Cum Town | Premium | 05/15/2017
[00:00:01] There now it's starting hello and welcome to come town. I'm your host
[00:00:06] Alvaras house along with my trusty sidekick Adam Friedland. Thanks for having me
[00:00:10] So this is the stop and Adam take over I have the headphones. I checked the levels
[00:00:15] I'm teaching stop out of use the equipment because
[00:00:19] No other and either stop nor Adam know how to
[00:00:25] You've kept us you kept us you kept us you're scared. We're gonna overtake you don't want any like how does it sound listening?
[00:00:33] You're on voice skill play headphones. Hey, I don't really like it that much really
[00:00:37] Mmm, but I like I like monitoring the show as the new leader as the new alpha of the show
[00:00:41] I do I do like listening through the headphones. Yep
[00:00:45] Anyway, so it's the stop at Adam take over and add for our first bit
[00:00:50] I like to pretend I'm in like when I listen to my own voice
[00:00:54] I mean this is a big no, I like to pretend
[00:00:57] I'm like I'm like Christina Aguilera, and I do though I do I do you close your ear. Yeah
[00:01:04] Yeah, you do one you touch one you hear yourself sing. Yeah. Yeah, and then I go I'm gay
[00:01:13] You know and then it's auto tune later. Yeah. Oh, you know, I'm gay
[00:01:30] Up until like 2007 maybe maybe even later than that like maybe
[00:01:35] 2013 anytime there is a black woman with natural hair people will be like oh, it's Macy Gray. Oh, yeah
[00:01:41] Say goodbye and I choke that was like the go-to joke for any black woman that didn't you know and now it's all
[00:01:48] Got it now so now who's that is it? Is that Rachel Dole's all?
[00:01:58] First good one I was so disappointed to find out she wasn't black good job
[00:02:04] All right, we're back are we back yeah stop just broke the
[00:02:24] Did we get my basic gray riff in there? I think we did
[00:02:28] Dole's all who will be topical forever dole's I was coming on come down
[00:02:35] About this how about a sketch where Rachel Dole is all has sex with Julian Assange on Saturday night love
[00:02:45] I'm gonna be I'm gonna win the writer strike happens next week. I'm gonna scab for SNL
[00:02:53] So I'm gonna be paid $30,000 a week and they're getting hits like that. That's pretty good
[00:02:58] Yeah, so here's a sketch to bring you chop off they go on strike. It'll make everyone so mad
[00:03:03] Why because your president of DSA and you're the the president of
[00:03:08] Wait, it's a WGA is chopper WGA and that's the white people Guild of America
[00:03:20] Well and DSA stands for the super race association, which means white people
[00:03:26] It's another well, it's it's in a bonics for whatever
[00:03:33] Association oh is there a pube in this mic?
[00:03:37] Probably there's all of them have did you do you rub your dick on this? Yeah?
[00:03:41] Well, I don't I stop I've I don't send dick pics anymore
[00:03:45] But now I sound send audio files of me rubbing a microphone against my dick and then the longer the file
[00:03:55] Shit yeah, I base I've been flirting with all these blind women. That's awesome on the internet. That's how blowing
[00:04:01] I said they're like send me a dick clip. Have you ever a dick rub?
[00:04:06] Clip I tell you about that blind shit masturbating with my strong braille reading hands
[00:04:12] Did I tell you about a blind chick I hooked up with you did yeah
[00:04:16] I was like we were like getting really hot and heavy and she like whispered in my ear. She was like wow
[00:04:29] What this is character blind them? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, it's the scent of a I've never seen sent to me
[00:04:36] A blind guy he's a she does blind is he just talking about what pussy smells like is that?
[00:04:40] That's why oh, I thought he was just a yeah, it's an Italian guy being Italian
[00:04:56] I'm sure a lot of the you know inch by inch
[00:05:01] My dick goes inside your pussy. I'm sure a lot of the fans at home. I don't think they did any given pussy
[00:05:08] That's good. Thanks that one is also gonna be on SNL next week when I take over after the writer strike
[00:05:19] Congrats Nick Isis killed two policemen do so we're gonna do a sketch is taking credit
[00:05:25] Isis killed two policemen. So we're gonna do a
[00:05:29] Isis takes credit for things that are like done by alone guys
[00:05:38] Make it not terrorism. I have something to tell you guys what they're letting me in
[00:05:44] It's an introductory sort of photo Isis. Yeah. Yeah, it's like an internship. Yeah internship
[00:05:50] I'm doing social media for Isis. Yeah, yeah, it's probably has to be like one middle-class Jewish kid
[00:05:57] It's like yeah, I could be the one yeah. Yeah, no, no, it's definitely a good pass. It's a girl Rachel Schwartz
[00:06:05] She's like living at home. She's a she's a tish. She was at tish. Yeah, and her parents spent two hundred thousand dollars on her education
[00:06:13] Now she's you know why they call it tish. She's an intern because that degrees a piece of tissue paper
[00:06:20] Right very nice, you know what I do like you fucking fifty five thousand dollars a year or two issues
[00:06:25] I'm I my boy is going to be the next Robert De Niro
[00:06:33] You know Bobby Bobby De Niro. I think he did to the women's college
[00:06:38] I think like the first year they let guys in no Bob De Niro and Brian De Palma over there
[00:06:43] You're lying about no, but a De Palma was definitely well. They were both girls back to the palm of their crayons
[00:06:49] Yeah, yeah, I didn't know where to the tish school was a little guy
[00:06:57] Coon dude, I liked it, you know, yeah, I actually do like I've never seen it. Oh, yeah
[00:07:04] What is it about the Buddha or something? Yeah, it's about the Buddha and that one in seven years in Tibet came out around the same time
[00:07:11] Those are the two Buddhist movies that year, but that wasn't 97. It was like 98
[00:07:16] Yeah, who's I just know the scene at the first season of sopranos where Christopher's waiting outside the club
[00:07:22] And he sees Martin and he goes Marty Marty coon dude
[00:07:28] What a well, yeah, because Chris Christopher's a fucking an artist
[00:07:35] Amazing actor was what's funny is it that gangs in New York
[00:07:41] Gangs in New York was the movie that like ruined Scorsese for me for like five years. Oh, yeah
[00:07:48] I saw gangs in New York in the theater. You know, that's a piece of shit
[00:07:52] It is an atrocious movie dude. It's so fucking bad
[00:07:56] I I stopped it at one point and I was like holy shit. I am only halfway through this. Yeah, it's really long
[00:08:02] Yeah, but the butcher dude. You've got it. Well, can DDL DDL always holds it down
[00:08:07] But like isn't there's there's like a cool scene. That's the worst annual day Lewis movie it might be I mean
[00:08:13] He's charming and everything but also he's a little up his own ass
[00:08:16] And I'm sorry you really don't have to walk around in the outfit for fucking three years
[00:08:22] You must be so annoying to live with I think maybe I would have loved if they cast him as something like a
[00:08:28] method acting is just an excuse for actors to
[00:08:35] Yeah, that's why Amber Heard got beat cuz he was trying to do a real authentic
[00:08:40] Pirate type of be I am I'm Captain Jack Sparrow
[00:08:59] Guys as the producer I prepared some topics for us
[00:09:06] Indian a pazors blow 26 point lead to the cats it was Nick Nick insisted that we do it
[00:09:13] Yeah, let's put the TV on and I'm not producing. I'm not producing this one. Yep. This is the stop and
[00:09:25] For Amazon to make the delivery of my cat's food people people keep saying that is that like a
[00:09:31] It's is that like reading thing. Yeah, somebody said that Trump was playing 3d chess
[00:09:36] I think yeah, there's like a fortune which is I think is a Star Trek reference. Oh
[00:09:44] Chess yeah, no, I mean there was there was there was
[00:09:48] Data playing 3d chess that's the thing that also if you go on a strike
[00:09:51] I want to talk about because we should talk about that season of Star Trek that was put out of next generation
[00:09:56] Let's put out during the rice strike and how fucking bad it is. Yeah, I didn't realize that. Oh my god
[00:10:02] You go back and you're like, oh, this is where they started striking
[00:10:07] Number two fly the ship, please for me. Oh look a planet filled with aliens
[00:10:17] Yes, I'm the take me to your leader. I'm the president of the spaceship
[00:10:34] So angry all the time. He's wears the jewel vest for some reason
[00:10:39] You know the guy with the gold the gold seat belt that he wears it. I don't know something like that
[00:10:46] Didn't then the credits just roll didn't Conan do a bunch of shit he was good
[00:10:56] Did it by himself he did the whole show by himself. Oh, you're talking about 2007. Yeah
[00:11:06] 2007 there was 91 or something for some reason, but yeah, no, it's terrible
[00:11:10] They had a whole bunch of flashbacks. Oh hell yeah
[00:11:13] and and they kind of cobbled shit together and like
[00:11:16] So it was very bad. Well, so who wrote that just the actors or what the fuck?
