Cum Town | Premium | 03/13/2017
[00:00:03] Will you drink a bulletproof coffee? It's got a butter. Oh, yeah, dude
[00:00:10] Yeah, Evan's here and he's drinking coffee butter
[00:00:17] Nah, dude, we love that shit. What is that for games? What's that for games?
[00:00:21] I think it's for gays for gays both gays all the above it probably is for some gays
[00:00:25] I'm imagining that it would work the same way as poppers do
[00:00:30] Just really open up butter and coffee could really open up the old asshole
[00:00:36] Yes, I don't know some about does bile in it. That's good and then there's like I mean just bile in it
[00:00:42] I don't know what that means. I don't know anything. That's good. So I did it. I heard you don't crash and I don't on it
[00:00:48] So really yeah, I don't know it keeps you full to I
[00:00:50] I did some Greek science did I did go the black humor. Yeah, there's only four elements
[00:00:57] There's what are the food group stars? There's the stars. There's fucking bile
[00:01:02] There's suvlaki and then there's boy then there's little boy come yeah
[00:01:13] Yeah drinking coffee with butter in it and loosen up your asshole
[00:01:20] Really though, why are you drinking that? I don't know
[00:01:22] Because I crash real bad on coffee and that has like a bunch of fat in it and the fat makes you absorb the
[00:01:29] Yeah, and the fats like longer lasting energy's like good fat. So there's coconut oil in it. Ooh and
[00:01:34] butter hell yes, dude. I used to do that shit
[00:01:37] I actually lost a ton of weight doing no sugar no grains and and then I just fucking
[00:01:42] And you just fucking talk slick to me bitch. I didn't talk slick. Mm-hmm. I just I was agreeing with you
[00:01:48] Mm-hmm. I didn't even appreciate we all agreed lost a bunch of weight. Yeah
[00:01:53] Fuchers we all put it back on you. Let me finish my fucking story
[00:01:57] Oh, I used to take a fork and knife and a stick of butter. Yeah, yeah
[00:02:02] I go no sugar's no great just butter every meal
[00:02:05] I have a stick of butter with one broccoli one florett stops trans fat. You put a certain if I says a less fat person
[00:02:13] You'll have to yeah, I identify as having a big ass
[00:02:16] I'm a guy with a little dick. I'm a guy with a huge dick trapped at a guy with a little dick's body. Oh, yeah
[00:02:26] Yeah, what if I just identifies a sexy guy who fucks way more than I do and if you don't fuck me that means you're
[00:02:32] Transphobic right yeah fucking is a social construct
[00:02:39] It is I mean that's not wrong cuz how many how would is fucking a lot it's subjective?
[00:02:44] Yeah, you know you fuck a lot more than a three-year-old boy does in most circumstances. That's true. That is legitimately true
[00:02:52] Yeah, you're right. I'm not doing that bad
[00:02:55] I fuck way more than people that haven't gone through puberty yet. Just don't compare your weight to a two or three
[00:03:00] Oh boy. Yeah, really upset without you doing yeah, I weigh about how many three what is three year old?
[00:03:08] Three year old probably weighs like 40 pounds. I was gonna say exactly 40 man really yeah 40
[00:03:13] You like that said you spend enough time if you spend enough time in the gym, you know exactly how much things weigh
[00:03:20] How many three-year-olds are you did 40 pounds? Yeah, just two squats on three year olds. I weigh
[00:03:31] No six and a half three year olds. I think I weigh three three year olds
[00:03:37] Yeah, I guess how much Adam was you weighs down me three girls now guess how much is guess yeah, um one
[00:03:59] Christ how much do you weigh exactly dude? I think
[00:04:02] Probably right now exactly a hundred probably get me wrong. Guess me. No no cuz I know muscle. I know yeah, you have muscles so
[00:04:21] God yeah, I'm one I'm in between 165 and one seven all right Evan then I sort of spoiled it, but do me I
[00:04:30] Don't know math and you said like I forgot how many kids you were
[00:04:34] No, don't feel bad about making me about a family
[00:04:38] Yeah, I've been both of these weights. Yeah, I've never been a stavey baby weight
[00:04:52] You're all gonna say a thousand pounds or something
[00:05:08] The stop stop drives a mini Cooper and they make him pull over on the interstate
[00:05:20] Yeah, they think he has illegal immigrants
[00:05:25] You know the argument against why the government shouldn't have to pay for roads some people take advantage
[00:05:34] All right, let's see what Evan says for stuff. Yeah
[00:05:38] Stavi baby don't just let it fly these dovey baby. You're you're like my height, so I
[00:05:46] Don't know I'm always wrong with the we now stop it first of all right just oh with a big guys cuz you're like
[00:05:51] I'm always wrong. You got them to a pound you're in your head. You have a hilarious. Just all right, man. No, it's not hilarious. I
[00:06:10] Got it exactly he's accounting for the sweatpants coefficient
[00:06:14] Yes, we'll add easily 30 45 pounds to anybody's way
[00:06:30] Subspace large dick. Yeah, I have an ethereal big ass dick
[00:06:34] I'll get it one day in the after life dick man in the I hope to be reincarnated as exactly me
[00:06:40] But with a much bigger dick that's that's all I want to say about the Hinduism dude
[00:06:44] That's what the common sutra is about is people that come back as people that are better
[00:06:50] They like quick weights on their dick and stuff right yeah
[00:06:53] There's Chinese monks that do that they like pull trucks with their dicks
[00:07:03] Dick towing bullshit. Yeah, man. They're like oh wow. He's actually an ancient monk. It's like no
[00:07:09] This is just some dumb ass and had no outlet other than their fucking there was a temple in his shitty village
[00:07:15] Otherwise he would have been a guy that just jacks off all the time
[00:07:18] Jelking guys just because you light a candle while hanging on a bunch of textbooks
[00:07:23] Are you stretch your dick doesn't make you a wise monk holy? Yeah?
[00:07:28] That's great. You just do whatever you want and say it's for God. Yeah, it's like yeah, so everybody does
[00:07:33] Yeah, those guys who just want like frosted tip
[00:07:36] Yeah, the cool preachers the orange hair. Yes, you wanted that
[00:07:41] Yeah, there was a there was a big movement
[00:07:43] I think maybe like five years ago of like real cool churches and shit like that where it's like people with fucking vests and shit
[00:07:51] like that you know what I mean just like
[00:07:53] Young Pope that's about a cool a cool pope. Yeah. No dude. It was like it was like rock and roll alt church
[00:08:01] Lincoln Pope that we look at the Lincoln Park and do you see spring breakers that that wrestler Jeff Jarrett plays the preacher in
[00:08:09] The beginning yeah, yeah, we're gonna fucking pray. We're gonna pray hard. Yeah. Yeah, yeah guitar guy
[00:08:15] Yeah, yeah, it's a great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was that was a crazy movie man. That movie rule is so excited
[00:08:22] But yeah, he just like I mean he loves riffraff
[00:08:25] Yeah, that's like the second best harmony Corinne movie
[00:08:30] Gucci man's in it. Gumbo's Gucci man's great Gucci man falls asleep while he's having a sex scene, right?
