Cum Town | Premium | 02/28/2022
[00:00:00] I got a big fucking, I got a big week ahead.
[00:00:03] I gotta glue my puzzle, I gotta get the other puzzle out.
[00:00:08] People I think are really liking the puzzle updates.
[00:00:10] I gotta go to AutoZone, I got a big day at AutoZone today.
[00:00:14] I gotta, well I gotta get a bunch of brake fluid,
[00:00:18] I gotta figure out what I'm gonna argue with the,
[00:00:21] I like giving them a hard time and all the time.
[00:00:22] Could you pick me up some power steering fluid?
[00:00:35] So it's not giving you enough resistance.
[00:00:39] That's a gay man's car, that's not a woman's car.
[00:00:44] Yeah, probably the new beetle that came with a flower.
[00:00:48] That's like an old bit, that's like a post-menopausal
[00:00:52] They're like, yeah, she's a woman that hasn't,
[00:00:57] Hmm, probably, probably that was a mistake.
[00:01:03] But it's a woman's car like, like with those,
[00:01:06] you know, kids cars, you have to run on the ground with?
[00:01:15] No, a woman's car is like, yeah, like a,
[00:01:18] like a C-class station wagon or an E-class.
[00:01:25] E is actually what Carmel is a pranage.
[00:01:32] What's that, the one named after the pepper,
[00:01:35] the cayenne, the Porsche cayenne, that's a woman's car.
[00:01:43] the exception of the G-Wagon is a woman's car.
[00:01:47] the car he has like the Christian fish on the back.
[00:01:51] The little stick drawing of the family.
[00:01:58] You best believe your white mayo ass, am I?
[00:02:03] I have a Bernie sticker on my car still.
[00:02:24] The second the South Carolina primary was over.
[00:02:29] You can put it, yeah, take it on and off.
[00:02:35] I'm gonna get a couple of Modi bumper stickers.
[00:02:37] Yeah, I'm gonna get some Duterte bumper stickers.
[00:02:42] Guys, we have a guest on the show today.
[00:03:00] Right near the beach or near the mountains?
[00:03:09] It's like, I mean, it's basically Myrtle Beach.
[00:03:12] Everyone says North Carolina is like, they're like, North Carolina is awesome because they
[00:03:32] The entire state kind of feels like a plan to community.
[00:03:37] It's becoming like a place where like, like people from up here move more.
[00:03:45] Yeah, no, that's actually the coolest people.
[00:03:51] They're like lib parents instead of like boomers instead of going to Florida.
[00:03:59] Asheville is cool, but that's, I haven't been there in 13.
[00:04:02] Is it Asheville just like a drum circle kind of place?
[00:04:07] I mean, I got more like kind of like Portland D vibes, which I guess if you know.
[00:04:11] I've barely left my hometown in North Carolina.
[00:04:19] There's a Walmart, there's a whole town.
[00:04:37] Well, a lot of really brilliant people come from that state.
[00:04:44] Michael Jordan actually is from my own town.
[00:05:05] He's a fucking, he tried to make it weird.
[00:05:08] He's from like Fort Worth or Dallas or something.
[00:05:13] I mean, a lot of Dallas is, Dallas and Houston are like, they're like LA.
[00:05:18] They were, it's like very, there's a lot of like suburban shit.
[00:05:21] I thought, what I thought he's from the sticks.
[00:05:34] I thought he, I thought they shut him down.
[00:05:41] He got, he was shot to death by David Hogg.
[00:05:47] I would think that shooting was fake with names like that.
[00:05:53] Also, what are the odds that they would attack a high school with the most annoying kids
[00:06:07] Well, they're open to Pizza Hut on where Marcus Garvey.
[00:06:22] It's this one light restaurant experience.
[00:06:24] They illuminate the salad bar and everything else is pitch fucking black.
[00:06:30] You guys ever have a Pizza Hut buffet near you?
[00:06:47] Yeah, a Pizza Hut hotel would be a great business.
[00:06:51] Do you think that would be a great business?
[00:06:55] Not, what did I tell you about going in?
[00:07:05] He got banned from, from going to the bathroom apartment after doing this at literally every
[00:07:15] We had to go to the bathroom and we could use it.
[00:07:24] No, I mean, it would smell terrible for fucking hours on end.
[00:07:28] And then he, the one time he didn't have access to it, he'd shit himself in that, in that
[00:07:34] There was a chair that looked like that.
[00:07:36] He's shit through his pants and then shit all over the chair and he had to get rid of the
[00:07:42] If you're going to shit in any chair, I feel like that's the one.
[00:07:48] Still disrespectful to doing a man's house.
[00:07:51] It's also kind of disrespectful to have a camping chair in your own house.
[00:07:54] No, no, because I'm disrespecting your funk shui.
[00:07:57] I actually didn't have furniture in here for a very long time.
[00:08:15] I don't know what's called furnace share or something.
[00:08:25] But then somebody brushed up against it and they were like, well, I can't have this in
[00:08:31] So they put it on there and you get it for like 200 bucks.
[00:08:34] I don't really understand nice furniture.
[00:08:39] And I guess people would complain this thing too.
[00:08:44] Is there some kind of like adhesive on it?
[00:08:56] Nick pulled a move and I waited until we started the show to mention it.
