[00:00:00] comtown premium

[00:00:02] there you go

[00:00:04] I was gonna make the noise but oh I'm sorry no it's all right I'm injured

[00:00:07] I'm wounded nix playing hurt I got a pro-labs asshole no I'm gonna this isn't

[00:00:13] sport it's not a sports thing this is war oh I'm sorry I'm wounded I got the

[00:00:17] purple dick what shade is the dick the tip of your dick some some have

[00:00:24] normal how about that not purple no what the fuck is wrong with it I don't

[00:00:29] have a perfect what what I have no one has pink yeah Indian guys maybe I have a

[00:00:33] deep pink but not like a hot pink it looks like you might have a pink ass

[00:00:39] dick Adam yeah I got a pretty pink dick well you know I have a birth

[00:00:43] birthmark on on my dick to what what on the side what is it just looks like an

[00:00:48] eye on the side of my face dude yeah like the letter I or an I like a dot

[00:00:54] like a like a like an eye I have a mole I think I have a molar to I never have

[00:01:00] some all I've fucked up that it's fucked up you got skin cancer on your dick

[00:01:05] you know I've just had since I was a baby if it's a birthmark does that mean

[00:01:08] it's it went through your mom's pussy really tightly so it's kind of like you

[00:01:12] fuck your mom what yeah that's that's what a birthmark is what I mean a birth

[00:01:18] mark happens when you go through your mom's pussy tightly which is something I

[00:01:22] just learned four and a half seconds ago well I'm gonna repeat that like you

[00:01:26] get a burn from your mom like I was like a skin burn from your mom's pussy

[00:01:32] though if you must know there were complications for watching yeah there's

[00:01:35] like oh you cesarean this morning this morning news programs where it's like

[00:01:39] you know today we found a retarded girl in an Alabama we'd went down there to

[00:01:45] film the retarded girl trying to make breakfast sad music plays you know like

[00:01:50] one of those things and you watch it and you're like oh I feel bad for her also

[00:01:53] thank God that's not me which is the only I guess that's the emotion you're

[00:01:58] supposed to have when you watch those fucking things yeah and maybe it's like

[00:02:01] the 700 Club I can't remember it was something yeah yeah yeah morning daytime

[00:02:05] TV thing it was a 700 Club would be something like God helped her yeah and

[00:02:09] it was a black girl with like sort of like like Nege Dalmatian vitiligo you

[00:02:15] know oh yeah or she had these like white spots all over that's beautiful and she's

[00:02:18] like she's like my dad says this is where God touched me or whatever and then

[00:02:24] immediately as I was a kid I was like thinking does she have them on her pussy

[00:02:28] are the spots on her pussy oh hell yeah dude that's where her pussy's white is

[00:02:36] held you know it's like that that song what if God was one of us that's

[00:02:39] right just touching girls on the pussy on the bus oh yeah dude yeah what if God

[00:02:44] was sticking his dick through the bottom of a popcorn bag trying to get his

[00:02:52] dick yeah salute salute to anyone who actually did that by the way getting

[00:02:57] their buttery ass yeah it is awesome I want to do that once in my life yeah is

[00:03:04] that woman sucking that man's dick it smurfs oh no she's just eating the popcorn

[00:03:09] directly out of that I know that's the best part of that trick is that like no

[00:03:15] that's not a natural thing in any way shape or form yeah it'd be better if you

[00:03:20] had a straw attached to your dick you know and she sucked your dick indirectly

[00:03:25] through a straw yeah very long straw I didn't describe my injury for fans of

[00:03:29] the show is inserting a hole saw into the chuck of my drill and it ran on my

[00:03:36] finger oh it looks horrible I should probably go to the hot you should have

[00:03:40] 100% gone to hospital when you showed it to me I thought you said it

[00:03:44] the text thread and I thought for sure it was like some shit you found off the

[00:03:48] internet to like gross us out yeah and it was at your actual finger yeah it's

[00:03:52] fucked yeah it's pretty bad but you know I'm starting to think that stitches are

[00:03:57] a myth oh yeah made up by the emergency room industry well it's for snitches

[00:04:03] yeah yes it's watching on stitches yeah so you don't so you get your

[00:04:10] shoes to get you just you use a shit on a duct tape which is what I did yeah

[00:04:15] that is ridiculous looking you do it it literally does duct tape on his wound

[00:04:20] right now god okay we just duct tape that shit up near a spore and duct tape

[00:04:25] wait fucking couple of days till the smell goes away oh nice I can't wait to

[00:04:31] let you they cut it off dude you just have fucking four fingers on that in

[00:04:35] your right hand yeah you're gonna look like a Simpson scare call I'll be I

[00:04:40] finally be Homer Simpson you'll be Homer dude did I had a meeting with a VO agent

[00:04:44] on last Friday and I had a meeting with a JOA shut up that's good dude for

[00:04:52] for jerking off on cam yeah yeah anyway Nick go ahead all right it was pretty

[00:04:56] good shut up now you shut up I'm just I gave him a couple you're not saying

[00:05:03] anything so shut up what do you mean you're not doing a joke you're just being

[00:05:05] nice we don't have time for that yeah no time for fat on the show yeah we'll

[00:05:12] be nice at the 35 minute mark mm-hmm when I decide to redress my wound okay

[00:05:17] all right well I would love to watch that a timer do you still have your ear

[00:05:21] the troops like myself I do the troops like myself get annoyed when you refer

[00:05:26] to a wound as an injury oh really you're not supposed to say you're injured I

[00:05:30] learned that from well first my own experiences in the war yeah yeah but

[00:05:34] also from band of brothers ever my band of brothers reminded me that that's

[00:05:38] something that I write as in a firsthand account in desert storm when you were

[00:05:42] 11 yeah you fought in desert storm yeah as well as child sniper I had I lied

[00:05:47] instead I had cancer to get into the make a wish foundation yeah and then I said oh

[00:05:51] I said I want to be Chris Kyle's mentor and they're like who's Chris Kyle I'm

[00:05:56] like you some guy from Texas it's gonna be almost as good of a sniper as I am

[00:06:00] currently but I want to train him as an 11 year old and so they sent me to to

[00:06:05] desert to the desert mm-hmm the stormy desert everyone's heard of it oh yeah

[00:06:10] oh yes yeah dude I just fucking so Mark some moos is out there yeah the

[00:06:17] moos you had the yeah watch out moos what's the movie where he says that we got

[00:06:21] that fucking zero dark dirty the guy goes a shot the moos she goes that he goes

[00:06:26] to shoot the Muslim guy and he goes what's out moos blows this head off moos

[00:06:32] you had Dean does sound cool yeah it's cool are they is it all the same thing

[00:06:36] is moos you had Dean al-Qaeda is not Dean where the resistance fighters about this

[00:06:40] in Afghanistan yes they are yeah yeah before Adam oh you're my chance to do my

[00:06:47] book report on Wikipedia pages I read so anyhow the mooja had a whole saw in in

[00:06:54] my in my drill and ran my finger I'm sorry dude Adam's hearing so fucking

[00:07:00] stupid when you why you look like a fucking imbecile I looked at I know I

[00:07:03] bought a nice hat which I can take off by the way yes I don't have a permanent

[00:07:07] hole in my fucking head you're like you look so stupid and then you went to

[00:07:12] Claire's and got jewelry for your fucking dumb head I think you're gonna

[00:07:15] play though to be fair that is fucking awesome it's fucking your head that's

[00:07:21] a great note of dr. Maro ass hat dude you look like a movie you haven't seen

[00:07:25] I've seen it explained the plot I've seen it and don't even know what you're

[00:07:28] talking about guy on an island you think of Jurassic Park yes you are

[00:07:34] absolutely not motherfucker you know what the fuck you're talking about I

[00:07:37] guarantee he's wearing a hat like that in the island of dr. Maro he's the one the

[00:07:40] TV one with Brando I don't know if there's another one the TV one the

[00:07:44] brand-on it's not a TV movie yeah it's a movie movie well I've seen it I saw it

[00:07:50] on TV how about that that happens dude they show they show movies on TV he's

[00:07:55] got you there yeah he's on the debate team in middle school I was on the

[00:08:00] fucking what was it called NAL National Academic League dude I was in debate

