Cum Town | Premium | 01/31/2021
[00:00:00] The classic move the classic. Oh the classic move and the show has begun and the show's begun Adam is still watching cruel
[00:00:07] He's watching dangerous liaisons in the living room
[00:00:11] Yep, dangerous liaisons. Wait, were we watching dangerously a Zones?
[00:00:17] Daze bonds we were watching cruel intentions stop and you guys didn't want to wait until the end of the movie
[00:00:22] It's a very good ending, but what I've never seen I wanted you to see all just don't actually don't tell me
[00:00:27] I'm not gonna tell you always you always have to ruin movies for stop. That's not true. You love doing it. You take a sick pleasure
[00:00:34] You've done when you read the name of the movie the assassination of Jesse James by the car Robert Ford
[00:00:40] Did you feel like that was a spoiler alert? I?
[00:00:43] Honestly a little bit. Yeah, did it piss you off that they called the movie?
[00:00:47] It didn't that's how I see in my mind. That's how every movie should be named
[00:00:51] You should what happens what happens at the end the friendship of Dominic Torino and Brian
[00:00:56] Yeah, facilitated by the lesbian Michelle
[00:01:06] You know I gotta be honest with you Adam
[00:01:08] I am a little pissed off what a movie does that did that piss you enjoy the plot the erection of Jack Titanic by the titties of
[00:01:15] K-Bunch it. Did you think did you think that not K Blanche it case let with a black black and sled?
[00:01:26] Looks like she's got a cold or something who Kate Blanche it
[00:01:31] I'm so so so stuffed up. You know who you know
[00:01:44] Blanche it. I just want to eat some cookies. No, you know
[00:01:48] Like that for real though Renee Zellwiger always looks like she's having allergic reaction. It's more like she's a
[00:01:59] Mr. Why stop okay Blanche it that I forgot. Oh, yeah, hella from
[00:02:05] Ragnarok. Yes, that's that's where most number one fucking roll Bob the boss. She have fucked up
[00:02:11] I'll be honest. Oh my shit is fuck. Oh fuck. Oh, I should be fucked up
[00:02:17] I'll be honest. I feel like it's like a guy. I got a bunch of cocoa butter. I got my allergies
[00:02:22] I was crazy. Oh, I think you're so bad the doctor said is my apologies
[00:02:28] Abologies is messed up. She was good as fucking Michael Clayton. Yeah. No, that's till this way. Oh fuck really
[00:02:38] What do you mean the documents aren't there if it was Kate Blanche's you'd be like oh my god
[00:02:46] Michael you stupid that these chemicals did the cable go I'll be taking chemicals every day and I feel fine
[00:02:55] I just got my head. I got a head cool. I got a head cold. I was stupid
[00:03:01] I told you I was throwing neck of that mailman that was sick last week and I got done gotta get thrown ahead of the mailman
[00:03:10] Oh, so now she's not stuffed up. She just straight up. I got black lady. No, she's no
[00:03:23] Interesting that's how you know I get my mail first that's true
[00:03:35] Sunday you had Sunday come around everybody everybody box empty my box filled
[00:03:44] I mean both senses are determined my box stuff
[00:03:49] And why it's because you got a give to get
[00:03:52] So you got a suck dick if you want your man
[00:03:57] And that's that be on this it's right there on the bill
[00:04:00] It says it come come sleep a shine. We be sucking dick
[00:04:04] That's true if you want your mail you better better throw neck. I remember that and I remember that
[00:04:10] Yeah, I got me I got what else is she been in Kate Blanche it like everything a big mama's house
[00:04:16] I did you to cheap way big mom. That's who I thought big mama clump
[00:04:24] I saw that was impression of a black woman, but it's not racist to the impression of Martin Lawrence pretending
[00:04:30] Yes, I say your k-blanchin. Yeah, but to say your k-blanch that is that is the beautiful loophole. Yes
[00:04:36] Let's try silly else. What is Renee's L. Wiggers sound like a mind of men's seat
[00:04:45] I am a bridge of John's about Renee's all wigger and she's like yeah be selling cocaine. Yeah, like you can pay me through Chase quick
[00:04:53] Pay. Yeah, also known as Zell. Yeah. Oh, yep, that it's
[00:05:03] Yeah, she's like seashell seashells down by the Z cell. Yeah, she's like
[00:05:09] Jeremy poor. That's what the seapore because that's where we be living at Jerry Mcguire you
[00:05:17] You got a real word when you got a son that look retarded because your glasses too big those guys always have sins when you got a sin
[00:05:25] Yeah, we're my 19 year old wiggers. I was
[00:05:28] Not been nothing myself, but he'd be mentally retarded
[00:05:34] They got them they got him in special class they saying they're putting in him special classes already. Oh, yeah
[00:05:39] My boy is special the call them gifted and talented because they keep biting the other kids
[00:05:45] That's a really good loophole dude. Well, just pick a random white actress. Yeah, Anna Faris. Yeah, it's just a bad
[00:05:51] I'm not being racist. I'm doing a man. I know
[00:05:54] I'm doing that impression of I don't know
[00:06:05] My good afternoon, my name is Kate Beckins
[00:06:12] Sorry we weren't being racist we were just messing up
[00:06:23] Yeah, we were just watching cruel intentions, I have to say the first what will we watch our 20 of it
[00:06:28] I think we're nearing the end. That'll be a nice little treat for the end of after
[00:06:35] 15 minutes I would say it's weird cuz you know, it's like it's a good ending 20 or 25 year old movie now at this point
[00:06:41] Yeah, it's a great. It's a great one in it. I would love to have sex exactly and have a time machine and like, you know
[00:06:48] If you could go back and just have sex. Yep
[00:06:51] Once I would go to that I would go to that set and have sex with everyone
[00:06:56] I would love honestly. I would love to be back the best 25 years and then just get fucked up. Yep
[00:07:01] You know I'm saying go to a shopping mall. Oh, you mean you're you now
[00:07:06] Mm-hmm. You're just fucked up. I step out of a time machine. It's 1998. I hit the beer store
[00:07:11] Would you have to bring your own drugs? Because drugs are harder now. No, no, I get two fucking two two bottles of saying
[00:07:18] I'd okay drink 240's in the parking lot than just cruise
[00:07:25] Dude's fucking Claire's the most popping off. I'm like isn't this shit awesome. We're shopping. There's people see everywhere
[00:07:31] Yeah, and then the police are like sir. You're bothering people. I'm like, all right. I'll go back to the future
[00:07:36] I guess I'll just go back now. You don't understand I'm from the future. Oh, no trust me. It gets really bad. It's horrible
[00:07:42] Yeah, they're like in one way and you're like, I don't know. I mean, it's right. It's pretty much just feels like it just keeps getting worse
[00:07:47] Anyway, I saw the movie so I have to go almost fuck my mom or something
[00:07:52] Because that's I'm in back to the future
[00:07:54] What that's what you'd have to go about. I remember that
[00:07:57] I thought those movies were gay when I was a kid. No, that's pretty good. Yeah, I know a lot of people like them
[00:08:03] Well, I'm saying it's good. It became two a thing
[00:08:06] I thought fairs be back to the future of those early like a nerd culture things
[00:08:12] I mean, there was like like target selling shirts of it. Yeah, that is true. Yeah. Yeah like
[00:08:17] Nostalgia, but I rewatch it and it would actually held up
[00:08:20] I would say in a way that some other y'all shit that when you were little does not hold up like what?
