Cum Town | Premium | 08/14/2017
[00:00:00] so Adam has cancer yeah I really do that that'll please fans of the show to know
[00:00:10] that Adam legitimately has cancer wait do you actually have melanoma for I gotta
[00:00:17] go to a dermatologist but it looks like I do fingers crossed dude it would be so
[00:00:21] funny dude I mean it would be a good bit if you died of cancer Adam strong I
[00:00:25] thought getting an earring was funny but like getting cancer that's really
[00:00:29] funny to get there you know actually in solidarity for Adam I went bold five
[00:00:33] years you should have you should have a fucking like it's like it's in like a
[00:00:40] easy to deal with fucking melanoma that they cut out but then you do you're like
[00:00:45] I gotta do Fallon take special yeah like when I find out that I was gonna have a
[00:00:52] fucking six millimeter scar on my hand for the next at least three years I mean
[00:01:00] my world changed I'm known as a hand model in my mind that where I make all
[00:01:07] of my income modeling my beautiful hands yeah it's true you may see his hand the
[00:01:13] glove collection yeah I gotta do like the glove to gentlemen I'm gonna do my one
[00:01:20] glove special yeah get my hour my dad had my dad had a melanoma where was it on
[00:01:25] his fucking face he showed up I hadn't seen my dad in like two three years
[00:01:29] like two years yeah I hadn't seen him and he I was doing the Austin days yeah I
[00:01:34] was doing helium and Philly and he showed up to one of the shows with his wife
[00:01:40] and she was all like she's on like a bunch of painkillers or something so
[00:01:45] she was being loud and causing problems during the show or just oh yeah they're
[00:01:51] really you're my your stepmother was dude after the show after the show like
[00:01:56] she's talking me she's like good job you know like a yeah and one of the
[00:02:01] waitresses is like oh Jeff wants to see in the office like the manager yeah so
[00:02:06] I'm like all right I gotta go she's like no go ahead do whatever you have to do
[00:02:10] and I go into the office and I was like what's up and Jeff's like oh nothing
[00:02:15] I was just trying to save you from that crazy lady did you say your step-on
[00:02:20] post puddle of my lyrics on Facebook I don't know this public puddle mud she
[00:02:25] definitely like fuel it's definitely a fan of I think the only thing she likes
[00:02:29] on Facebook is is Eminem oh yeah yeah the idea of Eminem being step mom music
[00:02:38] is so fucking good yeah yeah but my dad shows up he just says his fucking big
[00:02:44] bandage on his face is like I don't want to freak out or anything but I have
[00:02:47] cancer on my face I caught a piece of my face with was this when you were
[00:02:53] Sebastian Maniscalco no I think I was featuring for God free that weekend oh
[00:02:59] I would have loved to see just your fucking your fucked up on pills mommy
[00:03:04] like yes that is what it's like to be Italian I don't even know if she's a
[00:03:08] tally you could get you can get comp seats to a Sebastian Maniscalco show
[00:03:13] you're right now so that's so fast sold out three months in advance yeah he's
[00:03:17] asking me he's like tell me where's like little Italy yet I was like I don't know
[00:03:21] I'm not from here in Philly yeah he won't have one yeah I have a little
[00:03:27] yeah they just the South Philly is a lot of its house yeah yeah but if he
[00:03:31] announced he was gonna be in a like three by three block radius they would
[00:03:35] turn it into a little Italy for him yeah they would just fucking do pop up
[00:03:38] lasagna shops he wanted to go see stuff from the movie Rocky
[00:03:42] I remember that hell yes brother oh my god who do you think that's got to be
[00:03:51] his number one what's the pantheon of Italians for Italian Americans of all
[00:03:55] time of all time of all the rock is up there moving it's all Tony yeah Michael
[00:04:00] Corleone rocky half of them think Scarface is an Italian
[00:04:04] yeah but he's doing a very nuanced cute my favorite time it's very subtle cute
[00:04:14] it actually Tony Montana and fucking Carlito yeah as Carlito you can't forget
[00:04:20] about Carlito yeah how did he get away with that I know it's almost worse in
[00:04:24] blackface the lead I love that line in Carlito's way where he's like you know
[00:04:31] if I try to go up there they see my Puerto Rican ass my Puerto Rican ass
[00:04:40] can't go go up there yeah I love that shit they're like I guess we can't make
[00:04:47] him Italian and everything so we're gonna keep remaking the same movie but he
[00:04:52] has to be something else yeah that was what's his name then did mission
[00:04:56] possible I mean I fuck with Carlito's way Sean Penn's character's funny looking
[00:05:01] at shit look like he is wearing a palm it's the palm I yeah who did yeah
[00:05:06] scarf scarf is mission impossible the idea of a of a cappuccino playing a
[00:05:12] Puerto Rican I went through I went through a big to palm I was sick for a
[00:05:17] week I watched like seven the palm of your secret yes early stages yeah we
[00:05:25] should just we should just remove your balls just to be safe yeah I'll do it
[00:05:31] preventatively like yeah I want past the equinox on Bedford uh-huh and they
[00:05:37] have like a I guess an advertisement out front yeah it's a woman who has like
[00:05:43] visible her shirts off and her breasts have been me sacked to meet off yeah
[00:05:48] yeah that's like a brave thing women so she has no tits and someone's giving
[00:05:52] her a tattoo and then it says commit to something uh-huh and it's like is this
[00:06:08] yeah the most expensive gym in New York right yeah there's a clown with no legs
[00:06:12] on a unicycle he's juggling it's all about perseverance it's a black
[00:06:18] sandals he's got one of those blind things right yeah sunglasses but he's
[00:06:22] reading a book he's got a book out he's got a cane in one hand a book in the
[00:06:27] other dog yeah so you can see that he's blind he's reading the book because you
[00:06:31] know there are no challenges yeah yeah perseverance can overcome any don't
[00:06:37] let it hold you back that's all it's called the secret people said I wouldn't
[00:06:41] be able to learn how to read because I was black and I showed them
[00:06:52] where my black guy to be white go in get a tattoo fuck around with jump rope maybe
[00:07:13] oh damn that's funny let's join equinoxie let's be fucking fancy equinox
[00:07:19] for a New York sports club yeah I got a New York sports I don't like I've been
[00:07:23] doing P I've been doing physical therapy for my shoulder and they got those little
[00:07:26] hand bikes I want that hand I love it hilarious I want to fucking fucking do
[00:07:32] that I want a bike I want a real bike like that why just propel and get my
[00:07:36] arms jacked that way they have those for a political there we go dude why do they
[00:07:41] keep hogging those I mean I want to get more to the wounded warrior project how
[00:07:47] much you think what are those costs probably a lot of money you could make
[00:07:50] your own pretty really yeah nice I think I think we might cost a lot uh no you
[00:07:57] know what I could probably figure out a way to do it with a lawn chair an old
[00:08:02] bicycle you know that would rock you know you should get a recumbent bicycle
[00:08:07] like dads with bad bags shit I love those every time I see someone in those I'm
[00:08:12] jealous is they look great yeah because you can think you're lying back you
[00:08:15] could probably tan yeah yeah you go shirtless I'm going shirtless I'm oiled up
[00:08:19] I'm fucking cruising around the city I want like a reverse penny farting with
[00:08:24] like you got the big tire in the back those yeah in the front nice yeah you
[00:08:30] do you really want a bike you saying you want a bike yeah I might get a bike you
[00:08:33] should get a bike I need to start doing some kind of like cardio
[00:08:36] vascular it's really not even that good a cardio exercise unless you're going