[00:09:01] You removed all of the toilet paper from the bathroom.
[00:09:07] Prior to my friend, your best friend, Adam Zorovall, either has not been toilet paper
[00:09:12] I mean, since I got back, I ran out before I went to Boston.
[00:09:16] Were you using the shower for your ass?
[00:09:17] I've just been going, I've been taking showers.
[00:09:26] Dude, I like moved out of it a part of it one time.
[00:09:30] I found out that my roommate was doing that.
[00:09:37] Dude, who in the shower when you do that?
[00:09:42] Would you just take a shit in the shower?
[00:09:44] No, but there's not that much shit in your ass.
[00:09:48] You don't see your ass before you get in the shower.
[00:09:56] Now I have a comrade keeping you honest.
[00:09:59] We don't have old Benedict or the crowd.
[00:10:01] Well, first of all, first of all, there's no dishonesty coming from me.
[00:10:06] I'm telling you exactly what the fuck I did.
[00:10:12] I'm totally being honest because I'm being fucking accused of something.
[00:10:19] As if I would pull some kind of snake and move like that.
[00:10:27] What, probably 35 cents worth of fucking toilet paper?
[00:10:30] You also get the cheapest toilet paper, no matter how...
[00:10:33] It's just because I buy one fucking roll at the gas station.
[00:10:42] We don't have to take mega busts anymore.
[00:10:46] You have to wrap it a million times around your head.
[00:10:48] That's just what they have at the corner.
[00:10:51] If I'm buying toilet paper, I either go to Costco.
[00:10:59] I don't need you to get me fucking toilet paper.
[00:11:01] I need you to get yourself toilet paper and shit at your house.
[00:11:04] Well, I need to caffeinate up before we get in the show so I can be mad focused.
[00:11:09] So you can leave halfway through to go to the bathroom for 45 minutes.
[00:11:13] I got to stand here and talk about fucking Ethan Allen furniture like an asshole.
[00:11:19] You were saying something and then me being critical of you instead of giving the people
[00:11:37] I just met this guy and you leave me to...
[00:11:41] I didn't listen to a single thing he said while you were in the bathroom.
[00:12:01] I'll try to get banned from Twitter again.
[00:12:05] I'm really doing misinformation about the vaccine.
[00:12:14] If you're a doctor, you can say whatever you want.
[00:12:24] What hospital do you do your residency at?
[00:12:33] The dot, the... dot, the trauma center, I guess.
[00:12:43] We have three powerful minds here right now.
[00:13:12] When you said Boston, and then my mind did most of the...
[00:13:26] Red hair, loud, and some kind of animal print.
[00:13:36] The garbage just looked real, because it was always cold there.
[00:13:41] The regular one said no, they have no...
[00:13:49] I was just looking at her the entire time.
[00:13:53] I don't even know this woman, and I would love to just hold her down and get her head
[00:13:56] flush against the ground and just with a rock.
[00:14:00] Just like one of those smooth, strong people keep next to a beach house.
[00:14:02] And just fucking just crush her fucking forehead.
[00:14:06] Just smash her forehead, and it's just absorbing all of the inertia, and it's just fractures,
[00:14:16] I wanted it to zoom in and do x-ray like a Mortal Kombat fatality.
[00:14:23] And as I bash her to death, she's just calling me an absolute loser.
[00:14:28] Her mother said she should never be with.
[00:14:30] And I dropped a rock right around the corner, and I said, I mean, Indian man just did this.
[00:14:45] If I said Muslim, they would know I was lying.
[00:14:49] But you say Indian, then they're like, wow, this guy probably means a Muslim.
[00:14:52] They even confuse there because Muslims look like you in Boston.
[00:14:58] They do have, they have, they, they'd take the only place they have to talk and people
[00:15:05] They have an expat community there, which I was, I was the headline today.
[00:15:09] Russia's sending the Chechens into Ukraine.
[00:15:18] They're sending, they're sending, they're sending the little guy.
[00:15:29] But that girl, I kept burping in the room, hoping some of my, like the, my DNA would
[00:15:35] Dude, I, you kept burping or she can, I kept burping, hoping she would like, she would
[00:15:40] She would do one of her fucking annoying laughs and then do a breath to recover from it.
[00:15:45] I'm just sucking a little bit of my burp.
[00:15:48] Well, she was, she was a lot of rings, a lot of rings.
[00:15:51] She had a lot of loose, loose bracelets.
[00:15:55] They're missing one ring, if you can believe it.
[00:16:00] That means that she is her father's property.
[00:16:03] That bitch, you know, she had a Pandora bracelet.
[00:16:09] Now what, what did she do that made her hot?
[00:16:12] You've explained why she was a dumb bitch.
[00:16:14] She literally, she didn't have a single thought the entire time we were there.
[00:16:19] With a much uglier friend and she was eating a massive slice of red velvet cake.
[00:16:24] Red, this Italian coffee shop in the North.
[00:16:35] She's that kind of stupid where like a blind person wouldn't be able to tell she was in
[00:16:39] I don't know if they have cigar lounges in this.
[00:16:41] I think the pandemic did them in, in New York.
[00:16:46] There was one in the financial district that's gone and then there was the other one.
[00:16:53] Nat Sherman or something on like right by Grand Central.
