Cum Town | Premium | 02/14/2022
[00:00:01] i don't know if you're talking real estate of course it's a real is a real
[00:00:05] yeah i thought it was a display because it is the upstairs is like you so we
[00:00:13] he's putting up these like shelves for his cat
[00:00:17] and it's like well he's just gonna rip out of the wall the way you're doing it
[00:00:21] but then he's like well it's i'm gonna be different areas for the cat to play
[00:00:29] like mouse wheel yeah for his cat it takes a big body department it's huge
[00:00:34] yeah i mean truly it takes up his entire
[00:00:36] yeah i thought it does not run in it it just sits on it
[00:00:39] yeah no i told him like this is gonna you can't do that
[00:00:43] so we did it i i had he had worked for me on this job site once
[00:00:48] and i had to get surgery so i was like i was just
[00:00:50] sorry he's putting holes in the bathroom walls
[00:00:52] like i was really gonna want that i don't know why i was like okay well comedians do carpentry i need
[00:00:57] somebody to come do this and he was like i do and then
[00:01:00] i he took a sawzall he like sent a photo and was like got it
[00:01:09] just sawzall not even like at the stud but completely diagonally and i was like
[00:01:13] i was like the apartment upstairs is gonna keep in
[00:01:19] and come to New York and like quickly are you serious?
[00:01:21] back it up my stitches ripped open you were wounded
[00:01:30] i had you been stabbed you can cut you in half
[00:01:32] yeah i had like a fucking i had like a ovarian
[00:01:35] cyst and so my stomach was like cut and half
[00:01:38] oh my god like c-sections it's hilarious
[00:01:41] and i had to go and i was so mad at him
[00:01:47] this isn't load bearing yeah i could do it
[00:01:50] yeah i've done it before this diagonal sawzall cut was the part that really
[00:01:59] we have jordan jensen on the show by the way
[00:02:05] hosting at him yeah oh i just want to make sure
[00:02:07] get her name out there what day is it today man
[00:02:12] February 9th okay yeah it's a love sunday after
[00:02:17] February 9th love is in the air so the 13th yes this is another
[00:02:20] Valentine's day this is uh i thought we already did
[00:02:23] Valentine's day we did Valentine's day proper this is the 13th this is
[00:02:26] actually the day before valentine's day
[00:02:29] so yes so you uh as we're jordan you're gonna get your i just turned 33
[00:02:34] oh happy birthday happy birthday thank you so i did on February 11th
[00:02:39] yeah two days ago wow how was your birthday it's a pathetic age to be i
[00:02:43] guess did my jesus year pal is it gonna be
[00:02:46] yeah dude i'm fucking dying i'm gonna kill myself in israel yeah
[00:02:49] i'm gonna go to his girl and fucking yell at all the fucking jesus until they
[00:02:54] want to have me killed just like jesus go ahead
[00:02:57] yeah you'd like that go ahead make make my day
[00:03:00] then i'm gonna come back three days later and i'm gonna fucking get down
[00:03:04] is that what he did was it three days yeah why don't you
[00:03:06] fuck well i see what's down there you're bad christian i had no idea
[00:03:09] she's not christian oh my god i had the most militant
[00:03:12] atheist parents i wasn't allowed to be atheist yeah my mom's cat's name is
[00:03:16] Darwin they were like reddit they were like
[00:03:18] reddit guys yeah they're like samp heiress
[00:03:20] obsessed oh that's awful yeah wait you're two you're two moms
[00:03:24] war fedoras no that would be awesome to the
[00:03:30] that style lesbian mom yeah like that meme like two moms that just look like
[00:03:34] bench superior they look like she about to run this make the homos
[00:03:37] like just damn name like having an atheist parents is like
[00:03:41] every conversation is that like you know like
[00:03:44] can i have the water like don't you mean may i have the water
[00:03:47] but applied to like everything well it's tough because like i was
[00:03:50] thinking about it with my niece she was like what this kid
[00:03:53] was ice skating and wanted to borrow her little ice skating thing
[00:03:56] and the and we were like give it to him and she was like why
[00:03:59] and i just everything in me want to be like i don't know because of fucking
[00:04:02] god i don't know it's nice it's nice so i just had to be like
[00:04:05] because you don't want to be a girl to be a cunt like your mother
[00:04:09] that is true religion really makes like shortcuts to morality but yeah you can
[00:04:14] also just be like because it's not sharing is the right thing to do
[00:04:17] it's nice to be a good guy imagine if you were this
[00:04:21] fucking ice skating piece of shit or whatever imagine if you were this
[00:04:23] fucking broke idiot little piece of shit yeah
[00:04:26] would you like those another child just sliding around on the eye they needed
[00:04:30] ice skates well this kid this the mother came up to us and was like hey
[00:04:35] where did you get that little push thing and we were like oh we brought it from
[00:04:38] home and she like didn't believe us and then her kid started freaking out
[00:04:42] because he wanted to borrow it so then we had to go through this whole moral
[00:04:45] quandary with my three-year-old that's a little fucked i mean that's on the
[00:04:48] mom that's on the that mom oh and you're usually
[00:04:52] three i see yeah that was the same day that another little kid this little
[00:04:55] like hick hillbilly kid through like flew one of the ice cones at my
[00:05:00] niece and took her right out like a fuck is it rocket is a rocker feller huh
[00:05:04] no no this was an ethic any argument oh okay i hear his gorgeous it is gorgeous
[00:05:09] oh shut up dude what are you talking about
[00:05:12] is that the fuck oh he said you know the joke the joke is that he said gorgeous
[00:05:16] and uh in a silly way no he it's not even a joke he saw it on a fucking like
[00:05:20] on a t-shirt figure they had to put nets over all the
[00:05:23] gorgeous so that the Asian kids would stop plummeting to their death
[00:05:30] yeah yeah i remember those kids they would get bees and just plummet
[00:05:38] yeah one time by one time in college i that's so
[00:05:42] fucking awesome one time in college i walked i walked into a bath uh
[00:05:46] study room and there was a chinese kid like passed out was like he'd been
[00:05:51] like clearly it was early in the morning but clearly it pulled an all-nighter
[00:05:54] and like on the whiteboard in like the private study room it just said like
[00:05:59] a on this test equals medical school medical school
[00:06:03] equals plastic surgeon plastic surgeon equals pussy
[00:06:08] but he had his leg they are good at math
[00:06:13] that's what that's what he like wrote that on the board to motivate himself to
[00:06:16] study for what some organic chemistry that is one of the most elegant math
[00:06:20] problems i've ever had in my life yeah sign me up i just looked at it
[00:06:24] at a picture of the gorgeous i've never been to ithaca unfortunately yeah
[00:06:28] as far as cute places to kill yourself that's pretty good
[00:06:31] yeah that'd be pretty cute they would hit these
[00:06:35] nets though and the nets were like made of iron so they would just wreck
[00:06:38] themselves so they'd get really fucked up so yeah
[00:06:40] with that nets are supposed to prevent that from happening they did yeah many
[00:06:44] other gris them yeah totally and they would land in it
[00:06:47] fuck themselves up and have to get picked up by somebody yeah that's awesome
[00:06:50] school that's such a there's definitely there definitely was a way to make a
[00:06:54] net that doesn't fuck you up right they were just like trying to still
[00:06:57] teach the chinese a little lesson you look you don't need to die but
[00:07:01] you need to break your leg you did that outside of the fox confactor they put
[00:07:04] up like like at the end of the game the i-fun factory nut yeah yeah yeah
[00:07:08] just like you know balloons or something to catch people trying to
[00:07:16] damn that's hilarious um i'm trying to think is anybody is there like a
[00:07:20] notable place where people killed themselves or you grew up
[00:07:24] um i guess not vegas yeah well i guess the man the way bay
[00:07:29] casino yeah well that was that uh himself
[00:07:32] yeah i guess that was one guy who killed himself
[00:07:35] 59 people who did that that's a really pretty famous that is pretty famous they
[00:07:41] just wanted to watch jason l dean i don't think they wanted to die
[00:07:45] adam where should i stay when i go to vegas well casino not the real you got
[00:07:48] to say at the win or say say at the cosmo the cosmo yeah is that good
[00:07:54] sick okay yeah i've already went by the time you guys are listening