[00:08:40] long distances but yeah like if you bite here to Green Point wouldn't I don't
[00:08:45] know man I like help I go I like stop halfway up the stairs like leaving oh
[00:08:50] yeah you should yeah dude you're fat and ugly it's not it's just my heart's
[00:08:56] ruined from years being cool the 1980s a pure uncut decade two years when you
[00:09:06] were a baby from the ages of zero to two you're not 89
[00:09:11] yeah 889 baby called me I look I was like that look who's talking baby
[00:09:17] yeah I was all jacked out at sunglasses on yeah I love the idea that baby being
[00:09:24] a fucking diva he's just getting his dick sucked he's fucking going to Hollywood
[00:09:28] part speaking of which I wish you guys could have come a home he shouts out to
[00:09:32] the to the god Dave I do not sign off for a proof of this shout out it doesn't
[00:09:36] matter you should have come he wrote a fucking tight-ass movie Ingrid goes west
[00:09:40] I told you guys about it I saw the trailer it was fucking good he invited
[00:09:45] us to the the premiere was Aubrey Plaza there she was I fuck yeah you did yeah
[00:09:51] well are you serious I did yeah she's what yeah well I got I hit it first
[00:09:57] rate yeah I hit a hundred million first just like Kanye said to Ray J oh really
[00:10:02] yeah have a hundred million dollars I think I'm going is I'm a better rapper
[00:10:05] than Kanye but yeah it was fun as shit you guys should have come you know we
[00:10:14] know Hollywood inside I was in smell a dude hanging out with the movers in the
[00:10:19] shakers I was I did see mystery I was removing the pieces of a cotan
[00:10:24] board from there the cutouts that they came in so that I could place them back
[00:10:28] in the cotan box that's what I was busy with otherwise I would have come I
[00:10:34] tried to get you to come to take the plastic wrap off of the cards inside the
[00:10:39] cotan box no you did not play to be clear oh no yes no one was here I love
[00:10:45] his hand so much you were preparing for a future theoretical cotan get your
[00:10:49] future get in that I didn't want to be encumbered by the the de-wrapping
[00:10:54] process it you know it goes you're gonna spontaneous you can take a tan like a
[00:10:58] tan all the dice are sealed you didn't take a plastic off the dice I don't want
[00:11:05] to play cotan anymore in fact I'm never coming over here again I've lost a couple
[00:11:11] friends that way it's just like fucking seventh grade all over again whatever
[00:11:15] one finds out you've been lying about having PlayStation and they come over
[00:11:19] for the big PlayStation sleepover you're like it's in the shop don't leave
[00:11:33] do you guys have any sleepovers as children I had one one note what do you
[00:11:37] mean you had one sleep like I hosted one oh you hosted one my dad wouldn't let me
[00:11:41] go to sleepovers he was afraid like I would die or something I do it all the
[00:11:45] time yeah but rarely at my mom's apartment right yeah yeah yeah I we I had
[00:11:52] one friend that had like a TV in the basement and then like another room
[00:11:57] mostly it was because there was multiple rooms to beat off in of course
[00:12:02] that was huge yeah I remember the porn house yeah yeah yeah yeah I want to say
[00:12:08] beat off in a common area when everyone was sleeping or maybe it was like I
[00:12:12] ducked into like an alcove my friend Phil had a sleepover the one sleepover
[00:12:17] I just you guys is a friends Phil's house he finds any Antomens box in the
[00:12:22] middle of the night is fucking done off to a Danish the idea of eating the
[00:12:27] things did you guys have oh here's a little Adam's deal corner do you guys
[00:12:35] have that into men's outlet place where you get that I've been I've been there's
[00:12:40] one story yeah there's sprinkled all over the East Coast yeah yeah seven of
[00:12:45] them it's weird but I love it thing about an immense they're fine in the
[00:12:49] grocery store that's not a thing where I'd like need it fresh I disagree they're
[00:12:54] fine it's not like going to a real Krispy Kreme they're not real donuts they're
[00:12:58] boxed on us yeah but the Danish is when they're fresh and they're soft and the
[00:13:02] fucking the middle cheese part is still fucking soft to the touch but they
[00:13:07] ship those things it's not like it's the animes bakery it's the the outlet it
[00:13:11] even give me a couple extra days on it I'm happy I'm not quite like a fresh
[00:13:17] Krispy Kreme Krispy Kreme oh they're so good yeah they're they're so
[00:13:21] fucking hot off the press when the light is on yeah dude I really I don't think
[00:13:25] they're that good I associate that with weed in high school guys getting stoned
[00:13:30] everyone was so crispy's everyone was so because you had it the whole time
[00:13:33] everyone except remember when they were coming to Maryland I was excited
[00:13:36] they started in Texas elementary school yeah and I didn't and I was so excited
[00:13:40] but it was like you know the same donut as far as I'm fucking concerned oh
[00:13:44] there's dope dude I love Krispy Kreme's you hear Dunkin donuts is gonna be
[00:13:49] Duncan's coffee or some dumb shit now they changed the name yeah is that it's
[00:13:54] not all of them and some of them that are gonna be switching to be coffee only
[00:13:57] instead really they're gonna that's so I used to be a huge Duncan donuts head
[00:14:02] yeah you got the market yeah you got the you talked about getting a travel
[00:14:09] like from Duncan that's for like three months and then I did I went to Queens
[00:14:13] to go get the mug at its specific donuts at half you're in enough points
[00:14:18] yeah oh yeah there it is there and I immediately put soap in it and it ruined
[00:14:23] it forever no what yeah I put that did I use detergent in it and it like the
[00:14:28] detergent ate into the plastics no yeah no that's the souvenir cup that's
[00:14:34] yeah the souvenir tumbler I have I have all of the accoutrements don't get a
[00:14:39] cool casual cash but is it Duncan don't not yeah good or a month now when I was
[00:14:44] living in that box in Chinatown all I had was my coffee maker my Duncan donuts
[00:14:49] travel mug you know and I'd make my coffee in the morning and put it in the
[00:14:54] mug and then just go hop on a freight train yeah I had a nice I had a nice
[00:15:00] quiet life in that put appointment on your fucking ringworm alright I remember
[00:15:05] when I found that out that you can treat ringworm like an eight month case of
[00:15:09] ringworm okay with having it I wasn't okay with having it I just know
[00:15:17] solution to it you couldn't that they mountain medicine and figured out
[00:15:24] ringworm no no the solution is you have to get low trimming which is super
[00:15:29] fucking expensive so it is yeah dude it's like $17 a tube so if you don't have
[00:15:34] like if you have ringworm all over your fucking arms like you go through the
[00:15:39] tube immediately yeah and it's like I would have to spend $17 every three
[00:15:44] days to fucking fix it damn bro and I didn't have that kind of money at the
[00:15:47] time and then fucking I was like scratching myself and I think I saw
[00:15:51] Andrew short and he was like bed bugs and I was like no I got like a fun like
[00:15:57] ringworm or something and he was like oh Vic's vapor up I was like what
[00:16:01] clears it up yeah and he was like just use Vic's vapor up yeah it's it works as
[00:16:06] good as low trim and it's like you know pound for pound like it's you can get a
[00:16:10] whole fucking tub of it for half the price of a tube below trim and Vix cleared
[00:16:14] it right up very nice yeah that's that's good info when I think of Vix vapor up
[00:16:19] I remember the episode of friends where Monica is trying to get Chandler to
[00:16:23] fuck her and but she's sick and she rubs Vix vapor up he she asked him to rub
[00:16:29] Vix vapor up on her and that gets him horny and I beat off to that I used to
[00:16:35] be off to friends quite a bit in the hard nipple era of friends oh yeah bras
