Cum Town | Premium | 02/06/2017
[00:00:00] uh-oh indeed the episode just started on a
[00:00:16] uh... while embers on a mic but you just gimbal nicks people know the gimbal
[00:00:22] people know it again but no we're industry that's why people might not know
[00:00:26] uh... gimbal it's like a thing you put your fucking your phone or camera in it
[00:00:30] and it stabilizes uh... you know run around and it's a jerry scope yet it's
[00:00:37] and the only thing i'd really i don't know why about it but i know
[00:00:40] and other than the weather from the tutorials i've seen online it's really
[00:00:45] long tracking shots from a car all let's read you the let's re
[00:00:51] not that i can feel it's we're gonna do the the wire sopranos intro
[00:01:10] alright so i guess i've turned the tv completely off because the screensavers
[00:01:17] you know those are some beautiful but you're not a company of that you're you're
[00:01:26] are what do you get the risk on before and we had zings we had riffs
[00:01:30] i was part of the zing and zopran and zopran and zopran and zopran
[00:01:32] i mean i was more of it more of an object of the things but
[00:01:35] you were going to think that i'm part of that you were getting chold pretty good
[00:01:39] yeah well you know i if i wasn't here i would be able to be trolled yeah
[00:01:43] that's a talk about important things you know i've been having a rough week
[00:01:46] first of all everyone was mad at me for being somebody called me a crypto
[00:01:49] nazi which to be honest sounds pretty fucking cool
[00:01:54] isn't that what uh... that's what a guy called williamf buckley yeah yeah
[00:01:58] go and call up yeah yeah but crypto nazis when you punch a nazi and they die and
[00:02:02] then they come back oh uh... i can tell you from the crib
[00:02:05] well yeah from like from like black ops too i hate jews
[00:02:11] that's good we have a terrifying story here about all the banks
[00:02:17] who controls them my screenplay was rejected because of the jews
[00:02:24] yeah that kind of shit so i'm one of those guys i'm a cool nazi zombie
[00:02:29] yeah and if you try if you try me call a duty i'll fucking eat your goddamn brain
[00:02:33] yeah that's cool what did you do to get called the crypto nazi
[00:02:37] uh well there was a story that i just came up on my news feed about uh
[00:02:42] it was nachio and i like nachio now because that's like one of the only
[00:02:46] places where you can just go not read bad news right even fucking science is
[00:02:50] trying to get in on it like every science article is about like oh
[00:02:53] look at this fucking meter that almost destroyed earth uh i wish it did
[00:02:57] click click like science shut the fuck up
[00:03:00] just go back to like what if we all lived on mars and we weren't bullied for being
[00:03:04] faggot that was the science news i could get on board with
[00:03:07] science news i want is just how to make fucking ice cream with nitrogen or
[00:03:10] whatever yeah that's cool yeah that was the best part of science class every
[00:03:14] three's drive food some fucking guys would come in and make ice cream
[00:03:19] yeah that's like good shit dude yeah i do what are what are astronauts
[00:03:28] i've never understood that but jus from the moon is that what the chinese
[00:03:32] jus is these astronauts ejus that's uh that's that old mel Brooks joke man
[00:03:37] jus in space you know never mind okay really yeah i'm sorry a lot of us
[00:03:43] weren't forced to watch mel Brooks in sunday school i had to watch in
[00:03:46] synagogue that's what we can watch all the mel Brooks
[00:03:53] and from noon to we're having uh you know big list with coffee and then three
[00:03:59] to four we're going to be watching curb
[00:04:03] um uh so you're watching you're at nagio oh yeah nagio and there's an
[00:04:07] article that came up that it said uh uh
[00:04:10] chimpans former leader chimpanzee cannibalized by his former followers
[00:04:16] and so i see a joke about a a leader who's being eaten alive by his former
[00:04:23] followers yeah which is like the hillary's camp has been
[00:04:27] blaming obama for her loss then that was happening at that moment
[00:04:31] so i'm like you know rip obama which obviously you know i understand the
[00:04:35] chimp thing is racist but there's yes it's not just a
[00:04:39] chimp that's what the joke is he was a leader that you find like
[00:04:44] it's a new leader because let me explain humor to you you fat fuck
[00:04:48] it's like i know like humor is bitch yeah i'm sure it's all
[00:04:51] proceeding choke way blackface by itself not funny right
[00:04:55] yes accidental blackface hilarious and the guy who said fucking you know gets
[00:05:00] sued all over his face and then accidentally stumbles into a fucking
[00:05:03] interview meeting that's yeah that's a great bit and that's
[00:05:06] what the fucking idea is you just want to make a joke about a former leader
[00:05:11] but then you ignore the chimp element and that's that's i guess the genesis
[00:05:15] is so you got called a coconut with a photo nachos for that
[00:05:21] and then what else happened this week oh i guess now the nachos are mad at me
[00:05:25] because i don't care about that you see Berkeley thing
[00:05:28] because i think it's retarded to call you know somebody of fashas for macing
[00:05:31] somebody in the face when they're surrounded by
[00:05:34] you know police officers wearing fucking full riot gear stormtrooper
[00:05:38] yeah stormtrooper outfits you're rooting for the state police to fucking murder
[00:05:43] people that's not you're wrong that's not who the
[00:05:48] fucking fascists are yeah well wasn't it also at
[00:05:52] Berkeley you know it was at d you see davis where that that famous picture
[00:05:56] from occupy of like the cop wearing you know riot gear macing those kids
[00:06:01] sitting on the ground nonchalantly yeah just
[00:06:04] give him a spray i think i think it's like i think like left or right no matter
[00:06:09] what you should be anti-cop dude like remember we are from tony harp
[00:06:13] pro skater one absolutely you know no right is officially pro cop
[00:06:17] no f the pigs not dude officer dick remember that
[00:06:21] remember the hidden character and don't know pro skater no officer dick
[00:06:25] yeah he's a cop he's a dick yeah was he fanned it he don't
[00:06:29] yeah he's a bad guy you can scatism yeah was he good and then if you beat
[00:06:34] tony oxford you could escape as uh spider man
[00:06:38] yeah and that was like a promo for the spider man moon spider man
[00:06:42] could you web sling while skating yeah yeah yeah it was sick
[00:06:45] do you know that's really tight and then my cousin erased my fucking memory card
[00:06:49] after i beat it oh damn oh fuck he got it a huge fight i forgot about
[00:06:53] memories for this very despite i would enable that unlimited grind sheet
[00:06:58] and then the moon the moon physics oh yeah yeah and then you just like i would
[00:07:02] sit and you do one trick for like four and a half hours
[00:07:05] and like the fucking score meter would like just break at a certain point
[00:07:09] i literally didn't hear like hell yeah this is the best trick
[00:07:13] i'm doing the sickest trick in the world as high as shit
[00:07:17] remember i got my wisdom teeth pulled and i sat there eating cream of wheat for a
[00:07:20] week high as shit on percocet just playing tony hawk american wasteland
[00:07:25] that's a nice cream of wheat that was that's that my mom used to make that
[00:07:29] shit dude throw a little sugar up top how do you prepare how do you like your
[00:07:32] cream brown sugar brown sugar brown sugar red sugar hot sauce
[00:07:36] butter heat huh we yeah that uncle ben shit dude
[00:07:40] is it like porridge like yeah sort of okay pretty good
[00:07:44] cool yeah we had oatmeal growing up my house fuck oatmeal dude oatmeal is good
[00:07:49] but i mean there's different kinds of breakfast you know what i'm saying
[00:07:52] yeah yeah sample all of them i like i do like the fake banana oatmeal
[00:07:56] i like fake banana flavored shit dude oh yeah me too like an half fake banana
[00:08:00] later that gets shit on the banana flavor it doesn't taste like actual banana
[00:08:04] here's some other flavor it's better than bananas like grape shit that's not a
[00:08:07] grape grape juice no that's not officially the worst
[00:08:11] what the only grape shit i like is dime a tap the
[00:08:15] children's house i remember drinking extra
[00:08:17] yeah it's a fake no drink it delson to get fucked up
[00:08:21] delson tasted good to that orange shit yeah i didn't know fucked you up
[00:08:25] yeah there's uh there's i think there's dextra method for them there
[00:08:28] oh shit i got some in my home dude let's yeah
[00:08:30] let's dextra trip the dextra dextra dextra dextra
[00:08:32] dextm i would take a lot of was uh choracide and cough and cold
[00:08:36] what do you like an entire box of choracide and cough and cold when i got