[00:07:58] that show has already happened yeah i gotta go you got to go to the pepper mill
[00:08:01] that there's this diner that that was in the movie casino it's very sick
[00:08:05] i took uh there i took the pepper mill i took the chapos there and matt christman
[00:08:10] was uh incredibly intoxicated i love when he gets
[00:08:13] i love when he gets jenn he was just fucking drunk he gets
[00:08:16] fucked i think he's gonna die every time i hand
[00:08:20] yeah it definitely feels like the last hour of his life when he has drawn his
[00:08:24] just plastered because he's like three strands of his
[00:08:27] homosian hair the glasses are his cute yeah because he
[00:08:31] already feels a little drunk he gets wet he gets fucked up and he'll not give
[00:08:35] you like incredibly detailed information about like jason he's still a genius
[00:08:40] right he's like well the thing about cartages it's like how do you
[00:08:44] think yeah have all this information you're shouting at me you're not getting
[00:08:47] you shouting at me about some i guess some chinese
[00:08:52] christian uh uprising in the 1800s in china a friend of
[00:08:57] laura and i christian where there was i guess there was some guy that had a
[00:09:01] messianic christian vision and then tried to overthrow the chinese
[00:09:06] like dynasty in the 1800s yeah that's fucking sick the ching dynasty
[00:09:10] i'm not you said it buddy not me i love that
[00:09:14] if as long as the it's just it along with ends in the end yeah
[00:09:18] you're fine you just can't add anything to the end of that
[00:09:21] well if it if it had been kingdom instead of dynasty
[00:09:25] it would be probably a dangerous game you would be playing a very dangerous game
[00:09:31] why when are you going to vegas i'm going to vegas uh three weeks ago
[00:09:37] while the time people listening but i'm going
[00:09:40] in two weeks or actually wait next weekend you should uh next weekend i'm
[00:09:43] going you should have dinner with my father
[00:09:46] you think you'll suck me off i don't think it'll suck you off but uh i think
[00:09:50] he'll appreciate the company yeah i'm a good on that one
[00:09:55] i kind of already promised him that you've had dinner with them
[00:09:59] they're you're so long i told them that you that there was a special guest
[00:10:05] coming over for sure bop this week but if zoe wants to come to some shows or
[00:10:08] some i'll let her know she might have heard of her is that your sister
[00:10:11] it's my sis yeah she's yeah you know i'll hit her up
[00:10:15] yeah just hit her up uh yeah she lives i'm from vegas
[00:10:18] i know your friend do you know we're co-in um
[00:10:21] i should it's just a jewish question i went to vegas recently and he's like the
[00:10:26] host of the seller there and he is he's from vegas
[00:10:29] he lives in vegas now he hosts all the shows and
[00:10:32] he does it every week all week and it has fully broken his brain yeah you can't
[00:10:37] it's being an mc at a at a comedy club in a casino
[00:10:41] yeah that's the re- ridiculous i mean we would get out you would try and touch
[00:10:45] on something emotional at all he'd be like yeah my daughter's really
[00:10:47] struggling in college and then he would just turn it into a pun immediately
[00:10:51] you just watch you were like dude you're sick you're sick of the head
[00:10:54] and then by the time we left like me and in shain toras we're all there and we
[00:10:58] were broken as well i mean we couldn't stop riffing it was started to like
[00:11:01] freak us out you can see like our tear our eyes start watering oh yeah
[00:11:05] oh that's one of eans futures for sure yeah is m c in a hotel in a casino
[00:11:10] for for life he loved it he'd be great at it he would
[00:11:14] he literally would be great at it yeah his hotel room was covered in blood and he
[00:11:18] had to get in the room are you serious at the reo
[00:11:21] like he just opens the door and it's full of blood yeah
[00:11:25] all over the dresser there were like some years of blood and he had to switch
[00:11:28] room he was insane in vegas he was like he kept me like i'm gonna bring this
[00:11:34] girl she's gonna show up it's gonna be great and we're like uh-huh okay sure
[00:11:37] whatever you say and then she shows up and she was like a 21 year old the
[00:11:41] hottest girl in the receipt of my fucking
[00:11:43] laughing and she was like very she was like ride or die for him the whole time
[00:11:48] but we thought he was making it up entirely it was really good that's
[00:11:50] awesome but he gets him with that like manic pixie
[00:11:54] right you know whatever he is yeah yeah
[00:11:58] yeah the emphasis on the pixie yeah yeah
[00:12:02] because he is very uh charismatic exactly well he's a good time and he's
[00:12:07] getting cute and he's like and you you want to you want in to be happy
[00:12:11] right you know it's like you sense that sadness in him and you're like no
[00:12:15] please don't because it's whatever whatever whatever it's a
[00:12:17] and like if i had like money or toys or whatever i'd give him pussy but if i
[00:12:21] if i had pussy i'd want to give him that you know yeah he's like an
[00:12:24] unsolvable problem he's like one of those little like
[00:12:31] pick it up yeah there's office you're like maybe i'll be the one that figures
[00:12:35] this podcast yeah yeah but hey if your mental illness
[00:12:38] lines up just perfectly maybe that's the one do you guys do this every time you
[00:12:43] just watch tv while you're recording it uh the effort we just got the
[00:12:48] nicholas got cable so yeah the last five episodes we've been watching
[00:12:51] television yeah we have television on we were
[00:12:53] what earlier today we recorded it and mori was on
[00:12:56] yep so we're kind of half watching mori i have to
[00:12:58] in the show honestly basketball is kind of this is a blow out to the charlotte
[00:13:01] hornets for those watching following along at home
[00:13:04] the charlotte is MLK they're the charlotte hornets are up 20 points
[00:13:07] in the third quarter they're getting the nix are getting blown out i was
[00:13:11] really hoping it would be a closer game lamella ball is out
[00:13:14] but the nix are embarrassing themselves at home
[00:13:17] this is not as distracting as the we would comment on and just kind of like
[00:13:21] really take part in the other show so yeah yeah this is actually we're
[00:13:25] actually the least is the cable new or is the tv oh the cable's new
[00:13:28] yeah nix spent all week and watching it he said it was pretty cool tv's old but
[00:13:33] we were never gonna like you know pick something to watch
[00:13:36] yeah that's right but with cable for the listeners at home it's a seven foot wide
[00:13:39] tv and the boys are sitting eight inches away from this
[00:13:42] it's not that big on it's so big no you're fine i like having you
[00:13:46] probably grew up one of those no tv houses yeah the couch was
[00:13:49] in the kitchen that would make sense but no god no tv worse you definitely
[00:13:54] didn't have tv right we i had a tv that i had fixed these like bunny years
[00:13:59] too so i want to find out of here yeah awful this sucks but if my dad's house
[00:14:03] we had all we had tv oh yeah it was a party cigarettes
[00:14:07] yeah yeah pizza nice canned fruit cocktail that was what he gave us really
[00:14:12] really did he ever tell him i haven't had a fruit cocktail in forever
[00:14:15] yeah with a peaches and grapes yeah with like the little marishia yeah the
[00:14:19] i'm a peaches guy i love the fucking peaches yeah i like i like a canned
[00:14:24] peach absolutely bro i do a hell of a job i can't wait to be a divorce father
[00:14:31] i got real fat level in my oh yeah full type two diabetes girl in that
[00:14:35] fucking house it was awesome i saw i think you posted a picture years ago you were
[00:14:38] fat as shit i was yeah i was a nub scout yeah
[00:14:44] that's awesome yeah it was because of my dad's house yeah i used to just bring boxes of
[00:14:48] cereal up to my room and eat them in the room
[00:14:52] i thought you were eating them in the kitchen well my mom's house was just like
[00:14:55] three loose almonds and some screws right now
[00:14:58] for yourself so then i go to dad's and just she's like let's see god make this kind
[00:15:02] of thing you got your i am your your omega six
[00:15:07] who got more push of your dad or your mom that's tough it's a pretty even
[00:15:11] score right nice they both fucked my dad fucked a million
[00:15:14] women to try and get over my mom that's all she just started fucking guys
[00:15:18] yeah that would have showed her i think he fucked enough guys when he fucked my
