Cum Town | Premium | 10/01/2016
[00:00:36] I know this sounds like a bit, but it didn't feel good.
[00:00:49] He just cut a piece of wood out of anger with a hand.
[00:00:57] I was thinking about selling it, but my aunt asked me to cut part of her fence out.
[00:01:02] That's Nick's version of when the guy in what's the Bradley Cooper American snide
[00:01:08] or his friend dies and he goes to work out.
[00:01:13] If the angry pissed off, you're deadlifts.
[00:01:21] The only thing I'm worried about is, you know, I've been trying to tone it down with the racism
[00:01:26] on the show because, you know, I mean, you can't be that.
[00:01:30] You know, at what point is it still irony?
[00:01:34] And then also, I feel like I've mentioned rape too much lately.
[00:01:39] There was a lot of rape stuff on the list.
[00:01:47] It's called, I have a fucking Sawzall and if shit makes me angry, I cut holes in wood with it.
[00:01:54] We also have a fucking time constraint now.
[00:02:00] We got to be at the Anthony, Anthony's going to be out of the show.
[00:02:09] We were saying how Clifford and Beethoven are the same movie except Clifford's much better because
[00:02:15] it's about, you know, a boy instead of a dog.
[00:02:19] It's a 33 year old Canadian man playing a 10 year old boy.
[00:02:22] We were talking about that pit bull that fucked that baby.
[00:02:24] And there's so much good shit on that episode.
[00:02:26] Australian closing arguments, the time to kill.
[00:02:33] We thought that we lost just that and we got super sad and then it turned out we lost the
[00:02:44] But that, so it will come in here and you can hear it shitting like, like spray.
[00:02:51] It's like someone's stepping on the cat.
[00:02:53] Like it's a fucking ziplock bag filled with mud.
[00:02:56] Why are Amber's cats like so like mess like, like, I don't know man.
[00:03:03] Are they, they're so, they're such bad cats.
[00:03:10] Well, I mean, there's nothing we could do.
[00:03:20] Well, it's, it's fucking goddamn cats in my face while I'm trying to make sure this thing's
[00:03:31] Um, well, uh, has anybody come recently?
[00:03:38] We already just had a conversation for a fucking animal.
[00:03:43] I don't want to fucking hang out with you for another hour.
[00:03:45] We're supposed to go get food right now.
[00:03:47] We're gonna have a big, big goddamn Cobb salad.
[00:03:49] I don't know if I'm going to share the Cobb salad.
[00:03:59] It was in the fucking moment and now it's ruined.
[00:04:08] Nick is, Nick is, Nick is, Nick is, we're chilled out as hell and Nick is the least chilled
[00:04:18] I guess that's why Bob Marley recommends he smoke weed.
[00:04:30] That's the, maybe, that's what we should do.
[00:04:33] I don't know if I mentioned this, but we could do a different drug each preview of episode.
[00:04:38] Uh, maybe one of us will die and like, no, because that one we did was such dog shit.
[00:04:50] But he was also here when we were recording it and we were like giggling.
[00:04:52] We should do, uh, fucking, we should take turns doing salvia because that is the worst.
[00:05:07] There's a lot of good shit in that one.
[00:05:17] We normally repeat stories on the podcast.
[00:05:21] We'll accidentally repeat all those stories in like two, three weeks.
[00:05:35] We did Nick and I were in the rural Virginia.
[00:05:43] I'm not going to just pretend to be you now.
[00:05:58] No, we could talk about it for a different time.
[00:06:00] We could talk about it for a different time.
[00:06:04] I have literally nothing to talk about.
[00:06:07] We said we were going to preview the debate.
[00:06:12] The whole episode was supposed to be a debate preview.
[00:06:13] Yeah, we talked about the debate for less than a minute.
[00:06:18] All right, so if you're not familiar, just a few people were running for president.
[00:06:23] In the United States, we have a commander in chief.
[00:06:28] Commandress could be the first commandress.
[00:06:48] Where are they going to ask audience questions?
[00:06:52] My question's for the bitch that's fucking a cousin.
[00:06:55] Did you get that hair cut and the dump stuff?
[00:07:13] That one used to always crush a jettie jones.
[00:07:28] he went on jettie jones and everyone made fun of his shoes.
[00:07:31] Are you a descendant of someone that committed suicide at Prospect Park?
[00:07:41] Oh man, we're in some fucked up movie where you're reincarnated into him.
[00:07:51] Oh, we had that awesome thing about how a daughter of people can only be killed in front of the accident.
[00:08:02] Oh, if you guys don't aren't aware, I mean, because I'd like the science behind it.
[00:08:07] It's that retarded people, they don't have mitochondria.
[00:08:20] Well, okay, let's go from the top down.
[00:08:26] All cell your organic life is based on the...
[00:08:29] Cells and osmosis and the ability of cells to be semi-permeable and for, you know, information, chemical information and, you know, liquids to pass through.
[00:08:58] And all their fingers are the same length.
[00:09:07] They're trying to be more finger-proof.
[00:09:17] Well, the new Ocean's 11 is going to be all the targets.
[00:09:22] But it's going to be famous for the breaking good check-ins.
[00:09:29] And then the retarded Danny Ocean is like trying to count them.
