[00:00:00] Jack my fucking pussy I am Jack my fucking pussy I am gay

[00:00:05] Chug chug chug

[00:00:07] What do you mind shoes Adam?

[00:00:10] No, I do em' bugger

[00:00:13] You what?

[00:00:16] Are we on?

[00:00:17] No

[00:00:18] No

[00:00:19] No

[00:00:20] We're not on the same way we were saying off Mike

[00:00:24] I mean continue talking

[00:00:26] Yeah this secret you're telling us

[00:00:28] This is the secret

[00:00:30] I got a booger on my hand

[00:00:31] I was hoping I could wipe it off

[00:00:32] Gross

[00:00:33] Wipe it in your fucking pants

[00:00:35] Wipe it on the couch

[00:00:36] Don't wipe it on the couch

[00:00:38] Everybody in B basically the whole building is pieces of toilet paper

[00:00:41] That's true

[00:00:42] That's a good point

[00:00:44] I wonder if I'm just wiping your ass on a lamp

[00:00:48] Shit on door handles

[00:00:52] Sorry I filled up the ice cube trays with shit

[00:00:56] Thanks

[00:00:58] Well we're not getting pussy

[00:01:02] That's the thing Airbnb's and Ben breakfasts is just people let you fucking their homes

[00:01:08] And we're not getting pussy on this retreat

[00:01:10] This is not a bit of different fluid

[00:01:12] So we gotta let some leak on em

[00:01:14] Yeah

[00:01:15] I'm getting shit

[00:01:16] I'm getting pizza everywhere

[00:01:17] That's my blood

[00:01:18] Ha ha

[00:01:19] Salute to the nice

[00:01:20] I've been living like a ninja turtle all week

[00:01:22] Completely nude

[00:01:24] Yep

[00:01:25] Respect the Japanese

[00:01:27] Yeah

[00:01:28] Japanese rats

[00:01:29] Yeah

[00:01:30] A rat race

[00:01:31] Tell you what to do

[00:01:32] Rat race

[00:01:34] We did that joke before

[00:01:35] Did we?

[00:01:36] I'm moving rat race Mr. Bean

[00:01:38] Is about the Jewish people

[00:01:39] Oh right

[00:01:40] Right

[00:01:41] Right

[00:01:41] Right

[00:01:42] But we did that joke I think you mean you said it and all of the exact same cadence

[00:01:46] I said it that way

[00:01:47] Ha ha

[00:01:48] Ha ha

[00:01:49] Yeah my body

[00:01:50] It's not

[00:01:51] The fluid I think I'm gonna leave here is diarrhea

[00:01:53] Because my body is in absolute pain

[00:01:56] Dude it's been nice

[00:01:58] It's been nice dude

[00:01:59] Just uh

[00:02:00] Shitting regularly again because my body can't take it

[00:02:03] Yeah

[00:02:04] Oh

[00:02:05] It's like

[00:02:06] We're a capacity

[00:02:07] I said

[00:02:07] Something has to leave your body

[00:02:09] Last night I shit

[00:02:11] Five times

[00:02:12] I shit for four times

[00:02:14] Dude I have gone back to back warning

[00:02:16] Shits that are out of the water

[00:02:18] That are like piles that are a little pyramid

[00:02:20] A little eyelid

[00:02:21] That are edging in

[00:02:22] Iceberg

[00:02:23] Mm hmm

[00:02:24] So

[00:02:25] Back to back

[00:02:26] No well

[00:02:27] Yeah

[00:02:28] Back to back morning shit so that we're just brutal

[00:02:31] Yeah

[00:02:32] As well how your body just can't handle anything

[00:02:34] Yeah

[00:02:35] After a certain age

[00:02:36] Because when you're younger people talk about

[00:02:38] Shitting a lot or gastric distress

[00:02:40] And you're like the fuck are you talking about

[00:02:42] Yeah bro

[00:02:43] You're exaggerating

[00:02:44] Yeah

[00:02:45] You know

[00:02:46] I remember to get jokes about like oh you're

[00:02:48] You didn't even feel your pain for the next day and I'm like why

[00:02:51] Right

[00:02:52] So easy to eat

[00:02:53] Five entrees

[00:02:54] It doesn't matter what type of food it is

[00:02:56] A lot of listeners don't really understand that

[00:02:58] Yeah our little baby listeners

[00:02:59] A lot of people it's weird to

[00:03:01] Think that this is technically a children's show

[00:03:04] It is

[00:03:05] If you consider people

[00:03:06] Both mentally children

[00:03:08] Yeah

[00:03:09] Well mentally

[00:03:10] If we're talking mentally

[00:03:11] And emotionally

[00:03:12] It's a purely children's show

[00:03:14] Yeah

[00:03:15] This is darned

[00:03:16] Yeah

[00:03:17] Yeah yeah yeah

[00:03:18] Sesame Street

[00:03:19] Yeah

[00:03:20] I guess that's true

[00:03:22] When you're 13 you want to hear

[00:03:23] You want to listen to shows where everything is gay

[00:03:25] This is Barney for people with problems

[00:03:27] What kind of problems?

[00:03:29] Twisted

[00:03:30] Twisted

[00:03:31] Mental problems

[00:03:32] I think it'd be cool if we should start a rap rock group

[00:03:35] Now

[00:03:36] Why not?

[00:03:37] Yeah

[00:03:38] The psyche insane psychos

[00:03:40] Insane psycho

[00:03:42] Fuck it gang

[00:03:43] I can't wait to get pussy

[00:03:45] But I know I never will

[00:03:47] I'm a color context

[00:03:50] Everyone in school respects me

[00:03:52] Because I know I might kill myself

[00:03:55] Because they don't want to just kill myself

[00:03:57] Kill myself

[00:03:58] If I don't get pussy

[00:03:59] If I don't get pussy

[00:04:00] I might just kill myself

[00:04:02] I just can't

[00:04:04] Every day we can up think about getting pussy

[00:04:07] But I can't

[00:04:08] Cause I'm fucking gay

[00:04:10] Never wanted to

[00:04:11] Not getting pussy

[00:04:13] And when I'm going to

[00:04:14] Kill myself

[00:04:16] Walk to class everyone looks at me

[00:04:18] And I know they're thinking

[00:04:20] Faggot

[00:04:22] Faggot

[00:04:24] Faggot

[00:04:25] Look at that Faggot

[00:04:27] That's me

[00:04:28] I'm a psycho faggot

[00:04:30] I'm a psycho faggot

[00:04:32] I'm a psycho faggot

[00:04:33] We should be the psycho homos

[00:04:35] It's psycho faggot

[00:04:36] When I'm 13 and I'm already diagnosed

[00:04:38] We put a lot of personality disorder

[00:04:40] That would be awesome dude

[00:04:44] Cutting myself

[00:04:46] And burning myself with lighters

[00:04:49] I might just burn myself with a fucking lighter

[00:04:54] Wewewewewewewew

[00:05:00] Smoking crack while watching Rick and Morty

[00:05:03] And the pain continues

[00:05:06] The pain it's all

[00:05:08] Everything is pain

[00:05:10] Why the pain of being gay?

[00:05:12] Why am I in so much pain?

[00:05:14] Is this music for 13 year olds

[00:05:16] Or people with fibromyalgia?

[00:05:19] That's awesome man

[00:05:23] The insane homos are the insane

[00:05:26] Well, what is it?

[00:05:27] Insane homos

[00:05:29] Yeah, that's good

[00:05:30] Insane ass clown posse

[00:05:32] Homocyco

[00:05:33] The homocyco

[00:05:35] Homocycos

[00:05:36] There's a lot of good, a lot of advocates to travel down

[00:05:40] And I might just kill myself if I don't get

[00:05:43] And I might just be l

[00:05:45] I need pussy or I'll kill myself

[00:05:48] And afraid of me in school

[00:05:50] Cause my dad might have a gun

[00:05:52] And you never know if I'm just gonna find it

[00:05:55] And maybe I'll kill myself

[00:05:57] Or maybe I'll bring it to school

[00:05:59] Yeah, it's actually that those guys are still around

[00:06:04] Yeah, I thought the school shooter trope would be going by now

[00:06:07] Are they still doing that?

[00:06:08] I was like, cause during all that Epstein shit

[00:06:11] The guy from Lincoln Park killed himself

[00:06:13] And people were like, why did he do it?

[00:06:15] Did he have stuff on Epstein?

[00:06:16] He's like, no, he did it cause he's the guy from Lincoln Park

[00:06:19] Oh, I didn't realize that it was during Epstein

[00:06:23] Yeah, dude

[00:06:24] Yeah, he was one of the, he was on the island

[00:06:26] The guy from Lincoln Park killing yourself

[00:06:28] And you're being shocked by that

[00:06:29] You're like, what?

[00:06:30] With the mascot from Chucky Cheese

[00:06:34] Paul, a dean had a piece of Swiss

[00:06:37] Yeah

[00:06:38] Yeah

[00:06:39] When they found out that Mickey Mouse was eating cheese

[00:06:43] Cause I might just kill myself

[00:06:46] I might just kill myself

[00:06:48] It would be us with their fucking blaring Lincoln Park on Little St. James

[00:06:52] Yeah, that's, Epstein was actually huge fan

[00:06:56] Somebody found a Spotify playlist

[00:06:58] And it was like the fucking like, what did he like?

[00:07:00] Starbucks, CD, like, the types of white lead holes, man

[00:07:05] Cause you know, I mean, Epstein just listened to Colby Colay

[00:07:09] Just fucking jamming out, dude

[00:07:11] Yeah

[00:07:12] Harry Connick, Jimmy here

[00:07:13] Christmas album

[00:07:15] He's not that cool, man

[00:07:17] No

[00:07:18] They found Bashar Alasad's iTunes, like, playlist

[00:07:23] Would he have one there?

[00:07:24] He had like, LMFA, I'm sexy and I know

[00:07:27] He had some good stuff

[00:07:29] Arabs love that kind of shit

[00:07:31] Oh, Arabs love that kind of music

[00:07:33] They love, like, a party with 80 guys, no chicks

[00:07:37] I just fucking...

[00:07:38] Jumping up in the air

[00:07:39] I'm sexy and I know I play, yeah

[00:07:41] Just thinking about getting pussy someday

[00:07:43] Yeah, like, dude, when all of us get pussy someday

[00:07:46] That's gonna be honest, this is what we'll be thinking about

[00:07:50] Uh-huh

[00:07:51] I can't wait to come back and tell my boys I got pussy well

[00:07:55] Listing to LMFA, I was sure

[00:07:57] Listing to dining room

[00:07:58] LM fucked my ass

[00:08:00] Yeah, they're always in like a cultural hall or something

[00:08:04] And my favorite band is Let Men Fuck My Ass

[00:08:07] Let Men Fuck My Ass

[00:08:09] Shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot

[00:08:12] Everybody

[00:08:14] That was an early-come-town joke

[00:08:17] It was a group of gay guys with linked arms

[00:08:20] Walking into a sperm back wall

[00:08:22] I was trying to ask for a LNF for a LNF

[00:08:25] I forgot if I said shot, shot, shot, shot, shot

[00:08:28] I forgot if I said shot, shot, shot, shot

[00:08:29] I thought they would be taking, like, a shot of prep or something

[00:08:32] No, but I like that way more

[00:08:34] Come shooter

[00:08:35] Drinking a comb come out of a fucking double

[00:08:37] That's what they were shot by

[00:08:39] Shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot

[00:08:42] Everybody!

