Cum Town | Premium | 12/20/2020
[00:00:00] Oh my god my man was through in carrots. I get fucking carrot. Do you need a coffee?
[00:00:05] Huh? Nothing. You alright mate? Yeah I got COVID. That would be so gay. That's by the time
[00:00:16] this comes out it's probably not a funny joke. Probably. Half the relationship will have it.
[00:00:21] The virus seems like it's getting serious. It seems like things getting bad. It's December.
[00:00:30] It might be Christmas. It's Christmas. And don't they know my dick's heart. I'll tell you
[00:00:35] exactly what day it is today. Don't they know my dick's heart. It's December 20th.
[00:00:44] Wow. So the virus is really scary. The virus has been cured. Joe Biden is dead. Hell
[00:00:50] yeah. That's so funny. What were you saying about Trump talking about striking Iran? Yeah
[00:00:56] apparently he brought it up with his advisors this week. That's so funny. He's been bawling
[00:01:00] dude. A fun little. He's like just something. I'm thinking about it. A fun little hit on
[00:01:06] Iran on the way out the door. He'd be funny if Biden died thinking that he was the winner
[00:01:13] and then they found a way to fuck over a Kamala and let Trump keep being the president. That
[00:01:20] would be a dude's rock moment. It's funny because like the campaign strategy after Obama
[00:01:28] won was like we're up a hundred and nothing. Let's give the kid the down syndrome the football.
[00:01:35] Yes. We're up a hundred and nothing and they're just having some random guy starting their
[00:01:40] quarterback and some guy who's been talking shit this whole time. Damn. And then guess
[00:01:47] what? She fumbled it. She fumbled it. Now we have the man version. Yeah. The man show.
[00:01:54] We got four years of the man show. I really hope things just go back to normal and by
[00:02:00] normal I mean you just don't have to pay attention to this shit. I mean it seems like
[00:02:07] that's where it's headed. It's like you could say the answer is leaving New York. Right.
[00:02:12] It's going to live in some bullshit town. But it's like I can't imagine that Austin's any
[00:02:18] better. Right. It wasn't like this air. You have to get off line. Yeah. It's not even New
[00:02:24] York. It's the internet. Yeah dude. I'm about to be off the internet. You're about to beat
[00:02:31] off the internet. I'm about to beat off the internet. I did beat off. The Christmas is
[00:02:35] canceled. It's a deal. Yeah. Morning. Morning to kind of I woke up early and I pulled a
[00:02:42] shoulder from sodium from the porch holder. I could be I literally felt like I got fucked
[00:02:48] up and all I did was I don't know we took like 30 milligrams of edibles and smoked a
[00:02:52] couple joints. Yeah. And they don't 10 pound pork shoulder. And I needed something to ease
[00:02:56] the pressure in my body. Mm hmm. You know when you like hit a car where the tire is. Yeah
[00:03:02] because little air pressure out. I felt like I was a little too fucking stuffed. My head
[00:03:09] was I'm congested. You know sodium. So I figured if I beat off little air out of the tires.
[00:03:15] What permanently covered in crumbs. Yeah. Last week. That's what this is about. This
[00:03:19] week is about like I was saying eating a bunch of bullshit. Drinking coffee and podcasting.
[00:03:25] Yeah. Just nothing but eating dog shit. We have officially 100% stopped pretending we're
[00:03:31] going to be eating healthy. Dude it's over. It's over. We got the first batch of fucking
[00:03:36] the best part of it broke the seal of the doorway. The best part about this is the knowledge
[00:03:41] that like we we decided to pre record December so that we could like spend time with our
[00:03:45] families. Right. And knowing that I'm just going to get back home and be like sorry.
[00:03:50] I'm on my I'm on my shit. Yeah. Okay. Come to Thanksgiving. I got I'm like I'm I'm trying
[00:03:57] to eat it maintenance. I have to I'm doing RP diet. Yeah. I have to eat broccoli at 2.30
[00:04:03] PM RP diet works. I know where she got fucking ripped. I asked him if they if like I tried
[00:04:09] to get them as a sponsor but they ignored me because that's I mean as they should because
[00:04:15] I got something that I use that works. So yeah might as well just fucking they know I'm
[00:04:20] just going to say this is good. You know right right right right. You get free advertising
[00:04:24] anyway. Oh they fucking outmaneuvered you. Yeah. Outchest. The outchest you've been out
[00:04:29] chest by bodybuilders yet again. Once again I've been out smarted by the bodybuilding
[00:04:35] cutting bodybuilders. Yeah. Damn. What are we talking about though. I gotta say. We're
[00:04:44] having you we need right now. When you eat edibles when you eat edibles and then you
[00:04:48] eat the next day and then you get high again. Oh I woke up stoned today because I I've been
[00:04:53] so worried for so long I was sober and then we just had a delicious bacon bacon egg and
[00:04:59] avocado breakfast. Yeah. I was in pain this morning and like just gastric pain. My esophagus
[00:05:06] is on fire. I couldn't stand up straight. My back hurt from too much pork fat. I was
[00:05:12] like I need some like thumbs or something. Yeah. And instead I had four coffees and then
[00:05:17] I sleep with rice cakes. Yeah. I'm like all right I'm good. Rice cakes is healthy. Yeah.
[00:05:23] If you eat the whole thing it's fine. These are a good flavor to tomato mozzarella whatever
[00:05:28] the fuck they are. Yeah. Basically that's basically like eating chips. It is. I love that. Yeah.
[00:05:34] Man when the chips get in here. Entomens coming into the doorway it's like a vampire. You
[00:05:39] have to invite him in. And now that Entomens is in all his friends will be able he'll be
[00:05:44] able to invite his friends in. Yeah. You know I'm saying totally no I'm a friend of Entomens.
[00:05:52] You know they're from Israel right? What? Yeah. How bad would that be? Entomens are
[00:05:56] how much of a fucking idea. If you found out that Entomens was from Israel. Yeah. I'd be
[00:06:01] so happy. I'd be so mad. I'd have to switch what's even a competitor don't they pretty
[00:06:06] much own the gas station donuts game. There's no even other there's no even other. Oh there
[00:06:12] is. There's plenty. Really? First of all the tasty. Tasty cakes is their biggest probably
[00:06:19] the most lateral. Tasty cakes have donuts. They got all this shit. Huh. Interesting.
[00:06:25] Now we're talking about. I mean tasty cakes wise. I love nobody. There's nobody in the
[00:06:29] rich frosted chocolate donut game. They can compete with Entomens. Right. As far as I know.
[00:06:35] But you guys love that one more than me. I'm willing if they were Israeli I would be
[00:06:40] willing to not have that one. Okay. To be a good guy. Just as long as there's lateral
[00:06:46] moves available. You would have other with competitor items from the yeah from the family
[00:06:52] of products. No no no Entomens if they were. Oh no. I thought you said you were just
[00:06:57] just abstaining from the chocolate donuts. That's what I'm saying that wouldn't be available.
[00:07:03] An analog wouldn't be available and guess what I would say fuck that dude. My my principles
[00:07:08] are too high to eat this fucking frosted donut. Especially when I can find other frosted donuts
[00:07:14] somewhere else. But yeah I'm really looking forward to being let loose in the gas station
[00:07:20] high. Yeah. Tasty cakes donuts. I mean the crimpets are there. The crimpets I'm all over.