[00:09:51] The retarded Ocean's 11 is the caper is they have to guess how many jelly beans.
[00:10:02] steel Andy Garcia's jelly beans stash by guessing how many jelly beans you have.
[00:10:10] So that the only way that they can actually die is through silly accidents.
[00:10:16] It's through small objects or a plastic bag or...
[00:10:20] Getting caught in a cotton candy machine.
[00:10:25] Falling into a vat of ice cream and an ice cream factory.
[00:10:28] Falling into a cannon being shot in thousands of miles.
[00:10:31] Getting a bunch of paper cuts from a coloring book.
[00:10:34] Just bleeding out after a severe paper cut accident.
[00:10:40] There was a kid I went to elementary school with that was mentally disabled.
[00:10:45] If I'm talking about a specific one, I can't bring myself to a easy armor.
[00:10:50] Yeah, I can't actually say it if I'm talking about a real one.
[00:10:59] But yeah, another kid Mika that would always cut himself by accident.
[00:11:05] In fourth grade, the teacher hated him so much.
[00:11:11] There was one day we were doing a project in class where we were taking a compass.
[00:11:23] And using them to poke holes in the back of pie tins.
[00:11:26] And then you shine lights through them and it creates a fucking display on the wall.
[00:11:33] But because he cuts himself off so often the teacher was like,
[00:11:36] Okay, everyone, grab a compass except for Mika you will not be participating in this.
[00:11:42] He's like, please, please let me do it.
[00:11:48] But if you cut yourself, I swear to God, I'm going to be so angry with you.
[00:11:53] You know, because it's a sharp object, you know.
[00:11:56] And he's like, I promise, I won't, I promise, I won't, I promise, I won't let me do it.
[00:12:00] And then so she like lets him do the project.
[00:12:02] And then this girl is sitting across him.
[00:12:04] And we had this kind of desk that had like a cubby built in.
[00:12:10] And then like halfway through the class, you just hear the girl go,
[00:12:15] And she's like, um, there's like blood dripping out of the desk.
[00:12:20] And he had like kept his hand in the cubby area because he had cut it so bad that he just
[00:12:26] And it started leaking out from one of the screw holes.
[00:12:31] It's like pooling on the floor and the teacher comes out.
[00:12:34] He's like, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
[00:12:36] Oh, dude, go to the horse's office for a kid.
[00:12:43] We were talking about it with Ian at a fast food restaurant.
[00:12:46] There was like a, what was that Ian story where a kid was trying to order?
[00:12:54] So yeah, I'm like for Brendan told me this story about this guy.
[00:12:58] It's like just the biggest fucking asshole in the entire world.
[00:13:01] And he worked at like some bagel place in DC or whatever.
[00:13:06] And this woman came in with her son who was like, he had Down syndrome or something.
[00:13:11] And she was trying to like encourage him to learn life skills.
[00:13:14] So she was like, you know, just come on, place your order.
[00:13:20] And so the kids like, oh, could I have a, um, I want a bagel with cream cheese.
[00:13:30] And the orders and the guy just looks at the kid and then he looks at the mom and he goes,
[00:13:41] This fucking ruining his kid self is me for 10 years.
[00:14:00] That's like a good, you know everything you need to know about that man.
[00:14:02] He just can't be a human being for 30 seconds.
[00:14:07] No, we started talking about all that because we were talking about, I found that the Phantom
[00:14:17] That's just a guy named Eric in the play.
[00:14:27] The plot is he's just a retarded guy, right?
[00:14:32] He's been dead for a couple hundred years.
[00:14:35] That's funny to reverse engineer all these girls.
[00:14:40] I tried to remember what happened an hour ago.
[00:14:42] That's just funny about that podcast serial.
[00:14:44] They're like, how could he not remember where he was?
[00:14:53] So the Phantom, this guy named Eric, and he lives in the basement and then he kidnaps.
[00:15:08] Oh, because we said the act two is just hardcore penetrative sex.
[00:15:14] There's like singing and glitz and glamour.
[00:15:16] Then the second act was just a good actual penis image.
[00:15:23] I watched some softcore pornography the other night.
[00:15:30] I was talking with somebody about how the production values or the production, you know, the set design
[00:15:41] Art direction in softcore porn that's current still has like a 1998 feel to it.
[00:15:49] It's like one of those fake computers that like they have in model homes.
[00:15:59] Like I was saying like you could have told me before the clothes came off that I was watching
[00:16:21] She used to solve crimes with her tits.
[00:16:22] I remember when you just thought that's what you had to beat off to like.
[00:16:26] She was like the first hottest girl ever.
[00:16:28] But just like big like just that dumb goofy blonde.
[00:16:39] I don't mean that like I mean like that bleach blonde.
[00:16:43] I thought she was like I was like in love with it.
[00:16:55] I had this weird thing where I really liked a hot cool woman.
[00:16:57] I liked Mona Lisa veto from my cousin Vinny.
[00:17:02] You're picking the best people to want to beat off.
[00:17:07] I beat off to Pamela Anderson like every other man.
[00:17:12] I'm talking about lust and I'm talking about love.
[00:17:18] You convinced yourself this in hindsight.
