Cum Town | Premium | 01/30/2017
[00:00:00] Uh, we're back folks. Thanks for joining us. Sorry. I didn't upload the funny moms from last week yet
[00:00:08] I'm still doing it the audio got fucked up. I didn't plug shit in right to the imagine that
[00:00:13] Well, that one was in my fault the guy the sound guy was smooching his girl outside and bitch
[00:00:18] Yeah, that's crazy because I actually fucked her also while he wasn't looking like six times
[00:00:24] Well, maybe that's why the fucking sounds are you know, I'm a damn you know, I'm a damn cock
[00:00:28] You you hog you don't have to fuck pussy hog when I smell that pussy. I'm at it like a truffle hog, dude
[00:00:36] I'm a pussy truffle hog. You gotta watch your fingers around pussy and stop
[00:00:40] Fuckin bite him right off. You can't let this guy in a fucking legal seafood spinked out. No, no, no
[00:00:46] Yeah, I'm getting all over those claims. Hey, oh my god. I love me some clean
[00:00:52] We have a special guest you ever hear the term meat clam is slang for vagina. No, just make it clam
[00:01:00] I know meat clam always bothered me cuz I'm like a clam is meat
[00:01:05] Seafood yeah, and that's you know the majority of arguments I've gotten into it the bus
[00:01:12] You know, you know where broad comes from
[00:01:15] From Broadway. It's a cut is to be that theater was only women
[00:01:19] Really? Yeah, and so that's why they called it Broadway Wow
[00:01:24] Don't look that up by the way if you do your piece of shit no and
[00:01:28] You're any fact checkers. That's like a form of tattle tale. Yeah, it's low-level tattle tailing. Hey a political fact
[00:01:33] Yeah, that's for tattle tales absolutely. Yeah, you know fact if you can ever complain about fake news your tablet
[00:01:39] I got I got you four Pinocchio's. I got four Pinocchio's right here pal. What's four Pinocchio's?
[00:01:44] It's like if someone says something wrong. It's like rated on Pinocchio's. How much like what what was that on Politi fact?
[00:01:54] Yeah, anyway, I got four Pinocchio's they should use that to gauge how much of an Italian lie
[00:02:01] Pinocchio lied his nose got longer. He didn't multiply. Yeah, right before they need a GIF
[00:02:08] For also just a lie the concept of a lie is that it's a lie you don't need to say it's four lies
[00:02:14] No, I could be you could do a bit a bigger lie than a smaller lie. What does that mean?
[00:02:20] That's the whole like average between the truth and a lie like if I say you're both sides kind of thing if I said you were straight
[00:02:28] 500 Pinocchio's so do I say you're by that's only
[00:02:32] 250 Pinocchio's what if that was that's Roger?
[00:02:35] Rader's rating for his favorite movie Pinocchio
[00:02:38] He watches he rates on how many how good of a compared to Pinocchio how much I love this movie
[00:02:44] Me and my little wooden boy was Roger Eberts favorite movie in the Valley of the Dolls
[00:02:50] What he wrote that he wrote beyond the Valley of the Dolls. Well, he wrote a movie
[00:02:54] Oh, I love that but when fucking critics think they can actually do the no no no. It's like bat shit insane
[00:03:03] It's a good I liked it. Yeah, I'll check it out, but I'm
[00:03:08] Surprise you're the only person here who has seen it
[00:03:10] His recommend it to me a million times and I though it was always just hard pass based on the description
[00:03:17] Yeah, that's why that's why Adam watched it for sure. I'm both
[00:03:23] I've seen his Paris is burning. Huh are the gayest movie. I've seen. Oh, yeah, I love that movie though
[00:03:28] Of course you do. Yeah, yeah, I've never seen it. Yeah, it's about voting. I just sit there and I get angry
[00:03:32] It's actually it's good. Yeah, it's so cool. Yeah. No, it's about voguing. No, I love to vote. Yeah
[00:03:38] Yeah, it's basically it's how gays created the culture that white women are now discovering 25 years ago
[00:03:44] Well, yeah, no that well and also black women class. These are like poor. Yeah. Oh beyond working class
[00:03:50] They're like heroin mom class. No, but gays sort of don't stir babies. Yeah
[00:03:55] That's like that's all the people are exactly not black women. Yeah, I feel like yes
[00:04:04] Queen is like a black woman black thing that white a guy stole and then white gay guys get into it and then white
[00:04:10] No, it's black black gay guys black gay guys came up with it black women. Yeah, Amber come up on the mic more
[00:04:19] From what from ballroom dancing like that's the ball
[00:04:22] Like they were called them balls. Yeah, they were going to use a good band in warehouses and fucking have these like yeah drag shows
[00:04:32] But it was gay men it was gay black men that came up with it and then gay white men stole it
[00:04:37] The only thing black women have ever come up with is NASA
[00:04:48] Yeah, that's a patented nickname. We don't know what to get mad at
[00:04:59] Want to see that movie though, I kind of do show time at the Apollo 13
[00:05:03] That's a really good joke. It's a good joke. Hey, you know comedy is about repeating yourself until they take your TV show away
[00:05:15] So absolutely true until they take away
[00:05:19] That sweet-ass Tim Allen show that we watched last time that was so depressing. Yeah, I loved it
[00:05:24] That was that put me in the mood. Yeah, it's stand your ground
[00:05:34] Home improvement and the improvement is he buys a gun in case a teenager walks past the lawn
[00:05:41] Uh fuck dude guns are really good for home improvement. You could use the butt as a hammer
[00:05:46] Yeah, well why that show stupid is because he's supposed to be this like conservative dad
[00:05:50] You know and it's not supposed to be satire. It's not like an Archie bunker character. Yeah. Yeah
[00:05:54] Yeah, yeah, and so he's like this working class dad, but the working his work is he's like a vlogger, right?
[00:06:01] He's I thought he ran the store. No, he does vlogs for the store
[00:06:05] So well, he owns the store too. No, the old guy I think he's the social media manager for
[00:06:13] Yeah, so no, I think the old guy works for him. That's the thing the implication is that Tim Allen. Oh, no
[00:06:19] The old guy see that's that's yeah that you can like that's telling them how to watch the show and he focused on the
[00:06:28] Figure out how this business is he's got a flowchart a complicated
[00:06:37] And be like yeah, you know, you're a vlogger bitch. Yeah. Yeah
[00:06:41] Yeah, then they have that like fake website that they show the vlog on and it's like joke ads around it
[00:06:46] You know we should watch Kevin can wait. I want to see what that's about. Yeah, it's Kevin can wait or Kevin can't wait
[00:06:52] Can wait I think you can wait he's got time on his hands. Yeah, you can wait
[00:06:55] You know what that should be it should be Kevin can wait, but then way to spell W E I G H
[00:07:00] And then it just confuses the fuck out of everybody. He's got too many puns in there
[00:07:05] Yeah, I wonder what that show I think it's just king of queens. It's gotta be king of queens
[00:07:09] I mean what first of all king of queens is still just every other state comments. That's right on
[00:07:13] Face just yeah Kevin James is funny his stand up was funny. It's I remember a stand up
[00:07:18] Yeah, the bit about the phone about a woman picking out a greeting card. Yeah, that was completely silent
[00:07:25] Yeah, it was so good. Oh his thing about like going through the line in the bank when there's no line and then just you know
[00:07:33] Like a body humor. Oh, yeah, he's a great physical. Really. I've never watched you know that bit about the um the phone numbers
[00:07:39] Like you make someone a phone number. So someone like leaves them a phone number on a voicemail my numbers
[00:07:55] That that that that that that that that that that you know, yeah, I'm jealous dude. That's the career
[00:08:00] I wish I could have yeah, but now he's in really terrible. Yeah, his brother's a stand up to it
[00:08:05] He's an extraordinarily successful sitcoms. I mean, he was pretty funny on a bad show. Yeah
[00:08:11] It was not bad. I you have to judge things within the context of what sitcoms are Jerry Steelers funny. Yeah
[00:08:17] Yeah, I mean patty nah, I just don't like sitcoms. Yeah, that's fair. That's really what it is
[00:08:22] That's also kind of a big apologist of the adam Sandler kevin smith comedy duo tandem
[00:08:29] I think some chucking Larry was some of the best political satire
[00:08:37] You know what's funny the campaign. Do you guys see that? Yeah?
