Cum Town | Premium | 05/08/2017
[00:00:07] No, I did it on purpose being bad boy. No, we're
[00:00:12] Currently we're they won't be quiet long enough for me to hit record and then people complain to me
[00:00:18] Shut up and say that I did something you always say like I
[00:00:22] Yeah, he's always like oh people hate the show. It's just probably one of all the definition of people is two or more persons
[00:00:28] So if two people fucking say something that's be yeah, but fuck them do I didn't say a bunch of people
[00:00:38] Yeah, so oh now you now you have no problem. Yeah now. We'll be quiet. We'll be quiet for you my lord
[00:00:45] Malik yeah, I'm not editing anything edit this dick bitch. Oh
[00:00:51] There's not enough source material to work
[00:00:53] Oh fuck my dick is not small literally if if if we were to cut your dick in half
[00:01:00] Yeah, it would cause a nuclear reaction
[00:01:06] He's an atom or whatever because it's a fucking you know a cell or I don't know what a nuclear
[00:01:18] What do we would have and we said that's that was a Manhattan project was they were trying to circumcise stop
[00:01:23] I was in there to bring in a bunch of scientists to figure out how to
[00:01:30] That was the man wait is that why I'm on
[00:01:34] That was the man had projects. Yeah, what was the Staten Island project? That's my question
[00:01:41] Do you remember that that reality show that was like Staten Island weddings? No, I remember seeing that on TV
[00:01:49] nickname for him to say you had a big dick but large
[00:01:58] Stavros wait what yeah, dude honestly all this trash you're talking about my dick. I don't appreciate it
[00:02:05] Yeah, we got a real I did a refresher on how nuclear weapons work after
[00:02:11] Have you ever seen that movie? What's the Q-SAC movie fat man a little boy
[00:02:16] That's mine and Adam spin-off pot say anything
[00:02:23] It be as a no, it's the Q-SAC manhattan project movie. I've never seen any John Q-SAC movie really no
[00:02:32] Wait, you've never seen any John Q-SAC name some let's see if I've seen him
[00:02:39] No, he's a shitty actor. He's just like nice, you know people think he's not well
[00:02:54] Yeah, yeah, he was good in that no he wasn't Paul Dano was Paul Dano was great
[00:03:00] And then it was like it would cut to Q-SAC as the older Brian Williams and it was like a completely it's Brian Wilson
[00:03:06] Brian Wilson the news guy. Yeah, he is the new Scott
[00:03:09] He's like I am in Iraq right now. They're like no you're in a newsroom
[00:03:12] He's like the plate is crashing. Yeah, someone's fucking my daughter in the ass
[00:03:16] My daughter got fucked in the ass last week because Lena done her it made her
[00:03:22] Yeah, I think it was any out Paul Dano is much better than him in that movie what Paul Dano just came out of nowhere
[00:03:28] He's using now. He's like in every movie. What do you tell you about movie? Yeah?
[00:03:32] It's weird that people aren't in things
[00:03:34] Who is this guy? I didn't approve of this
[00:03:37] Oh, it was best. He was just supposed to be he was supposed to be in there will be blood like just that first brother
[00:03:44] Right. Yeah comes up to that confused me the first time I saw a fuck out there. It will be blood
[00:03:49] I was like why is this a different guy did he come back? No, yeah, they just liked him so much like oh you can play both roles
[00:03:58] He's great, dude. Yeah, that's for the first time
[00:04:01] I think I remember seeing him, but I'm sure he's been his stuff before my friends. Oh, I'm smoking a spliff
[00:04:06] He does drugs. Yeah, it's my sweet. Well, that's I'm gonna tear down all of my Paul Dano posters when I get home
[00:04:17] Just saw Paul Dano smoking a spliff. He's pretty cute and I said
[00:04:24] Okay, but seriously, what do you think he's good. Yeah, Dano. Yeah, apparently. I don't know. What was his first movie?
[00:04:32] His first movie was I believe Greece to who's a private movie and Brian Singer's house
[00:04:45] It's called the little boy in the balloon. Yeah, it's called Fat Man a little boy
[00:04:49] And he has to play he plays the stavros character. Oh the cool guy that everyone respects
[00:04:55] What do you guys think about this look for me like more of a pat Riley like 1980s?
[00:04:59] Wow, just pure slits. Can I bring it up completely yourself? Yeah, I'm asking I'm waiting you're hoping someone will comment on it
[00:05:06] No, you commented earlier. Where'd you get your haircut? I got a cut on Myrtle not too far from here
[00:05:12] What's the name of the place it's called a gay cuts Brooklyn Brooklyn super hair cuts hair
[00:05:18] It's like a super for gay guys. That's great
[00:05:21] Super gay cuz yeah, it's an old super cuz they made just for gay men my favorite. My favorite is the hair cuttery
[00:05:30] Which is like it's almost like it's like that's what if Sean Spicer was trying to remember
[00:05:37] It's like yes, mr. Trump at the hair cuttery
[00:05:42] I get that job. It's fucking awesome. He's sorry
[00:05:46] See doesn't somebody else supposed to be
[00:05:58] I think it's only fair considering they got you know his show kicked off the air
[00:06:03] Yeah, he should have a job in the administration man Hillary should have won and then we would have had world peace
[00:06:09] That's right. Yeah, it's her. It would be different probably if he'll know it means the show world peace
[00:06:15] So it's still I'm talking about the show. Yeah, we would not have world. Yeah. I thought you meant actual world peace
[00:06:23] That would be hilarious. Maybe we had fucking Bernie fucked it up for her, dude
[00:06:27] Yeah, you bet the Bernie bros were doing coordinated
[00:06:30] Harassment and they forgot to vote. Yeah, let's do a coordinate harassment right now. All right. Yeah, madam
[00:06:36] What we should we should offer it as like a raffle to people who listen to the show
[00:06:41] There's somebody other enemies. Yeah, you can pick one of your enemies and we'll tell people to
[00:06:47] You send us their home address and phone it. Yeah, we'll say it on the show
[00:06:52] But it has to be for a good cause yeah, like it has to be like they owe you sex a father of like a retarded child
[00:07:00] Because but they're not good to their mom me. They're a bad father to him
[00:07:04] So we do it under the guise of we're helping the kid by getting the father murdered. Okay. Oh, yeah
[00:07:09] We're gonna get a kill like that like Batman
[00:07:14] Would really make him kill himself through trolls. How about my dad?
[00:07:19] He's his father of retarded kid. No, yeah, it's a good to him. No
[00:07:24] You have to explain that you got a brother that's autistic. I have a brother who's autistic. Oh, so we should kill my dad
[00:07:30] Let's do it. Do you guys do you guys do you have like a don't say the R word household?
[00:07:34] Did you grew up in or do they give a shit or no? No, no, they have a shirt that he wears
[00:07:40] Clearly marked it already one. Yeah, yeah, I say forget I
[00:07:46] Have a I'm a disabled mentally retarded cousin and we just use a laser pointer
[00:07:51] Directed at her face at all times. So we never forget like a cat
[00:07:57] I've been told by people that I might have mild autism and I don't know I feel like everyone says that about every comment
[00:08:03] Yeah, no, I think I think you two specifically yeah, but
[00:08:13] Because you're both like brilliant, but like your minds. It's not his true about Joe. It's brilliantly gay
[00:08:20] I'm sorry. I didn't finish you're both brilliantly gay. Yeah, but it's like for jokes. You know, it's like autism for jokes
[00:08:25] Yeah, what are we what are we inefficient at like social fucking you know not not with bros?
[00:08:34] Like you guys aren't like cosmopolitan's like me Mike went on it Mike went on a date with me a couple weeks ago
[00:08:41] Oh, yeah, well, I was on a date and Mike was at the bar stops stops more
[00:08:51] Well I heard Adam on a podcast he was talking about girls who watch Annie Hall and they think they can fucking older Jewish guy
[00:08:57] Yeah, and then I saw him at a bar. He was at woods. I'm like 18 year old girl
[00:09:08] Yeah, what flavor of Chinese was she I was like all right on be careful. Yeah
[00:09:13] Yeah, he said be careful and then she turned around and then I just I just did this kind of like this
[00:09:19] Well, you can't really see that on the pod, but it was like I did a scary
[00:09:23] Yeah, I did all you remembered is the rape of an engine
[00:09:30] Yeah, that would be a funny sketch. I'm here's another S&L sketch. There's a Chinese girl named Nan Ching who gets raped
[00:09:47] But it's really good. It's only one girl
[00:09:53] It's just store it's smart. It's very smart
[00:09:59] Yeah, yeah, no, you're right. No, that's true. What about the rape of Don Don King?
[00:10:26] Don't take it literally it's a yes. Oh, yeah, this is really God
[00:10:36] Do you rape Martin Luther King when he's alive or do you like go to his grave and like dig his corpse up?
