Cum Town | Premium | 07/03/2017
[00:00:00] So I was at the standing room last night.
[00:00:04] And do you remember when it was the club before that?
[00:00:16] And then it was like a shitty bar that divided the showroom
[00:00:20] just by like a big, like a wall made out like duvetine or something.
[00:00:28] And now that place is, it's almost like cartoonish how much of a death trap
[00:00:33] You mean like if there was a stampede, if there was like a reason to get out?
[00:00:40] I mean, every building in New York is designed to make people burn the death
[00:00:47] But no, I forget who is walking through the room.
[00:00:52] And I mean, I've looked as soon as they open that place up,
[00:00:54] everyone's talking about like, oh, it's so great now.
[00:00:59] And for the most part, it looks exactly the same as it was,
[00:01:02] except they have like those hipster light bulbs,
[00:01:08] Yeah, they're called Edison light bulbs.
[00:01:10] They're like the ones that are like cooked up to the Frankenstein machine
[00:01:16] Well, they flipped the orientation of the room too, right?
[00:01:20] You had like shout down the hallway to perform.
[00:01:24] That's what I mean, I wasn't there, but that's what people tell me.
[00:01:27] Yeah, well, maybe I'm misremembering, but the first time I was there,
[00:01:30] I like severely fucked up my hand in the door.
[00:01:33] So like going to the showroom because it's like just the hinge as a place to put your hand in
[00:01:39] And they're like, yeah, you got to look out for that.
[00:01:41] And then somebody is walking by and they have these shout,
[00:01:46] It's a three and a half inch piece of like metal that just comes out of the wall.
[00:01:53] And we'll like dig into your rib cage as you try and move past people.
[00:01:58] But then the icing on the cake is they have to get ice from the basement.
[00:02:03] And the door to the basement is a hole right outside of the front door.
[00:02:19] They make the host stay in there with his fucking hand on the door.
[00:02:28] It's a fucking, it's a nightmare waiting to happen.
[00:02:31] In another life, I was an ambulance chasing attorney.
[00:02:38] I have a friend who actually is one of those.
[00:02:40] He like works for the guy who's like, and I will get you the most money for your injuries.
[00:02:55] It's like, it's like, we need to get all the gait.
[00:02:59] It's like a spiritual washing machine or something.
[00:03:16] All the prostitution you've done gets washed away.
[00:03:21] I can't wait until Adam's post atheism.
[00:03:25] And it's like, yeah, I think I like believing God actually.
[00:03:28] I guarantee you there's going to be people who start doing that.
[00:03:32] There's already plenty of people that are like...
[00:03:34] Because atheism was too mainstream now, people are like, I believe in God.
[00:03:43] And that's like the last shred of hipsterdom in Gavin's new public image.
[00:03:52] Which, you know, I'm sure people say, no, he really takes seriously and goes to church.
[00:03:58] All those Valkom dads really skateboard all over town.
[00:04:01] It doesn't make it not a fucking hipster thing.
[00:04:06] People being like pretending they believe in God and shit to be cool.
[00:04:11] Salino and Barnes injury attorneys are breaking up, guys.
[00:04:15] Yeah, which means that that beautiful jingle.
[00:04:22] If you have a phone, you have a lawyer.
[00:04:25] And then it became science, Kirk, and Miles.
[00:04:29] Why don't you turn in the air condition?
[00:04:32] I just couldn't hear what you guys were saying.
[00:04:34] Sometimes I sit there and I just buck up.
[00:04:43] Don't ever press a fucking button on my electronics again.
[00:04:49] I'm literally monitoring the fucking show to make sure that the AC is on the problem.
[00:05:08] We're talking about science, Kirk, and Miles.
[00:05:13] If you have a phone, you have a lawyer.
[00:05:14] I remember asking my mom who our lawyer is.
[00:05:17] I was like, well, we have a phone, you fucking dumb bitch.
[00:05:25] Dude, have you ever heard of commercials?
[00:05:31] There's a trans personal injury attorney in New Orleans that has like this like New Orleans
[00:05:40] It's like a big free to type a lady, but she's like, I'll get you the most money.
[00:05:49] To me, I find that to be completely normal and not a source of humor.
[00:05:55] I don't think that's something to mock.
[00:05:59] I think it's a trans woman that has to be a source of joy.
[00:06:05] That's still something to celebrate around here.
[00:06:09] I happen to be a big fan of the pursuit of happiness to becoming that lady.
[00:06:23] What was the only problem with pursuit of happiness?
[00:06:24] Not enough cocks getting chopped off scenes.
[00:06:29] I don't think I've actually seen that movie.
[00:06:33] We should have a Will Smith double feature and do concussion and pursuit of happiness.
[00:06:44] Their brains are becoming damaged under the sea.
[00:06:59] You're just some Caribbean piece of shit lobster.
[00:07:03] Oh, I watched that Jackie Robinson movie, 42.
[00:07:14] You don't have to be like every scene is just a guy dying to say the N word.
[00:07:22] Well, I couldn't hear over how much I was screaming it at the TV.
[00:07:29] That's why I had to get these speakers.
[00:07:30] So I can, you know, hear the dialogue and adventure time over my constant shouting of
[00:07:41] Are there even black characters in the adventure time?
