Cum Town | Premium | 06/27/2021
[00:00:00] It's good thing we check stuff like that. That's the kind of yeah, that's a kind of professional
[00:00:06] Audio excellence we need to have now that it's been announced that we are becoming
[00:00:11] The house band for the reboot of the Jenny Jones show
[00:00:15] Fuck that I'm holding out for Ricky Lake. Yeah, we're not doing Jenny Jones, bro
[00:00:19] We're a lot for Ricky Lake. They're both queens in my opinion. I'd like if she licky the lake between
[00:00:25] What sometimes I come in between balls your balls in your ass. I like to keep it there nice call it
[00:00:40] Secret of the gentleman's secret valley. Yeah, it's a valley of pleasure. Yeah, the hidden valley. Yeah, that's where the name comes from
[00:00:47] Yeah, dude. I bet you if you like a prospectors gooch
[00:00:54] Like if you put some cum in there it probably would taste really salty. Mm-hmm. It would be closer to ranch dressing than regular cum keeping in there for good luck
[00:01:03] When you go out in the mountains, I remember they discovered this load
[00:01:08] You know, you know, L O D E and then hello AD
[00:01:12] That's right. You keep a load close to yourself. You'll find a little closer to your heart
[00:01:16] Mm-hmm. Wow around the mountain. I'm I was being prospecting for move going on a hundred and eighty five years now
[00:01:27] I'm seven hundred and eighty five years old. Oh, you say you're just a metal. It's a how much how much how much did you get?
[00:01:33] 600 years ago the doctor I went into home and they said I'm what you call a Dracula
[00:01:37] Oh, I figured I was bit by at the time I suspected was either a Chinese or Jewish feller is that neither seen neither?
[00:01:50] I I recognize I nearly seen neither in my life at that point. I've been all different kinds of engines
[00:01:57] Right, so except of course for engine classic
[00:02:01] What's what's here to for referred to as dot?
[00:02:03] Right. Oh, yeah, you know, so you have seen I could tell you I can tell you
[00:02:10] I got but three teeth in my head, but I closed my eyes in the woods. I hear a footsteps come on me
[00:02:15] I can tell you type of feather it be really be a command. She see you
[00:02:27] There's a tribe the mentally retarded out there. Yes
[00:02:39] Wow, whatever your dealings with them. What are you low IQ Indians?
[00:02:44] The fellow years low acute now I want to return to the fact that you're a Dracula
[00:02:49] Yeah, what age are you frozen that I got bit by what I assume was a vampire, right? Yeah, and then to create a
[00:03:00] Prospecting as what you would may refer to now as slaves, right? I went around biting a bunch of the Mritard Indians
[00:03:09] Kind of my interest in creating a race of retardraculous
[00:03:23] So you'll never bite anyone that's not retarded saying
[00:03:29] You'll only bite the that that is the mentally disabled that is the cheapest labor I can think of remember being an elementary
[00:03:36] Oh, yeah bang for your buck or be real bang for your buck there in
[00:03:39] Element Dracula's way and a retarded kid accused me of biting him, which was not true. I didn't yeah
[00:03:45] Yeah, often in my life. I've been as bad. I feel like early in my life. I was falsely accused of things pretty
[00:03:50] Yeah, and it shaped your whole your whole worldview. Yeah, that's why you have a real sense of justice
[00:03:55] Why I had to bury myself in tales of prospectors in Native Americans
[00:04:00] And live in a fantasy world. Yeah, but a retardic get I remember him accusing me of biting him and the teacher
[00:04:08] believed him and I like I couldn't use all three parts
[00:04:18] But I'm gonna become it I'm gonna put a I'm gonna catch some of that I want to put in my mouth on a fucking
[00:04:27] Come on teach and I got in more trouble for the defense
[00:04:32] People talk about fucking cancel culture
[00:04:37] How you know how mean it is to say that it would be disgusting to bite a retard
[00:04:43] Yeah, that wouldn't be on the top of my list of guys to bite and then I and then now I had to
[00:04:49] Reinvent myself as a as a prospect. So I just love the fact that clearly that kid
[00:04:55] Just accused you of doing something he does. Yeah
[00:04:58] Okay, well we have to believe him trying to get trying to get cleaner audio from my cleaner levels. Yeah, that sounds
[00:05:10] That sounds okay. That sounds pretty good. I try to make myself sound like Garfield
[00:05:14] Mm-hmm. I may have said that in the past died like that from the animated series. Oh, yeah
[00:05:22] Lorenzo the cats going somewhere it should
[00:05:24] We're in your ass well what while Nick scone I caught a we got a
[00:05:31] On the United Airlines flight. We had free satellite television Wow, so I watched the USA Channel's father's day
[00:05:39] SVU lineup. Oh nice. What was going on and in literally every episode the father was raping his child
[00:05:54] Father and child shit with the will sasso episode on I
[00:05:58] Unfortunately not that was the best episode the best episode of SVU where the the real father was raping his child
[00:06:06] What's that you flick me? It's just for a second. Okay. No one's nice to be back
[00:06:10] You know doing the stuff we love to do. How would you break cuz you know him? It was really nice
[00:06:14] I was a 2021 Tacoma gay sex festival. It was nice dude me and the me and the boys