[00:17:21] You've like, incepted yourself that you wanted to fuck these women as a child.
[00:17:27] The twin sisters from the Sweet Valley High TV show.
[00:17:30] They're still on some other fucking level.
[00:17:42] I use the Sweet Valley High theme for one of the breaks on the podcast.
[00:17:48] I watched an episode of Sweet Valley High after doing it.
[00:18:59] the whole that's how I got in here show
[00:19:05] titties every morning suck this extremely
[00:19:10] manly deck yeah oh man well I beat off to
[00:19:21] Coors Light or whatever a bunch yeah twins
[00:19:24] Trish Stratus also do you guys ever beat
[00:19:42] balloon fake t's yeah like they look like
[00:19:49] square jaw yeah yeah terrible isn't she
[00:19:52] but fake boobs was good that's what just
[00:19:57] boob yeah that's what you were trained to
[00:19:59] think yeah you remember how you know like
[00:20:07] you didn't know yet how huge tips could
[00:20:14] opposite is a little kid I just thought
[00:20:28] faster microscope and I'm here to teach
[00:20:44] it's on the syllabus that's all like the
[00:21:24] that she he got in a fight and some guy
[00:21:27] before he was in the Marines he was just
[00:21:29] like a kid like that would use a skater
[00:21:36] fuck some guys girlfriend in the bathroom
[00:21:43] I was just screaming u.s. army u.s. army
[00:21:52] what was the other guy screaming u.s. army
[00:21:58] fucking know just because he's a he was
[00:22:00] he was the other guy was in the army and
[00:22:01] Tim was not yet and so Tim just like u.s.
[00:22:06] top gun guys always laugh at those guys
[00:22:17] classified information it's so funny how
[00:22:25] syndrome guy that he's still so confident
[00:22:39] cute yeah not very cute vision I worked
[00:22:42] at a pizza restaurant when I was 15 and
[00:22:49] Griffin was his why are you saying that
[00:22:52] well I mean it's was the people are going
[00:22:54] to find his his twinked in yeah yeah yeah
[00:22:59] one time and he was like I'm here for a
[00:23:01] job you know and I was like okay sure let
[00:23:06] me need someone to sort the crayons yeah
[00:23:10] was like this fucking like Albania woman
[00:23:13] or whatever and or you know what I think
[00:23:15] I I can't remember I mean this is already
[00:23:19] find a job application I don't think we
[00:23:21] had any yeah and I was like yeah we don't
[00:23:23] have any job obligations in the back but
[00:23:25] if you like write down your information
[00:23:29] house well he's standing there and he's
[00:23:30] wearing a leather jacket how he checked
[00:23:35] cool sunglasses leather jacket and then
[00:23:44] you can just talk to Sharon at the center
[00:23:46] like assuming I knew you know right I'm
[00:23:49] like okay sounds good you know but like
[00:23:54] write down his information to like copy
[00:23:56] it over I'm like yeah just your name and
[00:23:58] then your date of birth and then a number
[00:24:05] like you know he's like trying to write
[00:24:06] that I'm like yeah yeah that's just like
[00:24:08] that or whatever but then in his wallet
[00:24:10] there's like a picture of him wearing the
[00:24:12] same exact outfit let's jack it's a laugh
[00:24:21] holy fucking shit you just got a picture
[00:24:25] like a little fucking wallet size instead
[00:24:34] every day oh yeah yeah damn that's awesome
[00:24:41] funny whenever you hear about like they're
[00:24:44] retarded guy and that's what you picture
[00:24:53] I'm like a 69 he's like I'm trying to kill
[00:24:56] my fucker yeah okay that's yeah yeah yeah
[00:25:11] violent mmm-hmm that's historically been
[00:25:19] to make America great again folks we're
[00:25:22] and woods they sit around nude and throw
[00:25:25] shit at each other okay fuck what do you
[00:25:28] think is gonna happen tomorrow is Trump
[00:25:30] gonna win yeah of course he is he's gonna
[00:25:32] fucking demolish her what way do you see
[00:25:40] people like I don't understand why he's
[00:25:58] oh yeah just now dice was no no no it's
[00:26:10] was a thing he's his stardom dwindled but
[00:26:19] dice really I mean people who hated dice
[00:26:35] just a yeah a gwede kind of yeah because
[00:26:43] actually like Woody Allen all that much
[00:26:49] yeah I didn't beat off to a land I just
[00:27:19] like Kramer comes in he's like doo-doom
[00:27:24] That's his job. That's fucking hilarious. Yeah, just that vine or the guy they set up that like
[00:27:32] Apartment somewhere and there's a vine of some guy that wanted to do like the Kramer thing and says friends taping him and he just
[00:27:45] It's really fun awesome. Yeah, you gotta take that out. We were joking remember when we were at the baseball game
[00:27:58] Side-field night says just go to the go to the game. It just just shouted the Edward
[00:28:05] You see him up there. It's very funny sir, but we get you know
[00:28:10] It's a very clever bit like we know you're doing Kramer, but you gotta leave the baseball game
[00:28:17] Well, I think we kind of saved this one. We still have another how much time have we done 27?
