Cum Town | Premium | 02/13/2017
[00:00:03] come town i don't know if this will be a premium one or a regular one
[00:00:06] uh... i've got a lot of furniture to buy this week
[00:00:12] i don't know we're just a you know what we got we're getting ahead of ourselves
[00:00:18] and uh... my co-host or both in the bathroom i'm here
[00:00:25] yeah uh... i don't know when this will go up probably what two weeks from now
[00:00:34] we have a regular in the way we have a regular
[00:00:37] so uh... to give you a frame of reference uh...
[00:00:41] the what the big news today is tom brady was murdered yeah yeah so
[00:00:46] we're reacting to tom brady's murder oh my god i just heard about can't believe
[00:00:59] i was saying today you know killed the kids
[00:01:01] now she was found innocent she's innocent and she's beautiful i think she's
[00:01:04] innocent too white women have never done anything wrong if they're hot
[00:01:10] you know i love people do that they're like all but
[00:01:12] this is a white woman on trial she get away with it it's like
[00:01:24] people off the hook because they're white i mean sure that's ninety percent of it
[00:01:28] they're not gonna let some lockness monster i think that finally if for
[00:01:32] something that kacie anthony where goes to the lake i break the tie break if
[00:01:35] you're honored yeah i don't like lindy had a baby go missing and i was on the
[00:01:39] jury back i see a door guilty the prosecutors like yeah this is not even
[00:01:46] is actually just insurance claim she ate the baby
[00:01:53] look i don't want to tell you how to do your job
[00:01:57] but number one you definitely should not let me through jury selection
[00:02:01] uh... number two can we get more hot pockets of the booth
[00:02:05] yet i brought my own hot pockets initially
[00:02:08] another against rules it's right to bring my own i'm asking to refill them
[00:02:11] since i've already established a precedent
[00:02:13] is that a lot legal cases are about rights precedents for this yeah it's
[00:02:17] called juris whatever he said yeah so i fucking i got the hot pockets in here
[00:02:22] that's the law now you gotta refill the fucking hot pockets that a Benson
[00:02:26] broberner or i'm going to be on the other side of the table because i'm
[00:02:31] i'm gonna be the one over there over objections objection yeah over old
[00:02:37] that's good i was good i like that you get the courtroom flavor yeah yeah
[00:02:41] should be a law and order where it's like law and order
[00:02:51] well i am the murder but if i murder a stronger man than it's not actually a
[00:02:56] crime one day me and dana were like super hungover and we were like for
[00:02:59] whatever reason looking at like riddles on her computer
[00:03:02] and i was just like lying on the floor room and like she's reading them off the
[00:03:06] laptop and she's like this this one is a joke answer but it's very funny
[00:03:10] and it was uh... would say crime you can get arrested for attempting but not
[00:03:18] or i guess a serious answer wrote murdering every police officer
[00:03:27] uh... but i love murdering every police officer yeah you get arrested for
[00:03:33] yeah they don't just get you help you don't get arrested yeah no you get
[00:03:35] arrested yet trying to kill your son if you try and climb if you climb up to the
[00:03:39] top of the gw bridge was a fancy but not if you just take a bunch of fucking
[00:03:42] sleeping pills well it's a fucking riddle stop well
[00:03:46] fucking that riddles for shit that's how i would like work as a as a prosecutor
[00:03:50] riddles yeah you gotta have riddles you got a run into the next trade outy
[00:03:55] already i'm gonna be the next book in johnny kakarz kakarz kakarz and jonnie
[00:04:07] uh... i can't see that he did it because he's black
[00:04:15] what was that cars thing where you had like a he had a card he put a race card
[00:04:19] he read it we were a turban and golly you can't get mad at me i'm muslim
[00:04:33] yet the poo bah the grand poo bah or poo bah style
[00:04:36] uh... yes so i don't really know what's in the fucking it was like this is so
[00:04:41] low pressure because we are ready we're ready bank to this week
[00:04:44] yeah and we're doing this one is ready out so we have one that we have one bank
[00:04:53] like a basketball like a basketball i shoot it up against what's the backboard
[00:04:56] of the but your budget to your but she's a your but the backboard and then my
[00:04:59] assholes the and your ass was the rim so it actually would
[00:05:11] cool is like different this is a shark tank idea but different kinds of
[00:05:15] netting you could put over your assholes you could shit
[00:05:20] i love it like fish nets or whatever oh yeah yeah
[00:05:24] who is that s and l sketch for you like shove that thing in your ass when you
[00:05:27] farted like turns your farts into smart
[00:05:29] expressions that win wizard or something
[00:05:35] i don't remember that now as an alice just like they just repeat whatever
[00:05:39] yeah yeah people are like a smart billion sat on
[00:05:43] donald trump's like we have to kill other mexicans and alic Baldwin struts out
[00:05:47] and he's like we have to kill all the mexicans
[00:05:56] yeah except if they hire us they said that uh... the one this weekend was good
[00:06:01] i don't know why i brought it up because probably none of us are i've never seen
[00:06:05] yeah we're laughing about uh would have trump just called uh Melissa McCarthy
[00:06:12] i didn't see it but she's a fat pig oh yeah i did see that Melissa McFatso's
[00:06:18] um yeah you know we got that fucking super bowl what'd you boys do for the damn
[00:06:23] bowl i want to idea you went to Ikea yeah what'd you buy i'm by shit feel
[00:06:28] it's moved into a new apartment and he needed uh
[00:06:30] needed gear oh damn dude you so you gotta go back for personal reasons now
[00:06:34] yeah i went to scope stuff out dude that's look this is from my time as a tier
[00:06:38] one operator you case the Ikea yeah you do deep recon first yeah
[00:06:44] you said one guy in with a fucking k-bar okay canteen a scout a canteen filled
[00:06:49] with you know his own piss and uh so it's pre-filled with your own yeah
[00:06:53] yeah and the keffia like a scarf you have to wear a keffia and you have to like
[00:06:58] have the world's shittiest beard okay all right all right all right and
[00:07:01] that's how you become a tier one operator mmm yeah so i went there i did a sit rep
[00:07:12] yeah put stuff in you know his pockets you need the pocket i'm i'm a big for
[00:07:16] knives yeah i probably i need pants i need pants that make women say like
[00:07:22] you know what's he got in all them pockets i bet his condoms i bet he's got extra
[00:07:26] wallets i bet that guy's got 42 wallets in his pants yeah you i'll be i'll be
[00:07:31] having cargo shorts for just for all the fucking lube i used to fucking bitches
[00:07:35] you yeah i'll be fucking old whores this is the
[00:07:38] they dry as hell you so i sometimes i'll put like a fucking
[00:07:42] miracle whip in their pussies to kind of you know squish that you know a little
[00:07:46] sticky though after all yeah but also good because you eat the pussy and
[00:07:50] it's just like a tuna sinner's there's this white kid that used to
[00:07:53] say hang with all like the pg county black comics and they made them fuck a
[00:07:57] prostitute one time i just remember that oh yeah white boy he didn't fuck the
[00:08:05] wait wasn't that that guy chad white guy no no i wasn't chad the guy that go up on
[00:08:09] stage and be like see i'm from pg county
[00:08:11] he's like you might not realize you're not
[00:08:13] i forget his name yeah he was they made it won't only made him like
[00:08:17] chad they made this guy fuck a whore yeah yeah
[00:08:20] i don't hold black whore yeah yeah did they watch i don't know if they watched
[00:08:24] or not yeah i just remember him telling me that he's like yeah they
[00:08:27] you know it's not for me i guess i had to do it
[00:08:31] he didn't pay it was like a gift i yeah i think it was his birthday or
[00:08:33] something well boys my birthday's coming up
[00:08:37] february 11 yeah we're gonna make that guy fuck you oh man
[00:08:42] for his free or brook but we have to watch to make sure that it goes down to
[00:08:46] audit the fuck do you know what i'm saying what's
[00:08:48] dude well i'm trying to have a little birthday party i'm trying to go buck
[00:08:50] wild what should we do boys i'm trying to go buck angel
[00:08:53] i'm trying to go buck all three of us get pussies boys
[00:08:57] wooo so we're at the point we just don't get pussies we're all getting
[00:09:01] pussies if you're still male presenting but like
[00:09:03] hooking up with a girl you just pull it out it's a pussy you know Adam
[00:09:06] do we ever talk about like the time we were laughing about like the
[00:09:10] like the 4k guys arm in arm going into the
[00:09:13] sperm bank well like that i didn't do all that in that video so
[00:09:17] shots boys shot shot shot shot shot shot shot shot
[00:09:24] i think i laughed for an hour and a half straight
[00:09:29] an hour and a half just laugh at everybody
[00:09:38] there's the fucking gay guys short short with a tray going around the sperm bank
[00:09:44] would you like when it's free yeah i thought about that again when i
[00:09:48] watched every watch that video christian drinking is income oh boy
[00:09:53] well this is this is for ivy's eyes only my sweetheart
[00:09:57] ivy well i don't have any chocolate syrup
[00:10:01] so here's uh i got some orange soda here well
[00:10:07] here's my cum that i masturbated out have you ever drink your drink your
[00:10:11] cum absolutely not one time i got hit in the eye with my
