Cum Town | Premium | 06/12/2017
[00:00:00] Well, all right. Hello everyone come town
[00:00:10] To number episode number two number two. This is the one with Dan Soder was that the second one?
[00:00:16] Or was Adam the second one. I think Soder was the second third
[00:00:21] So there was third. I was second you the second guest
[00:00:24] You've been man imagine how much better the show would have been if it was me you would dance. Oh my god
[00:00:30] Yeah, it would have been way better that no joke. That's like one of the best shows of all time
[00:00:33] Yeah, I can I can only laugh. Yeah. Oh, hey sit back. That would have been great
[00:00:38] You can make fun of me be me Kubia dance over. Oh
[00:00:44] Now we're getting him and kumia and Dan Soder, you know who would love that is Soder
[00:00:50] So it would love to be in the Anthony kumia studios to be
[00:00:57] Two problem addicts in one Soder not gonna work dude. Well, he needs one problematic turn that fucking air conditioner off
[00:01:08] Stop and I decided we're gonna start calling you boys. I like skip better skippers good skippers cool. Yeah, yeah, you can't get the hat
[00:01:21] No, you like it too much you can't be skipper. I'm skipper. I'll turn your mic off. I'm skipper from skipper. Thank you guys
[00:01:28] You're gilling me with this well, I think you're gonna get a star of the show. Yeah, but he's a little bitch
[00:01:34] I'm the skipper what you watch Gilligan's Island. You're Mary Ann. I'm Gilligan. You're Mary Ann. Hold on
[00:01:40] Did you put how do you have all this Gilligan's island knowledge?
[00:01:44] Island you have a night green mile, but you watch Gilligan's
[00:01:47] I don't think I've seen more than 10 seconds of any episode of Gilligan's I
[00:01:51] Swear to God. I'm gonna kill this cat first of all go ahead
[00:01:54] I'm gonna just get right into the Gilligan Island shit. Oh three hour tour
[00:01:59] Yeah, it was a reruns grown up on Nick and I there were a bunch of
[00:02:05] Bitches and they went on a two-way boat
[00:02:08] Two of them had big old titties two were old and two were some dudes that was
[00:02:18] That wasn't a parody. Those are the lyrics. No, so there was Mary Ann. She was a redhead with big-ass titties
[00:02:24] She was hot as shit and then there was a no no that was ginger Mary Ann was the nerd
[00:02:30] But she was hot. She was also hot. She had pigtails pigtails. So you know she young. Oh my god
[00:02:36] You know you know she tight and then there was the professor. Yeah, he was married to that cunt
[00:02:41] No, I know that's the rich guy. Oh the rich guy the rich guy and I would also I would also fuck the old bitch
[00:02:48] I'd fuck her now. I don't remember what the old bitch looked like and then there was the captain in Gilligan
[00:02:54] Gilligan was a dumb bumbling asshole. Yeah, but
[00:02:58] Gilligan despite his thin frame similar to myself was packing a massive hog
[00:03:03] I think that was a big dick. I think that was a plotline in the porn parody
[00:03:09] Oh, I saw porn parody. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that was what was her name?
[00:03:14] Gianna Michaels was ginger in that one. She's why is she doing porn parodies Gianna Michaels? Yeah porn stuff
[00:03:21] She enjoys having sex. Let me tell you that seems like she really likes we're genre for for Gianna
[00:03:28] It was one of the one of her early works
[00:03:30] It was a low budget. It wasn't like one of these big because now they have poor parties
[00:03:35] Sex usually like cast like specific people that look I guess like the the Sarah Palin one they use the and yeah
[00:03:41] That bitch is always on serious. Yeah, that's a weird that's a weird
[00:03:46] Overlap is port like porn stars being friends with comedians. Yeah, what is that?
[00:03:51] I was about to say cuz cuz cuz porn stars think they're funny and comedians think they're cool
[00:03:56] LA has like a bunch of porn stars that are trying to do shows that are like trying to be comics
[00:04:01] Yeah, Lisa had a show for a while here. I never got to do it. Unfortunately cuz yeah, we definitely are comedian out here, too
[00:04:08] Yeah, I forget her name. No, she she has big she's not a horse. I anymore. She's retired. She's a retired
[00:04:14] And she it's like being a marine, you know
[00:04:20] Was a great roast show. Let's just quote one of your roast jokes right now. We're from St. Caitlin Bailey
[00:04:25] He's her dad or dad as PTSD a prostitute terrible at show business daughter
[00:04:34] That's good. That's a great joke. Yeah, that's a great joke boss. Yeah, that's right skip skip boss
[00:04:43] Don Molino it's a good one. I don't like to toe into that boss
[00:04:48] No, you're the boss. I'm not the fucking boss. No, you are technically our boss. No, he's not
[00:04:53] Are you crazy? He's been all the pain contractors soon. I'm not your boss
[00:04:59] Yeah, I'm just the owner of the company whatever you say boss
[00:05:04] There ain't no getting out of this thing. Let's pretend we're mafia. Let's do that way. What do you mean pretend? Yeah, podcasting is the new
[00:05:11] Mafia is the your mom three dicks mafia. Yeah
[00:05:16] Should we do a mob style crime should we do a hit on another family?
[00:05:20] Yeah, I'd love to do it call on turd fellas
[00:05:24] They collect all the turds and their pants as young as I remember I always wanted to be a turd guy
[00:05:32] The way they had those big turds and their fancy catalacts everybody wanted to be
[00:05:39] That's a movie I have seen and I love good fellas one of the few movies that's in 4k uht
[00:05:45] Oh is it everything else is like a new release. It's like Sicario and like Ghostbusters
[00:05:52] Yeah, Hancock is one of them and then good fellas is one of the only movies. It's like a throwback. They re did
[00:05:58] Yeah in 4k in 4k. I don't know if like the studios give a shit about it or not
[00:06:03] I don't know like the the ins and outs of how home media works. Mm-hmm, but
[00:06:09] You know the studios they just want to make them movies and sell tickets to the fucking movies
[00:06:14] Yeah, and then they have streaming deals, but like this new 4k thing
[00:06:18] I kind of want a 4k player just for get one well
[00:06:21] I mean it would look awesome on the TV. Yeah, but it's like
[00:06:26] What's gonna look awesome and night at the museum?
[00:06:30] Some piece of shit at the museum to yeah with Robin Williams. He's a current occur like a southern guy
[00:06:37] I think he plays Teddy Roosevelt. Did you see it? Did you see that? I did not I wish you had you seen like what?
[00:06:43] 17 movies you see every movie ever seen the line the line story
[00:06:49] Snow White Toy Story one and Toy Story through also doesn't see a lot of movies Dana. It's surprising
[00:06:56] Yeah, she has like not see up to why does she watch I was busy. I was a star athlete as a child
[00:07:02] I was playing soccer. Yeah, you've been an adult for over a decade
[00:07:07] Actually, yeah, that's I did all my movie watching in between the ages of like
[00:07:13] Yeah, dude, but I was in college dude. Oh
[00:07:17] I like when I was 20 and 21. I had my own apartment and I would just do nothing
[00:07:21] Yeah, that's fucking watch movies all day. Yeah, summer breaks
[00:07:24] I had the Netflix DVD thing and I would just like I watched all those movies that you're supposed to watch and then I remember my
[00:07:32] My dad was like you should watch this movie last hand going Paris. Mm-hmm. Do you know about that movie? No
[00:07:37] a Bertolucci Bernardo Bertolucci movie, but it's this movie where
[00:07:46] Marlon Brando really to do full front really? Yeah, to do full frontal nudity, but he's like I can't do it my
[00:07:54] Pinot shrinks up to the size of a peanut
[00:07:57] but there's a really famous scene where
[00:08:02] He uses butter as lubricant to fuck wait is that the one where they like rape her or something like she didn't know
[00:08:09] She's about to get raped or some shit. No that isn't there a little bit of butter lubricant scene in Caligula
[00:08:14] Is there isn't that how he fists a guy with butter? I never saw a colligula
[00:08:18] You know any Hopkins using you know, it was I had no interest that old lady that you saw eat ramen with big titties
[00:08:24] Oh hell and Mirren. I've seen a still of her with her titties out from me. I got some top ramen today
[00:08:30] I put the didn't use the packet sauce packet, but I took the noodles put some pork fat
[00:08:38] I mean, you know, it is hot sauce is nice to do this sounds kind of gross, but well an egg in that bitch
[00:08:44] No, you poached the egg. That's what I get poached an egg when I meant I'm just poached the egg directly in the ramen
[00:08:53] But it's it's better to poached it old old-school old style six six minutes six minutes ten seconds
[00:08:59] poached egg for 20 for 20. No, you're gonna you're gonna get so every time I do 420
[00:09:05] But you won't get sick by the way you can eat raw eggs if you put out this sounds gross
[00:09:09] But if you put American cheese with a poached egg and top ramen
[00:09:15] Tastes fucking that's prison shit. It's a shit. Oh some slim gin some prison ash over there good. I'm not interested in that a little bit of
[00:09:24] Scallion yeah, I'm a nice alien and top ramen and it's it's quite a treat damn now. I want ramen
[00:09:34] This is a paleo warrior. No, you're not. Yes. I am you're nothing
[00:09:38] You eat carbs all the fucking time name a carb I had check mix
[00:09:42] I haven't had jacks makes you're slandering me. No, I'm not when did I have some checks mix?
