[00:00:00] My name's uh...

[00:00:01] ...Fucking Michael Babyano.

[00:00:04] I'm fucking Goo Goo Gaga and shit, you know?

[00:00:07] Fucking waaaaaaay!

[00:00:09] Waaaay, you fucking fuck!

[00:00:11] Wait, I'm a baby.

[00:00:13] I'm a fucking baby.

[00:00:14] Hey!

[00:00:14] Bring me those fucking tits, Mom!

[00:00:16] You know Boris Yeltsin breastfed his daughter.

[00:00:19] He didn't even admit it, he just stated it as like a mark of esteem and his autobiography notes of a president.

[00:00:29] He breastfed his daughter.

[00:00:31] His daughter, yeah, Tatiana.

[00:00:33] She was on a train and she was crying and her mother wasn't there, so he pulled out his own tit.

[00:00:39] Well, he didn't breastfeed her, he breast pacified her.

[00:00:42] Right, he put...

[00:00:43] Imagine...

[00:00:44] That's how fucked up Russia is.

[00:00:45] Imagine you're on a train and Barack Obama is breastfeeding Malia Obama.

[00:00:50] And he's like, I'm gonna put this in my book.

[00:00:54] I'm gonna...

[00:00:54] I'm gonna tell everybody.

[00:00:55] In my book, the president.

[00:00:59] It's how he doesn't mean what you think, guys.

[00:01:01] It says Russian president.

[00:01:03] Yeah, Russian.

[00:01:04] That's why I was putting that out.

[00:01:05] That's who Trump's teamed up with.

[00:01:06] Yeah.

[00:01:07] The fucking Ruskies.

[00:01:09] So is that a common thing in Russia?

[00:01:11] Do people put their titties in their daughter's mouths?

[00:01:13] I think Yeltsin was just a drunken and sane.

[00:01:16] He wasn't the guy with a fucking mark on his head, was he?

[00:01:19] That's Cora, but Jeff.

[00:01:20] That's Cora, but Jeff.

[00:01:21] It'll be on his head.

[00:01:22] That was a pretty funny birth mark.

[00:01:23] Yeah.

[00:01:24] Yeltsin was just trashed constantly.

[00:01:26] Yeah, rules.

[00:01:27] Yeah.

[00:01:28] He was like...

[00:01:29] It was funny because in the 1990s Russia was just plagued with alcoholism to a degree

[00:01:34] much greater than like...

[00:01:37] It's kind of how FDR had polio.

[00:01:39] Yeltsin was just trashed.

[00:01:40] Right, right, right, right, right.

[00:01:41] And they had to keep the fact that the president's legs didn't work, like hidden from the public.

[00:01:46] Absolutely.

[00:01:47] And his wheelchair was just like big boozed up.

[00:01:49] Just fucked up.

[00:01:51] Just breastfeeding a star.

[00:01:52] He was constantly red.

[00:01:53] He was just on a train.

[00:01:54] Yeah.

[00:01:55] And being like, I'm putting this in my book.

[00:01:58] This is a good foot of the chat.

[00:01:59] I'm pulling it in my book that I pulled my TV and my daughter's mouth.

[00:02:06] I really don't fuck with Russia, man.

[00:02:08] Like not...

[00:02:09] Not...

[00:02:10] I don't even really give a fuck about all of this.

[00:02:12] Pooting stuff, but it just scares me.

[00:02:14] You want Biden to win.

[00:02:16] You love Kamala.

[00:02:17] I mean, I want Biden to win.

[00:02:18] I love Biden to Kamala.

[00:02:19] And Kamala...

[00:02:20] You hate Moscow.

[00:02:21] I'm a Kamala.

[00:02:24] I do not...

[00:02:25] I don't hate...

[00:02:26] Well, I guess I do hate Moscow, Mitch, but not because of his connection to the Kremlin,

[00:02:31] because of his little fat neck pussy and what have you, and his little antics.

[00:02:35] His turtle looking ass.

[00:02:37] His turtle...

[00:02:38] And because he's married to Evil Connie Chung.

[00:02:39] Yeah, he does have an Asian wife.

[00:02:43] Stop imagines a socialist state with a Kremlin where it's a big, kind of cookie-

[00:02:49] A child.

[00:02:50] The Kremlin?

[00:02:51] Yeah.

[00:02:52] Why would you want it to be a crumb, dude?

[00:02:55] I want it to be a crumb.

[00:02:57] No, crumbs.

[00:02:58] Crumbs come.

[00:02:59] It's a big cookie, and then there's crumbs around it.

[00:03:00] Yeah, you eat the crumbs of the big cookie.

[00:03:02] You get to eat it?

[00:03:03] The crumbs are cookie-sized.

[00:03:04] That's how it works everybody.

[00:03:05] That's how it works.

[00:03:06] Everybody gets to eat it.

[00:03:07] That's how it works.

[00:03:08] That's how it works.

[00:03:09] That's how it works.

[00:03:10] That's how it works.

[00:03:11] Everybody gets a piece of the giant cookie, but we don't say which piece.

[00:03:15] Some people get more equal piece.

[00:03:18] The burnt little, the burnt end on the bottom sometimes, which on beef the best, but on

[00:03:23] cookie, burnt and not so.

[00:03:25] You want soft, metal parts?

[00:03:27] You want to sell the poor?

[00:03:28] Or a whole chocolate.

[00:03:29] The pussy chacha.

[00:03:30] The chip of the chocolate chip cookie.

[00:03:33] The pussy chacha.

[00:03:34] The pussy chacha of the chocolate chip cookie is the scent that really soft place.

[00:03:41] Imagine a pussy man with chocolate chip cookie, dude.

[00:03:44] That would be awesome.

[00:03:46] It just stops going to a fantasy world.

[00:03:48] I'm gone.

[00:03:49] The next Halloween color is dream-worthy.

[00:03:53] I'm literally thinking about eating the pussy.

[00:03:55] And everything is made of pussy.

[00:03:58] And all the pussy is chocolate chips.

[00:04:00] Dude, literally.

[00:04:01] Here comes the man.

[00:04:02] But you eat the pussy.

[00:04:03] He's a giant pussy made of chocolate chips.

[00:04:05] And you eat in fucked up man.

[00:04:08] You just...

[00:04:09] I'm gonna fuck a giant man.

[00:04:13] I am.

[00:04:14] The pussy, you're running straight.

[00:04:16] It's not gay, I'm a chocolate chip pussy.

[00:04:19] And I'm the man.

[00:04:21] So he is a bit crumblin'.

[00:04:23] But I have to fuck him in the ass.

[00:04:25] Anyway, listen.

[00:04:26] I'm thinking you lick it and the clits of chocolate chip cookie, of course.

[00:04:30] But then, after the girl comes, you just take a big bite out of her pussy.

[00:04:35] And then she has less pussy for next time.

[00:04:37] Oh, true.

[00:04:38] You can make her pussy smaller if it's too big for your dick by eating a little bit of

[00:04:42] it.

[00:04:43] I don't know, you have to shove in a little bit more dough, put her in the oven.

[00:04:47] That's true.

[00:04:48] Yeah, you could bake a pussy to your specimen.

[00:04:51] Damn, now I kind of want to go get one of those rolls of pills buried.

[00:04:55] I'm just making some...

[00:04:56] Have to fuck a microwave and put your dick in.

[00:04:57] I love that.

[00:04:58] You just slice it with a knife and then you're like, I'm a baker, man.

[00:05:01] I'm a professional baker, man.

[00:05:03] Is that what you do?

[00:05:04] That's what I...

[00:05:05] Or you just eat it out of the can.

[00:05:07] No, I make the cookies, but I don't dilute myself into thinking I'm a professional baker.