[00:10:14] own jizz oh yeah yeah me too i guess that's never
[00:10:17] we talked about that that's never happened to you no
[00:10:19] dude i fucking i was i was who just get jerked off my dick curves back
[00:10:24] yeah people don't clarify that because i feel like a lot of people have that
[00:10:27] problem that disfigured disfigured it actually
[00:10:30] yeah that's actually phantom of the opera
[00:10:32] actually advantage while having shot like a mask on
[00:10:35] yeah i would first of all i would love a mask
[00:10:37] i would love a mask i would love a mask i did a mask
[00:10:43] let's go back to like talking about that half half circumcision it's perfect my
[00:10:47] dick is the phantom of the fuck pura uh the fuck
[00:10:52] the fuck dumb of the puspera that's sure the cactum
[00:10:59] the i'll keep going of the of the twat pura is not bad
[00:11:09] the the mophthum of the comp compura phantom phantom phantom
[00:11:15] phantom phantom phantom phantom phantom phantom
[00:11:19] come the phantom phantom phantom phantom phantom phantom phantom phantom phantom
[00:11:22] no no no raw cold cold cold we were hotter before
[00:11:27] of the of the fuck the mophthum of the puspera
[00:11:30] bop bop bra huh get but like bop you get bop
[00:11:34] bra again bop gim bop gim bop yeah yeah that's
[00:11:37] cool yeah yeah yeah mop bop bop bop bop bop
[00:11:40] braids top off yeah you can use all three of those
[00:11:43] those are how about the bottom of dome brains
[00:11:47] oh yeah so the bottom of the top where it's a it's a theater
[00:11:50] filled with all straight hurt like tops then there's one gay bottom
[00:11:54] who lives in the basement and he's tired of getting fucked
[00:12:03] so he puts on that mask to hide they're like we can still see you
[00:12:06] eric and get fucked later he's like please leave me alone
[00:12:11] the bottom of the top see boys a little brainstorming session
[00:12:16] wow that's a pretty good one that's not bad
[00:12:18] lorn michaels sign us up yeah we'd be like the lonely island guys
[00:12:22] there was one time i was all drunk and i walked into my friend's department and
[00:12:26] he was watching battle star galactica and i called it
[00:12:29] faggle star fagglacker yep and that's still one of my crowning achievements
[00:12:34] yeah never ever at one time forget how it came up
[00:12:38] or like me and somebody were making i liked it joking about like china's best
[00:12:41] comedians and uh it's not done this joke before
[00:12:44] so it was like uh the one i had for it was uh
[00:12:54] what we were saying like went you know to get exposure they go on the radio show
[00:13:02] it might be the most like technique perfectly technically executed pawn of
[00:13:07] every time yeah yeah slopey slopey and slanthenry
[00:13:11] because you get the slant yeah yeah it literally couldn't be any better
[00:13:15] that's really good man congratulations dude you fucking man wow
[00:13:19] rippleys believe that or not yeah that was incredible
[00:13:22] rippleys but uh believe that really is believe that or not
[00:13:27] and he was like believe that um wow so none of your cock's curve
[00:13:31] up no that's a good curve dude no mine is straight i go up into the left
[00:13:37] no mine goes just straight out straight ninety nine degrees that's good
[00:13:41] yeah couple of straight dick boys over here sorry stop yeah you got
[00:13:45] fucked up no dude my dick 14 inches long completely
[00:13:49] straight fuck man my dick is so small it's only 13 and a half
[00:13:54] oh really dude i'm so embarrassed that's disgusting
[00:13:58] i thought you were gonna say like uh 13.75 or is that what yours is
[00:14:03] 30.9 or we're talking about soft right because yeah four dicks
[00:14:07] uh 40 and a half inches yeah yeah when you measure the head i've said this
[00:14:11] before that i have a yeah i don't measure the shaft because it's cheating you
[00:14:14] don't put the shaft yeah you don't put the shaft in the pussy
[00:14:18] this less nerves yeah i just put the first half of my head into a pussy
[00:14:22] that's usually plenty honestly well if it can fit yeah i mean i typically
[00:14:26] have to date some pretty big ladies yeah some pretty big
[00:14:30] pussy yeah i usually just fuck animals yeah well that's i mean you don't want
[00:14:34] to abuse the woman that's i never understood like you know like any
[00:14:38] time is like a shapeshifter and science fiction
[00:14:40] it's like why wouldn't you just be big dick like a guy that's like one foot
[00:14:44] tall and then use the rest of your shapeshifting goo to have just a big
[00:14:49] in the world yeah just walking around deep space nine oatos like
[00:14:53] 14 inches tall and the rest of him's like a penis
[00:14:56] just drives behind them he's like has anyone seen the security office
[00:15:00] and ladies but don't mind me and my enormous dick
[00:15:05] i'm just shapeshifting over here have you shapeshifted though you could
[00:15:08] shapeshifting any animal and fuck the hottest
[00:15:11] animal you know i could but you can just also do that as a person that can't
[00:15:16] yeah that's what it's true that's being an apex predator it probably
[00:15:19] topped the new chain yeah it probably feels better though if you're a hawk with
[00:15:26] yeah what i want is i want one of those leather sheaths for my dick and then
[00:15:30] have the hawk land on it and then i put the hood on the
[00:15:34] hawk yeah i just uh stand there until i come
[00:15:39] yo i would love it that's a great way to train your dick strength is get
[00:15:44] just stay here and bigger birds just stand on top of an island with a
[00:15:47] condor resting on your erection here we are with the princess of the universe
[00:15:55] that's how Freddie mercury died oh really did
[00:15:58] fuck i didn't know sitting on top of mountain with a fucking condor in his
[00:16:01] he got all the way up the condor out of this pecker yeah
[00:16:04] that guy probably saw birds so much in terms of
[00:16:07] fred and mercury value of fucking okay well he was
[00:16:12] struggling with this sexuality types of fucking
[00:16:15] he might be the man who fucked the most why him
[00:16:18] because he probably fucked and sucked i'm gonna eat it later but
[00:16:23] he's i'm not gonna throw it out i'm not gonna throw out he's not gonna throw it
[00:16:26] out nik just asked if he could have uh adam's
[00:16:29] chinese that's really good china there's no good chinese food in my
[00:16:32] neighborhood it's really uh because it's a
[00:16:34] slaverhood you know unless we go to have sex
[00:16:38] it's just sex you could only order yeah
[00:16:40] sex from seamless slaver head i'm in a pond mood that's like such a good
[00:16:44] cop-out for not actually doing anything on the podcast
[00:16:47] not dude first of all fuck them or whatever bottom of the top of the
[00:16:51] screen yeah that was that was a pun but the visual by the way the visual
[00:16:55] little bird different birds getting on your dick yeah we're really
[00:16:59] we're doing great oh yeah i like bottom of the top of the top of the top
[00:17:02] brush really good and that's got real legs boys
[00:17:07] wait i have a question so these guys that are at the top of the opera
[00:17:10] yeah right then they're all tops yeah they're all it's funny because it's an
[00:17:13] opera so i mean it's already the body of the top right
[00:17:16] i mean that's what an opera is right so they it's just an opera house
[00:17:19] filled with with gay tops yeah right yeah they're just constantly abusing
[00:17:23] this one honestly doesn't really even have been in opera tops
[00:17:28] we're gonna think about that day until now
[00:17:33] what are the full tops uh other guy just unpacks the stuff and stays in the hotel
[00:17:38] room until we're finished gonna be pretty sweaty after this
[00:17:41] set watching american bandstand they're like a doop group right
[00:17:46] yeah yeah yep yep oh uh uh uh uh i'm on top i get
[00:17:52] paused up i love to fuck me ness yeah because i'm a
[00:17:58] gay top that's what jersey boys is about yeah
[00:18:01] yeah mhm oh man that's that jersey boys is entirely for people that are like
[00:18:06] oh what should we get for our closeted grandfather that hasn't had the courage
[00:18:11] to come out in the 80 years he's been alive
[00:18:15] oh let's go let's bring him to jersey boys that's what our clearly gay 87-year-old
[00:18:20] grandfather would love to see i love those guys
[00:18:25] he just he fucking sits there in the theater and remember some boy met in
[00:18:28] fucking first grade in 1947 yeah i just missed the war so much
[00:18:33] yeah they're both wearing one piece bikini one piece rompers the time of
[00:18:38] some other boys hair brushed across his brow
[00:18:42] and the french Riviera when his parents took him on vacation
[00:18:45] it's probably that time he was you know the greatest generation over in
[00:18:48] europe oh yeah just yeah fucking french boys platoon
[00:18:52] yeah well no not the boys just uh another guy gave him a look you know in the
[00:18:56] middle of the battle is now you know how much gay fucking do you think was
[00:18:59] happening in world war two how much gay fucking gave me the army
[00:19:03] just in general well the navy's traditionally the gay one why is that
[00:19:07] the gay one so i think you uh it's because you know you're on a boat
[00:19:10] for a they're like they're just trapped on those boats forever
[00:19:14] so they gotta fuck each other it's like prison
[00:19:17] so do gay guys choose that's why gay guys are using voluntarily go to prison
[00:19:22] yeah that's like a because it's like just a fuck that
[00:19:25] if you know i know it's like you know i mean and i'm not saying prison turns