[00:09:47] I've seen you you tried to tempt me with snacks that one time that was rude as hell
[00:09:55] But I fucking I've persevered dude. Yeah, I had what I have today for breakfast. I had a damn bacon and eggs
[00:10:02] It's three eggs and bacon do that sounds and then add a roll and coffee for lunch. Yeah, and then
[00:10:12] From Greek restaurant that I ordered on seamless all paleo and then I had a slim gym in some almonds
[00:10:19] Just like the case man. He's not stop. He's doing like a I'm actually yes
[00:10:24] I'm just doing no carbs loose is doing that too. That's it. Yeah, basically you put your body into
[00:10:30] Catosis you like don't eat carbohydrates the point where your body panics because it's not getting carbohydrates
[00:10:37] And it starts like burning other shit. Yeah, it's bad carbohydrates are just energy aren't they yeah, they're energy
[00:10:44] Well calories are energy calories are energy hello calories
[00:10:51] Went to I used to go to wait watches when I was a fucking little ass kid that shit that shit was kind of
[00:10:55] Wait, what that's embarrassing. Yeah, you had child late. Yeah, dude. That's the first of all. It's not even for man
[00:11:06] Was like the fucking mascot everyone loved me
[00:11:08] I was a little fat kid all these fucking old ladies and Dundalk
[00:11:11] It was in a church in Dundalk and my mom me and my mom would hear what do you mean you would go to wait watches?
[00:11:17] Isn't it just like a like a me there's a weekly meeting is your mom big lady
[00:11:21] They got teach they got speakers dude. They got other fat people telling you how to be a little less fat
[00:11:26] Isn't it all about points? It's like about points. I've seen a lot of incantations with points
[00:11:30] Yeah, like a grapefruit is one point. It's like a subscription service. Yes. There's points. It's not a scam
[00:11:36] I was losing a lot of weight and then I was funny. It's already has points. It's called like calories
[00:11:42] Calorie it's all the nutrition to many points. I need one or two. I don't need all these other numbers
[00:11:49] Weight Watchers shakes I can just divide the amount of calories by 700 then you have the weight watchers number is that really it?
[00:11:56] Probably not not there's dietary fiber mattered. I had a little slider
[00:12:01] You know that helped me figure all the shit out goddamn. What a depressing childhood
[00:12:05] No, it was awesome the young poor stavros. Oh, I had was his Weight Watchers toys
[00:12:20] I love the image of your little fat ass giving a speech to all these fat ladies
[00:12:24] The first of all the fat ladies love crying. They loved me
[00:12:28] Just being the little Richard Simmons of the street. I had number one
[00:12:32] I used to sweat it to the oldies with my mom. She had one of those damn tapes
[00:12:37] I love Richard Simmons. Shouts out to Richard. He seems like he's doing going through some tough times these days
[00:12:41] I think yeah, didn't they say he disappeared or something?
[00:12:44] I think your parents wanted a baby so bad that they like
[00:12:50] Proportions for their entire fucking life. They did want to be bald and toothless
[00:12:56] I have teeth. I have all my teeth. You're just lost one. No, I lost the front tooth. Look at it
[00:13:01] That's just gonna fall out. I'm actually going to dentist tomorrow
[00:13:10] Motherfuckers drilled my tooth and then I I saw him I saw him take something out of a 3m
[00:13:15] Container yeah and put in my fuck the dentist was like describing the the fucking surgery to the camera as he was doing it
[00:13:23] And there was a guy next to him going. I don't think so Tim
[00:13:28] Well, I'm going also Friday for a home improvement joke. Yeah, I got that you guys but any of the audience members
[00:13:34] I forget that the show has an audience sometimes
[00:13:38] Yeah, this isn't just a conversation about living room. This isn't just literally I
[00:13:42] Press record for an hour then going back to the exact same thing we were
[00:13:48] Watching yeah, the Maltese Falcon. Yeah, or the the okay. Here's every black and white movie. I know the Maltese Falcon
[00:13:56] Citizen Kane has a blanket Kenza blanket the part list the part of
[00:14:01] Wizard of Oz the first part in the last part Casablanca sucks by the way
[00:14:05] I haven't seen it since that summer that I try to watch all those movies what a poser at summer
[00:14:12] You can watch it like has a blanket. Yeah, I wanted to watch all the movies you're supposed to watch
[00:14:16] Yeah, that's a poser thing to do is to watch Casablanca. Yeah, that's how you know somebody really doesn't skateboard
[00:14:26] It's like a poser would yeah, dude. I was wearing
[00:14:32] Casablanca watching piece of shit. What were the shoes airwalks were for posers?
[00:14:37] There was their airworks were like if you were pouring you wanted to be a yeah, I had airwalks actually
[00:14:42] Yeah, I get him a payless. I did have actually thinking about it was
[00:14:46] Depressing in hindsight, but I did not know at the time how depressing my childhood was you know, you hit up
[00:14:52] Fuck I didn't know we were poor. I thought hot though like I would go home and look forward to hot dogs for dinner
[00:14:57] Yeah, I would ask for them and I used to but big
[00:15:02] Yeah, I see a lot of fucking like cup noodle soup. Oh, yeah for our last key kid
[00:15:07] I hear's yeah, absolutely. Am I like my mom would just buy that shit?
[00:15:11] You know, I didn't know there was other he likes yeah
[00:15:14] He might dad would get a fish soup once every like two months
[00:15:18] He would get a big-ass fish and my mom would make a soup out of it
[00:15:20] But it sucked dick. There's carrots in it and I don't fuck with carrots and celery
[00:15:24] Yeah, I thought those are the two types of soup was ramen and a fucked up Greek fish with a whole potato in it
[00:15:30] Yeah, it was actually the best parrots and celery the basis of French cuisine my friend French cuisine can suck my dad
[00:15:36] Is that really good me or Paul your pause carrots salary at all good? Yep. Yeah, it's the basis for all French dishes
[00:15:43] Why it's an ingredient your pause like you it's it's like what is it Julian carrots?
[00:15:49] The full meal still those flavors can suck my cock. No, they're pretty good. I'll read fuck celery, dude
[00:15:56] Oh, that's my stance. Are you pro celery? Yeah, that's great. It tastes weird. Do you why?
[00:16:02] Because it has zero calories. No, yeah, I don't like that. It's negative calorically. I don't like that my body burns
[00:16:12] Yeah, maybe you should start eating like batteries in shit
[00:16:15] Your body has to work so hard to digest them. No, doesn't that wouldn't that give me energy?
