Cum Town | Premium | 03/06/2017
[00:00:00] Let's get it started in here, which originally was let's get retarded.
[00:00:11] Just one small change makes a massive...
[00:00:15] You're allowed to have mainstream success.
[00:00:18] I can't wait until some woke dumb ass discovers that about the black eyed peas.
[00:00:22] That the song was actually let's get retarded.
[00:00:25] And then they go after Reggie Watts because they think Reggie Watts was in black eyed
[00:00:32] There was the police officer, the construction worker, and the whore.
[00:00:41] Stolen valor guys should really get mad at the village people, right?
[00:00:47] I think at least twice you've said it actually.
[00:00:57] I think that they should get mad at the mailman where those pith helmets.
[00:01:05] You get like the mailman that you're like, yeah, I deliver mail, but I'm also in World
[00:01:14] That's why I'm wearing a four year old boy shorts and a pith helmet.
[00:01:18] They look like that guy that came through from the jungle world in Giamonji.
[00:01:26] So didn't he also play Robin Williams dad in the movie?
[00:01:33] They got a UG Mange coming where the ladies got her titties.
[00:01:39] They're like, oh, wow, you know, Robin Williams has been trapped in Giamonji since childhood,
[00:01:48] He's like, isn't he a fake character though?
[00:01:52] Because we need the holodeck in Star Wars.
[00:01:55] Or some remember, all I remember from Giamonji is the boy goes missing and then some other
[00:01:59] kids play a game and then there's fucking elephants.
[00:02:02] Yeah, they come into the house and it makes a big mess.
[00:02:07] They wouldn't let me watch movies where like the house got messy.
[00:02:10] Did you ever have any like adult movies that you watched as a kid that, for whatever reason
[00:02:18] And like I watched, I used to watch War of the Roses all the time, which is about divorce.
[00:02:33] We rented the Steve Martin reboot of Cheaper by the dozen and my father had to turn it
[00:02:40] off because they were making too much of a mess in the house.
[00:02:43] He said, these people don't have any control.
[00:02:47] I thought this was going to be a movie where things are cheaper.
[00:02:51] Steve Martin getting really good deals on furniture.
[00:02:55] Yeah, that's the movie I wanted to see is a movie where things are cheaper than they
[00:03:13] They got weird names for car shit in England.
[00:03:17] The hood of the car is called the bonnet.
[00:03:48] Instead of a lug wrench, they call it a wheel brace.
[00:03:56] I didn't realize how fucking expensive gas was.
[00:04:10] Well, because gas in the United States is heavily subsidized by the government.
[00:04:29] Yeah, that they don't tax it enough and subsidized.
[00:04:32] No, I think that it's like cheaper because it's subsidized.
[00:04:35] So the government pays to have the oil come here?
[00:04:42] Well, then in what's the way is it's subsidized?
[00:04:44] I think that, well, we have oil, we have reserves.
[00:04:47] We have massive like government reserves of oil.
[00:04:54] I don't want to talk about this at all.
[00:04:55] I said, I think it means I don't have to qualify whatever I just said.
[00:05:05] You can't like it, you know, you get food stamps here.
[00:05:06] They just were like, well, you're going to have the tortillas, which I guess makes sense,
[00:05:14] You know, if you're Mexican, you're probably just wanting nothing but fucking burritos.
[00:05:18] Well, because in Mexico, it's actually the corn industry got destroyed by NAFTA.
[00:05:23] Dude, how much would suck to live in a country and you're only allowed to eat one type of
[00:05:28] So people are like, you know, oh, well, you haven't had real Indian food until you go
[00:05:31] And it's like, yeah, I'm sure it's pretty fucking good, but I don't want to eat Indian
[00:05:37] If you live in India and you want to fucking, you know, you want some feta cheese.
[00:05:49] I don't have a get address to be for San.
[00:05:50] You want to go to McDonald's and get a big mac oven with McDonald's and the Panera.
[00:06:23] It's like, yeah, that's the least important part of sandwich.
[00:06:26] The rest of this shit is fucking frozen.
[00:06:28] No, but Subway says we make the bread and the bread sucks, Dick.
[00:06:32] That's the worst fucking part of your sandwich.
[00:06:38] That shit's fucking like a sponge, dude.
[00:06:39] Why is every Subway owned by an Indian family?
[00:06:44] It's because they got tired eating Indian food.
[00:06:50] A lot of Indians don't eat Indian food.
[00:06:51] Not only will we not have to eat Indian food anymore, we will find a way where we can eat
[00:07:10] Is there any guy dreaming about going there?
[00:07:17] What's almost worse than the child molestation is that Subway had a white man as their spokesperson
[00:07:25] It's like, please do not ask for too many toppings.
[00:07:31] Please do not take advantage of the free topping station.
[00:07:34] Did have you ever been a white guy behind a black teenager at Subway?
[00:07:55] You have three cups of olives on your sandwich.
[00:08:00] Well, clearly you've never been to Chipotle with me.
[00:08:06] They charge you for all that change of polo.
[00:08:16] The retches happens to be all the shit that I get.
[00:08:26] It sucks up the flavor of whatever you're eating and deteriorates the overall quality.