[00:05:11] I used to think that was a trial.

[00:05:13] That's definitely a college move, dude.

[00:05:15] Like, freshman year of college, where you're like, I'm an adult, dude.

[00:05:17] Fresh baked cookies.

[00:05:18] Fresh baked cookies.

[00:05:19] Yeah.

[00:05:20] Well, there's only one step.

[00:05:21] I mean, that's not...

[00:05:22] It's a step.

[00:05:23] It's just craft macaroni and cheese.

[00:05:25] No, it's different.

[00:05:26] Probably like age nine or ten.

[00:05:29] Different.

[00:05:30] I'm like, I don't know.

[00:05:32] Baking is more of a mystery than a trial.

[00:05:37] And mom's like, what do you do?

[00:05:42] You're acting gay.

[00:05:43] You're acting gay.

[00:05:44] Just slap you.

[00:05:45] Hold up.

[00:05:46] Put your hand on the high stove.

[00:05:47] This is what you get for having dinner.

[00:05:50] For having dinner and acting gay.

[00:05:53] For eating and fun dinner.

[00:05:55] I'm just trying to be the man around the house.

[00:05:59] His dad left.

[00:06:01] He didn't leave.

[00:06:02] I left him.

[00:06:03] He's gay.

[00:06:04] I caught him making dinner.

[00:06:08] Oh my God.

[00:06:12] Now I'm trying to get fucked by a man that makes some changes around here.

[00:06:22] He'll never give me cock if he knows my son is gay.

[00:06:25] Oh my God, this is so funny.

[00:06:29] I didn't realize that Vincent Gallo had a blurb for his T-shirt about AOC.

[00:06:33] Oh, for the listener, Vincent Gallo sells one of one T-shirts on his website for $600.

[00:06:41] And there's one with AOC that says ignorant pig over her face.

[00:06:44] Let's not promote others.

[00:06:45] I know for free.

[00:06:46] The blurb is so funny.

[00:06:49] If anything's absolutely funny, I mean, yeah, you should buy their shirts and not Vincent

[00:06:56] Gallo's shirts.

[00:06:58] But he said, he said, let's pump the brakes on the...

[00:07:02] He says her combination of...

[00:07:03] Let's go ahead and put the kibosh on the free...

[00:07:06] Here's another thing.

[00:07:07] Okay, we don't have to talk about the T-shirts, but apparently, Adam, you were telling...

[00:07:11] No, you go ahead and talk about the T-shirts.

[00:07:12] No, no, no.

[00:07:13] Go ahead, you can talk about...

[00:07:14] What was I telling?

[00:07:15] You can go ahead and talk about the...

[00:07:16] Oh, I don't have to read this blurb.

[00:07:18] It is very funny, though.

[00:07:19] Let's just not discuss this.

[00:07:22] He has a...

[00:07:23] Listen to this, folks.

[00:07:25] Adam says that the brown bunny scene, which we've all looked at...

[00:07:28] The blurb, Josh.

[00:07:29] Yeah.

[00:07:30] Let's just not discuss that.

[00:07:33] The ghost blow jocks go to the brown bunny.

[00:07:36] We're close to Vinnie Suck's cockbox.

[00:07:37] Let's not talk about other cock suckers.

[00:07:40] I'm sorry, sir.

[00:07:41] We can promote other cock sucking businesses on the show.

[00:07:44] It's true.

[00:07:45] It's bad business of us.

[00:07:47] Was that in...

[00:07:48] Anyway, it's a prosthetic cock.

[00:07:51] Well, it's under...

[00:07:53] There's a rumor that it is.

[00:07:55] Because it was a nice cock.

[00:07:56] Because it's a nice cock.

[00:07:57] And then if you ask him about it in a Q&A, who will get furious and cuss you out...

[00:08:03] That's just such a smart movie.

[00:08:05] Make a movie.

[00:08:06] If you ask him if it's prosthetic.

[00:08:08] Dude, I'm going to make a movie where I get my dick sucked.

[00:08:10] My dick is only like an inch bigger than mine.

[00:08:12] It's high already.

[00:08:13] It's believable.

[00:08:14] But that puts the good word out there on the street.

[00:08:16] Mm-hmm.

[00:08:17] That your dick isn't that small.

[00:08:18] It's actually just regular.

[00:08:19] It's like Kimler said, it doesn't matter how big the lie is as long as you kill anyone

[00:08:24] who says it's not true.

[00:08:26] What's the actual code?

[00:08:31] As long as the story is beautiful.

[00:08:33] As long as it's given the nice nuts.

[00:08:35] As long as you stay busting.

[00:08:39] Oh man.

[00:08:42] Damn.

[00:08:43] You got...

[00:08:44] That guy from the Nuggets posted...

[00:08:46] I wanted him getting his dick sucked during quarantine.

[00:08:49] Yes.

[00:08:50] I want Hitler's bangs.

[00:08:51] From all of his bangs.

[00:08:52] He's bangs.

[00:08:53] He had a big dick.

[00:08:54] His bends.

[00:08:55] Yeah, his Mercedes.

[00:08:56] Yeah.

[00:08:57] That'd be cool.

[00:08:59] You want the actual one or replica or the actual one?

[00:09:01] I only know about it from...

[00:09:03] From my...

[00:09:04] To drive race.

[00:09:05] You should be able to rent it for your birthday.

[00:09:06] You should be able to have a drive here around New York City.

[00:09:09] You should be able to drive it around New York City.

[00:09:11] To do the Home Alone 2 tour.

[00:09:13] I'm just staying to Plaza and pull up and Hitler's bangs.

[00:09:19] I'm turning 32.

[00:09:21] That's right.

[00:09:25] I'm turning 32 and a half.

[00:09:30] It's my half birthday.

[00:09:35] And then we're going to FAO Schwartz for some turtle dogs.

[00:09:40] You got me an Eloise themed birthday.

[00:09:44] That's great.

[00:09:45] Damn.

[00:09:46] I was pissed.

[00:09:47] I don't think I ever made it to FAO Schwartz as a child.

[00:09:49] We had one in Vegas.

[00:09:50] I used to go there.

[00:09:52] That's pretty cool.

[00:09:53] Well, the Vegas have it.

[00:09:54] We would come to New York all the time.

[00:09:55] I don't recall ever going there.

[00:09:57] We never did.

[00:09:58] We would just go to my aunt's house and then sit there.

[00:10:04] Then I would ride the train with my cousin and be intimidated that she knew what the

[00:10:09] fuck was going on.

[00:10:10] That was wild, dude.

[00:10:11] When I would come visit my cousin in the city and she'd be like, let's take the train.

[00:10:15] I'm like, we're seven.

[00:10:19] And then you just go into some fucking bathroom, a giant bathroom.

[00:10:24] And then come out and it's still a massive city.

[00:10:28] And you're like, you're so much farther than where you were.

[00:10:31] You have no idea how to get anywhere.

[00:10:33] Your parents are far away.

[00:10:35] Damn.

[00:10:36] Yeah, man, hadn't kids specifically are fucking little animals, dude.

[00:10:40] They're all doing cocaine and fucking rubbish.

[00:10:41] Yeah, they all know their cousin was a good kid.

[00:10:44] My cousin was a good kid.

[00:10:45] She didn't really do cocaine.

[00:10:46] She was obsessed with homework and stuff.

[00:10:49] But it's funny, I remember going high.

[00:10:52] Yeah, I remember that about her.

[00:10:53] I remember going high.

[00:10:54] Yeah, when she was nine.

[00:10:55] Yeah.

[00:10:56] I remember going hiking with her.

[00:10:57] No, she talked to me about it nine years after that.

[00:10:59] We were like eight, one or 18th birthday.

[00:11:02] Wow, just turned 18.