[00:16:21] Yeah, it would give you energy, but you wouldn't store it because it's a battery. Oh, dude
[00:16:25] I would in my cells. Yeah, I would as at a pissed tissue. I would turn electric
[00:16:31] I would be like that black superhero from when we were kids
[00:16:35] Was a static shock static shock that shit ruled I was just kind of sucked actually. Oh, I remember being bored by it
[00:16:41] I wanted to like it. I wonder I like the idea of it be it being like electric, but it was it was kind of a
[00:16:48] I don't remember that show sucked in the new Batman sucked. I like that one with the red one and the red one Batman Batman
[00:16:55] No Batman beyond wasn't that old that man the hand man
[00:16:59] That is great shit. He decides he can't be Batman anymore because he like uses a gun
[00:17:04] Like kill some his backup. Well, he's like he's getting the shit beat out of him
[00:17:10] And he points a gun at somebody and he realizes this like in the pilot because I remember watching the pilot
[00:17:15] That was like like a WB like I remember it. Yeah, yeah, like fucking, you know, I fell for it hookline and sinker, baby
[00:17:22] Yeah, well you fall for I mean, it's made it was cool for kids. Yeah. Yeah, that's you that's who's supposed to watch that
[00:17:30] It's like even like an adult you think back to like all that shit. It's like it's gay that I watched that as an eight-year-old
[00:17:36] It's gay that my dad hugged me in his arms and kissed my foot. I was a fake
[00:17:47] Enjoying emotion. Yeah. Yeah, no, but that show I mean compared to the original animated series
[00:17:53] Which was the best. Yeah, fingertip kiss worthy, but that's not fair to compare it. It was a solid Saturday morning
[00:18:00] It's not fair to compare it. It's like, you know, it's like fucking there are two TV shows that are both about Batman
[00:18:06] Okay, it's on its own merit. It's it's a lot to live up to that's what I'm saying
[00:18:11] It's like, you know if so someone's son is net what I don't I can't think of a good example
[00:18:16] All right, I was gonna say Ken Griffey Jr. He was much better at baseball. It's like comparing Scott Khan to James Khan
[00:18:22] Yeah, yes exactly and everyone knows that James Khan is a much worse
[00:18:31] Dude Scott Con is like five three really he's tiny short bitch unlike me
[00:18:42] E from all the entourage guys like five five all the what the entourage guys. They're all tiny. Yeah
[00:18:50] My friend said he saw E from entourage in the bar man had my friend Danny during the pussy
[00:18:55] Came up to his nipple and he's like not a tall guy. Yeah, he was like shocked by how small this guy was
[00:19:01] Yeah, but he fucks. Yeah, cuz he was in the pussy pussy. Yeah. Yeah, we're on TV. Yeah, he was on TV
[00:19:08] That's my secret is you got to be on TV. Well, he was
[00:19:10] Was complaining about that today. I was they did real last dude podcast about what I'm trying to remember
[00:19:16] He was complaining about somebody who's on TV fucking. Oh, yeah, we were talking about Ray Sharkey
[00:19:21] Ray Sharkey was an actor in the 80s who what was in?
[00:19:25] He's on a show called wise guy. He's in some other shit, but he
[00:19:32] Listen, we're just gonna not tell anybody. Holy shit, which I concluded like all the women he was fucking
[00:19:39] Oh, no, so you just like gave all these women a
[00:19:42] Why did he wear a condom? Isn't that what Charlie Sheen did? Yeah, Charlie Sheen that it didn't give people AIDS
[00:19:48] Yeah, he absolutely gave people AIDS. Don't don't say that about Charlie. Yeah. Don't say that about the star of hotshot
[00:20:05] Why they didn't let Emilio have the family he didn't want it he didn't want it. No, he's woke as shit
[00:20:12] He's like we don't need to hide from our yeah proud Latina
[00:20:19] I know this is St. Elmo's fire excuse me. Can you tell me how to get to say Elmo's
[00:20:28] The body dukes I am the I am the leader of the money dukes
[00:20:37] I don't know and my leg I fucked up by team Iceland. What was the guys I'm gunner. Yeah. Yeah, the other movie
[00:20:46] And don't show him no, that's just that's just a shit
[00:20:59] Spanish oh, that's weird you'd see it on menus constantly and I can't remember what it is
[00:21:10] I think it is the best part about most foreign languages at least your opinion
[00:21:15] What does you can just make that shit up after time that you're probably right in Greek
[00:21:19] It's broina which just means of the morning. Yeah, mm-hmm. You guys want any other Greek words? Yeah
[00:21:26] Name one. Yeah, what's halooby be Kalumi's a cheese. Yeah, no, but what does it mean? It's good as shit
[00:21:31] It's just the name it's like you know, but what does it translate or mean?
[00:21:33] But what does it translate to it's like a fun body by how do you say democracy?
[00:21:48] Sex that's interesting. Thank amisho tokolo su is I'm gonna fuck your ass. How do you say like boy conky buying?
[00:21:58] Jeez conky buying that's a lot of it is boy. Mm-hmm
[00:22:01] Man, I'm going to pull I keep thinking I want to rewatch the show Rome. Yeah, I did every time I put an order to go word
[00:22:08] It is isn't that isn't there like a big ass it was amazing when I first saw a second to get into it
[00:22:13] That was the first like HBO show I watched wait. That's a dumbass show, right? No, it's good
[00:22:17] It was at the time the movies and you know at the time is the most expensive show of all time
[00:22:22] Yeah, like it's a but it's a dumb show. It's like there's a bunch of tits
[00:22:25] It's like a pop brothers blood and yeah, you know, let me put it this way if Rome came out now what I saw it
[00:22:30] I would be like this shows socks right right right right
[00:22:34] I tried to start dead with like four times and then finally not seen it and finally once it stuck
[00:22:41] But I watched I watched the pilot for dead with like like three or four times before I got into it
[00:22:45] Yeah, it's not a good pilot. It's not a good pilot. I am I'm buying it
[00:22:51] boy also both those shows have like amazing pilots. It's like breaking bad the sopranos mad Ben. Yeah
[00:22:58] Bring bad pally was good. I did not finish breaking bad
[00:23:02] It's not worth it. It's just too much too
[00:23:04] I had already spoke too much of it spoiled for me too much if it was in the zeitgeist already
[00:23:09] You know what I mean? It's way over it. You know, it's a great pilot burn notice. Oh, yeah
[00:23:13] We're notice is a great piece of shitty television. It's a US someone get behind TNT. Yeah, yeah
[00:23:20] I watched I watched every episode of the first three seasons of burn. What is the burn notice you find out you have
[00:23:28] Um, no, it's like about this guy that got kicked out of the CIA when you get kicked out of the CIA
[00:23:32] They just call you and they're like you're fucking out you're burned
[00:23:36] And then it's like best friend is Bruce Campbell who's like a retired FBI
[00:23:40] Just gets drunk off margaritas. Hell yeah evil dead and then his ex-girlfriend who's like an ex IRA woman who looks like
[00:23:51] No, did she have big Irish titties? No, dude. She's like rail thin she looks like one of those you know
[00:23:56] We're women get like addicted to poities or some shit
[00:24:05] Yeah, it's like they're like super ripped and super hot
[00:24:08] But there's a layer of skin over that kind of body. It's kind of an upper east side look
[00:24:13] Very shrink wrapped. Yeah, yeah, like lower legs bigger than upper legs
[00:24:19] Strange. Yeah, look like it's bigger than upper legs. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah little last thighs
[00:24:24] I see what you're saying. Yeah, like Adam's bitch ass thighs. That's not true. I'm nice. We got horrible legs
[00:24:29] They're shapely. I just don't have nice ankles. You got nice. Nothing dude. Yeah, you have a horrible body
[00:24:36] They're saying that no, no one's doing a bit listener
[00:24:40] Nick's also dying. I actually have a really nice body. I'm always dying in the picture. No
[00:24:47] No, you've been healthy the last couple weeks. Yeah, you've been doing good. You just got a cold buddy done
[00:24:52] You'll beat yourself up. Yeah, actually I've been feeling good. I'm back to the gym regularly. Yeah, do it all right. That's right skip
[00:25:00] No, it's not I'm skip. You know what I will drive this ship ashore
[00:25:05] I'm fucking beat your fat ass. Oh, yeah, my rhyme bitch. Maroon your friend. Oh
[00:25:11] The fucking dude. I've been doing martial arts
[00:25:14] Have you yeah, no, but I will the fuck you up blue cheese jitsu
[00:25:29] What's your yeah, yeah, let's do it. Let's hear it. What's yours my what your martial arts fat guy joke? Oh
[00:25:37] No, I was just saying that was a good job. Yeah, I got his fucking bullshit. I food
[00:25:50] You fucking more good luck getting a job on any comedy central property here
[00:25:56] Crav make America great again. How about steams soft shell crop crop? That was good maga
[00:26:04] Man, it's not why you have to bring in more why'd you have to make a mega great?