[00:06:20] We woke up at six every day went surfing. It's for its. It's Toyota fuck month
[00:06:25] Yeah, you come on down and they'll fuck you in the ass. Yep Toyota fuck month in Costa Rica way
[00:06:30] They have the Toyota thong who does truck month
[00:06:46] That's the kind of no good of gold I find okay in everyday conversation
[00:06:54] I'm out in the mountains not looking for physical gold. I live out there cuz I'm a child sex offender
[00:07:03] For for good old-fashioned fellas like me for what they call a pedophile Dracula
[00:07:11] You know what this is actually a very good framework to think of Nick as he's the bit prospector and all his weird and all his
[00:07:17] brain cells are not capable of things like
[00:07:20] Love and relating to another human being because they're all retarded. That's cruel. That's a cruel way
[00:07:26] They're all retarded Indians that can only see I would say that's an unfair and cool way to think
[00:07:33] No, it's not his whole it's not his whole brain
[00:07:35] But you have bitten you have turned half of your brain like that and the other half is it's basically you have one
[00:07:42] You have one brain cell that's not a retarded bit seeking Indian slave and it's will
[00:07:48] Will Smith from I am legend and it's okay. That's the battle raging inside Nick
[00:07:57] What what what what is what what's going on? I never saw the movie? No, no, it's a guy in a dog and no one else
[00:08:05] I robot no you're thinking about the pursuit of happiness. I'm thinking of I am legend. No, you're thinking the person
[00:08:11] It's vampires versus one guy. Oh, and there's one guy. Okay, Nick's Nick's brain
[00:08:16] But you find out at the end never months off
[00:08:18] You're gonna spoil this you know what you can you can I don't want to see you find out that the monsters are the good guys
[00:08:25] And then it so at the end it turns out Nick isn't
[00:08:32] Is at the end it's the retard. It's the retard Indian brain cells. They're the good ones. Well, I did actually
[00:08:47] Every dad like this song next thing in his children
[00:08:56] I'm trying to turn them into retard draculous
[00:09:01] If you don't mind I can see you're out of a
[00:09:06] For a couple of extra chromosomes, but I'm up real nice
[00:09:20] And it is timeless yeah, I listen that song and I'm like I can't wait to be 65 years old
[00:09:25] Yeah, and just smile well the best part of this is here the gambler come on smile
[00:09:30] I probably talked about it before but just like the the what like what the scenario is in that song is there's he's just next to some guy
[00:09:37] To train and he's like give me a cigarette some of your whiskey and then he just drinks all of his whiskey
[00:09:45] And smokes I think his last cigarette. Yeah, that is fucking really and then he's like let me tell you some
[00:09:50] I've just played cards for a living and the trick is you got to know what cars to get rid of him with the key
[00:09:59] And then the guy just fucking dies. Yeah, that's a that's a rude ass fucking that's one of the worst Amtrak's you guys
[00:10:06] You could be seated next to you. Yeah, he takes your fucking cigarette. He drinks your booze
[00:10:10] And then he fucking dies next in a regular world that's something we call the mentally ill piece of shit
[00:10:18] Yeah, that's just a homeless guy dying next to you
[00:10:21] You gotta know and somewhere in the darkness the gambler he broke even what a nice euphemism
[00:10:29] Yeah, dying in your sleep on a train somewhere dying
[00:10:32] Break even that's true because they had in check to see that he hadn't paid the fair
[00:10:38] Yeah, I think and so then they had the deal with a dead body that was going nowhere other than the city plot
[00:10:57] Way the money it's like that movie the wrestler if the character had never even wrestled
[00:11:13] Yeah, this guy got no pussy in his penis was small
[00:11:19] You gotta have a bigger penis your dick is way too small
[00:11:23] It's like a nice fat pussy. Yeah, the guy with a big dick by Kenny Rogers
[00:11:47] But there's something you can work with here we're gonna trim up your boobs
[00:11:51] I give you a dick man. We're gonna lie both suction the fat around your day
[00:11:59] Have it surgically placed and closer to your asshole
[00:12:06] So you're gonna contour your pubes to do the optical illusion
[00:12:10] We're gonna cut your dick and have and in the middle put the material from your thigh
[00:12:17] We're gonna medically extend your dick and if anyone asks you say let's just turn the lights off
[00:12:26] And that's the story of Harvey Weinstein
[00:12:31] Steven said to me we were just like eating dinner and maybe there'd been like
[00:12:35] Five seconds of silence and I forget what the conversation had been part of that was about like, you know
[00:12:41] I don't like like yeah, well seems like he's doing well and then silence and then him being like, you know
[00:12:48] I heard that Harvey Weinstein's dick was fucked up because you I think it was because he was trying to make it bigger
[00:12:58] How long has it been bouncing around your brain? He really truly has a beautiful mind
[00:13:03] Well, it's like it's if anyone wants a visual. It's our friend that looks remarkably like Geddy Lee
[00:13:08] It's like it doesn't produce its own thoughts. It's just like it's like it's like my name is actually get heady Lee
[00:13:13] That's pretty cool. Yeah, keep going. It's actually bready. No, it's actually and you're married to Sarah Lee
