Cum Town | Premium | 11/15/2020
[00:00:00] Remember I read he offered this a week ago. Okay. I read doing it for weeks
[00:00:04] You hit record and then you hit play. I said you said do you have any cold brew and you said no
[00:00:10] But I have coffee left over that I made earlier and I said no I'm good
[00:00:14] No, you went to go piss you said I'll put you butter in it and I said no thanks
[00:00:19] I don't need to shit myself. No, I meant that as a joke because we I just bought obviously
[00:00:26] Cold brew you say I have cold coffee from earlier. I would have poured it as if I could even tell the difference
[00:00:33] As if I would know what I thought it was back. No, no, I would have thought it was fine. Call. I don't know fuck about coffee
[00:00:40] That's right. I don't know anything about it. What are you talking about?
[00:00:42] You're getting into coffee right now because I don't know anything about it. It's true
[00:00:47] So right now new to call now is the time to fucking bamboozle him
[00:00:51] Yeah, what what have you learned you can fit it you can share the rest of this with me and there's a little bit more
[00:00:56] I've been one of my favorite things to do now that I have money is when I get mad while doing the dishes
[00:01:02] It's just just destroyed just smash dishes
[00:01:06] Like sometimes there'll be too many dishes in the sink and I'll be like
[00:01:10] Fucking nice and then I'll take a plate and just smash it into a bunch of fucking pieces in the sink
[00:01:15] But then you like guess I got to get new plates now, then you have to clean it. Where do you get played?
[00:01:19] Every throw down and they say money can't buy happiness, but it's certainly gonna buy a very satisfying type of anger
[00:01:27] But yeah, I smashed my French press into a bunch of pieces
[00:01:31] Just moving shit out of the way in the sink because there's not enough room to stuff around and why do you have so many dishes?
[00:01:37] You're one guy. I had the ball. That's why you need to double break your way down to one
[00:01:44] Because I got a thing I went to Target and I got a thing of Mason jars and there's like 12 Mason jars too many
[00:01:54] Why don't you just say I'm down to two Mason jars. That's a good amount. Mm-hmm
[00:01:59] What's your question Adam? Why don't I say you say pasta sauce jars and then just have that as your miss
[00:02:05] Is that what you do? You have only cups from pasta sauces? No, I have regular I have regular cups
[00:02:11] Okay, thanks for the suggestion. Okay, I appreciate the suggestion
[00:02:17] Yeah, I heard yeah, I saw it on a website for busy moms with
[00:02:23] You know, why the fuck do you need more cups you have enough cups? Yeah, I like more capacity the
[00:02:31] When I okay here's a bigger cup during the day. I like drink drinking out of a cup
[00:02:37] If you'd like to send more the ones that I had before already died and others mold all over them throw them over
[00:02:46] Why the fuck do people send Nick flowers? I don't know somebody started doing it. I want flowers
[00:02:59] Candy okay, all right. That's not bad. Yeah, that's really nice. I've got stop can get the little
[00:03:03] Fuck Easter eggs. I don't want candies little Easter egg malt balls fuck
[00:03:08] I love that candies go to world market and get their
[00:03:14] Oh, yeah, we can judge you're just talking about this
[00:03:18] It's great cuz it's like you it's like you can't get fat cuz it's candies too expensive
[00:03:22] Yeah, it's like it's you feel fucking this is what an Indian peasant would eat
[00:03:27] I'm paying billions of dollars for this is the candy they ate on the Nina the pina and I used to love stealing from world market
[00:03:34] Yeah, just walking around putting candy in my mouth. I bet they didn't suspect you at all
[00:03:41] It was a rush the first time I still can be
[00:03:44] From shout out to the ironically a man that looks like a globe patronizing the world mark first of all
[00:03:49] I was a little fat child. I wasn't with this round. Yeah, I was cute though. Yeah, you ever as a star of on the Halloween
[00:03:56] The people opening doors no matter what his costume is specific like are you a bowling ball?
[00:04:21] Was the Pillsbury Doughboy one year to great a fire. That's a good one for a fatty
[00:04:25] It is you lean into it and you crush it you crush Halloween you're that's
[00:04:31] Absolutely. Yeah, Pillsbury Doughboy. That was my thing. I would go whoo-hoo
[00:04:35] Even before that's how it started whenever whenever anybody he doesn't say who he then he goes mmm. No, he doesn't
[00:04:48] What is that you eating the boys pussy? Yeah, I never know it's Merrell Howard Katelyn
[00:04:53] I was trying to remember where that noise was from and it's Merrell Howard Katelyn
[00:04:58] He's the retarded guy that had the cooking show in
[00:05:00] 1992 on public access television. That's right. Welcome. He was just combined jar to the Merrell Howard Katelyn show. Yeah
[00:05:09] There was a rumor online that he died of salmonella
[00:05:14] But then eventually he did die after he found internet fame because the original videos from like the early 90s right public access
[00:05:21] It was some guy who would have been a star online if only for ten years too early
[00:05:27] I have so much respect for those gen X guys that just were like making VHS tapes of shit right for no one
[00:05:34] Yeah, just cultural detritus that they were keeping around in their fucking like yep
[00:05:38] You know in a shoe box somewhere. They were doing it for the love of the game. They weren't cloud chasing right
[00:05:44] Yeah, the TV carnage guy and the fucking the found found footage festival. Is that what that is? Yeah, yeah
[00:05:53] They just steal what those guys made did they I mean, I'm not gonna say steal because they love it the way you do
[00:06:00] But stop accusing they've become they've become famous. Yeah due to the work of retarded men from the 90s
[00:06:07] Yeah, you know what the Merrell Howard Katelyn thing is so funny because it's like some guy that's like an asshole
[00:06:13] Who's like oh man this retarded guy is a cooking show? I'm gonna tape this and hang on to it forever
[00:06:19] Yeah, and then no one could have for some internet. Yeah, yeah, he was selling it as a DVD. Well really?