[00:08:04] speaking my great orators Walt had a fucking Facebook status the other day

[00:08:09] it was I guarantee you via the pussy it would stink

[00:08:15] Bart a Dundalk very nice which 100% is a joke you stole

[00:08:19] I'm going to take care of that pussy I keep a tip-top push can I do my band of

[00:08:32] brothers bit no yeah no I was gonna say something and I forgot what it was so

[00:08:36] we're gonna sit here in silence we're talking about you gay hat items hearing

[00:08:39] band of brothers what is that about the movie about the Jackson 5 very nice because

[00:08:50] they're they're all brothers and they're black now we're getting somewhere so now

[00:09:01] it's go that way you know yeah you know what I mean I would say out if I was

[00:09:06] giving you a pointer I would say what's that a band of five black guys a five

[00:09:12] black us about the almond brothers band yeah oh that's good but they had that's

[00:09:16] so much better that's already it says brothers in the yeah yeah but they were

[00:09:20] Jackson 5 mm-hmm but they weren't black yeah I like the multiple meanings how

[00:09:26] about this effect the old and brothers about the Jackson are on your holds and

[00:09:31] it's all the children that you have a band now and their voices never

[00:09:36] changed because they're in the innocence through his semen is it true that he

[00:09:42] was chemically castrated yeah everything you've ever heard about Michael Jackson

[00:09:46] is true yeah wacko jacko that shit where he dangled his baby over the

[00:09:53] balcony that was the coolest that was the coolest thing I also yeah completely

[00:09:58] insane like a total villain also get these scarred children are all white

[00:10:03] that's the best part man I follow I wish he lived I follow him on Instagram you

[00:10:08] could have played the Joker he should have played the Joker yes he would have

[00:10:12] been a great Joker I just love having a laugh I just want the whole world

[00:10:17] the last I put gasoline in the town's water supply

[00:10:27] he goes to Gotham's cancer pediatric cancer word yeah to find his henchmen

[00:10:34] right yeah that was the worst part of that's the worst theory of the like

[00:10:39] Michael Jackson shit like that he fucked the cancer kids that he like showed

[00:10:42] around never yeah yeah that is I don't think he fucked them but I think he

[00:10:47] would come into their IV ports I don't think that he could which is legal it's

[00:10:52] actually technically legal medicine yeah yeah I found that out I think you

[00:10:57] just give them wine and we're going through legal books I went I go down to

[00:11:02] the law library every Saturday and I read through cases yeah you're trying to be

[00:11:06] a barrister right yeah I want that wig go with my hat you look like the Quaker

[00:11:13] hurts right yeah you'll fuck with oatmeal no one ever hears that guy's

[00:11:18] voice but he's from like rural PA so you know that's what he sounds like the

[00:11:21] Quaker hurts yeah yeah yeah oh you're like a fucking oatmeal yeah yeah I got my

[00:11:28] fucking lift kit on my my my buggy yeah but I fucking lift kit on my buggy and

[00:11:33] we're gonna go out and then a fucking woods and we're gonna make oatmeal and

[00:11:36] then we're gonna fuck Adams mom yeah he's he's like Adams mom Benjamin Franklin

[00:11:41] used to be like yo I'm going to France to fuck some horse oh yeah dude I were I

[00:11:46] were hell yeah Benjamin Franklin fucking we should film you should have

[00:11:49] made him have a Philly accent he maybe we maybe we will guys that'll be a

[00:11:54] scare it'll be a product come down yeah I'm inventing lightning dude I was fun

[00:11:59] a kite out in the home you come over to my house I got lightning that I'm

[00:12:02] inventing oh man I love fucking key on a kite yeah you got to see this shit

[00:12:07] okay key on a kite the lightning comes down I've been a fucking you know light

[00:12:12] bulbs all that shit he was the original of evil up yo check this out I made a

[00:12:17] fucking piano out of wine glasses see that shit everyone's saying I'm an

[00:12:22] alcoholic I just found a way to fucking drink my goddamn piano my man fuck

[00:12:29] dude salute the Benjamin Franklin yeah dude you know he would do the popcorn

[00:12:33] trick if they had popcorn in his day he just went to France ran through the

[00:12:38] squad the air of stock I don't know what that is we're just talking about oh

[00:12:43] yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I got his way to get your dick sock that

[00:12:47] the Nickelodeon man any fucked you think they pulled his hair yeah filled

[00:12:54] his soda fan you was a bald long-man calm that's a cool look one day balled

[00:12:58] pony when I go further bald and I got the horseshoe I'm gonna go bald ponytail

[00:13:04] yeah that's gonna look like my words dude it's gonna be great when you don't

[00:13:07] live that long when you're doing your shitty scalp dude that'll be my that'll

[00:13:16] be on my death bed my wish to get a weave to have a ponytail black girl magic

[00:13:22] when I have a bike girl man when I shine but how about Harry Potter but it's

[00:13:28] about a little English boy that finds out he has black girl magic

[00:13:32] because the black girl magic Hogwarts yet they find it out when his line of

[00:13:39] yeah of a nude colored like at the same time where everyone you are not to be

[00:13:46] more than ten minutes late to class on the dot I would expect you here ten

[00:13:53] minutes late sharp to class here at black girl magic Hogwarts man I wish I

[00:14:02] do more about that movie yeah oh yeah I didn't see I didn't see any of the

[00:14:06] Harry Potter I did both yeah I was I was gonna do it did but I have to tell you

[00:14:10] guys how eldest got like so Harry Potter was like releases like some

[00:14:14] English book that no one gave a fuck about it first and in third grade eldest

[00:14:18] was on it early yeah my cousin was like that she was reading them yeah and he

[00:14:22] tried to get us all he was like guys this book and we're like you fucking

[00:14:26] bitch this gay shit about wizards I fuck you and then a year later everyone

[00:14:31] was like dude Harry Potter school and now this is never gone back we bullied him

[00:14:35] out of reading the rest of them he only read sources the only read

[00:14:41] source are stone I read I read enders game in third grade and I fucking love

[00:14:44] that book that was like my favorite book yeah I recommend that to people and

[00:14:48] then I found out as an adult it's homophobic so it's fun when you like go

[00:14:52] back and look at like children stuff and realize there's stuff for adults in

[00:14:55] there you know like jokes adults can get like rampant homophobia is it

[00:15:02] homophobic yeah well that the aliens are called buggers which is like British

[00:15:07] for yeah for like fucking people in the ass so maybe should be called rear

[00:15:12] enders and the yeah the like the bullies are calling each other faggot and stuff

[00:15:16] like throughout the book or they are yeah I think I'm a one-kid for having

[00:15:20] like a big ass a big asshole yeah big at white ass a big sexy ass is the whole

[00:15:27] wide from getting fuck there is it nice and big what do you mean I'm making fun

[00:15:32] of him for getting his whole stress I think just having a big yeah big but

[00:15:36] waddily ass yeah ain't nothing wrong with a nice fat ass boys yeah those are

[00:15:42] record really invoke these how about Orson Scott tarred and it's a writer

[00:15:47] with Down syndrome that writes enders game oh was a sketch what's the guy's

[00:15:51] name who wrote a Scott card yes Orson Scott race card now we're talking

[00:15:57] plays it plays it like the ace of spades like the Joker the ace of spades

[00:16:03] motorhead better that it is a club's yeah I've never seen cards and I don't

[00:16:11] know which one's cool the two of clubs my favorite line in that song I know I

[00:16:22] mentioned on the show before is when he just goes and don't forget the joke

[00:16:26] yeah you don't need another car you mean don't forget the Joker is cool

[00:16:33] what about your little kid you'd always want the Joker and then yeah they didn't

[00:16:37] call you with the asshole yeah how many I realized yesterday that my favorite

[00:16:41] sexual position is while wearing Joker makeup I want to see if I know how I

[00:16:49] got this hard wearing wearing Joker makeup to the gym until they ban it

[00:16:54] that's how you know your swole is when your gym has to make a policy against

[00:16:58] people wearing Joker makeup to the gym they just announced a Harley Quinn

[00:17:03] Joker spin-off movie with Jared Leto yeah I found out I found like a trans cam

[00:17:10] girl wearing Joker makeup and we were laughing about you and the whole

