Cum Town | Premium | 10/25/2020
[00:00:03] Adam's actually getting us some coffee and then we'll start everyone.
[00:00:13] Adam was just talking about how much he loves Little Peep.
[00:00:19] Yeah, he watched the Little Peep documentary and he said it was amazing.
[00:00:23] He was crying and he was at the same time moved in sexually around.
[00:00:28] He said I can relate to Little Peep in the sense that I'm a black man.
[00:00:34] Little Peep is actually also added under his name.
[00:00:41] Because it looks like one of those marshmallows.
[00:00:44] You know what I fucking had over the weekend?
[00:00:47] That I'd never had before because they'd look like bullshit.
[00:00:54] They're fucking so good because anything with the marshmallow.
[00:00:57] We go to the chocolate marshmallow thing.
[00:01:02] It's like a graham cracker on the bottom.
[00:01:05] And a marshmallow and then it's covered in chocolate.
[00:01:12] Salty graham cracker is really up there for me.
[00:01:15] I also like a pretzel element in a chocolate thing.
[00:01:17] So I tried about an entire box of them.
[00:01:23] Dude, Ben and Jerry's has a fucking ice cream.
[00:01:32] S'mores are, you know, I've shoot on s'mores before because of the activity of making
[00:01:44] I think sitting around a campfire because they don't taste.
[00:01:47] It's always, that's the worst way to make s'mores.
[00:01:56] You made the fire out of fucking, you know, pressure treated wood so it's got a bunch
[00:02:05] You've taken a part of fucking shelving off from Wayfair.
[00:02:10] That's instead of calling America a melting pot.
[00:02:16] As more you got a little white stuff that is covered in black and white stuff is burning.
[00:02:24] They're supposed to melt the black stuff but it ends up catching itself on fire.
[00:02:30] And then graham crackers are, I guess, are Jews.
[00:02:33] Jews sitting at the bottom controlling the banking.
[00:02:36] The industrious, the God-attrolling entertainment.
[00:02:40] I think it's a little, it's a mix of all of the American culture.
[00:02:44] It's a little Breonna Taylor Thomas if you go.
[00:02:51] For whatever reason s'mores made me think of Huckleberry Finn which is not, that's not
[00:03:03] Were Jonathan Taylor Thomas plays Huckleberry Finn?
[00:03:25] Young fat star wanted Jonathan Taylor Thomas to pick him up like a basketball ex-polic
[00:03:32] He wanted to be selected from a patch of fat.
[00:03:40] Jonathan Taylor Thomas walking through a field in late autumn and plucking up just the
[00:03:43] plumpest, fattest star of his disguise himself as a pumpkin.
[00:03:51] Tradition has it that you fuck the pumpkin.
[00:04:02] But this is when I thought I looked like John Stamos as a little kid.
[00:04:07] Me and him would have been like friends and gotten like a little kid.
[00:04:16] As a little kid, I thought I was like, I'm going to be a star.
[00:04:20] I told, I think I've told a story about my mom.
[00:04:23] I auditioned for the Bruce Willis movie The Kid.
[00:04:32] No, but it was fucking they had to open auditions and they got the coat of fanning's
[00:04:37] I knew a kid that told a story about another kid that would always talk about how he was
[00:04:43] But he was like, yeah, it was just like your mom just took you there.
[00:04:47] All my friends auditioned for Pay It Forward with Haley Joel Osmond because they filmed
[00:04:53] A bunch of my friends were there a bunch of them were extras.
[00:05:04] My experience with that emotion was like occasionally participating in those like PO
[00:05:08] Box sweepstakes on WB Kids where they're like, if I forget what it would be.
[00:05:13] But you would be like, I'm going to win the Simpsons house.
[00:05:24] I definitely remember trying to guess who shot Mr. Burns.
[00:05:29] So you're going with like the logical answer instead of the funny one.
[00:05:32] You know, forgetting that it's a comedy show.
[00:05:50] That's such a fucking touchstone of childhood.
[00:05:55] Yeah, it was around the, around the pay it forward era.
[00:05:59] But I got molested by Haley Joel Osman.
[00:06:02] No, but he was actually kind of a Gary Coleman.
[00:06:21] I'd love to help you, but I got to get back to the Bronx.
[00:06:26] I got to go back to my wife being a bitch.
[00:06:29] I got to get back to being a fucking New York Bruce Willis.
[00:06:34] Yeah, my friend was telling me he's he's during COVID.
[00:06:40] I had seen all year and he said he got into fishing in the East River.
[00:06:55] So that you wouldn't disgrace your home with pussy.
[00:07:01] No, I think it's just because like it's by work.
[00:07:11] I love smearing pussy juice all over my home.
[00:07:14] Yeah, but he's telling me he's been fishing in the East River and like you just throw
[00:07:20] But the EPA is like very much like do not eat the bottom feeders, especially not the
[00:07:26] And him and his friends were in Chinatown and they caught a three foot eel and they were
[00:07:34] throwing it back and the Chinese guys were like no please do not do that.