[00:13:20] It's get heady Lee. I am married to Sarah Lee because I like cakes and she got big tits
[00:13:24] No, but my name is get heady. She married you for the life insurance
[00:13:31] She knew she knew she had 18 months visit of feed me cakes and smother me with your big fat titties
[00:13:38] There's there's way worse ways to go 18 months of gritting and bearing sexual encounters with you before she's got a big
[00:13:45] Life insurance and she wears a lot of she wears a lot of made a line out of eating people's pushes
[00:13:54] No one if they were about to come by the way
[00:14:00] You gotta have a bigger pain if you don't mind me saying you look like a faggot
[00:14:20] I'm trying to buy a beer in the cafe car. I'm really fucking thirsty in the cafe cars, Minnesota
[00:14:30] Because the doc I've got a medical condition
[00:14:32] And I'm not just trying to get drunk, but I swear to God. I that's the only option
[00:14:39] The doctors have told me that I have I have to drink legally
[00:14:43] I will go blind. I will go blind. So give me five dollars now. I'm not asking motherfucker
[00:14:54] I done sat down here before you don't come at me like like I came into your world
[00:15:02] You gotta pay the toll to get me drunk told if you want to sit next to me on this m- on the northeast motherfucking regional
[00:15:15] I'm going to Boston to get pussy off Instagram
[00:15:21] From some bit she's probably maybe two or three points lower on the scale than she looks in the pictures
[00:15:26] But it turns out she's got a son which I think means the pussies ruined
[00:15:34] But you have you don't have to care as much somebody else already done the day
[00:15:41] But maybe there's a chance that the doctors sewed it up tighter and maybe the pussies actually medically in hands
[00:15:58] You gotta know when to go fold them at least she's not Jewish although sometimes that's nice
[00:16:04] It's not bad as a change of pay. Hey, you know and friend change it up
[00:16:08] And then you think about the fact that they're rich
[00:16:11] And then it just becomes a rich person a kind of offset
[00:16:16] Sometimes you can fuck them the guy on the train by Kenny
[00:16:19] I met some fucking guy on my way to get some pussy on I was also getting pussy
[00:16:43] To me seemed whack but then at the end he would save it he would save it at the end
[00:16:48] It was one of those guys you meet where they were just they were taking L's throughout the whole story
[00:16:54] And then right at the end they put a stinger on it and made it nice
[00:16:59] You got a love when someone gets nasty with it
[00:17:05] Talking about how they wound up in jail, but then in jail somehow they meet like David Hasselhoff
[00:17:13] And I was on probation, but then it turns out my probation officer was the fucking one of the guys
[00:17:22] We started getting talking and he introduces me to my dad who turns out to be gay
[00:17:28] But no one at his job news. So I black my male mown dad
[00:17:34] And around about way to get child support
[00:17:37] But really if you think about it he owed me the money anyway, he owed me the money and I spent it on a semi
[00:17:52] Time to time I get pussy from the ugliest bitches on earth is my first time being on a train
[00:18:08] When I get scared I get horny I hope that I don't fuck you
[00:18:23] You got a suck on a man's do you got a suck on his penis when you get scared this is a different part of the song
[00:18:32] You gotta use a man's penis you got pacify you got a
[00:18:38] I'm gonna skip ahead to the part where I try to convince you to have gay sex with me. You know what I was remembering
[00:18:44] The other day was you know what you keep talking for a second. I'll just pull a song up
[00:18:49] I forgot we got this the soundboard a K my phone now. Yeah
[00:18:54] Yeah, so Adam what's it like man, what's it was it like being on a plane? Oh?
[00:19:18] Like me because I heard that it's faggot
[00:19:39] What else we got in that little bag of Reno Adam, you know, I'm sorry
[00:19:43] I've committed I promise I never again in my life will use either the hard-r or the soft-a, but the flander-resien
[00:19:54] That's just what I get that's just the culture. That's what I get. Yeah, man. I get mine
[00:20:00] I love I love the I love the Flanders memes when he's got guns
[00:20:03] Oh, yeah, rips get diddly in case of beep. That's silly
[00:20:13] What was that episode where flanners like about the he's got like a sniper or something?
[00:20:21] There's like I have chocolate covered coke. I don't want that shit. It's a tree house a horror or chocolate covered
[00:20:29] Pina no, I want something more substantial like macadamia nuts
[00:20:34] You know we need is a chocolate colored mayor. Wow here in New York. Oh shit Adam came through with the
[00:20:42] It was not for me it's somebody from Australia sent a bunch of shots out to the fucking aussies, mate
[00:20:48] Uh-huh, you know, it's very funny is like so they sent they got
[00:20:51] They're fucking they're like version of like wheat thins or whatever like flavored wheat thins that are just called shapes shapes
[00:20:57] And then they had these these things that they were called pods which were just like twix in a different shape
[00:21:06] The only shit that has dumb wacky names here is candy. That's sure it's all like
[00:21:12] Snicker doodles or whatever. Where is in Australia?
