Cum Town | Premium | 10/08/2016
[00:00:47] Quick, Frankie, suck all the electricity out of that wire.
[00:00:58] And that is a bit called Italian guys who think some guy's dick is a wire.
[00:01:14] But as a joke, as a funny, you know, kind of like a goof, like an SNL.
[00:01:27] My friend Eric, what time G-Chabees, like S&L was at my work the other day.
[00:01:36] And he's like, you know, Saturday Night Live.
[00:01:39] And I was like, how does that make any sense?
[00:01:48] But yeah, it would be like that show SNL.
[00:01:51] That's really the goal with any podcast is to eventually become an SNL writer, which they
[00:01:57] offered me this year, but I turned it down.
[00:01:59] They offered me both to be the star of the show.
[00:02:02] I was going to be weekend update, but I said that's gay.
[00:02:12] We do break news on come town a whole lot.
[00:02:15] For example, Kim Kardashian was just robbed again.
[00:02:37] That song is like, it should have just been titled, I dare you to say it.
[00:02:47] Yeah, I know, but you can't put it in the title of the song.
[00:03:13] I love that they were trying to make hitter.
[00:03:15] My motherfucking hitter ever says that.
[00:03:18] They did that too with three six mafia.
[00:03:23] No one was used to say, I got to get stay fly.
[00:03:35] I just listened again to the edited version of the song.
[00:03:38] The edited version of the day and night, Kid Cute.
[00:03:42] And I forgot that the edit was the lonely loner.
[00:03:46] I laughed about it for like that's the radio edit.
[00:04:02] Were you watching it on PAX television?
[00:04:03] I was listening to it on Kid Cudi Vivo.
[00:04:09] It's choosing while we're recording a podcast to do its own woodworking fucking wall.
[00:04:24] The Chappo Boys were up here in the Anthony Kumia.
[00:04:34] They offered again to have us go on the network.
[00:04:41] Tell them half a million that we won't do it.
[00:04:52] I don't understand why, like what's the benefit of putting like the fact that anybody subscribes
[00:05:04] I was like, let's, you know, pay five bucks to see what's up with this calm show.
[00:05:10] But keep doing it and do it more please.
[00:05:15] I just found out my friends who are a husband and wife duo share an account.
[00:05:24] I like how it's like as soon as people make stuff they start giving a shit about copyright.
[00:05:29] We do make something technically technically.
[00:05:32] People want to see a state of Tim Allen.
[00:05:36] You got mad that I let that guy make those t-shirts without us taking any of the fuck
[00:05:39] I did not get mad about it and shout out to Mike D. Callie.
[00:05:44] You were all your Yom Kippur decorations in my apartment.
[00:05:53] Oh, they were hilarious dude driving over here just seeing the full regalia.
[00:05:56] They were all wearing those circle hats.
[00:05:58] He's talking about the hesides in Williamsburg.
[00:06:01] We have like, I'm sure you've been to Williamsburg, Virginia, which is Colonial Williamsburg
[00:06:06] where they all dress like dumbasses from the past.
[00:06:09] Well, we have our own version of that here except it's Jewish.
[00:06:13] Half of it is like fedora stroller dads and half of it's Jewish.
[00:06:21] Yeah, just because I'm a dad doesn't mean I can't have full sleeves.
[00:06:29] And remember that like Brooklyn dad we saw skateboarding by himself with what Marie Hernandez
[00:06:35] It was all these like kids like skateboarding or whatever.
[00:06:38] And then there's some like aging hipster who's in his like late thirties flannel shirt
[00:06:43] like, you know, nice jeans and then like vans or whatever just riding a skateboard around
[00:06:52] He's like, yeah, actually I remember when I skateboarded for like what two weeks back in
[00:06:58] And so he had to buy the skateboard and then he was, you know, riding around in circles
[00:07:03] He just went around in circles and every time he passed by us the expression on his face,
[00:07:07] it was like he had no idea what he was doing.
[00:07:11] Like he didn't know why not that he was confused or whatever.
[00:07:15] Probably in his late thirties early 40s.
[00:07:22] This guy was just this fucking 39 year old man skateboarding alone with.
[00:07:31] It's so funny how Williamsburg juxtaposes like people that are extremely authentic, which
[00:07:37] It's like people who exist in sort of this like bubble of just complete horseshit.
[00:07:56] He actually enjoys doing anything there.
[00:08:04] Dude, I can't wait to see keep Williamsburg weird shirts.
[00:08:10] I told Stav, I heard the best, the best.
[00:08:13] I was walking by and this guy was like, yeah, no, I just rush a shot.
[00:08:16] And this like, it's like Jewish Hanukkah.
[00:08:29] He knows it's like Christian, presumably.
[00:08:37] Every single one of them is a pass over.
[00:08:48] They call them a little tent and then they hang out outside their house and they're
[00:08:49] like, don't they make the woman on her period not be in the tent?
[00:08:52] Don't you have to like dig a hole and they have to wait outside or something?
[00:08:56] One of them in her, on her period shouldn't be outside.
[00:09:04] Yeah, raccoons, they just run up to women on their periods all the time.
[00:09:09] We might have to take an early break to change the batteries in the recorder.
[00:09:14] I'm just letting you know this one might cut off abruptly.
[00:09:18] And if you don't want it, I should probably just do that now.
[00:09:37] The first to get their balls in and Mr. Bunken wins but look out.