[00:17:14] yeah it's sucking it off yeah we're making fun of it with the little ear

[00:17:22] things going back and forth fucking big tail swirling

[00:17:27] just holding your pigtails

[00:17:34] honestly if that's how this suck my first dick why not do go all out put on a

[00:17:39] little outfit get bane to fuck me in the ass while I do it one day boys that's

[00:17:48] your thinking so is a tough week Chester Bennington died oh shit

[00:17:52] rolling in my skin dude I was legit unless you cover them in Neosporin

[00:18:00] and duct tape maybe you should have out of that Chester did he fucking having

[00:18:05] health insurance so oh Jesus he hanged himself fucking idiot I had a speak

[00:18:10] proper it is hang it is yeah I hung myself I got penis enlargements yeah cool

[00:18:17] yeah I did actually revisit my favorite JZ album I don't think it exists yeah

[00:18:25] no there's no such thing as real penis yeah they'll do a thing where they pump

[00:18:28] saline into your dick which I think you can just do it home I've seen those

[00:18:33] weird fucked up dicks on porn there was a porn video I was watching one time it

[00:18:36] was some weird German guy who was like living in Southeast Asia and he had some

[00:18:40] like Southeast Asian wife with these enormous fake tits out to like which I

[00:18:45] think they might have been like prosthetic I don't even think they were and

[00:18:48] then he had this like deformed football dick that I guess he had put in like

[00:18:54] some kind of enormous suction device but it's like useless he's got this yeah

[00:18:59] edema the hanging off his crotch so he couldn't even get hard yeah I've seen

[00:19:04] those weird I saw one of those dicks it was like just it was like hanging so

[00:19:10] long and low and it's like they literally take like put gauze around it

[00:19:16] yeah like to like I don't know why just to get it you could like you could you

[00:19:21] could play croquet with that dick dude it was why I think once they come up with

[00:19:25] the penis enlargement surgery it'll happen in our lifetimes you think so

[00:19:28] no this here's the thing so we'll finally get single-payer health care huh I think

[00:19:34] everyone will want national health yes no it's they can't do that they can't do

[00:19:38] that they can't cure balding this a whoa there's certain things that you just

[00:19:42] can't do some people not in this room are bald and would really like it if they

[00:19:45] could cure it no because you some guys you would destroy all commerce if you

[00:19:50] had a way to like relieve the most bassist that bassist anxieties that

[00:19:54] people have because that's the only reason anybody buys shit or goes to work

[00:19:58] yeah no they would buy other shit no dude I would buy shit even with a full

[00:20:02] head of beautiful hair which I do have when I grow it out but let's say

[00:20:05] hypothetically I were bald I would still purchase things now you wouldn't yeah

[00:20:09] look I have I have a full head I have the best I have the best hair on the show

[00:20:14] that's not true at all it's absolutely true I'm constantly complimented on how

[00:20:18] nice but you get haircuts all the time but I don't get haircuts all the time

[00:20:21] you do you constantly I haven't had a haircut in too much hipster haircut you

[00:20:26] had a dumb ass haircut I don't you legitimately get mad you didn't get one

[00:20:30] like $90 one like you got a $90 matble never got a

[00:20:34] yes you do it haircut yes you get one expensive one no I got I got it I got a

[00:20:37] multiple I got I got a $25 haircut that I went into and I said whatever you do

[00:20:43] don't give me the Mackelmore haircut and then that gay Chinese guy was like I'm

[00:20:47] a mac you look so good and then he fucking gave me a Mackelmore haircut yeah

[00:20:51] and then I shaved my own head after that two days later so that's the story that

[00:20:57] happened I got a fucking a $45 haircut no you didn't yes I did it was more than

[00:21:03] that no it wasn't yes it was lying it was a $45 haircut you can go look at the

[00:21:07] website it's men's best haircut in bedstye which is where I go to get my hair

[00:21:13] cut it's a $45 haircut and I got it because I had to go on television you

[00:21:17] fucking bitch oh you did I was that for Fox yeah oh yeah nice dude when you met

[00:21:23] J will you made negative forty five dollars that night I pay your bills

[00:21:28] motherfucker technically the fans no technically I do because it goes through

[00:21:33] my business I and I pay what do you mean you're supposed to make a profit on

[00:21:37] haircuts yes you would brought would profit if you ever made on a haircut I

[00:21:42] turn my ass out every time he puts that boy pussy on the stroll I put my boy

[00:21:46] pussy on the streets I get a nice $75 haircut and then you make it back with

[00:21:53] one fraught sesh and then I let an old German man take me to you know you get

[00:21:57] like you get a lot of time I'm not a hipster I have the best haircut on the show

[00:22:02] that's not you do you go get like a like a 30s guy haircut and then you

[00:22:06] complain about it while showing it off and looking at yourself in the new

[00:22:10] actually you know what I kind of thought you had the better hair but Nick has

[00:22:15] him he just took his hat off and let it wave in the wind it was good dude I

[00:22:18] have you know what do you know about hair I have I have like thick luscious

[00:22:21] hair that's what I have to I have a great head hair you don't have

[00:22:25] fucking hair looks like shit right now my hair looks but that's just because I

[00:22:28] haven't gotten cut and cut in a month and a half and that's why it looks like I

[00:22:32] haven't gotten a cut in two months and look how much fucking longer my hair is

[00:22:35] in yours what does that mean it grows faster better than you do you fucking

[00:22:39] retard what do you mean more hair he's got more hair it's a good quantity no

[00:22:44] it doesn't know it doesn't what do you mean you say look so you're saying if you

[00:22:48] said I have more hair than stop and stop went what do you mean more hair you

[00:22:53] would you wouldn't react this way length does not mean more hair it no I have

[00:22:58] more hair file velocity of your hair velocity my mother fucker yeah yeah

[00:23:03] speed at which your hair is traveling yeah the speed of your hair growth has

[00:23:07] nothing to do with the amount of directional hair philosophy yes it does

[00:23:11] bitch also here it doesn't thicker hair can be more fucking luscious right you

[00:23:16] know he's got better hair and I have curly and stop I have curly hair I have

[00:23:21] natural waves in my hair I have no that's not your hair is shite right now desert

[00:23:26] fucking shit hit me desert has better hair thank you god damn it dude such a

[00:23:31] fucking suck up stop no suck up to the nick you're sucking up to Nick yes he's

[00:23:35] not sucking up to me you're the ball stop stop stop stop his more authority on

[00:23:40] this because he's the only one that can appreciate her because he doesn't

[00:23:43] fucking have it well I have I appreciate it this is like first stop to see us

[00:23:47] that hats is like him to go to the Louvre look upon the most beautiful paintings

[00:23:53] in the world it's sure it's hands have been removed I have the best fucking hair

[00:23:57] we both do look we both have nice hair you don't have bad hair but Nick has

[00:24:01] better hair what do you mean he is that it's a journey motherfucker what is

[00:24:05] so jr. It's so jr. It's so jr. It's not been learning words by watching the

[00:24:17] plaintiffs on people's court at which time I ascertain that it was so jr. and she

[00:24:24] did not return to big screen TV to Best Buy but kept him money

[00:24:30] fuck well well now that we've had that argument I think which was resolved

[00:24:36] thank you no problem it was it was agreed to disagree with your hair court is

[00:24:40] adjourned okay big big judge listen how can you provide it we can leave it up to

[00:24:45] the little dick plane your hair you got your hair cut longer than my I got a

[00:24:48] shorter haircut than you shit your hair is longer now because you got a

[00:24:52] longer haircut than I did no shut up I got a shorter summer cut patterns not

[00:24:57] true yeah whatever this is boring anyway fuck you it's not boring it's fucking

[00:25:01] absolutely important this is been under the surface of come down it's been

[00:25:05] months over it's been threatening now it's out now it's out and now we can

[00:25:09] finally now we can move on yeah I got the hairiest butt cheeks I got oh me for

[00:25:14] not me I'm fucking I'm Harry shit dude Nick yeah I'm like an I get hairier too

[00:25:20] as I get older yeah yeah I'm turning into like a beaver oh yeah yeah who's got

[00:25:26] the hairiest legs I don't know it's probably next probably the same yeah