[00:07:45] Yeah, they said he got like a striped bass in the Hudson.
[00:08:18] I just had the worst nightmare that I was hearing the gay story.
[00:08:28] If you think about what a bottom feeder in the East River is doing, like the bottom of
[00:08:37] The ones at the bottom that eat all the other fish or the ones at the top that eat the
[00:08:43] But they're at the bottom, but they eat all the other fish.
[00:08:48] I think they eat in the classic cartoon explaining the fish higher.
[00:08:51] I think they're the last one to come on the screen.
[00:08:53] Because there's boots and shit and cans.
[00:09:15] That's the kind of stuff that's checking on this real New York uptown podcast to hear uptown
[00:09:24] Like, you know what those fish probably do?
[00:09:32] So that's the Bronx fish, the Dominican fish.
[00:09:38] I would love to smoke hookah right now.
[00:09:40] I wish I had a 1994 accord with a spoiler on it.
[00:09:53] I'm trying to go to the Hookah bars in Towson where they don't card 17 year olds.
[00:09:57] Get fucked up off of Raspberry vodka, Stolys.
[00:10:08] Now that's how you spend the fucking childhood.
[00:10:12] You were like, I saw you like the same picture.
[00:10:19] I don't appreciate any messages to be honest with you.
[00:10:23] I'm keeping tabs on which Hondas you're working.
[00:10:27] I've got an eye for the Hondas you're looking at.
[00:10:32] Maybe I should get a little piece of shit.
[00:10:38] You know, you've been working on the Vaux.
[00:10:40] I did watch like a video review of the 2021 Civic Type R Limited Edition.
[00:10:50] There's still people in the comments saying VTech just kicked in.
[00:10:54] Which is like a 20 year old meme at this point.
[00:11:04] Yeah, I think it's a reference to maybe one of the fasts in the series.
[00:11:09] I can't remember if the line even comes from the movie at this point.
[00:11:19] The YouTube comments is someone making an awful joke.
[00:11:25] And then 50 other people typing the exact same thing hoping that they'll also have a good comment.
[00:11:32] Or like this, if you're watching this in 2018, just still.
[00:11:42] Maybe tomorrow will be a star in the YouTube comments section.
[00:11:46] The other alternative is like you're watching like a song.
[00:11:50] You're like listening to a song on YouTube.
[00:11:52] And then the top comment is like my brother just died.
[00:12:00] That's always like that gets that does numbers in the YouTube comments.
[00:12:05] We should do one where it's like my son just died but he used to love sucking cock to this
[00:12:15] My son just had fucking double brain cancer but I think that would be a double brain cancer.
[00:12:19] But he was getting so much cock to this.
[00:12:25] Just a doctor being like you can see this is the brain tumor in your son but you know,
[00:12:29] this sucks but I was saying to the nurse it kind of looks like a titty.
[00:12:34] It doesn't look like a big titty to you.
[00:12:42] I've been, I'm sorry you had to come to the hospital, the brain cancer hospital.
[00:12:46] They get your son's brain treated on but at least me being the middle and say that his
[00:12:59] I wish it was an actual breast and it was in my mouth.
[00:13:01] The kids just walking into the room nude.
[00:13:06] I'm like, I don't, don't worry about it.
[00:13:08] I'll explain it when you had to be here.
[00:13:10] You'll understand when you're older or probably not.
[00:13:20] It's funny how a bad doctor is such an endless well.
[00:13:25] You could have a sketch show just called Bad Doctor.
[00:13:30] Just telling people they're going to die in a fucked up way.
[00:13:35] I mean, I guess I should think about it more.
[00:13:37] But bad doctor is like, why is it so funny?
[00:13:40] At the time, anyone goes to write a sketch, it's like there's a 50% chance you're going
[00:13:48] I mean, people like, there's probably, you'd probably run into like, you know, Harvard,
[00:13:54] Emerson, SNL, pipeline guys that thumb their nose at Bad Doctor.
[00:13:59] But none of those people are actually funny.
[00:14:02] They've never been funny once in their lives.
[00:14:09] I just, we get in the office and we're writing for 20 hours a day.
[00:14:18] Maybe you should stop trying to own the president and just do an hour of Bad Doctor.
[00:14:45] Getting cocked, that's another funny thing that happens to you.
[00:14:48] The press version Toetre guy was a, like, a very important thing in my family.
[00:14:55] The man TV only ever tried to do one non-offensive character and it was the Java guy and it's
[00:15:01] Oh, the guy with the guy who had too much coffee.
[00:15:06] He's a character that's not based on a stereo.
[00:15:09] And I really, even as a kid, I was like, this sucks.
[00:15:17] You're a retarded kid that annoys minimum wage retail.
[00:15:30] I saw, so they did the Sopranos for network TV sketch and it was just everything.
[00:15:36] I mean, I'm going to edit it down like 30 seconds.
[00:15:41] SNL would be fine if they just did Trump going to his doctor.
[00:15:48] They could have done that with this COVID thing.