[00:15:22] mom yeah he fucked a lot my mom married like
[00:15:29] she had like long term a lot of a lot of a lot of wives
[00:15:32] yeah did she cheat that's awesome yeah they both cheated on that's
[00:15:36] it so it's very sound awesome yeah just to put i would love to get have two
[00:15:40] pussy getting cheating parents i was oh my god i've seen both of them have sex
[00:15:44] millions are you serious what the fuck just like walking in or like me and my
[00:15:51] dad and his girlfriend's kid went camping all together and we just
[00:15:56] waited outside they're shaking screaming
[00:15:58] and like it's a storm because the storm happening
[00:16:04] the back of your tent is a storm and they like we were like knocking we were
[00:16:08] like shaking the tent being like yo we got a name dude and they were banging
[00:16:12] and they like finished like now that i'm older and realized what sex is i was
[00:16:16] like oh he like finished up with us right there he came inside of her then
[00:16:21] came outside and gave you some trail mix yeah his hand still smelling like pussy
[00:16:28] all the time that's so fucking funny i'm not even hiding it a little bit i think
[00:16:33] i interrupted my parents one time i may have said this like four years ago on
[00:16:37] the show but me and my we had adjacent hotel rooms we're like kissing our
[00:16:42] grandparents and we like knocked on my parents room because we're like is it
[00:16:46] time for dinner yet or something yeah my dad answered and i guess instead of
[00:16:51] getting dressed he just put a t-shirt on and so like no underwear oh my god t-shirt
[00:16:56] and he's just pulling his t-shirt yeah he's pulling his t-shirt over his dick
[00:17:00] and he's like what the fuck do you want and his little dick is poking a little
[00:17:03] bit no i can just that's like a small little poke thing he's like worrying what
[00:17:07] the fuck is going on it's just like it's it's like he's sitting on like an
[00:17:11] uh robotic bull yeah i was like you just i was like i can come back and i was
[00:17:17] like what i was like my sister was like my sister ran away i found out my mom was
[00:17:24] gay by walking in on her fucking a little bit oh really that's how you found out
[00:17:28] because like i came home and my sister had her like ear pushed against my mom's
[00:17:33] door and my sister's older than me and a bitch and i was like what's going on in
[00:17:36] there and she was like you should go in and see no yeah and i went in and i
[00:17:42] thought the woman was like attacking my mom wait what was it who was eating
[00:17:47] who's pussy or who was finger banging too pretty large woman on top of my mom
[00:17:51] it was a fat lady yeah it was a big fat lady it was my dentist who was actually my
[00:17:58] boy what the fuck i had to have that woman put her hands inside my mouth for
[00:18:05] years i was like you kept going to that dentist you got your you got your mom
[00:18:09] pussy all over your mom you still got in this moment how old were you i was
[00:18:15] six what the fuck so you've been going basically for 30 years almost yeah
[00:18:22] getting my the pussy hands my mouth yeah totally and oh my god i walked in and
[00:18:26] she was on top of her and i remember like quickly close my door and asking my
[00:18:30] sister being like why are they fighting and my sister was like they're having a
[00:18:32] good time and i'm fighting you about what's like in your fat ass dentist
[00:18:38] and took you to her maybe she should i get a discount yeah she really liked it she's
[00:18:44] the only dentist i would go to do they still like hook up every once in a while
[00:18:48] no no no they had if my mom cheated on her with my other with your orthodontist yeah
[00:18:55] it was actually you got the hork up yeah really your mom just fucks every woman she meets
[00:19:00] right she's like a litharia yeah your mom sounds awesome
[00:19:04] did she fuck literally every lesbian in that town and so she's like 100 percent
[00:19:07] she's like there's a lot of lesbians in that town there's quite a few she's like a
[00:19:11] field like a lesbian place she's converted a few yeah she liked it well one time she
[00:19:16] she cheated on one of my mom's with this other woman who was married and then that
[00:19:20] lady left her husband oh no first the husband was like hey obviously my wife is attracted to you
[00:19:26] do you want to have a threesome with us and i was like i'll give that a go brother oh she said
[00:19:30] i'll give it a go yeah she was like i'll give it a go see if that helps you guys out it didn't of
[00:19:33] course that woman ended up moving in with us with her kids with her kids and my mom's pit bull
[00:19:39] ate the foot off of this woman's cat a lot of pussy eating i love your mom just doesn't give
[00:19:47] a fuck about anything except getting pussy and yeah and then the woman was like dude your
[00:19:51] your dog is dangerous you got to like get rid of it or me and my mom was like you can see you bitch
[00:19:57] live that's your mom probably kept that dog around hoping women would say that yeah totally
[00:20:03] to get as many outs as possible that dog would eat cats like many times that's crazy like just
[00:20:08] kill them yeah yeah what it killed on in my backyard and my friend saw him was like you have to
[00:20:12] report this like the owners get and my mom's like you shut the fuck up that's so i love that
[00:20:20] damn i'm still thinking about your fat dentist fucking your mom she was crazy
[00:20:26] that's a good gig dentists like make out with her daughter it traumatized me they would do
[00:20:30] these long dentists the dentists in her daughter would do these long drawn out kisses as me and
[00:20:34] my mom and sister so she was a incestuous pedophile on top of me she was really mushy she was really
[00:20:40] like you know those moms who are like oh my yeah touchy feel it yeah yeah and our family is not like
[00:20:44] that at all yeah yeah yeah they're saving their affection for handyman and like the woman that
[00:20:51] delivered the newspaper yeah delivery delivery people yeah we got a pizza you want to come in here
[00:20:58] and eat my pussy real fast you know who your mom would be fucking now in the era of like seamless yeah
[00:21:04] yeah it's like a 411 Guatemalan woman who had a fucking erasing helmet
[00:21:08] it's pretty easy yeah right recently my ass come over dressed like an f-1 razor
[00:21:14] my other mom was like your mom my other mom was telling me that that's it that my biological mom
[00:21:18] had cheated on her with men and i was like who and Michelle goes i just dudes who would like come
[00:21:23] around the house and i was like dudes and what come around the house and she's like yeah the guy who
[00:21:29] came and fits the piano just like the lowest tier like home reservoir just some guy it's like the
[00:21:38] f-sharp is a little weak you have very pussy i can get in exchange for fixing it that's always been
[00:21:46] a nerd how's that job he's just leaving the tuning force all wet that's so and your mom that's always
[00:21:52] that she was kept fucking guys he's like she was just fully butched out right she was like one of the
[00:21:58] most lesbian looking lesbians yeah she just yeah respect she talks women because they go after her
[00:22:03] so hard i think she likes fucking men though i think she is not a bi icon i think every woman your
[00:22:08] mom sounds they them and she doesn't know it she yeah i've talked about that with her and she's like
[00:22:12] yeah if i was in your generation i think i'd do that yeah fucking seamless drivers and going by
[00:22:16] day that that's awesome damn none of our fucking parents are that cool honestly not at all i can't
[00:22:26] think of it are your parents together they are but just you know some immigrant like yeah they're
[00:22:34] like roommates basically yeah you know so your mom's still doing that she's still like playing
[00:22:38] the field and still well now she's kind of like a woman who she like has no interest in dating and
[00:22:43] she's like writing a book and building a giant development and has a cat named Darwin that is
[00:22:47] her best friend and she got out of her system yeah how old is she 62 yeah but her last girlfriend
[00:22:53] was 29 to respect yeah you got all of your good save time you got paid yeah what's her what's her
[00:23:01] answer she's like a bichrom yoga instructor oh oh my god this is this is just Ian's life in the future
[00:23:06] it is it really is yeah i got it i got another cat that actually is true yeah there are two paths
[00:23:13] so far the host of the comedy seller's Vegas or your mother those are the two people Ian could
[00:23:18] become yeah building a development i'm fucking a 22 year old Dennis
