Cum Town | Premium | 03/20/2017
[00:00:00] No, I'm good. We're starting this one. I'm a little I got a little too much gumbo. Yeah, you gumboed out. Mm-hmm. Was it good?
[00:00:09] It's not finished. So I'm gonna be eating on the podcast me and Adam had fucking
[00:00:14] Burritos you cognatata. Yeah, but Nick is still in that NBA all-star game new Orleans fever
[00:00:23] You know he loves the NBA love it, dude
[00:00:25] We can't get off fuck first of all, let's just start with the basics NBA was the same for us, uh, you know it
[00:00:33] Let's go something basketball nice basketball
[00:00:38] Auditory the plan auditorium come on. I know the sub
[00:00:42] Neman can you name one player that isn't LeBron James? Uh, Michael Jackson
[00:00:47] Is there Michael Jackson he might have backed into it that was always funny there was a there was a ball was always such a
[00:00:55] Fucking horrific source of humiliation for me as a kid because you had to go to basketball camp
[00:00:59] No prior to that everyone in my neighborhood played basketball and I fucking completely lacked the coordination to play
[00:01:05] Oh, and it was like just shameful. It was fucking awful. You played baseball. Yeah, I played baseball
[00:01:11] Yeah, and when we play pick up football games and I was fine, you know, I was never like big
[00:01:15] So it wasn't good, but for my size I would but I asked I'm literally the best at yeah, yeah, you're not
[00:01:22] No, you're not I always lacked a better nation
[00:01:28] Ball handling skills were off I could always shoot but like having to
[00:01:32] You know like I couldn't cross over like incorporating both sides of my body always fucked me up
[00:01:36] We're the person when like you got the ball everyone started playing the hardest defense
[00:01:51] It was people that were like seven years older than me spiking a fucking basketball my head
[00:01:58] There wasn't a lot of game playing going on
[00:02:00] We got Rob Hayes in the mix what up. That Rob a come boy nice to have you my man
[00:02:06] Yeah, I'm a huge fan of this podcast. He's also been on funny monster. I don't think it was recorded for the bonus
[00:02:13] Yeah, it was the first one at the new venue. So we'll get Rob. Oh, that one got recorded
[00:02:19] Not the first one they were all recorded not the first one. Yes every single one of them. All right. He's wrong
[00:02:27] Well, we don't we don't actually don't fuck we don't fuck with releases. Yeah, we don't believe in that kind of shit
[00:02:33] Yeah, the only person to get the only person to get the
[00:02:35] I'm not a socialist. There's a prominent socialist podcast
[00:02:38] It means we've got a my understanding of you know, I guess
[00:02:50] You don't ask permission for shit. You just take whatever you want. Yeah, you don't pay taxes
[00:02:55] You know you can't own ideas brother. Yeah, that's right
[00:03:02] We call that we call that San Antonio style comedy
[00:03:06] As long when you to yeah, you do you go down to the valley you fucking do Orlando's bits
[00:03:12] Regardless of whether he gives you permission or not because they love Orlando down there. Who's Orlando?
[00:03:18] I don't know. I think I mentioned it before I saw a thread on Facebook in like some
[00:03:22] San Antonio comedians Facebook group that was like is it wrong to steal jokes?
[00:03:31] Like if I'm in a valley right let's say I'm in a valley
[00:03:34] This guy was saying this. He's like I know they love Orlando's jokes. I'm just gonna do Orlando
[00:03:41] And then Orlando's like in the thread he's like yeah, of course man. Why not?
[00:03:46] No, I thought he's about entertaining the audience
[00:03:48] He's right. Yeah, that's how magicians do it. No, they don't do they're actually fucking because magicians can actually patent their tricks
[00:03:57] Really a lot of you they can copyright them let me not pat me
[00:04:00] You can copyright tricks, but you can't with jokes and magicians make a lot of fucking money selling their
[00:04:06] Devising the methodology for certain tricks and then selling them the bigger acts in Vegas
[00:04:10] They got really mad that's how you make money is a magician when that fuck special came out like magicians tricks revealed
[00:04:17] Like they were fucking furious at that guy. Oh, yeah, who like showed how they did all the tricks?
[00:04:33] Yeah, that is funny that guy who the fucking you just a magician like no one no magicians have face recognition
[00:04:40] Yeah, someone's gonna shoot him in the mouth, but for real. Oh, you know, he's not gonna be able to catch it in his lips
[00:04:45] She's David Blaine fucked up and actually shot himself in the throat last week. No last month
[00:04:53] Metal like diva cup device city developed that you put in between your teeth
[00:04:57] And so he had someone shoot him in them fucking mouth
[00:05:02] They pointed gun in his mouth and shoot him and it slipped it like slipped off his tooth
[00:05:06] And so the bullet like just went past it
[00:05:11] But it like lodged in the back of his throat and he had to go to the hospital and he's like close one
[00:05:16] And then just did it again. God damn imagine having that kind of you remember when Michael Jackson was David Blaine's award beast
[00:05:23] Everyone's rules and I will defend him to anybody live live like the fucking laugh of David Blaine
[00:05:28] I think he's sick dude. He's cool as shit cuz he doesn't fuck. He's not afraid of anything. Yeah, I'd be like
[00:05:34] Oh, why he's a magic guy does fucking tricks or whatever, but he'll like lock himself in a room with a bomb
[00:05:39] Cuz he's like I heard I think that you can actually diffuse a bomb for real and then he could just die someday
[00:05:46] He might that from well Harry's he's Dini does
[00:05:48] Yeah, that's the biggest David Blaine's David Blaine's much better than who Dini well who Dini is his
[00:05:54] Exactly man like sports. Yeah, there's exactly dad knives. He wasn't sick
[00:06:02] You know what they actually David Blaine David Blaine learned a
[00:06:08] Magic trick from some Arab guy from some like Moroccan guy. Yeah, the water thing the water thing
[00:06:15] I don't know North African that would do this trick where he would drink water and then he would drink kerosene
[00:06:19] And so the kerosene would sit on top of the water
[00:06:22] And then he would like throw up the water or the kerosene and like you know spray like a cannon
[00:06:28] Yeah, like a cannon spray fire out of his stomach across his
[00:06:32] And then he would throw up all the water to put it out and
[00:06:35] The guy did the trick like twice and then killed himself doing it and David Blaine was like I'm gonna learn that
[00:06:44] But he does it now that's like a trick he does do you remember when Michael Jackson won that award like artists the millennium and
[00:06:50] Like he was like on so many drugs and confused and he goes up there. It's like a year before he died
[00:06:56] He's like I just want to think first off. I want to think David Blaine
[00:07:07] Yeah, you think David Blaine and then he took the award and then like he wasn't sure which side of the stage to walk off
[00:07:15] He looked like so confused poor MJ do yeah, dude
[00:07:18] I mean I thought he won a different award and he claimed it was the artist of the millennium
[00:07:25] Thank you for this artist of the millennium award and they're like that's not
[00:07:29] Just got his you got his triple a card in the mail
[00:07:35] Saw Michael food you had a joke on Facebook the other day. It was like that song bad was about raping
[00:07:48] That's just that's just the truth that might be the truth, dude. Well the backup singers. They say
[00:08:00] Convincing it all only little kids would be like he's really really bad
[00:08:05] Yeah, no Wesley Snipes was like you gotta stop me from myself
[00:08:19] Yeah, she that's a mile a fucking funny is that dude?
[00:08:22] That's like the best way for this whole thing to end that my lones the gated Milo's not well
[00:08:27] He's not even pizza gated dude. He's just an open pedophile
[00:08:30] It's not like he got caught with child porn which in its by its own
[00:08:34] This is great late when it comes out doesn't matter which in its own way would be fucking hilarious. Yeah
[00:08:41] Milo from good morning miss bliss. Yeah
[00:08:48] The pug from that weird Japanese movie is what other what other milos of notes are there? Oh?
