[00:00:00] What's up?

[00:00:29] You're listening to Countries We Fucked, the Anti-Israel Podcast.

[00:00:33] It's your host, Adam Frans.

[00:00:39] I listened to an episode of GW.

[00:00:42] Guys, we fucked?

[00:00:43] Yeah.

[00:00:44] How was it?

[00:00:45] I don't know.

[00:00:46] It was like, you know, there was like 30 minutes.

[00:00:48] I mean, you know, I don't want to shit it on other comics, but there was like 30 minutes solid

[00:00:52] of plugging sponsors.

[00:00:54] Oh, damn.

[00:00:55] It's like the amount of money this section is generating.

[00:00:59] Yeah.

[00:01:00] It's like making me so good.

[00:01:01] I didn't realize that.

[00:01:02] Why don't we have, by the way, why don't we have Fleshlight or some other porn company

[00:01:06] or some kind of chitchen trickie?

[00:01:08] I'm like actually working on some stuff.

[00:01:10] I didn't realize it was guys we fucked.

[00:01:12] I thought it was F and then at side pound, you know, asterix.

[00:01:15] I didn't realize that's what it says.

[00:01:17] Yeah, it's guys we F cartoons getting into a fight in the world.

[00:01:21] CK.

[00:01:22] I mean, that's just a perfect example of patriarchy at work.

[00:01:27] iTunes making them change fucked into some sort of.

[00:01:31] And then the boys roll through with a literal combo.

[00:01:34] And then the combo.

[00:01:35] Logo.

[00:01:36] What is going on, by the way?

[00:01:37] I thought for sure the first one we uploaded was going to get like, can't they just tell

[00:01:43] us we can't do it?

[00:01:44] Guy told me that the iTunes like guys is just, it's one guy.

[00:01:48] It's one who runs podcasts.

[00:01:49] Oh, nice.

[00:01:50] Standards and practices.

[00:01:51] It's one guy that's like, yeah, I'm iTunes Eric.

[00:01:54] I'm just hanging out here in Apple.

[00:01:56] Kupitino, baby.

[00:01:57] I'll make the list.

[00:01:59] I figure out which ones are the best ones that everybody likes.

[00:02:03] Yeah, I mean, we don't chart anymore.

[00:02:06] Cool.

[00:02:07] Unless it's like immediately after the podcast is uploaded.

[00:02:10] Right, right, right.

[00:02:11] And then it's, I don't know, you have to get subscribers.

[00:02:13] I don't know how the fuck that shit works.

[00:02:14] Right, right, right.

[00:02:15] I was told that it's mostly bullshit by a guy that's also not on the top.

[00:02:20] Yeah, I'm sure to ask.

[00:02:21] Ira Glass.

[00:02:22] If you ask like, you know, Christina or Joe Rogan, they'd be like, no, it's 100% legitimate.

[00:02:26] Yeah.

[00:02:27] Those statistics are real.

[00:02:31] But you know, who cares?

[00:02:32] It's good to be with the damn boys.

[00:02:34] Yeah, we're on there.

[00:02:35] We're on there despite breaking all the fucking rules.

[00:02:37] I think the only thing, reason why is because I made sure to mark everything as explicit.

[00:02:41] Okay.

[00:02:42] Like mislabeling things is what might get people in trouble.

[00:02:45] Interesting.

[00:02:46] Yeah.

[00:02:47] And then if you say yes, you're fine.

[00:02:51] You go, you're good.

[00:02:52] No, is that an actual picture?

[00:02:53] You took a blue's clues podcast with me, your host.

[00:02:57] And it's just the sound.

[00:02:59] That's all the podcast.

[00:03:01] And then Velcro strapping and unstrapping.

[00:03:05] And then it was just me and a baby crying.

[00:03:08] Yeah.

[00:03:09] Yo, how about that video?

[00:03:11] Do you have a video?

[00:03:12] Do you have a video?

[00:03:13] Yeah.

[00:03:14] Yeah.

[00:03:15] Yo, how about that video?

[00:03:17] Do you guys see I posted a, I found a video of a baby laughing slowed down and it sounds

[00:03:22] like Brandon.

[00:03:23] It sounds like he heard that.

[00:03:24] Yeah.

[00:03:25] Really?

[00:03:26] I fave it.

[00:03:27] Yo, this fucking piece of shit can't stop it.

[00:03:29] Yeah.

[00:03:30] Yeah.

[00:03:31] That's Brandon.

[00:03:32] It does.