[00:06:26] Yeah, and the family sent a season to say
[00:06:29] And then it just went up for free on YouTube
[00:06:36] But you can tell it was funny because I read the obituary and you can tell it's like one of those like nice big
[00:06:41] Families that kind of like the centerpiece is the retarded son
[00:06:45] They all love them so much. Yeah, those families have so much like I guess you know
[00:06:51] It's like oh wow families with like a retarded kid. They like they have so much more happiness and it's like they probably would have been happy anyways
[00:06:58] Yeah, it's not like it's bad was beating your wife and then she like yeah, you know put out
[00:07:04] That guy like let's let's all just be rich and have big dinners
[00:07:09] Yeah, I'm hanging it up. I'm not gonna work as a bagger anymore at the grocery store
[00:07:15] I'm a CEO now and I love you because our son can't do math early early early on in the YouTube days
[00:07:21] There was a guy who I guess he was in film school or something
[00:07:24] But he had a disabled brother and he would just like tape his family and their life revolving around there like disabled brother
[00:07:31] But never about his disability. It was always like yeah, you know, I mean he was the star of the show
[00:07:36] He was the star of the show and it was like very endearing and heartwarming. Yeah, yeah
[00:07:41] Yeah, and I remember like being like wow, I guess maybe this is the future of entertainment
[00:07:53] Yeah, yeah a family so good they could withstand that imagine if any of our families had a retarded kid
[00:07:59] I you know, you know what family would be fixed by the seventh heaven family
[00:08:02] Because he was stop molesting well, I was not in the show what they were pretty good family in the show
[00:08:09] No, they were constantly having conflicts and fight Jessica Beale was always sucking cock and being a slut
[00:08:14] One of my my my my I was my son was gay with his haircut a project
[00:08:19] I started I could never finish because it would require watching so much seventh heaven
[00:08:23] But I was gonna recut the trail or the intro to seventh heaven with the same music and everything and you keep the you know
[00:08:29] Credits, but then it's just all scenes where they're like screaming or fighting or crying
[00:08:35] And then it's like it's only it's like ha ha like that level of funny, right?
[00:08:39] And I probably watched like an entire season
[00:08:51] No, none of them seventh having kids were retarded. No, no was it youngest one retarded?
[00:08:57] He just he had a baby so she seemed stupid
[00:09:00] No, no the little blonde boy. He seemed retarded Simon Simon. Yeah, he wasn't retarded
[00:09:06] Yeah, he just had a haircut that could have gone either way. It was funny. That was a show
[00:09:10] I feel like in my memory I watched a lot of it and then and then
[00:09:16] Upon rewatching it all I had I really remembered was seeing the pilot and then I just dispersed the pilot into the entirety of the series
[00:09:25] I'm like, yeah, there was that whole story arc with him wanting a dog and it's like now
[00:09:30] That's just just simply it's like the is one episode. I don't think I saw a single episode
[00:09:34] I just remember Jessica Beal becoming hot in the middle of it
[00:09:38] Yeah, me being like damn like kicked her off the show because she had her tits got too big
[00:09:42] Yeah, cuz she did sports illustrated and Brenda
[00:09:48] Wow, that sounds like a name that does not get any dick. Yeah
[00:09:52] I'm Brenda. Yeah some fucking crazy opposite of Joanne fabrics, dude. Yeah, Brenda. It looks like Joanne fabrics
[00:09:59] But she doesn't suck cock at all. It does not suck
[00:10:02] Jake to catch you up. We have a whole thing that are running. Oh, yeah, we have so much
[00:10:07] I don't know running bit so much as we said it is a theory next at one time. Yeah, we looked it up
[00:10:14] No, it's you don't have to you don't want to put a face. It's too beautiful to look at it. Yeah, Jake John fabric
[00:10:20] Is a lady with you know, it's like short hair. She's kind of fat, but boy does she only sucks dick once a year
[00:10:24] But boys are awesome. How about John fabrics and it's like it's Philadelphia
[00:10:29] Fabric store. Okay, and they're like yeah, we got any I see I see
[00:10:40] John fabric, and that's the bit I like that. I thought it was just gonna be a big fat gay guy
[00:10:45] Oh, it loves second cut like jumping that but yeah, yes, I
[00:10:51] I remember I used to go to my friend's house in middle school and on like he pointed out to me
[00:10:57] There was like I don't know what channel it was maybe it was like some early iteration of HD TV
[00:11:02] There was a guy there's a bald gay guy named like Christopher something
[00:11:05] Yes, and in like the bumper promos for his like, you know, how to put your couch
[00:11:10] He was just see him running around with a ribbon. Oh, yeah, and my friend used to like laugh so hard
[00:11:22] I mean, that's why they did it. Yeah, they think you make 11 year olds laugh
[00:11:27] HTV back then you would they were doing they were they're not like homo. Yeah forward or whatever homo gay TV
[00:11:33] Yeah, that's another one they could go was it was not the guy. What's the name Christopher or something? That's his name. Yeah, Christopher
[00:11:41] I remember that we didn't get any closer
[00:11:46] We've confirmed that his name is Christopher. What shows you on Christopher Lowell? I think his name
[00:11:51] Yeah, I remember you have section my dad used to like he used to like issue TV because he liked like home renovations
[00:11:58] But he had to turn off when that guy was on TV. He got you
[00:12:15] I had to buy this dress because I ran out of clothes while I was at work. This show is disgusting
[00:12:20] Turn it off Adam. I'm you get out of the room. I'll turn it off. I'll turn it off with my penis. Okay, just I'll just turn it off
[00:12:27] Oh, I don't even want to touch the TV. So I'll ejaculate on to the off button
[00:12:35] Off by but the only way I can get the proper force is by getting a prostate
[00:12:41] Organism, so I'm going to put a candle in my house
[00:12:47] And then beat off under the off button to turn off this I'm so despicable
[00:12:54] Disgusted that I can't even I have to master
[00:13:11] You couldn't have a velocity yes you could in a fucking bust to turn off a TV
[00:13:16] If you pressed your prostate hard enough while you know that's like a drip dude a prostate
[00:13:22] No, you'd have to you'd have to get a milk you'd have to time it the right way
[00:13:25] No, that's even a lower velocity. Are you sure?
[00:13:28] I'm like I was like to believe you have to give like road trip when sifler got fucked in the end
[00:13:33] I don't think it's to give trans people with the rebock pump balls to make your
[00:13:37] Yeah, we've talked about that and I'm jealous cuz that's how I want my dick to get I want a super-soker. That would be awesome. Oh, oh, yeah, what's good
[00:13:52] Rock they should make a grown-up version of the super-sok I guess that's what an assault rifle
[00:14:02] Paintball so funny. That's such a funny hobby. Yeah. Yeah me and my friends pretend to kill each other. Yeah
[00:14:07] We almost can pretend we're in the army. Yeah, we could never get in even even with the incredible low standards with the army
[00:14:18] They started a paintball club in my high school and I think half of those kids went to war
[00:14:22] For sure do you have to oh yeah young kids that are into it do go into the army?
[00:14:27] Yeah, those are kids that are like or just rich to go die well
[00:14:30] We did have two wars are we still are we going back to Afghanistan? I think we're still in
[00:14:35] Yeah, I feel like Trump is a long as we're in American. I got some New York Times
[00:14:40] Anti-war he's weirdly like anti-war. Oh, yeah chick. Well, that's the whole America first idea
[00:14:46] That's how he won the election. Yeah being anti-trade and anti it was really funny when he when it was the Republican
[00:14:54] The one of his funniest moments was the Republican debate. Yeah, he's shitting on the bushes
[00:15:05] And Jeff didn't know what to do that was 26
[00:15:10] He was handling the Republicans that was so the audiences at those debates would just be like an and one mix
[00:15:20] Fucking bitch. No, I'm new your job notification. It's like all that there's been like an attack at like
[00:15:28] Some could be like Kabul University or something. Yeah, really? It's like well. What the fuck do you want me to do about it?