[00:08:43] They're only in the dick-sucking game for the drink at the end

[00:08:48] Yeah, of course

[00:08:49] I have to say LNF is one of the most powerful pussy-getting combinations

[00:08:53] And that is Uncle and nephew

[00:08:56] Is that who that is?

[00:08:57] That's an uncle and is nephew

[00:08:59] I think they're related to Barry Gordy, so they just fucking have music about getting in

[00:09:05] And they get pussy together, do you know what their name is? Red Fu and something?

[00:09:08] Red Foos, I think

[00:09:10] Red Fu is one of them?

[00:09:12] The Kung Fu, the journey continues

[00:09:14] Yeah, you ever watch our show?

[00:09:16] No, of course

[00:09:17] This is a great show

[00:09:19] They don't want to carry a game

[00:09:20] David Carradine is Cain

[00:09:22] Yeah

[00:09:23] The late David Carradine

[00:09:25] And he's what's he doing?

[00:09:27] He's walking across the world trying to find, like, his master or something

[00:09:32] Or he's, like, doomed or something

[00:09:34] So he walks the earth doing karate

[00:09:37] Yeah, I think he just lives in San Francisco and his son's a cop

[00:09:40] Really?

[00:09:41] Yeah, and he's got a karate

[00:09:42] He's got a son in that movie

[00:09:44] And the legend continues

[00:09:45] Yeah, it's not the original Kung Fu

[00:09:47] We're talking about Kung Fu, the legend continues from the 1990s

[00:09:51] Never seen it

[00:09:52] Never seen the original either

[00:09:53] With David Carradine and Harry Dean Stan

[00:09:56] Who plays Stan?

[00:09:57] No, Harry Dean Stan

[00:09:58] Harry Dean Stan is too old to play his son

[00:10:00] Yeah, but he's a good cop

[00:10:02] That's what I am, that's what I do

[00:10:04] He was in two movies a year for every year from 1952 until his death last year

[00:10:10] HDS?

[00:10:11] Yeah, he also smoked, also stands for Hardic Sandwich

[00:10:14] Yeah, he also smoked like a pack a day

[00:10:17] Me too

[00:10:18] Until he was, like, 98 or something

[00:10:20] Me too, but he...

[00:10:21] He...

[00:10:22] I'm 99 years old

[00:10:23] No, he lived well into his 90s

[00:10:25] But he...

[00:10:26] Nick did all that stuff

[00:10:27] He walked, like, 15 miles a day

[00:10:29] Yeah, I did that also

[00:10:30] Nick, just do it, he's warm, right?

[00:10:31] That is kind of a nick

[00:10:32] Stop naming things that I've done but better

[00:10:34] I'm too humble to hear all this

[00:10:37] Subsaying in front of the audience

[00:10:40] I'm too humble to have all this being said

[00:10:43] Put you on the spot like that, dude

[00:10:45] Shout out to the lady with big ass tits that was Harry Dean stands

[00:10:48] We're gonna do a broke problem

[00:10:49] How big my dick is

[00:10:50] Thanks, come on

[00:10:51] And, um...

[00:10:52] Guys, stop talking about...

[00:10:53] Escape from New York

[00:10:54] Stop talking, bro

[00:10:57] Yeah, I'm going for a huge tits that escaped from New York

[00:10:59] I watched that movie on 9-11

[00:11:01] Last year

[00:11:02] No, you didn't

[00:11:03] I did...

[00:11:04] Why?

[00:11:05] Just celebrate the city, dude

[00:11:06] Yeah

[00:11:07] The giant 11

[00:11:08] The giant 11?

[00:11:10] That's when I flew a plane into your mom's pussy

[00:11:12] Really?

[00:11:13] Yeah, how about that?

[00:11:14] That's good

[00:11:15] Nice, I'm gonna get a little pizza rush going

[00:11:18] Yeah, dude, I'm gonna have it

[00:11:20] Anytime you can have meat and cheese that's been left out on the table for 18 hours

[00:11:26] You gotta do that shit

[00:11:27] Yeah, well, because it's really...

[00:11:29] I've been reading about probiotics and your body actually needs lots of bacteria

[00:11:33] Right

[00:11:34] That's why I stopped using Neosporin, no band-aids

[00:11:37] Anytime I get a cut, I start

[00:11:38] Suck it on my cut

[00:11:39] Why I use that is I clean the litter box immediately

[00:11:43] I give myself a bunch of paper cuts and then I start scooping the litter box with my bare hands

[00:11:47] With your hands?

[00:11:48] Yeah, they look swollen, dude

[00:11:50] Is that good?

[00:11:51] It's good

[00:11:52] Yeah, you got big mitts now

[00:11:54] You're like a fighter

[00:11:55] I can't bend my fingers

[00:11:57] So I got two hamburger helper guys and nothing

[00:12:00] Having big thaw, big fingers would be awesome for finger popping

[00:12:04] Mind you, if you just had a finger that was the size of a dick

[00:12:07] You wouldn't even need to get hard

[00:12:09] Yeah, if you had like one big finger

[00:12:11] One huge finger

[00:12:12] Yeah, but it'd be sad kind of when she's like, I want the finger not the penis

[00:12:16] Elephantiasis

[00:12:17] Well, you'd hope that she would never do that to you

[00:12:20] Well, then you needed to start over

[00:12:22] If that's how your bitches that you don't need her

[00:12:24] You're gonna prime her up with the massive finger and then you're gonna finish her off with the tiny thing

[00:12:29] It's gotta be the same size as your cock

[00:12:31] Even a small dick is bigger than most fingers

[00:12:34] It's gonna be slightly smaller than your ear

[00:12:36] Just a little smaller

[00:12:38] Just a little bit

[00:12:39] You gotta work up to something

[00:12:41] That's how four play works

[00:12:43] Yeah, but I think a dick feels nicer

[00:12:45] I think a dick feels nicer than a finger if I had to guess

[00:12:47] It's smoother

[00:12:48] Yeah, but you can't bend a dick like a finger

[00:12:51] You can't do a cumming motion

[00:12:53] That's the thing, I can't be tactile

[00:12:56] When I'm fingering her with my giant finger

[00:12:58] I'm just in and out

[00:13:00] You gotta go rigid

[00:13:02] I think here's the thing, I think it feels better to get fucked and finger popped

[00:13:05] Even with a big ass finger

[00:13:07] I think it's a different sensation

[00:13:09] You wanna get your hips grabbed and just pounded

[00:13:12] You're pussy pounded into

[00:13:14] You wanna feel some nuts slap against your fucking thighs

[00:13:17] If I had to guess

[00:13:19] Yeah

[00:13:20] I can't say

[00:13:21] I can't say for certain what it feels to get fucked

[00:13:24] And whether I personally would prefer to get fingered or fucked

[00:13:27] But I think most girls

[00:13:29] The vibes are better when you're getting fucked

[00:13:31] When you say

[00:13:33] Yeah, sure

[00:13:35] You don't think it sounds right

[00:13:37] Do you think girls would rather get fingered or fucked

[00:13:39] I don't even understand how girls come still

[00:13:41] I think it's like their heart or something

[00:13:43] That's true, you don't know that

[00:13:44] They do it with their soul or something

[00:13:46] You tell them to

[00:13:48] You gotta say I already lost

[00:13:50] That's the thing

[00:13:51] Come for me

[00:13:52] Come for me

[00:13:54] Come or die, the choice is yours

[00:13:56] Come now or Jessica

[00:13:58] Come for me

[00:13:59] You spent your entire life saying

[00:14:01] men are trash online

[00:14:03] But now I'm shoving garbage in your pussy

[00:14:05] And you better boss

[00:14:07] And you better boss

[00:14:08] I'm gonna kill you

[00:14:09] There is a 38 pound alligator snapping turtle

[00:14:13] Directly in front of your pussy

[00:14:15] I'm gonna be a

[00:14:17] Any hungry for garbage

[00:14:19] Mmm

[00:14:20] Either you boss or the turtle

[00:14:23] I'll let go of the turtle's tail

[00:14:26] Mmm

[00:14:27] The turtle's tail is jammed into my asshole

[00:14:29] Ha ha ha ha ha

[00:14:31] The sound of you coming makes my ass pucker

[00:14:34] Chicks love it when you do the saw of the turtle

[00:14:37] Back from your

[00:14:38] Dude, I wear the little mask and I'm right into the pussy

[00:14:41] And I try to go

[00:14:42] Yeah, I'm right

[00:14:43] I tie a woman up

[00:14:44] She's completely naked in the bedroom

[00:14:46] And then I ride in a little tricycle

[00:14:48] With the saw mask

[00:14:49] That's right

[00:14:50] I'm like

[00:14:51] I've never had sex

[00:14:52] Is this what it's like?

[00:14:53] Is this how it goes?

[00:14:54] Ha ha ha

[00:14:55] Where do I put my penis?

[00:14:57] I can't, is my dick hard or not

[00:14:59] I don't know what a hard dick is

[00:15:01] Just be gentle with me

[00:15:02] What do you mean is it in yet?

[00:15:03] You tell me

[00:15:04] I don't know what I can't tell you

[00:15:06] I don't know what it is

[00:15:07] Or where it is

[00:15:08] Even if

[00:15:09] Ha ha ha ha ha

[00:15:11] I can't guess

[00:15:12] Yeah dude

[00:15:14] I thought sex was when two people

[00:15:16] Love each other very much

[00:15:17] Ha ha ha ha ha

[00:15:18] You know what I'd love to try once

[00:15:21] Is to just

[00:15:22] Have my dick super hard

[00:15:24] I'm on roller skates

[00:15:26] Yeah

[00:15:27] And a woman is standing there

[00:15:28] With her pussy wide open

[00:15:29] From the back I suppose

[00:15:31] And I get pushed

[00:15:33] And I glide into her pussy

[00:15:35] With roller skates

[00:15:36] And it goes in immediately

[00:15:38] And perfectly

[00:15:39] Yeah that would feel pretty good

[00:15:41] That would feel awesome

[00:15:42] Or it would be really awesome

[00:15:44] Is if I like Ollie

[00:15:45] And I nail the Ollie

[00:15:47] And then I

[00:15:48] But

[00:15:49] And then I might think it goes

[00:15:50] Right in and I come immediately

[00:15:51] Also

[00:15:52] Plus Aldrin you've spent your entire

[00:15:54] Life pretending the moon landing

[00:15:56] Was real

[00:15:57] Ha ha ha ha ha

[00:15:58] Now you're going to tell me if it was

[00:16:00] Or not

[00:16:01] Or I'll suck your dick

[00:16:02] I'll suck your dick

[00:16:03] It just blows Aldrin in a chair

[00:16:04] In front of you is my mouth

[00:16:06] Ha ha ha ha ha

[00:16:08] Ha ha ha ha

[00:16:09] Tell me whether or not the moon landing

[00:16:12] Is real and I'll suck your dick

[00:16:14] And if you don't

[00:16:16] I guess I'll also suck your dick

[00:16:20] Suck

[00:16:22] Suck

[00:16:24] Dick Suck

[00:16:26] There's a kill, there's a male rapist

[00:16:28] By the name of Dick Suck

[00:16:30] He's trapping people in a basement

[00:16:32] Making them do things

[00:16:33] Or I'm sorry

[00:16:34] He's getting sucked at Dick's

[00:16:35] And then when they do it

[00:16:36] He rewards them by sucking their dicks

[00:16:38] He's so fucking diabolical

[00:16:40] This Dick Suck

[00:16:42] He's so gay

[00:16:43] Why are you doing this to me?