[00:07:52] My favorite, my favorite slur I've ever heard anyone say is my dad in we were driving to
[00:08:03] We were doing a job in Cainsville's summer that I worked with him.
[00:08:08] And he got stuck in the fucking H. Mark parking lot because like two Asians were stereotypically
[00:08:16] Guiterino Murides, which translates to yellow faces.
[00:08:32] They're yellow compared to you compared to me.
[00:08:46] I'm getting a tattoo of Mickey Mouse luring sunglasses and he's throwing a big pair of
[00:09:05] I'm going to change my name to Stavros dice clay.
[00:09:09] I want one of those fucking el Stavros dice clay.
[00:09:20] And when I get back the tannest I am, I'm getting headshots so people think I'm Latino
[00:09:27] Dude, you can make a shit ton of money doing that.
[00:09:29] The fucking those like Rio Grande Valley tours.
[00:09:33] You just be like all those like Valley San Antonio comics.
[00:09:38] You just go to these bullshit towns in the middle of Texas where there's nothing but
[00:09:46] And they just they over eat and they love going to fucking see Latino comedians.
[00:09:53] And that's the easiest type of comedy to do.
[00:10:03] I love when I was a teenager and I'd watch like the commercials for like all the George
[00:10:08] Lopez specials and like, you know, the teaser for it would like, you know, when George
[00:10:13] Lopez was blowing up, it was like every Latino has, you know, every Latino has got a low
[00:10:21] And then they would go on and become like a little bit more obscure.
[00:10:25] It's like every Latino has got a good bandana and a bad bandana.
[00:10:29] You got the bad bandana for when you going out to eat it Wendy's, but you got the good
[00:10:33] bandana for when you're going to church.
[00:10:38] And then the last one I remember is he's like, every Latinos got a haunted house, haunted
[00:10:44] And everyone's like, whoa, what the fuck are you talking?
[00:10:50] This is some dumb shit that was caused by your grandmother's mental illness.
[00:10:55] No, Latinos legitimately do believe in ghosts instead of the D. D. D. de la
[00:11:02] But they all have a haunted room in their room.
[00:11:09] Who do you think's watching after all the kids, dude?
[00:11:14] Yeah, I thought that was a joke, but I did a Spanish girl and her family legit believed
[00:11:29] They just said they heard they heard chains.
[00:11:31] They heard like chains, Jangly, but they didn't realize there was all the chains you carry
[00:11:44] Man, imagine being a fucking Spanish conquistador and just like everyone.
[00:11:50] Basically, they were just living like real life was Grand Theft Auto.
[00:11:54] They just got the fucking steel any treasure they want.
[00:11:57] Tilled people like they were just walking in the streets, cutting down people with swords
[00:12:05] Didn't history was a great time to be on.
[00:12:07] You know what's a good movie we should watch?
[00:12:10] The Mel Gibson apocalyptic never seen it.
[00:12:18] You see plenty of titties and decapitations and stuff.
[00:12:23] But everyone was mad at him because of the passion of the Christ except for me.
[00:12:29] I mean, people weren't mad at him for passionate of Christ.
[00:12:31] People were mad at him because he got drunk and was yelling about kikes to that like CHP
[00:12:36] officer right after that movie came out.
[00:12:40] People were like, this is kind of an anti-Semitic movie.
[00:12:45] I saw the Jews have just giant noses like an orange, like little ass horns.
[00:12:51] Yeah, I'm always going to apologize for Mel.
[00:12:56] I don't think it was people that were mad.
[00:12:57] I think it was the Jewish conspiracy that controls the media mad that he shined so much
[00:13:11] I don't know about that specifically your family.
[00:13:14] I don't know if you could prove that in the court.
[00:13:19] It's my answer to all the way back to the guy who killed Christ.
[00:13:30] You know, it's like, I mean, it's stupid.
[00:13:31] That's like blaming the guys that called the police on Michael Brown for his death.
[00:13:40] Yeah, the Jews like manipulate what it is.
[00:13:46] If Jesus was black, the Jews would just call the cops and he would immediately say,
[00:13:49] the Jews are the guys that own that Sigurillo store that Michael Brown wins.
[00:13:59] The Romans are George Zimmerman and then the Jews are George Zimmerman when he's in the
[00:14:22] No, I did stand up for the first time in like three months last night.
[00:14:34] And then the rest of it is like, you know, I guess I'm like a, I'm like a fucking adult.
[00:14:41] I'm not a fucking idiot who can't do anything.
[00:14:45] I don't know, like, am I supposed to date?
[00:14:55] I get it, but I'll eat pussy all night.
[00:14:59] These are now these are literally now these are literally my bunch of my hot.
[00:15:09] A bit that captures the human spirit like that.
[00:15:11] All right, maybe I've never referenced more old media.
[00:15:15] You know, I'm over here like a poet, like the poet laureate.
[00:15:19] You're the Bob touching people's hearts.
[00:15:21] Touching people's hearts and hopefully their titties and pussies are going to show.
[00:15:28] Yeah, I had to follow some like Peruvian woman.
[00:15:32] Oh, and she was and I'm not being mean here, but like she was crushing and I literally
[00:15:37] couldn't understand half the shit she was saying.
[00:15:40] Well, she was doing okay, but it's like this is indecipherable.
[00:15:44] I can't understand, you know, what she's saying.
[00:15:52] She's talking about how all the haunted houses in her well as home.