[00:23:24] nosh i'm really in love with her we met two nights ago the pen station
[00:23:32] we're in love that's awesome so so your mom is entering you sexless uh and you sexless period in
[00:23:43] her life yeah i think she still meets up with it so the woman who's cat got eaten right she got
[00:23:48] back together with her husband but on a sneak she still i think on the snake yeah i'm pretty sure
[00:23:53] i have an open thing going who knows i don't think so i don't think i'm trying to be i'm
[00:23:57] all likes breaking people like she likes the cheating thing i think i can see that it's well
[00:24:01] you know there's some there's an extra energy to cheating she seems like she's a very powerful
[00:24:06] energy the funniest part is imagining there was all of that drama the only people killing
[00:24:10] themselves in this town are Chinese yeah that's the biggest problem you can have they just watch my
[00:24:16] mom fucking a 19 year old plummet to their death yeah yeah dude that's looking awesome
[00:24:23] dim that's so funny anyway what the fuck else we got going on here it's an okay day it is you know
[00:24:31] i saw a new kind of guy this weekend what kind of guy purple uh no but he was at the um at the
[00:24:38] shits i went with my girlfriend and a couple other people on saturday and uh which one at the one uh
[00:24:47] spy 88 the one on full oh yeah by like wall street okay um walks into the steam room it's just like
[00:24:54] people we know we're having a conversation and he's wearing a neon green borat like uh over the
[00:25:01] shoulder thong interesting and uh a matching neon green bow tie oh and uh he's so annoying and he
[00:25:11] walks he walks up to us because he's a black gentleman a little bit overweight and he walks
[00:25:17] up to us importantly black man he's a fat guy how you all doing
[00:25:24] you'll see it you'll see any extra bow ties i said i had to go i was telling my friends i was like
[00:25:30] i gotta go early because the raiders are in the playoffs for the first time in six years and then
[00:25:34] they're my friend was like oh or do you root for them because they're from vegas i was like no
[00:25:37] actually they're from la and then he's like behind us and he's like actually um uh oakland uh then
[00:25:43] la then oakland and then uh las vegas he was just like saying to himself um and then i look over at
[00:25:50] as soon as an artistic uh like that guy was on the bus and then he kept saying i was awesome he walked
[00:25:55] up yeah he was just like that guy was the most autistic guy i remember my life he walked he kept
[00:25:59] walking up to us like six times getting in the middle of the conversation and after the second or
[00:26:04] third time i just like i just caught his package out of the corner of my eye i was like oh this guy
[00:26:09] has a this guy has a tiny penis oh he's got a little day so black guy with a tiny penis wait
[00:26:15] what do you got well how do you know it wasn't just knotted up into the bow tie no i guess
[00:26:20] he had you're looking at balls was this dick hanging out of his little g string no it was it was i
[00:26:25] don't even know how he was just off the side of the side or his balls split by the g string every time
[00:26:30] he walked he walked up to us he'd be like yeah so anyway um uh i have been three weeks sober and
[00:26:37] uh it is a battle every day uh so wait why does he dress like that he's he's alone i thought when i
[00:26:46] first saw him i was like this guy's on a bachelor party he's doing some sort of work he's doing a bit
[00:26:50] yeah he's doing a bit he was in the spits with a bow tie he was in the spits with a borat uh like uh
[00:26:56] thong like the the thin neon green thong thing like that's the thing if he never tried it small
[00:27:01] package i can't emphasize enough and he's a kind of portly gentleman yeah yeah and then he's like yeah
[00:27:07] you know being sober like i had a crazy new jersey but being sober it is hard to uh to meet women it
[00:27:14] has been hard for me and it's wearing a uh this fucking ridiculous outfit so wait how are you
[00:27:21] dressed you guys naked no we're in swimsuit it's like where i was like i was just wearing shorts
[00:27:25] i can describe this as a new kind of guy as a new kind of guy yeah like there's a bunch of
[00:27:30] hundreds of thousands yeah and steven steven uh so i left early steven was there and uh he
[00:27:35] texted me later on the day he was like yeah so the the borat thong guy and i were on the same
[00:27:40] schedule basically like when he went to the locker to shower and change uh like that guy came in
[00:27:46] and he came up to steven he's like um yeah man what like what are you doing after this like you
[00:27:51] want to hang out he's like i don't know about it and then he like takes off his song and um he's
[00:27:56] like i had i just had to look at his penis and he's like yes there's there's at least one black
[00:28:01] eye on he said there's at least one black eye on earth that i have a larger penis than he's right
[00:28:07] now done that you know what i will say i felt really bad for the guy but you know he was really
[00:28:12] trying to put himself out there and make friends well that's one nice thing about and he failed
[00:28:16] and he failed then he's got a little dick and he's sad he was trying to always being made fun of
[00:28:20] by you on a podcast and hundreds of thousands of people who were his name but you felt bad for him
[00:28:26] i didn't say his name right he could be any one of the hundreds of thousands i never got his name
[00:28:32] borat suit bow tie black eyes it's a new kind of guy we found a new kind of guy i saw a homeless
[00:28:39] guy on the train the other day with a huge hog yeah well they all do they all had it out they all do
[00:28:44] it was in there but it was running down the panel like i was like damn dude small small
[00:28:50] dickets society let's make some live out on the streets yeah yeah well i feel like that's equal you
[00:28:55] get a big dick you got to be homeless yeah that's fair wait was it was it we were talking about uh
[00:29:01] like why you always whenever you see a condom wrap up there was like it's always it back
[00:29:05] it's just all those guys it's always like yeah i got to you i got to protect my giant cock while i'm
[00:29:14] having sex in the middle of the street in the middle of the street the world would have been
[00:29:18] pulled down my pants that have been thoroughly shitted in my taverx sweatpants
[00:29:24] yeah i thought you cranked cargo sweatpants that i've had since 2004 i was i was on a date with a
[00:29:30] guy the other night and i fucking we had like been to each other for a minute but then we get on
[00:29:34] the train and there's this huge black guy who's homeless shopping cart full of stuff and he has a
[00:29:39] tiny resting on top of his head on a mound of hats and hoodies a tiny helmet that was buckled
[00:29:46] he kept his buckles tight around his chin and he kept tipping over in his sleeve and then
[00:29:52] wake and then not waking up but just fixing himself and sitting back up and for some reason i couldn't
[00:29:58] stop laughing yeah that's a great vision i was weeping you know in college when the kids would
[00:30:02] like restart fall fall sleeping class and then the class would start clapping and they would wake up
[00:30:07] and start laughing and get out of their sleep it's the funniest thing to me and then the next day
[00:30:11] the dude that i was on the date with was like i don't think this is gonna
[00:30:17] you're having too good a time laughing at a retard homeless retard
[00:30:21] i couldn't get it together at all and it was like even that night we were like poking up and i
[00:30:33] like started laughing and i was like i'm so sorry i can't stop he was like a mound of clothes
[00:30:40] that leave you up to one tiny the tiny helmets are awesome flourish that's good right when i was
[00:30:46] like why does he have the helmet he just slowly tipped over he was so good that's awesome like a
[00:30:51] bowling ball like a bowling pin yeah and i couldn't when the guy was like i don't think we should see
[00:30:56] each other anymore i couldn't be like is it because because of that fact that we're a little helmet
[00:31:00] it's gotta be because it has to be there's no other excuse there's nothing else there's nothing else
[00:31:07] about me that you believe but it certainly doesn't you do it i wanted to have laughing at a retard
[00:31:14] be the deal breaker yeah which yes you know this guy sounds like a good guy
[00:31:18] the guy who broke up with you yeah yes he got my ass i was convinced like i was a pickup artist too
[00:31:25] i got oh really yeah yeah totally so maybe you just like hit the pussy a couple of times i was like