[00:08:39] off when i did i did the uh robatus and gel caps
[00:08:42] those are the best yeah because they don't have as much of the acetaminophen
[00:08:47] in them so it's like it's almost like pure dextm or at least it's not listed
[00:08:50] on the active ingredient so it was like i'm a cleaner trip
[00:08:53] but i probably have fucking holes in my brain that's how i like to do the
[00:08:57] clip trip clean trip clean but clean well my
[00:09:00] well this when uh and like one of his friends when they took molly they had
[00:09:04] like they took like fucking 40 vitamins and like oh yeah yeah like
[00:09:09] real human like adults taking fucking yeah
[00:09:12] ecstasy you have to do like this whole regimen yeah yeah i had a group of
[00:09:15] friends that were taking like nothing but fucking cough
[00:09:18] medicine for months on end every single day is how old
[00:09:21] 16 17 and then i remember you know a couple people are like yeah dude like
[00:09:26] brainer really fried his brain with that shit he's like retarded now
[00:09:29] and it's like yeah but he was kind of retarded before to get into
[00:09:33] you have to be retarded to europe every day for months yeah you have to be
[00:09:38] stupid oh wow all of his prospects are ruined
[00:09:43] you know i mean those guys lives were gonna suck anyways
[00:09:48] you could have been in the real tragedy was me i was one yeah i was
[00:09:52] ruined by it dude you're you're back dude you're thinking about how to
[00:09:55] you got a podcast i'm 38 years old not 39 yet i'm
[00:10:00] 47 years old yeah i've got the world we're all 40
[00:10:04] worlds uh that's gonna be 30 for real though
[00:10:07] yeah you know where i'm gonna go for my 30th birthday brokling
[00:10:11] no staying brokling nope where that suicide forest in japan
[00:10:18] man you're killing yourself about fucking time yeah yeah and then you fall in love
[00:10:22] with one of the samaras yeah yeah you become this fucking little
[00:10:26] little boy servant to bring him back to my parents and they're like oh again
[00:10:33] another domineering asian speaking of oh yeah that's hilarious
[00:10:39] uh the woman who broke items hard is deejang
[00:10:42] a block on his block on my block tonight physically
[00:10:47] she fucking goes she came to washington dc to deejay in new york
[00:10:51] physically your new york from washington dc to deejay
[00:10:54] in physically the closest possible place to deejay to mott to wear i to
[00:11:00] wear i'd masturbate her and her husband are gonna fuck
[00:11:02] outside your room and they're gonna literally fuck it
[00:11:04] in my bed drifted right right by the way
[00:11:12] oh no just your dubstep into a clock and they got a boot set up in high
[00:11:20] yeah it's hilarious i'm gonna go i was telling sauva in the car over here
[00:11:25] i'm gonna call the police yeah that would be really funny just do noise
[00:11:28] complaints hello police there's a whore deejay got my
[00:11:32] shop and shoot everybody hey lying whore i feel bad about it
[00:11:36] that would be so funny you said off a fucking riot
[00:11:40] all those woke deejays are fucking i think it's their time to shine
[00:11:43] oh yeah dude reach for a cop's gun do you guys ever want to reach for a cop's
[00:11:47] gun all the time whenever i see them but it's a
[00:11:49] degree that i want to push people in front of the train
[00:11:51] and you know i like i got yelled at one time just grab
[00:11:55] do you ever go to one of those just shoot him in the
[00:11:57] fucking head i mean no that would be cool you think
[00:12:00] about but again like because it's like you
[00:12:03] how much trouble would i get it yeah absolutely i remember i was it
[00:12:06] my immediately you go to five stars absolutely dude i was at my friend my
[00:12:10] friend was a cop my good friend of mine uh he
[00:12:13] was graduating not a friend of mine he was graduating i know it was weird because
[00:12:16] he was like we would get fucked up his shit i
[00:12:18] remember like he was he was the kid who just like
[00:12:21] get for halloween he was a gay werewolf once and it was just like he puts on
[00:12:27] werewolf out of fucking shit and just short shorts and then just
[00:12:31] ends up naked just on a fucking on the sidewalk and he's like two years later
[00:12:35] he's like yeah i'm gonna be a cop now you know what i mean
[00:12:38] did you see he got raped huh you got raped as the werewolf
[00:12:42] that's why he became a cop dude that's like what that story sounded like
[00:12:46] dude you know what happens you know what happens at the academy he decided to be
[00:12:49] a werewolf and then he woke up naked on a sidewalk somewhere
[00:12:52] no i'm saying he's a fucking mess you know what happens at the academy they
[00:12:55] rape you in dude absolutely it's blood and blood out blood
[00:12:57] even blood out dude it's the way you as a woman you have to
[00:13:00] get into the bloods as they rape you but anyway he
[00:13:04] i went to his fucking graduation and all i want it was nothing but fucking cops
[00:13:08] dude all i wanted to just grab guys guys here
[00:13:11] right my friend told me a story about the some kid who went to college with and
[00:13:13] he like went out drinking and then he like woke up just one night and some
[00:13:17] guys like bed he didn't remember anything and he
[00:13:20] they just couldn't find his shoes Jesus in somebody's apartment
[00:13:23] and he told me that story i'm like holy shit that is fucking hilarious
[00:13:27] it's the funniest shit i've ever heard Jesus Christ
[00:13:34] you're breaking by my hands no i'm just saying you know it doesn't happen
[00:13:38] at all i'm sure that they always talk about how female male on female rapes
[00:13:43] are so underreported but i'm sure male on male rapes are even more
[00:13:47] that's a sh that's a shepal joke mister that's a no is it
[00:13:50] shepal took a break then he came back and his first joke was about some like
[00:13:55] they caught some male on male rapist in houston who apparently has raped
[00:13:59] three different men and he's like you know that means that there's
[00:14:09] would you apparently fucking i was talking to millner uh
[00:14:13] our friend christmas he was saying that there was just in dc there was a
[00:14:17] fucking vampirape van yeah that would snatch up people in like
[00:14:21] columbia heights or some shit just snatch up white dudes and just gang
[00:14:25] rape them and just like shit just you get you get you get
[00:14:29] fucking kidnapped and fucked majorly good in the back of a man
[00:14:33] punch Nazis good i'd agree with that if richard
[00:14:38] spencer is allowed to talk i totally think that rape van should be going on
[00:14:43] gentrified neighbors honestly that's how you get back to gentrification
[00:14:48] honestly i was actually a measure passed by the dc city council
[00:14:52] the caror fucking whole foods and dc's columbia heights
[00:14:55] these these gentrification was so lazy though like every time there'd be a new
[00:14:59] restaurant and the theme it would just be different like
[00:15:01] things they'd put on the wall like oh this one's a circus one
[00:15:05] yeah this one's a fucking this one's like a aviation
[00:15:09] theme i never i never i didn't really spend much time in fucking dc i just
[00:15:13] popped in and out doing doing spots or runies but it just felt like
[00:15:17] they just took shitty neighborhoods and just completely whitewashed them
[00:15:21] like oh yeah all of pet worth and fucking well you remember last time i was back
[00:15:25] that place the dt lr the fucking sneaker is the downtown locker room
[00:15:30] the place you get all your by mccasins and averx and shit is a soul cycle now
[00:15:35] no 14th in you yeah so long dt lr is a soul
[00:15:39] fuck there was only like six of those which is what it is like
[00:15:42] c chain pg county too it's funny that like soul cycle has the word soul in it
[00:15:47] yeah it's like the only non black thing welcome to soul cycle
[00:15:54] so cycle a bunch of black clown midgets just on the
[00:16:01] on unit cycles that's what soul cycle is
[00:16:06] fuck did you see soul play yeah i did yeah i have i saw it in high school
[00:16:12] responsibility to as a white man yeah you know it's it's part of the issue i've
[00:16:17] gone too far being ignorant of other culture
[00:16:24] soul plane uh fucking don't be a menace yeah how still a few minutes back
[00:16:29] pretty good i love that movie soul play don't be a menace is hilarious yeah
[00:16:33] don't be one of my favorites you know it's a great movie that no one talks
[00:16:36] about anymore undercover brother that is great which was it's so
[00:16:40] rare the fucking mayonnaise joke came from 100 all these fucking idiots that are
[00:16:45] like you know oh you mayo ass crack ass boy holy shit you're right
[00:16:49] yeah that's a fucking undercover brother that's a very griffin joke yeah
[00:16:52] so comedians came up with that which makes me i'm more
