Cum Town | Premium | 04/17/2017
[00:00:02] You were back back in the fucking trap dude. I've exited New York fucking city back in the Anthony Kumias studios top of the
[00:00:15] Is that probably nothing good? This is like another reunion episode. I guess so but we have to it has to be a banger. Oh, yeah
[00:00:22] So Nick you got molested any time or no?
[00:00:24] No, we're gonna do is we're gonna start another beef with the
[00:00:28] The fan with the and yeah, so let's just we're gonna make up that he said
[00:00:45] Heard me and the other night said the only black people he likes are the African warlords that eat their enemies
[00:01:01] Diversify your worldview. That's right. Actually, that might be the most there's probably a woke take out there
[00:01:06] It's like it's colonial to say that Africans shouldn't eat their enemies
[00:01:13] You don't know albino's okay, you don't know if they're made out of magic
[00:01:17] So if you if you dismember and eat albino
[00:01:21] I'm personally it's very British Empire view to say that that's not something that should be done
[00:01:27] And then white people start eating albinos
[00:01:30] And that's a really done them has to tell it white people it's wrong for you to eat albinos because you're stealing culture
[00:01:38] After she does it for yeah, she does it for eight years. She has a show called eating albinos on HBO
[00:01:44] It's like I can eat as many albinos as I want and I'm still beautiful
[00:01:50] Become a fat piece of shit for meeting albinos. Don't take my picture. It steals my soul
[00:01:58] The only way that's the only way Lena Dunham will stop taking naked pictures is when she culturally appropriate soul stealing
[00:02:06] Photography soul stealing from African people
[00:02:10] God damn boys. Yeah, we're out here. We're in fucking Brooklyn
[00:02:13] It's fucking Easter Sunday and east Sunday to remember I remember that that Mitchell and web look sketch no
[00:02:19] They're the homeless guys that have schizophrenia and they think they're like
[00:02:26] Dude, let's turn off the podcast and just watch Mitchell and web look okay
[00:02:30] I look I mean that the Nazi sketches. I think the best one such a good fucking yeah
[00:02:35] Yeah, I think but that's not even their best sketch
[00:02:38] That's just that's like the first sketch in like the I think the first episode really it might be there first
[00:02:45] It's in the pilot. It's my people reference that one all the time is their best one and it's like it's a good sketch
[00:02:49] But it's yeah, I mean that show is amazing. Yeah, I haven't seen it honestly
[00:02:54] I've just seen that sketching like a couple and you've never watched people. I've watched beep show
[00:02:58] Through yeah, I look it's my favorite. It's so good. It's so good
[00:03:02] I love just a scumbag that you can like you think a pussy has to be a good person
[00:03:07] But no a pussy can also just be a deplorable human being absolutely terrible
[00:03:11] Which is kind of like that is sort of me 50% of the time
[00:03:14] I know people in the other 50 I'm an alpha who fucks and does everything he wants people talk like Mark Corrigan is like such a fucking
[00:03:22] Sociopath, but I have those thoughts frequently. Oh, we're bad people. Oh, yeah, I guess we're bad people for sure. Yeah
[00:03:30] You guys have any you don't give a fuck about Easter Adam because you're a Jew because you actually you have a role in chocolates
[00:03:36] The chocolate you tight. Yeah, I like finding chocolates and then eating them the little orange joints dude
[00:03:41] I want to go look for eggs. You want to go?
[00:03:43] What if I just had a for crash crash to cha a children's egg hunt?
[00:03:49] If you go to Central Park a bunch of people do that shit like they have little kid Easter egg hunts
[00:03:53] We could just go crash them shit. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna do that then let's go right now
[00:03:57] Chocolate rabbits are bullshit all the Easter related. I think we've talked about the three gross
[00:04:02] Yeah, the peeps get suckers thing Easter has particularly shitty candy the fucking okay
[00:04:07] I don't think eggs are good. I don't like the cream, but the the offshoots the caramel's the peanut butters
[00:04:13] So sort of the man remixes exactly. Yeah, I'm a hundred percent in now. I think that's just gross
[00:04:19] The the Reese's egg is that's too much peanut butter cup
[00:04:27] Peanut butter peanut butter ratio you like the ratio
[00:04:30] I like sometimes here's what I'll do. It's I don't mind the ratio off. It's not another ratio
[00:04:35] It's just like you're a fucking glutton. I mean Reese's minis are the right size
[00:04:40] There's too much chocolate and I've peanut butter Reese's minis you're saying the minis can suck my dick
[00:04:45] I'm talking about your you talk about rockin candy. Yeah, I mean an entire like a like a whole sleeve of Reese's
[00:04:51] You know with the four cup deal a lot of cups for out of your fucking mind. Yeah, the sportsman little indulgent
[00:04:58] It's for sharing and the egg and the egg and the tree or both that size. That's true
[00:05:03] Yeah, I would always have we would have the little orange the little orange fucking chocolate
[00:05:10] Like the novelty one is all my airports and shit the big Reese's the big big ass cup
[00:05:15] It's a huge up 50 pounder. You say Reese's II right? Yeah, Reese's people say Reese's Reese's. Yeah
[00:05:23] No, I'm always a Reese's Reese's Reese's. Yes, this is a Reese's. That's a type of monkey
[00:05:34] Yeah, and then that Reese's and then the little M&M's are Reese's pieces, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's what I call
[00:05:40] You mean you mean when you do the bit I do on stage
[00:05:44] You do that on say I've been doing that joke for like seven years
[00:05:50] I don't listen to you done it. He's done it also on the show on on the show in front of you
[00:05:55] Probably multiple times probably no, you know what more than multiple. I mean at the minimum DC at minimum 25 times