[00:16:45] Because I have cancer or something

[00:16:47] I have the horny and I have cancer

[00:16:49] I think that I think the story is

[00:16:51] Is that I have cancer

[00:16:53] I have a brain tumor that's making me gay

[00:16:56] And as a result of my cancer diagnosis

[00:16:58] I've decided to make you to have gay sex

[00:17:01] With people in a basement

[00:17:03] In a elaborate group

[00:17:05] Goldberg Dick Suck

[00:17:06] And machines

[00:17:07] Ha ha ha ha

[00:17:09] I ain't never seen a saw movie

[00:17:11] They're fun

[00:17:12] The first one I loved

[00:17:14] Yeah

[00:17:15] Adam, what the fuck are you doing?

[00:17:17] I just had to check something

[00:17:19] Adam, you're always on your phone

[00:17:21] No I don't

[00:17:23] That's not true

[00:17:24] You guys are way more on your phone

[00:17:26] You know what?

[00:17:27] You're right

[00:17:28] You're right

[00:17:29] You're not doing this show

[00:17:30] Exactly

[00:17:31] So the fact that you're actually using the phone less

[00:17:33] And you use it more while we're on the job

[00:17:35] On the job too mode

[00:17:36] Is a sign of alcohol disrespect

[00:17:37] No, I apologize

[00:17:38] You're relaxing in your regular life

[00:17:39] And then when you have to do your job

[00:17:41] That's when you're distracted

[00:17:42] No, I apologize

[00:17:44] That was unprofessional

[00:17:45] Me for checking

[00:17:47] You're right

[00:17:48] You sat by the fire

[00:17:49] I didn't have to check

[00:17:50] Well me and Stav

[00:17:51] Reluctantly ate our third piece of

[00:17:53] I sat by the fire and read a book

[00:17:55] And laughed it off

[00:17:57] While secretly wondering

[00:17:58] What the hell is wrong with me?

[00:18:00] Why can't I just have a normal brain?

[00:18:03] Why do I have to hurt myself?

[00:18:05] You know what I've taught myself though?

[00:18:07] It's just stopped those thoughts

[00:18:09] Just get rid of those thoughts

[00:18:11] Because when it's happened

[00:18:12] That's what you know

[00:18:13] You're going to a good therapist

[00:18:14] When you're resulted

[00:18:15] I'll continue doing all the things

[00:18:16] That are bad for me

[00:18:17] No, first of all

[00:18:18] Now you brought up therapy

[00:18:20] When you glaringly need to go

[00:18:22] Don't fucking talk about my therapist

[00:18:24] Motherfucker

[00:18:25] That is good advice

[00:18:26] Thank you very much

[00:18:27] I don't need to go to therapy

[00:18:28] I just need to continue murdering people

[00:18:30] You're right

[00:18:31] I figured my stuff out

[00:18:35] What I do

[00:18:36] Is when I feel bad

[00:18:38] I kidnap somebody

[00:18:39] That's been taking life for granted

[00:18:41] In some abstract way

[00:18:43] And then I set up an elaborate puzzle

[00:18:45] To make them pay for it

[00:18:47] Oh, okay

[00:18:48] I thought you just suck their cocks

[00:18:50] And then I suck their cocks

[00:18:51] I thought there was no puzzle

[00:18:52] And then they actually

[00:18:53] Learned their lesson

[00:18:54] And then afterwards

[00:18:55] I suck their cocks

[00:18:56] Oh, there is still a puzzle

[00:18:57] In front of you is a puzzle

[00:18:59] Put it together

[00:19:00] It's four pieces

[00:19:01] It's a picture of me sucking your son's cocks

[00:19:04] If you get it right I'll suck your dick

[00:19:08] It's just three pieces

[00:19:10] In front of you is a

[00:19:12] There's a camera

[00:19:13] Broadcasting this live on the internet

[00:19:15] On my personal cam soda

[00:19:17] In front of you is a puzzle

[00:19:18] That is completed

[00:19:20] Will be a picture of your penis

[00:19:21] Which is very small

[00:19:22] And it means

[00:19:24] That

[00:19:25] If once you put the puzzle together

[00:19:26] Everyone will see how small your dick is

[00:19:28] But if you don't put the puzzle together

[00:19:31] There's another

[00:19:32] There's a button that says you're gay

[00:19:34] Is where I hit the button or says it?

[00:19:39] It says it

[00:19:40] I press the button and it says you're gay

[00:19:43] You get to live though

[00:19:45] I don't know

[00:19:47] Yeah, I forgot

[00:19:48] I didn't think this went through

[00:19:50] I have the cancer's getting really bad

[00:19:53] To be honest with you

[00:19:55] Oh fuck

[00:19:57] Dick Suck has to be stopped by Danny Glover

[00:20:01] Yeah

[00:20:02] I'm getting too gay for this shit

[00:20:04] I'm having too much pussy

[00:20:06] I'm not too much gay sex for this shit

[00:20:09] Oh fuck

[00:20:12] I'm about to take a fat

[00:20:14] There is a shit rumbling

[00:20:16] Let me say that much

[00:20:17] Just too damn small for this shit

[00:20:19] My dick too tiny

[00:20:20] I'm too gay for that

[00:20:21] I was getting my penis

[00:20:23] Was gonna get bigger to my last day

[00:20:26] I've never had sex for this shit

[00:20:30] For this shit

[00:20:32] I've never painted a ass for Janna

[00:20:37] For a pussy faggot

[00:20:39] Mm-hmm

[00:20:40] That's a famous line for Lisa Webb

[00:20:42] I love that part

[00:20:43] I never pussy far

[00:20:45] I never ate

[00:20:47] I never heard a pussy far

[00:20:48] I never had a pussy far

[00:20:49] I never had a pussy far to ask

[00:20:51] I don't believe the exist

[00:20:53] So the Lisa Webb and it's penis shit

[00:20:56] Mm

[00:20:57] And then Lisa Webb and I's penis shit too

[00:21:00] So instead of lethal it's penis penis

[00:21:04] And instead of weapon it's shit

[00:21:06] And then a penis shit

[00:21:08] And Danny Glover plays a turd

[00:21:10] Okay

[00:21:11] He's a talking turd

[00:21:12] And a milk Gibson is a penis

[00:21:13] He's about to retire from the bathroom

[00:21:15] And milk Gibson's a penis

[00:21:16] And milk Gibson's a penis

[00:21:18] Who's just learning how to fuck

[00:21:21] Mm

[00:21:22] That's okay

[00:21:24] He's a rookie penis

[00:21:25] Yeah

[00:21:26] Alright

[00:21:27] How's that for a parody movie?

[00:21:28] I think it's a really good idea

[00:21:30] With the twisted minds of the way in front of it

[00:21:33] Penis shit

[00:21:36] An obvious parody of lethal weapon

[00:21:39] It's not even a pun

[00:21:42] The syllables don't line up

[00:21:44] No

[00:21:45] There's no

[00:21:47] There's no

[00:21:48] We only think the best parody

[00:21:50] We could come up with is some of them

[00:21:52] Who's has a barely functioning brain

[00:21:55] Well Danny Glover says for this

[00:21:57] She's being kept alive by the cards

[00:21:59] So the cards shit is in those movies

[00:22:01] There's a spiritual connection

[00:22:03] He says I'm too old for this shit

[00:22:05] He's on the toilet and one of them

[00:22:07] He is shitting one to one of them

[00:22:09] So there is definitely some kinds of thematic overtones

[00:22:12] I don't know about penis

[00:22:14] But definitely

[00:22:15] Penis isn't that much

[00:22:16] But shit

[00:22:17] Definitely

[00:22:18] And that's the new spin that we're introducing

[00:22:20] It's a sexual

[00:22:21] Yeah what if it wasn't just shit

[00:22:23] It was just penis

[00:22:24] You know what if it was too weird

[00:22:26] I'm gonna write

[00:22:27] Yeah tonight

[00:22:28] After we finish work

[00:22:29] I'm gonna write

[00:22:30] Shit

[00:22:31] I'm gonna set a deadline

[00:22:32] 120 pages by midnight

[00:22:34] Just get it done

[00:22:36] We have any work okay

[00:22:38] Just go get right penis shit

[00:22:40] Don't talk to anyone

[00:22:42] Just get it done

[00:22:43] Just get the words on the page

[00:22:45] And then all the people in the industry

[00:22:47] Who no longer talk to me

[00:22:48] Just email it to them

[00:22:49] Been like look man

[00:22:50] It's been kind of hard times

[00:22:51] But I put this in

[00:22:52] Here's my writing sample

[00:22:54] I could really use the job right now

[00:22:56] Just show up to the sites

[00:22:58] Where bridges have already been burned

[00:23:00] And piss off the clip

[00:23:01] Yeah

[00:23:02] Yeah

[00:23:03] So yeah Danny Glover

[00:23:07] It turned

[00:23:08] Dirty Glover

[00:23:09] That's the characters name

[00:23:10] Yeah

[00:23:11] And penis

[00:23:12] Mel penis

[00:23:13] Smelled dick

[00:23:15] Smelled dixon

[00:23:16] Smelled dixon

[00:23:17] Smelled dixon

[00:23:18] Smelled dixon

[00:23:19] There we go

[00:23:20] So

[00:23:21] Dirty Glover

[00:23:22] And smelled

[00:23:24] The small dixon

[00:23:25] On a fanny grabber

[00:23:26] And small dixon

[00:23:27] So fanny grabber is a human piece of shit

[00:23:29] So fanny grabber is a human piece of shit

[00:23:31] He's a boy

[00:23:32] He's just a giant

[00:23:33] Shit

[00:23:34] He's just

[00:23:35] Okay he's not a man made out

[00:23:36] Not like a gala made out of shit

[00:23:37] Maybe he's a man

[00:23:38] Shit

[00:23:39] He's just a stack of shit

[00:23:40] With a badge attached to it

[00:23:42] Now does his mouth move and shit

[00:23:44] Or is it like

[00:23:45] He says stuff I'm sure

[00:23:47] Okay so it's like

[00:23:48] It's like

[00:23:49] Anthropor it's like magic shit

[00:23:50] That like can talk and

[00:23:51] Behave as a person

[00:23:52] Yeah it's magic

[00:23:53] Theses

[00:23:54] And so

[00:23:55] Small dixon

[00:23:56] Is he a huge thing?

[00:23:57] Oh we wanted to look real

[00:23:58] That's the thing

[00:23:59] It's gonna be CGI

[00:24:00] Yeah that's the look real

[00:24:01] Yeah

[00:24:02] You gotta get Peter Jackson's people

[00:24:03] I don't think it really matters

[00:24:04] For the sake of the screen play

[00:24:05] You know

[00:24:06] Right

[00:24:07] Let's just get the words on that

[00:24:08] To director's job to see

[00:24:09] For sure

[00:24:10] Worry about that next

[00:24:11] Yeah

[00:24:12] For sure

[00:24:13] I'm just trying to get it from my mind's eye

[00:24:15] And then small dixon is he a man or is he a penis?

