Cum Town | Premium | 05/03/2022
[00:00:00] We're talking box trucks and trips what where'd she go we're talking antique
[00:00:06] Massive antique for place in Connecticut
[00:00:10] Burgine it's called Bergheim. Yeah, it's where it's where they invented the Holocaust
[00:00:16] It's Dorphan. Yeah, it's it's the Holocaust at 240 beats per minute
[00:00:28] But they had that's how they caught in Frank. She was listening to yeah
[00:00:39] Turn that down like what is that music?
[00:00:47] Now right now it's still Wagner, but soon. Yeah, we're going to experiment with bisexuality
[00:00:53] The shis are rooms. Yeah, I always thought it'd be cool if like mangalie in addition to the experiments
[00:00:59] He also had like in his workshop like a little like keyboard like he was fucking around with since
[00:01:07] It was a side project people didn't know that mangalie was really into like move
[00:01:11] Like a like craft school like analog move stuff and like patch since yeah
[00:01:18] Because everybody folks like you know how people say like Hitler did a lot about somebody was good
[00:01:25] horrific scientists experimenting with people pretty sick on the keyboard. Yeah, yeah, super producer
[00:01:31] Yeah, really good beats. Yeah, it's the Scott's torch of his time
[00:01:35] Magician as soon as he started banging up the pads. Yeah. Yeah
[00:01:43] Yeah, a lot of people were angry that I just hung out while Shane did the podcast and probably yeah
[00:01:49] They were not happy that you were on there. Yeah, people get really angry about that
[00:01:58] You might have to come up these are like stage Mike. Oh, yeah, so you might have to come up on a little bit
[00:02:03] They don't really capture once you're outside of this zone. Yeah, I'm just mumbling on the background like a fucking asshole
[00:02:11] They'll take what they can get they from MD is here stavros
[00:02:19] He's at a wedding at the M&M store. What's he doing? He can't his brothers getting married
[00:02:24] But that was yesterday today's brunch today is the after wedding brunch, and you know stop taking that real serious
[00:02:30] That's the whole reason he went his brother. I haven't spoken for 20 years
[00:02:35] And he's like we just fucking breakfast sausage and cantaloupe. Damn you got the whole spread. Yeah, you got the whole continental. Yeah
[00:02:45] So yeah, thanks for coming by the one on all appreciate it welcome to New York had we had fun in Providence the two days we
[00:02:51] Yeah, Nick listen, man. Yeah. Yeah, you guys should it was a highlight of the trip
[00:02:55] I wanted to I want you to make it a nice woodsy stop on the way to
[00:02:59] Hellhole New England cuz past Providence gets grim like we're talking about yeah, Boston's no fun for anyone. Yeah
[00:03:06] I was in Boston that same weekend actually he was yeah. Yeah, he was where did you do the comedy?
[00:03:11] I did yeah, I was doing sand up and what's it called?
[00:03:18] White horse something Harvard universe. I was at Harvard University. I was giving a key the basement at Harvard University
[00:03:25] Yeah, I did it kind of pulled writing his jokes on a on a on a blackboard and then the janitor comes by and they say
[00:03:32] Yeah, this shit saw that's gay you should be down here
[00:03:35] And who was that janitor it was mr. Steve Harvey
[00:03:43] You see that video of love and nor McDonald asking already laying what about his his the sketchy pitched on mad TV
[00:03:51] No, I guess like cuz you know already was on mad TV. Yeah, and he was also on heroin
[00:03:57] Yeah, he's also on heroin, but they you know
[00:04:01] He you know, I guess he would pitch stuff, but like same like Chris Farley was the same way as on SNL
[00:04:05] He would pitch stuff, but he's like he's just a performer. Yeah, you know, so his pitches were like just ridiculous
[00:04:13] It's like there's a club of normal McDonald's just being like what was that that thing you pitched a good Will Smith
[00:04:18] Or whatever and he's like oh, yeah, it's
[00:04:22] It's like a janitor at a black college and you know, there's a board downstairs. It says two plus two and he
[00:04:40] And already like but they rejected it I guess they said it was raises or something
[00:04:49] Do you watch a lot of mad TV all the time? Yeah, oh, yeah, like David Herman who's David Herman?
[00:04:56] Was the guy who got blacklisted and and Matt TV. He was the the guy who did the I don't remember
[00:05:01] Fishac Industries like spokesperson. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I forgot that was at the guy's name
[00:05:06] He was the guy from office space. He was the other oh, yeah, Michael Bolton office
[00:05:10] Yeah, yeah, yeah, and he was like the next coming of like Jim Carrey if you were like he got blacklisted
[00:05:15] Yeah, yeah, I think he he either I don't know this though
[00:05:18] I don't actually don't want to and I used to be like obsessed with that guy
[00:05:22] He's the funniest guy of all day because they had they hit with it. They had like three different tall guys
[00:05:27] Yeah, Michael McDonald Michael McDonald
[00:05:30] The other one and then that guy. Yeah, that guy was the first two seasons David. Yeah, 95 97
[00:05:36] Yeah, and then I think he either like decked an executive or really ran a sketch to the ground and
[00:05:42] They were like get the fuck out of here
[00:05:44] And then he was just black and then he just didn't now. He's I think he's a voice or something. He's a voice actor. Yeah, according to the wake up
[00:05:50] Yeah, I know Christian Douge who was on the first season or two
[00:05:56] Or maybe he was on the show later. Yeah, that had to be that like when every when there was like everybody on that yeah
[00:06:05] What's uh wouldn't Seth Myers brother was on it? Yeah, Josh Myers Josh Myers. Yeah, yeah, that was the
[00:06:11] The end there. Yeah, we're hitting up David Herman and I was like yeah when I first started when I was like a fucking latrine
[00:06:17] I was like yo man. You're the best. Yeah, and he was like I don't talk to anyone
[00:06:25] That's me dude. I'm trying to be that guy. I don't talk to anybody using a movie 25 years ago respond to be a
[00:06:34] Talking to people to let them know you don't talk to people. Yeah. Yeah telling you like really fucking pissing
[00:06:41] He doesn't have a David Herman subreddit who's harassing him
[00:06:45] I've told him I've told him that story before but I did that with Jim Gaffigan when I was like a teenager really Jim
[00:06:51] Gaffigan I found his like AOL like instant messenger screen name. I did I was like dude
[00:06:57] I'm a huge fan and this was you know, this was 45 years ago. This was before
[00:07:02] The Reagan administration. Yeah, this was like way before like, you know anyone
[00:07:07] You know, he wasn't like the huge Jim Gaffigan that people know him to be now and I you know
[00:07:11] I was like, hey, I'm big fan. He's like, oh, thank you. That's obviously it's like, you know
[00:07:15] This is like an old man trying to figure out how to use the computer and it's just like a child
[00:07:18] It's like hey, I love you, you know, it's probably like trying to lead, you know, it doesn't want to go to prison saving your email
[00:07:25] Later, yeah, yeah, and and then I sent him I sent him there used to be a website called tarred blog
[00:07:30] Which was a blog written by a special education teacher
[00:07:33] With it the booper she would just like go in on the kids really? Yeah
[00:07:39] And I sent it to him and he just responded. I'm not offended, but I have to go
[00:07:45] And then he never responded early knocked the wind out of you. Yeah, nice teenage
[00:07:49] I like that he clarified he wasn't offended you could take it and now here we are 35 years later
[00:07:54] It turns out Jim Gaffigan's a fucking retard. Yeah
[00:07:57] Turns out he had down syndrome the whole time and no one knew
[00:08:01] Yeah, that's why I was talking about candy in his accent. Yeah total cereal. There's all like a
[00:08:06] You know like a roost to hide the fact that he's a cookie crisp man in reality
[00:08:20] You run this life. What's that you run this life? What do you mean law?