[00:08:40] Yeah, it was well. He was just doing bush and then Seth Galifianakis. Yeah. Yeah, it was a wait, but that's not it was there
[00:08:47] Tera yeah, well, Ferrell was just doing bush basically from s&l and then it actually was good
[00:08:54] Um, yeah, girls bush is good though. Did you see the one man show? It's very good. Well, apparently Jim Downey
[00:09:01] Like people got beef with him. Do you want to hear my my theory? Yeah, and this is this is gonna be huge
[00:09:06] But I think s&l purposefully propped up trump because they they knew that they would be funny be easier to write sketches. Okay
[00:09:16] I think they're that they were that desperate for good another eight years of good impressions
[00:09:22] They wanted Baldwin back on the show all the time. I don't think so because they love Kate McKinnon
[00:09:26] They would have been completely fine leaning on her. Yeah, well, she's not as fun like
[00:09:33] She's good at Kelly and Conway, but by the way, I want to bang Kelly and Conway. I like why because she's a woman that you've seen
[00:09:42] You know she like trying her hand at stand. I haven't seen the video. I saw the video dude. She did how many y'all like sex dude
[00:09:49] That was her opener. Um, no, look I want to get started Conway, but it's uh, K apostrophe e
[00:10:00] Dude, I don't know. I just want to get having an apostrophe
[00:10:05] Yeah, yeah, I do yeah in the middle name though. That's weird. Yeah
[00:10:17] But last names for jews. Yeah, they love a nice half-inated
[00:10:22] A nice fucking the Irish like apostrophe's to them ice the Irish. Yeah. Oh donahan fuckle. Oh, shaughnessy
[00:10:31] You're right Irish people love apostrophe. I thought that's what I said. Yeah, but you just like, you know threw it all on
[00:10:37] Well, anyway, no, I added I added them. Okay, you put it in a I thought it was hyphen
[00:10:42] I've never seen a hyphenated Irish name. Have you seen a
[00:10:47] McDonald no I never have because the woman
[00:10:52] McDonald but an apostrophe after them say oh, yeah, really Donald
[00:10:58] Wait, wasn't the girlfriend in coming to America McDonald's
[00:11:02] Yeah, but it was called something else. What was it called whack Arnold's no
[00:11:05] Superbell show fuck. What was it called in coming to America?
[00:11:09] I don't remember. I haven't seen that movie in 20 years. It's good as hell. Yeah, it's good
[00:11:13] He does all the characters in the barbershop scene. It's like it's like Mike Myers before he was Mike Myers
[00:11:25] What I think would there should be there should be a stavros fat suit movie where we make him even fat
[00:11:32] I'm down dude. Just some guy that's like bedridden
[00:11:35] They put wheels on the bed man that he stole that from you. That's true
[00:11:38] I think tesla makes a bed with wheels on it that stav lives in is a 900 pound woman
[00:11:44] Okay. Well, okay. Am I a big mama? No, it's called extremely fat how
[00:11:52] Dude, I want to do a movie called fat terminator fat rambo and it's just rambo or terminator
[00:11:58] But it's a fat guy dude the yeah the fat suit as a comedy piece. Yeah, it's rambo first blood clot
[00:12:08] That's it dude and i'm shooting a bunch of fucking charlies, but then I see a slice of pie
[00:12:12] Yeah, and I stop and where you guys into prime time click
[00:12:17] Jiminy clique. I watch it some I used to love that. You know, okay. Morning was all I mean
[00:12:22] I had seen clips of it and shit, but yeah
[00:12:24] He used to use the fat suits so well like yeah
[00:12:27] He'd like sit like get like gaily. He'd like like i'm sitting right now
[00:12:30] But yeah in the fat sort of like just like pull up his knees to his chest like just tween us girls
[00:12:37] Yeah, but he was in the fucking fat suit. He'd just be like flopping all over he's he's fucking he's incredible
[00:12:43] Marned shorts. They go dude. I never watched it bad before but Clifford is the greatest
[00:12:47] The greatest of all time. We should watch it sometime. Yeah, I've never I never fucking gave Jiminy glick his due
[00:12:54] When I think I was just I'm very stupid in my taste or so
[00:12:56] Like you know one of my favorite first comedy movie that I was obsessed with was it was knighted the rocks berry
[00:13:02] Oh, yeah, that's good. I love that and cork your abana. It was fucking
[00:13:12] His fucking wapped guido brother doesn't know how to read Sean pens Sean Penn's brother
[00:13:17] This is a place. It's a crisp head. Yeah, that's so funny. He's at the fucking ice cream place and they have three flavors
[00:13:23] Yeah, and it's uh strawberry vanilla chocolate. He can't read he's like, uh, yeah, let me get the rocky bro
[00:13:29] We only have three flavors. All right pistachio
[00:13:35] That's a good bit. So also crisp pen dude. I know rip seriously also sable was in that movie
[00:13:42] Sable was in that movie. Yeah, the most elegant will bring back wrestlers or some wrestling also my fault everyone
[00:13:48] I said at the east point mall that it was trish stratus. It was actually uh terry Reynolds
[00:13:54] That was at the the hardy boys. Yeah, I made a mistake two episodes ago
[00:13:59] What's his name the california governor jerry brown is catholic. He wasn't jewish. Oh, yeah before he converted to buddhism
[00:14:05] Oh, okay. Whatever if you converted to buddhism. It's a pretty good. He's halfway jewish
[00:14:10] Jerry brown became governor again and my only knowledge of jerry brown was that the dead kennedy's hated him
[00:14:24] Other than he should go to camp odia or something how old was he when he fucking fuck cuz he's drunk or something? Oh, he's drunk. That sounds pretty cool
[00:14:35] Was a bit of young boy because he doesn't look that bad right now. He looks pretty good
[00:14:39] Um jello bifra had a very similar voice to the b-15. Yeah, we've talked about that
[00:14:44] Have we talked about that on the fun the love shack and the place filled with fascist
[00:14:51] California, I don't think I've listened to one dead kennedy song in my life. Oh my parents
[00:14:57] Yeah, there's no way that's possible. What's gimme? What's their fucking most famous least rock holiday in camp odia
[00:15:11] Love shack. Oh, I've heard that one. Yeah, right lobster
[00:15:18] Cock lobster, thank you. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Thank you
[00:15:26] My dick yeah, that's those are you've definitely heard the
[00:15:32] Just there were terrible like fake cross punks at my high school with their fucking buttons and shit and it turned me off to the DK
[00:15:43] There's no way you've been in a bar anywhere in America without hearing dead canadais maybe
[00:15:48] We'll have to especially a Baltimore. I feel like every dad price sidebar. Yeah side bar just side
[00:15:53] But if you want to have a successful bar you paint all the walls black and you just play the Tony Hawk soundtrack
[00:15:59] Oh, was it on Tony Hawk? So good. Yeah, well, maybe that's that's probably yeah
[00:16:03] Yeah, the police truck was definitely on the first on the off. It was on Tony Hawk one. Okay
[00:16:07] Okay, that was a great soundtrack. Yeah gold finger Superman man
[00:16:12] I wanted to buy the new one but apparently it's sucks. It's absolute shit
[00:16:16] I'm in the same engine as like ten years ago. Yeah, exactly
[00:16:20] Exactly they did made no effort to make like new levels the soundtrack is all like just shit
[00:16:25] They found on SoundCloud and you have to fucking play it online
[00:16:28] I think there's no cool way to like unlock everything they do this weird lobby thing where you're just like
[00:16:33] You don't like go online and then play a certain match and then you're in with those people
[00:16:37] There's this the lobbies like an open world where you skate around with people. Oh, really? Yeah, which just seems like a waste of
[00:16:45] Processing power and a why so it's Grand Theft Auto, but I much rather have a fucking menu. Yeah. Yeah, that's gay
[00:16:51] So, dude. Yeah, I just got the new Resident Evil
[00:16:54] Is it good? Oh, yeah, I just came so my review is the shipping was pretty good
[00:17:05] used to play that shit for GameCube was tight
[00:17:07] Yeah, that was the only one I've ever played is that really and that woman's cool was really good. Yeah, it looked great
[00:17:13] That was the appeal. Yeah, I was too gay to fucking fit. I was too much for pussy. I shouldn't say gay. I was too much of a pussy
[00:17:27] Shouldn't say faggot I was completely retarded
[00:17:30] Full blown I don't want to offend anyone here
[00:17:44] When we were at the diner a couple months ago and we were like we're doing that character like what what what excuse me sir?