[00:19:27] you gay but the reason guys fuck each other in prison it's like sure there's
[00:19:31] a power aspect but it's like if you want to fuck enough and you only have men to
[00:19:35] fuck eventually just gonna fuck other men yeah they don't do it because they're
[00:19:38] prisoners they do it because they're isolated if you put like that's
[00:19:41] that's why lost is inaccurate which i've never seen
[00:19:44] uh but i would they're women they're chicks if i wrote then they would be
[00:19:48] raped yeah pretty much society would collapse if you were lost
[00:19:52] i don't know the premise of the show again if it was an island where a
[00:19:55] bunch of people were trapped yeah they would start raping within the first
[00:19:58] i don't think so 48 hours i'd say 48 hours one guy would break the seal
[00:20:02] rape is super old i mean rape has been a long around
[00:20:05] predates consent yeah yes consent is a constant
[00:20:10] no it's true it is dude other animals other animals just purely rape right
[00:20:17] you know yeah i mean like the idea that violence like violence is what i'm
[00:20:21] getting at here overall though well we're just saying it's natural
[00:20:26] no i mean somebody had to invent it had to invent rape or consent well you
[00:20:31] invent both simultaneously mmm deep well no that's just
[00:20:36] now it's how it works conceptually but yeah i mean like even the like you
[00:20:41] know morality and all these things somebody had to come up with that but
[00:20:43] used to when you were caveman you could do whatever fuck you want it
[00:20:46] yeah you know when you're caveman that's what is good you can either you
[00:20:50] fucking wake up in the morning the bird that was your coffee maker would you
[00:20:53] know give you shit so you punch in the face or whatever
[00:20:56] your wife's fucking hot dude you know you'd have a car but you'd have to like
[00:21:00] use your leg feet yeah use your feet to move it
[00:21:04] yeah dude what about the drive-through you're the big-ass brontosaurus
[00:21:07] stomach oh yeah that's tough you get to see yeah you slide down a brontosaurus
[00:21:12] neck to get the work yeah so chill yeah so chill
[00:21:16] uh soon soon home or soon soon you get to fuck a triceratops yeah
[00:21:21] what would have been the pocket pussy dinosaur
[00:21:24] oh well chimps do that with frogs oh yeah so probably frogs frogs
[00:21:29] but like a dinosaur frog you're gonna be a fun that would be a cool
[00:21:33] at night shot shalomala sham i don't want to culturally
[00:21:37] insensitivity say his name so i want to do right
[00:21:46] you know the way local new sculptures would say
[00:21:48] in uh a new film by uh emnade sh uh uh latino
[00:21:57] every new cast they try to say same give up and just says latino
[00:22:01] i remember once um there was a new cast well no hold on
[00:22:04] so here's the premise is an emnade shalomala
[00:22:10] uh-huh what the fuck is happening and it's
[00:22:12] speaking the frogs are now the frogs that everyone has sex with are
[00:22:16] sentient and they're poisoning everyone's dick
[00:22:19] while they're masturbating the frogs give me
[00:22:21] give me a million dollars i was starring there right now right now
[00:22:24] if i had the million dollars i would have the new emnade shalomala
[00:22:28] it was i saw it you saw it it was good in theaters i don't know how it
[00:22:32] would hold up at home but i enjoyed it i want to check that shit out
[00:22:34] yeah why like that i like uh what's his name james van der beek
[00:22:38] no uh james cordon why like james van der beek
[00:22:42] is he in it he's back he's dawson no it's uh it's uh
[00:22:45] mackel voi it's what james mackel voi you know it was james what why do you like
[00:22:49] him he's a good actor i don't people shit on that movie wanted but i thought
[00:22:53] those are pretty good movie where they can throw the bullets yeah yeah yeah
[00:22:56] i mean it's a cool idea i love i love it it's stupid but it's like
[00:23:00] it's really a fun movie yeah it was really fun it's like
[00:23:02] curved the bullets yeah you curve bullets yeah that's
[00:23:05] the thing it's stupid and it knows it's stupid and it's fun
[00:23:07] yeah exactly how people can't be talking to be smart out of films
[00:23:11] like that i fucking loved uh what's the big-ass fighting robot movie
[00:23:15] uh specific real steel specific real rule specific real rule because it was
[00:23:18] like we we know what the fuck this is because yeah this is like godzilla
[00:23:22] thing you godzilla sucked my fat hog you thought oh no it was really good dude
[00:23:26] oh yeah you barely saw godzilla dude that's the point
[00:23:29] no yes that's the point you know because that brings it back to what godzilla
[00:23:33] is supposed to be which is sort of this like it was morally
[00:23:36] ambivalent force of nature and it's like uh you know
[00:23:40] it's it's more about environmentalism there's too much going on and it wasn't
[00:23:44] that fucking i enjoyed it thoroughly i thought it was great i would have
[00:23:46] fucking sucked is that that 1997 godzilla oh you're a
[00:23:50] soundtrack daddy great soundtrack that puffed daddy song was that
[00:23:54] done or not done yeah they just steal cash from here
[00:23:57] cashmere yeah yeah they just get Zeppelin back for stealing from black
[00:24:00] people jimmy pay it's i think it's a puffed puffed daddy featuring jimmy
[00:24:04] page really that's how the song is built i love
[00:24:07] these like in the music i love when rappers do that she like can't
[00:24:09] say it stupid would be like featuring like uh daph punk yeah yeah
[00:24:13] that that song he just stole from daph punk and then they're like this is
[00:24:16] cool or he would do that with featuring like dead guys like
[00:24:19] dead soul guys oh who is reading yeah yeah that's all the thing to do with you
[00:24:23] yeah well that was like uh that was like a
[00:24:26] an episode of trailer park boys where jay rock is like
[00:24:30] you know i'm me you know i'm saying like uh i got this album coming out you
[00:24:34] know and it's he's just him like he's wrapping over
[00:24:37] like the chronic or something yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
[00:24:40] where he's like you know he just adds himself in there and he's like
[00:24:42] just puts featuring you know what i was like oh no if they'd be too happy
[00:24:48] about this he's like you know i'm saying we collaborate now maybe in the future
[00:24:53] if they want to use some of my stuff i'm fine with that
[00:24:56] that show so good that show fucking ruled man oh it's the best i felt all bad
[00:25:00] there was a picture like uh but the dsa yeah that dsa filling
[00:25:05] meeting and there was some girl it looked like bubbles and i like
[00:25:07] screen capture and i wrote on twitter like oh i don't know if this is
[00:25:12] all this communism stuff such a good idea great
[00:25:15] Ricky julian do you know about this? and she
[00:25:19] found it no she messaged me and she was like i
[00:25:22] i'm can you please take that and i go like delete it yeah i fell off
[00:25:26] and she's like i don't usually look that bad oh she found i thought amber
[00:25:31] told me no no no no no no no the girl found it oh
[00:25:34] it's all awful yeah yeah sorry no i when she's and she's right she doesn't
[00:25:39] normally look that bad but it's like yeah it's a fucking bad picture you look
[00:25:42] like bubbles yeah she was like it was very cold out
[00:25:45] that's why i face his red i just feel bad all reasonable
[00:25:48] sometimes people look like shit fucking explain that to you
[00:25:52] yes you did not have to be like you have mag like
[00:25:54] totally bosses i well first of all you do that shit all the
[00:25:58] fucking time you make fun of people you see in public yeah
[00:26:02] i mean there's nothing wrong with that i i look like shit someone posts a
[00:26:05] picture of me looking like shit do i get better out of shape out of it
[00:26:08] yes privately and uh pretend like it doesn't bother me until i take it out
[00:26:13] on tarda people or or minorities that's
[00:26:17] that's the way you handle these things you don't go you're right i'm sorry
[00:26:25] no you're right you're right we should keep making a move uh i'm uh i'm locked
[00:26:28] my twitter accounts locked by the way what happened it's still up though it's
[00:26:32] still up they want me to delete the tweet i just don't i'm not doing it
[00:26:35] i'm prince you're just gonna be okay cool what happened why the
[00:26:38] fuck did they i don't know i think you know i think it might have been like
[00:26:40] the the the pepa guys uh reported it on mass or something i mean there's
[00:26:45] plenty of people don't like me i i just i don't give a shit right
[00:26:48] particularly fuck me yeah you didn't really miss anything
[00:26:52] there's only reason to be there like i literally i'm one of the people that
[00:26:54] got on twitter so i could get writing work out of it
[00:26:57] in like 2011 that was like the goal and it did so i don't really give a
[00:27:00] shit right right right yeah well done um next dude writing
[00:27:05] work for us dude we're about to be on thought count right
[00:27:09] not i hate writing yeah i hate writing i hate don't work i hate all it
[00:27:12] like doing a stand-up yeah me too well all i like doing is gaming
[00:27:16] although i'm back i'm back in the swing of it i've had it
[00:27:18] i've been i'm feeling good about stand-up i love it dude hell yeah yeah i like to
[00:27:22] i like uh i had to go i had to spot at the standing room the other night and i
[00:27:26] got a lift oh yeah what the fuck happened i did that