[00:08:56] There's a baby character baby Milo, okay. Yeah, apparently Clara Jeffrey's son is named Milo nice
[00:09:03] Yeah, Milo Brando. Yeah, Milo Brando my mom
[00:09:10] Guess there's not a lot of my laws. I thought there was a few people. There's a there's a Wayans brother
[00:09:15] I think my low way. I love what are you thinking of the Marx brothers? Just play a Milo Marx. Yeah, there's a Marx
[00:09:21] There's a way in black. There were nine Marx brothers
[00:09:28] Every Marx he directed everything. You don't really see him. Yeah, he had really bad male pattern baldness
[00:09:44] But yeah, no we're talking about my way ahead way head was a garbage cartoon
[00:09:48] Which was sucked. Yeah, Wayne head. I don't remember Wayne. I don't think I would have watched if I wasn't black
[00:09:53] I remember it was he it wasn't even a good fucking
[00:09:56] Carton it was a Wayans cartoon. Yeah, we got the fucked up foot
[00:10:02] Oh, yeah, it's like Forrest Gump. So it's like braces was like that's right hot. That was a terrible cartoon. Yeah, I gave it a shock
[00:10:12] Yeah, just I liked I like the show they had on up and remember the way we just called the Wayans brother
[00:10:19] Used to come on Fox where he was a detective
[00:10:22] Yeah, what was that a career lived on his couch? Oh, it's so bad every one season. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah
[00:10:31] What shows that it's like the Damon Wayne show?
[00:10:35] Detective they've had a they've had a lot of shows
[00:10:38] But yeah, the Wayans brothers were brothers were funny and were
[00:10:48] Yeah, they said colored in the fucking I remember I remember like John Witherspoon's character
[00:10:52] Just like annoying the shit out of me on that show. I think it was the best part. I'm great
[00:10:57] No, he did he just bothered the thing bang bang bang. He was their dad, right? Yeah, yeah
[00:11:02] Who else their sister is that their sister?
[00:11:06] Kim Wayans Kim Wayans is their sister. She was on it
[00:11:10] I remember wanting to fuck her back in the day
[00:11:14] And then they also on in the house with Elo cool J. That's right in the house with phase on love too
[00:11:22] Face on love is on a parenthood parenthood. That's it. No, no, no
[00:11:26] He was also wasn't he the the like a like a tertiary character on in the house
[00:11:32] Was he I don't I'm not sure. I was a retired football player
[00:11:35] Hello, it was a retired football player now. He's a man. Yeah
[00:11:47] So I remember seeing that be like what the fuck is Elo cool take doing acting he was on realize you could just do that
[00:11:53] You could be a musician to become an actor. Yeah, he was with Jamie Foxx. I'll she knows the coach
[00:11:58] Yeah Lawrence LT had to get one more sack right a lot of people made that transition pretty fucking successfully
[00:12:06] Yeah, there weren't very many false starts, you know, I mean like almost anybody that pursued or like anyone of like
[00:12:14] The meat or like mid 90s rapper R&B artists who pursued acting careers. It's hard to find people ice cube is like one of the main
[00:12:21] Comedians, he's super successful, but I mean, it's hard to find people that like it's not like Usher made one bad movie and then quit
[00:12:40] He's the DJ of the school and she's oh yeah, he's in that he's played sugar Ray
[00:12:45] Leonard in a movie recently right really that you can't act. I don't know. He's all right
[00:12:52] He was good in that episode of my we should yeah
[00:12:55] I think there are any pilots of like rappers. Oh, we do like we'll never see yes
[00:13:02] There's a Drake comedy pilot pilot, which is on YouTube, which is so unfun. The Drake was a successful actor before he was
[00:13:09] Yeah, well, he tried to like he's the opposite before he you know come back Caesar
[00:13:13] Maybe even concurrent with it. He was like I'm gonna write a comedy pilot. Mm-hmm, and it's on YouTube. It's terrible
[00:13:20] It's so unfun I see is definitely the weirdest of all them. Oh, yeah super successful
[00:13:24] Yeah, but he had though he had like a fucking dud of a dramatic career prior to law and order
[00:13:30] Isn't that leprechaun? He's in so many shitty movies
[00:13:33] He's saying no Jack City. That's right. Yeah, yeah
[00:13:37] Which new Jack City not a particularly good movie you don't think so it's one of the best iced tea movies
[00:13:42] But I mean like surviving the game and fuck it
[00:13:45] I just watched this one judgment day the other day where like there's a meteor that's gonna destroy Earth
[00:13:51] So they have to take him out of prison to stop it
[00:13:54] Have you ever seen trespass no, it's iced tea and ice cube hell yes, and
[00:14:04] But like where they live there's like a fire
[00:14:20] That's so fucking good they gonna melt all that ice man, that's right. That's a very cold cup of ice tea
[00:14:26] What's that movie? Uh, it's a deep blue deep blue sea. Yeah, I want to watch that again. That's good
[00:14:32] You didn't like New Jake City. I love that shit. I mean, it's okay. I mean I love where there's naked just a naked trap house
[00:14:37] Everyone's making fucking masks on like that's for some reason you have to do that
[00:14:44] You know what I think I think it like that movie starts off and you think it's gonna be better than it is and you got halfway through
[00:14:50] And you know watching no that's a good point because it transitions in eras right?
[00:14:53] It's all like a deatous tracksuits to the beginning right no, it's just like you think it's gonna be eras
[00:14:59] But it's just like two eras. Yeah, yeah late 80s and then slight later
[00:15:08] Yeah, no, it's really weird. I'll give you that you think it's gonna be like
[00:15:12] Awesome and just like a fucking just an awesome like mob movie basically and then it's just like it's pretty
[00:15:18] Here's out it really shoot up that wedding. Yep, and then Nina Brown picks up a little girl to like be his human
[00:15:28] You know Brown it could have been so much better and more that's the way I feel about King in New York, too
[00:15:32] I thought it was gonna be because I was like man. It's awesome. It's like it's why it's why biggie calls himself Frank White
[00:15:40] And then it's just like a pretty mediocre movie overall. I finally saw King in New York like two years ago
[00:15:46] I was so disciplined exactly. Yeah, it's so I got it in college. I just like I think I got it one day
[00:15:51] It was like my birthday. I was really drinking hard of shit
[00:15:54] And I was like fat as hell and I drank like 15 natural lights alone and just watched King of New York in order Chinese food
[00:16:01] And that was like my 22nd birthday. I mean the best yeah, dude the early 20s birthdays are the fucking best
[00:16:07] And you're like yeah, I'm old now. I don't give a shit about birthdays anymore. You just like cry
[00:16:14] First day I'm drinking half a 30-year babies first beer babies first fucking entire suitcase of PBR
[00:16:22] I remember my 19th birthday. I was so happy so many people wrote on my wall. I was like, oh my god
[00:16:29] That's all you get anymore. Yeah, that's all I had to take my birthday off social media, but
[00:16:35] Yeah, no the first year when you don't get all those fucking Facebook likes you're like damn
[00:16:39] Yeah, this shit sucks. Yeah, like when you're two your best friends don't come to your birthday party
[00:16:44] I was first of all my atom was six so we couldn't go
[00:16:51] Thanks for coming Rob. I just sit by the bed and so
[00:17:00] You know what they say titties what is the wet nurse is the breastfeed yes, Nick was my wet nurse
[00:17:07] Yeah, I thought a wet nurse was just like a nurse is ready to fuck. Yeah
[00:17:11] Is just ready she's ready to go. Yeah tight nurse a tight nurse. Yeah, excuse me. Where's my ass sex nurse?
[00:17:27] If y'all were ever in a nursing home, do you think you would like get hard when it was like bath time hell yeah
[00:17:33] Do you know how to punch back why don't they give those people Viagra?