[00:16:58] And I was in there one time and there was this incredibly fat man in a business suit
[00:17:04] There's like the door and then there's a window.
[00:17:06] There's like this little alcove and this big fat fucking, this tiny little table with
[00:17:11] this smaller friend just jammed in and he's like, couldn't let in the fucking immigrants
[00:17:16] to fit the immigrants that are doing it.
[00:17:20] You see him riding in here at the end of that conversation.
[00:17:23] He's just stipulating with this fucking cigar.
[00:17:25] School to go to a cigar lounges to smoke a cigar.
[00:17:28] You go to the place where you buy the cigar and then you smoke the cigar there.
[00:17:31] I guess it's like porn, like DVD stores.
[00:17:39] I guess that, but there's some shame there.
[00:17:40] There's something particularly gluttonous about smoking a cigar at the cigar shop.
[00:17:49] No, there's a special room you sit in a lot of the time.
[00:17:56] There was a place I used to go to that had really good coffee that was also a cigar shop.
[00:18:03] Yeah, they all have everybody sat on a toilet.
[00:18:09] You come in here, you're like, where's the toilet paper?
[00:18:13] Fucking, what is this, a toilet cigar shop?
[00:18:15] What if they did that in call centers in India?
[00:18:17] Well, the whole country there is like a toilet.
[00:18:22] That's when people, yeah, they say, oh, they just dig a hole in the ground.
[00:18:24] It's like, well, we should get to that.
[00:18:32] Imagine if you're sitting in your bathroom.
[00:18:35] If he just went outside and dug a little hole.
[00:18:37] I could see you kind of calling some dirt over a best friend using your toilet.
[00:18:43] You're providing a, you're facilitating me going to the bathroom.
[00:18:55] Now, when Indian people dig a hole in the ground and shit it and it very...
[00:19:00] In their religion, is that like kind of like a funeral?
[00:19:03] Like, are they, because it's like it's going to come back as like a mama or something?
[00:19:19] What do you mean you're going out of business?
[00:19:22] The fucking, when they dig a hole in the ground.
[00:19:25] That's like fucking, that's like having the seven fishes in our culture.
[00:19:36] I mean, I'm just saying like, to maximize efficiency in a call center, no bathroom breaks, you're
[00:19:46] You just shit while you're at work, maximum efficiency.
[00:19:49] So you weren't making, you weren't saying it's because it's Indians.
[00:19:59] Nick used to work in a nice white American call center.
[00:20:05] I would get drunk when I was off work and I'd call in and I'd demand to speak to a white
[00:20:10] person and then accuse the other guys from Texas of being Indian and then they'd get
[00:20:29] That girl from the coffee shop number one.
[00:20:32] God, I'm pissed off just thinking about her.
[00:20:46] Oh, no, I'm thinking of the prostitute from Bora.
[00:21:08] I think that might get Biden to get involved.
[00:21:10] I think, honestly, I think it's probably fine in Ukraine right now.
[00:21:14] I think people have been a little bit dramatic.
[00:21:16] There's some stuff maybe around the edges.
[00:21:23] Yeah, but so the edges are in the center.
[00:21:27] You know, like the crust maybe has an issue.
[00:21:41] You got it because I found out that what it is, it's the Ukrainian way to say it.
[00:22:07] Oh, don't get me started on the Israel.
[00:22:12] That kind of makes everything more disrespectful.
[00:22:15] Yeah, like racist guys in North Carolina are saying like the blacks.
[00:22:19] You know, just say blacks like a normal guy.
[00:22:28] I think other were the I'm going to the movies.
[00:22:34] But yeah, the these black eyes are pissing me off because they want their blasting music.
[00:22:43] But if you say the yeah, I guess you're a it is just racial group.
[00:22:55] I think we're going to start respecting people now on this show.
[00:23:08] I mean, yeah, it's probably something like that.
[00:23:09] There's got to be it's got to be less than.
[00:23:16] It's probably like 40 52 weeks in a year.
[00:23:20] Yeah, we're at the end of February and February.
[00:23:22] So you take 52 minus eight is 35 and then I guess there's premiums.
[00:23:33] And the bids up and then they have to shut up and then we're fucking done.
[00:23:39] Yeah, I'm going to grad school for what?
[00:23:50] People are really into politics right now.
[00:23:54] For maybe foreign affairs, knowing all the knowing that kind of stuff.
[00:24:08] Yeah, but seriously, I don't want to distract from all the, you know, rancor and laughter.
[00:24:17] But I just want to give my thoughts and prayers to the people of the Ukraine.
[00:24:30] Yeah, I was just about to say, I hope I mean, I do truly hope.
[00:24:34] Not only, but definitely the Baltic states for sure.
[00:24:40] I want to see some people in some old men in Ridgewood crying into their tiny little coffee
[00:24:45] Yeah, I would honestly love if because they said that Paul Putin wants to restore the
[00:24:51] If he takes the Baltic states and then immediately enslaves all of them and sends them to central
[00:24:57] Asia to be sexually abused by Uzbeks and Tajiks, that would be a dream come true for me.
[00:25:06] It would literally be my life stream coming true is to see Lithuanians, Estonians just
[00:25:13] being sexually abused by a pretty, by a step Chinese people.
[00:25:25] The descendants of people that were raped by the Huns.