[00:25:30] Nick wins her suitiveness who's the smoothest boy yeah yeah although did you

[00:25:38] put your body in the shine oh ball I know oh yeah sorry this meeting with that

[00:25:45] voice yeah and like I don't know I've never done any voice over stuff at all

[00:25:52] but I sit down in the room and there's like three agents there and they're like

[00:25:56] so tell us about yourself I'm like well I've been a comedian a while like can do

[00:26:00] a couple of voices and then one of the agents says the other did you just say

[00:26:03] you were looking for somebody who can do Homer Simpson hilarious and I was like

[00:26:07] I can do a pretty good Homer they're like oh perfect and that was that and you

[00:26:11] got the job now I gotta get it was not a job is just sign you that they

[00:26:15] technically already represent me because I have it's the same agency as my own

[00:26:19] camera agent but mm-hmm but I just they just don't send me out for shit so I

[00:26:24] got to go back and do some like copy reads but man I fucking want that Vio

[00:26:27] work oh yeah that's good work because you can get fat as shit you know it's like

[00:26:31] that's much it's like I could act easier with just my voice and having to

[00:26:35] worry about what I'm doing my stupid face and how about this you can be the

[00:26:39] voice of gamers of like in video games dude like nice battlefield my friend

[00:26:45] you could be a soldier dude my friend from high school is a Final Fantasy 15

[00:26:50] yeah yeah well the the main thing you get anime dubs and then you get a bunch

[00:26:55] of weird anime fans should be hilarious for like you know anime

[00:26:59] Marxists on tumblr to become fans of mine oh and then they look into it and

[00:27:05] they realize that they're supporting the the crypto Nazi would I like no what I

[00:27:09] like to refer to myself now as the clown prince of the alt-right my new title I

[00:27:21] will you know it I respect your identity thank you I respect my prince of the

[00:27:26] alt-right leveraging black girl magic dark magic

[00:27:32] wait you said did you say anime Marxists yeah anime Marxist is that a type of

[00:27:41] person yeah that's what tumblr was was like anime Marx it was also like that

[00:27:46] was the joke that was the joke three years ago as a tumblr was filled with

[00:27:49] anime Marxists before when when wokeness kind of belonged to the anime

[00:27:54] Marxists on tumblr and then it made its way over to Twitter where it became more

[00:27:58] of a lib thing huh and now it's sort of like an amazon fabulous but I feel like

[00:28:05] anime is now all right shit so well they're all they all come from 4chan

[00:28:09] right and like either you were like you know it was people that started off on

[00:28:16] B and then either went to poll or whatever the anime was or you know

[00:28:21] whatever whichever one you go to be a fucking woke person or whatever but yeah

[00:28:24] there was there was a woke version of or woke part of I don't think there was a

[00:28:29] woke part of fortune I never I never spent any time on nice to me too I was

[00:28:35] just aware of what it was yeah but like yeah I mean people to the far right on

[00:28:41] social media at least in the and the far left like it's just sort of anti-social

[00:28:46] behavior like kind of nerds and that's what you know comes in which I could

[00:28:51] totally have turned into had I not become like a fucking comedian I guess you

[00:28:56] know I don't know you do that thing in your head where you see some guy that's

[00:28:58] like a fucking loser and you're like that would have been me right just one

[00:29:02] thing was different yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah because you also had a

[00:29:05] completely different personality and was you know a different guy what I'm

[00:29:10] saying is I'm sort of on the spectrum and yeah and the clown prince of the

[00:29:13] whole argument there and either those I appreciate I also did jerk off for a

[00:29:18] while and Tumblr's a second in college remember all those fuck yeah oh yeah

[00:29:24] Tumblr's great for a zillion girls I love them well what you do is yeah it

[00:29:28] just became a porn site you just you search for like hashtag me or like

[00:29:33] hashtag self and then like pussy or something whatever and you get people

[00:29:38] that just have their own like nude tumblers oh yeah yeah I knew a girl in

[00:29:42] college that I found her nude tumbler oh yeah I think it was like that's why

[00:29:46] Camings the future dude porn's gonna fucking die to Camming because like

[00:29:49] that's as soon as they find a way to like it's just mostly people that want to

[00:29:54] fuck on there rather than just being people masturbating there's no reason

[00:29:58] for pressure personally professionally produced pornography anymore mmm

[00:30:02] just get two people to fuck on a camera I think you directly to them I

[00:30:05] know there's there's a there's a personable element to it right I saw

[00:30:10] some browsers video the other day that was like Angela white and some other

[00:30:17] bitch and they're in an office Angela white plays the boss and then in the

[00:30:21] office man and another woman and they're fucking and stir her subordinates and

[00:30:27] she comes in and she's like are you having sex in the office like I can't

[00:30:32] believe this you know she's like I got my eyes on you and there's like this

[00:30:35] comedic element and then they're like should we leave or should we continue

[00:30:39] fucking knowing that she's gonna come back and catch us and the guys like I

[00:30:42] think we should disobey her orders and continue fucking here anyways and like

[00:30:46] it's like sort of this reflexive almost like post-modern pornography which is

[00:30:52] just like I guess it was supposed to be funny or something but like that there's

[00:30:58] just no reason for this right when I'm not right exactly you're

[00:31:03] acknowledging that all this pretense is completely fucking unnecessary and

[00:31:08] when then like the 70s when it started there was like sort of a movie a self

[00:31:12] referential like wink there was a campiness value to it and now there's

[00:31:18] like no point to them acknowledging that the story doesn't need to be there you

[00:31:23] know it's either go back to what it was in the 90s or the knots where it was

[00:31:28] like you know a dumb-ass guido that's like yeah your husband's not here so

[00:31:33] you know I'm gonna fuck you pussy you know we're or just no story at all well I

[00:31:39] like I just skipp over the story I like the idea you skip over the story I like

[00:31:43] I like I like a little plot I can but I also like I like a nice interview

[00:31:48] beforehand I don't mind the interview I don't mind the interview I like a

[00:31:52] casting every once in a while but if the guy is too disgusting that's doing

[00:31:56] the interview it always pisses me I always I prefer when it's a woman doing

[00:31:59] the interview yeah yeah I like yeah yeah pretty good stuff I dig it you know I

[00:32:04] dig it what's going on the Czech Republic it's because like it does everyone just

[00:32:08] fuck it's because every hot woman have to do porn and they've done like no I

[00:32:13] think like Prague has become like like the San Fernando Valley was very

[00:32:18] progressive yeah yeah no I think I can try and fuck they get like Russians and

[00:32:23] they get people from all over Europe you want to know how artistic I am nice

[00:32:26] the only thing I know about Prague is that it's like the only city that still

[00:32:29] has like a functioning vacuum tube postage system oh yeah yeah that's like

[00:32:35] vacuum tubes to deliver you know tell do you think those would suck your dick

[00:32:39] if you put your dick in it Elon Musk is making one of those I was that was

[00:32:42] like one of my when I first got on Twitter I think I had like I would I

[00:32:45] tried many tweets about like sticking your dick in there but like and then on

[00:32:52] the other end is some like British woman like Richard we have post and then like

[00:32:57] putting her face on the wall

[00:33:00] this splat right on her face good heavens and that's why they had to get rid of

[00:33:06] them yeah we're being like the first guy to fart in there and that's why they

[00:33:09] did get rid of a fart scoot have diarrhea in the tube oh so many good fluids in

[00:33:14] that tube and then having to like call up the service company on the you know

[00:33:18] yeah I act I had diarrhea in my two I forgot I thought it was my toilet again

[00:33:24] yeah you all got too many tubes I'm gonna walk Ben Franklin keeps inventing

[00:33:31] this shit no it's really used to be better yeah toilet was a toy yeah it's an

[00:33:36] alternate universe where everything is tubes there's a shitting tube a coming

[00:33:39] tube in a mail to I'm gonna march right down to Ben Franklin's fucking dumb house

[00:33:44] next to the post office I'm gonna tell him to his face we don't need any more tubes

[00:33:48] the postmaster general the first postmaster general that's the cool way to

[00:33:52] become a general yeah yeah yeah the mailman you know you pisses me off it's not

[00:33:57] attorney generals it's attorneys general yeah yeah yeah yeah they also say court