[00:03:33] It does.

[00:03:34] It sounds exactly like him.

[00:03:35] Um, yes, this is our first, we haven't like, we haven't chilled in a while.

[00:03:42] I know.

[00:03:43] You so much hilarious boys.

[00:03:45] We miss the Trump pushy, we stacked episodes a couple of weeks ago before it stopped without

[00:03:51] a talent.

[00:03:52] And I was talking to Nick's roommate Felix and he's like, what if something terrible happens

[00:03:56] like a terrorist attack?

[00:03:58] Like you guys won't be able to pot it out and then something so incredible.

[00:04:02] And things happen.

[00:04:03] Then terrorist attacks.

[00:04:04] I love it, dude.

[00:04:06] Move on her like a bitch.

[00:04:07] Is Trump was trying to get pussy via furniture?

[00:04:09] Yeah.

[00:04:10] Move on her like a bitch.

[00:04:11] I think was the hidden jet.

[00:04:12] It was beautiful of the record.

[00:04:15] I was like a bitch.

[00:04:18] I was talking with Dave Smith in the green room of Red Eyes TV show that I do.

[00:04:23] Yeah.

[00:04:24] Yeah.

[00:04:25] And I paid TV show that airs at 3 AM.

[00:04:27] Yeah.

[00:04:28] So we were there and I was saying like that with the most like why the angle I would have

[00:04:33] gone with with that recording is like it's embarrassing that they have a secret recording

[00:04:37] of Donald Trump earnestly trying to impress Billy Bush.

[00:04:40] Billy Bush.

[00:04:41] Yeah.

[00:04:42] It's like if they be like, oh, we got this secret recording of Donald Trump bragging

[00:04:45] how much he can bench press to Ryan Seacrest.

[00:04:49] That would be bad to me.

[00:04:51] It's like, oh, yeah, he in secret, he talks about how he grabs women's pussy.

[00:04:55] He's like, I'm sure.

[00:04:57] You know, like, why?

[00:04:58] Yeah.

[00:04:59] Yeah.

[00:05:00] Who shocked at that guy?

[00:05:01] I don't know.

[00:05:02] Brops, bitches.

[00:05:03] Yeah.

[00:05:04] I think it's just this late in the game that they're like, they have to fuck.

[00:05:05] Okay.

[00:05:06] This is the thing we're going to be outraged with.

[00:05:07] Right.

[00:05:08] It did feel like a thing of like everyone was trying.

[00:05:09] Every Republican was trying to find something to distance themselves.

[00:05:10] Two months ago, it was like, yeah, he raped a child and they were like, so what?

[00:05:14] Yeah.

[00:05:15] Like, we knew something better.

[00:05:16] Two months ago, he got his last-

[00:05:18] We got his last-

[00:05:19] His hollywood involved.

[00:05:20] They're like, juicy.

[00:05:21] No, he's like, we need a literal Gestapo force to go from house to house and take

[00:05:25] illegals, like the Holocaust and take illegals and send them to Mexico.

[00:05:31] And you know, everyone's like, oh, make America real.

[00:05:33] Well, honestly, you're kind of racist if you have a problem with that.

[00:05:36] You know?

[00:05:37] Interesting.

[00:05:38] People back to Mexico.

[00:05:39] Mexico's great.

[00:05:41] It's a POC country so it's better than America.

[00:05:43] Basically everything POCs have ever done is better than what white people.

[00:05:46] Right, right.

[00:05:47] So like he's saying, we want to take these people and send them to a place better than

[00:05:50] America.

[00:05:51] Yeah, you know, I see.

[00:05:52] Oh, I see.

[00:05:53] So I mean, basically this whole thing is that he's losing, right?

[00:05:56] Yeah.

[00:05:57] And they want an excuse to not endorse him because he's losing now.

[00:06:00] Yep.

[00:06:01] That's the hot political ass fucking take.

[00:06:03] Is that it?

[00:06:04] Thank you.

[00:06:05] My question is who gives a shit?

[00:06:06] I don't spend two weeks.

[00:06:07] Yeah, yeah.

[00:06:08] I don't care.

[00:06:09] You know, we could read this one.

[00:06:10] Miss Ken Bone.

[00:06:11] We missed Ken Bone.

[00:06:13] Yeah, somebody said he looked like you.

[00:06:15] Huh?

[00:06:16] Yeah, I mean, every fat, every time a fat guy with glasses comes up, but I'm much cuter

[00:06:20] than Ken Bone.