[00:25:36] I hope he becomes a full like the mustache and stuff.
[00:25:43] He's like, I have no idea what you're talking about.
[00:26:01] I'm going to steal my identity and go to grad school.
[00:26:05] No, I'm going to, I'm going to your school.
[00:26:11] I'm defecting to China and starting like what would be their version of a Renfest, which
[00:26:16] I don't have or like a medieval times, you know, because I don't have that.
[00:26:20] You don't have to play like dinner or theater.
[00:26:23] You get a fucking samurai and then you get a bunch of people.
[00:26:25] If you're doing medieval times, what are they putting on the big spit in the middle?
[00:26:38] I find a whole sniff out the Jewish people.
[00:27:03] You think you missed going to, Caleb was a, he was a podcasting major at Emerson.
[00:27:12] You did podcasting and improvisational comedy.
[00:27:15] I mean, it's just like the biggest mistake in my life.
[00:27:30] They could very, Emerson could very well have that.
[00:27:34] I wouldn't like they like, they do have a major that's like watching the Simpsons for
[00:27:42] I mean, I majored in having an uncle that works at fucking UTA.
[00:27:48] There was tons of awesome classes there.
[00:27:51] Why the proud family is the best show on TV.
[00:27:56] I just, maybe they were a little bit too proud for my taste.
[00:28:00] I thought it was, there were going to be some nice southern, you know, good old woman.
[00:28:04] Very funny to call it something that rhymes with loud.
[00:28:16] We're going to call it the proud family.
[00:28:21] Were there like the bullies in that show were like, they were ashy.
[00:28:29] Yeah, they were like like poor ashy girls or something.
[00:28:43] I'm trying to have like a bald black football coach's head.
[00:28:50] Well, what you need to have is the wrinkles in the back.
[00:28:57] But only old black guys and fat Chinese people have that.
[00:29:00] There's like another face on the back of your head.
[00:29:05] He's got like a Homer Simpson on the back of his head.
[00:29:06] He's got the kind of the rotting pumpkin.
[00:29:08] If he shaved his head, yeah, it'd be kind of a dolphin's mouth.
[00:29:12] I thought you were for the show because you're also bald.
[00:29:15] We felt like it would really bring back equilibrium to the tribe.
[00:29:20] You could have just told me your head would be shaved.
[00:29:27] I didn't shave until like two years old.
[00:29:31] You saw a picture of me on a kayak and my hair was a little wet.
[00:29:35] My step-sister's boyfriend was like that.
[00:29:38] His fucking hairline was already at the back.
[00:29:40] And his fucking hairline was at the back of his head.
[00:29:45] He just, I guess teenagers, I don't, I guess I don't, because your body's changing so
[00:29:50] much, I feel like teenagers don't recognize that they were like just horrifically balding.
[00:29:57] I had a friend that had a widow's peak pretty bad.
[00:30:00] And they just don't, it's like, bro, you're like, you look like fucking George.
[00:30:05] And at that point, I had like seven pubes.
[00:30:12] And then there were kids that were straight up.
[00:30:20] So I remember thinking like, yeah, I mean, I'll grow at some point.
[00:30:38] I think I started drinking coffee when I was too young.
[00:30:40] Maybe smoking cigarettes and not sleeping and not eating and sleeping with an anchor on
[00:30:49] I blame a very specific traumatic experience from adolescence.
[00:30:52] I've never mentioned publicly and normal I ever mentioned, but I got real spooked.
[00:31:03] My penis has gotten smaller when I was sick because I wasn't peeing.
[00:31:09] And so I think there with no pee coming.
[00:31:13] No, because they said it makes your dick smaller.
[00:31:20] No, it's crazy to that guy into the news that that it was one guy and he got that into
[00:31:28] I can't stop saying the fucking anywhere for you for my entire life.
[00:31:32] And the daily mail is like, yeah, print it.
[00:31:36] You can just say we've got a bit of news for you.
[00:31:44] And then people are like, I don't know if that's COVID.
[00:31:49] And then I'll see calling the daily mail owner Rupert Murdoch.
[00:31:58] So COVID with the Ukraine thing and say COVID is just that's done.
[00:32:01] It's a number of their not socially distance.
[00:32:04] I mean, it's like whatever this ends, you know, probably ended in a fucking week.
[00:32:10] It's not like people are going to go back to fucking COVID after this.
[00:32:18] They thought it was over after George Floyd.
[00:32:20] No, they didn't because that was all the lockdowns were over.
[00:32:23] It was the yeah, the whole fucking thing was a way to be like, Oh, yeah, well, lockdowns
[00:32:30] So we'll say this thing is more important than the lockdowns and then kind of just,
[00:32:37] No one's fucking, at least in America, and it was arguing for lockdowns after that.
[00:32:42] It was all just, you know, you had like, you had to wear a mask and a restaurant or whatever,
[00:32:49] I saw, you know, even here people are coming to Florida.
[00:32:52] It's like, I don't, I can't remember when things were actually closed in New York.
[00:32:55] The movie theaters reopened and like fucking like May of last year, March or something.
[00:32:59] But at the time I moved here pretty much every, yeah, everything's fucking open.
[00:33:03] It's just, it's like a minor inconvenience in certain places where you're like, you
[00:33:12] Oh, I guess I've done that most of the time.