[00:08:24] Well, I guess I guess I just never saw Indiana Jones, but I thought it was gay
[00:08:30] Oh, Indiana Jones is tight. No, actually it's not Raiders. The lost ark is good
[00:08:35] That shot where the guy's face melts. It looks cool. Mm-hmm. I haven't seen the rest of the movie
[00:08:40] I usually you didn't see the little Chinese boy didn't see it a little. I like him a lot
[00:08:47] You know I love fat Chinese honestly the main like thing from childhood that I remember that it's holds up is the matrix
[00:08:55] And that's it and everything else. Oh, yeah, I really rewatch it's still good matrix still
[00:09:05] That's not like that's a comedy. Yeah, but that's from childhood. Yeah, but I'm talking about
[00:09:10] I'm not categorizing things in a way that might be invisible to you
[00:09:13] What do you mean because you don't have my artistic mind of no, that's not true grouping. I have a close
[00:09:20] Artistic is close. I've been my artistic mind. I'm my soul. Let's drop that R
[00:09:24] Here's what we're doing is is I eat too much sugar before the second I give myself a little blood sugar
[00:09:30] Yeah, we have when we say we're gonna have lunch with just a candy meal that we share
[00:09:35] I've eaten I've eaten an entire an entire sandy hook of sour patch kids. Oh, why do you have to say that?
[00:09:43] That's hard for Jay because it was exactly that number
[00:09:53] He's an alumnus of Sandy Hook we worship Jewish price
[00:09:57] Jesus price Jesus price our Lord and Savior Jesus price. Yeah, they were mad at him. He wasn't Jesus price
[00:10:05] That's why we crucified him. Yes good. It was one of us. Welcome. We're gonna have bread and
[00:10:12] It's gonna be made properly no more bullshit bread, but we're not paying anymore for it. We created out of magic
[00:10:20] Yeah, he was cussed. Yeah, that's how you know. That's how you know Jesus was it actually Jewish
[00:10:25] This isn't just you just use your blood as food coloring the room all the water
[00:10:31] Ampeh you're accusing me of cutting corners
[00:10:42] God's nephew who has a job here even though he's unqualified
[00:10:48] Weren't you honestly weren't they pissed that he wasn't like a badass guy?
[00:10:51] What the fuck is it but it shouldn't be God's son who's the guy?
[00:10:56] Yeah, that seems like it's what exactly it should be some guy that has nothing to do with God that worked his way up the lap
[00:11:03] Yeah, that's the problem with the new star blue collar son of God
[00:11:06] Papa John's and the manager was the owner's son you and be like this guy is making Papa John's cool. That's right, dude
[00:11:13] Take back Christianity. You're not as your Papa John's your BTFO
[00:11:18] No, I'm with you. You're right. It is like a fucking it's nepotism and that's fucked up. Yeah, it should be in that
[00:11:25] Yes, you have to get raped. She worked her way up rape after
[00:11:31] So funny that she had to try to do a second special and she kind of already blew the rape load
[00:11:35] Yeah, so the second one was like asking for a bus transfer is weird
[00:11:48] Mac we under the impression that the regular one was too high
[00:11:59] I know a kid that drowned in a pool and he could still make regular mac and shit make regular Mac
[00:12:05] He's suffocated in an inch and a half of water, but he could still manage to make regular mac and cheese
[00:12:27] That was a weird situation wasn't that weird the parents wanted to kill it and the husband wanted to keep her alive
[00:12:34] Probably because she got so skinny after
[00:12:37] Being good but in a code talk about a smoke show she might have had good pussy
[00:12:41] I mean I understand why she had to starve herself to the extent that she ended up in a coma because she was too fat before
[00:12:49] But now that she's beautiful the husband wanted to keep her
[00:12:55] Legally can you fuck your wife who's in a coma?
[00:12:57] Yeah, if it's your wife not 11 that was a doozy wasn't it that was a real did you redo you know it?
[00:13:04] I think obviously the biggest fucking issue. What the hell went their three towers?
[00:13:09] They only had two planes if you had three towers we still had one of them. That's right
[00:13:15] Manette to I believe it was called Douglas called
[00:13:20] She called it it's called Douglas named after my favorite character on Thomas's tank engine
[00:13:27] Yeah, she is artistic right yeah, is she I think she is she was she fucking some other like a famous lesbian
[00:13:34] Yeah, man that was his named after a woman that I fell in love with and Douglas was a dog that I used to have sex with
[00:13:43] There was a golden retriever named Douglas and I'm smeared peanut butter all over my pussy
[00:13:48] The dog would like it all I'm a child say tip top dog nice
[00:13:54] She she realized that she was a lesbian yeah from the dog because a dog's mouth is a lot like a woman's
[00:14:04] Everyone that everybody tried to get sucked off my dog before we know yeah, yeah same thing the same thing
[00:14:12] Oh, yeah, oh yeah, they say black people love fried chicken who doesn't have you had it?
[00:14:19] That's a good observation. It's good stuff
[00:14:22] It's supposed to be bad. I love it. I love the stuff. I
[00:14:28] Love chicken now. How about all these aboriginals we gotta get
[00:14:34] It's really got our own type of black people isn't it and if you could imagine if you imagine if I said
[00:14:39] Australian black people and you closed your eyes and open it that's and that's what they were you'd say this has to be some kind of joke
[00:14:54] Cuz you fucking version of black people
[00:14:57] And what you spit out was a guy with a nose
[00:15:00] This half the width of his face playing an old toilet paper roll pretending it's an instrument. That's a man. I mean
[00:15:10] He's not even a button on the fucking thing. It's true
[00:15:24] Let let Hannah go and I just go Hannah's doing a great job
[00:15:27] I don't want to cut Hannah. What are you fact checking? I don't know I wasn't gonna fact
[00:15:32] Yes, you were you're gonna say it's the same as some other Wow great instrument
[00:15:35] What songs can you play on that any Mozart?
[00:15:37] Beethoven oh nothing just a just a harm just a
[00:15:42] Monotone droning noise stupid harm. That's it's one. What is the what song is that?
[00:15:48] It's happy birthday and what you play it a funeral
[00:15:51] It's the same fucking it's the same song
[00:16:04] In their in their weapons there's a boomerang a boomerang just make another one you fucking idiot. It's a big step
[00:16:13] Who the fuck looked at a boomerang and they said oh, I'm gonna want this back
[00:16:17] I'm gonna need to hang on to this thing she takes no prisoners in Douglas
[00:16:28] How about you the only thing that gives it any values that you painted a bunch of fucking stripes on the thing
[00:16:37] That kind of makes it goes back to just being a piece of shit L-shaped stick
[00:16:48] Now you've been hanging out with the Legion of Skanks too much me and Lewis were hanging out
[00:16:53] We're talking about how much we actually like right is made Lewis shots me and Lewis and shots went to shoot guns
[00:17:02] They're spending a weekend there. I just have to ask these 14 year olds knew what they were getting into
[00:17:07] With the leah completely change my mind on it
[00:17:14] The whole argument is what that an 11 year old girl has no sexual agency. That's true
[00:17:20] You got to get out of your Western Paris on but you didn't think about it that way
[00:17:42] And don't even get me started on the race master general
[00:17:47] You know that you know remember I'm a blockbuster used to make you rewind your own video
[00:17:51] Yes, that's feels disgusting and retrospect doesn't it? I'm having to wipe your own coma for woman after sex
[00:17:59] That's what it feels like as being assaulted on I'll still work it on that one
[00:18:04] That was just that's we're doing you new stuff today, folks
[00:18:07] That was in the oven if we go to need Jewish friends in the audience. Oh God
[00:18:13] Hannah Gatsby these guys kind of talking
[00:18:16] You're blocked buster material. She's this is her third special. She's really running out of ideas
[00:18:23] She's really just trying to go through all the old notebooks figure out what she can cash on last page
[00:18:30] Before everyone realizes she's not she's not pretending like anybody wants to read a fucking book
[00:18:44] Damn dude watch a book when you can watch a movie so fucking true. It's got fucking in it
[00:18:53] You can watch people fuck I want to see someone fuck
[00:18:58] Winner of the Edinburgh French festival talking my friend there was reading a book
[00:19:03] They said oh, I'm so invested in these characters. You should invest in Bitcoin and buy child point off
[00:19:08] That's a better investment if we're talking about
[00:19:12] investments you're investing in characters
[00:19:15] Sounds like you're getting ripped off by the character
[00:19:20] You've got to invest in Bitcoin, but I'm really in the Bitcoin I
[00:19:27] Can't get enough of this down going so much a bit called on heaps Bitcoin on buying heaps child
[00:19:33] On paper I'm on paper. I'm a billionaire
[00:19:42] Hannah Gatsby she's pissed and she's pissed off the fucking caution tape
[00:19:51] Everybody kind of idealizes Asians for being so zen
[00:19:55] Oh, yeah, you just go up here you probably have to be three inch back
[00:20:01] Yeah, you're caught with a small little the dick that small y'all learn karate too
[00:20:07] Karate and I'm gonna learn how to fucking meditate
[00:20:14] I'm gonna add a fucking to focus on my inner self to if half of it the promise was that there was more cock somewhere in there
[00:20:29] Then I could somehow meditate so much what Zen booty is a means fake is that I could wheel my asshole to push more
[00:20:37] Hannah Gatsby is just saying the n-word now six months only
[00:20:46] Catcher six months only at the Sydney Opera House
[00:20:52] Yeah, that's good shit man when you would listen when all this is over man
[00:20:56] First thing I'm doing is buying a ticket to see Hannah gets me
[00:20:59] It would rule if she just went that oh my god. I would 100 I would literally go for a row
[00:21:04] That would be the best show I would love that. Yeah a compound media
[00:21:09] You know what I was just like I would just like her to produce word for word every single one of Lewis's jokes from Lewis
[00:21:20] Yeah, she's just a big J crowd work. Yeah, you ever fucked a black guy?