[00:17:38] Because I mean your dick doesn't work after certain
[00:17:42] No, they can't yeah, that's it's a fucking problem because then they have like STD get STDs and shit because they don't know
[00:17:50] I will only go to a nursing home if I get Viagra
[00:17:54] I remember I had some grandma die before my grandma died going to see her in the nursing home
[00:17:59] And they just had this one room and they filled a bunch of fucking old people with it
[00:18:03] They're all they had some like Judy Garland movie on and she's like
[00:18:07] Singing in the background and then there's some woman in a wheelchair. That's just like
[00:18:14] Screaming at the top of her lungs looking around she has no idea where she is
[00:18:21] Fucking terrified and it's like stop playing old movies. It's not like a nostalgia for them. You're just tricking them
[00:18:31] There's a Judy Garland movie on a TV that's completely flat and nine times bigger than anything she's seen and she's trapped in her own
[00:18:40] People only want to watch old stuff. Yeah, my grandparents only want white westerns really
[00:18:46] What westerns are badass dude? That's a smart choice
[00:18:49] My grandma always like dumb gay shit like fucking she would always have to put on like black beauty or pippy long stocking
[00:18:55] Oh, that sucks. Yeah, that's so children's movies for girls. Yeah, that's what my grandma liked watching
[00:19:01] Well, you were very back to childhood at that stage
[00:19:13] With yeah, all kind of western spaghetti western wise gun smoke every day
[00:19:20] Have you seen hell or high water? Yeah, I did it's so good. It's sick. Yeah, that is a great. Yeah, that's a that's a
[00:19:27] Modern classic I was about to get it. I was actually about to get it yesterday
[00:19:30] But it's like fucking seventeen dollars to buy it online or on
[00:19:34] PlayStation well, I rented it for like four bucks. I want to own my shit, dude
[00:19:38] I want to get a nice library going. I mean, I only do that if it's a movie
[00:19:41] I never watch these multiple times. Yeah, I do this within a year. No, I don't yeah
[00:19:48] I'll buy something if I've seen it a million times and I want to watch it again
[00:19:51] You know, I know I'll probably do it again
[00:19:53] Yeah, like I bought Christine the other day because I know I'll watch Christine again
[00:19:56] I'll buy something if I know I'm gonna watch it on a plane
[00:20:00] Yeah, you know, you don't have access to the internet
[00:20:04] I just want to pull something up Netflix now you can fucking download shit. It's tight, dude
[00:20:10] You just fucking save for later. Yeah. Yeah on some of their shit. Yes type
[00:20:15] I want I'm gonna sign up for the DVD rental service of Netflix ever offers like 4k
[00:20:23] Because that's that's what I want. I thought they got rid of that part of the business. No, it's so bad
[00:20:28] It is take your money if you want to get them more. Yeah, cuz those are those are like $40 a disc
[00:20:36] But that's like the kind of that's that's even a full use of the TV like this
[00:20:40] Yeah, but you can stream 4k, but like, you know, I'm sure those UHD discs look amazing
[00:20:45] Really good, but it gives a shit. I do can you just buy those it like best even though even with this TV
[00:20:51] You're still not close to the original resolution of film
[00:20:56] Well, like what's even gonna fucking look that good and you can make that argument for contrast ratios
[00:21:01] Because film only has a contrast ratio of like at the most I think like, you know one to 800 or something
[00:21:09] If you were to scan like digitally scan 70 millimeter film it would be like 18k. Oh really got
[00:21:16] Yeah, so film just does look better than a million times better. Yeah, I don't know what a fatback TV
[00:21:23] I doubt I would care. Yeah, it's totally media. Well for home media. Yeah, you wouldn't but like you know
[00:21:29] I mean I everyone did everyone grew up with like a CRT television
[00:21:33] Mm-hmm, but like watching shit like hateful eight on this TV
[00:21:37] You know it does make a difference and then that's when you start to become like a fucking nerd about
[00:21:42] You know resolutions and shit because I would just download everything and I would download whatever fucking rip
[00:21:46] I could find it like wow look how small this file size is this is perfect and then I watch it on my laptop or whatever
[00:21:52] Right, but if you try watching like a fucking
[00:21:54] You know like a 720p rip on this TV. It's gonna look like absolute shit
[00:21:59] And it does change like the the experience of watching a movie
[00:22:03] Yeah, I don't fucking I very rarely will buy fucking movies. I just Netflix that shit
[00:22:08] I'll just download the I don't know anything about resolution though either
[00:22:11] I'm not trying to learn more shit, dude. I want to be I want to be in a fucking writer's field taking its screeners
[00:22:18] Get screeners and you can go to fucking a couple like the art house theaters in New York for free really you go to sunshine
[00:22:24] I'm sure to piece you off if the screen is or poor quality. Yeah, they are
[00:22:31] So DVDs aren't even good enough for you. No DVDs suck now. That's the new thing really not the new thing
[00:22:37] But that's DVD's I mean you can stream fucking
[00:22:40] Like better quality content because I don't think DVDs can even handle 1080p
[00:22:45] DVDs doing pretty well for technology from 1995. That's true. Yeah, yeah
[00:22:50] Yeah, what I mean the thing is is cuz home media is gonna die. They're not gonna have physical media anymore
[00:22:55] Eventually, there's gonna be fucking gigabit internet to everybody's house and you're gonna be able to stream
[00:23:01] You know whatever the TV can fucking handle
[00:23:05] So you're gonna be able to just stream K for the extreme 4k ultra HD and there's gonna be no reason to go buy a
[00:23:10] $40 DVD. Mm-hmm. You know, have you ever beat off on this TV? No and in fact, I can't do it on any kind of TV
[00:23:16] It feels weird. I need to beat off to a small
[00:23:18] Screen wouldn't that feel nice wouldn't it feel cool to you?
[00:23:23] No, it's fucking weird dude. It's weird to jack off
[00:23:29] When you're filling a room with pornography
[00:23:39] No shit like that. Yeah, it's too big. It's too big. Yeah, I need to be you guys just feel like I'm being bad and shameful
[00:23:49] Yeah, yeah, you know extra guilty after then put the TV up to the window. Yeah
[00:23:54] In college one time we had we found a big ass. Oh, yeah, is that girl out there?
[00:23:59] Yeah, we're podcasting with JP and we saw a lady having sex with a man. She had some big old titties, dude
[00:24:06] Yeah, girls like that. They like being just a regular looking woman
[00:24:10] And it's already just because you started naked one time. She had big shit biggest titties of all time
[00:24:15] You were on you were you just like not getting a bit fun of but you know she had big eyes
[00:24:20] I agree, dude. She had large press. There'd be a traitor right now. I'm not afraid
[00:24:26] Betraying anything dude. He can't even like see school school for school. Dude. I'll do cool to cool for school
[00:24:36] But I don't fucking know yeah, I'll beat off to the fuck what was the first porno you found Rob?
[00:24:41] What was the first is there like a memorable beat like video you found like I think I've talked about the weird Greek porno
[00:24:47] I found for my father's no, I haven't I don't think so really maybe it's the Greek Bible
[00:24:53] It was it was just a dump. It was about Zeus. It was a porno where everyone was just like it was so funny
[00:24:59] I'm so stereotypically Greek nice. Yeah, it was like this fucking woman with just the hairiest pussy
[00:25:07] She looked like she had like a fucking a small a small child in a headlock like that's what a triangle choke
[00:25:13] Yeah, yeah, it's like she had Kramer in a channel
[00:25:17] And her fucking and it's like it was the kind of pubes that like
[00:25:20] Migrate straight from your pussy to your ass like the grondola was jet black
[00:25:26] You ever see a picture of Demi Moore's Bush. Yes. Yeah. He is fucking out of control
[00:25:33] The first thing I think I still would go printed a picture hell. Yeah, do you remember who?
[00:25:41] Nioh, it's just a regular point like pussy calm
[00:25:47] In the browser just like trying to get like
[00:25:50] You can get past a little terrible public school firewall
[00:25:55] You tried every word I remember we had we had we had it was always a workaround
[00:26:01] Yeah, oh my wait, that's Demi Moore's push. That's kind of what the woman's pussy. I was talking about look like look at that, dude
[00:26:07] Yeah, that's actually exactly the kind of bush. I'm talking about I think you can't see the lips or anything
[00:26:12] You gotta be John McLean and like work around there. Yeah, probably
[00:26:19] But yeah, the first fuck was I just talking about before we looked at her pussy. That's insane
[00:26:25] Oh, yeah, going to I remember I was in a I was in a like programming class in my middle school and
[00:26:31] We tried we tried every word and for some reason tits.com worked
[00:26:36] It got through the public school filter and we're just looking at taste but little do we know like the our teacher just
[00:26:42] 100% could track every website. Oh, yeah, yeah
[00:26:46] Lesbian was always a workaround. I remember if you put in lesbian something
[00:26:51] They for some reason the firewall wouldn't catch it. I remember in that in that same program because it's offensive
[00:26:59] penis and big-ass letters and flashing letters, and I just like programmed like
[00:27:03] Three different girls program. I just went in and changed it. So it started flashing penis. Well, you were hacking. I was hacking
[00:27:12] About stars background and hacking I was eighth grade hacking on HTML, but that's cool. I didn't learn anything but and then my professor or my teacher tried to
[00:27:23] Confront me and I just left the room. It was pretty cool. I was a pretty badass back in those days
[00:27:28] But I'm sorry you were talking about beating off to a picture
[00:27:31] You know what I always wish I had learned how to do was a RF hack the PA systems and schools
[00:27:39] I know but they're probably weren't on RF signals, but no way
[00:27:42] You know there had to have been a way to do that and I wish I was cool enough in elementary school to know how to do that
[00:27:54] Oh, oh by the way all the retarded kids have detention
[00:28:10] What was the good school lunch for you guys my friend's bread pizza the French bread pizza, but like in retrospect
[00:28:17] We thought it ruled everyone loved the nuggets, but at a young age
[00:28:21] I knew that shit was fucked up and weird you knew about pink slime before it feel no
[00:28:27] I don't know why we like school lunch pizza because we would get real pizza
[00:28:44] We call that Sicilian style now French bread no French breads like the tombstone pizza
[00:28:50] Yeah, so silly it no. Yes, we give it's bread pizza to like high school. Oh really?