[00:11:26] It was probably half-written episodes or like not fully formed ideas. It just went into production. Yeah, I don't think they had
[00:11:34] They I think they just like cut and paste it together because they were like I want to say like three fucking flashback
[00:11:43] But they just like they just picked shit off of like cutting room. Yeah
[00:11:46] When this when a strike happens the things that go away immediately or like late night shows or anything that has like a script
[00:11:52] Anything to every single day. Yeah, that makes us know SNL would be gone until they hire me as a scab too
[00:11:58] Let's go through the trending topics again. See what sketches we can run. Oh, yeah, this will be fun
[00:12:03] They would hire an immediately fire you for making a problematic joke. This is free Lauren
[00:12:08] If you're list, I know you are listening, but this is Lord is a cowboy. Yeah, he's trending topics
[00:12:14] X files the X files is coming back with 10 new episodes. So about this sex files
[00:12:19] He's I I feel like I've seen that joke before no. I don't want to say for sure. There's no way
[00:12:28] Actually, I was the first no I just wrote it
[00:12:31] No, I was not what do you what the fuck up? Here's the sketch. It's called the ex guiles
[00:12:37] Okay, and it's about trans people. It's they used to be oh
[00:12:48] Guiles that checks out. It's like the guy from Street Fighter. It used to be guile, but now he's
[00:12:53] No, that's better now. He's got a little bit. I love it. Yeah, okay. Hey Skyla now
[00:13:05] I still do sonic boom if I'm on these bills
[00:13:08] Doctor's like I don't know you might lose your ability to sonic boom, but this is your identity
[00:13:14] It'll still get hard, but I don't know if you'll be able to sonic boom
[00:13:24] Right there to the just hairless just like a man around 75 white with like alopecia
[00:13:33] Yet no eyebrows. That's what alopecia has. I love it whenever Larry Bird wear shorts
[00:13:39] He's got a hell of a pair of legs. Oh, yeah
[00:13:41] The old old man. They're meaty. They're very thin his calves are very
[00:13:47] incredibly he's from before the the big man translucent like super white
[00:13:53] One of those cave fish that you can see through them. Yeah, you can be in total darkness
[00:13:59] Hundreds of years of a religion green veins. Yeah guys. Okay again as the producer. I'm gonna move the show along here
[00:14:07] Here's the first one health goth. What is that seems pretty gay? It's people that just wear black Adidas and like yeah with like tattoos and stuff
[00:14:14] Okay, yeah, that's that's that's something that people stopped doing two and a half
[00:14:21] Okay, all right. Here's another one. I know it's riff on what health goth could mean. Okay, um, it's somebody with AIDS is a goth
[00:14:31] Good, bad health got okay. That's good. Okay. I got another one
[00:14:34] I've got a pimple on my dick and on your dick what look at your base base
[00:14:47] It's probably just like yeah a follicle light in grown here
[00:14:54] Legion it's a region from me from a masturbation chronic masturbation
[00:14:58] It probably never injured yourself like trying to jerk up seven times in a day
[00:15:02] This stuff goes to the doctor and the doctors like hmm, and he pulls out a magnifying
[00:15:21] I'm basically the patch addens around here
[00:15:25] I think people feel better about having STDs by making fun of how small
[00:15:31] Hope I don't have herpes dude. You think that might be her
[00:15:37] Does her go on the dick I thought it goes around the dick
[00:15:45] But it's probably didn't grow here okay next I made you kini fritters today
[00:15:49] You guys are I love zucchini fritters. They're really good. Do you have any like yogurt stuff to
[00:15:55] Of course I do baby like it's to see you know I get you know I make that you know
[00:16:01] You gotta get fire the fucking full fat full fat full fat. What is that fire?
[00:16:11] Oh you talk about fig I'm talking about fig yogurt you got to get that shit
[00:16:17] How do you make it creamy though because it's it's really chunky and I could never make
[00:16:21] No, you little fucking garlic. Yeah, what you just like whip the shit out of it. Yeah, you do fucking hit it with a fork
[00:16:35] Would you make us would you make us those? Yeah?
[00:16:39] But what we talk about this last night I got us some Tahoe
[00:16:43] Peperage farm cookies. Yeah, and they're all I didn't realize until adulta did all those cookies are named after like places nice vacation
[00:16:54] What is it a tuckett Milano Tahoe sauce Alito sauce Alito yeah, it's a California. Gold fish
[00:17:02] That guy's plain fig Newton was that guy's name? Yeah, the little eating press that's the key where all this is the key for all this is
[00:17:20] Yeah, if you got a tree house high enough is that technically international airspace and you can rape
[00:17:26] Well, that's why they do it the tree the tree is connected to the ground
[00:17:36] Borders go all the way up to space to space. I think so. Yeah, like that's why airspace is the thing interesting
[00:17:44] So you can't fuck he's in a hot air balloon is what you're saying
[00:17:50] Long-term of the water international literally if you got if you got a hot air balloon
[00:17:55] You could fuck kids in it because what are they gonna do shoot it down and kill the kids? Yeah, exactly
[00:17:59] That's like you just toss them out when you're done. They're not gonna say a thing
[00:18:02] Yeah, if you had if you had something with like a
[00:18:06] Like a permanent lifting gas in it, you know like a like a rigid airship
[00:18:10] Yeah, just stay in the air indefinitely a Zeppelin. I mean, yeah
[00:18:14] I'm assuming eventually the hydrogen would seep out of the tanks over the courts of like a night. I do all of your hypotheticals
[00:18:23] Because that's and now that I'm rich. That's the only thing that's left to be a hypothetical
[00:18:28] All these other goals I could accomplish
[00:18:31] You can't buy a rigid airship anymore. You can't know the illegal the graph one from wood the graph Zeppelin company still exists
[00:18:38] And I'm sure if you were an insane billionaire
[00:18:40] You could probably fucking pay them enough money to commission like a full-scale
[00:18:46] A bug in Elon Musk's ear something and bring him back. Well, the reason they went away is because the United
[00:18:59] All the the helium reserves and helium was a lot safer than hydrogen. Hmm. So
[00:19:05] Yeah, so I mean that's what happened to the Hindenburg. Oh, is that why they should exploded? Yeah, cuz all any any
[00:19:11] non-US manufacture of like airships had to use hydrogen gas I
[00:19:16] Think it exploded because of the racism because I think that that they're too busy hating
[00:19:24] Other types of people to fly a good plane. I think the Jews brought it down. Well, yeah
[00:19:28] What happened on the Hindenburg was there was a Jewish guy going around like can anyone help me light my menorah?
[00:19:36] Shit and killed all these Germans and the Germans were like we're gonna gas and burn every Jew in the wall
[00:19:42] Is that how it started? Yeah, I don't think that's how it started. That's exactly how it started
[00:19:47] I think that it was read your history. I think that the Nazis tried to try to make a really long line
[00:19:55] Oh the humanity and the Jews that were standing in it were complaining the most
[00:20:02] You know that that's I'm okay. I don't think so
[00:20:09] Yeah, no pot amber. No pot. Here's another okay. Here's another topic as I am the producer
[00:20:16] It was but here's the thing they tested mother approved
[00:20:20] They fucked you over because like you go because they're all hollow. Yeah, and so you go through a box and like a fast. Yeah
[00:20:30] Hell yeah, dude. The honey with the heroin cereal on it. Yeah, that was like a heroin themed cereal
[00:20:38] Yeah, and then what was the frog name? Was he named smacks is Kurt Cobain smacky smacky his name Vaney this the frog
[00:20:57] You know what else are good the peanut puffs the Reese's puffs Reese peanut butter puffs
[00:21:04] I use peanut butter fan. Really? No, I like the
[00:21:08] Bougie peanut butter cups those Justin's ones. Why do you those are the same as Reese's?