[00:16:59] philosophers i'm closer to that guy than you are so i'm allowed to say the
[00:17:03] mr is what that means he would really like that i'm sure he was
[00:17:07] close personal you know i watched the other day friday after next great
[00:17:10] movie christmas movie yeah my favorite christmas movie perhaps
[00:17:14] you know what wine is what that die hard
[00:17:17] only does take place during christmas this is someone else's bit again somebody
[00:17:22] else does make some point i think it's like a point of jokingly out of the
[00:17:25] black box yeah i know but somebody there was some whole thing that happened
[00:17:28] recently where somebody was making a case for die hard being the best christmas
[00:17:31] movie in fact i think it was matt christmas i don't i don't remember oh i'm no no
[00:17:34] i think i'm assuming it as a bit because it's like now become like a
[00:17:39] different kind of footlong and it's like those jokes where people say like
[00:17:44] thinking like they're the first person or yeah i so mine is actually christmas
[00:17:48] vacation oh is it i fucking love it dude uh i don't
[00:17:52] know if i have a favorite christmas movie i don't think there are any good
[00:17:54] dudes christmas vacation is good as shit right after next
[00:17:58] christmas vacation is great you know i used to watch a lot as a kid is that
[00:18:01] silent british animated short uh the snowman
[00:18:05] i don't think i've seen that one it's about you know it's some
[00:18:09] about frosty the snowman yeah it's about a snowman
[00:18:11] snowman is so sad he dies at the end right it's
[00:18:15] snow it's fucked up it made me sad it's shit is a little
[00:18:17] kid yeah it was like the he just dies everyone's
[00:18:21] but yeah why don't we move somewhere where it's always
[00:18:24] in fact i think one time i put a snowball in a free i put a little piece of my
[00:18:28] snowman in the freezer and then my dad was just like what the fuck is this
[00:18:31] shit just immediately threw it away but yeah man that you're not allowed to be
[00:18:35] gay you're not allowed to be feeling so mine also and boy did that backfire
[00:18:38] dead because now i've had a sheer you know connection
[00:18:43] with an intimate object yeah you're not allowed to show emotion unless it's
[00:18:48] for your your other greek male friends i watched the
[00:18:52] coffee shop you hang out at i watched the accountant last night
[00:18:55] oh is it good uh it's no not really it's about it it's about autistic
[00:19:00] it's exactly yeah that's exactly what it is it's all right
[00:19:03] there is a whole there's a whole like a fucking
[00:19:06] just a whole section of the plot i didn't really
[00:19:09] maybe i didn't follow it enough but i didn't understand why
[00:19:13] they're investigating him the whole time uh-huh and the investigation is never
[00:19:17] resolved uh-huh there's no real development with the
[00:19:20] characters investigating him they don't explain what's going on with that or
[00:19:24] why they're you know they're they're investigating him and then it turns
[00:19:27] out the lead investigator knows who he is but that's not a conflict for whatever
[00:19:30] reason then he's like blackmailing one of the other agents and they
[00:19:34] don't really explain why he's blackmailing the other you know it's so funny is
[00:19:37] it's a movie where it's like hey autistic people you know not only
[00:19:41] they're not bad people they can you know sometimes be good in the sense that
[00:19:44] they could be murderers yeah uh but i feel like they designed a
[00:19:50] movie that if an autistic person watched it they would be like
[00:19:53] what is going on you understand like it doesn't make any fucking sense well
[00:19:58] there was that part in the middle of the movie where he opens up a clock and
[00:20:01] just watches the gears turned for a half hour yeah yeah they'd probably like
[00:20:04] that part yeah well the opening shot of the movie
[00:20:11] which is which is about as autistic as you get
[00:20:15] i mean because you know having autistic protagonists was like big in the last
[00:20:18] two years i mean i i don't think Ben Affleck's a bad
[00:20:20] actor but it's like unless you i do sometimes
[00:20:24] sometimes but you know i don't i don't think it was a particularly good
[00:20:27] performance comparatively he uh i don't know who's there i don't know
[00:20:31] who's ringing the doorbell someone's phone is ringing yeah my phone is
[00:20:35] ringing but it's not someone who's downstairs
[00:20:38] okay my point is is that uh yeah i don't think he does a particularly good
[00:20:43] job of uh pretending to be an autistic person
[00:20:45] talk for a second did you see night crawler with j-j do you know
[00:20:48] i did not that's another movie where it's an autistic protagonist which
[00:20:51] oh he's autistic in that well it's just weird i think he's
[00:20:55] i think he's i think he's pretty much autistic about
[00:20:58] but like that's another one where it's like oh they can do anything like
[00:21:02] be bad guys like create like create crime so yeah what would be what would
[00:21:06] be a good role for a positive role for the autistic
[00:21:11] uh like remembering a lot of numbers rain man yeah well in the
[00:21:16] account in the account and he is an accountant or whatever but then it's
[00:21:19] also stupid because it's like he's the accountant for all these like mobsters
[00:21:22] these international criminals and all these international criminals are like
[00:21:26] this is the best guy in the world you know i mean nobody's nobody's a better
[00:21:30] actuary than him and it's like i'm sure that's not true like that's
[00:21:35] it's not a complicated i mean it is complicated it's hard math to do it
[00:21:39] it's hard math but like plenty of people can do that just takes requires a
[00:21:46] you don't need an autistic guy to handle all that yeah there's definitely there's
[00:21:50] definitely in the world there's definitely at least ten more accounts
[00:21:53] my problem with it is he's supposed to be autistic and really he's just kind of
[00:21:56] quiet and a dick you know because he's doing things like
[00:22:00] smirking you know he wouldn't face yeah and he starts quietly he isn't like uh
[00:22:08] actually that's wrong doesn't do that kind of stuff
[00:22:15] um actually you're incorrect and also this girl's just desperately trying to
[00:22:18] fuck him the entire movie she probably got that good good
[00:22:21] dude that good fucking honking autistic dick
[00:22:25] does he ride a train at all you think there's autistic people who are autistic
[00:22:28] for pussy who just yeah me no you're autistic for tools and
[00:22:33] jokes bits and tools um it's the best guy on the world
[00:22:37] podcast what's that uh to stick to balls bits and tools
[00:22:42] but do you think there is a guy who just fuck so good because that's his
[00:22:45] autism i don't know have you heard the term sex
[00:22:49] nerd before yeah i think we've talked about it we talked about it
[00:22:52] it's that shit's fucking stupid that's the dumbest shit i've ever heard in my
[00:22:55] entire life i'm i'm just a i'm just a sex having animal i'm not a nerd baby
[00:23:00] i'm a sex jock that's me yeah dude i'm i'm a sex jock i'm a sex
[00:23:05] my letterman jacket i like have a popped collar what are you
[00:23:08] listening here sex prep i'm a sex jock i only wear a wrap for sex
[00:23:13] yeah i got my i letered in eating pussy in high school yeah i'm a sex freak
[00:23:19] actually oh you're a sex free i'm like the jud uh what's the name
[00:23:23] jud nelson jud hirsch i'm like jud hirs
[00:23:27] nigs making a phone call first phone call we've made since uh the day the cross
[00:23:30] episode actually who we got is david cross coming back on
[00:23:41] um yeah i'm a sex who's the other one uh the hot red
[00:23:45] white molly ringwald uh i'm a sex bitch i'm a sex
[00:23:49] bitch i'm a sex for an exchange dude dude i would love to i i
[00:23:57] i fucking would love to smash molly ringwald dude back in the day maybe even
[00:24:00] now she's looking pretty good these days she still looks good she's still
[00:24:03] keeping it tight she was on an mtv something award
[00:24:07] on some kind of nostalgia thing given out like best teen movie like a couple
[00:24:11] years ago and i remember thinking hmm okay molly i see you
[00:24:16] sorry would you fuck molly ringwald nick uh back in the day i maybe give a little
[00:24:22] pity fuck lovely bitch like that she's got red hair p u folks i only
[00:24:32] fuck dumb blinds smo you smart don't be smart at me
[00:24:37] strike one strike two tits on fucking huge they need to be ladies look i don't
[00:24:44] support you right to get an abortion you know uh but i only get an abortion if
[00:24:49] you also get a breast yeah that's how it's you need to have emergency breast
[00:24:53] implant surgery and that's the only type of socialized health care
[00:24:57] rights of war if i'm walking down the street and i see