[00:21:15] Everything else has a fucking stupid name. Yeah, but then there's snacks or like instead of Pringles. They're just like ovals
[00:21:22] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a kind of ovals. It's that's that's when they're that's how you know
[00:21:27] It's a true a truly retard country. I think snacks seriously. Well, yeah
[00:21:33] I don't know they take candy is seriously. We're gonna have to get that crazy. Yeah, look at this violet crumble
[00:21:40] Yeah, but in Australian terms it should be called like I guess if they tried to give candy regular names starting off with
[00:21:46] Australian as the base language they would have a stroke. Yeah, if we're a crumbly well
[00:21:51] Imagine they imagine their version of like a watch him a call it. Yeah, if you're already being you know
[00:21:57] You that's how you say like, you know, yeah, that's what the that's what the your version of Exxon
[00:22:03] To get a watch him a call it. You're like, I've got to go to the gasa was a luzzling
[00:22:08] The was a gasoline do you get that what did you know what sold this then I guess that's British? That's British fucking yeah
[00:22:15] Oh sold this then come on Adam. Yeah, stop. Do you have any
[00:22:19] English there's be perinos. Mm-hmm. The flandish suck my fucking penis
[00:22:35] Great song is in between people don't know in between episodes really lazy with it. Mm-hmm. You're not even thinking about it
[00:22:43] No, that's what that's the true shit. That's where the best ones come out 98% of it. You're not even hearing we have started
[00:22:53] Yeah, that one I don't even remember doing his basketball makes me horny I
[00:23:16] Don't even remember saying that the first time dude. It was pure
[00:23:26] Well you lose it I maintain my composure
[00:23:30] You're a good dude. They got you good. Let me see you pussy for six bucks
[00:23:53] You're dead I watch that Anthony Hopkins movie the father. Oh God
[00:24:02] I don't want to watch that piece of shit really absolutely garbage. I don't know what's not about people are saying he was good
[00:24:08] I don't want to watch it because it's good performances, but the movies
[00:24:11] Heartless piece of oh, I just I thought that that would like hit too close to home
[00:24:15] Well, I mean, it's like I just don't want to see a man getting a movie that offers a different perspective on Alzheimer's that it's actually bad
[00:24:24] It's brutal there are other movies about Alzheimer's what they're all brutal what
[00:24:29] There was one about a country singer and though what's this name? Yeah, well, there was a documentary. Oh God
[00:24:39] It's so fucking sad the brain of brain of holes
[00:24:45] About Graham Williamson brain of Williams. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
[00:24:50] That shit is so sad. Honestly, you should be able to just fucking if you have Alzheimer's
[00:24:56] Mm-hmm. You should get a gun you to be very funny
[00:24:59] I'm always say we go to visit my grandma
[00:25:01] They got they got Alzheimer's like this new I guess treatment or whatever that's been in the news
[00:25:07] It's very funny to imagine some like somebody's like grandpa or whatever that like he's like who are you?
[00:25:14] They're like it's Jeremy, but dad we're good like it's me your son
[00:25:17] Yeah, but like we here's the pill that we cause
[00:25:21] It's outrageously expensive and it's finally we're able to like save my dad's memory in the last like year of his life
[00:25:27] And we get him back and the grandpa takes a pill and he's like, oh my Jeremy. It's you
[00:25:31] I've been in a fog for years and now it's all coming back to me and oh
[00:25:37] Michael my other son and they're like crying and he's like and
[00:25:43] But I remember her and I remember all of these things and I'm remembering my my life working it
[00:25:50] And and IBM and that you know my years as a computer engineer
[00:25:54] It's all coming back to me in college and oh, it's back and my elementary school. I can remember the hall was busted
[00:26:11] This is part of that that was maybe some maybe I should have taken half the pill
[00:26:18] Remember being a baby and shitting my my mom's pussy
[00:26:23] Coming out of my mom's pussy and having the sucker tits for years for years sucking like weird
[00:26:36] My dead mom's pussy. I remember her body look like in the casket, but now I can't stop thinking about my mom's pussy and they're like
[00:26:46] Old yellow. I thought maybe I could invent an Alzheimer's medicine, but once again
[00:26:51] I made a man a diamond think about his momma's pussy
[00:26:54] So you know why I need to go back to just being a prospector and Dracula slave a slave owner
[00:27:00] Leave on a retard slave on the prospector and Dracula
[00:27:05] Instead of got my army of waterhead Comanche retal
[00:27:08] Instead of vampire a mess around all the science
[00:27:15] Trying to prolong everybody's life other than doing it in the simplest way. I know how which is just a bottom
[00:27:23] If I get all farmers, I want my family to be like grandpa you were just getting pussy
[00:27:29] Like oh, sorry, you're tired because you were just getting pussy from a woman looks exactly like Selma high
[00:27:36] Before I suppose I did back before I started hating sin of comedy because doesn't do anything makes me feel bad now
[00:27:48] like going to visit your grandma in the
[00:27:51] Nursing home or whatever and you bring like a bunch of like
[00:27:54] Just fill her room with like what stolen art in a little lockbox with a bunch of passports and a gun in it
[00:28:00] Yeah, you just convince your grandma. She's Jason born. Yeah, I'm sure she's the Thomas Crown of her
[00:28:06] I used to have what is that a cooler reference and no well? He's not thief. So it's actually a more accurate reference
[00:28:12] I'm sorry. Yeah, sorry Adam's a big Patricia high Smith fan. All right. I just out Adam do how do you feel about that?
[00:28:20] Feels good actually. Yeah, you know it feels like sort of the master has become it's crazy
[00:28:26] Because actually you're both fans of Patricia guy Smith. Okay. Yeah, a lady
[00:28:35] It's a guy named Patricia go ahead and he sucks other guys all over us with his transfer be a once again
[00:28:42] Oh, yeah, patricia can't be a fucking man. Wait. Can we go back?
[00:28:46] Can we go back to all timers thing real quick about it's it's it's a canned swabic if you disparage a big big
[00:28:52] Tidget it is true and I will not stand for that first of all stop. Okay. I don't like I'm the one who
[00:29:02] It's not true, but look I remember by the way, you know, there's a go of invent it
[00:29:08] Go who's the one who told me who's who told me he fucking was silly who was it?