[00:15:55] You're like, they all have a haunted Jean Tidal's is every room in the house is a Jonté
[00:16:02] And you know, I say Jonté room in the US.
[00:16:10] Oh, there is a way way in the Jonté room, you can see a ghost and he said to your boo.
[00:16:20] Am I Jonté room because he may be a Jonté, but he's still my house.
[00:16:30] Portuguese guy with a speech impairment.
[00:16:36] Please give it up for J'Huerj, J'Huerpez.
[00:17:10] Have you ever heard Turkish being spoken?
[00:17:24] You suck this dick, you Ottoman cocksuckers.
[00:17:27] I'm glad that one guy who sucks is your president now.
[00:17:35] I'm not sure if you're going to get a lot of vitamins to the piece of furniture, but Greg
[00:17:51] I was confused in an Ottoman with a futon because I thought you're supposed to put your
[00:18:07] He was like a DC Baltimore guy that fucking...
[00:18:14] He was like one of those guys that's got that like...
[00:18:18] Like one of those guys that probably graduated high school in like 82, 83.
[00:18:22] You know, like the Trans Am mustache, spiky hair, you know, vest kind of guy.
[00:18:29] He was like, the guy Billy Madison fucking is drinking beers, drinking beers, talking
[00:18:36] And like the girls are always like horribly disproportionate with giant hits and a boy's
[00:18:44] I remember one time he was just getting his like dick sucked by some like middle aged
[00:18:48] woman and his fucking like 87 Dodge Dynasty.
[00:18:51] And like the parking lot of Felicitas is like, oh, hold on.
[00:19:01] Yeah, that's a real red blooded American.
[00:19:17] I love white guys that say brother without that one.
[00:19:20] He had a mustache before there was like any kind of like ironic mustache.
[00:19:28] So it was like having like a mustache then was like you were somebody's uncle.
[00:19:32] You either were someone's uncle or maybe or literally.
[00:19:38] I must that she's were like clearly a gay thing.
[00:19:46] He's from like Virginia and he's like a country.
[00:19:48] You know, it's kind of the same thing like, yeah, man.
[00:19:52] And I remember like a couple of things.
[00:19:55] He had a beard at the time and like not his son, but like Mike.
[00:20:00] And so he's talking to my uncle and my uncle's like, yeah, I used to have a beard like that
[00:20:07] You know, I've grown it out really in the talking and my other cousin was like, it was
[00:20:11] the last time he like shaved your mustache.
[00:20:13] She's like, well, you know, like trim it like once every couple of days or whatever.
[00:20:16] He's like, no, like just like shaved it.
[00:20:26] From the time you grow facial hair, my man's lip was always covered.
[00:20:40] I mean, I can't I can't imagine a time in my life where he didn't have the mustache.
[00:20:44] And sometimes I sometimes became a goatee, but he always at least had the mustache.
[00:20:51] I was like asking that guy when he cut his nose off the last time.
[00:20:55] Like, fuck my dad, my dad had a beard my whole life.
[00:20:58] And one time he fucking shaved it off and he looked stupid as shit.
[00:21:04] You ever see Jake Flores without his beard?
[00:21:13] All these guys that look awesome with beards and it's like you just shake it like eldest
[00:21:16] dude when that cock sucker just beard his fucking chin droops.
[00:21:21] Low as shit like it's fucking I love that.
[00:21:25] Jake looks like Hello Kitty when he shaves.
[00:21:48] Yeah, I'm basically like a like a backpack.
[00:21:55] I got like a friend that's like a frog or some shit.
[00:22:08] Don't pretend like you don't fucking need the information you know.
[00:22:14] What are these these specific details about that thing?
[00:22:27] Well, I read the Wikipedia page on San Remo just to watch a man be impressed.
[00:22:34] I want a beard transplant already impressed.
[00:22:38] I was considering putting Rogan in my face when I was young.
[00:22:46] It's a different type of actually you know what it might work, but it would grow the
[00:22:50] like that peach fuzz shit that's already on your face.
[00:22:56] Yeah, I want him to just a fucking blonde light.
[00:23:04] I love that just get no over my arm looks like on my house.
[00:23:07] The way Rogan works on your head is like, because when you go bald, your air follicles
[00:23:15] They just shrink to the size where you can't see them anymore.
[00:23:18] Like if a bald guy like just never shaved his head, there would be like a very fine,
[00:23:22] thin layer where all that fucking hair is still there.
[00:23:29] I'm having a little blonde head of hair, dude.
[00:23:32] Fuck, I want little ass hairs, little baby hairs.
[00:23:48] I just want to get my soft baby hairs petted while I eat pussy.
[00:23:52] You know what's the best look is black guy with long dreads that's balding.
[00:23:59] And they're like weighing down on his little ass hair.
[00:24:02] They're like pulling his fucking skin to the side.
[00:24:06] That look comes free with a Bluetooth headset.
[00:24:16] Dude, I saw so many of those guys at Coney Island yesterday.
[00:24:22] Like the type of like, I would love to be just a middle-aged black guy homeowner.
[00:24:29] Like middle-class black guy with a cellphone bell clip.
[00:24:41] I mean, talking with other fathers at the grocery store.
[00:25:15] No, now I have to go ahead after protesting.
[00:25:20] Oh, you put me in this position and you constantly put me in this position.