[00:28:25] Yeah roughly yeah 25 20 minutes, but yeah, what else to be covered we covered that Japanese video game
[00:28:38] We talk about the oldest ladies we fucked yeah, we talked with the old ladies we thought that's where the other one got cut off but
[00:28:49] No, we didn't talk about it. We talked down on the last one, but people immediately found Erwin
[00:28:55] Yeah, there was because you said the light is cop comedy
[00:29:03] Someone told me that they were listening and we didn't bleep it out for all the times his name was I did I think there was a couple
[00:29:13] Edition was doing a weird thing where it uh it would like delete the bleep
[00:29:17] Sometimes if I clicked on the underlying track by accident whatever whatever it doesn't matter. Okay, fuck Erwin
[00:29:30] No, but seriously guys Erwin is our best friend. We're doing it. It's like it's just like Brandon. We're doing it. I love no
[00:29:36] No, no, no, no, I'm Tom ours finally emailed me back and said he wouldn't come on the podcast. Why no?
[00:29:41] He was like he sent me two emails because I sent him an email was like could you come on my podcast?
[00:29:56] Your animosity and behavior in the past towards me
[00:30:00] And then and then he just sent that email and then he sent another one that was like considering your animosity in the past
[00:30:12] You think he was this not an idiot. I don't think he knows what podcasts are he's still busy writing Kennedy bits
[00:30:24] As a character JFK like what if I asked you on the FBI spook? Yeah, oh, you could ask him
[00:30:33] Well, he's like considering, you know, your animosity towards I told Norman. I was like, yeah
[00:30:38] fucking Tom turned me down. He's like why would he go on your podcast just to be made fun of it's like
[00:30:42] Why would he ever do a comedy show or go on?
[00:30:50] No, man when he used to go on Mickey and cello when he was on Mickey and Amelia back there in the afternoon
[00:30:59] I used to just drive around dying laughing dude. We could probably find some of those and play those
[00:31:03] Oh my god, he's like now Tom is a comedian, but I know Tom because he sells me ice cream at the 7-0
[00:31:10] So what I want to be mean to you but a lot of comics don't have any respect for you name that comes to mind is Joe Robinson
[00:31:23] They would have Joe call in and Joe would be like no, you must understand what I said was that Tom might be the greatest
[00:31:33] In fact, you know, maybe with George Carlin as a close
[00:31:39] Was it 98 rock 98 rock 979 on on Baltimore?
[00:31:46] Whoo, that's a great station. That was the best talk radio and well now Schlegel's got the morning show. Yeah. Yeah, so that's good
[00:31:53] Yeah, it's like was funny shit. Yeah, he messaged me about that urban story. Oh, yeah. He takes me to he loves the podcast
[00:31:59] Yeah, that's right boy. Yeah, Justin was like one of the funniest fucking guys so fucking funny
[00:32:03] I mean, it still is he still is but now he's like really folks on the radio. Yeah, which is a shame because he was so good at standup
[00:32:08] Don't say that he's gonna hear it and then feel bad about himself. Huh don't say that
[00:32:12] I mean it's good that he I'm what I'm saying is he's so like he's so good at radio that I wish you could still keep doing
[00:32:18] As much stand up because if you have a full-time fucking radio job
[00:32:20] Yeah, if you ever fucking 6 a.m.. Mm-hmm. You're not gonna go out to open mics and shit
[00:32:24] Yeah, you know what I mean, but it's he's so good on that shit, too
[00:32:27] But he was fucking he's a great standup. Well, I was love Justin
[00:32:31] Yeah, no, that was a great it was a funny I moved to Austin and I'll probably get in trouble for this
[00:32:36] But they have like one big drive or morning drive radio show Dudley and Bob
[00:32:44] It is such a bad show and it's like but it's like a stylistic choice like he's okay with like long periods of dead air
[00:32:51] Oh, you know and like not really pretends
[00:32:57] Yeah, no, it's a morning talk rate. I mean maybe sometimes I do I tried listening to it because they're nice guys
[00:33:05] And I think he used to do comedy of the both of them of course
[00:33:07] And they had me on the show a couple times
[00:33:09] Yeah, but like I would try listening to it and it's like I don't yeah
[00:33:12] I really don't one time I just turned tuned in and I thought the radio was off
[00:33:16] Because they were just sitting there. Yeah quiet for like 45 seconds. That's fucking weird
[00:33:22] I remember finding out about 9-11 from the early in the morning 98.5 morning
[00:33:28] Yeah, I like used to have an alarm radio and then like what you weren't at school
[00:33:34] No, it's on the west coast. So I woke up like five
[00:33:37] They make kids wake up so in godly like it's such a godly hour
[00:33:41] So I woke up at like six something for school
[00:33:44] So I'd be out there like eight or whatever right and then they were like, you know
[00:33:48] Normally it was like just hip hop and R&B right right right and they were like oh they there's 9-11 happening right now
[00:33:56] And then I woke my parents up I might did I tell you guys my ex-girlfriend missed tonight 11?
[00:34:02] What she like was a bad kid. She went to like the woods like smoke weed all day
[00:34:06] She like didn't go to school. Oh really?