[00:08:34] You ever put too much rice in something?
[00:08:35] You make gumbo and you put too much rice in it and it ruins it.
[00:08:44] No, guacamole is essentially flavorless.
[00:08:50] It's just the texture that people enjoy.
[00:09:02] It just means avocado and avocado derivatives in general.
[00:09:08] Dude, you're going to suffer if you ever go to California because they can't get enough
[00:09:14] Well, that's how it fucking was in Texas, man.
[00:09:16] Everything you would order it was like, and we put avocado in it and you can't even take
[00:09:21] the avocado out because it's built into the silverware.
[00:09:40] I guess they want you to be like an alien and like the aliens explaining like all these
[00:09:48] I mean, this is why I didn't get the audition.
[00:09:50] I read it and I'm like, this is commercial editions of so fucking stupid, dude.
[00:09:59] You're like, oh, I would be great to have a commercial agent because you know, you just
[00:10:05] But I've probably been to like 40 auditions.
[00:10:10] The one time I ever booked anything, they fucking gave me a doubt.
[00:10:13] They edited my face out of it so that they could just pay me the session fee again.
[00:10:22] There was one, the only time I ever went on an audition and I did real well, like the
[00:10:26] where the casting director was like, wow, that was fucking great.
[00:10:33] Taylor Ketchum went in right after me and they're like, wow, you're even better than
[00:10:45] I don't want to fucking violate any kind of NDA thing he signed, but it was like, it's
[00:10:58] Princess Leia's black now and she's got a dick.
[00:11:05] She's got a dick on her forehead and she looks black.
[00:11:08] Does it hang all the way down so she can suck it?
[00:11:14] Yeah, she looks black, but she's Chinese.
[00:11:31] How could anyone be mad at anything Star Wars does?
[00:11:34] I really don't, I get people that like to claim some kind of cultural ownership of Star
[00:11:40] They're like, well, I was nerd and that movie was important.
[00:11:42] It's like everyone fucking watched Star Wars.
[00:11:48] The nerd thing are the guys that were upset that like the green hornet was a shitty movie.
[00:11:53] The people that knew what the fuck you know.
[00:11:55] Yeah, they're talking about casting on like a CW flash, minor character.
[00:12:00] The people that watch Gotham, that show that's about literally the show Gotham is what
[00:12:06] What if, but it's what if there was no bad man.
[00:12:09] It's like that's the only good part of the fucking shit.
[00:12:13] It's like that's literally like going to Subway and be like, let me just get the fucking sandwich.
[00:12:17] Let me just get the bread with fucking a little sweet onion chicken teriyaki sauce in there.
[00:12:24] Just baking me a fucking bake me some dough.
[00:12:29] I mean, can you imagine watching Gotham?
[00:12:32] And they have like a new Joker and he's like, he led you to the fucking cool joke, the coolest
[00:12:41] Yeah, but even in the Batman world, aren't like the police and everybody else, they completely
[00:12:47] Like I understand that Batman has like superpowers or whatever.
[00:12:53] Well, I understand that Batman is a superhero, but like I think the police would be able
[00:12:57] to handle a guy that just like loved riddles.
[00:13:03] I don't think they would be like, ah, he'd fucking trick this because we know their answer
[00:13:07] They're constrained by their rules, you know, like the Constitution holds them back.
[00:13:12] But Batman doesn't have to worry about any of that.
[00:13:14] He's like, he's like the zero dark 30, you know, he can, he can do torture.
[00:13:26] They have to go kill all the dark people.
[00:13:37] I do a lot of gerrymandering when it comes to figuring out which races are considered
[00:13:43] dark and okay, you know, because even Northern Italians, they're lighter than I am, but they're
[00:13:54] Plus like, there's that weird Russian, that weird region of the world that's like between
[00:13:58] Russia and Asia, like all these weird Mongolian looking motherfuckers.
[00:14:08] I was in a community college class behind this giant Kazakh dude.
[00:14:10] It was like very like, you know, happy to be in America and tell people like, you know,
[00:14:15] I'm coming here, I'm like pursuing my education.
[00:14:18] And I was like, man, have you seen Borac?
[00:14:20] He's like, yes, that's not a very accurate movie.
[00:14:22] And I was like, you guys hear how they all kill that Jew.
[00:14:26] And he was like, but that doesn't actually happen in Kazakh sand.
[00:14:29] And he's like, my wife, I would only talk to him about Borac.
[00:14:39] Well, he couldn't tell that I was fucking with him.
[00:14:41] He thought I was just some dumb guy that only wanted to talk about Borac.
[00:14:43] And he would get like so depressed speaking to me.
[00:14:48] He tried to tell me something about Kazakhstan.
[00:14:51] I'd be like, remember when Borac fucking, what he rapes, talks about raping his sister?
[00:14:56] What is retarded brother rapes his sister?
[00:15:04] My favorite Borac thing is a fucking one of the deleted scenes.
[00:15:09] He's getting a massage like from a real masseuse, just a guy.
[00:15:14] And he tries to get the guy to give him a happy ending.
[00:15:17] It's like a massage therapist, a straight man.
[00:15:20] But this is how method this motherfucker is.