[00:24:18] He's just Mel Gibson

[00:24:20] Oh it's Mel Gibson

[00:24:21] Yeah it's just the

[00:24:22] They'll get it for

[00:24:23] Gotcha

[00:24:24] Gotcha

[00:24:25] He's a scour Australia for a young actor

[00:24:27] It looks like Mel Gibson

[00:24:28] Oh no I thought

[00:24:29] We could just get him

[00:24:30] Does he have a son?

[00:24:32] Probably

[00:24:33] He is a dad

[00:24:34] Yeah it's not real religious

[00:24:36] No we can't

[00:24:37] We get Mel Gibson's dad

[00:24:41] Oh we get his dad

[00:24:42] Yeah

[00:24:43] Okay

[00:24:44] What's his dad's name?

[00:24:45] Mel Gibson senior bro

[00:24:47] Mel Gibson look alike

[00:24:49] You might find a picture of me

[00:24:51] No

[00:24:52] If you google that

[00:24:53] Nope

[00:24:55] Let's see if he has a son

[00:24:57] Actually you know what it's funny

[00:24:58] I just remember it

[00:24:59] I have a cousin

[00:25:00] It looks exactly like Mel Gibson

[00:25:01] Well let's just get him

[00:25:02] You already know him

[00:25:03] He's got a son named my look

[00:25:05] I haven't seen that cousin in probably 20 years ago

[00:25:08] Well we can

[00:25:09] He doesn't do birds

[00:25:10] He doesn't talk to his dad

[00:25:11] And I don't know

[00:25:12] I've also had my own following up with his dad

[00:25:14] That sounds like two

[00:25:16] The enemy of my enemy is my friend

[00:25:18] So then you can just say

[00:25:19] Yeah we both hate your dad

[00:25:20] Let's link up

[00:25:21] Let's link up

[00:25:22] I got a nice movie

[00:25:23] Offer for you

[00:25:24] I can do that

[00:25:25] You know how I always thought

[00:25:26] You look like Mel Gibson

[00:25:27] He's got a lot of sons

[00:25:28] They all look kind of like an ugly version of him

[00:25:30] Really?

[00:25:31] There's Lars Gerard Gibson

[00:25:33] Who just is the youngest one

[00:25:35] There's Milo Gibson

[00:25:36] There's Christian Gibson

[00:25:37] Damn this man did a lot of raw dogging

[00:25:40] This man has Edward Gibson

[00:25:42] Thomas Gibson

[00:25:44] William Gibson

[00:25:45] Damn no girls

[00:25:46] Milo Gibson

[00:25:47] He's alright

[00:25:49] He looks like

[00:25:50] He's okay

[00:25:52] I wouldn't suck his car

[00:25:53] He looks like

[00:25:54] What do you call James Con's son?

[00:25:56] Well he's got a son

[00:25:57] He looks like Scott Con

[00:25:58] He's got a son named Thomas Gibson

[00:26:00] Who's 21

[00:26:01] That I can't find pictures of

[00:26:03] Wow

[00:26:05] He's probably was born Jewish

[00:26:07] His dad had to disown him

[00:26:09] Because he was born Jewish

[00:26:11] Probably

[00:26:12] Well how was he born Jewish?

[00:26:14] I don't know

[00:26:15] You don't choose it

[00:26:16] Yes you do

[00:26:17] No you don't

[00:26:19] No you don't

[00:26:20] Mel Gibson family

[00:26:21] Let's see what his young family looks like

[00:26:23] Damn

[00:26:25] His wife looks kind of

[00:26:26] I think maybe we should fuck his wife

[00:26:29] Rosalind Ron

[00:26:31] Yeah Mel Gibson has nine kids

[00:26:33] I mean when you're that rich who gives a fuck

[00:26:36] I thought he was going to be a good dad

[00:26:39] Yeah whatever

[00:26:41] We'll find his son or your cousin

[00:26:43] Yeah I have no idea where that cousin even lives

[00:26:46] I think Florida maybe

[00:26:47] Let's go fucking looking for him

[00:26:49] And I like honest I don't think I've had a conversation with him

[00:26:52] Since I was nine years old

[00:26:54] Dude just knock on his door

[00:26:55] Yeah

[00:26:56] You're like bro

[00:26:57] Opportunity I'm realizing

[00:26:58] He's like he's probably

[00:27:00] Probably 50 years old now

[00:27:02] Oh then we can't use him he's too old

[00:27:04] I don't know

[00:27:06] I mean he's definitely

[00:27:07] He's younger than Mel Gibson

[00:27:09] No he's got to be a young guy

[00:27:11] But I remember as a kid

[00:27:12] I would see him at things

[00:27:14] Nice and I was like is that just Mel Gibson?

[00:27:17] He probably was literally just a guy wearing a leather jacket

[00:27:20] He didn't wear a kit

[00:27:21] When you're a kid

[00:27:22] It's the dumbest bullshit at all time

[00:27:25] He had a mullet and

[00:27:26] Yeah he probably looks nothing like Mel Gibson if you saw him

[00:27:29] Yeah

[00:27:30] It's just a guy wearing a leather jacket

[00:27:32] That's all it took for me to think you were cool

[00:27:34] When I was like six I was like no

[00:27:36] Because I remember checking in later when I was like older

[00:27:39] I'm like does he still look like

[00:27:41] Did he look like

[00:27:42] Mel Gibson

[00:27:43] And he looks like Mel Gibson

[00:27:45] Nice, has he got a Facebook?

[00:27:46] No

[00:27:47] I mean I don't even

[00:27:49] I have no idea how to find

[00:27:50] I mean he's old

[00:27:51] Is he hot?

[00:27:52] I haven't seen him in 20 years

[00:27:54] Did you want to fuck him when you were a child?

[00:27:56] This spins off into a documentary where I go and try and fuck my long loss cousin

[00:28:00] And then at the end it ends tragically where he's not gay

[00:28:03] But and then so it's like you know

[00:28:06] We've spent the last hour and a half

[00:28:08] Grilling all over the country to phone my long loss cousin

[00:28:11] And then he doesn't want to have sex

[00:28:13] And then we're like headed back to New York

[00:28:15] And we passed by a gun store

[00:28:17] And we're like wait a minute

[00:28:19] Wait

[00:28:21] Suddenly there's a slu-

[00:28:23] There's an idea

[00:28:25] That's a good idea

[00:28:26] And we buy a gun and I put it to his head

[00:28:28] And then I fuck him on camera gun

[00:28:30] That'd be awesome

[00:28:31] For the movie

[00:28:32] Yeah

[00:28:33] And it's called True Love on Netflix

[00:28:35] That's awesome

[00:28:37] It's called Finding Forster

[00:28:39] Yeah

[00:28:41] I'm a man now, no

[00:28:42] Yeah, because I keep saying that while I'm raping you

[00:28:44] Yeah, you're the man now

[00:28:46] Yes

[00:28:47] Who's my who's your daddy now?

[00:28:49] I'm fucking on there

[00:28:51] You thought I was dead but I've come back to life to rip my cousin

[00:28:56] I'm sorry Nick, is that you?

[00:29:00] No, it's the ghost of Im possessed by some guy

[00:29:03] Sean Connor has a rap in you

[00:29:05] The movie is called The Possession of Nick Mullen by some kind of a man

[00:29:08] Starring

[00:29:10] Starring Bruce Willis

[00:29:12] As Sean Connor

[00:29:14] As the ghost of Sean Connor

[00:29:16] Who's never really appeared on screen

[00:29:19] Spiritually Bruce Willis is cast

[00:29:21] And to play the role

[00:29:22] So it's the acting acumen of Bruce Willis

[00:29:25] As the unseen ghost that possesses me

[00:29:28] And then I actually rape my own cousin with gunpoint

[00:29:32] And instead of cameras

[00:29:34] It's just my friends

[00:29:37] Yeah, I would love to be there

[00:29:39] And they're just watching it happen

[00:29:41] And then we all lie to the police

[00:29:43] Right, together

[00:29:45] So it didn't happen?

[00:29:47] It didn't happen

[00:29:48] We say that Nick was having consensual gay sex with his cousin

[00:29:51] I was when he reached for a gun

[00:29:53] When his cousin reached for the gun and we had to kill him

[00:29:55] We had to shoot him in the back of the head

[00:29:58] Six times

[00:30:00] Execution style

[00:30:02] Damn

[00:30:04] I always, yeah

[00:30:07] They got a shot, a cop execution style one time

[00:30:10] At O'Donnell Heights

[00:30:12] The projects by South in by Greetown

[00:30:16] Yeah

[00:30:17] It was pretty fucking, that was kind of a boss move

[00:30:20] That's cool

[00:30:22] I mean, it's shocking to be able to murder a police officer execution style

[00:30:27] They really must have messed up

[00:30:29] Mm-hmm

[00:30:30] You know what I mean?

[00:30:31] The cop, to get, you know

[00:30:33] To get fucking shot like that

[00:30:36] Mm-hmm

[00:30:37] Went into a, you know, didn't have backup

[00:30:40] I think he does, or

[00:30:41] Like the shield, the only absolute shield I've ever seen

[00:30:44] Is where they force Jimmy Schmitz to suck cock

[00:30:47] Is he in the, isn't he?

[00:30:50] He's in NYPD Blue, I know that

[00:30:52] They force a Mexican guy to suck cock

[00:30:55] Do you ever see that, Nick?

[00:30:57] Um, in which movie?

[00:30:58] The Shield, the show?

[00:31:00] No

[00:31:01] I've never watched the show

[00:31:03] They force a guy to suck cock

[00:31:05] And then his wife, when she finds out, is like

[00:31:09] Mm-hmm

[00:31:10] Honestly?

[00:31:11] I don't fuck with that gay shit

[00:31:12] Like his wife is not cool with it

[00:31:14] Like this man gets raped at his wife's like

[00:31:17] Ever since you suck that guy's dick

[00:31:19] I can't see you as a man

[00:31:21] I don't see you as a man

[00:31:22] They aren't women the worst

[00:31:23] Honestly they are

[00:31:24] That's how they always act

[00:31:25] I'll know I have a girl holding me down

[00:31:28] When I come back and I'm like

[00:31:30] I'm in bed

[00:31:31] I was forced to suck dick

[00:31:32] And she's like, I'm here for you still

[00:31:34] Yeah, I still want to get piped

[00:31:36] I still, it only makes me more turned on

[00:31:39] Giving pipers one of my favorite bastards

[00:31:42] Really Sean?

[00:31:44] And at one point you said that

[00:31:47] If a woman acts up, it's okay to rape her at gunpoint

[00:31:50] Yes, I'm not sure about that

[00:31:52] It's often you argue with a woman

[00:31:56] And you've given her the last word

[00:31:58] She's already had the last word

[00:32:00] But she still wants to argue more

[00:32:02] And those circumstances

[00:32:03] I think it's

[00:32:04] You know, nine millimeter

[00:32:06] No, no, no, no, no, no, no

[00:32:07] High accountable than that

[00:32:08] But yeah, you definitely want to put a gun into her face

[00:32:11] Really?