[00:27:29] pour for son of a bitch he picks me up and i notice like i keep
[00:27:32] hearing cars honking at us uh-huh and he's driving like five miles per
[00:27:36] hour oh god and he keeps pulling over he doesn't know he's doing and after
[00:27:39] like 30 minutes he just didn't know how to drive
[00:27:41] no after 30 minutes we should have been there but at this yeah of course
[00:27:45] and i look up and he's going south on the bqe
[00:27:48] and uh if any of you guys are confused about like the highways i'm describing
[00:27:53] Rita the power broker it's uh by roder caro yeah it's two
[00:27:57] thousand pages long and it explains uh it's like it'll explain exactly how
[00:28:02] these highways came about and it's a very good not round about way to
[00:28:06] understand this story well that's how i give directions typically
[00:28:09] someone asked me where to go i said how do i get the how do i get the
[00:28:11] bleaker well have you read the power bro
[00:28:14] you read chaps rate of the power broker yeah uh do you know wall street was
[00:28:18] originally a wall yeah for a fort when i was when i was a teenager i would
[00:28:22] come up to i would come up to new york sometimes
[00:28:25] and uh if you just hang around time square someone will ask you for
[00:28:28] directions and i used to love just being like oh yeah
[00:28:31] if i send no idea what i'm talking about and you go back down like 10 blocks
[00:28:36] this way and it's like a right and it'll be like a
[00:28:39] mcdonald's like make sure you find the mcdonald's and
[00:28:42] at the mcdonald's you're like two more blocks to the left and
[00:28:45] that's where you're good to go uh maybe like thank you very much
[00:28:51] good luck you son of a bitch what we were in times square
[00:28:55] leaving carolines on nix birthday a couple months ago
[00:28:58] and this like african dude that's like trying to get people to do tours comes
[00:29:03] up to nikonai and start speaking hebrew
[00:29:06] really yeah till i get us to do his tour and i was like what the fuck are you
[00:29:10] on about he looked at he looked at adam and he uh
[00:29:14] and he started speaking hebrew and uh and then the reason he started speaking
[00:29:19] hebrew to adam it's not because he looked jewish but because he recognized his
[00:29:22] sneakers my shoes is rarely those boots dude
[00:29:26] which is one stone which is it's great my garbage he's
[00:29:30] stereotyping it's a black guy stereotyping adam meanwhile
[00:29:33] simultaneously stereotyping himself accidentally right right by making his
[00:29:38] entry point sneakers it was the sneakers they're boots
[00:29:41] yeah but yeah he could tell that they were stolen from the garbage
[00:29:45] actually it was it was what it was you were yeah you were in wall
[00:29:48] greens we were just saying that i was lost in wall green
[00:29:51] should i get into uh i think about getting into like origami or something
[00:29:54] why get into that yeah dude why can you make origami pussies
[00:29:58] yeah to you know to have a craft something i do to calm myself down
[00:30:02] oh you know what i just got i just got this single use condom thing
[00:30:06] from uh you get them inventing machines in japan
[00:30:09] phil got phil got me one he just went to japan single use condom
[00:30:13] okay so it's like a it's like a lubricated on the inside and it's got
[00:30:16] like shapes and stuff on the inside that like stimulate your dick
[00:30:20] wait we just like it's to beat off it's like a beat off into yeah yeah it's a
[00:30:25] beat off condom it's like a japan it's called a tenga
[00:30:27] i haven't used it yet but uh i'm gonna jack off into it one of these days i'm
[00:30:31] really mean i'm scared to say shapes i don't know it's got like different
[00:30:33] like first of all i haven't opened enough condoms are one use
[00:30:37] what do you mean no no that's why double use no it's like a beat off condom okay
[00:30:41] where it's like lubricated on the inside interesting and it's got
[00:30:45] shapes i don't know what he feels that i don't know i didn't use it like hard
[00:30:49] stars and horses and clothes and women i think like you know squares and
[00:30:53] geometric shit that like stimulates your rod and beat it off and see what
[00:30:57] it what happens oh no i mean it's from japan my dick would be
[00:31:00] just immediately come just wait wait two big it's for teaching
[00:31:04] middle schoolers how to like how to enjoy you know geometry and shit
[00:31:09] that's how it has to be done yeah uh fuck this condom and tell me what
[00:31:14] the fuck did you know how it's school would probably be a lot more
[00:31:16] successful if there was always a pornography element
[00:31:20] i mean it would be the collapse of society but if like you know you had to
[00:31:23] do algebra wall to beat off do you remember it sucked
[00:31:26] did you guys watch the day i do it i think you got your dick sucked for
[00:31:32] doing your homework forget grades you just get it you get blow jobs
[00:31:36] for the students okay oh yeah did you ever see legitimately i actually think
[00:31:40] that would work of course it would yeah i mean it's it's
[00:31:43] basically it's so hard what the fuck is a grade that's an abstract concept
[00:31:48] that doesn't work with me if you speak directly to my human impulses
[00:31:52] and my pleasure centers so we watch my roger zones
[00:31:56] we watch romeo and be really yeah nipples yeah we had to get permission slips
[00:32:00] in eighth grade to watch romeo and juliet the uh zephyr relly version the
[00:32:04] italian director they made it in the 70s and we had to get permission slip
[00:32:08] signed because you see tits oh at a certain point in the movie
[00:32:11] these tits juliet you see juliet is she like 11 in the
[00:32:15] real story the actress was like 18 or something i took i took a
[00:32:19] history but let me tell you something boys i watched that whole fucking movie
[00:32:22] until i saw the tits i had no idea how it is nice man
[00:32:33] really what do you think happens they fuck and then what
[00:32:39] comes and you're feeling ignorance of course i know how to
[00:32:46] uh of course i know how to fucking and the fucking the movie and
[00:32:50] i know i was in i died in community college i took a
[00:32:53] like history of modern asia class uh-huh and there was this kid that sat like
[00:32:57] i don't five seats in front of me and i knew him because he worked at the
[00:33:01] burger king next to the car dealership i worked at music the manager and he
[00:33:04] looked like fucking you know if you're like all right we need to cast a
[00:33:08] burger king manager so he like like long hair
[00:33:12] but like just really shitty hair like you could tell of course he's probably
[00:33:15] 19 yeah he's 19 but you could tell he's probably gonna go bald by the time he
[00:33:19] was like 23 24 just really shitty straight black
[00:33:23] long hair this like shit smear mustache you know awful
[00:33:27] mustache uh like jean shorts like mom's jean shorts
[00:33:32] and anime shirt yes yes very loose uh zippered hoodie over the anime shirt
[00:33:38] like that's kind of pudgy yeah about body gonna turn into shit but not quite
[00:33:42] shit yeah it was shit but you know like a kind of a pear shaped
[00:33:46] right right and uh he had a binder and in the binder there was a bunch of like
[00:33:51] anime women like he printed out and put into the plastic areas oh he
[00:33:55] didn't draw them no he printed them out and put them
[00:33:58] into the plastic areas of the binder and uh if there was one day where the
[00:34:03] the instructor this chinese guy fucking put on a
[00:34:07] movie i guess i didn't pay attention at all yeah i took like because you needed
[00:34:12] to get uh uh an associate's in general studies
[00:34:16] you had to take like you had to take one humanities class
[00:34:21] and i think i failed like four different humanities classes until i found one that
[00:34:26] was like okay uh welcome to primary colors one
[00:34:29] and one and like the first two months we're gonna be covering red
[00:34:33] and so you know it's stuff that's red is like apples that's gonna be on the test
[00:34:40] gimme those green apples too yeah what the fuck
[00:34:47] please go see the principal this is a community college
[00:34:51] so uh yeah so the old chinese professor puts on this video
[00:34:56] and it's like about a gay a geisha or something but there's like this
[00:35:00] very graphic like rape scene titties out pussy out
[00:35:04] like just you know girl and i guess he forgot that that was in there
[00:35:07] holy shit so he like slowly goes over to the you know av card or whatever
[00:35:11] he's like oh i forgot uh don't look for a second
[00:35:14] you know and like just like without you know much effort and so i'm not even
[00:35:18] watching i'm just watching the anime nerd and he's like clutching the binder
[00:35:26] like he has his visceral reaction to the you know
[00:35:30] hard as hell yeah just fucking my mom went down because we were into like
[00:35:35] dragon ball zian shit yeah my mom is surprised this brought us some off
[00:35:38] brain shit and that's all it was it was straight up rapes
[00:35:42] my brother like what do they need like clued me in on he's like dude i was
[00:35:45] watching this last time it was hentai but like your mom
[00:35:48] your greek mom accidentally and also it was just at the fucking library
[00:35:52] you just rented the library yeah some old bitch the library didn't know what it
[00:35:56] was either i remember like the first time i saw hentai it was like a
[00:35:59] tentacle yeah it's tentacles that's the og hentai and it well yeah and i was
[00:36:03] like was explaining this someone i was like i saw this weird thing with like