[00:21:35] We're you could tell how many black guys a woman is fucked by how many tattoo she has on her thighs
[00:21:41] It's sort of like when in World War two they put numbers on the side of the airplanes
[00:21:44] Wow, you ever see a big a big wide bitch with a sailor Jerry tattoo
[00:21:50] That's based. She's basically the Enola gay
[00:21:56] She flew right over the Hiroshima the Africa version of Hiroshima
[00:22:01] And dropped a pussy on it. She said bombs away
[00:22:05] And did an eagle drop from the third story all the way on to some homeless guys God
[00:22:10] I don't know. I'm just fucking around. What are you guys? What are you guys? You are you getting the food here?
[00:22:17] Yeah, I guess yeah, they make you buy food here. Don't that's stupid, isn't it?
[00:22:22] My disgusting food in the world and somebody comes on stage and they're talking about getting raped
[00:22:28] Check spot. No one's listening now. Yeah, your waitress
[00:22:33] Really give it up for them. They do they're the hard workers
[00:22:36] What I was easy this is this is just this is playing fun and also thank you all so much
[00:22:44] Because if it weren't for you got let's give it up for yourself
[00:22:51] She's just killed just 30 minutes left. Oh boy. Oh, I'll tell you the world ain't enough
[00:23:10] Isn't that right for what are we got here a Chinese guy? Oh, yeah, I bet your gay also
[00:23:17] Let me ask you how do you feel about that Andrew Yang fellow? What is he doing?
[00:23:26] What is he do? Why is he fucking thinking?
[00:23:38] That guy's crazy. It's a missable. Holy ever get lung cancer. You figured she would have by now
[00:23:45] Know she used to say I'd smoke fucking six packs of cigarettes a day. Yes
[00:23:53] And now I don't even know what Australia sounds like. Yeah, that's all right, man. That's fun. We've come across the other side of the bit
[00:24:01] That's me. It's me Australia Jones. I'm like in the end of Jones, but Australia, but I'm from Australia
[00:24:08] And a son of a stopping the Nazis I uh, I have sex with children
[00:24:41] Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it's a weird name for a guy that's a professor
[00:24:46] In the end of Jones sounds like a guy that makes his own fucking liquor out of a right
[00:24:52] Yeah, what is it a stage out of what fucking and
[00:24:56] Twizzlers got 25 and then they put Shilah birth in the other one now. He's the kid of india
[00:25:02] He's his son. Well, have you ever heard of a queefier name than that?
[00:25:08] I would fuck him up. It sounds like every type of pussy fart you could ever do
[00:25:14] His name. Okay, we got something there. It sounds like people laughing
[00:25:19] It's Shilah boss name sounds like air coming out of a deaf woman's pussy
[00:25:24] If I had to imagine and I know technically speaking it shouldn't be a different sound
[00:25:29] But I imagine a deaf woman sitting there, you know, right fucking playing with this diddling of fucking fingers
[00:25:38] Like they do right and then you just get
[00:25:43] Oh people like what is that? What was that and it's air escaping from a cunt
[00:26:03] But it was in the goner notebook just so pretend every page said and I would sock Rogers dick every day
[00:26:10] Especially when he would read to me. I don't know what I would do. What's the movie about?
[00:26:14] It's a guy his wife has a Alzheimer's so he has to read their life story from her diary back to her every day
[00:26:20] Yeah, he just sits there. Does he get pussy every day? Um in flashbacks. Oh nice
[00:26:25] It's sort of the Titanic with the bitch has dementia. Oh, there we go. We could do a version of that
[00:26:30] Titanic yeah, we already did Titanic last episode. What about this episode? What's the guy notebook?
[00:26:36] Oh, well, it's an old guy getting his guy
[00:26:39] Dementia and then there'd be fun if the wife's like um and I waited for Robert
[00:26:44] And they're like uh every day I wait or well, I guess it would be the husband but anyways the wife telling the she's reminiscing to the husband
[00:26:51] And he's got dementia. He doesn't know if this bitch is and he's like oh, yeah, I remember
[00:26:55] I was deployed for six months and I probably fucked every bitch
[00:27:06] I want to see Coco with me me one more time
[00:27:12] Was that charlton has those early one? Oh, yeah
[00:27:20] Swain sucky. So what we want me sucky sucky
[00:27:25] Me no sucky. So you're me. What he wants sucky sucky
[00:27:37] I love the good old day before this show fucking sucked
[00:27:46] Sorry, man. We're gonna go to a fucking cabin soon do the rest of the year in three days
[00:27:51] This is a record off for fucking 48 hours straight. Yeah, that's 48 episodes brother
[00:28:01] You know what I mean? I mean it's probably like a bet between clowns and blackface guys in 1930
[00:28:08] About which one would last longer and the blackface guys were like of course that it's gonna be ass
[00:28:14] We're gonna of course are gonna still hate blacks. This is hilarious
[00:28:18] It's not gonna be fucking clowns. This doesn't make any sense to be in a clown barely made sense in 1600s france
[00:28:25] And that what a doozy that is there's 60s all around the blacks start burning every fucking place to the ground
[00:28:34] And now and crazy and guess who did clowns come out on pop
[00:28:39] And it went so far that now even the clowns become black eyes
[00:28:44] And you get fucking was it insane clown posse and
[00:28:50] She's got her own twist on the black lives matter
[00:29:00] That's weird if you think about it think about there because in the 1920s you got two options
[00:29:04] You either go blackface or clown and that was all a show business
[00:29:09] Nothing else to do. There's certainly could never fucking podcast
[00:29:12] Yeah, man, then it all comes full circle
[00:29:18] Everything kind of leads back to the clown blackface dialect
[00:29:21] And I'm actually in blackface right now
[00:29:24] And that was the pinnacle of society was the late 1990s before the simulation ended with the fall of the Twin Towers
[00:29:31] And we've all been living in a data uptake
[00:29:33] Purgatory with a software can update fast enough for our consciousness to do that
[00:29:38] I was just talking with Rogan about this
[00:29:43] Dude, I've been doing way more drugs and reading less and it's really helped my heart look
[00:29:55] Ben's actually because you know, I like hanging out with Ben because I usually enjoy the company of other lazis
[00:30:01] We talk about what it's like to just be have a pussy to have a pussy to be a box-mungching lesbian
[00:30:08] So Bruce she doesn't think sees a sheet learning how
[00:30:12] Take it away take it away Adam Hannah go ahead Adam Hannah