[00:08:23] This is like just or do you edit or at all or no? It doesn't get edited, but it's not live. Oh, okay
[00:08:27] Yeah, this won't come out till next week. Yeah
[00:08:29] If you say anything, you know, you're like, I don't want that in there. Just let me know and I'll forget this
[00:08:37] Yeah, we got this to it in case you ever want to get a little hot
[00:08:40] You can just put that in there. Oh, got you. Yeah, so that'll work right off it. Yeah, I'll fuck that up
[00:08:46] So yeah, well, you got to press the button you can't be like, you know
[00:08:50] His Chinese I understand why they call them. You know and forget they hit the hit
[00:08:58] We've had a number of instances where we've forgotten to hit the button. I'm pretty good at it. He's bad at it
[00:09:03] I'm pretty bad at it. Yeah, he doesn't like me touching
[00:09:06] I had practice because growing up me my cousin would do that on the phone all the time really well, you know
[00:09:10] You need call somebody and then use the button you'd be like, what's up?
[00:09:14] You know wicked funny. Yeah, yeah, it's a good phone. Yeah elementary school. That's still funny the move
[00:09:22] Jim Gaffigan online. Tell him about these retards. I
[00:09:28] You know, yeah, that's a did you have did you do a lot of prank phone call jokes?
[00:09:35] I will always wanted to be better prank phone calls when I was a kid, but you know, I mean I was I just I
[00:09:40] Kave under pressure. I wasn't ever any good at it. I started I was better prank phone calls as an adult. I developed a
[00:09:46] Like a party trick. No, I'm not a party trick. I had my own thing
[00:09:49] I did like I did like an album as an old man and I'd call places as a senior citizen
[00:09:54] Which yeah, but just like just like absurd demands like I'd call I called like
[00:10:01] Like outback steakhouse and demanded to bring my own onion into bloom
[00:10:05] Or to like, you know, they wouldn't let me do that. I was like, well, I want to come in
[00:10:08] I want to select my own in the kitchen. I'm going back there. I want to fucking see what's going on
[00:10:12] Yeah, well you if you act like it just this helpless like
[00:10:16] demented old man like people don't hang up on you because they feel bad
[00:10:21] You can keep the manager of an outback steakhouse on the phone for an hour and a half. They're like stay on the phone and don't lose them
[00:10:26] Yeah, right. This is the this is going above and beyond. Yeah
[00:10:30] Yeah, and they're really nice at the end of the phone call it kind of it's because you know a lot of prank phone calls
[00:10:37] Yeah, but if you can piss people off and then restore their humanity in the end
[00:10:41] It has like a nice like kind of narrative arc. Yeah, well, let's not make this all bad
[00:10:46] Yeah, like I used to prank phone call prank
[00:10:48] Prankah prostitutes on Craigslist that parties on speakerphone
[00:10:51] I used to prank them too by giving them $300. Yeah, right half hour
[00:10:56] And seeing like we would see how far they would go you remember when you
[00:10:59] Like it was the week back page got like shut down by the FBI. Uh-huh and you had uh, I guess
[00:11:06] Solicit either or whatever like the week prior. No, that was my friend
[00:11:10] Oh, yeah, your friend did it and then your friend was real nervous and he came over to my apartment and he was sweating bullets
[00:11:15] No, I think I wasn't that wasn't me. Yeah, I know your friend. I mean your friend. It was very nervous about
[00:11:22] About getting in trouble because it was just like the week it happened to be the week they shut that website down
[00:11:26] Yeah, you're waiting for sippa. What's the bus through the door? Yeah? Oh, I mean it wasn't me, but yeah
[00:11:35] Yeah, you know, you know how the you know it was uh
[00:11:42] Well crime will do that to you and you come into crime you get all the paranoia of the things that could possibly happen
[00:11:46] Yeah, but we especially a calming crime
[00:11:49] Can you imagine how much it must suck to be a rapist like I
[00:11:55] Like just a regular post no one appreciates how stressful it must be like a regular. Yeah, exactly
[00:12:00] No, I mean it like a regular post not with somebody but it's not a crime right you're already like what did I do?
[00:12:05] But imagine wasn't wanted to fuck you really think like an eighth grader at gunpoint
[00:12:16] I gotta get my life together. I forgot to pay my taxes. Yeah
[00:12:21] I was sober. Yeah, my dad. My dad had kids by my
[00:12:27] You fucking lose my dad with my dad. You had a fucking career in a family. Oh my god
[00:12:32] I'm over here in a police and an interrogation room. No one's trying to help the pedophiles too
[00:12:37] It's like that's like you're not going to like a there's no nonprofits having a gala to like see we have an option
[00:12:43] If you're a pedophile just like, you know, join the democratic party. Yeah
[00:12:51] There's a there's a the uh, what's the the the spirit cooking uh those are fun
[00:12:55] You get to one of those if you fucking have kids from yeah become a performance artist the barrier entry is nothing
[00:13:01] Yeah, I think you have to be able to like release any kind of bodily fluid onto a canvas and then you're a performance artist
[00:13:10] You can there's a place for you at the table. You still need a RISD degree. I think
[00:13:15] Yeah, I think like you it's hard for these for these regular
[00:13:19] average joe blue collar pedophiles these days. Were you with us when we went to elite when we went to
[00:13:28] I you guys were telling me that it wasn't wasn't uh, wasn't what you thought
[00:13:32] I mean, I didn't think anything of it, but it was yeah
[00:13:36] But we walked in and there's kids like just laying on the floor doodling
[00:13:40] Like just ain't the like in like a like a fire exit
[00:13:43] Like just you know some kid but they were working on there are the mixed race haircut
[00:13:47] They're like broccoli, you know kind of floppy broccoli the weekend haircut. Yeah. Yeah, yeah
[00:13:52] Just you know just fucking like doodling poorly. I guess this is what art school is
[00:13:56] Yeah, seven grand for that if you break it up per class like 15 classes a semester
[00:14:00] You paid like $438 to draw on a fucking to fuck up a piece of paper arts and lies
[00:14:06] That's not bad. Yeah, there are a lot of worst things you could do with your life
[00:14:10] It's yeah, apparently it's super expensive though. I guess RISD like even like the number is really get super like it's not 36
[00:14:19] I don't know. I don't know. The only thing I know about RISD is family guy, right? Seth McFarland
[00:14:25] I did a show at Brown RISD with Brandon Wardell once
[00:14:29] And they got pretty mad at him at Brandon Wardell. Yeah, they got mad at Brandon
[00:14:39] And he was like what what if they re-shot that with uh kateland Jenner
[00:14:44] And they thought he was being transphobic
[00:14:47] Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna lose that 10 times out of 10
[00:14:49] Yeah, and then yeah, they were like that's a great bit though
[00:14:52] And then what the cop puts the coke the pep suit on his cock
[00:15:01] She pulls her a KK 19 year old woke art school student
[00:15:06] one of kateland Jenner's man penis that he has
[00:15:13] In the cop who's in the right by the way, I don't remember how the commercial went, but the cop was the good guy
[00:15:17] The cop had a gun. Yeah, and then she can I respect let's get let's have five moments
[00:15:22] Minutes of silence for the police officer in the kateland Jenner Pepsi ad
[00:15:26] I think three of them would fall out of the ceiling by jumping on their own fucking head
[00:15:30] Like three of them would just like put their hands in their pockets and dive on their own. Yeah to break it
[00:15:34] Yeah, if they ever heard that in real life. Yeah, it's
[00:15:38] You'd really I got in trouble. I did just show with ut when I was like 23 or something and I said cunt
[00:15:45] Not even like I I didn't even call someone a cunt. I just like said, you know, there was I forget what the joke was
[00:15:51] It's like you can't be a cunt while you're you know, and uh people were on walkie talkies
[00:15:56] Like there was like a audience members. No like the the fuck that people yeah the people that like put the event together like
[00:16:04] 10 10 8 10 8 10 8 someone said this you slurge, you know, like it was like a fucking big issue
[00:16:09] That's so fun. Well Texans are clean. They have like that
[00:16:12] There's probably like 60% of them that you're not even thinking about are like, come on, man
[00:16:16] Don't do that. Yeah, like this is how you having a beer with right and he's like dude
[00:16:20] What's with the following language man? And you're like, holy shit. You just say that to me. Oh, we got in Texas steers queers absolutely no slurs
[00:16:30] That's our lgbt. I dragged like you the most
[00:16:34] I dragged that gay guy for my truck for 20 miles, but I did not say one cousin
[00:16:38] Hey pal. I didn't come. I may be racist, but I am not transphobic
[00:16:44] I may be in the coupe lucks clan and live in a sundown town
[00:16:48] But if if any one of my family members decided to cut their penis off
[00:16:53] I would I would be there. That's fine by my in my 10 gallon hat in the waiting room
[00:16:58] I mean that was kind of this their brand new vagina right in the lips
[00:17:03] Plan a big back is just so big take my 10 gallon hat off and give it a smooch
[00:17:14] That was kind of the fallout from dole's although which was like
[00:17:18] Everyone's like you can you cannot do that for your race. Mm-hmm. They're like we you know
[00:17:24] It's as much of a social construct as as gender you're saying dole's all valid
[00:17:29] I'm saying if if you can cut your penis off and be a lady. Why can't you?
