Cum Town | Premium | 04/11/2021
[00:00:27] and we are here outside of the courthouse we're asking fans if I'm gay
[00:00:35] do you think I'm gay yes I mean yeah I thought I thought you I thought you were
[00:00:41] a little fucking queer listen that the whole point of you is he gay I blew it
[00:00:47] I hosted this show to get pussois as they say in the straight community
[00:00:53] hello Kelly hello how are you a big fan of you by the way I just turned
[00:00:59] 20 to say what do you think today back when Kelly Clarkson was fuckable wow you
[00:01:04] wouldn't give her the fucking prick Adele before the year after she became
[00:01:08] ruined by the law we should you know what instead of her being an age of
[00:01:14] consent there should be an age of unfuckability where once women are
[00:01:19] over the age of you get shot if you fuck them no what happens the woman goes to jail
[00:01:26] if they're caught getting cock they go to jail or they lose their voting
[00:01:35] right so what to make it easy on women we're gonna raise the age of consent to
[00:01:39] 23 okay so if you get if you're a man you fuck a woman under the age of 23
[00:01:43] it's jail arena for you pal okay but if you're seems a little steep to me but
[00:01:49] what no this is how this is how what I'm Emperor yeah when I'm Generalissimo
[00:01:57] of America mm-hmm age of consent 23 if you unfuckability age of unfuckability
[00:02:05] 32 now what if you're married did you what that's fine yo I see you have to get
[00:02:12] married by 32 yeah or you're you're you're you're put you out the sass list yeah
[00:02:18] you know I like that because it would prove it would make some danger in
[00:02:23] fucking a 33 year old mm-hmm who'd excite me feel not I'll right now I'll fuck a
[00:02:28] 30 I'll fuck a 50 oh it's sure sure sure sure sure sure sure along
[00:02:33] Shakira law yeah I like that yeah the hips don't lie well how about this I
[00:02:38] already sing a problem with your fucking thing dude yeah you marry a woman a
[00:02:43] 33 year old woman going out to a bar mm-hmm a detective watching her she's
[00:02:49] getting trash she goes leaves with some guy yeah and then she you know she's
[00:02:53] they stake out the place all night she's coming home to ready to do the walk
[00:02:56] of shame yeah they're like can you put your hands up against the wall for a
[00:02:59] second she's like what what am I doing she's like stop resisting right what do
[00:03:06] you mean throws her to the ground you know she's like please officer I can't
[00:03:10] breathe and then he's got his knee on her neck he kills her and but here's
[00:03:14] the thing it's a white lady so people are just cheering beautiful day today
[00:03:22] officer thanks sure because sure is George oh I see yeah oh this is this is
[00:03:30] and this is this is this is 20 years in the future we reach utopia and just
[00:03:36] like at the end of Star Wars where there's the ghosts of the Jedi's yeah it's the
[00:03:40] ghost of Derek Floyd smiling on this Eric George George Floyd and then the
[00:03:45] ghost of Derek Shavin and their friends now and because Derek's son Luke
[00:03:50] Skywalker rehabilitates him at the end of the wait Derek son is the one who
[00:03:55] kills the white one well so Derek at the is it I have seen the future and here's
[00:03:59] what happens at the end of the Derek Shavin trial saga the judge who is the
[00:04:05] real because he's he's the evil emperor as it along with the prosecutor or
[00:04:11] whatever and he's like say you know he's like say the end word or whatever yeah
[00:04:17] yeah the bailiff or something yeah sure don't touch any of that stuff my
[00:04:21] headphones aren't work it doesn't matter it really doesn't matter I don't know
[00:04:26] the same thing that happens with Darth Vader I'm having trouble I don't remember
[00:04:29] what happens yeah something like the Emperor is like kill Luke Skywalker or
[00:04:33] something yes and then Derek Shavin doesn't kill his son man and then Darth
[00:04:38] Vader throws the Emperor into the garbage remember yeah but I didn't I don't see
[00:04:44] how this situation is the same he dies as a result because Derek needs to die I
[00:04:49] see I have a break right before death but I don't care that he's a
[00:04:53] safe to validate it somehow but I don't care about his son I know this isn't
[00:04:58] about your I don't think anyone cares about Derek Shavin son well he could be
[00:05:03] great yeah but that's that's not how jokes work so in the context of this it
[00:05:07] doesn't matter whether you care I'd like to know if he's a Jedi like Luke you
[00:05:11] know I know how jokes work but we haven't established him as a Luke like
[00:05:16] figure to be a know is that Derek was once a great Jedi that's true that's the
[00:05:23] one thing we get all we get on what's kind of the direction we want to go
[00:05:30] this seems a very good Derek Shavin was a very good pod racer yeah yeah which I
[00:05:35] think that's gonna come up in the trial at some point a lot of people have been
[00:05:39] you know saying when is it when is the defense a lot of people on maggot
[00:05:43] Twitter have been saying why isn't the defense talking about his pod racing
[00:05:46] yes because that really all you know but that might be the ace in the ace ass
[00:05:51] and the whole that's the thing and the thing that a lot of people don't know is
[00:05:54] that as a youth as a pod racing youth he was his mother was raped by a Jew
[00:05:59] yeah by a Jew who was a ball but I still so that's there's a link in June
[00:06:05] there's a Jew with wings so there is no I guess you're right there is a lot of
[00:06:11] there's a lot of there's a lot of nuance in this story that I think you at first
[00:06:17] I maybe you've won me over Nick well I'm not I had there's nothing me this isn't
[00:06:22] an argument I'm making this is no it is the story the story as it was told
[00:06:27] tells all the time and when you say you looked into the future you mean you like
[00:06:31] maybe huffed a bunch of cleaner and hung out in your on your couch yeah I
[00:06:36] tried to kill myself this is the vision you saw okay I saw I saw a vision the
[00:06:45] crazy or to do that he would like self-harm and hallucinate from losing too
[00:06:49] much blood and be like we're going to win the battle today and people like
[00:06:54] sounds good man like crazy worse I don't think you know we've got a bunch of
[00:06:58] like feathers and hatchets and stuff and they have at the very least a gun that
[00:07:03] takes three minutes to load I don't yeah I don't think it's gonna rule this battle
[00:07:08] or any of them they want some no no no they won ambushes they didn't win any
[00:07:17] battles okay yeah is that what was that with the last stand there with a