[00:26:08] We did the bread thing and maybe we went to bed we did two and also the bread thing was great. We were interrupting you
[00:26:15] That was a different bit much different bit this is straight thing that our bits
[00:26:19] We don't we don't believe in rules. You know we play we you know the point of crowd first of all
[00:26:24] Crav macaroni and cheese gah there you go. Yeah, craft mac and cheese. Okay
[00:26:34] Also funny no carrot martial arts and his mind to be the ghost crap
[00:26:42] That's why I said it the one that involves scratching
[00:26:47] The only martial arts that involves using keys I would say carrots a t but I don't only carrots
[00:26:58] Ticwan like dough like bread dough. There you go. Ticwan doughnuts. Yeah, you can't you think ticwan dough. That's the actual
[00:27:08] No, but it's spelled D. Oh, you see it's not for Twitter bitch. It says it's a this is the verbal this is a
[00:27:17] Yeah, you know, there's a lot I got a lot more than I come to go
[00:27:36] Chew shit you're eating you shit. Chew shit soup. Okay shit soup
[00:27:44] Another one we're not thinking of instead of cap where it's fat so era
[00:27:48] I think that's more of a capital era. Yeah, I can't call that era. Yeah, I'm trying to sign my son up for
[00:28:01] My wife was taken away watches, but I'm saying that's for who was
[00:28:05] We're gonna sign him up for gobble cool lessons. Did you matter do hey in states and kick people in the face while dancing?
[00:28:12] You know it's got a game or whatever at least it's Italian
[00:28:19] That's all matters to me, baby keep it in the family
[00:28:27] Love me a loo-chio goddamn. I got a piss real bad. Yeah, I'm free to all right
[00:28:32] You guys talk for a second of a piss. Oh, but we didn't even start a new bit yet. Oh, we can't do in this
[00:28:37] I mean well now Nick's gone so we could talk about real things going on in the world
[00:28:41] Yeah, all right. Well, they're here. I'll I'll set you guys up for another day. Yeah, okay
[00:28:59] That was weird how I can kind of just let your brain have a
[00:29:03] Yeah, you know a moment to just sort of indulge in skits of for any
[00:29:06] And that's how creativity works. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right. I'm gonna start suck
[00:29:15] But I was joking with Norman one time there was this shitty mall in Austin and they had like all these like
[00:29:21] Places in the food court that was like, you know instead of Panda Express would be like Panda good job, you know
[00:29:26] Oh, yeah, yeah, I was joked that a pizza place called bizaros
[00:29:31] Instead of a sibara. I like it like bizarre, you know, something. Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna go on
[00:29:35] This is a bar of state. Okay, okay, okay, it says suck
[00:29:40] Arminian boy ass. Okay suck Arminian boy ass
[00:29:48] It's SAB. It's SB. It's S. I'm gonna look up the spelling. I'm gonna look at the spelling suck boy ass
[00:30:00] It's two hours. Yeah, it's two hours. Come on. Of course. It's not on they got two hours
[00:30:19] suck boy ass a lot really retard really retarded oh
[00:30:37] Suck boy ass really really openly suck boy ass
[00:30:45] Yeah, suck boy. No, no, that's we can't oh is oh is ostentatiously, you know
[00:30:50] Yeah, so boy ass in Texas really really ostentatiously. Yeah, that's what we got
[00:30:56] What do you think Nick? What do you think? What was it? Sorry suck boy ass really really ostentatiously
[00:31:07] I felt like I was in the bathroom longer than that
[00:31:14] We should have taken some time and come up with our own just did dead air for a couple sec like 30 seconds
[00:31:19] Well, and then said it but that's not how show business works. Yeah, we gotta fill this time one day
[00:31:25] You got you guys want it real comedy writing jobs. Yeah, some Jewish guys just gonna walk up to you
[00:31:30] And he's gonna say come up with a pun right now. Mm-hmm fuck. Yeah, you're gonna have to turn the word
[00:31:41] You know like well words I'm trying to think of a word
[00:31:44] We've done I think this has been a pretty pun-heavy episode
[00:31:47] I'm gonna say come up with a word, you know, just say a word chair
[00:31:51] Yeah, I was a well word is if I get you can't have the job fuck
[00:32:01] Yeah, actually how'd you get that what they said?
[00:32:05] I guess they wanted high so that's the thing is like then like diversity hire people
[00:32:09] It was like a diverse writer. Oh, they want a racist. Yeah, well, they have to get one
[00:32:14] About the W just higher the key is higher regular white guy
[00:32:19] They're like we're gonna have all black woman and then one real piece of shit
[00:32:23] And that's diversity. So we're proud of you, but yeah, I'm in on day. I I fucking that played my cards, right?
[00:32:30] Yeah, smart move. I put all of my money in the in the cryptocurrencies
[00:32:37] You know I trusted my instincts. Why don't we all invest never censor myself?
[00:32:42] Why don't we have dangerously based on a couple of Mountain Dew commercials I saw earlier?
[00:32:53] Why don't we all invest in a gaming rig like and then mine cryptocurrency when we're not gaming
[00:33:04] Do you talk about mining Bitcoin or like how do you mind Bitcoin?
[00:33:08] You might Bitcoin by having like a server computer that helps decrypt the transactions
[00:33:14] And because the train anytime you send money to somebody on Bitcoin
[00:33:18] It's like it's encrypted and then the transaction where the money's coming from where it's going to and on the amount of the transaction
[00:33:25] All needs to be decrypted and then I had to do the blockchain
[00:33:29] It's a good oversimplification. Well, you know, that's basically what it is
[00:33:33] But to do all the mathematics involved in like, you know
[00:33:37] Decrypting and recrypting the transaction or whatever it takes like very powerful computers
[00:33:44] Yeah, so the more work that your computer does to like
[00:33:50] Process the transaction the more percentage of the new Bitcoin you get because Bitcoin is created every time a transaction
[00:33:57] Oh shit. Yeah, so we yeah one of them alien wares but as time goes on a see-through and shit
[00:34:03] Cool, we do that was like eight years ago because as time goes on that like hardware that you need to like have a serious Bitcoin mining
[00:34:11] Operation going like goes it's like through the roof you would need like a like, you know a fucking
[00:34:17] $10,000, you know mainframe computer. Oh dude a place to store it and shit. Why don't we just hack into the mainframe?
[00:34:25] You know, yeah, that's like good ideas have like two graphics cards or some shit or oh, yeah, you know
[00:34:31] I don't know oh Nvidia G G-forest. Yeah, J Nvidia G-spot
[00:34:37] Two of those and then one of these hack of mainframes we had why don't we just hack the mainframe of
[00:34:44] Like NASA's computers and use that for Bitcoin
[00:34:47] You know, why don't governments just do that do Bitcoin?
[00:34:50] Yeah, like get bitcoins from having good ass computers the NSA probably already does
[00:34:55] I'm sure they do there's no way that the US government isn't already developing their own cryptocurrency
[00:35:02] Damn, it's true secret dollars. You're also nobody knows who made Bitcoin like it could very well be something. I do
[00:35:14] He's cool dude. Yeah, calm is cool man. Yo, you know what I found out he's six eight
[00:35:18] Can he he's got away like 400 pounds. Can he dunk to be that fat?
[00:35:24] I was 400 pounds. She's got way like 600 pounds. It was 260
[00:35:30] Kim calm if he's six eight in that fat everyone knows you way 400. I wait two six four hundred and seventeen pounds
[00:35:38] Invite was that close you guys just said that I have a bad body because you know that's not true these people are listening
[00:35:44] And okay, you're ugly you have an okay midsection, but your legs are horrendous dude
[00:35:50] I have like the rail thin. I have like D'Angelo V's your ankles when you're how does it feel videos?
[00:35:55] What your ankles and your thighs are the same side patently false
[00:36:02] Ankles I'm doing it right now. I have big it's a it's from my mother's side of the ankles are
[00:36:08] My ankles aren't great, but like 12 inches in his thighs are okay. Well, let's go back to the podcast
[00:36:28] Yeah, yeah, you have a little dick in a bad body that's fine and so anyway James Comey is going before Congress
[00:36:36] I don't like this haircut. It's very Kim Jong-un. Yeah, you look dumb. You gotta wear a hat dude
[00:36:42] I have been wearing a hat pretty much exclusively
[00:36:46] I got my hair cut we've covered that I got my hair cut by this Korean guy and
[00:36:52] He's like he's like I'm gonna wash your hair and I'm like, okay. Oh, yeah
[00:36:56] He's like I shampooed ninja style and I'm like come on
[00:36:59] Are you sure you didn't tell him give me the jujae is like a funny bit? No, I did it
[00:37:04] This was funny bit if I deliberately asked for this haircut
[00:37:08] And then they go around pretending like a Korean man gave it to me
[00:37:12] No, I didn't do it. Did you get it? Did you get a price break?