[00:15:25] Like he somehow conjured a boner for a bit.
[00:15:29] And he tried to get, like I wonder if the guy would have started jerking him off if he
[00:15:34] That's like, I don't know the answer to that fucking question.
[00:15:39] He's one of the greatest comedians of all time.
[00:15:48] I got a haircut from an Uzbek woman once.
[00:15:52] And I said, Kazakh later in the haircut.
[00:15:58] It was not an acceptable mistake to make.
[00:16:07] I don't know anything about it, but I would imagine that all the Stan countries think
[00:16:20] Well, in Afghanistan, all the like Northern warlords were just from different Stan countries.
[00:16:35] And apparently like, that's the porn that like people look at the most in those countries.
[00:16:38] It's so funny how they told the army to just ignore that.
[00:16:42] They're like army guys are coming in their commander and they're like, you know, they're
[00:16:46] raping a bunch of boys and they're like, yeah, we know about that shit.
[00:16:53] Look, man, at least they're not Taliban.
[00:16:55] We shouldn't even have been here in the first place.
[00:16:58] You know, they just come in there fucking commanding officers getting sucked off by a
[00:17:04] I mean, look, they're they're more the more those boys get raped, the less room they have
[00:17:09] in their hearts to hate America when they get older.
[00:17:25] I I I I guess that, um, what was I going to say?
[00:17:30] They're using our technology to rape those boys.
[00:17:33] You know, our taxpayer dollars are Chris Hanson.
[00:17:36] I would love to see a Chris Hanson Afghanistan.
[00:17:43] Why don't you tell me what you're doing here?
[00:17:46] Uh, you brought you brought the, uh, the, the, uh, the textiles, you know, and condoms.
[00:17:53] We asked you to bring textiles and the goats milk.
[00:17:59] I mean, these fucking these chat transcripts are pretty damning, my mood.
[00:18:06] Uh, fuck Chris, you would just get raped by them.
[00:18:14] No, they found out he was fucking kids.
[00:18:16] No, I mean, that would make so much sense.
[00:18:23] That would be the best news of all time.
[00:18:24] Yeah, I fucking hated that show when that show was on.
[00:18:33] It's that it was always, all this posturing is like, you know, this is real journalism.
[00:18:38] You know, this is fucking, I know it's on prime time, but like this is fucking hard
[00:18:43] We're finding these people and exposing them and we're really doing some good and like,
[00:18:49] And it's like, no, you're exploiting pretend children, you know, for views to sell ad
[00:18:58] And they would read the transcripts where he's like, yeah, I want you to pull down your
[00:19:02] little, you diapers and let me suck off your cock and then we just read that and like,
[00:19:15] And also, it's like part of the fucking attitude that makes, you know, sexual assault directed
[00:19:21] to children, like continue to be a fucking problem is because the answer for somebody
[00:19:26] if they're a pedophile, because like, again, no one would choose to be a pedophile.
[00:19:31] You know, like it's some, some fucked up thing happened in your head that you became a pedophile.
[00:19:36] And the only solution now is to just like, sort of ignore it and lie to everybody until
[00:19:45] You know, and the only thing that really works that like has any impact on recidivism rates
[00:19:50] is a chemical castration, but there's no options.
[00:20:00] No, you just, it's, it's, it's, it's hormone suppression therapy.
[00:20:05] You get a shot like once every six months or something and then it kills your sex drive.
[00:20:12] You know, it's not like you're going to fucking grow tits or anything, but they can't, I don't
[00:20:17] think there's an option anywhere for somebody.
[00:20:19] There's no like intervention program or like a public intervention program or somebody
[00:20:23] could recognize that they have a problem and there's a safe way for them to contact states
[00:20:28] authorities or advocacy groups that are like, yeah, hey, we'll get you this medicine because
[00:20:31] group therapy doesn't talk or it doesn't work.
[00:20:34] Group talk therapy sessions don't work.
[00:20:39] Giving them even like just letting them beetle off the child porn doesn't work.
[00:20:43] There's like literally nothing that works other than like chemical intervention.
[00:20:46] Imagine like the government office where all the child porn is kept.
[00:20:58] The FBI rated this website play pen two years ago.
[00:21:04] Yeah, they they rated like this server and they took down this like big child porn website
[00:21:10] and then instead of just downing the website, they kept running it for another 11 months
[00:21:15] and like uploading new child porn and like catch more people.
[00:21:23] For like 11 months, the FBI ran a child porn website.
[00:21:29] There were definitely FBI guys beating off the child porn.
[00:21:40] That was his first job before he ruined her.
[00:21:44] Why I used to follow this kind of shit like this is one of the good things that they have
[00:21:47] on reason like you know, reason reasons like very good with like.
[00:21:53] Anything sex related, cultural sex related and how it you know, interfaces with like
[00:21:59] the judicial system reasons pretty good.
[00:22:03] But then you know, their next article is like, this is why seat belts should, would you
[00:22:06] get rid of seat belts and five year olds who work in factories.
[00:22:11] But they had fucking, they they covered the story of some kid in Northern Virginia who
[00:22:19] sent his girlfriend like a picture of his dick.