[00:36:06] tentacle rape and they're like yeah it's hentai and i was like no it was like a
[00:36:09] one specific hentai with this like tentacle rating and they're like
[00:36:12] yeah no that's just what it is i hope to be being raped by tentacles by octopuses
[00:36:18] that's why did that why is that all in one because there are people of the
[00:36:21] ocean dude it's because the japanese are nautical they're an island that's
[00:36:25] what you can't trust them because they evolved from fish
[00:36:28] after the master race i didn't know that i thought they think that they are
[00:36:32] the master race i didn't know that japan is like one of the most racist
[00:36:35] yeah they're probably the master race yeah it was being race realists which is
[00:36:39] a term i learned recently what does that mean is it just a way to be racist uh
[00:36:43] race realists are people that are like why can't you admit that black people
[00:36:47] get lower test scores you know oh yes um that's what a race realist is
[00:36:51] that's like just a nice fun way to say racist the way all white is another
[00:36:55] rebrand of nazi yeah i'm sure there's a lot of overlap
[00:36:58] there yeah yeah well i love it's a rebrand necessarily you know it's funny
[00:37:01] because like i was thinking the other day they're i remember 10 years ago they're
[00:37:05] like there was a very like active american nazi party
[00:37:09] you know there's guys like bill white and shit that were like
[00:37:12] avowed neo-nazis right they would go around saying like we are nazi
[00:37:16] we see that guy in idaho right now like lost his compound no you went to
[00:37:20] marilax he was like a you went to university marilary oh really yeah yeah
[00:37:23] and then yeah i think he he was a tarp he lived in virginia somewhere
[00:37:28] uh oh but yeah he was like the leader of the american nazi party
[00:37:31] and i think he's in federal prison now but there were the dude in idaho had this
[00:37:36] huge complex and they gave his well i'm just saying it's got to
[00:37:40] suck to be those guys you know like you were in a nazi your entire life
[00:37:45] you're like i am a nazi right but you're saying it
[00:37:48] i got the outfit and now this like a bunch of like
[00:37:52] fraud guy you know it's a fraud guy that loves haircuts
[00:37:55] yeah well i'm friends with the president and uh you know he's gay right
[00:38:01] richard spencer i don't know is that what's going on there uh that's what i i mean i
[00:38:04] don't give a shit i really don't give a shit about any of this that's why this
[00:38:07] this twitter thing is great and i don't have to care anymore oh because you're
[00:38:10] off twitter yeah that's great i'm banned from facebook off twitter
[00:38:14] really all i have left is instagram all right fuck all right
[00:38:18] by the way to the listeners your boy's off instagram yeah you haven't talked about
[00:38:22] this on the podcast the feds got me yeah i didn't i don't know what to do but
[00:38:25] just i don't know tweeted instagram or something yeah tweeted instagram let's
[00:38:29] try and get stop you baby back they fucking i'm gonna tweet about something
[00:38:32] about it soon i just don't know what that they fucking got your boy dude
[00:38:35] and for what for i don't know you never showed a
[00:38:38] i never showed pene i never showed pene so i don't know what the fuck it is
[00:38:43] if you're a fat if you're a fat woman let's be honest here i am being yeah i'm
[00:38:46] being targeted if you're a fat woman i'm being targeted this would be a huge
[00:38:50] body shaming you would you'd be i got to listen to my body positive
[00:38:55] hour times holler at me yeah where's lindy lindy's not talking about this
[00:39:00] true lindy only talks about herself of course that's the only reason to
[00:39:03] actually dislike windy is lindy's because she's just obsessed with herself of
[00:39:06] course yes she's narcissist yeah yeah i that fucking that
[00:39:11] shitty column she wrote about she went and saw
[00:39:13] whatever the last disney movie is like mo on oh yeah mohanna or whatever
[00:39:18] like the day after trump won and she was like this is how we fight back against
[00:39:23] trump it's like you know they didn't make that movie
[00:39:26] yesterday right right months something probably wrote it 10 years ago
[00:39:31] saying forever to end it is crazy how fucking long every fucking
[00:39:35] yeah star movie yeah this is just like so much work
[00:39:38] it's like thousands of people i mean the level of like incompetence
[00:39:43] you know that like she didn't even think about that
[00:39:46] basic right right right right right right and then an editor read the entire
[00:39:50] thing and didn't think to even bring that up yeah well for those people i feel
[00:39:54] like they don't give a fuck what they write they're just like who does she
[00:39:57] write for the guardian yeah but i mean once you if you sign
[00:40:00] lindy west you just want her to fucking do her dumb shit so the people you know
[00:40:04] are enraged they want people to be having these conversations as much as they
[00:40:07] want people to think she's good yeah man she's basically and coals her
[00:40:11] man oh my god yeah yeah yeah but anyway i don't know man
[00:40:17] i hope we keep i i'm trying to get back on instagram it's my fucking life's
[00:40:21] work and uh you put a lot of work into that i'm a june mealy upset about that
[00:40:25] so you know let's fucking not dude i'm switching over to twitch i'm gonna become
[00:40:29] a twitch guy i mean that look honestly i'm off twitter i have
[00:40:34] just a very easy path to being embraced by the alt-right
[00:40:38] you can make gaming icon did they make their own thing they did there was a
[00:40:42] call why bo or why bo yeah that's the chinese shit
[00:40:46] no that's weaboo so they just basically stole some i don't know
[00:40:51] they maybe if there'll be a white bow maybe a white bow is that the the
[00:40:55] chinese one and then the alt-right one is my posting career
[00:40:59] that's a real name somebody somebody messaged me one time i get this
[00:41:02] cryptic message from somebody they're like what's your username on my post
[00:41:04] in career i'm like what's my that's a real thing
[00:41:07] yeah i'm like what's what's my posting career and they were like never mind
[00:41:12] and it's like you know what that's half the
[00:41:16] reason that people call you nazis because you're so fucking cryptic
[00:41:19] absolutely yeah if you didn't have this wasn't all weird memes and
[00:41:24] all this shit then you know they have to be their fucking nazis
[00:41:28] you can't just be out in the bout and be a nazi well that bill guy and the
[00:41:31] yeah i don't worry nazis i don't understand now when it's like
[00:41:34] easier than ever to be an aussie why they're they wouldn't say it
[00:41:38] because there's still some stigma around being a nazi now you can just be a
[00:41:41] regular fucking banker or just a regular ass dude and just be racist now
[00:41:45] it's cool it's easy it's fun you don't have to take any societal risk
[00:41:49] you can just be a fucking make america great again hat wearing motherfucker
[00:41:52] right and it has none of the none of the backlash from
[00:41:56] like those guys were all fucking no one was happy to see those fucking skin
[00:42:00] heads you know what i mean yeah not even republican yeah those guys were
[00:42:03] fighting they were scary as shit looking now these guys are just fucking
[00:42:06] racist they get to be nazis i feel bad for him dude i feel like there should
[00:42:09] be like a you know nice slow country song for all the
[00:42:13] nazis we forgot yeah i mean i think also a big part of the nazis the outfit
[00:42:18] right and that these guys are totally neglecting the
[00:42:21] beautiful like sartorial choice it with the the macamor haircut macamor haircut
[00:42:26] and they were at skinny jeans the suits they were like skinny suits
[00:42:30] suits yeah also i feel like i thought that the old nazis the 90 nazis were
[00:42:36] just like like american history x guys wife beaters and shit you know they were
[00:42:40] no they were no prison those are prison guys yeah they would wear
[00:42:43] they would wear like uh you know they'd wear like collared shirts and shit
[00:42:47] and you know they look like fucking cholos like nazis no not like cholos
[00:42:51] it looked like nazis they were prim and proffers those guys you're talking
[00:42:54] did anybody have an s s uniform they would just like hang out in
[00:42:57] here's that movie apt pupil yeah of course no
[00:43:00] uh that movie is hilarious because i think it was brian singer directed it
[00:43:04] and uh the the the pedophile that movie came out before people knew he was a
[00:43:09] pedophile and there's all these there's like a scene where he's just filming
[00:43:13] like naked boys in the locker room and they sued him actually the boys they
[00:43:18] were like yeah he told us to get naked and he just started filming us and it's
[00:43:21] like we didn't agree to that but like it was in the environment of like a
[00:43:24] film set and like we were under a lot of pressure
[00:43:26] we didn't want to be filmed and this is like pornography yeah and brian
[00:43:30] singer and his lawyers were like that's absurd it's you know art it's a fucking
[00:43:35] movie and then it turned out so awesome yeah but no that movie is like it's
[00:43:39] basically it's like pool parties with boys apparently that movie is weird
[00:43:42] because like so the setup is it's like a kid who discovers his old ass german
[00:43:47] neighbor is and that was a nazi he was like an s s officer or whatever