[00:15:54] That guy with the long hair, his doctor looks hilarious.
[00:15:58] My old boss at the law firm, my last job, just to do with that doctor.
[00:16:03] Joe Biden taped to hold his brain together.
[00:16:22] There's a picture of him passed out next to a crack pipe, which was pretty cool.
[00:16:31] But I wonder, I guess it is a difference, right?
[00:16:47] But there was a friend who came down to Baltimore to hang out and he just went into the crack
[00:16:55] He came out and just chatted on the crack house across the street.
[00:16:59] There was a crack house on Kitty Corner to where our friend Tommy's grandparents' porch
[00:17:11] But there was a thriving crack house there in, I would say, 2008.
[00:17:16] And very close to that was the deli that sold pills to children.
[00:17:30] That's when you first got off the stuff.
[00:17:34] They do like it's like a little prescription bottle.
[00:17:44] Well, that's why you got to empty the container.
[00:17:48] Listen, I know I understand the buckshot M&M theory.
[00:17:54] Dude, I've heard multiple people say in the last two weeks that they really love Halloween
[00:18:07] It's near Halloween, but it's not your-
[00:18:10] We're not talking about cranberry sauce, so thanks.
[00:18:15] Just eating Reese's, you fucking piece of shit.
[00:18:18] The only candy that is Halloween candy is candy corn, baby.
[00:18:27] I'm ready to do 15 minutes on this at the stand.
[00:18:32] We're doing indoor shows and we're all hooking to hose up to each other's mouths.
[00:18:38] I'm trying to breathe your air, motherfucker.
[00:18:45] There are some other clubs that are just like, fuck it.
[00:18:51] You might, like honestly, if I ran a business-
[00:18:53] If restaurants can do it, why the fucking-
[00:18:55] If you're running a business in New York, you should just go back to operating as usual,
[00:18:59] take the fines and then put the- if you can, put the money in escrow, but just ignore
[00:19:03] all the lawsuits or ignore them all until somebody else decides to sue the state on
[00:19:10] Which is probably horrible advice, but-
[00:19:21] Honestly, I just miss hanging out at the stand.
[00:19:22] Because I've been doing the outdoor shows or-
[00:19:26] Once a year I'll have like a hankering for socializing and there's literally nowhere
[00:19:31] This is like, some of my nose at comedy.
[00:19:34] And then it's like, oh yeah, I don't like-
[00:19:42] Because I've been a comedian since I was a child.
[00:19:46] So I have to just hang out at the comedy club.
[00:19:57] That's what's great about like the table, quote unquote, all of the-
[00:19:59] I mean the tables that exist everywhere.
[00:20:06] Which you don't really get that dynamic anywhere else.
[00:20:10] No one is ashamed of how dumb they are and-
[00:20:20] The only place in the world where you can have a three hour conversation of politics.
[00:20:23] And then it- it- after three hours it gets to the point where someone says, what is the
[00:20:34] And they've been talking since 7 p.m. about how to fix the country.
[00:20:39] And then someone will say, wait a minute, what's Congress?
[00:20:48] And so it's honestly gotten worse with podcasts.
[00:20:50] All we just- that's all we do is just talk.
[00:20:52] Everyone just needs a morsel of something and they'll talk for hours.
[00:20:58] It's nice when the sun comes in this room.
[00:21:04] It's honestly, like, all of the bullshit in 2020 has been worth it for this fall in
[00:21:11] It's been the best fall and probably the last five years.
[00:21:16] And then a fucking bitch, she would make it four degrees hotter for a couple more weeks.
[00:21:25] I'm trying to still be eating outside on the sidewalk.
[00:21:28] So what are we going to do for our couples costume for Halloween?
[00:21:34] According to a t-shirt, I saw God's black lady.
[00:21:38] So that's why it's, you know, hurricanes, cancer, all that stuff.
[00:21:43] Well, because you imagine as a white guy and you're like, how is he fucking up this
[00:22:00] Lunch break was basically the first millennium after the death of Christ.
[00:22:06] The middle ages was trying to navigate the vending machine to get hot fire.
[00:22:11] And then she goes to bring back to her desk.
[00:22:19] And she was putting in hours because she was about to go on vacation again.
[00:22:23] And then the enlightenment led to fascism.
[00:22:26] Which was because she was trying out different screen savers.
[00:22:38] She turned up the top joiner morning show and then went across the street to dunk a donut
[00:22:42] to get quote unquote coffee that's blue.
[00:22:56] And for some reason it glows in the dark.
[00:23:00] And you can hold it upside down like you're like a bird queen.
[00:23:25] They were having Corona over there again.
[00:23:31] No, having a hard time keeping them apart.
[00:23:34] I guess Israel had to have they had like a second lockdown.
[00:23:49] I've been doing all these fucking shows.
[00:23:51] I've been doing errand, they painted my apartment.
[00:23:55] I watched CNN for like fucking maybe 30 minutes the other day.
[00:24:00] And it's just like, I can't imagine like if you're just in the world of watching.