[00:11:03] Hitler's been.

[00:11:04] Hitler's been.

[00:11:05] I got one around and I got one.

[00:11:06] I got one.

[00:11:07] I got one.

[00:11:08] I got one.

[00:11:09] I got one.

[00:11:10] I got one.

[00:11:11] I got one.

[00:11:12] I got one.

[00:11:13] I got one.

[00:11:14] I got one.

[00:11:15] Oh, damn.

[00:11:16] She said I don't know where to go, the trees are painted.

[00:11:20] You just fucking follow the trees that are painted.

[00:11:23] You'll know if you're going the wrong way because it'll hurt your shins.

[00:11:27] You'll be in a bush, you'll be fucked.

[00:11:30] There will be nowhere to go.

[00:11:31] There's no, you're covered in spiders immediately.

[00:11:34] Just stay on the part where you're not covered in spiders.

[00:11:37] No, I'm with her though.

[00:11:38] I don't fuck with the woods until recently.

[00:11:41] Yeah, I like going anytime I'm in the woods. I pretend that I'm part Native American. Mm-hmm. You know

[00:11:47] Daniel Day Lewis voice. Yeah, excuse me. Do you know where I can buy one of those cliff bars?

[00:11:54] Is there a cliff bar vending machine at the bottom of the trail excuse me?

[00:11:58] Is there any honey? I'd like to eat an entire honeycomb like a bear

[00:12:03] It's not one of the questions. I personally ask

[00:12:06] But I could see why someone if you're your general shape

[00:12:12] Dude, I'm just saying every time I saw a bear eating honey, I'd be like fuck yeah, dude. That looks awesome

[00:12:17] This we call him earth spirit. He's round like the globe

[00:12:21] Around the you can't tell me huh fucking Winnie the poo dipping his hand in his big-ass honey pot doesn't look fucking awesome

[00:12:28] Your name will be eating moon

[00:12:30] It's no sign of disrespect in fact there's a story the elders tell about a man who looked quite like you

[00:12:40] Who actually defeated general Custer because he thought his name was general custard

[00:12:46] He kept taking bites out of him looking for dessert. He actually wound up eating

[00:12:52] There is a creamy pussy center

[00:12:55] Oh, it's like the famous Russian

[00:13:01] Chocolate chip cookie

[00:13:03] It's interesting you find you go around the world

[00:13:08] Similar origin with a dessert with the pussy center

[00:13:12] Fuck you said it again and I'm all now. I'm thinking of a bread pudding made pussy a pussy man out of bread pudding

[00:13:18] It's a little warmer a little gooey here

[00:13:20] Yeah, makes a little more sense or maybe the outer shell of the pussy could be chocolate chip cookie and the inside moist juicy part could be

[00:13:27] Bread pudding very

[00:13:30] It would be awesome dude for real and when you fuck it it feels like a human pussy when you take your dick out

[00:13:36] It's clean pristine dessert and it regenerates every bite you take

[00:13:41] Oh, unless you want to shape it to make it a little smaller for your needs

[00:13:46] Well be careful what you wish for

[00:13:48] You'll just be down there. I'm not I'm not being careful. I want that to happen all right

[00:13:54] The only problem is fucking we don't live in such a beautiful mystical world where it's possible. Yeah

[00:14:00] I'm pissed off

[00:14:02] Some v-nut M&Ms

[00:14:08] That'll be cool too man

[00:14:10] That'll be really fucking cool

[00:14:12] And don't fuck me this up for me yellow. I'm trying to fuck Santa Claus. I'm trying to get pussy from Santa Claus yellow

[00:14:19] I'm sorry

[00:14:21] I'm the native American

[00:14:24] I'm the native American M&M

[00:14:27] Wow he is real and his dick is big they all made out of pussy

[00:14:33] I'm just balls deep in the M&Ms. Oh, they do have

[00:14:43] Missionary fucking the red M&M. Ah

[00:14:47] Watch it. Yeah, just a four-year-old rubbing his eyes

[00:14:52] Santa's ass just hanging in

[00:14:54] But everybody's got most of his pants on make this Christmas and M&M and Coca-Cola Christmas only at Macy's

[00:15:04] Exclusive Christmas 1998 the last Christmas. Oh, man. Where we not gonna get the Christmas season this year

[00:15:11] No, and what Christmas ended in the 90s

[00:15:13] No, they do the windows. Bill Clinton went on TV and he was like just a heads up saying it's not real

[00:15:23] Fake America just found out this I've been briefed with intelligence

[00:15:29] Fake and prior to that we lived in a Santa believing white America. Yeah, that's really when the yeah

[00:15:35] The whole that's my real problem with black lives matter. Yes. Culture is it is their footnote of Santa is in real

[00:15:42] That's yep, he's not white. He's not what how

[00:15:46] Dare they not only that is not white, but even the black version of Santa doesn't look like the Coca-Cola Santa

[00:15:52] Which is the only one that should be allowed. I agree. You know, yeah, we can all agree. That's the real sad majestic

[00:16:00] I've seen some pretty fun black Santa's I have to admit

[00:16:03] And what's the one that works at Home Depot?

[00:16:05] I don't even think that thing is for sale. What the fuck is that every year the Home Depot tries to sell black

[00:16:13] Full-size black Santa. I think they probably sell no no no they do not I think so no cuz there's only ever one of them

[00:16:22] Maybe around here a black family wouldn't want a black Santa as a symbol right into the gentrify if you are a black

[00:16:29] family listening to come town and you have even considered purchasing a

[00:16:33] full-size

[00:16:35] 5 foot 11 automated black Santa

[00:16:39] Just for Christmas. Yeah to put in your house even I don't even know what I think it's for the lawn probably

[00:16:46] But no one has lawns here in New York. Yeah, so yeah

[00:16:51] But I guarantee you there's some black families that have big black Santa's I'm gonna call up Home Depot

[00:16:57] Please do you know I don't really ask for their I'm not trying to mess up

[00:17:00] I know the season starting I wanted to know if you all got that Nega Santa

[00:17:04] The dark Santa Claus the evil one

[00:17:08] I want to I want a pre-order. Have you all ever seen mega man? Yeah

[00:17:14] How much for the Nega Santa?

[00:17:17] Okay, sir, I happen to know the reference, but you can never say that to any of our other employees

[00:17:23] That's why I'm calling it

[00:17:25] You are on thin ice that's why I'm calling in with a fake accent and a fake name

[00:17:31] There's a pretext to say nega Santa

[00:17:35] Please stop saying that sir

[00:17:38] This calls being recorded. It's like it's like in dark wing duck. Mm-hmm. There's nega duck

[00:17:44] Oh, I do know that yeah, but there's a nega Santa Mary clever sir. It's like Sega. Yeah

[00:17:50] So why don't you pronounce it like that? That's how I'm pronouncing it

[00:17:55] If you're hearing something different, that's your ears

[00:17:58] That's true your ears are racist

[00:18:04] They call dog whistle racism you can hear slurs only the racists can hear

[00:18:11] Like a dog

[00:18:13] That would be cool if somebody dog does a job

[00:18:15] It would be cool dog whistle racism was real like you could just have like a thing you blow and then other guys are like nice

[00:18:22] Like what is it? They're like nothing. Don't worry about it. Don't worry

[00:18:25] You didn't hear you don't need to know you don't need to know what's going on. I'm just sitting there

[00:18:34] Yeah, hell yeah people just left three guys on the train cracking up. Yeah

[00:18:39] In line at Starbucks the braces got a bad attitude

[00:18:44] Just some other guy across the piece picked up his order. He's on the way out. Oh, I hear you brother

[00:18:49] You got one of those two

[00:18:56] This guy looks like a shirt with Kaepernick also that it's just this white boy over his face

[00:19:02] Why are you just scrolling the Vincent Gallo t-shirt?