[00:06:21] Yeah, I don't think you look like Ken Bone.

[00:06:22] Thank you.

[00:06:23] Shout out to Ken Bone for not getting in trouble for child porn.

[00:06:26] I was like, this guy's definitely going to be a child porn guy.

[00:06:28] Yeah.

[00:06:29] Yeah.

[00:06:30] Right.

[00:06:31] Yeah, I feel that way.

[00:06:32] I mean, you know, I feel that way about Mr. Rogers.

[00:06:35] People are like, you know, he was great.

[00:06:36] And I'm like, yeah, he didn't fuck kids.

[00:06:37] And they're like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

[00:06:39] And I'm like, no, really.

[00:06:40] I mean, I feel like he should have.

[00:06:42] He had to have wanted to.

[00:06:43] Mm hmm.

[00:06:44] You know, you wanted to.

[00:06:46] You think he wanted to fucking?

[00:06:48] Absolutely, dude.

[00:06:49] Mr. Rogers.

[00:06:50] I don't think so.

[00:06:51] I bet you Mr. Rogers fucked the whores, dude.

[00:06:53] No, I guarantee you those guys balls were fucking ocean blue.

[00:06:57] No, they were like, just he was they were ready to pop.

[00:07:01] Like he fucking right blueberries.

[00:07:03] He was fucking so weird.

[00:07:06] Every time a little girl like bent over to tire shoes.

[00:07:08] He was like, oh boy.

[00:07:09] He's like, I gotta go hang out with the trolley.

[00:07:11] Yeah, he's in the tiny train.

[00:07:14] His best friend was a train that he talked to.

[00:07:16] And he hung out with children, of course, dude.

[00:07:20] Yeah, we'd kiss kids with the puppets.

[00:07:22] Yeah.

[00:07:23] Oh, yeah.

[00:07:24] And he was operating.

[00:07:25] Well, let me kiss you lower.

[00:07:26] And the power of Christ kept him so thoroughly, you know, in the tiny closet that he never

[00:07:30] got the trolley.

[00:07:31] Because that would be a child.

[00:07:33] Is that the closet child?

[00:07:34] I'm less just hiding.

[00:07:35] Oh, yeah.

[00:07:36] The school closet, the toy chest.

[00:07:42] And the toy chest.

[00:07:43] Wait, I think toy chest is like, wasn't that the name of like a porn store?

[00:07:48] Yeah, it was like the FBI, the FBI one last year.

[00:07:51] No, it was like play pen.

[00:07:52] That was the one.

[00:07:53] That's hilarious.

[00:07:54] Play pens great.

[00:07:55] Well, last year, the FBI, they like seized a they seized some child pornography website

[00:08:00] and they're like, this website is so good.

[00:08:02] We have to keep it going so we can catch more pedophiles and they just ran a child pornography

[00:08:07] website.

[00:08:08] Oh my that's a month.

[00:08:09] Clearly there was a pedophile.

[00:08:12] Oh, it always turns out that that's the fucking case.

[00:08:15] Like, that was my big gripe with all that to catch a predator.

[00:08:19] Yeah, it's like, you know, they're like, look at these heroes that pretend to be children

[00:08:23] online all day and try to fuck grown men.

[00:08:25] It's like, no, there's something wrong with those people.

[00:08:27] Yeah.

[00:08:28] Yeah.

[00:08:29] Didn't they find some shit on the host?

[00:08:31] Chris?

[00:08:32] I think you said this before.

[00:08:33] I don't think so.

[00:08:34] I think he just sucks.

[00:08:35] Maybe.

[00:08:36] All right.

[00:08:37] He wasn't fucking kids, right?

[00:08:38] I just hope to God he fucked kids.

[00:08:40] If he fucked kids, we'd know about it.

[00:08:42] It would be the biggest thing.

[00:08:43] It would be the funniest thing ever.

[00:08:44] Yeah, it would be so funny.

[00:08:46] If he got caught.

[00:08:48] That would be better than seventh heaven.

[00:08:50] That's the one that could top the seventh heaven.

[00:08:52] I don't think you ever penetrated the kid.

[00:08:55] But you think they kissed?

[00:08:56] I mean, it's not illegal.

[00:08:57] Do you think if you're funny you want to make out with kids?

[00:09:00] That seems weird.

[00:09:01] That's not illegal.

[00:09:02] I mean, the whole thing seems weird.

[00:09:03] Don't get me wrong.

[00:09:04] Unlike penetrating.