[00:31:31] that's one of his outfits probably is three three beanie tiny helmet yeah he was mad he was mad
[00:31:38] he was mad he was mad he was like wait that's how i get pussy that's how he opens he opens like i
[00:31:42] don't know if you noticed my three my pickup artist name is uh homeless retard
[00:31:49] i teach seminars i teach them i teach uh horny sexless man how to get how to get pussy like me
[00:31:58] we okay if that guy if that homeless guy yeah if he just was clean didn't smell bad yeah because
[00:32:05] you enjoyed how funny that was would you consider having sex with him never in a thousand
[00:32:12] what do we have a great personality welcome and he did this thing every once in a while you know
[00:32:16] okay the question is what if he woke up and was like i it was like good bit right and took all
[00:32:21] of his clothes off it was actually a normal man yeah yeah you're wearing a tuxedo i would do it
[00:32:28] in a heartbeat yeah if that was a bit he would have my heart he just unzips and it all comes out it's
[00:32:33] like it's like a beautifully sculpted thing it's not even multiple layers he didn't he was in a tux
[00:32:39] he's wearing a Borat leotard in a bow tux yeah i can't get it to get when people fall like on
[00:32:44] the train there was a guy with a heroin needle and he would go to put it in his arm but then he
[00:32:47] would pass out the needle would drop hit the floor make a sound and he'd wake back up pick up the
[00:32:51] needle and go to put it in wow it happened so much and people were so worried and they like turned
[00:32:56] to look at me and i i mean i was like crying i couldn't even fall asleep and wake up and pretend that
[00:33:01] nothing yeah it's a very funny that's like a cystophus you know yeah i saw i saw a junkie on the train
[00:33:07] one time like completely bent over and then just like a demon his neck just fucked up and but he was
[00:33:13] you know like like perpendicular you know i mean it's like an L shape singing uh it started from the
[00:33:19] bottom now right there's a pack train that's also i saw a little sense of iron his head's hitting
[00:33:26] the back of somebody's knees i saw a really i saw a really good fight last week on the train and
[00:33:33] it was the best combination of people it's uh homeless mentally ill uh gay or perhaps early early
[00:33:42] in the transitioning stage to a woman and uh giant fat mother of two with her kids there gay guy
[00:33:50] versus fat lady is a really funny and uh a little gay guy versus huge fat lady is a little gay guy
[00:33:55] like yeah which is best and then he was walking around the train he's like oh i bet you want this
[00:34:01] pussy like but you can't have it like getting in everyone's face just like being crazy right
[00:34:06] and then gets in the mom's face and she stands up she's like she's like she's like i am not the one
[00:34:12] i am not the one and then and then you know my i have this face we're like oh yeah people see me
[00:34:21] looking and then they try to like bring me into the situation so i'm like you're like snickering
[00:34:26] and filming it on you know no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
[00:34:31] i've learned my lesson i'm like looking down i'm like i'm like looking down i'm like no eye contact
[00:34:35] yeah like my headphones are obviously off and going to listen but black people have a natural
[00:34:40] shape it's not about race it's not about race it's about it's about it's most people it's like the
[00:34:45] guy who like imaginary drums on the train i don't do that i don't listen i've been living in
[00:34:51] new year long enough like just just don't just look at the ground yeah anyway um so she's like
[00:34:57] getting in his face she's like i'll catch up i'll catch a fucking case she's like i've been in jail
[00:35:02] twice she's like with her two kids two little ass kids she's like i got it i went i went to jail
[00:35:08] twice for intent you think oh jesus and then she starts looking around the car at this this mom
[00:35:13] and then uh oh who the the gay guy is the one who says she's been to jail no the mom says that okay
[00:35:20] and uh and then the gay guy is like bitch you wish you could look like me you wish you look like me
[00:35:25] wish you had all this whatever whatever and then she's like looks around the phone she's like everybody
[00:35:30] get your phones out you're about to see a hate cry
[00:35:33] and then she just starts yelling and then i'm sitting there saying this is an African guy
[00:35:43] this African guy he has his phone up he's like he's like this is good man this is good
[00:35:52] he's like this is good man he's like he's like elboy for this day i was like yeah i see it i don't
[00:35:57] whatever this is good man oh my god that's awesome she just starts yelling j street metro tech
[00:36:04] get out she's like get out i will end your life i don't care that i'm like j street metro tech
[00:36:12] so fun she's it yeah and then um what was the giga doing the gay guy was just it was being crazy
[00:36:18] and just saying how everyone wants to fuck him and what was he saying when she was saying this stuff
[00:36:22] and she's like bitch you wish it the gay guy kept saying you wish you look like me like just just
[00:36:27] in their own world saying saying that she's she's fat she wish like her husband yeah i bet your man
[00:36:33] one of we want to fuck me and like anyway but like the buffalo bill kind of the talk yeah but like
[00:36:41] much smaller than this woman and then like midway midway through um i don't know if she's stuffing
[00:36:48] abroad or if she's like having hormones or whatever she's these like little tits oh okay okay and
[00:36:54] she gets in the the woman's face and then just like uh the woman just slaps the soul out of her
[00:37:02] like the mom slaps the fuck out of her slaps the like like uh he's like he's like like oh oh my god
[00:37:10] thank you i'm free he calls me he's like honey it's scary i'm coming home
[00:37:17] oh yeah and then she gets off on she gets off at jate pauls like a bunch of a don't beat
[00:37:25] that oh damn where the hell am i no i was like i saw his soul leave his body like a ghost god damn
[00:37:35] she gets out on jay street with her two little like toddlers while those poor kids man i don't
[00:37:40] know she seems like an cool ass mom my roommates thought last night this guy yelled in a woman's face
[00:37:45] this crazy homeless man yelled like gibberish like he was like oh no no no no in this woman's face
[00:37:49] and then he goes he says where he goes i bet you thought i was gonna say some shit like that and
[00:37:53] walked away that's a social lesson isn't that good that's really good that's post post uh what it's
[00:38:00] something he's doing he's doing uh john kyunyunyos yeah i'm actually not a homeless rapist
[00:38:09] i'm a tv host with the heart of gold how did you feel about that oh fuck that's pretty fucking sick
[00:38:16] i haven't seen any uh i haven't seen any any any train fight train the cool thing is it's like
[00:38:22] during covid i got i got a car before covid but i like really didn't take the train much but now my
[00:38:26] my new apartment is so close by the train yes i've been taken a lot it's like it is it never stopped
[00:38:34] it was still why it's still wild down there i had a guy chased me down the other day screaming
[00:38:39] that i was stevie nix oh wow he was like i'm gonna kill you stevie nix he was like i'm gonna
[00:38:45] fucking kill you stevie nix he was chasing after me yeah i'm gonna kill you it's true i have a bit
[00:38:52] about it because it really did take everything in me to not be like do you really think i look like
[00:38:56] stevie nix he's amazing yeah oh yeah thank you he was running after me nobody was helping me
[00:39:01] either yeah just like all right stevie nix you gotta fuck it and all that's right you gotta fend for
[00:39:05] yourself let's see what the get your phones out um y'all about to see a hate crime
[00:39:13] i don't even know what stevie nix looks like she looked good wait the the african guy got it
[00:39:19] all in film huh i yeah i didn't ask him for his instagram live i should have oh yeah
[00:39:26] nice she was in a wood bamishian flea with mac baby mac that's right come on they were all
[00:39:34] fucking you're all fucking it's like in a real jordan's mom situation yeah they were swapped
[00:39:39] they trade they did a trade right at the deadline they swapped uh cv nix for the what the other
[00:39:45] chick what's her catheter mcv was she hot what's her name i don't know fucking not dude
[00:39:50] someone make feet but they got some bangers flea would mac have some fucking yeah make flea wood and