[00:06:02] Saturn watch remember when Adam right when we had Ben O'Brien on and he talked about how
[00:06:10] When Harry met Sally and being edited in and then the next episode when Ben left Adam told that story like it was his joke
[00:06:22] I want to do and then you just described exactly what the video Wham City does. All right, I'll change the subject
[00:06:29] I'll change the subject fucking thief. Yeah, you're a thief and a coward, but the fucking love Easter though
[00:06:35] But the breakfast yeah, yeah, don't do my practice
[00:06:40] This eating is a low impact activity first come on don't give away the punchline. Yeah, I'm found
[00:06:46] That pussy eating no, but seriously, I'm just surprised they've guns at the zoo
[00:06:52] Fuck man, I fucking miss I'm not at home for the first time on Easter
[00:06:55] We had those big-ass fucking Greek Easter. So it's so gluttonous dude. It's like a whole goat on a spit
[00:07:01] Oh, yeah couple goats a couple lambs lambs
[00:07:04] Did you go home already no, I'm just not going is Greek. It's actually the same one this year rarely it happens
[00:07:10] Is it a different calendar? Yeah, it's on some different bullshit calendar
[00:07:15] We got to reki this fucking sweet bread and I would just take a half low for that bitch and just eat so much chocolate
[00:07:21] Breakfast was so goddamn good chocolate on the bread. Oh, yeah, you take a break off a little fucking piece
[00:07:26] Not not until actual chocolate actual Easter chocolate and you see the whole fucking half low for that bitch
[00:07:32] Oh, it was beautiful and then I'd go I would get sick as a child every year because I would just overeat fucking lamb and
[00:07:51] Is on Halloween, huh my parents used to give out toothbrushes. Oh your family sucks. Yeah brand cereal
[00:07:57] That's brutal they give out cereal. No, I'm just kidding. Oh, also if we have any Greek listeners
[00:08:04] So what you say in for Easter is cre estos honesty, which means God is risen, but it
[00:08:10] But sauce on nasty put sauce on nasty put sauce on nasty put sauce on nasty put sauce on nasty means uh
[00:08:19] My dick has risen so that's a little tidbit for everyone. We're multi lingual doing dick jokes out this mother fucker
[00:08:25] So just put sauce on nasty everyone that means my sauce on nasty
[00:08:30] Put sauce put sauce on it like North Korea. They got two types of missiles and one of them is uh
[00:08:39] That was called yeah the typo dong and then the other one is no dong
[00:08:45] Really yeah, so hey, what kind of what type of dong you got? I got no dong
[00:08:50] I'm genderless with Korean missiles. They're literally like bombing us with ICBMS
[00:08:57] And we're just like which would use the don't know dong one
[00:09:01] Dude Kim Jong-un ain't gonna do shit. They tested that missile will it hit they showed off those ICBMS and then they tested the missile like
[00:09:09] So it doesn't like the only way la what's that you get it out. No the meat the missile immediately blew up
[00:09:16] Yeah, well you're talking about in the last 10 years or if like tested a bunch of that's true of like you know
[00:09:23] But I mean I'm sure they'll develop the technology eventually. I don't know man
[00:09:26] Do they even don't they like not have food and shit?
[00:09:29] A lot of people are like starving to death, but that doesn't I mean yeah, they can keep a weapons program going didn't didn't his dad
[00:09:38] Kim didn't he fuck Kim Jong-il didn't he fucking uh?
[00:09:41] He had like Hennessy and shit right like he loved the Bulls and he loved he loved Mickey Mouse too
[00:09:47] He had like the world's biggest Mickey Mouse. Well the last the last like Disney movies diplomatic crisis we had with North Korea
[00:09:58] And solved it he solved it. Yeah Dennis Rodman rules dude
[00:10:02] His dad's like Filipino and he went back to the Philippines to play basketball and his dad didn't even show up dude
[00:10:09] Dude, he's so cool. He was like the first trans is he trans or no, but he wore dresses all the time
[00:10:16] But he fucked Madonna in a dress does that count as being gay he was gender fluid. He was gender prince
[00:10:22] Now Prince was gender fluid Prince was absolutely gender. Oh dude. He was his own gender. That's true
[00:10:30] Could not be any more gender fluid than that. No dude. He's fucking he's a man
[00:10:34] He just dresses but Prince and he had his own symbol that was like this is my gender
[00:10:40] That was his name. Yeah, that was his name. Dude. Yeah, I know but it's a gender symbol
[00:10:45] Oh, yeah, it was it was based on the arrow and circle thing. Yeah, he yeah
[00:10:52] Wasn't that to get out of a fucking contract. Yeah
[00:10:56] Yeah, so he just went by that stupid ass
[00:10:58] See Prince probably fucked. Who do you think it's fucked the most in the world? It prints his up there
[00:11:02] Who's fucked the most? Yeah, Donald Trump
[00:11:06] I'm more importantly who cares dude. Let's get back on a serious topic. North Korea. North Korea. What are our options?
[00:11:13] I say we just we they drop but they drop us in there
[00:11:17] Okay with a black hawk. Yeah, and we got um bazookas
[00:11:22] And then we fucking I think we should send some woke comedians
[00:11:33] Just sending the entire navy to sit off their shores won't do anything
[00:11:37] So the only answer you can't scare them, but you can send a bunch of aggrieved bloggers
[00:11:44] Yes, and Lindy. Yeah to make them feel bad about everything that they've ever done. They're all crying
[00:11:52] They get you think we get Kim Jong Un fired. Yeah
[00:12:05] Why don't you set the Putin to fucking we solve the dude. Yeah, dude if if Sadie beats north korea that'd be so cool
[00:12:12] Oh, that's a good movie. Yeah. Oh, you gotta be careful with those coordinated harassment campaigns coming out of your mouth dude
[00:12:18] Yeah, I know I've already I've already made two in the last two weeks. Yeah, so when when is that chaz that chap out?
