:50:36] You don't really fight though. You just like choose there's a lawyer a video game
[00:50:40] It looks like an annoying I would love to play that gee, bro
[00:50:43] I'd love to roleplay being a lawyer on the PlayStation. But you do that already. No, that's just in my life
[00:50:51] That's right whenever you have to return something lawyer simulator. I've been returned anything for a while. I've been clean
[00:51:07] Story on the podcast about Adam a guitar
[00:51:21] Bellish that's a weird word cuz it sounds like relish. Mm-hmm sounds like you're embellishing a hot dog with more condiments
[00:51:27] Well, yes, that is exactly what you're doing
[00:51:29] You're at a fortune radiance unfortunately for you. Mm-hmm. That story is real. No
[00:51:37] How about the one about the Jewish guide guitar center Nick made it up it's true
[00:51:43] Similar event happened at the Atlantic terminal Best Buy or guitar center last year
[00:51:54] The guitar center leave but the guitar said it had closed five minutes ago
[00:52:09] No, they had actually close they just stopped allowing that one mistake
[00:52:15] Nope, it happened. They stopped they stopped a really new customer
[00:52:20] Never wanted to buy a damaged guitar for a discount everyone that wasn't cheap enough everyone that was in the store was still a customer
[00:52:28] They just weren't allowing other customers in because they were about to close one man found out. No
[00:52:35] Did you have a coupon on you? I didn't have a coupon
[00:52:39] What about the guy who asked to take pictures and show his friends as a tactic?
[00:52:44] Yeah, I've been wanting a guitar for a while and I found out guitar center
[00:52:49] Had broken guitars it were up to six hundred dollars off. They weren't broken
[00:52:55] So I used my credit with lift that I got by complaining customer service
[00:53:02] Never complained to customer service of lift
[00:53:15] UPN slot one time she likes a tweet of mine and I felt like shut up shut the fuck up
[00:53:32] I didn't do that and it didn't happen she probably she did she's gonna kill herself. She probably liked the she should kill herself
[00:53:41] And then checked out my medias tab and scrolled no no I'm gonna bring a gun to the mall no
[00:53:46] No, no, no, no, no, no, she probably she probably did that though. No, maybe no
[00:53:50] What if she did what tweet was it? I forgot. No, you did but I saw Jerry Ryan 100% know exactly what we did was
[00:53:58] I'm I'm telling you there is no way this cherished memory of yours. She liked the tweet where I said Chelsea Clinton's ugly
[00:54:06] No, she didn't that would have rocked though. That would have actually rocked. Yeah, somebody cool must have liked that one
[00:54:13] Yeah, I remember there was a time when she guessed start on Sentinel and I was like definitely gonna be watching that episode of
[00:54:18] I know dude. I loved hornily watching like network television. Yeah, there's a hot girl on it. Dude life used to be awesome
[00:54:31] Goddamn, yeah, that's the Jessica Alba era. Yeah, dark angel dark
[00:54:39] She's I could check off the idle hands, but not not dark. I didn't have access to
[00:54:43] It's a cable or a little cable. I mean you could not be hotter than that in the year 1999
[00:54:50] She's I mean you don't even see your tits in that picture. You don't even see your tits
[00:54:54] Gigantic she was the only one who didn't have the Jennifer Aniston haircut
[00:54:58] We all know is a trash haircut worst haircut in history. I'm Rachel. Yeah, you don't like the Rachel
[00:55:04] Which now in old age she started to look like Ernest don't say that. Yeah, let's see Ernest Ernest goes
[00:55:19] He was by he was just a gay I go cool rocks. Yeah
[00:55:23] He fucked somebody cool. I don't remember who some somebody that you would laugh if you remember if you heard Marlon
[00:55:29] Yeah, dude and your wife and your by that's flames
[00:55:34] Richard prior had sex. Hey, I got a big old pair of debts
[00:55:44] Hey burn, I'm gonna go on a spaceship to get my titties suck
[00:55:47] Edition of her character is so because as a child, you know, you don't really think about it
[00:55:51] But the show just had bad ratings are like
[00:55:54] All right, add somebody with it so with fat tits on there big old pair of cans in a bill latina is not cutting it
[00:56:01] They're like let's go female captain. It'll be a feminist show and then
[00:56:08] You know guides with beard ponytails. We're like no, thank you
[00:56:12] We're gonna continue masturbating to dax from deep space nine
[00:56:19] I have honestly not seen more than three episodes of star trek in my life. Really
[00:56:28] I've only seen william shatner ones. I only fuck with these
[00:56:32] I've probably only seen maybe half of an episode of the original star. Yeah, I never it was all late at night
[00:56:40] But I never watched the show. I've watched pornography where there's green bitches with their body painted
[00:56:46] It seems that I've seen more of that than I have seen star trek penis wet
[00:57:00] Yes mysterious planet. It looks like a giant titty
[00:57:04] Sounds awesome. Is that how he sound? That's the that's why I like zone. Yeah, same diff man
[00:57:10] Imagine a guitar center. It had been closed
[00:57:18] I was a still a customer in the story known for its D the exit was open the entrance was closed
[00:57:24] For one day was down though. The gate was partially down. Yeah, they let they weren't letting new people in was the gate partially down
[00:57:32] I was still a customer. We're not that question. I
[00:57:35] The gate on the entrance was down disconnected
[00:57:39] Disconnected is joints like a snake to slither under the gate to get a last-minute deal
[00:58:01] Yeah, that would be cool. That'd be a good show. That'd be a good show
[00:58:06] Yeah, if it was the twilight in some but you right. Oh, yeah, can you live off expired food that you find?