[00:09:39] Because the balls will pop out of his mouth.
[00:10:08] No, it's not the tea that you were drinking.
[00:10:15] I understand it's, you know, Russia, Yom Kippur.
[00:10:31] But I'm saying it with the New York Ashkenazi ad.
[00:10:37] Do you guys listen to Shana, on Rosh Hashana?
[00:10:46] Did we talk about when that one's swing revival came up?
[00:10:55] How much stupid or doo-wop revival was in the same piece?
[00:11:03] We did say that the mask single-handedly derailed swing revival.
[00:11:13] South Austin is like guys that were really cool in 1996 and then just stayed like...
[00:11:24] Rockabilly guys that work in like speed shops.
[00:11:26] Although I would fuck Rockabilly girls.
[00:11:30] Blake Midget had a tweet one time there.
[00:11:33] He's like, I love how women that try to look like Betty Page and ever do.
[00:11:40] I'm gonna get bangs so I look like Betty Page.
[00:11:48] There were eight other things you're not nailed.
[00:11:50] That'd be like if I'm like, I'm gonna look like John Ham by putting on a tie.
[00:11:54] Then I saw a terrible posture and autism.
[00:12:07] It just attaches to my basketball shorts.
[00:12:16] It's not that women think it's because they're like, get that haircut.
[00:12:27] But you could have done that with terrible hair and...
[00:12:41] I talked about this a little bit off the podcast, but a lot of gay men have been sliding into
[00:12:49] No, a closeted man in India sent me an I love you meme.
[00:12:54] And he sent me his fucking phone number.
[00:12:56] You know how daring that is that he did that?
[00:12:59] And he was just laughing at this guy who, like, if anyone found out about that, they'd like
[00:13:05] They're like, yeah, look at this gay Indian guy.
[00:13:08] And he like had to sneak into a cave in the middle of the night with his laptop.
[00:13:18] They will kill my family if you tell anyone I love you.
[00:13:23] It's a picture Garfield with hearts on it.
[00:13:29] Power Rangers kissing Facebook stickers.
[00:13:36] You know what's like the best medieval torture method is where they just put somebody in
[00:13:41] a pit and then put a board over them and then they just slowly start dropping rocks on
[00:13:50] No, until there's just the weight of the rocks, like, just squishes.
[00:13:56] Like, the one where you put a rat in a cylinder and then set...
[00:14:17] I just watched the terrible jattly movie where he's like his evil twin from another dimension.
[00:14:25] It probably wasn't the first movie where he spoke English, but, like, it was the first
[00:14:30] one that I remember seeing that wasn't, like, just a Hong Kong jattly movie.
[00:14:36] It was like, just let him speak Chinese.
[00:14:42] Because black mask, I used to fucking love black masks.
[00:14:55] Was it, but that was a nutty professor.
[00:15:03] There was actually a medieval torture method where they would make you wear a fat suit.
[00:15:07] Everyone would laugh at you until you die.
[00:15:13] The pillorys, they had pillorys and fat suits.
[00:15:27] Actually, I don't know if I conveyed this where we were talking about the debate last time,
[00:15:30] but the best part of the entire debate was just turning and looking at Nick, looking so
[00:15:43] The look on Nick's eyes is the most emotional I've ever seen.
[00:15:48] I thought he was going to fucking, you know, turn it into a spectacle.
[00:15:51] I can't wait until he brings up Bill Clinton next time.
[00:15:56] It's like when you see a comic, you really fucking respect and you haven't seen it in a
[00:16:01] It's about to get up and they do the same material they've been doing for like five years.
[00:16:04] You're just life sort of eating away at your core and it's just not going to happen for
[00:16:13] But Trump, Pence and Kane are debating tomorrow.
[00:16:19] Like he legit tried to like get gay conversion therapy funded by like Medicare state of Indiana.
[00:16:30] Like straight up just was trying to get that to be the rule.
[00:16:33] Well he was the one that was scared of the game pizza.
[00:16:37] It's like people don't understand that you can exploit those, you know, programs.
[00:16:42] So yeah, let them have gay conversion camp.
[00:16:44] But then if you're poor, just say your kid is gay and then they get free summer camp.
[00:16:50] If you don't think fucking poor people would figure that out immediately.
[00:16:57] I mean, they would buy, they would buy, you know, Charles Bronson, his, he grew up poor.
[00:17:07] And his mom, you know, because they didn't have any money, he would have to go to school
[00:17:17] I used to wear dresses and that's why I'm gay now.
[00:17:23] Yeah, I just filled out the bust, you know what I'm saying?
[00:17:27] Oh boy, I love being a man with titties.
[00:17:29] Have you guys ever had titties in your life?
[00:17:39] In seventh grade I had like baby fat on my belly, but I wasn't.
[00:17:43] You've never had titties in your life, dude?
[00:17:53] Oh, he's got a little Jewish stank on that.
[00:17:58] Can you just fucking lift weights and be strong, dude?
[00:18:02] I can get muscles there, but the middle of it.
[00:18:12] Just poke bitches while you're fucking them.
[00:18:15] You poke them in the eye with your chest.
[00:18:18] So we got to talk about the Mark Wahlberg Deepwater Horizon movie.
[00:18:30] I couldn't find it, which means that, you know, Mark's out there beating up anyone stealing
[00:18:40] I don't give a shit what it is Mark does.
[00:18:42] I know that like he heard a story about one guy in that oil rig that did something tough
[00:18:46] and he's like, that's fucking me, dude.