[00:17:51] What yeah, yeah, what the hills is gay. Yeah, I just excuse me my my only question is all
[00:18:02] What the fuck is this shit? Yeah, this shit looks very gay this omelette
[00:18:16] Can you explain to me what this faggot shit
[00:18:18] I'm sorry y'all I do no hate croms over here, but this you're with your whole family everyone has their shirts sucked in
[00:18:29] They're hairbrushed. Yeah, I like the idea of like a Dundalk guy going to
[00:18:36] Sporting good. No, not Dick sporting goods. What's the name of the fucking Dix halfway
[00:18:41] Dix Dix restaurant and making the waiter cry
[00:18:49] Actually one of my favorite things do you go on Yelp find a Dix and look at the Yelp reviews for Dix because there's always someone that's like I
[00:18:56] Understand that this is a theme, but they called my daughter a slut and training
[00:19:05] There's one in the inner harbor in Baltimore now, yeah, there is yeah
[00:19:10] We got to start a fucking list of activities to do as a pod to report back to the listenership
[00:19:17] We still need to go to the batting cages
[00:19:18] We got to get batting cage and we got to go see cats on mushrooms. I want to do that. Yeah, that's gonna be tight
[00:19:24] Yeah, man. I you know what I miss most about living in Austin
[00:19:27] It's first of all it's a it's a town for man children of course the entire place a day care center for a fucking
[00:19:35] But we used to go in the afternoons in Cedar Park. There was this place that had five dollars all you can bowl
[00:19:41] Mm-hmm, and then like a four-hour happy hour
[00:19:44] So who was shoe rental it's nine bucks you bowl as much as you fucking want nice. Yeah per person tight
[00:19:50] But then they also had laser tag and our hell yeah, dude stuff
[00:19:53] Oh, man, and we just go get trash and do all this shit and then just like drive home
[00:20:08] Yeah, it cost nothing I would like temp once a blackout
[00:20:13] There's no fucking income tax in Texas, so I would work two weeks at a temp agency on some assignment of $15 an hour
[00:20:20] It's like great. I don't have to work until winter
[00:20:22] It's like the ant in the grasshopper if you could combine both characters
[00:20:28] Fuck man, I want it. Let's move to Austin
[00:20:31] There's nothing more fun than getting a fucking 30 rack of brews go to a fucking driving range
[00:20:36] Yeah, that's why you become president and so you can do that so you're not watching this drive now watch this draft
[00:20:42] I watch this drive the best quote of all the best bush quote is just like I mean now watch this drive is great
[00:20:48] Was that right nowhere that's not even in the top 10 I know but was that was that wasn't what he said the like
[00:20:54] Gynecologist can practice their love with women
[00:20:57] Yeah, he's like he had one we had one where he's like saying some about we're getting jobs coming back
[00:21:03] There's a machine's you first of all you have machines, but then what about the machine making places?
[00:21:11] Then there of course is the the famous one which is you know fool me
[00:21:15] Yeah, yeah, yeah, it fooled me twice, but that wouldn't see I don't that's not even a particular one because that one fucks up a lot of people
[00:21:21] Yeah, but yeah doesn't and then I can see that mistake there's a saying Tennessee
[00:21:28] No, and then he's like first things first rest in P. Suckle Phil
[00:21:38] Speeches in presidential history was such a good late-night bit where they were just remember that one or just they do like a clip of FDR
[00:21:44] JFK and then just the most dumb shit Bush said that week. He was the fucking best dude
[00:21:49] He was the best late guy he was no no David
[00:21:54] Do you think I think George Bush was definitely best president. Yeah, he wants the best late-night guy right now going now
[00:22:00] I think yeah, I like him a lot dude. They're like they're remote. It's a boy. Harius. He's a big boy. Yeah
[00:22:06] No, it's a gimmick, but they're like fucking man on the street shit is always good
[00:22:10] Yeah, when they dressed up Drake. Yeah, just the guys with a beard
[00:22:18] Yeah, they have their fucking Kimmels fucking he's hosting the Oscars. I might actually watch part of it because I like him all that much
[00:22:25] But what if the dams decide that they need to bring the Republicans and the Democrats together with their next nominee and they nominate
[00:22:36] Well, if they want to bring everybody together they bring back the man show but make a black woman
[00:22:42] I was laughing about the other day. I was walking again about they're gonna remake band of brothers and it's gonna be Leslie Jones
[00:22:52] It would basically you have to have everyone in Ghostbusters. Yeah, they talk about band of brothers
[00:22:58] I turn it on. It's all white. She's captain winners
[00:23:07] You think I think the Illuminati is real now because and I think the Bush family is like way into it because now it's like
[00:23:13] This is the one guy who could make Bush look like
[00:23:17] Pretty good. Do you know what I mean? Like I feel like I think they're gonna let Trump be shitty for a while
[00:23:22] So everyone forgets how shitty Bush was and then they're gonna get it. You're theory than my SNL theory
[00:23:27] No, and then they're gonna fucking snipe. I was trying to say it before but like a bunch of cast members about his legacy
[00:23:35] Yeah, he's yeah, he doesn't and try not to drink but happy Bush mind. Did you see did you see him?