[00:39:55] lindsey buckingham we're just like i'll take the other bits all right i like the idea of your big fat
[00:40:00] lady versus the gay guy doing like a freaky friday body swap where she hits him oh that is good you know
[00:40:08] yeah they get their wish of being into a biological woman's body i am not the one
[00:40:13] i am not the one well let's see what else we got on the tube the nix lost to the hornet's
[00:40:21] yeah whatever they brought back down it's damn yeah but it's a fight you know and fucking you
[00:40:25] never know that the hornet's just brought a guy named thor on garbage time adam i told my friend
[00:40:30] that i was going to do this podcast yeah and she was like she said that she just went on a date with
[00:40:35] somebody who has your twitter bio as their tinder bio i bet she's
[00:40:43] really with no quotes no ghosting wow please tell me she didn't fuck that guy we can't be rewarding
[00:40:49] that kind of behavior that's bad behavior if somebody that got his face oh nash bridges no
[00:40:54] so i got yeah on his shoulder i just think it's crazy that it didn't say dash at you know what i mean
[00:40:58] it just said it well mentally ill guy did get a tattoo of me he was like 18 years old that's
[00:41:03] awesome that's awesome that's great yeah he was really excited and he's like tagged this all we were
[00:41:07] like this sucks we're like you're fucking idiot oh my god you want to hang out
[00:41:15] honestly please you have more of it if you remove that from your body then maybe we'll give you some
[00:41:22] tickets to a show or something or get it get it covered up with like a giant swash swash the end
[00:41:28] word swash something more reliable i'll get you in more respectable does it look like no it looks
[00:41:32] no it looks like that's because adam looks like shit yeah it looks perfect the source material
[00:41:38] wasn't given a lot to work with but you know whatever they didn't get my six pack for sure
[00:41:44] that's so fun yeah if you get a swastika over it we'll get you in half price the funny ones
[00:41:50] so i got two dollars off four dollars off that guy that guy doing the teary
[00:41:54] Ed Norton from the end of american history actually covering up the adam tattoo
[00:41:58] what have i done let's see what we got here first people's pinkilicious and petarific all right
[00:42:06] we're watching uh best of sewing with nancy you think nancy's hot no chance right oh i bet she's
[00:42:12] nancy is a piece of let's see her hands look like an old bitches hands before but you could just have
[00:42:17] old bitch hands it's true because she's sewing right yeah she works with her hands folks were on episode
[00:42:23] uh is trying to go season two of a team changing change up patchwork best that's
[00:42:28] going with it if you want to watch along it you want to watch it on the creation uh channel we are
[00:42:34] 14 months in and we're waiting for them to uh oh and it's your mom oh god she doesn't look that
[00:42:41] good yeah what the fuck is she making fuck this looks like bullshit there there we go
[00:42:46] yeah fuck that lady for justice for all with judge christina perese yeah hell yeah oh shit dibs
[00:42:53] listen this is sleep overnight mary you snake i saw a prostitute and a and is under her john in
[00:42:59] the audience last night the seller really i was like how do you guys know each other and then it's
[00:43:03] slowly revealed that she was an escort yeah wow did she look good hi hi did she look good no she
[00:43:10] was giant fake tits giant fake lips okay she had one of those fake lips like okay kazoos on
[00:43:17] yeah yeah i mean it took a while and then slowly im back all of me and the audience realized and
[00:43:22] we were like oh shit were you were were you on the lineup three i think and it was like at the fat
[00:43:28] black bar and there was only like 12 people there i mean it was grim it was grim yeah that's
[00:43:33] sex damn what i'm gonna imagine imagine uh buying pussy i didn't buy a prostitute and take her to
[00:43:42] a comedy show well i i i told you guys that that girl that i was seeing when i moved here she was a
[00:43:48] sugar baby for this wall street guy and he would basically pay her to not fuck him because like
[00:43:54] that's the dream that's yeah that's he can have you gotta once you have enough body you got to make
[00:43:58] up shit to spend yeah so now he the thing they make some calm is being turned down for pussy so he
[00:44:03] like goes spend a lot of money on her and like we i'd never have to pay for like an uber meal with
[00:44:08] her because she had his like cards i had a situation like that it was my friend that took care of a
[00:44:13] retarded guy i thought that's not the same situation she was stealing from you yeah
[00:44:18] i thought that basically the retarded guy had a his parents had a credit card and she was just
[00:44:23] care thing so we would go to david busters and even sit in a wheelchair where i played dance
[00:44:28] s-proteller yeah but she brought she brought him she brought him to a show of mine really and i
[00:44:34] was like i couldn't deal with it i was like this i don't why he was distracting who cares it's funny
[00:44:40] oh god i don't want to look at him if you fuck somebody's like you know girlfriend or employee
[00:44:45] employee you didn't want to do it what do you mean i went oh i i had slept with her but he i guess
[00:44:52] did but he was she was his sugar baby where was the show it was like east williams where it was like
[00:44:57] not not not like a good show or anything nice was that that but what was that place on um
[00:45:05] i saw you go to almost move the mic and then you're like okay we're going right
[00:45:08] into it the cough caught into me i took care of a quadriplegic friend of mine and i would stack
[00:45:13] clothes on top of her on top of her chair that she like controlled with a straw oh shit and we would
[00:45:18] just walk out of the story with it nobody would stop us hundreds hundreds of dollars right
[00:45:23] from place i mean that's right literally piled up on her the beeper would go off and people would
[00:45:28] just be like what the fuck are we gonna do oh yeah it was i saw my best clothes for that it was great
[00:45:35] damn that's great that's so fucking sick yeah you really can't that is like sort of the perfect
[00:45:40] cry oh man it was so good you get a disabled proxy to do all your seepin yeah it was the best
[00:45:46] i told the story before but i worked at temp job and like some HR department it was like a front
[00:45:50] desk job and it wasn't like security or anything but you know they were like don't let anybody
[00:45:54] just like walk into the back obviously stop them right and then say like oh do you need something
[00:45:59] or whatever and the first two hours of job nobody comes in first person it comes in as a
[00:46:04] guy with downsid and he just i'm like uh can i help you just blows past me like you let him through
[00:46:14] yeah what am i supposed to tackle him you gotta protect the quarterback yeah right i thought he was
[00:46:19] way on his way to the candy he was gonna defile the breaker yeah you should have thrown a Reese's
[00:46:25] the other way he licked all the chef boy rd off the top of the microwave damn one time i was in a
[00:46:32] changing room with at the why or something or jim i was at and my sports trial was just stuck on
[00:46:37] my bat like i couldn't reach it and then and then somebody came up behind me and just unperfectly
[00:46:42] unsnapped it and it like fell into place and i turned around to be like thank you and it was just
[00:46:46] a person with like the most severe downsid room i never seen and i like scream you are you screamed
[00:47:00] that's so i was like oh my god you're so good where you were the jim you said what were you
[00:47:09] yeah i was at i was at the why i think in ithic and i was working out and i was like wet from the
[00:47:13] shower or something my fucking i just couldn't get it and it just it was so they just did it for
[00:47:18] it they did you a favor and then you're like yeah freak freak this person's crying you just like
[00:47:28] they're so sad so much i think about it all the time i haven't seared into my mind every time
[00:47:33] somebody says down syndrome because they were also like happens to all his me so you look down
[00:47:37] expecting to see a person at your height and then you look down even yeah yeah yeah just a helpful
[00:47:42] war yeah that's so adorable it's just a helper from the forest no no problem no thank you necessary
[00:47:55] and they just disappear into the trash can they just talk to themselves then
[00:48:00] the roll away it goes up like an elevator it's like really walking just closes himself into one of the