[00:28:58] You know I mean the square piece of box did your shit come in a box
[00:29:02] Well, it was one it was one company that made the food for every school in the country. Yeah, really?
[00:29:08] Yeah, it's like prison Cisco or whatever. Yeah, Cisco probably actually. Yeah, we probably had the same shit
[00:29:13] We were in the same region. Yeah, Cisco made all the food for yeah. Yeah, I
[00:29:17] I went over to Jerry Simpson pizza. Yeah, it was also true
[00:29:27] You know I saw Drew Hill in the inner harbor at that fucking dead
[00:29:31] Yeah back in the day when they were singing yeah with Cisco like it was like a little kid
[00:29:44] I just remember the fudge shop where people would sing while making giant candy bars where they super fit and then I would
[00:29:48] Tell my friends. I'm like they made a candy bar that was ten feet long like shut up faggot
[00:29:52] No, they didn't show candy bar that big you fucking faggot
[00:30:00] Can we can we team up and call someone else a faggot? Oh, yeah
[00:30:04] I was so happy man. Yeah, dude. They had the jump move that they would do. Oh, yes
[00:30:10] That was the pride of Baltimore dudes Cisco when the thong song hit that was just the pride of Baltimore
[00:30:15] Dude, everyone was like dude. He's from here. Yeah, and I remember 12 year old girls with their thongs exposed
[00:30:21] Oh, yeah, dude. It became a problem in my middle school snapping thongs
[00:30:27] He's like go up behind girls and I pull it like five feet back
[00:30:30] It's like yeah, it just start crying and stuff is digging into their pussy
[00:30:33] Just assaulting girls girls girls are yeah
[00:30:39] Underwear yes exposing their G string underwear. I mean, you know
[00:30:45] Yeah, I don't want to say that somebody could ask to be sexually assaulted
[00:30:50] But you can it say hey, don't rape me wink wink, you know what I mean?
[00:30:54] And that's kind of what you're doing by where is the views of Nick Mullen
[00:30:59] Who's gay I'm gay. So you're not allowed to criticize me or anything. I say that's a good loophole
[00:31:07] That's how Milo got away with it. Oh, yeah, what we do
[00:31:10] Milo like 30 minutes ago. Yeah, we're about my little monopolist. That's that's how he got started on all this shit
[00:31:19] And he which he had just admitted I can't believe how could he be that fucking dumb?
[00:31:23] Yeah, he's fucking stupid. I mean, I knew he was a fucking idiot, but Jesus Christ how fucking dumb do you have to be if you really feel
[00:31:31] That way especially knowing the company that you keep yeah
[00:31:36] To think that you could just fucking say I think it's cool when older men fuck 13 year old boys
[00:31:42] He called 13 he called being 13 a mature sexual person. Yeah, when you've matured sexually at 13
[00:31:54] That was the prime I remember I was at a party in college once and there was some weird Brazilian
[00:31:59] Talking about how he fucked a 13 year old in Brazil. Well, he was in the army and I was like alright man
[00:32:05] I gotta get the fuck out of this party. It was like everyone was just horrified. I was having a wonderful time
[00:32:09] He's just like some 32 year old man who just came to America to go to college
[00:32:14] And he's just telling this fun to him party story about having sex with a 13
[00:32:28] I feel so weird I was like I was laughing so hard
[00:32:31] We were at fucking Bobby Kelly's podcast and you were saying how you showed your dick to a kid and John Moses thought you meant like now
[00:32:37] Yeah, he was about to like reach across the table and fucking beat
[00:32:42] The look on his eyes like you showed your dick to a fucking kid
[00:32:47] Because he's one of those like cool dads that hates pedophiles I guess
[00:32:55] He didn't he didn't understand stops nuance
[00:32:58] Yeah, I remember this dude tried to spot me at the gym when I was a kid
[00:33:03] I know my dad was there and like chased him out of
[00:33:09] What were you doing did squash you get right behind you and follow you?
[00:33:13] I don't know. I was just like I was just like working out, but like I don't know
[00:33:18] I guess he thought I was in there by myself
[00:33:21] He was just like sending my dad. I help people and my dad was like no not today
[00:33:27] Every like kids like sitcom had like the
[00:33:30] Pet episode like smart guy. I remember like there's a guy who's like
[00:33:36] Hey TJ you really like video games. I have like a surfboard simulator
[00:33:42] You just have to come to my garage. Hey TJ. You know what make it look real good is if you're surfing without your shirt
[00:33:51] Other kids to think that's just surfing with a shirt on
[00:33:55] Yeah, every single one did any did any child in one of those they ever raised the stakes at the point that one of them got
[00:34:03] Fucked by no, they always got like saved at the last second
[00:34:07] Yeah, like you would come in and save the kid and save the day
[00:34:10] But there was a bunch of PSAs back in the 90s where you know it would be like hey
[00:34:18] It's so funny because it would always start like
[00:34:22] Child actors that you know their fucking stage mom was like every role counts Michael
[00:34:28] Right and then this kid got to be in one thing where they're like and then he stuck it in my ass
[00:34:41] So fucking one role piece of shit fucking agent slash manager mom was like yeah
[00:34:46] Do the one where an old man fucks you in your treehouse, but also if there's one group of children
[00:34:53] They got fucked by the most its child actors like all of them got fucked well the director came out after he was like
[00:35:00] Great take Zachary. Why don't we come in my trailer?
[00:35:05] Because it's a Hollywood pedophile. How do you think those people talk no they do not church pedophiles
[00:35:11] Yeah, there's two pedophile voices that sorry three that
[00:35:18] Holding up giant pants and saying eat fresh
[00:35:22] And then the last one which is just a Boston accent
[00:35:28] You want to earn the money kid that feels real good dad kid
[00:35:33] Make sure to make sure to wipe it off before you go back to your house kid
[00:35:37] I don't want your fucking mother asking me
[00:35:57] We're about to say Rob I don't know I got glue on his face. It must be fucking retarded
[00:36:02] Fuck you was eating glue. That's why she breast smells like that. All right now
[00:36:05] Each somebody's glue to cover up your breath
[00:36:10] Child actors that are in like in a pro beer movies if they sneak and watch them cuz they in them
[00:36:16] Yeah, I always thought that about that like kids that have to cuss in movies or just or like yeah
[00:36:21] Like the girl from eyes wide shit. Yeah
[00:36:25] Was like oh my god. Yeah the rest of her life. She's gonna know she was in that movie. Yeah, at a certain point
[00:36:32] I always think about that. I'm trying to find the one it's it's this is the PSA
[00:36:37] I wanted to watch but it starts off with some dickhead who's it was
[00:36:41] Prepended the video with his counter strike videos
[00:36:44] You know saying about how ditch it's me the fucking badass gamer here and instead of the video you want to watch it?
[00:36:51] You know, that's why fucking hate the young Turks
[00:36:53] I've never completed a young Turks video
[00:36:55] I'm only accidentally clicked on them when I'm looking for something else and then that fat Turkish dumbasses like oh
[00:37:01] Yeah, so today we got to talk about like why are you trying to inform me? Obviously I googled this fucking thing
[00:37:07] I really know what this is. You know rising me to jank hunger. Yeah junk dickhead
[00:37:12] That's his fucking name. That's good. You took those fucking young Turks down. Yeah. I hate them
[00:37:19] Little kids who are in fucked up movies if they ever get to see their performance. I think probably
[00:37:27] I bet you my parents. Let me see them if I was in them. I saw some fucked up movies as a kid
[00:37:31] Did I tell you guys how I probably have how I auditioned for the
[00:37:35] The kid starring Bruce Willis no yeah, I tried to I tried to be the kid with Bruce Willis some fakid
[00:37:42] All my friends were in that movie pay it forward with Haley Joel Osmond really yeah, cuz they shot it in Vegas
[00:37:48] at Centennial High School so they all like
[00:37:50] Try it out and got to be extras in the movie and you didn't
[00:37:53] No, I didn't get to do it you tried out and you failed. I didn't try out. Why didn't you I don't know here it is
[00:38:07] No fuck I might have to edit this into the show we'll watch it afterwards
[00:38:12] But basically this child actor is molested by an old man
[00:38:20] Yo this big game crazy. Yeah, that's a great outfit. He looks like sim bed
[00:38:25] I also like the picture of him behind him where he's wearing the same shirt. That's great set design
[00:38:31] And why is that frame in every child's bedroom? There's a picture of the child wearing the same clothes
[00:38:36] They have one of those taxidermized parents next to him. Yeah, I believe this kid was so cool
[00:38:45] Dude, he went back to school and he was like I was in a movie
[00:38:50] Yeah, I yeah, my mom got me into a movie. So you guys are fucking lame
[00:38:56] And everyone found it years later you guys ever get molested yes
[00:39:04] Does it just count like if you wasn't ready?