[00:12:24] With you talking about uh, I was her name the same story. I told on come town Sarah Lerner
[00:12:30] Yeah, I can't believe she did the Hillary
[00:12:35] I you know her middle name her middle name is that'll
[00:12:40] You guys always say you're punch on the face when I when I should you shut the fuck up and just let that joke hit jesus christ
[00:12:46] All right, say you're just Sarah that'll learner. That's very funny. Yeah
[00:12:51] I'm sorry. I said of telling the story for the third time
[00:13:06] You know what's crazy about that song who's going around stopping these bodies
[00:13:13] Who's who's like who's a body falling? I'm gonna stop it
[00:13:18] That's a key to successful stand-up. Oh, yeah, make me take a song
[00:13:22] Take a song that no one was actually listening to because who cares and complain about well
[00:13:28] It also really works if you the best thing to do is take
[00:13:31] Song a black person wrote and made funny on purpose
[00:13:35] And just you don't you assume a black person can't be funny and ironic on purpose
[00:13:39] So you just say what the fuck is two chains talking about and then take all the credit for it. That's the best kind
[00:13:53] Let the body sit the floor. That's pretty good. I love it when you call me big papa. Who's you?
[00:13:59] Who's calling me? I uh, well before I left LA. I went to uh, I saw Danzig's house. Oh, hell. Yeah, he lives in LA
[00:14:06] Yeah, that's so weird. You think he lived hell jersey
[00:14:13] No, he's a jersey. I thought I could have sworn Danzig lived in hell
[00:14:17] It's so funny his name is glint in a fucking castle a black-ass castle
[00:14:22] Well, I mean he's like five three, right? Yeah, and he's like so obsessed with being like spooky or whatever
[00:14:27] Hell yeah, dude. He's so scared. Well, he just let his house turn into like absolute shit
[00:14:32] So it's got like vines. It's got weeds growing all over it and like the sightings all fucked up
[00:14:37] Where's he living in LA in Los Feliz? Oh, okay. Yeah, it's nice. I agree. Yeah, I guess
[00:14:43] He's side so he just doesn't keep it at all
[00:14:45] Oh, it's a really uncanxious shit. He's all fucked up like the blinds in the window or all fucked up
[00:14:51] That's you did a big house live there. I mean no, not particularly no
[00:14:55] He's dancing to see the even live there. Maybe just left the property
[00:14:59] He might have like moved somewhere else because I mean everyone you go buy it and it's like that's where glenn dansig lives
[00:15:05] And I mean he doesn't seem like the kind of guy that like
[00:15:09] Has a sense of humor about anything at all. That's true. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy that lives in LA
[00:15:13] That's very strange. Okay. Well, he does
[00:15:17] That's weird. That's a fun fact. I guess yeah a guy in the music business who we thought he lived in LA
[00:15:22] Celebrity lives in Los Angeles. Thanks for fridge. That's insane
[00:15:26] That's such that's the craziest thing I've ever heard glenn's ever been about celebrity culture
[00:15:31] You know he just he just lives his life his way
[00:15:36] I'm my goal is to be the glenn dansig of of podcast of being gay
[00:15:39] Yeah, just be somebody that takes themselves way too seriously
[00:15:45] That's our problem, dude. We're too self-serious
[00:15:48] I'm gonna be like first of all, I am the most evil man in podcast
[00:15:56] Let's re-brain again pretty pissed off about it. I'm gonna get really annoyed if you say I'm not evil
[00:16:02] To the extent that I destroy my own house
[00:16:10] Is that is that a jack-o'-lanterns house?
[00:16:21] He's like a nine-year-old boy is like into halloween. Yeah, he's like a nine-year-old boy's idea of like what's cool
[00:16:30] Right. I mean basically a lot of like musicians are like child stars. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, so they continue thinking all that dumbass shit is cool
[00:16:40] But yeah, he's like a 60-year-old man. That's like
[00:16:47] Yeah, that shit is weird. I mean Steven Tyler's the weirdest fucking one just wearing scarves and shit. Yeah looking gay as hell
[00:16:54] But I would fuck his daughter. So Tyler. Oh, it's not his daughter. You know what?
[00:17:01] You know her middle name is to suck dick
[00:17:07] Um, but no, it's not the story. It's actually Steven Tyler's daughter. Wait Todd Rungren raised
[00:17:13] He's a musician. Yeah, he's pretty good
[00:17:17] He does. I don't want to work. I want to bang on my dick all day
[00:17:22] Yeah, I want to bang other guys all day
[00:17:30] Some grouping the 70s like fucking a lot of rock guys. Let me suck your father's penis. That's a sugar ray. That's right. Yeah, that's
[00:17:49] What were we doing before sucking out of my dick?
[00:17:54] I love all the people in California that are like, oh, yeah
[00:17:57] Well, California is just gonna leave the Union good luck with everything
[00:18:00] We produce all the agriculture in the country and it's like none of the people saying that are farmers. Okay, all those farmers
[00:18:13] Farmers that want to leave the Union. Yeah, the farmers hate you also
[00:18:16] It weren't they aren't they always don't they always talk about joining Canada and it's like
[00:18:20] You would have to join no, no, it's like mmm. Where should you should join the white fucking the country?
[00:18:26] You have nothing no geographical link to or the actual country. We stole you from it's full of fucking brown people
[00:18:38] No, I think the fantasy is that they join up with like New York that it's like New York Seattle
[00:18:44] Let me tell you as a native New Yorker myself. I fucking hate you, California. You will never be a part of New York
[00:18:50] You're merely a native New York. Yeah, I'm a native New Yorker. You fucking were born here and then you got
[00:18:55] I live I live here as a little suburb. I live here. I've lived here for 35 years
[00:19:01] Okay, and California will never be one of the nine boroughs
[00:19:06] No, there's nine boroughs 11 towns. Yeah, that's the New York. You got the Bronx Queens
[00:19:20] You guys have you guys ever hung out in Staten Island never in my life, dude
[00:19:24] It's like the island the cool island vibes the Shaolin Allen. Yeah, it was pretty chill
[00:19:29] Oh, they just got a lot of hammocks and shit everyone's working on shirts
[00:19:37] Stop tonight London on my ary we did that bit already. So did we probably did we definitely did
[00:19:45] So what are those your self I got the five what are the other burrows?
[00:19:51] Radio she know yeah, Radio Shaq Radio Shaq
[00:19:57] What about Suncoast remember Tower record Suncoast was that was for people who like beat off too much
[00:20:04] Guilty yeah, what do you mean in what sense?