[00:23:41] The inauguration just like this is like playing in a poncho like a toddler
[00:23:51] Yeah, there's people there's like plenty of people to get mad at this like kid gloving of Bush that happens now
[00:23:57] But it's hard not to with the fucking like, you know public buffoonie. Yeah, you know like I
[00:24:04] Do you think he's off the wagon and you know maybe he's a monster, but also he's a goof
[00:24:12] At the Charleston I did I did read I would John Bolton
[00:24:28] And it's like yeah, like you want to just be like yeah, you're a piece of shit or whatever
[00:24:32] But he's this meek old man that says things like I'm just Josh and like Ernest. Oh god
[00:24:37] And it's it's hard to do anything just be sort of like icy towards I thought he was a temper guy
[00:24:43] I thought he is a bad temper maybe but it wasn't fucking displayed in the fucking green room where he's like, you know
[00:24:48] Like oh those those those cookies are pretty good. You sure you remember the Charleston Memorial when George Bush was holding
[00:24:57] Michelle Obama's hand and he's just swinging it like a little boy like he couldn't control himself
[00:25:02] I mean, I think he's probably off the wagon right awesome
[00:25:07] Dude I think he's probably like got something better than booze that he's getting prescribed
[00:25:13] Yeah, I would say I heard you say some weird rich people drug that will never I'm gonna fall off the wagon when I hit 30
[00:25:21] So if you're already done being president why the fuck wouldn't you fall off the wagon? That's true
[00:25:24] That's the only reason you get sober is so that in a future date you can get really fucked up
[00:25:35] Really you have to look at your period of sobriety like a really long shitty hangover
[00:25:40] Okay, and then at a certain point it's gonna be 5 p.m
[00:25:45] And then it's gonna be five o'clock somewhere. Yeah, and then it's time to start it over
[00:25:49] Otherwise you can't stay sober because you're not shitting in our bathtub or whatever the fuck it is you doing
[00:25:53] I don't do that one time. I woke up in an office chair in my kitchen just like with the door to the refrigerator
[00:26:01] Sleep in an office chair that was not there previously now I stole it from like
[00:26:15] Mostly used by like these like five feet tall
[00:26:19] Mexican immigrants that all shared an apartment
[00:26:22] There's like 12 of them the shared apartment and they didn't have internet in their apartment
[00:26:25] And they would all go in there and it was so funny because you'd go in and when you open the door
[00:26:29] They would all like pull themselves closer to the computer
[00:26:37] I've had you go in and they would just get like when you walk in and a dog shit on the floor somewhere
[00:26:44] Pull themselves into the chair fuck. Yeah, I shined a light underneath the computer desk one time and the back wall is just
[00:26:59] Hell yeah, I'm not kidding like 80% of his job was getting people to like yeah
[00:27:05] Can't look at porn. Well, that's why I love his job. You know masters in library science. Well, that's what he gets
[00:27:12] What the fuck is my people are like we need to save the libraries and it's like go check them out first
[00:27:17] Yeah, see what's going on there just figure out a way to make it
[00:27:22] You know fight the publishing companies so that ebooks can be free for everybody and make fucking some kind of e-reader cheap
[00:27:31] Why we're just have a beat off station for all homeless people they already did that
[00:27:36] NYC is but that's the kind of problem you have to rely on capitalism to solve
[00:27:40] You know that there's a place there's like a place there's never gonna be there's never gonna be social comment
[00:27:45] Like I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah, there's one. I mean that time square used to be they're back
[00:27:56] Yeah, my aunts lived in Hell's Kitchen my entire life
[00:28:00] Right by Times Square and I remember as a kid, you know, we go to a apartment
[00:28:03] They'll just be prostitutes out on the street just like waving their tits at people. Oh, yeah, and it's so bizarre like when I go visitor
[00:28:10] fucking waving I remember that happening and
[00:28:14] Yeah, I have fucking to go there now and see how it's changed go to the M&M store
[00:28:19] I want to know I want to know how this business is doing and if people are trying to bring, you know, 30 New York back
[00:28:27] That'd be tight is this an ideological crusade some perverts on because if so he's a hero. Yeah, it's it's a weird
[00:28:34] It's a weird like contradiction where there's people that are like, ah, New York used to be so much awesome
[00:28:39] And it's like don't open your legs on the train
[00:28:44] Remember when people get stabbed to death. Yeah, most of us wouldn't make it here. Oh, yeah, of course not
[00:28:50] People go outside after 8 p.m. And Larry David has an anecdote where he would pretend to be retarded to not get robbed
[00:29:01] Anything that increases your chance in the stories the stories about them broke in New York City like before they
[00:29:08] They like started making money is so funny all I had was a 19 bedroom apartment on Central Park West
[00:29:14] Was $12 a month. No, it's not a story about how Larry David just used to spend hours arguing at the fish market with the fish guy
[00:29:22] Just like saying like, you know, you didn't give me enough fish. It's like
[00:29:30] That's the thing about curb is like it's so fun because it's so free of real-world
[00:29:35] Consequences for any of his problems because he's a billion rich. Yeah, the baseline is that he's a billionaire so he could get mad
[00:29:43] And that's why it's like comforting almost like I've been watching a lot of curb with all the Trump shit because it's like feels like a
[00:29:49] Vacation from the real world because it's like this is like a world without any, you know
[00:29:54] Terrible shit that's gonna happen. Yeah, just fun. You gotta watch out for funk. How's her fun?
[00:29:59] Albert Einstein's or Albert Rux's brother. Yeah, who real name and Albert Einstein. Yeah, it's awesome
[00:30:06] I like curb because it's basically just Seinfeld, but it's Augustana. It's the Jerry show. Yeah, it's all there
[00:30:11] It's the George show. Yeah, because Kistansa is the main character of Seinfeld. No, it's the best
[00:30:15] Yeah, it's a worst part of yeah, and Kramer is it would be like a funny joke and then this guy
[00:30:22] Yeah, there's one note. He's funny, but Jerry's a one note is
[00:30:28] Jerry's humor hangs on you know, it's like
[00:30:34] Yeah, Rolex the way people would say and then everyone just have to say Rolex for five minutes
[00:30:39] And then they could get back to the situational jokes that are very funny, right?
[00:30:43] Yeah, although the stuff between him and
[00:30:46] Kistansa like the like one-on-one chats are awesome. He's a good foil to Kistansa, but it's only showcasing Kistansa's comedy
[00:30:53] He's great at cheating on Kistansa. Yeah, he does. That's where he
[00:30:56] Yeah, I mean, I think that the weird the weirdest part of that show to me is that Jerry plays a successful New York comedian
[00:31:04] And he's literally not friends with a single comedian. Well, he's friends with his weird neighbor
[00:31:09] Yeah, he's broke his broke fat for it bald friend and some girl used to fuck. Yeah, it's
[00:31:17] That's the that's the most unreal strange to me, but all the fucking yeah with the way if that show is realistic
[00:31:24] Jerry would have a podcast with Big J and
[00:31:31] I can't hang out tonight. I gotta do the podcast
[00:31:46] For his age like I remember he's talking to like Fred Armisen once like you're like you're like an exotic bird
[00:31:53] It's like are you 80 years old? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's got some good
[00:31:58] You made a Billy and then just became an absolute 1% piece of oh dude. I've made
[00:32:04] $30,000 last year. I'm already a fucking yeah
[00:32:07] Yeah, but it's just that's an old way of being that's like an old yeah
[00:32:11] He's got some good stuff in there. I loved his depiction the depiction of him on Louie when Louie did the benefit in the
[00:32:17] I mean that episode is incredible, but like it really showed Jerry's like now a black tie like he does
[00:32:22] He does stand up for the Illuminati. No, totally when I talk about golf, you know, it's like trying to hit a hit a pee
[00:32:30] Into like a hooey. Yeah, that was great. He was great. You know everyone shoots on top five
[00:32:35] But sign for was hilarious in top five. I didn't I oh I saw it, but it was like a theater cam rip
[00:32:41] And I don't remember it was your unwatchable dude. I started buying movies now because I downloaded a
[00:32:47] Silence mm-hmm, and I went to watch it, you know, and like even a decent rip
[00:32:54] It still just kind of looks like shit. Yeah, unless it's a Blu-ray rip. It looks bad now that I can see
[00:32:59] VD rips actively look bad. Yeah now that I can now that I can stream HD content
[00:33:04] I'm like and that's what happened with music, you know
[00:33:06] These companies they were ripping people off with fucking CDs and how much iTunes cost for years
[00:33:11] And so they found out a simple streaming solution
[00:33:14] $10 a month that's basically a fucking CD a book over the artist. Yeah
[00:33:19] Well, yeah on the back end, but in terms of getting people to not steal shit when you had material copies of things most
[00:33:26] Artists still got ripped off. Yeah, I mean yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:33:33] Yeah, I heard it I heard they were giving those young blacks a chance
[00:33:37] Yeah, I mean they may have ripped off the article but considering dollar the artists
[00:33:41] Rerelease the same song over and over again. Mm-hmm. Yeah, but they stopped doing that after like the blues
[00:33:49] I don't think you should get paid for the Delta and record the same song be like this is original just for you
[00:33:55] Like record the same song. I like that Motown was a Barry Gordy was a black guy ripping off other black guys because before that
[00:34:08] Jewish guys in the writing room like lever and stroller. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think King. Yeah. Yeah, Gilbert and Sullivan
[00:34:17] Modern Major General was the first Motown song
[00:34:23] Fuck yeah, but people actually go into the thing when they talk about how dog
[00:34:28] They're like well, you know big mama Thornton saying that first like yeah, but it was written by two Jews
[00:34:32] Can we have a Motown break for a second? Yeah, go ahead. Can we?