[00:34:03] marshal oh attorneys general make sense because that means do their general

[00:34:07] attorney not in a journal yeah they're not a general attorney there are

[00:34:12] attorneys but in the general practitioner interesting wow any kind of

[00:34:20] attorney yes for whatever whatever the president needs yo how about that guy

[00:34:25] they hired Scott are there roots yeah fucking rocks oh he's just like a fucking

[00:34:32] I tell you he really feels like a shitty Sopranos character no he looks

[00:34:36] like that guy remember Matthew Bevelock when the other guy some of some of

[00:34:42] me the stroke on Twitter ready to somebody make the joke that these the

[00:34:44] guy from the Queen song us I'm sure yeah no I'm definitely made that job nobody

[00:34:50] asked I'm sure someone's made Scaramoo's Scaramoo's can you do the fan dangar

[00:34:54] can you do can you lie about cover F a come on the end of the game

[00:34:59] Scaramoo's Scaramoo's car oh yeah you lie about come after you read this like

[00:35:04] Apple steps yeah be a Twitter yeah media Twitter success kit got awful

[00:35:10] fucking pun that's barely ironic yes number two scolding people but backing

[00:35:15] away from it immediately not a school tweeting is saying this number three

[00:35:20] once you're done with your bullshit hysterics your retweet drill every

[00:35:24] couple of days to let everyone know that you're cool right right and there you

[00:35:28] go then you become the darling of you know being a cool media let's do it we

[00:35:33] talk about it all of them literally fattel all of them you I'm media Twitter you

[00:35:37] are media Twitter I've been I know that's what you aspire to be no way days when

[00:35:42] comedians just wanted to be like in metal bands hey yeah yeah that's I was

[00:35:47] that was a comedy universe I could exist in when we all thought we were

[00:35:52] fucking you know we were Metallica and well that's what I just wanted a goddamn

[00:35:56] comedy I just want to find a girlfriend that's yeah I'm still out here tweeting

[00:36:00] about looking at titties I stay me I'm not trying to get I'm not trying to

[00:36:05] you go for a zone you know fuck the media I'm trying to look at Adam Adam

[00:36:09] desperately wants to be MSM do mainstream media fake news no the cool he wants to

[00:36:14] be the dirt bag left come boy that's his dream dude that's a lot you know Adam

[00:36:21] they make fun of him but he's actually he's the best at the yeah exactly the

[00:36:25] best one he's the best one at the news and saying woke things well that's true I

[00:36:29] mean I can't really argue with that you're the favorite you're the favorite

[00:36:32] come boy of Trump replies yeah yeah that's exactly what he is shut up

[00:36:39] shut up guys be just be just motive for you are a beach you are a beach you are

[00:36:45] a beach you are the albino of the show we are going to cut off your arms and put

[00:36:50] them in soup we are going to have sex with your knees we are going to cut off

[00:36:53] your head and fuck your blind eye holes you are by no bitch yeah I want to watch

[00:36:59] last King of Scotland what a great movie haven't seen it really yeah we should

[00:37:04] not have Scotland you know that did you whack up no you got writing to do for

[00:37:09] that stop is now a TV writer guys oh yes so that now that's two convoys that are

[00:37:14] professional TV writers pretty cool that does really have any success other

[00:37:18] than being friends of all men and two of them that are successful good comedy

[00:37:23] career all comedian yep I'm really happy for all of the success that we've

[00:37:28] experienced it's kind of me and Nick yeah it's a good no I'm really you have

[00:37:34] more Twitter followers than who you know it's funny is like chap is getting heat

[00:37:38] right now what if they just start going after only Adam because he's the only

[00:37:41] one that pretends to be that would be so funny

[00:37:45] the Guardian writing like we need to have a serious discussion about Adam from

[00:37:50] come time in parentheses not the other two in fact we won't even listen to the

[00:38:01] things they say yeah jeep here is tweet storm about Adam who is that guy he's

[00:38:07] a good Indian guy right he's the the so funny he's the Nitteran to Roxanne

[00:38:14] gays Nitterina male Pokemon of whatever oh yes obese I got that rock man

[00:38:23] gay what is that a pokan arena I forgot about it arena dude that's like a little

[00:38:29] fat mouse right he's like snorrel after yeah they're little dinosaurs but oh one's

[00:38:35] male and one's female those are the only gendered Pokemon as far as I look

[00:38:39] up Nitterino yeah now they have there's more than no I was saying I want to

[00:38:42] watch I want to watch Roxanne gay and she'd hear fuck while David Attenborough

[00:38:46] narrates it you could just take the I'm sure they have like a nature

[00:38:55] documentary about hippos fucking you could just take it over you know yeah

[00:38:58] and then and then Jim Carrey comes out of one of their asses yes yes my bitch

[00:39:03] oh yeah yeah I remember Nitterino yeah oh yeah no I feel like there's a fat

[00:39:09] best part about being on this show yeah what's that they criticize our friends

[00:39:14] you know for being too mean or whatever yeah yeah yeah well you're fat your fat

[00:39:19] you're fat

[00:39:21] yeah

[00:39:23] I'm gonna critique your opinion no I don't know what the fuck you're fucking ugly

[00:39:28] is being much stupor than you

[00:39:33] well this guy's actually pretty problematic yeah yeah built a career off

[00:39:37] being such I'm just doing it for the LOL yeah that's true dude I actually

[00:39:43] don't have any hard feelings towards any of those guys you know I mean

[00:39:47] criticize me all you want dude but you go after my you go after my fucking

[00:39:52] friends after why dick Willie you go after my my brothers fat cops Felix did

[00:39:57] no I love those guys I was like you can do anything you fuck

[00:40:01] stab me burn me I don't give a shit but you mess with my friends I'm gonna do

[00:40:06] nothing and you know all that is is like them desperately wanting those friends

[00:40:11] to be like I care about you also those friends would be like fuck this guy

[00:40:16] that guy is always the lamest mother yeah that guy is Adam in every

[00:40:19] group you know I would add a win stand up for his friend that's true that's

[00:40:22] sure that's absolutely there is gay as you wouldn't stand up for your friends

[00:40:27] I would stand up free I have stood up for you on multiple occasions yeah very

[00:40:32] public there is a lot of standing up for you that happens when it's being

[00:40:35] with being friends with you that's true but I don't I don't need you wouldn't

[00:40:38] stand up for me I have numerous when he would the amount of DMS I get where

[00:40:44] people fuck you seriously fucking hate you and I have to clarify that it's a

[00:40:50] joke yeah well thank you for clarifying and what he means by it's a joke is your

[00:40:57] whole fucking life bitch you're a fucking joke nice I did it I did a

[00:41:03] boast rattle what oh by the way also shout out to the I was at the cut

[00:41:08] Kennedy Center the good good comedy theater those motherfuckers rule dude

[00:41:11] and Philadelphia we should do shows there okay they were awesome great

[00:41:14] shouts out to them Philly rocks I'm sure that the come boys they came to see me

[00:41:18] in Brandon and but I did a boast rattle at the Kennedy Center Kyle Ayers put it

[00:41:25] on and it's just competitive complementing each other it's like the opposite of a

[00:41:30] rose battle and you know it made me feel that made me feel about you what did

[00:41:34] they say what was some nice things that people said about you you know just that

[00:41:39] I was a nice boy that's really creative and good I had a lot of nice consonants

[00:41:45] in my name yeah okay you know it's it's just fun that's all you got really a

[00:41:53] couple other good you made me feel good yeah it's a shame that that doesn't

[00:41:56] seem like fun at all for the audience yeah well of course it makes I mean

[00:41:59] people were there and they were laughing it didn't make any sense to me because

[00:42:02] it's like these are just people we know each other each other we're so we're

[00:42:06] also making fun of roasting in some in a certain way yeah I get so inside that

[00:42:10] it's like does it even really come across a lot of the time when you go to

[00:42:13] roast battles I don't get why an audience would think that's sure yeah well it's

[00:42:18] just if they're like inside jokes that's why that's why the best is to roast a

[00:42:22] fat or gay or some obvious other easy just like this guy's gay which is funny

[00:42:31] yeah yeah a good roast joke is funny but anyway so yeah that's all that's how