[00:07:22] custard's last yeah any group of people that's ever been referred to as brave
[00:07:26] that just means like a good sport you know yeah they fought valiantly right yeah
[00:07:33] yeah which means they never yeah they never wanted they fuck custer up isn't
[00:07:38] that the whole point of that shit yeah but that's always custard's fault because
[00:07:42] he was a customer's like I'll just I need like two guys and yeah yeah yeah yeah
[00:07:47] whatever man yeah I'm gonna get some squat pussy was that wounded penis yeah
[00:07:53] battle of wounded prick that's right his last and the battle wounded knee of wounded
[00:08:00] dick is every single circumcision if you ask me I'm you had a couple of doc
[00:08:03] lots of them and slowly why don't you tell everyone about that yeah if they've
[00:08:08] been able to get the elasticity back in your ass no I've been to a bunch of
[00:08:13] specialists and they've been saying they'd look at my ass and they say you know
[00:08:19] we're gonna be we're gonna need a bigger hospital yeah wow your asshole
[00:08:23] doesn't even fit in the hospital it's so prolapsed that's a fucking shame yeah
[00:08:30] so I gotta go and ironically they ought to go to your wife the ship okay well we
[00:08:35] don't have to bring my wife into this I know well we got our ass got blown out
[00:08:39] that much ironically they say we're gonna need a bigger hospital but we're
[00:08:43] gonna need a smaller microscope for the front for your penis yeah they're gonna
[00:08:48] they're attempting a very risky plastic surgery just shrinks the size of my
[00:08:53] spent asshole yeah in gorgeous the size of my my men in school penis that's smart
[00:09:01] yeah to take the all the they're gonna take that that's a lot of the excess
[00:09:05] asshole tissue yeah try to use a wrinkly ass penis
[00:09:10] just a piece made out of asshole wrinkles
[00:09:13] yeah it's a risky you gotta fucking Sharp a
[00:09:17] as penis dude there's a 93% death right
[00:09:20] it's worth it brother imagine the life you the life you live right now is not a
[00:09:26] life at all you need it you have a 7% chance at having a wrinkly ass big
[00:09:32] ass dick and that's when it's either that or death as far as I'm concerned
[00:09:36] this is cool we can just watch the trial live yeah the trial is a TV trials I
[00:09:40] wasn't aware of that it's weird that they still have these like they should
[00:09:44] have brought back judge ito they still do the courtroom drawing guys yeah that's
[00:09:49] not the job that shouldn't exist I mean it is very funny that like you know in
[00:09:55] 2021 you like you can still get a job as a guy that does like doodles totally
[00:10:01] that does cartoons of the what's that the the skill in that is the speed with
[00:10:07] which they they draw that yeah I think that's like it was like if I had first
[00:10:12] if like the they have to if the judge is like now the witness approached the
[00:10:17] bench and before they arrive if Mr. Harper you'd like to guess the
[00:10:22] witness's weight 320 pounds I stand on the bench 285 well he was wrong it was
[00:10:31] wrong first here's a snoop of the dog plushie wow
[00:10:41] I'm trying to put the the trial on here but it says we'll be right back I think
[00:10:47] we don't watch the trial live through the podcast that will come out in one
[00:10:51] week okay the trial will still be going on that we will not put it on they want
[00:10:57] to know what happened last Monday at the trial that's true I think we need the
[00:11:02] folks on Chuck E Cheese branded music and stoner metal yeah you're getting in the
[00:11:10] stoner now I'm getting into Japanese like I don't even know what the what the
[00:11:15] genre is but I love it was it what I suggest is City pop maybe I don't know
[00:11:20] it's like when Japanese people discovered R&B yeah actually I think it's
[00:11:25] kind of like it rules yeah I'm with really cool I want I wonder what the
[00:11:30] fuck I don't know any of the songs because they're all in Japanese but I
[00:11:32] can I can recognize them on Spotify maybe I'll play a banger forest man they
[00:11:39] are used to wire okay fuck hold on let me get my fucking headphones off I got a
[00:11:46] letter by the way from Mrs. Tony Braxton whoa what she said thanks for
[00:11:51] hyping my 2018 single ratio but I did it I was the one that did I was the one
[00:11:58] that put on Tony Braxton the car she knew I made you listen to it she knew I had
[00:12:02] more of a Tony Braxton stuff yeah first of all you're lying about her sending
[00:12:05] the letter but even in the even in the fictional lie that you would pretend
[00:12:10] that she sent you a letter instead of me and the letter does not use man and the
[00:12:16] Tony to recognize and the letter says thank you for acknowledging my dick
[00:12:26] the fuck it's not playing you got to turn the volume up
[00:12:34] tell oh yeah dude now this is the song of the song I guess this is like a
[00:12:39] sped up like Chuck Mangio yeah just wait for the fucking yeah this is my shit
[00:12:50] though we got to really hit the hook but when the hook comes believe me you'll
[00:12:55] be enjoying yourself this is S. Kio Yataka and the Omega tribe never ending
[00:13:34] you motherfucker should see the smile on my face right now
[00:13:51] yeah come on tell me that is in the fucking jam of the summer and you're out
[00:13:57] of your fucking mind just only is that current or what is that I don't fucking
[00:14:03] know it just came up with my Spotify and I was like yeah this is my shit
[00:14:06] interesting shots out to the two S. Kio Taka and the Omega tribe the Omega
[00:14:14] tribe great name for a fucking band the Omega tribe if you ask me it's a no not
[00:14:22] sumo no gatari footare no not sumo no gatari we got to go back to after this
[00:14:30] after I've discovered this type of music yeah we do it's the I'll be I'm
[00:14:35] completely flipped on Japan because of this music yeah I can't wait to go back
[00:14:39] yeah but kind of wasted our time there yeah Adam was shopping you were speed
[00:14:45] walking alone in the rain I was regular walking alone in the rain but I brought
[00:14:51] switch and that that was a mistake yeah dude bringing video games on vacation
[00:14:55] it's such a fun hilarious movie just that is the most fat 11 year old move you
[00:15:01] could possibly make as an adult I remember they were like comics that we did
[00:15:04] when I was like feature they'd come to the club they're becoming their place
[00:15:07] they should have brought my place Kurt does that yeah I mean I guess it makes
[00:15:10] sense for Kurt yeah Kurt's insane absolutely yeah dude I'm gonna spend the
[00:15:19] entire time in a hotel yeah I mean if you're trying not to do drugs or like
[00:15:23] cheat on your wife I guess get a PlayStation yeah but I'm trying to live