[00:34:43] What do it so indeed oh yeah, it's shout, but then you change it just sing it come on
[00:34:48] I'm not in the mood to sing. I'm relaxing. Oh
[00:34:55] The fans are worried about you people in to me is Nick. Okay. Can I help him sign up for a bomb?
[00:35:01] I'm like actually yes, you can I don't know how to fucking do it my friend and doc said she'll do it
[00:35:07] She did it for me. I know you know how to fucking do it. I'm not an idiot, but I signed in a New York exchange
[00:35:12] You don't have me any it's a horrible. Yeah, I signed I signed into the New York exchange
[00:35:16] I fill out all the information as soon as I go to the page to select the plan
[00:35:19] It says you already have another account. Please use that again. Have a year me
[00:35:23] I click on that it says you already have another account
[00:35:26] I somehow did because I filed my taxes through the New York state and which required a different log in
[00:35:31] I know I have two New York state logins and because I have two there's no way I can sign up for health insurance
[00:35:37] So I had two logins as well, and it's just the the second one worked and the first one didn't
[00:35:42] But maybe it's different for you. Yeah, yeah, you got to wait on the on the water way
[00:35:57] You guys you got over 35 minutes you got gets on the phone and he's like excuse me it's like that right out of the gates
[00:36:03] Yeah, you're gonna be fucking dick to me
[00:36:05] Terrible well, it's it's because he probably heard you do African guy voice on
[00:36:13] Good I'm gonna call him getting his home number and call him up and do it there
[00:36:17] I'm sorry, bro. Call up at three o'clock in the morning. Excuse me
[00:36:27] Fucking Lyle Levitt's character in shortcuts like just mad that they didn't pick up the cake just harassing a family
[00:36:33] For like we ever see shortcuts. It's really good. He married Julia Roberts. He was
[00:36:39] Second I think she left him at the altar. Oh, really? She's a runaway bride
[00:36:46] Well, she's an up. Wow. I mean not fucking up but like fucking way out of your league
[00:36:53] Yeah, I love him dude. I think he's a good actor. I've never really heard his music before it, but really his music sucks dick
[00:36:59] Yeah, I think he's good at whatever he's in he's good. He's like good like David Lynch
[00:37:05] It's like it's like a fucking the Eric Stoltz character for mask just did Chris Isaac songs
[00:37:12] The guy that does game theory on Twitter. Oh, who's that guy?
[00:37:23] Mask from the movie mask. Oh, Rocky Dennis. Oh, I've never seen that shit. I
[00:37:27] Want to say that norm joke. That's a good movie to see just for comedic references
[00:37:32] Yeah, that's the only reason to fucking see that movie
[00:37:34] Somebody call somebody ugly you go. What is this guy the guy for mask?
[00:37:39] Yeah, it's a shame people don't have a deformity where they're like green
[00:37:46] Yeah, when I hear the Matt that's why it never works when I think I think Jim Carrey man
[00:37:50] It's actually a third movie called the mask to really yeah, I should about I don't know
[00:37:55] I just know there's a lot of them got put to the thing on his face. Yeah, the man in the iron mask
[00:38:00] Yeah, well, I really Joel has an album called storm front, which is hilarious really
[00:38:06] They stole it from us. Yeah, that's the official soundtrack. No one knows. He's Julie from the J. Oh, yeah
[00:38:14] I feel like Billy Joel would write a song about being all right
[00:38:16] You think so yeah, I think really Joel would do anything for you know for cash if it's part of a story about Long Island
[00:38:26] What do you got a working-class guy misguided all right youth? Yeah
[00:38:39] Oh, he was watching his wife get in the ass then he saw
[00:39:07] Man that's good that's fun. That was a good Nick
[00:39:11] Did you do something about the Nazi punch thing on the on the live show? I mentioned it. Yeah, I just was thinking about it
[00:39:18] I was a brunch today and I was talking about how like I'm I
[00:39:28] That's way like you know people criticize the show for having an all right following which to to what extent it actually dies
[00:39:35] But just a few of them, but they're highly active the thing is the way to alienate them isn't by saying being a Nazi
[00:39:41] It's bad because I know it's bad. They like being bad. It's by having stopped talk about going to brunch
[00:39:45] Well, I was a brunch with some other friends of mine. I just feel like like
[00:39:52] It's great to not skip punch everything, but it's like violence the way we want to go like yeah
[00:39:56] But we're gonna lose like that was the pussiest Nazi there is do you know what I mean?
[00:40:01] Like that's the only politically viable
[00:40:05] He's the main guy with non-violence is not violence really only works historically when it's paired with actual violence. Yes
[00:40:12] That's exactly what I was saying at the wings more Gandhi doesn't work with
[00:40:17] I was punching them. I was like let's be violent and they were like this pussy bites your face up
[00:40:23] And I was like shut the fuck up nine violence works when you have a background of actual violence so that you get the moral high ground
[00:40:29] And physical right right right that's the problem is that no revolution has ever my
[00:40:37] That whole thing is like I don't understand what world people are living in when punchings are based on like
[00:40:45] You know first of all like I'm not a pacifist but second about go to Murray Hill on a Friday night
[00:40:51] Yeah, and like watch David punch other David for reasons neither of them will even remember in the well no because they're frats
[00:40:58] That's if you've never been here a shelter pussy right if getting punched in the face isn't just a fact a life for you
[00:41:05] Then you're a fucking pussy. Well the problem is is like I feel like the especially if you're calling for genocide
[00:41:13] Fake that quote from him. He didn't say that which quote the black genocide thing. Oh
[00:41:20] Because I was getting sure a lot on you know what you're talking about but he said enough things yeah
[00:41:31] No, but that what I what I'm so I'm just
[00:41:33] Realization because we're all because a lot of liberals or pussies and a lot of Nazis have guns and shit do pull up
[00:41:39] Most Nazis don't have guns really no a lot of
[00:41:43] I think there's also a gun legal already of them. Yeah legal gun owners are probably less likely to shoot somebody in self-defense
[00:41:49] Then fucking somebody that doesn't legally have a gun or you know that just has a gun they fucking bought off
[00:41:57] My problem is that capitalism has made me into such a fucking pussy that just wants things that I don't need and
[00:42:05] Like I feel like it's we're a generation of fucking pussies that because of because of like
[00:42:14] The things that they want to think now I think it's pretty cool
[00:42:18] I don't need any any of this shit. No, but it makes me happy for about 15 minutes after I buy it
[00:42:23] Hell yeah, and that's yeah, you forget about the time you didn't come to your game. I
[00:42:28] Embrace an addiction lifestyle, you know, I mean sure do I know cocaine is bad for me?
[00:42:33] Yes, but am I gonna stop doing it? Absolutely not
[00:42:38] Why would I it makes me happy? It doesn't make me that happy you're getting yeah who gives a shit?