[00:42:39] how is your boys weekend it was good the beach Adam yeah I went to the beach I

[00:42:45] went to come yesterday and make you're not going to beaches what's going on man

[00:42:48] no I just have like shit to do I watched fast fast into the furious eight with

[00:42:54] Nick oh yeah we had movie night yeah I loved I love that wasn't just me and

[00:42:59] Adam hate it was just the two of us basically there although we did have we

[00:43:03] did we were we're watching fucking Ronnie done music videos to like oh after

[00:43:09] you left after you left the other night we hung out until like 3 a.m. watching

[00:43:14] watching country music video yeah yeah Ronnie Ronnie done interviews and music

[00:43:19] videos he's got to be the most insane person in country I don't I don't know

[00:43:23] yeah I mean he is Ronnie done of Brooks and done oh Brooks and done yeah Brooks

[00:43:27] and done is they're the best Ronnie done is the singer we both sing what's their

[00:43:33] biggest is like guitar and Ronnie's like Ronnie like writes I think he writes all

[00:43:37] the songs what's the biggest hit there like there's a highway what's that

[00:43:42] yeah what's the political you mean yeah there's one what is it there's one called

[00:43:47] God must be busy oh yo can we just play that right now the show I don't know if

[00:43:53] I'm gonna pick up on the speakers but the lyrics are like God you know she's at

[00:43:58] home she can't get a job because she lost it just some foreign land and

[00:44:04] man god must be busy and then it's like the crypts and the bloods are at the gate

[00:44:12] you're ruining the best part after the job losing job to foreign hand song so

[00:44:18] that's literally an allear that's a lyric that's a great that's like trade

[00:44:22] protectionism there's something other there's protectionism there's stuff about

[00:44:26] not being able to afford health insurance yeah and then there's like traffic

[00:44:30] spacked up there's a sign on the side of the road says there's an amber alert and

[00:44:34] it's like amber alerts don't cause traffic so I don't know you're like saying

[00:44:39] the traffic's made worse by seeing that there's an amber alert then he goes into

[00:44:43] the deep we all know what a fucking amber alert yeah they're like last seen in a

[00:44:47] white van crossing state line so he's assuming that they're saying there's a

[00:44:51] child being raped in the back of a van and there's a line they say she's four

[00:44:56] years old because Ronnie Dunne's insane it is so politically confused

[00:45:03] man you don't know what it's just a throw-eyed line right now I can the

[00:45:07] crypts and buzzers still at it well traffic's bad cuz a black lives matter

[00:45:12] protester I'm sure I'm sure Ronnie Dunne doesn't even know what black lives

[00:45:17] matter is is there some shit against Arabs in that song um no he's like

[00:45:21] they're still fighting in the Middle East others fighting yeah cuz he is like

[00:45:25] vaguely outlaw country I guess and so I like he's got to be somewhat anti-war

[00:45:31] but like one of those like don't support the war support the troops guys

[00:45:35] yes sure I would imagine sure and then we watched a bunch of interviews with

[00:45:40] him and you can't even make out of complete sentence yeah it's none of it

[00:45:43] is I'm saying all over the place it was a like outlaw yeah they would be like the

[00:45:47] question would be like you know what is country what is country music and he's

[00:45:52] like you know of all the places we live New Mexico Arizona Arkansas you know

[00:45:57] Texas was the one you know that always felt like you know home but me and my

[00:46:02] grandma and you know it's a little bit of you know you go okay well maybe this is

[00:46:08] a little more sort of you know San Antonio vibe but you know down you never

[00:46:13] know he's like the fucking dog it is the ramblings of a man underneath the

[00:46:20] bridge like you think he's if he didn't have a a a drugs a silky voice of gold

[00:46:25] yeah and like he couldn't strum that guitar he would be he would be a he

[00:46:30] would be a vagrant on a on a fucking cargo tran drugs probably probably it's

[00:46:37] a musician yeah you know another good one is Montgomery gentry who we didn't

[00:46:41] really get into but I like Montgomery gentry we watch some of theirs yeah they're

[00:46:45] like yeah Montgomery gentry is don't wear cowboy hats they were like truckers

[00:46:49] yeah yeah Montgomery gentry kind of looks like remember when Rob Mar was fat

[00:46:53] yes yeah so it's like a fat Rob Mar with like a goatee you trust like Larry the

[00:46:58] cable guy like flannel shirts with cut off yeah yeah and then the song is like

[00:47:03] about how like his the other neighbors and it's cucking his neighbor the

[00:47:07] neighbors in his subdivision can handle the fact that he likes smoked cigarettes

[00:47:11] or whatever whatever type of bullshit rebel style you're clinging to is yeah

[00:47:16] yeah he like rides four wheelers yeah and some fucking fuck yeah he's like yeah

[00:47:21] the song was like literally it's like sort of about gender vacation as I well

[00:47:25] you can get the hell out cuz I was here first you know but then it's like those

[00:47:29] homes were built in 1995 you're living in a make man this is my neighborhood

[00:47:36] first and I don't care what you damn thing you can't think but you won't both

[00:47:41] don't think that about me well I'm putting me in that man my beer and your house

[00:47:48] and fuck your wife I think all this my beer and my beer and got my hat

[00:47:56] here's my truck and fuck you it's great yeah oh that's like a really good I

[00:48:04] don't think I've listened to any country music it's the best fun my genre it's

[00:48:08] it's so good because it's such a simple formula so for there to be a new twist

[00:48:12] on it the thing with like pop music in general is it's always like something

[00:48:17] romantically linked you know but with country it's all like figuring out the

[00:48:23] identity crisis of being like a rural upper middle-class American so it's

[00:48:30] shit like Montgomery gentry you know where the yeah my sure my truck calls

[00:48:35] eighty thousand dollar boat that doesn't mean I know how to read don't think

[00:48:41] on some but read and faggot just because my fucking I drive a toyota four-wheel

[00:48:46] drive now before even though neither manufactured in America anymore my

[00:48:53] truck may be from Mexico but I'm still racist

[00:48:57] oh that's so interesting I didn't even consider like the identity crisis with

[00:49:01] all these yeah all these other folks are going to make a ton of money in Nashville

[00:49:05] yeah but they like still want to be trash yeah it's it's kind of like every

[00:49:10] rapper still like talks about selling crack yeah yeah like Jay Z you'll

[00:49:14] mention it's like dude come on man no now Jay Z reps about paintings yeah much

[00:49:19] exclusively and like IRAs and shit yeah you've called out Jews variously I think

[00:49:25] he was trying to compliment the Jews yeah yeah but it's out it came out it came

[00:49:29] out yeah you can't compliment the Jews either because that's anti-semit

[00:49:32] no but I always interpreted here like Jews control the media in the banks like

[00:49:37] my reaction is like that's good for you yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

[00:49:40] people like they're two good things to control and then the Jews are bankers

[00:49:43] and like Jews that control the media go how dare you say that you this man will

[00:49:50] never work again he's being nice yeah yeah it's hilarious yeah yeah no no I

[00:49:57] mean we're gonna prove we don't know what he said like media by making sure you

[00:50:02] never work in the media again yeah Jay Z said that Jews control all the real

[00:50:07] estate in America I think pass on wealth or something but that's that's an easy

[00:50:11] that's an easy thing to think if you live in Brooklyn well he was shouting out

[00:50:15] Jared Kushner clearly yeah yeah yeah why is he owns like what one apartment

[00:50:20] complex in white marsh real estate mogul no no he owns property the marsh I love

[00:50:25] the marsh dude does yeah dude he has an apartment complex in white marsh that's

[00:50:28] out to white marsh I think someone said that he shuts out the Buffalo wild wings

[00:50:32] and white marshmallows I watch many a UFC event there he has an interest in

[00:50:37] patreon.com who does Jared Kushner oh really yeah our boss so he's our boss

[00:50:43] we're working for the Kush baby it's gonna be hilarious when people try to

[00:50:47] get us kicked off of patreon because I'm the clown prince of the alt-right

[00:50:50] that Jared Kushner takes it over and then they kick off everyone except

[00:50:54] come or they funnel all the money in the come town oh and then we get that