[00:08:36] Isn't that apparently on set? Yeah, when they were shooting it he kept falling asleep while they're having that sexy free Gucci
[00:08:44] I brought this up. I don't know if I told you Evan, but I got the reason I got kicked off Facebook was for because I posted the sex scene
[00:08:52] From the movie fortress. Oh, I know I was just actually talking and I was like was this the TV that yeah, did you see the video?
[00:09:04] You know a cache of movie. Yeah, you know, I'm sure you watch fortress a bunch of colors
[00:09:12] Right yeah, it's saying that that's just been sitting there
[00:09:15] We watch a million times as a kid you just didn't know you were looking at Christopher Lambert stupid Belgian balls
[00:09:24] I watch highlander. I that was the thing. I was missing the whole time. Yeah, fucking nuts
[00:09:31] Dude, I bet you can see his balls in the world combat
[00:09:39] They have to be able to see where's he from Belgium. He's Belgian. Yeah, that's so weird nice waffle
[00:09:47] Yeah, it's waffle in Belgium. Well J C V D
[00:09:51] Yeah, and you like showing his balls to people
[00:09:54] Yeah, I love when ogre in in that movie in in blood sport as I you're never gonna have kids
[00:10:01] And it's like why does this biker character?
[00:10:14] I want to settle down with a nice bitch and fucker come inside her
[00:10:17] There's a scene in blood sport when he finishes fucking that reporter he fucks the reporter lady
[00:10:25] And she's in like a raincoat. Yeah, yeah, and
[00:10:28] They wake up the next morning in his hotel room and she's like like stirring, you know
[00:10:35] She's in the bed and then the it cuts to
[00:10:40] J C V D getting dressed and he's putting on like, you know the fucking
[00:10:50] European piece of shit so and he's putting it's you know this it's supposed to be she's waking up and she sees him like just starting to get
[00:10:57] Dressed so he's like pulling the you know the underwear over his ass
[00:11:00] But because it was one shot of her in the bed and then the next shot is him the way they directed the scene was they had
[00:11:08] John Claude Van Dam just hold the underwear down over his ass and look over his shoulder
[00:11:12] And then the director was like and action and then he finishes, you know pulling them
[00:11:17] But because it's not a fluid motion there's like a fucking micro
[00:11:24] Yeah, it gives you the impression that he's just been holding his ass out at her
[00:11:35] Natural what shot you know spread your asshole open every time you fuck a woman. Yeah
[00:11:43] Show the butthole you're a little goat see that's breakfast in bed
[00:11:48] Keep my ass. Yeah the muscles from Brussels
[00:11:51] I'd like to have my ass eaten for breakfast someday
[00:11:55] Have you ever gotten your ass eaten? I haven't I've gotten some real low ball licking that almost that kind of
[00:12:02] Got into the taint region and I've had a couple
[00:12:05] I've never had a finger in my ass although I would be I think amenable to it there was there was a cosmo blog article the other day that was like
[00:12:14] How to give a rusty try to give the best rusty trombone. It's like if you haven't given a rusty first of all
[00:12:19] I mean, no a rusty trombone is that's when you suck his asshole the rusty part while Jack them off
[00:12:25] Yeah, and it was so funny to read that and then go to Wikipedia and read the history of Cosmo where it says
[00:12:36] Have you ever gotten your ass leaked yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah damn yeah, dude. I I hook up with those septum
[00:12:43] That's you that's you yeah, they liked they like to explore the Browns
[00:12:49] Women that look that dress exactly like him. Yeah, but in one size larger
[00:12:54] Yeah, he wears they all have the Magda mark because you have extra small. They're just small extra small
[00:13:00] That's me mocking you not them. I'm extra also like a hundred and thirty eight pounds
[00:13:06] Exactly a hundred percent away a wrestling match between you and the women you date would be a very even match
[00:13:11] I don't know and I guess in Korean pounds
[00:13:17] From Korea town. Oh, yeah, Nick brought me to
[00:13:23] Places awesome show you how to live like a rat in New York City
[00:13:27] Somewhere that costs 50 cents for like a meal a family meal
[00:13:31] Dude, I mean stop discovered that place together. Yeah, it's great
[00:13:35] We went in there and it was like for whatever reason it was like there was a clearance rack
[00:13:39] Yes that night and we got like a full dinner for like three dollars and twenty five credible dude
[00:13:47] Yeah, that was my spot for a while. Yeah working Midtown. Yeah, we would go down and yeah, right?
[00:13:52] Yeah, and then we go to we do the podcast at CPX I child porn extreme
[00:14:00] Going there again, dude. You're a word. Yeah, what's your spot in Korea town? I don't know
[00:14:04] Sworn it off and it's across the street. I think it's like done something DUN something
[00:14:10] Mm-hmm. It's like the two-level Korean barbecue place as good as hell the one that's kind of like man
[00:14:15] That where the benches in the the whole decor is kind of like outdoorsy you almost feel like you're yeah
[00:14:20] Yeah, yeah eating on park benches and shit. Yeah one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. I mean it's a little expensive cost good
[00:14:27] It wouldn't know it costs what a meal should cost
[00:14:29] Three dollars per like a pound of garlic chicken gives you the worst
[00:14:35] Sickness you how bad were you fucked up? Oh, so fucked up man. I had to fly. They say that that morning stomach stomach
[00:14:42] So I flew that's just weakness leaving the body
[00:14:50] Drink like a sip of water and just like vomit a gallon of water
[00:14:53] And I was like on the plane and I was like I have food poisoning. Can I sit in the back and this this family was like we have a baby?
[00:15:01] I was like well, I'm a fucking baby right now. Yeah, yeah acting like a baby
[00:15:04] Yeah, and you just can't have to deal with the fuck does that mean we have a baby. Yeah, I don't know
[00:15:09] I think that that's like a the bathroom. That's like a police
[00:15:12] Sheriff's badge like you're allowed to do whatever you want because you have a baby. You're uncle is a cop
[00:15:17] Yeah, I think you know, it'd be cool for you get like a white trash lady to just get the baby on board
[00:15:30] Yeah, even if that baby doesn't get carried to term she is always pregnant
[00:15:34] Why did they need to be on the back of the plane if they have a baby?
[00:15:37] I don't know but it wouldn't get up for me. And so I kept running back by them
[00:15:48] For everyone else I like you should just bump into the baby every time
[00:15:52] Mmm, he's tripping trip the baby's get defensive. They're like, oh, what are we just supposed to not travel because we have a baby?
[00:15:58] Yeah, yeah, just say for like a year or two. Yeah, yeah, where are you going? Where are you going?