[00:18:49] If it was me on that oil rig, nothing would have spilled.
[00:18:52] I would have fucking, you know what I was saying?
[00:18:54] That oil coming out and I'd punch it right in the fucking face.
[00:18:58] I would punch that fucking oil right back in.
[00:19:06] And then he's like, I'm going to executive produce this.
[00:19:11] He produced perhaps the greatest television program in history.
[00:19:19] We're be joking about an entourage, but it's about Donnie Wahlberg.
[00:19:23] It's about Donnie Wahlberg's experience being either a commitment to acting and being in
[00:19:29] a musical group and then he's got like, you know, this younger brother committing hate
[00:19:34] He's just beating up Vietnamese people.
[00:19:35] And then in a one year span, his criminal brother completely overtakes him.
[00:19:48] No, he was in a couple of shitty movies, but his transition into serious acting was a movie
[00:19:55] Fear was what made people like start to consider that, you know, Mark might be like a serious
[00:20:23] Is there a roller coaster or something?
[00:20:26] Was he a rapper before he beat up the Vietnamese?
[00:20:30] He beat up the Vietnamese in between modeling underwear.
[00:20:36] It was right before Lone Survivor came out.
[00:20:45] Yeah, that shit all happened when he was a teenager.
[00:20:47] Like he went to jail for, you know, like hate crimes and stuff.
[00:20:53] No, you called him my guy's, you fucking Vietnamese shit.
[00:21:01] Which is so much better than a racial slur because it's like, he just like, there's no
[00:21:07] He'd be like, racism is ignorance, but what's when it's like so ignorant that he can't even
[00:21:12] He's just don't going to express it by putting a fucking meat hook through some Vietnamese
[00:21:24] Did he ever pay that guy like millions of dollars or no?
[00:21:28] No, I think it's one of those things where I turned into a learning experience for him.
[00:21:33] He's like, when fucking Kanye talks about his struggle after it, his jaw broke, and
[00:21:38] it's like, you're pursuing some fucking narcissistic dream and fell asleep driving home because
[00:21:44] you're too busy being a fucking producer or whatever.
[00:21:49] You got an at fault fucking, it's his fault, you know, collision with this like cab driver,
[00:22:02] I don't hate Kanye, but I ain't a measure.
[00:22:09] In terms of like, you know, exploiting a thing where you're clearly the asshole for
[00:22:13] look, dude, I think, you know, we still don't know what happened.
[00:22:20] But we do know what Mark Wahlberg did when he punched that Vietnamese guy.
[00:22:23] Let's go back to talking about that, please.
[00:22:25] It'd be like, I can't wait to see what kind of like comedy Cosby's doing when he finally
[00:22:30] I think he's really going to grow up for this.
[00:22:35] When his next stand-up special comes out at age 182.
[00:22:41] Because of did Guernica right after a weird rape thing.
[00:22:48] It's the one where they're all playing a bunch of gay instruments.
[00:22:55] Guernica is about the bombing of the fascists entering the square civil war.
[00:23:01] Guernica sounds like a racist Italian is looking for a black guy.
[00:23:17] And so you guys think that Mark Wahlberg was right or wrong?
[00:23:23] I mean, I do think, as I recall, the spring rolls he ordered were not hot.
[00:23:33] I think it's okay to, you know, his commit to hate crime if you know, if you're able to
[00:23:39] determine what kind of Asian the guy you're about to, like he's like, you fucking Taiwanese
[00:23:46] And he's like, how did you know I was from Taiwan?
[00:23:49] You know the difference between mainland China and Taiwan?
[00:24:00] Well, we look, we got Cenkai Shek over here.
[00:24:02] And then he fucking, you know, then he takes his eye out.
[00:24:05] It'll be like, thank you for knowing about my culture.
[00:24:12] Southern Chinese, Southern Chinese, Northern Cambodian among.
[00:24:30] They have a lot of exes in their language, don't they?
[00:24:37] It's like a mountainous region of Spain that was isolated from the rest of Europe for a long
[00:24:47] They got dubdies on the regs and they get them at like 12.
[00:24:54] I'll be reading about a country and then I'll just open a new tab and type in like, you
[00:25:06] Every time a famous person comes up or just like.
[00:25:09] I have to look up like an actress in a movie or whatever.
[00:25:14] I'll look up who they are and then I'll also just look at your.
[00:25:20] I first go personal info on the Wikipedia page to see if they have a boyfriend.
[00:25:23] The best is if I'm going to fuck Kirsten Dunst.
[00:25:26] The fake nudes where it'll be like smiling so hard.
[00:25:31] It's like, it's like a clearly a red carpet picture and then they're just being like,
[00:25:35] fucked by like nine people like Jackie.
[00:25:39] The head is like not even centered on the neck.
[00:25:44] Oh, I beat off the so many of those informative.
[00:25:47] Yeah, wow, I didn't know the woman that played Dr. Quinn medicine.
[00:26:04] That must have been at the height of Dr. Quinn.
[00:26:07] She didn't fucking wedding crash or she was hot as shit.
[00:26:15] She has a collection with the open hearts collection at K. Jewelers.
[00:26:29] A fucking a cow heart would probably feel pretty good.
[00:26:40] Yeah, he cooked a cow heart up to a car battery and then stuck his dick on the ventricle.
[00:26:51] You absolutely, literally could not come out with that book now.