[00:51:00] sweet chap oh money that lady southern Lauren Southern got kicked off

[00:51:05] patreon this week really yeah oh the more in trouble I don't know what did she

[00:51:10] do who we know what's his name is Lauren Southern now we don't know anybody

[00:51:14] who's Lauren Southern she's a fun she's like a racist like she's like what did

[00:51:20] she get kicked off rose like garbage at like refugee boats and stuff like that's

[00:51:25] like her thing is like preventing refugee I repeat the question what did

[00:51:30] she get kicked off for her being a racist I don't know I have no idea I don't

[00:51:36] know that is if you can get drove you can get down for that we might actually

[00:51:39] be I was worried about it a while ago how much remember remember remember we

[00:51:43] looked it up and then we're like we're worried and then we looked at who the

[00:51:45] top earners were it's all anime porn and people that draw their own child porn

[00:51:50] or whatever yeah it's like a loophole well we're not listed we you can't search

[00:51:54] us on patreon maybe yeah maybe we're shadow they did they did that they like

[00:51:58] blocked us from search results that's hilarious which I've never complained

[00:52:01] about because it's like why you just Google patreon comes on funded yeah yeah

[00:52:06] whatever boat yeah I mean I'm already like massively in debt because I I

[00:52:12] projected you know the income for the next 10 years and then I got that amount

[00:52:16] and credit limits and I spent all that money so I'm like 2.5 million dollars

[00:52:22] in debt and I'm like that's assuming that the patreon is going to continue to

[00:52:28] grow at the same rate until well 2037 I would assume it's gonna double pretty

[00:52:32] yeah yeah I'm making all my projections that I'll be making four times the amount

[00:52:37] of money and then we'll scale back to only one bonus episode a month yeah man

[00:52:43] that trap on money's insane though yeah can you imagine if we were making that

[00:52:47] incredible we have cars we have like yeah cars do so much stupid stuff I'd be

[00:52:52] getting haircuts like every week yeah dude this guy's Adam does to haircuts you

[00:52:57] are I don't I'm gonna get a gold tooth I think I mentioned that already but yeah

[00:53:00] I do one in your friend we'll get a gold to yeah just my top yeah and a chain

[00:53:05] to stavey on it um now fuck now I'm worried about getting kicked off

[00:53:09] they kicked off a lot of I mean the show isn't an all right show I mean it's a

[00:53:14] comedy show yeah yeah it is an offensive name and we do say offensive thing I

[00:53:18] think we're fine people do draw porn and shit on it I mean or we could just

[00:53:22] migrate to our own thing where we don't say that like it's you know hard that

[00:53:28] would be do be so hard all the programming that the fucking amount of money that

[00:53:32] would have to be spent to get somebody that do the front end to do it because

[00:53:36] the only way it would work is if you use like the patreon API to give people an

[00:53:41] easy link people who are already been paying for the podcast as pussy way on

[00:53:45] ask to transfer it good yeah to transfer it over to whatever our

[00:53:49] proprietary thing is you also need to consider that like all the payment

[00:53:53] processing when anything goes wrong that's on patreon yeah if it's our website

[00:53:57] like I I'm not gonna I don't have the capability to deal with we don't have an

[00:54:01] I-3200 customers you know if there's some fucking billing

[00:54:05] well I put this is an easy way to get fucking sued or get like a fucking like

[00:54:09] you know I'm great with a complaint I'll just have people PayPal me personally

[00:54:14] and I'll figure it out guys no what's gonna happen is is I'm gonna abandon you

[00:54:18] guys when the patreon shuts down and then I'm gonna migrate over to twitch I'm

[00:54:23] gonna get a hot girl that just sits naked next to me while I curse at the

[00:54:27] video game that's not bad and I'm gonna become the top twitch guy dude me and Adam

[00:54:31] I'm gonna sue you it's gonna be an embroiled we should go to YouTube YouTube

[00:54:34] has no problem with all right guys yeah you do you do made it clear how they

[00:54:40] feel about free speech when they invented the dislike button yeah when

[00:54:44] they were like yeah please be as fucking nasty because that's reality and that's

[00:54:50] what YouTube's about by looking into your fucking soul clicking the thumbs

[00:54:54] down button and writing the N word on a on a Minecraft video some child learned

[00:55:01] program like edit video editing to make a Minecraft tutorial and you didn't be

[00:55:05] all just like you're fat yeah I know man I was watching it when the I might have

[00:55:10] said it before but that Taylor Swift video to shake it off and out the top

[00:55:14] comment no yeah the top comment it's from someone named James Bond yeah that's

[00:55:19] right James Bond and it's the N word right yep no it said all and we should

[00:55:25] die oh nice yeah well shit let's think do you think Lawrence other wants to

[00:55:31] come on our show yeah she can be she can be the dumb girl the girl I just found

[00:55:36] out recently she's not even American what is she yes she's like she loves

[00:55:41] posted like America that's what this is all about no refugees and she's

[00:55:46] Canadian oh yeah yeah but Canadians have the worst politics I feel like Canadians

[00:55:52] it involved themselves they have great comedy like Gavin McInnes yeah some

[00:55:58] other Canadians Lord Michaels Nathan Fielder yeah Norm's huge norms yeah

[00:56:05] Nathan is enormous racist when does that show coming back I fucking love

[00:56:09] that curves coming back you don't like that show dude stop pretending Nathan

[00:56:13] for you just trying to impress me and we love you a Nathan for you you

[00:56:17] legitimately was in the same room as him and he clamped up it got nervous what

[00:56:21] are you talking about I went up to him and took a picture with him he got

[00:56:24] nervous you weren't even there I wasn't there you told me you got nervous oh I

[00:56:29] said that's the only I said that's the only guy I would take a picture with

[00:56:32] she was I love your friends trust I'm trying to say that I got nervous you got

[00:56:36] nervous first of all this is a Comedy Central private party that you were not

[00:56:39] invited to because we're not involved in Comedy Central anyway shape or form

[00:56:44] you weren't invited either I was brought you would brought to the parties you

[00:56:49] were brought to the party by someone by Nathan Fielder my friend Nathan

[00:56:53] Fielder you were brought as a plus one to the party I wasn't yes you were

[00:57:00] dude by who by Kurt Eichandwald yeah you're good right in world at the Comedy Central

[00:57:09] fuck is that everyone's talking about you beach off the oh yeah yeah the children

[00:57:13] get out yeah I tried to save that kid by fucking yeah yeah and then he looked up

[00:57:17] ten type one or up to octopus and then blamed it on his wife awesome yeah I

[00:57:22] save children by having sex with them it's by putting Cal finks his riddle putting

[00:57:28] Calamari in their pussy yeah or I think it was a boy he was trying to fuck

[00:57:32] what's up with the Sphinx that's a weird statue it's cool I think how did the

[00:57:37] guy get the slaves for that the guy that went to the slave grant Institute

[00:57:41] it was jus well yeah but I mean the Jews belong to the Pharaoh and you had to be

[00:57:47] the guy I don't believe the guy I'm whatever slaves I want to build this thing

[00:57:50] I believe you're a pass over truther yeah I am whatever I'm a you didn't build

[00:57:55] the pyramid wait is that what Passover is it's a slave thing it's like when they

[00:58:00] left this being so but isn't that Jewish New Year's Passover no Jewish New

[00:58:04] Year's is Russia Shana oh Russia Shana yeah dude there's no like

[00:58:09] record Russia Shana rush rush like head rush Hashana the year head of the

[00:58:17] year head year now we're talking no it's like the head of the year it's the hell

[00:58:21] I love head year to head year every year's head year around here yeah how about

[00:58:26] Josh Shana Josh like a guy like a Josh the year of Josh that's good that'd be a

[00:58:33] fun movie starring Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill and then that nearly nerd from

[00:58:41] super bad oh McLuffin yeah Seth Rogen Canadian

[00:58:46] another Canadian they really Bonnie McFarland Canadian Canadian a lot of

[00:58:51] great Canadian stuff going on Jay Berushell Canadian that guy's not that good

[00:58:56] he's just Canadian just name a Canadian people well if we do that we could open

[00:59:01] it up yeah Pavell Wayne Gretzky Alex Pavell I was Canadian yeah what the fuck