[00:16:38] went out of style bras are back out of style yeah I'm a huge fan I think that's
[00:16:43] I love seeing a nip I love seeing a titty bouncing yeah and it's better for you
[00:16:47] ladies apparently according to us I think it's brave
[00:16:50] a little me as well I see those women and I just feel so bad for them because
[00:16:56] it's like no matter how beautiful you are you'll never be able to join
[00:16:59] equinox gym with that rack cut those titties off maybe we'll let you in here
[00:17:08] with the big boys to swiss ball you know push-ups I went with that this girl I
[00:17:15] was seeing a couple months ago to the rooftop at West Village equinox gym pool
[00:17:20] hmm it was just all these fit gay guys oh nice me and this girl how many of them
[00:17:25] did you suck off I didn't suck any of them off one of them had a well star of
[00:17:30] David on and he had his feet in the pool and I got off I got out immediately I
[00:17:34] didn't want to I don't want the water to get contaminated with any of that you
[00:17:38] know with with gay Jew yeah yeah nice I don't want to catch it no is that David
[00:17:44] Barton is a star of David Barton David Barton Jim that's even more expensive
[00:17:49] than I was sure I make a gay Jewish guy joke yeah that is very important
[00:17:54] yeah because if two of them were you scared because of two gay we have to
[00:17:59] start fucking immediately yeah and I was with that girl I didn't want her to see
[00:18:03] it damn that must be tough yeah so anytime there's another gay Jewish guy
[00:18:08] you have to fuck him yeah I was like I had my beard with me but you know yeah
[00:18:13] if that if that's served up dick oh yeah landed in the water oh yeah there's no
[00:18:19] saying what would have it no but honestly they only did the bottom
[00:18:23] circumcision so your dick just has bangs
[00:18:28] like a cool oh we swept yeah disaffected Brooklyn thought you know kind of dick
[00:18:39] I would love to get the bottom done I got to say I think I found a solution to my
[00:18:44] Cirque problem just not having sex ever just where you using condoms yeah more
[00:18:49] often I used to be a certified raw dog whoo whoo but now I use fucking gone now I
[00:18:55] use a condom every time Alan noise means yeah yeah you've been for three days
[00:19:01] leave me alone Jill by the way have you seen Wilson I got to ask him about
[00:19:08] this rash do we make a joke about there being a hole in the fence I believe so
[00:19:14] yeah and if not let's do it again wouldn't it be funny funny if Wilson
[00:19:19] dick was it going through the face dick has a little fisherman's hat too
[00:19:26] hell yeah I don't think so can I come in can I come in your ass you guys take
[00:19:32] over for a second I don't think so okay all right we're flying solo and that means
[00:19:36] we're talking sports we're talking sports time time to talk about Lonzo oh I'm
[00:19:42] so excited for Lonzo I got a lot of the Lakers oh in LA I could say something
[00:19:48] funny I went to this disgusting Jewish wedding in LA oh yeah I was gross and
[00:19:53] why was it gross it was just like it was the it was full as many Jews too many Jews
[00:19:58] but it was like not too many Jews too many Jews it's a it's like too many cooks
[00:20:04] but it's a video of the Holocaust yeah yeah you know well at the end there
[00:20:07] weren't that you know they're way less yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah dude the bride
[00:20:14] he do the bride walked down the aisle to the Andrea Bucelli song from
[00:20:19] sopranos the one that Carm gets obsessed with in this video episode
[00:20:23] yeah but it was my heart is a karaoke version being live sung by a guy doing a
[00:20:29] Hebrew version no really but telly song and I was super high I got high right
[00:20:36] before the ceremony and there was a drone filming the wedding no so there was
[00:20:40] just this it sounded like wasps we're invading this wedding while this fucking
[00:20:45] Israeli guy was seeing the edge of the jelly singing like in which is which the
[00:20:51] language he grew and it was honestly I was just looking around the wedding I was
[00:20:55] like is anyone else see how ridiculously funny this is like everyone's like this
[00:20:59] is a fairy tale this is beautiful this is absolutely gorgeous the Hebrew version
[00:21:05] of the entree of the on Trier but Shelley song yeah it was so gross dude I hope I
[00:21:10] don't think Alex listens to come down who got married yeah my buddy from growing
[00:21:14] up I saw a shout out to that dumb ass Alex is yeah fuck Alex we fucked his wife
[00:21:19] stupid wedding with stupid piece of shit fuck Alex no I saw my old friend
[00:21:24] Tommy the magician or Gione yeah at the wedding hell yeah I miss I missed him
[00:21:31] so much he was a little bit pissed to me I guess because of bullying from high
[00:21:36] school he was still mad about nice to find out about the new bullying you've
[00:21:40] been doing on your podcast I told him I told him he was not happy you probably
[00:21:45] wouldn't be happy with me even mentioning this right now you do use his entire
[00:21:48] name yeah well that's the point of the joke or the story it is true you can't
[00:21:54] the joke that joke about him trying to use a fake ID or trying to use his real
[00:21:58] ID well he's dressed like a Jew yeah yeah his name is Tommy George you know it's
[00:22:03] a fake ID the only thing that's real is the name yeah yeah yeah yeah like you
[00:22:08] expect us to believe your name is Tommy choice you got the little fucking
[00:22:15] Arby's fries hanging off his ears I miss him yeah I missed him a lot I guess we
[00:22:19] kind of broke through like Arby's doesn't have fries like that yeah they have
[00:22:22] ring for yeah yeah those Roy Rogers no our business famous for those where
[00:22:27] Rogers also has curly fries do they yeah Roy Rogers I feel like they really
[00:22:32] where do you know I find him except for Frederick on the fucking on every
[00:22:36] highway sure right they're not good on the road I want a fresh one dude I don't
[00:22:40] want to fucking those are fresh they make them right there and they put them in
[00:22:43] that fucking buffet thing I don't like the dude I did let me tell you some I love
[00:22:48] Roy Rogers okay I agree I mean look that's fine but I just feel like it's it's
[00:22:54] always I want one that's not a lot of Texas I want one that's not at a fucking
[00:22:58] travel stop not travel Plaza yeah I only know from I 95 I there was one in
[00:23:03] Frederick that is a standalone one that was good as shit I would go every time
[00:23:06] I'm McDonald's McDonald's bought Roy Rogers in the like late 90s really and
[00:23:11] so there's a lot of a lot of current McDonald's used to be Roy Rogers really
[00:23:16] those cock Rogers those Fox Roy's yeah the homogenization of fast roger yeah
[00:23:22] Roy's Rogers it's like a turn these general that sucks dude I love fast like
[00:23:29] little weird fast food you ever go to an A&W like a stand like a restaurant yeah
[00:23:34] yeah those are kind of there was one in Rosedale that I went to with a
[00:23:37] horrible uncle who's a cocksucker this guy Kenny can suck my dick but he took
[00:23:42] me there once and that was actually a positive memory only because I love the
[00:23:46] hot dog so much but fuck Ken let me I got a cream soda for the first time I
[00:23:51] didn't know that shit's existed dude it's crazy yeah so to come face and so to
[00:23:56] companies started their own burger place yeah yeah that burgers Carl's
[00:24:01] junior really is the best though I haven't had it since we got Texas is
[00:24:06] filled with all of these like I guess they're chains there's like Austin in
[00:24:10] particular there was like Wally's hamburgers I think there's a lot of
[00:24:14] burger right whatever it was short shortstop I think was like I'm and I'm
[00:24:18] fucking up the names water burger yeah but Franz Dan's there's all these like