[00:34:09] She like came home and her mom was like where the fuck have you been? That's so funny. She's not 11 today
[00:34:14] Yeah, it was not a little bit 9-11. I told you do we talk about what how my fucking math
[00:34:21] I had like these Ukrainian math teachers. Yeah, who on 9-11 like we're in French class
[00:34:27] It's like it happened in that period and everyone's fucking there's one girl who's whose families from New York
[00:34:32] She's been hysterically crying. She's calling. There's no signal everyone's fucking tear. You're like, I can't believe it
[00:34:38] And then the next period switches over to these fucking Soviet bitches. They were like, okay
[00:34:44] So open up your textbooks a quiz and these bitches try to make us take the quiz
[00:34:54] Wait was that a public school it was public school. Yeah, you just had like Russian teachers
[00:34:58] I was in like these fucking programs are for like the smart kids and so they just had like I would like I was
[00:35:04] market the Slavic I was the dumbest one in the smart like public school classes and
[00:35:10] They just had like they had to bring that's how bad the Baltimore City public school system is like
[00:35:14] They just import foreigners to be good enough at like math to teach like kids. Oh, really? Yeah
[00:35:20] Oh, yeah, the Baltimore City school system sucks, but they were good teachers. They were they were good math
[00:35:25] Mathematicians, but they were just like rigid like they had they were just like oh, yeah, you know
[00:35:29] I'm a tragedy happened who fucking cares. Yeah, you're gonna do your fucking math. Yeah. No, I mean that happens every day in Russia
[00:35:36] There were some some somewhere weird somewhere that Russia probably fucked up. They're probably from Ukraine. Yeah, I don't remember hers
[00:35:42] Extend some shit like that. They were like that weird wire like like that weird mix of like Russian Asian
[00:35:50] Yeah, essentially there's just fucked up. We're all this all the stand countries with the exception of Pakistan
[00:35:55] Right, those are all those kinds of people. Yeah, that's weird. Isn't those got you have Afghanistan
[00:36:00] Pakistan, but then like Turkmanistan is back a stankers extend. Yeah, that causes a Eastern. Yeah
[00:36:06] Mike grandma has some high-ass cheekbone. She looks like they called her these two color Japanese in fucking in Greece in Greece
[00:36:13] Yeah, she probably we probably got some stand blood in us somewhere amber looks Chinese. Yeah, what's up with that?
[00:36:26] Know that my house man that fucking I was telling I wish you could do it
[00:36:30] We're I was saying I over the weekend me and Dan were doing uh in the car. Oh, yeah, you're the time to kill
[00:36:41] I'll laugh again. I've already forgotten. I've already forgotten. Why these gentlemen of the jury
[00:36:46] He could close yours in a majoring for a second. Yeah, set up what this was just now. Yeah
[00:36:51] Yeah, yeah, why did you just fuck it up now? You were fucking momentum on bearish doing a joke
[00:36:56] I'll continue to continue your piece of shit with a little ass. Oh fuck. Sorry. I'm sorry
[00:37:03] She golly walking and two blakes can born a you
[00:37:07] They don't know back in a youth and they take out their field out in the air back. You know, he's no ruse out there Mike
[00:37:16] I stick it did you read do you write up a bad you're rude
[00:37:19] No, no blow that late do the didgeridoo
[00:37:23] And yeah, no, hey don't judge off in a share in a second
[00:37:26] Magistrate skin and all of me because we're getting a little graphic here. What you gotta know. It's going on
[00:37:34] Now they got big thighs, you know, these are these are bogan fellas
[00:37:38] Because there's big rugby thighs so that chafin giving a third degree burns on a vagaroo
[00:37:47] Now just want you imagine a little girl is an a-bar
[00:37:55] I feel like it was more fun the first time it was when it was you yeah
[00:37:58] Yeah, it was a it was a fun. Where you say the the outback that is hilarious that outback is just some fucking
[00:38:05] Oh, yeah, I'll back steakhouse just found it in like 1987 in the Tampa by like three guys on coke
[00:38:11] Australia I've never been there. Yeah, the bacon cheese fries. I love that shit
[00:38:15] Do you remember fosters force. Yeah Australian for be yeah, yeah
[00:38:20] God, I'd like to fuck a girl with an Australian accent. I like accents. I'm like a foreign psych. I'll fuck
[00:38:26] Yeah, you know, we you know if you got just all fuck anyone basically
[00:38:32] Psych it's gotta be you got to be a Dom. Yeah, don't bring a dog them
[00:38:37] I got to be a ten out of ten baby bitch
[00:38:52] Disgusting man that says my cousin told me a story one time when he was in college about this fucking and he's gonna hear this
[00:38:59] You know, we were like I think it's a refreshment in college. He was like, yeah, dude
[00:39:06] there was this like girl in our dorm and
[00:39:08] Like some guy was like hooking up with her or whatever and then he like took off her pants
[00:39:13] She had like a full bush dude and like everyone was like
[00:39:16] And they started making fun of her he ran out and he was like told everybody or whatever and it's like
[00:39:24] Story I've ever seen in my life. He like ran out of the room to like make fun of this girl for having pubic hair
[00:39:38] It wasn't my cousin who did it was some guy who told me a story about that so your cousin's gay
[00:39:43] We get it. Yeah, your cousin's gay as hell. Yeah, and doesn't like pussy hair. It's really nice guy
[00:39:48] I feel bad telling this story. That's right. He's gay. What was that all about what the no pussy hair?