[00:25:29] No, but yeah, the atoms in the missionary position.
[00:25:37] That's the funniest way for somebody to get fucked.
[00:25:51] It probably doesn't, you know, it's not different from the way you do it.
[00:25:54] Have you ever asked fuck from missionary?
[00:25:59] I've only had buttsex like a handful of times.
[00:26:03] One time I tried to do that, but it was too advanced to maneuver.
[00:26:06] I had buttsex at night, that girl gave me a butt job.
[00:26:14] You're just singing, singing, oh, it's the titty fucking.
[00:26:26] You're taking two mounds and you're putting your dick like a hot dog.
[00:26:28] Yeah, but there's two things you can fuck.
[00:26:32] If the ass is huge and you can just titty fuck the ass.
[00:26:39] Yeah, but do titty fucking for a little bit.
[00:26:44] Stop titty butts for 40 minutes and the girl is so engaged the whole time and not bored
[00:26:50] You're being a fucking sexist here thinking women don't like to get titty fucked.
[00:26:55] Oh, yeah, maybe the women you know like.
[00:26:59] Because most of the girls I don't don't have to.
[00:27:02] Imagine how many layers of memory foam mattress are required for stop to sit on some
[00:27:12] You know, and they're giving me a further put in their fucking titties.
[00:27:16] You know, I'm doing a visual thing right now, but they're kind of bending over and doing
[00:27:29] But you wouldn't you want them in between your tits?
[00:27:39] Wouldn't you put the dick in between your tits?
[00:27:53] Why not fucking put it in between your titties?
[00:27:59] I think that's just a thing from the movies.
[00:28:00] It's not a thing from the fucking movie.
[00:28:03] It's a thing with the dick where you hit the pussy with your dick.
[00:28:08] I did it all the time because I started the movies.
[00:28:12] Where the caveman taking their dicks is like, just a little tap.
[00:28:24] You would have figured out you'd rub your dick around.
[00:28:27] You'd rub your hair around because that's when you go out point.
[00:28:42] You like to spew esoteric film information to people until they have sex with you.
[00:29:01] You watch like, yeah, but I'm not going off about it constantly.
[00:29:07] You brought the strange young women in sex with you.
[00:29:16] By projecting the veneer of interesting.
[00:29:19] All my conversations now with people are about mortgages.
[00:29:25] I don't know how funny it is to just talk about interest rates and all that shit.
[00:29:30] But what if the other person has no idea about it?
[00:29:35] And he gets to just talk uninterrupted for about half hour.
[00:29:58] Because you know you fall on Instagram.
[00:30:03] But yeah Nick talked to someone about a skanks fan than a fan of our podcast.
[00:30:07] Oh, I got to say Nick had a consistent smile on his face for about 45 minutes.
[00:30:18] You remember the guy came up to Nick and was like I was actually surprised to see you smile.
[00:30:22] I thought you would be totally emotional.
[00:30:34] I don't talk to anyone about anything dude.
[00:30:37] I was real depressed the last couple of days though.
[00:30:43] I'm just fucking alone in my fucking apartment.
[00:31:05] I always felt like living in Tribeca would be cool.
[00:31:15] But what I felt like I'm insanely expensive.
[00:31:22] I think it's true of a lot of neighborhoods that are even semi affordable.
[00:31:23] The only reason people are moving to like financial district now.
[00:31:35] I was walking around financial district at like 2 AM one night.
[00:31:39] So I would just walk around the city at night.
[00:31:41] And like downtown Manhattan is a ghost town.
[00:31:45] I'm walking around and I'm on Wall Street.
[00:31:47] Right in front of the New York Stock Exchange.
[00:31:51] It's like a black man and white lady pushing like a shopping cart.
[00:31:55] And they come by and they realize it's Wall Street.
[00:32:14] They're like the streets are so narrow down there.
[00:32:16] No, it's because it was built fucking in the 1700s.
[00:32:19] And they're like, they're like, they're like they're like, they're like stores.
[00:32:24] There are stores that I haven't seen in years.
[00:32:36] Dude, when you want to be a Blimpy subs?
[00:32:38] Well, what's ever heard of the Blimpy subs?
[00:32:42] Before, what are they trying to make a comeback in Subway Jared?
[00:32:52] One call goes one way, one call goes the other.
[00:32:58] I went down to the financial district like two years ago to buy a pipe and pipe tobacco.
[00:33:07] You would smoke a pipe in your windowless room.
[00:33:32] You sort of pump it around in your mouth.
[00:33:37] But then you get like a real just mellow body high from it.
[00:33:49] The one I got was $50 and it looks like it...
[00:33:56] Well, because it's a specific type of wood.
[00:33:58] And then the salesman was telling me, you can always believe everything is sales.
[00:34:02] If you want to have two pipes, one for English blends and one for Turkish blends.
[00:34:14] So if you smoke like a Turkish blend in an English blend pipe, it'll fuck up whatever resins deposited
[00:34:21] in the pipe and the flavor won't be consistent.
[00:34:35] My stomach's been fucked up the last couple days.
[00:34:38] All of the smartest guys in history smoke pipes.
[00:34:58] No, I didn't give a shit about the other guy.
[00:35:02] You can't tell who's singing if you're listening.
[00:35:05] It sounded like George Michael the whole time.