[00:25:00] some bitch was got a man's chest what i'm supposed to throw up to death in
[00:25:06] the middle of the street and die right there i'm supposed to be disgusted to
[00:25:10] death though you need to fix that so i i can keep my meals
[00:25:14] down get my calories i weigh 482 pounds not five six
[00:25:24] yeah what was that fucking that uh nyc gweeter voice tweet is like a woman's
[00:25:30] gotta have a bro's gonna have the right proportions
[00:25:34] body type uh clown from that account dude that's
[00:25:37] the only avatar it's a union it's uh jologotti
[00:25:42] he's not believe he's on fox news was yeah he was on that's the first i ever
[00:25:46] saw him it was some tweet where it's like that that picture of him
[00:25:49] he's got a cigar in his american flag behind him i thought that was fake
[00:25:52] fox news for finding the most union union guy and then you know he's
[00:25:57] fucking on the lower third it says joe legotti union member at logan
[00:26:00] international airport they're just trying to make unions look like
[00:26:03] oh always yeah yeah well they're gonna be no unions
[00:26:07] after four years so it's gonna be a thing of the past we're gonna be able to
[00:26:11] just another uh classic adam fredland prediction
[00:26:14] yeah there you go say everything with vocal fry and
[00:26:18] sort of impotent confidence that only add ogal fry
[00:26:21] yeah you do actually do you have vocal fry
[00:26:25] yeah you're just gonna be now yeah and yeah and for you
[00:26:30] yes it's uh yeah he's not pretty gay dude yeah you do
[00:26:37] vocal fry invented the glendale mall where game stop turn
[00:26:43] there's a glendale mall in maryland no it's in los angelia each other you
[00:26:48] have a game stop in l.a. yeah we haven't talked about the l.a. i
[00:26:51] couldn't find a job anywhere dude that was a tough time what happened you
[00:26:55] were like things were going good and then you went there and no things are
[00:26:57] going bad when you moved didn't you have some heat
[00:27:00] no not really no no i just knew a couple more people in l.a. than i did in
[00:27:04] new york and i knew l.a. was a little bit cheaper
[00:27:37] so i was paying our full rent for the apartment which was like $725 a
[00:27:41] month and then keeping chris's half of everything in cash just in a drawer
[00:27:46] nice i moved out when it moved out i had like eight nine thousand dollars
[00:27:49] a day up or something and then i got into a car accident
[00:27:53] and like the adjuster just looked at the bumper and he was like
[00:27:57] yeah i'll give you like two grand for it he just like wrote me a check and then
[00:28:00] fix it i'm like i didn't know that's how car accidents work that's pretty
[00:28:03] sweet and then uh and yeah so i had like money when i moved out to
[00:28:07] los angeles but i immediately lost most of it
[00:28:09] my car broke down i had to fix it and the car died and i had to throw money down
[00:28:13] on that so you're only 21 when you moved to l.a.
[00:28:16] no it's 22 22 okay okay and uh yeah i just couldn't find a job
[00:28:20] damn yeah it was literally i would go door to door business to business like
[00:28:24] hey i really need work you know like it must be hard in l.a. because i feel like
[00:28:28] every shitty job you have to speak spanish too like half the jobs
[00:28:32] yeah and that's you know we're gonna make america great again
[00:28:35] go ahead and let california secede enjoy it
[00:28:38] enjoy it california calgis it bitch are they calgis it
[00:28:42] calgis it bitch yeah i love how all this this smug
[00:28:45] assholes that were laughing at texas eight years ago
[00:28:47] they're like they want us to see good luck with that
[00:28:51] and i was like the person is gonna make the rainbow flag illegal
[00:28:54] we have to make our own country this eight rainbow flags
[00:28:58] in the shape of a dick they're going it's going into a mouth
[00:29:03] that's where our economy will run on i'm sure they're very strong economy they
[00:29:06] do a lot of agriculture but i think they actually
[00:29:08] agriculture they do a ton of shit and they have you know
[00:29:11] hollywood baby that hollywood aggro they got fucking they got almonds all our
[00:29:15] almonds come from isn't their agriculture kind of
[00:29:17] fuck because they don't have water no they'll take water but
[00:29:20] hollywood would move you know what i would do i'd show yeah if if if yeah
[00:29:24] if they swear it didn't it would move yeah
[00:29:27] wow those guys would why would they stay in some shitty tiny country that's
[00:29:30] gonna fucking tax it's the fifth largest economy in the world
[00:29:34] what's called fornia yes by itself by itself it actually is pretty big and if
[00:29:38] that would continue if they had no trade agreement with the united states in
[00:29:41] their own nation if you don't i mean any state state state
[00:29:44] trade with china any state state would have
[00:29:46] immediately destroyed the state's economy they would need to develop first of
[00:29:50] all they would have to like completely rework their infrastructure they would
[00:29:53] need to have a whole new financial system that's pretty strong for the ses
[00:29:57] don't get me wrong their own their own markets they'd have a bullet train from
[00:30:00] san francisco to disneyland in 20 minutes man
[00:30:04] they came to us and moved they would all move to taxes
[00:30:07] no do they not go to texas they would move to fucking
[00:30:09] vice president constantly looking for tax reasons to fucking yeah they go to
[00:30:12] shoot they go to shoot shit in fucking louisiana or michigan or
[00:30:16] canada near or taxes yeah i mean there's there's always gonna be
[00:30:19] but they like living in l.a. la la land yeah dude they got uh maybe
[00:30:24] they'll move to vegas actually and tea leaf
[00:30:26] caul don it's just gonna be vegas oh hell yeah they'll just take over
[00:30:31] because l.a. was fake as shit right like it's all a desert anyway
[00:30:34] so why not just move it further into the desert
[00:30:36] well they got you know they got a coast they got melod do you think you have the
[00:30:40] coast the thing is with like productions sound stages don't actually
[00:30:43] have to be that big you know you watch these movies and they're like
[00:30:47] huge in scale but like when i worked at silver cup and you go in some of those
[00:30:50] studios and you're like oh this is just it's just a
[00:30:53] fucking room right right just shoot all this in a fucking room
[00:30:56] wait silver cup is the one in greenpoint yeah yeah or long story too that's
[00:31:00] what they do motherfucking uh sesame street
[00:31:04] you guys trying to get on sesame street hell yeah they do it in uh
[00:31:07] fucking a story dude yeah we could just cover you in feathers
[00:31:11] just walk on they're like yeah the puppets are real now
[00:31:14] i was just completely nude but feathers all over me yeah there's feathers
[00:31:17] everywhere but you're doing blue and he likes to kind of the letter f
[00:31:28] yeah it's bondo the monster what's controlling him i don't know fucking
[00:31:34] give me all your money kids yeah you do kind of look like a muppet
[00:31:37] like a like a sexy ass alpha male muppet like an alopecian
[00:31:42] muppet no like a sexy like a just like a man being strong
[00:31:47] calves absolutely yeah really sad tab dog you know don't fuck with my quads
[00:31:51] dude let me feel feel them those are pretty that's pretty strong
[00:31:55] that's me slapping my quads dude that's a fucking
[00:31:58] meaty ass quad bitch yeah i got a nice lower body extremely
[00:32:02] heavy at dre- yeah listen to go up downstairs that's why i'm fat
[00:32:06] it's i'm always doing squats bitch i'm always got a weighted vest on
[00:32:10] yeah you guys aren't really about this fitness life you think i could not be
[00:32:13] fat but that's how much i want my lower body to be strong
[00:32:16] i stay fast that's what maybe seals do yeah exactly i love the baby i
[00:32:21] like to imagine the navy seal that shot that eight-year-old and died
[00:32:24] in yem and last week was the fat one he was like the Barney Fife of the crew
[00:32:28] oh yeah he's wait for me it was it was it was
[00:32:33] seal team six right yeah it was the same bit it was the
[00:32:36] Ben Lotting guys it was the best we got yeah they killed yeah no it was
[00:32:40] they killed tier one operator tier one dude god damn yeah
[00:32:44] they fucked up that bad they also killed the guy who survived
[00:32:47] the wedding bomb like the guy whose wedding got bombed
[00:32:51] is that true um or is that just some shit i saw
[00:32:54] why why this thing is complicated is because the eight-year-old girl they
[00:32:57] killed uh in 2011 they killed her brother right yeah
[00:33:02] yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so you know it's like wow
[00:33:08] look what trump did i know you know obama just did yeah