[00:20:07] Sold like what like DVD boxets and fucking like posters and shit. Yeah, yeah like hookups t-shirts
[00:20:14] What's hookups? It was that like early or like mid 90s like hentai shirt thing? Oh, yeah
[00:20:23] He's like girls cartoon girls with big jugs. That's my favorite genre of art
[00:20:29] It's pretty cool that and dogs playing various card games
[00:20:33] That is my favorite genres of art. I went to a dog card game retrospective the other day the mama
[00:20:41] I want to go to museums and shit. I want to go to the park
[00:20:44] Let's talk about our plans for the fucking summer boys because I'm sure first of all
[00:20:48] We've never seen I say we go see Billy Joel at some point. Okay. Yeah, that's one thing
[00:20:53] Why is because Dave and Lewis just went to see Billy Joel the garden. Of course they did. That's where you're getting this
[00:20:58] No, it's not I've said this Jesus Christ. You gotta fucking I've said this on the podcast before yeah
[00:21:04] Because they're not your plans bitch. I said this in California suck my dick. I said let's go
[00:21:09] Every other one care about his originality and both of you guys have a severe lack of of
[00:21:25] We're just one day do not love me with Adam appearance okay
[00:21:32] You still hang out I still hanging out. Well you we have the Beno Bryant thing we have you on record
[00:21:38] We have something you said earlier today
[00:21:40] However, don't accuse me of fucking stealing the idea of going to a Billy Joel concert like fucking Lewis and Dave
[00:21:47] Or the only people ever said they literally just went two days ago. I said it in California bitch and I
[00:21:52] Didn't what's your favorite Billy Joel album? It's just the one where they do do up
[00:21:57] I like the one that the longest time is in front of the Neo nazi one
[00:22:01] So front is okay. We definitely did that bit
[00:22:07] We've definitely talked about Billy Joel as as the person in this room that's
[00:22:12] And it comes anywhere close to actually being a Billy Joel fan
[00:22:20] Oh, yeah, you like Billy Joel name five of his songs me right now
[00:22:29] Oh, he was a Joel fan before it was cool to like Billy Joel. I was yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying
[00:22:36] What are you talking about a list you're trying to suck up to me by pretending you want to go
[00:22:50] Garbage go back to a fucking dick bitch use of shit
[00:22:52] I was trying to rattle off a list of fun summertime ideas, and I didn't even get through one okay
[00:22:58] We're gonna go see Billy Joel. We're gonna start the Legion of Skanks podcast
[00:23:01] We're gonna start the real-ass dude podcast. We're gonna start the Dave part of the problem pod
[00:23:07] Oh, yeah, that one I do look at the real-ass dude podcast. That was a lot of fun. That was fun. We're gonna get red eye cancelled
[00:23:17] Well, it's it's kind of weird that that show got canceled considering that it's like
[00:23:22] They didn't pay anyone they couldn't get worse than it's been what did they replace it which is like
[00:23:36] It's a recording of bill O'Reilly sexually harassing women nice legs you fucking pinhead
[00:23:44] You know back in my day a woman like you knew her place
[00:23:50] It's gonna be fun to get sexually harassed by him oh, yeah, bill by bill. Oh, mm-hmm
[00:23:55] He's got a lot of raw sexual energy. Yeah, what do you think you're an undo my zipper?
[00:24:01] Did he is he getting fired what's going on no, they're just losing mad advertisers, but they're standing by his side
[00:24:08] Stand by your man. Stand by bill. He's fucking he's this is a witch hunt dude dude bill went to
[00:24:14] College with Howard you fuck we definitely talked about that all right. Sorry
[00:24:20] That's that's the coolest thing I know about him
[00:24:22] Yeah, I don't know what other fun summertime activities are going to the beach wearing shorts shorts is good Adam went too far
[00:24:33] What do you mean disgusting shorts they're athletic shorts, they're not athletic like you're not you don't you lack the athletic physique to
[00:24:44] You literally you literally do not have hamstrings. Yeah, you just have the front of your legs. There's no back
[00:24:52] That's the front your fun your thigh looks like a wrist. Yeah, yeah your ankles and your thighs are the same exact size
[00:24:58] This is your fucking your legs are the same size from dick to foot. Yeah, the legs look like crayons
[00:25:05] This is just a sporty look that I'm bringing out you it's like that you're wearing stilts
[00:25:09] You know I feel like I feel like I get race racisted by by
[00:25:14] Members of the PSE community when they accuse white people wearing shorts too early
[00:25:30] It is a for sure. Oh wow. That's how you know white people groundhog day. They were in shorts immediately
[00:25:36] So you're not all good. Yeah, I'm sorry that I managed to get my shorts out of storage before you who's been is that what Martin Luther
[00:25:44] King you came up with Martin Lawrence King Jr. One day I
[00:25:50] That one day what people are gonna be wearing shorts way too
[00:25:58] Yeah, I think I'm gonna go shorts I bought oh I didn't say I didn't tell this I didn't even buy white jeans
[00:26:04] But I'm gonna be wearing white jeans looking like Rick Ross with no shirt on all summer
[00:26:11] There was a fucking like some there was a false alarm of a shooting in Penn station
[00:26:16] So they evacuated they tasered some guy and then ever this it caused a stampede
[00:26:22] And I was at Macy's at the time and they evacuated us and I was just trying on jeans your boy
[00:26:26] You're boy may or may not have just walked out for legal purposes walked out of Macy's
[00:26:32] But what about the security I got it. I got I may or may not have to figure out how to get those
[00:26:37] So if anybody knows how on YouTube, I don't want to fuck up my white jeans
[00:26:41] Do you don't got to look like Rick Ross?
[00:26:46] I was like I was gonna be like a funny sketch or his sake
[00:26:50] You get like roommates or whatever and the smoke detector goes off or whatever in the apartment
[00:26:54] And then one roommate just runs out of his room and out of the apartment completely naked and it's just standing outside
[00:27:06] Screaming naked what are you doing get out of the apartment?