[00:24:23] different fucking hamburger chains so you know like a million options for you
[00:24:29] know fast food hamburger places and let's just say I've been around the block
[00:24:34] and Carl's junior is the best I like Jack in the box you don't have the box
[00:24:39] menu items mmm Jack in the box is good but it's like the Jack in the box they
[00:24:45] need to I need to talk us we need to dial it in you know and and figure what's
[00:24:49] good is that garlic bread toast sandwich they have my own you know it's the
[00:24:54] sourdough Jack that's it yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
[00:24:56] toast the sourdough patty melt with bacon yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's really
[00:25:00] good and crazy I guess to get that after school dude I would get that shit on
[00:25:04] the way to work I used to work a 6 a.m. the 2 p.m. shit in LA and a car sent a
[00:25:09] call center no no right right in Austin they had Jack in the box and I lived I
[00:25:14] lived basically in Round Rock at the time which is like the town north of
[00:25:18] Austin yeah and the call center was like almost at the southwestern tip of the
[00:25:24] city so it was like an hour-long commute I would wake up at like 4 o'clock in the
[00:25:29] morning yeah like yeah at like five Jesus fucking Christ go to Jack in the box
[00:25:35] get that sandwich be on the phones at six and then out the door to and then I
[00:25:41] would usually fall asleep while driving my car home in the after like every
[00:25:46] afternoon I did that shit to coming back from DC I would fucking just drive off
[00:25:50] the road and like wake up to a clock and after every single fucking day I would
[00:25:54] wake up like three blocks from my house yeah I was like how the fuck did I get
[00:25:58] here it was this bizarre shit I was in a fugue state yeah and then and then I
[00:26:02] would go out and do stand up and like get home and like fucking midnight and
[00:26:06] then sleep for three and a half hours and then yeah damn dude sucks yeah I was
[00:26:10] 20 you can do that showing your 20 yeah world men now dude I need sleep yeah I
[00:26:14] need eight hours I need I need massive amounts of cardio and and weightlifting
[00:26:20] to maintain your beautiful physique my physique
[00:26:25] if I'm become a fucking power lifter dude despite I'm changing my name to the
[00:26:29] La Fizzique thank you for calling the equinoxes La Fizzique speaking
[00:26:37] are you want to sign up for the gym what are you mentally retarded or what's
[00:26:43] wrong with your body how many titties you got because this is an
[00:26:46] intersectional gym so it's not enough to just be black me for an example I have
[00:26:53] an ear instead of a nose well you can't see it over the phone but that would come
[00:26:58] in handy for like eating ass you can't smell you know but also you'd also really
[00:27:04] like oh you know that really good for that thing where you press your ear
[00:27:07] against something to listen to people fuck it would be good for that like
[00:27:16] that have a podcast that shouldn't you know like somebody that has a podcast
[00:27:20] nobody listens to they just had another ear directly over their mouth they could
[00:27:25] hear themselves talk without having to bother other people with it or engaging
[00:27:29] in delusions of grandeur yeah that's real yeah do you fuck all their podcast that's
[00:27:35] what I say let's we should I used to be humble but now that we're big dogs yeah
[00:27:39] I support other I support too many white guys too many white guys it's first of
[00:27:46] all it's called so many white guys so many white guys too many white guys I call
[00:27:51] it the right amount that's this this podcast is the right amount of like that's
[00:27:55] what we should call it I mean I mean laughing the other day told me he quoted
[00:28:00] some David tell joke which I hadn't heard before about albinos David tell
[00:28:04] which one joke he goes out by knows too much of a good thing
[00:28:11] it might be the perfect joke he's so I know I tell is the fucking god no fat on
[00:28:16] that yeah just like your dick it's seriously no it's just dude you should
[00:28:22] try to get at least try to get melanoma on your dick to make it wider is that
[00:28:26] what is that what it does no it just makes it darker probably black are you
[00:28:31] worried about that um I got a call the I mean it like like you said I think of
[00:28:37] melanoma and I was expecting to look at it and just be bullshit but that I mean
[00:28:41] that looks like skincare why don't we just a little bit we have a little knife
[00:28:45] let's cut it off yeah I like all fuck let's cut it off I would love I don't
[00:28:48] want to do it come on dude we can sterilize the knife just with a lighter
[00:28:52] no you don't first of all do not suggest doing anything to any of my
[00:28:58] blades I have listen I haven't my my father but I'm going to Greece my dad
[00:29:05] bought my uncle a Japanese knife for some reason so we can use that
[00:29:08] to do we should get Katana's yes dot com what's what's the fucking the the
[00:29:14] one smaller than the Katana that was the was eerie or the was icky I don't know
[00:29:19] I don't know I don't know about fucking swords well samurai samurai have
[00:29:24] they have two swords they have the Katana and then they have the smaller ones
[00:29:27] that killing themselves oh the seppuku one yeah but yeah we talked about
[00:29:31] seppuku a couple weeks ago right yeah they get their heads cut off while
[00:29:35] they're doing it right yeah well you know I you killed prior prior to being
[00:29:39] Delta forces samurai for oh you're the headshot 500 years and whoa what the
[00:29:45] fuck yeah are you a mortal do you I why I wouldn't say mortal Nick was actually
[00:29:50] born in Japan in that forest where people go to commit suicide yeah yeah I
[00:29:55] didn't know there was I forgot about that yep there's a lot of facts about me
[00:29:59] that will slowly be revealed to the audience well throughout the
[00:30:04] course of this the 10 year run of the show and that's that's what actually
[00:30:10] makes this a great piece of yeah of work you know oh yeah I love that shit with
[00:30:17] like a TV show like people pretend like oh they knew they were they knew they
[00:30:22] were gonna do that the whole time yep then in the first episode the reason you
[00:30:27] know yeah woman had a blue shirt on us because yeah at the end she's gonna have
[00:30:32] a blue take now that's right yeah yeah just figured it out most TV show you're
[00:30:36] lost you're mentally retarded yeah lost is the biggest example that they just
[00:30:40] admit they had no they had no idea what to do yeah as opposed to us which again
[00:30:44] this is heavily scripted oh yeah well it's my actual life yeah so I mean you
[00:30:49] can't it's not scripted so much as it's true we sat down six years ago and
[00:30:53] plotted it out well yeah I mean our writers are all WOC have you how far
[00:30:58] have you guys gone with plotting a bank robbery in her head I used to when I
[00:31:03] was a kid me and my cousin used to come up with like elaborate plans but they
[00:31:06] were dumb as shit cuz we were kids yeah yeah I would fantasize I legit would
[00:31:10] fantasize about just like it going wrong that moment in every fucking
[00:31:08] yeah I would fantasize I legit would fantasize about just like it going
[00:31:12] wrong that moment in every fucking bank right we're just like fuck fuck and it's
[00:31:16] going off and just like shooting a dog day after noon moment yeah yeah yeah
[00:31:20] and then I would get away but I never I never plotted the specifics that's
[00:31:23] very early represent trans representation in cinema dog day after
[00:31:27] noon was he trans or was he just his girlfriend was trans yeah yeah yeah he
[00:31:33] had like in it he had an annoying wife and then he had a girlfriend who wanted
[00:31:38] to be a woman I thought the gay guy was pre-transition was Fredo or some shit
[00:31:43] no Fredo was like his assistant partner yeah his partner said actors name played