[00:09:05] That seems great.

[00:09:06] No, that's not.

[00:09:08] Fuck, man.

[00:09:09] Do you remember when we were doing the Drake freestyle?

[00:09:12] Yeah.

[00:09:13] If it ain't penetration, it ain't illegal.

[00:09:15] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[00:09:16] That's a classic.

[00:09:17] That was a good early move to New York.

[00:09:22] Hang.

[00:09:23] During the Drake penetration, it ain't illegal, dog.

[00:09:25] Ain't no penetration, ain't illegal, dog.

[00:09:27] Tadaq, baby, I'm a slata-dye, dog.

[00:09:31] We should dive into the side.

[00:09:33] I just love that.

[00:09:34] I just love that confidence with that fucking horrible legal advice.

[00:09:39] Yeah, you're just actively wrong.

[00:09:41] If it ain't penetration, yeah.

[00:09:43] You're wrong.

[00:09:45] I never penetrated the toddler.

[00:09:49] It was heavy-pedding.

[00:09:50] Yeah, yeah.

[00:09:51] I'm a suck the baby off.

[00:09:53] If it ain't penetration, it ain't illegal, dog.

[00:09:56] Tadaq judge, any case.

[00:09:58] I'm a beat a dog.

[00:10:00] I'm a suck the baby off.

[00:10:01] I'm a suck the baby, yeah.

[00:10:03] I'm a suck the baby.

[00:10:04] I'm a suck the baby, yeah.

[00:10:05] I'm a suck the baby, yeah.

[00:10:06] I'm a suck the baby, yeah.

[00:10:07] It ain't a penetration, ain't illegal, dog.

[00:10:08] Oh, god.

[00:10:09] This is like a minimalist beat.

[00:10:10] Yeah.

[00:10:11] Yeah.

[00:10:12] Yeah.

[00:10:13] Moved it on a beat.

[00:10:14] Yeah.

[00:10:15] Yeah.

[00:10:16] Moved it on a beat.

[00:10:17] Yeah.

[00:10:18] Moved it on a beat, how?

[00:10:19] Yeah, it's crazy that people just want to fuck kids.

[00:10:20] I know.

[00:10:21] And then they have to live a normal life and be like, you know what's really bad is people

[00:10:23] who want to fuck kids.

[00:10:24] That's what I have to do.

[00:10:25] I've never wanted to do is fucking hit.

[00:10:29] Well, that's, I mean, it's the same with like the SG Dubs,

[00:10:33] like, or like male feminists on Twitter that turn out

[00:10:35] to have grabbed women's pussies themselves.

[00:10:38] Yeah, like the Devin dude.

[00:10:40] Yeah.

[00:10:41] Who's Devin?

[00:10:42] He's the guy on Twitter.

[00:10:43] He's a shitty film critic.

[00:10:44] Yeah, he's like a film, like he has some shitty fucking film

[00:10:47] blog or whatever, which I feel is like what the internet was

[00:10:50] made for, is for fat guys to be like, well, you know,

[00:10:54] Kevin Smith really fucked the pumpkin on that one.

[00:10:57] My favorite was the guy from Catfish,

[00:11:00] who took that selfie in the elevator after Ray Rice.

[00:11:04] Do you remember that?

[00:11:04] Well, he took a selfie that's like,

[00:11:06] this elevator is violence-free, like only cowards

[00:11:09] with like attack women or some shit like that.

[00:11:12] And then it turned out that in college,

[00:11:13] he punched a woman in the face.

[00:11:15] Well, what was the scenario?

[00:11:16] Nav from Catfish.

[00:11:18] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:11:19] See the one of the silver here?

[00:11:20] He's got a tramp stamp.

[00:11:21] No, it's the other guy.

[00:11:23] He has a lower back tattoo.

[00:11:24] That's awesome.

[00:11:25] Yeah, he's good.

[00:11:26] You ever hit a woman?

[00:11:28] Have I ever hit a woman?

[00:11:29] Yeah, no.

[00:11:30] I don't think so.

[00:11:31] No.

[00:11:32] One time when I was drunk, I threw my keys in the direction

[00:11:35] of my girlfriend and for like, she never let me live that down.

[00:11:38] She was like, well, there was that one time you got violent.

[00:11:40] And I'm like, that was just violence.

[00:11:43] We weren't letting me drive, so I threw my keys.

[00:11:45] Your girlfriend punched you in the balls outside of Carolin's.

[00:11:49] Yeah, Nick was pissed.