[00:32:12] I think it seems a bit extreme

[00:32:14] Have you ever done that?

[00:32:15] Well, an extreme guy

[00:32:16] They used to call me the psycho homo

[00:32:18] Back in high school

[00:32:19] One of the most extreme guys I've heard of

[00:32:22] Before I played James Bondo

[00:32:24] It was actually a rap rock

[00:32:26] He was one of the first rap rock groups

[00:32:28] Back in the 1920s

[00:32:30] Who was it the Crazy Faggot?

[00:32:32] In Scotland, the Crazy Faggot

[00:32:34] Yeah, okay, yeah

[00:32:36] Really, you were in that band?

[00:32:38] We actually invented cutting

[00:32:40] Oh, fuck

[00:32:42] You were the first cutting

[00:32:44] I came up with the idea of cutting myself

[00:32:46] Seems like you got pussy though Sean

[00:32:48] I also got pussy

[00:32:50] And so why did you cut?

[00:32:52] Back then it was cool

[00:32:54] Oh, so you were a guy

[00:32:56] That's a guy who was a school

[00:32:58] It would be a rap rock golf guy

[00:33:00] That makes sense

[00:33:02] That makes a lot of motherfucking sense to me

[00:33:04] Yeah, shh

[00:33:06] Everyone knows I'm James Bond

[00:33:08] And I can get pussy if I want

[00:33:10] But instead I want to stay home

[00:33:13] And cut my fucking shelf

[00:33:15] Take a break and break to my fives

[00:33:18] I want to cut my fucking legs off

[00:33:20] They see the scars and they know

[00:33:24] But your James Bond ain't all his cracked up

[00:33:27] And then that's shit to be James Bond

[00:33:30] I'm tired of getting pussy from hot girls

[00:33:34] Everybody wants to fuck James Bond

[00:33:36] And then I can get into it

[00:33:38] And then I can get into it

[00:33:40] And then I can get into it

[00:33:42] And then I can get into it

[00:33:44] And then I can get into it

[00:33:46] And then I can get into it

[00:33:48] Everybody wants to fuck James Bond

[00:33:50] Nobody wants to kiss him on the lips

[00:33:52] But it's truly good

[00:33:54] I was on a rap music that was

[00:33:56] Absolutely the best stuff

[00:33:58] The best stuff

[00:34:00] Yeah

[00:34:02] I wonder if it'll come back

[00:34:04] I mean there's a bunch of weird

[00:34:08] I mean I think just actual rap has a bunch of game

[00:34:12] It's not exactly a rap rock

[00:34:16] Rest in peace juice world

[00:34:18] Yeah

[00:34:20] Yeah it's just a song like pop punk

[00:34:24] Yeah

[00:34:26] I still see your shadows in my room

[00:34:28] Yeah it was just like taking back Sunday

[00:34:30] Yeah it literally was

[00:34:32] It was the same shit

[00:34:34] RIP to that guy

[00:34:36] I'd probably so scared on an airplane

[00:34:38] Too much drugs in the system

[00:34:40] What happened? He ate too much weed

[00:34:42] He ate drugs

[00:34:44] The pilot snitched

[00:34:46] So the pilot, if you ask me, should be

[00:34:48] Tried for murder

[00:34:50] What did he try?

[00:34:52] What did he eat?

[00:34:54] I think like a sier...

[00:34:54] Scissor

[00:34:56] Oh he drank a bunch

[00:34:58] I think I don't remember the specifics

[00:35:00] I don't know how the

[00:35:02] How the mind out just went

[00:35:04] I can't wait to suck a penis

[00:35:08] And get fucked in my ass

[00:35:12] I still see your penis in my ass

[00:35:16] Who are you to bend me over

[00:35:20] You must have been a hard for my ass

[00:35:24] What song is that?

[00:35:26] Scism by tool

[00:35:28] Oh yeah, I was trying to

[00:35:30] It's the pot

[00:35:32] I was trying to figure that out all morning

[00:35:34] When you were thinking about it, not scale

[00:35:36] I'm going to get a lot of angry messages

[00:35:38] Over that one

[00:35:40] Scissor

[00:35:42] What dare you say it's a long, long, long

[00:35:44] I'll be with my fucking second

[00:35:46] What the fuck dare you?

[00:35:48] I know my dick is small

[00:35:50] And that's why I fucked a lot of guys

[00:35:54] I know that I'm not gay

[00:35:58] Cause I fucked a bunch of guys

[00:36:00] And hated it

[00:36:02] And it's like

[00:36:04] I keep trying to like gay sex

[00:36:06] But every time I'm like

[00:36:08] I'm not for me

[00:36:10] I could take it

[00:36:12] Take it or leave

[00:36:14] I'm not gay

[00:36:16] To me

[00:36:18] It's kind of like ordering a salad

[00:36:20] Because everything else on the menu sucks

[00:36:22] I'm gonna bounce, bounce

[00:36:26] I don't really like sucking

[00:36:30] That much

[00:36:32] I'm not gay

[00:36:36] I'm straight

[00:36:38] I only have gay sex

[00:36:44] To prove that

[00:36:46] I am straight

[00:36:48] You have to negate the alternative

[00:36:52] And now I know for sure

[00:36:54] I'm straight

[00:36:56] Because I fucked every guy

[00:36:58] I know

[00:37:00] I only have gay sex

[00:37:04] To prove that I am straight

[00:37:05] I get to know for sure

[00:37:07] That I am definitely not gay

[00:37:09] I met James Bond

[00:37:11] I sucked his guy

[00:37:15] That's what that would

[00:37:17] I would definitely be gay

[00:37:21] If I enjoyed sucking James Bond's car

[00:37:29] Now I can't wait to get some pussy

[00:37:31] Name a hotter guy

[00:37:33] Than James Bond

[00:37:35] You can't and I've sucked his dick and ate it

[00:37:37] So that's how I know I'm not gay

[00:37:41] Cause I fucked the hottest guy there is

[00:37:45] Put on on on on on

[00:37:47] That bam bam bam bam bam bam

[00:37:51] That's the mind's eye right there

[00:37:53] That's his logic

[00:37:55] Dude that's the only way you can know for sure

[00:37:57] You gotta fuck the hottest guy there is

[00:37:59] I had to find out

[00:38:01] For sure

[00:38:03] So I opened my ass

[00:38:05] At a truck stop

[00:38:07] I got my ass all blown

[00:38:09] Now by a hundred gigas

[00:38:11] And it's so hard

[00:38:13] I was a glory over Halloween

[00:38:17] My costume was just a box with a hole in it

[00:38:23] I went down to stone

[00:38:27] Wall on pride

[00:38:29] Wearing a box with a hole in it

[00:38:31] On the other side of the box

[00:38:35] Was my asshole and my mouth as well

[00:38:37] I dressed up like the phantom toll booth

[00:38:41] This time it's just a box you have sex with

[00:38:51] Yep

[00:38:53] And the premise was you put your cock in the box

[00:38:55] And it would turn it into a cartoon version

[00:38:57] Of your dick

[00:38:59] And there is a dog that is some kind of guide

[00:39:09] The dog teaches your cartoon dick out of fuck

[00:39:15] That was my costume

[00:39:17] And not many people really

[00:39:20] Gally understood that I was going for

[00:39:23] No, it's not just a glory home

[00:39:27] It's also about the children's book with the phantom toll booth

[00:39:30] I had to do that cause last year

[00:39:32] I tried to be Trayvon Martin and never got mad at me

[00:39:36] But no, no, no, no, no

[00:39:39] I didn't know you weren't supposed to do those kind of costumes anymore

[00:39:43] The last time I did Halloween was 2009

[00:39:48] I dressed as the

[00:39:50] The Oxyclean guy that was dead Billy Mays

[00:39:54] And everyone loved it

[00:39:56] Everyone thought it was fun and people forget it

[00:39:58] In 2008, the best costume was Hitler

[00:40:01] Raping Casey Anthony

[00:40:04] That would have killed

[00:40:06] Halloween used to be about being as racist

[00:40:09] And tasteless as possible

[00:40:12] They changed it overnight

[00:40:15] Specifically because of one bitch in Brooklyn

[00:40:17] And one Afro

[00:40:20] And then that same lady opened the adult daycare

[00:40:22] Do you remember that story?

[00:40:24] I forgot that that was the same bitch

[00:40:27] She actually sent me a message on Facebook

[00:40:31] Trying to entrap me in some kind of lawsuit bullshit

[00:40:34] Why?

[00:40:35] Because I did a go fund me saying

[00:40:37] I would go to there and shit myself

[00:40:39] And the adult daycare

[00:40:41] I don't know that

[00:40:42] And then she sent me a message on Facebook

[00:40:45] Incredibly loaded question of

[00:40:47] Why are you planning on doing me physical home?

[00:40:50] And I said bitch this shit doesn't work on me

[00:40:55] And I was still in character

[00:40:58] Nice try you fucking dumb bitch

[00:41:03] Take your adult daycare and shove it up your ass

[00:41:07] Eat my ass and suck on my fucking thing

[00:41:11] Yup, mm-hmm

[00:41:14] And that was a salute to all

[00:41:16] Why are you planning on doing me physical harm?

[00:41:18] Wow, smart, great move

[00:41:21] Wait, so she...

[00:41:22] Nobody said she was strangled

[00:41:24] But she also wore an Afro

[00:41:27] I know

[00:41:29] She also wore an Afro

[00:41:30] Yeah, a couple years prior to that

[00:41:31] I think it was the same lady

[00:41:32] And it caused a stir?

[00:41:33] What was it like Gothamist or something?

[00:41:35] It was like this white woman doing blackface

[00:41:37] Look at this dumb bitch

[00:41:38] Who knows she was on her own

[00:41:40] I don't know, I think it was just like her character

[00:41:42] Oh, it was just being black?

[00:41:44] Yeah

[00:41:45] I sucked a penis, I hated it

[00:41:48] Yeah, I mean, how we used to be about

[00:41:51] Girls being hoars and guys being offensive

[00:41:55] Mm-hmm, they took that away from me

[00:41:57] I'm trying to see some fucking teddies

[00:41:59] I tried to see some fucking teddies

[00:42:01] I'm Bernie Max nephew but I'm horny and I'm straight

[00:42:04] I tried to see some fucking teddies

[00:42:06] Fuck dude, that shit is gonna rock it out of my ass

[00:42:09] It's gonna be a ball, it's gonna be a little pizza

[00:42:12] What is it, a little pizza?

[00:42:14] Well, I did as well have a little bit of

[00:42:16] Overnight outside pizza myself

[00:42:18] I didn't want to go in there

[00:42:20] And I had some donuts

[00:42:21] And then we had a bagel sandwich

[00:42:23] Mm-hmm

[00:42:25] I've been high basically the whole time

[00:42:27] Mm-hmm

[00:42:28] These edibles

[00:42:29] I woke up strangely early this morning

[00:42:31] And couldn't go back to sleep

[00:42:32] Really?

[00:42:33] Yeah, I don't know why

[00:42:34] She would have come into my room and give me a head

[00:42:36] I should have cuddled

[00:42:38] Honestly, it's hard sleeping alone

[00:42:40] You know?