[00:48:06] lockers just puts out a little lamp and then it's a top of the locker sleeping cap he just touched
[00:48:16] himself into a lot of it wasn't a boy i just keep calling it a lot like i just
[00:48:22] just want some fuck i screamed in her face yeah that was brutal and they were they're like working
[00:48:27] out or they just worked there i have no idea what they're probably just there because they like
[00:48:30] the song yeah they didn't even know it was a jam yeah like where's the song yeah i was in the
[00:48:36] song they think you can go into songs yeah what i am seeing is the only one why did they get to go
[00:48:42] into yeah fuck that's good shit man that's some really good stuff all right well let's see here
[00:48:58] ten more minutes or so yeah let's go ten minutes you can call off into the mic a couple more times
[00:49:02] we'll loop back to the chinese people killing themselves yeah yeah and then that's it i uh i
[00:49:07] watch scream for the first time the first one yeah i did you're edges in that yeah it's really good i
[00:49:11] haven't seen it i want to watch the reboot oh you're going i want to watch all of them yeah so that
[00:49:15] i can see the kind of actually good yeah yeah good for regi my man's out there fucking getting
[00:49:20] acting rules um yeah i saw the first one it's good as hell and you know what what the fuck is
[00:49:26] her name nev campbell nev campbell's hop put the other one with the huge tits uh fuck
[00:49:33] she was in charmed oh elissa malana no the other one um she is oh with the scary face she's like a
[00:49:42] witch yeah i'm just gonna know okay face no it's a good face but it's like it's like it's she maybe
[00:49:48] she just has huge tits what the fuck is her name uh what's her name loves you it no no no no
[00:49:55] no not her people are even oh yeah oh they're so upset people hate this hold on let's see how
[00:50:02] they also yeah they also know that we're killing ten minutes no let's yeah let's just keep saying
[00:50:08] this i like this i like this keep saying women's names um kill the gillmore girls she wasn't in the
[00:50:13] gillmore but that's like charmed right it's it's not like charmed they're witches yeah but it's
[00:50:18] also about a couple of women i don't remember the chan planet terror that girl who does the
[00:50:22] strip tease and planet terror me rose mcgown rose mcgown she has huge tits that's the thing i'm
[00:50:28] with uh now we publicly all know he's a monster marillon manson what was he up to what was he doing
[00:50:34] he was tying tying girls up yeah he was like he had a sex done he was like locking them up and
[00:50:41] stuff jesus christ he was doing what he looked like he was doing yeah that's fucking wild he's really
[00:50:45] hiding out in plain sight that kind of stuff that kind of hurts the whole argument that kind of
[00:50:50] Cosby shot to the forefront where it's like it's always the guys you don't think and then marillon
[00:50:55] man's like oh i'm also right there's the ones that those the guys he absolutely think it's yeah it's
[00:51:00] only just all over the head his big pr move was when he went on bowling for colin bond
[00:51:07] and he was like the smartest guy in the documentary when they're like what would you say to the
[00:51:11] boys it is a weird chronology that yeah like who got who got gotten went because the first one that
[00:51:17] i can remember and i'm gonna be fucking it up was the uh that guy Vince from the shamwell commercials
[00:51:23] mm-hmm yeah he got it it was like the first one that he got put up by a hooker we'll start small
[00:51:28] yeah we're gonna go with the shamwow got but he got beat up by hooker i thought he beat up a
[00:51:33] process i think he got his ass beat by a hooker in my head it sounds like he beat the hooker i think
[00:51:38] he beat the hooker i think he beat the hooker i'm sure there was i'm sure there was i never know
[00:51:41] he didn't he didn't fight ants once again i could have had to make a hooker for that absolutely
[00:51:46] i got a great new job to make a double for cum rags yeah um what about the people you saw
[00:51:51] uh the john and the prostitute who would have won in a fight oh she was about four times his size
[00:51:58] oh nice that's cool so they that's cool yeah she had these huge titties i mean it was insane
[00:52:05] but she was not hot she was haggard she was jersey shore haggard i mean she looked like her face was
[00:52:11] dripping off god she got you got you so Vince Vince was the first one that i can well that i can
[00:52:17] remember that's yank right the first me dude i think he canceled yeah yeah one of the first guys
[00:52:25] to ever get beat up i went i don't think that's what happened i think he beat up the it sounds
[00:52:31] like you're right he probably beat her up he looks he's got beat up a woman energy too the guy from
[00:52:36] sexton city just got called out oh yes mr big mr big what he's dead now so well he's alive in real
[00:52:42] life well as long as he's dead on the that's got to suck to get me to the week before you die
[00:52:46] yeah you're like i fucking made it you know it's like the near-o getting shot at the end of heat
[00:52:53] right i hated that well he shot that like peloton commercial or something and then they had to pull
[00:52:58] it oh yeah did he die on peloton or some shit in the show yeah he died on the peloton and then i
[00:53:04] think peloton was like oh we'll put him in this ad right and you're like it doesn't actually kill
[00:53:09] you please keep buying our fucking and it's got it but it's got to suck to be the peloton
[00:53:14] CEO because the pandemic it's like business is fucking booming now that shit's over you know their
[00:53:18] sales are going to be hurting yep and they're like let's just pick any celebrity but
[00:53:23] about it some some character from sexton they're from a 20 year old t-shirt we'll get him oh he
[00:53:31] raped oh they killed him on the show yeah we'll do we'll do it over oh he's raped oh he's raping
[00:53:37] and now he's dead well he's not actually dead now he's not scared dead on the show oh okay i thought he
[00:53:43] died no no okay so uh apparently maryland manson uh according to evan evan rachael wood
[00:53:51] was emotionally and then in parentheses including anti-semiticism physically hold on
[00:53:57] nay just really got a get sneak that into everything that neutral
[00:54:03] emotionally physically and sexually abusive during the relationship i think it would lock
[00:54:07] women up and then like cheat on them like it within earshot of their like a circle for
[00:54:11] years so he's just a fucking send them be like what i was just feeling you kike yeah yeah what is
[00:54:17] that you drew what the fuck take that you see the anti-semitic aspect i don't know
[00:54:23] well he tipped when they went to restaurants oh okay she was like i can't do it he would tie women up
[00:54:27] and then cheat on them in the secret annex yeah and we're back to my mom you know yeah
[00:54:32] that's so funny your sister's like why did you go check just leading you into a room
[00:54:40] tie up my when my dad died we had to take all these ties that he had on every corner of his bed
[00:54:45] from tying up his girlfriend and there were pounds and pounds of weed because he like bought
[00:54:50] this was the huge amount of weed and there were also so much there was so much viagra so much
[00:54:55] my man and we were like wearing out the house for the funeral and i hid the viagra and left the
[00:55:00] weed and later i was like man it's funny that i was like i don't care people think he's a drug
[00:55:03] dealer man so i'm gonna say that this dick was hard i want them i want them to think my dad's
[00:55:07] dick was naturally hard respect yeah these restraints on the fucking bed it was brutal yeah
[00:55:15] it was so awful finding the shit after your morning and he's just like in thinking about your father
[00:55:20] just tying up a 24 year old yeah just like struggling to get the restraints off crying and
[00:55:25] then suddenly a helpful downside from being it's like let i got it from here
[00:55:35] go go grief i used to fuck your father take the time you need you're even fighting twice and
[00:55:40] down to your voice or exactly that's just your ear i feel like those are the same
[00:55:48] okay that's how you think of being i got i got a great job hosting in dragon i'm opening a
[00:55:56] compound with my beautiful girlfriend so okay what advanced do can you check on that for us
[00:56:05] i had a dance from chamois yeah i'll look from chamois hey camera guy over here
[00:56:11] damn when's your dad die uh let me start comedy seven years ago seven years okay so you were like