[00:24:09] I mean, it's just for like, because it used to be for like Fox News was for what is what
[00:24:15] is the generation before boomers or older boomers.
[00:24:20] It's like these fucking these old conservatives to sit there and be scared.
[00:24:25] And now MSNBC and CNN are just that but for boomers.
[00:24:34] And the latest news, the president, we've got a trusted source.
[00:24:39] Has the president said the F word the other day?
[00:24:43] We're going now live to the Grim Reaper who has confirmed that he has spoken with the president
[00:24:51] And he's also the worst president of all time.
[00:24:55] That's also another thing is that he's bad.
[00:24:58] And the president said that Joe Biden was bad, but it's actually not true.
[00:25:02] And we have a we have an expert here now.
[00:25:07] Joe Biden is good and the president is bad.
[00:25:09] And coming up next, we're going to be talking about, let's see here.
[00:25:16] And Joe Biden, good president, bad president, bad president, scary.
[00:25:21] The viruses the virus is now worse than it's ever been before.
[00:25:25] And don't let the numbers deceive you because as they go down, people get less afraid.
[00:25:32] They're afraid of the virus and then it becomes more bold.
[00:25:38] It's the virus of the mind, which is, you know, so no matter what, folks, the cure is
[00:25:48] Joe Biden winning and the president created the virus.
[00:25:53] And now here's some commercials from in his ass.
[00:25:57] And he's recently said that he's never used his ass once in his life.
[00:26:11] Dude, I have not watching you because fuck that, dude.
[00:26:16] I just, I honestly, the only news I look at is Trump's timeline probably once a day.
[00:26:22] And so just to catch up, he's just posting clips of like his sets just crushing.
[00:26:32] But he's like the only stand up that doesn't do the captions for the hearing impaired.
[00:26:42] It was so funny that at the beginning of the month, everyone was certain that he was going
[00:26:50] People really got the best doctors of all time.
[00:26:54] He gets a helicopter and he wants to go to the doctor.
[00:26:57] I thought it would be cool if he did die.
[00:27:01] But there was, I thought there was like a nice little chance.
[00:27:12] And it also would have been the most hilarious like end for Trump.
[00:27:16] If he died of coronavirus, that would be funny.
[00:27:20] That would be a like grand scheme of things hilarious.
[00:27:25] I mean, if a hilarious ending would be that he goes to Walter Reed when he falls out of
[00:27:33] Dying of Corona, I mean, that's, it's a hack.
[00:27:40] I think it would be him falling out of the helicopter and landing on top of the Washington
[00:27:53] I think it would be funny if Biden wins.
[00:27:55] You got to stop writing for the room and start writing for yourself.
[00:28:09] I would say here and say, what if how about if the president got Corona?
[00:28:21] It would have been, you know, appropriate.
[00:28:22] It would have been you punching in doing your fake comedy writing job and then waiting
[00:28:31] And then maybe being able to get a writing credit on superstar too.
[00:28:39] It's just Will Ferrell's Jesus character.
[00:28:47] Maybe they give him breast implants or something.
[00:28:55] He was, he had life saving Corona surgery, but whoops.
[00:28:59] And then he was hiding in state with baby juice.
[00:29:05] At this point I would do anything to not have to hear about fucking Donald Trump anymore.
[00:29:12] No, it's, it's so fucking I, I, I, I mean, I'm probably not going to vote.
[00:29:16] When he was, when he was, when he was talking about kissing the guys at his rally, that
[00:29:25] He just, like honestly, like half of this is like, he just wanted to get back out on
[00:29:32] That's why I'm not paying attention to shit.
[00:29:34] And then it's like, what else is there to pit like luckily it's full.
[00:29:41] I've been listening to the Talking Sopranos podcast and that's basically it.
[00:29:47] And when it's talking to Sopranos, it's, it's Christopher and Chris Hardwick.
[00:29:52] And Chris from Alta Sante and then they're all.
[00:29:59] Point two fact, not, not, not necessarily rape.
[00:30:07] Oh, so the way like a gay guy raped somebody.
[00:30:11] Well, it's kind of like how Mario and Luigi are brothers and they look the same.
[00:30:23] No, don't talk gay about the fucking Luigi brother, Mario brothers.
[00:30:35] Damn, we should go to the Faunies for lunch.
[00:30:52] Look, call him real quick and let him know we're doing a podcast.
[00:30:56] Yeah, but you can tell him to stay open.
[00:31:02] It's called Talking Sopranos and we were all on the Sopranos.
[00:31:08] We're coming over there in about an hour where we got to finish a podcast first.
[00:31:21] I don't think we have the same emotional profile when it comes to food.
[00:31:27] It organically results in the exact same response.
[00:31:41] The Faunte's is closed on Sunday the day of our Lord.
[00:31:46] Yeah, now I can see why they killed the guy.
[00:31:56] Nope, that was his black mother that did it.
[00:32:15] All of the basic ingredients for a Mediterranean diet.