[00:16:04] I'm gonna bring that baby. Also the baby has an important meeting. Yeah
[00:16:09] That baby has to be there the baby hasn't seen date. No, hi. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, maybe it's gonna be the Gerber baby
[00:16:16] I want to be a fucking I want to be I wanted to be a child star dude. I was I told you yeah, I
[00:16:23] Did you do look you could still do it? You could be the first adult Gerber, baby
[00:16:30] You do bear a surprising resemblance to the original
[00:16:34] Little rascals fat boy the character was just named fat boy back. No, I'm cute to the fat Joe Cobb fat boy
[00:16:43] It looked like he had fucking rubber bands around his fucking eyes to like he looked like Chinese. He was so fat
[00:16:48] Yeah, those guys that get so fat it makes it look like they have small smaller eyes, but she's a kid man
[00:16:54] I was I was colorizing pictures of him like one I remember you would send them all to me
[00:17:00] Yeah, I was colorizing pictures of him putting like makeup on him
[00:17:03] I was gonna use him as the editor in chief of a zine. I was writing about Joe Cobb
[00:17:08] Well, not about Joe Cobb. It was gonna be like it was gonna be like salon music as a zine
[00:17:14] Like when he was gonna be the editor. Yeah, nice. Yeah, yeah
[00:17:31] The microphone then that'd be our brand you really walk a couple weeks ago man
[00:17:34] I this sucks that you you're on this one and not the one we did a couple weeks ago. I'm fucking across the street
[00:17:40] Yeah yesterday that was the big that was the big
[00:17:44] We did one on all the go-to era Seagal movies. Oh, yeah, I'm not super in a seagal
[00:17:50] I think he's a I think he's a nut job and an idiot
[00:17:53] I was having this discussion with soda. He thinks that Stephen Seagal now could beat up JCVD now
[00:18:00] What even seagal now can't go up a flight of stairs
[00:18:11] He was never particularly I mean he was like if you want to rank like badasses. He's underneath Billy blanks
[00:18:28] I mean well Seagal never did anything other than this thing where yeah
[00:18:32] You bend someone's hand and this is supposed to a guy that's been in prison for half his life. Yeah, it's gonna be like oh
[00:18:40] Stop doing that man. It's been held down and violently raped
[00:18:43] I was gonna have his wrist bent backwards. He's gonna submit to your will
[00:18:51] Like squat down first like before they jumped like he
[00:18:56] Yeah, his new and he'd run his little hands. Yeah, I'm
[00:19:04] People don't realize Stephen Seagal is 65 years old right now. I'm not exaggerating
[00:19:08] Yeah, and he's still making those movies and he refuses to
[00:19:21] It's eight thousand dollars you be a chef. Why does Jack want to be a sheriff? He's rich as hell
[00:19:26] He's large as hell. I think his dad was a cop. He's fucking hoops from he did at least for a second
[00:19:32] I'm from hoops in one of no hoops. She was a ship's in that stank power, but boy
[00:19:37] Oh boy, yeah, she's still she's still looking good dude. Of course. I think she's like a fucking power
[00:19:42] She's like a lifter now. She's like squats like a lot of weight and shit hoops are so hot man
[00:19:47] Who's gorgeous? You know is a great Instagram follow is Julia Vins. Do you know who that is? No?
[00:19:53] Right though. She's great. Julie Vins is this Russian girl who has like a Barbie doll face. She looks
[00:19:59] Oh, I know yeah, she looks like like a four-year-old school girl, but like in a scary way like
[00:20:03] No, no, no, no, no, here's just naturally. Yeah, she's gonna but there's a different tales
[00:20:09] She looks like Sailor Moon, but wait for it then she is just massive
[00:20:13] She has bigger arms than you. Yeah, yeah
[00:20:16] This video is a verse squatting like fucking 300 kilograms
[00:20:23] Insane and I mean, you know, she's like
[00:20:25] Jacked and strong and it yeah, I can't be I maybe it is natural. She's just a fucking genetic freak, but yeah
[00:20:33] No, pretty much anyone that can do more than 20
[00:20:37] Yeah, which I'm down with man. I do them all yeah, I don't I don't do them
[00:20:42] Yeah, it's good to have all your internal organs and lard
[00:20:45] Fucking 60 years old. I mean because you're taking medicine for you know boys his voice didn't drop after
[00:20:51] Does that make your dick bigger? No, no actually, you know what nothing makes your dick. Nothing. That's
[00:20:59] Really good my new thing now is money. I've given up on the dick
[00:21:04] Stop, I'm just gonna be rich. I guess that's not a bad plan B. Yeah steroids. Let's just shrink your balls
[00:21:11] Right, that's like the only well then that's what they say it looks bigger by comparison
[00:21:14] There you go because I do have we've discussed this very large cool balls
[00:21:21] You were saying one time you like sunglasses on
[00:21:24] Yeah, girl was like you have such cool balls. No, no two times
[00:21:29] Because dick is so small. Yeah, it's there's no way they can't even lie and be like, you know
[00:21:39] It's so small that it's beyond the lie first of all I get the lie
[00:21:44] But the ball is a more it's a more genuine con compliment, you know because you feel them not lying
[00:21:50] Yeah, but I my dick's not too small to get the lie. It's not like tick on my penis. Yes. Thank you
[00:21:57] No, you've seen his dick. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you photographed him. I did I would I want to get that picture
[00:22:03] I want to get that picture Ben has a picture of the two of us and it stops in like a bathrobe that's just
[00:22:09] My dick is out. Yeah, both are drunk. It looks like something. Where is very strange
[00:22:18] Yeah, and it bends girlfriend's parents house. I heard that's like a like a cardiologist. Yeah, it's hilarious
[00:22:27] some symposium on like new brain cancer research and like behind them like you know on the other side of the
[00:22:34] Island kitchen through the bay windows is stave completely nude stumbling through their fucking backyard
[00:22:41] So you can take a picture of his dick and a shot side to the Hughes family. Yeah, thank you
[00:22:46] Sorry for running dinner. Yeah, no, they're all for it, dude
[00:22:49] I leave let me be naked on their on their Thanksgiving table. Yeah for my well
[00:22:53] I was saying you got a lot of good to Thanksgiving
[00:22:56] Was that her in the pick you got a chance go over cigar stuff new cigar stuff
[00:23:01] He comes out with three many where he has to go teach anything reas the goatee
[00:23:06] It's a little pencil goatee, man. It's to no, it's thick. He's got this thick. We are what I'm thinking of a Homer Simms
[00:23:16] Yeah, I love that shit. I don't look on an old man just jet black as hell
[00:23:22] Because I bought like mark Cuban bought
[00:23:24] I bought like four or five of those movies and watch them and then I mentioned them on the show and then the next week
[00:23:33] I did it. I think I raised the popularity level of those
[00:23:40] So disjointed they don't make any fucking sense. Yeah, the one the best one I well