[00:07:27] I love a fucking crimp. Those are there. And I love every peanut butter thing they got
[00:07:31] in the mix. Okay. Hold on. Yeah. They got powdered made donuts. Huge. But I feel like
[00:07:37] they're not as good. So I tried to reach out to them to be a sponsor but they know that
[00:07:42] I'll just talk about the talk about all the show for free. Yeah free advertising. They
[00:07:47] know that we're we love it too much. Yeah let's look at the tasty cakes. You're listening
[00:07:52] to just you're listening to the going over gas station dessert podcast. You're listening
[00:07:57] to gas station dessert on NPR. I'm having a clapton invented of that. I don't think we're
[00:08:05] going to. And I'm I'm a flanto. They're science flying. That Eric Clapton shit set a high
[00:08:10] watermark for this. We're not coming. We're never coming near. Probably till you can check
[00:08:14] out if you enjoyed that one just check out till about summer 2022. Right. When we're
[00:08:19] like catch one more. When we're in the equivalent of the the the the season five of the wire.
[00:08:28] Yeah. We're McNulty's. He's a bad guy. He's a bad guy. He's bite. He's pretending to bite
[00:08:35] people. Yeah. He's by marks on setting up fake a fake cereal. I figured out a way to
[00:08:40] have sex with homeless people. You crazy McNulty. That's a crazy as white boy. You crazy McNulty.
[00:08:50] Bunk what if I what if I was going around having sex with homeless people. That way
[00:08:56] I can make it look like these are rapes and we can get the attention of the man's office.
[00:09:03] But you would be having consensual sex with them. I guess. Or would you be raping them.
[00:09:08] I guess. Are you just saying you'd be a rapist becoming rapists? I guess I didn't really think
[00:09:13] about it. The best moment of television was when McNulty gets pussy on the job. Okay.
[00:09:20] Yeah. And then he flashes the badge. Okay. He's right here on the hood of the car. Yeah.
[00:09:24] They don't have they don't have rich chocolate frozen candy cakes, juniors, pastries pies,
[00:09:30] seasonal other cakes. I fuck with their pies from time to time. Honeybuds. A 99 cent apple
[00:09:34] pie. Ain't nothing wrong with that. Yeah. That little goo, that little apple-y goo.
[00:09:39] Dude, I used to love the McDonald's apple pie. Do they still make that? Yes. Of course.
[00:09:45] Is it still good? One of the most artistic things I ever did. Damn. This is going to be
[00:09:51] a good one. Yes. Here we go. I got two McDonald's apple pies. Or maybe it was like one of their
[00:09:58] seasonal specialty pies. Yeah. And I was unfolding the box that the apple pie came in because
[00:10:03] the box used to be slightly different. I noticed it sort of looked like a couch. So I built
[00:10:08] an entire living room model out of McDonald's packaging on a piece of cardboard. Nice. Yeah.
[00:10:14] I set up the apple pies as couches. Very nice. Used the other one and cut them and like made
[00:10:19] couches and then a coffee table off the bottom of a large, and I look at an extra large soda
[00:10:24] cup. Right. So you made a diorama. I made a diorama out of, like for fun, for fun.
[00:10:31] Out of McDonald's packaging. Not for school. Yeah. Like a credenza. Like the fry. That's
[00:10:38] awesome. Yeah. Just refold. The big Mac box that could be coming in. Yeah. It could be
[00:10:43] a table. That's some good cardboard right there. Yeah. It took several trips to McDonald's.
[00:10:47] I kept adding to the McDonald's living room. Said why did what we did in his finals?
[00:10:54] Sir, who should I ever finalized? Did you know? Actually, I just threw it away. You get a
[00:10:58] big screen to use in scotch tape to make garbage. You keep traction. You keep traction. It was
[00:11:06] nice though. Yeah. Yeah. I had fun doing that. That's great, man. If you enjoyed that, that's
[00:11:11] what's important. It is. So if you're out there listening and you're like, I want to
[00:11:14] smash that diorama. Well, I want to fucking put a gun to your head. What do you think of
[00:11:18] that? Yeah. If you're out there, you want to fucking smash it. If you want to smash my
[00:11:23] diorama, I got something so you can smash right here. It's like down your fucking throat.
[00:11:27] Yeah. Oh, I thought you were going to say your ass. I'm ready for these fuckers to try
[00:11:32] and destroy my McDonald's diorama. Fuck. I used to love those dioramas. I used to love
[00:11:39] doing dioramas. You did? It was fun. Did you go to Joanne's and get like moss and stuff?
[00:11:44] My mom hooked the whole thing. I remember a kid in fourth grade. I don't forget what
[00:11:49] we were talking about. Or Michael's. But like the teacher was describing something and he
[00:11:54] was like, it's kind of like a diorama and it was like completely. He just didn't know
[00:11:57] what a diorama was. Yeah. Yeah. And we made fun of it for like a year. Yeah. For that.
[00:12:02] For not knowing what a diorama was. That's awesome. It's kind of like a diorama. No,
[00:12:07] it's not fucking Eric. He dumped a piece of shit. You don't know what it is. I made one
[00:12:11] last year. I made one out of McDonald's garbage. Well, I will make one in 10 years. I didn't
[00:12:17] do it. There's a sign his homework in school. I didn't do it. But then 10 years. When I'm
[00:12:21] with Ronald, I'm a 22 year old. I don't think I ever made a diorama as yeah, in school. Yeah.
[00:12:26] But when I made the McDonald's thing, I was probably 10. Oh, you were 10. Yeah, I was
[00:12:30] a kid. Oh, I thought you were a grown man. No. No. No, this was just like crafting. Oh,
[00:12:36] you were just a key little kid expressing your, expressing your creativity. Yeah, that's adorable,
[00:12:41] dude. I thought you were just be a drunk guy who's like, this is fucking time. Yeah. No,
[00:12:46] no, I mean, as yeah, as an adult, I just you do it with like wood or yeah, you know, you
[00:12:51] pick up a little wood for course. Yeah. Do you have any gay things you did as a child
[00:12:58] or a plant name one? I used to put on plays for my family. Yeah, which had singing numbers
[00:13:09] and how long repeat did people like them? 20, 25 minutes. And then if people stopped paying
[00:13:15] attention, I'd get really upset. Right. Maybe even cry for sure. Pretty gay. Yeah, you were
[00:13:20] bombing at home. No, it was like, it's like if my cousin was trying to mess it up for me,
[00:13:27] then we get enough fist fighting for the family. That's cool. I feel a lot of work into those
[00:13:32] players. I think I used to write poetry. I had my own little journal where I would write
[00:13:38] poetry. Yeah, roses or red, violets are blue. Peanut butter Oreo is what I liked. She's
[00:13:47] a list. Yeah, peanut butter Oreos. Yeah, I used to fucking write poetry. I used to write
[00:13:53] like, yeah, I was like, there's like, you have any of those bones? I wish I did. You write
[00:13:58] them for your mom? What age for church is for yourself? Probably fourth, fifth grade.
[00:14:02] Oh, okay. You remember having to memorize bones? And then for school? Yeah, you had to
[00:14:08] memorize them and then rewrite them again, and cursive. Never did that. That's that's
[00:14:13] like a weird thing that they teach you in elementary school cursive. Fuck cursive, dude.
[00:14:18] And how to read? There's no reason. I remember being disdainful towards analog clocks and
[00:14:22] having to learn that. It's like everything's going to be digital, but I have an analog
[00:14:26] watch now. People are like, what time is it? I'm like, my watch, it's I don't know.