[00:39:09] Like a girl that happened my best friend or one of my best friends George the first time he fucked
[00:39:15] He was like 14 and the girl was much more sexually aggressive
[00:39:20] And he didn't particularly want to fuck her either like this girl like
[00:39:28] But I didn't like it wasn't was a time yeah, you know I'm saying so it just hurt and I was like like please stop
[00:39:40] Man to be sexually assaulted by woman. I stand by that. I mean I'm found on Facebook. I'm ready now
[00:39:47] How what what grade were you in ninth grade I was late bloomers, so I do that please I didn't fuck at all
[00:39:56] My stuff didn't operate until I was like 16. Oh nice, dude. That's not you know a little ass little boys dick
[00:40:06] Wasn't no she tried to have she tried the fucking child dick, but it's child dick wasn't ready. Yeah, okay his child dick head
[00:40:16] And we walked in just at that sentence. Yeah, but it's not like you you wouldn't be saying that sentence every five and a half minutes
[00:40:31] No, I don't think I ever got molested, but here's the other thing I wonder about what if you just forgot
[00:40:36] What if you blacked out? That's not real repressed repressed memories are this fucked up bullshit the thing that came about through?
[00:40:43] You know whack job psychiatrist where there were hypnotizing people and convincing them they were raped and like destroying people's fucking lies
[00:40:52] Was it satanic? Yeah, yeah, whatever. Yeah, it's a satanic child. I mean we've talked about this. Yeah, we have
[00:40:58] Yeah, um, I haven't thought about that until a long time and then it hit me. I was like, oh shoot
[00:41:04] I think I was kind of molested. Yeah, it's different because it wasn't wasn't like yeah
[00:41:09] It's also like not like the memories blacked out. It's just like you don't yeah
[00:41:14] Didn't you know it didn't bother you and then you're like oh, yeah, I guess I was gonna fucked up
[00:41:17] I remember I kid in my football on my football team said that when he was seven an old lady fucked him and
[00:41:24] That seemed like the weirdest form of molestation
[00:41:26] I'm gonna follow this kid going around the school
[00:41:29] He remember like first grade and he was like yeah, I stuck my penis in my my like sister or whatever
[00:41:40] Everyone's like that we should in to that
[00:41:42] And I'm sure he's fucked up now according to my dad my grandfather claims to have lost his virginity at 12
[00:41:51] To a border his family like didn't have a lot of money. So they
[00:41:55] Bored it out one of the rooms in their house. Just a mold woman. It was like a 23 year old horny woman
[00:42:08] That's probably what happened that was the price that was a trade-off. I don't know they're very poor is probably very cold or something
[00:42:15] It's happening. It was an of human bondage every that book where he fucks like the like did just haggard ass old ass fucking house made
[00:42:27] When I when my little brother when we were in Greece
[00:42:30] My cousin tried to sneak out my then 11 year old brother to take him to a whore house
[00:42:35] To be like a cool older cousin like that was just and my brother was just scared
[00:42:40] He was petrified and my mom caught them. He's like where are you going? He's like nowhere
[00:42:44] He just went back in do you imagine going to a whore house my friends is like a funny prank when I was like away at college
[00:42:52] Took my little sister to a strip club. Jesus. They were like, oh you're a bitch, dude
[00:42:57] We took your sister to a strip club, but I was like fuck you
[00:43:00] You did it to prank me how old was your sister? She's like just turned 18. Oh, yeah
[00:43:08] Yeah, and I was like fuck your sister by the way. Yeah, of course they were trying to fuck my sister
[00:43:12] But like also fuck them sisters, dude. You fuck them
[00:43:18] Dude wait till he gets a load of this like fucking idiot dude
[00:43:22] We're gonna take a sister do a strip club the day you're doing a good one
[00:43:25] They took her to little darlings apparently when I called my friend Tommy
[00:43:31] I was like when I get back to Vegas. I'm gonna fuck you kick your ass
[00:43:35] Did you kick his ass in in meta meta foracle to send me a bunch to metaphors
[00:43:44] I've owned him so hard on a couple of occasions. I felt how
[00:43:48] Well, I told you guys before that time that he broke his penis because of me. Yeah, when we were six
[00:43:55] That guy yeah, and now he's a street magician. Yeah, you know Jesus. Yeah
[00:44:00] Yeah, he had a lot of like really like insane periods of his life
[00:44:04] Oh, Chris Chris Chan is a bro. Yeah a couple years after so actually he's getting you back for break
[00:44:10] Have you guys seen Chris Chan's penis is broken. You've showed it to us. He definitely snapped at at some point and healed all fucked up
[00:44:18] Yeah, I never want to snap this day. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say I never want to snap my dick
[00:44:23] That seems bad. Yeah, so he didn't get into college
[00:44:26] So he decided like he had nowhere to go so he decided he was gonna become an orthodox Jewish rabbi
[00:44:31] Right, so he grew the curls and he like got the suit and he went to Yeshiva
[00:44:37] And then he like ultimately got kicked out for leaving something in the microwave for 25 minutes instead of fire and
[00:44:49] Yeah, I can't leave something in the mind you when you put something in my room you want to eat it so quick
[00:44:54] It was supposed to be for like two minutes and 50 seconds or something
[00:44:59] He's high pretty never check they got stony forgot about it at a fire or whatever so Tommy Tommy like
[00:45:07] Goes through this metamorphosis becomes an orthodox Jew and I met college for my freshman year
[00:45:12] And I get a college like Adam I was going no
[00:45:17] Tommy what the fuck you do it. He's like coming out of Washington DC. I'm gonna come visit you
[00:45:24] I'm like, oh Jesus fucking press and then like he shows up at my dorm like just dressed like a fucking blues brother
[00:45:30] Yeah, it's just so fucking embarrassing weird strings. They have on the side that sits it's yeah
[00:45:36] What are those about some fucking thing?
[00:45:38] What is it I want to know it's tied in a particular way to represent the
[00:45:44] The Mitzvahs like the five hundred and sixty some oh, yeah, that's how many mitzvahs there are
[00:45:51] Yeah, there's like a certain number of getting your dick sucked a mitzvah if it's like no
[00:45:55] It's not cuz it's wasting seed. What if it's to get it hard?
[00:46:00] Your wife and make a baby anyway, right isn't fucking done is it someone would tell me the Jews have if you don't get fucked good
[00:46:07] As a Jewish woman you could divorce your husband that yeah, that's like bullshit
[00:46:11] I guess I mean you have to get it like a get to get a divorce. It's like very like so
[00:46:20] He's like yep, that's a poor dicking if your husband disappears on you
[00:46:24] You can't get a divorce from him if you're like you're like he's never coming back. They're like sorry you're married
[00:46:31] Sorry, really? Yeah, it's like fucked up in sexist and bullshit anyway Tommy's like become an Orthodox Jew
[00:46:36] He's visiting me in my dorm. There's like girls around. It's like really embarrassing. I'm walking around with this fucking
[00:46:42] Like around he looks so stupid. I'm like time. What the fuck is wrong with you?
[00:46:46] He's like Adam. I don't know if you have anything to smoke marijuana weed
[00:46:52] Doing the voice yeah, he changed the way he spoke. It was so fucking embarrassing
[00:46:57] That's awesome and then like so we go to like so he's like yeah, I just smoke
[00:47:02] We did anything I could eat the kosher restaurant. I'm like so we like Google. I find a kosher restaurant
[00:47:09] He goes the waiter. He's like excuse me. Can I I'd like to get a little chime for the boys
[00:47:17] We were like 19 at the time. I need this fake ID. We used to use in college or in high school from Oregon
[00:47:25] There's a piece of shit and he used to go to like grocery stores and buy like plastic
[00:47:29] To buy it using it using the same fake ID
[00:47:35] Look like a rabbi now and so he goes up to he's like alright
[00:47:41] So he pulls out the same piece of shit fake ID that he used in high school and the guy looked at it
[00:47:47] Right right it had his real name and the guy looked at it. He's like you mean
[00:47:51] You mean to tell me your name is Tommy Georgie, Oh, yeah
[00:48:03] His name is actually yeah his dad's Italian his mom's Jewish. Oh
[00:48:09] Like there's the only real part of the ID that is so fucking funny
[00:48:14] Yeah, it was so embarrassing and then I like send him on a bus back to Yeshiva
[00:48:28] Oh my god, yeah, oh his middle name was Michael and his brother's middle name was Angela
[00:48:33] Dude, there is such like WAPs man hilarious. Yeah, and he wanted to be a yeah. These are my brothers Michael Andrea
[00:48:43] April or a real this is my sister April O'Neill
[00:48:49] Juju Giuliani. Yeah, this is my best friend the guy with the hockey mask
[00:48:53] Yeah, I could go on about Holly for this Casey Jones, baby. Yeah, why do you have the high?