[00:26:59] I do feel kind of bad for everyone that died.
[00:27:06] Basically, everyone that's dead, I'm glad.
[00:27:08] The fucking gay guy that played the Harry Potter dude.
[00:27:30] Oh, that, like, audio recording is great.
[00:27:37] Like, the other person like, weren't there more than one?
[00:27:42] Like, very like softly, calmly admitting to, I...
[00:27:47] Then, yes, I mean, we had sex with eight-year-old.
[00:27:55] There's no reason for this to be a baby.
[00:28:08] Someone involved with that show had to be raped.
[00:28:12] It was the name of the producer that...
[00:28:21] Yeah, she got kicked off the show for being too hot.
[00:28:24] Cause she deposes on the cover of like, Maxim or something in a bathing suit.
[00:28:28] And they're like, this is a Christian show.
[00:28:30] And the fucking dad's like, yeah, Jessica.
[00:28:35] I'm fucking eating out of three-year-old.
[00:28:37] Jessica, you're getting hired while Derry, Jessica.
[00:28:41] Her most famous anything is getting a bucket of water poured on her on the stage of a Pittsburgh strip club in Flash Dance.
[00:28:50] That's the most famous thing about Jessica Beale?
[00:28:57] I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
[00:28:59] Is there a remake you're talking about?
[00:29:02] Oh, you're talking about- Oh, I'm talking about Jennifer Beale.
[00:29:10] Jennifer Beale is some woman that he saw one time.
[00:29:13] No, Jennifer Beale is the fucking- Jessica Beale, I remember who that is now.
[00:29:19] She thought Jennifer Beale was on seventh head.
[00:29:21] I think it was Jennifer Beale's with an S at the end.
[00:29:23] I bet you she's got a completely different name.
[00:29:27] I don't think I've ever seen Flash Dance.
[00:29:31] I beat off to it as a child because it is pretty hot.
[00:29:48] I would like to have a nice spreadsheet.
[00:29:56] Have you ever seen the seventh heaven episode where they-
[00:30:01] They find fucking Eric's joint, the older brother.
[00:30:04] Who's like 28 years old, but like, he plays like an 18-year-old.
[00:30:09] Yeah, and he's like, you know, he helps out with parenting or whatever.
[00:30:14] It was like, you know, if you grew up Christian, that guy would be fucking-
[00:30:32] I don't know, the dad finds a fucking joint outside in the backyard.
[00:30:39] You roll a joint and then you just leave-
[00:30:47] And you pre-roll all your joints and then carry them around in a fucking ziplock bag,
[00:30:53] Well, if some Christian pussy kid did do drugs,
[00:30:59] So they find a joint, they have to like,
[00:31:01] we have to have a family meeting in the living room or whatever.
[00:31:08] does you seriously think we would be dumb enough not to find out, Eric?
[00:31:12] You know, or whatever, when he finally like cops to having the joint.
[00:31:16] And it's this very serious episode about the fucking joint.
[00:31:19] And it's like, how did that actor deliver those lines with his straight face?
[00:31:24] Well, then he's like going home and raping children.
[00:31:27] Every scene of that show is just up to take it in that context now.
[00:31:36] And it makes it quite possibly, this is a hot take.
[00:31:40] The greatest fucking comedy of all time.
[00:31:42] The fucking funniest shit I've ever seen in my entire life.
[00:31:49] It's that guy just seemed like a nice dude too.
[00:31:53] There's never like, you know, oh, check out this pedophile who's like, you know, also a fucking, you know, complete piece of shit that shop lifts and-
[00:32:02] No, no, there's plenty of those out there.
[00:32:06] I think that's the majority of pedophiles.
[00:32:09] That's to catch a predator essentially.
[00:32:30] Stop did also used to beat off to that.
[00:32:39] Didn't they find out that the host of that was a pressure?
[00:32:51] What's the what's the rule of your child that's a downlist child porn?
[00:32:59] If you lose your virginity, the four eighties.
[00:33:02] The one's the one's the one's 12 year old.
[00:33:04] If you lose your virginity, if you have sex in high school, you're technically a pedophile.
[00:33:22] Anyway, I wonder that if you're 12, shouldn't you be allowed to watch 12 year olds fuck?
[00:33:31] We should be able to make your own child porn.
[00:33:39] They would have used this as kids news and kids rule.
[00:34:00] No, I was trying to, I guess it won't let me start recording on this line.
[00:34:16] We'll come when we come back from the second break.
[00:34:22] This is going to be called the break episode.
[00:34:29] I want you to be the one who works buddy.
[00:34:45] I finish editing them almost immediately.
[00:34:47] And then it's like it's a pain in the ass to upload them because it fucks up all the time.
[00:34:54] But luckily we've been getting free hosting graciously from our podcast host.
[00:35:06] I thought it's, you know, the Puerto Rican rattlesnakes.
[00:35:32] Yeah, someone's talking about a shout-in.
[00:35:33] I emailed them and I was like, all side can't.
[00:35:36] And they're like, yeah, we're upgrading stuff.
[00:35:38] So we gave you like free, uh, you know, they're not asking for money.
[00:35:48] I have to be trans and you have to fuck me.
[00:35:54] If we get to $3,000, we're gonna, uh, write a play about 9-11 and then make children perform it.
[00:36:05] Like George Bush, like a little boy playing George Bush.
[00:36:20] 16 and 17 both got it right, right under 20,000.