[00:15:34] Yeah, why does why she's being why are you telling me you treat every news story like an amber alert?
[00:15:42] And he doesn't in this way this was an amber alert. Yeah, can I help you? I?
[00:15:46] Don't think so pal shut the fuck up shut up
[00:15:52] Is there a kind of guy that like sees an amber alert and then goes out to investigate do the dude like do
[00:15:59] That black definitely do this bit. No. Yeah
[00:16:07] Let's hear this or I did deeply original
[00:16:13] Bet I bet what I got hundreds of thousands of likes. Yeah, I guess we should mention the Jake head is here
[00:16:22] Ten minutes into the podcast. That's what they needed. I always forget. It's so casual. That's right. It's just I can't I'm having trouble matching
[00:16:29] Y'all's body language. Yeah, we got you to share
[00:16:32] We have a stance, but that leans back to you know, it helps is take the recline. I don't speak outside of this show
[00:16:41] I have no socialization outside of sitting in this I feel like that's almost every stand up
[00:16:46] Yeah, we hit record and hit the off button and then I go home and I shave my head and I sit in Lotus pose
[00:16:58] Try it. I mean, I said listen Greek. We're talking to Greek people
[00:17:02] That's our we that's how we celebrate. Yeah smashing dishes. We do that in a fucking wedding
[00:17:06] It's awesome. You get a round of applause for yeah, you fucking make it rain and then you smash some fucking dishes
[00:17:12] It rules that what a gypsy culture fuck off dude. That's what we do. It's opulence, dude
[00:17:18] We don't even give a fuck I've been rich
[00:17:20] Bopulance. I've been watching this show. I get your dick suck while wearing pearls. Yeah, that's what populance is
[00:17:25] Yeah, I'm wearing pearls not the girl me. I'm wearing pearls
[00:17:29] I have four earrings. I have exactly pro earrings and a necklace and a negel de jay
[00:17:36] That sounds nice on a fucking silk pillow. Yeah, I'm gonna take with you
[00:17:50] Yeah, it doesn't add them was a rose around like that
[00:18:05] For a teddy. Yeah, why do they call them teddies?
[00:18:09] It's a fat. It's for fat women. No teddy is a teddy is a negligible J for fat
[00:18:20] Yeah, the BBW community. Yeah, damn. I would love to see a big fat paratides in a necklace a
[00:18:29] That would be awesome exploding. We can all agree boys. That would be pretty cool. Mm-hmm
[00:18:44] Excuse me. Well, I check I check out for five ten minutes. I
[00:18:49] Have been beating off quite a bit the last few days. I don't know what's gotten you're being good getting back into it
[00:18:54] I've been getting back into it. That's how it goes with me and beating off
[00:18:56] It's like I was led to believe it might be because it's Scorpio season. Oh
[00:19:03] Mm-hmm. I don't know I don't know beans, but it's a possibility sounds right. It's Scorpio season
[00:19:09] Was that really see like their birthdays right now? Yeah?
[00:19:13] Scorpios, that's a cool one. Yeah, it is the coolest one. What about Taurus?
[00:19:22] I'm sorry. That was a that was one second after you. I'm sorry
[00:19:29] I apologize, I should have let you have that
[00:19:31] Are you a Taurus? Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna query. So about you Adam. There he's got a four. Oh
[00:19:50] Rat it up rat brother. What about you? You know the dragon guy came up with the Chinese. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh you are a dog
[00:20:00] Rhett monkey guy with a little ass dick. Yeah, you're the guy with a little. Oh, it looks like God just walks out that mine one
[00:20:13] Roll the dice. It's just hard to come out the hook dude
[00:20:18] I was so pissed when in elementary school when they did that
[00:20:22] Cuz 88 was right before us. It's really they teach you that in in elementary
[00:20:27] They really do and it makes no and it's like why are we learning this Chinese bullshit?
[00:20:33] They don't just teach you they make a big deal of it and they don't really give you any context or anything
[00:20:38] It's just like it's also not really applicable to anything. Yeah, it's not like that's a big part of their culture
[00:20:44] Yeah, it just tells you it tells you mean not to date at the restaurant
[00:20:48] It's like you shouldn't date somebody that's like born, but you should date somebody that's born
[00:20:54] It's to right, but it's also one. It's like if if we think a
[00:20:58] Strology is bullshit, which it is a full year a full year year astrology. That's bullshit. Wait. What is 88?
[00:21:06] Dragon that motherfucker. I'm a rabbit rabbit. I'm play boy play boy. That's not bad
[00:21:12] I'm so powerful. Dildo. Yeah. No, the womanizers better. Oh, I don't know it sucks your clit
[00:21:19] I thought the rabbit plays the rabbit's fast, but the woman as you sucks your as it polarizes your pussy
[00:21:26] No, no, no, it's just an ad read no, no, it's not no. It's just what we've heard in terms of what dildos are supposed to
[00:21:39] It would be fun to you know, you know, they're like the long double-sided dildo does yeah to go to pride with one one side in your ass
[00:22:02] completely naked with a double spread to the one you have to be like let's go
[00:22:22] Yeah, next price is just fucking up your posture you gotta lean over a little bit
[00:22:33] It looks like you know there's pool noodles you can float on mm-hmm
[00:22:36] Well you got that set up I would I was thinking it looks like you're in the
[00:22:41] marching band to take a plea yeah like I John Philip Susie yeah yeah that's my
[00:22:48] problem with the pride parade mm-hmm not enough marching not enough suzer phones
[00:22:52] yeah you should bring a suzer phone to pride and be like I'm the other kind of
[00:22:56] gay a different kind of faggot but I am just as gay just dressed the whole
[00:23:04] marching band outfit from the top up and then you're just completely new
[00:23:07] or just you cut your cock out yeah I told decide to Jake this people know
[00:23:16] to have said it on the show before but I was at pride a couple years ago and
[00:23:19] there was a homeless lady in a wheelchair with her sweatpants pulled
[00:23:23] down like to her ankles and just like like very vigorously masturbating
[00:23:29] personally she was like oh my god yeah oh my god and like people are doing
[00:23:38] their best to just ignore it but it's like it's like you guys you have to
[00:23:43] understand this is the logical conclusion right yeah this is where this
[00:23:49] end she's not wrong yeah in any way she's at least mentally ill yeah yeah not
[00:23:58] because of too much ketamine either yeah yeah yeah I can't believe they took
[00:24:05] pride from us I know it would have been such a good one this year I love going
[00:24:09] to pride seeing all the straight girls with their tits out for attention
[00:24:12] that's one of the best parts I would say pride a girl who's like I'm queer as
[00:24:18] hell because she fucked one girl one time with pasties on it's awesome that's
[00:24:23] my favorite part of it they do they do be having their titties out mm-hmm
[00:24:28] what's your favorite part of all the guys just all the yeah I like the corporate
[00:24:34] element of it you like the chase is thinking about gay sex reminded me that
[00:24:38] I just every single because I go to Costco to do all my shopping so I get