[00:37:15] Because you got jerked off and your haircut at the same place well that would be for more money, man
[00:37:19] He asked us not to mention that anymore
[00:37:21] What did that really happen? I was making a totally fake joke
[00:37:27] What kind of hairdresser jacks you up? I don't know a combination Korean one actually find me up once you ask your mom, dude
[00:37:39] Shit actually my eldest had a new guy in in college who went from China and he was like barber store China
[00:37:47] They cut your hand suck your dick five dollars
[00:37:52] American I don't know yes, he was saying it was very cheap. I don't know why Chinese dollars Chinese dollar fake curds five mouths
[00:38:03] Yeah, that's actually you know what I would love to get my day I mean if that's what come you know
[00:38:07] It doesn't looks like I mean Simon. So that's why I am in the DSA in the future. Yeah in the future
[00:38:13] Everyone will starve to death, but you get your dick sucked at every
[00:38:17] Every state of the business dude. Can I be honest getting your hair washed right and getting your dick sucked at the same time?
[00:38:26] That would be incredible come on getting your hair washed is one of the best feelings in time. I hate that shit
[00:38:32] Come on what I don't trust having my head I get fucking feel like they're always gonna slip my throat
[00:38:38] Well, that's just crazy. I get like fucking ASMR shit from that. Oh absolutely
[00:38:43] Yeah, it's the close I ever feel that shit
[00:38:45] I feel like spine tingles and and I don't know what kind of hair dress you went to growing up
[00:38:49] But it was all fucking like white trash ladies with like you smelled like menthol and menthols and perfume
[00:38:55] No, my mom would just take me to her is
[00:38:57] What did she look like my mom would go to a nice place. She's I was just a hair cutter. Yeah, hair cutter
[00:39:03] Yes, what I'm talking about right clever. I had a I had a deaf
[00:39:07] Barber and hair cuttery one time hell yeah, and I think that was the last time I paid for a haircut
[00:39:12] Then I started cutting my own hair after really yeah, cuz it was like oh you got one where you got hair
[00:39:15] You mean it's starting now. Yeah until like six usured in an era of cutting your own hair
[00:39:20] Yeah, and when I moved in New York, I stopped cutting my own hair cuz I had no place to do it right right now
[00:39:27] So I think the first couple of times I did it you say that you didn't even have like a shiny surface
[00:39:32] It was all fucking some and you never window that you catch the glare there's no
[00:39:39] I did it I did it on I did it myself like one time cuz you know who cuts her own hair is Tommy Pope
[00:39:44] And he has like the best I got great hair
[00:39:46] He just does himself do it. Hey, yeah, that's the one time he goes by touch
[00:39:50] Man that guy's funny shit. Yeah, I love show is good. There's shows
[00:39:57] I mean it should be it should have been a fucking series a long time a hundred percent
[00:40:03] It's like whatever fucking idiot is making decisions. It's like well who's gonna watch a show about Philadelphia
[00:40:09] And it's like oh you mean the most successful and highly regarded
[00:40:17] Fuck I didn't even think of that until right now of course. It's just so funny
[00:40:22] I mean here's the other thing though. It's just straight up the funniest fucking thing. I've seen always sunny. No
[00:40:32] Always sunny is like the best always sunny is the show that every stand-up comedian wants to write of course
[00:40:37] Yeah, and any and it's about Seinfeld if they're worse people they were worse people and not successful anytime a comic like rights a pilot
[00:40:44] It's like there's a good chance. It's just always sunny or there's a good guy
[00:40:48] We adopted a baby and then we all raped it
[00:40:52] But only so we could get the insurance money
[00:40:55] We're not pedophiles. That's a good. That's a good that we should write that every that's how comedians write TV shit
[00:41:01] Or is that whole like the Pete home Pete Holmes was
[00:41:05] For some reason the person that's able to make it but every comics like what about a young up and coming comic in New York City
[00:41:12] Trying to make it. Yeah, that's everyone's first idea. That's because comedians are all fucking out of time
[00:41:17] I mean my the first the first pilot I ever wrote was like
[00:41:21] You know for comedians in like an apartment complex
[00:41:26] But then it was very much an always sunny thing where it's like
[00:41:30] You know getting into fights with homeless people right right right you know that kind of shit
[00:41:35] I mean I get that because it's like when you stand up everything is like autobiographical like you start that way
[00:41:40] And so it's like it seems the easiest thing to do but that's why we're doing a fucking well
[00:41:44] That's why we're gonna do that baby rape when you were just talking about yeah, that is you dude
[00:41:48] I got so many ideas for pilots. Yeah. Yeah. All right. How about this wings to
[00:41:54] It's the show wings was that about play is a sequel and we get Tony Shalob's back. All right that show JAG
[00:42:01] Yeah, about what is it juris a hot lady junk?
[00:42:08] For yes, but it's joint attorney general or Joe what is something like that? Yeah, they're Air Force lawyers
[00:42:14] But this show is called fag. Yeah, it's about the baby
[00:42:20] Guys that's good. Yeah the French something something is there still a lady with big titties in a green
[00:42:30] Basically, it's the same show except it's in French and the title of the show's fag
[00:42:34] It's in French and we can have it so is most of our job gonna be watching
[00:42:41] episodes in poorly trans and putting them into Google Translate and then doing that how about we do a
[00:42:50] A parody of Aaron Sorkin Amy Schumer did it on her show for but it was about a fast food restaurant. I was that was a
[00:43:00] Really sarcastic question is done it though Seth Myers did it
[00:43:06] There's been numerous like sketch groups that have done SNL did it I guess yeah
[00:43:16] The best thing about that show newsroom do you guys ever read that interview with a with
[00:43:23] Where they're like they're like hey Quinn. Did you watch true detective? Hey Quinn? What's your favorite word?
[00:43:32] We've used up the allotment for this month Nick what I was like I was literally just bitching on the real estate
[00:43:38] Podcasts about you guys and how you pull back from
[00:43:41] problematic stuff and then bone I don't pull back at all as the first you guys pull back so much
[00:43:46] No, I don't dude. I'm fucking way more across. Yeah, this guy's like super liberal or something. I was like oh yeah
[00:43:57] Oh, and I cast wars. Yeah podcast wars you can tell him that I said that I
[00:44:03] Think he's a snowflake and I think he watches MMA because he wishes it was gay
[00:44:11] Like the idea that Lewis wouldn't just jack off to gay porn. Yeah
[00:44:17] There has to be a type of closeted dude that's like can't fully watch gay porn
[00:44:22] So has to watch MMA because it's the closest you can get
[00:44:25] Yeah, probably I don't according to Kinsey. That's what sure that's like a four
[00:44:35] What was I saying before that? Oh Tarantino is given an interview in New York magazine and they were like do you see true detective?
[00:44:41] And he's like yeah, I watched the first episode of the first season that shit sucked
[00:44:46] He's like that was bad. Everyone's like you should watch this. I'm like that shit sucks
[00:44:50] He's like there's only one TV show I like they're like what is it? He's like hold on. I wasn't paying attention to the beginning of the story
[00:44:56] Who said this Tarantino's giving an interview? Oh, okay?
[00:44:58] So they're like do you just watch true detective? He's like yeah, it sucked
[00:45:02] They're like do you like any TV shows? He's like there's only one. Oh, yeah, you said the newsroom. Yeah. Yeah
[00:45:08] Here's the big newsroom and he's like I would watch it three times a week
[00:45:13] The night it came out the next morning when I woke up and then once more like during the following week
[00:45:20] Just to get in all of the dialogue and if you've ever watched the newsroom. It is the biggest piece of shit
[00:45:27] But that guy with that will McAvoy characters like who all these fucking like dickhead people
[00:45:32] Obermann basically everyone is just be like every fucking like it's like a blowhard like yeah
[00:45:38] I'm sort of like Chris Matthews. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like I'm sort of a lib
[00:45:43] I'm sort of a conservative. Oh everyone's saying dude, bro. All these they're just female will McAvoy's whatever
[00:45:50] Shit, we didn't talk about failure. You having slaves
[00:45:54] Why I don't I think it's sexist to criticize Hillary slaves personally
[00:45:59] And it's it is and it's a kink shame to oh you think she's the slave she was in a dom sub relationship with those slaves
[00:46:06] Then she should be a right. I agree. She was technically
[00:46:13] By them giving her services not paying her well it did cut down costs. It's important to remember having slavery is chill
[00:46:22] When you live in the fucking Arkansas man, they probably had slaves like legitimately at some point in the Arkansas like
[00:46:29] Governor's mansion, right? Yeah, probably. I mean they did in that slice of the White House
[00:46:38] Brought the slaves the White House no, that's what I meant. They're the Clinton
[00:46:49] When you were talking about that cool black superhero, I thought you were talking about Barack Obama. Oh, yeah, no
[00:46:54] apparently no I was talking about the guy that
[00:47:04] We got him fuck Reagan we got that we did it for the skip for skipper did it for the skip all right
[00:47:11] Thanks guys. Yeah, no problem. I'm scared. I'm wait. I'm skip. No, I'm skid. No, it's Nick. It's a skip
[00:47:16] You're Gilligan your money. You're Gilligan. Who's one flap you?