[00:29:13] I still think that's true fuck out of here. I don't need they say they don't say that
[00:29:28] First of all pigs are very intelligent, but we've covered this and they're good to remember I am a I'm a
[00:29:33] Woke I'm a feral hog. Yeah, I'm a boss hog. Well, it's an expression. We're not talking about you
[00:29:39] You say you have the memory of a pig. Yeah, you didn't actually have to call yourself a pig
[00:29:43] Don't have a great memory. I kind of feel don't you don't
[00:29:47] Don't just like this some seems like some weird projection girl. You need a little bit of self risk
[00:29:52] Don't even try and gaslight me you two little fuckers. Okay, you both can suck my fucking dick
[00:29:57] You're a little chipmunk and you're a little snake
[00:29:59] I can I'm the fuck and I'm the fucking boss hog
[00:30:01] I could and I'll I'll run my fucking horns through you motherfucker
[00:30:05] My dad and get to be a snake because he's treacherous, but the snake is the coolest of all. Yeah, but I'm like
[00:30:10] You would hurt your feelings. Yeah, we're heading the hurt my feeling it does actually be as you as the mongers
[00:30:16] I you're a chip monk. You're not a monger type of mongers. It's not a type of
[00:30:20] You're a little fucked up. No the mongers can kill the family and the pig is
[00:30:26] And the pig will run his fucking tusks through whoever the fuck I can just look at my little sailor outfit and it's owned by a ritual
[00:30:35] It does have a sailor outfit because it looks cool
[00:30:44] King of the fucking forest by glorious swans and no no living inside murder in fact the pig murdered a fucking rich
[00:30:53] Install his she is owned by an old woman with a bunch of
[00:30:57] Hollywood he does fuck the woman sometimes he licks the old woman's pussy
[00:31:17] She liked that yeah, that's the noise she's making
[00:31:21] The pigs have a snake with any woman it wants
[00:31:25] Snakes sneaking up from behind the deliver a fatal blow to the pig no chance
[00:31:30] Because there's a garden snake he doesn't have fuck
[00:31:33] Venom no, he's a desert. He's obviously a desert snake
[00:31:41] Black model. I thank you for getting it right
[00:31:47] I'm not even close. That's what's what's a South African snake. He's not South African. I am I'm Russian. I'm Eastern
[00:31:56] Okay, so wait going back to Alzheimer's thing, so we don't have snakes
[00:32:00] Russia in Russia. I guess they're furry. Well, they like
[00:32:10] Yeah, my dad tells the story speaking of Alzheimer's about his grandmother who was a like a she was a mean old woman
[00:32:22] And is she the two bhogg of Cape Town? No, no, that's my grandmother
[00:32:27] Don't get it twisted. Okay, so she she apparently her eldest son died in the second world war
[00:32:34] When he was jazz he was a fighter pilot. He's the only here
[00:32:38] That's right. We you lied about him. I remember he's no actually someone found the records of his death
[00:32:43] I appreciate who died in three me. Yeah, he's buried. He found that he saw a picture of Adam and he killed him
[00:32:57] He was surviving on a Greek island and then someone showed him a picture of baby you and he was like oh my god
[00:33:02] My great anyway her baby. I've never seen my love her eldest son died and then she became a like a
[00:33:09] Hard hard old bitch, right? She like went to her bedroom and she was mean the rest of her life because she was broken hearted
[00:33:17] When she was dying when she was dying she was going through dementia and when you go through dementia you return you return to your
[00:33:24] Childhood so my dad like went to go visit her to say goodbye and she was in the stage of her childhood
[00:33:31] When she was living back in me back in Lithuania
[00:33:35] And she was she asked my dad if he wanted to come to the forest with the rest of the boys in the village
[00:33:42] To watch her lift her skirt up for everyone. Oh, it's like yeah
[00:33:46] Yeah, she was like she was like trying to fuck my father. That's all
[00:33:55] Another another story which is horrific. I think I texted to you guys
[00:33:59] But I don't think I've ever said it on the show is our family friend
[00:34:03] What her father was going through dementia and you returned to your childhood and he was living in a retirement home in
[00:34:12] Florida beautiful, but in his mind he was in Auschwitz
[00:34:16] Oh, that's right. You can tell this is in the house with Florida
[00:34:23] You thought that he was in the camp I was wrong to Santa so picked the most Jewish town in Florida and renamed it
[00:34:31] Because they're like I'm too tired to deal with this. I don't like it
[00:34:35] But now this is an outrage. This is it's rude, but I'll tell you what I'm too tired to do anything
[00:34:42] Damn that sucks. I love that you're a was a grandma a great grandma
[00:34:47] It was my great grandmother. She was getting her pussy worked over by in the in the fucking shoes
[00:34:51] She was going to lift her dress up for the boys in the
[00:34:57] Fucking on all fours getting spitroaches literally
[00:35:01] She was literally the cum dumpster of villainous. I got a I got a Charlie horse in my
[00:35:06] They fucked her in the ass because they didn't want to come in her pussy. Well, I got a child. I was in my ass
[00:35:11] That only tells me that story because I one time I said to him
[00:35:14] I was like yeah, you know like people in the olden days didn't fuck
[00:35:17] You know like I was like now kids are fucking when they're 13. He's like no
[00:35:21] He's like my grandmother used to lift her skirt up for the boys in the village. I sure pussy off
[00:35:26] I think there was definitely and like the
[00:35:30] 1910s 20s that people were fucking then everyone got up tight and like post World War two
[00:35:35] Everyone had to be like all proper. Yeah, pre Hollywood code post Hollywood. Yeah, exactly. Yeah
[00:35:41] But yet villagers were fucking like animals because they were closer to animals. They were I mean, yes, you know where