[00:33:12] the same family yeah her brother like i mean it's easy to point out
[00:33:17] hypocrisy if it just happened to be a different child but it's the
[00:33:20] fucking brother yeah yeah yeah and also that poor fucking family god damn
[00:33:28] obama though it would be on fox for the next four years
[00:33:32] i mean this would be Benghazi like all over
[00:33:34] i mean i kind of just wish Hillary had won so it would have happened under
[00:33:38] Hillary now he knows if Hillary would have signed off on
[00:33:40] no i mean the the obama administration did pass on that raid
[00:33:44] yeah they did but trump was like let's kill some fucking yeah he was at
[00:33:47] lunch with bannon and yeah no because sorry him and his son and his son was
[00:33:51] like dad have you seen uh cicario yet he's like no explain it to me and he's
[00:33:59] does it was what about that other thing it's coming out that like
[00:34:02] he takes pills for his hair that makes that make you see not make you crazy
[00:34:06] yeah yeah to keep that hair that shit's hilarious which by the way those pills
[00:34:10] are just fucking uh pro-pisha really it's the same pill everybody else
[00:34:14] yeah yeah it's my ever read this story i don't know what you're talking about
[00:34:17] but like there's one hair loss pill and it's the one is it pro-pisha dude
[00:34:22] everybody's taking this pro-pisha shit and they're like yeah you know and
[00:34:24] sometimes you don't get boners it's like yeah that's gonna give you prostate
[00:34:27] cancer and i would go bald just go bald yeah if i lost my
[00:34:31] boner yeah it's cool it looks cool to be bald people respect you
[00:34:35] hormones you don't understand what it's doing and everyone's actually
[00:34:38] probably pretty jealous of you that they're not bald yeah i mean there's a
[00:34:41] lot of like uh handsome bald men like Bruce Willis
[00:34:44] or Bruce Willis or Jason statham or Bruce Willis
[00:34:48] Bruce Willis you know don't forget Jason statham there's Jason
[00:34:51] they say no Billy Zane is hot as a hot bull man sometimes
[00:34:55] sometimes he throws the rug wigs and yeah yeah
[00:34:57] wait he looks good in a wig dude no i i think it looks fine bald actually
[00:35:01] i think it's billy zane just took a took a page out of the black woman
[00:35:04] playbook yeah started got bald that was like that's the thing man just where
[00:35:07] we just you know what fuck that i'm getting weaves black women wear
[00:35:11] wigs yeah every black woman i know wears wigs and no one says shit about it
[00:35:16] yeah i'm coming in with different hair every two weeks yeah i do i have curly
[00:35:19] ass red hair was didn't stop like walking and smacking and
[00:35:30] fuck yeah dude if black women you do what i'm doing it too i think this might be a
[00:35:33] bit boy so i'm gonna talk about the hell yeah it's a bit dude you're getting
[00:35:36] a weave i'm getting a weave yeah you're gonna get
[00:35:39] Shirley Temple ringless literally black women just get wigs
[00:35:43] why are they the old that's black lady privilege i i feel the same way i
[00:35:46] would love to wear wig blue hair more simpson hair hell yeah go around
[00:35:51] people are like hey what's up with your hair i'm like some of my hair is my
[00:35:54] head i'm actually six three actually it's my head so dude feel
[00:35:59] sexy i have a four and a half foot tall head so i'm actually tall so you have
[00:36:03] to date me do you remember when they uh it's actually not up to you
[00:36:07] over seven feet tall an extremely long head so you're a bitch and a
[00:36:11] little bit of the NBA yeah yeah i was in the NBA actually
[00:36:18] you're not gonna look it up in fact you can't look it up because i'm banned
[00:36:20] from Wikipedia yeah i was in any facts about me or also banned
[00:36:24] i was actually into the nice boobs association that's what i'm talking
[00:36:29] about buddy a nice body no bitches allowed lowercase y
[00:36:34] uppercase a as in yah cons so that nb nice body you
[00:36:38] can't you capitalize a yeah okay yeah okay i see you got
[00:36:45] initialisms are fun huh oh they're very fun yeah were you about to say
[00:36:50] something i feel like you were i forgot dude damn i felt good it felt like
[00:36:54] we were about to have something there uh oh yeah with phil specter die yeah
[00:36:59] you got arrested you remember that wig he wore to the
[00:37:02] yeah that was like an awesome name yeah just the best shit ever dude he's fucking
[00:37:09] murdered some what did he do he murdered like he murdered a waitress yeah he
[00:37:12] would like he would live a nocturnal life apparently he just he made so much
[00:37:17] money in the record industry that he had his own castle that he lived alone in
[00:37:21] and he would only be awake at night and he merged some waitress that he fell in
[00:37:25] love with i guess that's what i want to do yeah me too
[00:37:28] murder somebody not all that money stuff that sounds kind of
[00:37:32] soul-socking blowering waitress yeah i love that i don't want to kill anyone i'm
[00:37:37] a boy of peace yeah i'm a peaceful boy that's the next step
[00:37:41] a no-tip crew no tipping yeah no not tipping is just the
[00:37:48] is you starting your way to murdering a waitress i don't know why everyone is
[00:37:52] calling me right now what do you got dude what is i don't know so does calling
[00:37:55] me but nobody ever calls my phone the minute i'm
[00:37:59] fucking recording i get somebody wants to use
[00:38:01] technology from 1985 put him up i'm a caller people don't like it they always
[00:38:06] reject my calls and then text me and say like what's up
[00:38:11] yeah an un uh an unannounced call can be tough sometimes i like a call what's
[00:38:16] wrong with it i don't know man i gotta be prepared mentally and spiritually for
[00:38:20] a call although if you work your way up in a relationship where calls are
[00:38:24] commonplace i fucking hate that shit dude i fucking hate speaking on the phone
[00:38:27] with people really i love it i fucking hate it dude why
[00:38:31] it's especially on the iphone which isn't like you know it doesn't
[00:38:35] that doesn't it doesn't have the feel of a phone
[00:38:37] whatever dude i like put i like the hands easier like jamming it into my face
[00:38:42] you have a tactile appreciation on your ear for a whole you should get that
[00:38:46] thing that you can plug in all the holes in so much
[00:38:49] yeah so the way i have a beat off there should be a u autism fucking spreadsheet
[00:38:54] this is just like yeah proof that you are
[00:38:58] fucking retarded um not dude sometimes you know it's
[00:39:01] quicker baby you didn't get more done in a 30-second phone call than you can
[00:39:06] in a 20-minute text message conversation i love that autistic people are just
[00:39:13] like the enemies of the vegas gaming industry
[00:39:17] like that that's that they have like a their relationship the gaming commission
[00:39:21] or you know the pit bosses or whatever they see a guy with like a train shirt
[00:39:25] right right right right right right right
[00:39:30] you're bawling his court now we're gonna bust this fucking retard
[00:39:34] and that that's who they have a problem with
[00:39:36] that's so funny to me is that true yeah the card that the card counters are
[00:39:40] all autistic guys of course any kind of counting requires autism
[00:39:45] yeah that's why i can't count i'm too in tune to people's emotions
[00:39:48] that's right it's because i'm so cool socially i'm so cool socially
[00:39:52] i fucking do that all i understand is vibes baby
[00:39:55] all i know is vibes that's all about all about dudes
[00:39:57] picking up on a girl's uh pheromones you know what i mean yeah that's what i'm
[00:40:01] all about cowlie usually fuck without even talking i just let
[00:40:04] bit just smell me yeah and then when i feel the wet the
[00:40:07] warmth i told you about that crack i was trying to tell me about pheromones
[00:40:10] one time no i don't know the bus yeah he's like he was like
[00:40:15] he's like you got a dollar and i was like i don't know i was like but i'll give you
[00:40:19] a dollar for a cigarette if you get a cigarette
[00:40:21] because i was under 18 at the time and he was like
[00:40:24] mother fuck i got a whole pocket full of cigarettes
[00:40:27] he pulls out all these half-smoked cigarettes he found in the trial
[00:40:31] no dude i don't know i think we do it i think i just have a dollar
[00:40:36] he's like i'll tell you what i will give you some advice
[00:40:38] you know like what's the advice and he's like you know you try on fuck girls
[00:40:42] and he's like he starts explaining pheromones to
[00:40:46] hell yeah dude and it's like you shit your pants
[00:40:49] yeah what have you just fucked so much dude yeah
[00:40:53] what have you just had such a good odor the pictures just wanted to suck his
[00:40:56] dirty ass homeless dick yeah that's how it works dude
[00:41:00] homeless guys get laid all the time that's how you're so musky