[00:17:32] Why can't you say yeah, I mean the real the real test with dole is all was like what happens after she's canceled
[00:17:39] You know, it's like the argument is that she's like exploiting being fucking black for some personal gain or something or likes being a victim
[00:17:47] But after she got canceled if she didn't like fucking like all right. I guess how fucking straight my hair out go work it
[00:17:53] Joanne fabric like then but she's like she lost everything and now she's just doing braids somewhere
[00:18:00] She does hair. She does not really yeah black ladies. She's still just black as shit. So it's like no. That's a black woman
[00:18:06] Yeah, no, she she was really undeterred. I follow her on instagram and she she rocks
[00:18:12] She just stayed she's about the life. She stayed the course. She stayed the course. She's ripping a black and mild right now
[00:18:19] Like that's something yeah, she got even more after she got she doubled down like yeah
[00:18:24] She was like this fucking Cheryl swoops not not not not your not your chotlay not your chotlay
[00:18:33] She's wearing a coofie right now. Yeah. Yeah real ethnic. She's about it. Yeah. She got her clitoris
[00:18:48] Through a smoke bomb under the entrain and shot it up. She's trying off of the x-game. Yeah, yeah
[00:18:52] She's just doing all the new things she should do she should leapfrog regular black people and just become like full hoe tap
[00:18:59] See that was wrong. But yeah, go even further. She does. Yeah, she's she she also does art too. No
[00:19:11] Everybody does the reverse Hitler they get canceled and then they go art rather than art first then doing the bad
[00:19:17] True who's buying these paintings though? Uh the hunter biden's friends the hunter biden collection
[00:19:23] Like that's that's the like the backbone of your art collection is the uh
[00:19:30] Like you you have doll's L stuff doll's L john wane geesey hunter biden. Yep. You got a hunter biden
[00:19:36] George bush George zimmerman. What's his name the guy that shot?
[00:19:40] Reagan john hinkley is playing a show in brooklyn, but what kind of show I saw this
[00:19:48] No, it's like a acoustic guitar singer songwriter. Hell yeah. Yeah, I want to go. I hope they're fucking insane lyrics
[00:19:55] I want to open for him. No. No, they're like very normal really
[00:20:20] Yeah, and then jody foster a couple years ago was like I would fucking I'm not letting him destroy my pussie
[00:20:25] You're the guy from finger 11. No, yes, but also john
[00:20:28] Have an air dick and yours. Yeah, she said I'd go back for that guy that shot Reagan for me. Yeah, I'd write I'd write him
[00:20:45] The only way she's kind of calm as if he has the night vision
[00:20:53] Eight version night vision john hankley just fucking a blind jody foster
[00:21:06] A man it must have been crazy for him to find out she became a lesbian
[00:21:10] Is all that to get pussy off of this lady that that's why I didn't get pussy off her
[00:21:15] It wasn't because she wasn't impressed. Well if you're gonna fix a lesbian. I mean, I think probably the only option is killed a
[00:21:23] If a lesbian is gonna get about pussy. Yeah, you know, I mean to a man with like a severe mental illness
[00:21:29] Yeah, probably the only way to do it really logically is shoot wrong Reagan and the head
[00:21:35] Yeah, I I mean that would make sense to me. That would get me back on pussy
[00:21:40] If a lady did that for me. Yeah, dead dead presidents dead
[00:21:45] Make make it lesbians wet. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's true the idea of dead. You know, it's crazy
[00:21:50] President nobody talks about the president Garfield who also was murdered
[00:21:55] He was assassinated. How do you go down? He's just shy shot or something. I don't think yeah, you know, like everybody
[00:22:01] Everybody every other president that's even Reagan who like wasn't even assassinated. That's like, you know, everyone's got that in their head
[00:22:10] But it's because of the name dude. No one took him seriously in Garfield
[00:22:13] It was before the cat the cat thing only goes back to the seven. No, he was he changed it. They didn't have Garfield wasn't
[00:22:20] It was all just big cartoons in the early 1800s role like an octopus wearing a top hat and his arms just say like
[00:22:26] international yet France internationalization
[00:22:38] Remason butt fuck kids and what were people doing in like 1810 they were looking at that being like
[00:22:42] Hahahaha, haha. It's an army. This is good. This is hilarious. This is the good shit
[00:22:49] And then they'd go and then they'd read Garfield. Yeah. Yeah Garfield really changed the game. Mm-hmm. Oh that
[00:22:57] Mm-hmm. God kill that fucking destroy me. We're gonna go into the Sunday morning cartoons bit. That's always a classic
[00:23:06] Radio chit chat. Oh, yeah, family circus. Who the fuck who's reading who's reading family circus?
[00:23:14] I don't know. Yeah, who's that little guy with the big nose?
[00:23:17] I feel like Sunday morning cartoons. They all like they peaked right after like we had been through like like
[00:23:23] You know two horrific world wars. So everyone had PTSD. Yeah, so they needed like
[00:23:29] Like, you know mentally deflated baby shit to entertain them. It was the first time like a truck drivers
[00:23:36] are watching like cartoons and they're just blown out. Yeah, right
[00:23:40] They're just what I needed. The only way you could appreciate beetle Bailey is if like, you know, you would watch your your brother's like skin
[00:23:49] Your brother comes back with a fucking job and he's like brother. He loves so many beautiful boys. Oh, that's great
[00:23:59] Like somebody makes popcorn he flips out and kills his wife
[00:24:12] Well time to get my hair cut again today heard time today get another haircut come home read Garfield
[00:24:19] Take a shower and load my lunch pail for tomorrow. Fuck my wife and get a pregnant once a year scream and cry the whole time
[00:24:26] And beat the shit out of those little bad
[00:24:32] Yeah, you guys were uh fuck you guys were talking about box trucks really and I thought what the fuck was it?
[00:24:36] I was so excited about that. You had a box truck story
[00:24:39] You guys driving box trucks and the fact that we all at one point realized that
[00:24:43] Driving 26 foot box trucks without a CDL
[00:24:46] Because we like we have like Chinese rizdee students that rent them
[00:24:49] Yeah, they're like i'm moving my studio
[00:24:51] Yeah, and every now and then you're just like look in the window of a 26 foot box
[00:24:54] I see like a five foot two like Chinese are crying
[00:25:00] Like driving like a drunk driver down and like when I i'm a pretty good driver
[00:25:04] I used to drive dump trucks and stuff like but when I drive those I feel like a lunatic
[00:25:07] Like this is illegal this feels like i'm on my way to 9-11-2
[00:25:11] And these things are like at u-hall these like bombs. Yeah for rent. Yeah
[00:25:16] And well that it's crazy because they let you rent 30 foot trucks too and the difference
[00:25:20] The difference between a 16 foot truck and a 20 foot truck is like huge. That's a good jump. Yeah
[00:25:25] Oh, it's a school bus. Yeah 16 foot like anyone can drive that
[00:25:28] But once you're once you're driving a 20 foot truck like you really need to be aware of like the space
[00:25:33] Yeah, because it's two two whole car lanes
[00:25:35] Yeah, and there's a there's a moderate air brake. That's kind of a weird thing to get used to like a just a
[00:25:40] Yeah, yeah, like you're not used to that when you're driving your Honda fit
[00:25:42] But a 30 foot truck that's like you know
[00:25:44] There's another fucking 30 larger than it than a 20 foot truck
[00:25:48] And that's you definitely you should have to have a CDL to drive
[00:25:51] It's the equivalent of letting like anybody like drive like commercial lawnmower student like Times Square
[00:25:57] Yeah, and there's like six thousand. It's very lethal. Yeah
[00:26:01] It's like someone holding the lawnmower while walking down the street with the blades coming at you
[00:26:04] Yeah, yeah, yeah, these are all just legal things. I like thinking about things
[00:26:07] Yeah, it's crazy because you need a CDL to drive a bus
[00:26:09] But only because the amount of seats that it has in it
[00:26:12] Right, so you can drive a truck the same length the same the same vehicle
[00:26:16] Right as long as doesn't have seats in it. You can drive without a CDL. How the fuck did that loop hole go through?