[00:21:13] No, they're not the peanut butter in them is less sweet and gritty. It's more like gooey peanut butter
[00:21:17] Okay, really? Yeah, I always think it's chalkier
[00:21:21] No, peanut butter be chalk. I know gotta say best cereal lucky charms keep it southy, you know
[00:21:30] Serial yeah, yeah, I like when they have this special editions mom's black eye
[00:21:35] Mellow yeah, you told her twice instead of instead of all the marshmallows is just 19 children
[00:21:41] Yeah, red-headed children. I love that. How am I Billy Tommy Tommy Tommy Billy Tommy and Jonathan Tommy Jonathan
[00:21:49] I love how they have those riddles on the back that are like what's the excess skin that surrounds the the pussy?
[00:22:07] Art stars and horseshoe his yurtic told her twice
[00:22:12] That that's a good sketch to bestie violence game cereal send that one in the lorn michael lorn if you're here
[00:22:18] Just give us credit more. How about this?
[00:22:20] We're gonna do a character on s&l once I take over the writing staff for $30,000 a week named porn Michael
[00:22:28] It's a look alike. It looks like you except it's getting raped
[00:22:32] That's not porn. That's porn. That's rape Michael's filming it
[00:22:39] First an actual there's a big piece of news this week. I don't know if you guys caught it, but porn star Mia
[00:22:48] Apparently there's a rumor has she doesn't chive he does not I checked up on this you checked it
[00:22:53] Oh, yeah, and it sent me down a certain rabbit hole where you had to
[00:22:57] I had to beat off to her actually when I made you know you wish your well and we're all happy
[00:23:04] You know, I'm happy. I'm happy. She's safe. Yeah, it's funny out there kids
[00:23:08] It's funny when I looked for the zucchini for this I had to look through my history and I just had to scroll down like
[00:23:19] Well, thanks for getting to the bottom of that stuff because I was worried yeah, dude
[00:23:22] Cuz when I do meet her and raw dog her I don't want to get AIDS when I do it well, you know magic's all right
[00:23:30] Through here's some more topics guys as the producer. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's legal eyes
[00:23:38] Okay, we glies what weed baby. Why don't they ever clarify that? Yeah?
[00:23:42] What is it goes without saying? It's like how people call San Francisco babe depends on what the definition of it
[00:23:50] Watching real time. He's said your fucking boss for that one. I know we've talked about it, but what is his
[00:23:55] Got that's that rules. Yeah, you imagine being married to someone that's so much less cool than you. Yeah
[00:24:03] Oh god, imagine having a dumb bitch wife is just not cool at all
[00:24:09] By being not cool enough. Yeah, that's what dinner is. Yeah, I mean
[00:24:15] And Amber is silent right now, which means she agrees
[00:24:24] Silence means the consent concession. Oh, yeah
[00:24:31] Adam Friedlin when you can quote him silence means consent
[00:24:35] Is that what that blind girl you fuck told you?
[00:24:38] Yeah, the joke was that it was raw. It was Al Pacino from sent a woman
[00:24:42] You fuck the blind woman. I wouldn't be surprised if you fucked a blind woman. You seem that laterist
[00:24:47] What do you mean if you would pray on yeah, you might see it was a woman with her eyes shut so she thought she was Chinese
[00:24:58] I would fuck a blind woman. I would fuck
[00:25:02] What makes her different than any other beautiful. Yeah, but you're fetishizing it. It doesn't make you
[00:25:07] I'm not sure there's any aspect of any woman that he would inevitably fetishize. Yeah, and also a blind woman
[00:25:14] Wouldn't have sex with me. I don't feel good. You know, I've like got a lot of bones
[00:25:33] Funny me while I'm gone. All right. Yeah, Adam is gay actually. We're not even gonna talk about you at all
[00:25:37] Yeah, what's the weirdest type of person you ever fucked me like strangest story
[00:25:52] I mostly just shocked by the level of attractiveness. I'm able to have sex with hmm. Oh, yeah, you've been able to
[00:26:00] Punch above my weight nice and that's the most novel thing is that I'm like
[00:26:05] You're much better you fucking dying pieces. Yeah, how are with nice dicks. Yeah, nice dude
[00:26:12] Yeah, that really all of their respective decks are I mean just what's the worst? What's the worst dick you've come across?
[00:26:24] I actually haven't had any nightmare really no nightmare sticks a friend of mine tend to pre-select for like clean
[00:26:31] You know you never know though a dick is a surprise. Oh, no, I know
[00:26:40] accounts tell the funny dick story you want the picture yes
[00:26:45] If I did never had any experience with the dick. Oh what happened?
[00:26:50] You were this just something. Oh, okay, okay. That's right. That's just something you
[00:26:55] Sent it to me personally by the way, I did not ask yes
[00:27:00] Yeah, you know what I think a lot like I always feel like I've peaked in my life like years ago as far as I creatively or whatever
[00:27:08] They know the truth is I never really peek physically done anything. Yeah
[00:27:14] But there's like more than a peek. It's like I found a lump at one point
[00:27:20] Yeah, and that's I say lumpy my life stays lumpy
[00:27:23] But I was thinking about that guy with two dicks. Yeah, hell yeah the other week course
[00:27:28] Yeah, and he was hot on reddit for a hot minute
[00:27:31] He really was there was like this guy's got two functional dicks
[00:27:34] Yep, and everyone forgot about him and they were pretty big to their big dicks
[00:27:38] We thought he was gonna be the next the next president
[00:27:43] Like this guy's gonna be a celebrity. Yeah, I fucked your pussy. Yeah, both of my dicks. I came across the room
[00:27:59] They're well, that was good. It's a sketch rest and I'll call there will be two dicks
[00:28:07] So fucking patronizing us you cock sucker. I was a patronizing
[00:28:15] Patreonizing a bent. Yeah, that's where your head's at the fucking line. Yeah
[00:28:21] Is not like some shocking thing sure I there's a
[00:28:31] It evades Euclidean geometry it does it curve
[00:28:40] I'm short is a bitch. I'll dandered appreciate it. It's like it
[00:28:45] It's I called it the Mobius dick. It looks like a fucking bonsai tree. Whoa whoa who took this picture?
[00:28:51] He got someone to take this for his dad. I assume it came from a laptop. Yeah, that's a bonsai tree
[00:28:58] 100% I don't even I'll be honest. I don't even know how I would work with that
[00:29:03] No, it looks like somebody's charming that dick out of his crop
[00:29:06] What the fuck he would have to be like a duck and having to find a woman with an equally corkscrew
[00:29:14] Vagina so you must fucking an angle you must like I don't even know what I would do with that. Yeah, you never fussed
[00:29:20] Twist it all. No, I didn't even ask for the dick. Were you scared off by the crooked dick? What's his name?
[00:29:32] Amazing Adam have you so you've never fucked a blind person. No, I haven't really ever met that many
[00:29:39] Adam asked her to put this dick up his ass
[00:29:53] I don't know it's gonna hurt you I have my stick back. I need to get home. This is all the way up his ass
[00:30:11] Yeah, put all your blind shit up there and then stop said, you know put the whole thing in there and then he was like put the sunglasses
[00:30:45] Just a golden reshooter dreamer shoved up at a
[00:30:55] It looks like he's a fox tail anime guy, but it's a real dog's tail coming out of a real red bandana I
[00:31:03] I mean, I've had that with a gerbil, but never was there an air bud. That's like a service dog movie
[00:31:09] No, no, he's always playing sports Lauren check this out. I got a new sketch for you. Okay, air bud seven some blind bitch
[00:31:21] Everybody here, but when the special Olympics, that's the special Olympics is for
[00:31:33] There's nothing this is a retarded referee. There's nothing in the rule book. It says a dog can't be retarded
[00:31:39] Yes, there is a guy comes up to him and points directly in the rule book. He's like it's right here
[00:31:52] Whoo well, that's wow fun riffs guys all around. Yeah, I'm so I'm still I'm feeling good off Adam
[00:32:05] Nothing how many things have you had in your ass Adam a toothbrush one time nice
[00:32:10] But that's it really and a grained finger as a prank the toothbrush as a prank the toothbrush
[00:32:22] Inside your asshole you could have just bristled your ass
[00:32:27] Yeah, you pranked yourself it was a real good prank I put it in and out of my ass 40 times
[00:32:32] I end up wipe afterwards because I was bleeding I was spotting from that good prank
[00:32:40] Did you put in handle or bristles side up I don't know one time this girl said she'd only had sex one time
[00:32:46] Mm-hmm and we were hooking up and then we started fooling around and she went down on me
[00:32:52] And then she put her fucking finger in my ass. It was shocking. Wow. She's like I hear people are doing that you like oh
[00:33:04] Where we just like what if the guy I'm looking at a picture of your mother
[00:33:08] Yeah, she's beautiful. Oh my god. Your mom was so gorgeous. Yeah, don't say that on the pod these oh
[00:33:15] What was that guys if you have any interest go find Adam's mom?