[00:43:51] like he was maybe i think oh yeah and a common dawn of the concentration camp
[00:43:56] or something right and so he blackmails him and he's like you know
[00:44:00] either you tell me exactly what it's like to kill people and be you know you
[00:44:04] fucking you tell me about it or i expose you he's like you do whatever i want
[00:44:08] expose him and then they develop this sort of
[00:44:11] pseudo-sexual relationship they never fucked they never fucked but i mean
[00:44:14] it's it's basically it's his way of working out his
[00:44:18] desire to portray uh you know a sexual relationship with a man and boy
[00:44:23] and a man yeah he has to do it through the you know uh lens of like actually
[00:44:28] it's about uh nazis and he's way to get a sympathetic pedophile
[00:44:34] yeah yeah well the upfront exposition of that movie is weird because like the
[00:44:37] setup is like it's a kid who finds his out his name is nazi or whatever
[00:44:42] and uh they just run through that real quick in like a montage or something
[00:44:46] in the first like 30 seconds of the whole
[00:44:48] 40 minutes of the boy's torso just then in
[00:44:51] ba-baby we only had to get right to that i don't get i don't get word sex
[00:44:56] they say platonic relationship right they say that's like
[00:45:00] well it's just like between that's friends play-doh and Socrates they oh they are
[00:45:04] platonic i don't know because i would think platonic would be like a
[00:45:07] relationship between you and a boy that you're in love with right no did play
[00:45:10] to fuck boys they all go all greeks fuck boys
[00:45:14] not all yeah no that's how that's how Socrates died
[00:45:19] it's he fucked too many boys and he got boy boys and that's really you can
[00:45:23] you can you can get boy poisoning that's why they stopped doing it
[00:45:26] oh shit yeah um i do love whatever like you see a
[00:45:29] fucking i love the idea that that the the
[00:45:33] invention of like philosophy in class of
[00:45:36] lance equity was uh just uh guys trying to justify why it's okay to
[00:45:40] fuck boys what is morality anyway you know
[00:45:46] what do we think about these things that is when you're gonna do the most
[00:45:49] you work the hardest we fucking justify something already yeah
[00:45:53] you're gonna try every you're gonna look at it from every fucking angle yeah
[00:45:56] that's why pretty much every great man in history
[00:45:59] yeah fucked boy that's fucked that's why we're getting sucked off under the
[00:46:01] table by children right now old bill Shakespeare yeah
[00:46:05] did he fuck boys or was he just you know we're talking the other day we were
[00:46:08] talking about how um we were watching that movie berry london
[00:46:11] and we were talking about how like they were in this beautiful european
[00:46:14] court and they were like all these like beautiful like
[00:46:18] rococo like uh ornaments and everything they were like yeah these guys didn't
[00:46:23] wipe their asses yeah yeah what the fuck are these guys
[00:46:27] that's why they look baby yo you're you're trying to tell me
[00:46:31] william shakespeare's great dude this guy had a smelly ass yeah
[00:46:34] you think they had bidets no right no of course leaves i think i think i think
[00:46:39] the answer is leaves chamber pots chamber pots you just
[00:46:42] shitting upon let it in remember i was a kid and i had some like
[00:46:45] scholastic uh cross-section book scholastic had this like series of
[00:46:49] cross-section books which are pretty fucking cool yeah
[00:46:52] you know so you like there is one that was uh
[00:46:54] i think vehicle i one that was i had those books yeah and one that would
[00:46:57] they had like a like a castle it was like a european cast i had the i own the
[00:47:01] castle yeah if you remember the cutaway of the castle they had the plumbing
[00:47:05] system yep and the shit just goes down into like the dungeon
[00:47:10] yeah they're just like gravity do it oh my god that's all gravity yeah
[00:47:16] yeah it's like we live better than like a king did in this like in 1500s
[00:47:21] yeah i i used to i used to i used to fantasize all the time about like
[00:47:25] you know right after i read a canada kennedyan king arthur's court
[00:47:29] uh going back in time to like uh you know a fiefdom or whatever and all you
[00:47:34] have is like a barret 50 cow and an ak-47 hell yes and it's just
[00:47:38] fucking tough rounds yeah and if you could just go in and just fucking
[00:47:41] you be the king mark everybody kill the king yeah because you can't communicate
[00:47:45] with anybody because they're all like uh
[00:47:49] like is that fucking english or like yes
[00:47:54] actually it is yeah that would be fucking tight dude but then you gotta
[00:47:59] fuck those wenches and eat their meat or drink their meat
[00:48:03] what's meat well you can eat as they're old yeah it's uh
[00:48:06] yeah they tried to sort of there's a meat bar in uh
[00:48:09] ridgewood queen of course there is yeah of course right
[00:48:12] what the fuck is even meat hey welcome to stupid assholes some
[00:48:15] brag um we're gonna i'm 46 years old i dress like
[00:48:19] i'm 22 um basically my parents have funded every shitty
[00:48:23] business idea i've had for the last 25 years i really thought unicycles were
[00:48:27] gonna be coming back but well i saw a game of sarah and i was like people are
[00:48:31] gonna want to get drunk in this environment
[00:48:34] i'm gonna have it yeah we serve the meat and mason jars and uh you know
[00:48:40] nothing but edison bulbs yeah what does every place look exactly the same
[00:48:44] i don't know so it's just jars and edison bulb and just
[00:48:46] shit for the walls and wood different shit yeah it's all it's all from like a
[00:48:49] fucking farm it's like uh our table is actually a barn door
[00:48:53] yeah or a repurposed fucking dc was worse at that than new york new york has some
[00:48:58] places that you're like okay this has been some people actually have
[00:49:00] personalities here i mean dc is such a fucking boring shit
[00:49:04] place culturally speaking yeah it's just right
[00:49:08] stupid black rest rules hell yeah but the black people are all getting
[00:49:11] kicked out yeah they're the girls okay they have weird
[00:49:13] slang there no so it's that's the weirdest accent the
[00:49:22] dmv yeah what do do dc black people say hot dog hot dig
[00:49:27] because baltimore black people no they're two different it's different
[00:49:31] they're super different yeah i guess i don't know much about
[00:49:34] because baltimore yeah go go baltimore club
[00:49:37] fuck go go club and then and go go go is dc
[00:49:41] yeah fuck go go there's a line in the wire where where string goes out to dc
[00:49:44] and still listen to go go shit yeah yeah i don't know
[00:49:48] um i think go goes kind of boring to be honest yeah go go such my
[00:49:52] don't listen to regga tung that's the only music i shot the paul dude
[00:49:56] bad i could be bad i could be bad i could be bad i could be bad i
[00:49:58] would have gone on regga tung yeah who's daddy yanki yeah daddy
[00:50:01] janks like a bad i could do it gasoline like a boy he'd have asked
[00:50:04] is gasoline a peeing on a girl's pussy yeah it's peeing on a girl's pussy
[00:50:08] is that it no it told me that it was nick and he was
[00:50:11] fucking with you no no i think it was like my cousin that's how i was like
[00:50:15] forever ago he's like you know what it means pee on a girl
[00:50:18] that's the lean it does not mean being on a girl mambo number five that means
[00:50:21] when you take it number five that's when you piss on a pussy
[00:50:25] that's the number five yeah i'm lubega and i'm from Germany
[00:50:29] one two three four five i got a piss real bad so open up wide
[00:50:34] let me piss on your pussy i really got a piss on my piss on your pussy
[00:50:40] it's weird the mama mama mama number five was pissed on the pussy
[00:50:46] every single one of them i pissed on the pussy piss
[00:50:50] sara pissed in her ass they're just playing that in middle school dance
[00:50:59] oh god middle school dance is so scary do we get rubbed off in a middle school
[00:51:04] dance with adam no well i start freaking dancing at the bar and
[00:51:07] bot mitzvahs to be perfectly empty because those jewish kids really got
[00:51:11] free it'd be cool to have a bar mitzvah themed bar called bar mitzvah
[00:51:15] yeah that would be good i've said that yeah sure i'm saying well i've had
[00:51:19] well i probably said it to you but this is my
[00:51:22] Williamsburg business idea i would i would get a bunch of mason jars and you put
[00:51:27] four skins in them and that's how you chill the drinks it's chilled four
[00:51:30] skins and then we found a cocktail book
[00:51:33] from uh 1722 yeah so all the cocktails are you know
[00:51:38] with the rabbi elica seawater you know maybe pinch of uh
[00:51:43] rat piss fadasha whiskey six x's is preferable a piece of gypsy air i can
[00:51:51] only drink liquor that was featured in Yosemite Sam cartoons
[00:51:56] because i am a cool brooklyn guy what does me taste like by the way i'm
[00:52:00] good it's good i've had it before so what is it
[00:52:03] you know i i you know i drank the other day because my stomach was fucked up is
[00:52:07] actually pretty good kombucha oh i fuck with the
[00:52:09] kombucha yeah kombucha is good yeah what's got come in it yeah yeah and that's
[00:52:13] what it's you got to be careful i come well it's it's non-comaholic so it's
[00:52:17] only 0.5 percent come it's not full come flavor so you don't get drunk
[00:52:22] okay drunk but dude i've had 14 in one sitting before because i love that
[00:52:26] cum taste and it gets you pretty cum drunk if you drink 14 in a row i love