[00:30:16] And you know what I look at I look at that feel over there
[00:30:19] And I say, you know, I would I would be a lesbian with that guy over there Bruce
[00:30:25] That's a man. Oh, that's all I got. You want to fuck her maybe see that he's disgusting
[00:30:30] Maybe Hannah remember the jokes. Maybe Hannah is now because the beat is that Hannah is
[00:30:35] Is uh, you know like an edgy blue comedian. Yeah, so it's something
[00:30:41] I was a little hard hitting then actually I'm fully accepting of capenism and I would have sex with that
[00:30:47] Maybe it isn't probably exactly what yeah, I know
[00:30:56] Aspective comedic heightening we should think she should be executed or something like that at the very least
[00:31:05] That's the point we're kind of that's the whole bit
[00:31:08] That's we don't actually think the joke is
[00:31:11] Deachable the bit the joke is transphobic something we don't like I like I get to the tonality
[00:31:19] Something that the people who do like nannette don't like
[00:31:23] So they can understand how it's absurd it sounds to us
[00:31:29] The premise of the the joke when you take it
[00:31:33] It's not what would Hannah Hannah Gadsby say
[00:31:40] It's how could we make Hannah Gadsby sound as bad to the people who like her
[00:31:53] Uh, Sheila now. Mm-hmm. If you ask me that's a bloke. There we go. There's something
[00:32:00] That's Australian and how about what would you like to do to uh,
[00:32:20] You said that that's really you said that is if it was a oh my god
[00:32:26] Earlier I just went with the idea that you pitch. Oh Jesus. No, no, no, no
[00:32:33] Honestly, I'm there's a limit to even even for us. There's a limit dude
[00:32:37] And there's I'm gonna take a break you personally say you believe you trans
[00:32:43] That you push the envelope and the envelope push back push the roll away the fuck beyond the little push
[00:32:48] This this pussy grabs back at him. Yeah, and you fucked up. Okay
[00:32:54] Well, I'm it's gonna take a lot of free bleeding for some of our listeners to get over this
[00:32:59] I'm sorry to anyone out of yeah, it's gonna do I've been I'm getting into p bleeding
[00:33:05] You prick your dick hole. Let it. Yeah, that's what I started
[00:33:08] I have my period in public and then I already I pissed myself out of my vagina all over the subway seat
[00:33:13] And then I go problem man. I'm now free pissing as a woman
[00:33:21] Free pissing as a powerful woman that leaks
[00:33:27] A woman can be just as powerful as the Exxon Valdez. That's right
[00:33:32] That's right. Take that you fucking little fucked up birds
[00:33:35] Did you take that? I need some dawn to get my pussy blood off your fucking feathers
[00:33:39] Mm-hmm. Can you imagine that much of a bitch you'd have to be to go clean up seals at the beach
[00:33:45] Yo, I'm gonna go clean dirty animals after an oil spill
[00:33:58] Something she doesn't like and kill yourself
[00:34:05] Oh, sorry you're offended by a joke kill your say words
[00:34:14] Just word if you let words bother you what are you gonna do next let a man fuck you in the house
[00:34:22] Who knows else experimented the Nazis you know
[00:34:29] It's so fact those sciences fucking bad I've got two twins you could experiment on it's my balls
[00:34:43] Was she did he Rosie O'Donnell? Yes who?
[00:34:46] Yeah, and a gasby they won the teen choice awards for best lesbian
[00:34:50] They got gags the nickelodeon teen kids choice awards
[00:34:53] Mm-hmm. What are the teen choice awards that wasn't nickelodeon the kids choice awards is Nick
[00:34:59] But what is the teen choice award? I think I was just a different one different
[00:35:02] Yeah, I think you want a surfboard if you want that one. That was the trophy or was that the kids choice
[00:35:07] That's kids choice. I thought you got a little blimp a little orange blimp
[00:35:12] You would know better than me. Yeah as a kid as a guy with a child's penis. Yeah. No just a child like wonder man choice
[00:35:19] Yeah, they do but in the end they call it that the image awards
[00:35:25] I guess I guess there's two different versions of I want to try one called the blacks choice award
[00:35:32] There should be the Chinese choice award
[00:35:35] Yeah, number one good best judge a happy good luck movie goes to
[00:35:43] The story of one upper middle crash boy who cannot get over the death of his brother
[00:35:56] How despite that it ends up bringing together a family that was already
[00:36:02] Addermars to begin with and ironically the death of a brother saves him
[00:36:07] Wow, it's good. Starring Mary Tyler Moore as the bitch mom
[00:36:10] Really maritime or Mary Tyler Moore a Donald sovereign
[00:36:17] The dopey father who can't process the grief and can't wipe the shitty didn't grin off his face
[00:36:23] It's pretty good. Okay. That's at the Donald's other than forgetting pussy and um
[00:36:28] Why don't you tell us what you're like about it?
[00:36:31] What tell us Chinese Adam what you like about the movie?
[00:36:35] I don't know. I thought it was pretty good when I thought as Chinese
[00:36:38] I don't want to do it. It's your door. You do it in Chinese
[00:36:42] What do you mean? All right? Don't do this Chinese Adam do it as Chinese choice awards. Do it is
[00:36:53] Claire Danes okay, so you're Claire Danes now. So if you do avoid it just a bad all right
[00:36:59] Uh the other day. I saw a movie called ordinary people
[00:37:04] Right. Okay could be fun and he was about a family
[00:37:10] It's an how you're trying with it. Oh, I was doing African but it went Chinese
[00:37:18] That's okay, dude. It's okay. Good. I get back up. That's yourself. That's yourself
[00:37:25] Half of that nine that thing was British
[00:37:30] Keep it. Keep it talking. Oh there is literally no bar set for this show
[00:37:38] Okay, it's not even on the floor. There's fucking no way you are filling an hour. Okay. All right
[00:37:45] By talking you're doing your job. Mm-hmm. Okay. All right
[00:37:48] The sooner you get it over with the faster we can go to lunch next week
[00:37:53] Okay, that's right. All right. This is all that stands between us and next week's lunch is the last half of this episode of next week's versus
[00:38:02] This is a net a net bending. I can't wait to do drugs and be sad in my apartment
[00:38:07] Yeah, that's pretty much what happens after it's finally now the quarantine has gotten to me
[00:38:13] Oh, no, now you're opening up in the accident. Yeah, that's the only way he does it. I don't know
[00:38:17] Don't stop it. Yeah. Yeah, this is why everybody said gold of therapy
[00:38:21] Uh, why don't you learn how to make fun of people?