[00:26:20] Reagan, that's why I fucking think we shot him dude
[00:26:23] He was pissed. He was like I grow up on a safe tiny bus
[00:26:30] And then you put these you know, Jody Foster suck my dick in
[00:26:35] What's the idea behind the short buses? They're like well, there's not gonna be that many of us hardy kids
[00:26:39] We can't be that many of them. We just a guess. Yeah, yeah, we need a smaller bus
[00:26:44] It's gonna be half as many as the regular kids
[00:26:47] They were rich on that. That's what's rich
[00:26:49] You know what they should do because you know how regular schools will have a couple of mentally handicapped kids
[00:26:53] They should have mentally handicapped schools and then they put a couple of regular kids in there
[00:27:02] They're getting laid constantly. No, I mean there there are minority in that social group
[00:27:06] So they would be like pick up. Yeah, they would be picked on they would be nerds. It would be a guy
[00:27:12] Yeah, the teacher would be like what's two plus two and then it could be like, man. I guess it's four and they'd be like oh
[00:27:25] He's just not getting any pussy. He's not getting any than one girl. Yeah, they're like you never get any pussies like yeah, it's illegal
[00:27:31] I can't fuck anyone in this school. I go to jail
[00:27:37] Yeah, well they work and they'll work at market basket like the uh, I caught market basket in there
[00:27:42] I was like this and have normal amount of retarder people working there
[00:27:45] Right now I work at a car dealership myself. Oh, but next door to it is a market basket. We go grab lunch. It's like a
[00:27:51] Whole Foods light and they have like a I mean, I'm not it's 40 percent or something like it's a conscious effort
[00:27:57] Yeah, there's no they get they get fucking rebates from the state big must be going there and you think like oh wow these these heroes are good
[00:28:06] Yeah, it is slave labor. This kid's riding around on like a motorized car like making whistling noises
[00:28:10] Yeah, and then the company gets paid by the state to have them work there
[00:28:14] But they're I saw a bus. Yes. I saw a bus drop off
[00:28:18] So if you're like the general manager of a knockabout like you know what you're doing. Mm-hmm. You're like hey, we got 15 of them today
[00:28:27] Like one who's got his hand in like the fruit or something like yeah, there's just some guy in a seer sucker suit that comes out of the bus
[00:28:33] He's like I've got a wonderful selection for you today. We're gonna line him up. We got
[00:28:41] Show them up with Vaseline show the show the gentleman your penis Eddie
[00:28:45] He has the strength of two man like a bull
[00:28:51] Pick up that box down. Y'all look at the viscosity of his saliva. That's how you can tell
[00:28:56] Vitality of him by the viscosity of his saliva
[00:28:59] He's snapping his fingers in his face. You could all uh you could all the jet engine with that spewter look at it
[00:29:06] That's deep mucus that comes from the gut. Oh my hell that we fill him up with Reese's pieces in the morning
[00:29:17] All the whole locomotive. We're just just a morning's dose of this boy spit
[00:29:25] That'd be wrong. Look at his gate. That'd be 50 cents for today
[00:29:29] If you want to helm it with us another 25 cents and he's gonna need that helmet
[00:29:34] I'm telling you now. He's gonna need that helmet. You bought him up the head. He ain't got too many points left on the chart
[00:29:40] I mean it's starting out maybe around 68 you fucking whack him with a hammer
[00:29:45] He's down to the low 40s because non-verbal and you better have those Reese's pieces ready
[00:29:49] You them up get him back. He's gonna get violent on you
[00:30:00] This one's real near and dear this heart. He's caused a lot of personal pain. He's been with him for years
[00:30:07] She let him touch his head. She knows I told him do not let that boy touch your head
[00:30:12] I sat her down. I put the Steinback movie on
[00:30:16] Fat folded right to the end. I said this is what's gonna happen. You let that boy touch your head
[00:30:27] He thought he thought he could twist the whole head off and she'd be filled with Sarah miss
[00:30:32] Because he thinks people are soda we tried to try to tell him that ain't a tool either
[00:30:45] It's gotta be like that conversation that has to happen like how do you have that
[00:30:51] It's kind of like in a shame actually talking about it, but like you think about it. You're like
[00:30:54] You gotta know you gotta you gotta like in there. It's an it's an it's an exciting amount of retarded people like you look around you like holy shit
[00:31:02] It's like half and a half. Yeah rolling around and like wow. It's like and they they got it down everybody's suited
[00:31:07] Mm-hmm. It's just a fun thing to think about like is the labor force now is like total track
[00:31:12] It's got to suck to be a normal guy and work there be like, you know, yeah, well, I fucked up. I'm 28. I fucked up
[00:31:20] Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not that I could have been a doctor, but I could have worked at a normal grocery
[00:31:26] I'm a union grocer. Yeah, cuz I think they're union. Yeah, so like I'm a unit getting $17 an hour
[00:31:32] I'm getting 17 hours an hour to like fucking pick up like a you know, I retired or help kid with a helmet
[00:31:37] I just run his head through a fucking toilet right. He's drowning in the yogurt cake
[00:31:51] Those so those guys can't get fired. No those union retards. Mm-hmm. They're good men out there. What are the grounds though?
[00:31:59] There's gotta be one. Yeah, it's got like one bad boy. Oh, we're gonna. Yeah, we're gonna we're organizing the local 40 and somebody's like
[00:32:06] Uh, how about local 15 maybe around five to high
[00:32:11] 40s a lot. Yeah, you you want danger. Whoa. Yeah
[00:32:16] There's one bad boy named Johnny's got like a greaser haircut a little too hard a kid
[00:32:19] He's still fucking the girl that works inside. He's picking her up on his like harley what he thinks is a Harley David since I'm hardly with training wheels
[00:32:30] It's like a cardboard cutout that he's walking around
[00:32:32] It's got like a badass leather jacket. It's it's a legit hell's he's in the hell's angels. Yeah
[00:32:39] Which we saw some on the way up here some hell's angels on the way here. They used to have a clubhouse in the east village
[00:32:44] No, we really we met it. Well, you you met him. Well, we both met him. You guys should join
[00:32:49] No, I I we chill one night. Nick and I spent a couple hours with one of them and I don't think that they would accept me. Yeah, no
[00:32:56] I don't think I beat the criteria. It was pretty like you're talking about books
[00:32:59] It was pretty tragic because really yeah, I mean, you know like I don't know. I mean I felt bad for the guy
[00:33:09] He was born into it born into it and then it's like once you get past it's like cool. I'm in a biker gang
[00:33:15] It's like then your life is just like he was like Bobby bakalot. He could have done. Yeah, exactly
[00:33:19] Yeah, he's just backhanding a woman named Sherry across like a lake house. Yeah, right?