[00:56:17] that yeah i was thinking of a little kid who was those matching like you just watched the dentist
[00:56:23] fuck your mom and then the next day you have to go hide your dad's dick pills his four or fifty
[00:56:28] pounds is cheerio stuck to your face yeah four of my strengths out of that okay i'm so pretty
[00:56:36] this little dusty all of our twists i couldn't clean enough handcuffs
[00:56:44] stop laughing at no thank you ness is it
[00:56:55] just think of me when you listen to ymca or even
[00:57:15] so uh first of all vince from chamois his real name is oh fear shlomi no yeah oh hell yes
[00:57:22] and he was born here and he was born what is that is that in like afghan oh no that's
[00:57:30] fucking oh fear is just a normal hebert that's he that's june and he was born in uh beer cheva
[00:57:55] names a 26-year-old sex worker and him wearing a physical altercation police reported that the
[00:58:01] woman had bitten into his tongue and refused to let go at which point oh damn both fears began
[00:58:06] beating her left her with lacerations of fractures police later released the photos of the bloodied
[00:58:11] ophir in the hotel room and and the battered woman jesus christ then prosecutors declined to
[00:58:16] file formal charges against either person so the law states that he's an innocent man now you're
[00:58:23] on his side the most the mccade got to the direction right whatever your political
[00:58:28] political leanings we have to listen to what the law says and you're right you're right about that
[00:58:33] and then when the he later spoke of his arrest he stated it probably saved my life
[00:58:38] yeah so he kind of and he's still alive i thought he was dead but i guess that's billy mays yeah
[00:58:43] billy mays was like a co-op at rip billy weren't there like outtakes from the oxy clean commercials
[00:58:48] remember that i think you're thinking about mattie this is him this is no i think there are like
[00:58:52] clips of i think i remember like hearing audio oh interesting i don't know uh but did i this really
[00:58:58] i saw like i saw that i thought was a sketch where he's like cursing a lot i think that's that was
[00:59:03] based on like the you know because they would be like oxy clean can you believe it cleans all this
[00:59:08] up i i fuck yeah damn his wife filed for divorce she's hot ophir's wife yeah after they were married
[00:59:19] after the event of events of what date what was the date uh it looks like they got married 2014
[00:59:26] no no if though that was a 2009 or something yeah ophir schlomo whatever the fuck yeah 2009 that was
[00:59:33] a wild west 2009 february 7th 2009 you're right your way all the way to the top back that's true
[00:59:40] yeah he married this lady melody she's beautiful and then divorced in 2018 melody if you're listening
[00:59:47] melody if you'd like my name is Adam you want you want to fuck ophir's ex-wife and while i'm also
[00:59:54] secretly israeli i just found out ben shapiro's wife's name is more shapiro more more shapiro
[01:00:00] that's awesome could you imagine doing that yeah here comes ben shapiro and his wife more
[01:00:04] shapiro who he does it's full of shapiro yeah she's also annoying we're both annoying
[01:00:11] yeah does she have big kids no that's a sister right yeah it's a sister i had no idea that
[01:00:16] bob saggot's sister's name was gay saggot yeah was it yeah oh that's funny that's awesome that's
[01:00:21] really do you imagine that's how they're sick that's wild yeah yeah they're parents completely
[01:00:27] smiling all the dad the third guy's like how about fucking faggot and saggot
[01:00:34] oh god what is going on fucking piece of shit saggot get it
[01:00:41] ah fuck now that's good stuff man melody clear man data if you're listening
[01:00:51] what's that's your name clear what's with all the weird i'm being inundated with weird names right
[01:00:56] now and i'm worried i'm like they're losing touch with me i was hot yeah i think it's inundated
[01:01:01] not she's their one it's not it's either i think oh wow she is not
[01:01:05] nich does this thing where he changes the way the words are said no you better fucking chill
[01:01:10] no there are words i really follow there are words i say wrong i don't have it dude she's hot
[01:01:15] offensive life yeah yeah i am pretty sure conerman le
[01:01:30] melody what's what's breathing into the mic
[01:01:34] melody yeah with the last one was just we're eating chips old yeah we had a bunch of chips
[01:01:42] i would love to fuck me eating chips googling the different types of chips this is the most
[01:01:48] successful comedy podcast in history 150 000 dollars a month wait till it dries up kill yourself
[01:01:54] that's right i like how it kind of looks like stavras is just laying fully on you
[01:01:58] yeah the optical illusion yeah she got two two million dollars that i'm being married to that
[01:02:05] holy fuck is that much money hell yeah pitchmen of mad money are there do she ever tits out there
[01:02:11] you know i'm looking for an instagram right now okay well you let me know and you let the
[01:02:17] folks at home know yeah stop you're done with covid yeah i forgot you had it was it bad no you
[01:02:23] haven't had it yet i've had it so many times i still can't smell fully from like two years really
[01:02:31] didn't you have were you the one who smelled pussy you smell like rotten meat and shit it was
[01:02:36] it would switch so i have like the long haul thing and first it was wrong with me and then it was like
[01:02:41] i can't tell you how much it was the smell of my vagina i gave you inundated you have to give
[01:02:49] me long covid is fake there was when i got when i got covid there was like a smell that i kept
[01:02:56] smelling and i kept trying to find where it was i thought it was coming for my fridge i thought i
[01:03:01] had that because i lost my sense there was this weird smell i lost my sense of smell but only for
[01:03:04] like 18 hours and i never lost my sense of like taste yeah i didn't lose and then after that i'm
[01:03:08] like oh i got the fucking shit because everything like tasted and smelled bad but it was just a
[01:03:13] hand sanitizer oh it was just fucking it hit me i was on everything i'd eat and i'd be like just
[01:03:18] tastes like fucking alcohol yeah yeah yeah it's felt like it's felt like a lemon rotting
[01:03:23] that's what it smelled like it's a short-milled citrusy but bad
[01:03:25] that's what it smells like that's what it smelled like it's a
[01:03:29] huge so it was rotten meat for a while and then it would and then it was pussy for a long time
[01:03:33] and then it was like chinese food that's pretty good and then it was like this
[01:03:37] maybe it's just like repressed dentist memories yeah yeah yeah yeah it's going back
[01:03:41] it was smell like mouthwash mouthwash and pussy yeah a fever drink of scoped
[01:03:48] and pump yeah the epi epigenously when you i think you posted something about like when it was like
[01:03:55] raw rotten meat or something yeah the rotten meat was and i that's that's when i was like i'm
[01:04:00] not getting covid yeah i was like i was like i was like i was like at the very beginning i was
[01:04:05] scared then i was like oh let's see here and then that thing set me off and i was like i'm not going
[01:04:08] outside yeah because you were fucking out and about i remember you would be like going outside
[01:04:13] dude before the night everything shut down i like went bowling party yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
[01:04:19] everybody goes bowling at the beginning of something like yeah he bowled a guy that too
[01:04:24] that guy rules they they a bowled a doctor yeah yeah everyone was pissed at him in new york city for
[01:04:30] a week everyone's like i bet i bet he's demanding apologies from everybody oh i thought he got
[01:04:34] two years wait did he get a bowler he's some guy went to Africa to like help with a bowel shit came
[01:04:40] back and then went bowling and then went to the gutter and then threw up all over the fucking train
[01:04:46] with like a bowler and then when he had a bowler yeah he was the one case in the state
[01:04:50] flow did he die you know it was funny and it didn't spread it was like the week before that
[01:04:56] Paul Versey was like these fucking doctors going and helping people they're going to come back with a
[01:05:01] bowler i do remember that i was like okay Paul yeah i was just the gutter is where i was
[01:05:07] bowling too yeah that's the ground zero yeah yeah for sure we had a nice day day like that or that
[01:05:13] one time your will's birthday will oh yeah it was fun yeah big willy big big willy penis
[01:05:20] blah blah blah blah blah okay well yeah that's yeah