[00:27:10] He's a fire. It's like three in the afternoon
[00:27:13] The police show up is like thank god you're here
[00:27:17] Arresting for public nudity's we get a gimp outfit from
[00:27:20] Yeah, I'll put fiction that'd be a fun sketch. Let's write it dude
[00:27:24] I was talking about the other day. I thought it'd be funny to do like like out and Al Jolson performance
[00:27:30] Oh, yeah, I just met I've already blew this story, but no no guys. That's good
[00:27:33] Yeah, so like it's Al Jolson and he's like or like a black face performer in like the 40s
[00:27:38] And then like part of his makeup comes off and everyone in the audience is like
[00:27:45] The ideas that none of them realize that it wasn't actually a black person
[00:27:56] What the fuck is this it would be funny if they like if they sent if like cops in the 30s or whatever the
[00:28:07] Undercover cops into the black community in blackface that they thought they thought that it was just seamless
[00:28:13] Yeah, there isn't no way they could tell them apart you may find it would be like a Chinese guy now
[00:28:17] We're just face white and then he tricks his way into the blackface community
[00:28:22] And then he's wearing blackface on top of the white man double like a race gobshopper
[00:28:29] I hate that my mind just immediately went to how bad for his how bad that is for his skin
[00:28:34] Yes, the oil paint. It's got to be awful. Absolutely. Yeah, it's shoe polish another
[00:28:40] restrictive terrible thing my parents used to do is not let me get my face painted at birthday parties
[00:28:45] Why because it was bad for my skin really? Yeah, that's what you did. You have childhood acne at age like I
[00:28:53] Was on Accutane, bro, and like you were no, but it wasn't bad then but like in high school
[00:28:59] It was real bad dude. I used to get I used to get pimples on my fucking stomach and ass cheeks
[00:29:03] Really not on my face at all. Is that from your birth control medicine that you're
[00:29:09] You're eating problem get so bad you start eating birth
[00:29:12] Was it wasn't that they were candies wasn't kleebold on Accutane who's on birth control
[00:29:19] Wait a minute. Are you saying that Dylan kleebold was trans?
[00:29:35] Holy shit, you could man. It's a shame to call mom's still not around you could probably do some shit like that
[00:29:42] Just call lame just yeah, say someone was trans and see how much traction you could get yeah
[00:29:48] I guess I wouldn't understand what's the point to be fun. Yeah to have a nice little
[00:29:54] Do a nice little excursion. Yeah, what was the point of saying Chinese people?
[00:30:01] The ball the joke there is that like you would think that they just don't know that it's yeah that it's a month late
[00:30:14] Fuck yeah, man, so I'm trying to be saw I'm trying to be tropical. I want to go to the beach
[00:30:18] I want to wear Hawaiians. I want to wear a nice nice loud colors
[00:30:22] Do my ex sucked on it on a hammock my freshman year roommate in college had five Hawaiian shirts and he was on a circuit
[00:30:31] More than different one every day and they had one that was his weekend Hawaiian
[00:30:35] Oh, did it really go in was it also saying that it was because it's Tommy Bahamas. It is the good shit
[00:30:40] It was the good time. I'm a so expensive. I wanted to buy some ironically and I wasn't fucking Macy's that shit's like a hundred twenty
[00:30:47] Yeah, well it's for the weekend. That's why yeah, this guy Dave Hartman. He used to have a list and used to wear those three-quarter
[00:30:55] Cargo pants like but to the like mid calf area and he got really into smoking weight smoking weed
[00:31:03] Yeah, he'd be like hey out of me want to smoke a little
[00:31:07] Smoke some way mid calf sock is probably that one's never been cool never
[00:31:13] Occasionally there's basketball players that do it and they look cool, but that's it. I think if you get a little bit
[00:31:18] Shouts out to Yannas had did a kumbo come towns number one basket favorite basketball player
[00:31:25] He will win an MVP one day and he just beat the fucking little dick ass Toronto Raptors
[00:31:30] He had a he had 28 points lead all scores Yani. I love him dude in fat basketball bitch
[00:31:37] Yeah, I guess it's the Lakers Adam. I mean
[00:31:41] Whatever shout out to Yannas anyway, that's sovereign Stavi sports minute
[00:31:48] Nick, what are you feeling for the NBA playoffs?
[00:31:57] You know I I've gotten so tired of predicting things who are you rooting for is no one's ever takes me no one listens to me
[00:32:04] I'm always right about these stories. Yeah, you know, I called 9-11
[00:32:18] Arabs are gonna kill a bunch of people and they're like not again stop doing this and then
[00:32:26] Yeah, lo and behold the towers came down. Does that make my 365 other predictions prior to that incorrect?
[00:32:34] Every day of the year 24 7 no it doesn't no absolutely not I remember I remember like
[00:32:42] Just knowing nothing at all about Muslim people prior to 9-11
[00:32:48] Yeah, I think I just knew racist shit from Greek people. Yeah, I had friends that were Muslim, but it's like that's I don't know
[00:32:54] I just thought they were all Aladdin basically. I just thought of Jafar and Aladdin. Yeah, yeah in turbines
[00:32:59] Yeah, and then you were like wow they're evil. I guess
[00:33:06] You know yeah, oh yeah, yeah, I just yeah
[00:33:11] There was a real cool hate crime that happened at in Baltimore right after 9-11
[00:33:15] These people just had a convenience store called the cocoa Mart just some old guy who I think again was Indian
[00:33:23] Yeah, if you said oh and they just just fucking done dog pieces shit beat the fuck out of him
[00:33:34] Well after after the Zimmerman case there was like teenagers going around beating up Mexicans
[00:33:42] They were like this for joy that's for Trayvon
[00:33:44] A legal immigrants and beat up like I don't understand
[00:33:52] Hell yeah, dude, that's the way you fucking that's the way you fucking show people. Yeah
[00:33:57] How about we need to do to North Korea? We need to beat them a bunch of illegal immigrants
[00:34:02] Let's start beating up Koreans. Yeah, well if we bomb the Japanese
[00:34:06] You know and be like that's what you get for being Korean
[00:34:10] Then that's how you that's how you make them learn
[00:34:16] Wow aren't you glad we didn't take notes before this episode yeah to figure out things to talk about I got something we could talk
[00:34:23] About right here. What's that? I'm grabbing my penis. I am I
[00:34:30] Now I am I'm doing it guys what movies have come out. I guess I saw I tried to watch a movie lion
[00:34:37] What was that was with slumdog millionaire? I don't know I turned it off in five minutes
[00:34:42] We go to the movies I tried to watch the law law land on the plane to LA and I turned it off after 40 seconds more like blah blah blah
[00:34:49] I'm more like blah blah bland. I didn't
[00:35:01] I'm 38 years old. I've had HIV since 1992
[00:35:13] Well and more like blah blah blah and I don't think I'm gonna top that moonlight more like snooze lights
[00:35:23] I'm checking out on this one. What do you think of Logan broke one more like rogue no fun?