[00:33:16] If I go a place, I just won't wear a mask and like do you have a mask and like, nah, you
[00:33:24] Going into a new place and getting a freshie.
[00:33:25] They made Adam put one on when we were in.
[00:33:33] She's like, I get a mat and then I took extra ones for him and she was very upset about
[00:33:45] How do you get in a, in a newber with a mask even once when we were in Boston?
[00:33:50] Every single time we got in, the person was like, you wear a mask?
[00:33:53] Well, for a fuck them, they're business owners.
[00:33:57] They own their car in small business owners.
[00:33:59] They're these fucking, these millionaires are going to drive me around and tell me to
[00:34:03] These fucking petty boos, mother fuckers.
[00:34:06] They're the worst kinds of capitalists, by the way, not me, a millionaire.
[00:34:10] Not me, a millionaire, a few of them were a mask and some Mexican guy's Uber.
[00:34:14] I'm the best kind of, the business owner.
[00:34:21] Nick's been secretly driving Uber and you have.
[00:34:26] He's been doing it in disguise, kind of like an undercover boss type thing.
[00:34:31] I'm going to fucking buy a semi and drive and do Uber Eats.
[00:34:34] I'm going to get a semi to deliver Grubhub and then go to a trucker protest and be like,
[00:34:40] figure that one out and you fucking DSA faggots.
[00:34:44] You're like, yeah, we know you're a millionaire.
[00:34:51] I was assuming you'd get a semi and then pick people up in Uber and just throw them
[00:34:55] in the back of a flat bed and just have them rolling around.
[00:35:02] I'd pay extra to see the bunk bed part of the semi truck.
[00:35:05] I've always wanted to be in one of those.
[00:35:12] Because you look at the truck and you're like, I know it's in there somewhere.
[00:35:20] They put the curtains around it so you can't hear in.
[00:35:21] They make it big so you can't get on your tiptoes.
[00:35:27] I was sitting with Shane multiple nights this weekend.
[00:35:32] In the green room on my phone looking at cabovers to buy.
[00:35:42] You know a movie we should watch over at the top.
[00:35:52] He tries to win his son back with arm wrestling.
[00:35:56] But it's one of those movies you watch when you're like 19 and you're like, dude, you
[00:36:05] There's bad movies that are in that zone that are a lot of fun.
[00:36:08] What's the NASCAR Sylvester Stallone movie?
[00:36:19] Just like, you know, like, humming like slave hymns.
[00:36:25] Because, you know, he's on the fucking the headset.
[00:36:29] They're like, that's how he calms down.
[00:36:33] And then he throws, he throws like a dime out of the cockpit of the fucking like F1
[00:36:45] And then he like, he picks up the dime on the tire on the next turn.
[00:36:48] Because his eyes are so good you can see the dime on the racetrack.
[00:36:52] And people are like, yeah, he turns on a dime.
[00:36:59] Nah, that movie's gay, but I would watch it.
[00:37:13] It's cool that Ryan Reynolds that gave him like millions of dollars, like a hundred
[00:37:24] That's that Adam Sandler movie where he fights Pac-Man or some shit.
[00:37:29] I think I remember seeing the posters for it being like, what the fuck is it cost?
[00:37:50] I, it just the, to see Chinese, see Chinese to see Chinese.
[00:38:02] Didn't that, didn't Shang-Chi himself get in trouble for, because it's a gay people are
[00:38:09] Well, he also was one of the people that tried to cancel Shane.
[00:38:14] He was like, Shane Gillis, you fucking bastard.
[00:38:29] Because it's like, there's always like, their pride has been insulted.
[00:38:35] When they get mad, it's always like, like the argument could be happening on the floor
[00:38:39] That's always, there's always something like just, just spiritually or like political
[00:38:46] When it's like, this is my parking spot, you bastard.
[00:38:55] I will not stand for this, you bastard.
[00:38:58] I don't get a Chinatown to do a man on the street video just asking actual Chinese people,
[00:39:03] like, what do you think about Shang-Chi Gillis?
[00:39:13] And we solve, we bring the world together.
[00:39:17] We bring the whole world together with Shang-Chi.
[00:39:20] And he's like, yeah, I guess, I'm one of them.
[00:39:29] So it's about Shane finding out he's Chinese.
[00:39:38] So it's like, I'm gonna get the 10 rings.
[00:39:40] I guess the 10 rings of China or whatever.
[00:39:46] He puts on jewelry and he becomes Chinese.
[00:39:54] You know, like, women in like wardrobe departments wear.
[00:39:59] It's like a shit ton of fucking bracelets that like bang around.
[00:40:14] So it sounds like they're working when, but their job is just like pick out clothes or
[00:40:19] Like one of those witch shops, you know?
[00:40:24] And this is, well, just, and then it sounds like they're busy.
[00:40:27] But really it's just like, how about more shirts?
[00:40:32] And so it's, it's not a real, it's just, it's like, we let you have a job.
[00:40:41] There's a, a device of some sort of there's bells and whistles and, you know, they got
[00:40:47] That's a, a guy plays an organ on a, on a fucking, on a paddle boat.
[00:40:59] You got to play as the pipe organ on a, on a river boat.
[00:41:01] A woman could never in her entire life.
[00:41:06] Plus those damn, those rings are getting away.