[00:35:10] What's the deal with that George Michael song?
[00:35:18] You got to get sucked off in a bathroom.
[00:35:34] He told us there was some other shit they left out.
[00:35:36] He was like a kind of a real piece of shit.
[00:35:40] He had a woman that he was like fucking prior to marrying Eleanor or whatever.
[00:35:51] There's this other woman that he fucked with that he wouldn't marry because she wasn't
[00:35:57] It wasn't like prestigious enough to have like a fucking, you know, assistant wife or
[00:36:01] He knocked her up and then he had this like secret kid that he neglected.
[00:36:06] That's now like, that was just not in the movie at all.
[00:36:09] Who like is this strain or was a strange from him until he died last year.
[00:36:14] But yeah, he like he spent time working for like the Rand Corporation.
[00:36:19] And while he was out there, he was arrested for like trying to fuck a cop in a public bathroom.
[00:36:28] Which is like, let's put that law back on the book.
[00:36:36] I'm going to go to the gate like trapping gay guys and having sex with you.
[00:36:41] Do you think any, everyone's why you just fuck a guy for fun?
[00:36:56] So I'm going to get about fucking beautiful women.
[00:36:58] There's a gay, there's a serial killer killing gay guys.
[00:36:59] So Al Pacino has to go undercover as a gay guy.
[00:37:31] You think he made angels in America to make up for it?
[00:37:37] I mean, that's just one of the most amazing.
[00:37:42] You know what I did see yesterday, the RoboCop.
[00:38:00] The Total Recall remake or reboot or whatever is, yeah, I enjoyed it.
[00:38:12] There's a lot of these movies where they'll do, like the original RoboCop is great.
[00:38:18] And people are so like, burnt on remakes because a lot of the times they take a movie that
[00:38:23] was just okay and then they make a shittier version of it, like red dawn or whatever.
[00:38:29] But like with Total Recall or RoboCop, it's like, well, why are you even fucking doing
[00:38:37] And then they made a movie that's like different.
[00:38:38] It just uses like sort of the same story or cues and then they go a different direction
[00:38:44] with it and it stands out in its own right.
[00:38:46] I feel like Total Recall accomplished that.
[00:38:49] And then a lot of people wanted to compare it to the original and say like, oh, this
[00:38:53] It's like, oh, remake really needs to be necessary.
[00:39:05] No, they were like, you know how they have like screenings when they have the non finished
[00:39:10] Yeah, we're going to need your dick to block out the actresses scenes.
[00:39:16] But there was apparently a scene where he does pull his dick out and people were met.
[00:39:22] I saw this movie recently where Jason Schwartzman took his dick out and it was massive.
[00:39:26] And then you realize that it's part of the plot that it's like a fake dick.
[00:39:31] But me and my roommate were sitting next to each other.
[00:39:33] We did that thing where we're like both acting like it's normal and we weren't surprised
[00:39:36] that Jason Schwartzman had like a fucking 12-foot dick.
[00:39:49] But um, for, yeah, we're doing a show with the United States Senator though.
[00:39:58] Yeah, we're doing well, it's either going to be first of all, Adam asked about doing
[00:40:05] No, no, that's not how that's not how it happened is they asked about what chapo.
[00:40:10] They reached out to Adam to book chapo.
[00:40:15] So I was like, why don't you book come town?
[00:40:19] And then the guy goes to guy goes, uh, Nick's a piece of shit or whatever.
[00:40:22] So he said Nick is a, is a notoriously unreliable.
[00:40:29] Which is like, first of all, I am not unreliable.
[00:40:34] The people that think I'm unpredictable are trying to like wrap their head around the
[00:40:39] fact that I'm like kind of a piece of shit and I'm still friends with people because
[00:40:43] I'm not like a dick on an interpersonal level.
[00:40:49] Well, I'm a okay friend, but they're like, oh, he does it.
[00:40:52] He doesn't say the exact same shit I say.
[00:41:00] It's like, no, I just have some shitty opinions because they feel good to have.
[00:41:04] It feels good to feel racist things sometimes and to save it.
[00:41:14] I'm like some kind of super Jedi that does a little bit of the dark side.
[00:41:17] So you know, that was like the, the story I imagined in my head when I was a kid was
[00:41:21] like, we'll be badass if there was a guy that was like a dark side, Jenna, but good.
[00:41:31] He's good to have bad people would still be friends with him.
[00:41:50] And I'm like, so I can't, we can't book him.
[00:41:52] And then he's like, are you part of come town to Adam?
[00:41:56] So he's like, he has no awareness of his show.
[00:41:59] He doesn't know what the show is at all.
[00:42:02] He's just, and then he's like, and then he's like, he's like backtracking.
[00:42:06] He's like, okay, well, maybe we can book you.
[00:42:28] It would be like, it would be like, it would be like, it would be fun.
[00:42:29] Yeah, a nice three minute live podcast.
[00:42:33] I would be like, who's the hottest girl you ever.
[00:42:40] I was saying, I was saying, you just asking questions about Cory in the house.
[00:42:50] I think that's the plot of Cory in the house.
[00:42:56] With that little black kid that was like, always crossing his arm.
[00:43:11] It was really infuriating because then...
[00:43:22] Who's that guy that produces every single Nickelodeon show that everyone says is like
[00:43:32] There's that guy who did every boy band.