[00:10:41] I guess it's not right. I guess yeah, it would have to be he'd be unwilling to have sex
[00:10:49] The premise that we can all agree is wrong kind of like the idea man in the room
[00:10:56] And it's up to the other writers. Yeah to make it funny
[00:11:06] Isn't it man king? Yeah, it's nanking it what it's like there's nine different spellings of it. Okay, right
[00:11:16] Yeah, I don't know I would have to look it up. I was
[00:11:21] Reading Jacob. I've been reading too much Jacobin magazine. So I forgot how to spell most, you know, yeah
[00:11:27] Yeah, it's like what the DSA type people read. Oh, it's like smart
[00:11:33] Mike and I are both smart dude. We are chopped choppa, you know, thanks
[00:11:39] Yeah, that way too. Yeah doesn't DSA sound a little close to like like Dick's
[00:11:43] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah dick's like anonymous
[00:11:48] Some some hot woman on Tinder just messaged me and she said she loves Beyonce
[00:11:53] That's got to be a fucking fake, right? What this is somebody trolling you. She's got big-ass juicy titties
[00:12:00] Let me see it's a fake person for sure. It's not a fake
[00:12:03] Why would you say she loves Beyonce? Well, why would it fake? That's all she said that because now the fakes are getting fucking
[00:12:09] Sophisticated like look how big this one is titties. Okay. Yeah, well, she's a bot dude
[00:12:14] She looks like she was dragged through a bush. Yeah. I mean, that's good for you stuff
[00:12:19] It's a look it might she's from double and she's Irish dude. Oh, yeah, she does have she's got a some who she is
[00:12:30] The turf or dancing hooter. I was a fucking restaurant. Yeah. Yeah, what do you mean?
[00:12:39] No, she has a mustache dude. She has a mustache, but those those titties ain't those you know
[00:12:45] Mustaches got a mustache though, dude. Oh, yeah
[00:12:50] Man, let me tell you tell you some you know, I heard the other day. We're gonna gas station little black. What's your full name?
[00:12:56] All right, my name is Dublin. Yeah, you see Dee Dublin is where she went. What's that stand for?
[00:13:09] Shoking on you know, I heard the other day. Can I have my phone back, please? I know I wouldn't
[00:13:16] Let's just say I wouldn't throw her out of bed for eating crackers
[00:13:20] Oh, she does have a mustache. She's got a mustache. Oh, so maybe she's real dude
[00:13:26] Maybe I'm in the mix her opening line was I love Beyonce
[00:13:30] Did I tell that story on the podcast about that old black guy I worked with at the gas station?
[00:13:33] Probably would say it again. Yeah, it would just
[00:13:36] The gas station got bought by another company and he'd been there like 20 years
[00:13:40] And so the new company like made them made everybody sign new like employee agreements
[00:13:46] You know or like employment agreements or whatever and basically that was like, you know, I won't use drugs at work
[00:13:52] You know, yeah, I won't like this is what sexual harassment is and like I won't do it
[00:13:57] Right, right, right and it's like legally they just have to show that you sign that I guess so if they could fucking sue
[00:14:03] They're like we told them not to do right right right right and George refused to sign
[00:14:08] He was like no, I'm not signing that. I'm not a lawyer. I don't know what it says
[00:14:12] And he's like especially all this he's like if a beautiful woman comes in here. I'm gonna say you look sexy
[00:14:21] And he just didn't sign it they didn't do anything about it
[00:14:25] And then he and then he fucking pulled his dick out man
[00:14:27] I'd maybe laugh so fucking hard one time there was like there was some like middle-aged just like I mean
[00:14:37] And like he's like, you know checking her oil for and shit
[00:14:40] Like cleaning her car and I'm like I was by I was there for some reason
[00:14:44] I might have been pumping her gas right and then he was like doing all this extra shit or whatever
[00:14:49] He's like of course. He's like thanks for seeing you. He was just very nice to be you know
[00:14:54] Lettress about it. He was like, you know anything you need you come by, you know, we'll take care of you
[00:14:58] She's like thanks so much. He's like you have a nice day and as soon as she pulls off. He's like, I'll fuck this shit
[00:15:10] Just Janner you know yeah, yeah, dude. I feel like that's where I learned how to be like a pole hair
[00:15:14] Tug jobs that I've had yeah, yeah, you've had a nice boy's like Mike's way more of a truck boy than then Nick or
[00:15:22] No, you move shit for for a while right long time. Yeah run through the jobs all the shit jobs you've had I
[00:15:30] I was a mover. I wore a sandwich board in Times Square. That was a great job
[00:15:36] It was like 70 bucks an hour really for Broadway shows
[00:15:41] Do the shit where the ticket guys for the Broadway shows have to be like part of the show?
[00:15:46] Oh, I hate the way dress up and shit and sing and they're like kinky boots
[00:15:53] You have to send a fucking you know they try to get me to but I was like fuck you
[00:16:01] It's good you tell you're like a Danny's I work for God junk. I cleaned out Woody Allen's basement really
[00:16:08] Skeletons were down there just like how many little ones I'm gonna soil
[00:16:12] Children's panties were like it probably added up to like one skeleton
[00:16:17] Yeah, well he would shove children in his ass
[00:16:26] Digest them like an owl and then shit out their bones. Yeah
[00:16:33] Oh fuck that would be a cool criminal the guy you shit guy that's shoved his kids up his ass
[00:16:47] He's just going around looking like a snake that just ate a goat your parents have the warning you like listen
[00:16:53] There's a bad man out there who wants to shove you up his ass just an outline of says he has candy in his ass
[00:16:59] I want to lower stomach of like tiny hands wrapped around a Nintendo switch
[00:17:14] My name is Jeff that's kind of is what pregnancy is right. It's a woman with a baby shoved in her pussy
[00:17:19] Yes, yeah, technically yes, yeah, that's a pretty scientifically. Why don't you why don't you smoke some weed on that guys?
[00:17:35] Humbtown for six hours on acid with their friends. That's cool. That's such a waste of I kind of want to start micro-adosing
[00:17:41] Dude, I'm telling you heard it's good for like fixing your brain. Yeah. Yeah, you have autism. Yeah
[00:17:57] Micro yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean if you take it like a tenth of a hit of acid
[00:18:02] Yeah, you put it like you put it you put a drop in your Brita filter or something
[00:18:07] You you need distilled water because if you drink other water, it's got like bugs and like little what yeah
[00:18:13] It's got minerals and shit in it little bugs. I'm just kidding
[00:18:17] You know, it's got like you know regular water has like shit in it minerals and stuff
[00:18:21] But if you have if you use it with distilled water
[00:18:24] You could basically just measure out like a certain amount and then like in a pyrex like measuring cup
[00:18:32] And you can pour it, you know, you can put one hit in there
[00:18:34] I'll mix it up and mix it up and then before we record you can find out one
[00:18:41] Hell yeah, I'm down. It's it's really you don't trip you you feel like super present you laugh a lot
[00:18:46] You're very happy nice. Sorry. I'm just thinking about Neil deGrasse Tyson being like a woman gets a baby shoved up her pussy
[00:18:55] Sex that's why that's why he likes, you know space
[00:18:58] Dude he makes a big space. I don't hate space. I just hate people that like space
[00:19:07] Yeah, they never get people but also the ocean school too. Why don't we ever go deep as hell into the ocean?
[00:19:13] We do James Cameron does James Cameron fuck him though other people James Cameron
[00:19:17] James Cameron hit the back wall of the ocean
[00:19:23] Was it Marianas trench? Yeah, there's like weird fish with fucking little fucking yeah, they're like alien shit
[00:19:29] Yeah, a reading light. Yeah on their head. Well, you think there's yeah, maybe there's other cool shit
[00:19:34] They're just down there reading the diary of I think there's there's so much shit
[00:19:38] We haven't even fucking found at the bottom of the damn ocean like you're a dick
[00:19:45] My dick is small, but it's dense. I'm not a test his pot. I
[00:19:53] Dropped my dick swimming one time and it was so heavy a flute at all or
[00:19:58] Reverse floated to the bottom. Yeah, it was a dick that was working for
[00:20:07] Holocaust I love being fucking smart as hell dude. Yeah, I'm just gonna keep getting dumber until I die in like four years
[00:20:15] Sucks dude. It's like how does Sean Spicer mess up all those words and it's like I don't know he's like over
[00:20:23] Brain stops working the smartest I was when I was like 21 I guess and now just stay dumb for the rest
[00:20:29] I'm gonna get Alzheimer's in like four years. I feel it coming on. They're gonna. Yeah, yeah
[00:20:33] They're gonna feel me find me like just wandering around a grocery store
[00:20:38] Beating off. Yeah, we're you dig out but like not on purpose is no
[00:20:46] UPN shows no I forget all that shit. Well, that's all you'll remember
[00:20:50] Yeah, I get they say the no because that's the shit I want to remember
[00:20:53] Oh, that's the she I'm gonna be the one that gets fucked over and I like actually remember my family
[00:21:00] And they're like grandpa you remember my name like that's not fucking important. Yeah, who is Martin?