[00:22:21] And it's girl, they're both like 15 year olds and the girl's father found it and he's
[00:22:33] And so he calls the police because his daughter is 15 year old boy friend.
[00:22:38] He's like sexting with her and the police go and arrest the kid.
[00:22:42] They were, I think they arrested the girl too for receiving child pornography or whatever.
[00:22:47] They arrest the son for the 15 year old boy for like manufacturing it.
[00:22:53] And then the the detective in charge of the investigation against the boy, they went to
[00:22:59] a hospital and he filed a court order to have the boy forcibly injected with pill or chemicals.
[00:23:05] It would make him get directions so they could take so that he could take personal pictures
[00:23:13] And it's just to prove that it matched and then of course like 12 months later.
[00:23:22] That detective was caught with child pornography and he shot himself in the head.
[00:23:28] He was just a fuck of court like of course.
[00:23:34] I actually this report only saliva will actually get it.
[00:23:39] I guess I'll volunteer and suck off the child.
[00:23:54] I don't know if like the district attorney's office like dropped the charges in light of
[00:24:01] You know, I would hope that they would.
[00:24:03] But I mean, like that's a fucking problem with like overzealous prosecutors and shit.
[00:24:07] It's like ultimately you have these laws to protect children.
[00:24:11] And it's like who are you protecting in that circumstance?
[00:24:14] Oh, these two kids sent naked pictures of themselves to each other.
[00:24:18] Let's put them in an adult prison where they'll be raped for the rest of their lives.
[00:24:22] They'll come out as hard in criminals because they've been raped in there.
[00:24:27] And then when they murder a fucking, you know, a bank teller because they don't know what
[00:24:34] They can't stop thinking about when they got all their teeth bashed in in the back of
[00:24:42] For changing the channel on the TV, for putting on Arthur.
[00:24:45] I would, I would love to go to, you go to, that's instead of, you go to prison instead
[00:24:50] of beating up the biggest guy in there, you go in the rec room and put Arthur on the TV.
[00:24:56] And then you just sort of like quietly beat off the D.W. in front of everybody in their
[00:25:03] You know, not, you don't beat off the D.W.
[00:25:10] And then that one guy is just a potato.
[00:25:20] But you know who else though is the fucking, is such a fucking piece of shit that dad who
[00:25:23] gets mad that someone's fucking his daughter.
[00:25:28] All that shit, like the promise ring shit is straight up dads.
[00:25:31] They're just like, they want to fuck their daughters.
[00:25:34] Just Donald Trump, daddy, daughter, dance guys.
[00:25:37] I want, if I would daughter, I want her to get fucked, dude.
[00:25:41] I want to be a progressive ass dad, dude.
[00:25:47] I don't see any way that I could possibly pay attention to, or like, feign interest
[00:25:53] Unless your kid goes viral at a young age.
[00:25:55] I think about all the dumb shit I was into that my parents would even, to the extent
[00:26:00] And like listening to what I was saying.
[00:26:06] They want to tell you about the Civil War as if you don't know what it is.
[00:26:12] It's like, yeah, I fucking know you dumbass piece of shit.
[00:26:25] And back in your life, you can get out of the crib when you can build your own bed.
[00:26:30] So your options are going back in the crib as a 12 year old, or you can go out in the
[00:26:35] garage and fuck around with the power tools.
[00:26:37] And I'm turning the lights off because you don't pay for the electricity.
[00:26:45] What have you loved in your life, Nick?
[00:26:46] What would you characterize as having loved?
[00:26:50] Is there a living thing that you ever have felt a real affection towards?
[00:27:02] No family member you had a close connection with?
[00:27:05] I mean, I guess, but you're supposed to, right?
[00:27:09] Was there ever like a favorite one that you were happy to see?
[00:27:15] Was there a person outside of a woman you've dated?
[00:27:18] If you take away like that weird element, is there a person you're excited to see and
[00:27:27] I'm remembering the time I saw the Oscar Meyer Wiener mobile.
[00:27:36] They're on a Jersey turn, but it is pretty crazy.
[00:27:40] And my dad was like, hey, check that out.
[00:27:52] That's not how they transport the hot dogs.
[00:27:55] I didn't know there was like an entire fleet.
[00:27:56] Oh, I didn't know that until right now.
[00:27:59] There's like 30 of them and they just drive them around the country.
[00:28:03] I had that same experience and I was so fucking stoked, but I thought there was only one,
[00:28:12] And I've also found out when I was looking for a job that you need a college degree to
[00:28:21] Oh, it's like a job that they could do while they're in school.
[00:28:31] They must have like a little cooler for hot dogs.
[00:28:33] If you're going to real emotional, then I'm sure they do.
[00:28:36] It's true, but I'm sure it's just like any other hot dog in there.
[00:28:40] Nitrates, blood, and maybe bleached feces.
[00:28:48] Damn, I used to, but honestly, fuck Oscar Meyer hot dogs though.
[00:28:55] Yeah, Hebrew National was the big one, dude.
[00:29:06] They were huge in Baltimore because Cal Ripkin was their fucking sponsor and all the other
[00:29:34] Cal Ripkin was the spokesperson for Adventure World, which became Six Flags America.
[00:29:41] It was the Six Flags out in like Laurel.