[00:36:23] Episode 18, the Jiswee Charlie episode got 21,000 downloads.
[00:36:35] Oh, and the last one got a million and a half.
[00:36:38] We have the most successful podcast on the internet.
[00:36:40] Look, we're three days into this month.
[00:36:42] This is an episode that hasn't even come out for this month and we've had 10,000 downloads
[00:36:50] So, I mean, what I'm saying is we should be paying for total, we've had 300,000 downloads.
[00:36:58] Which makes me, uh, because you guys have noticed, I said a bunch of numbers.
[00:37:04] So if you got any silicone valley folks out there that want to hire me to suck on robot
[00:37:11] cities, where are we going to fuck robots?
[00:37:15] Uh, we've been fucking robots for years, dude.
[00:37:20] What do you think of fucking iPad is, man?
[00:37:25] We're all sex slaves to these machines that suck our dicks all day long.
[00:37:38] Instead of being fat, they're just jacking off all day.
[00:37:41] I'm just getting their dicks sucked by a fucking game boy.
[00:37:45] I'm trying to get my dick sucked by a goddamn game boy.
[00:37:52] There should be a lot more bait-in, you know?
[00:37:59] That was like a way overused joke in pretty much every packet I did for like a year.
[00:38:07] They look like the people at the end of Wally.
[00:38:16] And to my submissions for Guess Who's Ethnic on MTV.
[00:38:23] Somebody asked me if there was a show called Yo Is That Racist?
[00:38:41] And you get a couple of guys and they just go out on the street and they say, hey, we're
[00:38:47] And they put a microphone in somebody's face.
[00:38:51] But they were like cool hats, stuff from pop-up stores and shit.
[00:38:56] You know, that's the kind of shit that people want to see.
[00:39:06] And that's... and you know, that's when you better...
[00:39:11] And then a long gym stare at the camera.
[00:39:23] Like a family at a restaurant with like a retarded son.
[00:39:28] They were like trying to get him to, you know, read the menu.
[00:39:31] Because they're proud of him or whatever.
[00:39:35] And it just cuts to Jim doing the face from across the office.
[00:39:42] You got jacked to shit in that Benghazi movie.
[00:39:46] You saw it and you talked about it already.
[00:39:51] Oh, I don't think I really talked about it.
[00:39:52] Did you guys see this thing with Arthur Chu's wife?
[00:39:56] I thought he was like single or whatever.
[00:40:04] He looks like a fucking middle school nerd.
[00:40:09] The only difference between you and Arthur is that...
[00:40:16] Arthur literally can't handle putting on clothes.
[00:40:18] Arthur Chu is ugly and I'm a few of these.
[00:40:20] Have you seen this picture of his shoe?
[00:40:34] Yeah, so his wife, like somebody went to her tweets and she has all these...
[00:41:05] No, but I mean, Black people love that.
[00:41:07] So I just assume now I'm pretty sure Kermit's Black.
[00:41:22] And you know what those holes are filled with.
[00:41:35] It's the world going to be the anatomy for bringing up a problem.
[00:41:38] Dude, we ain't kicked out of the Anthony Camilla studios if we could talk about something like that.
[00:41:47] Yeah, no, so his wife was tweeting all this stuff.
[00:41:52] That was like, you know, well, I'm up for an adventure today.
[00:41:57] I guess I'll venture to the hardware store and replace that toilet seat.
[00:42:04] There's all these like embarrassing tweets about like just what it's like to live with
[00:42:09] So she didn't think twice about tweeting, but when you compile all of them together, it
[00:42:13] paints a very pathetic and predictable portrait of Arthur's you.
[00:42:20] Apparently, it has like a big ant problem.
[00:42:30] That's like what a window next to the kitchen gets.
[00:42:46] He saw a video of an otter eating on his stomach.
[00:42:56] Why are people being like chores for the day?
[00:42:58] Fold Arthur's clothes, organize Arthur's desk, remove the residue.
[00:43:03] Arthur leaves on all the surfaces after he eats.
[00:43:16] I mean, I guess they were married before that.
[00:43:24] Well, because his penis was fucked up, they replaced it with a vibrating unit.
[00:43:36] Would you get your dick replaced by a big fat vibrating deal, though?
[00:43:39] I'd get it replaced with something worse than that.
[00:43:41] Sometimes I would love to get my dick replaced.
[00:43:43] You never see a thing about that Jonah Falcon guy who's like, dick was so big, he just
[00:43:55] He was like a club staple in like the late 70s in New York, Studio 54.
[00:43:59] He was just known for having the absolute biggest dick.
[00:44:05] It's like 15 inches long and like a width of like a flick ball.
[00:44:12] Like, yeah, it's like a snub fire hydrant.
[00:44:18] And it's because, you know, he can't like physically impossible for him to put his dick
[00:44:23] Wait, and it's still like, he's pretty cool.
[00:44:31] Well, look, first of all, never underestimate what a man is capable of.
[00:44:41] Actually black women coded that by hand.
[00:44:49] What about the black women that actually went to the made space happen?
[00:44:59] There were black women who were like, you know, as a joke, it might be a good movie.
[00:45:04] It's probably going to be a good movie.
[00:45:05] That's going to be the one with like, good.
[00:45:14] It does look like it's going to be good.
[00:45:15] But because it's coming out right now, it feels like they're just we're trying to catch.