[00:31:49] Fredo he was Mel he was a what's John John Kovalle yeah he was in like four
[00:31:54] movies and they're all in the hunter yeah yeah got got he got cancer he got
[00:31:58] bone cancer sucked damn and he was um the actress everyone sucks off now that
[00:32:04] was also in deer hunter but come lose come on you guys know shoes she's
[00:32:08] probably soon everyone's gonna fucking get get fucking stiff I haven't seen
[00:32:12] deer hunter forever you know I'm talking about the main I think I'm where's Prada
[00:32:16] oh yeah yeah it's so funny that like that this fucking the one iron lady the one
[00:32:24] that gave the speech against Trump yes the one who stopped not Helen mirror you
[00:32:28] know come on we know her name you know she's like that big that big guy come on
[00:32:33] the most famous I've already moved on in my head I need to know I want to make a
[00:32:37] point about deer hunter and like who she was in deer hunter you drive through
[00:32:41] western Pennsylvania and it's like the worst fucking part of the country it just
[00:32:44] sucks it sucks to look at shit but it's not really in film ever so when you see
[00:32:50] it in deer hunter you're like wow Western Pennsylvania in that it's in that
[00:32:55] that hockey movie that Amber was watching slap shot slap shot the Paul Newman
[00:33:00] movie they filmed it in Western PA I think there's a factor he was getting
[00:33:05] shut down we're going back we got about Canada no no it's the one with Paul
[00:33:10] Newman yeah like a yeah coach slap shot is that shot or in PA I think it's
[00:33:17] Western PA that's like it yeah the fuck is your name the distinct what's your
[00:33:23] day you know a fucking name fuck the woman from yeah deer hunter yes the
[00:33:29] famous lady the old lady now who's a good ass actor she won a bunch of fucking
[00:33:33] Oscars the most famous girls male street fuck yes
[00:33:39] oh god damn that feels good Meryl Streep baby we're so dumb we're like the
[00:33:44] dumbest I am stupid I wasn't thinking about it yeah Nick got it I wouldn't
[00:33:47] move on in the middle of the place anyway Western PA it looks like I could
[00:33:52] use I confuse Meryl Streep and Laura Dern sometimes really yeah Laura Derns
[00:33:58] way younger I would smash the day there's like a similar their heads are the same
[00:34:02] size or something she's in the new twin peaks she's good she's looking right
[00:34:07] dude I would I'm a big Dern fan John Kazale is the name that's what I said
[00:34:12] he said I said Kavale not Kazale yeah that guy died yeah sucked bone cancer
[00:34:18] and he was a real husband that was a great decade to die the 70s I feel like
[00:34:24] everyone everyone was dying of heart disease and they're like 50s yeah that
[00:34:28] was good was all trash yeah it was all is all bacon wasn't trash it wasn't
[00:34:32] trash it was your pants up to here yeah and work in a very high to a stomach
[00:34:37] yeah I'm pointing very high I think in the 70s and I imagine Rudy's dad that
[00:34:44] movie yeah of course Rudy his dad in that movie that's that's what that whole
[00:34:48] decade is it's hilarious how many like Vince Vaughn would like you look back
[00:34:52] you watch that movie now and it's like Favro was in it Vince Vaughn was in in in
[00:35:01] they're like Meryl you beautiful baby let me suck your titties
[00:35:05] bit at the let's swing dancing fuck at the casino what and then Robert De Niro
[00:35:10] kill wasn't in birdie yeah he was was he yeah he was I don't know if I've
[00:35:14] rose in it he plays it's fun wasn't fun like dickhead quarterback I just know
[00:35:19] Sam wise Ganges isn't it I think from on is it the rings really yeah fucking
[00:35:25] Sean asked Sean asked Sean Aston was like an attractive teen boy and then
[00:35:31] something happened in between like toy soldiers and Encino man that he gained
[00:35:36] like just the right amount of weight to turn into like a blueberry like he
[00:35:41] didn't get fat but he got like he got fat the way I did in a little round
[00:35:45] months where it's like plumber like a little plump you're not you just look
[00:35:50] bad right right right right well I happen to him and then he became like a
[00:35:54] like a shitty fucking garbage the other movie that guy was in John Kazale
[00:35:58] was the conversation with Gene Hackman yeah literally in five movies just
[00:36:02] bangers and they're all bang on and he fucking kills it for four movies yeah
[00:36:07] godfather one two conversation oh five dog to afternoon and dear hunter god
[00:36:13] damn that's insane that he died up for five yes wish damn he's actually yeah and
[00:36:20] he was so fucking sexy to everyone so Adam's gonna do he's one of the world's
[00:36:24] best podcast yeah he dies of melanoma yeah I've been on choppa I'm gonna die
[00:36:31] yeah I can't wait I hope what other podcast you're gonna try and weasel
[00:36:36] your way into socially too many white guys huh too many white guys the hell
[00:36:41] bent podcast yeah you should get married to Sarah Lerner I'm not after I get
[00:36:47] married of Phoebe what's her name Phoebe Robinson can you imagine the poor
[00:36:51] fuck that's gonna have to marry that woman Sarah Lerner yeah oh yeah my
[00:36:56] husk my wife I mean is doing a podcast oh this is a way to get around being
[00:37:02] mean about dig me on we'll just call him her husband I don't know who you're
[00:37:08] talking about I'm doing Sarah Lerner hello everybody is me a completely new
[00:37:15] character hey guys we found a loophole hey guys my name is Seth
[00:37:21] Lerner I took her last name I can't even remember what my last name was
[00:37:31] my wife anyway I used to do stand-up comedy
[00:37:35] Sarah told me it would be better if I quick
[00:37:40] got it for the family the family is just us but she was worried it might take
[00:37:45] attention away from the podcast well it's them and of course some dog that
[00:37:49] they do to push some content I'm a stay at home dog dead yeah my
[00:37:54] responsibilities are taking pictures of the dog when it looks grumpy and then
[00:38:01] also paying all of the bills by working in a cheese shop I'm so delighted
[00:38:12] fuck you don't be cooler than bone cancer he's of that guy did all those
[00:38:17] movies and then he was run over by a monster truck that would be cooler is
[00:38:21] that the coolest way to die no a good cool way guys gunfight right probably
[00:38:28] maybe like maybe like a high stakes fucking motorcycle accident while
[00:38:32] shooting a gun what are you doing over there Adam come on bro they're doing
[00:38:36] politics I'm sorry I was shown her this hot news scaramucci I harassed a woman
[00:38:42] on my nose cool as cool as way to die what do you say Adam coolest way to die
[00:38:48] mm-hmm well shot in the head while you're watching a play as the president
[00:38:55] United States screaming things in Arabic is the plane smashes into the
[00:38:58] building that's the coolest way to die getting your dick sucked probably
[00:39:04] no coming too hard and too fast I think you could come so much yeah that they
[00:39:09] could beat off so much he died but that but you're getting your dick sucked so
[00:39:14] much I don't I haven't got my dick sucked in years maybe maybe jet jet
[00:39:21] packing yes it is it is feminist anyway women want to show sexual
[00:39:25] gratification up if they want to show my day you're not allowed to see not
[00:39:30] feminist let me lecture to you I'm what well Adam right there your mansplaining
[00:39:35] yeah exactly you know yeah I love explaining me a feminist love I think maybe
[00:39:46] skydiving but that's not a cool way to die right skydiving sucks when you
[00:39:50] don't have a plane would be cool how about uh being Steve as friend and
[00:39:55] smashing your car and you're tweeting tweeting all the well to dry the dry fucking
[00:40:05] that is pretty cool that is pretty cool that is so funny people try and talk
[00:40:10] about what it's right it is this fucking motherfuckers like gonna be a rough