[00:24:43] like to all your gay sex I get all my peanut I buy like six months worth of
[00:24:47] peanut butter that I eat and probably a week and a half but it's all like
[00:24:51] skippy and shit I just I picked up a jar of natural peanut butter which
[00:24:57] requires a lot of stirring and sucks the gay sex mental image right yeah cuz
[00:25:02] they have like a comb on the top well it's just jam just jamming that you're
[00:25:06] basically making the peanut butter yourself yeah yeah you're better off
[00:25:10] into an asshole you're getting you better off just getting peanuts folks have
[00:25:14] you had to have you had the the natural peanut butter they should call it fucking
[00:25:19] bullshit what they should call is a bunch of bullshit nuts fucking gay it's
[00:25:25] fucking guy I don't get the natural peanut butter what am I a fucking home
[00:25:30] what am I supposed to do stick my fucking dick in here bitch blah blah blah blah
[00:25:36] blah blah blah Jerry I got fucked in my ass Jerry they put peanuts in my ass
[00:25:44] Jerry Kramer comes in I'm making peanut butter I guess I've been making
[00:25:49] peanut butter Jerry I've been making peanut butter me and Newman I'm making
[00:25:53] peanut butter in my ass I put the peanuts in my ass and he fucks them into
[00:26:00] butter hello Jerry comes in Kramer's just holding her down trying to shit in
[00:26:07] her mouth tell me this isn't the best peanut butter just try it Elaine just
[00:26:13] Peterman Caesar and she's got shit all over his face he's like is that peanut
[00:26:18] butter licking her face this is the best shit I've ever tasted that's good man
[00:26:28] I hit it off with Peterman we should do Seinfeld modern day apparently Peter
[00:26:33] account yeah you just twice this Peterman loves eating shit
[00:26:39] Kramer you got a shit all over my face more often all right we got act one and
[00:26:45] back to yeah and then Peterman's like yeah this was shit the jury Jerry I got
[00:26:52] raped at the YMCA they hold me down and they fuck my mouth Jerry that sounds
[00:26:58] like a personal problem that's the B-plot dealing with his violent rape
[00:27:04] I went to the police and no one believed me who's gonna rape you now Susan's man
[00:27:18] because she thinks I cheated she doesn't believe that I was right
[00:27:25] what if we you know a lot of you what if we just better own sitcom but just use
[00:27:36] Seinfeld fake Seinfeld plots that's great but then it's like all right and
[00:27:41] everyone that's kind of what that's what kind of what always sunny is that's
[00:27:44] okay yeah it's pretty much everything it's funny because always sunny is like
[00:27:48] the show every good comedian would make they'd say that like it's like there's
[00:27:53] a stand-up comedian mentality to that show yeah and it's yeah I don't know
[00:27:58] like why when they try like comics try to write something it just comes out
[00:28:02] it's too it's too autobiographical always it needs to just be Jerry and Elaine
[00:28:07] and then get raped and then why I think it works is because I think it's
[00:28:13] raped every episode comedians kind of like naturally drift towards like like
[00:28:18] the unredeemable one-dimensional characters they don't really like they
[00:28:23] like certainly myself they can't understand narrative in terms of it
[00:28:27] being a function of like emotional connection between the artists in the
[00:28:30] audience that's out so it just has to be people that are bad doing funny things
[00:28:34] in a way right technically adheres to like a somewhat complex like story
[00:28:39] format right right and that's why I always about the joke first and foremost
[00:28:43] exactly before anything else yeah you say they two ingredients are jokes and
[00:28:47] then a very strict adherence to story structure right right right yeah well I
[00:28:52] think we should just start making Seinfeld put George gets raped you know
[00:28:57] just call it Seinfeld yeah Seinfeld to there you go or Seinfeld yeah I like that
[00:29:08] Seinfeld and he's like a black eye from the 40s there we go yeah they're is it
[00:29:18] from the 40s I feel like the sopranos used shine yeah well it's like you know
[00:29:23] because it's like going in a little making pasta it's like a you know
[00:29:26] listen this right it's old-fashioned say yeah you put out the checkerboard
[00:29:31] tablecloth yeah I'm from a time where men were met yeah Gary whatever ever
[00:29:36] Gary Cooper yeah what I would have been having a call people shine whatever
[00:29:43] that whatever happened to antiquated slurs yeah I remember reading something
[00:29:49] like Raymond Chandler book and there's a line in there about like like
[00:29:53] behind Chandler yeah behind the desk there was a shot no it's about everybody
[00:29:58] loves Raymond Chandler oh that would be cool that would be cool that would be
[00:30:01] yeah Dabra I met this guy he's so funny I got a new roommate everybody loves him
[00:30:08] and now they think I'm gay hey Chandler show me your penis yeah it'd be something
[00:30:18] like that yeah go like that sorry I started thinking about that woman in the
[00:30:25] night now the big kids stuff I love it your Ramen is is you talking louder oh
[00:30:30] I'm sad no it's like more from the back of the I'm I'm dead Chandler Chandler
[00:30:38] I'm dead that's that's supposed to be Ray Ramano
[00:30:45] hold on I got he does have like a back of the car I'm dead Chandler yeah well you're
[00:30:51] getting there on the path I lost it there man I'll get it I'll go home and I'll
[00:31:01] fucking work it out I love working on impressions at all smashing the dishes
[00:31:06] yeah I'm thinking about the tits and the necklace yeah I speak heritage she's
[00:31:17] going to be for be parties that's every British actor every single one of
[00:31:26] them so anyway you're watching Raymond Chandler oh no I was reading something I
[00:31:32] mean years ago I just remember a line from one of the books where there's like
[00:31:36] he's describing like a black guy that's a receptionist at like either a hotel or
[00:31:40] something he's like behind the desk was a shine blowing a bubble he's like
[00:31:46] taking a nap oh I thought you meant like bubble gum no yeah because the no
[00:31:51] storing cartoons yeah anime yeah I think it yeah I didn't know that happened
[00:31:57] in real life it does when it's a black guy no 40s and Raymond Chandler's
[00:32:01] writing it yeah well I think if you had a lot of snot yeah and it you caught it
[00:32:06] just right you might hmm anyways if you've never seen dead bang and you have
[00:32:12] Apple TV watch the trailer for it the trailers it makes it seem like a
[00:32:16] completely different movie than it is but the trailers are very funny dead bang
[00:32:20] dead bang on Apple TV you have Apple TV no I mean I have an Apple TV I don't
[00:32:26] have Apple TV plus which is the streaming platform yeah you know what I'd love
[00:32:33] to do is put a streaming platform right above your head and invite people over
[00:32:37] to just piss on your face all day long it's like a diving board that's another
[00:32:42] yeah that's another usage of the term streaming streaming platform yeah I see
[00:32:47] that you know and then you'd be like why are you doing this I would like because
[00:32:51] it's always sunny and full of that yeah oh yeah because the joke comes first