[00:42:41] Yeah, I've been sleeping good actually

[00:42:43] No, I've heard

[00:42:44] I need my dog there

[00:42:46] Yeah, or a guy

[00:42:48] Or a guy named Franz

[00:42:50] Yeah, to hold you

[00:42:51] You feel a little fucking

[00:42:53] You feel a little bit of stubble on the back of your neck

[00:42:56] Yeah, something to just kind of

[00:42:58] You feel this hard calloused hands

[00:43:00] Reaching for your chest

[00:43:02] Feeling in the little concavity with these big thumbs

[00:43:05] With these big workmen like thumbs

[00:43:08] Is that how you go to bed?

[00:43:10] Yeah

[00:43:11] I'm going to step in here as a disinterest

[00:43:14] At third party and say yes it is

[00:43:16] Mm-hmm

[00:43:17] I've never met you two gentlemen before

[00:43:19] I was just walking by

[00:43:20] But he looks like the kind of guy

[00:43:22] This guy is just a fucking busybody over here

[00:43:24] Yeah, no, I have been in a conversation

[00:43:26] I was just, I happened to be walking by

[00:43:27] I saw three fellers recording a podcast

[00:43:29] That's right

[00:43:30] If you're going to mind as well

[00:43:31] Come in and offer my two cents

[00:43:32] Sure

[00:43:33] I've seen gay men before

[00:43:35] Up close to the first one

[00:43:36] That is what this is

[00:43:37] And just for the listeners at home

[00:43:39] This man is pointing at him

[00:43:41] That's funny, that's a lot of action

[00:43:42] No, I'm pointing at the man in the yellow cap

[00:43:44] That's right

[00:43:45] Adam

[00:43:46] Next being the small town busybody right now

[00:43:50] You see, you know

[00:43:51] I think we're all turning

[00:43:53] The different types of action figures

[00:43:55] I mean, GI Joe

[00:43:57] You a play mobile guy

[00:43:59] Play mobile, what is that?

[00:44:01] It's like they're like Legos for autistic kids

[00:44:04] I never miss Legos

[00:44:06] No

[00:44:07] So that's why you know the Legos that you like?

[00:44:10] I actually, I liked connects

[00:44:12] I like the next two

[00:44:14] Connects were cool

[00:44:15] I used to make Ferris wheels in a show with that

[00:44:17] No, you didn't

[00:44:18] They're not Ferris wheels, uh

[00:44:20] Like windmills

[00:44:21] You're lying about how good he was

[00:44:23] I was pretty sicker

[00:44:24] You didn't do this

[00:44:25] The wood was connects was cool

[00:44:27] Because you needed three pieces to make a gun

[00:44:29] And pointed at other kids at school

[00:44:31] You can make guns with them pretty easy

[00:44:33] You can make guns with Legos

[00:44:35] You're not allowed to make a gun

[00:44:37] You remember those rules in the school

[00:44:39] We weren't allowed to make a gun

[00:44:41] Not a lego

[00:44:42] Or draw it

[00:44:43] But it's like, you know

[00:44:44] Never would they tell girls

[00:44:45] They weren't allowed to make like a baby doll

[00:44:47] Right, and those are just as dangerous

[00:44:49] They're just going right

[00:44:50] Fucking hoars

[00:44:51] A baby is way more dangerous than a gun

[00:44:53] Are you kidding me?

[00:44:54] Yep

[00:44:55] First of all, a baby can grow up to be a person

[00:44:57] True

[00:44:59] And a gun is just a piece of metal

[00:45:01] Aside from that, let's not forget what, you know, a baby

[00:45:03] Uh, financial, the financial ruin

[00:45:06] That it causes

[00:45:07] Yeah, a gun, what is that?

[00:45:08] The carbon, the carbon, the footprint

[00:45:10] Of a human being is way more than a gun

[00:45:13] That's your best argument

[00:45:15] Yeah

[00:45:16] I'll say this

[00:45:17] If I had to choose between getting a gun

[00:45:19] This is Jesus Christ

[00:45:20] This was, you built this Adam?

[00:45:22] I didn't make that one

[00:45:24] This is Adam

[00:45:26] I got one for my birthday one year

[00:45:28] That was like, you could make a windmill

[00:45:31] You never made it

[00:45:32] This is Adam with this fucking six foot tall fairs

[00:45:34] This is like, my parents never gave me that much shit

[00:45:36] This is like, fucking ten thousand pieces

[00:45:40] I wasn't like a toys kid

[00:45:42] Like, my parents didn't get me like

[00:45:44] Like, Ninja Turtles or like, action figures

[00:45:47] But they would get me like, stuff to like build stuff

[00:45:50] No imagination

[00:45:51] No, I was like, a legos and connects kid

[00:45:53] Fuck that, you need toys

[00:45:55] Yeah

[00:45:56] No, I was rock

[00:45:57] I wasn't like, stuffed animals

[00:45:59] Or, I don't have any of that kind of shit

[00:46:02] No fucking love in your life

[00:46:04] I think my parents just didn't like a mess

[00:46:06] Like, my parents didn't like a mess

[00:46:09] But there was no choice

[00:46:10] There was like, fucking eight Greek motherfuckers

[00:46:12] Living in a little, like, fucking townhouse

[00:46:15] Mm-hmm

[00:46:16] Three savage little fucking boys

[00:46:18] I realized this, like, thing in this house

[00:46:21] Which is big is that

[00:46:22] You can make as much of a mess

[00:46:24] But it doesn't seem as messy

[00:46:26] Because it's bigger

[00:46:27] It's more spread out

[00:46:28] Whereas in my two bedroom apartment

[00:46:30] It's like, this much mess makes the whole place

[00:46:32] It's gonna look like it's a mess

[00:46:34] It's gonna look like it's a mess

[00:46:35] We need to get huge houses in the suburbs

[00:46:37] Yeah, that's why we got to move to Jersey

[00:46:39] You remember Erector Set?

[00:46:40] So it was gonna be a reverse or something

[00:46:41] That was before our time

[00:46:42] It was when my dad would talk about it

[00:46:44] Yeah

[00:46:45] As a kid

[00:46:46] Our dads were erector sets

[00:46:47] Yeah, that's where you build it

[00:46:48] I wanted to get you to build braces for your cock

[00:46:51] Yeah

[00:46:52] Because your kid can't get harsh

[00:46:54] They used to sell little, like, mac braces

[00:46:56] Exactly

[00:46:57] I'm still interested in that technology

[00:46:59] I would love a little fucking brace for my cock

[00:47:02] Like, two fucking wooden sticks

[00:47:05] Which is like, two fucking

[00:47:07] Just cutting the shit out of the woman's vagina

[00:47:09] This is a bad old piece

[00:47:11] It's just screws

[00:47:13] It's destroying her pussy

[00:47:15] I'm making a stint

[00:47:16] She's like, at her, it's her, like, damn, I'll go slow

[00:47:18] I'm sorry, baby

[00:47:19] My bad

[00:47:20] I got a fucking forest gunp on my dick

[00:47:22] I'm sorry, yeah

[00:47:23] The my dick

[00:47:24] Was just

[00:47:25] Had seen the wars

[00:47:27] Oh yeah

[00:47:31] Yeah, I play with fucking action figures

[00:47:34] Brandon Air is building models and video games

[00:47:37] I'm jealous, I want to build models

[00:47:39] So build models?

[00:47:40] The fuck is stopping you?

[00:47:41] I'm not good at it

[00:47:43] You could be

[00:47:44] My dad built models

[00:47:45] And then I tried one time

[00:47:46] And he was like, don't do this

[00:47:48] Wow, that's fucked up

[00:47:49] Yeah, he was like, you're really bad

[00:47:51] That's not how you fucking hurt your feelings?

[00:47:53] No, it wasn't

[00:47:54] That was the only answer

[00:47:55] The answer was yes it did, correct them

[00:47:57] Well, I mean, I could also

[00:47:58] Recognize objectively that it was bad

[00:48:00] But you could get good at that

[00:48:01] What you want from my dad

[00:48:03] If you're showing interest in something

[00:48:05] You should be like, oh, work hard

[00:48:06] No, no, no, because my dad's like

[00:48:08] He's a real nice and like supportive guy

[00:48:10] So to actually have negative feedback on something

[00:48:13] It makes the other shit worth it

[00:48:15] Because it's like, oh, then it's not bullshit

[00:48:17] Yeah, I only got negative feedback

[00:48:19] So maybe that was your dad's plan

[00:48:21] I'll be nice about everything

[00:48:22] So this little cocksucker doesn't steal mine

[00:48:24] So he doesn't model thunder

[00:48:25] I'm sorry, dude

[00:48:26] I'm gonna keep him away from models

[00:48:28] So he's gonna get that big magnifying glass

[00:48:30] My dad still buys models

[00:48:32] He gets them on EVS to wait like six, seven months

[00:48:34] Because he buys fucking like models of like

[00:48:37] I don't know, Ferraris or whatever

[00:48:40] I see him and I like, I'll tell him about it

[00:48:42] He's like, I had to wait eight months

[00:48:43] To get these wheels

[00:48:45] I would have known what my dad did for fun

[00:48:47] I think let's just play soccer outside

[00:48:49] Oh, this isn't for fun

[00:48:51] This is so he doesn't kill himself

[00:48:53] Yeah, it's great

[00:48:53] It's to eat up hours before you die

[00:48:55] Damn, that's horrible

[00:48:57] It's to forget that you're gonna die

[00:48:59] With a fucking little six die car

[00:49:02] Yeah, whatever

[00:49:03] They're worse was

[00:49:05] Dad is gay

[00:49:06] I would rather kill my dad

[00:49:08] I'm gonna get into this shit

[00:49:10] This is my dad's plan

[00:49:12] I'm gonna get into this shit

[00:49:15] I'm buying this

[00:49:16] That looks cool

[00:49:17] What is a Cadillac?

[00:49:18] Yeah, like a 75-coupe-deville

[00:49:20] You're gonna paint it yourself?

[00:49:22] Yeah, I'm gonna put it together

[00:49:23] Give it a nice cherry coat

[00:49:25] See? Give it a nice cream paint job?

[00:49:28] I was laughing, I forget who it was

[00:49:30] Maybe it was on the show, but just like a trans person

[00:49:32] being like, oh god

[00:49:34] I'm turning into my mother

[00:49:36] That's funny

[00:49:40] Because they forget

[00:49:44] No, because they're becoming a woman

[00:49:46] Right

[00:49:47] Oh god, I'm turning into my mother

[00:49:50] I like that stuff does not get that

[00:49:54] Is it because they're surprised they're becoming

[00:49:57] No, it's the most basic joke in the world

[00:49:59] Because people say that all the time

[00:50:01] Oh, I'm becoming my father

[00:50:02] I'm turning into my father

[00:50:03] He says something lame

[00:50:04] And then you're like, oh, I'm turning into my dad

[00:50:06] Yeah

[00:50:07] But yeah, someone transitioning

[00:50:09] So I'm turning into my mother

[00:50:11] It's like, it's so easy

[00:50:14] It's rude, but it's like a single panel

[00:50:17] Sunday cartoon

[00:50:18] It doesn't even have three drugs

[00:50:21] It's just what you want me to do

[00:50:22] I laugh at everything sometimes

[00:50:23] I'll slip by

[00:50:25] No, it's true, that's true

[00:50:28] That's true, what you want me to say

[00:50:30] I'm like, that's what people accuse me of faking my laugh

[00:50:34] Let that be proof that I never fake

[00:50:37] No, you're just, you just, you have so much joy

[00:50:40] I love having a good ass time

[00:50:42] You like having a nice time?