[00:40:14] one he tweeted something to that effect so fucking fun yeah and then like fucking
[00:40:19] bam our gerund them were like it's not funny yeah when she was not the
[00:40:23] funny about this go away at fanny driving drunk in a fine for a fucking
[00:40:30] them done I'm gonna be fucking mad we're gonna break into your house and play
[00:40:35] rock music and I'm gonna slap you for a minute you're gonna you're gonna have to
[00:40:39] we're gonna give you lifetime tickets to every ck walk concert and you have to
[00:40:44] go see every show his punishment is ck why still touring no we should go
[00:40:51] dude we should go to ck y2k was like one of my early like when I was a skater in
[00:40:56] middle school favorites because it was it was half pranks half skating yes that
[00:41:02] is a good combo for teenage boy yeah that's yeah every every teenage boy is is
[00:41:06] that's their mentality is that I skateboard and I do pranks yeah did you guys get
[00:41:11] into doing a fucking shopping cart pushes like jackass style we used to like put
[00:41:16] like in in middle school we like go like put a friend in a shopping cart and like
[00:41:20] four of us with like bobsled push them oh nice yeah into like curbs and stuff
[00:41:24] what yeah we know what I used to do with shopping carts is I had my first car
[00:41:28] stavros to a big-ass Chevy blazer we would just fucking go to the pizza
[00:41:33] hut and they're behind the pizza cut we get fucked up off pizza and then there
[00:41:38] was a giant in Dundalk here you fucked up yeah I would have so much pizza I would
[00:41:42] be fucking lightheaded baby and then and then we would just drive and I would
[00:41:47] just run over shopping carts with my big-ass car oh that's pretty fun that was
[00:41:51] a shit when I was when me and Cubas live together my my favorite bit to do was
[00:41:56] I would I had a Ford Explorer and when I would pull back into the parking lot
[00:42:03] after we go grocery shopping I'd like carefully pull the car into like right
[00:42:07] upward of the trash is and then smash into it right up and then you smash into
[00:42:15] whatever's in front that's a great bit I would love doing that to my friends
[00:42:19] while driving you were saying you're your friend you could yeah yeah I would love
[00:42:22] to just fucking bump someone else behind them traffic my friend Chinese saying
[00:42:27] we get so mad when I do that to my car that is what his dad sounded like yeah
[00:42:34] oh you know another good thing I would do to Sam he was so homophobic whenever I
[00:42:38] was in the the passenger side of his car I would pretend to suck his dick and
[00:42:41] honk the horn we stopped at a red light in Greek town you're like stop me what
[00:42:49] ah fuck dude imagine sucking someone's like really sucking someone's dick and
[00:42:54] honking a horn so people could see that's a hero my book you guys had sex in a
[00:42:59] car before sure yeah pretty standard cool road and this is just us dude I don't
[00:43:05] know you think we just did actually have I fully fucked it just gotten sucked off
[00:43:09] from clickhole it's a picture of Glenn Danzig oh I saw it it's so funny one
[00:43:13] time I wrote a song called Dracula spider about Dracula being a spider but
[00:43:17] when it came time to record it I was too scared to read my own
[00:43:20] head so good that's really good but see that's not accurate Glenn wouldn't say
[00:43:26] something like that oh he would write a song called Dracula spider but then but
[00:43:32] the reason he wouldn't have recorded it is because he just would know that the
[00:43:36] critics in the sensors wouldn't be able to handle that's more they're not
[00:43:39] giving them the kind of being savvy for understanding the industry yeah that's
[00:43:44] the kind of shit Glenn Danzig says big Danzig yeah big Glenn if they knew what
[00:43:51] I was really thinking they probably locked me up they knew what was going on in my
[00:43:55] mind my sick and twisted all these stories are 100% real this one's about a
[00:44:09] this was about a werewolf he's in the place of basketball
[00:44:13] playing in high school and his hair was perfect
[00:44:20] well-known werewolf media this was about a teenage witch named Sabrina
[00:44:27] that's my song I wrote it actually if you ever hear that song you might think
[00:44:37] it's somebody else but actually it's me Glenn Danzig the singer of that song
[00:44:41] this was about a bunch of monsters getting together having a mash legitimately
[00:44:47] Glenn Danzig's inspiration is like fucking monster
[00:44:51] I'm not gonna like us I've never I've never thought that the song monster
[00:44:57] match was spooky and scary oh I used to fucking have nightmares dude yeah you
[00:45:02] scared of us yeah yeah yeah scary oh a piece of media that we must that I have
[00:45:09] to fucking recommend that is monster in on comedy bang bang you ever heard the
[00:45:16] monster fuck no it's so good everyone look it up it's just like on the podcast
[00:45:21] well hold on are you recommending another podcast no a clip from it that I
[00:45:25] got down there don't don't ever listen to the monster fuck don't know don't
[00:45:30] listen to a whole I'm banking on on on what I assume to be the truth which is
[00:45:34] that everyone who listens this podcast didn't know what a podcast was before
[00:45:39] this one we're the first not getting to know at a computer we was serious we
[00:45:42] know this is the first stop no no I think it's cereal and then us like they've
[00:45:46] only heard of two podcasts yeah yeah actually you know I live hard it's funny
[00:45:50] in a cereal was the reason I was like I should do a podcast really cereal is
[00:45:54] the only podcast whoever listen to it I it's the only one I've yeah I have it's
[00:45:59] cool it's like a TV show yeah it's well produced it's fun and the whole time you
[00:46:03] just walk around I'm on the subway I got my headphones in people are looking at
[00:46:07] me because I'm sitting there saying you stupid bitch of course he did it
[00:46:12] you fucking idiot bitch you're like sir are you okay yeah I'm not you don't
[00:46:19] smell enough like you're in dev skits are friend yeah making a murder is guilty
[00:46:24] to right yeah absolutely all of those guys the only one that wasn't guilty is
[00:46:28] Robert Durst the rest of the rest was set up crime town though speaking of
[00:46:36] good-ass podcast it is just it's so good I've got the mom I listen to it I
[00:46:40] listen to the second one when I was moving a couple weeks ago second time
[00:46:44] town no the shit second cereal no it's good dude yeah it's pretty good they
[00:46:49] stole us they stole our shit dude yeah I'm gonna produce our shit I'm gonna
[00:46:53] produce a crime crime crime podcast a real crime oh you're gonna do the crimes
[00:47:08] mm-hmm August 15 2015 then it's a recording it's like do you know who I am
[00:47:14] little girl do you recognize these big pants
[00:47:22] well you ever heard of five dollar footlong
[00:47:29] on August 3rd 2015 a man wearing glasses and a big pair of khakis walked in the
[00:47:40] rich Carlton got a room for one under a fake name you know we first started
[00:47:48] ascertaining the details of the crime it's like Sheriff Dick face was assigned
[00:47:54] to the case after 20 years on the child fucking service yeah I moved over to
[00:48:04] CPS and CFS and 1987 and this is possibly one of the worst cases I've ever seen
[00:48:12] something similar there's a guy dressed up like Ronald McDonald it was fucking
[00:48:16] kids in the Bronx back in 92 but the actual mascot doing the raping is unheard
[00:48:22] of that's really good dude how did how did the how the stories how the
[00:48:31] officer get the subway and then you always hear like the the sounds of the
[00:48:35] New York subway screeching between that's my that's my day train is so fucking
[00:48:41] loud that's my that's my production that's very good that's very good
[00:48:47] that's Adam doing an impression of a train yes you think I'm the most artistic