[00:33:21] D. M. The Osseños address if you want to come on the picture
[00:33:28] Please do what what is the point? Yeah, it's tribute a gay thing or is it gay and straight?
[00:33:35] I've seen like when I've been to the answer thing that people thought people were doing
[00:33:38] But very few people were actually doing but it's where like you print out a picture of someone you had
[00:33:43] I want to have sex with and then masturbate on the picture and then send a picture you know of the cub covering and
[00:33:50] They're like this is you I guess is the I mean I'm fascinated by like how literal it is
[00:33:59] Yeah, I see it all the time where I'm looking for
[00:34:03] Like if I'll search a specific porn star, they'll just have tribute videos. Yeah, why are you uploading this to the internet?
[00:34:10] This is more tribute to Elaine from Sunfield
[00:34:14] With guys that are porn enthusiasts, that's true
[00:34:20] Has it tribute ever one time ever resulted in a fuck? I have seen a couple of those I thought the whole point was to make people uncomfortable
[00:34:27] Yeah, I thought it was like her ass man the brain of Aaron Hernandez will be examined for CTE
[00:34:34] Yeah, well, I thought that the cops wanted to hold on to it
[00:34:38] But his family wanted to give it to science the brain. Yeah
[00:34:41] Yeah, I don't want anybody touching my brain. Oh, I want to touch it. You can't stop me
[00:34:46] I'm gonna fucking we please donate your brain to science to see what's going on. Yeah
[00:34:51] I'm just gonna like poke it let it go bad and throw it away. I'm gonna fuck it. I'm gonna fuck your brain
[00:34:56] Don't fuck my brain. Sorry, bro. It'd be funny if like you took his brain and like gave yourself head with it
[00:35:02] Brain you know what I do want to do. I want to get in prison dude
[00:35:06] I want they pull your brain. They take the real break
[00:35:09] They crack your skull open and pull your brain out of your head and they fuck it what they put it back
[00:35:14] Yeah, and then that's how you turn gay. Yeah, no, that was your brains been fucked. Mm-hmm. This would happen to me a califa
[00:35:26] Wow, that's also what happens to her in the videos
[00:35:43] Legalize it what was the first time you ever smoked we
[00:35:51] For me I got high behind the CVS across the street from Baltimore Polytechnic Institute before soccer how old
[00:35:59] Was 15 or 14? Yeah, yeah, dude. I was in like seventh grade. I think whoa middle school getting high middle school getting high nice
[00:36:08] Dude, well, I got pranked by my friend David
[00:36:11] He took a rolling paper and then pulled grass out of my friend Alex's front lawn
[00:36:15] I'm putting it in the rolling paper and then made me smoke it he goes
[00:36:18] Do you feel high and I lied and said yes, and they're like you're a fucking wide bitch
[00:36:25] So wait, that's not when you got high no, but then later that night we smoked real week cuz we had real weed
[00:36:30] So I thought that we were gonna smoke real weed and then it really made me cough quite a bit
[00:36:35] Yeah, but then I've never coughed you never I've never smoked weed ever
[00:36:50] 16 and we were in the woods and he was on probation. Well nice probation
[00:36:56] Hell yeah, dude even know what for well. Yeah, that guy sounds like a real winner amber
[00:37:00] Geez perfect first boyfriend. Yeah, I'll just brings these jailbirds around all the time
[00:37:08] We have to act normal around them like they're not gonna steal our things. Yeah, I don't want that dude touching any of my electronics
[00:37:17] Over here you tell him pause off the electronics
[00:37:20] Well, what do you think that guys up to these days getting his brain fucked? I'm sure you found like Jesus or something
[00:37:26] Oh, yeah, like all those guys they burn out pretty quickly and
[00:37:31] They're just like I think I'll get fat and go to church
[00:37:34] Sounds pretty good. Do you think I could join the Muslims for protection if I went to prison? Nope?
[00:37:39] No, you're fine. You better hope you better hope somebody wants you to write letters for that's it
[00:37:48] I'm gonna go to federal country club you'll get sentenced
[00:37:51] You'll get sentenced and then they'll clear out the courtroom
[00:37:54] And you'll just sneak out and be like well, that must be one of the lawyers
[00:38:08] We get a lot of good stuff for Lauren here. Yeah, yeah
[00:38:16] Well, I would watch seven seasons of juke on
[00:38:19] I said they should bring back mad TV and let me write and direct every episode
[00:38:25] I know you've said that but then we told you it did come back and then you watched it
[00:38:29] Then you got really mad like I didn't watch it. I never watched it. I looked at the picture of
[00:38:35] They were smiling too much. I was a problem. Yeah, there shouldn't be any smiles in comedy
[00:38:43] That's what I think I should be serious. Yeah, it's just fucking tell the truth not that kind of smile
[00:38:48] Not that like, you know, we're just having fun. Yeah
[00:38:54] Like they're they're forcing me to smile because we have to take this stupid promo picture. Yeah, that one's an okay smile
[00:39:02] But people that are enjoying their life
[00:39:04] Yes, they have to do something as good as Stuart the retard
[00:39:11] What about the the Persian tow truck driver the depression
[00:39:19] That was Borat or my family obese Oprah Winfrey
[00:39:23] Fads that's the job. They did great. She did a great Oprah
[00:39:27] My families my family's literally the only non racist character they had was the Java guy the guy that loves coffee
[00:39:35] Oh, yeah, that was that was like the one that was popped out. Yeah, it's I was robbed out of his head
[00:39:41] Yeah, and he just loved coffin about the the old lady that maud
[00:39:48] The Midwestern old lady. Yeah, yeah, huh. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What she used to rock
[00:39:59] Yeah, what the fuck was her name? Mo Collins Collins mo Collins around baby. Yeah, she gets like she's on my crib
[00:40:06] Your enthusiasm and stuff sit or she's you sit around the house and I'm around the house. Yeah
[00:40:17] You know else around his peggy from fucking
[00:40:23] She's got fucking big titties. Yeah, well, you're you're piggy from Lord of the Flies. So no, I'm not. Yeah, you are
[00:40:29] Yeah, you don't have the conch. So you can't talk to the conch
[00:40:33] You never gotten conch in your life. I get conched off left and right, bitch
[00:40:38] A slice of conch dude. I love the conch master
[00:40:49] I would love to tie in a tie with food in a race to the death
[00:40:59] I don't even know whether you're winning or losing. Yeah, how can food
[00:41:05] Look, man. It's not a big deal at Adam. Look. This is the stuff and Adam takeover. Oh, yeah
[00:41:09] I feel like I've done the most of the heavy lifting here. Yeah, well, I was trying to set up my big bit for uh
[00:41:15] I'm gonna turn over to you for the last 20 minutes
[00:41:17] Okay, so we're gonna do a new thing on uh the pod where we have the symbion set up
[00:41:32] Like that is like a spit roaster and then we just turn them around
[00:41:37] There's dildos on either end. Oh, then we just have rotisserie dicks
[00:41:43] You can do a whole photo shoot. Yeah, well, that would be good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so we're going back to doing
[00:41:48] Doing news. Yeah, but privately which is weird. No
[00:41:52] There's no Instagram anymore. It's just taking like weird boo-war photos coming back coming back
[00:41:59] I'm coming back for himself, which is which is like I kind of respect that that's like deep irony
[00:42:05] Yeah, no, you're living here true. Yeah
[00:42:07] Irony all the time though. Yeah, but women are dumb, you know, yeah, I know this girl that has a business
[00:42:13] That's booed war photographs and she's like takes pictures like sexy pictures for your boyfriend or girlfriend
[00:42:21] To beat off to yeah, like you chill like
[00:42:24] Shilling make you feel beautiful and take pictures and then you can give it to your boyfriend
[00:42:28] You have that technology in your phone. You can send him. Yeah, but she's a professional
[00:42:33] She's a professional Jewish woman and she can she can make you feel beautiful
[00:42:45] Compliments to complimenting other women. Not to me
[00:42:49] Yeah, no other women. Oh other women amber as a pro as the producer. I'm gonna need you get closer that mic
[00:42:54] Sorry. Okay. Thank you. Yeah, and I'm gonna need you to sit down on this symbioner
[00:43:09] Like, I mean, what the fuck would you would it be like what? Like seborate what I don't know what that is
[00:43:23] My wife is going to sit on wall. I you know do my podcasts in the background
[00:43:30] How much is a sibian cost guys what is it? It's just like a vibrate. It's like a brookstone thing
[00:43:35] Dude, it's it's one of those like it's like a mechanical bowl with a dick in the seat. Yeah. Oh, it goes like fucks you from underneath
[00:43:43] Mm-hmm. Do you have them in like text max bars? Do you remember?