[00:19:06] They're very good because he's completely checked out. I'm not checking. He's on the thing. He was talking about 15 minutes ago

[00:19:14] No, I was checking a text and then it opened to that. I'm sorry. No, then first of all

[00:19:18] No, I'm putting my checking text. I'm putting my phone. We all got an unplug. Okay. Well, I was in Baltimore

[00:19:24] I learned that were you off the phone. I was off the phone and I'm kind of back a little bit now

[00:19:29] I read two books. I'm not even it's weird. I'm not even in a position where I have to like put the phone away anymore

[00:19:34] It's just lost all its appeal. That's incredible. That's just boring to you. Exactly. That's cool

[00:19:39] That's the best way of getting over it is just not thinking it's cool anymore. Yeah, you got to make things boring if

[00:19:44] you're bored by them because it's too available. Wait, what do you mean?

[00:19:49] Well, I think I said this already you got to make this boring. Yes, bored by the things that you are bored by

[00:19:57] That you still like engage in all the time

[00:20:01] Because you don't know out of habit out of habit exactly

[00:20:04] Yeah, so if you just like because think about all the shit that you want to do that bores you

[00:20:09] That if you just put a little bit of effort it like you know

[00:20:12] You're like a hump people like all I don't have the patience for movies anymore. It's like no, it's just you're like

[00:20:18] like boredom

[00:20:20] Functions have been hijacked by the fucking phone right where you could go back to being bored by the other things and have that

[00:20:28] You know whatever it doesn't matter

[00:20:29] Yes, you just got to put yourself in a position where like the phone is fucking boring

[00:20:34] I think I might get an Apple watch so that if if anyone needs a text me or some shit

[00:20:38] I can see it. Yeah, honestly, I love the app and then I just don't need to have my phone on me

[00:20:42] It's great for like it's I it's a good fitness tracker. I don't really use it for I mean

[00:20:47] Yeah, I can see what you can't steps on it and stuff. Yeah, cuz it's kind of like go to you and it's yeah

[00:20:52] I've been moving I got my dad one for his birthday. So he starts to move around a little bit more

[00:20:57] It's important especially with quarantine so many people are just like fucking stuck

[00:21:01] You're like yeah, I'll sit on the couch for seven months and it won't do anything to my body. Uh-huh

[00:21:06] Like just thinking it's a terrible thing. He's right. They're being sedentary isn't like one of the leading causes of fucking

[00:21:13] Turning into a gay man. Yeah

[00:21:16] That's true. Yeah, every day I just figured we should say something along this. Yeah, okay guys a go getter

[00:21:22] They're getting in for people five thousand a day realize now that all three of us are thoroughly into our 30s

[00:21:29] and for this podcast becomes

[00:21:31] Fucking health and wellness advice from people who have no yeah, no

[00:21:38] Just spent the last ten years destroying their bodies in various ways and are trying to cheat the reaper

[00:21:45] You don't have to make your own cheese

[00:21:51] Damn I kind of want to get into making my own yogurt. Yeah, how do you do it? You get a culture?

[00:21:57] No, that's why I want to get into it, but if you do that is that a thing that people do it before five yay was in this country

[00:22:05] Three people made their own you had to make your own oh

[00:22:08] Because the way I had that shit back in the fucking motherland and I would go as a little fat child

[00:22:12] And I would have full fat five yet with honey in there like three years ago

[00:22:16] We were making their own yogurt out of their pussy fungus. Oh, that was a thing right?

[00:22:20] Yeah, they're making like bread and yogurt out of their pussy

[00:22:22] I wasn't sure if that was real or just a thing that people were probably four bitches in Bushwick

[00:22:27] Yeah, I think that's how delusional and everyone got they're like this is feminism

[00:22:32] It's like no, you just stopped wiping your ass

[00:22:38] Your pussy is a fucking making a tree dish

[00:22:42] Yeah, because I'm a woman I now drive with my tits

[00:22:47] I just the women are getting into car accidents everywhere in the name of feminism

[00:22:53] Tesla's like secretly encouraging it so they can

[00:22:57] Shuddle in automated driving even faster. Yeah, you know, I'm also like yeah, you know the plan was to

[00:23:04] secretly have dumb bitches

[00:23:06] Dumb bitches with their tits out have them

[00:23:10] Drive with their tits

[00:23:12] You know because they're stupid and you can just tell them that everything is feminism

[00:23:19] It's empowering damn Elon had him like that and then yes

[00:23:23] And so you get them to drive with their tits cause accidents and then you sell them cars that they didn't need

[00:23:28] Cars that drive for them in fact that was the first idea

[00:23:31] We thought automated driving people said who the fuck would want that and we said it's for women. They're like, oh, of course

[00:23:37] Shine can we do Chinese to like we said yes, we can do Chinese

[00:23:43] We can make them for just the we can also make them for the Chinese as well Joe Rogan's like now

[00:23:49] What about those people they all know karate, right?

[00:23:52] What's their deal? Yeah, and you almost like yeah, it's crazy because you see them around and I never even considered

[00:24:00] Joey was telling me this last week. They have their own country

[00:24:03] Yeah

[00:24:05] That there's a place it's basically imagine if like America

[00:24:10] Was filled with Chinese people and then they all not only do they speak Chinese with all the government documents from Chinese

[00:24:18] Yeah, the streets stop signs everything is in Chinese. Maybe even a different color. It's fucking weird, bro

[00:24:25] That's true

[00:24:27] That's really

[00:24:33] Get to get this look at this pictures of Chinese China on Google image sir, I'm just walking around look at that

[00:24:40] There's not a single they're all the same guy

[00:24:45] And it's a whole place

[00:24:47] That's crazy yeah, yeah, I'm also a wow yeah, that's yeah, we've been that's where they're making most of the cars

[00:24:57] They're making and then what you cuz they're gonna be the ones driving up

[00:25:02] That makes sense that's true that is true. They're gonna be the ones needing them

[00:25:08] beautiful

[00:25:10] Damn, I'm the only thing about you all must I'm jealous of is how well

[00:25:14] I'm not even cuz I have beautiful hair. I don't understand how his plugs look so good. Uh-huh

[00:25:20] Cuz other rich people I have a friend who's who's a bald man who said that most actors that got like quote-unquote plugs

[00:25:30] That everyone's like oh Matthew McConaughey has plugs or whatever he thinks that it's he's a truther

[00:25:36] He thinks plugs don't really actually work and that they all have just very nice looking pieces

[00:25:41] You think Matthew McConaughey is wearing a wig right this is what I was told by my friend

[00:25:45] Do you think that I don't I mean I haven't looked close enough? I guess I don't get past his smile

[00:25:51] You think he's going to like Texas games and they probably have some kind of secret treatment that only celebrities know about because imagine if

[00:25:58] Everybody could get hair plants hair transplants that looked that good. We would all be celebrities. That's so true

[00:26:03] That's the one thing standing in the problem. Probably be action story dude. Mm-hmm forget it. I would be James Bond

[00:26:11] I would be James Bond no questions asked no quite not a question about it. No, sir

[00:26:18] Sign on the line. Okay. I would have Steven Seagull's career cash on the barrel. We're talking

[00:26:26] Primetime

[00:26:28] All right, yep checks in the mail checks in the mail check please check please

[00:26:32] I've got to spend money to make money brother. You gotta fucking take two in the paper

[00:26:38] For the sting

[00:26:41] One of the state what they say two in the pink is worth one mistake

[00:26:46] You got to kill two stinks with one

[00:26:51] Like sir, you are right no my hair transparent failed now my brain's leaking out of my county there the chemicals are leaking into my head