[00:29:46] It was the big ride was the mind eraser.
[00:29:51] And I just have memories of Cal Ripkin saying the mind eraser.
[00:29:55] And then the roller coaster would go through his head.
[00:30:03] No, but fucking SK sucked so much dick that you wanted them because you were a fucking,
[00:30:09] Because we're, yeah, it's like 95, 96 when the oils were good as shit.
[00:30:13] You're like, Mom, I just begged your parents and it just tastes like dog shit.
[00:30:18] No, I ate one one time and I was like burping up sulfur.
[00:30:22] And I was like, well, I don't know what this experience is.
[00:30:24] And for the rest of my life, I'll have that fucking that scent in my mind.
[00:30:28] I thought it was stove top stuffing for because I had stuffing with it.
[00:30:31] I thought it was stove top stuffing for like,
[00:30:37] So you made hot dogs a lot for yourself?
[00:30:40] I mean, my mom would have to make, but I mean, she would let me pick the, you know, I mean,
[00:30:44] You could have cooked food for yourself before you bought that story about, I mean, I could,
[00:30:49] no, usually what I would do is I would get home and just eat like nine bowls of cereal.
[00:30:55] I would go to a fucking after school program.
[00:30:59] That was the only reason I wasn't a latchkey kid.
[00:31:01] I would go to the Mora Crossman Rec Center and I would just fucking get in fights with
[00:31:08] I got punched by one time because I beat these kids in ping pong and I called them like
[00:31:16] And they just like, I was like, ah, you guys suck.
[00:31:22] I was the only one who was smart in that fucking rec center.
[00:31:26] And then I just, I beat them at ping pong and then I was like, ah, fuck those guys.
[00:31:32] They just fucking beat the fuck out of me.
[00:31:39] I got a big black eye and then my dad chased him down in a van.
[00:31:48] He just ran up on him like a two pocket.
[00:31:55] Just frightened this fat nine year old.
[00:32:03] My dad threatened, uh, did he threaten any of them?
[00:32:04] And then I love that scene in dad grandpa when he's sitting in the locker room and he's
[00:32:19] That was a saying there's something wrong with my fucking gear.
[00:32:23] Wait, bad grandpa was that a Johnny Knox?
[00:32:35] Yeah, I'm getting his dolls all black in nation's surgery.
[00:32:57] With that, you know, unless they made the sequel right away.
[00:32:59] Also who's clamoring for bad Santa to now?
[00:33:02] I would have been if they, I mean that fucking original movie was so funny.
[00:33:17] If you really like, you know, bass crude humor.
[00:33:24] No, I would have made something like that.
[00:33:30] Did you identify with anyone in that movie?
[00:33:41] It was like, yeah, it's all just like a one zero shit.
[00:33:53] What I love is that they use dial up to access to Matrix.
[00:33:56] Well, that was the technology at the time.
[00:33:58] In the yeah, it's 200 years in the future.
[00:34:05] What about how everyone says a black lady wrote that interminator?
[00:34:09] Oh, well, that was- no, there was an insane black lady that sued both of the, you know,
[00:34:18] Man, I sentenced you to 15 years in prison for wasting our time with this.
[00:34:30] It's what I remember of that story is what had, so it happened.
[00:34:40] But when everyone was doing the, like, say her name stuff, like six months later, I just
[00:34:44] wanted to post that with, like, I'm not going to forget, you know, say her name and then
[00:34:49] just post a picture of a different black lady.
[00:34:51] I see how many people just completely forgot what Sandra Bland looked like.
[00:34:58] No, because they didn't really circulate that many pictures of her.
[00:35:08] You know who you also wouldn't be able to recognize?
[00:35:24] I feel like the media doesn't pick one picture that they like.
[00:35:27] And so they don't, like, you know, you think of Trayvon, you immediately, you know, the
[00:35:36] You know, Freddie Gray, I remember just, like, a still from Fox News.
[00:35:47] Yeah, I'm going to look up pictures of Sandra Bland.
[00:35:49] You can tell me whether Sandra Bland or not.
[00:35:56] He's going to pull up a picture of sojourner truth.
[00:36:01] This feels, this exercise feels wrong to do.
[00:36:08] Um, what do we do in the meantime, Madam?
[00:36:10] How's your, you're about to go on a little trip?
[00:36:34] I went to visually similar, similar images and found a different person.
[00:36:47] Here you go to visually similar images and then you find somebody that's not her.
[00:36:58] I don't want to have just fucking silence on the show.
[00:37:06] You're basically grand wizard of this podcast, bro.
[00:37:10] Well, that's just my point, is that, you know, they don't...
[00:37:15] I want to... well, we'll find out later.
[00:37:18] This is... I do this with people all the time.
[00:37:19] This is why I got my Metro card taken away.
[00:37:25] I got a new Suze Why I'm Not Allowed at the Library, anymore.
[00:37:35] I don't know, but they were insane lines.
[00:37:38] They're the hypebeast streetware brand Supreme.
[00:37:45] First of all, what the fuck can't the MTA do a collab with the construction workers that
[00:38:01] The trains never fucking work, which I would understand if they were just completely
[00:38:06] incompetent, but they're like, oh yeah, we got... I don't even know who that is.