[00:43:52] Let me get the the wahawk and mole enchiladas and is that sibian for anybody
[00:43:58] So we get well my daughter's my daughter's turning four next week and we're looking for a place for a birthday party
[00:44:05] And uh, you know, we can't go back to chucky cheese
[00:44:14] Bitch cocky cheese, okay. Okay for SNL right and it's a rat. That's you know, lib piece of shit. Oh, he's a snowflake
[00:44:25] Real safe space snowflake. Yeah, real the safe space is the ball pit. Oh, yeah filled with hiv positive
[00:44:47] That's what i'm gonna do i'm gonna set up to writers room at SNL so I can say something and then there's gonna be uh, uh, uh, uh
[00:44:54] Like a basketball hoop set at four and a half feet
[00:44:57] With uh, what is it's called like safety glass or yeah?
[00:45:04] And then I'd fucking smash the glass into a million pieces after every joke like shack. Yeah
[00:45:10] That means no expensive. I know and they're gonna have to bring a new one in
[00:45:14] And then I go, you know like how about this martin luther bing and he's a search engine
[00:45:22] I go around screaming all the little harvard wheelie's faces. Yeah, we're all in the writers room
[00:45:28] Yeah, because they did they can't do shit
[00:45:30] They can't say anything to me because I came up with the gold. Yeah, yeah the backboard idea. Oh, yeah, dude
[00:45:41] Fuck you. It's weird that nick never talked about his time at harvard on the podcast. Oh, yeah
[00:45:46] Why was so busy rowing inventing facebook at the same time you and your twin brother twin brother
[00:45:53] You know the twin brother. I do. What's his name? Uh,
[00:45:59] Wait, just drop that in middle name. Yeah, what's that you have the same middle name too?
[00:46:03] Oh neither of us have middle names. You don't have a middle name. No, that is so you. Yeah, that is so you
[00:46:09] No middle name. Oh, you know, I was singing the other James. That is so you
[00:46:14] Uh, nick james. I was singing john jkub sucking on a dick. Yeah, his name is my name too
[00:46:21] Your brother whenever I go out the people always shout there goes john jkub sucking on a dick
[00:46:30] That's one of those songs I can go on forever
[00:46:40] Yeah, you know, it's another good one in the endless dick category is uh
[00:46:57] That's also a song about AIDS. That's a really good one. That's about AIDS. Yeah, that makes a lot more sense now
[00:47:02] Every song every song in rent is about AIDS. Oh, the whole movie
[00:47:07] I had a big theory that that never knock on wood song by the mighty mighty boss tones is about AIDS
[00:47:25] I probably shouldn't have fucked that guy
[00:47:29] It's the guy who's dancing in front of me right now
[00:47:34] We had to let him stay in the band because he has AIDS
[00:47:40] Medicine that keeps you alive and we still have to pay this asshole
[00:47:45] Even though none of us want to tour. You know, they still tour
[00:47:48] They've been an hour like 15 years and they still yeah people go see them mighty mighty boss. I bet you Ian would see them
[00:47:53] Oh, yeah, he's for sure. They should change
[00:47:58] Never like if you're a sky guy, which I was a sky guy. They were no I was a sky guy. Actually. Okay. Actually. I was a sky guy
[00:48:06] Skank and I was a sky guy and I was in skank with skanking. It's the sky dancing. It's like a two step type of
[00:48:13] It takes no skill whatsoever. Okay. It's like saying. Oh, I actually used to be a mokarina guy
[00:48:18] I knew I excuse me. I know how to do the mock
[00:48:21] No, no skanking requires more skill than
[00:48:25] Skinheads do it. It's not hard or intellectually taxing that doesn't mean that skinheads are bad at dancing or good
[00:48:32] Just because they don't like you think skinheads are good at dancing
[00:48:35] I just don't think that they have anything to do with each other. Probably is one skinhead. That's really good at dancing
[00:48:41] I get like the ones that are dancing to stop laughing about like our general
[00:48:47] I was dancing with them and then they put they start and they put the trumpet in his ass first
[00:49:10] No, it's fine. I it's I mean I get paid to be abused by my friends. Yeah, I'm living the dream shut up, dude
[00:49:18] Wait, uh, what if there was a skinhead that was secretly good at dancing
[00:49:24] But really good at break dancing and like when all the other skinheads were gone
[00:49:29] He was just be boying and I was like his closet secret. Yeah, I'd love to watch Nazi showtime on the train
[00:49:35] Yeah, I don't be afraid of us. We're not you know, we're just trying to make some money out here
[00:49:40] He just swaths it goes on the floor. There's a couple of be boys. We're just trying to trying to make some money
[00:49:45] We're raising money for our basketball team
[00:49:54] Multiple hand drum players three hand drum players. Yeah, and they were enjoying themselves so much
[00:50:02] I hated them and I wanted them all to die. I wanted to get cancer
[00:50:06] Like if they were just doing it. I don't even think I would be that annoyed
[00:50:08] But they were like really get into it. They're like yeah, and I'm like, oh my god
[00:50:12] I would like hope your family just owns you. Yeah, my favorite of the guys that are like I'm doing this
[00:50:17] So I'm not out here robbing people. Yeah, you know, and it's like that's all the time. Yeah, but the other guys
[00:50:22] That's an implicit threat. Yeah, well, I know it's an implicit threat, but it's like the other guys aren't saying they would rob people
[00:50:29] I'll give you money. There's many people asking for money. Just saying it would be very kind mariachi
[00:50:35] It somehow makes a song lasts 35 seconds
[00:50:37] Yeah, they're so good. Yeah, the guy on the g the g-tran dudes they they're really good
[00:50:44] Have you ever given the money? So I guess I do I do the other day. They played one of my favorite songs ever
[00:50:49] What I give him a buck. What's your song? Of course you have your one of your favorite songs is in the area. I'll cut you
[00:50:54] What is the band? What's this they played? Lebamba, which is not oh wow dude. What a deep cut
[00:50:59] Yeah, it's not a little bomb. I like the happy birthday song one of my favorite songs
[00:51:16] Straight up my favorite song when I was a little kid. We used to go to Johnny Rockets me and my parents
[00:51:21] Nice to ask them play la bomba on the jukebox
[00:51:23] And I used to fucking go ape when they played la bomba. I love that. I like that song. Sorry
[00:51:29] I like that song Adam used to put on la bomba and then he had a poster from a porn parody character named Richie bellens
[00:51:37] And this guy was too British. Yeah, he's got two dicks and then he's a fucking bellent
[00:51:42] And Adam would suck both of the dicks on the post. How do you suck both of them?
[00:51:45] They came out of it. They were magical. Yeah, they would suck them off. I don't know it's your fucking room dude. You tell me
[00:51:53] Repeating true story. I can't explain the physics of it to you stops just laughing, but it's not it's really not funny
[00:52:00] What you're saying it is really funny actually it is no, it's not sucking two dicks is funny
[00:52:04] Yeah from one guy or from two different. It doesn't matter. He's got two dicks. Yeah, it makes it special
[00:52:10] That's the way you get around it. You say it's not gay because they cancel each other out. That's true
[00:52:14] That is true. I saw in chatterbait the other day
[00:52:16] There was a girl that was gonna suck to you guys dicks at once and neither the guys could get hard. What?