[00:35:32] Logan more like blows skin blows blows if the movie blows
[00:35:44] You guys want to go see power rangers power rangers more like power bottom power bottom rangers
[00:36:00] They all like just go into each other's asses
[00:36:03] They form that big monster. It's a huge goatee. That's what they fucking
[00:36:10] They they form a willing human centipede
[00:36:16] Yeah, they're like it the the the power bottom rangers
[00:36:21] Team assembles into the human center. It's like red ranger ready to go
[00:36:38] Fuck I didn't realize that the all that money this
[00:36:42] Power Rangers money is that is that is really guy that gives a ton of money to the democratic party. Yes, I am Sibon
[00:36:49] Yeah, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's where all your power Rangers the two major investors of power Rangers with that guy in in Glendansic
[00:36:57] Yeah, you got a BDS from the power rangers if you're true
[00:37:01] Palestinian really yeah, there's a there's a video of Glendansic from like the mid 90s where he's giving like a tour of his house
[00:37:09] he has this like stupid bookshelf and he's like
[00:37:13] Welcome my book collection. Yeah, just some of my books and the books are like the gayish shit
[00:37:20] He's like this one is it's all true stories. These are all
[00:37:24] 100% documented and real it's like thumbing through it. He's like this one's interesting. It's these are all about werewolves
[00:37:35] Fucking having to just continue pretending you believe in where yeah, and he's like 35 years old at this point
[00:37:42] You know and he's like I'm sure he does believe in werewolves
[00:37:45] You know he's like these are all real is like this one of my favorite stories is this guy accused of being a werewolf
[00:37:51] Comes out of the woods, and he's shaking a baby in his mouth
[00:38:00] Trying to seem like you know like wow this guy's got such a cavalier attitude towards these werewolves
[00:38:09] That licensing deal with hot topic for the skull sure yeah, yeah, I mean he's probably loaded
[00:38:15] I was probably really and then and then one of the other books is like he's like
[00:38:19] This is the the lost books of the Bible
[00:38:23] You know so these are the ones that they didn't include in the Bible and there's a story in here like a lot
[00:38:29] It's about Jesus, and he's walking and the young boy runs up and he runs down Jesus
[00:38:35] He's running so fast and it knocks him down and Jesus says unto him
[00:38:40] So I have been knocked down so shall you never to rise again and the little boy just died right there
[00:38:51] Bad ass murderer Jesus yeah, and he's like that's pretty I mean he's like that's Jesus
[00:38:56] He was complicated although I do think from what I remember because I was I'll you'll recall I wasn't altar boy
[00:39:04] We're in the gold robes drinking wine when the priest wasn't looking eating the holy bread eating the crust because they don't serve the crust
[00:39:11] So you get to eat as much as it as you want in the also the the the ins to the good shit
[00:39:15] They chop it up in a little squares, and then the altar boys could eat the crust
[00:39:19] I thought it's a cracker is that Catholic do you get the fuck out of here? I'm sorry Greek Orthodox baby
[00:39:24] It's a Eucharist yeah, dude fuck that shit
[00:39:29] Of the force game in Jesus the foreskin of Jesus no, it's the body and blood dude the wine is the blood
[00:39:39] Jews specifically to be clear and the body is the body you crucified
[00:39:44] But I think what so Jesus got got on good Friday
[00:39:48] They crucified him and then he comes back Sunday from what I remember I think he goes to hell and like fuck Satan up
[00:39:54] Like I think I think he fucks him shit. Does he win? Yeah, but he went but it's so gay because like Satan was about to come to earth
[00:40:04] And like Jesus had to go down there. I don't really remember
[00:40:06] I just remember he just goes and he's like badass and shit
[00:40:09] But then he just like he just like the the moral is like forgiveness is like how you win which is so gay
[00:40:16] It'd be so awesome. We just fuck's up if he fucks up Satan then he comes back to earth. Yeah fucks up
[00:40:21] Jews in Romans. What do you mean? Why Jews? Because he's set him up. Look we've all seen the passion of the Christ
[00:40:28] Dude, but I haven't seen it. What happened? Was he good at how was that?
[00:40:31] Does he go to hell in the passion of the car? Oh, no, no, but that's
[00:40:35] They make it clear that the Jews wall. What do you mean the Jews we he okay?