[00:21:05] I don't care about you. Oh, nice little squeaker. Oh fuck
[00:21:12] Because you put it in the microphone like the phone I it's got a pick up or you're gonna get you're gonna get pink
[00:21:21] You know you're burning you guys with you guys pink eye when she comes on the show
[00:21:25] She's coming on next week. Yeah, dude. My ally
[00:21:29] Have you guys ever gotten food poisoning from eating ass? No, no, I don't think that happens
[00:21:34] That's happened. Well, it's happened to Ian first of all Ian finance who else yeah
[00:21:39] Yeah, cuz he was eating some poopy ass and I think it also happened my smell like good friend art
[00:21:45] Ryan shut, but I don't know if he's want that out there
[00:21:56] Specifically brought that up and well mentioned that it happened to him
[00:21:59] I just want that out there. He seems like the kind of guy that would be mad that you said that he's probably gonna be mad
[00:22:04] Fuck come on me and they're gonna take his break out series away. Yeah
[00:22:17] Yeah, that's perfect right there perfect that just keep going just like that. Oh, it's gonna be a great show
[00:22:24] Look Ryan you're fantastic. You're cute. Yeah, you got a great look about you
[00:22:33] Just keep going. Oh, no, I'm not gonna come. I'm just shitting
[00:22:39] Fuck yeah, that's my first job in New York. I was the doorman at Carolyn. Yeah, which door the back door
[00:22:56] Let's say no fucking really slayed. Yeah, I don't know that fucking
[00:23:01] That last episode was a real dud until last five minutes there. No, I was all right. They're all duds
[00:23:08] You know, yeah, we think they're good energy when there is like pressure and the thing about young man
[00:23:16] Fucking 28 now are you bringing back dick field anytime soon? I mean
[00:23:24] I've been hands off with that guy for like a year now. I
[00:23:28] Literally haven't mentioned him less than probably five or six. We haven't done. I've been said yeah
[00:23:34] I stopped I stopped bringing him up, but he's still like I mean you saw he's so mad at me and it's like come on man
[00:23:41] He still is what do you mean? He brings me up? He brought you up in the retirement letter
[00:23:45] And I don't know fucking Sean McCarthy like screen caps everything that guy writes
[00:23:53] Shouts out to Sean yeah, shout out to Sean good guy. Yeah, thanks for I don't know if he's ever gotten food poisoning from eating ass
[00:24:02] Food poisoning from eating ass sounds like nonsense
[00:24:05] I mean, I don't know. I just I would just threw it out there to the group to see what we had what what was with the ass
[00:24:11] Eating thing a couple months ago. Where did that start?
[00:24:13] It was like more than a couple months ago. It was that it was that like sort of an article about it like it was having a movement or something
[00:24:20] Yeah, that was a year ago. That's trick daddy trick daddy's been talking about eating ass for years
[00:24:27] It was that guy's what's his name guys are starting to feel comfortable to say saying that girls have licked their butts while
[00:24:34] There's also that that that line the that's in a a co-line. It's also in true romance
[00:24:41] Samuel all Jackson is like talking about yeah, I the pussy and the ass. Yeah in Drexel's house. That's right. That's right
[00:24:49] But I don't think that's would cause the movement
[00:24:56] He wasn't just a wigger. He went all he went full doll is Adam Adam is the pro
[00:25:00] Rachel dole's all the scary old men's character
[00:25:04] Yeah, he must have thought it was white boy day. It ain't white boy day is it?
[00:25:10] Yeah, man that guy is a chameleon. How about those pictures of dole's always she's got like a blonde fake blonde dreads and shit in the woods
[00:25:17] Those were old or new what's her new name now? I don't know the cock a Nabisco
[00:25:25] Wall it she chose some like Nigerian ass name. Oh, no, it's all was already her fake black name
[00:25:31] We're told all was not her real. No her real name is like
[00:25:38] Nice from like the Midwest and Rachel like more
[00:25:41] Fucked up of her parents to rat her out. That's what she was talking mad shit on her parents when it when they did it
[00:25:48] They did how would she do that? No, they know parents didn't fucking rat her out when all that shit was going on
[00:25:53] She had like prior to that talk shit about her parents and her parents did like an interview with like ABC or something
[00:25:59] Where they were refuting all this shit she said about like she said she was raised in a teepee
[00:26:05] Which like Native Americans aren't even raised in teepee. I don't know dude
[00:26:09] If I had a parent's killed first of all her parents were like hippies
[00:26:13] She should have she most of them and she did have a weird upbringing
[00:26:16] But also if I had a kid that was just living their truth like Rachel Dole's all I wouldn't fucking like rat her out on national TV
[00:26:23] Like make her fucking laughing stock. Yeah, you know, she was happy dude. Yeah, she was happy being transracial
[00:26:28] I'm pro was all yeah, I'm pro dole's all dude. I think I kind of fuck with her now fuck her
[00:26:34] Where was where was this man? Where was the wager community when dole's all happened?
[00:26:39] That's my question your community's been gone for years. Yeah, is that him fell off? What yeah?
[00:26:50] He should have said something now. It's the Eminem clones dude
[00:26:55] Look dude fuck the Rachel Dole's all that's kind of what that real slim shady song was about right was about people
[00:27:02] appropriating his identity. I think so yeah, so he's anti
[00:27:07] Also with the Pearl Jam song corduroy is about
[00:27:11] Is that man Pearl Jam is fucking the worst band of all time? Well, it's interesting because like
[00:27:20] Like listening to Pearl Jam, but all the songs are like
[00:27:23] You know about the pain of being broken up with or you know like people's copying your jacket or finding
[00:27:32] Fucking not what like Jeremy's about like a kid that he bullied until he killed him
[00:27:38] I mean, that's the perspective of the of the you know the guy in the song
[00:28:00] Second my dick is like a man dick is like a man
[00:28:04] He's like he bore some like a corduroy jacket
[00:28:08] You got like a thrift shop and then I guess there was like articles written about like check out Eddie Vetter is cool jacket
[00:28:18] He's like I don't want all this success
[00:28:22] Yeah, this week. Yeah corduroy. He was also like an early performative woke
[00:28:27] male feminist was it yeah, yeah, wasn't that band originally named mookie Blaylock or something?
[00:28:33] That's a sick name. Mookie Blayclaw. Yeah. Yeah, that's a sick name for a man
[00:28:37] Yeah, cuz they were all their saw wait port their blazers fans right where they from there
[00:28:42] Sonic's fans and mookie Blaylock plays a sonic. Sorry Nick. That's a there's a basketball player named mookie Blaylock
[00:28:50] So stop those cool. Yeah, I'm the world's biggest Pearl Jam fan Nick. Who's your favorite NNBA fan?