[00:14:31] It's either five 30 or six 45. I don't know. It's like I think the little one is going
[00:14:37] down. But it's also there's no numbers on here. Oh shit. That's tough. You got to count around.
[00:14:43] Yeah, but you can kind of tell. Yeah. From from 12, three, six, nine. Can you? That's my
[00:14:49] secret for reading a clock? Those are my numbers that I sort of right now. It is 1234. Let me
[00:14:56] check. Did I get it? Yeah, he did. Very nice. So it's very nice. Very nice. Very nice.
[00:15:03] Very nice. I am the one who reads the time out of the time, please. I might be feeling
[00:15:11] you on the looney tunes now that I'm like, thank you. I've been overeating. Thank you.
[00:15:15] It's hard to think. Thank you. You know, awesome. I'm gonna throw in some looney tunes right
[00:15:20] now. Did you watch the rest of Hobbs and Shaw? I got about another half hour 45 minutes in
[00:15:26] then I fell asleep on the couch. I'm what you call a champagne problem. It's a good ass
[00:15:30] movie. Somebody told me it wasn't that good. They're an idiot and I'm pissed at them because
[00:15:35] all of those movies are good. I love it yourself. Best eight wasn't that good. Which is fast
[00:15:42] eight. I just lost his opinion. You're muted. You're muted. My mic? You're muted. Fast
[00:15:50] eight didn't hold. No, shut up. No. You're on time out for about 30 seconds. Okay. Which
[00:15:56] would happen in fast eight? It was it was the one after Paul Walker died. There was a
[00:16:04] cool chorus in Cuba at the beginning when they used Cuban noss. But after that scene,
[00:16:09] that kind of didn't hold up. Is that with Charlize Darrin had dreads? I think maybe she
[00:16:15] was the bad guy. I was also because fast seven was so good. This is gonna break. I don't mean
[00:16:21] to be this guy. Six was better than seven. Wait, maybe fast seven was bad. Maybe that's
[00:16:26] fast. Fast seven is the one that is in. Yeah. Fast six is really good. What happened in
[00:16:33] fast eight? Well, yeah, I didn't like that one. I saw that one. Wasn't that good? Fast
[00:16:37] eight is yeah, that's the fate of the furious. Yeah. F eight. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got I went
[00:16:45] to the me and eldest got stoned as fuck and saw fast set the Cuba one in theaters. And
[00:16:52] I did fall asleep for a lot of it. But it was a lot of accidents. And then are the race
[00:16:56] in Cuba and the jail fights. I like I listen, oh yeah, where the rock fights. Vin Diesel.
[00:17:06] I like the I like the fight scenes more than the fucking cars. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's
[00:17:11] my fuck. I admit it. I don't really give up that much of a fuck of cars race. Well, they
[00:17:17] that doesn't excite me that much. They changed the series because it used to be more like
[00:17:23] car shit. And then they turn it. Yeah, it's more hopping. I was straight up action moving
[00:17:28] on like I can't remember what's now I'm confused. Uh oh. Yeah. Six is the one because that's
[00:17:35] the last one. Six is the last one. Six is the one where Paul Walker is dead. Yeah. And
[00:17:41] they they yeah, they had to like edit him in or whatever. Seven is. Yeah. Seven is the
[00:17:45] one that opens in Cuba. Yeah, dude. Fuck that. Charlize was seven. It's not that good. Six
[00:17:52] is amazing. There's even these are have another family or something in seven. He has a baby
[00:17:58] that's not with Michelle Rodriguez. You know what? Who gives a shit? Let's go back to talking
[00:18:03] about down now. What's down there? Oh, the fucking British. Yes. Dinner. Oh my god.
[00:18:10] Dinner will be late. I'm having to be continued. We've made dinner on time. In the last minute
[00:18:17] we finished this the vicious swan. I finished coming up next week on time now. What do you
[00:18:26] get letters? I've misplaced the duster. There's going to be dust. There's going to be dust
[00:18:34] on the on the silver. I'll fuck up any lord or lady. Yeah. I'll slap those motherfuckers.
[00:18:40] So Charles. You notice this dust on the banister? I have not my lord. I have not noticed that.
[00:18:49] Imagine calling a guy my lord. Yeah. In like the one is ever showed. She said in the 60s
[00:18:54] in the 1960s. Isn't it like modern aristocracy in 1910s or something? Maybe. Yeah. That sounds
[00:19:02] funny. Right. Yeah. The early 20th century. Probably. I can't believe motherfuckers still
[00:19:07] going around calling themselves lords and shit like that. Yeah. That's just from the 1600s.
[00:19:12] Well they like regimented social structures. Which could be beneficial. I mean the army
[00:19:17] set up that way. You got ranks. Yeah, but the army. But there's mobility. Imagine how
[00:19:22] much better you feel if you were Colonel stop rose. I wouldn't feel that much better. Nothing
[00:19:26] changes. I'd make my kids how high is Colonel? Colonel is like it's pretty high up there.
[00:19:32] Okay. Colonel's right before general. Oh that's not great. Colonel major. Lieutenant.
[00:19:37] No hold on. It's Lieutenant Captain Major Lieutenant Colonel. Lieutenant Colonel. Yeah
[00:19:48] then Colonel then general Lieutenant. I would be Lieutenant pleasure Lieutenant pleasure.
[00:19:53] Yeah. Okay. Lieutenant pleasure stop rose house. First Lieutenant pleasure. The Navy's
[00:20:01] got cool ones with the enlisted ranks because you get up there and it's like petty officer
[00:20:05] and yeah and Master Chief. Master Chief's tight. Master Chief. No I'm Lieutenant pleasure
[00:20:11] stop rose. Yeah first first. Well you could be a master sergeant. That's pretty cool. Master
[00:20:18] Chief is better than sergeant major. Sergeant sounds cool but it's pretty low right. They've
[00:20:23] got gunnery sergeant. That's cool. That's good. It's got because it says gun in it. Sergeant
[00:20:29] sounds so tight but it's like just the second highest. Yeah it's bullshit sucks. It's uh
[00:20:33] do you know the other one is uh corporal which sounds like it's gonna be something big
[00:20:38] but no that's way down there. Yeah that one sucks. Yeah Ensign is gay but for everyone
[00:20:44] knows that. Yeah Ensign it's like fuck that. Don't call me that bullshit. Even if I am
[00:20:49] that thing. Um are you looking at the ranks? I like British people say left tenant. Yeah
[00:20:56] instead of loots. I gotta give it to them on that one. Half valves the same way. Most
[00:21:00] of the time I think the way they say shit sucks but left tenant is fucking tight. Yeah
[00:21:05] left tenant. Freeled. Somebody got into all the gay problems. Private first class specialist
[00:21:13] corporal sergeant. Specialist I like. Sergeant first class master sergeant first sergeant
[00:21:19] sergeant major command sergeant major sergeant major of the army but uh I don't see what
[00:21:26] that's it. You're the sergeant and then office and then yeah those are the enlisted. Yeah
[00:21:31] don't give a fuck about enlisted dude. I went to officer school. Yeah. Then officer ranks
[00:21:36] are second lieutenant first lieutenant. Well that's how it used to be when there's nobility.