[00:47:21] Yeah, just make that guy up. Yeah your mud flap your high top. I like that high top
[00:47:27] Dude, my top and mud flap. I'm not mud flap. Yeah, you totally are not flapped. Yeah. No, no, I'm not
[00:47:33] How about candy lips? I like candy lips
[00:47:40] Make sure you're always adjusting your hat
[00:47:46] Anything I'm candy lips. Let's be honest. No, you can't stop taking all the fucking nicknames. You're high top
[00:47:52] I'm here semen lips. What do you mean semen lips? What do you think I mean? What do you mean by that? I mean?
[00:47:57] There's come on your lips cuz you're gay. I wouldn't put come on my own lips. Okay. I always got a beautiful mouth
[00:48:04] I got a question. All right, so Nick's Gilligan. I'm candy lips like your skip pussy mouth
[00:48:11] I'm optimist. I'm optimist crime. Oh, that's good criminal robot
[00:48:15] Oh now you get multiple make minutes a robot that turns into a different race when he commits crimes to throw off the police
[00:48:23] Cool mystique. Yeah, yeah cool. That was the the ex-woman. Yeah
[00:48:33] Specify the gender in the name of their organization
[00:48:37] The X-man X-man. Yeah. Yeah now. Why isn't the ex people?
[00:48:41] Isn't the whole point of that series to be like inclusive towards LGBT folks, right?
[00:48:55] Magneto is in the Holocaust. Yeah, Magneto's in the Holocaust gay or just know the
[00:49:00] She was Jewish Magneto was a Jew in the Holocaust and his power was that he could attract all the coins and pocket change
[00:49:07] Yeah, the nice actually to take all the fillings out of the Jews
[00:49:14] They did that I know with Magneto. Yeah, they don't explain how he survived Auschwitz by bending the gate
[00:49:21] Oh, they're pulling their dragon away and he's bending the gate. Oh
[00:49:25] Well, he's so like he's impervious to gas. I think it was more of a Hogan's heroes type situation
[00:49:31] You just got out of it with hijinks. Oh, okay. You did bits. Yeah, he did bits to get to free himself
[00:49:38] And then he secretly recorded himself about a French version of Magneto
[00:49:45] Uh-huh. What do you think that would be? I don't get it
[00:49:50] What would a French what would that what with the fact that oh?
[00:50:04] It's sure. What do you think they call magazines in France?
[00:50:09] That's actually a French word. It's just magazine magazine magazine magazine magazine. Yeah, uh took that from them
[00:50:16] Well, sorry that serves them right well
[00:50:22] What about London Paris get attacked yet? No, it was an order day. They probably got a time. Oh, yeah
[00:50:29] Yeah, and cold air at a tweet that was like
[00:50:33] Too bad we don't have cops like they do in Paris real men a single shot
[00:50:39] Like killed the terrorist right in the throat
[00:50:42] What she was trying to say that like our cops are faggier than French cops and made absolutely
[00:50:48] One thing are cops are good at it's fucking murdering people. It's like
[00:50:52] No, they're not remember with the NYPD like two years ago like shot like five people
[00:51:00] Really? Yeah, there was some guy that said he had like a knife or something and so the NYPD was like everybody move back
[00:51:13] Who's the African guy they killed in the late 90s the campay, Matumbo no they killed an African guy and scar
[00:51:22] If you read like a general Jones what happened from coming to America it was like a comical amount of rounds
[00:51:27] I think they unleash like oh, yeah, yeah, it was like a hundred or something
[00:51:30] It was like a hundred twenty rounds of every dish like yeah, I remember that it's like it's like look
[00:51:36] See unloaded a gun like a South Park joke
[00:51:38] Like that they couldn't they just like kept firing at like this guy's life was bought whatever. It's not funny
[00:51:45] Please be sorry. He could have been a voodoo. Oh, it sounds like you think it's pretty phony Adam
[00:51:49] Yeah, I just think wait a second. Are you saying it's funny that black people get gunned down by the police?
[00:51:57] Actually, I'm the first person that said that on this podcast that they were the first person who said I'd said in the first
[00:52:03] That's not well me. It's stop. Don't have to say it because we're wearing the shirts. Yeah, well actually this is a tattoo
[00:52:10] Yeah, but wearing the shirt isn't as much as being out on the streets with me eating black lives matters flavored Doritos with D-Ray
[00:52:20] That's the real work that's organizing and that's the change that I want. I'm actually a what you would call an online
[00:52:27] Activist what do you do you're a activist? I do nothing. Oh
[00:52:32] Make sure I literally absolutely nothing do you do to say maybe let's say like
[00:52:38] No, I just described myself as an activist. Oh, you're just putting your pie on yeah
[00:52:43] Do you do that's what I like to do sometimes I open a go fund me a demand money for people to
[00:52:50] Educate them yeah for awareness to do it because you're doing is a word yeah
[00:52:55] Sometimes they bring me to colleges to speak. Why is D-Ray still around didn't like everyone Milo
[00:53:01] Did everyone figure out he's a fraud is what did that happen like a year ago or something a fraud?
[00:53:05] How I don't know anything because he's like shills for corporations. She's like
[00:53:12] You know just sponsored by Doritos and Patagonia. That's everybody and is that everyone? That's literally everybody
[00:53:19] Nobody has any real integrity. That's like a bullshit concept. We have integrity. Then we don't we have zero ads
[00:53:24] Except for those two episodes yeah for the underpants. Oh, yeah, I want to get some fucking boxers
[00:53:31] They have sexy underwear don't mention their name do they're not panels
[00:53:35] Okay, but I do have one what was the company that what do you talk don't do that if they buy further ad space?
[00:53:41] You're just gonna shit on the company now. I didn't shit on the company
[00:53:44] I'm just saying you say don't do that when he says he wants to buy yeah
[00:53:48] I want to buy some premium Mac Weldon yeah underwear
[00:53:52] I support you in buying you're not getting a quality product if we get another ad you're not getting a cut buddy
[00:53:58] I'm I support you in buying a high quality product
[00:54:01] No, everyone's gonna think it's sarcasm. It's not sarcasm now also because of you we're getting they're getting free advertising
[00:54:08] Wow because of what you're doing right now
[00:54:11] No, because you're making it impossible for us. No, you made an issue which may that you get the free advertising you are a piece of shit
[00:54:18] I'm taking money out of my pocket as we speak. I'm always blue ray players. I'm sorry skip
[00:54:24] I'm sorry mudflap. What's your motherfucker? I'm candy lips
[00:54:33] I'm not pussy man boys. We should get some cigars like a pussy. Yeah while you're sick, dude
[00:54:39] Let's get some cojibas. I'm done with something wrong with smoking cigars when you're sick if anything it helps it dries out your fucking sinuses
[00:54:53] Don't give a shit that's how people used to go out. I can't wait to do fucking work hard
[00:54:57] You know you stay on the couch literally all day long. You make deals, baby. Oh, yeah
[00:55:03] That's what I'm talking about. I keep the lights real low in my my cool apartment
[00:55:06] I invite people over I work out deals smoke filled smoke fucking cigars and shit
[00:55:12] You got a front room. You never go into toys back room. Yeah, you gotta do that's that's a Billy Joel's
[00:55:15] Billy Joel's thinking about in only the good die young first of all
[00:55:19] I've told you this before you're never allowed to quote Billy Joel
[00:55:24] Why I thought we're all Joel has I'm the Joel. I'm a Joel. I'm a personal friends with William
[00:55:30] William Joel because I reluctantly had sex with his daughter
[00:55:37] I got the one crazy plastic. She's hot. She's hot now
[00:55:41] I fuck with Kristi Bradley and then I looked at I looked at oh she's had dramatic plastic surgery
[00:55:47] Yeah, I fucked the other one Kristi Brinkley's I love that he's like the long island Bruce Springsteen
[00:55:52] But they have lived they've lived completely opposite life's lives like no the long island Bruce Springsteen is Jim Burr. Oh,
[00:56:04] What did you they live different lives thesis
[00:56:07] Well Bruce is like a tea toddler. He like works out. He's incredible shape. Is he the same wife for a while?