[00:40:41] You have villainous hook nose ass motherfucker who's clearly at fault. Okay, and Satan looks very Jewish in
[00:40:47] Passion of the Christ. I don't know about that. I think it was the Romans that killed him. No, I did
[00:40:52] You did you did spells on ponchus. We didn't do oh, you're
[00:40:57] I have a question a little spinny black and white thing I have a question for you about passion and Christ about
[00:41:13] I love the gay movie review guys basically bill
[00:41:24] How was bill, mom you never talked about it. I didn't go you didn't go no Brandon what yeah Brandon ruined it
[00:41:31] Fuck like he ruins everything you didn't go to bill. I got tickets for
[00:41:36] Thursday and then I said Brandon you want to come and he said that's just a rehearsal
[00:41:40] I can get us tickets for Friday, and then we didn't go
[00:41:45] He didn't get us the tickets. God damn it. Wait. What a fuck. I have a question. Oh
[00:41:56] Hey, uh-huh if that's when he's dead, right? That's when they kill good used to mean something different. Yeah
[00:42:02] Good used to mean bad. Yeah. Oh, it's like Aram. Oh, she bad. Yeah, Aram made good means bad
[00:42:07] But if yeah, if a girl is bad, that means she's sexy means fat. Yeah, you know
[00:42:12] It's like how fat used to mean bad and then they changed it to pH AT which means pretty hot and tempting
[00:42:18] Right, and then that man nothing when everyone calls me fat
[00:42:20] That's what they're saying that doesn't mean anything anymore and now regular fat we're supposed to pretend like it means
[00:42:25] I mean it I mean it is beautiful. Yeah watch it. Yeah
[00:42:31] We have to pretend being fat. Why can't people just be ugly anymore? I that is it's someone who just like just ugly
[00:42:37] It's so you somebody that just like accepts like you know, yeah, I'm not a beauty
[00:42:43] People used to just have to do that. You're just not in a fucking hot person. Yeah, live your life and now
[00:42:52] Pretend in my head. I still believe I'm sexy like but the world reminds me every day that I'm not every time
[00:43:00] I try and fucking it doesn't work. I'm like, oh, that's right
[00:43:02] Women owe me sex dude. You heard it here first women. Oh all of a sex women. Oh, it's Davara sex
[00:43:08] They owe me money. Oh, really? That's really are you pimping? No, I just drinking I just want I want enough money for my fucking
[00:43:16] Not a ranch, but plot of land that I don't do anything with yeah, you know to be a hermit is what I want
[00:43:22] What are you gonna do where I can where I can sit in the woods and develop intercontinental ballistic missiles
[00:43:34] I think you know this garment does nothing about it
[00:43:40] We can't do anything to stop this man who's developing intercontinental ballistic missiles and pointing them at Israel in the middle of Pennsylvania
[00:43:50] Fuck shout out by the way to the convoy that was
[00:43:54] The Jewish kid calling all those JCC's with bomb threats. Oh, yeah, he wasn't a come boy. Come on
[00:44:01] Oh, he had to have our listeners are in Tel Aviv. That's true. We got a huge fan base out there
[00:44:08] Yeah, actually the entire podcast is just a fucking massage operation. Mm-hmm. Yeah, we're covert
[00:44:16] Well, the whole the whole plan is we turn the nation into a bunch of degenerates with smart with borderline
[00:44:26] Anti-comedy yeah where there's no discernible actual jokes the joke is that it's not a funny or good show
[00:44:32] And then we say things that are racist, but we don't mean them
[00:44:35] But then I actually kind of do racist shit in real life also
[00:44:38] See everyone is it was a fine line. Yeah, everyone enters the state where they don't know why they're doing or
[00:44:46] This comes straight from the top nets in Yahoo's. Yeah, this was his idea. BB writes this all. Yeah
[00:44:51] We're reading scripts for the whole show come because basically they said we could fuck I elect Shikat if we if we do it
[00:44:58] And she's got this like this nazi. This is absolute fucking Nazi
[00:45:03] Knesset that's like fire. Yeah, she looked good. She's like married to like a fighter pilot. Yeah
[00:45:09] She's like she's like good the Palestinian is it that one. Yeah, oh, yeah calling them all like snakes and vermin
[00:45:15] Openly calling for like concentration camps. She's fired. Yeah, she's hot. She's like hot dude. She's allowed to do it
[00:45:22] I tell you here's exactly who she's like the bitch from saving Silverman. Oh
[00:45:27] Yeah, Amanda Pete yeah, but the character not just Amanda Pete like she doesn't look
[00:45:32] I mean she does she kind of looks like a little bit like a man. I would love to fuck him
[00:45:39] You see her tits in the whole nine yards who's early Ernie? He's the one who turns her out
[00:45:44] Uh, Arlie Ernie is the one that goes down to the basement to kill her. Oh, yeah
[00:45:48] He's the the old football coach. That's right. He's the he's the drill sergeant and but they end up
[00:45:56] Yeah, yeah, the end up fucking we're using queers god damn. It's good to see you boys
[00:46:02] Yeah, the one that pile kill that guy rules pile kills him. He's a lawyer alert. Yeah. Oh, no
[00:46:07] It was a no early Ernie's not that it was a real kill. No, no, he died in the movie
[00:46:14] Oh, yeah, yeah, so are we get the fuck her and that's what we get
[00:46:19] So the Mossad makes us do this so we can it's sort of like how Russia today was like
[00:46:26] He's like really pro occupy because they want like to undermine the United States and destabilize
[00:46:33] That's like basically what the Mossad is doing with come town. They're trying to poison the mines interesting
[00:46:39] Yeah, which I think is working great. Um, I
[00:46:45] We got a we got to do that trip to Tel Aviv and do we also work for Russia
[00:46:51] Yeah, I mean have you if anyone's confused about what we're describing
[00:46:54] You just need to see the movie Munich with Eric Bana
[00:46:58] What happened to band it dude? He had a good career there for dude Eric Bana was a stand-up
[00:47:03] Really before he was like an action star. He was an Australian standard a little Syrian girl
[00:47:09] Yeah, that girl like where she's fake right yeah, she's she got a book deal. Yeah, of course
[00:47:15] She's fucking fake is she she definitely is fake right is that confirmed? I barely paid attention to that story
[00:47:21] But it seems like she's a side of she's I think everything's fake, you know, mm-hmm
[00:47:27] Well, you don't be funny if they just if they they're all lying to us if if they ought like to make that same account
[00:47:34] But just put giant breast implants on the girl
[00:47:36] I like to a huge tits on her and then just have all our comments be like I am 100% real
[00:47:47] That would be hilarious that's a good bit. Yeah, I don't know why tits big tits on a child big tits on a child
[00:47:54] I want to make America great again hat that says big tits on a child
[00:48:06] Then just show up to Berkeley no one knows no one knows who to punch
[00:48:12] Yeah, oh dude. I buy those tough ass fucking neo Nazis that fucking punch the woman
[00:48:17] Fucking bitch ass motherfuckers. Yeah, that bitches head like she was like tiny as hell. I don't I didn't see you
[00:48:23] They punch dude, they punch like fucking tread that's those black block people punched a woman last time did they yeah
[00:48:30] They like hit her in the fucking head with like a piece of iron and then maester. I thought they maced a woman
[00:48:35] They didn't punch no there's something that had like a bar or a tube or something that girl with the MAGA hat
[00:48:40] Yeah, yeah, they maced her. I don't know she was like I am under assault basically here's how I feel
[00:48:46] There's a better than all of these people. Yeah, and I have the best opinion, which is full irony
[00:48:56] Just sort of distract yourself until you're dead by saying things you don't mean yeah, that's that is pretty good
[00:49:01] That's the only correct ideology. Oh man. How long do you think till we die till we get the sweet release of death?