[00:32:22] Remember the first time you heard Mediterranean diet and you're like, yeah, there's no way
[00:32:32] Apparently, if you just eat like a fat piece of shit.
[00:32:36] Yeah, they have the healthiest diet in the world.
[00:32:43] It's not because they're just a different color.
[00:32:52] And it's not eating fucking way too many olives.
[00:32:56] It's not having a platter of white bread and olive oil available to you at all times
[00:33:06] There was Fetha right next to the fucking lotion in my house.
[00:33:11] You just fucking go in, get a little fucking slice.
[00:33:18] Is there a way in Brooklyn has good Greek food?
[00:33:26] But there's a good Italian sandwich by around here.
[00:33:30] I love going to that BZ just for the parking job we did.
[00:33:34] How do I double park in the middle of an intersection?
[00:33:49] I think I went parked in front of a hydrant with my son.
[00:33:53] You like parked in front of a fire hydrant that was specifically for cooling down retarded
[00:33:57] kids who have gotten too hot from having COVID.
[00:34:10] Nah, it was a real fire hydrant, but retard started drinking out of it.
[00:34:14] Retards started now that they used their hoses themselves down with it.
[00:34:26] Yeah, I failed the physical part every time.
[00:34:38] They said I didn't say the end word forcefully enough.
[00:34:43] Do married women still find firefighters to be hot?
[00:34:48] That's like a fantasy of a fat married woman, still.
[00:34:53] I don't understand why anyone will become a cop when you have firefighters and options.
[00:35:00] No one will ever wait a while that you're racist.
[00:35:07] You joined after not 11, but you still get credit for it.
[00:35:11] The guys that joined like four years ago.
[00:35:15] You know, Canadians go abroad and people are like, oh, you know, you're better because
[00:35:21] And it's like, meanwhile, this guy's like, got the record for longest kill.
[00:35:31] He was fucking on a hill and wind of peg.
[00:35:37] Especially if you go in there last year and seeing all those cities and how just like
[00:35:45] Alberta, isn't that the one that sucked dick?
[00:35:57] But even like Toronto is like, it's a big city.
[00:36:03] But it's over barely there, to be fair.
[00:36:04] I went there twice last year, but it was...
[00:36:15] All Canadian cities are like the creator wrestler where you just hit randomize or whatever.
[00:36:20] And then they're like, here's like a couple of cultural options.
[00:36:30] I can't wait till the borders are open.
[00:36:35] In fact, I'm going to Toronto later this week.
[00:36:38] Well, it sounds like somebody is copying.
[00:36:40] No, I clearly was making a statement that I wanted to go.
[00:36:48] That was as long as it's going to take for you not to be copying.
[00:36:56] The Winter Garden Theater, however, was awesome.
[00:37:00] In fact, it was the only good part of that trip.
[00:37:04] Vancouver and Toronto, we just should have done those too.
[00:37:09] But we had a nice day in Montreal, though.
[00:37:18] You could tell me that I was molested at that show and I'd be like that.
[00:37:23] Did that show at like a high school or something?
[00:37:29] It was like their high school is also an indoor aquatic center.
[00:37:35] That's where we stayed in Roseanne's house.
[00:37:37] Although, watching, finally, highlighting...
[00:37:44] And that's also where they had the rockability themed weed dispenser.
[00:37:49] It was like a Johnny Rockets weed dispenser.
[00:37:52] It was also where the fucking Walmart greeter tried to say it was stealing.
[00:37:59] They almost knocked out a 90 year old wall.
[00:38:03] The guy was like, I need to see a receipt for that.
[00:38:06] He's like, you're not a member of the police.
[00:38:12] I was like, I'm like, he has a receipt.
[00:38:14] I'm like, I don't know what the fucking tell you.
[00:38:16] And then there was like a Bangladeshi security guy.
[00:38:19] And he's like, can you tell him, you know, and like fucking like trying to get this guy
[00:38:23] involved, that guy's shrugging his shoulders.
[00:38:25] And then some like Canadian hick walked in and just gets in the guy's face immediately.
[00:38:30] He's like, hey pal, he doesn't have to show you a fucking thing.
[00:38:36] He doesn't have to fucking show you shit.
[00:38:40] It's like, how do you even know what's going on?
[00:38:50] Well, it's such a superfluous job in Canada.
[00:38:53] Remember he's already a greeter anyway.
[00:38:56] That's why they have UBI there is because everyone's already paid a greeter salary.
[00:39:13] So she's trying to get your ass penetrated.
[00:39:19] Vancouver was the Chinese food was good in Vancouver.
[00:39:23] Vancouver is like weird because it's a North American city that is straight up owned by
[00:39:32] You were starting that company, Legendary Pictures is owned by Chinese companies.
[00:39:39] You can't fucking make a movie that's like China's bad.
[00:39:42] Well, no, no companies can anymore because the Chinese market is so big for movies.
[00:39:47] They had to like redo that red dawn remake to make it North Korea.
[00:39:52] Well, now I want to, I mean, why not just make it Soviet Russia?
[00:40:03] Well, they should have done it in the 80s.