[00:33:24] Because you know what it's like it's like being hunter Biden, you know, hunter by just I read the book I read the laptop book
[00:33:30] Did you yeah, and then really it's funny because it's like I I buy all that shit
[00:33:34] They're like fucking like any book that's featured on tucker Carlson or like that's mostly a compilation of like racist
[00:33:41] Substack articles. I'll buy that self-publish it on amazon and read it
[00:33:44] and like the the hunter the laptop from hell book it's written by the
[00:33:49] New York Post reporter. Yeah, I don't know if you follow that story, but
[00:33:53] Is it is the the is it a fantastic laptop filled with a great stuffers? Yeah, well
[00:34:00] There was a computer repair shop in Delaware and wilmington where this legally blind albino guy that fixes computers
[00:34:08] Hunter Biden comes in drops off his laptop like in like coked out of his mind with his finger lakes tattoo on his back
[00:34:19] He he'd like never picked a laptop back up the guy waits like 90 days and he had to like back up the hard drive
[00:34:25] So he backs up the hard drive but in doing that he can see what's on the laptop
[00:34:29] And he's like there's stuff on here that seems like kind of a criminal
[00:34:32] So he contacted the FBI the FBI never got back to him
[00:34:34] And then so he gave it to Rudy juliani, but he was the only person that responded to this legally blind like
[00:34:43] What kind of like why why can't like that
[00:34:45] Like casper from me myself and i reen like that guy. Yeah. Yeah milky. Yeah milky. Yeah and fucking
[00:34:53] Rudy juliani's the only guy that takes a thing
[00:34:55] So then this guy's like the poor guy was like fucking like harrat lost his business
[00:34:59] He had to go into hiding because of you know like twitter drama over
[00:35:02] Turning this laptop in but the new york hunter biden art collectors were coming after
[00:35:06] The new york post was like they reported on it, but this was like in october
[00:35:09] So it's twitter banned the new york post from
[00:35:12] um uh twitter like they deleted their account for like disseminating disinformation
[00:35:18] And uh, and then that turned into this big like political thing or whatever
[00:35:22] But marynda divine at the new york post wrote a book on what's in the laptop
[00:35:26] Now the market for the book is like conservatives that are like, you know, it's a democrat
[00:35:32] Like just like people that hate hunter biden they hate jo biden or whatever
[00:35:36] But like reading it if you know, you just like it because you know, it's entertaining
[00:35:42] So when i look at that like here's what i like about conservative news is like you don't have to learn anything
[00:35:47] Like i'm staying like informed and what that means is i've just seen six or seven pictures of hunter biden's penis
[00:35:54] That's that's reading the news for me. That's yeah, i've seen it
[00:35:57] I've just seen it. He's got a nice hug right i can go to a dinner party and tell you about hunter biden's penis
[00:36:02] And that's me being like worldly that's that's really big of you
[00:36:05] Yeah, but it's funny like reading the book. It's like i don't know how you can
[00:36:08] Read that and not just feel like just heartbroken for hunter biden really because yeah
[00:36:14] I mean it's like life fucking sucks dude. It's like he's looking crack about it
[00:36:19] Well, he's had all this he's in a lot of pain
[00:36:22] But it's like immediately loses his mom and it's like fucking sister in a car accident as a child
[00:36:29] Trans sacrifices his family immediately for political gain. Yes, right for the blood gods
[00:36:34] Two pieces of marble at an obelisk underneath the white house
[00:36:37] Yes, he gets dumped onto like an aunt and a grandma or something while joe goes to washington to be a fucking senator
[00:36:43] Then joe remarries and then like i guess he has a weird relationship
[00:36:46] He's always treated as like a fucking liability or whatever
[00:36:51] His whole life as an adult has just been like to be like a fucking bag man for the biden family
[00:36:56] So he gets set up with these fake jobs where you know nobody respects him
[00:37:00] He can't do anything and then he gets a paycheck and then he has to use the paycheck to like
[00:37:09] Is that the way they longer the money is like he just like he has to pay contractors to get their like houses fixed
[00:37:14] He's like so he doesn't like keep any of the money
[00:37:19] He's like then his brother dies and he's in like some like fucking like drug-addled like you know like a hallucinatory state
[00:37:25] And starts fucking his brothers his dad brothers fucking like wife
[00:37:30] As one you know, you should always do that. That's honorable
[00:37:36] Salute it's like the movie Pearl harbors. Yeah, no, he's he's just an absolute fucking like tragedy fuck up
[00:37:43] Like it's he has such an unsympathetic problem being like the president son is like a millionaire kid
[00:37:50] That like there's a deeper level of like empathy you have to have for him because it's like
[00:37:55] Yeah, he's like like the obviously this person's suffering and it's not like oh, he's a little girl with cancer
[00:38:05] As you're saying and I'm like do I would I yeah, right?
[00:38:08] Cared but if you sit there and have to read through it for fucking you know three hours ever long it takes to get through that piece of shit
[00:38:13] It's like you know, you can't you can't help it just and now he just now
[00:38:17] He's like this new thing now is like because you know, it's like all well his paintings
[00:38:21] And then you know like Tucker Carlson all these guys go crazy for his like his another money laundering scam where he sells
[00:38:26] These bullshit paintings in the White House and it's like you know, he didn't want to paint those paintings
[00:38:30] He just has to like Joe's like you got him you're gonna make much shitty paintings
[00:38:35] Yeah, you're not much a garbage and everybody's gonna call you a fucking faggot shitty
[00:38:40] Also, no matter what that's coming down the pipeline
[00:38:42] 50 years old on top of being a petified incestuous petophile now you have to be a shitty artist
[00:38:47] Oh, fuck your brother's wife and now you have pretty honestly pretty good apps like you got it paintings aren't you got to do that?
[00:38:53] Not that bad because I'm trying to get a queamy subscription next
[00:38:56] And if you could just go ahead and send me the password for this good conversation
[00:39:00] And you're gonna pay for my Netflix this month. Oh, very funny. You set the password as I killed your mother
[00:39:05] Blood sacrifice marble obelisk blood drink
[00:39:13] Yeah, they have to live in his brother's shadow too because like Bo was set up to be the one where it's like he's gonna be
[00:39:18] He's gonna have the political he's gonna be the new senator from Delaware. Yeah
[00:39:21] Yeah, it was both Obama's dog's name. Yeah, was that a funny joke? Yeah, it was it was like this is how much I respect your
[00:39:33] My cousin Jen sucks dick for Viking in yeah, and then you're just getting blown by my cousin Jen
[00:39:40] You're ripping like you're cracking a Viking off the top of the back of her ripping lines off and you're like dude
[00:39:44] She does suck machine fucking molars are missing. Yeah, you're gonna get an infection
[00:39:47] But it's just very a boat like that. I was now you think about it mindset. He's been getting tooled on his
[00:39:53] Yeah, poor bastard and he just can't stay and then his friends his friends are like
[00:39:59] His only friends in the world are like his dead brother's wife who he's a drug addict with
[00:40:05] And then they have this like and then like Sasha Obama
[00:40:10] The other way saushes me those are the only people that he can like hang out with
[00:40:14] Three thirty in the morning. He's calling her at Harvard
[00:40:18] Yeah, and then like secret service agents that shouldn't be on his feet
[00:40:20] They'll anymore they come after like clean up his mess
[00:40:23] Just imagine you're trying to kill yourself with drugs
[00:40:25] You're too much of a pussy to actually do it because there's nothing you know that like that would just add to the tragedy
[00:40:30] It's not like you can restore your dignity even in death
[00:40:33] You know like if you killed yourself people there would just be pictures of your asshole something
[00:40:38] Like you shit your pants have right exactly you're just assholes on the front page headlines
[00:40:43] Absolute fucking loser faggot finally does whatever he wanted him to do
[00:40:47] So because of that he can't just put the gun in his mouth
[00:40:50] He has to just keep shooting like you know heroin into his arm and smoking crack
[00:40:54] And then the minute like the second before you're finally about to overdose
[00:40:58] And maybe get like a shred of like hope that people will just let you rest
[00:41:02] fucking guys in sunglasses kick down the door and drag you back to joe biden's fucking house in Delaware where he's like
[00:41:10] You're my beautiful boy beautiful boy and I love you and family's important
[00:41:14] Then he's just smiling to a camera behind you and then fucking having like a conversation with the Easter bony about you cray
[00:41:21] Rest fucking lower. He's his face is blown off
[00:41:24] And he survived a facial gunshot wound where he has no mandible and only top teeth
[00:41:28] And he's like a just the fucking piece of mummy for the rest of his life
[00:41:34] Yes, no, it's it's it's it's truly heartbreaking
[00:41:37] It doesn't hang up stand-ups in LA does he does he I can see LA stand-ups doing that
[00:41:44] Yeah, like comedy story that was being like yeah, I just became friends with
[00:41:49] They would honestly if Jeffrey Epstein like somehow beat the charges and then hung out at the comedy store
[00:41:54] Yeah, yeah, they're I guarantee you they're beyond the fighter and the kid yeah exactly
[00:42:02] He's opening for shoals. Yeah, right. I'm sure that would happen
[00:42:10] No, I do you like crazy days and nights are you?