[00:48:58] He was he ripping off Jason without a yet a cricket a cricket bat
[00:49:04] Did he have you have a hockey mask Casey Jones from ninjas
[00:49:09] Yeah, turtles. Yeah hockey mask. Yeah, I always thought he was ripping off Jason
[00:49:13] I just remember to talk to out on the podcast yesterday about how fun it looked like the foot clan like skate skate rink
[00:49:19] Yeah, which early appearance by Sam Rockwell. Yeah, that's right young Sam Rockwell
[00:49:30] Confessions of a dangerous mind probably the shittiest Charlie Gotham movie
[00:49:35] Yeah, although I watched it normally so recently and that definitely should have been a short not a full length
[00:49:43] I agree. Yeah, it was too long, but it was cool. Yeah, that's what people say about my dick
[00:49:48] Yeah, it seemed more like a play that is long, but it's cool
[00:49:52] Apparently was a radio play that he wrote and then that he then got
[00:49:57] Stop motion animation. Yeah, I could see how it would work as a radio play sounds cool
[00:50:01] It works his stop motion like the premise. Yeah, but yeah, I don't know I was bored with it half way through
[00:50:08] He got a little boring, which sucks because I love Charlie Kaufman so much. I love him too. Yeah
[00:50:13] Well, you know the greatest screenwriter. I think he is. I think he's the great
[00:50:16] Oh, you know, he was on that staff for the Dana Carvey show. It's like the most really it's the most legendary
[00:50:22] Writers room in comedy his it was a comedy show, but the writers room Charlie Kaufman David Mamet
[00:50:43] Couple other like heads and fucking Charlie Kaufman. I've ever seen the Dana Carvey show. It's very bad, right?
[00:50:52] They became great cuz they saw it and was like we got to do better. Yeah, I guess
[00:51:01] Yeah, yeah, it's crazy that they it's like the traveling willberries, right?
[00:51:06] It was also on prime time on ABC right when Disney bought them. So it's like they got
[00:51:13] Wild yeah, they couldn't do anything. It was like when the Lakers got Carl Mulan and Gary Payton
[00:51:18] It's just like did not work out. It almost did
[00:51:24] I think I swear. Yeah, yeah by the by the
[00:51:27] No, no five games they won game one and then they know they didn't give one game one. I thought they did I
[00:51:39] Game to yeah, and everyone's like oh, it's fine
[00:51:42] It's fine, and then they just got there and then Kobe like shot him out of one of the games. Yeah
[00:51:47] That series sucked. Yeah, I don't remember that carmel owned tried to fuck Kobe's wife
[00:52:00] Locker room which by the way carmelon is a hilarious like historical piece of shit
[00:52:03] He's got like yeah, so many kids like with different, you know doesn't give a fuck about them
[00:52:08] Carmelon is the same guy as that fucking sheriff that loves Donald Trump
[00:52:14] David Clark's like horns on his car. Yeah, he's just a black dude. That's also a redneck. Yeah country is hell
[00:52:21] Yeah, he had um he was wearing a cowboy hat and Kobe's wife was like
[00:52:25] Well, it looks like you're hunting he's like what are you hunting for and he had like cowboy boots?
[00:52:28] And by the way, she was 17 at the time. She was young as hell or 18. Yeah, she was like I'm hunting little Mexican girls
[00:52:36] And he was just trying to fuck her and they almost like fought about it
[00:52:40] And also the rumor was that's diamond Dallas pages wrestling partner
[00:52:44] Carmelon that's yeah, you think Carmelon always was a redneck or just like half an overtime
[00:52:51] He's from Arkansas. I think he always has been because he used to have like a curl
[00:52:55] So it's like you had to buy that curl juice in a black neighborhood
[00:53:00] But then you like left and you know in your cowboy hat. Yeah, you're like pickup truck. Yeah, you used to be dripping
[00:53:08] What do you think Nick about a caramel?
[00:53:10] Somebody your favorite sport again. Oh, yeah, I forget. I was looking up something on my phone and I got distracted
[00:53:15] So I mean normally I would you know you have something really you got a national you got basketball
[00:53:22] You got association. Hey, there he is now
[00:53:25] I really want to watch this fucking video that I got queued up here
[00:53:28] What should we watch it? No, we got to wait until we finish the podcast because I don't want to just sit here and silence
[00:53:33] And then go back and edit the I got enough fucking work to do
[00:53:36] I can't fucking you know, I can't be bothered to put any work into the podcast
[00:53:42] Because I got it I got to sit here and think about making a fucking carrot puree before I leave town. Oh, yeah
[00:53:49] Have we ever talked about how you're leaving? No, I don't want anybody to know that I'm I mean we did mention that I'm going overseas for
[00:53:57] Yeah, he's getting dick in large. Yeah, yeah, I'm having my brain replaced with the dick
[00:54:03] I'm getting a fat woman's brain put in my head because apparently this smartest the smartest people
[00:54:10] It's my favorite thing fat girls do is they're like we're all we're equally beautiful
[00:54:14] We're all the same equal. We're you know, I'm as beautiful as as a hot woman except. I'm you know, I'm hot except I'm smarter, too
[00:54:25] But then also I'm smarter and funnier than they are they're dumb bitches, but we're equal hot
[00:54:38] Or fried chicken restaurants. I want some damn pop eyes now Rob mentioned pop eyes
[00:54:42] Pop eyes is the best fried chicken. No the best fried chicken is the Amish markets. Okay, but you know national chains. Oh
[00:54:49] Yeah, you know, it sucks is the one in New York blue ribbon. It's very expensive way over
[00:54:55] Price and that fucking place smells like so like peanut oil to the extent that it's fucking
[00:55:01] Oppressive. Yeah, they pump this smell of peanut oil in the air to let you know. Oh, we use fucking peanut oil
[00:55:07] That's the nice. That's a fucking bougie oil. Why is it good oil because it's more expensive?
[00:55:14] Right it takes out the week is George Washington
[00:55:17] Look and this is a message to parents out there if your bitch ass kid can eat peanuts kill him
[00:55:23] You know put him down get your dick cut off because you can't produce a normal human being
[00:55:27] Right if your child is allergic to peanuts you should be in jail kill yourself kill yourself
[00:55:33] Kill your child kill yourself. I wear when I'm not a sermon just a message
[00:55:39] When I worked at Jewish summer camp just remembering all the allergies of all the kids
[00:55:45] It was next to impossible. Oh, yeah, yeah, and then one time I called I was like what guys
[00:55:50] What are you autistic and then I forgot that three of them were I?
[00:55:58] Jangles oh, yeah, that's a southern one, right? Yeah, that's southern. Yeah, but both angles like their menu is offensive
[00:56:05] What it was like they call their sides fixings. Yeah, like if I excite in
[00:56:15] I'm already like that feel weird walking in here. That sounds like
[00:56:21] Wait here when you done damn place your order
[00:56:25] No, I have to the grammar ass be fucked up. Yeah, I wasn't Bojang
[00:56:51] Rosco's out in LA. Yeah, I've had Rosco's. It's not bad. Yeah, I'm forms dude
[00:56:58] Great, dude the chickens like I am like cool that you get it with waffles and my cousin's wedding over the summer
[00:57:03] My other cousin was engaged to this like massive oaf this guy
[00:57:08] There was just this big fat dumbass who nice guy, but like
[00:57:14] I would be friendly to if he wasn't like dating a family member of mine
[00:57:19] Engaged to by the way because she like works real hard and she's like a nurse and he was like well
[00:57:24] My dream is to work in the beer industry. You know, he's like 32 years old. He just wanted to be a beer
[00:57:31] Yeah, yeah, it's just always so you always wanted to talk to you about beer
[00:57:34] Which isn't impressive to anyone over the age of 22, right?