[00:40:07] They could just do a piece of thing with all this fucking, what we were talking about,
[00:40:09] CNN, MSNBC shit, you could make it just be the Russians.
[00:40:17] And they don't have theaters in fucking Russia.
[00:40:23] Well, knowing that about Legendary Pictures, I want to see if I could just like come up,
[00:40:27] just pitch out 10 screen play ideas that are all like severely probation.
[00:40:37] Clearly like CCP like rip off sand lot, but make it about how communist China is the future.
[00:40:45] They've struck the healthy balance between, you know, the free market and whatever land
[00:40:56] I was just, aren't they just, what are they doing?
[00:41:00] They are just a free market, but only the party.
[00:41:07] Like the, well, I mean, they're Chinese.
[00:41:13] That is the main thing they got going on.
[00:41:15] It's socialism with Chinese characteristics.
[00:41:32] Yeah, I suppose, but what does that effectively mean?
[00:41:38] No, it means you're rude because you're expecting something that you have no right to expect
[00:41:49] I'm saying, bro, I just don't want you all up in my shit.
[00:41:54] Imagine you like rip an ass all the time.
[00:41:57] I was like, Stavras is rude and he's a bad person.
[00:42:02] And never say anything about being a bad person.
[00:42:06] That happens to be true, but that's not, that's true.
[00:42:09] Chinese people are very friendly, but they're friendly with Chinese characteristics.
[00:42:16] I also don't think they're that friendly necessarily.
[00:42:19] They are friendly if you, if you just gauge it in terms of their willingness to socialize
[00:42:26] It's like really the only thing that matters.
[00:42:28] Yeah, they, Chinese people will talk to you.
[00:42:33] And it's just like, it was, I told you, I went to like Joe Shanghai and I just was like
[00:42:35] chatting with the waiters about how to make like soup dumplings.
[00:42:40] They're just straight up like, you can't do it.
[00:42:44] Which I guess is like, yeah, in our, from our perspective, that would be kind of a rude
[00:42:48] thing to say to a stranger is just assume they can't do anything.
[00:42:52] But it's like, it's not rude when it's like, yeah, they're having a conversation with
[00:42:56] If they're rude, they'd be like, okay, good luck, pal.
[00:43:02] Well, I will say that effective, you know, that can be said, but the anarchy of no lines
[00:43:06] and shoving and, you know, the airport with Chinese people.
[00:43:09] I think people are from the Midwest are more rude than people from China.
[00:43:16] Because it's all under the surface and they're saying, but that's what they're saying.
[00:43:23] I think that people from the Midwest are potentially worse people.
[00:43:29] If you gauge people from the Midwest as just being scanned and they've been Americans,
[00:43:33] anytime you hyphenate like any of the Northern European cultures, they become absolute dog
[00:43:41] Well, actually any European culture you hyphenate.
[00:43:44] With the exception of British American, because I don't know what that is.
[00:43:58] Italian Americans, garbage, Irish Americans, garbage.
[00:44:05] Dude, there's so many Texans or Germans in Texas.
[00:44:11] I think when you account for Texas, German is like that like in terms of like white ethnic
[00:44:15] divisions, probably there's more Germans than anything else in America.
[00:44:20] And then they're over in like Michigan and shit.
[00:44:22] There's a lot of German fusion in Mexican culture.
[00:44:26] That's why like Banda sounds like polka music.
[00:44:30] It's the people that rejected their native culture and came over here to find something
[00:44:33] different and they didn't find it and now they're seething.
[00:44:37] So like at some point they try to reclaim their you know native culture, but they can only
[00:44:43] That's why Irish Americans are all just you know.
[00:44:51] Because regular Irish people are you know, nice.
[00:45:06] They're like the whole like eighth amendment thing that they just got it peeled.
[00:45:09] It's just that why they kept having babies and shit.
[00:45:13] But they're about to get rid of abortion here.
[00:45:14] My girl Amy Comey and I'm going to start busting inside.
[00:45:26] If she's elected to the Supreme Court, she will fuck a peach.
[00:45:35] And then get fucked in the ass by army hammer.
[00:45:40] If if pull pointed to the Supreme Court, she will go to a beautiful Italian villa and
[00:45:48] get her asshole fingered by an older grad student.
[00:45:58] Eric, this is also the news and I am gayer.
[00:46:09] I don't know why this is feeling like such a sleepy one.
[00:46:14] I feel like I was charged up before we started.
[00:46:35] But it was very funny in the confidence of it.
[00:46:38] No, you got very upset about the father.
[00:46:55] Pissing your coffee cup and pissing your coffee cup.
[00:46:57] I don't want to pissing your coffee cup in front of us.
[00:47:05] One time I showed stuff my penis on face.
[00:47:07] I mean, he accused me of being chubbed.
[00:47:12] You definitely jacked your cock four times before you showed it.
[00:47:16] I was sitting on the toilet taking a shit.
[00:47:20] First of all, it's natural to grab your cock a couple times if you're on the bat.