[00:15:27] life I'm trying to fucking go out there I'm trying to go if I'm in Philly I'm
[00:15:31] going to the rocky statue I'm running up those steps at the museum you're gonna
[00:15:35] live the movie the movies you just go to Dave and Buster's with like the opener
[00:15:40] that sounds so fucking gay honestly let's get let's get trashed off their
[00:15:46] alcoholic snow cones no dude I'm fucking I'm gonna be helpful on mine on my next
[00:15:52] tour the tour shaping up by the way folks starting in mid-August I'm gonna be out
[00:15:57] there coming to fucking Portland and Seattle is the first stops and then I
[00:16:02] think I'm going to Utah a lot of shit's coming up keep your little fucking
[00:16:05] Pussy's peeled yeah why do you why do you peel your eyes keep your eyes and
[00:16:11] your pussies peeled the tour is coming and I'm gonna be I'm gonna be going on
[00:16:15] hikes you know I'm saying I'm gonna be trying to keep it fucking yeah I'm to
[00:16:19] this is a summer of me getting big arms and little titties I've talked about
[00:16:22] it many times many times I'm seeing I'm seeing the the groundwork thank you
[00:16:27] at it right now thank you so much for saying that mm-hmm yeah I'm gonna go I'm
[00:16:32] gonna go back I'm gonna ride hiking do you ever worry about being shot by no I
[00:16:35] do not think they'll ever think I'm a bear he wears it on where I were we're
[00:16:40] we're a neon a pig no way we're being there to work watch on its hind legs
[00:16:45] elephant a hippopotamus what would they be doing it what would any of those
[00:16:51] animals be doing in the mountains of Seattle I don't know but do you see one
[00:16:55] you're like I gotta take this shot I'm when am I gonna see a pig I'm clearly a
[00:17:00] man this is my chance I'm clearly a man I'm wearing clothes I'm not even pink
[00:17:04] like a pig yeah I'm tan I'd be tan at the time and you don't even consider that
[00:17:09] that might be a human being if I listen if I go out looking at this chart here
[00:17:14] your options were pig or boat according to you if I go out get get
[00:17:20] defense attorney anybody recognize this beginning of the pandemic she crews
[00:17:29] jury going oh yeah I want my state to be no it doesn't first of all it doesn't
[00:17:36] you've taken it one step too far it's my wife it looks like it that's fine the
[00:17:42] attorney's right it could be we agreed that it was my wife because there were
[00:17:46] girls on the ship that I could fuck has the jury reached a verdict we have
[00:17:53] your honor we find a defendant not guilty come on if somebody murdered me and said
[00:17:58] I was a boat of fourth of a hike of fourth degree assault in the shooting in
[00:18:06] the face of stavros the fatal shooting but not even a fatal shooting it just
[00:18:11] got lodged in some cheek material and he couldn't use a straw for a week that
[00:18:17] would piss me off during milkshake season during milkshake that is a capital
[00:18:22] offensive you ask me well the civil taking away my ability to strong mid
[00:18:26] during milkshake the civil trials coming up where McDonald's is actually
[00:18:30] suing the hunter from lost revenue yeah it's a class action McDonald's
[00:18:35] foot rockers dairy queen the milkshake famies got together to take this man
[00:18:49] how about the the jive families of the black mafia that's awesome that's right
[00:18:57] Jefferson's eyes leaves the hogs the bulls are very jive to me
[00:19:06] other they did do the raping I guess what's the uncle's what's the last name and
[00:19:19] it's the bell air yeah even if it isn't the bell is a great name for black
[00:19:26] they're just in northwest philadelphia that's where you went
[00:19:30] that is nice yeah you went to belair maryland mmm that's that's classy
[00:19:35] bell air is not that far from Philly it's probably it's on the way it's
[00:19:40] probably what like a hour yeah hour and ten minutes should we move to belair
[00:19:45] and just live in and commute to fill the bell air more back and forth
[00:19:49] billion ballot not even Baltimore Belair bell air bell air such a funny place to
[00:19:53] live because it's kind of like it's in the middle of nothing absolutely not
[00:19:57] it's not in the middle of nowhere it's in the middle of nothing yeah
[00:20:00] where it's not like you're even in some kind of like remote
[00:20:03] town with its own unique identity no absolutely not you're just in like the
[00:20:07] most inconveniently located suburb in the world 100% and the downtown is just
[00:20:12] like think of like the shitty restaurants from white marsh downtown is
[00:20:16] themed it's like a it's themed like a pot bellies yes yes you're basically in
[00:20:21] just the bigger pot bellies we got everything you could want a racist
[00:20:26] sports bar that's right and the post office two different acme
[00:20:32] hardwares a seafood restaurant even though we're not close to the water
[00:20:35] mm-hmm yeah dude although shout out to what was that
[00:20:41] dark horse saloon no dark horse dark horse got changed to
[00:20:45] yeah blue is something oyster house but what was the fucking yeah i wish one
[00:20:49] one we went down the street yeah tom's fucking record one of the best
[00:20:53] nights of my life nanny's saldoon nanny's saldoon against
[00:20:59] yeah go to that fucking irish pub in bellaire maryland whatever it is
[00:21:03] to and go to the top floor near the window on that very spot is where
[00:21:08] tom mires recorded i believe it was words of mass destruction i i don't remember
[00:21:12] which one which one was recorded there's a lot of pitchforks and some things a lot
[00:21:17] of overlap yeah there is about half an hour of material and
[00:21:22] albums that gets repeated every single time all we know is that the brobes
[00:21:28] hoods in a future for the white race yeah an album by tom i thought he
[00:21:33] crossed the line there yeah he normally i'm going to say something that makes
[00:21:38] people a little mad so before i say it i just want you to
[00:21:42] brace yourselves i will be using the n-word later
[00:21:50] fuck dude that really was one of the best nights of my life
[00:21:53] wow just getting elle elle this coming that was a high watermark
[00:21:58] elle is coming from oeings mills 45 minutes from from
[00:22:01] vaultum like where i was to meet me my little brother who wouldn't come to my
[00:22:05] shows being like wait tomires recording elle coming
[00:22:08] that's just me and the boys just get together
[00:22:14] it was really a beautiful moment for me and the closest people in the world to
[00:22:18] me yeah it was a nice nexus of all the people
[00:22:20] that i mean the best the best show ever was the one at the hand
[00:22:24] alan arts collective yeah i was probably before my time baby