[00:56:14] He's in the same he's same with the same chick. She's in his band. They're best friends
[00:56:19] I think the boss fucks on the snow. I don't think he fucks around. I think his band is all his best friends
[00:56:24] That sounds like a fun life on the other hand you got Billy who is a fucking bloated
[00:56:30] Drunk who's gotten like 79 D you a joke to a couple walls
[00:56:36] Who's yeah driven through apparently like on Long Island if you see like tree branches on the road people are like oh Billy's been here recently
[00:56:46] It that's a joke in Oyster Bay like that he slams into trees and shrubber is a joke that everyone does
[00:56:52] That's a big Oyster Bay Long Island joke you want to go out there and interview people for the next episode. Yeah, okay?
[00:56:58] Let's do it a fact check you on this. Okay. Let's see food. Let's get someone if you know if you're from oyster
[00:57:03] Oysters we do we do need to get oysters oysters. That's the name of the series. I got a call at the name of the event
[00:57:09] Otherwise boys dirty bakers. What do we think what do you think about Monday oysters?
[00:57:13] Boys I'm gone. I'm back on Tuesday by Tuesday boister one back at like nine which is Wednesday boister
[00:57:20] But we'll have to record. Oh, we'll talk later
[00:57:24] Anyway, Billy Joel's been married multiple times
[00:57:29] He's a he has fucked some fine push. He has gotten some some good some good
[00:57:35] Some good pussy the Liachi some good holes
[00:57:38] Oh, okay, whole is the worst whole is so mean it just feels weird to know but it's literally a whole yeah, but it feels
[00:57:47] Debasing and I respect we know you don't yes. I do. I won't even watch that child a booth movie which one
[00:57:54] Transformers to me this you mean the joke I did last week. Yes, you literally oh my god Adam you got that's incredible
[00:58:01] That is like self-parody when did you do that? Oh?
[00:58:05] Oh now he's gonna pretend as a remember I don't there was an extended that was a great bit we were doing that was Nick's joke
[00:58:11] About holes it was this exact same conversation actually alright someone brought up whole we said how is the worst one?
[00:58:19] So you you repeated your eyes told joke you said whole and it made me crazy
[00:58:25] All right, all right, and I talked about it throw it on throw it on the web throw it up there
[00:58:38] You have to like live in Argentina. No, I remember this I'll be there
[00:58:42] Eagle I or whatever yeah, yeah, they would literally the exact same thing. I said a different child above movie
[00:58:51] Nick saying holes damn that was hilarious well it was Jack Nicholson saying he doesn't want to see I
[00:58:58] Will I won't even see that child above movie? Yes?
[00:59:08] In the context you're absolutely right I I forgot
[00:59:13] I don't mean I don't give a shit. I don't really
[00:59:16] It's a thing you should be concerned about is to stand up comedian
[00:59:20] Secretly cribbing jokes not and you can't help it but like the way you're gay you know you want to stop but you can't yeah
[00:59:27] I mean the cock is so delicious to you stealing jokes and semen is like a forbidden nectar
[00:59:35] No garden be in it's more about it's Adam really
[00:59:44] Look I didn't read the buy I read the whole yeah, but I know a little bit about it from
[00:59:50] From movies that are allegorical mm-hmm, you know and meant to be Bible me
[00:59:57] I've seen the matrix yes, and I remember distinctly a scene where
[01:00:03] Neo is forced to his knees by Morpheus's
[01:00:10] Morpheus says Jedi powers and forces Neo to his knees and he says
[01:00:14] You think that's air your breathing right now and neo can't say anything because Morpheus's cock is in his mouth
[01:00:33] I'm pretty sure as a no Neo's cool though at the end your joy Pantelliano
[01:00:39] Yeah, the thing the scene you're not really pants you're that bitch with the blue hair or the white hair
[01:00:45] They're more the dies immediately the last man remember switch. I don't even that's how I don't even matrix one
[01:00:51] Oh, yeah, she does yes. Yeah, you know when when pants is killing everybody
[01:00:56] Yeah, yeah, yeah, then you know Trinity's on the phone and she looks at him or her and then switch goes no like these
[01:01:11] You can put this on the record put this on the internet
[01:01:14] It's just out of waking up with the matrix there's all these tubes it up, but there's a dick is there?
[01:01:35] I'm a thief. I'm a joke thief all the accusations are true
[01:01:40] And you know the first step of recovery is admitting and I'm sorry
[01:01:46] That's why Robert Williams had to stop doing stand-up is because he's like yeah
[01:01:50] I just didn't realize I was stealing jokes all the fucking time. He's like I would do I would say that's why I don't watch
[01:01:55] Stand-up like I don't watch specials because I don't want to get influenced because it is it is like it's you don't try
[01:02:01] To do it on purpose, but you hear a joke you think something's funny and they're just subconscious
[01:02:05] Yeah, I think I think like I try not to I have I have like a cat
[01:02:12] In my head joke where I can't remember like I have an instinct where if I write a joke
[01:02:17] I'm like no, I've heard this somewhere right I have no idea where it is and like but I always trust that instinct
[01:02:22] Yeah, because there's been shit that I've like yeah
[01:02:24] I've asked people I'm like have you heard this before if you were this before and I'm like no
[01:02:28] And but if I ever have that instinct that like you know
[01:02:32] Well, I something before I won't fucking do it
[01:02:35] I had that joke when it but that I did before I moved up here and then I came up here and that dude
[01:02:39] What's the name? Neil? What's his name?
[01:02:41] Stassney had the seal hamburger. Yeah a lot of you have that joke the one about the chat lesbian chat
[01:02:47] Yeah, but that's the story that like that's an experience that everyone had that's that's why I only really feel comfortable
[01:02:54] But it's not like you had the same joke in terms of you were doing like the no
[01:02:58] Yeah, it's a it's literally everyone did that why that joke works is because everyone
[01:03:05] Yeah, yeah, of course. I never did that. I mean I don't do it anymore
[01:03:09] But like I don't do that joke anymore, but but that's honestly why I only feel comfortable doing anecdotal stuff on stage because I
[01:03:22] I don't have any confidence that if I'm doing an observation a bit about that being quiet
[01:03:30] That just came out of the she was a she was a lesbian. Oh really?
[01:03:34] Read it she's like playing with her nipples and she's like that's not lesbian. She's like that's self-discovery
[01:03:39] I thought she wanted to fuck a man. I read a different version. Hey, nice, dude
[01:03:45] Yeah, I remember wanting to beat off the infra sorry when I was like 12 when I read it
[01:03:49] If we get to period yeah, she's talking about that shit. I'm like I want to jack off to this. Yeah, which is that's like
[01:03:56] That's how you guys that story of are you there God? It's me Margaret
[01:03:59] Think you mean did you just tell us the story of what happens in the book? No that story of when I got her described a book to you
[01:04:10] Did it rings a bell? Yeah, I probably said on the podcast before but go ahead
[01:04:15] What I mean if we've talked about it was talked about no
[01:04:20] Well, I got it and it's about a girl getting her period
[01:04:23] Then I went to my mom with all these questions and she like took me back to the library
[01:04:29] And she like yelled at the librarian in front of me hilarious that it should be it shouldn't be an easy readers
[01:04:35] It should be in young adult and that young boys like me could get could could accidentally read about it
[01:04:41] and God forbid you and God forbid learn pussy learn about how pussy's work and
[01:04:46] That's how I learned how pussy's work from Judy. I want to write a book for girls about getting their period for the first time
[01:04:57] To help young women transition in the adulthood
[01:05:01] Because it's very hard and it requires the the tender guidance the tender words a caring adult
[01:05:18] Let's talk this out. Let's talk this out listen listen. Listen peach tree. They call these skipper
[01:05:25] Skip skip a lot of changes right now and at this the only option is audiobook completely improvised
[01:05:38] Changes several breaks to go get more Kleenex
[01:05:43] Fuck I never had did you ever have like a proper sex talk is it?
[01:05:48] I've never I never had no one told me how sex worked when I was like four yeah, my parents told me yeah
[01:05:57] It goes into the pussy the guy Fox are back and forth really comes in her my parents
[01:06:01] It's like I just want to get it over with I was in like kindergarten
[01:06:06] Getting your dick second. I have kids. What was your what was your parents policy with movies because my parents?