[00:52:22] Forever. Yeah, that's brutal and then I had a certain
[00:52:25] There's a guy right there next to you like and he's judging you and chatterbait. Yeah chatterbait is the funniest web
[00:52:32] So funny. Yeah, I sit there all day long and I just screen-capped things people write to the candles. Oh, it sucks
[00:52:39] It's the funniest gifts like that they put up like yeah, the gifts are bad
[00:52:43] But just the stuff that these guys write in earnest, you know, irritate my penis. Yeah, they're like okay
[00:52:50] I guess I gotta go, you know like the fucking yeah, like the camera has any interest hoping you hope you would be like oh stick around
[00:53:01] It was like really stressful seeing these two guys. They couldn't get hard and the girl was just sitting there. She was getting upset
[00:53:06] I hate that that would make me upset. I do like a nice chatterbait sesh though. I
[00:53:14] Do you like to beat off the chatter bait? You want some typhoon? Yeah, it's good. I like knowing there's a real person, you know
[00:53:21] Yeah, that's what's good a real person well chatterbait from a porn standpoint kind of sucks
[00:53:27] But the the the chats are that's the best content on the internet
[00:53:32] How do you find people good for what's that?
[00:53:35] Do you search no you just go to chatterbait.com and then all the chat rooms are right there?
[00:53:40] Okay, but then you see where your your eye fancy. Yeah, and then you go into the rooms
[00:53:45] You don't have to pay here. Look you guys talk for two seconds
[00:53:47] I'm just gonna go on chatter right now. I guarantee you all find a hilarious comment. Okay first five seconds
[00:53:55] Look around doesn't that scan for a big juicy parrot
[00:54:01] See you know see who's doing some cool stuff
[00:54:04] With you shouldn't it's a girl sucking a dildo dirty mop water rights. You shouldn't play with your food he he
[00:54:14] I can't look I can't like jack off and look at the things. It really just
[00:54:19] I just think the comments are conducive to mmm that girl's hot. Well, she kind of looks like Adam
[00:54:25] Yeah, she does look like Adam. What are you talking about? This girl sort of looks like you
[00:54:29] Not in the face really but there's a penis going
[00:54:44] Man, we've had a couple really good ones
[00:54:47] Show me your penis. Oh, I guess this is a trans. Yeah, this is a trans woman. Oh, no. Yeah, wait
[00:55:00] Let's see she's pulling the panties down. Let's see if we're gonna find out those balls or not
[00:55:05] Uh, I think that you I you know what looking at her face
[00:55:09] I mean, it's like, you know at a certain point the science is gonna be perfected and I agree and we're just gonna have to kill them
[00:55:15] Yeah, no, those are those are balls hanging down there. I can't see
[00:55:21] I'm telling you dude. You're gonna be disappointed by the way. Who knows?
[00:55:24] I'm gonna I'm gonna full disclosure. My penis has not moved at all this entire time
[00:55:29] So I'm in the clear mine twitched a little yeah if I'm being completely honest
[00:55:33] Look at that. There's look at all the deathly. There's gravity happening there
[00:55:45] It's a it's an oddly very must-ful. It's not a guy. No, she doesn't have a muscular ass. Oh wait
[00:55:51] Oh, I guess not well unless it's a decent talk. Oh, there's a there's a lump
[00:55:57] Hmm. Are you guys literally confusing like vulva with no? I mean she looks she doesn't look like me
[00:56:05] We said we talked about already. Yeah, she looks a little stronger than you. Yeah, you could definitely be is that a Jewish star tattoo?
[00:56:13] Hell yeah, that's what that's a comment. So many road
[00:56:15] So she does look like you julian one two three four five. Is that a Jewish star tattoo?
[00:56:21] I'm excited. That's a good question. Yeah
[00:56:25] What do you beat off to if you don't beat off the chatter bait Nick? I don't beat off anymore. What?
[00:56:30] Yeah, I'm no fat. It's and makes you're no fat. No, I'm no fat. Yeah, nice man
[00:56:35] No, basically I put my hand on a table and then I start smashing it with a hammer
[00:56:41] That's what it gets me the only way he feels yeah
[00:56:44] I listen to nine inch nails and I bash my fucking hands into the table
[00:56:48] I only beat off to nine inch nails videos. Yeah that one about fucking you like an animal
[00:56:54] Mm-hmm closer, which I remember being like you really should have called that nice because no one can remember the name
[00:57:01] I told you I was in forever and the boogie man
[00:57:05] This is a woman beating off. It looks pretty cool. Yeah
[00:57:08] This guy right it's uh, elc 4c k 28 rights mone for my milk kitty
[00:57:16] Men are disgusting. I do hate knowing what we saw say when they fuck. I don't know
[00:57:21] Six stuff rights find the call of the wild tarzan
[00:57:25] They'll think they're being funny. Yeah, I like I don't want to get too
[00:57:29] I wonder if they feel competitive like the way like the old forums posters would and be like
[00:57:34] Like yeah, I'm gonna have the funniest thing today
[00:57:37] Oh, yeah, they all think they're gonna be the funniest guy to the cam girl and like, you know curry favor with her win or over
[00:57:46] My sister shows me like okay, Cupid and Tinder messages and just I'm gonna say like
[00:57:53] Maybe 90% of men are just absolute pieces of shit. Yeah, I tell her to be a lesbian because like
[00:57:59] They're like eyes are just like uh, no disrespect but um
[00:58:03] If you didn't add him Adam definitely sends messages to the cam girls by the way
[00:58:11] Of course, I'm gonna do sister. Of course. I don't because I don't tip
[00:58:18] And if I set up a profile I might tip them you you you will have bill bellamy 99
[00:58:30] Rock hound 5150. I'm pulling my foreskin
[00:58:37] I don't plan as good as some of the better ones I found
[00:58:42] I should just start like a tumbler with like the best ones. I find yeah, it's a good because I screen cap a lot of them
[00:58:48] You can do a twitter account with that. Yeah
[00:58:51] Yeah, look at this one. It's just one asian guys surrounded by
[00:58:56] Like nine people jacking them off. Oh nice. Yeah, it's a gay one. It's some of them a gay
[00:59:02] Yeah, they're a lot of their gay. We're not watching that one Adam. You can
[00:59:05] I want to see the gay asian one. No, next door when beating off this one's all right. Hmm. Okay, she's hot
[00:59:12] All right, you know, I'll let this one right for a bit so we can gain
[00:59:17] A cruise some comments here sure and then we're gonna switch topics switch gears. Oh producer
[00:59:25] Adam go ahead producer Adam you are you you got something Nick you just cut me off
[00:59:30] So i'm gonna go ahead say what do you want to say as a producer? I just wanted to say that I wanted to delegate
[00:59:36] To Nick. Okay to present the next topic but by producer you mean ethnically you're a producer
[00:59:44] What are you talking about? Yeah, you zero mustel
[00:59:48] Zero mustel was an actor ethnically. What was he though? Wink wink. He was an actor. He was a broadway and film actor
[01:00:02] Another guy that was famous for playing uh, tevya and filler in the roof. Oh, yeah
[01:00:10] Right if I was a wealthy man if I wasn't even rich a man
[01:00:17] I would charge all the money in the war for rent
[01:00:29] If I could lock the door and cause a fire
[01:00:34] Sectionate how's it goes? He knows so many musicals. Yeah, Nick's low key musical fan low key
[01:00:46] What other musicals do you know what I like?
[01:00:48] Political theory. I mean I can name I can name on one hand. Maybe all the musicals. I you were just singing Joseph in the amazing
[01:01:11] Yeah, mama Mia you can't I guess you can't help me Jersey boys
[01:01:16] That's cheating though. That's all all songs that we already know
[01:01:22] Uh, yeah, that's it. That's probably the most musical Hamilton. What are you talking about?