[00:41:16] I don't even know if they can sit down in those dumb clothes that they wear with the,
[00:41:24] How do you fuck a woman in a hoop dress in a hoop dress in the middle of the street during
[00:41:32] The only way to do it is, is, is to rape them.
[00:41:40] That's a lot of time between decision and execution.
[00:41:42] But you got to pull down there like, those like, underwear that go to your knees.
[00:41:51] They invented flamethrowers around the turn.
[00:41:53] So you could instantly make a woman take it?
[00:41:57] It wasn't, it was before the war during the Victorian times.
[00:42:00] Those dress at the wire frame went up like a Christmas tree.
[00:42:04] You'd burn a woman's clothes off of the flamethrower and then fuck her.
[00:42:21] It's either that or the current practice of Indian bride burning, which they still do
[00:42:28] Bride burning is quite literally just bride burning.
[00:42:50] Maybe if they were on chest and you married your.
[00:43:09] This show is just about at this point now you just walk up the edge of people.
[00:43:13] You want to get all these fucking retard to listen to this and be like, here comes Indian
[00:43:19] And then they just sort of like sink back and then they have to find something else
[00:43:25] They have to find somebody to love or something.
[00:43:38] I think it's money laundering for the Saudis.
[00:43:43] There has to be some sort of nefarious scheme going on.
[00:43:48] Cause it's like not only, I mean, there's a million of them and they're always, they're
[00:43:50] in places that we're already disgusting anyways, but nobody's like this.
[00:44:03] When was the last time you went to a subora?
[00:44:07] I think that the mall, the independence mall in Wilmington, North Carolina is probably
[00:44:09] seen checking out the Paxon pants deal.
[00:44:13] You went to a subora of all the options.
[00:44:16] Well, they, they are the other options.
[00:44:18] Yeah, but she, I'll even start that like if I go to a mall, I'll fuck with some of the
[00:44:27] Places like Charlie's thumbs up and then walk awesome.
[00:44:31] And it's just, yeah, it's, I mean, it's Panda Express basically.
[00:44:34] And it's like somehow like, like yellow or we had a, yeah, Vietnamese lady really did
[00:44:43] He tried to, tried to give us some soup too.
[00:44:47] She wouldn't stop talking about how much she, and then she sung us a Tibetan.
[00:44:53] She probably thought you were Mark Wahlberg.
[00:44:55] She was just trying to cover her faces.
[00:44:56] She was like, Oh no, I, I fucking hate Chinese.
[00:45:01] I think there's that you ain't got to get me started.
[00:45:09] She's, she's the spiritual guide of Shang, Julius or whatever the fucking joke was.
[00:45:20] I need to see Shane have a master so badly.
[00:45:26] He would look good and flowy ass clothes too.
[00:45:31] I think he's just trying to like not, you know, have his knees and lower back.
[00:45:42] The whole crew, all the Irish guys are having heart attacks.
[00:45:45] I think we got to the age where the Irish guys start dying.
[00:45:52] That's where those people die that young.
[00:45:57] It's you shove down all of your traumas.
[00:45:59] And it gives you a heart attack when you're 35.
[00:46:07] I've never met an Irish person who doesn't fucking shut up about how miserable they are.
[00:46:14] They don't say, okay, so it's a specific reason.
[00:46:15] They can sit there complaining all fucking day.
[00:46:21] And that's why they get heart attacks unless they embrace their inner Chinese.
[00:46:29] They're the most amazing woman who spent her entire life avoiding hate crimes by Mark Walker.
[00:46:32] If they got a Chinese, they get an order for her to be there living in Boston as a Vietnamese
[00:46:42] That seems like a little bit, you know, pendulum in the other direction.
[00:46:45] Wait, it'll still have a fucking what the guy who's there forever?
[00:46:50] No, the mayor of Boston is a fucking Marty Walsh.
[00:46:57] I forget her name and I'm not going to guess because I know it's going to be.
[00:47:06] I didn't even know she was from Boston.
[00:47:09] Yeah, no, there was like an incident like a couple of weeks ago.
[00:47:14] He's like, you need to answer for this, Mayor Wu.
[00:47:17] You need to answer for the fuck what you've done to this city.
[00:47:19] And it's just like just some Chinese lady.
[00:47:31] It was some fucking like it was like the head of like the DSA fucking Chinese checkers
[00:47:36] It was like some vaguely portable Chinese lady.
[00:47:49] And yeah, she's like, I'm not you have a wrong.
[00:48:31] But I don't know what they look like actually.
[00:48:39] It's a top, a dreidel in a lot of ways.
[00:48:42] Briefly Googled them when I found out people collected them.
[00:48:47] But I never figured out what a beyblade actually is.
[00:48:52] It's two circles of fight in another circle for you.
[00:49:02] That was like the best thing you could do with an engineering degree.
[00:49:10] You could do that or you work for like a defense contract.
[00:49:14] You could work for for for Honeywell or you whatever.
[00:49:21] They figured out that the only bot that wins is one that just flips the other bots over.
[00:49:28] So every bot is just like a fucking flipper.
[00:49:38] I would make one that's just a fucking remote control car with an iPad on it.
[00:49:43] And then it and then a speaker behind the iPad and also a cell phone.
[00:49:54] You drive to the facing the operator of your opponent.