[00:28:56] Who's your favorite NBA player from the 1990s 1990s? Yeah, not Michael Jordan. Yeah, okay. Not Michael Jordan. Oh, Scottie fan horn
[00:29:07] There's there's a good there's a fucking there's a fucking and like the playoffs right now are going on and
[00:29:14] The promo commercial for the playoffs are with Scotty Pippen and every fucking time I see that guy
[00:29:19] I cannot stop laughing about how much he looks like a song. Yeah, exactly
[00:29:28] We can Photoshop a good picture people have to have done it, dude
[00:29:31] Yeah, he looks almost exactly like Osama bin Laden. Yeah, he's probably a little it's just that hard to look like Osama bin Laden
[00:29:38] Oh, it's got a big nose and it's just two really funny people look the same. Yeah, him and Osama bin Laden and also
[00:29:45] Old Ringo star and Yasser air fat look exactly the same ring
[00:30:00] Like Tom Hardy who Tom Hardy sexy shit though
[00:30:05] But there's like three different actor there's like other chairs movie the invitation
[00:30:10] Mm-hmm. I think yeah, I think there's a guy that just looks identical. I mean, it's not him obviously
[00:30:16] But there's a guy that looks identical to him in that movie and then
[00:30:23] Don't know jai Courtney or jai Whitney jai. No Michael jai white. No, not Michael jai white
[00:30:29] That guy rules dude black dynamite. Have you seen the video of him teaching Kimbo slice out of punch? No
[00:30:34] Yeah, it's pretty cool. That guy's awesome man. All right, but I'm like alright. He's who a real one can't Kimbo
[00:30:40] Yeah, yeah, yeah, he fucking rules. He was the official bear knuckle brawler of comes
[00:30:45] Yeah, how did he die again was a heart attack? Yeah, I think it was a brain aneurysm
[00:30:50] Man, those are crazy. You don't know anybody that died of those. No, what happens your brain just people just drop fucking dead
[00:30:58] Oh, yeah, I guess in a brain aneurysm. It's like no symptom is or anything
[00:31:03] Fuck I worked with a guy. He was my age. He was like 21 at the time
[00:31:08] Yeah, you like just didn't show up to work and then three days later like oh, you're sorry everybody
[00:31:15] Yeah, man fucking unexpected deaths you have any Adam? I
[00:31:21] Just I just heard someone killed himself recently. Yeah, you guys died
[00:31:24] How long you think it would take for them to find you? Well considering my apartment smells like cat shit probably four and a half months
[00:31:30] Yeah, yeah, Nick doesn't text back either. So we'd be
[00:31:38] Fuck you if you was hanging out with his Hollywood friends BAM or Jara and dog bounty hunter and all the guys
[00:31:44] He's hanging out with him fucking Hollywood
[00:31:46] It's a boss. He's right. Yeah, I wasn't I wasn't hanging out with BAM or Jara dog the bounty hunter. Yes. Yeah
[00:31:55] Yeah, yeah, you was an Eric Andre's birthday
[00:31:57] What nobody was talking to him why did you talk to him? I would have fucking talked to him because there
[00:32:05] I was like is that dog the bounty hunter and then androski was like no
[00:32:09] It's just a dog the bounty hunter like impersonator. Yeah, you never know especially to Eric Andre could just hire
[00:32:15] Was it him? I'm pretty sure it was him. Hmm. I would it well
[00:32:19] Obviously if you go to him, you got to give the traditional Hawaiian greeting. So you say mahalo brother
[00:32:24] Of course, how you do? Yeah, by the way good for Eric Andre for smashing Rosario. Oh
[00:32:33] She's she's sick dude. She's Bernie. She's Bernie. She's the hottest girl ever
[00:32:38] I've had a crush on you for yum yums. I've had a crush on her for years since then
[00:33:05] He thought it was about collecting rent so that appeal
[00:33:08] On one level and then he's found out about being HIV
[00:33:15] Can't wait to get in the intricacies of landlord rules
[00:33:18] Why why why somebody has to be the Seth why do you think Adam? I think you're the Seth
[00:33:40] So that's true. I'm instantly disqualified. Yeah, you're pretty woke low-key, dude. No, I'm not
[00:33:46] You should see the no, but but you haven't seen the books that are in Nick's room low low-key
[00:33:52] Low low-key below the low the secret level that only I know about yeah, Nick is low-key the most woke
[00:33:58] No, no, he's actually low low-key the most socialist and most woke. I'm the most but even lower key than that
[00:34:05] There's different series of keys. Yeah, I mean you get to the bottom key
[00:34:12] Which again, thank you for accusing me of being that that's what I'm getting that on the back of my my motorcycle club cut
[00:34:21] I finally get in that motorcycle gang. I'm getting crypto fashions spelled out little tiny skulls
[00:34:27] It's cool. It's like tails from the crib. Yeah. Well, it's like a Nazi, but you're good at hacking
[00:34:34] That's pretty good. Mmm. That's hacking
[00:34:36] I remember that movie 25th hour with Rosaria Dawson. No. Yeah, she was an Alexander her titties are out in that
[00:34:44] We better believe your boy did a little fucking googling. Oh, you saw the movie Alexander because it was like about like
[00:34:51] Greek type four movie. No, I never saw it. I just saw the fucking the the TV scenes
[00:34:56] You didn't see it. No, fuck no, stop. You should get one of those little like those little hats at Dom Deloise
[00:35:01] You swear no, I can't do that. I can't do that
[00:35:05] But I don't know how to do that the little you know what hat you need with the hat that that that
[00:35:10] Which is named hooker wears in the sting that big like poofy. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, hell. Yes, dude
[00:35:18] Yeah, I think I weren't captain's hat you should get into a feds
[00:35:21] Fez I don't think you know what this hat looks like up from this angle looks like one of the guys on the death star
[00:35:28] That was like bad to get choked out. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Did you guys see the box?
[00:35:33] You're like setting faces now. Yeah, right away. I wave Vader. Yeah, I would if that was me
[00:35:40] I'd fuck up Darth Vader. Did you see rogue one? Yeah?
[00:35:43] Is it bad? I like it. It was okay. I watched the trailer and I was bored by the trailer
[00:35:50] Yeah, I mean it's I fell asleep to be honest
[00:35:53] But I was also sitting and then like at the end I was seeing I found out the guy seeing next to me
[00:35:58] It was like this total spur go. That was just like
[00:36:01] But first of all I think we need to talk about a couple things. I was like I don't know we do yeah
[00:36:06] No, he's like I thought they got a couple of words talking. Yeah. Yeah, he just like starts talking like during the credits
[00:36:12] Yeah, yeah, you just like starts going like you what it's like so sad about what they got wrong
[00:36:17] Imagine being that to a stranger. You mean what they got wrong. Yeah, you are consuming the bits
[00:36:25] Books or some gay shit. I don't know well. It's leading up to a new home. Yeah, I'm a direct prequel
[00:36:30] It was cool. I mean that part was cool. There's some sweet parts put as long that dude's reading the Star Wars books fucking
[00:36:37] nerds dude bigger nerds and you can imagine I
[00:36:40] Don't think I had a friend that spent like a long time in jail and he got like real into reading while he was in jail
[00:36:46] Gate but the shit that he was reading was like wait, he turned gay and he's a lift he did
[00:36:56] My god like the fucking dumbest version of Malcolm X
[00:37:07] Sorry, I mean you got to get something in there, right? Yeah, yeah
[00:37:10] Yeah, no, it was always funny when he would like cuz he would go to jail for like two years and then he would get out
[00:37:16] And you would have to like listen to him like catch up on culture
[00:37:20] And be excited about shit. He's like oh my god. Have you seen Dan in real life?
[00:37:30] Tell me about his friend that got out of jail and then got Instagram
[00:37:34] I was like did it understand the social borers of Instagram. Yeah, he was like posting porn
[00:37:47] Posting like hardcore porn. Yeah, my when my room at George first got into my old roommate
[00:37:53] Well, what who's that comic in these rust green does that his tumbler?
[00:37:57] Rousers tumbler is like it's all like very woke stuff and then
[00:38:01] Black Lives Matter all black lives matter that after 5 p.m. It's like
[00:38:09] Nubian pussy viewers. It's always like and it's brownest juicy as
[00:38:18] 8k image of a black woman's pussy with like sweat beating
[00:38:24] You can see like all the individual pores it looks like a basketball but like a quote of Marcus Garvey
[00:38:30] Superimposed over it also. Well, it doesn't really have that crossover
[00:38:34] It's like you know, it just has like a 5 p.m. Switch. That's true. It's like a nighttime thing. You're right
[00:38:40] It's a little bit later than that. Yeah, it's like ten ten or eleven. It'll immediately proceed like posting about how much he loves his children
[00:38:50] I mean, there's no reason why you shouldn't use social media like that. I mean, it's pretty honest. Yeah, no, it's honest
[00:38:55] Yeah, yeah, Russ probably isn't in any weird shit
[00:38:58] Or else it's a cover for like the real freaky shit. He's into but I don't think so. I think that's what he's beating off to he's letting you know
[00:39:18] Yeah, shout out shout out to Russ for beating off publicly
[00:39:28] Let's see here. I feel like we should ask Mike a question. Maybe yeah
[00:39:32] So we haven't utilized our guests enough in this episode not at all but first of all we got a real God with Google head in the stew today
[00:39:42] We I know Mike you're a come-down fan and I also know that we've said a lot of disparaging things about Italian Americans
[00:39:52] Stop or apologize. That's Nick wants to say something to you fuck you
[00:40:01] Yeah, Mike was supposed to bring fucking meatballs, but we don't I try I tried making a pizza and it didn't turn out
[00:40:06] I was making a pizza and I got too busy getting a first base with my fingertips. So I
[00:40:14] That is so funny you couldn't bring meatballs because you you were making a piece of that's the most Italian sensible time
[00:40:23] It's devaluing my currency. Oh, no, is that Italy or is that Venezuela?
[00:40:28] What about Burlescone? What do you know about Burlescone? What is that?
[00:40:31] Yeah, you rule the old Prime Minister of Italy that was basically he was the king of Italy in the early 2000s
[00:40:39] And he was just fucking young girls and shit. Yeah, he was having a banga banga parties. They were called
[00:40:45] We'd fuck like 17 year old Moroccan girls was that before Mussolini or
[00:40:51] Then Mussolini came in and fix the country
[00:40:54] Actually my uncle we went to Italy last year my uncle gave us like a tour and he showed us where Mussolini spoke and he was like they
[00:40:59] Started off with some good ideas and then they
[00:41:10] How do I explain it you know when you make it a meatball?
[00:41:14] I love that shit dude when fucking Europeans aren't like do not
[00:41:19] Denounce though like there's so many people in Greece. They're like fascists. Mm-hmm. How can you?