[00:42:44] I don't know I'm not that happy on cocaine. I mean I like it
[00:42:56] Not that happy on cocaine I want to fuck your dad and then the suck is dick
[00:43:10] Thank you the best one recently was that was that she suck my dick
[00:43:34] I was doing one to jump earlier, but I remember what it was
[00:43:39] Go ahead and have gay sex fuck. Oh, yeah, might as well fuck. That's it. Why is what calm?
[00:44:14] The wanderer I think might have been the best one. Oh, yeah, I was a hit at work. Oh, yeah
[00:44:22] Momento the creator of the show the executive producer who wasn't like in the writers room. Yeah, he just came by one day
[00:44:28] He's like oh by the way Nick that tweet you did about fucking her mom and dad. He's like I've had it stuck in my head
[00:44:42] I get brownie points for a stupid lifestyle
[00:44:45] This is the life we've chosen folks yeah
[00:45:16] Dude, I did David Feldman's podcast and we talked for like an hour about bullshit
[00:45:21] He doesn't like to really I mean he'll make jokes here and there
[00:45:23] But he just wants to like argue about shit. She's like you know, I mean I enjoy doing like a Hillary
[00:45:29] What he wants me to comment on this stuff and it's like man
[00:45:31] I'm like overstepping my bounds here like come on podcast because I'm funny. I mean like yeah sure
[00:45:37] I'll tell you I feel about shit, but you're not a racial matter fucking like get everyone else off the fucking street
[00:45:51] Yeah, so like we're at the last five minutes and he's like well we should talk about this emmett till thing
[00:45:58] Walking out on 30 seconds of yeah me trying to walk my way through I feel about that shit. Yeah
[00:46:05] Do you want to talk about it here? Well, we have 15 and so I guess we could okay?
[00:46:08] I don't really get a shot. I already mentioned how I feel about it. Well. Yeah
[00:46:13] Producer amber is it's fear eating in bed, but who who didn't think that was not made up
[00:46:18] You know what I don't know that my my old point is like it kind of doesn't matter
[00:46:22] Yeah, it doesn't matter. Yeah, children like really black course. It doesn't matter
[00:46:26] No, yeah people should be able to whistle it of course. Yeah, right
[00:46:31] Of course, it's just a point maybe I'm a traitor. He wasn't making fun of lynchings or emmett till he was making fun of people using cat
[00:46:41] Basically oppress minorities. He's talking about me Nick my tweet. I'm not worried about the tweet
[00:46:46] I just talking about it. Yeah. No, I mean yeah
[00:46:50] It doesn't matter. Yeah, it's fucking horrible. I mean I don't what other stances there to have I
[00:46:54] Know it just seems irrelevant to me that she made it up. Yeah, totally
[00:46:59] Of course don't kill children right right right. Yeah, I
[00:47:03] Was so stupid. I didn't realize like how recent that was like I mean I
[00:47:08] It's crazy that it was just like 50s right that's insane. Yeah, why is that insane? That seems like exactly like when that would I know
[00:47:15] But you'd like to think fucking that I don't know
[00:47:17] I mean like I think the last public lynching took like legal public
[00:47:21] Legally sanctioned lynching took place in Indiana and it was like
[00:47:27] I'll look up the year. Well the lynchings lynchings were never legally sanctioned
[00:47:34] pet well the lynching they got they got kind of
[00:47:38] They were always extra judicial and not like you know
[00:47:41] I mean maybe the Klan was doing it some Klan members were fucking cops and she had in politician of course
[00:47:47] You know it's they definitely enough that no one got in trouble for it
[00:47:51] Of course the lynchings remind me a lot of the MSM's
[00:47:55] Mainstream media's treatment of our president. Yeah
[00:47:58] Did you see his tweet where he's like what is this Nazi Germany?
[00:48:01] Who's where he's like a queen? He was the Jews
[00:48:09] The way I like to read that is like hey, what is this Nazi German?
[00:48:13] Fuck yeah, we're real fucked. Yeah, dude. I was fucking I mean
[00:48:22] It's been worse than I thought that I dream I was watching band of brothers again and when they like
[00:48:28] Take over the Eagles nest when they look great Eagles nest or whatever. Yeah, and you see how fucking cool Hitler's
[00:48:38] Mountain I want to fucking do a genocide. I want my own
[00:48:43] Badass wine cellar and I was incredible everything's made out of gold that shit was awesome fuck. Can you imagine how cool it would be?
[00:48:50] It was called a dog is nest. Yeah, it's a cool ass name. Yeah, I hate how yeah, it's tough
[00:48:56] How good their style actually when it's cool to be a dog Hitler guys because he was most people really didn't like him
[00:49:03] Yeah, yeah, he was kind of persecuted by the MSM
[00:49:12] What was that Nazi you're telling us about that like got
[00:49:17] Like they tried to bomb his car and he like ran out and on fire. Oh, hey, drink. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh
[00:49:24] The tight knots it was that yeah, it was that thing where we had to be like isn't it terrible when evil people are clearly
[00:49:35] I guess like proto SAS officers or maybe they were like SAS guys that fucking uh there was an assassination
[00:49:42] Tempt on him and they threw a grenade at his limo and it blew up but didn't kill him so he or not his limo
[00:49:49] His car so he gets out and like chases them down with a gun on fire
[00:49:58] Like responsible like very much responsible for genocide like
[00:50:03] Guys sucks and he's also yeah an action semi semi superhero
[00:50:09] Fuck man. I'm glad I think they must have said the B squad of Nazis to Greece because Greece fucked up
[00:50:15] Greece like fended off the Italians and the Germans for like six months on a two-front war the Italians are retarded. Yeah
[00:50:22] Yeah, there are times aren't good at war. They made the trains go on time. Yeah
[00:50:29] I don't know if I ever told you I just evaded the Nazis because her family was communist
[00:50:34] She had to go through the fucking back cool back roads to Bulgarian shit
[00:50:38] She was like fucking and they were just able to fucking you know the snitches came out and they pointed out who the communists were and
[00:50:45] Luckily, I guess it was the shitty Nazis and we didn't get hairdryk. Hey, Dr
[00:50:48] Was that too busy fucking yeah, he would have fucking yet two-piste
[00:50:52] Who's the most popular Nazi like gold go down this rommel? It's okay to like rommel, right?
[00:50:57] He tried to kill hiller. Well, there was a lot of guys that were just talking about him before that's a box or whatever
[00:51:02] The desert for desert folks. Well. Yeah, he was dope dude. He had a small tank battalion and he drove the British across north
[00:51:08] Yeah, well, he was like there's a lot of guys that were just here
[00:51:13] You know the Nazis took over and then you know, it's very similar to like Robert E Lee
[00:51:18] Right where he didn't really support the idea of secession and he was an abolitionist and
[00:51:25] Like you know Lincoln, Missouri. Okay, you know, I want you to lead the Union army and he was like
[00:51:30] No, I'm not gonna fucking I'm not gonna invade my home state, right?
[00:51:34] You know, but like you know Robert E Lee comes from like a long line of like, you know
[00:51:39] America his grandfather was I didn't know he was an abolitionist. Yeah, no, he didn't support slavery
[00:51:44] Yeah as a Christian he was like morally opposed to slavery, but he also felt that it was God's will to end it
[00:51:52] What the fuck was God? How was God gonna do it? I don't know just fucking shoot a lightning bolt and everyone's not
[00:51:57] Virginia yeah, he loved Virginia and everyone did love their states way more
[00:52:01] Yeah, well, it was like I mean it's right meant something completely different prior to the fucking civil
[00:52:07] No, for some people it does mean the same thing is it there? Yeah, but you keep your fucking weirdos
[00:52:12] Yeah, people can't really understand like the the conceptual framework that people were dealing with like seeing the Union as a
[00:52:20] Collection of states prior to the Civil War, right, you know, they didn't go to other states. You were born in Virginia
[00:52:25] You were a fucking Virginian. Yeah, you've visited
[00:52:28] Maryland on your family your family, you know was there when it was a colony, right?