[00:52:30] the idea of getting drunk off cum shot shot shot shot shot
[00:52:35] somebody putt it oh fuck um that's going to the meat bar from our
[00:52:42] birthday i'm trying to get fuck it i'm trying to go off dude let's go to
[00:52:45] that meat bar let's go to the meat bar let's go to
[00:52:46] get kombucha is the bodega for your birthday when's your birthday February
[00:52:51] February 11 it's coming it's this Saturday my
[00:52:53] bitch fuck dude we gotta do something fun we got
[00:52:55] let's go back to daven bosters we should go out of the city and go play
[00:52:58] paintball or something my ghost shoes gun shit i was going to shoot guns i
[00:53:02] never shot a gun i might just have a little party to bar some shit yeah
[00:53:06] you know we'll hang out then afterwards me and animal go shoot guns out in the
[00:53:09] woods yeah we can do it with you with the
[00:53:11] podcast yeah yeah that's how it goes that's around
[00:53:16] good that's fine as long as i feel like i'm
[00:53:20] included and having fun what a chill place to take a
[00:53:23] guy struggling with ptsd to talk about his problems by the way
[00:53:28] gun range gun range is the number one what's what he thought would work i mean he
[00:53:32] thought it was therapeutic to fucking expose you know jesus
[00:53:40] fucking christ psychos yeah uh it's some homeless guy came by
[00:53:45] the front of our parts so he's like in his like late 50s he's all drunk as
[00:53:48] shit and he comes by and he's like good afternoon
[00:53:52] you know like me and phillics and i was like hey how you doing you know and then
[00:53:56] he stops and turns around like fuck you know and he's like uh i i just moved in
[00:54:02] and caused the street over here i'm i'm i ain't talking to you because
[00:54:07] you know people look at me and they're like it's just piece of shit
[00:54:10] and i'm just it's because you gotta be you gotta know
[00:54:14] people that you see around you know to say introduce myself
[00:54:19] and and to know you know and like he just goes on like that for like 10 minutes
[00:54:24] repeating himself over and over again and then one point he's like you know
[00:54:28] i because i i i i you know i just moved across the street so i i won
[00:54:32] you know to know the friendliness of people you know i'm i'm a veteran
[00:54:40] and even he like took pause at that because he's like oh yeah that's a
[00:54:51] he hasn't been keeping up with the papers at all
[00:54:54] i was in latsy and cold radio i actually just got back from the war of 1812
[00:55:01] boy then british boy sure did a number on that white house huh
[00:55:06] why that's bad can you subscribe to my patreon
[00:55:14] i do bespoke podcast yeah listen you get a picture of one premium turd a week
[00:55:21] i'll make turds and turd accessories well
[00:55:25] originally homeless guy when we first moved to new york we talked about
[00:55:28] starting a podcast called the official npr podcast right yeah we just met
[00:55:32] homeless guys at mcdonald's to let them talk into a back of an hour that's not
[00:55:36] bad yeah make a lot of money never give them a scent
[00:55:39] remember this is the the official npr the podcast i really wanted to do when i
[00:55:43] moved here we see a official podcast of lesbian personality rosio donald
[00:55:49] hey it's me rosy hi you listen to my podcast this is me
[00:55:54] i'm it's really me i'm gonna just insist that is rosio donald
[00:55:59] for an hour every episode until i get sued that's not bad you could do that
[00:56:03] still that could be pretty good content i like the idea also that what you just
[00:56:08] the npr official npr podcast is just humans of new york
[00:56:12] oh yeah that's all that shit is just like they find a homeless a retarded guy
[00:56:16] yeah well that figure out a time when they weren't homeless or retarded and
[00:56:20] and that's the story that would actually be great to actually just steal humans
[00:56:23] in new york's name and do the humans in new york podcast and just get vagrants
[00:56:29] yeah they're just a guy jacking off on the train excuse me sir can i
[00:56:32] can i yeah i like to make her fun to take if you could hear the flapping noise
[00:56:37] this is him i like to take humans of new york
[00:56:40] they take the little like clips and then you just
[00:56:43] swap them out and to put them on like the the girl's bios on bang bros
[00:56:51] then you just look at them getting fucked and then you read like well my parents
[00:56:54] left when i was seven things were hard but me and my sister
[00:56:58] started an oatmeal cookie business and you know one thing led to another and
[00:57:02] i'm not doing great right now but i've got my own apartment and things are
[00:57:07] looking up man i fucking the i spent half my day
[00:57:18] screen capping shit people type into the chat boxes on chatter bait
[00:57:22] oh yeah they're always great so fucking fun
[00:57:25] please i to make fuck with you the half of it's just like people can't speak
[00:57:29] english at all right right there was a good one i saw
[00:57:32] today that was like man her eyes her smile her nipples and her pussy
[00:57:38] reminds me of my wife best thing i've seen the last three years
[00:57:43] maybe she's dead what the fuck is he getting
[00:57:45] whistle like you're beating off i just like the
[00:57:48] account devolves from like her eyes or smile her
[00:57:51] pose nipples and her pussy that hairy gag yeah i just like to think the wife
[00:57:56] left him because he was jacking off the chatter bait too much
[00:58:00] Richard you have to stop you spent all of our money on tokens
[00:58:04] i saw the image of a guy crying while masturbating
[00:58:09] is just one of the funniest things oh yeah oh yeah when you saw it did you
[00:58:13] walk by a mirror yeah yeah there's not a time i beat off
[00:58:19] angry where i'm like pissed off about the fucking Wi-Fi being shitty or something
[00:58:22] oh yeah yeah oh yeah literally jacking off and being like
[00:58:25] you fucking kidding me right now yeah you're fucking serious yeah oh come on
[00:58:30] i'm not fucking time for this shit i fucking paid 200 for a fucking router
[00:58:40] angrily on call with time Warner while you're still hard pre-beating
[00:58:44] come on well i use this for work so this
[00:58:49] is unacceptable where are you right now
[00:58:52] loss yeah where are you right now hold on a second i'm i got i'm
[00:58:56] dialing a number no not yeah you have a different phone that i'm dialing a
[00:59:02] okay ah i loved dialing sorry about that anyhow you're an asshole
[00:59:11] you and everyone at that time Warner say you're all
[00:59:13] const no i'm gonna take a nap wait it's a business nap uh fuck yeah dude i just i
[00:59:23] just been fucking being a uh an uh an LTE fucking data using warrior and
[00:59:29] just beating off on your phone i have to dude i'm i live in
[00:59:33] where america 2017 if my Wi-Fi is down i'm still beating off oh yeah of course i
[00:59:37] mean you know what i mean there's you you can we can now as a human race
[00:59:42] we can beat off whatever what i want is you you've seen wallace and grommet
[00:59:46] right yeah yeah you know those pants he wears the robot pants
[00:59:49] oh yeah yeah those but then there's also a dick sucking machine
[00:59:56] just walking around town taking my dick sucked
[01:00:07] he's rolling back in your head oh no wallace's balls got sucked out of his
[01:00:11] dick by accident your balls coming out of your dick hole
[01:00:24] well playmations great huh oh yeah how did how did uh
[01:00:28] inspector gadget not have a pocket pussy he did did he while he was he was a
[01:00:33] streaker that's where he were that trench coat to expose himself to
[01:00:36] children i got a butt job what about a bump bump bump bump job do you got
[01:00:44] oh no it's a butt job no i got a butt job
[01:00:49] a butt job yeah me and the boys never used to give me a butt job they told me
[01:00:53] this the coolest way to head back you know a butt
[01:00:56] frat a butt job in this girl she looked a little bit like walls and grommet
[01:01:02] but um she you know hot dog in the bun dude a butt job that's not anything
[01:01:07] i used to laugh so hard that's something here's a laugh so hard at that scene
[01:01:10] and what do you mean that sucks i didn't want to fuck her
[01:01:13] she was on my bed you didn't want to fuck her so she was like putting her
[01:01:17] ass into my dick had him you got raped that's what i was
[01:01:20] yo it was born raped it was like why didn't you fuck her i didn't want to
[01:01:24] fuck because she looked like walls and grommet so i had a lot of that i love
[01:01:28] that scene i was i forget which wallace and grommet it's in
[01:01:30] where like he walks into the yarn store and that ugly bitch turns around
[01:01:35] she looked like walls and grommet and wallace is just a
[01:01:37] butt job she's he's saying she got a wide mouth
[01:01:41] that's what it looks like wallace and grommet she had like kind of
[01:01:44] dude so guys pulls her ass out she was putting her your dick is out right
[01:01:51] how did dick my dick was in boxer shorts i was sleeping in my bed she
[01:01:54] wakes me up in the middle of the night it's a dorm in a dorm climbs into my bed
[01:01:59] with me wait you're this is freshman year yeah i'm like half a sleep dude and i
[01:02:03] you know you know your boy yeah sleeps hard you do sleep i sleep hard okay
[01:02:08] you know yeah and uh she just uh backed up and she
[01:02:12] she backed that ass up onto me she just started going up and down sort of my
[01:02:17] shaft with her butt and it seemed like this is what she does
[01:02:23] yeah i think i did you came off of that i i'm i'm getting your dick massage