[00:43:50] He's the Lord and Michael's and all that.
[00:43:51] He's like the king of Nickelodeon stuff.
[00:43:53] All those shitty like, all the least stuff like that.
[00:44:00] It's a rumor that he's like a big creep.
[00:44:05] Like, why else would you fucking do those make those horrible shows if you're not fucking
[00:44:09] Because he's like funny and good at writing.
[00:44:16] Dude, you gotta separate the art, dude.
[00:44:17] You gotta separate the art from the people.
[00:44:21] I don't think everybody that works with children is automatically a pedophile.
[00:44:26] You just said why else would you make those shows?
[00:44:29] I'm like, you know, I mean, Sesame Street is pretty good.
[00:44:32] It's a shame everyone that works on us.
[00:44:37] There's a big difference between two kids.
[00:44:38] How else is my four-year-old gonna learn triangles unless you watch the Sesame Street.
[00:44:42] It's a shame I have to support these pedophiles that only make the show to rape children.
[00:44:49] Working with Little Last Kids and like, there's no good way for me to argue this point.
[00:44:55] That I was being 100% serious every single teacher in America.
[00:45:01] So anyways, Senator Cory Booker is gonna be on the show in October.
[00:45:12] Where he was like, dude, we can't book you unless we attach real talent.
[00:45:16] And I'm like, my dad, I'm like- You mean real talent?
[00:45:19] Well, he didn't even say real talent, but that was the implication.
[00:45:25] Notoriously, notoriously, notoriously successful podcast or fucking five years ago.
[00:45:33] But you know, but I'm saying like who the fuck are you looking at?
[00:45:41] I mean, when we were in D.C. they wouldn't book us.
[00:45:46] That bullshit fucking local showcase like 4 p.m. or something.
[00:45:54] And see, but I'm not- I don't get salty about that shit.
[00:45:56] When I was in D.C. and I did Benson Ball-
[00:46:01] And you know, but it's like at the time I wasn't a fucking particular draw.
[00:46:03] I had maybe what like 7,000 Twitter followers.
[00:46:07] Yeah, I'm not complaining about not being like as highly billed as birdie Steve
[00:46:14] You know, and I still don't complain about that shit.
[00:46:16] I still don't complain about it now because it's-
[00:46:18] It's like, but now I am in a position where if somebody like if Benson Ball or whatever
[00:46:24] approach and said like, hey, we're gonna like do your podcast, but you know, we need somebody
[00:46:29] It's like, yeah, okay, then I'm not doing it because-
[00:46:32] Obviously, if you know what the podcast is and you know it as an audience-
[00:46:35] Well, they don't know what the podcast is.
[00:46:38] I like have enough leverage now where I don't need to take things like that.
[00:46:43] So I wouldn't do that festival if there was a requirement that-
[00:46:48] That they have say over who is on the show-
[00:46:57] That was- we were talking to is also this guy who is like there've been national articles
[00:47:03] run in the last like six months about how he's a restaurant tour private citizen journalist.
[00:47:08] Oh shit, he has dedicated his life to uncovering the Trump-Russia conspiracy.
[00:47:16] There's like a daily beast article about it.
[00:47:19] And I always get like every couple of months I get a text from him that's like, dude,
[00:47:28] And then you know, like we never meet up.
[00:47:31] But then this article popped off a couple weeks ago.
[00:47:44] No, we're going to do our own show with Cory Booker the same weekend as Ben Zimbal.
[00:47:52] And we're going to get the fucking Kennedy Center.
[00:47:55] We're going to sell out a 1000 C venue.
[00:48:00] We should do it in a car from two cars.
[00:48:03] It's like, you know, as far as like the mentality of like fuck the industry or whatever
[00:48:13] Yeah, I'm ambivalent towards most of that shit.
[00:48:15] It's like the industry for the most part is like it's risk versus reward with a lot of
[00:48:23] So if you do like, you know, the clubs will offer you a shit deal on the weekend.
[00:48:26] If it's a shitty club, it's like there's probably as much as they can afford or whatever.
[00:48:32] But comedy festivals are like unique in that they're new.
[00:48:36] They are built on exploiting people that want to fuck it.
[00:48:45] So if I'm in any kind of position where I can say fuck you to a festival or gouge them
[00:48:52] or not do what they want to do and make it a hassle for them to poach my audience, then
[00:48:59] I'm going to fucking do that because it's a shitty business model that's designed to
[00:49:03] fuck people over and all that talk of opportunity.
[00:49:07] You know, a way to advance or be seen as absolutely fucking horseshoe.
[00:49:13] Well, it's also this is like more of an atypical festival because it's not run by like people
[00:49:18] But that's run by like it's run by a culture website in Washington, D.C. that once a year
[00:49:29] And then a couple years ago, people were submitting and I don't remember.
[00:49:32] Did they have a submission fee a couple years ago?
[00:49:36] Maybe there was I think there was a fee.
[00:49:44] People were looking at the views on YouTube and nobody had watched their TV.
[00:49:51] That's again, that's why that's why Skankfest fucking rules.
[00:49:55] You know, it's like they fucking they do they're not going to fucking, you know, do something
[00:50:00] It's funny because it's so easy to understand.