[01:01:26] You didn't even name sound of music dude. You know the music. Yeah, I don't know the whole thing
[01:01:30] You know it for a lot of songs from it, but I don't know the whole thing. You know sound of music
[01:01:38] Adelweiss yeah, you sing that he loves Julie and Nick on the other side of his door in his bedroom
[01:01:54] Not because he's even Austrian Billy dick one rights put that pussy in my beef ace
[01:02:04] Uh lee roy 91 wa I choose the moment right here tongue out emoji
[01:02:18] And she's fingering her ass and shoving the clear dildo directly into her pussy
[01:02:28] Close it out for the night as she squirts all over the towel
[01:02:32] She's looking great here probably no more than 17 years old
[01:02:38] But because the laws are less restrictive in Romania
[01:02:45] Yeah, those girls could be born in the 2000s. Yes, they're all they they're 11 years old and they hit puberty at five
[01:02:59] Oh, yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, that's pretty good
[01:03:03] What's going on in the Czech Republic? I don't know, but they got dying pieces dude willing to fuck for a buck
[01:03:10] Yeah, it's really like that's become the porn hub of europe. I think so. Yeah, not like the website porn like an a
[01:03:20] I want to go to the Czech Republic become a pornographer. Oh, it's barely a breathtaking city. Yeah, I've heard it's really gorgeous
[01:03:27] Yeah, cheap heroin cheap heroin. That's what I heard. Oh, damn. This goes getting fucked
[01:03:33] Yeah, well cheap heroin. You want the fancy heroin. You want the good shit, but like cheap good heroin
[01:03:39] I know someone who literally went on a heroin vacation a heroin tourist and that's pretty cool
[01:03:47] If I could like Thailand or something, but I guess like that's a terrible place to do it
[01:03:51] But no the Chinese the Chinese are one is the good hair
[01:03:54] If I could get like a long pipe and do like they Prague, I guess I don't know if he had a hookup or it's just a good heroin town
[01:04:01] Who needs to do hair? The shitty heroin comes from like afghanistan and the good shit comes from like
[01:04:07] Beijing yeah, like I don't know something one of the
[01:04:11] I part Asia you know what I mean? I don't I know people get angry if you say it's from Asia and you're like well
[01:04:18] Afghanistan is also Asia, but you know what I mean afghanistan is in India is
[01:04:22] Afghanistan is Asia is a central Asian country really yeah
[01:04:26] What yes, yeah, you of course the Middle East is in Asia where
[01:04:33] Middle East is in Asia. Yes, it is where yes, huh?
[01:04:38] Iraq is Asia technically where do you think it is?
[01:04:41] I guess you're right. I guess it is Asia, huh? It's not Europe
[01:04:45] I just want to come up with something isn't its own shit. It feels like it should be though. It should be in sort of shit
[01:04:52] That should be all the way over there by themselves. Yeah, damn. This is good
[01:04:57] But Afghanistan isn't is that considered the Middle East or is that central Asia?
[01:05:06] It's uh, I used to close to Russia right? It's it's how the Middle East is the Middle East is like like the
[01:05:13] Uh, Iran. It's like the Levant and then Iran well Iran wait. What are the maybe isn't even technically
[01:05:21] All right, North America South America. Oh, she Anna
[01:05:31] South America has been downgraded to country status
[01:05:34] Africa no longer continent not a country now. It's just a county in Delaware
[01:05:42] So the Middle East is not a continent. No, it's a region Europe and then Asia
[01:05:50] There's seven of them. Damn. Asia's too big North America South America
[01:05:56] Asia's biggest shit is America which is west America. That's true. What's that?
[01:06:01] He's like asia's too big as just much too big for my
[01:06:04] It's too big, but it's also that's Russia China
[01:06:06] That's such a fucking annoying thing when people are like, you know, like oh, I am asian like it
[01:06:12] You know like uh, I think harry kind of boo-lo does that job. Yeah, what do you mean? I'm not asian or whatever
[01:06:17] It's because like there's there's not a continental like cultural identity. Yeah, it's not there's not race it like
[01:06:26] It's a huge fucking place. They're trying to make reference to an ethnicity. Yeah, right
[01:06:29] Not like misspoke. Do you ever like think about how big Siberia is and just like I was about to bring that up
[01:06:35] How about you get mad at Siberia? I just hate how much there is. Yes, there's too much
[01:06:40] But you know Siberia actually isn't totally desolate like people like live there
[01:06:45] Yeah, but apparently it's super cold and then the summer is just bugs mosquitoes are really the worst place in the world
[01:06:51] You it's crazy. It's like how big Australia is versus like how much of it is actually where people live
[01:06:58] Just like there's one city on the west side twice the size of the continental United States and then like it is
[01:07:04] Yeah, I mean, it's not twice this size. It's probably like 1.65 times the size
[01:07:11] It's bigger, but yeah 1.69. Yeah, and they got all that shit in the middle
[01:07:17] Yeah, okay. You know the shit in the middle is empty. It's just nothing. That's what I'm saying
[01:07:20] Yeah, all that shit in the middle the desert
[01:07:29] I'm sorry again because I have no one's heard it
[01:07:40] It's why you eat all amber shit dude. That's fine. He can have it. Okay. I want to add salt sir get here
[01:07:47] Man, that's the laziest shit in the world having salt sir delivered
[01:07:51] Well, technically I was having cat litter
[01:07:53] How how mad would molly cline be if she found out you get seltzer delivered to your house you get white white gloved
[01:08:10] She I don't understand how anyone can like really get mad at anything she says or dislike her
[01:08:15] Uh probably because before everyone figured out she was crazy people would listen to her
[01:08:19] She I watched her like decide in her head that like connor killed patrick used to be a member of the kkk
[01:08:28] Did she rules she didn't she call you was she she called her amber ass ass frost
[01:08:43] That's all of her insoles. That was just strange. She's like this weird heiress. She's a rich girl
[01:08:49] That is really a woman when she got it when she's like yeah, she's like 59 years old
[01:08:55] She's that old is old as shit dude. She's that old. No, she's like 78 years old dude
[01:09:04] No, she she was like a hot girl. I think in the 90s. Yeah, well, anyway
[01:09:08] She dresses like one of the fucking like cards from Alice in Wonderland
[01:09:16] It's very it's a very eccentric. She's a very striking woman though every every part of her award robe is a scarf
[01:09:31] Yeah, she looks like that pigeon bitch from home alone too. Oh, yes like a like a vagrant
[01:09:41] Before I thought it sounded like one of Stephen Tyler's mic stands became sentient
[01:09:45] Because of the scarves. Thank you. You're uh dude looks like a lady. So anyway, she just falls people see I
[01:09:53] Yeah, will you um get the uh Amazon order? I'm not keeping any promises. That's my catchphrase
[01:10:01] That's where the seltzer is though. Yeah, I mean, I'll answer the door if it rings
[01:10:07] We're gonna be up all night watching fat man a little boy
[01:10:10] Now that I got stoked to watch that movie. I can't remember if it's better or not. It's probably not it's probably not at all
[01:10:16] I watched it when I was like eight. I feel like it's probably not good. It's not gonna be good
[01:10:21] But we can watch whatever you want bunny
[01:10:24] Producer Adam. You gotta you gotta end the show producer Adam
[01:10:27] Is the show over? Yeah, I think no, I feel like you know what I got
[01:10:30] I'm pumped. I'm pumped. I'm pumped. Let's keep rolling. Let's keep going. I got plenty energy
[01:10:36] All right, what's your work the fans? What do we got? I don't know
[01:10:43] Producer Adam idea. Okay, it's uh, it's Tuesday as you know today
[01:10:55] Put that pussy put your daughter to work day
[01:11:08] March her ass right here into the finance office and put her ass to work
[01:11:17] I used to work at a Lincoln mercury dealership. No for it
[01:11:21] No, I mean there was fords on the lot the people took for trade in and ship
[01:11:24] But it was a Lincoln mercury dealership sold navigators. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah
[01:11:29] fucking link link navigators were like the souped up
[01:11:33] Or like the upgraded expedition, right?