[00:22:27] that was uh probably 2006 yeah that makes sense
[00:22:34] jesus christ wow damn i'm like 87 years old were you under 18 at that time
[00:22:40] no i've been i've been 30 i'm a 30 is 30 for a while for my for years
[00:22:49] dory and gae it was gay yeah nicholas and as a guy sucking a guy i know that's
[00:22:53] not getting fucked in the ass first of all i know there's no book about me
[00:22:56] because books are fucking gay all right so that's why there's what about you
[00:22:59] don't know about it that's you know yeah there's no such thing as a book
[00:23:02] that's i'm nothing in my life even remotely resembles any kind of book
[00:23:06] yeah well it's more like a video game that's rated m
[00:23:09] ha ha ha ha ha okay fine the portrait of nicholas
[00:23:14] gay is a video game rated m and you just take turns tagging an old guy's ass
[00:23:18] more like grand theft auto seven no if they're you're listening to this in
[00:23:24] the future when that's already out then it's grand theft auto 10 that's right
[00:23:28] same that's good to know that's good that's smart we should start if you're
[00:23:31] listening to this podcast in 2035 um back when at like when Adam
[00:23:37] Adam's the only one alive but he's a woman yeah but i'm thriving but you
[00:23:43] said he's he's he's transitioned but it's in a way where he's like remember
[00:23:47] being trans and he's the only one doing it no i
[00:23:51] transitioned then detransitioned no one's no one's transitioning anymore
[00:23:56] they've stopped at if thought you made it uncool and Adam's doing it you were
[00:24:00] the last person they're like i don't know this is kind of tacky now
[00:24:03] yeah who remembers this now that this guy i need to take
[00:24:07] he's doing to restore sanity to the world he's doing
[00:24:11] you're jesus you're the jesus for trans folks
[00:24:14] he has to he has to become a girl to stop everyone else jk
[00:24:18] rallies of the world will be worth rejoice the the final trans
[00:24:22] the last of the trachro he the last of the transheacons
[00:24:30] that'll be awesome Adam yeah yeah so what happens is last of the transheacons
[00:24:36] yeah it wasn't fair either there's a lot of there's a lot of syllables
[00:24:39] that mohiken okay well i'm going transheacons he
[00:24:42] would last of the homo weekends but he's transheacons is not even transheacons
[00:24:47] is better like she uh the last of the he sheacons
[00:24:52] he she was honestly one of the most hilarious throwback slurs
[00:24:57] he she like just barely it's like pretty amazing
[00:25:01] pretty lazy but sounded so funny the last of the he heacons is
[00:25:05] probably better than the last of the low tikens
[00:25:09] low tikens that's good that's really good but that's Adam now he wouldn't need a
[00:25:14] transhe tradition to be low t yeah you're one of the many low tikens right
[00:25:19] now the last that sammer guy said uh no no that was uh
[00:25:24] the last sammer is a different movie i know but it's where tom
[00:25:47] yeah tom hanks is just Virgil texas i can't i can't do tom hanks at all
[00:25:52] well there isn't over oh hey i was uh eating a dog earlier
[00:25:57] and that's oh hey i meant to tell you i was eating a dog earlier
[00:26:02] oh i uh i uh slit a dog's throat with my samurai sword i'm tom hanks
[00:26:07] texas uh oh tom texas oh by the way will i was
[00:26:22] that's classic classic Virgil for you that's a really good one he says that
[00:26:26] kind of stuff all the time yeah i got boogers everywhere shut up dude shut
[00:26:30] up i did cat i can't oh it looks like uh adam's been sucking dick on the show
[00:26:35] again and i guess one of the guys dixie sucked had
[00:26:41] just fucked the girl and he's allergic he's having an allergic reaction oh he's
[00:26:46] breaking out into hives he's got he's got too much of the hives on him
[00:26:52] he's got too much of the hives on he does got too much hives
[00:26:59] damn i want to go to like a specialty ice cream place this afternoon
[00:27:03] you know what i'm talking about like uh gelato spot no like a place it's like
[00:27:08] you sit down like sandes right right right they're trying to keep it like
[00:27:13] as 1950s possible yeah hey it's fucking like
[00:27:18] somebody's candy shop yeah it's called fucking big
[00:27:21] big-titch ice cream that's awesome that's now that's the kind of ice cream
[00:27:26] store that i've got a lot of interest in what's uh what's the one down on the
[00:27:30] side big-fag ice cream um big gay ice cream actually yeah
[00:27:35] there is that great that's an honest mistake just calling them up
[00:27:43] you've got some of the best flavors i've ever had
[00:27:46] nah my cousin just got my nephew we got back from college he's saying i got to
[00:27:50] come in there and try to fucking the stuff that's not contaminated
[00:27:56] they say you got stuff that's that's uh normal
[00:28:00] a prank call yes to be honest with you at the same time i would like i
[00:28:07] i'm 32 no i don't have a girlfriend why
[00:28:13] well you know what maybe then you should be sympathetic to how lonely i am
[00:28:18] and all i have is shit like this yeah if you think about it you're actually
[00:28:21] thriving in a way i never will yeah what are you a fucking business
[00:28:25] you're a rich businessman and you probably have gay love in your life
[00:28:28] whereas i have nothing but straight misery i don't have a fucking business
[00:28:40] fuck dude yeah it would be nice to go i haven't had ice cream in so goddamn
[00:28:44] wall bro uh-huh i mean the economy has been bad for so long as the mafia now
[00:28:49] and say yeah hey don what do you get all your money
[00:28:51] say yeah i'm uh been collecting unemployment
[00:28:55] absolutely they're calling they're in they're calling it a no-show job yeah
[00:28:58] like yeah you got this good no-show job over at the unemployment department
[00:29:02] yeah the mafia now is so funny yeah are they still doing so
[00:29:08] they're just going to jail for like collecting like hundred dollar
[00:29:12] gambling debts and shit like going around to the last three businesses that pay
[00:29:16] them protection nick usen little loves to on twitter
[00:29:20] will fucking post about the modern mafia some great gems there
[00:29:24] really there's like just guys from the philly mob that literally like uh
[00:29:28] literally like we're a racket got racketeering charges for like
[00:29:31] no joke collecting like beating being the fuck i got some of like three
[00:29:35] hundred dollars it's like pathetic just taking a rascal scooter
[00:29:38] yeah deep laundromat to like a roastery store
[00:29:43] yeah dirt is this adam is this his defense attorney is this guy
[00:29:46] with the lacrosse side guy with the the fucking warby parkers