[00:41:05] you fucked you fucked you fucked your way out of your job yeah
[00:41:07] oh shit what's funny about homeless people is they fuck outside and then
[00:41:11] people like will take pictures of it and put it online like i can't believe
[00:41:14] this and it's like well you can't believe that
[00:41:17] that's their house it doesn't have a place to live still wants to fuck
[00:41:19] yeah why can't you believe that i've never seen
[00:41:25] almost people fuck have you seen that yeah yeah yeah really yeah
[00:41:28] where uh in austin there was like a fucking
[00:41:30] intersection unlike uh fuck i think like
[00:41:34] like 30th and like the frontage road for 35 or something up there in like
[00:41:39] the 30s or something by the uh fiesta near uh near i guess that's north of
[00:41:45] chari wood whatever okay and at gas station there were
[00:41:49] homeless people that would fuck each other and like the bush outside
[00:41:52] was it straight homeless people or gay homeless people think they were gay i
[00:41:58] i was driving and i remember somebody pointing it was either jake or cubus
[00:42:02] it was like they were homeless people just fucking right there
[00:42:05] but a lot of time it's not homeless people it's just gay guys right
[00:42:08] oh that's also very true cruising dude you see that maybe alpucino
[00:42:12] yeah i never saw um yeah you know gay people are
[00:42:15] mostly 100 normal just like the rest of it they just have
[00:42:18] sex and sex and sex fuck outside yeah like vampirous good for them
[00:42:23] well come on that's like fuck outside if girls were down
[00:42:25] that's the thing let's not let's not put in the
[00:42:27] fucking gay people i fucked outside i fucked outside but that's the thing
[00:42:31] you're just taking girls out of the equation yeah we've all fucked outside
[00:42:35] fucked outside you ain't a pussy at a few i ain't pussy at a field of mott
[00:42:38] niggas i fucked at rock creek park yeah there was just a fucking a lake breeze
[00:42:43] blowing into my asshole dude that was one of the most beautiful
[00:42:45] books you need this out like a bottle yes
[00:42:53] what's that that's my phone it's going off
[00:42:54] i think the police are here and have a jug band
[00:43:09] yeah dude good for gay men for fucking in second outdoors
[00:43:13] yeah i wish i was gay we all do you know for
[00:43:16] for the benefits if you know what i'm thinking is it true like
[00:43:19] stuff i'm talking about it but like the cock the second cock yeah
[00:43:23] don't get me wrong like you know i ain't gay but sometimes i wish i was you
[00:43:27] know just just for the benefits so you know what i'm about
[00:43:30] the taste of the cock i'm not gay but i sometimes think it'll be all right to
[00:43:35] be gay not for anything weird but just so i can suck off
[00:43:38] another man's business just to feel the pressure of a man's
[00:43:42] piece in my asshole you know the benefits just like when you got a
[00:43:46] sinus infection but in your ass just so i could feel his strong
[00:43:51] hands on my hips as he is pulling me into him
[00:43:56] yeah i i was like i can never forget the mechanics of it i always thought it'd be
[00:44:00] funny to do a sketch it's like the future when like in the south being gay is
[00:44:03] now completely accepted but they're still all christian or whatever
[00:44:07] so there's like a southern gay guy and he's finding out that like someone saying
[00:44:11] that you know aids actually came from like a monkey
[00:44:14] and he's like what no man i don't come from no damn monkey
[00:44:19] god is punishing me and gay i've made my piece with that
[00:44:24] i'm coming up god damn monkey virus it's a curse from god
[00:44:30] and i will drink it at every opportunity that i get
[00:44:35] fuck that's a good one dude we should we should do that with a gimbal
[00:44:38] there's this whole concept of gay people having way more sex than straight
[00:44:42] people but all the gay people i know are like pretty lonely and don't have that
[00:44:46] much just because they're trying to fuck you yeah it was just they're just
[00:44:49] they're just you're trying to recruit you're a fly in their fucking web
[00:44:53] no i got came from you think you're just napping real quick yeah i guess
[00:44:57] they're fucking slowly slowly encircling you till they
[00:45:00] my concept of gay maybe it's my stereotype that i always had was like
[00:45:03] they they have sex like with like five thousand people or something i think
[00:45:08] if you're just trying to fuck you get a second you can fuck whatever but if
[00:45:12] you want like an actual connection and shit maybe it becomes harder
[00:45:15] that's what i feel like for my friends although also our friends are all
[00:45:18] pieces shit like my friends are like comics you know so
[00:45:21] they probably the comic the comic the comic broken guy thing
[00:45:25] overrides a gay person i feel like you know oh yeah being like hating yourself
[00:45:29] in the face exactly yeah but i don't know yeah we
[00:45:33] forget that the ultimate identity is comedian yeah yeah it's true
[00:45:37] we need to we need to it's a hate crime it's a hate crime to fucking heckle
[00:45:42] yeah and uh and exclude anyone that's not a comedian both politically and
[00:45:47] you know racially racism is okay if you're doing it
[00:45:50] someone who's not a comic all right as i like to call them
[00:45:54] civilians is there anything shittier than that
[00:45:58] comics calling people civilians that's like so fucking hard
[00:46:03] it's so lame we're not all right look at this pre-med over here
[00:46:07] in this analogy i'm a guy that went to medical school for 12 years
[00:46:11] and knows how to save lives just a fucking drunk
[00:46:15] who's gonna dare to put up an open mic and continue to do it for 15 years
[00:46:20] just because i had no other prize because i work in funko land
[00:46:24] referring to us to to rank i was like a fucking dude
[00:46:27] with my life referring to people were like you know like wow that's
[00:46:31] that's so cool that you just worked at it and you know kept going until things
[00:46:35] worked out it's like yeah i did none of those things
[00:46:37] yeah i just had none of the prize but yeah i'd never had anything else going on
[00:46:41] every other job i had i've been fired from yeah
[00:46:43] i couldn't stand it i don't like people telling what to do
[00:46:47] not because i just not because i shouldn't people should tell me what to
[00:46:50] yeah right i should listen to other people who have more experience yeah
[00:46:53] it's not a fucking asshole who doesn't like orders yeah it's not even like a
[00:46:57] freer mind or all slates or a thing it's like i want to fucking play video games
[00:47:00] all day exactly i want a job where i fucking just go up for five minutes
[00:47:04] and i'd be like yeah i can you're about this Donald
[00:47:07] trump guy who that's a doozy all right later yeah
[00:47:11] and that's it that's your job and it exists yeah i'm gonna get into twitch
[00:47:16] i'm gonna start i'm a twitch stream we should we should twitch stream
[00:47:19] ourselves playing fief you have to do it individually
[00:47:22] oh really yeah fuck uh we can't just have like a a web camera something here
[00:47:27] i don't want you guys at my apartment that much
[00:47:30] we already do the podcast and what do you mean i don't want you to come to my
[00:47:34] apartment bitches you don't want us to hang out
[00:47:37] no no this is hanging out you always complain that we don't hang out
[00:47:42] enough i'll just work together i'm fine with this
[00:47:45] yeah we do have good hangout we hang we get a pre-hang we get a little post
[00:47:50] hang we do hang out a little bit anyhow i'm gonna start
[00:47:54] skyping or uh twitch streaming me playing final fantasy and i want you guys
[00:47:58] it's gonna be 45 dollars a month but i want everybody to subscribe to me
[00:48:03] playing final fantasy you're not even talking you're just silently playing
[00:48:07] the game and i'll sit here next to an anime pillow
[00:48:10] and i expect to check for 82 million dollars or whatever
[00:48:14] i mean that's what twitch is dude i and i love video games you know i like
[00:48:18] grew up playing like video games and i like would read electronic gaming
[00:48:21] monthly and then it just turned into this like gross weird
[00:48:24] culture of people that are man children yeah and it's like
[00:48:28] it is you can't continue to be 11 years old for the rest of your fucking line
[00:48:32] no that's the point of what our generation has become and people that
[00:48:36] just want to be kids yeah well take at least we found
[00:48:39] sort of a thing that's kind of yeah we get to be children but we at least
[00:48:42] we're doing something no what we do happens at bars we wear hoodies
[00:48:47] we're hoodies dude yeah i know exactly we just cuss words
[00:48:51] you guys are both wearing racest we're two two of the three of us are wearing