[00:41:23] How can you be like yeah, they're not there too many faggots. Yeah, literally too many fucking black people selling CDs
[00:41:31] That's what they do in Greece by the way. Let's all see these blue leg CDs. That's a word. She did literally. Yes
[00:41:41] So you got family on the other side that are the here Chinese people do that I know and which we don't have Chinese in Greece
[00:41:48] But it's weird that they would if that's if the if the blacks are the Chinese of Greece. I don't understand why they're
[00:41:54] Somebody's really racist to Chinese immigrants here. Yeah, I think so really
[00:42:00] There are no there's no racist in terms of like they do the voice or whatever and then the stereotypes
[00:42:06] But it's not like anyone's like you know what I can stand
[00:42:10] Chinese people, you know, I feel like yeah, I'm trying to say that no never I
[00:42:14] I'm like basically because you were living with them. Yeah, I don't know why I never said I hated them either
[00:42:20] They were like great to me. They covered for me when the FBI showed that is cool that the fuck it. That is right
[00:42:26] Yeah, I heard they never go to the cops, right?
[00:42:29] Spalded out for me. It was like even if they real police we tell them we don't know you
[00:42:36] Wow the Chinese and the Italians. Yeah, I don't fuck with police. Yeah, but the Italians all end up snitching anyways. That's true
[00:42:42] That is true. Yeah, it's a lot of performative being against nichos
[00:42:46] Yeah, well I heard you can get like nine out of ten guys to snitch
[00:42:48] You just show him pictures of his family
[00:42:50] Like his daughter's mustache and he's like you're never gonna kiss this girl
[00:43:04] Yeah, remember how fat Johnny Sacks daughter that
[00:43:06] Oh, so good his wife. Oh, yeah, that was the joke that Tony told the the what was the joke
[00:43:13] He told they got Johnny sack that Ralph did the ball
[00:43:16] It was the mold 90, but Tony had a go and he goes when she hauls. They asked you has to make two trips
[00:43:22] Yeah, the Chinese don't really they don't like romance
[00:43:27] hardship like other other people do they just sort of they do it
[00:43:31] Yeah, well work is like like work is like part of life
[00:43:35] Yeah, you know, it's not like us where we hate working. Yeah working. Yeah, we're gonna get it. Love it
[00:43:40] I really I really fucking hate working. I hate having to do anything
[00:43:43] All of the Asian girls that I've dated like give money to their parents
[00:43:48] Which is crazy to me. I do I give my parents money
[00:43:51] But like every month they have like a breadwinner
[00:43:54] One time my mom saw my apartment and she was like there's too much clutter. You got to be a minimalist like an Asian
[00:43:59] That's when your mom knows about Asians. Yeah, yeah, oh
[00:44:05] Fuck you ever think about like how how like racist your family is and how much it kind of rubbed off on you
[00:44:11] Oh for sure. It's like not necessary to reduce people their races all the time. Yeah
[00:44:17] There's no way around it. Yeah, my dad is just racist because he's stupid. Yeah, it's like I don't know
[00:44:23] It's also because he's Greek. Yeah, that's why he's stupid
[00:44:32] Dude, come on Greeks are too dumb to be as loud as Italians, which is why Italians are more obnoxious
[00:44:38] That's not true. We're not too dumb to be loud. Yeah, which is fucking no
[00:44:42] I mean like culturally they don't have a loud enough culture to be as despised as the Italians are
[00:44:47] Hmm. We're good. We're good at like art and stuff. You know, it's interesting. We're good at like art and but not the American one
[00:44:53] I'm interesting to me is like they come like so like Italian whose cuisine is better, you know
[00:44:59] Oh, it's fuck off, dude. Really fucking souvlaki and shit. I don't know. I go Italian, baby
[00:45:05] Yeah, I mean what probably but it's like bad for you. You guys like you guys would get fat eating Italian food
[00:45:12] You know the episode of sopranos where they go back to Italy. Yeah, and fucking oh, yeah, and fucking Paulie
[00:45:19] They just clown Paulie for asking Paulie's so excited because he's gonna finally go back to the to the motherland
[00:45:25] And then he just comes he comes over and everyone's like you this guy's a fucking clown. Yeah, yeah, commend the story, you know
[00:45:33] It's like I don't know. I guess it's like
[00:45:36] There's a such a divide I guess between
[00:45:40] Immigrant groups in America. Wow like our Greek are Greek Americans are Greek Americans judged by Greek people in the same way
[00:45:47] It's not as bad because there's a huge I feel like that you know Italian American
[00:45:54] Like fucking identity that's happened. Yeah, it is much different from a town in a way that there's like I read it
[00:46:00] It's all the core stuff. They're loud. They're rapey there. Yeah
[00:46:04] Yeah, ass women. They of course. Yeah, it's a lot of the same shit. They're loud in different ways
[00:46:09] I feel like there's no Greek American tradition here like there was an Italian American tradition
[00:46:13] I had an uncle. I'm wondering yeah, I had a great uncle. He had this garden and he like hated squirrels because they would eat his garden
[00:46:19] So he would like trap the squirrels and gas them with the exhaust of his car
[00:46:28] He was like really old he was my grandmother's brother and one Thanksgiving
[00:46:32] He like made my cousin cry because he's talking about how he gases squirrels
[00:46:35] And she's like crying and he's like you know what else I'll do know I think it a squirrel
[00:46:40] And I like he like poor boiling water on the new stuff
[00:46:48] That's hilarious. Yeah, I feel like we're losing that that beautiful
[00:46:54] What is it? What's the vendetta shit called?
[00:46:57] Oh, Meredith shit. Is it what then was vendetta? No, the dead is like revenge or something. Yeah
[00:47:03] Yeah, Meredith's like my code, but we're rewatching sopranas me and my girlfriend and she's so mad that
[00:47:08] Melphy didn't tell Tony about the rape. Yeah
[00:47:11] I'm mad that she had to get rates like it was a rape necessary
[00:47:16] I don't know that's what makes the show funny
[00:47:29] It is the funny show though for you. Well, I love that she tracks the guy down and he's what he's like working at like a
[00:47:35] Wetzel's pretzels or something. Yeah, he's wearing a fast food
[00:47:43] She's in American history X right every Norton gets raped, but yeah, why did they do it because he made friends with the black guy or something?
[00:47:50] Well, no, it's because he's because he challenged the like power structure of the Nazi organization
[00:47:56] He didn't become friends with the black guy until afterwards. Okay, he pissed them off by like being like you guys aren't real Nazis
[00:48:02] Oh, yeah, because he saw them like dealing drugs to the black eyes or whatever
[00:48:06] Oh, and he didn't realize that they were like prison Nazis, which is just like
[00:48:11] You know, it's like not real. You just have to be a Nazi. Yeah, it's just a prison
[00:48:16] I mean if any one of us went to prison we'd we'd turn into a Nazi. Yeah, probably I couldn't
[00:48:29] Was wondering it's like what what's my what would I like you get your white?
[00:48:34] You have to join the area in brotherhood, but like you would find the biggest
[00:48:38] People do you'd probably just get turned up actually you probably you probably teach people how to write letters. Yeah, that's all I would danger
[00:48:45] Mine's the Adam. I forgot you were Jewish for a second. Oh, you're welcome. Thank you. He wasn't looking at you from profile
[00:48:50] Yeah, I don't look that but you know you would also
[00:49:08] There's 1400 pound people doesn't mean I'm not fat
[00:49:15] Pound yeah, that's like a fucking Toyota 700 pound people had almost like Nazi propaganda. Yeah, you do
[00:49:23] Have you ever seen that actor like I from Spin City Richard kind? Yeah, he looks more Jewish
[00:49:29] No, no, he doesn't I guess he does no you look much more Joe Phil looks more
[00:49:41] Anyway, yes, you do look very Jewish. You've seen that actor five ish Finkel. Yeah, okay fine
[00:49:46] That's the most Jewish guy of all time. I've it. Yeah. Well, also the name doesn't help
[00:49:53] For Hollywood. I think I look pretty good. No said you look bad. You definitely would get raped in prison though
[00:50:02] Yeah, because you look good. Yeah, because you're cute because I'm pretty yeah
[00:50:06] So those ash cheats like Ali. I'd fuck those ass cheeks. They would ask me what the map does immediately
[00:50:10] Yeah, I got DSLs. I know the deal. Would you okay Adam?
[00:50:15] You'd also have to get over the hurdle of me writing letters to the prisoners saying that you're a child molasses
[00:50:25] Fun bit even though he's in here for some kind of tax thing obviously
[00:50:32] Like children black children prison for social
[00:50:41] When you go to prison how do they find out that you're a child molester
[00:50:48] Watch the news or something or yeah, I think everyone wants child molasses to get raped even the guards
[00:50:52] Yes, it's because we got raped in prison just for looking like a child
[00:50:56] If you're being like arraigned and there's other guys at the same time
[00:50:59] And then you're like being sent to jail with other guys that were on the same docket as you right right they would probably
[00:51:07] Yeah, he's getting here about that. You know Kurt has a bit about I love that bit. It's really good
[00:51:12] It's really funny the big black card menskers bit about
[00:51:15] Apparently subway Jared not having a good time in prison. Yeah, it's like don't worry. He's being raped
[00:51:30] One other beautiful man the joke is that that's what the law does to deal with people is
[00:51:36] That well, yeah, it's part of a much bigger bit. I don't want to just do curtain that's for stand up
[00:51:41] On my podcast. All right. Well, there's two types of black people. Okay. Oh do this one. This is this bottom
[00:51:47] You see you do it for that the rest of it. No, there's black people and there's a mother
[00:51:52] And you've already said the N word more than anyone else on the show. What are you talking about?