[00:21:40] It's like the officers were all people that came from nobility. Yeah. You know so they
[00:21:45] were up there in the uh they got fucked them though. Yeah. Why? Cause they're great great
[00:21:50] great great grandfather had a big ass sheet form. Yeah basically. Fuck that. They got
[00:21:55] haircuts for their birthday. Fuck ancient England. So that is ancient England. Fuck that
[00:22:03] shit. I actually I majored in ancient England. That's it's bad. I'm right. I'm calling it
[00:22:09] that. Everyone knows what the fuck I mean. Ancient 1600 is ancient. What do you got?
[00:22:18] Well come on. Alright so then it goes. So then it goes uh captain major lieutenant colonel
[00:22:27] colonel. Brigadier general. Brigadier is cool. Major general lieutenant general. That's
[00:22:33] three stars. General is four stars. And then general the army is five stars. Brigadier
[00:22:40] master star master pleasure stop us. Halkis. Yeah I think the only general army is what
[00:22:45] George Washington. Five stars. Has there ever been one? I think they retroactively made
[00:22:50] George Washington a five star general. He was that nice with it? Yeah. Cause they don't
[00:22:55] nobody they didn't want anybody out ranking George Washington. My car there was one. He
[00:23:00] was five star. Five star or four star. Five officers have held the 1944 version of general
[00:23:06] of the army are. And then they made Marshall's. There's a separate there. Eisenhower. Arnold.
[00:23:13] They had to make a Bradley. Oh more. I'm. They had to make a separate one for I guess
[00:23:17] I got named Omar Bradley. They had to make another one for Washington. Cause there's
[00:23:23] there's like general of the army and then there's general of the armies of the United
[00:23:27] States or something that George Washington has. What does Omar Bradley look like? He looks
[00:23:31] like a nerd dude. Yeah. He looks like a loser. Is he just a white guy named Omar? Yeah that's
[00:23:39] cool. What the fuck? Where's the name Omar from? Yeah. Washington was posthumously promoted
[00:23:46] the rank of general of the armies of the United States. Hmm. Yeah. He's it's a six star. Right
[00:23:53] six star. Hell yeah. Seven is the good shit. Cause he was the only I think he was the only
[00:23:58] like five star. And then during World War two they started promoting motherfuckers that
[00:24:02] were like I see you've killed more Japanese. Yeah. And 44 I guess. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah.
[00:24:10] World War two they had to give someone more stars cause they're dick out so hard. Yeah.
[00:24:14] I think Pershing was the big dick guy during World War one. That's a good name. You know
[00:24:19] what his nickname was? Pussy Pershing. Nah. You're gonna like this one. Oh hell yeah. Was it?
[00:24:24] Well he was I think the first or originally he like oversaw black soldiers. Oh no. So
[00:24:31] guess what they called him. I think I can get King of the blacks. No. I think you can
[00:24:39] guess Adam. No it was bad. We don't have to say we should get off our phones and do
[00:24:44] this show. Is it the same name as a character from Deadwood? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Kind
[00:24:51] of what I expected. No but that is funny that they did that on Deadwood. Yeah. That was
[00:24:56] a character on Garfield too. Garfield in France. The N word general. Yeah. N word the cat. No
[00:25:05] no. Yeah. Oh great. Mondays. Oh boy. Here comes Monday. I can't wait to have a Monday
[00:25:14] for myself. I have my own farm filled with Mondays. No. No Garfield. Yeah. You just
[00:25:23] want lasagna. Wait you hear? I thought you hated Mondays. Now you want to fucking. That's
[00:25:30] the type of hatred. I've been lying between love and hate. It's all the it's the opposite
[00:25:34] side of the coin. Okay. So we recently went to the New Bedford Whaling Museum. What? All
[00:25:41] three of us. Are you fucking serious? Yeah. You guys went to that? No. You came you were
[00:25:45] in a wheelbar. You were there. You were passed out. Yeah. You guys seriously went to the
[00:25:50] museum without me. We put an apple in your mouth and we'll do in there. Yeah. I was upstairs
[00:25:54] the whole time. I told you guys I beat off and I took a second nap. It's wild how many
[00:25:59] people have been to the New Bedford Whaling Museum. Where is that? Mass? Yeah. Oh you guys
[00:26:04] didn't go. No. I think it's by boss. Thank God. It's it's I would have been so. It's
[00:26:09] probably by the ocean. I'll bet you will blubber taste good as fuck. Didn't they use
[00:26:15] it for like lamps and stuff? Yeah. But I bet you if you get a cooked version. It's just
[00:26:20] like big fat. It's it's in New Bedford, Massachusetts. You probably dip bread in it hence the New
[00:26:26] Bedford Whaling Museum. How far is that from here? I don't know. Um, it could be your.
[00:26:31] It could be right here. It could be probably two and a half hours from where we are currently.
[00:26:35] Actually maybe more. Maybe like seven hours. Okay. Yeah. You can drive through Mass for
[00:26:40] a while brother. Yeah. You have to take the Massachusetts turnpike. We're we're in Western
[00:26:45] Mass right now. Mm hmm. We're close to it. And the New Bedford Whaling Museum. This is
[00:26:51] not a history podcast. I love it. Two hours and 51 minutes. It would taste the driver.
[00:26:56] But it's weird because I've been there and I bring it up to people and it seems like
[00:27:00] everyone has been to the New Bedford Whaling Museum. Mm hmm. And it is one room with like
[00:27:05] two models of ship. You know what was like that was they had like a jazz museum in Harlem.
[00:27:11] And it was like that's in Harlem. This is in New Bedford. I know but it was only one room.
[00:27:16] I was like, what the fuck is this? I was getting excited for like a whole days worth of seeing
[00:27:20] shit. We're trying to go to the W E B Du Bois fucking childhood, childhood home. Yeah.
[00:27:25] Yeah. We're pretty close. Probably the place that he jacked off with the first time. Absolutely
[00:27:29] if I go. That's where he learned. It would be great if I go in there and there's a little
[00:27:32] diorama made out of McDonald's garbage. I'm like, wow, I was just like him. You guys are
[00:27:38] so similar. We were so similar. We were both concerned with the souls of black folks and
[00:27:44] where they were going. Right. It'd be a different opinion. Yeah. You came down on opposite ends
[00:27:51] of the spectrum. Ultimately, we're of the same discipline. Right. You know, absolutely.
[00:27:57] Um, karate. Oh yeah. He was nice with the fucking with the noon chukas. Yeah. Got him.
[00:28:04] Ever get into the nonchucks? Uh, no, it's too scary. A friend of mine literally was carrying
[00:28:09] nonchucks around for protection. I don't know. I hurt. Hit my head. He's like fuck somebody
[00:28:14] up. I mean, they will if you know how to use it. He doesn't know how to use. They were
[00:28:17] a weapon. I know, but he's like a fucking, you know, they were a farm tool. 30 year old
[00:28:22] Jewish man. He's not going to do shit. You know, 30 year old's not Adam. Just another
[00:28:27] guy Jewish guy in front of me. Who I'm not just a gun. He says name. Say his name. Frankie.
[00:28:33] Frankie Frankie. Frankie Valley and the horses. Frankie bagel. Frankie bagel. Yeah. It's my
[00:28:39] Jewish friend Frankie bagel. It's my Jewish friend. Frank Nichols. Frank Nicholson. Yeah.
[00:28:46] Back in Nichols. Oh, but he's Jewish. Yeah. There we go. Here's Frank. One flew over
[00:28:55] the bank. Yeah. Instead of Chinatown, just south Williamsburg. Yes. Yeah. Forget it, Jake.