[00:57:37] It's you're so cool in a freshman dorm. Yeah, right?
[00:57:39] You know a lot about microbros and shit and so he just gets trashed all the time and we're all like sharing a house at my
[00:57:47] cousins wedding it was out on the shore and
[00:57:50] He's like who wants food and it's like it's two o'clock in the morning
[00:57:54] We're just gonna go and he's like I'm gonna go
[00:57:56] There's like a royal farms and the other side of the highway and I was like
[00:58:00] You don't have to get in the car and you don't the access road you drunk
[00:58:03] I don't want to fucking drive you, you know, right and this motherfucker just runs across the highway
[00:58:10] I'm like don't do that dude. You're gonna fucking die
[00:58:16] Barrier and I just go back in the house and I'm like I'm like hey
[00:58:19] I think your fiance might die, you know, and she's like guys fucking he's a fucking idiot or whatever incredible
[00:58:25] And then like you know 45 minutes later he comes back and he's bought like nine chicken boxes
[00:58:35] Thing you get for an AA meeting like that size donuts
[00:58:38] And like all this shit. Hell yeah, yeah and you know cups of cheese not your cheese to dip bread in
[00:58:50] He went insane apparently he fucking like lost
[00:58:54] Yeah, he went insane and they fucking uh
[00:58:57] Well me and my other cousin would always laugh at him for being you know for his whole beer his dumb beer thing
[00:59:02] Of course and my mom was some of his story
[00:59:06] She had to call the cops and the cops showed up and he tried to run out the back door
[00:59:09] And they went around the back of the house and you know
[00:59:12] He just like grabbed his keg and he like barrel through the cops. He was like using the keg as a weapon
[00:59:25] Yeah, yeah, yeah now my aunt was so pleased when she found out that that happened yeah break up by reason
[00:59:33] Yeah, she was not not pleased when she found out they were engaged
[00:59:36] Good will good for your cousin dude if any if you want if you want I'll just give me her address and I'll go over and fuck her
[00:59:42] Yeah, she would probably make your life miserable to calm her down just I well
[00:59:45] I don't know I guess that her parents were such fucking like type a stickler, you know
[00:59:50] Like you know made her all she's been obsessed with homework for the last 30 years
[00:59:54] Right, you know, she's chose like the most difficult profession to get into based on like homework alone
[00:59:59] Right and I don't like what does she do she's like an RN. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, so she just works all the fucking time
[01:00:06] Yeah, you make good money on that you make good money, but it's like so much work
[01:00:10] Yeah, and I like podcast. Yeah, and that's why she ends up same
[01:00:13] Like you know dating a guy that's fucking it was it really pursuing a career in wearing sweatpants and annoying people
[01:00:25] Dude fucking beer anyone is a beer expert you have zero fucking excuse to be that guy if you're older than 22 years old
[01:00:32] You have the year you learn you you can legally drink and you can fucking like oh, yeah
[01:00:37] I know a little bit about fucking craft brews or whatever anything beyond that your your
[01:00:42] Object fucking losing you're just sad and you're like looking for a meaning in your life like that's yeah
[01:00:47] But everybody is you know find something else I have more respect for the people that are like really into fucking game of
[01:00:55] Then I do people that are fucking beer some all he is you're totally right
[01:00:59] Yeah, but I'm just trying to explain it's like people who's are sad about their what their wives are too mean
[01:01:04] They just fucking they take comfort in like knowing what a porter is you know what I mean?
[01:01:09] No, what a nitro stout is yeah. Yeah, I heard some guy on the train the other day talking to this lady
[01:01:14] He works with they clearly didn't want to be talking to him outside the office
[01:01:19] It's like yes. So anyway this weekend a you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna unkega a cider
[01:01:24] I've been working on for a while. You know, I don't have any I live alone
[01:01:28] So I get like I got a nice bread. They goes well with the cider and I'm just sit back and maybe binge some Netflix
[01:01:36] Steve Correll my insider about egg salad in 40 year old
[01:01:42] Dude, it was so uncomfortable. He's like what do you have to she's like well, you know, I have a husband and a full life
[01:01:48] Yeah, children that I love kids. Yeah, you ever fuck up and make plans with a coworker and then like the day the shift ends and
[01:01:56] They're like so yeah, you know, you know, if you want to go you see that movie or whatever. You're like what the fuck did I do?
[01:02:02] Why did I make plans for you cut up that lunchroom?
[01:02:09] Yeah, I want to be friends with this guy. There's 600 people in this office. It's just got to be one of them
[01:02:16] You know, like I'm fucking out. I never want to see you again
[01:02:23] Mean I haven't worked in office very long in my life, but just it was I guess was just that
[01:02:27] That when I was the paralegal that that would happen sometimes and the only reason I even went to hangs is when I was trying to
[01:02:33] Fuck a coworker. There is only one hot girl closure law firm you worked at your law firm
[01:02:39] There's only one hot girl at that call center I worked at and I went up there one day and I was like hey
[01:02:43] What's up? What's your name? I was like we should like hang out sometimes she was like yeah, okay sure and I was like whoa never
[01:02:50] Robert what's your which last real job you had? I
[01:02:59] Work in the sports department at a news network. Oh, yeah
[01:03:05] We're in a CNN in Atlanta. Yeah. Yep. That's one really
[01:03:16] I'm trying to comedy so you didn't give a fuck so yeah, so I would convince them that I was into
[01:03:27] Anything during the day so I could do comedy at night. Oh sure. Yeah, cuz it like they would only have like the white people look at golf
[01:03:36] Just assume they knew about it. So yeah, that's I got all preppy and stuff
[01:03:42] They would believe I was you can cover a high T cricket
[01:03:48] Yeah, a nice a nice 8 a.m. Round of badminton. Yeah, I mean anything in the morning. I would love like yeah
[01:03:55] Yeah, yeah, any any European anything I'd be down for what would you have to do?
[01:04:04] That's pretty good. Yeah, it'll be yeah. It was fun. It was fun. Would you fuck any of your coworkers? No, no
[01:04:10] There was like one that everybody in the department was after yeah, yeah
[01:04:15] Yeah, that's what happens it becomes like prison where they just like you just have to it's it's a fixed community
[01:04:21] And you forget other women exist and it becomes like everyone has to get the hot one in one office
[01:04:26] Yeah, that's and that's why the office was such a good show because they were able to trick you into thinking Pam was hot for like the first three
[01:04:34] You would think Pam was there you're like wow Pam so beautiful and then you change the chain and be like what the fuck am I
[01:04:51] Pam is like that she's the fucking she wants to be an artist, but she has no real fucking talent
[01:04:56] Well, they all say eyes. Yeah, they all suck sure Jim sucks the worst. We've talked about how he's just tricking a retarded person
[01:05:02] Yeah, I mentioned before but I've always wanted to edit that piece of video with a
[01:05:10] Guy with Down syndrome in his family at a restaurant and they're letting the Down syndrome guy read the menu and he's sounding out the word slowly the waiter like
[01:05:18] Pizza and then it just quickly cuts to Jim
[01:05:29] So I try to be Jim from the office for Halloween one year, but I didn't like I didn't do whiteface
[01:05:36] I didn't wear a wig or nothing. Yeah. Yeah. I just put dress clothes on and people like who are you
[01:06:01] Well, that's why so many people fuck up and do blackface on Halloween like those idiots
[01:06:06] It's like don't know any better and suddenly they're on the front page of BuzzFeed
[01:06:09] It's cuz they're like yeah, that's an important part of the costume. I want to make my costume more real
[01:06:14] Yeah, how else am I supposed to be Martin Luther King?
[01:06:24] That's so funny. I remember I was George's how you know George you look great. Yeah, yeah, exactly
[01:06:29] It was a great costume. I fucking went all out and two people were like are you Ken bone?
[01:06:49] I shaved my head completely skin and I could fuck I
[01:06:53] The last the last costume I did I had pigtails and I put on a woman's makeup and I
[01:06:58] Stuck I wore like a woman sweater and I put a pillow under my stomach and I was just a pregnant woman
[01:07:04] And I went to class like that. It was in community college and people were like are you Bristol Palin?