[00:23:45] You saw recently was sniper special ops. Yeah, he made his own American sniper
[00:23:49] Yeah, which he so he plays a sniper. It's him. It's this fucking special forces team
[00:23:54] That's nothing but men in their fucking late 50s
[00:23:56] And they're all as sequel to the sniper movies because that is like a lot dude secret franchise
[00:24:03] About who did the Tom Barringer Tom Barringer was like the first yeah
[00:24:09] Yeah, he might be in all of it in that first one where he snipes the guy it was Billy Zane, right? Yeah
[00:24:14] Billy Zane snipes the guy from the helicopter. Oh, yeah, that's just Billy Zane up to these days. He got it
[00:24:20] He got a rug dude. He's a great guy. We always got that since like
[00:24:23] 1991 a rock, but what is he what's the last movies bit that guy's handsome as hell last movies in was the phantom
[00:24:31] On a series that was like a reboot of a British series
[00:24:35] Call the office no fuck. I don't know. I want to say bloodlines, but it's not bloodlines
[00:24:47] Sexy demon he played a sexy that's like the first time he's rocking the ball and then he stopped lying about
[00:24:52] It being completely bald for him if he can't pull off bald what fucking yeah
[00:24:57] I see the rest of us have you need to be out there on the front lines of baldness. Oh, yeah, man
[00:25:02] I'm a boss. I'm a boy. Maybe you know what I've changed my mind. I'm admitting it boys. I am balls. Oh
[00:25:11] Congrats Billy's yeah. Well done. Do you know it's not you you didn't do it. We did it
[00:25:15] We tried to make you really saying being bald
[00:25:18] All right, we should be the size of your head just the size. I just look like I have the worst multiple
[00:25:29] My favorite that's my favorite kind of ball terrible patchy
[00:25:40] That's great, dude. I'm gonna get that shit now that I'm bald. I have so many options. Yeah, I
[00:25:44] Could go completely skin, but then I'd look like butter bean
[00:25:51] We've already talked about wigs. Any ball pony
[00:25:53] Bald pony is that's my vote once I once like if I get if I need to be on TV once before I go bald pony
[00:26:00] But if I get on TV once then and it gets shittier and shittier. It's gonna look awesome and awful
[00:26:06] Yeah, I'm gonna start with trenchy. I used to have a bit like this where was like
[00:26:13] Cut off sweatpants shorts hell. Yeah a trench coat
[00:26:16] And then I just with bald ponytail and I just go to a friend sandals
[00:26:20] You dress handles and I go to a fucking public park and just like funnel a white wine into caprice on coolers
[00:26:26] Just start handing him out to children until someone arrest me you try and fuck everybody's mom. Yeah
[00:26:36] Oh, that's that's such horrible stepdad. I mean you look great that honestly might be my fucking my destiny in life
[00:26:44] It's also what Steven Seagal is, but he wears the two-pag. Yeah
[00:26:47] Oh, that's even funny or something get a ponytail
[00:26:59] Balding in above the law. Yeah, first we've talked about cigar. It's very well worn tear
[00:27:05] Yeah, let's talk about another trash person what it will let's go back to talking about how you're bald
[00:27:14] You know you shit we never talk about wait what?
[00:27:20] What other fucking actually that has I'm eating a banana. He's got you're eating it in one bite
[00:27:25] He's bananas he choose him with his throat. Yeah in a butthole place
[00:27:30] I'm not you ever see a monkey eat a banana
[00:27:34] How to eat them. Yeah, this is fucking smash
[00:27:43] Angry ass monkey who will do whatever it takes to get a banana
[00:27:46] They just like gets one percent of it in his mouth because he just fucking completely yeah obliterates it on a sidewalk and like licks it a little bit
[00:27:58] I grew up at a zoo man. I grew up around monkeys. They are dumb
[00:28:00] Yeah, man. My dad was a a zookeeper. He was a director of the zoo society
[00:28:07] Hell yeah, not your thorn bird society. Yeah, you dad was not
[00:28:13] There's like the zoo in the zoo society and like zoo like director of the zoo like plans
[00:28:18] What animals are gonna be next like the exhibits but my dad was a society
[00:28:22] So he like raised the money for I was born the same day as his chimpanzee man named Pwonsa
[00:28:27] Oh, yeah, who's the shit why did he get your name?
[00:28:30] I love that you get to get away with like having racist names for animals
[00:28:35] Crazy shit because he ended up being a fucking movie with mini driver. He's like he got more
[00:29:04] Dude I went on the dog walker there was two black dogs named Beyonce that I walked people named
[00:29:13] Were they white people yeah, man. Oh, no, yeah, I think Trey gal
[00:29:18] Yeah, it was a maybe was Trey gal in her mm-hmm sky used to live with somebody told me they had a dog named
[00:29:23] Ros from Night Court. It was a black dog. That's awesome. It's the same. I was a full name ros from Night Court
[00:29:31] I briefly had a dog whose full name was Cobra like the Stallone movie
[00:29:39] Yeah, I haven't seen Cobra either. I haven't seen Cobra. Oh, we should watch Cobra sometime. Do you surprise?
[00:29:44] No, it's like one that I do come over come over watch. Oh, man. You got a projector and shit
[00:29:49] I got a nice setup put it up there. Let's do a movie night. Cobra's Cobra is bullshit that it's a fucking yeah
[00:29:55] That's the worst of all. Oh, yeah, here's really bad. It's really good to watch either right before or right after drive
[00:30:03] Okay, because it's one of the best things well
[00:30:06] No, because drive is you drive kin like very easily be interpreted as a satire of Cobra
[00:30:11] Oh, really because if you just go into that I hate to drive when I first saw it because like people are like
[00:30:19] Dude, you hate things that when people tell you to like it no because it was sold to me
[00:30:23] But the wrong way yeah, it's a bad-ass action movie and that's not what drive is not a match movie. No, it's not
[00:30:29] It's good. No, it's like our an art house. Yeah, yeah, it's an action
[00:30:33] Yeah, but you know the whole thing all the whole idea is they take a character that would be like an 80s action star and show
[00:30:39] How he's a fucking sociopath in a piece of shit. Yeah, and how you know, I mean the whole thing summed up by that
[00:30:47] What is it that Albert Brooks quote where he's like, you know, I used to make a lot of fucking
[00:30:53] And he basically gives you a read on the entire movie. Yeah self-reflexed
[00:31:01] I'm sorry you ever see defending your life. Yeah
[00:31:05] Bad-ass you haven't seen anything we've I know I'm putting it on a list. I have a list of
[00:31:12] One of the only 80s Alber Brooks movies. I like I love that movie. Your mother was at 90s mother
[00:31:18] Yeah, I think that was incredible. Yeah, it's a hell of a movie
[00:31:24] Princess Leia's yeah, Debbie Reynolds. Yeah, she crushed it
[00:31:27] But she doesn't play it like extra Jewish she plays it like weird, right?