[01:02:29] come on dude we fucking 19 my man fuck wallace and grommet
[01:02:34] i'm coming over here you fuck wallace you fucked her i might have fucked her
[01:02:38] you don't just come off you said let me put my
[01:02:40] dick on it well i didn't say i didn't fuck her i said i didn't want to fuck her
[01:02:44] because she looked like wall to grump fucker i said i didn't want to
[01:02:48] no i we did i don't know why i'm lying to you guys about it
[01:02:51] there's no reason for me to lie to you guys about it but job look this man he
[01:02:56] fucks wallace and grommet oh you know who my man
[01:03:00] fuck oh he laughing because he know when you get a wallace and grommet bitch on
[01:03:04] your dick she's running a rass up and down
[01:03:10] bitch shit put my i'm doing a japanese guy i can't even do
[01:03:14] we need more we need more impressions you don't know what a butt job is
[01:03:18] a butt job's not a real thing do i didn't know what it was either
[01:03:22] it's not real my cousin used to call it the hot dog in the bun
[01:03:25] he's like you never hot dog in a bun girl that's not
[01:03:28] you're bullying it's like you titty no he's like
[01:03:30] he's he told me he used to titty fuck girls with their butts
[01:03:34] but no no titty fucking is different titty fucking is beautiful
[01:03:38] no you take it's titty fucking is retired i just want to watch wallace and grommet
[01:03:42] i'm like hi watch wallace and grommet when they go to the moon dude that shit's
[01:03:45] cool yeah it's pretty cool you're the moon and it's made out of cheese
[01:03:49] yeah and meet that refrigerator that just wants to be included and they're mean
[01:03:52] to it i don't remember that i felt bad for that
[01:03:54] fucking refrigerators he's got to live up there on the moon yeah by himself
[01:03:57] by himself yo you know what's a fucked up show or
[01:04:00] movie is fucking the brave little toaster yeah we talked about that did we i think
[01:04:05] so no we talked about frosting this new man oh yeah
[01:04:08] no yeah no it's it's fuck the brave little toasters fucked up she's
[01:04:11] hell of fucked up uh toy story kind of ripped off their whole thing i guess
[01:04:15] that's true yeah yeah but it's not fucked up the tone is kind of dark though
[01:04:20] it's dark as shit yeah my favorite is that song at the end uh
[01:04:24] when they're in the junkyard and all those cars are being destroyed and the
[01:04:27] song is uh you're worthless jesus Christ all the cars are talking about like how
[01:04:32] they lived a long life but they're gonna die anyways holy fuck it's because you're
[01:04:35] worthless well that guy the kind of like a consumption thing it was like
[01:04:39] against like over consumption i don't think there was any kind of
[01:04:44] deep criticism there just there's no close read to be had
[01:04:47] of just wanted to make some some crazy shit happen with that guy
[01:04:50] we're like in the same week his house burned down and then his
[01:04:55] fucking husband died of age or star cancer or some
[01:04:58] shi brave little toaster the guy who wrote that shit yeah he had like one of
[01:05:01] the worst weeks of all fucking time it's crazy shit really yeah i swear to
[01:05:06] god i was just an npr once five years ago and they were talking about it
[01:05:10] you know that they're still talking about that shit on npr dude here's the
[01:05:13] sad story is uh is uh weird out uh i think it's jon o'brien the
[01:05:17] guy that wrote the leaving las vegas the book
[01:05:22] yeah i can sort of like a not an autobiography but like a fantasy of how
[01:05:25] you would kill himself and then they brought him on as like a consultant for
[01:05:28] the movie or whatever and he's like yeah yeah that's all fine this is good and
[01:05:32] then like two weeks after the movie was finished he killed himself
[01:05:36] jesus christ holy shit yeah but he wrote an episode of
[01:05:41] rugrats i think and then he was like pissed off because they changed it so
[01:05:44] much for his initial script and that was like a
[01:05:46] a big bummer for him and that's why he killed himself yeah i think his name is
[01:05:50] jon o'brien i can't remember it doesn't matter jon F yeah it's obviously i
[01:05:55] definitely something irish only an irish man could write a movie about
[01:05:58] killing yourself with alcohol with a prostitute and they were like this is
[01:06:03] art imagine if any other race tried to turn that in they'd be like we need to
[01:06:09] put you in the hospital yeah yeah it has to be an irish yeah there was
[01:06:14] some irish movie something like michael matt's and irish movement i remember
[01:06:17] reading the synopsis and it's like a bare knuckle fight or accidentally
[01:06:20] kills his friend in a fight and jesus christ i can't
[01:06:24] deal with anymore this fucking angel is ash's bullshit
[01:06:28] just write something happy fucking miserable piece of joy
[01:06:36] she's like fucking that one guy just to fucking pay the bills and shit he's
[01:06:40] backhanding her fucking guys they don't have enough food they just like split
[01:06:44] coffee yeah it's so weird if you compare like
[01:06:47] irish irish to irish american and italian and italian to italian american
[01:06:51] because like the irish irish yeah i just think of them as like this
[01:06:55] stoic drunk you know like depressed people right but in the states they're
[01:06:59] like loud and right right proud of it loud and proud
[01:07:03] yeah and just boston's fault that's boston's fault yeah
[01:07:06] and then irish american just means that you trace your lineage back to the
[01:07:13] boston yeah boston taxes boston taxes keep
[01:07:17] boston weird man oh yeah and also the guy or slogan should be boston should be
[01:07:23] yet don't have a fucking call boston weird again
[01:07:26] because i trail so off of bumper sticker if i catch you calling boston weird one
[01:07:31] more fucking time you said we're weird oh also
[01:07:36] shit this guy killed himself the guy wrote brave little toaster
[01:07:40] yeah he did gunshot wound to the fucking head
[01:07:43] old school style yeah that's a that's a big dicky that's a that's that old school
[01:07:47] style that seems pretty common ah dude that's big dick
[01:07:51] no the old school the school way to kill yourself is walking into the ocean
[01:07:57] you're right i never got that that takes a lot of the first couple times
[01:08:01] there's a movie that was in yeah like the woman just walks in the ocean the
[01:08:04] guy's watching her and it's like what yeah
[01:08:09] you're just gonna wash up well yeah that yeah take a yeah that's like a thing i
[01:08:13] respect that though if you kill yourself that way that takes a lot of discipline
[01:08:16] to walk into the ocean keep killing yourself there's so many times your body's
[01:08:20] trying to bail you out you're like the waves knock you back to the story i
[01:08:23] probably would take what like eight hours to die that way i jacked off on the
[01:08:26] bottom of lake one time bottom of a lake bottom i went under the water and i
[01:08:31] just sort of we were already hard yeah i was already
[01:08:34] beating a lot i mean i kept going up for air but i would go back down and beat
[01:08:37] off nice dude yeah where was this in texas
[01:08:41] no i forget it was like in some state park
[01:08:44] yeah i think it was a state park we'd be greeted by our state park i was like
[01:08:48] 11 or 12 that's fucking tight as hell did you come
[01:08:51] shoot up to the top no did a fish no i think i don't know yeah
[01:08:56] yeah you like barely come it was like that was barely coming yeah yeah yeah
[01:09:00] but yeah oh those were the most powerful orgasm before the come
[01:09:04] is it some state park i can't remember but yeah one of those areas where you know
[01:09:07] they like take there's like a man-made lake or whatever like a section with
[01:09:11] like the floaty things yeah yeah yeah so i went out to like the far end of the
[01:09:14] section went down to the bottom and had a little J.O. session
[01:09:18] what were you beating off to mermaids yeah yeah you're trying to fuck mermaids
[01:09:22] yeah yeah yeah no i think well you know there's a bunch of other people like
[01:09:26] bikinis and shit oh oh that's cool yeah you're 12
[01:09:29] fuck 12 a beach visit that's beat off material from once
[01:09:33] i remember i remember like maybe this summer you know i guess there was like
[01:09:37] the summer when i was a kid and then there was winter when i started
[01:09:40] jacking off for something it was the next summer and i was like
[01:09:43] i cannot go to a pool yeah you kidding me just to see a woman's body like
[01:09:50] mostly exposed you know i still don't think i can now
[01:09:55] as an adult now that i think about it like fuck where's that lake
[01:10:00] yeah i think a couple dives yeah so were you
[01:10:04] swimming and beating off with one hand no i would just like you know just
[01:10:09] you could sink to the bottom yeah i could also come in like 30 seconds nice
[01:10:13] i would think it would take longer if you're underwater i've trained my body
[01:10:16] for tactical precision it's part of being a tier one
[01:10:19] operator yeah that's why you wear the keffia is so you can soak up all the
[01:10:23] comp for your fast beat offs after absolutely then you suck on it like a
[01:10:28] freeze pop or nourishment yeah yep they're not
[01:10:32] the most elite snipers in the world are constantly drinking their own piss and
[01:10:36] eating their own cup eating their own shit back in base
[01:10:41] survival that's what an mr saluting mrs he's on turds
[01:10:45] fuck all right well that's going to do it for this one you guys were fun thanks