[01:07:11] I just didn't you know I wanted to wear this makeup. Yeah, I'm just trans and testing
[01:07:16] Yeah, right. Yeah, it's Halloween. I looked beautiful dude. I look so good. I was so cute
[01:07:24] Sit your Nella. That's your trans name. I hate dressing up and I put on this now my strand name is star Fox I
[01:07:30] Put on this stupid Scottish hat two years ago to go to this party and I hate dressing up
[01:07:36] So I'm like I'm just gonna wear the hat. It's gonna be my thing and some girl like comes up to me
[01:07:41] She's like you rock you rule and I was like what the fuck are you talking about? She's like
[01:07:49] Yeah, then I hooked up there that night. No, yeah, yeah, this is the fucking Adam luck. I made it
[01:07:56] Wasn't hook up we made we kissed where when was this two years ago in Halloween?
[01:08:02] I'm gonna get I'm gonna get I'm gonna get fake breasts when you have fake breasts blackface diaper
[01:08:11] Blackface guy with Down syndrome who's also trans
[01:08:17] And then it should go to parties and explain that to people
[01:08:21] No, I'm not doing blackface the costume is a person doing
[01:08:24] Understand he's retarded doesn't know any better
[01:08:37] That's good, you should do that. Well Tim Tim Dylan at the joke about Halloween costumes
[01:08:42] We're he's like, why did I get why does everyone mad? I'm a drone with dead bed dead trans babies hanging off the wings
[01:08:49] Why did I lose my job as a school teacher? I don't get it?
[01:08:59] Robbie you're saying oh, man. I've been trying for so long. Yeah. Yeah, welcome to come time
[01:09:06] No, I just hate how Halloween becomes like a guessing game. Oh, yeah with like people who you don't want to talk to
[01:09:13] Yeah, you know like you have to guess like I was a Egyptian god this past Halloween which one I was
[01:09:21] Osiris oh I was over here to say Keck do you guys know about Keck? No, he's a piece of Pepe, right? Yeah, apparently there's an Egyptian god
[01:09:29] That has the same name is something that was already a some weird alt-right meme
[01:09:33] Right this Keck thing because and by chance there's an Egyptian god named Keck that has Pepe's head
[01:09:39] It's where's yeah Keck is on World of Warcraft if you
[01:09:43] Type LO this is weird world and stop we found out this episode was a hacker
[01:09:51] Explain this he has all this deep knowledge of all rights
[01:09:55] Stop fucking coming out of the out of the racist. I'm anonymous dude. No, this is not me
[01:10:01] But yeah, apparently it's when you scramble if you type LOL
[01:10:05] In fucking world of Warcraft it scrambles it to Keck
[01:10:09] So that's like you're getting trolled by guys on World of Warcraft and it became a meme
[01:10:14] And that is the name of an Egyptian god who looks like Pepe. It's pretty fun
[01:10:17] It's a pretty crazy coincidence. Wow that it's all this fucking you know my favorite coincidence is when you type in 9-11 and wingedings
[01:10:25] It's a fucking like plane going into buildings and like a thought
[01:10:28] And then if you do it in webdings it's a fucking skull the star of David
[01:10:35] Yeah, and then like a smiley face really yeah, that's incredible. Yeah. Oh my god
[01:10:42] Yeah, it is if you put three eleven and wing
[01:10:47] And then it's a bong right it's a swastika
[01:10:54] And then Milo's sucking off a 13 year old
[01:10:58] Yeah, I didn't think that he what I thought he liked to hook up with the black guys
[01:11:02] I didn't think you liked yeah, apparently that was all a cover for raping children
[01:11:06] No, I think I think he liked being the child getting raped. Yeah, this is how I read that. Oh like he had like a 13
[01:11:12] You know the shitty things people are gonna focus on the fact that he's an alright guy or that he's a racist or whatever
[01:11:18] Some people are gonna take it the wrong direction and say like always gay
[01:11:21] You know, I mean the alt-right guys will do that and say he's gay. That's what he's a pedophile when it's like no
[01:11:31] He's a pedophile is because he's barely Greek. He's extremely Greek now that we know that he has the key detail
[01:11:40] What if he likes petarastin your old black boys?
[01:11:50] He's basically bird man. There's no way bird man didn't molest everyone right on cash money. Oh
[01:12:01] Like I didn't hear about that no no no bird yeah, dude
[01:12:04] I'm Wayne they kiss it. They remember they kiss. Yeah, they kissed on 106 and part. Yeah, it was awesome
[01:12:11] I guess that's what and like Lil Wayne was signed
[01:12:14] He was in a group of with a bunch of other teenagers that he definitely fucked one of them's name was young Turk
[01:12:19] Really I wanted to bring that up, but then I was like, I don't know. I've butted in with too many dumb
[01:12:27] Yeah, we've already actually filled the time so yeah, we're good hanging out right now. We're cruising just boys sucking and fucking yeah
[01:12:34] I really want to watch this PSA though. I want to show you guys you want to watch it now because again
[01:12:40] I don't want to have to figure out an edit point and go back
[01:12:42] Are you gonna edit the first one what which first one the one with the kid getting fucked in the no no people can find it on their own
[01:12:48] I found it if the one we were talking about earlier with the kid getting fucked by the old man if you Google
[01:12:55] Mr. Mac mr. Mac psa or the day we spilled the paint I think is the name of it
[01:13:07] What happens in it in the video the fucking old man
[01:13:10] He's like he's like why don't you come in my workshop and we can paint a birdhouse
[01:13:15] Which as humiliating as it is for that child actor imagine being an aging actor
[01:13:20] Yeah, you trying to find words again man. Yeah, like you know you've you were in one Western in
[01:13:27] 1957 and you're like dot dot my agent just called
[01:13:33] You play an old man rapist in a fucking PSA for cool boys and
[01:13:38] So yeah, the old man is I come out me my workshop
[01:13:42] He's like we're gonna paint this birdhouse and so they're painting it in the old man like just pours paint all over the little boys
[01:13:47] I close he's like oh, what did you do you spilled paint everywhere?
[01:13:51] He's like you got to get out of those clothes
[01:13:54] And he takes the kids clothes off and he's like now. Let's take a picture to remember the day we spilled the paint
[01:14:05] Which you know I think that is the definition and the meaning of the song smooth operator
[01:14:11] He spilled the paint before he spilled his load. Yeah smooth operator. What is that? Shadde? Yeah
[01:14:21] It's a good song more like shady shady pedophile and song was about
[01:14:26] Fuck yeah, it was actually about it was about the hottest woman of all time. Yeah, she's real hot. She's incredible
[01:14:32] She still looks good. I watch all her videos one morning nice the hottest one of all time
[01:14:44] I don't know I mean her music, you know gets in the fuck mood size 38, dude
[01:14:50] I love that shit, you know Marilyn row was 195 pounds. She got yeah, she wasn't
[01:14:57] It's a first of all maybe sure but who in their mind imagines Marilyn row and they're like mmm
[01:15:05] Yeah, that's exactly who I think I think of Marilyn Monroe is that morbidly obese woman
[01:15:12] Yeah, you know that Marilyn Monroe quote that everybody always uses yeah
[01:15:17] Yeah, yeah, yeah, the definition of insanity is doing is fucking two canadais and expecting different results
[01:15:25] Like if you can't accept me at my worst
[01:15:27] Yes, they whenever said that in her voice is I feel like it wouldn't be as great of a quote
[01:15:48] Their best is any good you know, I mean like no one has any good says that quote. It's almost
[01:15:53] Absolutely drunk dumb pieces. It's also like it used to justify emotional abuse in a lot of cases
[01:16:00] Right, right. Yeah, like fucking if you can't accept me at my worst meaning when I'm being a fucking psychopathic piece of shit
[01:16:06] Yeah, I'm destroying everything in your apartment because I thought I saw a text message from someone
[01:16:11] Then you don't deserve me when I'm not acting like a fucking psycho
[01:16:16] Also, who wants the word think about your worst, dude
[01:16:19] I'm just like eating all of the socks and pissing a Gatorade bottles even though the the bathroom is open
[01:16:24] I just that's my worst. No one should have to fucking put up with that
[01:16:29] That's gross. What's your worst bitch my worst crying in front of girls shut up, dude. I'm sorry. I'm perfect
[01:16:40] My my my my quote is my quote is you don't deserve me. I
[01:16:50] Dic I'm a tier one operator. Yeah, to one operator
[01:16:55] But it's about the guys who killed been loading. All right, we got it
[01:16:59] We've done nine podcasts today, and so we got to wrap this one up Rob. Thanks for coming. Thanks, dude
[01:17:04] Thanks for having me anything you want to plug this will probably not go up for another couple weeks
[01:17:08] Um, I got the book EA podcast all about
[01:17:14] Um, yeah, just look out for him. Okay. Look out for us
[01:17:18] And come to our show come on everybody the fourth Monday of the month right right right?