[00:35:53] Yeah, if I I think a good way to get pussy would be to go to a nursing home
[00:35:59] Did you're with a bunch of bitches with Alzheimer's and dress up in a World War two uniform and come back and be like we beat the japs
[00:36:06] Time for some fucking pussy ladies. Yeah, you put on a sailor outfit. Yeah, one of them dress up like a nurse
[00:36:12] Yeah, we did it gals and then you just take your dick out and then they go fucking hog wild. Yeah, yeah
[00:36:19] Pass it around dude like it was the victory cigar. There's a piece pipe in that retarding the
[00:36:33] Many moons have passed since I last saw my brother. Let's count them one
[00:36:41] Well, it was many it was a lot. Let's say it was several moons
[00:36:46] The eagle flies down a mile you could just take regular like Native American poetry and say it down syndrome voice and it's in its
[00:36:56] checks out. Yeah, the eagle flies down them. They're just describing what animals are doing
[00:37:01] But it has like all of their art. Yeah, but a beautiful
[00:37:05] simple language. Yeah with like a pie a wood a woodwind. This is gonna be one of those things that gets me in trouble
[00:37:12] Imagine imagine colonization of North America never happened
[00:37:16] Like we think they figured out a thousand years ago. You just need to leave people be
[00:37:22] But then we still somehow develop the internet and so there is like some degree of cultural exchange and the entirety of North America
[00:37:30] No, it was just people like, you know, they have like whatever England has just like like bullshit about like King Arthur and all this
[00:37:42] bullshit and then it's like well, let's let's
[00:37:44] put the native America. Oh, it's a poem and it's
[00:37:50] the eagle flies and then lays eggs and then the dog barks
[00:38:03] Like okay, well, let's see what do you have another poem like oh, yeah, let's see what we got
[00:38:09] Oh, I got tons of stuff. We got we got a lot of stuff here. Let's oh this one's about a turtle in the Fox
[00:38:16] Turtle move slow and goes in its house, which is also a backpack. Yeah in the Fox
[00:38:23] He's quick and brown he jumps over a lazy dog. It's like no, you stole that one from keyboards
[00:38:30] You stole that one from Microsoft Word like okay, fur. You got me. What do you guys want to talk about?
[00:38:43] That's a tight ass shirt. Yeah, I mean I guess you can't say that like they wouldn't have come up with a couple of other ones
[00:38:49] But then you do look at other like isolated tribal people that didn't develop like
[00:38:55] Yeah, what's it called when there's like an excess of agriculture or something there?
[00:39:00] Did they Americans have that or not what they didn't have like farms and shit
[00:39:08] But it's not like they were producing an excess of it and use it to like the mines the mines and you know
[00:39:14] I just I mean like not the mines. I mean like Nate like you're talking about your core
[00:39:17] Yeah, yeah, yeah, like this shit. Oh shit all this shit around here is named after I'm sure I'm sure some other fuckers did
[00:39:24] Yeah, I don't know what the fuck do I know I mean, I don't know anything. That's what I'm asking
[00:39:28] My guess is you're wildly wrong. I think
[00:39:31] Probably did I know you're talking about and they probably had like long as it's much funnier from right
[00:39:36] I it's so much funnier of course. I want to believe you're right
[00:39:39] But I do probably I think you do I think you want to you want to think that they had the internet here
[00:39:45] They were driving around in Teslas. No, no, I want I want you to be correct. It's gonna be funny in 10 years when Tesla's gone
[00:39:55] Yeah, and they're like up so much for electric cars and I guess what comes back. What's that fucking muscle cars?
[00:40:03] We're all trying to hot rock. Yeah. Yeah
[00:40:07] That's gonna be it would be funny if they just found like a lot of fucking more gas or whatever
[00:40:13] But it was they found a way to just make it clean. Mm-hmm. That would be tight. We didn't have to change anything
[00:40:24] Not only that but we get to have most like it's actually better to use more
[00:40:28] Yeah, you get muscle couple of mustang Sally is all I would love to have yeah
[00:40:33] Well, we need to shift the burden to zero carbon emissions to developing nations
[00:40:38] So you invent like a carbon tax or something just penalize, you know developing economies
[00:40:45] Basically every third world country there should be they should be in a period of permanent arrested development in the name of saving the planet
[00:40:51] Yeah, where they can you know just be like permanently indebted to giant like the green energy like you know
[00:41:00] the either they had development funds or just you know companies that basically get to own their entire energy
[00:41:06] Infrastructure so they don't do something evil like you know
[00:41:09] Use cars and then but then we get to have them we get to do that to be clear
[00:41:15] Get that because it would be ridiculous to just roll what are we supposed to go back?
[00:41:19] They're already in huts. Yeah, I got a house. I need the AC running. I'm not gonna go to my balls get fucking hot
[00:41:26] I agree we got it. We already have to deal with other fucking Native Americans here. Yeah
[00:41:33] They have cool stories. Yep, that must that must have been annoying to be like yeah
[00:41:41] Like okay, let me you think we're the same guy. Yeah, first of all, we have every spice
[00:41:49] You were trying to find different way to get to the other side of because all of India is basically a big grocery store
[00:41:57] And you couldn't be fucked to walk from one side to the other yep to find spice
[00:42:01] You say well, that's because it smells bad. We understand right
[00:42:05] Did you go you have to take a ball to go? I?
[00:42:09] Mean what the fuck what what is stupid? They're like what do we found a different way to India that takes a million times?