[00:51:55] You say it the most even in real life. That's not even true at all. You say it all the time. Yeah, I
[00:52:01] Never ever said that four times today. I would never say that word
[00:52:05] Sometimes you pause the podcast to say to get out of your system kind of like Tourette's. I didn't say I went
[00:52:13] I went like a month of 2017 without saying it and then I saw a guy not pick up after his dog. I was a white guy too. I
[00:52:25] Was like I was my first of 2017 and I started letting it fly again. Yeah, dude
[00:52:30] You say in your head or you said it out loud loud
[00:52:33] But like under breath. Yeah, nobody else was in the car
[00:52:45] You know, yeah, I agree of all the worry. I mean you can't make things off limits
[00:52:52] Yeah, well, I'm not even a freedom of speech guys. It's just like I
[00:52:56] Can't help myself. Yeah, you say I can't say something. I gotta say it right. It's like need to fly
[00:53:03] You know, it'd be like if you know, there was like people walking around and they had like a button on their forehead
[00:53:11] You're like oh, hey, man. Like I wouldn't just be staring at that button the entire time I'm talking to you
[00:53:17] Oh my friend Doug got suspended and that's what turbines are
[00:53:24] Mike doesn't got suspended for calling a girl a Negro and that's the little and then his mom might as well
[00:53:37] And then his mom argued his way out of the suspension by saying he didn't know what it meant
[00:53:42] And I always remember thinking like his mom is he growed derogatory?
[00:53:47] I mean, I got I let them go in the garbage truck once
[00:53:51] Because this guy gave me a parking ticket
[00:53:53] I was eating my lunch and I know standing and he just comes over and scans the car
[00:53:57] And he gives me a parking ticket and there was a but he walked away
[00:54:02] You know black gentleman of the variety. Yeah, and I just let it go. Oh, how did he feel about it?
[00:54:08] He was like whoa, I was like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that guys made me so mad Wow, that's incredible
[00:54:13] So sometimes your need to say it's so bad
[00:54:16] Even around a black person you let it fly
[00:54:19] Blind rage, dude. It's good. No because we worked at a place where like they they just they made me say it all
[00:54:25] Yeah, they made me say it all I was the only white guy that worked there
[00:54:28] I only say it into an asshole that I'm eating
[00:54:40] Indigenous magic. Yeah, wait, so you work in a garbage truck too. Yeah works for a gut junk. Oh
[00:54:47] Sanitation, it's not really a cool business. They're like, hey, what should we name our business?
[00:54:52] It's like oh, let's just steal the god milk of a advertisement
[00:54:59] What other weird shit you fucking clear out? I'm sure you saw a bunch of I found we found we were cleaning out like a like a dead hoarders apartment
[00:55:06] And oh god, we found like we found like towels covered in human shit
[00:55:11] I like called my boss and he tried to make me go back and clean it up. That's incredible. Yeah, he's like it's not shit
[00:55:17] It's just a yellow stuff with stains on it. I talked to the super
[00:55:20] That's a fucking a horrifying so I'm like I'm not going back in there to do that
[00:55:24] I like had to google like I can see myself getting at that point like running if I was like broke and living by myself
[00:55:32] Run out of toilet paper and you're like
[00:55:42] I'm gonna wait until some garbage man throws my
[00:55:47] Some aspiring comedian some guy who takes improv classes will clean this up
[00:55:57] Who who else would work at that fucking job? It was it a bunch of fuck it was all like full-time guy?
[00:56:02] I was doing really yeah, yeah, yeah, it is weird doing the like because like with commercial and happy commercial production
[00:56:09] It's always people that like well, I want to be a producer or whatever
[00:56:12] Yeah, but there's a couple of guys that are just like no, this is this is like my only yeah
[00:56:17] And they're like we're also gonna make 200 bucks a day
[00:56:18] Yeah, they are like legitimately like blue collar guys and those are the funniest guys to be on the truck with yeah
[00:56:29] Going on set this is important recon guy work with they were going set and he would call everyone on set the end
[00:56:42] Yeah, yeah, it was like that. Yeah, I'm like Phil that guy Phil. Yeah. Yeah, yeah
[00:56:46] He's like almost has like like sort of like almost a British accent
[00:56:51] Yeah, I think he was like raised in Britain actually he's like a professional skier
[00:57:00] No, no, no, this other guy the poor ring guys are different kind of professional skier
[00:57:09] Yeah, I'm touching my nose in the cocaine gesture my friend Joe called me one time
[00:57:13] He was like can you dump my truck in the morning and I was like yeah
[00:57:16] He's like thanks Mike. He's like yo call me in M one time and I was like I can't there's too many standing around
[00:57:20] But once I'm Jamil said I was worried I wasn't talking enough this episode, but then we got into the end words say in the end
[00:57:30] Do you ever do you ever say it while making pasta?
[00:57:35] That's Christmas dinner at Mike's house
[00:57:41] Everyone goes around the table says it I asked my grandma
[00:57:43] I was like what would bother you more if I was gay or if I brought home a black woman and she was like well
[00:57:48] She thought about her second. She's like if you were gay that wouldn't be your fault
[00:57:59] I do have the distinct impulse to kiss my fingertips after hearing that. I guess that's where it comes from
[00:58:07] She really thought that's the best part. She really fucking turned it over in her head
[00:58:11] It wouldn't be your fault. So at least she thinks it's not your fault
[00:58:14] Yeah, it's very weird. We're so similar to the black community, you know in a lot of ways
[00:58:21] The ities. Yeah, the day goes. Yeah, would you say I guess I mean I know not really well?
[00:58:32] That's gaudy jewelry one. Yes Sean John tracks
[00:58:39] Although this just that's not a thing anymore
[00:58:41] There's a thing in the 70s. Yeah, because now they just look like regular sedans
[00:58:45] Yeah, I mean there's no full-size Americans sedans anymore like there used to be yeah
[00:58:50] shame the new the new like top of the line Cadillac is like a race car
[00:58:55] Basically, oh yeah, I saw that thing the two door joint
[00:58:59] Well, they have a coop. Yeah the a Tsv and the CTSV the CTSV has like 600 horsepower
[00:59:06] It's got like a Corvette engine in it. Wow. That's a lot of horses
[00:59:09] Yeah, which is like that's not like a Cadillac should be a big ignorant car
[00:59:15] Yeah, you drive around it, you know scream it at 14 year old Puerto Rican girls
[00:59:21] That's what a Cadillac sexually or as children in that
[00:59:28] Driving around trunk open with Christmas lights
[00:59:34] We do kind of get the short end of the stick and shell business though because it's like we're not white
[00:59:38] But we're not you can't pay for faces anymore. Yeah
[00:59:43] I thought it was I thought a funny. Oh, I might have mentioned it before but a funny sketch idea would be like
[00:59:54] The forties and it's like a blackface performer and he's on stage and he's like saying
[00:59:58] Advancing but then his like hand brushes his face and some of the makeup comes off and then the audience is like oh
[01:00:03] It's like all disappointed because I realized it's not a black guy
[01:00:10] The whole time there's a black guy. Yo, how awesome is it that Ted Danson at the roast of fucking?
[01:00:21] And he thought it was gonna go over you
[01:00:24] You can't find that video has been like wiped. Yeah, well, you know what also people forget is said Mackelmore
[01:00:30] Dressed up like a Jewish. I remember that and then they never ever that. Oh god. What's that fucking smell?
[01:00:39] Now you know so much worse than the cats
[01:00:42] Some sweet retribution what do you mean retribution? Those are my fucking cats. It's your apartment, baby
[01:00:48] It's all brought those cats into our lives. No, I didn't yes, you did. No, I fucking did it
[01:00:53] How we would never be in that apartment otherwise
[01:00:56] Yes, you would I mean maybe everyone you would use me with from my chappo connections to get on that podcast
[01:01:05] And then you would go over there to do that items the only one I told I told stop this story
[01:01:12] Pundit actually MSM mainstream media. Yeah, you're good at all that stuff. Yeah, your parents call you to like talk about politics, right?