[00:29:50] it's a guy with a beard and slick back let me see
[00:30:05] what the fuck it is as you guys will probably hear about that on twitter
[00:30:10] yeah there's no way that's a huge meme but ten seconds are you aware yeah he's
[00:30:15] gonna accuse Derek or jerek jerek shawn what's his name again
[00:30:18] george floyd terence hower yeah it's not terence hower
[00:30:25] christopher floyd who went who went black in time if you know black to the
[00:30:31] future if you know what i mean of uh taking of taking drugs in his ass
[00:30:37] yep yeah do you guys ever go to floyd's 99 bar
[00:30:50] okay his name's christopher loyan that's that's awesome man
[00:31:14] and some of you will say oh now why aren't when adam and stavra gay why aren't
[00:31:18] they uh supporting this bit nakah will only really enjoy something if two
[00:31:23] people are mad at him on some level about it i don't think you're are you mad
[00:31:27] no no but i'm saying it's the the energy you're really enjoying yourself because
[00:31:32] me and adam are like i'm happy to see you enjoying yourself yeah exactly
[00:31:35] oh i had no new people we met at me just the dumb or the fucking idea
[00:31:39] is the dumb is very dumb but you love you you do the hard the hardest you smile
[00:31:44] is when somebody is like oh man come on
[00:31:50] no just the idea of like pitching that out of this i
[00:31:55] i can't breathe well it might and we do christopher floyd now hear me out
[00:32:01] lorn here's my one shot it's christopher floyd
[00:32:07] and you'll never believe who his attorney is what's the name of the real attorney
[00:32:13] uh i looked at her yeah let's see if he's hopefully his name is like shardie mcfly
[00:32:19] that'd be awesome because then it would work out perfectly let's cross our fingers
[00:32:23] i'm sure even my main attorney's name um i'm gay mari and eric shavine attorney
[00:32:31] i put drugs in my ass oh tom kelly eric nelson tom kelly that sucks it's eric nelson
[00:32:40] wasn't the guy that originally played marnie mcfly eric something
[00:32:45] i don't know there was a guy who put they shot like a third of the movie and then they fired him
[00:32:49] and then they got like a stolt that is is that an actor oh i think that sounds right
[00:32:56] so maybe there's an angle there eric nelson um eric nelson mandala okay that's something yeah
[00:33:05] he's like wait if you if you have five coconuts okay
[00:33:11] what does he like coconuts uh the real nelson mandala yeah you would know you're south african
[00:33:21] uh that you can't you are comparing bananas and coconuts in the straw
[00:33:26] don't like i think you mean you're comparing apples and oranges it's like what the hell are apples
[00:33:31] and oranges oh he doesn't even know what they are they are they are four only fruits coconut papaya
[00:33:37] banana mango and snake snake snake meat is a fruit it's all the fruits it is a vegetable if it has
[00:33:45] seeds and it is a fruit if it does not have legs right that makes it so fucking true eric nelson
[00:33:56] mandala thank you it would have been awesome if his name was shardy mcfly i would i did this
[00:34:04] man is not guilty i went to jail right i spent 27 years in jail i would have loved to have died
[00:34:12] instead okay that's an interesting angle so you're saying a slam dunk yeah did a slam dunk case
[00:34:22] that's a slam dunk defense um yeah what else is nelson eric nelson uh craic teen nelson
[00:34:33] craic teen nelson very good yeah coach also from the Simpsons craic teen nelson he's like uh
[00:34:41] why don't you coach my dick and be a poacher
[00:34:54] journey number 12 do you think i have a big penis
[00:34:56] then you're fucking your fire from the team you're off the team
[00:35:04] what was the show about he would say stuff like that on this i honestly
[00:35:08] was it was it i think it was a college for i think he was a former coach and now like he
[00:35:13] doesn't code the show's not even about a coach he used to be a coach i thought it was still a
[00:35:17] good now he's a guy that works it like uh he's a scientist we should watch coach coach wasn't
[00:35:22] banger did he have a hot wife in that i've been getting real into viper i haven't cracked
[00:35:26] sentinel yet maybe we crack sentinel today yeah maybe it starts sentinel dude i love it i love
[00:35:32] i love tv dvd collections yeah because tv like especially old bad tv
[00:35:38] it's always weird about buying dvd's in this era of streaming glue ray and 4k because you
[00:35:43] you're stepping down in quality but something about watching shitty tv shows on a dvd it's just a
[00:35:49] little fuzzy yeah that makes me wish i just had some drugs you can get some dude to do
[00:35:57] was sent sentinel was uh lorenzo llamas fentanyl fentanyl
[00:36:03] no that was not your renegade is lorenzo renegade was him okay
[00:36:11] that sounds very similar i forget who is in sentinel
[00:36:15] uh a guy who kind of does look like lorenzo llamas now he's bald it's a bald guy yeah what am i
[00:36:23] thinking of renegade it's not bald then he has short hair i haven't seen i honestly have not seen
[00:36:30] it you know it's another one from that era uh fucking fuckly revenge uh yeah he just says he's
[00:36:37] just short his hair lines are receding something fierce so that's him yeah that's me see oh i don't
[00:36:45] think i've ever seen that show battlefield earth no that's the movie i'm thinking of um earth final
[00:36:51] conflict never seen it i boy i tell you although you know what i was enjoying seven days too
[00:37:00] yeah that was pretty good that was pretty good honestly the set you can time travel seven days
[00:37:06] you know maybe we should watch another fucking seven days it's life every episode yeah i hope so
[00:37:11] i keep dying yeah man i had i woke up in the middle of night took one of the worst shits of all time
[00:37:20] dude really completely wrecked my morning then you go you go back it's five a.m you're awake you're
[00:37:28] what you try and sleep and then your alarm goes off nine you feel like you feel like death you know
[00:37:33] it was a sludge terrible yeah i had that shit a real whole week's ago what did you eat
[00:37:41] because after that Thai food thing yeah you buy that's what you get for being a fucking uh
[00:37:47] culinary colonizer i'm just remembering that that brief period i have doing digital black
[00:37:52] faces the black eye from stargate SG-1 oh yeah what was never i forgot what was his character's
[00:37:57] name it's like traulah or something trat-traulah traulah traulah i don't know you watch that show i
[00:38:04] used to watch that show it was your favorite show yes the guy from mcgyver was the star of that show
[00:38:10] and then the the black guy with like the gold thing on Richard dicks suckerson Richard dicks