[00:50:03] It's like such an easy and then it's like all this like fucking moral signaling that comics
[00:50:07] do about like, you know, I don't know, mostly identity stuff or whatever.
[00:50:12] And like people like Lewis get a bad rap because they say the N word and right.
[00:50:16] You know, he owns a gun and he's killed a couple of my arties.
[00:50:23] No, but the thing is is like, Lewis is like, uh, uh, uh, uh, interacting with the community
[00:50:28] where people are traditionally exploited for their labor and he's like correcting that
[00:50:33] 100% with a proof of concept that, yeah, you can have a successful festival where everybody
[00:50:39] We charge admission fees, everything runs smoothly and, you know, nobody gets fucked over.
[00:50:49] It's like with the, I mean, he, yeah, that is the best model for anything that's happening
[00:50:55] That's the only podcast that I know of that like pays guests, you know, you know,
[00:50:58] uh, and it's just so simple to think like, Oh yeah, we should try to get everyone paid
[00:51:04] instead of being, you know, self-serving cocksuckers that are happy to just say like,
[00:51:09] Oh, well, I actually hate Donald Trump.
[00:51:11] So that's my contribution is that I mean, I think also like, is that I go to open mics
[00:51:16] and say like, maybe we should listen to women, you know, when we charge them to submit to
[00:51:22] our comedy festival, we should like, like listen to them for change.
[00:51:33] I was talking with Adam's friend about doing a, uh, an ICO and initial coin offering on
[00:51:44] I don't know what the utility would be probably to subscribe to podcasts.
[00:51:52] You know, a podcast based currency podcast.
[00:51:55] But the way it works is, you know, you have the coin offering and then they, it trades
[00:52:00] So, you know, we become rich overnight, sell off all the coins, um, before the price drops
[00:52:07] and just defraud hundreds of thousands of people.
[00:52:21] As long as like, it's like, it's like, it's like boiler room.
[00:52:24] You have one of your BC, cause he's a Scientologist.
[00:52:30] That's what Vin is short for in your notes in your circumstance.
[00:52:35] No, it's not because in jail they, they were like, man, this poor got that diesel ass
[00:52:50] Amber's never seen any of the Fast and Furious movies.
[00:52:54] So yeah, so I made her watch the first two the other night.
[00:53:10] Tokyo Drift is one is one of my favorite movies.
[00:53:13] I saw the first one at each point mall.
[00:53:14] Tokyo Drift has none of the characters though.
[00:53:25] The chronology is like one, two, four, five, six, three, seven, eight.
[00:53:30] Is it Fade of the Furious the last one?
[00:53:35] I haven't seen it either, but it's available for rent on iTunes right now.
[00:53:44] Was Fast 7 was the one with the Wiz Khalifa song?
[00:53:52] I'm mad I didn't go see Fast 8 in theaters.
[00:53:56] As you got shut, don't read the fucking news off your phone.
[00:54:01] They just told us what everyone knows already that Donald Trump tweeted the the Jeff of
[00:54:15] He's going to be an eight term president.
[00:54:20] He tweeted CNN and the guys clotheslining.
[00:54:29] I'm so nauseated with any attempt to tone police Donald Trump.
[00:54:47] I just and it's like just fucking beat out maneuver him if he's such a fucking you know
[00:54:52] I mean, the flip side is the economy is better than it has been in the last 87 years.
[00:55:07] Homelessness and joblessness that are all time long.
[00:55:15] It is true that everything you're saying is true.
[00:55:20] When you look at the hard numbers, he's the most successful president there is.
[00:55:24] The only problem is the approval rating.
[00:55:27] And that's because they who's answering their phone for polls about the president.
[00:55:41] I'm here with CNN and we're taddling on the president.
[00:55:44] Would you like to say that the president in the band?
[00:55:52] Listen, listen, Nick, I know you love him, but like any day now, the Russia stuff's finally
[00:56:02] Jeff has been texting with with Stephen Miller in the White House getting intel.
[00:56:08] Soon enough, they were going to get him.
[00:56:20] So with the conclusion is we're decidedly pro.
[00:56:27] So yeah, I'm actually turning in my I'd burnt my DSA cut card that we all get.
[00:56:36] It says you're an official socialist organizer slash cuck.
[00:56:41] And now I'm I trained it in for my ring hat.
[00:56:43] What's it like being like a cool socialist guy?
[00:56:46] What's it like being like a cool business?
[00:56:50] You know, I'm here in the DSA and I paid them $40.
[00:56:52] You live in Brooklyn and you know what?
[00:56:54] You like bringing out the appeal of the queens.
[00:57:09] I want to marry a hot bitch like Leo Remini.
[00:57:16] And it's like I'm Kevin James, but I just play video games all day.
[00:57:21] I mean, I was like, I've been playing battlefield a lot and I know that like, I guess I didn't
[00:57:27] realize until now like the guy in the front of the box is a black guy.
[00:57:29] I guess that's because there was like some black battalion in World War one.
[00:57:37] And then I was a black guy again, French black eyes and like, well, there are French black
[00:57:48] In Africa, not in like the European theater in North Africa.
[00:57:54] Yeah, I really don't know that much about where I don't know if it was North Africa.
[00:57:57] It was like African colonies like East Africa.