[00:38:26] Why do I need therapy a vaseo? We would be a Chinese guy
[00:38:31] Anything else bother you maybe I need his present maybe Chinese choice Chinese choice or is he get offline? Maybe just
[00:38:38] Focus on you know your friends focus on what they it's everyone is dealing with the same shit
[00:38:47] Just simplify your life, you know, I'm also in the better position than most so I can't complain about he
[00:39:01] And at the same time it's aerating but again, it's an unsympathetic problem to have
[00:39:07] It's riddery right complaining about your dick being too big nobody wants to hear it
[00:39:29] I just want to say that I'm basically like Sebastian from no I said that before we saw the
[00:39:34] You like Sebastian from the little mermaid. Yeah, you are you're like the lobster
[00:39:39] First of all, I'm the flounder. I'm clearly the flounder from from little mermaid
[00:39:49] Actually, you are now that you are your soul. I'm not a
[00:39:57] I'm the flounder. I'm the priest that gets an erection of no, that's me
[00:40:01] I'm both humor and the slender your your your why my Ursula your bombastic your loud. I'm a diva
[00:40:10] I'm Prince Eric. Yeah, you're not Prince Eric. I'm Prince Eric. No. Yeah, I am a diva. You got me there
[00:40:19] No, I'm Prince Eric and I cuz I fall in love with women that can't talk all the time
[00:40:24] I'm not in the movie if I'm anyone. I'm the chef. No, you're you're king penis. You see in one frame
[00:40:29] No, no, that's the point him I'm him and the flounder. Look, I'm the penis
[00:40:34] You're the penis of the cover is the movie
[00:40:38] Nick's not can't try indeed. No Nick is Nick is a cement
[00:40:42] I was humble and I did not claim king trident for myself, but I think everyone knows
[00:40:47] Oh, you're not I was just wasn't gonna say it you have a you are king trident
[00:40:51] I wasn't gonna say it because I don't remember the movie so I don't remember who the gayest character is
[00:40:55] But that's who you are now who are you talking about? I'm Prince Eric
[00:40:58] No, you're the bird the gayest character is Ursula and that's you I am not a
[00:41:06] Ursula must have some kind of gay lackey and actually that's what both uh eels. You know you are you're both your smee
[00:41:13] I am smee. I don't have a problem with that. It's cool. You're smee. You're also uh
[00:41:17] Would this smee of who's who plays me in the live action fucking motion picture, bitch
[00:41:23] Your favorite actor Bob Hoskins. So yeah, I am smee bitch. Okay, and you're um
[00:41:30] Hoskins did an insulting impression of you one time, which is why he's my favorite
[00:41:35] When I'm Julia Roberts me and stop rose of hook fame
[00:41:40] You're also the smee in in the your Gaston's
[00:41:46] Gaston's gay friend. I can't wait to suck your dick Gaston
[00:41:52] No, I'm beating the shoe on the clock guess what the beast puts in
[00:41:57] I'm humble the beast puts in his I'm humble and I'm the clock
[00:42:02] And the clock is I will accept the clock. I'm not that no you're the candlestick
[00:42:06] Yeah, the candlesticks French you're the French candlestick. Yeah, I'm not that you
[00:42:10] That's why you said it's our cast. That's why it's you before it's fucking you look like because you know
[00:42:16] He's like I hope no one brings up that I'm the candlestick
[00:42:19] No, I'm the beast and only a sexy ass woman can get me to stop being fat as shit
[00:42:24] And that's actually the story of my mama
[00:42:28] No, I'm the guy in the town that that doesn't like bell because she thinks she's better than everybody else that is you
[00:42:34] The village home is actual I think she should be happy because she can hear the village hater
[00:42:42] He's not a homist. You don't even know you're talking. He is. Yeah, he is not
[00:42:45] We're gonna we're gonna watch the movie. He's we're gonna watch the movie after this and we're gonna point out exactly who had
[00:42:56] Bell bell bell bell bell. It's all about you. That's the wrong guy. Well, that's that's your vibe
[00:43:03] Whoever that is. I'm the monster truck grave dagger
[00:43:07] That's not it all is it seems in all the movies
[00:43:23] And suck my little dick and here comes balance. She can't wait to get fucked
[00:43:27] Bell is such a fucking slut. We know it is
[00:43:35] Okay, you're not fooling us with those books. We know that you suck cock
[00:43:47] Why are they talking about the people in the because you're
[00:43:51] Even in 1700s France everybody knows that you are gay
[00:43:59] And we fucking hate you because you are gay
[00:44:17] I'm the flower losing its petals slowly. Yeah, what happens if the petals go away?
[00:44:24] But he's not right. We see him at the end. Yeah, sexy. Yeah, he's a hot guy
[00:44:28] I don't remember the moral of that movie is so goddamn funny
[00:44:31] Was uh he's like a handsome rich prince. No, no, no, no
[00:44:35] I vastly prefer that moral to that princess Fiona is actually an ugly bit
[00:44:40] Yeah, yeah, well the first time I saw Shrek
[00:44:42] I was like dude. She was fine as hell and then yeah
[00:44:45] Fucking ogre that she's an ugly you know what they should have done kept her hot but made her pussy green so she strikes the ogre
[00:44:52] Yeah, that's that's that would have been perfect should have demanded she go back
[00:44:56] So what the fuck an ugly guy can't fuck a dime piece? Yeah, exactly
[00:44:59] He has to fuck another ugly woman. That's the lesson of Shrek
[00:45:02] The lesson can't be it doesn't matter what you look like but a donkey but a donkey can fuck a dragon
[00:45:07] That's unnatural by that's against jesus
[00:45:10] You know it's against her dragons pussy to fuck a donkey's cock. No, I feel like
[00:45:15] It would have hurt the dog. I uh, I've never seen shrek. Really? It's good move
[00:45:20] Uh, I would think I was like too old when Shrek came out
[00:45:24] Uh, yeah, I was but whatever all star by smash
[00:45:27] I was yeah, well that was thing. I was too old for that type of movie but too young for smash mouth
[00:45:34] No, that was right the smash man. You heard all star by smash mouth. You're like, I can't wait to be a baronade
[00:45:41] When I get a little old when I get a little old
[00:45:44] All sorry, I'm gonna yeah, I'm gonna wear a tie dye shirts and listen to fucking baronade good ladies
[00:45:49] Oh dude. I had a baronade. I remember thinking that was mature music. I had a baronade lacey d and fifth grade, dude
[00:45:54] My babysitter she listened to oh, I remember she used to listen. Yeah, I know her
[00:46:02] She listened she listened to nervana too. I remember that and I was like wow jack off to her dude
[00:46:07] I want her to fuck her so who's this your sister my babysitter your babysister
[00:46:19] My days will be sucking on my dick my ass
[00:46:25] Open up my butt cheek my ass will fuck my mouth and not on my face
[00:46:32] And then I don't my butt cheeks my ass will not all over my cheeks
[00:46:39] So I go my dick for my ass and then I don't my butt cheek my ass will fuck me in my mouth
[00:46:48] My days will make me wear red dress hands like your dick
[00:46:51] Somebody wants fuck me directly in my ass
[00:47:02] Oh, yeah, that's good stuff right there, man
[00:47:08] That was one of us drinking all this cup with you
[00:47:11] Yeah, I was drinking always come with this thumb up up my ass
[00:47:22] And now I'm a gay guy. I got my ass fuck. Yeah, it sucked
[00:47:27] Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm a gay guy. I got fucked in my ass
[00:47:52] Hey now I got my dick sucked by a guy in it sucked
[00:47:57] Yes, hey now what are some of the other songs he pulled the gun out? Um, maybe fuck him my favorite band is smash mouth
[00:48:03] I love smash mouth listen to smash mouth. Yeah, Hannah loves it. Yeah, I thought I was a lesbian until I met guy
[00:48:10] And then she's now a guy fury and Hannah gaffery. Yeah, yeah, I want to fuck God
[00:48:17] It wasn't actually women I was into just the gaffery estate
[00:48:21] There's people that were bowling sheds and it's that's like it's usually just the most dog shit lesbians that look like that in Australia
[00:48:29] But in America, that's what all the men from Santa Cruz look like
[00:48:34] We're in a pair of oakleys, but around the back of his neck and that's all I needed was just a piece of fat show from Santa Cruz
[00:48:42] To absolutely punish my books just to have just to get his dick medically hard his red tomato red
[00:48:53] Absolutely lacking in both length and good
[00:48:55] And then to run out of breath and think that's coming
[00:49:03] I just not even think fat god a fucking
[00:49:07] Fucking fall all over me to the heap the experience of getting his second wind he associates with with orgasmic climax
[00:49:16] And it's been probably 25 years since he's authentically ejaculate
[00:49:20] And they can't see past his gut to even check
[00:49:28] sexual relationship having six with golfy. You're maven heaps six. I'm having guys
[00:49:39] Damn dude heaps is so fucking stupid. Yeah, people are fucking dumb as shit dumb as hell
[00:49:48] I do man. I wish I was so looking forward to that that would dude
[00:49:54] I don't even want to think about all the awesome touring that's not gonna happen like I was
[00:49:58] Well when this comes back everybody will be used to quarantine so we should go on tour
[00:50:02] But it is just like we said a little table up there's some shirts for sale and you bring us drugs
[00:50:08] I like the idea. How about this? We go on a tour, right?