[00:29:11] It's pocket chains. I can't forget it. Curly. Don't you understand? It's baked into my
[00:29:16] head. Don't you get it? There was 37 cents in there. There was 37 cents in there. It's
[00:29:22] gone missing. The balance sheets are all a mess. Somebody's trying to steal my pocket
[00:29:28] change from me. I don't know who got your husband involved in this. Mrs. What's the
[00:29:34] character's name? Mulray. Mulray. Listen, Miss Mulray. Somebody came into my office and
[00:29:40] they stole 38 cents off my desk. I don't know why or how, but I have reason to do it. Jack
[00:29:49] has the bandage on his nose because he got it. He said he had a deviated septal. He's
[00:29:57] blended with the Gentiles to find his 38. He said it misses. It keeps regrowing. That'll
[00:30:03] happen. He had it cut off the thing. The fucking thing regrows in two weeks. Oh, yeah. Oh,
[00:30:14] what's his name? Would you just shut your fuck up for a second? Let me finish the story.
[00:30:17] Anyway, so he's saying there's two kinds of black people. You got regular black people
[00:30:23] and Mr. Giddis. Oh shit. Did I say the N word in front of her? I did, didn't I? Well,
[00:30:32] fuck my ass. Fuck me. Write my Jewish ass. Well, fuck me in my Jewish ass. I come up
[00:30:44] here to this cabin. I have the winner to myself, Wendy, and I figure this is the one time I
[00:30:48] have to go over all of my collected sequential $1 bills. I'm just going to fuck it up for
[00:30:55] me. What else was he? Your boy has got to shine it. He, I don't, some, he does some.
[00:31:08] There's some related scene the shining that he's good. He uses he can with his mind. I'm
[00:31:15] guessing there's a black eye in it that identifies it. Scab their brothers. Oh, nice. Yeah. Doc,
[00:31:21] that's what he calls him. Doc. I was trying to remember that the other day. Oh yeah, he
[00:31:27] does. Listen here, Diane Keaton and Greg Keneer. What's the kids? Yeah, I need Tony.
[00:31:34] Something's not a good Tony is the finger in the shining. Adam. I don't know. I don't
[00:31:42] know. Yeah, Tony, Tony. We should watch it. It's Kubrick. I want you. It's good. Tony,
[00:31:51] let me see your penis. What does Tony tell you? He tells me that my dad. I forgot me,
[00:31:59] I'm sorry. I forgot that it was Jewish. Yes, please, at least. Jack Nichols son. Adam,
[00:32:09] you could at the very least please just remember the details and context of the house bus get
[00:32:16] through it. Jack because we ran out of gas five minutes. Yeah, because we're basically
[00:32:24] gliding and hoping we can find somewhere to land right now because this is this is a disaster.
[00:32:31] Listen, I was like, I was saying, listen here, Diane Keaton and Gary old. What was the name?
[00:32:42] Greg Keneer. It's Hanukkah. Yeah. So I need pussy. As good as it gets. I thought I'd be
[00:32:51] able to get more than 15% off. I guess not. My thing is I'm an obsessive compulsive guy.
[00:33:01] He goes around looking for deals. Oh, nice. What is the actual thing in the movie? He's
[00:33:07] a writer. Oh, that was it. I was good as a guest. Yeah. That's a great movie. Me and
[00:33:13] little, little, we watched it. How do you, how do you write women so well? I think of a man
[00:33:18] and then I remove reason and accountability. Yeah. That was the line for the fellas. That
[00:33:24] one. Carol, the waitress meets Simon the Fag. Let's go. Oh, yeah. Thank God. He got
[00:33:32] to live out his golden years where you could just say fag in movies. Yeah. I love that he
[00:33:38] gets pussy too. Yeah. He does get pussy. He gets young pussy and then he fucks down Keaton,
[00:33:43] right? And he's like, what am I doing? It's Helen Hunt in Great County.
[00:33:48] Helen Hunt. Where'd you get Diane Keaton? No, Diane Keaton is in something's got to give.
[00:33:53] Something's got to give. He goes that he's he's fucking man to Pete. That's right. And then
[00:33:59] I was out there. Mom's Beach House. And then he has a heart attack because he's so old.
[00:34:04] And he fucks her mom. And then her mom helps him get back to health. Me, fucks her. And
[00:34:09] then they fall in love and it's Diane Keaton. It's actually a really good movie. I something
[00:34:14] 's got to give me head. Whether it's your daughter or you. Somebody's got to give me head. We like
[00:34:23] the idea, Jack. So you get ahead from a young woman and her mother. That's right. He should
[00:34:29] have played Morpheus. Welcome to the real world. But you're a black guy in the Matrix. I am.
[00:34:39] Out here. I'm just a fat racist. In the real world. I'm actually that'd be
[00:34:47] five funny would be if like we were living in a Matrix or whatever. And then you get to like
[00:34:52] we all come out of it. And like the most out like Roxanne Gay is actually like a 110 pound
[00:34:57] white guy. That would be awesome. Yeah. That was in the movie Surgates with Bruce Willis.
[00:35:03] Really? Why don't you guys talk about that for a second? Well, I go blow my nose.
[00:35:07] Sure. You got a disgusting booger on your fingers. I didn't think that was coming out.
[00:35:11] It was humongous. I feel good for you for getting it. Look,
[00:35:16] just wipe it off. No, dude. Come on. Put a fuck. You'll get a towel. It's gross. A towel. Paper towel.
[00:35:23] But should I get a whole towel? No, I don't get a whole hotel. Yeah. Get a whole hotel towel.
[00:35:27] Maybe this is just this is my brain turning. Just leave the mush.
[00:35:30] Yeah. We really hurt ourselves. I've been trying to live in your shoes, man.
[00:35:37] This ain't I can't walk a mile. This ain't shit. I can't walk a mile. This isn't but a light
[00:35:42] jog. This isn't even the full fucking this is every day. No, but if I'm really doing damage,
[00:35:48] this ain't nothing. This is a good day. Yesterday was like not a bad day. Yeah. Well,
[00:35:53] today, who knows? Get a walk. No, I see that. I see the devil in your eye.
[00:35:58] You guys are waking something. I was talking. Who knows? What kind of fucked up should we get into?
[00:36:05] Keep getting higher and fucking more fucked up. And now that the entomens are in the house,
[00:36:10] it's we're going to have pizza probably. We're going to be doing something slutty.
[00:36:14] I think we're having a bowl in there for dinner. I could fuck with that.
[00:36:18] I think our friend is coming up here and making us a ball. A friend of ours is making a bowl in
[00:36:21] a friend of ours. Anyway, you're not to make it in the joint. Wait, tell me about this Bruce
[00:36:26] Willis in surrogates, which is a movie that I watched. Everyone has a robot. Oh, I thought it was
[00:36:33] about Bruce Willis gets pregnant for a couple. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, he holds the baby for
[00:36:39] the couple. That's that's a I remember. I don't know if that if you are the same way, but Phoebe
[00:36:45] from friends with my introduction to the concept of surrogacy. Yeah, it always seemed weird to me.
[00:36:51] They have some other person's child. I guess nice, but it seems like you got you got like a hundred
[00:36:59] thousand dollars or something. You should get fat paid for that. You should get paid more.
[00:37:03] I think I heard that the car dash she's or what's her name came Kardashian gave gave her
[00:37:10] check like fifty thousand dollars because it's medically I'm going to colonic or something.
[00:37:15] W should go get our asses clean ass scrubbed. You're going to coffee in a month today.