[00:38:12] It's because the trains here are sucked because they built the trains in 1812, and they haven't
[00:38:20] So they all run on... they're all electrically switched.
[00:38:24] So there's no computer that controls all the trains.
[00:38:29] Yeah, but why is the shit so dirty, dude?
[00:38:31] Japan, you can fucking eat off the floors, dude.
[00:38:33] Especially from all the brake material that's accumulated down there.
[00:38:37] Every time they apply the brakes, if they're not electric brakes, then they use some sort
[00:38:47] I feel it is when they just drive those diesel trains through the station and it's like,
[00:38:56] Yeah, MTA workers all go deaf because of the screeching.
[00:39:03] They all have to file for workers comp.
[00:39:06] After working down in the tunnels for 30, 40 years.
[00:39:18] We've been in the podcast minds for a while now, dude.
[00:39:25] We'd have to take that up at our next union meeting.
[00:39:29] I don't want to stay in front of the dick.
[00:39:31] Dude, would you get scabs if we went on strike?
[00:39:34] Well, I incorporated this business actually in Texas.
[00:39:36] So this is, you're not employed in a right to work state.
[00:39:45] What other fat guy Jewish guy would you fucking replace us with, dude?
[00:39:51] Who would I replace you guys with if I had to?
[00:40:06] And it's me, Jim Norton and Anthony Kumea.
[00:40:12] There's gonna be a post on the subreddit that's like...
[00:40:20] We got to fucking get them out of there so we could have...
[00:40:22] Dude, why are you talking shit on the subreddit, dude?
[00:40:25] I haven't looked at the subreddit in months, but...
[00:40:36] Yeah, people like old tax me and it'll be numbers I don't know.
[00:40:39] They'll be like, let me get Adam's address and...
[00:40:43] People always ask me for your phone number.
[00:40:55] Yeah, people ask me to fuck me and I say yes.
[00:41:01] Well, there's just some guy that thinks that I'm the inward.
[00:41:06] There was a gay guy that Facebook messaged me and was like, hey, I know you're probably
[00:41:10] straight, but if you wanted me to suck you off, I totally would.
[00:41:19] I love that that's the thing bros complain about.
[00:41:21] That's exactly the thing bros complain about.
[00:41:23] They're like, yeah, they're like, you know, I don't fucking care for gay dude, but just
[00:41:29] And then people are like, okay guys, don't do that.
[00:41:41] That was the main plank of his platform.
[00:42:02] No more cross dressing being trans is bad.
[00:42:06] Adam's playing with a candle right now.
[00:42:11] How about it's none of your beeswax candle.
[00:42:16] Dude, yeah, you didn't say a bro homophobic Bernie Sanders thing.
[00:42:27] If we let them get married next to it, we're going to be trying to get married to dogs.
[00:42:39] He just sounds like Rodney Dangerfield.
[00:42:48] Every impression we do ends up at Rodney at some point.
[00:42:53] Do we do Chinese Rodney Dangerfield already?
[00:42:58] I might specifically remember no respect.
[00:43:05] I feel like we really need to get some racist.
[00:43:09] That's why I get pissed off that we're not funding NASA anymore.
[00:43:12] I was watching Star Trek the other day and it's like we need new races to stereotype.
[00:43:18] Yeah, you know how much funnier your life would be if there was some blue fucking floating
[00:43:25] elephant bitch that you had to interact with every day, that guy from episode one, whatever
[00:43:32] Wait, you know it's from episode one, right?
[00:43:43] And by the way, there's no more of that guy in the movie.
[00:43:59] You'd have to go to space pawn shops to find other ones of those.
[00:44:02] Yeah, they own junkyards and pawn shops.
[00:44:09] I really hope JJ Abrams gets his own spinoff.
[00:44:18] Rogue two, Colin, the Jew elephant thing race.
[00:44:34] That would cure racism if we had new one alien race.
[00:44:39] We wouldn't have any time to dislike any other race.
[00:44:43] We all had to deal with that blue floating elephant guy.
[00:45:27] Well Yoda used to talk like a Chasetic Jew.
[00:45:31] But they don't even tell you what Yoda's race is.
[00:45:36] Yeah, because that's because when it first started, they didn't know it would be a fucking
[00:45:41] industry to just make up all this fucking bullshit.
[00:45:45] Yeah, they didn't know what Wookie's were.
[00:45:48] And really there was zero thought put in the Star Wars.
[00:45:52] Yeah, George Lucas is like, I created a multi-faceted universe.
[00:45:56] It's like, no, you barely did any work at all.
[00:46:06] That's the thing is you make one good movie and then you're allowed to make every director
[00:46:10] makes one movie that means something to them so that they can immediately sell out and
[00:46:15] make a complete piece of shit and live off of it for the rest of their life and have
[00:46:19] their original work, which was legitimately pretty good, completely overshadowed by the
[00:46:34] I'm trying to think of somebody that made a piece of shit movie that prior to that was
[00:46:43] So we were talking about something that's known for their piece of shit movie.
[00:46:58] They've seen the Titanic where you see titties.
[00:47:02] Stop Lex that scene because drawing is happening.