[00:50:13] We're in a little box and then we can't see them at all
[00:50:17] Well, how we should do is we pre-record the episodes and then we go
[00:50:22] Play the show and we sit there and we watch the show with the audience. Yeah, that'd be fun
[00:50:27] Yeah, so we can see their authentic reaction from the side and we have the mic audience secretly bug the whole room
[00:50:34] I like and if anyone says this isn't very, you know, like even a cable we paid for a dollar spotlight on them
[00:50:41] Microphone drops from the ceiling gun to their head you do it do it now do all out fucking you you have to do the show
[00:50:48] Here's 30. Here's your fucking price of admission. You do it. You do it now and then well meanwhile. We're eating Chinese food. Yeah, absolutely
[00:50:56] We're getting into a dispute with the Chinese waiter
[00:50:58] I think that was a toronto. Yeah, it was toronto, but toronto. I'm just getting mad. Oh my god
[00:51:10] Why because he said you threw away your ticket?
[00:51:12] Yeah, because I mean I wrote fake Chinese all over the ticket as a joke and then the guy demanded the ticket
[00:51:18] And you're like, can I just give you my order? I'm like no, I don't have the ticket
[00:51:22] What do you mean? You know, I do you have to call the we'll call I don't I have no idea what their system is that would necessitate
[00:51:30] Using the we were like and then we asked for another ticket. Yeah, and he said that we weren't allowed to have another ticket. Mm-hmm
[00:51:37] Fucking bastard. Yeah, I'm not gonna hand you this piece of paper that I drew swastikas all over instinctually
[00:51:43] You can't put a piece of paper in front of it. Yeah, we're like, okay. We found that it just says the waiter is a faggot. We did the rule
[00:51:53] The guy reading this is a fucking bitch. Oh, here's your fucking ticket pal
[00:51:59] My days. We all get my beanies. I know I was a doctor of karate
[00:52:04] And I come here and I'm a guy that makes Chinese food. It's like, well, that seems like the same thing. Yeah, it's basically the same
[00:52:12] Same thing. I've seen Chinese ancient medicine or traditional Chinese medicine. Oh, it's a lot of mortal and pestle
[00:52:21] Just a lot of fucking a lot of grinding shit a lot of telling people to drink hot water. Yeah with a ground up bone
[00:52:29] Tigers penis supposed to make your dick hard
[00:52:39] To risk your life trying to kill a tiger. No, it's someone does it for you, dude
[00:52:44] No, you gotta do eat a little tiger cock pill. It's a rite of yeah, it's like a powder that they say I think so
[00:52:50] It's fucking just just Chinese people getting caught by some international anti-poaching organization trying to eat a tiger's penis
[00:53:00] Yeah, they really are the master race. It's so funny because it's like you know a lot of people are like all the Chinese people
[00:53:05] They don't have any humor and it's because they're already so funny
[00:53:09] That there's nothing they can't there's no in for them. Yep. It's like it's like that like a fish not knowing what water is
[00:53:20] I agree. I agree with you that video that Chinese guy just eating live baby rats
[00:53:24] Oh, that's fucking unseasoned. They're just baby
[00:53:31] Crounging them up. Yeah, he's got a bucket of them. Ew. What happened to me? Oh, okay?
[00:53:37] Jesus Christ did the CCP take pang's eye from us. He's gone. He has a man's eye the guy who used to chug alcohol
[00:53:45] Didn't you really kill him didn't they kill the richest guy in China?
[00:53:50] Jack about Jack when I was fucked up. I disappeared pangs. I dude they did that guy is dead as fuck
[00:53:56] Yeah, he took his company in the he was because he was gonna go public or whatever. Right? No, they already are public
[00:54:01] Yeah, he just criticized like some I don't know. I don't pay attention. Jack Mao is fucking dead, bro
[00:54:09] They're like in the process of making a robot Jack mom
[00:54:12] It's the thing is is he can't like go into hiding because he's like the only Chinese guy that looks different from the restaurant
[00:54:18] He does look weird like Billy quiz boy head. Yeah, his head is square as fuck. Yeah
[00:54:23] He's got that look there's these like cookie jar features. Yeah, but he's so rich
[00:54:28] You think he could be hiding somewhere. Did he get in trouble trying to rape when he was in America or something?
[00:54:33] That was another Chinese like business exactly in Minneapolis try to rape that was
[00:54:48] Jack mom was right remember how that would like we have that style. I don't know it started because we saw this picture
[00:54:55] No, I didn't see a picture of Dominic Strauss con. Oh, I don't know there's it was a part of the game you were playing you
[00:55:00] It was like mentioning random people. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Jack. Oh, no. No, it was his rival
[00:55:18] Yeah, I was looking Richard Lou of jade
[00:55:23] Jack my you are chosen to compete in mortal combat
[00:55:27] If you piss off your opponent they'll ghost you and nationalize your company
[00:55:35] Yes, Belgium Chinese raid that yes Belgian raid that that guy is so dead
[00:55:41] Dude, she has out to China flexing didn't we're so fucked China and Russia about the fuck our asses. Yeah
[00:55:49] Yeah, good thing. They love Joe Bob his head is so weird. Yeah, it's so wide but trying to try and try and try and try and
[00:55:58] Not everybody's saying you gotta be mad about about Chinese guys and everybody
[00:56:06] If you have a cookie and you open it up and there's a little message inside
[00:56:11] That's how you gonna not it's how you do only one thing do is I'm gonna have a good day
[00:56:29] Fucking president man salute. Yeah, yeah, it's nothing we can do to change
[00:56:35] Chajach for dr. Chajach for drowning me in the virus
[00:56:37] You're gonna have to it's just gonna get you're gonna go wild west. It's gonna be like wild. Well smith
[00:56:43] Yeah, it's like a giant giant giant steamspier comes in and fucks me to my ass
[00:56:48] I'm right to bold to see that movie and he saw a giant steamspier. Is that that?
[00:56:54] That why do you get what I want to be right in that put that steamspier directly my
[00:57:00] Really, but who really wanted to put all that stuff in your ass, huh?