[00:47:31] Is you sitting your face time each other, dudes?
[00:47:36] You know, I don't know that I've done it, actually.
[00:47:52] Your microscope is pointed at your cock.
[00:47:56] Dan, I kind of want to use a microscope.
[00:47:58] Yeah, it was pretty cool to look at algae and shit.
[00:48:06] Maybe I should get an electron microscope.
[00:48:19] I guess it uses electrons and then the electrons go through shit and then when it doesn't go
[00:48:27] That shit, you got to be some kind of fucking genius at seventh grade science.
[00:48:32] I remember, I also remember not only that, but I remember the day we looked at the algae
[00:48:38] that this girl, I don't remember her name.
[00:48:41] But she wore pretty low rise khakis and you could see like not her pussy, but pretty
[00:48:50] And I remember going home and jacking off to that.
[00:48:52] You know what's funny is there's probably not a single person in the world that remembers
[00:48:56] everything from their like elementary education.
[00:49:08] Well, don't, but you remember the things you jacked off to and...
[00:49:25] I'm drinking coffee and reading the newspaper and jacking off.
[00:49:33] You're reading the beating of masturbating and a blazer.
[00:49:42] I'm reading the newspaper and masturbating my penis.
[00:49:51] No, but I remember when I read the funniest.
[00:50:20] Well, the guy, you know what I'm talking about, the singer, he was long a front man for the
[00:50:30] Which now I have proudly taken the mantle up of.
[00:50:43] Pull my ass out from itself and then fuck the pot that comes out.
[00:50:52] Yeah, I was in the Bodega day and some guy walked in with a little portable stereo blasting
[00:51:00] You know, like early 90s like fucking...
[00:51:09] I hear that coming out of cars a lot now too.
[00:51:12] There's a lot of like black people been like, we did that as well, don't forget.
[00:51:17] Which I thought all house and techno was like...
[00:51:22] And gay, black, white, and Chicago, yeah.
[00:51:29] I mean like CNC music factory and fucking...
[00:51:31] Not just shit we haven't heard of that everybody stole, probably.
[00:51:42] Like the groups from like early 90s that are...
[00:51:56] A shirt for girls and a couple of crewnecks.
[00:52:01] But I have to think of something we can go on a hoodie.
[00:52:04] The problem with fall clothing is almost nothing should have anything on it.
[00:52:08] Crewnecks you can get away with something small.
[00:52:11] Fall is for basics is for natural colors.
[00:52:28] It takes two to make my dick press, bro.
[00:52:33] It takes two guys with a powerful microscope.
[00:53:25] Where's Italian restaurant place we're getting sandwiches at?
[00:53:34] It's time to start thinking about lunch.
[00:53:37] All right, I will preface it with this.
[00:53:40] I believe the sandwich is damn near $20.
[00:53:48] Just like him being like, he was promised we're all hungry.
[00:53:51] And you're like, oh, everyone's going to be upset that the sandwich is near $20.
[00:53:55] I think it might be a $20 sandwich, but it's damn good.
[00:54:01] We'll have gas exit or Italian restaurant.
[00:54:09] And we're going to have $20 sandwiches.
[00:54:14] I can never remember the melody of that fucking song.
[00:54:18] Well, it's three different songs mashed together, isn't it?
[00:54:28] Italian restaurant shouldn't be at any part of a song.
[00:54:39] It's like two people that were married and now they're about to fuck or something, but
[00:54:43] But that's what the piano man is like, too.
[00:54:48] It's just different people that are out of place.
[00:54:52] Billy Joel had a gay bar and an older gay man approaches him, covered in gimp leather
[00:55:01] Play me a song back when I used to wear normal clothes.
[00:55:06] Back when I didn't wear women's clothes.
[00:55:19] My six-year-old brain couldn't handle it.
[00:55:30] I should have just been gay, but my grandson convinced me to get on the pills.
[00:55:44] The Lulu Lemons cut off the circulation to my already withered brain.
[00:56:06] And the managers politely ask me to leave, but that's as far as he can go.
[00:56:12] Because I've got an iPhone and it's recording and he's trying to keep his liquor license.
[00:56:21] And if he goes viral, which is the power that I have, I can frame it anyway that I want
[00:56:47] Just to show how people are rude to me.
[00:56:50] I'm wearing a walkie talkie that's clipped to my shoulder.
[00:56:53] So when I'm listening to people, I can always just be ready to end the conversation.
[00:57:33] Let's just do this on every channel until he shuts off.
[00:57:38] Because you can do walkie talkie shit on that, can't you?
[00:57:42] It's funny because it's like you can, uh, it'll just be like invite people to walkie
[00:57:46] And I've done that in my pocket sometimes and invited people that like, I'm trying to
[00:57:50] I don't even know why I have their phone number.
[00:57:54] It'd be like a comedian from LA that like I probably did one open mic with and then got
[00:58:01] You know, and then they're just like in my phone.
[00:58:05] And then they text you like, Hey, uh, no, they would never text me.