[00:42:13] Yeah back in the day. They got really into I was super obsessed forever used to check it like daily like news
[00:42:19] Yeah, and I still do yeah, what's going on these days?
[00:42:25] Four comedians who want to leave me like four people bought a bag of coke and like they're dying
[00:42:29] I died one girl survived. Yeah, supposedly that girl fucked Hunter Biden
[00:42:33] Oh nice, but she's like a stand-up round but like I would love to know be like so
[00:42:37] You know, but apparently like she like it got a little hot right there like something crazy days nights was writing about that
[00:42:43] They were like they were like in that oh and then the the powers that be kind of leaned on them
[00:42:48] Yeah, they're like damn what was your favorite crazy days and nights reveal do you guys have a
[00:42:52] Uh, that's the best one you ever never happened, but there was a story that the girl that don't the child prostitute that don henley
[00:42:59] Like because you know he killed one of them overdose and then the other would just became like a runaway or whatever
[00:43:04] There was a crazy day the nights blind item
[00:43:07] Years ago that she grew up wound up married to like fucking like Gavin Newsom or something like where wound up married to like some california like
[00:43:16] Politician that had a significant degree of power. She had the receipts on don henley and his uh
[00:43:21] Manager and producer at the time. Do you know the story?
[00:43:25] I remember the don henley thing was like a big a big pretty good. Wasn't it pretty gruesome?
[00:43:29] He was like was Hansey was he was he was he?
[00:43:31] Was he you know, it's on dirty laundry. I thought it was a girl. Oh, dee did his house, right?
[00:43:36] Like a child, you know, like I make my living on the evening news, you know the song keep more
[00:43:45] I don't know people love it when you lose they love dirty laundry. Oh, yeah, there you go
[00:43:52] Yeah, so great song amazing song and it's about him killing a 15 year old
[00:43:58] And ktla not shutting up about it. I'm feeling inspired
[00:44:02] How fucking coke mirror do you have to be if I can wake up and
[00:44:10] You're just like rocking a 15 year old. Yeah, that was the time
[00:44:18] That's one of the few songs that comes out of the late 70s that actually has any heart behind it
[00:44:22] You know, it's not just some like ironically detached bullshit things were either heady or meaningless
[00:44:27] That's the only thing that would like you know Don Henley spoke from his heart when he was like get off my back
[00:44:36] You you know if you look if you don't want to know how the sausage is made stay the fuck out of the kitchen
[00:44:42] How am I gonna hammer out fucking hints like this if you guys are busting my balls over here if I want to choke a fucking
[00:44:47] A freshman high school freshman. Let me yeah
[00:44:51] I don't know if he was handy, but the story is he got two prostitutes 15 year old and 16 year old
[00:44:55] Just little street walkers and he brought him to his house in the hills and then
[00:44:58] One of them overdosed he had to call the police and the police show up
[00:45:02] But also his manager and like a bunch of like, you know, cleanup crews basically and he just said there was like 27 grams of cocaine
[00:45:09] He was like, yeah, that's the girls. It's like yeah, it's a 15 year old has
[00:45:14] What is what is that? $30,000 worth of fucking cocaine
[00:45:19] Right. Yeah, just some massive amount of cocaine he pinned on like the the little girl
[00:45:25] And then they you know, they just like scooped the kids out of there the the one girl that overdosed
[00:45:29] I think she like she survived that and I had to brought her back to life
[00:45:33] And then she wound up they found her dead under the 101 like maybe three months later
[00:45:37] But you know they cleaned up the whole thing like the way you know and and there was yeah
[00:45:41] There was a reporter at KTLA that wouldn't drop the story
[00:45:44] She kept reporting on it and it's like why isn't he facing charges? Why isn't anything happening with this?
[00:45:48] He's fucking strutting around the Beverly Hills Hotel. Yeah. Yeah, he's got a 10 year old and a headlock
[00:45:54] But yeah crazy days and nights they had a blind item that I guess the other girl
[00:45:57] Yeah, she had had grown up and fucking made made something of her life and got married to a politician who I'm sure
[00:46:04] Didn't have his own dirties fucking laundry. He's like that's nothing
[00:46:07] Yeah, I steamrolled a fucking kindergarten class one time. Yeah, but that didn't end up being true
[00:46:13] It just didn't like if she was supposed to come forward with receipts and it didn't happen. Oh no so
[00:46:21] Yeah, they couldn't they couldn't come back from that. Yeah, they were they were America's first boy band. You know that
[00:46:27] Yeah, they were like uh they didn't like
[00:46:30] Some some label put them together a gay man put them a gay guy
[00:46:34] Yeah, it's a the old Jewish gay man his credence
[00:46:37] It would be cute if you were on the guitar shake your little booty
[00:46:41] With a mr. Tambourine man. Isn't credence like that too?
[00:46:44] Wasn't that the kind of credence like that? I think so weren't really kind of like produced or like put together
[00:46:48] I think finger 11 was like that too. Yeah
[00:46:51] No, that was the return to like we just we got to do music for real
[00:46:55] And that's why it sucked for so long because people forgot how to make music and it was up to like Canadians with
[00:47:00] With yellow oakley fucking yellow oakley's on on ironically
[00:47:07] The best crazy days and nights oh not the best just one of the one of the go I like the Hulk Hogan story was the craziest one
[00:47:13] Uh, what was that it's odd a control and I don't even like I feel like oh that he knocked up his his sister
[00:47:18] Her daughter's dog that he banged his daughter. Oh, he fucked his daughter
[00:47:22] That's what they that was one of them. It was the most insane thing. I remember like sharing it with Charles
[00:47:26] He's being like his his reality show was sickening. I remember watching that when he was best
[00:47:31] Hogan was best because it's like it's the whole thing is like, you know, it's to sell you on the idea
[00:47:35] They like he may be a millionaire steroid addict with cte
[00:47:39] But he's a good father that shows tough love to his family and it's like this is fate
[00:47:43] This is all fake because you would watch a show and it'd be like well. What's the son's name? Nick?
[00:47:47] To yeah, Nick. He almost died right? They're like boy. You gotta get your home
[00:47:52] You want to go hang out with your friends? You got to get your homework done. It's like that's the episode
[00:47:58] Where's each a vitamin smash your friends head right the next day on TMZ?
[00:48:01] He's like, you know fucking killed eight people in a drunk driving accident
[00:48:05] And then the show the next episode of the show is like did you get your homework done?
[00:48:10] It's just so like detached from the reality. It's yeah, it was just it was like it was like PR for the family
[00:48:15] Brooke Hogan's got a meeting with Scott Storch on a I remember that dude
[00:48:19] Yeah, that part it was very that kind of tag Scott's career
[00:48:21] He was like giving some of his best beats to Brooke Hogan
[00:48:24] Brooke Hogan. Yeah, and he got also addicted to yachts and cocaine from a Hulk Hogan
[00:48:30] No, I don't know about that, but yeah, he was like I say you ever see a big boat brother
[00:48:34] He's like yeah, I guess so can you imagine getting addicted to yachts
[00:48:41] Like hey Hulk. Hey Terry. He's the first name
[00:48:43] Terry. Yeah, hey Terry. Are you going out on the bay this week?