[00:50:44] Well, the other character we're doing that I did like very much was

[00:50:48] The guy calling the police to find that word

[00:50:51] The Indian guy calling the police

[00:50:53] Oh yeah, that was calling

[00:50:54] Calling police stations

[00:50:56] Yeah, because we're up here in the woods

[00:50:58] I mean, we're like, let's just joke

[00:51:01] Try and find prostagies

[00:51:03] Yes, it's a joke, huh?

[00:51:04] Right, right, right

[00:51:05] No, I mean, I had no, I was not involved in this at all

[00:51:08] Would you guys have bought actual prostagies?

[00:51:11] No, we would have bought actual

[00:51:13] Actually, you did Google it

[00:51:14] As a joke

[00:51:16] Yeah, alright

[00:51:17] Just to see what the...

[00:51:19] Let's just say the joke

[00:51:21] Let's say this, if it was like going to a dispensary

[00:51:26] Where it's like a legal brothel

[00:51:28] Which we did go to dispensary

[00:51:30] Which is like a brothel?

[00:51:31] It makes me, it's funny, it's like a maybe, why not?

[00:51:34] I've got left out in jealous

[00:51:36] Going to the dispensary

[00:51:38] Yeah, because you weren't in the cannabis culture

[00:51:40] Yeah, it just doesn't do anything for me

[00:51:42] I wish it did

[00:51:43] Give it a shot tonight

[00:51:44] Nah

[00:51:45] Why not?

[00:51:46] We've had some fun with this

[00:51:47] I will say

[00:51:48] They need to do it with opiates

[00:51:49] No, no, just...

[00:51:51] No, we got weed now, the next thing, fuck it

[00:51:53] Just put steamroll ahead

[00:51:54] No, this is my gay agenda

[00:51:56] We're the only drug we need to drug

[00:51:58] Now that we have fucking weed legal

[00:52:00] We definitely need to have

[00:52:01] Everything's decriminalized now

[00:52:02] Yeah, well they need to have

[00:52:03] And still a cybernet is legal there too

[00:52:05] I don't give a shit about that

[00:52:06] They need to have like opiate dispensers

[00:52:08] No dude, no they don't

[00:52:09] Why can't I fucking opiate them where I can go in

[00:52:11] And a Chinese woman with a huge blush

[00:52:13] Okay, now you're probably out

[00:52:15] Oh here's your pipe, mister, mister

[00:52:18] Bond

[00:52:20] Really? Why you want them to come?

[00:52:22] Yes, you're a snailier

[00:52:23] You're a snailier

[00:52:24] You're a snailier

[00:52:25] You can't have people doing it

[00:52:27] I don't want people recognizing me

[00:52:29] As the lead singer of the Crazy Fagas

[00:52:32] She's in this opiate

[00:52:34] When I should be at home cutting my shirt

[00:52:36] And I'll ruin the abortion

[00:52:38] Going to an opium then sounds pretty fun

[00:52:40] Yeah, just because you get to relax

[00:52:42] If you get to relax, if you get some Chinese pussy

[00:52:45] That's a big plus

[00:52:46] You can take a nap

[00:52:47] I gotta think they're selling pussy

[00:52:49] If they're selling opium

[00:52:51] I'm not gonna do it unless I can do the long pipe

[00:52:53] I'm on the record

[00:52:54] Of course I need the long pipe

[00:52:55] Of course I need the long pipe

[00:52:56] I need the pipe like the caterpillar from fucking

[00:52:59] I need a little sound

[00:53:01] I need an extra long pipe

[00:53:03] I'm trying to smoke huco like that fat little bug

[00:53:06] Um...

[00:53:09] Yeah

[00:53:11] I don't know

[00:53:12] I do like this

[00:53:13] I guess this feels like

[00:53:14] This feels like a break from reality

[00:53:16] That I've been smoking weed heavily

[00:53:18] I guess Ben Shapiro has the same hat as you had him

[00:53:21] Yeah, he copied

[00:53:23] This is having it

[00:53:26] Or Nails

[00:53:28] Oh gosh

[00:53:31] He rules, he's a really hot guy

[00:53:33] Look at his breasts, dude

[00:53:35] Where are the Alice?

[00:53:36] Fucking loser

[00:53:37] Did you see the new meltdown that he had about

[00:53:40] Dressing like a girl?

[00:53:41] Ben Shapiro started wearing brah

[00:53:43] Yeah, it was so bad

[00:53:44] His challenge, I mean he really should be wearing a bra

[00:53:46] He's mad because Harry Styles

[00:53:47] First of all, Harry Styles putting on addresses like

[00:53:49] Come on Harry

[00:53:50] Yeah

[00:53:51] Who the fuck?

[00:53:52] I don't wear dresses

[00:53:53] Stop pretending

[00:53:54] He's mad because Ben would actually look like a woman

[00:53:56] Ben would look cute in a dress

[00:53:58] He's a little pixie cut

[00:53:59] Not by feminine

[00:54:00] I would fucking be the ass

[00:54:01] By a dress

[00:54:02] If he's a very cute dress

[00:54:03] It's the dress itself that scares him

[00:54:05] It's the dress

[00:54:06] Damn, he does have little titties

[00:54:08] I like that little titties

[00:54:09] The sisters were so big they spilled

[00:54:11] They had to

[00:54:12] They had to have a little titties

[00:54:13] Like I have a friend whose sister is mega

[00:54:16] Mega retarded?

[00:54:17] Like extra?

[00:54:18] Mmm

[00:54:18] And he's got a little pinch

[00:54:19] Racine is the same way

[00:54:21] We're taking a little bit of

[00:54:22] What do you got a little mega retarded?

[00:54:24] Like you know

[00:54:25] Like in a wheelchair?

[00:54:26] Okay not mega

[00:54:28] I like that you can be so stupid

[00:54:30] They have to put you in a wheelchair

[00:54:31] profoundly

[00:54:32] Okay she's not that

[00:54:34] She just is

[00:54:35] Or actually it's hard to tell because sometimes

[00:54:37] I feel like she just was born into a horrible

[00:54:39] You can't be born into a family

[00:54:41] It's like half white trash half Greek villager

[00:54:43] With even the slightest

[00:54:45] Mental problem

[00:54:47] Because they're not gonna fucking take care of it

[00:54:49] Yeah they're not gonna take you to the doctor

[00:54:51] They're just gonna let that one simmer

[00:54:53] They're just gonna put you in a room

[00:54:55] Yeah I feel like if she was born to a better family

[00:54:57] She'd be fine

[00:54:58] Anyway

[00:54:59] But I think that's my

[00:55:01] Genetic hypothesis is his sister's tits were so big

[00:55:04] He got a little piece

[00:55:06] Yeah

[00:55:07] Oh that titty meat

[00:55:08] I would love to just take a look at those breasts

[00:55:11] And there's that lady that's a look-alike

[00:55:13] That's not actually her

[00:55:14] That we've seen her breasts

[00:55:16] Yeah

[00:55:17] But I want to see Abigail Shapiro's real breasts

[00:55:20] Yes

[00:55:21] We've seen her breasts

[00:55:22] I want to see them for real for keeps

[00:55:24] And I

[00:55:25] Sat upon the shore and washed her breasts

[00:55:28] On my phone

[00:55:30] On my own cock

[00:55:32] How dare you raise your penis to me

[00:55:34] That's it

[00:55:36] That's just it

[00:55:37] This young man do not raise your penis at me

[00:55:39] Don't you dare raise your penis at me

[00:55:41] She's getting on

[00:55:43] Getting hard as an act of defiance

[00:55:45] Don't you dare raise your penis at me

[00:55:47] She's getting on

[00:55:49] Getting hard as an act of defiance

[00:55:51] Don't you dare raise your penis at me

[00:55:53] I'm getting on the seventh heaven

[00:55:55] Matt's getting boners

[00:55:57] And Eric finds out he's like we have to have a family meeting

[00:55:59] Your older brother Eric has been having boners

[00:56:01] I'm having this dead

[00:56:03] I can't believe you Eric

[00:56:05] Simon, it's not like that

[00:56:07] Dad, why are you doing this?

[00:56:09] I will not have a son that it gets hard

[00:56:12] No, you're destroying this family

[00:56:16] Oh yeah, watch this

[00:56:18] Then he like goes

[00:56:20] Then he like gets hard

[00:56:22] Don't you dare raise your penis at me

[00:56:24] Then he gets hard back

[00:56:26] Yeah

[00:56:27] I'm the one who gets hard to make more babies in this family

[00:56:32] We're only allowed to have one baby in your mom's awful pussy

[00:56:36] Mm-hmm

[00:56:37] And her mom, she cries during sex every time

[00:56:40] Because she thinks it's a gift from God

[00:56:43] It's not as the worst kinds of tears possible

[00:56:46] They do nothing for me

[00:56:50] They just tears of grace

[00:56:52] Yeah

[00:56:54] Absolute last pick in the draft of tears

[00:56:57] Do you know how hard it is to nut

[00:56:59] When everything around you is curated

[00:57:01] It'll look like the cover of Nicholas Sparks

[00:57:03] That is for women

[00:57:06] That is the, that is

[00:57:08] Anthetical to men's

[00:57:10] ejaculatory experience

[00:57:12] That's correct

[00:57:14] And I'm kissing its sunset

[00:57:16] That's correct

[00:57:17] In front of a tire swing

[00:57:19] Mm-hmm

[00:57:20] What I need

[00:57:21] I could bust like that

[00:57:22] I couldn't

[00:57:23] You don't think you could bust with making sensual love

[00:57:27] During a song set?

[00:57:28] You can't bust in a beautiful place

[00:57:30] Not a beauty, it's gotta be dark

[00:57:32] It's gotta be dark

[00:57:33] You got ugly

[00:57:33] Like, yeah

[00:57:34] Fall on machines

[00:57:35] Yeah

[00:57:36] Minist drill shit

[00:57:38] Yeah

[00:57:39] Yeah

[00:57:40] Jirly girl

[00:57:41] Side of her head shade

[00:57:42] Johnny tits

[00:57:44] That part sounds cool

[00:57:46] Yeah

[00:57:47] She weighs easily 40 pounds more than you

[00:57:49] That is cool

[00:57:50] Yeah

[00:57:51] Just getting, I mean not that

[00:57:52] For me personally

[00:57:53] But

[00:57:54] That just a sturdier type of

[00:57:56] Me

[00:57:57] Amaciated rock hard

[00:57:58] Translucent skin

[00:57:59] Mm-hmm

[00:58:00] Dripping soaking wet

[00:58:01] Soaking wet

[00:58:02] Yeah

[00:58:03] Bloody

[00:58:04] Fuck

[00:58:05] Fuck

[00:58:06] Fuck

[00:58:07] Fuck

[00:58:08] Fuck my ass

[00:58:10] Fuck

[00:58:11] Fuck

[00:58:12] Fuck

[00:58:13] Fuck

[00:58:14] Fuck my ass

[00:58:15] Fuck

[00:58:16] Fuck

[00:58:17] Fuck

[00:58:18] Fuck

[00:58:19] Fuck

[00:58:20] Fuck

[00:58:21] Fuck

[00:58:22] Fuck

[00:58:23] Yeah

[00:58:24] I like to bust sensually

[00:58:25] And as a rough

[00:58:26] As a rough

[00:58:27] Howzer

[00:58:28] I have to have a beautiful experience

[00:58:30] Yeah

[00:58:31] We have to be like 7th Heaven

[00:58:32] Suck my penis

[00:58:34] Everybody's looking

[00:58:37] Everybody suck my dick

[00:58:39] Hello is Mr. Police

[00:58:41] Oh yes

[00:58:42] I forgot

[00:58:44] I forgot

[00:58:45] That's my point

[00:58:46] Of those things

[00:58:47] It was just in the

[00:58:47] No no no

[00:58:48] It was good, it was good

[00:58:49] We did it, we did it

[00:58:50] You did it twice

[00:58:51] With the idea that it's a guy calling the police to find out where the prostitutes are in town

[00:58:55] Right

[00:58:56] Because we couldn't find them on Google

[00:58:57] Yeah

[00:58:58] I'm, do you have no police?