[00:38:15] suckerson that wasn't uh it was a star trek knockoff christian no there was a stargate movie with
[00:38:20] kurt russell and then they made a television show yeah tlc is his name tlk yeah tlk yeah
[00:38:28] tlk of chulak yeah chulak me and my dad really liked it that's actually adam is adam of chukak
[00:38:36] of chukak no chukak i know because you put it in your mouth well tlk is a jaffa warrior from the
[00:38:42] planet chulak yeah i thought i was using this and then like people would interact with me as if i
[00:38:48] was a black guy what you know is your twitter funny yeah it was your twitter avatar tlk
[00:38:58] digital blackface rules yeah i've been doing it for years digital blackface sounds like it's like
[00:39:04] digital blackface digital blackface sounds like one of those like tersher or like the members of
[00:39:09] like uh the wutang clan he had like one album it was pretty good and then he's just on a lot of
[00:39:19] tracks being like fucking getting high shit and now i can't tell what time it is and his aliens
[00:39:25] inside my dick and then that's it and then he's off to them and then some other guy yeah yeah
[00:39:32] that would be good that would be great this total contribution was three lines uh
[00:39:36] uh i l dis i think worked in a uh in a record and tape traders in high school and one of the guys
[00:39:44] was a like very low level affiliate affiliate that or maybe it was just cousins with odb and that
[00:39:51] he was also like like half retarded uh-huh so i told you guys about remedy right there's this guy who
[00:40:00] was like a seventh rung affiliate of wutang who uh was a jewish rapper and he toured uh jewish
[00:40:08] children's summer camps that's awesome and performed his one song at our summer camp called never again
[00:40:15] that's uh uh holocaust no we should pull up the song remedy huh yeah was he hot remedy no he was
[00:40:24] like a lose you ever hear this woman ccp niston that's actually her name guys nik is not making that
[00:40:38] up she's a it's like a r&b musician ccp niston like a dance dance artist in the early 90s
[00:40:45] uh ccp niston i guess we'll get a little ccp niston going that is such an awesome name remedy
[00:40:56] youtube video just says six million died for what yeah oh yeah on the splash image that's a great
[00:41:02] point pretty cool oh shit okay i like this
[00:41:20] why she left the way does this work combo i got her last
[00:41:23] yeah this is the kind of music to be like to be gay on south beach in 1993 yeah this is like murder
[00:41:32] of jiani rasachi music this is this is some shipper gay guys for sure
[00:41:43] that's why her name is ccp niston yeah i was like we survived aids in the drugs yeah
[00:41:48] slightly better i think the shame is like can you imagine how fucking awesome it was
[00:41:55] having like gay sex in like 1992 the first aids medicine hits the market and and house music is
[00:42:01] brand new yeah dude you're just getting raw dog while cruising mu USA music that's awesome yeah
[00:42:07] that's that's got to be the best feeling i was definitely golden era for this yeah god damn
[00:42:12] poor verse ouchy dude he survived that and then he got to get just killed by some
[00:42:15] he got he just watched the murder of jonnie rasachi yeah he watched it a couple years ago
[00:42:20] it was very good he's like yeah it's george floyd that's like the murder of
[00:42:27] versachi was also murdered and if you think about it yeah a lot of that kind of music plays
[00:42:35] in the show that you just watched yeah that i wouldn't pretend you watched a couple years ago
[00:42:41] yeah no i think i brought it up on the show ccp niston folks if you're looking that's such an
[00:42:46] awesome name ccp is that is it is she ccc from ccc in the music factory no that's c and c music
[00:42:55] oh nevermind fucking idiot dude i thought it was ccc and no it's c and c god damn it everybody
[00:43:02] knows that man i'm gonna get this is the problem with it lit this is the problem when you live on
[00:43:06] the edge of knowing tidbits yeah you get embarrassed when you don't know one's really the man who
[00:43:11] knew nothing that's fucking saffiocles whatever the man who sold his ass to the world
[00:43:18] it's true we passed upon the stairs i asked the guy if he wanted to fuck me
[00:43:28] he said don't you add him from that podcast yeah and i said yeah but i'm kind of doing my
[00:43:33] i was like now trying to mount a tug by the way and then he fucked that's Adam's merch
[00:43:40] he gets a fucking ass i halfway through every episode he's like oh by the way if you want to
[00:43:44] fuck me in my ass i got a head of freedom shop.com click and reserve one hour of my ass
[00:43:54] we're doing a socially distance you can just zoom into my ass
[00:43:58] it can be funny to be that kind of sex worker where you just you schedule zoom meetings with
[00:44:04] people and then just the meeting starts with your asshole just super wide exposed to the screen
[00:44:10] and there's like a countdown timer for 45 minutes that's what i imagine only fans to be
[00:44:17] but you're on only fans i mean i have given my page but i don't look at other people
[00:44:22] shop only fan slash adam freeting shop apparently uh catch me outside turned 18 and then started
[00:44:31] her own only family oh yes she made a millie she made a million dollars in like four hours
[00:44:39] which means there are a lot of fellows out there that were they were been chomping at the bit
[00:44:43] they've been waiting on that to check out birthday that is such a weird move for the girl from
[00:44:48] the dog like the white trash girl from the doctor fills you from four years ago yes good for her
[00:44:57] yeah i mean listen cake up i bet you doctor phil bawlin
[00:45:03] i bet you i'm just gonna go see what this i just need to see her tips i'm about to beat off i want to
[00:45:09] i want to make sure she's acting right on her holy fans i want to make sure she's being
[00:45:14] being a good girl this is cool on on pubmed.gov a comparative study that says a comparison
[00:45:20] comparison of vaginal shapes in afroamerican caucasian and hispanic women now vinyl
[00:45:28] polycyloxane casting shit dude i'm about to get by by pd pendergrass this seems very
[00:45:34] teddy pendergrass and the gynecological the obgyn invest i don't know what that now you know what
[00:45:44] what conclusion do they find i'm i'm actually very interested in this full vinyl polycyloxane
[00:45:49] cast of it let's sort this is gonna now gonna be one of those like those uh podcasts that like
[00:45:55] messenger bag guys listen to where they just learned like oh i heard the best radio lab uh
[00:46:00] suck suck don't fuck me the other sucks that about the about a study that was done actually