[00:26:58] And I can only think in analogies involving a pussy in a butthole they say times is a Chinese circle times

[00:27:07] Okay flat circle is the one I'm sorry. I think about flat sideways sideways pussy

[00:27:14] You know I got you know how I got you know how I got there. You know how I got there. I don't even tell him

[00:27:19] Right there with me. He's laughing brother check this out

[00:27:23] Yeah, you hear it I know I know yeah Christian Bale gave it to me

[00:27:31] We're giving out all these whistles yeah last year. I got it at Sundance

[00:27:36] Christian Bale is hanging out these whistles everybody's

[00:27:42] I still don't know what his actual voice sounds like mcconna. Hey, no what the fuck Christian Bell. Yeah, I got

[00:27:49] His well go with I got a whistle and if you if you play the whistle

[00:27:55] It says the M word

[00:27:57] Something like that. That's probably what it sounds like I probably sound something like this Jason Stephen

[00:28:02] No, it's not. It's all that they all sound same. I said stay them score. That's better. Yeah, that's more

[00:28:09] Yeah, that's true if I told you what my asshole look like

[00:28:13] You wouldn't believe it

[00:28:15] Oh

[00:28:18] Fuck it's fun dude. Honestly, it really fucks me up when actors just do different voices

[00:28:24] What you think an actor should have played the same role if fuck it's just

[00:28:30] It honestly there are different characters. I'm not good. It doesn't quite piss me off, but it I don't

[00:28:37] I'm equal parts like a astounded that they're able to act in an accent essentially

[00:28:43] Mm-hmm. Yeah, and also it fucking did they have a job to do it and get paid millions of dollars to do it

[00:28:48] And they're actually good at it feels weird dude. I don't know what to tell you. I don't trust it

[00:28:52] You just want one accent per actor

[00:28:55] Or or adjacent accents

[00:28:58] Uh-huh. What do you mean? Oh like a similar sound? Yeah, go like a little bit higher pitch a little bit lower pitch Gary Oldman's probably

[00:29:04] He's a chameleon. He's so good, dude. He's yeah, he's a guy that I'm not sure what he's I guess he's British

[00:29:11] Well, he is British. Yeah. Yeah. No, he's good. He fucking right. I'll give him a pass

[00:29:17] Mm-hmm, but the fact that you're seeing Tinker Taylor tiny penis

[00:29:21] Tinker Taylor suck me off. Yeah

[00:29:25] Big mother has the dossier that shows how small my penis is

[00:29:29] That movie is mad boring. We have to get this back to the circus the circus

[00:29:33] We have to have the clowns have to look at my penis. It's just men having meetings with each other. It is

[00:29:38] But it's good. I remember enjoying I fell asleep. I feel like any movie

[00:29:43] Adapted from a liqueur novel is usually like worth at least one watch

[00:29:47] Apparently there's a maid for TV version from like the 80s for BBC. That's they did it better

[00:29:54] No, yeah, no, that's an apparent opinion you've heard no, no, no, it's all there's a better version of it

[00:30:01] I haven't seen it myself. No my friend my friend put it on and I asked him actually put it off

[00:30:07] But yeah, oh wow, so you actually didn't like it. I just didn't want to watch a fucking maid for TV movie at that

[00:30:23] Instead of that

[00:30:28] Okay

[00:30:31] I don't know I forgot well maybe your ears maybe you just chatted listen to beats

[00:30:35] Listen drink Bob Dylan probably no come on listen to some golden era

[00:30:41] 1992 to 1995 hip-hop from New York City. That is the only me

[00:30:46] I don't know if I told this story. I was walking down one of the avenues the other day and I was behind like some like

[00:30:54] I don't like fucking probably black eye and he's like late 30s

[00:30:57] Mm-hmm and he was just like wrapping the chronic out loud

[00:31:00] And like with all this like swagger and he's like one two three and then the phone just like yeah

[00:31:07] And then like a woman walks by and he's like good

[00:31:11] Mount it, you know

[00:31:14] I was like this is one of the gayest things

[00:31:18] Just got body switch with Michael Rapa poor

[00:31:21] Like what is that woman's gonna be like wow you know all the words of the bar mitzvah hit of that

[00:31:33] That's so cool

[00:31:35] We're gonna have sex with you. I know but you know they're not bad you have to fuck up

[00:31:41] To be that uncool of the black

[00:31:44] Brutal stuff the other thing is like that guy was having a good day. I don't think that's what's frustrating

[00:31:49] I don't think that guys. Well you think he gets home and he's like everyone thinks you're a fucking fag

[00:31:52] No, I'm no one likes your rap. I mean cuz people I checked it

[00:31:55] Even it's a hack joke attack joke about people like you know imagine me a black guy with a small dick

[00:31:59] And it's like sure I'm sure that exists, but at least that's in your pants, you know what I mean being a black guy

[00:32:05] That's that deeply fucking lame

[00:32:08] When you have you have so many you have so many points already

[00:32:12] You know on your side right and the fuck up that bad

[00:32:16] It's be going around singing the crime chronic in 2020. It's humiliating. Yeah, I thought it was cool when I was 11

[00:32:24] I mean, it's just it's so fucking embarrassing it really there's something fucked up going on there. Yeah

[00:32:31] That's behavior. It'd be like being a blind black guy and being bad at singing in church. Yeah

[00:32:38] Yeah, they just bring you up to the like Melvin's oh, he's blind get him up here come on up and he's like

[00:32:44] The voice of a lady

[00:32:53] Your your job will be homeless

[00:32:56] Oh

[00:33:03] Guidance counselor brings in black blind guys and they're like check the box singing in church

[00:33:18] Fuck what jobs can a blind person get wow ableism

[00:33:22] Ooh, you never see a ableism will never go to the bank and have like a blind teller or something he's there in the back, dude

[00:33:31] They keep doing all rolling up all the quarters. I'm not being ableist. I'm just interested to know

[00:33:37] Podcaster podcaster they could totally do that. Hello. I'm sitting right here. Yeah, you're not what are you?

[00:33:42] What if I was this whole time this whole show have been blind

[00:33:46] People are always like making fun of me for having dead eyes. It's just like

[00:33:50] Deeply mean spirited

[00:33:56] Hey

[00:33:57] Dead eyes they could do your dead blue cloudy blue. Okay, very funny guys

[00:34:04] You know a long on call center stuff. Yeah, they could do call center. Mm-hmm

[00:34:09] That's not bad. Mm-hmm. I'm like stops fat. Huh, and he's bald

[00:34:13] I just have to like take your word for it. That's true

[00:34:16] No, you're just running your you constantly running your fingers through my body. I feel like you're risk

[00:34:23] Like that like the hello music video the Lionel Richie music video

[00:34:28] Mm-hmm where the blind girl is feeling his face and then she and then makes holding a bust of Lionel riches very romantic

[00:34:36] Does that ray Charles would tell if ladies were fat by their wrist? Yeah, I feel their wrists

[00:34:41] You saw the movie right didn't very very charismatic performance. Mm-hmm. I would I would try their titties by Jamie Foxx

[00:34:49] Jamie Foxx mm-hmm. He's great. Jamie Foxx. He's the best he really is. Yeah, I

[00:34:56] Think there was a there was a period where I didn't want to believe I thought it's I don't know why I loved him

[00:35:01] And they're a hater because you got a hater's hard. I did ice I moment, but I I

[00:35:05] Try and throw my I used to watch the Jamie that's what I like to hear. Yeah, I'm not a hater anymore. I love life

[00:35:15] Sorry, that was funny. Yeah, it was funny the way you just

[00:35:19] No follow up. That's not going anywhere. I used to watch the Jamie Foxx show

[00:35:28] I'm not trying to I'm not trying to girl that shows really not trying to

[00:35:31] They get you that way. No, it was very embarrassing

[00:35:35] It was I should be called out. I used to watch stronger. That was my original why I love Jamie Foxx

[00:35:41] Yeah, we all watch show

[00:35:43] And then also the roast he was

[00:35:45] Jamie Foxx show, he's very curious and he was wearing those weird like my girls. It's a Jamie Foxx. Mr. Jamie Foxx

[00:35:58] It's a Jamie Foxx show

[00:36:00] Yeah, we are leaving in the Jamie

[00:36:13] But the roast he was great at and then Ray

[00:36:17] What was there was a movie a run of movies that I didn't like that I was like, I

[00:36:22] Don't know what it was. It's pretty good in Ali the one where he he does play a bunch of like homeless retarded people

[00:36:29] Yeah, that was the one where that was like, okay, well, he's like the guy who plays with the violin violin

[00:36:35] Retard was that was that he was kind of a retard and collateral to yeah collateral

[00:36:42] He's like you got so little drop this cabin maybe get a little piece of pussy

[00:36:52] That's my dream what's that what's that in the window there? What is that?