[00:58:08] Oh, I mean, there's no, there's never been any history of communication.
[00:58:14] But what, how do they respond to the walkie talkie?
[00:58:28] Who's never seen anyone do the walkie talkie talkie?
[00:58:31] I'm going to get an eye watch or what is it called?
[00:58:33] You guys are going to talk to each other.
[00:58:50] You could send him to pics or whatever.
[00:58:52] Just accidentally send him a picture of my cock.
[00:58:56] That is a good way to get people off your phone.
[00:59:01] You know, make sure they never talk to you.
[00:59:05] Or maybe one of those random people wants to give you head.
[00:59:14] What the fuck are they doing in my phone?
[00:59:17] I don't even look at my contacts list because of that.
[00:59:29] You know, it's probably like somebody I either sold or bought something off Craigslist from.
[00:59:35] And then it's like, because I have an autistic need to, like, put the number in my phone.
[00:59:41] There's also people I don't know their last name.
[00:59:43] But I've been talking to them for years.
[00:59:47] You won't put, if you don't know their last name.
[00:59:56] There are people I fucked that I will not put their, in my phone.
[01:00:03] Not for that reason, but because I don't know their last name.
[01:00:08] You won't just do a little clue like George Big Penis or something like that.
[01:00:16] It'd be a funny scene in a movie where like somebody's looking over a woman's phone and
[01:00:21] they have, they have them in their phone as Jim's small dick.
[01:00:38] I never changed it from George, George's small dick.
[01:00:53] I'm going to change my name to Jimmy's Fat Nuts.
[01:00:57] I guess I could be Stavi Fat Nuts, but it's not Jimmy's good better.
[01:01:15] They said it would stay the same size, just not get as hard.
[01:01:26] And I am 65 years old and this was too extreme of a change.
[01:01:33] I was just meant to die and slowly wither away.
[01:01:38] But because my brain has been damaged from a life of marketing directed at me,
[01:01:46] I think I'm so important that something else is supposed to happen at 63.
[01:01:57] I should have been content to read the senior beacon and drink my chamomile tea.
[01:02:04] But instead I had to do something wild like get my balls cut off completely and then turn
[01:02:14] it into a thing where I go on Ellen and complain about the president.
[01:02:22] I hope I never get my balls chopped off.
[01:02:30] I mean I'm hoping by the time I'm old it's like, you know, they're like, oh great.
[01:02:36] And that's the thing where you get to be part machine.
[01:02:41] Honestly, there would be zero transphobia.
[01:02:49] A lot of the guys that are transphobic.
[01:02:52] If I could just have everything just like head cut off and put on like some kind of like
[01:02:57] If you could become the Prometheus monster, the Prometheus engineer or whatever.
[01:03:10] Because once a year I'll remember that I can never be that Prometheus alienate.
[01:03:15] But if that was one of the options, zero transphobia.
[01:03:24] We should also stop pretending like it's not cool that those guys planned to kidnap the governor
[01:03:36] Those guys were like we're going to kidnap the governor and kill as many cops as possible.
[01:03:39] It's like isn't that what everybody wanted to kidnap the governor?
[01:03:46] To kill as many cops parts pretty cool.
[01:03:52] I don't think they're probably like libertarians or NCAP or something.
[01:03:58] But yeah, everyone's like they're Trump supporters and it's like I don't know.
[01:04:04] They have guns and they want to kill cops and kidnap the governor.
[01:04:39] Shuts out to- I fucking love science where I saw that video.
[01:04:45] Right next to pictures of the universe.
[01:04:47] God, I'm so glad we've moved past that.
[01:04:50] It's one thing to be in an era of like everybody's cynical, everybody hates each other and nothing
[01:05:00] is allowed to be kind of sincerely enjoyed.
[01:05:05] Cause it's- there's no room for I fucking love science.
[01:05:08] No, it's back because Trump fucking hates science.
[01:05:14] It's not like Cuomo's like, did you know a pulsar?
[01:05:19] The actual, if you look at the sound it makes.
[01:05:24] Okay, what it does is the sound is a frequency that you can predict.
[01:05:33] And that's because we go by the science.
[01:05:36] Okay, and so that- if you're orthodox, I'm sorry, but it's time to shut up.
[01:05:49] Yeah, show me a picture of these sandwiches at them.
[01:06:07] Sometimes it's funny because the humor is in the absence of humor.
[01:06:13] Similar to bad doctor, bad comedians also.
[01:06:21] It's like two people sitting there, let's say they're the audience members,
[01:06:25] and they've gone to the doctor to be prescribed a daily dose of some riffs.
[01:06:29] And they're like, listen, game organ, Freeman died in a car accident on the way here.
[01:06:40] I don't know if this isn't the sandwich.
[01:06:50] It's an Italian restaurant, but they have a sandwich you can get to go.
[01:07:02] I guess we could get some other type of cuisine.
[01:07:12] I know we get lunch, but I was very hungry.
[01:07:14] Well, you're going to have to have another meal.
[01:07:22] Come to downtown and see Starve on the road.