[00:31:31] I totally forget that movie. I don't know. I didn't read it as Jewish. She was just a mom
[00:31:37] I would have assumed she would have issues Albert Brooks. I know right. Yeah, yeah, but um
[00:31:42] She's great though. Yeah as far as bad action movies go
[00:31:45] I've seen every good action movie and I've only seen and I've seen a lot of bad action movies
[00:31:49] We're like the good and bad movies that I've seen all of our horror. I'm just a huge horror guys
[00:31:54] So yeah, I've missed out on like Cobra. Yeah, I haven't seen like almost anything
[00:32:02] We watched Matt Christmas was over and we watched
[00:32:09] Stone Cold yeah, oh not stone cold movie like the condemned or something
[00:32:20] Oh my god, the boss. Oh, that sounds amazing. Yeah. Yeah, I love the boss. Yeah, he infiltrates a like a a biker gang
[00:32:31] Hell yeah, that's going on the list. Yeah, it's like Lance Henriksen and and William Forsyth as like
[00:32:38] Dude Lance Henriksen man. I can't get enough that guy. Yeah. Yeah, well, they're in this weird
[00:32:43] Only guy that I'm a hundred head. Yeah, I'm an energy guy
[00:32:46] And then some he was yeah millennium. That's my favorite TV show
[00:32:52] Fuck yeah, so it's like this homo erotic biker gang where it's like we share our bitches here
[00:33:00] Fuck my wife like those kind of guys. Yeah, I love in point break that swag
[00:33:03] They're like grabbing each other by the best all the time. Yeah, there's a accentuate a point by bringing someone's face
[00:33:09] You got that slink I've done that to some before like when I was like 18
[00:33:18] I was in a fight, you know, and then like a verbal fight and I did that but it's just because of movies
[00:33:22] Yeah, because I wanted to be a movie of course of course. Yeah, it'd be so often they pulled in and just kissed every time
[00:33:28] Yeah, we should we should write an action movie with the bad guys do that
[00:33:34] Action really funny comedy fucking movie where it's just kissing
[00:33:38] We got ones we got one laugh right there
[00:33:44] Every time that's what I was writing an action comedy movie like eight years ago, dude
[00:33:49] Let's pick it up. I had a scene where it so it's about a guy that just got out of prison for being a good dad
[00:33:57] It's true they do do that when he like beats up a bunch of people and then like the cop character
[00:34:03] He befriends is like, you know, where'd you learn those moves and then he puts his hand on his hip and looks over the shoulder and he goes
[00:34:12] All this guy like kids, yeah, it's basically I mean that's what like road houses
[00:34:16] I mean all this all the Swayze shit. He's like a guy that was he's a dancer
[00:34:21] Right. That's like yeah, I'm a I'm a dancing badass. Yeah, I'm a told me dancing could be the most badass thing a man could do
[00:34:32] Believe he's a tough guy. I guess yeah, he's wearing mom jeans. I know it's so funny. Yeah, he's oiled up
[00:34:37] Like he oils his himself. Yeah, really. Mm-hmm. He's a little stupid which one Roadhouse Roadhouse. Yeah, so great
[00:34:46] Yeah, that's a movie. I've only seen so fucking drunk that I think I got the piece the plot together in my head
[00:34:53] I remember there's a scene where the monster truck right monster truck man. Oh, yeah, she was open a monster truck
[00:34:59] The bad guy. Yeah, actually one of the henchmen. I was the main bad. I was a henchman. Oh, yeah, yeah
[00:35:10] We me and Eli you didn't used to have like a mr. Science series type show me show the movie and Taylor catching was our guess that day
[00:35:16] And when the monster truck guy showed up
[00:35:19] He was like can you imagine having to like go home and deliver like bad news?
[00:35:38] It's so funny, you know monster trucks are a lot like podcasting and then it was just some fucking dumbass in his backyard
[00:35:44] They made this ignorant ass truck and now it's like a billion dollar in this
[00:35:48] Yeah, I saw a monster, you know, it's one guy it was the one guy that created the original Bigfoot and really sure
[00:35:55] I mean like all the bigger ones branched off from it. Yeah, Bigfoot was like the monster drave digger
[00:36:01] Yeah, but the guy that owns Bigfoot. I think owns monster jam, which is like the biggest monster truck. You guys want to go to motion
[00:36:09] Absolutely, they're not cool. They're really fucking yeah
[00:36:12] They're really fucking boring dude. It blows my mind that I never went cuz I was in the south and like every other commercial was
[00:36:18] Grief digger. Yeah, like I mean you just
[00:36:22] They can do they can do cool shit with those trucks, but it's like I've seen maybe one or two TV events
[00:36:28] Or it's like I kind of wouldn't want to see that there was one where and what makes it cool is the distance
[00:36:32] They can jump the truck some day. Yeah, yeah, because they're so heavy and big. They're so heavy and big like, you know
[00:36:37] They'll drunk drive a truck, you know, like running on fucking alcohol or jet fuel
[00:36:44] Yeah, and go over a ramp and launch it half the length of a football field and then it totals and the drivers dead
[00:36:55] But not man, I went to I went to one recently and it was just you even had the truck to a backflip and you just don't fucking care
[00:37:02] Yeah, I guess it really is a thing you have to go to when you're seven. Yeah
[00:37:09] Yeah, we missed the window. I went to the I went to Monster Jam in US Air Arena in probably like 1993
[00:37:19] Yeah, we were four I want like grandma. Yeah, we bought a 9 or 90. Oh your grandma 88
[00:37:25] I you know your little owner. I thought I actually fucked your grandma
[00:37:28] Dude don't say that you fuck Nick's grandma. Yeah in 88 in 94 right before you went to the monster truck
[00:37:37] I thought you were born in the year you were born
[00:37:42] No, it would have to be after you were born you are a few months older than me
[00:37:47] Yeah, I never went my dad always just fucking never took me any American shit
[00:37:53] He was he took me to Aladdin once and that was the most father-son body movie. Yeah
[00:38:01] Well, I've stuck around on the pies for the only two moves I received with my father in the theaters are Aladdin when I was little and it was like
[00:38:06] That was my first movie. Me too. Yeah, he was theater movie. Exactly. Yeah, and he was still a good dad, you know
[00:38:12] And then and then Titanic so that we could see titties. I went to
[00:38:18] The two father-son experience and then he would come over here at Titanic me and my dad were fucking your mom
[00:38:31] With his dad that's fucked up. It's funny that happens man
[00:38:37] In the south like you know like just guys and their dads like fuck a chick together
[00:38:43] I had a buddy. I'm so jealous of that in terms of bonding
[00:38:46] Like my dad will never be that close still remnants of the Civil War
[00:38:50] I mean, that's how badly Sherman devastated the yeah, they killed one in four men. You got a fuck a woman with your dad
[00:39:01] They were all killed by it by the world Northern aggression
[00:39:05] Wait, so yeah, you were you tell a rebuilt father-son gang bang story. No, I don't know the story. I should happen
[00:39:12] I mean, oh, yeah, you saw that chick with his dad. There's that a
[00:39:27] Fiving your dad man not looking him in the eye. Just like fucking that's gay to lick your dad in the eye while you're double
[00:39:32] Yeah, just sway pouring down my dad's hairy ass fucking Brillo Pad chest be great
[00:39:38] If you're like, you know, you were fucking tag teaming a girl with your dad and then you hold hands over top of her
[00:39:44] Yeah, and then you're like dad we're Eiffel Tower. Yeah, and then he's like what the fuck did you just say?