[00:48:47] Actually, I am brother. Yeah, fuck get me off this
[00:48:50] That's the origin story for a lot of those guys there are some weird freak named Terry with a chip in their shoulder
[00:48:55] So they just lived in the gym forever until they became famous they became uh, yeah
[00:49:00] Yeah, hulk but hulk Hogan banged blonde women that looked like his wife
[00:49:04] My first joke that ever got me into comedy was me telling people that brook that hulk Hogan used to do brooks
[00:49:11] And I never and I made that up and I never told people I was joking
[00:49:15] I used to spread rumor because he was always that kind of weird with his daughter
[00:49:17] And I just wanted to fuck his daughter. It was obvious. Everybody watching I was like dude
[00:49:21] This guy was a fucking he's like one of those dads who's like she's the most beautiful woman in the entire world
[00:49:26] Are they German? What's their last name?
[00:49:28] Hulk Hogan? No, no, that's Irish, but that's not the real name
[00:49:32] It's like a bull bar or something. It's like oh
[00:49:42] Though they're being the mezailing pod racers. Yeah, that's that's it. That's what that explains the yeah
[00:49:50] Underneath that skull. It's like fucking wires
[00:49:54] Wires that want to do is daughters like somewhere in the programming fucking one of the alien coders
[00:49:58] Just one stick a pervert dip his skin whiskers and they're a pussy
[00:50:02] A bunch of sun to drift a super. Yeah, don't drift your super underneath the track the trailer truck with your buddy in it because
[00:50:07] Did he die the Sun? I think no that is but he went to jail for six months
[00:50:12] We were just talking about this son on the podcast about and we were looking it up
[00:50:16] So I'm uh I can speak fluent Nick Hogan. Yeah. Yeah, and they're doing promos now like life hit
[00:50:22] You know would be a great podcast is Nick Hogan
[00:50:27] Brock Turner who's Ethan couch Ethan couch was the first that kid that fucking killed a bunch of people in his car
[00:50:32] And he had priors and he was 16 and the judge said he had a fluenza
[00:50:39] And then he didn't even he only had to do like a month in jail and him and his mom went on the lamp
[00:50:42] She like died his hair finger 11 orange in the mezico in the middle of it
[00:50:46] Yeah, they just went to mezico and we're trying to like hide in mezico and then they found them
[00:50:50] But yeah, you think couch was the other one, but I would love to listen just an hour of them
[00:50:53] I'd love to hear them on Don Henley. That'd be great. Yeah. Yeah, Don's a real piece of shit
[00:51:00] I mean, I just fucking like to go fast in my car. Yeah, Don Henley's over here smothering fucking
[00:51:05] I just I fingered a girl behind the dumpster because I thought I was cool
[00:51:09] And then everyone wants me to go to prison for the rest of my life to quit swimming because of that shit
[00:51:16] Take you took Brock Turner out of swimming and look I hate to say that you know, but I told you so it was a slippery slope
[00:51:22] They took swimming away from him now swimming being ruined by trans people. Yeah, it's true
[00:51:26] It's because Brock Turner was the was the van go about to make a great point
[00:51:33] Your meds a maker salient boy a Brock Turner was the last samurai of swimming. Yes
[00:51:42] And lea you get rid of him now here comes lea Thomas
[00:51:46] And if you think if you think fingering was the worst thing to happen in college swimming just waiting till lea
[00:51:52] You know, that's hard on it gets dries off
[00:51:55] It doesn't feel the wetness of the pool and needs to be lubed up again and where's she gonna turn the locker room?
[00:52:02] Yeah, I like the stories about the locker room
[00:52:05] The lea Turner locker room lea Thomas lea is it lea Thomas? It is Thomas
[00:52:10] It's some fun shit. No lea Turner is from Brock the Brock Turner family. They call her Thomas the tank engine
[00:52:16] You know, it's like you know, they have the jerseys with
[00:52:19] Yeah, yeah, just Thomas is fun. Whether give me like a real masculine nickname. Let's go Brutus. Tommy the tank engine. Fuck him up
[00:52:37] Shit talking girls throwing full cups of Coca-Cola and so fucking suck it
[00:52:49] What are they saying about the locker room that she's just like real loose with her cock
[00:52:59] Jesus seeing miss man and scary movie. Do you remember that joke?
[00:53:03] Do we watch the female gym teacher and scary movie?
[00:53:06] Yeah, just put like a male bodybuilder and women's clothes. Yeah, her tentacles flopped out. Your name is miss man
[00:53:12] Yes, just going around the locker. That's really when you could do comedy, right?
[00:53:17] But we were watching the Steve the Harvey show
[00:53:20] From like 30 years ago and there's a joke where there's a trans character in the classroom
[00:53:25] And he was like, you know, we all want to support what's her name on her transition or whatever and it's like very
[00:53:32] Yeah, you know, like like contextually appropriate, you know for now, but also the joke is that she's a piece of ass
[00:53:38] No, yeah, she's a pop's ass and then Romeo fucks her by accident
[00:53:52] The last half of the episode is him just spinning and checking his eyebrows and his hair
[00:53:56] Wait, but the we were the one we watched last week. He they got trapped inside of a
[00:54:03] Yeah, and insane asylum. Yeah, they're like we but we retorted
[00:54:07] Did they say that no they didn't say we were watching it on mute, but that was what uh that was you I can tell what's happening
[00:54:12] I knew what they were saying. Yeah, I knew what there is that
[00:54:16] That's so that that was really that was really big of Steve. I was Steve. How it doesn't make mistakes. Yeah, you know, never one misstep
[00:54:23] You guys are big Steve Harvey fans actually honestly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's stand up
[00:54:27] He's stand up is like world class. I mean, he's like one of the best comedians
[00:54:32] The titanic bid on the kings of comedy specialist. Yeah, well all I mean go back honestly
[00:54:37] Like people clown people clown on them because he's had like a daytime television career
[00:54:42] But go back and watch any Steve Harvey special and like you you can't I mean
[00:54:47] I can't poke a hole in Steve Harvey's career. You really you really can and also man is an institution
[00:54:51] Especially compared to like the dog shit that's out now. Oh, you know, I mean how bad fucking comedy is now
[00:55:00] And Steve Harvey was one of the guys. It was just funny. You watch it and you laugh. You're not thinking like, okay
[00:55:04] Well, what does this bit mean or where's he going? He's supporting fascism. Yeah, right?
[00:55:09] Um, yeah, well, he made one mistake, which was the miss universe pageant, but I don't even think that was a misstep
[00:55:15] Now he was just telling them that if it wasn't you it could be you
[00:55:25] No, no, he messed that up me. I think he felt really bad, but you know what did he do with the mission?
[00:55:30] He just said the wrong oh, he said the wrong the wrong bitch. Yeah, he said the wrong lady
[00:55:34] It's weird. They're still doing envelope set award shows because there's been a lot of envelope fuckups
[00:55:39] Oh, yeah, that happened to the Oscars to you, right? Yeah, yeah, who did that? Who was the the culprit?
[00:55:45] And for that reason is also Steve Harvey's all be proper
[00:55:50] I wrote on this like uh this like cable basic cable like comedy variety show
[00:55:56] And they would have like comedians on his guests
[00:55:58] And at the end of the episode they would it would have to be like
[00:56:01] The format of the show was like was like a game show and whoever lost had to like do an apology that was like written for them
[00:56:07] And we had one comic on i'm not gonna say who it was but they had him read off the prompter
[00:56:14] Oh, no, just didn't know how to read like Floyd Mayweather. Yeah, basically
[00:56:19] I mean, he was like every third word he could get. Yeah. Yeah, it was Terry bolaya. Yeah, it was who's Terry's bulba
[00:56:25] Terry bulba from florida. He's got a bar and grill now. Yeah, which yeah, I really want to go to his bar. I'm going to fuck my daughter
[00:56:33] Brother limit toys on mama will Linda clean me up. He had like a hundred million or something like really
[00:56:39] I remember his net worth being like really impressive. Yeah, but he won't like our case
[00:56:43] So he probably like he got he must have collected that money, right?