[00:45:22] Birth of the nation known as allowed to see because he's raped.
[00:45:24] Yeah, because he raped him and his wife raped.
[00:45:28] Yeah, wasn't that story him and his like girlfriend or, you know, he had like a rape partner?
[00:45:40] Have you seen a picture of a man in Knox's new boyfriend?
[00:45:47] Did you see how fat Kevin Fettler got from G's to Gens?
[00:45:55] Kevin Fettler had a hilarious moment, dude.
[00:45:56] Like that guy so overachieved when he should have had in life.
[00:46:08] Now he can just get fucking alimony checks every month.
[00:46:09] Oh, this guy just looks like a retard dumbass to me.
[00:46:14] He's wearing like a Z-Brizzie Brinter line.
[00:46:21] Yeah, Fettler line got fat as shit, dude.
[00:46:31] Brittany is just made out of evil Jew lawyers.
[00:46:48] He's still probably smashing whores, though.
[00:47:00] And he's mastered the big T-shirt immediately.
[00:47:04] Some people gain weight and they don't know how to deal with it, but he got fat the right
[00:47:11] Yeah, but there's like a way to be a fat guy wearing a big T-shirt where it minimizes
[00:47:30] You want people to think you're a bowling ball.
[00:47:31] I don't think quite bowling ball is exactly what I'm going for.
[00:47:37] Yeah, I'm like a sexy, scary grizzly bear.
[00:47:40] I just want people to know that I'm not defined by society standards and if I want to wear
[00:47:53] For those of us that have to witness it.
[00:47:58] Is that a fantasy art painted on the side?
[00:48:02] Fat guys that wear the fucking shirts just look even fatter.
[00:48:06] Honestly, I'm jealous because you have a great shirt collection.
[00:48:09] I wish the front of my shirt took up that much space.
[00:48:18] Also, there's a lot of canvas to work with.
[00:48:21] You just have the entirety of Proust printed on the front of your shirt.
[00:48:25] I have a wearing a gun printed on my shirt.
[00:48:33] Yelled that by the security guard for flipping off a clock.
[00:48:40] They get mad at you if you flip off the paintings and shit at the museum.
[00:48:45] At the Cleveland Museum, I was there last year and I was like, oh, just old episodes
[00:48:52] So you know there's like movie theater rooms in the museum?
[00:48:54] When you sit down and you're like, oh, this is going to be cool.
[00:49:01] You should have said five seconds pretending like whatever that video is.
[00:49:04] You're just so happy it's something that's like TV.
[00:49:12] It's a fact to Aaron Space Museum where you can touch everything.
[00:49:13] I'm glad that rock and roll really brought back the Cleveland economy.
[00:49:22] They have like the gayest shit in there.
[00:49:27] They have videos of Kid Rock talking about Elvis.
[00:49:36] Yeah, so I'm about to go on a little bit of a tour.
[00:49:53] I dropped a Mimi Bowback reference recently and someone was like, whoa.
[00:50:05] But fuck Mimi Bowback is everyone knows Mimi, dude.
[00:50:07] If you don't know who Mimi Bowback is, you're a fucking idiot.
[00:50:16] That was a she was former dictator of Romania, right?
[00:50:23] You know Mimi was just on Tumblr on that component.
[00:50:28] Outside of Mr. Sheffield's office or whoever that British boss was.
[00:50:53] Drew used to make beer in his backyard.
[00:51:10] Wasn't Ryan Stiles of Who's Line Is It Anyway on that show?
[00:51:17] Did you not watch the Drew Carey show at all?
[00:51:21] No, it seemed like they were all having fun.
[00:51:24] It seemed, it's sort of like come-taught.
[00:51:26] It seems like everyone on Drew Carey's show is friends and having fun.
[00:51:29] Having a similar caliber of joke writing.
[00:51:35] As much thought went into that show is good.
[00:51:37] They would have episodes that dealt with their jokes.
[00:51:40] But being like a middle-class American and like we're like, what if a retard was gay?
[00:51:44] Which, by the way, you said it as a joke, but it's hilarious.
[00:52:03] Hashtag fire everywhere on mad TV and hire the convoys.
[00:52:10] Okay, so our jokes are smarter than Drew Carey's show, but I think like the whole, like the
[00:52:30] He's got a juice smile, but the juice smile is calm.
[00:52:40] He's just walking around drinking calm out of a sippy cup.
[00:52:55] I love to be what you're saying your father's retarded and gay.
[00:53:02] Literally just, you know, asking exactly asking if he could call Bob the builder.
[00:53:16] I got a little bit of a fever going on.
[00:53:21] Yeah, I just don't feel it's a good general.
[00:53:25] That's what I want is a big sedan to drive around and just be sick all the time.
[00:53:31] We should move to bustling and maybe, you know, throwing up in my mouth a little bit but not
[00:53:35] fully and just driving my giant sedan around town and complaining.
[00:53:40] Like a grand, like a big, yeah, like a big one.
[00:53:53] Those are like undercover cop cars from the 90s.
[00:54:01] Oh, by the way, guys, the fan email account that I set up has been just a complete disaster.
[00:54:10] What the fuck did you think would happen?
[00:54:12] I thought people would ask good questions.
[00:54:18] You were like, oh, well, Chappo has a fan mail account.
[00:54:21] It's like, they actually talk about shit.
[00:54:23] I'd be like, how many kids did that guy from 7th Heaven West?
[00:54:29] I don't think we've gotten a single question.