[00:39:50] And he's a rifle time with like some French shit
[00:39:58] Got a not like France anymore remember that period last year freedom fries. Yeah where people were pretending that they loved France after they
[00:40:06] After their attack. Yeah, yeah, they're like actually I actually I've always like France. Yeah, everything's time to do me Russia and France are cool now
[00:40:13] Yeah, they'll change their profile picture to the French flag. I changed my to the rainbows like for France for France
[00:40:23] Yeah, I mean like people that had like a French flag over a picture of them like fucking a chick with their dad
[00:40:41] That magazine I framed it and it's on my wall really that's pretty gay, right? Yeah, it's pretty ever read Charlie Hebdo before that
[00:40:50] No, I was just so stoked that they did it the second week, you know, that is cool dude, right? I mean come on. I know it's gay that I did that
[00:41:02] Like fuck you were gonna still draw the picture. Yeah, no, yeah, these colors
[00:41:08] Yeah, well I parked it in here nobody gave a shit when South Park
[00:41:12] They did what well they fucking like big they begged comedy central there were like just please let us drum fucking Muhammad and
[00:41:19] Comedy Central wouldn't do it and then some guys parked a van outside like the Comedy Central offices with a fucking bomb in it
[00:41:26] Well, yeah, really? Yeah, but then the guys that did it were like like, you know, their names were like
[00:41:33] like Omar Abu Tib to Mimi to Baba, but then it was like birth name
[00:41:42] To like white guys from Fairfax that they didn't want to start shaving their faces in high school
[00:41:47] It is long that's cool, dude. Yeah, if you convert to Islam
[00:41:51] It's like basically like playing fuck Call of Duty. You don't have to shower anymore. Yeah, you don't have to shower
[00:41:58] I feel like that that's got to be the reason for a lot of the white converts to fucking
[00:42:04] Islamic extremism in America when it's like a white dude. Yeah, just don't want to shave their face and shit
[00:42:12] Dude's like go to Isis for sure. It's just like yes, it's modern warfare. IRL, dude
[00:42:18] I just want to pick the different team. Yeah, dude. Yeah, you get a fucking Toyota pickup
[00:42:22] You get Toyota Hilux a 14 year old, you know, Chechen wife
[00:42:28] That you've touched whenever you want good Chechen. Yeah, she's white dude. Yeah white Muslims. Yeah
[00:42:36] I'm only Islamophobic to non-white Muslims. Yeah, I think the Chechen your
[00:42:45] Have you guys ever have you guys ever gangbanged have you ever been in a
[00:42:50] My dad on your mom except for that one I could never do it because I know because the slapping you know
[00:42:56] You'd have to listen to the other guy slapping. I don't want to see you know, it's laughing
[00:42:59] I don't yeah, I just was never interested in that my buddies were they like we're always trying to like
[00:43:05] When I would get fucked up like I just wanted to get fucked up and like all my friends when they got fucked up
[00:43:10] The only thing they want to do is gangbang
[00:43:16] They're like Bremlins that got wet and they like became these monsters
[00:43:20] They're like let's fuck a bunch of people
[00:43:23] And I was like I just want to get fucked up like I like when I do drugs my dick goes down and like
[00:43:27] Yeah, it's just like you're just a bunch of women with my friends and like they would just invite all these whores over
[00:43:35] And they were just annoying to me like I just like go to try to chill when you say horse
[00:43:48] Like I hear the boys are fucked up on drugs
[00:43:52] Poor girls what what what is the pathology behind that?
[00:44:02] You first of all I never empathize with women
[00:44:16] Was a thing though even in Baltimore like the two people I knew were close the closest friends on you were this guy Nick and
[00:44:22] I forget the other guy's name. They're both on the football team and that was like their thing
[00:44:27] They just they were not gonna run trained but they loved running trained on women to get as like a bond as a sign of like
[00:44:46] What the fuck is this dude? It's a wrong kind of train
[00:44:55] Shout out to where we're the guys that are train drivers that go by engineer by the
[00:45:01] I know that's probably a hack bit, but Jesus talk about fucking. Oh, yeah, I'm a I'm an astronaut
[00:45:08] Yeah, no you drive a future you drive something that literally can't be steered
[00:45:15] You just your whole job is pulling levers at a
[00:45:17] Yeah, congratulations on having the same job as the original Mickey Mouse
[00:45:30] Concern is that big cats and whistle as your train goes by
[00:45:37] Occasionally they have to like choose to go left to right. I guess so they're like oh, yeah
[00:45:41] Because they like a yobie bear up come to a fork in the road take it your whole life
[00:45:47] Does that ever come up in the goofy movie that like Pete Goofy's neighbor like used to try to kill Mickey Mouse all the time?
[00:45:55] Oh, yeah, he's the bad guy from see but willy he's like, yeah, this is a cool, you know RV Pete
[00:46:00] But didn't you used to try to kill our friend Mickey?
[00:46:05] I don't know if that came up with Polly Shore definitely loved cheese and then
[00:46:09] The leading tower of jesus. I fucking hate him. I hate him too. I gotta take a piss
[00:46:15] I have to get a student amber's in the fucking shower. Oh, you're fucked. Yeah piss in the blender Evan
[00:46:25] I just drank. Yeah, I know I can't either I'd do my pants. Do you want to pause?
[00:46:29] There's no pause what the bathroom is just pee where that cat lives outside. Yeah, I'm gonna piss
[00:46:39] I thought about that day I didn't think of shit real bad
[00:46:42] And I was like what if I just left the giant human turd in the middle of the living room?
[00:46:47] I don't know. I would earn a state. I'd maybe like oh
[00:46:51] Seems to be having some kind of stomach problem
[00:46:54] Oh, man. So what other what other fun quirks of the south? Do you want to share with uh, do you want to you?
[00:47:00] You're from north kakalaki. I'm from north kara. Oh, yeah to answer your question north kara line. Who says kakalaki?
[00:47:08] Uh, it's I mean no, it's not a real part. It's like no nollons. Yeah, like no one from you orland says nollons like that sharn patton bit
[00:47:15] That's such a fucking funny job. Oh, what is it?