[00:36:55] Is that a piece of pussy?

[00:36:57] It's my dream you can get there if you want we should get your Tom Cruise

[00:37:02] No, it's so bad. That's just that's just my speaking boy. No, it's just me saying things

[00:37:08] No, you're you're taking it down a notch to pretend

[00:37:12] I don't pretend you do you pretend to suck my dick. No, I don't you're right. You do it for real

[00:37:21] Damn another you've been out chest yet again

[00:37:23] Not been out because those two the two aren't fun. Those are the two options

[00:37:30] That was it you pretend or you suck it is not

[00:37:34] He's not a binders. I don't just yep. It's a binary unlike sexuality gender buying my dick

[00:37:41] Your only options are pretend to suck it or actually suck you're on a

[00:37:47] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury out no much about the law

[00:37:50] Just an honest man the small honest penis

[00:37:55] Trust me

[00:37:59] Opposing counselors like objection your honor. It's on the record that I have the smallest penis in the state of Louisiana

[00:38:07] Why don't you take it out you'll get your chance here

[00:38:12] About the case and the fact that I have a very small honest

[00:38:17] Pentecostal Christian penis. Yeah a humble penis. Yeah humble Louisiana penis

[00:38:25] Yes, sir

[00:38:27] I would say that my penis is in fact smaller than his might be one of the smallest penises in the world

[00:38:33] Your honor he can't just say that his penis is smaller than mine objection point of fact my penis is small

[00:38:47] You lied to these good people here in the state of Louisiana

[00:38:54] Wow, I wonder what is just an alligator wearing overall

[00:38:58] I

[00:39:02] Damn I'm trying to go back. I fucking love New Orleans, man. Yeah, Louisiana rocks. Absolutely. I love just living a swamp

[00:39:09] Do a podcast of the bullfrog and a crock. Yep. Yeah, yes, sir. You're living room

[00:39:17] Underwater. Yeah, just as dip in your feet. Yeah, you saw me guys ever drink the Budweiser

[00:39:22] Just the frogs

[00:39:24] Oh my god, I guess I do have skits for

[00:39:31] I guess that's Jack that New York Jew doctor was right after all I

[00:39:38] Guess I got the old skits of Franny. I bet it'll be cute though the little microphone you set up for the frog

[00:39:45] If a talk show start the podcast back up with them

[00:39:48] It's old man Mullins place. They say he suffers from mental illness refuses to do anything

[00:39:56] Don't go in there. He might try and riff with you

[00:40:03] Fuck

[00:40:05] Yeah, I would like a pope a freaking po boy

[00:40:08] I would like to write on a fan boat one day. I just passed by Popeyes on the way. Uh-huh. It's like going on steps from the

[00:40:16] uh

[00:40:17] The train and there's a popeyes there and there's a group of black guys across the street and there's like a bunch of people everywhere

[00:40:23] And I was like laughing imagine myself being like hey, you want some popeyes

[00:40:29] About to hit the grub figure out my ass

[00:40:32] You want me get y'all anything? Yeah, you know what hey

[00:40:36] Just the world's worst wager

[00:40:38] Yeah, I just moved I just moved here

[00:40:42] You know, I'm trying to make friends y'all y'all trying to get going smart boys

[00:40:47] You all ever heard the chronic. Yeah any you all that bad guy and the chronic guy would be best friends. Yeah

[00:40:52] Yeah, he'd be like he would be like no come on crazy ass white boy. Oh crazy already

[00:41:00] He would love to be playfully racist

[00:41:05] Damn popeyes is so fucking good

[00:41:07] It is like a nice

[00:41:11] It must be weird to like see me in public where I'll just start giggling

[00:41:15] No, I crack the fuck up and it's like God forbid anyone it says what yeah, I cannot

[00:41:22] There's no way I can explain

[00:41:24] She knows guys over there. Yeah, you see that group of africaners

[00:41:30] Way back from the train this homeless white guy just fattish shit stops me like sir

[00:41:34] Sir, please sir and all like look I'll make eye contact but continue walking

[00:41:40] So it's like you know cuz if you try to rope me in with some bullshit. Yeah, then it's like they're just one fucking booze

[00:41:47] Or something you know, it's like just say what you want. It's like I have an opportunity to give it to you now

[00:41:50] I will otherwise we're in the York pound. Yeah, I don't have time for it in Baltimore

[00:41:56] There was always they had to catch a bus. Yeah, so this guy's like sir

[00:41:59] He's like if I go this way on Broadway. Does it is a nice neighborhood this way or that way?

[00:42:05] I'm like, I don't know what you mean. He's like, you know, like a better windows not white people

[00:42:16] Why cuz he probably thinks he can get more money

[00:42:19] But it's like how the fuck are you homeless in Brooklyn and you don't know which way to go on Broadway

[00:42:24] Like with the like yeah, I just hear I'm new. I'm yeah first day homeless in New York, right?

[00:42:30] You got it. You got to be homeless here, baby

[00:42:33] This is the place to be nothing like it nothing like being homeless here. Yeah, where where all the Jewish neighborhood?

[00:42:41] So I can avoid them. I saw another homeless guy on the street the other day and he was like screaming about like

[00:42:45] Mm-hmm used to have a life

[00:42:47] Used to be able to do stuff be somebody I can fucking go out to get some need at a fucking restaurant

[00:42:55] Not anymore. I could go out to a fucking Irish bar with my Irish friends to get shit faced

[00:43:01] Not anymore

[00:43:02] Damn not when they's fucking shit

[00:43:04] And I was like thinking about it and it's like this

[00:43:07] COVID thing must be just nuts if you're like a schizophrenic homeless person

[00:43:11] Oh, yeah, like you're already crazy and then everyone's just got a mask on and everything's closed

[00:43:16] You're like I fucking knew it

[00:43:19] Everybody said I was fucking crazy, but I knew it. Yep. Whatever's going on is

[00:43:24] Something it's because it's because I looked at my mother weird that one time. Yeah, it's because I had sex with my mom

[00:43:31] And I was 11

[00:43:33] She was asleep, but I stole some of the Schnapps and I pinned it down and I fucked it

[00:43:37] And now everybody's wearing a mix and then she didn't know how to handle it now everybody's wearing a

[00:43:47] Well fucking in the outside they got outdoor dining

[00:43:52] Fucking thinking just wants to keep everybody

[00:43:58] Don't argue with me

[00:44:00] Fuckin bad just fucking walking I correct homeless homeless person

[00:44:07] Actually, it's like we got to stop Donald Rums so he's like he's not

[00:44:10] You think it does not defend secretary

[00:44:14] Excuse me, sir. Excuse me. I noticed you were saying something

[00:44:19] It's not he's not the guy

[00:44:22] She's at what is the milk scam she's at the Steve Carell

[00:44:29] Have you had a homeless person to ask you for milk before yeah, you bought like you buy them