[00:47:09] Dude, he's beating off to the drawing, not the, not the breast.
[00:47:12] Look at dude, he's looking at the jewelry.
[00:47:14] Does you and your friends all beating off to a 20, 20 inch TV screen watching Titanic?
[00:47:21] He's beating off to the jewelry because he's gay.
[00:47:24] Did you guys ever have group beat off parties?
[00:47:32] No, we don't want to do beat off with you.
[00:47:35] Basically my, my fucking, my middle school experience was like boogie nights, you know,
[00:47:40] we're all just, there's someone fucking on the floor and we're all watching.
[00:47:45] And you know, stops going around going, have you seen my wife?
[00:47:55] No, no, no, the guy, the William H. Macy's wife.
[00:48:04] What did you guys beat off to in a group set where it taken me?
[00:48:06] It wasn't like we, like, you know, Julianne Moore insisted that her, they had the, like,
[00:48:10] carried duct tape around all the time in these like inversion boards because she was so method
[00:48:15] that she would only do every scene in that movie with her pussy filled to the brim with
[00:48:20] So they would fill Julianne Moore's pussy.
[00:48:24] The whole staff, you know, because it was, she actually holds a lot more common.
[00:48:28] So everyone would have to come into her and then they would duct tape her pussy shot.
[00:48:32] And then flip the inversion board around and she's like, I'm ready to act.
[00:48:36] She just, she slept like Batman upside it like L.L. Collejane to keep the, to keep the
[00:48:49] This is, there's a scene where the bad guy has the girl like hung up on like a stirrups
[00:48:55] Cause the premise is, is this old like blind marine and he's like, who look ins break into
[00:48:59] his house to, you know, rob him or whatever.
[00:49:02] And they got to the basement, you know, cause he's like fighting back.
[00:49:07] He's not going to be able to do anything, but you know, he locks him in the house and
[00:49:09] they get down to the basement and they find, uh, he's got this girl in prison down there.
[00:49:15] Because, uh, yeah, he, his daughter was killed by the girl.
[00:49:19] And the girl was like a rich girl and he's like, you know, I want my fucking daughter
[00:49:24] The courts aren't going to, you know, do anything.
[00:49:25] And so he had been saving all of his cum and he impregnated the other girl.
[00:49:31] And then the girls that broke into the house, he has her tied up.
[00:49:34] And there's like a scene where he's just walking towards her menacingly while she's all like
[00:49:39] restrained and he's got a turkey baster.
[00:49:53] That's, that's, look, dude, we have a podcast called comptown.
[00:49:56] What do you think that you literally just penciled a deal with Nickelodeon?
[00:50:11] It's Nickelodeon guts, but it's Nickelodeon get up in them.
[00:50:32] I give you legends of hiding my tent pole.
[00:50:35] Put my dick so far in your mouth it's in your temple.
[00:50:42] Come on your face and get some on your temple.
[00:50:48] I'm just trying to get temple in the mix.
[00:50:50] You know how about this is completely different, but instead of five, it goes west as a five
[00:51:06] If Milo became a woman and then said that she like to fuck thirteen year old boys, everyone
[00:51:18] Well, the only reason like a lot of people get away with saying the shit that Milo says
[00:51:22] It's just you have to be like a fucking artist or something.
[00:51:26] People are looking for a reason to fucking hate Milo, which there were already plenty
[00:51:31] You know, attack like this is, you know, conservatives are going to pretend like this
[00:51:35] They're almost having to do it like at a principle because they went after Lena Dunham for saying
[00:51:46] Which you find a cool rock in the ocean.
[00:51:50] And if you don't have any pockets, you put in your little sister's pussy.
[00:51:55] Lena Dunham's pussy was already filled with rocks.
[00:52:00] I mean, Gorgadol fucking like admitted that he, you know, was attracted to like adolescent
[00:52:06] Like, you know, but Petarasty is the thing that's pretty fucking common among weird, prominent
[00:52:27] It's very, I know what you did last summer to plot.
[00:52:42] The closest I ever got was one time it was a sleepover.
[00:52:46] So we were downloading cool songs like,
[00:52:53] And he was the first person who showed me E-Bombs World.
[00:52:55] And I remember people beating off to this picture of a girl in a nun costume, but you
[00:53:04] And everyone kind of took turns beating off.
[00:53:12] It took turns going to the bathroom to jack off to a fucking porn magazine that my friends
[00:53:19] So me and my friends, we found this book in the library that had skulls all over it and
[00:53:24] And then the writing was all this weird Latin text.
[00:53:25] And we used to gather around it like candles and jack off onto it.
[00:53:30] And that's where the, in the third Reich, all the ancient runes, those were summoned
[00:53:38] by jacking off on them with your friends.
[00:53:40] And that's really kind of where I became racist actually.
[00:53:43] Through those circle jerk sessions over the Necronomicon.
[00:53:50] Did you ever, where did you, so was your friend who's house?
[00:53:59] And then they were like, what's Alex's last name?
[00:54:07] People wanted to call up the office and let people know that he was.
[00:54:12] My friends were sort of similar in a similar way to how I'm still bullied as a 30 year
[00:54:18] But my friends were accusing me of not being able to come because they're really a late
[00:54:27] I remember they were like, you can't come.