[00:57:04] That's awesome. Yeah, that's also president button. Yeah, my eyes will get your dick sucked by oh man
[00:57:12] Yeah, I saw one thing. I don't really take I'm trying not to pay attention anything
[00:57:15] But apparently like he was passing by marines
[00:57:19] Yes, I saw a music an earpiece and they're like salute the marines. Yeah, excellent marines wave of marines
[00:57:27] Dude he is straight up just getting fed everything he's ever said
[00:57:35] Or someone the greatest soldiers that we ever we've ever charlotte she I can't wait for like the third the fdr breakdown of how much dementia
[00:57:43] He has like 30 years that we find out fdr is in a wheelchair and he's still built a book book book book on bridge
[00:57:50] Still got a building in 15 days. I remember I went down there and I
[00:57:54] I shook the hand every man man woman and child that worked on their bridge
[00:57:59] And I looked at them in their eyes and I said you may be you may be a black chinese guy
[00:58:04] But that doesn't stop you from raising a flag and saying how to do the amen brother. That's right amen president button. That's right. Thank you
[00:58:16] About Joe Biden mine is well fuck me and my mouth and as
[00:58:20] Well use my mouth. I go called mine as well rape me and hold me
[00:58:25] My mind is well hold me down and rape my mouth
[00:58:34] Body wants to use my mouth like a pussy
[00:58:41] He put a gun to my head and said if I told anyone he would kill my family
[00:58:49] So he fucked my ass away fucked my mouth. He made me suck his dick and came in my pussy
[00:58:53] Uh-huh. It didn't feel good. I hated it
[00:58:57] But I had to do it to say my family's lives and gentlemen turns out I'm gay it really sucks
[00:59:02] Now I can never be straight again the night up bound and gagged bernaked
[00:59:10] What were the bernaked lady song? It was a fucking banger. They had one
[00:59:22] She could yeah, that's my favorite part
[00:59:43] I'm the kind of guy that sucked mad dick. I got mad sick now taking my prep pills
[00:59:50] Now I got HIV and I can't wait to see the doctor so that he can suck it out of me
[00:59:56] Yeah, I'm trying to understand how that's not the way it works once you have the virus you can't get rid of it
[01:00:01] But I think if I get my dick's hook enough the virus might go away on its own
[01:00:06] It's been one week since I got diagnosed with AIDS
[01:00:08] And I'm because I stopped taking my prep pills
[01:00:13] Now I'm losing weight in my head falling down and I can't wait to give the virus to a bunch of other people
[01:00:23] I just don't want to die alone if I can infect everyone in my community. I will
[01:00:28] It has to become a cultural thing. That's the only way we get anyone to pay attention to the problem
[01:00:32] I know that sounds incredibly selfish, but who cares? I'm I'm
[01:00:42] Dying I'm gonna keep smoking crystal meth
[01:00:46] You having unprotected sex with hunch of bodies
[01:00:51] Them remember he got HIV from the Bernanke
[01:01:00] Said pop pop I got it. I got HIV from the Bernanke ladies
[01:01:05] And I said the guys from the shrek movie said yeah, I knew shrek
[01:01:08] Me and shrek me and strag I knew but shrek back from scratch
[01:01:12] Back then he was blue and he's a lot people fuck his ears
[01:01:17] He's the size of me and my friend me and my friend but you get our cock stuff
[01:01:39] All hell president Biden. They just need to let him do that more
[01:01:46] Just let him go about yeah, let him go off more. I would go off on the mic, dude
[01:01:51] I'm on the kind of guy with a little ass fucking dick
[01:01:54] Everybody was if you listen to every Bernanke lady's song in a row
[01:01:59] There's a secret message hidden there. It says we got a nuke is
[01:02:10] I'm tired. Yeah, I forgot to have one of my peanut butter sandwiches before I got a little peanut butter
[01:02:19] Sorry everyone. I usually have a little Austin cheddar cheese cracker sandwich before I get on stage
[01:02:27] No, I was just every time I keep thinking back to that Baron ake lady song one about nuke in israel
[01:02:50] It's been one way since you suck me all
[01:02:59] The whole the whole fucking thing is fucked up. She's like all my beanies and made me fucking rags
[01:03:03] Mm-hmm. This is a cool name to name a band the Bernanke lady
[01:03:09] Yeah, those guys probably got a lot of they've probably got a lot of pussy off that neighbor hot guys
[01:03:14] The truth is anyone you've ever heard of got a lot of that's actually really true. Yeah, that's just how they're ugly
[01:03:21] Yeah, that is true. Yeah, you know how much pussy Matthew Lascaux probably got the question the I don't think he got pussy
[01:03:30] The whole time that and he was getting pussy on the side for sure. Okay. That's sure
[01:03:34] He's like just we gotta keep this a seat dude. Uh, a question mark suit in the motel
[01:03:41] Dude, what's this name all the condoms have a question marks that he fucks what's his name Ken bone from the 2016 election fuck genuine karti
[01:03:51] What yeah, Ken bone. What are you talking about? He got so much pussy. She came
[01:03:59] Guess he can Kathy Ireland. Yeah, Kathy Ireland was like the go-to hot chick reference in 90s sitcoms
[01:04:08] We're too young probably is rachel welsh. No, that's too old is it
[01:04:14] Let me see what fucking you know, it's too old for you Adam. What's that?
[01:04:18] Anyone over the edge, okay, it's been it's been my dick. I'm gay
[01:04:38] They're getting drunk on my car for bridge thank god as it smashes into the ring
[01:04:46] It's kind of hard living with the guilt of being gay. I just want to kill myself, but I'm a pussy
[01:04:54] Can't wait to take care of me and kill myself
[01:05:04] Don't my therapist you're gonna read me for at least three weeks because I'd be busy with work
[01:05:08] So my boss that I was doing a mental retrieve the therapy
[01:05:14] Every no one knows where I am right there no room and I'm gonna kill myself
[01:05:27] Break trap the home depot and get a bucket and fill it with claw rocks
[01:05:33] I'll drop some ammonia tablets in there
[01:05:36] I'll kill myself with a little mustard. How have you made that get make the fucking gas and fuck it up strips all the paint off the walls now?
[01:05:54] Can't you get fucked up like didn't Hitler have some kind of deformity from breathing that shit in
[01:05:58] I'm not dying with my shirt gas. Yeah, we use a deformity from losing his ball in war. That's so funny
[01:06:15] They're gonna call Nazis after they find all the Nazis and arrest them who becomes the new Nazis. What's the next iteration?
[01:06:23] Probably us no no we're too stupid to be not yeah, we're fucking Steve
[01:06:27] Oh, I guess that's that's the beauty of this whole scam. Yeah, absolutely
[01:06:33] I if you're so bad IQ you guys just get to be like, I don't know any better
[01:06:39] But that's the guys who the guys of the capital were all sub ad IQ a lot where a lot of them were
[01:06:49] They were doing the kind of voices or songs. Yeah, they were doing songs or voices
[01:06:54] Yeah, they're not stupid in the same way. Oh, instead of wearing chain mail and fedoras. They're wearing like buffalo outfits. Yeah, exactly
[01:07:02] That's not funny. They were trying they were trying to not be funny. They didn't think it was funny. No
[01:07:10] Everybody must like my dick and put my ass that guy thought it was funny when he took the podium. You saw his face
[01:07:15] Yeah, that guy was having a blast. I don't think you think it thought maybe that it was funny
[01:07:19] You should probably just having a good ass time. Yeah, those guys were just I got a minute in the moment
[01:07:23] He was probably having I tell you all this domestic terrorism shit really makes me miss
[01:07:28] Classic terrorism classic. Yeah, it's a nice bomb
[01:07:32] A plane going into a bill. Oh, I would love it if just you know a nice allu akbar kaboom
[01:07:41] Yeah, the new terrorism does classic. Yeah, you know, that would be great for me
[01:07:45] Or maybe these kids don't realize these days shooting up an airport. Oh, that's my school. That's vintage. That would be great
[01:07:53] Yeah, some cold war shit would be just what we needed. Yeah
[01:07:56] Everybody was like my domestic terrorism
[01:08:01] Missed me. What about miss missed me with that my calm
[01:08:08] Dude so unnecessary missed me with your penis
[01:08:11] So I guess with the the Keystone XL pipeline they have to get rid of all the pipes really I'm putting in a bid for it
[01:08:18] You're you're trying to get rid of the pipes or you want to buy the pipe and buy all the pipes
[01:08:23] He's gonna be they're gonna look at it just sell off a bunch of fucking metal for cheap
[01:08:28] Oh, yeah, and you could still use then you'd have the metal