[00:58:16] Freacons do that dumpster dimes. Yeah. Yeah
[00:58:20] They love that. They would come home sometimes big ass because Panera. Yeah, Panera is like that's like that's fresh baked
[00:58:27] You know, they think it really I used to I used to get mrs. Fields. You can buy yesterday's cookies for five bucks
[00:58:32] Big old bag respect. Mm-hmm. That's wrong. Then I would just eat cookies all day long. I love that. Yeah smoking cigarettes eating good
[00:58:43] Big big respect imagine killing yourself slowly with old cookies with cookies that weren't even that good
[00:58:53] And you couldn't taste anything because you smoke a pack in a half a day
[00:58:56] And then I barely there was only an era. I only smoked for like two years a little bit in college
[00:59:04] See like a poser. Yeah, it's crazy because I think of myself as a non-smoker, but you add it up and it's like
[00:59:11] I guess I've been smoking for like 12 of the last 15 years 16 years
[00:59:16] What are you talking about? Yeah, I've only taken like breaks from smoking for like brief periods at a time
[00:59:20] Smoke every year I start smoking again at some point. Not that much. Not that much, but you know, no
[00:59:27] You're all right here. I would say you're you dabble. Yeah, you you don't smoke the way Adam is straight
[00:59:39] When you're feeling like a little fucking slut you're saying everyone's a while I fuck a woman
[00:59:44] No other way other way. I'm showing you respect. It's saying you're only a little gay. Oh, thank you
[00:59:50] Go to Hershey Park. I feel like we should do that this week
[00:59:58] Right now after this ends we should drive down the Hershey Park. It dude. I'm down
[01:00:02] Yeah, I'm trying you know what because I thought about it and it's like yeah, I'm a grown man
[01:00:06] I got all the money in the world. That's right. I'm gonna go get that giant thing
[01:00:09] Whatever it is. Give me the something give me the wrongest size thing. I'm like sir. What are you talking about?
[01:00:15] We don't know you the find the thing that is the wrong big
[01:00:19] It's either big or small, but it's the furthest from the size it's supposed
[01:00:23] Probably big and they're like what kind of question is that I'm like it makes sense in my head
[01:00:28] It's almost a perfect question. Fuck the size is fucked up. Fuck the system
[01:00:33] I definitely saw the way the size is fucked. I thought I was speaking of my virginity. Yeah, it was like 14 and I was just mentally like
[01:00:45] You didn't have a target acquired. Yeah, I just was like you thought you were gonna mix that
[01:00:53] I've been watching camp nowhere. I was like yeah, I'm gonna get some
[01:01:12] You're gonna just find a girl another 14 year old wandering around ready to give you dude
[01:01:18] I did that too. I went to six flags when I was 12 and I was like maybe I'll fuck
[01:01:27] It's like I'll see a girl and she'll be like oh you're also 12
[01:01:30] Yeah, she's gonna see me hit the fucking three pointer. Yeah, I'm gonna have a big
[01:01:34] I'm gonna have a basketball have a North Carolina basketball. Yeah, I always wanted the North Carolina basketball
[01:01:39] I do I do fun stuff like go to amusement parks. Yeah, so what's up? Do you want to have sex?
[01:01:47] Check out calm.town for shirts that say what's up? Do you want to have sex? That's good
[01:01:52] That's good. If you if you actually want shirts that say can I see your penis?
[01:01:57] With a picture of Scott stat from creed go to stavi.biz officially licensed by creed by the way
[01:02:02] Don't that's wrong. Yes, it means don't it is
[01:02:06] I know it is. That's why I said it creed said yes
[01:02:09] So don't tell them about it. Yeah, they already know and they're on board
[01:02:12] And they're not only they're on board, but legally if you do tell
[01:02:19] You go to jail for trying to sneak it's trying it's tortious interference in business practices
[01:02:26] That's exactly what you'll go to jail for getting home and you're gonna go to jail for doing that
[01:02:32] Jamila you got anything you want to mention
[01:02:35] Just that I love y'all. I love you too brother. Jamila and I are trying to get through three seasons of ballers while
[01:02:41] He's here. I don't understand why you're doing that. He just I missed it. Dude. I didn't realize how many episodes of you seen
[01:02:48] We watched that we watched a whole we watched like 14 episodes in two days. Yeah
[01:02:53] Listen, okay. There's a lot of drama going on
[01:02:59] There's a c plot where he's afraid that he is
[01:03:02] He doesn't have swimmers in his rock is afraid his cum is yeah, it's gone stale. Yeah
[01:03:09] You know, do you guys think your cum is good?
[01:03:12] Uh, yeah definitely nice. We've all that we've all paid for abos
[01:03:17] I gotta piss. All right, that's the show. She's a lot folks