[00:58:04] Well, it's funny because like they do that shit because of gamer gate and because of
[00:58:08] like all this shit that the gaming industry like, you know, they got flack for not having
[00:58:12] enough diverse like originally Battlefield one was supposed to have women soldiers in
[00:58:17] Like I just read read online and they pulled it for whatever reason.
[00:58:22] But like with all the black eyes in there, it's like it's still a game where you just
[00:58:35] I'm just it's my eyes as I go around shooting black men speaking German.
[00:58:41] Well, that is a two for for some racist.
[00:58:48] I don't know if you achieved what you're going for here is like to teach some violent
[00:58:52] ten year old that actually the real Nazis black guys.
[00:59:01] You're going to the beach today about to go to the beach, baby.
[00:59:10] Now I got to stay home and do some stuff.
[00:59:12] I'm going to eat ham by some groceries.
[00:59:22] Then I'm going to the pool with my new girlfriend.
[00:59:35] She believe she wants to fancy New York City health club.
[00:59:49] I'm going a hot air balloon ride by myself.
[00:59:54] This is where I could be alone and happy.
[00:59:56] Listened into avenge sevenfold in my hot air balloon.
[01:00:00] My hot air balloon that's all black and then on the side and psycho fawn it says they laugh
[01:00:08] I laugh at them because they're all just good.
[01:00:19] Oh no, there's that goth hot air balloon guy.
[01:00:26] You would set off a frenzy of people getting hot air balloons if you did that.
[01:00:32] I was so annoyed with that fucking rainbow yesterday.
[01:00:38] No, I checked my phone an hour later and everyone fucking ruined by everyone.
[01:00:46] I know today is just going to be filled with like BuzzFeed.
[01:00:49] Did you look at the rainbow that's going to stop Donald Trump?
[01:00:53] I was at Cody yesterday and that rainbow was one of the most amazing.
[01:01:04] I'm not going to apologize and there were two of them.
[01:01:06] So you have to do a podcast about the rainbow.
[01:01:10] You brought it up to explain why people like you are.
[01:01:12] Adam, you're holding the mic the way we make fun of people for holding the mic.
[01:01:17] Anyway, you guys, a little bitch ass Mike grip.
[01:01:39] What is it going to go by Madison Yahoo?
[01:01:46] The thing about a banana is you have to eat it.
[01:01:55] Anyway, somebody sent me a clip of them doing a better homework impression to me.
[01:02:09] So Shane Vader, you are no longer liable.
[01:02:17] You're canceling a subscription to the show.
[01:02:19] Yeah, tell him, tell him he has to pay not to.
[01:02:22] If you look, you can, why not my jokes on Instagram.
[01:02:31] But do not ever try to one up my impressions.
[01:02:47] Congratulations Shane for making it up Adam.
[01:03:23] I can't do Ralph, but that's like you're nowhere even close.
[01:03:31] That's gotta be the shittiest impression I've ever heard.
[01:03:40] March, you know this Adam Friedland guy?
[01:03:49] Usually I disagree with everything you say in this bit, but that part was accurate.
[01:03:52] That Adam guy is a real stupid cocksucker.
[01:03:56] Thank you for finally agreeing with me.
[01:04:08] I love that it's a later episode, but when Krusty has the daughter and they go to the
[01:04:13] beach and he's just tanning and she's like, Dad look what I can do or whatever and he
[01:04:16] goes look kid, I'm not one of those dads that says stuff or does things or looks at you.
[01:04:29] It's like every once in a while they do hit you with a gem.
[01:04:34] And Drew Barrymore plays the daughter I believe.
[01:04:39] I have a very clear memory of watching that.
[01:04:42] I was trying to think of a way to riff on it.
[01:04:44] Boy did I like to beat off Drew Barrymore.
[01:04:47] I remember I had a sex dream about Drew Barrymore when I was like 10.
[01:04:51] I think it was when that movie Home for Eyes came out and I was like, I have to jack off
[01:04:56] I remember how mad I was a blockbuster with my mom.
[01:05:00] The hottest appearance of Drew Barrymore.
[01:05:08] No, I remember when I remember when she flashed Letterman.
[01:05:12] Marge, I'm jacking off to Drew Barrymore and ET.
[01:05:29] Hank, also propane and propane accessories.
[01:05:43] Would you stop being such a fucking impatient blotted piece of shit?
[01:05:54] You're picking them back up in a story of they can go to the beach?
[01:06:04] You can take the training back from there you take the I already have my car this car
[01:06:08] Dude, I was at Brighton. Yes, come and take the train dude
[01:06:10] That is the boy you don't want to do when I do want to eat seafood today
[01:06:13] But I mean that's such a fucking investment to go out to Coney
[01:06:16] What do you mean investment? He has a car time well, then I got a weight that he's gotta come back
[01:06:21] And I got to wait until he's ready to leave you know stop
[01:06:25] Once he's out on that beach until green peace shows up
[01:06:32] They have to scrub all the oil off of them the two prashes and no those are my natural oils
[01:06:38] I love that internet that early you stop scrubbing me the one where they explode the whale. Oh, yeah
[01:06:45] Stop you're gonna be late to the beach. It's me eldest your roommate
[01:06:52] I'm a I'm a gay man. I'm a gay man. I'm a snooker. I'm a total gay guy
[01:06:59] I'm gay. My name is eldest. My name is eldest. I'm gay now
[01:07:02] Take that bitch yeah take that eldest all right good night