[00:47:17] That guy about no one from new orland. He's like you know who says nollons is fucking kansas city businessman
[00:47:29] Isn't pd pablo from north kara line? Yeah, dude. I thought I was at a party one time
[00:47:35] In not north kara line. I don't know it was like virginia or something and I was like singing that song like north kara line
[00:47:41] Yeah, this dude like ruined my life. He was like, oh, yeah, man. He made a version you thought that was for you guys
[00:47:47] Don't you and I was like yeah. Yeah, it's north kara line of song. He's like no, I mean he made a version for every state
[00:47:53] And I I believe that until like a month ago
[00:47:57] I was like I hated pd. That's so funny. It's like a month ago. They're like, no man. I was just north kara line
[00:48:06] PD Pablo released a difference on every state. Yeah
[00:48:12] 50 versions that we just like north Dakota
[00:48:15] Yeah, but like in other states, it's just like they didn't even line up with the pitch of his voice
[00:48:19] Like you're dug out come on a breeze up. Yeah, I thought that he did it for every state until well, you know that song lady in red
[00:48:30] Didn't Nick fuck with me one time. We were on this like see so show. All right
[00:48:36] This is a good one and we were singing like sweet care with line because kara line was there
[00:48:41] He was like dude. Do you know that fucking Neil diamond like wrote that about kara line hersh like
[00:48:48] Because we were talking about how hot she is because she's like a hotter hot older lady
[00:48:52] Yeah, yeah, I was like I believe that like Neil diamonds old. She also said the club was like Neil diamond
[00:48:59] That's what I knew he was fucking with me
[00:49:02] He was like yeah, dude like fucking Neil diamond like look at the wall. There's all these diamonds on the wall
[00:49:07] That's because of Neil diamond and I was like that's that person that's like the whole thing's not sure you fucking idiot
[00:49:22] Okay, if it's like you know something like my cousin stole of my little cousin that the continental shelf was where fish store their shells
[00:49:33] Lying to make kids stupid or okay. Yeah, oh, that's just hilarious
[00:49:37] If I ever kid I would send him to school with the most fucked up information
[00:49:40] My mom actually used to do that shit to me. It's great. I don't think she thought it was funny
[00:49:45] I think she believed it. What is she saying to school with those bullshit? She told them the Holocaust
[00:49:50] Yeah, all kinds of like bullshit information. She only told me one time that women don't have femurs. I don't know why
[00:50:01] It's like the old racist lie about like black people's skulls. Yeah
[00:50:04] Yeah, like missing something. I think she probably confused the the rib thing for the bible because that women have
[00:50:13] One fewer rib or men have one few men have one fewer no maryland mason has fewer rib
[00:50:22] I've seen so many people at open mike's do that bit about
[00:50:25] Removing the rib just so that adam could suck his own deck. Maybe I never heard that. Oh, really?
[00:50:30] I just heard like removing their own stuff. Yeah, that's a classic mike bit. That's good
[00:50:34] Spider-man bit has been done a million times like well
[00:50:37] Yeah, spider-man can do it in New York with all the buildings, but what about san francisco?
[00:50:43] Screwed there. He couldn't swing around a lot of hills in alabama
[00:50:48] Like so bad. I've noticed is a lot of superheroes are actually technically impossible
[00:51:03] Because the bones produce red blood cells and if he didn't have red blood cells, he wouldn't be able to heal himself
[00:51:10] That's what you're doing a mike cap on impression
[00:51:15] All right, I'm gonna steal the bathroom first cool. Yeah, you go. I'm right after you did
[00:51:19] I have a question Evan. Yeah, man. Okay, so you're like look like me. You're like a pretty muscular
[00:51:27] We're both people. Yeah, yeah, you probably put up a lot, you know match out that guy
[00:51:34] I rip out, you know, but like for a white guy in stand-up, right? Yeah, it's bad. It's just rogan, right?
[00:51:43] Um, there was like Joe Piscopo back in the day. He was ripped
[00:51:47] Well, he got his ass kicked didn't nik tell that story before he got his ass kicked once and then he became ripped after that
[00:51:53] Oh, is that how I think so that's why I lifted weights because I was picked on. Yeah, really? Yeah
[00:51:57] Yeah, I mean I was like a red head. I'm not as red anymore, right? Yeah, you're blah. Yeah
[00:52:01] Yeah, I was a complete like red like problem child looking kid. Oh, she picked on a lot in the south too
[00:52:07] I feel like in this yeah, it's a really fuck with red head. Yeah, jinger is like the inward
[00:52:20] I mean if you're a black comic, you know god freed little kev like all those guys are jacked or super fat like you know
[00:52:30] Like little kev friends. That's why you've known him for Philly. That's why I call him
[00:52:36] The way people have gone a little camera like
[00:52:39] I would have known him for years. I know I know him as little kev
[00:52:42] We were coming up a sister black comic comic like she's robinson. Yeah, dude. I was in I was in Philly
[00:52:53] Because we're all hanging out. We're all hanging out. Hey, bro. Just I they wouldn't really remember me but
[00:52:58] Yeah, I was there. All right. The bathroom's free. I want to get back to the swive school. Yeah, we'll definitely talk swole
[00:53:05] Squats Nick you missed it Adam just called kevin heart little kev like they're friends. Yeah. Yeah, we're good friends
[00:53:12] I was saying off my yesterday to the boys that I'm gonna start just only doing squats
[00:53:18] So I just have like a weak body like I currently have but just an enormous
[00:53:22] Something I said to you last year when when I was
[00:53:24] Yeah, the exact same thing. Also, you stole a bit of my ass
[00:53:29] Remember I want to bring that up. Yeah when you said you want to edit yourself into when harry met sally. Yeah, yeah
[00:53:35] But when ben was on wam cities literally already done that and ben described it verbatim
[00:53:44] Well, I can't listen to comedy. I'm gonna seal it
[00:53:47] He's no this wasn't listening to comedy. This is listening to somebody that's speaking directly
[00:53:55] Same to you are dude. We got a regular but you know what his brand installed that behavior from you
[00:54:02] Oh, maybe that's who it is not steal stealing jokes from me. He brand install stealing jokes from him
[00:54:12] Stole stealing jokes from out of here. Does that does that make it better?
[00:54:16] This is anyone but steve allen you're stealing my bit. What's that? It's crusty the clown. Oh, yeah
[00:54:24] Damn, I really want to get back into the damn Simpsons boys. Yeah, well, I got all there's so much of it
[00:54:29] I got the first 13 seasons on my plex server. You do? Yeah, hell yeah, dude
[00:54:34] Can I have it we can load that shit up right here on the tv right now? Oh fuck dude
[00:54:39] Yeah, but yeah, no, we wanted to bring that up that you still be and we didn't want to confront you about it outside of the pod
[00:54:45] Yeah, we want to do it. Yeah. Yeah anytime. I do that you could call me out on pod. Yeah
[00:54:50] Well, this thing man is like that's why stand-up is kind of dead because you know, it's
[00:54:55] With the immediacy of like yeah, you can get a joke out
[00:54:59] Jokes to market like the idea that there isn't going to be constant parallel thinking
[00:55:03] 100 I was saying like the discrete scenes like an open mic scene has kind of protected the idea that you know thoughts were unique
[00:55:11] But now that like everyone in the country has access to the internet constantly you any any
[00:55:17] Topical open mic bit you can think of I guarantee you could find it on twitter 100% before you're able to do it in an
[00:55:23] Up yeah, but you guys still do your bits. Yeah, well, it just comes out to how you are as a performer really no
[00:55:29] Nice want to be a feature for Russia life
[00:55:31] You I mean you got it fucking just now the only thing the only reason to do stand up now is if you have a unique enough personality
[00:55:37] Yeah that you can be a unique personality on stage, but the in terms of how original bits and tastes are gonna be
[00:55:44] You just that doesn't yeah, I mean I think it has to come from you do have to be an original person
[00:55:49] And it has to and I think a lot of it should be
[00:55:52] By maybe a little biograph or at least come from your point of view
[00:55:55] But you can't get you know probably being strictly topical is impossible for that reason
[00:55:59] But if you mix it up, I mean they also stand up as a funner
[00:56:03] I don't know. I enjoy this medium of stand up more than I do Twitter or whatever the fuck or even even as a consumer
[00:56:09] Not just as a guy who does it. Yeah, I understand it way more than any. Oh, yeah
[00:56:13] I enjoy I enjoy doing stand up but sitting down and watching
[00:56:17] You know stand up. It's like I heard all these jokes already
[00:56:21] Last week your plugged in as hell though, dude. Yeah, yeah, but I've more and more it's gonna get like that
[00:56:26] You know, yeah, probably like fucking scald your hands in the end of Lucy. I'm like scarlet your hands
[00:56:48] That's a great bit like I mean google that maybe but I don't I guarantee you that's been done
[00:56:55] As soon as that movie came out, I love your open mic are you guys talking about that when I was pissing
[00:56:59] Yeah, you're open mic bits on Instagram. They're really great
[00:57:03] But that is that's what you do you go to an open mic you do ironic bad jokes to make the other comics laugh
[00:57:08] Yeah, like it would have might do why I'm
[00:57:11] Doing comedy anymore. Yeah, you try and actually good bit that might be an actually good bit
[00:57:16] Yeah, but they're not looking for that in the room
[00:57:18] Right, so bombs any comment on the fact that a bomb and that gets a laugh
[00:57:21] Well, I mean half of comedy is that fucking god that you know the like
[00:57:26] Pointing out it's the diver in the Simpsons. That's like what are we supposed to believe?