[00:32:57] Adam joke always comes I would yeah I would raise your number four billion
[00:33:02] dollars for money streaming platform and you'd make me a billionaire yeah from
[00:33:08] getting my head yeah I don't think people I go to Jeffrey Katzenberg it's so
[00:33:13] funny that does go to the quibi people all the people that are responsible for
[00:33:16] creepy just get to go be CEOs at another time such a failure when you're at that
[00:33:22] level you can't go back no it's great it's like the devil I mean it's like and
[00:33:27] it was one of the worst ideas of all time from the beginning never was anyone
[00:33:32] thing any any people laughed about the first thing any fucking person on the
[00:33:36] street could have told you this was a fucking horrible idea and they still
[00:33:40] raised all this money for it and all that money was blown yeah well didn't
[00:33:44] blow and it went to things nobody else wanted to buy it went to Kevin Hart
[00:33:48] getting another like million dollars for something good good I mean I think they
[00:33:54] bought a bunch of shit from I feel like I knew some people had some quibi shit
[00:33:58] but yeah it was a complete waste of money there's a pump and dump yeah I
[00:34:04] mean I know people had like quibi deals but I don't know if I can say it on the
[00:34:08] show just because I don't know if it's like what the rules with those agreements
[00:34:13] are but I'm not gonna not shit on that platform no no I'm not not sitting on
[00:34:17] it's oh yeah you know I don't give a fuck I didn't make any money off
[00:34:21] something like you're in love with kiwi no first of all why do you call it
[00:34:25] kiwi sounds like somebody got a second phone to secretly watch kiwi I was the
[00:34:30] one guy who paid in the man's bathroom yeah no I'm having gay sex in here I'm
[00:34:37] not watching horrible fun I'm watching gay porn on my phone I'm not watching
[00:34:42] fucking the definitely I watch over grace being a ghost hunter kiwi and I don't
[00:34:49] get pronounced kiwi first quibi dude it's quibi it's queibi quick but I think
[00:34:54] they spent a lot of money for us to know it yeah even the beginning like
[00:34:58] that that's wrong they got even that yeah call it shit mmm fuck fuck fuck
[00:35:07] streaming call this the fuck app the fuck oh that would be good you call
[00:35:12] something the fuck you finish the call I took one sip when I said we'd share it
[00:35:17] and then you finish the rest of it and get me some honey comes I have the
[00:35:24] money come shut up are you sure I'm trying to turn into that monster the
[00:35:30] actual honeycomb yeah yeah for the fuck is this for bacon Lebanon well he
[00:35:36] dresses up like a look a look a butterfly king woman I'm here and he waves
[00:35:40] his honey wand around dress up like a bee not a ghost gossamer wing the guy
[00:35:45] from his weird curly antenna dress up got butter yeah you would unite you
[00:35:51] he eats clothes that was a that was a moth he is a moth yeah it's an ugly
[00:35:57] butterfly that was a type of hot raver chick would be the butterfly chick that
[00:36:02] would make out you spend time but raves you're not old enough for a lot but I
[00:36:07] had a list that was a day because I remember when I was in my early there were
[00:36:10] later there were later raves no yeah I wasn't at nine days no no no no no no no
[00:36:20] not in front of the kid they were happening in Baltimore when I was in
[00:36:22] high yeah I've definitely been there was a was it's the star escape count as a
[00:36:25] rave sort of it's a rave adjacent yeah but I mean it's like rave culture was a
[00:36:30] thing distinctly yes from like 96 but they were big like those warehouse raves
[00:36:35] people I knew kids that went to rave yeah yeah I used to I used to in DC you're
[00:36:41] gonna rave that's I guess I just do XDC associated with those I get a
[00:36:47] warehouse is those split generation people like people that are probably
[00:36:51] like 40 years old now right like late Millennials that's yeah what turn the
[00:36:56] light what do you mean turn on the light you got dark the clouds came out okay
[00:37:01] let's keep it recording in the door did you ever spend it that's interesting
[00:37:14] I can't you slide on a cloud run by I need a light yeah I'm not even a fucking
[00:37:21] butterfly you're not your mom you're not cute enough to be a butterfly I'm the
[00:37:26] bumblebee suck dickers yeah you suck too close to the dick you suck too close
[00:37:31] to the ass you ever go to a rave Jake no no I know I don't think raves are
[00:37:41] happening where I grew up grew up in Jackson Florida oh hell yeah they got
[00:37:46] drapes over and Jack what do they do they go budding the budding the budding
[00:37:50] button yeah I think it's about but where did you go budding is a similar
[00:37:54] activity to smashing all the dishes in your sink yeah we're gonna go out
[00:37:59] new field and fuck up my truck yeah where did you go to get pussy in
[00:38:03] Jacksonville where was the pussy getting the areas the crews over the black
[00:38:07] neighborhoods around the world it's just they still do hate down there
[00:38:14] for sure yeah still do hate for stop we have like anniversaries of things that
[00:38:21] are appalling they're like 10 year anniversary yeah with the saving grace of
[00:38:27] the north is that we have Italians to be that racist so I would be like oh geez
[00:38:31] I guess we're gonna be like these guys right right where's the south they don't
[00:38:35] have Italians Italians are like no true there's no mirror held this aside they
[00:38:40] would clam yeah they're like oysters yeah they would purify the south yeah
[00:38:44] yeah that's so that's a bunch of Italian yeah yeah yeah yeah that is for all the
[00:38:50] races and we'll get filtered through their greasy hair yeah yeah there it
[00:38:54] there are it's too far see far from what it was there any kind of because I
[00:38:59] feel like every time I go to the south hey literally just all you all want some
[00:39:08] is there any kind of ethnicity there are a lot of Filipinos oh hell yeah next
[00:39:15] to a Navy Bay and I guess there's some like Filipinos could like join the Navy
[00:39:18] Filipinos love the Navy yeah they're trying to you know go find the real dad
[00:39:24] so the US was like yeah join up well they all think the rockers they have dad
[00:39:28] seek out their dad they all think the rock is their dad
[00:39:32] no they think uh Pacquiao's they're dad yeah no they know that Pacquiao's not
[00:39:37] their dad me and Pacquiao had gay sex that's where all the Filipinos came from
[00:39:44] I grew up with a ton of them too we're hearing a beautiful van Cooper my rock
[00:39:48] impression is just one Instagram video I watched five times trying to trying to
[00:39:55] get that line right I'm hearing beautiful van Cooper where I'm having
[00:40:00] relations with Manny Pacquiao we're making babies I saw I saw him walking
[00:40:06] around once when I was a kid what Pacquiao with his entourage it is remarkable
[00:40:11] how small he is yeah he's a tiny man doesn't he fight it like 110 yeah what's
[00:40:16] he what is he he is a 17 pounds he's a small man with incredibly fast hands
[00:40:23] right and then all of his friends were wearing t-shirts that said team Pacquiao