[00:48:55] sweats right now at work yeah i'm wearing nike shorts under there
[00:48:59] we're all wearing sneakers i'm wearing sweats because i went to the gym two and
[00:49:05] i got pretty close to go to the gym i did put my gym shorts on dude i got a
[00:49:09] baby it's because just the world it sucks and no one has any like
[00:49:13] hope for the future no they deliberately they get buried in
[00:49:16] the steleages were deliberately stunted by both their parents and marketing
[00:49:21] yeah every day capitalism in the early 90s in the late 80s early 90s they
[00:49:25] fuck up at him they started really fucking
[00:49:29] aggressively aggressively pushing that fucking like tell your parents buy me
[00:49:33] you know buy me bonus or more go to hell right that
[00:49:36] that classic simpson's also you all know in love yeah it's great
[00:49:39] that's like that created this fucking generation it's not just marketing it's
[00:49:43] also you know the school system and you know people fucking
[00:49:47] telling their children that they they could be president before they knew the
[00:49:50] fucking alphabet in the garden and it does create a sense of entitlement i think
[00:49:54] that does create a lot of like problems with like cultural narcissism
[00:49:57] everyone's special yeah yeah but what does that have to do with the whole
[00:50:00] like a lot of that a lot of that a lot of that nostalgia a lot of that
[00:50:04] because you created an inverse system where the best time in
[00:50:09] someone's life is between the ages of five and 15 yes true
[00:50:13] you know right right no no no even earlier than that middle school
[00:50:16] sucked it's it's elementary school that people are
[00:50:19] all that that's what five is that's why i said five to 15 yeah
[00:50:24] your child is middle whatever you just wanted to uh
[00:50:27] appointed have a point of contention here so you know i just i just did i
[00:50:31] disagreed with the range i i agree with everything you said up until the age
[00:50:36] range that you absolutely like to look knock it down a year i think everyone
[00:50:39] wants to be a baby you know it seems no there's definitely i agree with that
[00:50:44] thing in terms of peaking in middle school because it was a fucking simpler
[00:50:47] ass time it's like when you're an adult the only
[00:50:50] things you should be thinking about is everyone in your life that isn't
[00:50:54] around anymore and all the relationships you fucked up
[00:50:57] and how no matter what you get you don't really care about it
[00:51:00] these are the things adults think about not to be quick whoa what if Hillary
[00:51:04] was fucking Harry Potter no hate yourself
[00:51:08] regret every decision you've ever made it's true fear death while simultaneously
[00:51:12] embracing it yeah uh fuck that's what adulthood is
[00:51:17] it's not this regressive weird you know baby fantasy bullshit yeah but it is
[00:51:21] a fact it is so we should be we're fucking dead and be terrified of you
[00:51:25] know that actually happening but that's exactly it so
[00:51:28] it's so fucking like comforting to think about just like
[00:51:32] getting home eating fucking hot pockets and playing grand theft auto vise city
[00:51:37] you know what i mean like that's what it is it is not comforting for me it
[00:51:39] feels honestly it feels like being plugged into a fucking dialysis machine
[00:51:44] and laying down on a deathbed yeah no for me it feels like i'm taking a
[00:51:47] time machine and accelerating closer to my death yeah right that all that
[00:51:56] the kid sincerely a fucking weird nausea like i can't even i have
[00:52:00] trouble watching old simpson's episodes really yeah like but we had one night
[00:52:05] where we went over to remains place and we were watching like season five or
[00:52:07] whatever and i'm laughing at the jokes but it's almost like triggering in the
[00:52:11] sense that it's like you know life goes on you can't keep
[00:52:14] clinging to these things that were around 20 years ago you need to find
[00:52:18] some way to it does feel like passing time to make this moment in my life
[00:52:21] you know substantial or mean something or like you know and outside of doing a
[00:52:25] shit ton of drugs i really don't know how to do it
[00:52:28] yeah i mean that's why it's not success drugs are fake it's not success it's
[00:52:32] not even like you know uh uh feeling creatively fulfilled
[00:52:35] i think i have first of all i haven't had a project i've worked on in probably two
[00:52:38] years where i've been happy with i haven't finished anything in two years
[00:52:42] right well this has kept going this isn't this isn't a project it's not
[00:52:45] probably having a conversation once a week there's no honing there's no
[00:52:48] editorial process there's not 100 there's nothing there's nothing
[00:52:52] right makes me feel like i'm just saying there's a consistency right i've
[00:52:55] the where we thought that this was yeah but this would happen anyways it's
[00:52:58] just a fucking conversation right we would hang out twice a week at least
[00:53:01] this isn't a product it's true yeah this is like i make fun of twitch but this
[00:53:06] is there is zero difference between twitching
[00:53:08] podcasting and twitch instead of gaming i'm just complaining about my
[00:53:13] yeah but i would make jokes anyways yeah but this is for the for the people
[00:53:16] dude we're sharing it dude we're sharing our
[00:53:19] but i know personally i completely understand what you're saying because i
[00:53:22] feel the same way anyhow i do it puts me yeah doing any of that kind of
[00:53:26] shit watching fucking you know movies i've already seen or playing video
[00:53:29] games have you ever finished the project i never finished any thing i you know i
[00:53:33] mean i had start things but then i never finished i wrote every one of those
[00:53:36] nikar wrote like 350 articles is nikar right right that was great yeah
[00:53:40] but larger things i struggle with you know anything over 5 000 words i can't
[00:53:44] finish i just can't do it you know i'll get distracted
[00:53:47] thousand words ten pages something like that yeah
[00:53:51] i think it's going that but whatever yeah i know what you're saying dude and i
[00:53:55] don't fuck i mean who who fucking knows the only thing that helps for is stand up
[00:53:59] for me or being creative in some way feeling you're running yeah i've been
[00:54:02] written new bit and literally a fucking year the year and a half i'm all the time
[00:54:06] that's big no i can't well i'm just i haven't been doing
[00:54:10] stand up yeah like the last year all it takes is doing it and getting
[00:54:13] back to swing yeah i know you were getting there nik i'm
[00:54:16] comfortable on stage again yeah like i was in a weird yeah no i know how to
[00:54:21] get it i mean i've been doing a shit fucking almost 12 years now i know how
[00:54:23] to like yeah get back to being comfortable but in terms of writing new
[00:54:29] and it's it's it's weird because you always expect you look ahead and you
[00:54:33] want there to be some kind of like you know epiphany or change in the in the
[00:54:37] way you grow as a comic but really that doesn't happen you have an
[00:54:40] understanding of how to write jokes in your own voice
[00:54:42] you get there that takes maybe about five six years
[00:54:45] and then that's it that's the fucking comic you are no for me it's different
[00:54:49] and i think you only get better when you have a larger audience no i think that
[00:54:53] way of the hour to craft i think that i always thought it was some sort of
[00:54:57] like gradual thing where it's like a like sort of
[00:55:01] like you could plot it out on a graph where it's like a just diagonal line but
[00:55:05] it's more like steps it's like you have like a
[00:55:08] creative two or three weeks and then you plateau for like six months
[00:55:13] and then you have another creative two or three weeks
[00:55:15] yeah and i don't agree with the five or six year i think you just always do get
[00:55:19] better if you just keep fucking i've gotten i said i've actively gotten
[00:55:22] worse in the last year but that felt stagnant for like two years a lot of
[00:55:25] comics also get worse too yeah especially after they get famous
[00:55:29] but it's also hard and fucking you i mean you know
[00:55:31] it's different because you're where you were working on a ton of other
[00:55:34] shit and new york is hard when you don't get the
[00:55:36] spots yeah well i also don't think about things in a
[00:55:39] funny way anymore i don't think no you're out of your mind well at least
[00:55:42] in terms of how they would function is stand-up bits
[00:55:44] because i think maybe i think you know what it is honestly is through like
[00:55:48] twitter and other outlets i've been able to write
[00:55:50] jokes that are more in tune with my sense of humor