[00:49:07] Probably early I kind of part of me does feel like we're gonna find out that like Wi-Fi and cell phones like do have some
[00:49:14] Yeah, I mean people are like there's no link and they're like well, there's kind of a link
[00:49:19] I totally the way like the Romans didn't know they were drinking poison ass lead water
[00:49:24] Yeah, we're gonna just die in a hundred or a thousand we were using lead pain to like the 70s
[00:49:30] I mean there's plenty of shit that we're gonna be confident about like, you know any kind of
[00:49:36] Technological advance and we're really the first generation dying at like 35 40 years old
[00:49:41] Yeah, yeah, we're all of my friends. I don't have a single friend that lived past 37 years old. What are you talking about?
[00:49:48] They're all dead. I've lost 82 friends in the last year
[00:49:56] Because I met him he must have been like 39 and he already looked like he was 70 years old you guys smoked like
[00:50:05] Anytime he's like dude like there'd be like a party or something and he'd crash on the couch and having like here Norman wake up
[00:50:12] Like that that process for Trump. No, I'm sure he did but he's like really anti
[00:50:17] Vote for Gary Johnson Gary John. Yeah, he's like a libertor. He would have voted for Gary Johnson no matter what right?
[00:50:23] That guy ruled man. Gary Johnson. We didn't I don't think we talked about him
[00:50:26] Well, I love how everyone was like, you know when he was like what is a lapo and everyone laughed at him and it's like
[00:50:32] That kind of is the best foreign policy. Yeah, trust him not to do anything
[00:50:37] Yeah, I don't know the fuck that is also. Yeah, it's like Trump. No, it's winning
[00:50:41] I'm not spending a hundred million dollars to bomb a thing. I've never heard
[00:50:47] Love when he just was like yeah, I stopped smoking weed to run for president
[00:50:53] He's like yeah, I don't smoke now because I gotta fucking focus the next couple months
[00:50:58] Soon this election is over, baby. I'm gonna I'm gonna blaze. Yeah, I'm a 420 blaze it up
[00:51:03] We called Trump a pussy. That was awesome. Yeah, that was cool and he talks about how he like
[00:51:08] fucking rides but right like you like some shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he rides man. Oh
[00:51:14] Fuck is he gay? Yeah, I think that is like the height of libertarianism is to just be gay being gay. Yeah
[00:51:21] Yeah, what other movies are out lately?
[00:51:33] Shidden figures. Oh, yeah, I forgot it was the movie about that
[00:51:42] Do not do that. I mean that's such a good pun though
[00:51:47] That's that's literally the plot of the movie
[00:51:51] That's like the plot of the fucking don't do it Nick. I'm not gonna do it. You're the one that fucking said it
[00:51:56] I'm complimenting your joke that you implied and put it everyone's head
[00:52:01] Yeah, like when we drop that the the Moab the mother of all bombs Afghanistan
[00:52:07] I was like texting people saying like you hear about this new bomb the no-ab
[00:52:11] And it makes them do it in their head. Yeah, you don't get in trouble for it. They're like that's immature
[00:52:16] I'm like what I didn't say anything the nephew of all bomb
[00:52:29] Did you see that clip of Fox News showing the footage set to Toby Keith and they're like folks
[00:52:35] This is what freedom looks like. Yeah, that's insane. Yeah, you're happy
[00:52:41] Dying dude. Yeah, just watch no. No, they killed 26 people. They really wanted to probably yeah, that's not people
[00:52:47] Yeah, exactly. I thought you meant like 50 people. Yeah, 26 is like no, no, they spent 300 million dollars to kill 26 people
[00:52:55] Yeah, we're just this this shows that we're just fucked. We're so like you can't do anything
[00:53:01] Like yeah, but there's people like talk about those costs as if like pretty much all like material cost money
[00:53:07] You know like an M16. No, you know, it's 16 costs 480 million dollars
[00:53:11] Well the bomb actually I think costs like a couple million
[00:53:16] But they're when people are putting up that tweet about this could solve Flint's water crisis two and a half times over
[00:53:22] It's it's actually the price of the entire Moab program. So it's like it's not it's not the actual price of the bomb
[00:53:29] Well, how much is the price of the no-ab program?
[00:53:50] Remember that joke I heard the first time I heard that yes, but it's like it didn't make sense to me because I'm like
[00:53:55] But they're the only people that drive Cadillac
[00:53:57] Yeah, they also have the Cadillac's yeah, what's Cadillac stand for?
[00:54:05] Crazy ass. Yeah dick in lots. Hmm. What's Buick stand for asses lots of asses bitch ugly inside
[00:54:35] Yeah, buy a woman named Candice buying a used imperial
[00:54:45] Cut I mean, I only know one word this starts. Yeah, that's the problem. K is it the is the what word is that?
[00:54:59] Nephew yeah, it's like knife. Yeah knife you well
[00:55:04] That's good probably gonna do it for this one. Yeah, and yeah, you know solid reunion episode