[00:52:41] Story and Matt carpet you want to know is he has a he has a book. Yeah, I've read them all so which one are you talking about?
[00:52:47] Yeah, I'm stopped. Tell us what what's it called?
[00:52:54] Shit, what the fuck is it called? I read it. It's really boring and jacket is also boring. It was boring. There was no titties
[00:53:00] We're gonna come town book club. Yeah, we're all good. Our first book is gonna be Robert Cara's the power broker
[00:53:11] Yeah, wow, do you know at one point New York didn't have highways and then it did anyhow. Here's 2,000 pages. Yeah
[00:53:18] The best of an empire, okay, how many pages? It's it's it's 20 pages and they're mostly pictures
[00:53:25] Yeah, hell. Yes, anything to is it like the llama the mama all those all those guys a lot of those confederate generals were like
[00:53:33] You know officers during the Mexican-American War. Oh, you know, yeah, so it wasn't like they were just militia guys
[00:53:39] There are US Army guys that fought in the Mexican-American War and then they served with a lot of it
[00:53:44] You know in generals and here's the thing is like those motherfuckers forgot about us kicking their mother fucking ass
[00:53:51] On that microphone. Yeah, stop put a piece of like electrical tape on there
[00:53:56] Put shit all over the microphones you didn't pay for it's a good bit dude, and I will never apologize for it
[00:54:02] Well, okay, I'm not asking to apologize. I don't want to get the asked defend me guys out there book reports
[00:54:08] I don't know if I told this story or not, but I ever tell that story about in second grade
[00:54:14] kid from like Hungary that did a book report and
[00:54:17] Like we you know they would send us a library pick a book or whatever
[00:54:21] I mean do the book report and like he just assumed the teacher didn't know what the book was about
[00:54:25] So I think he had to read like to kill a mockingbird or something. That's such a great such a hilarious assumption to me
[00:54:32] Well, there's so many books. What are the odds? She's read this one
[00:54:36] So like you know he gets up to like do his book report on like to kill a mockingbird, and it's just all bullshit
[00:54:42] Yeah, I was a mockingbird that lives on this porch
[00:54:45] And she's like she's yeah the the mockingbird is friends with the mayor and then someone tries to kill the mockingbird
[00:54:57] Bullshit fucking book report my move was always to just read the back of the book. Yes. Oh, yeah
[00:55:02] Yeah, I remember I just liked reading there's a special ed kid
[00:55:06] He's got a bird in fifth grade who read animal farm and like did this like 20 minute
[00:55:11] Report on it and like the teacher was trying to be like guys like that's a really smart book
[00:55:16] He read actually and we're like no dude. That's fucking about pigs and shit
[00:55:22] Smart dude. Yeah, I remember one time Richards really smart. He read a smart book. It's about communism
[00:55:26] But we're like no that's just about pigs about pigs and fucking I remember when I was in first grade
[00:55:32] Here's what a good father my dad was I was like dad I want help on my book or help me pick out a book
[00:55:37] I was like I can't find one. He's like write the book yourself and I was like I can do that
[00:55:43] He's like yeah, and there was like a blank there for some reason we had like a blank book and
[00:55:48] And I just wrote a book. I just drew pictures about a bunny. Wait, what do you mean? You're in a blank book?
[00:55:54] I mean a journal. Yeah, it was like made for kids. It's like for crafting. I guess. Oh, yeah, you can get it bound
[00:56:03] Draw your own book and then you send it to a company story. I want to see what happens to little stuff anyway, so I
[00:56:11] Fuck you Adam. That's so insensitive. It was not good. It was mean
[00:56:17] Anyway, I see I wrote my own I wrote my own book about a bunny fucking finding a carrot or some shit and
[00:56:22] And then to repeat a rabbit. Yeah, just plagiarize Peter. I've never read Peter rabbit. So probably not
[00:56:29] It's it's actually about Jesus is he is he say Peter? That's what paper nice. Yeah, yeah
[00:56:36] Anyway, my dad told me to write my own book and then I fucking turned it in and got like my teacher was so mad at me
[00:56:42] She was like really? Yeah, she was like you can't write right here. I and she was like I was like what's she was like?
[00:56:47] Okay, what's the story? I was like the little dick bunny or whatever and she like oh who's the author it?
[00:57:00] And I got like that's the first time I got in trouble and that was like me going through my father for guidance
[00:57:06] Yeah, and instead of just finding a book for creativity
[00:57:10] I was always the kid that would like slack off and like have like a B
[00:57:14] Plus and then convince because my parents were psychos backgrounds and then convince the teacher at the end of the semester
[00:57:20] Like if you let me like put on like a play or like do a song extra credit
[00:57:25] I could get extra credit and I always I'd always be that kid. Yeah
[00:57:30] When you're a suck-up bitch to the teacher they would do always no no no extra work. Yeah
[00:57:36] Oh, yeah, I was a total slacker. I did all my homework
[00:57:40] I found extra homework to do it wasn't homework dude. I do like fucking like plays and stuff like songs
[00:57:47] I remember one year. I made a song up about a set to I'm sorry miss Jackson by Outcast that bum me up
[00:57:55] My biology class. Hell yeah, dude, but yeah, it was it was actually pretty fucking certified club banger
[00:58:06] Biology teaching sixth grade I do report on
[00:58:09] Condensation and I literally got a chef's hat and I wrote God on it and I took fucking I took some paper
[00:58:16] I cut it up and I wrote rain in a bag and I just sprinkled it over a globe and she just like gave me a
[00:58:26] She just thought it was so funny. She just liked me
[00:58:29] Pretty good. I like that your science class teacher accepted God
[00:58:36] Something works I was like saluted just a bit and she was like I was second in my class
[00:58:39] And then I got a boyfriend and found weed and I was like nah fuck this
[00:58:43] Oh, I became a cheater in sixth grade. I tell you I was a cheater too
[00:58:48] I was like one of those people that was really good at taking tests without trying which is like a just like a real luck
[00:58:54] Thing. Oh, yeah, I was a good standardized test taker. I was a good test taker and a cheater
[00:58:59] So that's my skill was I did none of them
[00:59:17] Reading I love that Jamel bit about if he's if he could talk to himself as a high schooler
[00:59:22] Or if he could talk to younger Jamel what he would say and he'd say all right first off
[00:59:28] Do your fucking worksheets second off stop buying so many condoms. You're not gonna fuck
[00:59:34] Yeah, I would not have any advice you would have you like listen?