[00:54:31] Actually, if you can, no, because people can look it up, how about like we all guess
[00:54:35] and then whoever we look it up and then whoever wins gets a free tool set courtesy of the Milwaukee
[00:54:44] I just call up their advertising department like, hey, listen, I know you didn't agree
[00:54:49] to it, but I think you'll be on board with this.
[00:54:50] So me and my friends played a game where we tried to guess how many children that guy
[00:54:54] from 7th Heaven raped and the winner gets a free M18 tool set.
[00:55:07] Oh, that's a series of large white penises.
[00:55:15] One guy said he started doing open mics and hasn't found any friends with as dark a sense
[00:55:22] Look, here's, if you're the open mic guy, here's my advice to you.
[00:55:34] Just be like, you know, just say things people agree with on Facebook.
[00:55:41] Suck up the people that are just a little bit ahead of you and then get them to see you
[00:55:50] And then if they have road work, they can throw you and, you know, ask them, like, who's
[00:55:58] That kind of cool stuff that people really like.
[00:56:02] And then once you have representation, just get really trashed and send them ideas for
[00:56:07] TV shows at three o'clock in the morning.
[00:56:11] And you know what, pretty much every TV show idea, bring back MTV and give me control of
[00:56:17] And then maybe you can have a come podcast with your friends.
[00:56:31] Look, if you know, it's funny, I started off, I think when we started the podcast, I was
[00:56:35] joking about the numbers and I think we for real hit those numbers now.
[00:56:37] Isn't that a little humble brag moment for me?
[00:56:40] I felt like a dick reading those numbers for real.
[00:56:52] Like you're proud of what you were saying, which is a characteristic for you.
[00:56:59] No, people don't know that we're ever edited out of this.
[00:57:05] Well, you can just search which Erwin your friends with on Facebook.
[00:57:21] Yeah, but we weren't talking about that.
[00:57:24] It was a thing in terms of harassment law called plausible deniability.
[00:57:31] Basically it states that if he's just censoring his last night one time.
[00:57:41] I think Erwin's going to fight fucking here this shit.
[00:57:48] And I hope him and his wife come down to the Anthony Kumiya studios.
[00:57:51] You know, honestly, he would probably fucking immediately come in his pants from the humiliation.
[00:57:58] He probably has his wife listen to the podcast and here us make fun of them.
[00:58:05] And he's like, that's exactly what I want.
[00:58:15] Anytime I've done something bad, I go, if you think about it in a different way, it's
[00:58:40] We're almost at the end of the sentence.
[00:58:45] So we're going to check the news real quick because I'm sure there's probably some breaking
[00:58:50] This is what you do when you want the news.
[00:58:56] Suspective gang violence, dark and start of school year for New York.
[00:59:01] Violent gang members is suspected of killing at least four high school teenagers in one
[00:59:04] suburban New York community in the last one.
[00:59:11] Well, Brooklyn is technically suburban New York.
[00:59:23] So, yeah, if guys, okay, we got to be real about this.
[00:59:27] In a gang, stop killing these high school kids.
[00:59:30] They're trying to use whatever bathroom they want in their high school without being bullied
[00:59:35] Were there gangs in your guys high schools?
[00:59:38] There were gangs that were fucking a bunch of retards going around beating people up
[00:59:44] and stealing stuff from them, but not gang gangs.
[00:59:54] There was some kind of like angels or soldiers or some shit like that.
[01:00:01] It was just these two Saudi Arabian brothers that started a gang.
[01:00:07] And they got arrested for getting a traffic stop and they just started shooting at the
[01:00:14] They just went on a fucking shooting rampage.
[01:00:17] Yeah, there were some shitty gangs in Creektown for a while.
[01:00:22] They would just beat the shit out of people for no reason.
[01:00:24] I was friends with a guy in night school when I was like 15, 16.
[01:00:28] It was like a, he was like a crip or whatever.
[01:00:34] I liked hanging out with him, especially because he had a car and he would give me
[01:00:40] Yeah, I would have to suck his dick, you know, to be in the gang.
[01:00:47] And so like he was the white guy and then the rest of them were like black eyes.
[01:00:52] The craziest one in the court of your shapob.
[01:00:55] And they would just walk around the mall.
[01:00:57] It was like mostly what they did as a gang.
[01:00:59] One time he sort of implicated me in this like robbery.
[01:01:02] I had to like participate in like robbing this fucking kid.
[01:01:15] He was like, you know, not the guy I was trans with, but his friend.
[01:01:19] He's like, all right, here's what we going to do.
[01:01:22] And then, you know, I got to talk to him on the phone, but he can't see me.
[01:01:26] So it's got to be you going to sell him the ecstasy.
[01:01:32] You're telling this guy that I'm going to meet him there and then you're going to come
[01:01:35] Like, I don't understand why you just don't rob him.
[01:01:38] You know, he's like, no, I need you like it has to be you.
[01:01:41] So I have to go meet this guy in this like field and then they're going to pull a car
[01:01:47] And so like I meet this guy in this field.
[01:01:48] I'm like, oh, hey, like I'm going to make a small talk with him.
[01:01:51] I'm like, oh, what kind of beer is that?
[01:01:52] You know, like just trying to be friendly.
[01:01:53] I'm like, I have no idea what the fuck is going on.
[01:01:59] They start like backing the car and he like it.
[01:02:02] It's like fucking, you know, you got turns around.