[01:01:19] It sucks really I never talked to my oh my parents have no idea what's going on in politics
[01:01:25] Yeah, but I am like a big chappo fan like I've put those guys on such a pedestal recently and we were at Adam's birthday party
[01:01:31] Oh, yeah, you met them. Yeah, well my you never talked to him my girlfriend talked him. Oh, this is so funny
[01:01:37] So obviously I'm like all these you know
[01:01:39] Yeah, these guys are like great and I go over in Deb's talk in a will manneker for like 20 minutes
[01:01:45] And I'm like I'm gonna see if she needs anything
[01:01:47] I'm like you want to drink she's like now. I'm alright and she's like so don't fucking tell me I'm a press cuz I'm a woman
[01:02:01] I'm gonna make you help me rape a 14 year old to make up for this wait. We'll say she's like what oh never mind
[01:02:08] I'm stepping on the story pro. No go ahead. I don't know. That's all I know oh no
[01:02:11] Will said that you came up he was will was trying to tell your girlfriend that that she is a feminist or something and
[01:02:19] And apparently you came up to him. It was like yeah, don't listen to her. She had a terrible upbringing
[01:02:36] Love that shit dude. That shit is so good
[01:02:39] But yeah, those guys are funnier than most comics that I know
[01:02:43] Well comedies dead comedy's are funny comedy's not funny at all. We were just taught
[01:02:50] For the show started that was perfect example of never mind
[01:02:55] Remember then good if you know yeah, I fucking got I even I've been like I haven't enjoyed there's like two comics
[01:03:03] I enjoy watching me stand up comics me and who more salt tapes
[01:03:08] Uh more salt tapes than me actually I watch tapes. I got a VHS player so I could watch tapes
[01:03:19] That's my favorite I have to go find video cassettes of more salt watch who's not dead by the way
[01:03:30] Yeah, but I refuse to watch any format other than tape
[01:03:37] You know if you if you want like an honest answer as to why I don't think that like the future of comedy is
[01:03:44] Either stand up or television or any kind of old media is because of like how quickly
[01:03:50] You can get the jokes which are like the element of jokes
[01:03:55] It makes you laugh or what you enjoy is like incredibly ephemeral. It's gone immediately
[01:03:59] You only laugh at a joke once you can you can rewatch stand up specials
[01:04:03] But it's diminishing returns and you're just sort of appreciating like how good they are comedy, right?
[01:04:10] with like stand up especially now if something happens and people want to comment on it it's gonna happen on social media right away and
[01:04:19] Then you go to a club and then you see somebody do like a half-assed version of shit
[01:04:24] You're already right online. Yeah, and I mean like it's just not but does if you want that's why I think it's not gonna be topical shit
[01:04:30] I think it's gonna be more like personal shit's like beating into the fucking ground
[01:04:37] No, that's not true. That's the one place stand up is different other
[01:04:41] Yeah, you can I think you're yeah, I think you're deluding yourself into thinking
[01:04:48] Experiences are all that different because the personal shit more often than not just is like well
[01:04:53] It's a shitty date. I went on or but what about the thing I saw and it's like yeah
[01:04:57] But you don't have emotions, so you don't you don't connect to that sort of stuff. Yeah, I feel like other people is not really emotional
[01:05:05] Right, yeah, but see that's yes. It is sometimes it is from the gut. Yeah, that's who is doing
[01:05:12] Some shit funny stuff is when you reveal something about human nature. Yeah about how we want to you know sure
[01:05:19] But then if I know all those observations I would say are tried at this point
[01:05:22] I mean you have to like it when you consider that stand-up comedy has in its like modern form has only been around like maybe
[01:05:30] 35 40 years right like this kind of stand up. Yeah, no, it's like
[01:05:36] It's entirely possible that in the grand scheme of things going on stage and telling jokes was gonna be a
[01:05:44] Short-lived form of delivering any kind of content or entertainment. I mean, it's what's the future like potty?
[01:05:50] Yeah, maybe yeah something more like immediate. I mean obviously you're gonna always need to have
[01:05:56] some kind of like honed or crafted you know
[01:06:00] Output and but I think what if you want to do comedy in that way it has to be through some kind of narrative
[01:06:07] It's not gonna be like yeah, it's not gonna be it's not gonna be stand up and it's like stand-ups huge
[01:06:13] I mean, I think it's something like jazz where it's like there's still jazz clubs
[01:06:16] But no one really gives a fuck about it. You know, I mean like I could see something like that
[01:06:20] I just you know like doing stand-up and I want to do it for the rest of my life and then also do other shit five more years
[01:06:26] Yeah, I do think stand-up is like jazz though. Yeah. Oh, yeah
[01:06:38] We should take Emma Stone like a UCB show
[01:06:41] Yeah, I mean I like about the jokes. They're not saying yeah, I like stand-up too
[01:06:45] And I mean I would always want to continue doing stand-up, but it's it just feels like I like watching
[01:06:52] And and the thing about Santa is that you can't you can't replace
[01:06:57] like the the live aspect you can't replace like the presence of a comic with
[01:07:03] Like all the clubs are driving themselves into the fuck well
[01:07:06] That's because the clubs aren't like necessarily a sustainable business model, but I think totally good
[01:07:11] That doesn't mean like making an effort to actively not be a sustainable business model
[01:07:16] That doesn't mean that people shit that doesn't mean that like actually like
[01:07:21] Sitting and seeing a comic and like being present or you know
[01:07:25] Performing in a live setting and being present with an audience sure I guess have some sort of value
[01:07:29] I don't know. I mean I like the overwhelming majority of comedy I watch is just like
[01:07:34] Boring now at this point. Yeah, that's sure sure
[01:07:38] But I don't think it's because I'm a comic and I've like been watching comedy
[01:07:43] Well, like all the fucking times I think that's 15 years. No, I don't think it's sad. I think it's like
[01:07:49] Legitimately people have run out of shit to say
[01:07:52] Maybe who cares also that the the other aspect of like
[01:07:57] The fact that comics have been elevated too much and like well, we are philosophers
[01:08:05] And part like my like I love Patrice, right? Yeah, I think Patrice O'Neill's hilarious
[01:08:11] I probably politically and fundamentally disagree with probably every joke I've ever heard to tell but I think every joke is super funny
[01:08:20] I think it's like, you know, you don't have to agree with a comic
[01:08:24] They're funny. Yeah in order to connect with like the humor is the opposite of that is there somebody on the other end?
[01:08:31] We know a lot of comedies like that where I agree with them politically
[01:08:35] I agree with them but it's not funny. I mean, I mean like on the opposite end of like the spectrum from Patrice like an
[01:08:40] Incredibue like a Jamie Killstein. That's no. Yeah, it doesn't exist. Yeah, it's funnies for a retired firefighters
[01:08:48] You to see the world like a retired firefighter. Yeah
[01:08:52] Yeah, I was watching like SNL and they made fun of that Pepsi commercial
[01:08:56] And then I'm online and it's like SNL brilliantly skewers the Kendall Jenner Pepsi commercials like
[01:09:01] But who is that for like we all saw that commercial and thought it was dumb right right?
[01:09:05] I would rather see Tom Green stick as hand of a bull's-ass
[01:09:15] Joy to all that prank video I saw that that Australian guy pissing on his friend's face
[01:09:22] Honestly, nothing the jackass is rooted in something that is beyond like a joke that like appeals to your brain
[01:09:29] It's something that's like inside of your stomach. Yeah, it's something that's visceral
[01:09:34] It's like seeing like it's like seeing someone in middle school do do something so morally
[01:09:39] Reprehensible, but it's like the funniest thing you've ever seen right? So like that's I mean, that's that's sort of where that that level of comedy
[01:09:47] Comes from and it's it's just like nothing will make you laugh that hard
[01:09:51] There's this kid of my middle school John Earl who like had diarrhea just all over the bathroom floor
[01:09:55] I walk in the bathroom and people are pointing and laughing was a big pilot diarrhea
[01:10:00] And I'm like who did that and they're like this kid John Earl and then like I I was in the bathroom like a few weeks later
[01:10:06] I like took a shit and they were like yo whoever's in all these black kids are like yo whoever's in there
[01:10:10] Don't forget the flush and wipe. I'm like alright. I answered them. They were like
[01:10:16] And then John Earl was trying to make fun of me for taking a shit
[01:10:19] That the diarrhea kid yeah fuck him. Fuck him right. Why do you have diarrhea on the floor?
[01:10:25] He just like he was like I had a cold you either shit your pants, so you shit in the totally
[01:10:36] Kids always show on the floor in elementary school
[01:10:39] There's a step in I was doing it mid-night summer nights dream in fifth grade of course you were
[01:10:46] Yeah, and we did like you play shy lock in that
[01:11:13] I'm not pay I don't patronize me. That's good anti-sub so what we say well you doing in mid-summer nice dream
[01:11:20] Oh, yeah, so the the teacher like I had a weird tides. Yeah, I was like a fairy. I'd wear tides
[01:11:37] Spring in the woods pucks other name Robin good fellow Robin good head
[01:11:42] Good good getting head fellow good. Nice. I thought my grandparents really enjoyed Nick Mullins comedy
[01:11:52] Italians the Blake's it's not comedy is just disdain
[01:11:59] Yeah, man. You're like Michael Douglas in that movie where he kills everyone in LA on his way
[01:12:07] He's like I'm a white man, and I've had enough. Yeah of this traffic that movies good. They the fuck
[01:12:14] And then wait, oh you have falling down
[01:12:16] I haven't seen you know the title of the movie is the title of the movie is falling down
[01:12:20] And then they have to like work in all these dumb
[01:12:23] London bridges falling down references in the movie. So there's like a big I don't know
[01:12:30] Oh, whoa like the title movie walk any one time my mom was watching that movie and she was like really enjoying it
[01:12:35] Yeah, it's like yeah, if your parents like it too much. They're probably racist. Yeah
[01:12:40] Well, it's not it's not like he's racist. Yeah, he gets mad at the Korean guy gets mad at the black guy
[01:12:45] But he's mad bullshit stuff. He's like mad that the soda is like too expensive
[01:12:50] Yeah, I'm a bodega and then he goes to like McDonald's and he's like why doesn't it look like the burger in the picture?