[00:59:40] Watch more Simpsons. Yeah, I don't know you figure it out
[00:59:44] Yeah, I don't know make a bill in Ted's thing
[00:59:46] Let yeah, let's do let's write a time travel and pilot. Yeah, let's make a movie where somebody goes back and Tom and events
[00:59:57] Time travel and pilot. Yeah, let's make a movie where somebody goes back and Tom and events. He's the first guy to do gay
[01:00:05] He convinced me a gate imagine how much money you'd make if you invested in being gay
[01:00:11] Yeah, if he was a shareholder before we see oh my god
[01:00:15] That's like that's like investing in Apple or up. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, just they just find out about stocks
[01:00:21] Actually, I made a bunch of money investing in being gay
[01:00:26] The 1990s ending yeah, well and will and grace came out. I made like 10 million
[01:00:32] Everyone said it could be done, but I said no, it's gonna be big. Yeah, I said I said find the stock
[01:00:44] Fuck god damn there's this gonna be this guy Elon Musk and he's gonna be gay. He's gonna have a lot of money
[01:00:55] And we're turning the whole moon. Yeah, what's sad to realize is that we humanity's probably never gonna go back to the moon
[01:01:01] No, we're gonna we're gonna the human beings will die before we ever go back to the moon dog. We're going to Mars
[01:01:06] I can't wait till truck gonna go to Mars. We're not this space programs dead. United States is never gonna have a space program
[01:01:12] Yeah, he's canceling NASA. He's canceling everything. This is the collapse of like Western
[01:01:16] Oh, the Empire is done. Yeah, Empire is done. No, it was in decline and now it's already in decline now
[01:01:22] It's over. Yeah, but now it's falling. It was at a steady decline and now it's no
[01:01:27] We're gonna cut 20,000 dot the 20,000 dollars it takes to have the national down for the arts
[01:01:31] That's gonna save everything. Yeah, and we're gonna build a wall with that and we're gonna be fine. Oh my god
[01:01:39] Jesus people keep arguing on my Facebook like they're like, you know, it's impossible to put a lot of like no
[01:01:45] They'll get contract yourself figure it out. Well, that's all it is not you don't want to
[01:01:53] Wow, he just stole your bit. I wasn't on the mics
[01:01:57] Also, that was a more resident part than you look I fought every week weekend and week out. I bring it
[01:02:02] I had him has one fucking good fart and now everyone sucking him off. No, thanks
[01:02:06] I'm sorry. I don't care as a fan. No, who the true fart guys
[01:02:11] Fucking wall. There's parts of Texas that are
[01:02:14] Standing the fence that was already there
[01:02:17] Well, also they're gonna eminent domain like far like American. Yeah, but if you've been there there's fucking nothing there
[01:02:23] Yeah, so I mean, you know, it's not like they're just trying to make these arguments
[01:02:27] Like yeah, they can't they could even if they should
[01:02:30] Casino also, we're even if they that's not the reason like it being a stupid
[01:02:44] Terrible we're gonna build a tiny twin towers
[01:02:49] All the way across the border that way if they come across it knocks one of them down there immediately Muslim and we have the legal
[01:02:55] Right to keep them being Muslim will be a felony. Yeah, I mean
[01:03:00] I was like, you know, I'm like, all right. Is he really gonna do Muslim ban? How is that and it's like well day six?
[01:03:15] Just all I have to say Donald Trump if you're listening to this right now, please let me finish
[01:03:22] Resident evil before you start the genocide
[01:03:26] I want to finish this game if the servers aren't working my life will be ruined
[01:03:32] The Democratic Party is are the biggest fucking pussy is hell. Yeah, I fucking hate them. Yeah, I fucking hate them
[01:03:39] The thing is I saw someone someone was saying today on Twitter
[01:03:43] Maybe but someone said that fuck the shock of liberals at the fact that Trump is doing what he said
[01:03:49] He was going to do is only because all of their candidates never do I know
[01:03:55] It's how like it's commendable like not commendable. It's like impressive
[01:04:03] Man he might be the most successful administration
[01:04:09] He spent a whole year it Lee does like every horrible thing it's been a week
[01:04:15] I think they're gonna hang on to the ACA by the way. I really do. I really do
[01:04:20] Your predictions have been pretty fucking terrible Tulsi gabbard first of all. She's gonna be the next president
[01:04:25] She's basically young Bernie. She's hot. She's the troops. She's she surfs. She's doing sat
[01:04:31] He's making for himself for being stupid. I yeah, I did say that earlier
[01:04:35] I don't realize that on our good episode. Oh, you found out that's right
[01:04:39] It was before I thought she was hot and I distinctly remember my take was who the fuck are you talking about?
[01:04:48] Was right by not knowing that person so the night before on election night
[01:04:53] I was drunk saying nice to feel like smoking a cigarette and I was like who they're gonna do because Bernie's gonna be a
[01:04:57] Thousand years old and four years blaming like and he said maybe this lady Tulsi gabbard
[01:05:03] Who's the troops and kind of hot or Keith Ellison?
[01:05:05] So we still maybe Keith Ellison, but I with no
[01:05:17] What why can't we do some people like left shit where we just fuck up Democrats because we're pretty fucked up because
[01:05:24] Everyone's already trying to do that and the people that are like securing that I
[01:05:31] Activation or sentiment or the third way people it's not gonna be like I mean they're happening there are people at JFK right now
[01:05:38] Like just mobbing I want to be one of those protest guys like the ninja guys
[01:05:42] Like you can't see my face kind of guys like oh fucking zappa cheese to be black block
[01:05:46] Yeah, yeah, I want to be like the guy I want to go to JFK
[01:05:50] I punched Richard Spencer. I want to go to
[01:05:52] And just bring like a fucking legal closet
[01:06:00] I was walking around earlier and like I was saying this like sign in somebody's window
[01:06:06] That's it. We're not Trump's American. It's like yeah, yeah, we are but then I had got this huge
[01:06:11] With a dank and I'm like, you know what?
[01:06:14] At least some things you can get me. Yeah, yeah, yo, they weren't at the women's March at all
[01:06:18] I was looking for my brethren's in the league first of all because it's legal there you can't
[01:06:23] Liberate the women if you can't liberate the plant that growth
[01:06:27] Okay, mother why they're giving us you why they weren't there because I've smoked pot
[01:06:36] Yeah, right, what does she have a bong hit transplant
[01:06:42] Pack a dorit everybody everybody out there so I clap at that joke, dude
[01:07:06] Tom Myers, please start Dumbledore's army we need
[01:07:09] Oh fuck all right, well, how we doing I got it guys I gotta go to Jersey Jersey to do a
[01:07:18] Jersey Shore I gotta be going to the Jersey Shore for real for real. We're in the Jersey Shore uncle Vinny's seaside heights
[01:07:25] Hi, who are you with Bobby just by myself? Oh, you had lying no, it's a I'm featuring but who you're featuring for I don't know
[01:07:32] You don't even know I don't know Richard Spencer. Yeah, they just gave me the avails and I fucking went
[01:07:37] How did you have you worked there before yeah, we're there with Bobby. Oh, okay, yeah, man
[01:07:41] I need I need to fucking go on the road with somebody even though I don't I don't want a feature anymore
[01:07:45] But yeah, we should go on the right. We have a fucking audience from the show. We definitely should
[01:07:49] I don't want you in the car. What we'll get a trailer. We're gonna a little trailer
[01:07:58] DJ in the hot sport DJ, but let's see what a double
[01:08:01] Flyer you have to ride like a little boy in that movie that was abused
[01:08:05] No, I'm gonna be like Mitt Romney's dog
[01:08:10] I would love to strap you to I'm so scared of your
[01:08:15] Oh, yeah, the dog rides on top of the car
[01:08:19] Yeah, we're Mormons. We're like the nice. Oh, yeah
[01:08:22] All right, is that it I think she says that's it. Okay. Well, thank you everyone
[01:08:27] The ACLU should we do a fundraiser the next the mics funny mom. Yeah sure all right
[01:08:33] I'm opposed to fundraisers actually I'm not so I give money to a sale you let's do a fundraiser
[01:08:39] Let's do the next maybe give a little patreon. I don't fucking know. Okay. No, let's not get crazy
[01:08:44] Let's do a fundraiser is what I'm saying the next funny moms. We donate to fucking who knows where plant parenthood the immigrant
[01:08:51] Shit the immigrant shit. I really want to start a profit in the branding as like zero fucking thought that goes into it
[01:08:58] Like I don't know some fucking shit for immigrants
[01:09:11] It's for five one free weed for Muslims
[01:09:18] Smoke free the next four years. I'll smoke out every
[01:09:24] It's called being Muslim is fucking sick
[01:09:28] Oh fucking legit. All right. Thanks for listening, bros. Give money later