[01:02:04] They're like, you know, 30, 45 feet away at the end of this, like, you know, a small
[01:02:10] And the guy's like, you know, looking at the car like, you know, you like sees them.
[01:02:19] No, I, I played it where I was like, who the fuck is this?
[01:02:25] I'm like, do you know these people or whatever?
[01:02:31] That's why I also asked him what kind of beer was I could take the beer away from so you
[01:02:33] didn't fucking hit me with it or something.
[01:02:35] You know, so I was like, you know, I did the couple of smart things.
[01:02:43] Yeah, he was wearing a wire and I said, I don't fucking why.
[01:02:51] They like, they walk up and like walk past us.
[01:02:55] Like in, they have like mass on their face, but the kid sees the guy, they called him
[01:03:05] And then, you know, they kind of like stop for a second.
[01:03:06] And then the guy I was friends with was just like, all right, fuck this.
[01:03:10] And he like pulls out like one of those mini baseball bats just starts like whaling on
[01:03:16] And then I just turned to that kid's girlfriend.
[01:03:17] I'm like, I'm like, give me your the money, I guess.
[01:03:23] Well, I mean, when it came all that way, they're going to fucking, I was like, I didn't, you
[01:03:30] $50 is what they got off that kid for that guy having literally bleeding in his brain.
[01:03:35] I mean, they dinged him a couple times, but he ran off.
[01:03:46] I was, I would get rides home from the guy, right?
[01:03:47] You know, because I don't want to take the bus.
[01:03:53] It was so, it would have been so easy for you to get become a criminal.
[01:04:02] But I mean, like, you know, you were close.
[01:04:03] Well, it was funny because that kid was friends with this other guy, you know, who's not like
[01:04:08] a dog or whatever, but he was like physically fit and kind of intimidating.
[01:04:13] And that kid like told that other guy that I know, he's like, yeah, these guys robbed
[01:04:17] me and like, you know, like said my name or whatever.
[01:04:21] And he's like, yeah, he wouldn't fucking do that.
[01:04:24] And so like he found out that it was those like the Crip guys or whatever.
[01:04:31] So he confronted like the head guy, you know, the guy that's like, he's made me up to it.
[01:04:34] He's like, yo, so this is what I heard happened by this guy.
[01:04:37] So I'm just like, you know, like I'm not going to come looking for you.
[01:04:40] But if I see you like, yeah, I'm going to fucking like put you in the hospital.
[01:04:48] And this guy was like, man, honestly, I don't want no problems with you.
[01:04:58] So like, yeah, that guy like Antron calls me and he's like, this guy saying it was like,
[01:05:05] And I was like, yeah, no, of course it wasn't me.
[01:05:07] He's like, yeah, that's what I thought.
[01:05:10] But that if that guy is just, no, that guy was just a complete fucking like coward.
[01:05:15] He like, you know, set up this whole fucking plan.
[01:05:17] Didn't want to actually be involved with it.
[01:05:20] Like a black guy, he said he was like a crip or whatever.
[01:05:22] So the fucking white guy I knew who was actually kind of like a criminal.
[01:05:27] You know, like fucking was enamored by this like black guy that was like, you could be
[01:05:31] That's why he was like a fucking, you know, he was a joke.
[01:05:42] No, I felt, I felt bad for that, that kid, the one that wanted to be in the gang when
[01:05:46] he like, I remember there was one time where they had a falling out with that dude.
[01:05:50] And he had this like, you know, moment where you could see the disillusion in his face
[01:05:55] when he's like, man, I'm more real than him.
[01:06:00] This whole like walking around the corner.
[01:06:01] Can't even believe in the crips anymore.
[01:06:03] My friend in college, uh, had a high school friend that became like a mafia, like, like,
[01:06:14] That's where you burn the card and they pin prick your finger.
[01:06:17] And then you've got a piece of the pizza restaurant and then you got a kiss of the
[01:06:23] You can only eat a kiss of priest on the bar for three months.
[01:06:24] So this, I mean, he's, they just used to have hours, hours of stories about this kid,
[01:06:33] So Vinny apparently, it's been doing steroids since he was like 14, had to go through, uh,
[01:06:46] Um, I think they said that they were driving, they were driving, uh, their car.
[01:06:51] They saw Vinnie, like on the side of the road in port, in Port Jefferson, which is like,
[01:06:56] or poor Chester, which is like in West Chester, New York.
[01:07:00] And they see Vinny and, um, he's squaring up with this dude over money or something.
[01:07:07] And he just knocks him out and, uh, they drove on the way.
[01:07:13] They drove back down the same road in the ops direction, like eight hours later.
[01:07:25] And then I, I used to like text Danny, like ironically, like, yo, how's pop of Vin?
[01:07:41] He was crushed accidentally by a garbage truck.
[01:07:48] It might have been like a, uh, steroid related heart attack.
[01:07:56] Um, it might not have been a, steroids don't actually have any negative, uh, physical effects.
[01:08:05] Are you being the, you know, the top performers that they're capable of?
[01:08:09] From being the loudest guy in their planet fitness.
[01:08:18] But that's where the episode's going to end.
[01:08:19] We have a mysterious doorbell situation.
[01:08:55] This has been a come town regular episode.
[01:08:57] If you want, you know, the other fucking.
[01:09:09] I'll go over to the city for every tear we're losing.
[01:09:20] I'll go over to see residents who are holding it.