[00:37:20] That'd be cool. Yeah, I would do that. Yeah, I would get my ass blasted.
[00:37:25] The problem is that's cool. It's like a tube up your ass and just power wash all the
[00:37:29] shit out of your body. Yeah. Yeah, I would love that. I'm then liposuction. Yes.
[00:37:35] We should go get the plastic surgery. We should go get our we should get BBLs. Yeah, we just have
[00:37:40] a big ass big juicy asses. That's what I want. Dude, that would be awesome if I got because they
[00:37:45] just lipo you and put your own fat in your ass. What if I just got all the liposucked out of you?
[00:37:50] You got the baddest ass. That's playing God, baby. Yeah. Would you like get an IV drip for every
[00:37:57] morning with like all the essential nutrients and vitamins that you need one a day? What's wrong
[00:38:02] with that? Are you like that's just taking a multi vitamin? No, but like you put some special
[00:38:08] stuff in there. Yeah, they hydrate. Why wouldn't I do that drunk the night before?
[00:38:12] Why wouldn't I? What's the downside? I guess there's no downside. It's kind of a star
[00:38:16] of hypothetical. No, it's not. It does not thought provoking. There's not too beautiful
[00:38:20] size to each argument. No, that's a stupid or point. I thought you started self administering IV
[00:38:26] trips every morning when you're like, now if you said, would you now let me give you a good
[00:38:31] hypothetical. If you said, what if an IV that makes you feel awesome comes out of my dick and you had
[00:38:40] to suck it? Would you do it? Now that's a hypothesis that's the worst hypothetical.
[00:38:45] We're not my dick. Let's take me out. Yeah, that's true. There would be two beautiful
[00:38:49] sizes. Let me take me out of it. A guy named, I don't know, like a guy you need from college,
[00:38:58] that's who's they can comes out of. He's not a close friend of yours, but he's in the quanes.
[00:39:03] Then would you do it? Yeah, sure. But because yours is an automatic, yes, mine. Would you do one
[00:39:14] gay act? I guess it wouldn't be one. I see what I want in every day is like, you know,
[00:39:19] basically like nasal irrigation, but for my ass, a neti pot for my ass. But there's that's the
[00:39:25] thing. So you need to ask you shit, everything out? You need two assholes. Yeah, if I could have a
[00:39:30] tube that goes down my throat and just uses pressure to squeeze everything out of my digestive tract.
[00:39:36] Yes, that would rock. Didn't John Wayne, when he died, he had just had like a bunch of shit in his
[00:39:42] ass. He had a bunch of shit. He crammed in his ass. I mean, no, he put it in. He's had a bunch of
[00:39:50] traits. Hey partner, do you mind if I borrow some of your shit to shove up my ass?
[00:39:59] Put your turds in my ass. The man who shit liberty valence into my ass.
[00:40:05] And he, I'm trying. We should watch John Wayne's Genghis Khan. Did he have that movie?
[00:40:13] I would love to see him with the Fu Manchu. Well, we talked up. It's a very early episode of
[00:40:17] the show we talked about. Well, we talked about Charles Heston. Yeah. Oh, Charles Heston to play
[00:40:23] Genghis Khan. Yeah, that was. That's right. No, I'm remembering what things. I don't even remember.
[00:40:27] He's like me. No, want. Socky, sucky. Socky. Socky. Socky.
[00:40:41] Get your damn hands off of me. You goddamn ape. That's right. You damn dirty ape. Get your damn
[00:40:48] dick out of me. Get your, get your dirty ape dick out of my ass. I've never seen a man get
[00:40:59] raped with more dignity than Charlton Heston in the plan of the apes. Dr. Zayas just with his
[00:41:05] hands on Charles and Heston's hips. Just fucking him. Absolutely railing him. Yeah, both hands on
[00:41:13] my ass. Get your dirty ape dick out of my ass. What have we done? We fucked the Statue of Liberty
[00:41:26] to death. We gave her a pussy and fucked it until she died. Yeah. Damn. Damn. Was there human
[00:41:37] pussy in the planet of the apes? Didn't he find like people in jail? Yeah, that chick, dude. Because
[00:41:43] it ends and he realizes they are on earth. Yeah. It's time travel, not space travel. Yeah, damn you
[00:41:50] all the hell. Yeah. That there was a nuclear war. So what is he doing in the second one? Does he
[00:41:57] kill the apes? I don't remember. Because I've seen rise of the planet of the apes. That was the
[00:42:03] reboot, right? Those were really good. Those were pretty good, honestly. Yeah. How about thighs of
[00:42:08] the planet of the apes? And it's like, ooh, what's on the Eassum banana? It's like a big sexy ape.
[00:42:18] I guess she's thick. The thighs of the planet of the apes. The curves of the planet. I like the thighs.
[00:42:26] Why the hell do I like it so much? Make my dick soft. Dicks. Oh yeah. Make my dick soft.
[00:42:41] You've turned us all horny. Instead of Ben Hurts them her. He's like, don't assume my pro
[00:42:49] down. Who's his friend, the Jewish king in that movie? No, wait, I'm thinking of Ben Hurry is a
[00:42:58] Jew. I think it is. They're all slaves. Oh, to the to the Egypt? No, to Rome. To Rome. Yeah, Ben
[00:43:06] Hurry's like Charlton has to play as the Jewish king. Oh, really? Yeah. And then his friend is a
[00:43:12] Roman and they were childhood friends and then they like the politics. They like, you know, it's
[00:43:17] the Fox and the Hound drives in the sun there. It is a Fox and the
[00:43:46] lovingly. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, I can't miss you so well. Ben Hur's gay. Yeah, Ben Hur
[00:43:54] reunited. We're like Ben Suck. Yeah, Miss Salah. He sounds like he was having some penis
[00:44:03] teak of Miss Salah. Am I right? That one had him? This movie sucks, by the way. Never seen it. We'll
[00:44:08] absolutely never see. He fits the Fox and the Hound. I'll just watch the Fox and the Hound.
[00:44:15] The sister and mother, how are they? They're fine. They've talked for nothing but you for days
[00:44:19] ever since we knew you were coming to his marriage yet. So this common goal, but she dreams.
[00:44:25] You know, she's been in love with you ever since you were five years old. Wait to see them.
[00:44:29] Wow, you're still on track on some lions.
[00:44:32] All of you become too dignified. Show me your penis. I can't wait until my wife and children
[00:44:43] are gone so I can suck your cock. Oh, you haven't turned straight on me. Have you been? Yeah,
[00:44:50] I do. We should watch those Vincent Price movies. I want you to be in the price movie. Yeah.
[00:44:55] There's a movie. I'm gay. Leave her to heaven where he plays like a prosecutor that used to date
[00:45:02] this woman that has bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder. And she's murdered her
[00:45:08] new husband's sister, Ruttrow, and then framed the... Now she murdered her own sister. Damn.
[00:45:18] She murders her own sister and then leaves. What a bitch. Yeah, anyways. But Vincent Price is the
[00:45:23] prosecutor who's prosecuting the husband who's basically been had his life ruined by this bitch.
[00:45:28] Used to be engaged to the BPD woman. So he's pressing hard to get this guy.
[00:45:34] You know, get him in jail. Get him in jail. And so there's this courtroom scene where he's on,
[00:45:39] you know, Vincent Price has him on the stand. And he's like, when you met Evelyn, she was engaged.