[00:39:54] That was like a nice some people still do it. Yeah plenty of women still do it really
[00:39:58] Yeah, it seems like so much work. I feel like I haven't seen I've seen that less often
[00:40:01] Well, that's because you date nothing but fucking hipster retard
[00:40:06] They're like actually I'm growing out my body here
[00:40:10] Definitely because I want to and not because it's in right now
[00:40:12] Right I'm trying to be attractive in a different way
[00:40:16] So what that'd be a girl with armpit hair. Yeah, but so what I am talking what's about what's in right now
[00:40:22] I think that that having a bush is more you know, it's funny too
[00:40:25] It's like yeah, I should on them for doing it just to be attractive
[00:40:29] But then it's like you know no matter what happens like I remember all the women start wearing this dumb mom pants
[00:40:35] Yeah, yeah, and I'm like well that's not attractive and then two weeks later. I'm like fuck. Yeah
[00:40:40] Yeah, yeah, it's fucking gay ass cat. Don't call me bitch. I'll kick you in the fucking dumb cat eyes
[00:40:45] Fuck you right exactly. Yeah, I guess it is in a specific
[00:41:04] You can push it being it completely shit. No dude. It's like a disgusting
[00:41:11] This is on par with your lanes dance. I don't like what you're doing this episode
[00:41:15] You know when I was eight I used to beat off to just see idea of Elaine's giant fucking
[00:41:21] Howard Stern hair pussy. Yeah, and actually I was kind of beating off more the idea of like a show centered around Elaine
[00:41:27] Like directed by a woman. Yeah, listen not everyone has an idea for girls
[00:41:39] To be the woke one on come down bitch you're being woke today
[00:41:43] I've been accused of this multiple times you time to get sleepy dude hit that ball again hell. Yeah, dude
[00:41:51] Sleepy podcast. I feel like we kept the racism
[00:41:53] Tone down on we did and we mean it's it was rough considering there's been three Islamic style attacks
[00:42:04] I didn't say anything bad about it. I just said this is a Islamic style. Yeah Muslim style attacks
[00:42:40] Fuck out of your gas bitch s kit now. I let him sit on that thing. Oh, it's where my fucking feet go dude
[00:42:46] Dude, she's sitting on my boner bigger my bubbler
[00:42:50] Do you ever smoke out of bubblers? I smoked weed this weekend. I thought great. Oh, yeah with Dan. Yeah
[00:42:55] Yeah, some guys smoked us up came back to the hotel room. He's a cool guy. You guys suck each other off
[00:43:01] Up be quiet you invited a strange man to your shot
[00:43:08] Shut off just leave me alone. I don't want to fucking talk about it
[00:43:18] Guess if you have a girlfriend, you're doing I'm fucking I do I've had a terrible
[00:43:22] I just fucking eating like shit all weekend. Let's go get some soup. Let's go get good
[00:43:26] I feel it. I don't know. I don't think I can eat my stomach is hurt. I'll get some tea or some shit
[00:43:30] Yeah, well, let's go. Let's go hang out. We don't hang out you guys. I agree. Yes. You just use me for this fucking podcast
[00:43:38] Sexually leave and we finger you yeah, yeah, and it felt so good to go do these shows this weekend
[00:43:45] Shout out to that guy with the mutton shops and the other fucking idiot that said
[00:43:52] Yeah, there were a couple of come boys in Boston. Thank you. Shouts out didn't get your name, but I got a
[00:43:57] From someone that said that we're talking about people at shows
[00:44:00] It's the dynamic when you say shit like you like to late when you're a 10-day dynamic when you were a Brandon Ward
[00:44:13] All-shirt to the yeah, that it was laundry. The problem is that's the energy. You're wearing Brandon shirt brand
[00:44:18] You know I wear on laundry day nothing. That's great. I walk around naked. All right established
[00:44:24] We shouldn't brand into on the other one and I forgot it was good. Yeah
[00:44:27] Oh, we're met. Oh, you know we didn't talk about it Brandon over the weekend got booed off stage and while eating it booed off stage
[00:44:36] Awesome the Southie guys. He's from Southie guys. Yeah Trump guy booed him during his Harambee
[00:44:42] You got booed wait, so the Trump guy was a big fan of Harambee. I don't get why you would that would
[00:44:48] During the joke Brandon talks about how bad Trump is and the guy's like boo. He's bringing America together
[00:44:55] You fucking suck you fucking faggot kid
[00:44:59] Good idea for a bit how bad Trump is yeah
[00:45:02] We're talking about branding lost. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:45:06] So yeah, cuz you went to with the spongebob
[00:45:13] Children's Museum. There was a science museum. There was a science museum in Branson for the spongebob exhibit. Yeah
[00:45:28] What are you saying he's getting someone's calling it?