[00:59:00] I'm

[00:59:01] I stood in doing a book report on

[00:59:03] The personate

[00:59:04] And I was wondering if you could tell me who they are

[00:59:07] Sorry

[00:59:08] It's a real dress

[00:59:09] I can research them for a book report

[00:59:11] From the eighth grade

[00:59:12] I'm in elementary school

[00:59:14] I'm doing a school project

[00:59:15] I'm doing a report on a book report on how to effect the prostitize

[00:59:24] Here in town for elementary school

[00:59:27] Yes

[00:59:31] Fuck

[00:59:32] Fuck

[00:59:33] Fuck

[00:59:34] Fuck

[00:59:35] Fuck

[00:59:36] Fuck

[00:59:37] Why?

[00:59:39] Do you guys remember Dance with the Devil?

[00:59:42] That song.

[00:59:43] Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh.

[00:59:46] Fight.

[00:59:47] And dance with the Devil.

[00:59:49] Yeah, that's it.

[00:59:50] That was a banger, dude, when I was eight years old in Greece.

[00:59:54] They're like literally priests being like,

[00:59:57] this is the work of Satan.

[00:59:59] They thought if you played that song,

[01:00:01] you would like, or the other word on that song.

[01:00:04] I don't remember, but that song.

[01:00:06] That song rocked Greece.

[01:00:07] Sucking dick, miss, sucking dick, miss, sucking dick.

[01:00:12] Kiss, oh my dick, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss.

[01:00:16] And I am a fad.

[01:00:18] I dick, kick it.

[01:00:19] I dick, kick it.

[01:00:21] Oh, my dick, kick it.

[01:00:22] My dick, kick it.

[01:00:23] My dick, kick it.

[01:00:24] My dick, kick it.

[01:00:25] My dick, kick it.

[01:00:27] I can't get it, dude.

[01:00:28] My dick is so funny.

[01:00:30] Oh, yeah, Christmas is the lee.

[01:00:31] What, like three days and a half?

[01:00:33] Christmas was yesterday.

[01:00:34] Christmas was yesterday.

[01:00:35] I hope you guys are enjoying your new PlayStation 5s.

[01:00:37] We hope so.

[01:00:38] We hope you guys are.

[01:00:39] From the bottom of our bulls,

[01:00:40] we're hoping you're enjoying your PlayStation 5.

[01:00:43] Now that we're.

[01:00:43] That's what life's about, man.

[01:00:44] This show is so much more fun to do now

[01:00:46] that it's completely detached from.

[01:00:50] First of all, it was already detached from social media

[01:00:52] for me, by being banned.

[01:00:54] But now that it's attached from reality.

[01:00:58] Yes, absolutely.

[01:00:59] And like both temporarily, totally, this material.

[01:01:03] It doesn't feel like the world

[01:01:04] is continuing while we're here.

[01:01:06] Oh, no, not at all.

[01:01:07] Like I was getting emails.

[01:01:08] I was like, what the fuck is this?

[01:01:09] I'm not paying attention.

[01:01:10] I'm going to wake up, get fucked up.

[01:01:12] I'm going to wake up, have coffee till I'm not high anymore.

[01:01:15] Podcast.

[01:01:17] Have diarrhea.

[01:01:19] I deleted all my accounts.

[01:01:20] Smoke three joints.

[01:01:21] No, I just get texts.

[01:01:22] I don't know who they're from.

[01:01:23] And it's like, this is easier.

[01:01:24] Why?

[01:01:25] Well, then I don't have to respond to anybody

[01:01:27] because I'm like, I don't know who this is.

[01:01:29] Nice.

[01:01:29] That's a good idea.

[01:01:31] That's awesome, dude.

[01:01:32] That makes a lot of fucking sense.

[01:01:34] Yeah, I'm always about novels.

[01:01:37] Haring down.

[01:01:38] You know who was that like that?

[01:01:39] Your mother is in the hospital.

[01:01:41] Sorry, I don't know who the fuck it is.

[01:01:43] Who is this?

[01:01:44] What is this, spam?

[01:01:45] How the fuck did you get this number?

[01:01:47] Marcus, spam.

[01:01:48] Yeah, John Nash.

[01:01:52] Good, beautiful man.

[01:01:53] Yeah, he did that.

[01:01:54] Oh, really?

[01:01:55] He would do something.

[01:01:56] That's a guy that you have some stuff in common with,

[01:01:58] I would say.

[01:01:59] Strong.

[01:02:02] Math.

[01:02:03] Math.

[01:02:03] Math, mathematical.

[01:02:05] I've always been so bad at math.

[01:02:07] Really?

[01:02:08] Oh, yeah.

[01:02:09] That's funny.

[01:02:10] Feels like you should know math.

[01:02:11] Why?

[01:02:12] I don't know, because it's a bullshit skill.

[01:02:15] No, because the arts and crafts is not.

[01:02:17] That's true.

[01:02:18] That's actually true.

[01:02:18] That's true.

[01:02:19] His handwriting is really nice.

[01:02:21] I know.

[01:02:22] She has a strong handwriting.

[01:02:24] He does.

[01:02:25] He has a guitar.

[01:02:25] Sorry for saying that on the show.

[01:02:26] I've been a lifelong art bag.

[01:02:29] Yeah.

[01:02:30] Yeah.

[01:02:31] That's true.

[01:02:31] Yeah.

[01:02:32] It's just the second part.

[01:02:33] You do comedy, so that doesn't count as all right.

[01:02:37] Yeah, it's not a.

[01:02:38] No, that is true.

[01:02:39] We do love art, actually.

[01:02:41] And we happen to do comedy.

[01:02:42] It's the same.

[01:02:43] I love going to museums and shit.

[01:02:45] It's the same.

[01:02:47] I'm about to go to a museum.

[01:02:48] Oh, fuck.

[01:02:49] Can you go with an appointment?

[01:02:51] Or are they shutting that down?

[01:02:52] I went, yeah.

[01:02:53] I went to the MoMA.

[01:02:54] Ever since you go to the zoo with an appointment.

[01:02:56] Close.

[01:02:56] I know.

[01:02:58] You're a fucking zoo-afile?

[01:03:00] The World Conservation Society.

[01:03:02] How much does that cost?

[01:03:03] I don't know, a couple hundred dollars.

[01:03:04] What?

[01:03:05] Four or five hundred bucks a site.

[01:03:07] I gave them.

[01:03:07] I got it.

[01:03:08] But I gave the zoo $500, something like that, yeah.

[01:03:12] Do you get pussy from an orangutan?

[01:03:15] You get discounts to the soda machine, which is why I did it.

[01:03:18] I guess it saves monkeys.

[01:03:19] But really, in the long run, you're going to save a lot of them.

[01:03:22] I'm going to be spending more than $50 at the gift shop.

[01:03:24] And I want my 20% off.

[01:03:27] In the long run.

[01:03:28] Remember discount.

[01:03:29] In the long run, you got to spend what?

[01:03:31] About a couple thousand dollars to make that?

[01:03:33] Well, I thought there's whole condoms at the gift shop.

[01:03:35] But it's all stuffed animals.

[01:03:36] So I feel like I was cheated by the zoo.

[01:03:38] Yeah.

[01:03:39] Because whenever I call on them, it's the fuck the animal.

[01:03:41] That's a smart move.

[01:03:42] They let you fuck the animals if you join their conservation.

[01:03:45] That's what I asked.

[01:03:45] Do you get pussy from an orangutan?

[01:03:47] Were you even listening?

[01:03:48] No, I was thinking about the pussy.

[01:03:53] That one slipped directly into my son.

[01:03:54] That's all right.

[01:03:55] That's actually that gorilla that jacked off

[01:03:56] to like what Bert Reynolds or some shit?

[01:03:58] Yeah.

[01:03:59] Remember that story?

[01:04:00] Ah, put your cock away, you fucking monkey.

[01:04:04] How you doing, monkey?

[01:04:06] Is that a cock there?

[01:04:07] Might have been a second.

[01:04:08] What happened?

[01:04:09] The monkey was turned on by Bert Reynolds.

[01:04:10] And she was a girl monkey.

[01:04:12] And she was like raised with humans.

[01:04:13] So she was like.

[01:04:14] She was rubbing her pussy.

[01:04:15] She was literally rubbing her clit to Bert Reynolds.

[01:04:18] She wanted to fuck Bert Reynolds.

[01:04:19] Damn.

[01:04:20] What a legend.

[01:04:20] They're basically human.

[01:04:22] Like if you raise them around people, they think they're people.

[01:04:24] And they're pretty smart.

[01:04:26] And they want to suck.

[01:04:27] And you know what?

[01:04:28] I think it was Bert Reynolds.

[01:04:29] It might have been Tom Selick.

[01:04:34] I think it was Tom Selick now that I think about it.

[01:04:36] One of those mustachioed alphas.

[01:04:38] She bought with some body hair.

[01:04:40] If you're a gorilla, you got to want to fuck a guy with body

[01:04:42] hair.

[01:04:43] A nice sweater.

[01:04:45] Body hair sweater.

[01:04:48] Yeah, some fucking.

[01:04:49] Oh, dude.

[01:04:50] I'm going to shit something horrific.

[01:04:53] Something bad is coming out of my ass one way or another.

[01:04:57] Oh, my God.

[01:04:59] I'm about to fucking shit out of my asshole.

[01:05:00] I'm about to take a little fucking shit out of my fucking ass.

[01:05:04] I literally am going to fucking rock it.

[01:05:06] Let's take a little break right now.

[01:05:09] OK.

[01:05:09] And then folks, it's almost the end of the year.

[01:05:12] It's the end of the year.

[01:05:14] It's almost 2020's Sayonara.

[01:05:16] It's the perfect time to go get a t-shirt to come.

[01:05:19] Or a calendar for your 2021 all your 2021 needs.

[01:05:25] Yeah.

[01:05:25] Go to Stavi.biz by yourself a calendar.

[01:05:28] The 2021 official Stavros-Hockies calendar is out.

[01:05:30] Yeah.

[01:05:31] All the money goes to buying a brain for Stavros.

[01:05:34] What the hell is it?

[01:05:36] We're going to return.

[01:05:38] Yeah, goodbye.