[00:46:10] that says that guys like me have nothing to contribute to a conversation other than
[00:46:17] fucking bullshit they heard on a podcast that the dead radio hour that a 40 million other people
[00:46:23] listen to yeah full full vinyl polycyloxane cast of the vagina were obtained this is so funny that
[00:46:31] like you can just be a scientist and you'll be like yeah i want to uh let's fill up their
[00:46:35] pussies with vinyl i see how long it takes chinese room to come
[00:46:41] we're gonna need some uh volunteers and one group has dog for lunch and the other
[00:46:47] has normal it was after with them coming that's the experiment oh it should be a fact of eating dog
[00:46:54] on how long it takes an asian woman to reach climax so being sucked off by a scientist by the way
[00:47:02] by a handsome side and the control will be my mouth what is the study fund yeah i kind of want
[00:47:07] to know what shapes i don't want to know i'm trying to think of my own research here and i don't know
[00:47:11] that i've made any full shape final polycyloxane cast of the vagina retained from 23 afroamerican
[00:47:17] 39 i love these sample sizes yeah 23 and 39 and 15 hispanic women in lying sitting in standing
[00:47:24] positions a new shape the pumpkin seed was found in 40 percent of afroamerican women but not in
[00:47:29] caucasian the pumpkins wow this is actually i honestly i just made fun of all that you at home can now
[00:47:36] listen to this and find out that come town is the first podcast that has announced that statistically
[00:47:41] speaking according to actual peer-reviewed medical studies that's right black women have better
[00:47:48] pussy mm-hmm then caucasians are hespanics wait what is the pumpkins be well just imagine a
[00:47:54] pumpkin seed but is it long ways or like which ways does it just imagine or the inside of the
[00:48:00] pussy shape i'm gonna look at pumpkin seed pussy see what the results are posterior cast length is
[00:48:07] significantly longer anterior cast length is significantly shorter and cast
[00:48:16] width is significantly larger in hispanics than the other two groups
[00:48:20] so aspanic women have the most trash pussy according to this and they are the caucasian
[00:48:26] intro it is is significantly greater than the african-americans but the fuck is an intro
[00:48:33] at us god we got who's got the gushy who's got the gushy is shit hold on the intro it is the
[00:48:39] entrance to a hollow organ or canal specifically the entrance to the vagina all right so let's see
[00:48:45] this is the definitive so white women are looser than black women that's right i'm okay black women have
[00:48:54] a that it has been my experience yeah um black women have a different shape that seems like it would
[00:49:03] be the the pumpkin seed now the pumpkin seed is interesting to me because is it what does that
[00:49:09] mean it's like a football like why which which way is it being held hamburger hot dog style i don't
[00:49:16] know man what do i look like a fucking scientist to you i'm just i'm just telling you what the
[00:49:20] doctors are telling me hmm wow hey you know what good for black women dude yep they stay winning
[00:49:27] they do stay winning oh hold on wait i forgot the teddy pentagrass of the study
[00:49:35] we might have a bit of researcher bias here we here's what we need to do we need to do let's see if
[00:49:40] pebob rice and ever did a study on black women's pussies because he seems like uh what you would
[00:49:46] call it a chocolate trader down with this world yeah um people people i put in pebob rice and black
[00:49:57] brison instead of black women let's see if he's ever made any comments on black women
[00:50:04] i need to see a study on the gushiest though yeah this seems to be a shape shape look i could
[00:50:11] fuck any shape but what's how gushy is the shape i don't know what you mean by gushy you like a wet
[00:50:18] ass but wet pussy what the fuck what do you mean you don't know i don't know what you're talking about
[00:50:23] you've never experienced wet pussy holy shit dude what it's fucking pebob rice and his wife is so hot
[00:50:32] let me see here no please that's how hot she is you can't see i'm about to just google it fucking
[00:50:37] see her myself dude she's like oh my god dude this bitch is banging
[00:50:44] okay let's look up pebob rice and it might just be a good the good first picture i mean for him i mean
[00:50:48] i'm not like this is she's like fucking a quarter of his age respect yeah here look oh she looks great
[00:50:56] yeah damn that's his wife that's his wife looks like his daughter god damn yeah
[00:51:02] that's not the pebob sure damn so i'd like to i'm going to contact people let's see what people
[00:51:07] have to say about pussy shape uh how you doing brother it's me teddy panda grass i'm doing a follow
[00:51:13] up to my study and i need to speak to your wife and i got some i got toogles and we're going to do
[00:51:21] a polys uh saloxavine injection mmm into a yes we need to see what you're fucking pussy with your
[00:51:29] wife pussy shape uh a pub med.gov pebob the study on the effects of pebob rice and his wife's pussy on
[00:51:37] my car by detective teddy panda grass by sexual sexual detective oh his wife is from a british r&b
[00:51:53] group called the 411 tanya bonaface bryson very nice great name tanya bonaface bryson
[00:52:03] damn dude she has to have to pebob he's also engaged previously to the former wife of boxing
[00:52:09] great sugary lennard is that so after sugary dude he gets mad pussy of this guy and i know i used to
[00:52:17] became engaged to angela fig pen former miss virginia teen usa she's also the detective on or the chief
[00:52:26] on uh no way that might be liz what's your name amanda fig pen and angela fig pen this is awesome
[00:52:34] let's look up all the women people bryson this book yeah that's a different i'm taking a list
[00:52:39] legendary pussy gala stan who was the chief on the lint fig pen is the chief on on car the carman
[00:52:48] san diego television oh interesting yeah people definitely has gotten himself a nice amount of
[00:52:56] pussy oh this lint lint big fan i was wondering did you get a chance to read teddy pender grasses
[00:53:01] study and fuck man i think you'd be pleasantly surprised if you'd like to come on my podcast
[00:53:09] come town to discuss it no i don't believe i will gumshoe yeah please stop calling my house
[00:53:18] please stop asking well for molds of my pussy gumshoes i'm going to call up the ice cream place is an
[00:53:25] Italian man it's a beautiful it's a beautiful monday here in brooklyn to make some to be a
[00:53:34] telephonist a dial a dialographer man my favorite i'm doing dialectics i'm doing dialect exactly