[00:44:34] You buy the milk and then they return it and it's expensive

[00:44:37] And then they can return it and the money goes back on to their like EBT card

[00:44:41] Can you return it to a deli deli's not gonna take used milk. It's a can of condensed milk. Oh, it can't have milk

[00:44:48] Yeah, I've never seen a deli do a return of a single product

[00:44:53] They do I return I've returned a bunch of cat litter to my deli who didn't taste good enough

[00:45:00] No

[00:45:02] That's not the reason you eat cat litter

[00:45:07] Reason

[00:45:09] They eat cat litter blood and a bitch and now it's not a whole time and now you feel my biggest seeking

[00:45:19] Legitimately though, why would the fuck would you return cattle and something I can't I'm in was non-clumping

[00:45:24] I didn't look at the bag before I got it

[00:45:26] You have to get you prefer a who fuck it's clumping or non-clumping

[00:45:30] I don't people who are too lazy to scoop a litter box

[00:45:33] I which includes me, but I bought a machine that does it wait wait wait wait so the clumping

[00:45:38] What is non-clumping the cats shit's in it and you just dump out the entire litter box. Oh respect, okay? Yeah

[00:45:45] Yeah, fuck fuck scooping that shit out the machine works though. Yeah works. It's always worked

[00:45:51] I might have to get one for my little brother. Yeah a little upgrade. No, that's the way to go

[00:45:56] I mean yeah, if you're scooping your cats shit, you're a fucking moron. Yeah, yeah, you're catching this

[00:46:02] Automatic ones are too expensive. Well, it looks like somebody can't afford a cat then that's right. Mm-hmm. You know

[00:46:07] Yeah, I'm not giving it medicine a Lamborghini's expensive

[00:46:12] You don't see me putting regular in my fucking kuntak

[00:46:16] It's premium only

[00:46:18] Sometimes I piss in there a little bit. I was I pissed my premium nut in there. Yeah, sometimes I put my dick in the gas tank

[00:46:25] Get high off the fumes by my dick hole. Yeah, and people look at me and I go it's a Lamborghini

[00:46:31] It's a boy. I would never see a left fucking guinea before you say you never seen a million am before touch

[00:46:38] It's a woman nice shuttling your kids back in the

[00:46:45] Never seen you fucking loser. Hey, let me ask you some bitch

[00:46:50] Which way do I go on Broadway for my people? Why people at you fucking bitch? Hey get away from my contact

[00:46:56] Sorry, I was trying to have sex with that lady and convince her I'm a millionaire

[00:47:03] Think of the only way I could do it is if I put my dick in your gas tank. I'm sorry there boss

[00:47:06] No hard feelings. I assume boss. I'll make it up to you. I'm just spitting all over the windshield rubbing it

[00:47:12] Oh

[00:47:24] Yeah, we'll get this nice in the top of the morning for you

[00:47:32] Completely making

[00:47:34] A Reebox classic with the tongues folded over the front of you

[00:47:42] Just taped it your legs oh

[00:47:47] My pants again

[00:47:50] Just talk about homeless people you saw but god damn it's you guys. This was a good one

[00:47:55] I forgot about it, but yeah

[00:47:57] There was a homeless guy praying the one of those link NYC machines

[00:48:01] Oh, no, yeah, just like bowing down and getting up and so he's facing it

[00:48:07] I'm gonna be high enough and his pants and just completely disintegrated

[00:48:11] So it's got this the waistband waistband like two threads that go down to like the bottom parts

[00:48:16] But his ass is just completely yeah, and his balls and penis

[00:48:21] Yeah as he continues bowing and

[00:48:26] Big homeless ball

[00:48:28] Weather literally weather balls like getting back up and down his ass facing the entire Avenue and it's like this city is coming back

[00:48:35] Yeah, oh, yeah, this is exactly a nature is

[00:48:38] Yeah, cuz people are like all those link NYC machines are gonna be homeless people beating off to them. It's like no

[00:48:43] They'll find something even more

[00:48:45] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're gonna be fucking praying him

[00:48:48] Praying them is an obelisk that delivers pornography with them

[00:48:53] No idea that it was a company that they think this is God himself

[00:48:57] Being like my son free pussy to look at the pussy. Look at the post. Don't worry about your pants

[00:49:03] No, you will need pants when you're looking at the pussy. We're going you won't need pants

[00:49:12] Just rapes him in the fucking glory

[00:49:17] Don't worry about them don't worry about the pants. We're going you can kill homeless people

[00:49:23] We're going to rape money. We're going back in time to rape girls

[00:49:46] That's genius

[00:49:48] I know that's why I'm a fucking dog. I'm a scientist you little faggot. That's what makes me

[00:50:02] They just become like Genghis Khan everybody looks exactly like the professor

[00:50:07] We're going back before age to get as much rape as we know

[00:50:12] No condoms

[00:50:14] I started making the machine. I thought maybe I'd go into the future before

[00:50:20] Or after they curays and then I thought why not just go back in time and fuck out on a Roosevelt at gunpoint

[00:50:28] That was more about the prestige. Yeah, she was a dog-looking bitch. I hated the new deal

[00:50:36] And Rob Dontrabenaw is like me of the creative process

[00:50:40] And I wanted to get back at that legless

[00:50:47] The

[00:50:54] Doc hates the new deal. Yeah, we're going to rape Marty

[00:51:03] Goddamn that one's there he is quick Marty pull my gun out of my ass

[00:51:07] I

[00:51:09] Do it no there's no time. There's no time reaching there with your penis

[00:51:15] Pull open get my ass started with your penis and then reach in there and pull out the gun

[00:51:22] please

[00:51:23] What is this time machine

[00:51:27] I'll show it to you in a minute the cops are almost here

[00:51:31] My land lady heard me yelling about rape and she called the police

[00:51:38] I've been living in this garage or legally for months. I

[00:51:43] Told her I was just gonna park my sports car here. She thought it was a Lamborghini

[00:51:49] It's a DeLorean

[00:51:55] Like a Lamborghini but for Irish cocaine addicts

[00:51:59] Go back like the year 700 and raping everyone in a huddle. I mean that was part of life in the year 700

[00:52:08] That's what I'm saying. It's it's that's that's appropriate to go back. What I'm saying

[00:52:13] What's going on in the year 700? There's like a thousand in between Christ dying in like the year 1300 people were like let's just chill

[00:52:22] I think that's what's great. I'm popping off disease

[00:52:25] No toilet paper the Romans got their shit fucked up

[00:52:32] Nothing happened. Yeah, I'm curious about that shit. I'm always curious about the fucking Middle Ages until the Franks and the Normans nothing happened

[00:52:41] It's so weird dude the Franks Normans the Gary's the Richards

[00:52:46] the mics

[00:52:48] Until those fellas are learning about history because it's interesting to me

[00:52:52] Yeah, all the people's used to be named after the characters on cheers

[00:52:57] The norms that's right Adam

[00:53:01] Good

[00:53:02] I'm having a ruffle and there I think I came in my head alright. Why's your head hurt?