[00:49:58] Child pornography comes up on the screen of the iPad and it says this man is looking
[00:50:02] at child pornography and calls the police.
[00:50:07] And then the guy then that guy goes to jail for being a fucking pedophile.
[00:50:18] And then I think that if the bot doesn't move for like 10 seconds you win.
[00:50:20] And then he's the remote control gets out of range.
[00:50:26] It's pretty fucking faggots over here trying to flip my porn.
[00:50:32] It's still legal when it's upside down.
[00:50:38] So then obviously the next generation of battle bots will be mirrors.
[00:50:43] And then you're the one looking at child pornography.
[00:50:48] So within you, then you do is you cover yourself in a two way mirror costume.
[00:50:53] In fact, I might do that from the beginning.
[00:51:01] And then nobody can see the at some point the entire thing's made out of mirrors.
[00:51:04] Nobody sees the actual battle and then you go back to having a flipper.
[00:51:11] No, I think the days of the flipper are gone.
[00:51:15] So then it's an endless battle between two child pornography.
[00:51:22] And nobody, it's a stalemate for eternity.
[00:51:25] Just explaining this to your fiance's family when they ask when you went to college for
[00:51:29] It's like, sir, I said you have an engineer again.
[00:51:40] Well, he's playing in battle bots, but did this one?
[00:51:43] Let's say this gravy is child pornography.
[00:51:48] This turkey is a mirror covering it in Turkey.
[00:51:52] And like, sir, I don't know about this guy.
[00:51:54] You're like, well, from what I hear you just eavesdropping.
[00:51:57] Her last boyfriend beat her up and raped her in college.
[00:52:06] Wait, what if Ukraine, because their military is way worse?
[00:52:13] What if they just went full child pornography, shield wall around Kiev?
[00:52:24] It's in their fucking pledge of allegiance.
[00:52:25] You forget they don't have Western morality.
[00:52:34] I learned that from my family being from Eastern Europe.
[00:52:42] I don't know what you're talking about.
[00:52:45] But child pornography, highly illegal in the Ukraine.
[00:52:48] Now everybody in the military is getting arrested.
[00:52:57] And also they can't trade no to any more.
[00:53:01] So guess you just won the war for Russia.
[00:53:11] We got to fucking keep you up at night.
[00:53:18] They'll take over Kiev, they'll install some Moscow friendly guy.
[00:53:33] And having with Georgia and having a crime.
[00:53:38] People don't even care about Afghanistan anywhere.
[00:53:40] There's other people who are like, oh, this is going to ruin it for Biden.
[00:53:44] It's like nobody's going to get a fuck about Afghanistan in four months.
[00:53:49] We got six cool videos of people falling from the sky.
[00:53:53] That guy trying to hold on to the plane.
[00:53:56] Like people in like Third World shit holes have like cartoon logic.
[00:54:02] Like if I run off the cliff, I can keep running.
[00:54:04] He's trying to draw a portal to the United States.
[00:54:08] Until I hold up the sign saying, uh-oh, I'm not actually going to fall.
[00:54:11] I'm going to hang on to this wing all the way to America.
[00:54:20] They have like a loony tunes understanding of physics.
[00:54:24] Which is why those people, you know, not to get woke, but it's why they never win a
[00:54:29] Because they don't understand like the concrete.
[00:54:31] Can you quit it with your fucking woke bullshit?
[00:54:36] And it kind of goes unexplored, but the white and-
[00:54:42] Asiatic supremacy in the- in battle bots.
[00:54:45] It's clearly a bias towards Jews and Asians.
[00:54:52] When was the last time a black woman won battle bots?
[00:55:06] And then they started the battle bots league.
[00:55:08] Battle bots is dominated by like crews of vatos.
[00:55:12] Like, it's like, yeah, like 12 person Mexican families.
[00:55:17] It's like Fast and the Furious kind of guys.
[00:55:19] Because they're into like, souping up cars.
[00:55:22] I put a flame thrower on a PlayStation.
[00:55:25] And that's why I did the Fast and Furious movies.
[00:55:27] Like, you tell people you like them and then they think you're like sitting at home watching.
[00:55:32] It's like, no, that is one of the best movie watching experiences.
[00:55:35] He's going to the movie theater with a bunch of like, Mexican 16 year olds working best
[00:56:03] Bad guys in the Fast and Furious one were the were the Chinese, weren't they?
[00:56:17] Sometimes it's fucking it's British in the last couple.
[00:56:22] Statham initially as a bad guy becomes a good guy.
[00:56:26] They love having bad guys become good guys in their franchise.
[00:56:34] If you sort of beef with them, you're going to be in the family within six months.
[00:56:39] It's becoming a villain in those movies.
[00:56:44] No, the first one, the bad guys are stealing.
[00:56:45] They're just like stealing DVD players.
[00:56:48] Literally DVD player stealing operation.
[00:56:52] There's a special like police unit with a hundred cops like investigating and that they
[00:57:00] have to send what's the name, the dead guy.
[00:57:04] They have to send a locker in to like break up this like DVD stealing operation.
[00:57:12] They're like, where do they get such nice gear for their cars?
[00:57:16] Do you remember what the final the final showdown was?
[00:57:25] The early 2000s idea of like organized crime in movies is so sick.