[00:48:52] I saw something autistic I don't remember what it was pretty good was in the mirror
[00:48:59] oh fuck dude I got I got what the fuck can you stop the recording for a second
[00:49:06] yeah can you stop it yeah I did that's not dude that's not fucking cool man
[00:49:11] dude I'm fucking feeling I'm not just feeling spicy I'm feeling mucho
[00:49:15] Caliente today I try to watch out dude I'm a dancing cactus you're gonna get
[00:49:19] pricked if you get too close yeah he's he's been prickly yeah fuck dude he's
[00:49:23] a prickly party we can start it up again but do not call me autistic all right
[00:49:27] all right start up can we like stops out this the new goal for the show is to
[00:49:35] break the recording equipment that is gonna be so annoying
[00:49:42] no it just spent money what it the way these things have this it can only go so
[00:49:47] loud mmm so every time you talk like every third time yeah it just cuts you
[00:49:52] out mmm so you're constantly being cuz I'm bringing too much heat you're too
[00:49:56] loud bringing too much heat it's a metaphorical loudness it's like good
[00:50:01] it's good points it's nice it's nice that good loud oh it's because I smoke
[00:50:05] too much loud it's because it can hear my pockets because my pockets are loud I
[00:50:09] tried being a sonar again in California when I was without us dude yeah and then
[00:50:14] I got fucking like I was really it's way more fun to get high by yourself no I
[00:50:21] do characters I keep myself entertained I'm trying to get stoned and watch a movie
[00:50:25] boys I was laughing so hard getting high and just fucking like sauntering
[00:50:29] around the apartment going I think the British are coming dude
[00:50:35] oh fuck did I tell you I did that makes it Tom Myers bit so much so good you're
[00:50:42] actually hi I told you guys Dylan Meyer his brother saw him at a saw Tom Tom
[00:50:48] was their waiter at a Mexican restaurant like fealston hell yeah yeah I saw him
[00:50:53] like put a video up of him touring that Mexican restaurant is like the next big
[00:50:57] comedy venue oh yeah oh yeah I feel it bad yeah I feel bad making fun of Tom
[00:51:06] because like Tom unlike Sarah Lerner's husband
[00:51:19] Sarah Lerner's husband already Tom is just so good yeah she's at the Tom yeah
[00:51:27] no Tom's Tom's just like a he's a nerd yeah he's like a learning disabled guy
[00:51:33] yeah mm-hmm in the sense that I think he might actually have learning
[00:51:38] disabilities yes I agree with that you know not that there's anything wrong
[00:51:43] with that nope hell if you got a learning disability come on down to
[00:51:46] Equinox yeah we got we're gonna teach you how to jump on some foam corn's right
[00:51:55] I don't know yep I would exercises are they doing there what could they
[00:51:59] possibly have in that place it makes it cost so goddamn much money
[00:52:02] they don't even have a red-scused nice health clubs nice health clubs usually
[00:52:08] have like a nice rest clubs yeah James dude no I'm talking about like that
[00:52:12] level it's like a health club they have smoothie hey over 150 bucks a month they
[00:52:16] have like smoothie places they have like they have a liptus they haven't
[00:52:19] juice prunes yes should be should we join a powerlifting Jim I mean I'm down
[00:52:25] dude I'm too weak dude my shoulders too fucked up I'm like I'm like I'm
[00:52:28] sweating fucked up what do you got I got a labrum tear my my no my I get like I
[00:52:34] have like a some sort of rotator cuff thing my shoulders just grinds all the
[00:52:38] time mm-hmm but if I I can fuck it up doing literally anything I can't do
[00:52:42] any waterhead shit anymore squatting I'll fuck up my shoulder benching I'll
[00:52:45] fuck up my shoulder yeah yeah yeah yeah shoulder lat pull downs I'll fuck up
[00:52:50] really there's supposed to be good freak because they strengthen the back
[00:52:52] no they just it fucks out that's what they told me to do literally the only
[00:52:57] thing that doesn't fuck up my shoulder is deadlifting what about Rose supposed to
[00:53:00] do Rose but it's the thing is is like for 90% of the time it's fine
[00:53:05] sometimes something will fuck up and then again like inflamed then I just have
[00:53:09] to leave the gym and I can't go back right two days damn but I had that I
[00:53:14] that happened where like I did just started to get a little sore while
[00:53:18] squatting and then I I went and got food I'm jealous yeah I went down I sat down
[00:53:26] to bench and even the bar like the bar comes down halfway yes yes clicked and
[00:53:31] then it just I like couldn't move my I just couldn't click I get a fucking
[00:53:36] click to click so my arm goes numb and I'm incapable of moving it yeah without
[00:53:39] any weight on it yeah yeah I just have to fucking leave and then my whole arm
[00:53:43] goes numb and I'm higher yeah no that's no good you might have a fucked up
[00:53:46] labrum dude yeah well it goes away and then you know I just ignore and it's
[00:53:51] been like that since I was like 22 fuck and you still lived I gotta fucking get
[00:53:55] jacked when I get back dude I need to get more piercings that's I'm you do that
[00:53:59] if you got more piercings I would be so I'm gonna get five rings you got a
[00:54:03] lip if you got a fucking I'm gonna get a little Brett piercing what's up for
[00:54:07] mom it's like the pizza hot you take layer area mmm the underneath and we're
[00:54:12] gonna pizza hot it's not pizza the soul patch soul patch thing hell yeah my
[00:54:17] girlfriend when I was like 17 18 had the septum septum snake bites oh the
[00:54:26] Medusa piercing which is a bridge over nose
[00:54:30] oh she had like so many I think her eyebrows pierced to what about that
[00:54:34] cheek piercing the people were doing for a while she had that she had a
[00:54:37] marine piercing the man wrote here yeah yeah yeah she had that that shit and
[00:54:41] then we got into a car accident she was in the passenger zero to sober I was
[00:54:46] high at the time but it was not my fault as rear ended and that smashed my car
[00:54:53] into the one in front of me and so the airbag deployed and it fucking jammed
[00:54:59] the man rope here say ha into her face oh fuck that's gross yeah and they like
[00:55:07] pull it out in the fucking hospital Jesus Christ yeah so get one of those
[00:55:11] Adam I'm just gonna get me a girlfriend like that yeah she was still around do
[00:55:17] those girls still exist yeah she's doing a lot of heroin now yeah that sounds
[00:55:22] about right yeah absolutely die soon already hmm I wonder if I have any
[00:55:31] exes that'll die soon probably not I thought the Monroe is like above your
[00:55:35] lip but on the side it was over here yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah with that beauty
[00:55:39] mark is yeah Adam you should just get a bunch of yet a million tattoos to or a
[00:55:44] million full must have yeah to have a bunch of studs to make a diamond
[00:55:49] moustache holy fuck that would be awesome I might do that that's really good I
[00:55:57] want to get it yeah 35 piercings I kind of like rubies get a red Ruby mustache
[00:56:06] what are you looking at bitch it's on the train nobody would say shit to you
[00:56:10] absolutely not you it would be bizarre that honestly that might be like a fuck
[00:56:16] you looking at bitch yeah I better not fuck with that guy doesn't look that big
[00:56:21] but he has a Ruby mustache fucking lip is covered in gems sapphires you can
[00:56:28] switch it out for different occasions you know you have a bunch of dollar
[00:56:32] signs yes all over yeah dude that's the look hmm and then I get that that
[00:56:36] cholo Mickey Mouse sir on dice tattoo hell of course of course dude be the
[00:56:41] king of the king of public transit nobody can say shit to me when time I was on
[00:56:46] like a packed a train or one train going uptown train mm-hmm and like fucking
[00:56:53] you know Pat like packed as packed as the fuck I can get and like two guys over