[00:53:45] what did the art called it romeo dialing and not dialectics there you go very good
[00:53:51] mmm i remember when we used to uh folk prank calls in like i don't know middle school high school
[00:53:59] my friend fat bill uh the one that we all went crazy for where he was like he was like hey
[00:54:07] he just called the random number he's like hey what's up i'm looking for mike he was like mike who
[00:54:12] was like mike along and then he and he was like mike along i i'm sorry he's like mike long dick in
[00:54:18] your mouth and we all fucking lost it at that and then bill was like dude that just came to me
[00:54:25] he was like he was like he was like i didn't even plan it he was like he was just and we were just
[00:54:30] like dude that was the funniest thing we've ever experienced we would do that shit on the way to
[00:54:35] like basketball tournaments yeah great time yeah prank calls are a lost art form yeah calling someone
[00:54:43] and calling someone being like be like hey it's gay layering and then they're like and then they're
[00:54:50] like um uh the person's like we don't what the fuck we don't know gay layering i'm gonna start
[00:54:55] calling up plays talking candy shops is a guy with down syndrome that's awesome i have to keep my
[00:55:00] voice down i don't know i have to fall down no i have to fall down just tell me about the
[00:55:08] candy this this quietness tell me about what is someone what's what are you going on
[00:55:27] that's an awesome one that's a good one yeah calling up the biscuit customer services
[00:55:33] i got a down syndrome yeah i was wondering uh you got any new new uh new audio stuff
[00:55:41] you guys are working on it now i gotta get i have down syndrome i'm not supposed to be on a phone
[00:55:47] because i'll chew off the buttons i forget that i would come because they used to let me use the
[00:55:53] phone and i called the candy shop and i got so excited i jade all the buttons
[00:55:57] just the sound just gets muffled while he's sucking on the phone
[00:56:08] no i do guys are good though the phone is different enough from the audio
[00:56:12] he's totally aware of it i thought i called cookie voices it's fine here we go
[00:56:28] thank you for calling monday's international bringing you joy every day with your favorite
[00:56:32] snacking brands like libido Oreo right trident oh and many others
[00:56:50] damn this made me feel retarded for real that's a lot of
[00:56:54] that's one that i can't do that and it's finally thank you for calling monday's international
[00:57:01] empowering people to snack right with your favorite snacking brands like
[00:57:05] libido Oreo ritz trident hauls and many others i'd like to listen in english press one
[00:57:12] i'd like to snack if you'd like to listen in spanish what's that how to do
[00:57:20] did you know you can now get help following up our live agents by text message for this
[00:57:24] faster more convenient option press one i'm not doing that
[00:57:31] this i i don't have the confidence to do live
[00:57:35] press live well also too i think you're in trouble if you release it record somebody a live person
[00:57:41] yeah i have to remind myself sometimes that like a quarter of a million people listen to this show
[00:57:48] and then you can't like get away with stuff like that is so fucking funny
[00:57:54] but didn't they used to do that on drive time raise all fake it's all like produced comics
[00:57:59] used to go do that yeah they would like they would go sit in a mood and be like you fucked my sister
[00:58:04] you can pay like fucking ten dollars for the day and launch use it as their credit they're like
[00:58:10] as you know as her as zero ninety ninety fuck point gay ninety fuck point gay
[00:58:17] suck my dick w i am and you can suck your fucking dick
[00:58:24] you can fuck me in my ass and put my dick in your butt chain
[00:58:29] suck up each other you gotta fuck me in my ass
[00:58:37] and i say hey my penis tastes okay my non-fucking gay
[00:58:43] put it in your mouth and let me bust down your tonsils
[00:58:48] everybody that you need you can suck my fucking penis
[00:59:04] you can suck my motherfucker motherfucker in me
[00:59:10] i forgot how that guy this one was yeah he did it's Arthur and cops with the two
[00:59:16] reggae shows this is Ziggy dude Ziggy Morley
[00:59:24] love this scene with looping back the baby shit every episode
[00:59:29] this is assessment street one by eight Ernie and this drug dealer is trying to sell the number
[00:59:34] eight the Ernie oh that's pretty innate see this guy it's like fence that's a
[00:59:38] whole thing hey bud hey who you damn this show moves slow
[00:59:48] i forgot it was like art it was supposed to be artistic high art what's that's me
[00:59:53] street yeah they're a little really long shots it's what you would call slow cinema
[01:00:01] every episode of sesame Street is cut down from four hundred hours hello regal i was wondering
[01:00:05] if you're in the slow cinema options uh slow uh you know what i mean by slow cinema
[01:00:18] get it it's basically any movie but i'm allowed it means it's people that are mentally disabled
[01:00:25] that's the joke that's the joke yep calling up a cake shop if i got birthday cake from
[01:00:35] my birthday but it's not my birthday do i go to jail nobody twacks it right
[01:00:43] that's like a bakery refusing to make a gate cake for a wedding that's like but to be the bakery
[01:00:48] that's refusing to make a birthday cake for a retarded guy i think he's had enough it ain't
[01:00:54] right he's had enough he's had enough cake for a lifetime that's how they get like that you give
[01:00:59] them too much sugar it happened to me yeah the darling guy with the retarded kid he's like
[01:01:04] yeah it's my fault for giving them too many sweets i did do one call years ago where i call the
[01:01:09] like i was calling up pizza restaurants and demanding that they make me a cake for my gay
[01:01:13] wedding and they're like we don't want to make a cake i'm like excuse me
[01:01:20] just threatening them threatening calling the news saying they refuse to make a cake for a gay guy
[01:01:26] uh it's just like no we don't make cake that's a fun one that is a good one yeah
[01:01:34] uh-huh man geez louise geez freaking louise i need a bedding for something guys oh you got
[01:01:42] you usually not like this until the end of the second episode the cat is killing me right now
[01:01:48] all right well this is unsafe if we want to t-shirts check out calm.town
[01:01:52] uh we're probably gonna have some new designs in the next two and a half years yep hidden
[01:01:58] store soon that's right go to stavy.biz for some other tea some stavi baby type t-shirts
[01:02:06] and go to adamfreelichop.com to fuck Adam's ass. To fuck my ass and you can zoom over