[00:40:27] on it okay and it wasn't even like a fight night we should start making you
[00:40:30] go to the movies we should start making you wear shirts with that just calm
[00:40:35] town you have to wear you're that you're the no board I'm not gonna wear you
[00:40:41] for come on you're at a uniform your boots aren't shined enough oh I
[00:40:48] apologize for that I do apologize your boots that you sure can I grab more
[00:40:53] coffee from the kitchen there's a little drop left but I would like a sip take
[00:40:58] the cup damn dude you're just gonna take your coffee you're gonna let him he's
[00:41:04] gonna drink the rest of it you get drinking before you even get something I
[00:41:07] feel like you know what I feel like with this coffee motif we've had going on
[00:41:11] for you feel like Charlie Brown trying to kick that damn football you can't do
[00:41:17] this man whenever I asked Nick to share something you can't trust him to do
[00:41:21] anything I can't trust I get maybe a little only get he only comes a whole
[00:41:25] milkshake from you yeah and we does raid my fridge now every one time that's
[00:41:31] gotta be baked baked into my paycheck now I'm gonna you should you should ask
[00:41:34] I'm gonna do a you're gonna send him an invoice there's paid you guys get paid
[00:41:38] checks yeah we get checks baby you're right you're right you're right you
[00:41:41] check make money for yeah I'm aware you make money I thought it was on VINMO
[00:41:45] no there's other HR no yeah there's a job I'm head of HR yeah yeah yeah what is
[00:41:53] your title the CFO CFO I play with the money I do the financials I'm I'm
[00:41:58] setting up a complaint bin where you could anonymously complain about
[00:42:02] how many co workers Nick is eating too much of my stuff some some people my own
[00:42:13] complaints yeah some people have been taking too much of the smoked fish in
[00:42:19] the fridge that blue fish dip was very good it was really good yeah we should
[00:42:22] get more of them what do we have for lunch that's a real question we should
[00:42:25] figure that I did have pancakes right before you guys can't go I'm maybe a
[00:42:28] little sandwich today I think a nice a nice deli sandwich nice deli sandwich
[00:42:33] my real not from the deli but just a deli meat sandwich oh maybe an elevated
[00:42:39] deli sandwich oh you mean go to a nice like it maybe fondly go to Red Hook and
[00:42:46] get that damn sandwich y'all been the what's that restaurant Red Hook
[00:42:50] the font a that's what we've been talking about we've been talking about
[00:42:54] for a week they may as far as it from here I think it probably at this time of
[00:42:59] day probably be a 25 they closed they closed real early they close it like
[00:43:03] three yeah I came in there on time at three and they were like we can make you
[00:43:07] this or this yeah it's really weird hours oh have you had court street
[00:43:15] grocers they make very good sense no look over there we could that's a little bit
[00:43:20] closer the fountains the font a's the font a's the font a's damn I can't it's
[00:43:27] not coming up anyway so where was the pussy getting zones in the mud
[00:43:34] you're asking me you're asking me like solve a riddle right now I don't yeah
[00:43:38] they got they got pussy in the mud woodstock 99 style hell yeah that was who
[00:43:44] was big who was like what did people fucking like oh well I mean Jack's
[00:43:48] little biscuit now he walked in to finish it in front of me yeah that's
[00:43:53] the short that's alpha disrespect it's exactly what you asked for you said I
[00:43:59] want to drop as long as we're the fucking computer over here what this is
[00:44:06] you clearly wanted to misinterpret what I said earlier you said you don't want
[00:44:14] to go ahead and full man I don't have cold brew specifically I just have cold
[00:44:18] coffee so there you go I hope you've learned your lesson I hope you've
[00:44:28] damn fuck I'm hungry yeah I just killed the energy I can't wait for no we're
[00:44:35] got a little biscuit you're a life force but Jack's will sucks yeah it's not
[00:44:41] it's like is it one of my friends described it once he says it's five
[00:44:46] redneck towns holding hands they can get a football team yeah it's like it does
[00:44:51] it it has like no identity people are just from there yeah and it's like yeah
[00:44:55] you got the jags got them for now where is Jacksonville exactly north
[00:45:01] east Florida so it's all the way to basically southern Georgia oh it's more
[00:45:06] like Georgia than it is like Florida Savannah Savannah's by there's a very
[00:45:10] nice place an hour over I was so it's funny they get isn't Saint Petersburg a
[00:45:15] town in Florida that's such a Tampa yeah it's such a such a funny thing yeah
[00:45:20] Saint Pete yeah Saint Pete's I'm from Stalingrad in Russia
[00:45:26] Stalingrad Alabama yeah they probably have they have there's so many Nazis in
[00:45:31] Alabama there's so there's so many like shitty towns are like let's just pick a
[00:45:34] name somebody's already and my fucking my stepdad is from a Rab Alabama that's
[00:45:40] great I say I say a wrap I said I said you just like the like the slur yeah it's
[00:45:48] not like a rap ballad it's a wrap Alabama that's great it's outside
[00:45:52] Huntsville that rocks yeah our arsenal played a team from Ireland last week
[00:45:58] called Dundalk I saw that yeah that's good the original Dundalk that's where
[00:46:03] it probably from yeah respect I got to get that Jersey dude I gotta get the
[00:46:10] Dundalk Dundalk kid yeah I'm trying to think other examples other than like
[00:46:14] Paris Texas there's a pal of it well it's Palatine Illinois but there's
[00:46:18] Palestine's yeah oh yeah all over the place oh dude I want I want to make pal
[00:46:22] Palestine is King of Prussia King of Prussia it's a very funny yeah it's like
[00:46:29] a mall no yeah there's a huge ball there I think it's I don't even know if it's
[00:46:34] huge I think it's just the only thing that they have yeah they love that mall
[00:46:37] Tori is I guess yeah I think it's fancy that mall what do you do what did you
[00:46:43] hear that what do you mean you think it's I used to date my first girlfriend was
[00:46:47] from South Jersey outside Philly correction boy from she would go to
[00:46:53] editorial we'd like to it was in parentheses this is this is on the last
[00:46:58] second of downtown we accidentally published it we'd like to issue a
[00:47:03] retraction I think it's speaking in italics it was within brackets right now
[00:47:07] she wasn't but it turned out she was his boy she was his boyfriend and by she I
[00:47:13] mean he yes and he was so anyway stronger than Adam and all this pocket but I
[00:47:21] said I said how was the Prince of Russia mall and then she yelled she got
[00:47:25] really mad at me about me changing the names of stuff so it's been happening
[00:47:29] my whole life she's like you think you're like that's not funny Adam it's a bad
[00:47:34] bit yeah she's definitely should do this what are you called like a girl or
[00:47:40] something you know I'm a guy it's not funny to say the wrong pussy it's my
[00:47:47] cock and you know you know what subpoenas then your mouth it's your sucking on
[00:47:52] it right now I did actually I did I did dad's like keep it down in there I'm