[01:12:56] Her in the picture looks nice. Did you just look like shit?
[01:13:00] There's a comic was a bit about that. His name is like the disgruntled clown
[01:13:07] Like an old guy who dressed up like a clown. Yeah, oh hell yeah, he's great. Yeah, he's really a chick
[01:13:16] Yeah, I was watching old Andy Rooney clips the other day really yeah
[01:13:21] I wanted to like edit a bunch of shitty set out of context and make my own Andy Rooney rant. Oh, that's funny. Yeah
[01:13:28] Oh, I've seen that someone do that. Oh, okay. Never mind that I won't do it. Why don't you do Mike McCray's bid again?
[01:13:35] Who Mike regret you just did his like his Michael Douglas joke
[01:13:41] Okay, who's Mike McCray? It's Mike McCray does the the the
[01:13:46] Michael Douglas joke that there are you fucking my wife? Oh, I thought you were those years. No, no, no
[01:13:51] I told you Mike McCray. Oh, I thought he was feeling from you. I thought I was feeling from you. Anyway, um
[01:14:01] So yeah, I stepped in shit when I was trying on tights in fifth grade. Oh nice
[01:14:06] Yeah, and then I stepped in it wearing my sock
[01:14:10] And then my teacher sent me to the nurse's office
[01:14:14] My mom had to bring me other socks. They don't have extra socks. No, they didn't have extra socks
[01:14:19] But literally every adult I told that I stepped in diarrhea
[01:14:26] It was very humiliating. My mom had to bring me socks. What was the most you've ever been humiliated in your life?
[01:14:31] It's very hard best friend cucked you. I
[01:14:35] Was really that humiliated from that. I was a I would have been yeah, I mean, I remember
[01:14:43] That's a good question. I guess I was humiliated you were humiliated
[01:14:53] One time I wasn't but I pulled the kids pants down and during our youth group
[01:14:59] Everyone saw his little ass dick and you were humiliated. No, no, I just remember that was probably his
[01:15:04] Humiliated him I humiliated him and then my dad
[01:15:09] Hmm, what's the most I've ever been humiliated? I
[01:15:12] Don't know story for you guys after we record. Oh, yeah, come on. It's too good. It's not it's not about me
[01:15:23] Because we have releases from them and say it's okay to tell me I don't know man
[01:15:29] So I have a Rob what's humiliating? I mean my whole life has been one slow humiliation
[01:15:34] I know something really humiliating. This is might be the most humiliating hit me. Well, I think we lived in this apartment complex
[01:15:39] And my there was like a pool for the apartment complex
[01:15:43] There it was like in fourth or fifth grade and that's like the girls were like bigger than me at that point
[01:15:51] The girls were bigger than me. I hadn't hit my growth spree yet
[01:15:55] And my dad took me and my sister the pool. There were these like two girls that were like in my grade
[01:16:01] Maybe three of them and they keep they were playing this game
[01:16:04] Where every every time I got out of the pool they pushed me back in the pool and like one they were bigger than me
[01:16:11] And two I was outnumbered and my father was just watching this happen
[01:16:16] And then afterwards he told me that I needed to learn how to fight
[01:16:23] So my father saw me just get humiliated by by women and then and then told me that he was ashamed of that
[01:16:30] Oh, that's so funny one time I was a race and I took off as a bit
[01:16:36] I don't know why I took off I was swimming with my cousin and I took it wasn't the contrary. He was just swimming
[01:16:43] I was having a little afternoon snack and a vat of grease. I usually eat my way out of it
[01:16:48] I was in the ocean and I took off my fucking
[01:16:56] Don't even remember why I did it. I threw it at my cousin and then he looked at my dick and made fun of how little it was
[01:17:02] And then I had to walk out onto a beach with a cold-ass shrimpled up little dick
[01:17:09] And a bunch of people pointed and laughed at me that I didn't know so I was pretty humiliating that one's much a much better
[01:17:19] That's that is pretty yeah, it was pretty humiliating
[01:17:22] Well my cousin said my dick looked like a shrimp. Yeah, but you're in the ocean. It's cold
[01:17:28] Yeah, but still you know you get to how little dick is I was in the pool
[01:17:32] Yeah, I was in the pool shirt classic there was shrinkage
[01:17:36] There was shrinkage. That's my George. Yeah, that's pretty good. Thank you Nick. Have you do you wish a shame?
[01:17:46] Most humiliating or just a humiliating time
[01:17:49] I don't know. I mean legitimately probably when I was like drunk and I got lost and then that guy offered me a ride
[01:17:56] And then was like trying to pull my dick out of my pants. Oh, yeah, you should tell it
[01:18:01] No, it's humiliating. That's humiliating. That's fuck absolutely. Yeah, and I'm like lost. Yeah. Yeah
[01:18:07] Yeah, yeah, yeah, have you ever told that story on the pod? No, but I don't want to okay
[01:18:11] He's sort of bang bust you but you didn't have sex with him. I guess I used to get sad at the beginning
[01:18:17] Like when I first saw bang bust I used to get sat you thought it was real because I thought no
[01:18:21] I thought that they really did leave the girls like in the middle like of
[01:18:25] Nowhere on the side of the road. I used to feel bad for the girls. I did I never did I never made it that far into the
[01:18:32] Video, you know, just beat off real quick
[01:18:35] No, but you you wouldn't beat off to the full thing you'd beat off to like the previous previews that show the whole yeah
[01:18:42] Yeah, I guess you know what I was back in the day. I forgot about that little arrow where we had to beat off to 90 second teasers
[01:18:47] Well, it wasn't that hard before the video before the whole yeah, yeah, remember damn
[01:18:55] That's gonna be that's the the rest of the story of humanity is like each generation pretending like that it was harder for them to beat off
[01:19:03] Yeah, oh, yeah, back we're back used to actually have to buy the dick sucking machine
[01:19:10] Before we made testosterone illegal and we suck it out of men all day long
[01:19:22] Not really. I mean one time I dodged something pretty I like shit my pants in kindergarten at nap time
[01:19:34] But I just didn't tell anybody I just went the whole day and nobody ever found out it was no one smelt it
[01:19:39] I people did yeah, but I would just I would just rotate different groups of kids
[01:19:43] I would just play with different kids and once they realized it smart. I'd move. Yeah, you'd have them whacked
[01:19:49] Wow, you have why would you just run away?
[01:19:53] But then go where I don't know man the woods or something
[01:19:57] Start up what seems to be like the place to go when you fuck up real bad
[01:20:02] The one scare me dude. They're that what's in there
[01:20:05] Fuckin animals and shit are you afraid of animals? Yeah, the animals are defense. I'm defenseless against them, dude
[01:20:13] I'm afraid of some and fucking even deer. I don't really fuck with yeah, I don't fuck with dear fucking birds
[01:20:20] I want nothing to do with I remember being way too high in the woods one time. No, thank you
[01:20:25] And I've locked eyes with a fucking deer with like big ass antlers and shit
[01:20:30] Oh, no, and I just I felt like I was sitting there for like five minutes and what it wasn't moving and I wasn't moving
[01:20:36] And I thought it was just gonna charge me. What would you do?
[01:20:39] Eventually just walked away. Oh fuck dude. Yeah, what I do? I don't know fucking try to hide me on a tree or something
[01:20:44] It's got knives attached to its head. Yeah, that's yeah, dude
[01:20:48] Yeah, I can't climb a tree dude. Are you kidding me? Yeah fucked in the woods
[01:20:52] I got no and also who knows there's weird woods people in there. They're gonna find you would fuck you. I don't fuck with bats
[01:20:58] Do you see bats dude? They're disgusting. Yeah, why is Austin proud of their batch? Yeah, it's gross as shit
[01:21:04] I don't know. I mean they it's like bats a homeless trans person
[01:21:12] Because it's because the only other thing they have is Alex Jones which is now the most notable thing about Austin taxes
[01:21:19] Really? I didn't realize he was a tech as he was in Austin. Oh, yeah, that's like Austin's biggest export is Alex Jones
[01:21:29] That's really he got in trouble today because they were in court asking him like details about his kids
[01:21:35] And he couldn't remember yeah, you can remember because he had a big bowl chili
[01:21:39] Chili I love that shit. I want to make a nice chili