[00:59:08] I thought it was just some sort of Italian he is he's a fucking Italian

[00:59:11] he's an Italian walk he's a Canadian walk yeah he starts and ends every

[00:59:16] sentence with a hey hey god must be busy yes both kinds a I'm Canadian Italian

[00:59:29] I'm Italian Canadian baby oh that's good that's good you're gonna be piece of

[00:59:33] Canadian am over here yeah put it in the moocer L dipper in the fucking

[00:59:39] bridge you know what I love is a big fucking leaf you know I love the shit

[00:59:44] right now is a big fucking leaf look at baby I ride moose is like horse whoa

[00:59:50] it's not cold enough for me hey cold enough for you going down the Canadian

[00:59:55] Miami that's in New York Drake I love fucking Drake who's a Canadian athlete

[01:00:03] Gretzky instead of Jeter Gretzky Gretzky's in Andrew Wiggins yeah yeah

[01:00:09] Gretzkaliano let's go Andrew we you know what they have a good basketball

[01:00:13] they have like there under 19 team just won the they got Wiggins they got

[01:00:17] fucking Tristan Thompson's Canadian yep they got a bunch of good players

[01:00:24] Corey Joseph is he that white dude the three-point shooter that used to be on

[01:00:29] the Sixers maybe is on the Sixers now what's Pervon what's the name

[01:00:34] white Alex Pervon Pervon yeah Steve Nash not anymore

[01:00:41] ash true it's a great comedian very he's pretty funny he's a great comic speaking

[01:00:45] of great comics guys Arendtthal James Simpson congratulations we got him

[01:00:51] right we got he's free our boy is free the juice is loose the juice as they say

[01:00:56] is that's what I say that's what I say when I shoot my my have diarrhea man we

[01:01:01] should get OJ Simpson on Patreon you know what our goal should be is to get

[01:01:04] people worse than us on Patreon as a shield that's good yeah that's you know

[01:01:09] tactic learning our own payment processing system yes we got to find the

[01:01:15] worst people in the world get them on patreon yeah and they act as a human

[01:01:19] shield to protect us from yeah I do you think there's been a discussion at

[01:01:23] patreon headquarters about the show probably there's probably make enough

[01:01:27] money that some that they've talked about it probably yeah about whether or

[01:01:31] not to give us anyone complained I'm sure for sure oh absolutely they kicked

[01:01:36] they got stopped kicked off Instagram yeah I'm back now though stop you baby I

[01:01:40] can't I can never use social media yeah because fucking people like yeah but you

[01:01:45] weren't making money for Instagram or Twitter you know yeah I know but they

[01:01:48] banned me from both of those websites I'm just saying we're making money for

[01:01:52] patreon yeah but in the grand scheme of things not that much yeah that's what we

[01:01:56] got to double down if you're stealing this episode stop stealing and pay us

[01:02:01] please yeah they take like 10% so you're talking about like well like 1,800 a

[01:02:06] month or so 1,700 a month we're and then we're sending that straight to Jared

[01:02:10] Kushner yeah yeah just text Jared Kushner you know right apparently on his

[01:02:15] financial disclosure forms he like didn't disclose like over a hundred

[01:02:20] million dollars worth of financial like in in guys and ties oh yeah yeah my

[01:02:26] my man Kush dude the Kush dude Trump's asking about pardons this is the

[01:02:30] politics minute yeah if you're gonna do the reviews minute I can all right okay

[01:02:35] what do you want to review something I'm gonna have my day labor a takeover and

[01:02:40] do the review for me okay fast eight is hello yeah and I my name is Javier and I

[01:02:48] be by the parking lot and to today I watched a movie a Logan in 4k for J

[01:02:59] TV see and Logan is a very good movie it's a very good mood to watch because

[01:03:07] it a stars a Wolverine see who is he lost to a scratch people he'll I love

[01:03:17] Wolverine because he has always a scratchy a scratching people in a movie

[01:03:23] there is a little girl a little girl who is a prince with Wolverine there's a

[01:03:29] Migos and she lost a scratch people also so I guess they have five stars thank

[01:03:37] you Javier that was Javier with the review week review of the week Gracias

[01:03:41] Gracias Javier Gracias gracias means Gracias means thank you right yes there's

[01:03:47] mean please damn dude I can't remember Spanish Gracias means thank you I think

[01:03:53] so what's pleasing Spanish please is I don't think I have a word for it it's

[01:03:58] not a very minor snow it's please oh please please please please please please

[01:04:04] I have to please to peace I have to take a piece there we go she walked my head so

[01:04:11] bad my a so bad the doctor said and I cannot do it take a shit I can no longer

[01:04:19] make a shit because she broke my eyes so bad she won't I can only take a piece I

[01:04:26] went to the club and a beautiful girl start geezing me she came she says she

[01:04:31] need someone to do their drywall but then she fuck my head

[01:04:41] that's my favorite character that we've ever done yeah I stay labor that's

[01:04:46] been sexually assaulted by a woman yeah

[01:04:50] she say I'm she's going to make me feel good and then because that's probably

[01:04:57] the worst kind of in terms of all the sexual violence that happens in the

[01:05:01] world pedophilia notwithstanding because that's kind of its own category but like

[01:05:06] low-income immigrants being taken advantage of is probably the most like

[01:05:11] this in city yes it's just it's the shittiest but then if it's like a woman

[01:05:16] doing yeah yeah do like a to a Home Depot guy who you would imagine are pretty

[01:05:21] horny guys yeah they're pretty on the Sun all day yeah yeah working got that

[01:05:26] vitamin they're fired up on Mountain Dew and empanadas I like that fucking

[01:05:32] Home Depot is like just sort of complicit in that because they're like yeah they

[01:05:36] can't come in the parking lot but every Home Depot in the country has to have an

[01:05:40] empanada truck yeah fuck it the dark the dark empanada economy yeah God bless

[01:05:51] them they're good people I actually went I wrote I wrote like an essay on

[01:05:56] day laborers essay yeah for school when I was like 19 school yeah yeah and I

[01:06:02] spent the day in like a day labor camp and interviewed a bunch oh wow yeah

[01:06:05] embedded journalism yeah yeah they're like it's it's weird because they they're

[01:06:11] all from like different countries so that they go to work but then they leave

[01:06:14] work and then have to go back to the gangs that want to like kill each other

[01:06:17] Jesus yeah it's pretty intense wait there's a camp no not a camp just like a

[01:06:23] place where I write you know like a fuck the Home Depot yeah well like it was

[01:06:28] like a mobile home trailer got like free coffee and for the shit that like way

[01:06:32] around got you but we got to end this because I got a piss real bad and then

[01:06:36] I got a pressure shopping well I can see the show tomorrow everyone yeah yeah

[01:06:40] we're gonna show tomorrow it's not it's gotta go this goes up tonight I'm getting

[01:06:44] back on track oh we doing Sunday Sunday Wednesday I haven't been missing the

[01:06:49] deadline yeah I know it's been good last what I've been trying to do is like

[01:06:52] solely inch it back towards midnight and then get back on track because you don't

[01:06:57] want to fuck with the schedule too much I learned that from Lewis yeah yeah we

[01:07:02] don't like it when we don't keep a good sketchy yeah we always Adams fault

[01:07:06] ironically yeah definitely is and we definitely don't say that but it's always

[01:07:11] it's him doing it yeah yeah for sure he's always borrowing my computer to look

[01:07:15] at gay porn till Thursday afternoon well not even to not even jack off to it

[01:07:24] just low lovingly stare at gay porn just smile yeah just a smiley boy yeah just

[01:07:34] have a smile oh man this guy those fellas are having a good time I wish that was

[01:07:38] me yeah I wish I lived that beautiful life I don't call it I don't call it

[01:07:43] gay porn I call it black excellence I just call it porn when two two men

[01:07:51] dingoes plow each other someone should recut that scene in Django where the two

[01:07:58] guys are fighting the men dingo fight just to two black dudes fucking each other

[01:08:02] in the ass anyway so yeah now everyone knows that I watch black men have sex

[01:08:07] with each other folks from the but tomorrow night come on in Prince of the

[01:08:11] alt-right to the fans may I just say why so serious

[01:08:19] that's a great sign off dude tomorrow night