[00:47:59] trying to watch Christopher Doyle I mean turn off low I'm trying to turn it off
[00:48:04] I'm trying to turn it off Christopher I can't focus long enough to turn it off
[00:48:09] I want to watch it no my dad was like this guy is cut he's too much he could
[00:48:15] have taken it's just come on man it's too much
[00:48:21] I want to find him now yeah because he was a lot because I mean we had the
[00:48:26] prior to him there was only like Richard what's his name Simmons Richard Spencer
[00:48:30] yeah yeah Richard Spencer the renowned was confused Richard Spencer Richard
[00:48:35] simple I will say Richard Christopher Lowell had a strong neck oh that guy yeah
[00:48:39] that guy he's like he's one of the first yeah yeah listen he looks like a penis
[00:48:46] he looks like Paul Versey yeah he's gay Versey yeah just gay he's just gay
[00:48:54] Versey and when I when I get down on my knees
[00:48:59] cock in front of me the lights go down and it's like you're on top of the world
[00:49:06] but Burr was telling me was telling me the other day Gabriel Burr
[00:49:12] I hope for gay boy that guy does look like first yeah yeah yeah me and burp me
[00:49:23] and gay burp we're pitching a show on his TV we're running around with a ribbon
[00:49:31] with Chris Lowell Christopher Lowell yeah we're gonna go back in time and suck
[00:49:38] cock money we're gonna be gay money that's the other Christopher I'm not a straight
[00:49:48] what you doing little jazzy sacks you know what he doesn't even look like
[00:49:52] where's he's just balls as a beard right now yeah he looks nothing like ball
[00:50:01] oh man this is an awesome picture this is the picture Adam's dad had to run out
[00:50:05] of the fucking it's too much it's too much me burp we're at a gay Madison
[00:50:14] square thirty thousand bathrooms not a guy in a seat everyone is in the bathroom
[00:50:30] look at that bathroom stalls and under each door a pair of feet in a pair of knees
[00:50:48] this is what it was all this is what it's about that gay open mics for years
[00:50:54] spend years grinding it out learning how to have gay sex bomb instead of a cigar
[00:51:04] he's just got a dildo he's gonna go up next hiding the dildo nobody's gonna get
[00:51:15] that our friends you get but you know what it's you can't even know who
[00:51:20] Versey is and have that make sense you know you have to be friends of them and
[00:51:24] hang out with him yes to know what that means yep but it's specifically at the
[00:51:30] old stand for me and literally might just be apply to me and you that are
[00:51:34] enjoying this riff yeah but you know what for us it's really good yeah although I
[00:51:39] do think there's a lasting image of gay Madison Square Garden I like gay
[00:51:43] MSG yeah I'm being about the bathrooms having gay sex instead of watching
[00:51:49] translate the Chinese I put on the help the other night with Chinese subtitles
[00:51:53] because I only rented it because it said it was there well I said it was
[00:51:57] available in Chinese and I thought it would be a funny movie to watch in
[00:52:00] Chinese yeah no I didn't put it on as a learned that this it's useless to watch
[00:52:04] learning it would be used yeah some of us like learning things like how to use
[00:52:08] the recorder that we've been fucking setting up for I did fun weeks on end that
[00:52:13] deleting file I didn't delete it it's good to learn thanks for the
[00:52:19] pound of the backstop it was sarcastic looking at your fucked up back actually
[00:52:23] yeah I have a bet posture I need a little from your double D's I'm gonna go you just
[00:52:28] what if I had a big tits and the breasts that you have to tape down that would be
[00:52:31] awesome that would be a classic Jewish girl look I would love to squish
[00:52:35] a waist in the big tits from your boys don't cry body style what you see that
[00:52:41] movie yeah if I remember that movie rocks stick on him that's a funny take you see
[00:52:48] boys don't cry over we're gonna throw on boys don't cry and just chill that
[00:52:52] would be a rock do that movie right rules it really rocks it's awesome just
[00:53:00] throwing it on the way you would like parts of Wolf of Wall Street yeah like
[00:53:03] dude isn't this fucking hilarious and do you know we got to watch this scene we
[00:53:07] gotta get tanked and watch boys don't cry I haven't seen boys don't cry oh you'd
[00:53:11] like it oh yeah I don't think I mean it's a didn't she get raped so how about
[00:53:20] that's how we're trying to get raped and murdered by like sexist from Nebraska
[00:53:29] I'm so high I'm being being damaged that would have been hate crimes for being
[00:53:38] trans that's that's that's the premise of grandma's boy
[00:53:47] damn is that what happens boys don't cry yeah like she's a trans well that's
[00:53:51] why that's why it's funny to say this movie rocks because it's a brutal yeah
[00:53:57] the guy died I mean the trans guy has based on a real story yeah they kill
[00:54:03] them yeah that's what the brothers of whatever you happen in Nebraska in like
[00:54:08] 2017 Matthew Shepherd happened to Matthew Shepherd was one of the M
[00:54:15] states wasn't it mr Montana maybe maybe I'm just maybe I'm just
[00:54:19] turning Matthew into a few states and the letter well my brain is my I'm
[00:54:26] mentally retarded yeah so the way all of my thoughts work is they're like just
[00:54:32] everything's like stored and kind of like fucked up places where it shouldn't be
[00:54:36] that's why I can be like thinking about gay sex and be like oh I bought some
[00:54:40] natural peanut butter actually bought some you know Seinfeld
[00:54:47] of course we've all seen my wires are crisscrossed oh yeah I got dyslexia in
[00:54:57] dick sucks Leo you got a bad case of dick sucks Leo do you remember learning
[00:55:01] about dyslexia in school yeah I remember there was like a mainstream to
[00:55:05] retarded kid in my class and they in second grade and they talked about how
[00:55:09] like they explained dyslexia and everyone's like that's how words look
[00:55:13] like to hear me leave it just think of their like well no he's retard he doesn't
[00:55:23] fact some of you with dyslexia are more retarded than him in some ways yeah he's
[00:55:27] actually less of a retard than you must the teachers take yeah actually Michael
[00:55:32] on this case is the retard yeah and Frank we're all learning from him let's all
[00:55:37] take a look at the retard and learn from him per second just a substitute teacher
[00:55:42] it's only there for a day just zero zero zero zero target
[00:55:48] wow pencils down we all let's all just let's learn from him all right because
[00:55:54] we can learn a lot that's what life is really about I'm gonna put on land before
[00:55:59] time and we're gonna have him describe what's we're gonna look at him the whole
[00:56:02] time we're gonna look at him why smoke weed in my Honda Civic in the parking lot
[00:56:07] yeah it's funny to think back to like elementary school like the ASRI had
[00:56:14] substitute teachers because it's like these are just these these like sort of
[00:56:19] like authority figures that materialize out of nowhere when the teacher like
[00:56:24] fucking has to do something yeah which it's weird the even the idea that the
[00:56:28] teacher would have to do something because in your mind they don't exist