[00:42:16] It was just a next door, but you just have to sail that way a little yeah, they thought the world was so much littler
[00:42:22] Yeah, it was smart. I gotta give it to him fringe. You know, it's crazy. I would have tried it
[00:42:26] That was a great idea like to be like let's give it a shot, but they put a lot of effort into it
[00:42:30] Yeah, it wasn't like they took one flyer on it. They were like well
[00:42:33] They ran into South America. They're like damn we're gonna have to go to the to the bottom
[00:42:40] I'm so pissed. We basically we need to do like maybe two or three hundred years of slave trade
[00:42:46] Yeah, we'll set this up to do slave and take all the gold and then and then we'll continue our journey
[00:42:52] And then we're just also we're gonna pretend like this is India
[00:42:55] When even though it's none of the spices India because they were there obviously
[00:43:05] Don't know if America was playing the 1600s on
[00:43:08] They got there. That's when they got there in the 1600s the British. Yeah, really? Yeah, they got to India
[00:43:14] I think there were I think people like Europeans got there before yeah, what was the last Empire the new call Empire was the last one before
[00:43:23] They have so I have no no idea the Jaiho Empire
[00:43:29] It's the dance at the end of some dog million
[00:43:33] Mm-hmm. Never seen it. Anyways, I'm not interested
[00:43:37] Do not do history and try to get back to the joke here, but imagine you're some
[00:43:43] Yeah, this just he's got all these spices. You got cool has got so many books
[00:43:49] Also, the only group of people really kind of carrying the torches far as like cool stories
[00:43:53] Instead of science because that was that's like the real dialectic. I guess in history is like
[00:44:00] People that want to be like but what actually happened aka fucking fags are ruining any kind of movie or yeah
[00:44:06] Yeah, and then guys that are like man, so there's a battle. Yeah some guy
[00:44:12] Heaven and hell and it's always evil good and evil. There's always getting pussy involved
[00:44:16] All this cool shit and then the Native Americans are the worst of all of them where they're just like, you know
[00:44:21] Ah, it's like a turtle or something spirit of the sky
[00:44:24] There's a sky they just describe it in literal terms, but then they don't do either science or
[00:44:30] interested in you're saying they aren't there good
[00:44:34] Don't have an imagination and they don't have a scientific mind and it's because they're just smoking weed all day long
[00:44:39] Which is cool. I have that makes them cool. Let me say they don't have spices either
[00:44:43] They had poison though. Yeah, buff. Yeah, buffo
[00:44:47] Bicycla day. Yeah, yeah, they're really they are truly they are truly Americans. It is very funny that like they were
[00:44:54] Only a negative term the first person the pushback against that like sand torum statement that they didn't really pretend like
[00:45:03] Influence any of American culture if you consider that Americans are mostly
[00:45:12] diabetic alcoholics. I love gambling. Yeah
[00:45:16] Fucking like in football. I mean then yeah, then yes
[00:45:20] They can't let me ask you this do they have a myth where you get pussy like do they have a comma suit?
[00:45:25] No, none of it's none of it's sexual. It's all just bullshit about like no
[00:45:29] They're they gotta have no it's all tortoise and the hair kind of shit
[00:45:31] Why they're why the ladies have their titties out there because there were two lazy to put on shirts
[00:45:42] Native American sexual myth. I guess one of the most
[00:45:50] We're gonna get to the bottom arena with this one
[00:45:52] I guess one of the most famous Native Americans was just a chick that gave pussy to got to a couple
[00:45:58] That's half a couple or Native Americans didn't come with guilt
[00:46:01] I'm liking it it is funny because like women are like women don't get any credit
[00:46:05] They mean white women because saccage away is on the money and she was just a whore
[00:46:08] She was sucking off losing her she knew directions too. Yeah. Yeah. She had she had a fucking she was like her clit was
[00:46:16] Because she'd been the every guy's house
[00:46:20] She's like oh yeah, I used to heard quit always pointed kind of trailing off when explaining why she knows a certain neighborhood
[00:46:26] Oh, yeah, it's just I I knew um nothing nothing just turn here
[00:46:32] Okay, so i'm reading this which is called from the fair observer
[00:46:36] And it says for Native Americans sex didn't come with guilt
[00:46:41] And it seems to be kind of breaking everything you were saying instantly where it says the when that formed a loose
[00:46:50] Mythologies of the indigenous peoples of the Americas and the image is like a wolf talking to a cat
[00:46:56] No, I'm saying the cat is just the in a tree. It's like a coyote in a possum appearance
[00:47:02] Okay, I'm just talking about the when that and they said they were a horticultural people growing corn beans and squash
[00:47:09] So horticultural. Yes, but not agricultural. There's a difference
[00:47:12] I don't think it's I don't mean they didn't have like big
[00:47:16] Fields where they're producing an abundance of like of resources to then like border with most of the world
[00:47:22] The horticulture the planting weeding harvesting grinding was done by women
[00:47:26] Yeah, well, they got us weren't out to hunt the most important social unit was the clan
[00:47:32] Also, you belong to the clan of your mother not your fucking
[00:47:37] There's the only time they're putting on clothes to go around scaring black people you would call people of your generation brother and sister
[00:47:44] That's nice. Let's get to the point where it's the pussy part to fuck. Yeah, where's what's the pussy part a woman's choice?