[00:53:07] I don't know it just sort of hurting the big of the show. I don't know you want to kiss

[00:53:12] Well, I tell you what I'm glad it's false. You can't go surfing anymore. No the surface better the surfing's better. Yeah

[00:53:18] No, the surface pretty bad in the summer. It's illegal now. It's not illegal

[00:53:24] I'm just gonna get a thicker wetsuit. I'm gonna be one of those snowstorm surfers

[00:53:27] I'm gonna use the time machine to go back to summer so we could keep going to Coney Island

[00:53:33] Why who gives a shit there's a guy down there that lets me fuck his 13 year old daughter

[00:53:41] Some Russian guy

[00:53:43] Who just have to make sure it's not Jeff Ross's weekend

[00:53:59] Drunk off child

[00:54:01] Yeah, I'm trading him your radio from his daughter

[00:54:17] Chris different motherfucking did you make it out to Coney this summer? I didn't go one time this summer

[00:54:22] I'm gonna come with my bike. Oh you're around to Coney Island. Yeah, but I go for it's nice going during a snowstorm

[00:54:28] I went one string of blizzard. It was very cool. I go for Russian food. I go down there. Oh to Brighton

[00:54:34] Yeah, I mean, it's all the same shit. It's bad food though. It's all like it's good like ocean view cafe

[00:54:40] They've put the foods pretty bad. No food's good there. I like it

[00:54:45] The place stop and I went and sheep said Bay is pretty good. There's a place to cock

[00:54:49] I would go there not even like that place amber recommended to me this like fucking like

[00:54:54] Like I don't know weger fucking ooze back food. Yeah, that's where we went Narkis

[00:55:01] That's what we went. No different. Yeah, it's who's back. That place wrong. Yeah, this was a different place and it was in Brighton

[00:55:06] Not sheep said Bay

[00:55:08] Oh, it was terrible like really bad like the fuck it tasted like fucking dishwater. Yeah, maybe you got dishwater

[00:55:15] I mean probably it was probably just like a fucking bad day. She was trying to poison you

[00:55:20] I'm like, hey, this tastes really bad. He's like, I'm sorry about Christopher Lloyd. He

[00:55:25] He comes in character from back to the future comes. He still they said it was method acting

[00:55:31] But he had to do it

[00:55:33] Or he said that but it's been 20 years and he still comes and he says it's because the character was a time traveler

[00:55:41] So he would have been doing this throughout time

[00:55:45] That he come and rape my child and you let

[00:55:48] him I was a wiser dishwater in the food

[00:55:52] And he's like I don't I'm sorry. I didn't forget

[00:55:56] I've done I just I understand the mechanics of callbacks, but I don't

[00:56:02] Often in comedy you can get away with a lot

[00:56:06] That's why it's not really about the structure. That's why comedy is bullshit

[00:56:10] It's basically just that I can give a laugh you could say nonsense as long as it sounds like stand up. Come on people will laugh at it

[00:56:20] Fuck

[00:56:22] That's trail

[00:56:24] Damn, I'm about to be in philliums. I haven't done an hour in you're gonna fill in tonight

[00:56:28] No next week. I'm gonna be the punchline for the by tickets to see me. What is it like socially distance?

[00:56:34] It's outside at socially distance. They got like a little fucking patio. How was the stay in the other night? Sam was great. Yeah

[00:56:41] Yeah, yeah, how many tickets nice little setup? Yeah, it's a good setup down there. It's good to see a Dell too

[00:56:46] I've seen him. Yeah, dude. It was nice

[00:56:48] It was like I saw you see all your friends that you haven't seen you know and you're like a

[00:56:54] Cup we see your bad you see your friends and some you know, not enough and some co-workers

[00:56:58] People you know you see your friends you see you see you see the fucking pizza oven fired up. Oh

[00:57:06] Damn, I want to stay I saw a couple people that had like were regulars at the stand you like even recognize some people in the fucking

[00:57:13] I was nice going to ever scenes. I almost ever seen his funeral. He's wedding. Yeah, he's wedding. I'm bummed. I missed it

[00:57:19] No, you're glad I was like I have to go to the Crayola Museum an Eastern Pennsylvania on this exact day

[00:57:28] I'm going to the Crayola Museum on Eastern PA to do baby stuff. I'm sorry Mike. I can't make it

[00:57:35] Damn, I love weddings. I'm sure Mike had his fairy tale and wedding when he went to that wedding a couple years ago

[00:57:42] And didn't bring a gift because he said that he did

[00:57:45] That was kind of why it was a very different time and the money he spent on the flight about this

[00:57:52] His presence kind I had like a 1100 that was wild. Then just don't go to the fucking wedding

[00:57:59] Then I thought I wasn't I thought I thought that I was you go you got to get a nice little gift

[00:58:05] Some off the register you come hundred bucks. You got a fucking be a cute guy. I mean, we don't even have that

[00:58:11] It's not

[00:58:14] So we're still friends

[00:58:16] Maybe I'd be like, you know five years ago

[00:58:18] I didn't want to think of your way. That was so fucking funny

[00:58:20] Dude, and you being like I had to go to fucking St. Louis and pay for a

[00:58:27] I just it was a big expense

[00:58:32] Don't go but then I was like then you say if I don't go then he's not gonna be my friend

[00:58:36] You do then we can send a presence. I don't go to the wedding you send a present you say you can't go

[00:58:41] You spent half of what you would have done

[00:58:44] Send a car. I thought it'd be nice to go to the wedding

[00:58:47] Exactly because you think your presence is worth more than you get this is you get second sit dinner

[00:58:53] No, yes, you did what do you mean? It's not a buffet. It's it was a you asked for sex

[00:58:59] You say for the chicken or the fish or whatever and then they bring it to you like is there any way I can get both

[00:59:03] Can I have both can I get a doggy bag? I actually only had half

[00:59:08] And you ate and you're fucking okay. I only had a you were like what's the fanciest hotel St

[00:59:14] Louis if anyone could name a reason that these two should not be wed bang the doors burst open I

[00:59:20] Want to fuck that woman? I

[00:59:24] Would have to get out of my way. I would have sex with her. I need to see her pussy and taste it

[00:59:29] Hmm

[00:59:31] It's weird that they still do that

[00:59:35] Do they they did it at Mike and Deb's well really did what the whole like if anyone can say why these two really?

[00:59:42] And it's all comedians there, so I'm waiting for somebody to be like

[00:59:47] Yeah

[00:59:50] I can scroll through our group text right now. I'll give you a million

[00:59:53] Oh, God damn, that's so funny

[01:00:00] Yes, we've met them

[01:00:03] Oh, yeah, I know who Mike is

[01:00:07] That's one of the reasons

[01:00:10] Fuck dude, do they have dancing and dinner and stuff or was it just dinner was

[01:00:16] Nick Whitmer, I don't know if you know him. Do you know what I'm talking? Yeah, he fucking like I guess he's like a caterer

[01:00:23] Well, I like the food was banging really amazing. He made some like like like brisket ragu

[01:00:31] And then some kind of like ziti

[01:00:34] And then but then like the spread beforehand was like all of these fucking

[01:00:41] Cold cuts our cuter. Yeah, I'm in olives and shit in a bread that Nick made himself good damn

[01:00:48] Yeah, I went nuts. That's fucking I do like a wedding dude. It's been a while

[01:00:52] I like weddings too. Yeah

[01:00:54] Fuck all right. I'm gonna go piss and then I gotta go

[01:00:57] So this is a good episode. That was fun. Okay. Oh, thanks you to whoever

[01:01:02] Who's that you roses? This is the second that people send me roses. I guess what?

[01:01:07] Yeah

[01:01:08] Starry that bitch slash tour it comes to me in Philadelphia in Baltimore in

[01:01:14] Fucking Worcester, Mass. It is it's like it's maybe too many roses for that vase. It's a lot of roses

[01:01:20] Yeah, it's kind of expensive honestly. Yeah, I think that's probably like 50 60 bucks worth of flowers. It probably yeah

[01:01:30] anyways, yeah come dot town if you would like to purchase shirts and

[01:01:33] And that's it for today folks. Thank you