[00:56:57] me there's just like this one dude staying there and he just looks deranged
[00:57:01] and he's like I'm about to pull his knife out start slashing my fuckers keep
[00:57:06] pushing on me like that I'm gonna cut I'm gonna fucking cut one of these niggas
[00:57:11] up I'm gonna do it don't push me and no one is reacting because like you just
[00:57:17] can't yeah there's no there's no good way out just like alright I guess this guy's
[00:57:21] just gonna fucking yeah one of us is dying you just cross your fingers you're
[00:57:26] not the first one to get slashed oh holy shit that was so funny yeah my I was
[00:57:31] trying not to laugh I didn't want to be the guy to get stabbed of course but
[00:57:35] yeah you know they packed in like Zardines it's just his head moving around
[00:57:39] talking about how he's gonna pull his knife out and start stabbing people very
[00:57:43] nice yeah I you know sometimes that's nice you're cuddling with a stranger
[00:57:47] yeah you know one time that happened and there was it was back to shit but
[00:57:52] that was a long guy sitting Indian style dirty as shit not speaking but just
[00:57:57] punching himself in the head oh yeah there's like a little perimeter yeah
[00:58:04] I was like oh that's cool this is perfect yeah what I might have said this on the
[00:58:09] part like at the beginning of the show but one time I was on a sixth train and
[00:58:12] there's this woman who just had her phone out just yelling at this African
[00:58:17] dude and she's like I got your ass and you on Facebook live right now she's
[00:58:22] like she stopped the trade with your Africa dash like get the fuck out of my
[00:58:26] country I'm an American citizen and you African and you on Facebook live right
[00:58:32] now she's like just being raped like yeah fucking that holds up legalist yeah
[00:58:38] Facebook live is legal that African guy leaves the train he's like what have I
[00:58:42] done he's like leaving the train station you know and it's like I am just a
[00:58:50] poor boy though my story seldom told leaving the train station he's like where
[00:58:54] is the place for an African man like me and then he passes by equinoxes
[00:59:01] and then we zoom out and that's on the TV at Equinox and then the personal
[00:59:05] trainer goes see how about a membership we can do your rate is seven thousand
[00:59:12] two hundred and fifty three dollars a week with one training session you're
[00:59:15] allowed to come into the gym for five minutes fuck yeah I don't think that he
[00:59:24] did anything to her I think he bumped her I think she just snapped on it my
[00:59:28] favorite is that that video that guy that got caught jacking off on the train
[00:59:32] and I guess somebody taken a picture of him before but it was on like I forget
[00:59:38] what blog yeah DNA info or whatever this guy puts a backpack on his lap it's a
[00:59:43] black dude that wears like Newsy caps like black dark blacked out Oakley's
[00:59:48] you're a newsy gap in the only that's such an incredible fit yeah like the
[00:59:53] backpack and he's you know beating off behind the backpack oh my god and he's
[00:59:59] holding the backpack like this like emotionless and the fucking the woman
[01:00:04] taping him is across from him and she's like you nasty mother fucker or
[01:00:08] something and when he sees that he's taping her him he just does this like
[01:00:16] you know I'm like seeing stops beating off you know and then she like berates
[01:00:20] him and he kind of just runs away it's funny it's very funny I feel like there
[01:00:26] is maybe people don't make as big a deal out of public masturbators but I feel
[01:00:31] like there was more in DC when I was there on the Metro yeah a ton of public
[01:00:35] masturbators you think so yeah I saw one one time it was hilarious I started
[01:00:40] laughing I mean it's really rude to everyone but you ever see it live it is
[01:00:45] very funny well that's good in Congress the public masturbators oh yeah
[01:00:51] that's that's who's a real DC public masturbator this Ted Cruz fell over talking
[01:00:57] about yeah you've heard of this guy folks I have I don't like I got back in the
[01:01:03] borscht belt fuck dude they just I don't know why they call it that because I
[01:01:07] was eating shit all we fuck so I'm flustered they just took down one of my
[01:01:13] posts on Instagram I'm good afraid I'm gonna get kicked off again get that
[01:01:17] fat boy band everyone listen to show please go report no don't please don't
[01:01:21] do that why can't you be a more supportive friend you know I love this
[01:01:24] Instagram account it's my life's work I'm trying to save you dude from what
[01:01:28] dude good content no you know body positivity I do need to be I saw I saw
[01:01:35] Master P in the TSA line at LAX pretty cool he's very tall he did he was a
[01:01:41] baller he's like six five six you see Master P oh yeah I gave him a I gave
[01:01:47] him a little dap so it was a big fan really is it Mr Miller big fan and I
[01:01:52] saw I saw mystery the pickup art is one down the street no we're at TSA he
[01:01:59] couldn't have had a gun um wait you saw a very brand I don't know what it was
[01:02:05] very Brandon Ward down no just did no no no he makes a noise please you saw
[01:02:13] mystery what was he what was he dressed like did he could have just been a guy from LA
[01:02:16] he didn't have the hat in the goggles yeah yeah he had like a leather he did
[01:02:20] sort of yeah it was like a leather hat was a drop at a wide brand all of those
[01:02:24] guys on on like uh around like a sunset and fucking vlog yeah yeah yeah I think
[01:02:30] they're in train the no they think that they're like at the Viper room in 1991
[01:02:34] yeah yeah they think that like the the sunset strip scene is still popping off
[01:02:40] yeah when everyone knows it died with River Phoenix yeah who deserves died by
[01:02:45] the way I think so too for his crimes against for hanging out with the white
[01:02:50] male the sentence death the crime not being allowed at Equinox not being an
[01:03:02] Equinox style person very true is Equinox only in New York yeah I think so
[01:03:12] they probably have in Chicago I think they might have one in DC too that seems
[01:03:15] like a place it would have yeah Equinox they don't have JZ Chicago
[01:03:21] that's the city of broad shoulders they call it yep because everyone's fat yeah
[01:03:28] sorry guys we didn't we couldn't go give the keynote address at the DSA yeah
[01:03:33] convention but I do think that it's pretty fucked up I got invited to a
[01:03:38] Pasha real law I did yeah I got invited to a 4-chan meetup in the woods in Missouri
[01:03:47] where everyone brings a bunch of guns to shoot guns in the woods dude someone's
[01:03:54] gonna die someone has to die that was you getting set up dude I mean like even
[01:03:59] if I wanted to go it's like I couldn't I would be arrested right right yeah
[01:04:05] people are transporting guns across state lines that's legal is it yeah it's
[01:04:09] only illegal if the state you're bringing the gun into doesn't have like parody
[01:04:13] with the state that it came from always straight guns right always there are
[01:04:18] right what there are states with gut where guns are illegal right it's no
[01:04:22] it's constitutionally you're right you're right they just there's like harsher
[01:04:25] guns control yeah it just takes a while to get a gun but let's say you have a
[01:04:29] handgun license in Ohio right and you want to drive to West Virginia you can
[01:04:38] take your gun from Ohio to West Virginia as long as they have the same
[01:04:41] yeah similar yeah interesting very interesting I got a ghost in boys no you
[01:04:47] don't I have to go do some dumb sorry that the podcast is getting in the way of
[01:04:51] your no I tried to I tried to a lot of you online you do your rod a lot of
[01:04:57] photo shoot and take your seat it's not what happened at all I tried to fucking
[01:05:01] plan no one texts everyone texts it was 130 that was always a plan good I say