[00:47:52] But the person would have to be of a different clan. You can't fucking the whole in the well you got a fuck some other go
[00:47:58] It makes sense you got to go to your home pass and a motherfucker. You'll never see
[00:48:02] It's not cheating in different area. It must have yeah, I got a host different area cuz all right here
[00:48:07] We go Iroquois mythology because this is the one I'm interested must have been difficult to the right place as each house belong to a particular clan
[00:48:15] All right, here we go. Look. I want the Iroquois mythology first thing Wikipedia. I don't know any of this shit
[00:48:21] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm and the first image here in 19th century decoration of an unidentified ship and Iroquois Indians sitting on a turtle in reference to the great turtle that carries the earth
[00:48:33] Wait, so your objection is that they use too many animals, but it's all it's always that it's just the stuff that's around
[00:48:39] Yeah, well the Sun was put up there. There was the great and you think in India. They have like eight armed guys
[00:48:47] Is cool it's anthrocentric, okay, which is what mythology should be just be like
[00:48:55] What's our ship the guy made a big boat because it rained a lot. Yeah, Christianity is also pretty gay. Honestly, it's not that good
[00:49:05] We get also the Greek stuff and the Egyptian stuff, which is good. There's a lineage there
[00:49:16] Great the world turtle also called the called the cosmic turtle
[00:49:25] Cosmaged this dumbass turtle dude. That's got like elephants inside of it. That's cool. Yeah, there were elephants in
[00:49:39] There's some kind of sexual thing. There's a ceremony here. All right, let's see here on country
[00:49:43] There are also assemblies of all the girls in a town at a sick woman's couch either at her request according to a vision
[00:49:51] Or dream she may have had or by the order of the shaman for her health and recovery
[00:49:55] So if a bitch is sick, they get all the girls all the like young girls and women to say off
[00:50:02] No, no, they they come to the sick woman's house and they're like when the girls are thus assembled
[00:50:05] They're all asked one after another which of the young men of the town they would like to sleep with the next night
[00:50:11] Each name's one and these are immediately notified by the masters of the ceremony and I'll come in the evening to sleep
[00:50:17] With those who have chosen them in the presence of the sick woman
[00:50:21] Then one at the end of the lodge to the other
[00:50:23] That's bad and they passed the whole night like this while the two chiefs at the two ends of the house sing and rattle their tortoises
[00:50:30] From evening to the following morning when the ceremonies concluded bro. They tried to they try and that's cool
[00:50:36] They try and fucking heal old an old sick bitch by with sexual energy
[00:50:42] That rocks. I'm all for the when that dude. I think that's pretty cool. Let's go to who that
[00:50:48] When that that's like a new who that yeah, it's from the new Orleans tribe. That's the
[00:50:54] Many freshes the chief. It is important to note that it was the young women that did the choosing not the young men
[00:51:01] See that a woman's choice. I like that too
[00:51:11] The ceremony of the anda quandar a mating of men with girls
[00:51:15] Which is made at the end of the feast. He specified that there should be 12 girls and a 13th for himself nice
[00:51:21] The answer being brought to the council. He was furnished immediately with what could be given
[00:51:33] Imagine like john john smith like coming to the
[00:51:35] They bring me to the tent and they're like we will show you our culture
[00:53:26] Five, got some booty pants, and the knee
[00:53:28] One, two, five, got some real booty knee
[00:53:30] Oh, you five, got your man, some tricks
[00:53:42] I want you to meet my daughter, Pocahontas
[00:53:44] She uh, uh, paints all the colors of the wind, if you
[00:53:56] You can put it in her ass if you'd like to
[00:53:58] Oh, you five, now you've got some diamonds
[00:54:09] Yeah, the whole, that's why, like, you know
[00:54:12] Uh, all of our religion is like, you know, wow
[00:54:17] Yo, imagine if the turtle had elephants
[00:54:21] Can you imagine if the elephant was who found out you don't
[00:54:24] No, the world turtle thing is like a universal thing
[00:54:31] Yeah, it's one of those things where you know it's like
[00:54:33] The English have dragons and then we have dragons
[00:54:38] Yeah, the Chinese dragon is like the English dragon
[00:54:41] A breeze fire and it's fuckin' looks like a
[00:54:56] It looks like a Chinese cat that's having like
[00:55:01] What do you think about that, Mr. Jon Smith?
[00:55:15] Let me find out she got that bold tux booty
[00:55:20] Let me find out you got you set the pussy on the loose
[00:55:23] Yeah, let me find that your old man wears sandals
[00:55:25] Let me find out he watched a lifetime, man
[00:55:32] And by the way, if any girls are out there listening
[00:55:34] I also have new shoes and a bag of hair for you
[00:55:44] Yep, straight off an Indian child's head
[00:55:46] We're gonna get that yucky, that Brazilian
[00:56:21] I mean, it's probably just a head that flies around
[00:56:25] It might be getting your dick sucked in a cloud
[00:56:27] I'm thinking it's the cloud from Dragon Ball Z
[00:56:34] But you're getting your dick sucked by Bulma on it
[00:56:42] It's basically the McDonald's character
[00:56:44] That just sneaks up on women and scares them
[00:57:09] If there was one person I would bet my life
[00:57:12] Will never be backstage for anything it's Eddie Griffin
[00:57:17] He's like, oh, the Johnson & Johnson thing
[00:57:34] I would definitely trust Eddie on scientific matters
[00:57:37] Was that because of the Baltimore factory?
[00:57:48] They were putting, they were like mixing up the batches together
[00:57:50] And they just fucking them up completely
[00:58:04] I'm looking at a 350 plus body right now
[00:58:17] They call it Stavs Tits the Wayans brothers
[00:58:20] Because you got to put each one on the scale
[00:58:30] Are you guys speaking the way to the way?
[00:59:44] A lot of people don't know that I had sex
[00:59:50] Honestly, you could tell me like half the wayans were gay