[00:45:30] Well, that was a loss and it comes on the PA. Yeah, there is a gay Chinese boy
[00:45:36] If you are a gay Chinese boy, please come to the information desk
[00:45:48] The bathroom of his pants around his ankles at the urinal
[00:45:55] That's actually true guys Brandon doesn't know how to pee he pulls his pants all the way down to his ankles
[00:46:03] We didn't talk about Brandon. I feel like he that's he doesn't know how to pee, but he has like a beats pill playing
[00:46:11] He has to put on I have a I have pictures of Brandon pissing. I think I sent him to the group
[00:46:15] Yeah, yeah, the group the group was for that pissing outside, huh? If you guys if you guys donate a thousand dollars
[00:46:25] We'll tweet out the picture of Brandon if you donate all I'm serious if it has to be like a month if you Venmo me a
[00:46:32] Thousand dollars. I will make stop to a dead picture out. Yeah, just Venmo me stop it
[00:46:38] My Venmo is stop 69 on Venmo. Yeah, find me and give me money and
[00:46:43] We'll tweet out Brandon's dick pissing better dick than you'd think that Brandon
[00:46:49] Slightly better you think he's digby really really small. No, he doesn't seem like considering his level of confidence
[00:46:55] You would assume he was be I guess slightly above average. Are we spec'd you?
[00:46:59] Yeah, why not it's okay to speculate about your friend's dick sizes. Yeah, we all do that all the time
[00:47:05] Literally every time I see any kind of ruler. I'm thinking about somebody's day
[00:47:09] And like how tasty it is yeah, yeah, and every time I'm popsicle. Yeah, damn. I'm hungry
[00:47:17] I love to suck my friend's dick, but it like black boys. Yeah, yo, let me measure your dick. I'm trying to do some stem research
[00:47:31] Tell that bit don't fucking sit on my headphones with your shitty ass fucking stupid. God damn it
[00:47:40] Show titties every morning. We should get those t-shirts. Yeah, Mike D the t-shirt Mike D
[00:47:45] We need to make them do you get a little piece like Mike D's t-shirt
[00:47:49] Yeah, my buddy come down selling come-town t-shirts. None of the money goes to us. Yeah, zero dollars
[00:47:54] Which Adam was kind of salty about before I do say the way I
[00:47:59] Things like maybe some of the coins should go to us
[00:48:06] Not so much expensive for us maybe little cheap perhaps please
[00:48:11] Thank you. No, I would like that we should make some merch that we actually make no
[00:48:15] It's a story on the podcast about the Jewish fire department in Williamsburg. I think we did
[00:48:20] What did I ever mention it? I didn't take the yeah, we had babies. They saved the baby. Well, there's a fucking
[00:48:32] No, they have their own like ambulance. There's their own cops and their own fire department. Wow. So yeah, so they're not like saying
[00:48:39] I don't think that's really sanctioned by the city they show up and
[00:48:43] They just got like a fucking a garden hose
[00:48:46] He's like ah not so much water Jacob a little bit less
[00:48:57] Remember how ten minutes ago we were talking about God temp, you know holding down the races
[00:49:01] But you know what anti-Semitism is kind of like it's too funny, you know, it was so it was like
[00:49:10] You know verbotan for so long well, it's it's old school racism
[00:49:16] It's like a latte lunatic if someone says whopper dego
[00:49:21] Fungos the funniest because that's like that's like mean slang for the 19th. Yeah, like the true evidence that anti-Semitism
[00:49:27] The only anti-Semitism is that anti-Semitic jokes are now funny. Yeah, that's like the best news
[00:49:33] You know, oh, yeah, is that you can just fucking make coin jokes. Yeah
[00:49:39] Yeah, yeah, I think I find anti-Semitism to be very funny unless it's one
[00:49:49] The guy who also exposed her would come down
[00:49:52] Is it well, it's cuz her one's Jewish. Yeah
[00:49:55] It what the folks it is crazy though how like how safe
[00:49:59] Jews are how it's like funny to be anti-Semitic in America because whatever but like in so many other countries
[00:50:06] Yeah, Jews are like fucking well, it's because clearly here. They're the least hated minority, right?
[00:50:12] It's like no whenever like like a like a conservative reform Jew will be like the amount of anti-Semitism in my face
[00:50:19] It's like no people hate you cuz you're an asshole
[00:50:31] The the argument is like a lot of Jewish parents will be like, you know, I would never go to France. It's too expensive
[00:50:42] It's gotta have air condition, but I don't want to spare you the money for a party. No, they're like I would never I would never go to France
[00:50:54] It's just all anti-Semitism. It's a hack job
[00:50:58] I leave how much they hate the Jews and it's like you know what the fuck do you know about France?