[00:57:36] You can like see Martin Scorsese writing that movie when you watch it where they have the
[00:57:39] meeting and with the Asian guys and he's like, here's the microprocessors and I want one
[00:57:47] It's like, of course, that's how much money you would write is one million dollars departed
[00:57:59] You know, I thought about it once in Providence and I said to myself, when I get home, I'm
[00:58:08] But I might have, I might have my afternoon planned out to that or maybe trying to squeak
[00:58:18] You know, I might even he's got a pass.
[00:58:24] You see your supporter, your friend of the Bronx is very much so Bronx is one of the only
[00:58:32] I might get a hotel in the Bronx so I can have, I can really just get in there.
[00:58:40] Because you got to go two days at the zoo.
[00:58:46] Yeah, you cannot do the Bronx Zoo in a day.
[00:58:49] Anyone who says you can is a fucking liar.
[00:58:58] You spend the time with the lizard thing?
[00:59:12] Every other animal goes away and they multiply this animal.
[00:59:16] It's like they're the bad boons with like the painted faces.
[00:59:22] Man, those are cool animals to look at.
[00:59:31] Yeah, the gorillas are like kind of like its own section.
[00:59:33] You have to wait for the line to get in.
[00:59:44] I mean, there's all these sections and shit.
[00:59:45] I mean, I mean, when I say I really don't think, I mean, you could do it in a day if you're
[00:59:51] But if you really want to like, you know, spend time watching like a fucking giraffe,
[00:59:56] lick another giraffe's legs for like 30 minutes to be like, these things are fucking insane.
[01:00:05] They're horses with long ass necks like that.
[01:00:17] I saw two bears fucking and then two bears on the side like getting in a fucking brawl.
[01:00:23] And then when you get into like birds, like you see the cranes and shit, they're really
[01:00:26] gorgeous and like you kind of get, you know, you just get kind of like lost in the world
[01:00:39] We'll get a, we'll get a, we'll get a hotel on Fordham Road.
[01:00:52] Yeah, but then we're going to skip all this stuff you do and do it.
[01:01:01] We'll take Adam and go see some skinks.
[01:01:05] It's like a little fucking, yes, little Jewish guy.
[01:01:40] You know the, you know the story of the, uh, the what is it?
[01:01:52] PT Barnum just had a, oh, you're going to Bathroom again?
[01:01:55] The PT Barnum had a, a fucking a black man with microcephaly that he put in an ape costume
[01:02:02] when he kept in a cage in his like a museum here in New York.
[01:02:08] And he would charge people to go see it and be like, what the fuck is this?
[01:02:15] And there's an account from George Templeton Strong where he, I went to go see it and he
[01:02:23] just writes like, uh, yeah, it's clearly a mentally retarded black man.
[01:02:29] It's not like people back then were like, oh, he's like, yeah, it's clearly a mentally
[01:02:36] retarded black man from Virginia or something.
[01:02:52] Anybody was a, he was a humane type of slave because it was in the north.
[01:02:58] He was just being pointed at and called a freak.
[01:03:04] By Italian immigrants that couldn't read.
[01:03:11] Microcephaly is the one that gives you a weird head.
[01:03:22] Well, we, I mean, you know, Beetlejuices.
[01:03:23] So I guess Beetlejuice ran for fucking political authors.
[01:03:29] That was a little bit of Beetlejuice because he had a tiny head like the LSTR.
[01:03:34] Because he had a tiny head like the, the guy in the waiting room in Beetlejuice.
[01:03:38] I guess Stern was doing a what is it in the, you know, with the whack pack.
[01:03:44] You know, they had, they had beat back on recently.
[01:03:56] August August, August, August, August, you're 34.
[01:04:09] Um, guys, thank you for listening to Joel.
[01:04:12] We don't have Chinese food in the Irishman.
[01:04:17] No, I went to the like intro drinks last night.
[01:04:23] Yeah, they had like a bad, like a, like a, like not a happy hour, but they had a thing.
[01:04:33] You're like a, you're like a 16 year old like French aristocrat.
[01:04:46] Oh, I have a, I have a debut this week.
[01:04:52] What are you going to wear to the wedding hoop dress?
[01:04:56] What are you going to do with your hair?
[01:04:57] Um, yeah, like I'm going to, I got a wig, but yeah.
[01:05:05] Just talk about how I'm wilton in this hat Needheavy lips real small.
[01:05:09] Honestly, we'd love to have like a six foot three big fat brick house fucking Southern
[01:05:16] bitch dressed in like one of those likeoptery dress.
[01:05:22] And I just ride around them, her back like the guy with the like the double guitar flame
[01:05:32] You're not facing like the same way she is.
[01:05:36] You're like attached to her in a baby V-orn.
[01:06:07] You were just cutting her love handles.
[01:06:13] Thanks for taking me to check out Yeah, but still.
[01:06:23] Yeah, but still you can find a stitcher, apple, fucking,
[01:06:40] Yeah, you want to plug your show for real?
[01:06:45] We're announcing it sometime this week.
[01:06:57] Go to the podcast about lists Twitter account.
[01:07:04] If you want to listen to a podcast where it's young men
[01:07:07] that have a dream, they're excited to record.
[01:07:12] Well, sometimes we're going to hour five.
[01:07:14] Yeah, well, we did hour six, hour seven.