[00:54:32] So then I like had to go to the bathroom.
[00:54:33] They had a fucking magnifying glass over Adam's day.
[00:54:40] They all laid under a glass table and waited for the company and the glass table.
[00:54:51] And then my friend got mad at me and tried to fight me that I came on his magazine.
[00:54:54] But I was like, and then they kept saying like, you only get one of these high-lives
[00:54:58] You're going fucking brooding like that.
[00:55:25] Well, it was like a small, it was like a mini booklet type shit.
[00:55:32] The only thing I would subscribe to as a kid was jet.
[00:55:52] And me and my friends, you all used to jack off to a magazine.
[00:56:04] He was the only person that had high speed internet.
[00:56:11] And so, well, no, my other friend, he found a, I don't know how so many people have these
[00:56:17] stories, but he found a porn DVD in the woods.
[00:56:22] It was initially, it was like a, it just filled a porn.
[00:56:25] And then eventually it was like, you know, everybody gets a towel, don't look.
[00:56:29] It's a fucking matter of simplicity, you just don't want to.
[00:56:36] So many little kid dicks out at the same time.
[00:56:43] And look, your hand, your hand wanders a little bit from your dick.
[00:56:54] Like 15 years ago, some guy that was like looking for other guys to come over and, uh,
[00:57:01] I forget the context, but it was like a guy that like used to, you know, have group
[00:57:07] As now an adult man that was married with kids, like wanted to recreate that.
[00:57:11] So he was looking for other men to come over and like they would play Super Mario brothers
[00:57:17] Anyhow, that guy, they would all last it as hell.
[00:57:19] Then they would all jack off with each other and call each other gay or whatever.
[00:57:23] Like this is like looking for, I guess he got caught by his wife.
[00:57:27] That guy definitely got raped by one of his friends in childhood, right?
[00:57:32] Or you're just gay and or well, it was a matter of it's like, you know, like any of
[00:57:35] the other bullshit things you do is like, Oh, I want to recreate having a curfew.
[00:57:40] That was like a shitty restriction that was placed on you.
[00:57:46] Because when I, when I, when Kazaa came out, that was the fucking end of that.
[00:57:55] So there was no way to download anything big, but with like peer to peer shit, you could
[00:57:58] just turn off the internet and come back to it.
[00:58:02] You wake up, beat off right before school.
[00:58:05] You know, I mean, thank God my mom didn't learn computers until after, after like, I think
[00:58:12] So middle school, my mom didn't understand computers at all.
[00:58:15] And I just fucking let Kazaa fly, baby.
[00:58:24] Dude, my cousin was so brash with that shit.
[00:58:26] I remember his mom was sitting right next to him just like the computers here.
[00:58:31] She's like on the phone like this, and he's just like downloading porn like right.
[00:58:38] You know, it's like some Asian woman just getting fucked in her ass.
[00:58:42] And I'm like, you're going to get in trouble.
[00:58:54] The way I did it was like, first of all, there was another kid.
[00:58:56] He had a key and we had to turn them at the same time.
[00:59:04] Dude, that was like one of the reasons I learned how to use Linux.
[00:59:06] It's like I could hide porn on my computer.
[00:59:14] I have the computer boot up to a fucking completely, you know, intimidating.
[00:59:20] It's a weird cryptic fucking command line interface.
[00:59:23] Just so my mom, you know, did you literally do that?
[00:59:34] The most powerful motivation in what in any anyone's life is to come.
[00:59:41] And I thought that that would die down after adolescence, but it's still, you know, continued
[00:59:46] Well, you know, they thought the moon was a titty.
[00:59:49] And then we got there and then was like, this isn't a titty at all.
[00:59:54] That's why that's why we haven't been to space since.
[00:59:58] Well, they told everybody men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
[01:00:02] It's fucked up, you know, and that's why I know what he gives the ship back on Mars.
[01:00:07] That's why that's why everyone Elon Musk, Peter Thiel.
[01:00:18] I feel like all of tech is like evil gay men.
[01:00:32] I don't know if he's gay and I don't think I should be allowed to get married.
[01:00:36] There are in fact lesser races and I'm glad I can't procreate.
[01:00:43] Yeah, Elon Musk was like, they're all the bad guy from, what was that?
[01:01:01] The guy from poor Danes name, he's probably my head.
[01:01:09] Well, he's I want to fuck your mission.
[01:01:18] Don't put it in your pocket or it will become just another cum.
[01:01:44] The only voice I'm good at is Eric, my friend.
[01:01:58] I love the scene where they know, Casino Royale was good.
[01:02:02] I like the one where he goes back to his family house.
[01:02:06] Skyfall was better than Spectre and the other one.
[01:02:12] I'm going to go do the live Caroline show.
[01:02:15] So that'll give you an idea of how early we prerecorded this one.
[01:02:21] When this goes up, the day of Stobbs funeral.
[01:02:32] And I hope I have a solid alibi after saying this.
[01:02:39] Everybody beats you over the head with a PlayStation.
[01:02:41] And there's a bunch of cat hair in the wound.
[01:02:43] And I'm like, who could have done this?