[00:57:30] This is some sort of magical xylophone. That's what fucking comedy
[00:57:35] Nerd pointing out some like inconsistency that does not matter impact anyone's life in any way whatsoever
[00:57:42] Yeah, that's what stand up is there's a guy being a fucking stickler for details
[00:57:47] Uh-uh unlike the worst that's not a pain-apart jelly sandwich if it's got bacon on it
[00:57:52] It's like the worst the worst is complaining about you stupid asshole
[00:57:57] Yeah, the worst is pointing out against his season rap songs. Yeah, that's it
[00:58:09] Yeah, but whatever um, let's talk about getting swole some more dude
[00:58:12] You know we were talking about that while you were pissing Nick as the
[00:58:15] Yeah, yeah, what do you what I'm just saying? I go to a New York sports club. Me too. Which one? Yeah, me too
[00:58:21] I'm gonna go to all of them. Oh cool. I'm at all of them all the time
[00:58:25] No, I have like a pass. I can go to any of them. So if you got oh you got the
[00:58:31] Because I got in on like a loop. I pay like 40 bucks. I can go to any of them. Oh, yeah
[00:58:36] Fuck I just like I had been paying too much for a while and then like I noticed that there was this deal
[00:58:40] And I was like hey, how come I account didn't change to that deal? They're like we just hope people don't notice and they paid
[00:58:46] Money ever I was like well, I noticed so I want that and it's been like gotten more expensive since then but that's that's I go to one
[00:58:56] And then everyone around where my shows are and stuff and I'll just bring a fucking backpack. So damn my
[00:59:01] Shows no, that's what I do too. Yes, sorry a boy though. I'm just saying for a white guy and stand up
[00:59:08] It's it's an advantage to have a shitty body because like there's that whole I don't think so class of comedians that are like
[00:59:15] Yeah, anyway, like my body sucks, right? Yeah, but when you say that whole class of comedians
[00:59:19] You're forgetting that three of them are successful and have careers right?
[00:59:28] Made it in that mushy bad posture motherfucker did it. Yeah, yeah
[00:59:32] Um, yeah, I mean, you know, there's like the only like
[00:59:35] Real disadvantage I can think of is like the first 20 seconds of my sets, you know, right?
[00:59:40] Right. I mean, it's just like yeah, they see like yeah like a
[00:59:46] White guy with muscles and they're just like a sexy Adonis. Yeah, I'll say it goes for a sex
[00:59:54] But I had like a really cutie-pierded like bad posture and I was like 20 pounds underweight
[00:59:59] Comedy was easier. Yeah, he was easier when I was drunk as shit and then go on stage
[01:00:03] Yeah, people could tell that I was like a mess a fucking mess. Yeah, which is also a punchline in Brooklyn
[01:00:19] Everyone that's that's what's not funny about it's like how is this working?
[01:00:24] I don't do I honestly don't do jokes about how shitty my life is in those rooms because like
[01:00:28] I like I prefer doing it in clubs or whatever where people have their lives together because you're more of like
[01:00:34] You're more of an oddity. You're more of a like a fucking, you know
[01:00:38] There's something different about you. Mm-hmm. No situation really Sean Patton's the only good comedian
[01:00:43] He's a proud. Yeah, I think maybe like with the bad body. Maybe they're like maybe the crowds mentality is like um
[01:00:49] Probably everybody want I mean at least in my head. I think everybody wanted to be a comedian
[01:00:52] I'm wrong about that. But like uh, let's say everybody wanted to be a comedian
[01:00:56] I'm mostly a blart and so they end up going a desk job
[01:00:59] And so like let's go see the funny people, you know
[01:01:02] And then like you get up there and like, you know, if you're out of shape
[01:01:05] You're out of shape and so they see that and they're like, okay. This is why I'm not a comedian, you know, like
[01:01:10] Yeah to look like this and have this wife
[01:01:13] This guy gets to be funny and it's like
[01:01:16] One or the other that's the trade-off. Yeah
[01:01:18] Well, I feel like when I started ten years ago
[01:01:21] It's nobody even thought to be a comedian. There weren't that many people doing comedy
[01:01:26] It was like sort of this weird throwback 80s. Yeah, you're right 80s
[01:01:32] Massive popularity of being a fucking stand-up comedian now
[01:01:36] Where it's almost an extension of like oh, I have a podcast or I do any of these right? Yeah, it's uh
[01:01:42] Well, I guess our next guest is here. So we're gonna end this episode
[01:01:49] And then we just I feel like we got so much we've had a cut we've had a really good guess
[01:01:52] I want to get Evan back in the mix. Yeah, we're talking about what a fucking train ride
[01:01:56] Pregame the episode where we run through some movies. Yeah. Yeah, definitely because I let's watch cobra and then talk about it
[01:02:03] I'd love to you. You're you're we wasted your appearance by just having you guest stops wait
[01:02:10] No, that was a good bit. I think the listeners okay
[01:02:14] Movies also ever we can talk about how hilariously horrible so much of Evan's life was
[01:02:20] Oh, yeah, yeah, I had a really crazy horrible
[01:02:27] All right, wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on let him plug some stuff. Okay. Uh, it's fine
[01:02:32] I'm not gonna go up for another two weeks. Okay. Well, then just go to Evan Williams comedy calm to see the dates and
[01:02:39] You can follow me at it's Evan Williams
[01:02:42] Yeah, and come to our show the fourth Monday the fourth Monday the month they come on everybody whatever month this is
[01:02:48] Thank you, everyone. This will be next month. Goodbye. Bye