[00:56:46] Yeah, liquid a gawkers assets he gets the money if gawker went out of business
[00:56:51] It's not like they can fight the case that Peter teal doesn't get any of the money
[00:56:54] I guess he just he was doing that. I don't think that's hard. I don't think that is that how that were
[00:56:58] I mean, I guess yeah, he probably had some he had a pay the lawyers back. Yeah, what am I gonna do with 35 printers and a bunch of laptops, brother?
[00:57:05] Like he just that's their assets like an office full of g like two pallets of printer paper
[00:57:10] Yeah, like what do you get there one of their salary? Like what's the net worth of a company that like gawker?
[00:57:16] There's no cash reserves. Yeah, they can they can like what's the e-bata? It's a computer news blog
[00:57:22] Where's they don't make anybody? What's the asset?
[00:57:24] Like the he's like brother. I got Nicholas in those laptops on eBay a bunch of a bunch of iMacs and then the
[00:57:32] Industrial elevator that had to carry Lindy West up to the third floor of the gawkers
[00:57:37] That was that was actually 35,000 I sold to a guy in the developer the 800 million dollar
[00:57:42] If I ac 130 that had to fly Lindy and air dropper into the office every day
[00:57:50] Playing the Lindy transport plane really where the money came in fuck you Lindy that I was something to bitch
[00:57:57] She's really she must have been really embarrassed
[00:58:00] That picture of Lindy wets Lindy west out of show called like
[00:58:04] Squeal or squeeze her screech her her show. Yeah, what's it called?
[00:58:08] Trill shrill yes trill and they cast uh ad brian as Lindy like Lindy's character
[00:58:13] Basically, but you know like 80s like you know like a davier girl or whatever
[00:58:18] But there's a picture of her next to Lindy west
[00:58:21] And Lindy is easily five times this size. She's a fucking chondacevie
[00:58:26] It said no, I mean it's really it's it's jarring to see
[00:58:29] It's like when they do one of those things to be like and this is how big the titanic
[00:58:33] It's a promissory versus a school bus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
[00:58:37] No, it was wild like when I explained planets to children. Yeah, you know, yeah, that's fun
[00:58:43] For like super wealthy fat like a morbidly obese. That's like something special
[00:58:47] Well, I knew people that worked with her because like her whole thing was always like it's okay to be big or whatever
[00:58:51] But you know like the privately I think people would say like yeah, it's like we're worried about her. It's like
[00:58:57] Wild how we're worried about it. You look over. She's in a fucking wicked nice office of glass windows
[00:59:02] Wiping your ass with a fucking stick like a log with a towel on well
[00:59:07] Yeah, it's a glass corner office. It's just filled out like an ice cube tray. It's like a cube of skin
[00:59:21] Maintenance workers with wheelbarrows full of food hoping it through the door and just being absorbed into the skin
[00:59:27] Yeah, I mean, that's that's probably what happened
[00:59:29] Yeah, it's special to be that to be that big like the 600 pounders are so
[00:59:35] Smelly and big yeah, well we were worried about cuz stav lost the use of his legs a couple years ago
[00:59:40] He was handicapped permanently. It was handicapped for a few months. He
[00:59:44] Heard his planter fashion. He told his planter fashion. Yeah, he jumped six and a half inches
[00:59:50] Fashion is yeah, it says on the bottom of your fan of uh of like, you know fascia fascia
[00:59:55] Which I covers like it holds all you know
[00:59:56] You have your skeleton and then you have your like the loose stuff and then the fascia kind of holds everything together
[01:00:01] So the bottom of your foot is this thick band of like, you know, and then tendin basically
[01:00:05] Yeah, the tour so it takes a while to heal so he couldn't walk for three months and like I you know
[01:00:10] We were real worried that this is like this is gonna be it. This is gonna be stopped turning into like a TLC show
[01:00:21] At a certain point just like wheeling himself around in a computer chair in his apartment
[01:00:25] He'd run out of underwear. So he was just wearing bathing suits. Yeah. Oh, man
[01:00:30] Yeah, that's the move that's the fact I moved Blake heard his back a couple years ago
[01:00:33] And he just he was in a bathing suit in his dark apartment watching Wrestlemania on an old like computer monitor
[01:00:40] One of the funniest things this guy Blake we'd always be friends with back in Austin
[01:00:44] I lose the guy Chris Chris was also more bibliobese like fucking you know didn't take care of himself
[01:00:49] And uh, Blake heard his back getting out of like a cab or something
[01:00:52] And I had to go over there and like feed him percocet because he couldn't move just spit him
[01:00:58] Water him down or yeah, so Blake had a one-bedroom apartment
[01:01:01] So you go in the apartment there's a living room in the kitchen at you know and then the back the one bedroom and uh
[01:01:06] For like, I don't know what how it happened, but in his bedroom
[01:01:09] I was like dude, you know what you should do is to rip the ceiling fan out put a projector turn the bedroom into a movie theater
[01:01:13] And I said that as a joke the next time I go over there
[01:01:15] There's fucking ceiling fans on the floor and he's turned it into you know a game
[01:01:19] And he's just played modern warfare on this 200 in screen. They didn't have a bed
[01:01:23] There was a couch and he gained 140 pounds. Thanks to hear your news
[01:01:26] Yeah, and then the the bulb on the projector blew out so he couldn't use it anymore
[01:01:30] So the bed the bedroom was just dark and he was sleeping on a couch with like wires draped from where the the the
[01:01:37] Av output was to just an old computer monitor and he heard his backs
[01:01:41] I go over there and he had ordered pizza for the week
[01:01:44] It's like he ordered pop of johns for like the entire because he didn't want to get up and go to the door
[01:01:50] And so I would have to come up the apartment and just give like open a new can of coke from his like four
[01:01:54] Day pop of johns order and put a percocet in his mouth
[01:01:57] And he's sitting there and he's got like just a sheet covering his like ass watching wrestle mani in the dark in this room
[01:02:03] And he's like I gotta start taking care of myself. I don't want to turn into Chris
[01:02:10] One you know just sitting there just discussing getting bed sores on your body being like well at least i'm not Chris
[01:02:20] Like the fuck chris lost the way chris chris also chris never lost away, but chris got a haircut at least oh he got a haircut
[01:02:26] Yeah chris also had uh projector apartment we lived together, but I had moved out and then he um
[01:02:35] So that apartment was also dark and he had an extension cord that ran to the maintenance guy shed where he was stealing electricity
[01:02:42] And then that was like there was like the refrigerator was like hooked up to a search detector
[01:02:50] Yeah, yeah, he would just wheel around the apartment on an office chair and there was no furniture in there and also a projector
[01:02:55] Um, but yeah, I mean very similar lifestyle back that's that's old Austin
[01:03:01] Yeah, when people say Austin was ruined it means that there's no room to be a guy like that in Austin anymore
[01:03:06] Because that's that's what the vibe of you couldn't be the fucking fat guy from spawn
[01:03:11] Bob's super mutant. All right. Yeah, and afford it. Yeah, the facebook had to clean it up
[01:03:15] Yeah, be a guy like that who would watch tlc and gawk at people who were slightly fatter than you
[01:03:21] But with electricity and people that cared about them be like I hope that i'm never gonna be that guy
[01:03:26] Mom, we've never come i'm never gonna be the san antonio version of myself
[01:03:29] With a cut in a wall out. Yeah, right for picking up with a forklift
[01:03:33] Meanwhile my house just doesn't have walls because I sold them to buy, you know beer and entomens che cheddar cheddar crackers
[01:03:40] All right. Well, thanks for joining us if you want to plug your furniture shop or no. Yes. Oh, yes. Uh, go to my
[01:03:50] Is my uh, is on instagram we sell a lot of shit through there anything else you want to plug or and then the perfect guy life podcast
[01:04:00] Wipe pal your pal sam and where can you get that and you can get that at gum road gum road calm slash sam hide check it out
[01:04:07] Thanks again for joining us. It was a lot fun. Yeah, thanks for coming in. Yeah, that's good to see you again. Appreciate it