[01:11:36] Sort of they were on the same platform. Yeah, but yeah, it was like the Lincoln answer to the escalator
[01:11:41] Even though the navigator came out first, I think really? Yeah, the navigator got my first podcast
[01:11:47] I mean, there's a lot of people that are that are fucking you know, we got some petrol heads
[01:11:57] Then you know what sorry, I might be fucking up. I think the escalate came out first then the navigator
[01:12:04] Which was followed up by the Cadillac ext I think as an answer to the blackwood even though the blackwood was a failure
[01:12:12] So interesting which I'm probably not I'm no no confidence with that timeline
[01:12:18] You're gonna get so many comments from someone correcting it, right? There's really only one person
[01:12:26] That you you follow your autism ever you follow lance on twitter
[01:12:30] I'm non-laborian turbo that autistic guy in maryland that just is obsessed with fucking k cars
[01:12:40] I'm not aware of this person. Yeah, i'm charming. Yeah, no, he's great. I said he was like when I was on twitter
[01:12:46] I would just send him pictures of cars that I saw
[01:12:50] That one I saw that chevy celebrity with the continental kid on it
[01:12:56] No, I mean i'm off twitter now, but I wanted to send that to him. I knew he would appreciate it
[01:13:01] Yeah, it's nice to have someone who can appreciate your interest. Yeah, anyhow
[01:13:07] The manager of the used car lot was uh the son of the guy that owned the place. Hell. Yeah. Yeah, of course
[01:13:14] And uh, just my dad owns a dealership like that's such a yeah, he fucking he sucked
[01:13:20] Of course, he's in he was actually he like did give me a job when I was working at like a gas station
[01:13:25] He believed in me and shit now. What he
[01:13:30] I I found it like in like a newspaper and I called them up and I applied and I came in and they were like
[01:13:36] Yeah, you know how much experience but I like your you know, like your swag
[01:13:39] They're like we're like it was like a family-owned dealer. So they're like, yeah, I mean honestly like salesmanship is such a fascinating topic
[01:13:47] Yeah, like the idea that these people who have like no professional training still kind of
[01:13:55] Kind of anachronistic skill of being able to sell something to someone the best guy on on the used car lot
[01:14:02] Was this kid that was 20 years old like absolute bro?
[01:14:05] Who had just gotten out of you'd been in prison for two years for attempted murder
[01:14:12] Because he was at some party and he put like a fucking he put like I don't know chains or something in a sock and beat some guy
[01:14:20] But what was his like selling style like like how did he how did he sell? He's just like
[01:14:25] Chains in a sock. Yeah, you're buying a fucking car. Yeah, no, he would fucking he would just hit people over the head with that
[01:14:38] With car sale many kind of sales. It's really just making people feel like confident and like making them trust you
[01:14:44] And then so really it's like it's like for a car. It's massive. Yes, it's it's it's it's just social skills is all it is
[01:14:52] I mean, I I was never good at that. I was never good at that too. You weren't that my approach was always to just memorize everything about the inventory
[01:15:01] And then if you you make yourself instead of uh working with these social end of things you decided to focus on data and technical specifications
[01:15:11] If you know everything about like the what you have in inventory
[01:15:15] And like you know what the competitors are in that segment or whatever
[01:15:19] You can answer any questions and then people if they're coming into the lot
[01:15:24] They're obviously like they went online. They looked at shit. They came in they had an interest in it
[01:15:28] You answer any questions and you're like, yeah, I mean I would buy this car and that's really all you have to say
[01:15:33] And then they go, okay, let's do it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, how many cars?
[01:15:37] Um, I mean I was there a very brief amount of time before I was fired, but I
[01:15:43] Did you steal a car? I sold I sold four cars in the three and a half months
[01:15:47] I was there before that feel like sell a car the first time was pretty cool
[01:15:50] But I mean it's like, you know, it's not really that much money. Mm-hmm. It's like what's the commission?
[01:15:56] The commission it was a percentage, but you get somewhere in between like 600 and 900 dollars per car. Oh
[01:16:02] So what you just made no money while you were there
[01:16:04] Um, yeah, if you're only selling one a month
[01:16:07] I mean that's not you I ideally want to be selling two or three a month and then you you know, you make a salary of or you make
[01:16:13] a uh, around 2003 random month if you're like a good salesman
[01:16:19] And this was like 10 years ago. Yeah, why'd you get fired? Uh, because I shown up drunk and
[01:16:25] Not showing up and I want to watch this movie
[01:16:28] Which movie fat man a little boy. It's great. Oh, you being a car salesman and getting
[01:16:35] Getting fired. Yeah, I was showing up drunk. I'd probably be great
[01:16:39] Yeah, I think like maybe a cohen brothers treatment kind of I had this like she had a girlfriend at the time
[01:16:44] And we would hang out at her friend's house who was this like rich guy
[01:16:49] Or but like he was like 22 and he was making like 90 grand a year. Yeah, like he he sold
[01:16:55] Uh, what are you doing? She's rubbing my thighs
[01:16:58] Got a pimple or something. Yeah, and why anyhow, I wasn't even I was like 18 at the time
[01:17:03] And then she was like 21 and her friend was like 23
[01:17:06] So we just go to that guy's apartment and get like I would get fucking blackout drunk and like pass out on the floor
[01:17:12] And he would fuck your girlfriend. Yeah, and then
[01:17:15] And then why would go to work at like 6 a.m. Still drunk like wearing the same clothes. I
[01:17:21] Came home from the dealership. Not even home. I just immediately went to like
[01:17:25] Hang out of this dude's place and drink
[01:17:28] Eventually like the owner of the place was like, oh you must not have like other clothes to wear like other
[01:17:34] So he gave me like a thousand dollars worth of clothes. Oh, I just don't go home. Oh, yeah
[01:17:39] No, it's kind of shitty. They were very nice to me
[01:17:43] You know, I just say I hate my life. I just wanted to get drunk. Yeah, that sounds like the blind side. Yeah, like but you were
[01:17:55] Snoving like the blind side. It's like that movie the blindside where Sandra Bullock adopts a drunk adult
[01:18:07] Uh, yeah, I'm we're going back to the comments now. All right, I would be good at selling cars stop
[01:18:12] I would booty man 823. I just found your room for the first time tonight, but followed now
[01:18:18] Hopefully I can catch you more often. Oh, I hate to hear that
[01:18:22] Maybe the week night is why I was just swinging by myself. I had to stop when I saw you
[01:18:27] And it's just a woman coming she's just she's not typing the hammer responding
[01:18:34] I just saw you and your beauty struck me. Oh, dude. She really is coming. Yeah, she's just yeah
[01:18:39] They have those things that are like but if you tip then it'll vibrate. Oh, that's pretty cool
[01:18:44] And so they're like oh, I'm already in love with that vibe. Oh, there he goes
[01:18:49] Why throw the LOL in there because they're all fucking insecure. No, it's being coy with this woman. Yeah, you gotta pussy out
[01:18:58] Like there are still manners. They're still
[01:19:03] Top half with white gloves on I mean, what else would you comment?
[01:19:06] Would you just be like I am masturbating to you? You fucking bitch. Oh god damn it goes got big ass
[01:19:16] All right. Well producer Adam. Um, yeah, I
[01:19:19] Think I was just behind a fucking hot tub with his dick out. Yeah
[01:19:25] Is he gonna fuck one of the jets now? Maybe yeah, that goes got big. Oh damn a couple big tds. Yeah. Well, that's
[01:19:35] This has been the stopping Adam take over
[01:19:39] I think I think it was pretty good. We hit on some hate this episode so much
[01:19:43] We hit on some really hard like the brightest one to you
[01:19:50] Longer than the cocaine one which Nick and I kept ending and saying no we came up with a good idea
[01:19:56] So let's try this out of the there's bad energy dude. I don't know. I'm ready to do another hour
[01:20:01] Let's keep him rolling. Yeah, are you really what no no so folks damn? I just want to say oh god damn
[01:20:16] Well, that's been it for the stop it Adam take over
[01:20:20] I hope that you guys like this episode and if you guys want more stop it Adam takeovers
[01:20:26] I want you to comment on the patron up. Look at gay ass Adam doing the podcast where we're looking at porn
[01:20:34] What yo this woman has such big titty. I think with some editing I fucked her actually
[01:20:38] If we gave this to Brendan James, I think this could be a great episode because there were definitely some you know
[01:20:44] You can give to Brendan James that fucking sweet ass here
[01:20:47] Why I would love to watch Brendan fuck you. Yeah Brendan James
[01:21:27] Think of your rings in my ass your bag in my ass
[01:21:38] Have the fifth and sixth members of choppo on the pod today. So pretty excited about that
[01:21:45] Thank you amber for joining us and thank you nakin stop as always
[01:21:49] My really don't touch my fucking rubber bands either. All right everyone. Thank you. Goodbye. I am so