[00:45:44] Was she not? You know, and he's like, yes. And he's like, and yet you made love to her.
[00:45:49] She's on the stand in front of the court being like, this guy fucked my wife.
[00:45:56] And yet, yeah. And yet you made love to her. And yet you made love to her, knowing she had a
[00:46:01] fiancé. And that he had a dick. And can you point to my penis? And was that the penis you saw in the
[00:46:11] bathroom? This is supposed to be an impression of Tim Dillon. It's horrible. Well, it's Tim's
[00:46:24] friend. And he posted it and said, this is the best impression of me I've ever seen. So what?
[00:46:29] Sounds like sounds like you're in a political pickle now, Mr. Stop. I got a fucking political
[00:46:34] pickle for you, dude. Yeah. My fucking prick. I got a political prickle for you. Why don't you
[00:46:39] come suck my political that's probably just some famous guy Tim is pretending is good at something.
[00:46:46] Right. There's no way that he's actually good at that's a career.
[00:46:51] I'm not taking shots. Taking shots. There's no way that's a good I bet you who's that Joe Rogan
[00:46:57] doing that? Or it's a cute guy. He's trying to suck off. Tim's crazy, bro.
[00:47:03] Dude, the guys got a lot of knowledge long while I'm so jealous of Joe Rogan. He's got the best
[00:47:12] life. Dude, that it rules. He's got his own little setup. He moves the Texas, right? He gets to do
[00:47:17] whatever the fuck he wants. People don't understand because we have like just a taste of it. Right.
[00:47:22] Imagine being only able to do one bump of cocaine everything. Exactly. And there's some guy with
[00:47:28] just the scar face melons and some guys dead. You know, guys just overdosed. Yeah. And you're like,
[00:47:34] I don't get enough cocaine to die. Yeah. You know, it's funny because they're like canceling and
[00:47:39] grabbing Alex Jones on the show with the shop, the Spotify thing. And he probably wasn't worried
[00:47:44] for a second. Who Joe Rogan? Probably not. Probably. He's probably just hot. You got a hundred million
[00:47:50] dollars deal. Even if they fucking say you can't use Spotify. He's like, okay. All right, bye.
[00:47:55] I'm like, I have a hundred. You gave me a hundred million dollars. They gave it all to him? I'm sure
[00:48:00] it's like, it's there's no way he just like, yeah, has to ring has to prove to Spotify. Of course,
[00:48:05] he got it all. Yeah. Sounds like a fucking athletes contract. Right. Yeah, I'm sure that's how it works.
[00:48:15] It's not like every year you can ring you or whatever. I don't fucking know.
[00:48:19] Not really. My dig is too hard to know specifics. But we should I should have more coffee before
[00:48:24] that. We all should have more coffee. I know. That's a mistake. We learned it this week. But hey,
[00:48:29] you know what? Part of the show, we're still figuring it out. Listen, we're working out the
[00:48:33] case. We know it's five years. It's only we're just getting started folks. And it's
[00:48:37] infancy when you consider it role like relatively young guys. We're young guys. We're in the prime
[00:48:42] of our lives. This is when most people get into come. Yeah. It's age 35, 30, 40 years old.
[00:48:51] 52 years old. That's when a lot of guys start doing this. You know, Rodney's
[00:48:55] Andrew Field started like 63 years old. That's right. Yeah. So that means I'll be fine. Yeah.
[00:49:01] We'll be hanging around outside of the stand. Yeah. Trying to do anything but pay child's
[00:49:06] for it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, Rodney didn't start. He didn't start. It was a little bit.
[00:49:10] It has nothing to do with the fact that he actually started much younger. Yeah. And then had a career.
[00:49:14] And then was a writer. Yeah. While selling a little fucking, selling whatever aluminum
[00:49:21] siding door to door. Yeah. Trying to be a regular guy. The whole time, meanwhile,
[00:49:25] he was selling jokes to the most famous comedians in the world. Yeah. But beyond that, what's more
[00:49:29] important is that I this one freak example I've decided applies to me. Yeah. Rather than. Right.
[00:49:37] How most things work for most people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And like me, like both me and Rodney,
[00:49:43] we're both really like, yeah, have sex with women. We just a lot of common old guys.
[00:49:49] When an old guy says like, you know, Rodney started, you know, you didn't start until he was
[00:49:53] much like older. He'd be like, yeah, but like Tom Landerson started when he was 16. And they
[00:49:58] say who's Tom Landerson? You say, I don't know. He's some guy did old mugs and killed himself.
[00:50:01] Yeah. He did him for 15 years. And never went. He drank himself to death. Right. Right. Yeah.
[00:50:12] And you know, his name might have been Tom or Patrick or Eric or John or Steve or
[00:50:18] Craig or Craig. Some somewhere a guy with all those names has killed himself. Yeah. After
[00:50:25] doing stand up for 10 plus every scene has 50. I mean, that was my first thought when I heard
[00:50:32] the creek in the cave was closing down. I was like, where are those guys going? No. I mean,
[00:50:36] I know it's been a pandemic, but like that was a home for so many. Those kind of people. Yeah.
[00:50:43] They were doing four months getting pussy. They're doing a pandemic. You know, what I would like
[00:50:47] is a pandemic and we're a lot of frying pans and making French toast. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, so
[00:50:54] it was, oh, I thought it's a bit that's that's what I'd like to see. If you ask me, that's what
[00:50:59] I would like to see. I would, you know, what I would like to see is a pandemic is a spam
[00:51:03] emic, a spam, a little piece of spam. Actually, spam is fucking good. That's why I want to
[00:51:09] spend it. You know, people people like to make fun of spam is being something bad. That's ignorant.
[00:51:15] You know, I think it's pretty good. You ask me.
[00:51:18] Really? Yeah. Pretty pretty good stuff.
[00:51:28] G stock. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I think spam's good. Yeah, spam's, uh, spam's pretty good. I'm
[00:51:35] going to get pussy from my mom. Yeah. Yeah, G stock is thinking maybe, uh,
[00:51:43] we go back in time and then maybe I can get some pussy from my mom.
[00:51:45] That is the best version of that movie that I'd like to see. Yeah. What? No, you can't
[00:51:54] fuck your own mother, Marty. We're going back to bed on baseball games. I've got the old
[00:52:01] Monak. I've got the old Monak and we're going to have sex. Smarty. Oh, fuck. Oh, it's money.
[00:52:07] We're going to go to the library and make a bunch of noise and blame it on the homeless black guy.
[00:52:12] I was in a library in Los Angeles one time just reading and then I heard from like a couple of
[00:52:18] aisles over. I couldn't see what was going on. I just heard because it was one, I think it was
[00:52:22] the one in downtown like the spring street library. They've been there homeless people. It's a
[00:52:27] beautiful library. Nice. Homeless people like hanging out there and I just heard like a couple
[00:52:31] of hours over like one of the library's staff just being like, okay, sir, no, we told you can't smoke
[00:52:36] in here. Hell yeah. I'm already a weird shit. Fucking bitch. Dude, I know. Yeah, sir. Just blasting
[00:52:52] shit in the library. Brooklyn Public Library like by Prospect Park is so beautiful on the outside.
[00:52:59] It looks like it's like Egyptian looking. And then on the inside, it's just smells like.
[00:53:03] Oh yeah, I do like that place. That is that place looks great. Inside you're right. It does
[00:53:08] suck dick. The inside sucks. But you know, who the fuck is really going into a library?