[01:06:11] Let me watch like rated our movies, but they'd cover my eyes for sex stuff
[01:06:15] I wasn't allowed to see they'd watch me they'd let me watch like heads get cut off and like blood and like machine
[01:06:21] Gunshint. What a time remember not being able to like watch rated our movies until the Matrix came out
[01:06:25] I mean I really but it was like my parents like you know be like oh
[01:06:29] Because I would have to go the video start with them. They're like right you can't rent it
[01:06:32] So I'd see maybe like I don't know 30 our rated movies by the time I was like 10 or whatever and the matrix came out
[01:06:40] But then that one was like that was what 99 yeah, and it was like this is such a good movie
[01:06:45] Yeah, like I have to be able to see it and then I saw it then from that point on I can see whatever
[01:06:49] Hmm. Yeah, I could never see shit. My mom was actually real protective of shit
[01:06:54] You only watch anything. I just go to my friend Pete's house. Yeah, and watch whatever the fuck I want
[01:06:57] I can see something like I remember seeing American Beauty and that wasn't a problem. Yeah, I remember
[01:07:03] I thought it was a good movie or some shit. I couldn't see that
[01:07:06] I think my mom rented it you wouldn't let me see it, but I tried I found the part where that Thor bird she's a
[01:07:11] Window our part the flower part fucked that the window window window is the hot
[01:07:17] I was like the fucking biggest titties. Oh, especially when you're like 10 I used to fuck it
[01:07:23] Yeah, she had some big net is back off to that dude
[01:07:26] I'm like the fucking look it up right now. I used to jack off to
[01:07:28] To eyes wide shut like on HBO on Friday nights. It was on for like two years. What's your name?
[01:07:34] Thor a birch. Yeah, and then you know what else?
[01:07:38] My friends parents. I was out of sleep over my friends parents rented boogie nights
[01:07:43] Oh, and I was probably I think I was like 12 you went to the scene where at the end where he pulls his big
[01:07:49] penis and then you masturbated the idea of you being
[01:07:54] Like that's me I'm personality wise and how my future
[01:07:58] I'm gonna get cocked to constantly. Oh, there's a big penis I can jack off to also
[01:08:05] This is the perfect moment to ejaculate fuck dude Thor bird chest big ass titties. Oh, well, wait
[01:08:11] It looks like yours mud flap. I'm candy lips get Gilligan
[01:08:16] Gilegan what up pushy mouth. I'm not pussy mouth
[01:08:20] I'm high taught a lot of people don't know this but Adam's mouth is actually vertical. Mm-hmm. Yeah
[01:08:30] Fuck well, how we doing? Oh, we're done. Oh damn
[01:08:35] I didn't when I said she has big titties. I was looking at them out, but now they're out and they're big as shit
[01:08:40] Okay, so wait so fast what they call an October surprise
[01:08:44] Did you guys think like when you were watching porn that like that's what all other guys dicks look like it is
[01:08:51] Yeah, I used to yeah, I think that I still like it really depressed and think like all dicks were like 11 inches long
[01:08:58] Like in porn, but most porn it isn't like 11 inch. They're huge in porn. Sometimes are huge. The dicks are huge
[01:09:05] I mean, it's like it's like that's my experience with sex. It's always in the back of a van
[01:09:09] Mm-hmm. There's a guy with a visor on with a really raspy voice cheering me on
[01:09:17] The driver I forget the guy's name. I used to actually hear something Patrick
[01:09:22] No, his name was like nasty or something. I don't know damn she again paid
[01:09:27] I used to get really sad. Yeah, you said that someone I play boys stop stop trying to get your feminist credentials back, bitch
[01:09:34] You can't accuse me of stealing my own bit. No, no, no. No, I'm saying you're trying to get used to get sad
[01:09:40] Well before I thought news fake like they're just throwing these women out in some industrial lots in Miami
[01:09:49] But that's why that's why I like the ones where it's like they're stranded and for you know some services
[01:09:55] The European ones they're stranded and then they throw them out of the van. There's straight to European ones
[01:10:01] What are they doing Europe they take them when they need to go see that is what socialize?
[01:10:12] That's what social democracy is all absolutely Bernard
[01:10:16] Bernard shouts out to Bernard Bernie 2020 Bernie 2024 Bernie Sanders is gonna die in the next
[01:10:27] Nice, I think that's as good a notice any yeah to end the podcast on
[01:10:41] fucking hell bit podcast episode on coffee fee
[01:10:44] I'm sure they did like a double act yeah like a three hour we call Trump a motherfucker a
[01:10:48] Piece of literal cubic garbage then we say coffee fee at each other
[01:10:52] I signed out at Twitter because I'm blocked to see if Sarah said anything fucking
[01:10:58] Reblocked me we like that my account was unlocked so I could respond to DMS by just didn't tweet anything because I
[01:11:05] Somebody posted a picture that made it look like I was DMing with somebody
[01:11:08] So I was concerned that my account got like hacked or something
[01:11:11] So I just I deleted whatever tweet they wanted me to delete so I could just get back in and make sure somebody wasn't like sending DMS is me
[01:11:17] Uh-huh and then that was like working for a while then Twitter relocked my account and there's like all these other tweets
[01:11:23] They want me to delete cuz some fucking whiny content Twitter doesn't like me. God. It's so dude at Jack fuck you
[01:11:31] Free my man whatever Twitter sucks now anyways
[01:11:33] It's like it's like it's all about I honestly in the last year have not seen a tweet where I thought this is funny
[01:11:40] It's become entirely like a place for people to
[01:11:44] Shitty people to get mad at each other for secretly being racist or problematic or whatever. Yeah call out culture
[01:11:54] Like all the people that were funny or like have scaled it back or right quit. Yeah pretty much
[01:12:01] Yeah, a lot of funny people are not tweeting dude. I'm talking I it was I saw like
[01:12:08] Thing on his like Instagram or something or is we pay like he had some fake go fund me set up where he was like
[01:12:14] He's looking for six dollars because he's like I'm out of ranch dressing and I need more ranch
[01:12:25] This is a language is so perfect and he was like one of my favorite Twitter. He's funny shit
[01:12:29] He's so funny, but I haven't like laughed at anything online
[01:12:33] And so long until I saw that fucking I need something to wipe my I don't know what to wipe my food
[01:12:41] Right oh, yeah, I just don't laugh nothing on Twitter amuses me anymore. Yeah, it's it's all just political bullshit
[01:12:47] It sucks. I think women getting her so I made a decision to be banned
[01:12:52] Is what I'm saying well done. I banned Twitter. You can't fire me shit. I fucking quit
[01:12:57] Um, and I'm gonna keep my DMS open because even though I get anti-Semitism. I also sometimes
[01:13:05] Want like twice got a horny girl. So actually yeah actually please also DM me and not pussymouth
[01:13:14] Candy I get nothing but people that want me to talk them off a ledge
[01:13:18] I've got a couple of those it's like it's people are like why shouldn't I kill myself?
[01:13:21] I'm like I am the fucking wrong guy to ask yeah
[01:13:24] It's a certain it's a coincidence people's lives. That's what people think of you
[01:13:28] They think of you as a stern figure. Yeah. Yes. I am a hero. Yeah, and your beetle juice
[01:13:33] Do you hear that episode it was oh we talked about before yeah, you are beetle juice
[01:13:39] I'm be able to use yeah, I'm already laying in Robin Quivers in one you're already laying in the fact that you're dying
[01:13:44] But yeah nowhere near as funny. Yeah, but it will never be that talented or fun probably the best story of all time
[01:13:52] But yeah, I'm not as cute less. Hey, whoa not as funny dude
[01:13:57] Already a much more boring story already funnier. I'm not saying more of a blue collar background
[01:14:02] He was a longshore and he was I was a machine worker
[01:14:09] You know a machine is parallugal I was later on after I moved on up
[01:14:13] You know, I'm actually kind of the story of American. This is a this is we got two paralegals on the pot your beetle juice
[01:14:22] I'm a little juice. I'm the Sibian machine. No, I'm a machine
[01:14:28] Deal by thing I just said I was but you can't you don't know because you're beatle juice. Okay, so you're so addicted to this right?
[01:14:39] Roasted all right. We got a I got a spot. There you go. I do I gotta go spots
[01:14:43] cancelled. I already called the club cancel it the club is
[01:14:48] Is surreptitiously calling what club where's my spot tonight? I don't know man. It fucking windies
[01:14:56] Yeah, all right anyway the frosty yes, all right. Goodbye