[00:51:03] Right. Yeah, they like there are pictures that they like
[00:51:06] They're like one of my parents friends shared on Facebook of like the rise of anti-Semitism in in Europe and it looked like
[00:51:15] 12-year-old drew a swastika like right outside of a building
[00:51:18] Yeah, and then you can take a picture of it and share the millions
[00:51:21] Well, there are a bunch of fucking neo-Nazis in Europe that is yeah, but again, we've discussed this is fun to draw swastikas
[00:51:29] It's so funny that that's like banned in Germany. You'll go to jail if you draw swastika really yeah
[00:51:34] It's hilarious good. Yeah, no, Norman was telling me he went to fucking he went to Germany or Ukraine or something
[00:51:41] One of the places where you're not allowed to deny the Holocaust or right you can't play a wolfenstein
[00:51:49] You're not allowed to watch the sound of music
[00:51:51] Is the sound of music badly? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's gay. He helped the Nazis. They use the sound of music
[00:52:05] Yeah, they learn how to sing in the sound of change hitting the floor
[00:52:15] They pop out of the ground like fucking gophers like
[00:52:21] The sad thing is is that generation the coin generation is all about to be dead
[00:52:26] Yeah, the ones that actually had nothing and they became middle class and everyone right right right now everyone's an artist
[00:52:34] Now other fucking kids don't have real jobs
[00:52:37] Some of them do yeah, I guess that's true
[00:52:40] But a nice percentage of like creatives. I guess that's always been true of Jews though
[00:52:45] We got to take their stereotypes and put them on another race then how about if the insert cheap now they kind of are I think yeah
[00:52:53] What is your desire? Wait, what do you want? I don't pay for this
[00:53:04] No, I mean, I just like what's the evidence that they're cheap? Can we just I said it?
[00:53:09] Yeah, they're all they're all like small business owners those every small business owners are the worst people in the entire
[00:53:15] Fuck yeah, I love people for 10 like oh small
[00:53:19] We got a small business. We're I technically small business and I cannot wait to fuck the two of you over
[00:53:30] Pay anybody I'm gonna go to see my friends at home depot and then come over here and make these drawers for me
[00:53:35] And then fire you having trouble with the drawers
[00:53:41] Router edge guide that slipped on me and fucked up
[00:53:43] Oh four pieces. Why are you look offended? He's talking to the cat by the way guys
[00:53:49] The good cat the way they kills mice. Yeah, what the fucking gay cat sucks to yeah, it's better
[00:53:55] They've both seen some shit though. They've been fucked up. Yeah, so we got to end on something funny here guys
[00:54:01] I feel like we did it. We this it wasn't actually bad. Yeah, we ended up you know
[00:54:04] I mean that last one was fantastic. It actually was really good fuck. Yeah like the best one we done
[00:54:09] Yeah, we're talking about Panda Express how they had a bunch of cats in their kitchen
[00:54:12] Mm-hmm. Yeah, that was real that was real according to me. Yeah, that racist lady. I met a Panda Express. Yes, and you just
[00:54:21] agreed with her who who is talking to people in line at Panda Express? Oh, that's the word
[00:54:27] I mean, that's honestly the worst quality. There's a generate my my dad is like this
[00:54:31] Mm-hmm the people that talk to strangers in public places. Oh, you have conversations loudly at like tables next to other people
[00:54:37] And expect the people that and at the table next to him to also be listening right right right
[00:54:41] He's saying something funny right right?
[00:54:44] I was in the hotel this weekend and there's a fucking you know
[00:54:47] They had a TV in the lobby world up or like in the elevator like four year or whatever
[00:54:52] Yeah, and it's like three middle-aged women there and there's CNN coverage of that mall shooting and these old women are like you know
[00:55:00] Talking to this group. I'm waiting for the elevator
[00:55:02] So I'm saying there and there's one moment is like what is going on in the world that this is happening
[00:55:08] Oh, God and the others like that's exactly right like why would you take your anger out on somebody else like
[00:55:15] Jesus, they're saying yeah, you should shoot up a mall
[00:55:21] What do you commenting on here that this bad that happened shut the fuck up don't talk to me well she doesn't have Facebook
[00:55:27] She's probably yeah, she didn't get to just read that and get it out that way
[00:55:31] I guess that's right people bitch about people airing their fucking stupid opinions on Facebook
[00:55:36] But they used to do it in line just in person index. Yeah, that's not that bad
[00:55:40] I also forgot about that guy the way the waiting for the parking spot
[00:55:45] Oh, yeah, it's a fucking movie and reparct and this guy fucking comes up to the driver's side window wearing a like a Steve Harvey suit
[00:55:53] Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's like you're gonna be moving in a minute because my man's back here is about to a Porsche thing
[00:56:04] Also, what a fucking pussy to be sent out by a Porsche owner
[00:56:10] Yeah, they tell someone else these the he's more successful rich friends
[00:56:14] Yeah, I would like it if it wasn't even like
[00:56:16] You know his friend that guy was just walking around in that suit and the poor guy was like my man
[00:56:21] I tell this guy and he's like absolutely mr. Porsche
[00:56:27] Damn, I can't wait to get a Porsche. We should save up all the money get a Porsche
[00:56:31] How just one Porsche for the three of us and then we split it we couldn't even sit in it at the same time
[00:56:36] We couldn't take a ride the three of us. Yeah, she's he's and have that Porsche getting montage
[00:56:43] Doesn't get the Porsche. I was laughing about Scarface. I like to pronounce the name of that movie
[00:56:48] Like you would the word surface. So it's Scarface
[00:56:52] Yeah, but then if what if Tony called he's many his Scarface man
[00:57:09] He's gonna be hungry every Tony, but I'm pretty sure it's your face
[00:57:23] DSCK sack my dick all right my dick. I think we're good. That's it. Yeah, we're good
[00:57:30] We had a good one. All right folks. This is the regular. Yeah, I know this would be bonus
[00:57:34] Then we got to do another one tomorrow. Okay. Let's just do one every day until you go out of town cool. Yeah down