[00:53:13] Most people are just looking at it from the outside. That's right.
[00:53:19] I'm trying to go over there and play Strega Nona. I thought about going there.
[00:53:24] Yes, I play that shit. Strega Nona, beef Strega Nona. That fucking bitch with the fucked up chin.
[00:53:30] That computer game. No, what is that? So I'm starting to go and play Math Blaster.
[00:53:38] It was something like Matt. It was the same genre. Carmen San Diego.
[00:53:44] Cartman San Diego. Yes, currently. What is that?
[00:53:49] Yeah. Detectives. Okay, Kyle's Jew. Yeah.
[00:54:02] Where's Garvey? Cheesepoo. Carmen's missing.
[00:54:06] Because Kyle's a Jew. Yeah, Cheesepoo's respect my authority.
[00:54:12] Respect my authority. Wait, is that Carmen San Diego?
[00:54:16] Because it's Carmen San Diego. Is that how Ari's apartment?
[00:54:24] Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? Television show.
[00:54:30] Which I sloppy bitch. I loved as a kid.
[00:54:34] Yeah. That's another great game. Another great game. Math Blaster, another great game.
[00:54:39] Morgan Trail, obviously the OG. Morgan Trail Rocks.
[00:54:43] Of the library games. Do you remember putting a floppy in and playing Oregon Trail?
[00:54:48] Oh, yeah. Who knew that was going to be so...
[00:54:52] Yeah. When welcome to Acme. I'm the chief.
[00:54:55] Oh, yes, yes. But you can call me... Well, the chief.
[00:55:00] We're in the business of tracking down fees.
[00:55:02] And we're ultimately after one. Carmen and me.
[00:55:09] That in the good decade, the 90s, where we've figured out race.
[00:55:13] On any TV show, there was one black boss.
[00:55:17] A black boss, but you had representation.
[00:55:25] And they're like, actually, this is representation.
[00:55:30] It's about a nerd that lives next door.
[00:55:37] You realize you wanted shows we already had.
[00:55:43] just wanted Steve Herkle to be every character.
[00:55:47] And now we're watching the Stefanization of Steve Herkle
[00:56:00] All TV shows are ruined and all entertainment sucks.
[00:56:04] This is Carl Winslow standing there with a bunch of DVD copies of Girls.
[00:56:22] Stop making me watch the Lilly Singh show, Steve.
[00:56:26] Nobody wants to see natural hair-ish, Steve.
[00:56:29] Steve, just make it about a family with a nerd neighbor.
[00:56:37] Nobody gives a shit about the essay you wrote an undergrad.
[00:56:46] People want dramas about trying to pay your bills.
[00:56:51] That is the only universal American experience
[00:56:57] Start there and then make anybody any color you want who gives a shit.
[00:57:03] As long as there's a nerd neighbor that's trying to get pussy for some kind of nerd trying to get pussy.
[00:57:09] The neighbors got to suck because that's the other universal American experience is
[00:57:16] Hating the people around you, but because of economic circumstances,
[00:57:21] you're jammed into situations with them.
[00:57:24] For sure. That eventually resembles some kind of affinity, but really is a matter of necessity.
[00:57:31] Yeah, dude. What even are the good shows?
[00:57:48] So basically you have to city burn down when we tried to create a new accent.
[00:57:55] We tried to get all the other people to get at it, create one of their worst accents in the
[00:58:02] And it's a combination of the abortion and shakara.
[00:58:12] She in North America that we've destroyed the linguistic person.
[00:58:36] And I'm like, like in the Fifth Element, when the guy's like,
[00:58:41] And it's like, they've created such a disgusting sound.
[00:58:46] How did Boston and Chicago team up to make the worst procedural, but a single dad?
[00:58:51] You really shouldn't fuck with a cop slash fireman.
[00:59:01] Dennis Leary exists in two universes where he is.
[00:59:04] He's a cop in Boston and a firefighter in Chicago.
[00:59:08] And the universe melds together and he's half and half.
[00:59:14] Boston Chicago exists in the next year for the show by day,
[00:59:24] That's a good idea for a show, actually.
[00:59:27] After 9-11, I knew I had to dim all of you.
[00:59:30] It wasn't enough to just be an Australian photographer.
[00:59:34] Taking pictures of beautiful, beautiful.
[00:59:49] I always had a very pleasant dinner with some friends of mine.
[00:59:51] And someone said, I wish it was the way we could remember this forever.
[00:59:55] And I said, have I ever told you about my idea for taking pictures?
[01:00:04] But did I tell you about the mandoving in my ass?
[01:00:07] Every time we mentioned any type of technology, you bring it up.
[01:00:12] And so that Eric Clapton is just going to ruin me for like three months.
[01:00:17] I'm just going to be thinking about nothing but Eric Clapton as a big robot.
[01:00:24] Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.
[01:00:28] My ass, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.
[01:00:40] If I was a man, would you pull all the leftovers?
[01:01:23] The only way to get over the pain of not being a John Drowba.
[01:01:31] I had to process the brief after my meeting with Bill Gates.
[01:01:35] We explained that there's no, we just make operating systems.
[01:01:40] At Windows, at the time computers were brand new.
[01:01:44] And I said, you know, I turned to my wife.
[01:01:46] And I said, you know what these would be good for?
[01:01:58] And I was remarking on the Nutcrackers.
[01:02:06] What if instead of a Nutcracker, she's walked out.
[01:02:10] You're thinking about the little Nut and it was actually a man.
[01:02:16] And I was subjected shortly after I explained to the woman in front of us
[01:02:20] Yeah, it's not that I actually came up with.
[01:02:26] That I was that I was actually the creator of the Nutcracker.
[01:02:45] Maybe you want to go back and just relist into this.
[01:02:55] Play for your family around the hall today.
[01:03:00] Honestly, normally I would be disappointed after doing one like this.
[01:03:03] Because it's like, okay, not a single discernible bit.
[01:03:06] Kind of just went through the Tasty Cakes catalog.
[01:03:09] Well, we had for a very briefer a moment we had Jack Nickerson.
[01:03:18] That's just that's like playing the, you know, sure.
[01:03:25] It's like playing a slot machine with what I'm so happy with the last.
[01:03:30] You got that uncle that's little maga pissed off.
[01:03:33] This show is playing that Eric clapped them up.
[01:03:38] And also this is this is the time of year that people need to show them.
[01:03:51] You know what I learned listening to that fucking or reading that fucking book about England?
[01:03:55] You know, somebody told me when God closes the door, he opens the window.
[01:04:00] And that really was not the proper idiom to me.
[01:04:06] But I remember when I was about somebody told me that.
[01:04:10] I mean, when I want to grab me for what the fuck is that song called?
[01:04:21] When I want to grab me for tears in Heaven, my best friend, Elton John said.
[01:04:27] You know, when God closes the door, he opens the window.
[01:04:38] And Liam Neeson, I told him and he, Liam ran out immediately.
[01:04:42] I mean, he was pissing himself and reading up every, he said, are you Elton John?
[01:04:53] That said that awful thing to my friend, my dear British friend, who like me is also from
[01:05:08] Did you know Belfast is named after breakfast?
[01:05:11] I said Chinese restaurants were really invented breakfast in Belfast.
[01:05:33] After, shortly after that, I started pissing my pants and pants.
[01:05:37] I would remember how funny it was listening to those Chinese people.
[01:05:48] Me and Eric kind of falling out because I heard what he did to the department of buildings.