[01:08:30] Yeah, I'd have fucking value imagine I had in the middle of Pennsylvania. I get a place and I have
[01:08:35] The two 800 million tubes were talking about yes
[01:08:41] And set up an adult a place it's adults only. Yeah, and it's the Keystone pipeline, but a big hamster setup
[01:08:48] And we could just play and then you have to find me in the middle of the tube. Yeah, that's boy. You're bad news
[01:08:57] You gotta find me in the middle of the tubes
[01:09:02] Insek your penis meet your maker and suck his penis. What if how about it's the movie the Santa Claus
[01:09:07] But instead of killing Santa Claus Tim Allen cock. Yeah, Tim Allen thinks it's the neighbor and he's like we can't we can't act on this
[01:09:15] Saying each other's secret conservative closeted messages for weeks
[01:09:20] And he thought it's you thought it was just a Vietnam vet biker from across the street that it's Santa
[01:09:25] And then he has sex with Santa and Santa Claus has a heart attack while ejaculating and Tim Allen's ass
[01:09:32] And he he's pregnant with Santa's son. Oh, he gets pregnant from Santa. Yeah, he turns into Santa
[01:09:39] Yeah, and he becomes Santa Claus by letting him fuck you in the
[01:09:42] But it's kept in check by Santa Claus being deeply conservative and closeted. Yeah, so it's not like he's out there
[01:09:48] It's not like we're getting new Santas all the time sure. Yeah. Yeah, cuz that way
[01:09:53] Well, wouldn't you have to die and fuck you in the same time about the Fanta Claus, and he's like a juggalo
[01:10:03] That's it. Yeah, Fanta's delicious. Fanta's like good shit. Not necessary to really correct me on that. We could have just gone with
[01:10:10] Yeah, honestly, I was glad I didn't do it and
[01:10:13] But I joined you I joined you when you come into the territory of soft drinks and fast
[01:10:19] Yeah, you better come correct certain things you better come right on how that panda clause and he's like yeah, press us
[01:10:31] Yes, yeah, I go wrong way down the chimney. Mm-hmm. That's a very good. What about a very good good
[01:10:38] I'm just like crashing the sleigh into the side
[01:10:42] Yeah, okay, okay, we buff out. Yeah, no, it's okay
[01:10:56] Panic was bigger. Yeah, what about what about band banda clause and there's like boom boom boom boom boom
[01:11:04] You know like the oh, yeah, man. Yeah. Yeah
[01:11:08] Is that what that's called? I thought it's called ranchero music. I thought it was called banda isn't banda something else
[01:11:14] Oh, how about the sandy hook clause? No, no, no
[01:11:25] Yeah, we're not doing that you get one of those in episode pal. Yeah
[01:11:34] Bum bum bum that is that is catch. Yeah, I'm gonna give you look we should have like some sort of deck of cards limiter on how many
[01:11:40] Slurs are allowed on the show. Yeah, I agree like I draw four cards
[01:11:45] At the beginning of the show. I can't waste them. You know, I gotta space them out 15 minutes joker
[01:11:56] Yeah, the joker card you got to use hard-art you got to stick to anything and then and then face face cards are you know
[01:12:12] Yep, and then aces jack definitely is that one. Yeah, because that one's gonna get used
[01:12:18] And then aces or anything directed at latinos. Okay, okay
[01:12:25] By only four four car hand and then fall of all mall numbers. That's you when you know, it's gonna be a bad show
[01:12:31] Doesn't mean there's not gonna be anything funny
[01:12:52] Well, that's the pocket jokers this is best day of not ever
[01:13:11] Oh, I don't think we mentioned anything on the last episode, but I wanted to recognize the life of mr. Larry king
[01:13:17] Oh, yeah, all right p. I was pretty sad to hear that he passed away
[01:13:20] Mm-hmm. You guys have the same body about Larry. Yeah, and we both got a lot of chicks
[01:13:28] interviewing both pussy getting led to the Tim Allen for a new movie the
[01:13:38] Yes, exactly yeah, Larry Ting and the Ting is yeah
[01:13:42] Yeah, it's a Jamaica got a little bit of patois. Yeah a little patois style everything gonna be our a sister that fucking
[01:13:52] Brad Pitt and me Joe Blas. Oh, yeah, that rules everything going to be I
[01:14:02] That was really really good as acting that's hilarious. I mean, there's no way to even if he nailed the accident
[01:14:07] But that's what I mean. It's like there's you just you're fucked. Yeah, there's no way to do it
[01:14:12] And that's like the real because you know, it's fun mid-westerners do that they do this or like oh that sounds nothing like somebody from fucking
[01:14:20] For fucking, Wisconsin and it's like nobody cares shut up. Nobody cares about it
[01:14:24] I sound like shit. You sound like an idiot. Fuck you. We're laughing
[01:14:28] You have a bad ex the rest of the world is laughing at your worst kind of American fucking Oshkosh dickhead cheesy to get a shit
[01:14:38] Get the ass we have no respect for you. No respect for the Midwest in fact. I
[01:14:48] I like a couple midwestern cities like what if you can't go? It's not the middle. Yes. It is. No, that's it's just a place
[01:14:55] It's just a place. Yeah, he's talking about it's literally
[01:14:59] Midwest is a place. No, I also like Milwaukee. How about that?
[01:15:08] Neighborhood in Chicago. Okay, whatever suck me off
[01:15:12] Fuck you. I did the I did the drive from
[01:15:15] Milwaukee to Minneapolis with Racine and it's very funny the amount of titty bars that are on that drive respect
[01:15:21] Respect. Yeah, but I think they're all topless. I don't think you're allowed to see pussy. I'm I'm trying to get a mini ampolish
[01:15:27] What are the covet numbers like over there? Uh, there's none they beat it the humong beat it there
[01:15:33] Adam lives in a town called mini half penis
[01:15:39] That is where you're the mayor of mini happiness
[01:15:50] You're the bill the blazio of many half
[01:15:56] As long as if you're you're admitting I'm the boss of it
[01:15:58] I'm having lunch with big bird and then he's going to lay an egg in my ass
[01:16:15] Uh, we're going to roll out a new plan for seniors
[01:16:21] We're going to take naked pictures of them
[01:16:28] We talked about this we talked about it three weeks ago. It's called the holiday surge
[01:16:32] Well, we make seniors dress up in Santa Claus outfits and then I masturbate
[01:16:42] That's right. Well folks if you enjoy the show you might want to check out patreon.com slash
[01:16:49] Which is the website where you're getting this episode unless you're stealing it which you you know good percentage
[01:17:01] Don't worry folks. We'll get through this and we'll go right back
[01:17:05] To blowing our lives at chinese buffets
[01:17:14] To even go out and do anything. I just want the option
[01:17:17] Yeah, that's the thing you wouldn't do anything. I wouldn't do anything
[01:17:22] Fuck up and be like what if I went the pug pug golf?
[01:17:26] And then I don't I want to go taste pussy from all across the world
[01:17:30] Yeah, like we're we're in the world is carmen sandy get a giving out pussy. Yeah
[01:17:35] We're in the world is Carmen sandy hook. No, no, I said
[01:17:39] I want this carman. You got one you could you said it was the amount of cash that I should have been
[01:17:44] It should have been we're in the world is Carmen sandy hook. Yeah. Well, that's what you get
[01:17:48] That's karma. I hope the first one's better. Which one was the first? I don't even remember what it was the sandy hook clause
[01:17:56] What it doesn't matter does it really not?
[01:17:59] This sandy hook starring um, no, yeah, you know, like Robin Williams. Yeah. Yeah, this sandy hook
[01:18:08] They'll be children forever if we kill them
[01:18:12] Then they get to live forever. No, that's I've got it. Here's the plan. Oh, what if we shot them all
[01:18:19] Killed it. What if Adam Lanza shot them all the death
[01:18:22] What if it was make believe? What if it was a fantasy a make believe fantasy that never happened
[01:18:30] It would be really fucked up if that guy was wearing green like tights
[01:18:34] It would be funny if Robin Williams killed himself like six months prior to his family finding him
[01:18:38] And he had just made a recording that was playing in his office
[01:18:42] So they're like his dad coming down for dinner
[01:18:44] And then they go but they listen to the door and he's like and it's a museum
[01:18:47] But the things are not as alive in the museum
[01:18:55] I guess he's gonna be up all night working
[01:18:58] I call it a Rubik's cube. That is a cube. I don't know it's all different colors
[01:19:05] He should fucking collaborate with him against
[01:19:08] That sounds like a hand against me. I know I know when oh and I have original
[01:19:12] Oh, they play a digital redo. It's just a tube. They're gonna put your cock in the air