[00:56:32] outside of the school right you know and so now there's this other teacher but
[00:56:36] in retrospect it's like that is just a someone with three D you are there in
[00:56:42] there younger than us now like the age we are oh yeah there's like mid 20s there's
[00:56:47] old ones to yeah they're like over time yeah old yeah but it's always someone
[00:56:52] like for their second act in life do you want to always like you want to plug
[00:56:56] your album yeah yeah you should have done that earlier yeah Jake's got an album
[00:57:02] we'll put it back we won't but we'll put it up front yeah like that like the
[00:57:07] dick that goes in your ass yeah this this plug is the one that's going in
[00:57:11] your ass yeah the one we put it up there won't be one in there we go there
[00:57:17] won't be put it in the description we stopped we had a producer for a bit but
[00:57:24] then I stopped emailing him the files now I just uploaded raw if you've been
[00:57:32] wondering why goes in wrong why the files have been shitty lately it's because
[00:57:39] no one is seeing them before they go from this to the Internet yeah no yeah
[00:57:44] you know we've never ever wants listen to this show
[00:57:51] still now I've never heard an episode oh my god yeah people come up to me and
[00:57:57] they've mentioned something I'm like I have no I don't know what you're saying
[00:58:00] what's that I don't know what you're talking running bits that they have such
[00:58:04] a relationship I don't know who the fuck you're describing right now dude the
[00:58:08] low-main detective nothing I don't know I don't remember that I remember when
[00:58:15] we did the Chinese Jewish guy yeah yeah I remember that because it was on
[00:58:20] YouTube I don't know I remember the episode I just remember because it was
[00:58:24] fun to do but yeah your album my friend oh yeah you can get my album my old cat
[00:58:33] anywhere get that you ever whatever you get this it's probably on that Panera
[00:58:38] bread yeah I'll probably get more money bored on either Spotify yes I wonder is
[00:58:45] Jake our first father on the show no way no way no way I'm honored regardless
[00:58:54] Gomez loose and never done the show that's true Tim Dillon Tim Dillon that's right
[00:59:01] he's got some kind of rock have a bunch of Filipino now you would you
[00:59:06] rather your son have a bigger penis than you or a smaller penis than you
[00:59:10] interesting question what a question I mean bigger I there we go dad you go
[00:59:17] why would that some people are selfish dude yeah this is good I want to have
[00:59:21] a really tall son right yeah and then I start drinking again we go to bars and
[00:59:26] I pick fights with people I'm like let him have it Frankie yeah it's like okay
[00:59:32] I'm gonna beat this guy up I'm like you get him boy you get get his ass go go
[00:59:42] on your mentally retarded son with HGH to get him extra big oh my god now let's
[00:59:54] mom send the videos to mom wherever she is jail for birth in you yeah you are
[01:00:04] on her breath to a baby that is too retarded the Trumpian states law abortion
[01:00:12] completely illegal having a retarded kid punishable by life and really make
[01:00:19] women that's good man I hope your son has a big penis to the other be ideal
[01:00:31] how do you want a kid with a bigger penis than yours yeah I think you want
[01:00:35] you think you have to answer that question yes some people might not want
[01:00:39] that dude I think you want to have a kid that's able you want to give your kid
[01:00:42] all the tools to like be able to be your ass I think that's what our parents
[01:00:46] didn't do but you want to have such you want him to respect you so much that he
[01:00:50] chooses not to not want to be here I never want that's the way to be a dad
[01:00:54] we should read a book yeah dude we should you give him every every opportunity
[01:00:59] tool to destroy to murder you ruin you and every single will because he loves
[01:01:03] because you have too much psychological control that's all I want that's all I
[01:01:07] want for my boy that's right yeah so that's basically I wanted to have a
[01:01:11] bigger dick than me but think that I have a bigger dick than me oh what was that
[01:01:16] answer for me that's a dynamite answer I don't like that yeah I don't I think
[01:01:23] that's fucked up why why do you want him to think that so let's give him a
[01:01:30] comp complex I don't want to give him a complex your dad is the big dick that's
[01:01:36] not a common you not think you're dad is a bigger dick than you I at this point
[01:01:40] I think that that is not see I think I have never I've never I haven't seen my
[01:01:45] dad's I haven't seen my dad since childhood yeah exactly so that's a kid in
[01:01:48] my head I thought it was huge yeah I think is dick is that big I think at the
[01:01:53] time I was seven and it looked huge and I think it's probably not that big I've
[01:01:57] said it before but I saw my dad's piece a lot yeah as a kid yeah yeah now he has a
[01:02:03] complex now he wants to it's not a complex now you want your son to have a
[01:02:07] bigard to think to think he has a little now he wants sex with children that's
[01:02:12] how it goes yep in one ear out the other and in your ass yeah in one that's
[01:02:19] another thing I like to do is just use idioms as they come to me completely out
[01:02:26] of context and that's a more yeah from the stage of the page
[01:02:30] and that's a more I can't wait to have a sandwich and that's the way the cookie
[01:02:40] crumb that's the way the dick suckles what are we gonna get from lunch that's
[01:02:44] what I say after I bust I say and that's some more air no you don't yes I do
[01:02:49] after you bust girls love it go ahead and say guys I never said I would be
[01:02:56] guilty conscience that's what you guys always oh yeah I'm sorry projection
[01:03:10] yeah well somebody want to get Sigmund Freud in here to take a look at this guy
[01:03:18] I think Sigmund Freud might want to check this guy out
[01:03:27] he might be a homo if you catch my drift
[01:03:32] yeah let's get let's get um let's get sandwiches from that from Court Street
[01:03:37] I'm down pretty good all right well go listen to Jake's album Jake's album
[01:03:42] by at Barnes and Noble dot com my own my own noble dot com wait you get the
[01:03:46] most money for Spotify no fuck no Spotify pays nothing all right fuck
[01:03:50] Spotify by it thought I remember the trunk of micro scenes call yeah and buy
[01:03:56] some of his marinera sauce yeah I'm selling that sauce and Jake's album he's
[01:04:01] like rolled up to funny moms before and been like yeah before you neck you
[01:04:05] bring up the next comic can you just mention it like he saw us outside no
[01:04:09] you sold sauce and funny mom that was all sauce out of his car I love how he
[01:04:13] hustles he's like he he'll be like I have a van I'll do moves for you yeah and
[01:04:19] then like people yeah he's the best movie jobs for me myself mm-hmm that's my
[01:04:25] guy he knows what he's doing so by Jake's album and by it denies Mike's Mike's
[01:04:31] sauce and get some sauce yeah I love it all right folks we'll talk to you soon
[01:04:37] thanks Jake thanks for doing the show but thanks for having me for everyone hit the button Adam