[00:55:54] which isn't really palatable when it comes to stand up i mean stand-up is
[00:55:58] learning how to take the things you find funny
[00:56:00] and then make them comport to sure a like at least in my case i mean i
[00:56:05] write yeah yeah so there's a setup there's punchline there's additional punch
[00:56:09] line there's maybe another angle another punch line three tags
[00:56:12] and that's how you write a fucking job uh-huh that's how it just was for a long
[00:56:15] time yeah and with the benefit of things like twitter or maybe just talking with
[00:56:19] people that i like is that i can go hey what about this
[00:56:22] and then they laugh at the premise i'm like yeah i got what i want to
[00:56:25] you want to be able to do that with stand-up and you can
[00:56:28] you really you have to take something that's and that's why a lot of stand-up
[00:56:31] is fucking just boring as shit to watch yeah even if it's comedians that i know
[00:56:34] that offstage are very smart people you know and have like analytical minds
[00:56:39] it's like yeah this trump guy you know he's pretty bad huh he's kind of like
[00:56:43] you know all that fucking star wars you know a hairy patter bullshit
[00:56:47] that shit slays in the stand-up comedy world that shit does so well yeah
[00:56:52] because it's a fucking trite observation that you dumb down for
[00:56:56] drunk people yeah and that's what stand up and it's immediately relatable
[00:57:00] it's fucking babysit yeah and unless you have unless you have your own audience
[00:57:04] you really don't i mean i guess you could just take your club spots and bomb
[00:57:08] every night doing no the challenges bomb every single
[00:57:10] night doing doing comedy that you like or you can continue i mean i think i was
[00:57:15] personally my my issue is that i've featured for so long and i just had to
[00:57:19] learn how to do well as a feature and then that's like it i don't yeah it is
[00:57:23] different it kind of breaks you and you don't really like stand-up anyway
[00:57:25] right because you just you're the setup guy for the
[00:57:27] yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i get that but i think the challenge is finding finding
[00:57:31] your audience it's it's finding it in between the middle of the sweet spot
[00:57:34] where yeah of course it's harder to be creative
[00:57:37] and be true to yourself and also kill but that's the fucking challenge
[00:57:42] and it may you know maybe it doesn't fucking happen i don't know but that's
[00:57:44] that's what you you want you know and some jokes might not work in a mainstream
[00:57:47] club whatever but i don't know man stand-up's the only fucking thing i like to
[00:57:51] yeah well when you when you crush it feels great when you crush with new
[00:57:54] shit it's feeling the entire world yeah well i mean heroin's better but
[00:57:58] can you dig so i'm getting your dicks on second or titties i don't really like
[00:58:01] i mean it's okay gaming's better honestly playing games all night eating in a
[00:58:05] korean buffering gaming is not better korean barbie and
[00:58:08] podcasting feels better no it doesn't podcasting then having a new bit that
[00:58:12] crushes yeah that none of those things going to korean barbie getting high
[00:58:16] and watch better you know it doesn't end up at all
[00:58:19] um you know most but that's the thing most is
[00:58:23] saying up signs the most of arthur chew all day that feels great
[00:58:26] it sort of is like a drug i feel like like chasing it oh man wow dude that's so
[00:58:35] whoa yo you ever heard of nora pranefrin
[00:58:39] you know mike stork tried to have that conversation with me one time i love
[00:58:42] stork but what's what i don't know what i just remember one time we were
[00:58:46] we've been talking for like two and a half hours
[00:58:49] and then at one point he's like uh you know nora pranefrin is and i was like
[00:58:52] well i gotta go man i can't let this angle happen
[00:58:57] this conversation uh fuck boys uh yeah wow that got into
[00:59:03] really shitty podcast territory for a while which is comics bitching about
[00:59:07] comedy well you know most people can't relate to the first half is funny
[00:59:13] let's go at him gave for a second no no guys there was something else i
[00:59:16] watch oh i started watching this uh this movie judgment day on hulu the other
[00:59:21] the last night which so you know there was armageddon uh-huh and then deep
[00:59:25] impact yes and then there was some shitty movie that looks it looks like
[00:59:29] it was produced by upn it's a no no no no no it's a serious
[00:59:33] movie but uh that came out in 1999 they're like okay you need to add some sort
[00:59:38] of asteroid element hell yeah asteroids are big right now
[00:59:42] take iced tea out of jail to confront kulio that's about as far as i got in the
[00:59:46] movie but for some reason there's an asteroid that's coming to destroy the
[00:59:49] earth hell yeah and iced tea and kulio or something
[00:59:53] the only the only two the astrophysicist the only
[00:59:55] astrophysicist they can solve it we're gonna make the asteroid turn around
[01:00:00] because we're gonna make it feel bad about the situation in the ghetto
[01:00:04] versus surviving the game no uh fucking great dude
[01:00:07] never she's iced tea he plays a homeless guy that's kidnapped by
[01:00:11] rucker hauer gary bussy and f mary abraham what they can hunt him in the
[01:00:16] woods yes oh like a most dangerous game yeah
[01:00:20] well it's surviving the game and it's uh yeah he's a homeless guy that he was a
[01:00:25] mate a super in a building and he accidentally killed his whole family by
[01:00:28] burning the building yeah and the thing there's a line that
[01:00:34] movie where he's like that's the thing man people don't understand
[01:00:38] that in the hood it ain't the same but at the same time it is
[01:00:42] but at the same time at that it's different but it's really
[01:00:47] it's the thing i just convoluted it i love that the punishment was he
[01:00:52] would then go to jail your punishment is homelessness
[01:00:55] yeah and then he kills all those guys trying to hunt him
[01:01:00] oh nice did he have any military background
[01:01:03] no i think he's just it's from eating out of trash cans
[01:01:07] for figuring out how to make a blunch of bulls out of old cans and fucking
[01:01:11] fish bones it's from fucking that good gas station
[01:01:14] yeah do they ever hear him fucking other homeless men
[01:01:19] um we well you've all seen bum fights get ready for bum
[01:01:22] fucks we give homeless men sandwiches to
[01:01:26] fuck each other did you was there ever a point when you're a kid where you
[01:01:29] thought bang buss was real like we were really meeting the girls on the
[01:01:33] side of the but yeah yeah me there was a thrill to that dude
[01:01:36] you're like whoa you just meet girls in the fuck you
[01:01:39] yeah yeah oh yeah you're gonna be a bunch of my boys
[01:01:42] yeah i have every that's you started that rig and dcs people
[01:01:48] that disillusioned by the way bang buss
[01:01:51] they're like this is bullshit man we're gonna start our own bang buss
[01:01:54] it's gonna be real this time and there's gonna be uh
[01:01:58] political angle we'd be right wait they rate men
[01:02:02] that's what he was saying danish with the fuck we'd be tearing their patagonias
[01:02:07] up i don't know if that's real but like a man imagine
[01:02:11] imagine being one of the guys that got got vanned
[01:02:15] that would be bad i love it when people get knock out gamed and then they have
[01:02:19] to go online and justify it it's like look you cannot be mad about
[01:02:23] you can understand that it's a fucking like uh
[01:02:27] you know a rare occurrence it's not an indicative of a systemic problem of
[01:02:32] you know black teens going around punching people
[01:02:34] but if you got knock out gamed and you're like liberal or whatever just like
[01:02:38] don't say anything you know don't fucking write a medium post about like
[01:02:42] these were innocent lambs yeah no fuck that yeah someone punched me i'm mad
[01:02:46] yes it's like be mad yeah don't fucking don't turn into a racist asshole
[01:02:51] mission accomplished right exactly you can still fucking hate those people
[01:02:53] don't make excuses for them absolutely all right on any kind of level
[01:02:57] anyhow uh but imagine imagine being imagine being one of the guys who got
[01:03:02] taken in the van and then writing a medium piece
[01:03:06] about like as they entered an exit my mouth and asked i just thought
[01:03:10] this is my fault this is because of the years of oppression
[01:03:17] i didn't learn enough about bared rustin in a school
[01:03:23] and maybe if i had worked hard or not elect Donald Trump
[01:03:27] i wouldn't be in this fucking arrow star right now
[01:03:30] having my teeth bashed out with a fucking hammer
[01:03:38] uh fuck well all right that's the episode you guys are great thanks