[00:11:51] I was pissed, dude.

[00:11:52] He was fucking punking the ball.

[00:11:53] She's like, sorry.

[00:11:54] Sorry.

[00:11:55] He's like, oh, get off me.

[00:11:58] That's crazy because your girlfriend also sucked me on the balls.

[00:12:03] Come on, dude.

[00:12:04] That's just the same.

[00:12:07] And then also, Adam's girlfriend sucked me on the ball.

[00:12:09] There you go.

[00:12:10] That's on the money.

[00:12:18] So what have you, how was the road?

[00:12:20] Anything gay happened?

[00:12:21] I thought we were going to have a story time.

[00:12:23] Yeah, yeah, we got stories.

[00:12:24] You get back.

[00:12:25] I've been in fucking sitting traffic all day.

[00:12:27] What'd you do?

[00:12:28] I went upstate to fuck your family.

[00:12:30] I asked you this off-pod.

[00:12:31] No, I went to a fucking, I went to a pumpkin patch.

[00:12:35] Oh, you did girlfriend have this again.

[00:12:37] No, he's fucking pulling in.

[00:12:39] You fucking faggot.

[00:12:43] I didn't do anything.

[00:12:44] I didn't do shit.

[00:12:45] I didn't enjoy myself at the pumpkin patch.

[00:12:47] I just drank apple cider and ignored everything.

[00:12:51] I don't know what's up.

[00:12:52] The apple picking date is always about the girlfriend's outfit,

[00:12:56] right, for the self.

[00:12:57] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:12:58] You know what's funny?

[00:12:59] She's been planning it for like two weeks.

[00:13:00] Yeah, right.

[00:13:01] Doing any kind of patch activity or picking fruit and patch.

[00:13:05] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:13:06] No, that kind of shit.

[00:13:07] I like Mexico's.

[00:13:07] It's like on par with like, yeah, I let them put something

[00:13:12] in my ass.

[00:13:13] Right, right.

[00:13:14] It's the man's the flip to quibble in.

[00:13:16] Yeah, it's like, all right, it's not the worst.

[00:13:19] I'm not going to love it.

[00:13:20] Yeah, it might be a second.

[00:13:22] It's the equivalent.

[00:13:22] I'll get to eat that pie once that pumpkin pie is made.

[00:13:25] I'm going to be good.

[00:13:26] Yeah.

[00:13:27] I remember one time in college, me, I went, there was like some

[00:13:31] fucking college trip to a pumpkin patch.

[00:13:32] It was like all couples.

[00:13:34] And my roommate George went with this terrible girlfriend he

[00:13:37] had at the time.

[00:13:38] And then me and my friend Josh just went together.

[00:13:40] And we're just like fucked up.

[00:13:43] We're just like two dickheads.

[00:13:45] And then we just completely, he just completely leaves his

[00:13:48] girlfriend and we just go apple picking the three of us.

[00:13:52] And his girlfriend's trying to find us the whole time.

[00:13:54] We're like on each other's shoulders.

[00:13:56] Like picking apples.

[00:13:58] We were taking a nap together.

[00:13:59] That sounds a great day.

[00:14:01] It was fucking incredible.

[00:14:02] His girlfriend hated it.

[00:14:03] It was awesome.

[00:14:04] Yeah.

[00:14:05] You know, I used to love his kid as the haymazes.

[00:14:09] Yes.

[00:14:09] Hell yeah.

[00:14:10] And I never experienced that many of them.

[00:14:12] Yeah, I only got a couple good ones.

[00:14:14] And just regular mazes it a fucking carnival or some shit.

[00:14:17] Do they have that?

[00:14:18] Yeah.

[00:14:18] Is that a carnival?

[00:14:19] In Greece maybe.

[00:14:20] In Greece?

[00:14:21] Yeah, they went to weird.

[00:14:22] And little boys.

[00:14:23] Yeah, he's coming to my tricky house.

[00:14:28] My beautiful, tricky house.

[00:14:30] Go in there.

[00:14:31] Maybe you're like, come on.

[00:14:33] Everyone in Greece is a pedophile.

[00:14:35] You have to.

[00:14:36] You got you guys a haunted house guys?

[00:14:40] Not really.

[00:14:40] I like that shitty roller coaster that would go through

[00:14:43] the haunted house.

[00:14:44] Yeah.

[00:14:44] The haunted hayride?

[00:14:46] What is the hayride?

[00:14:47] The hayride is, do they get a tractor?

[00:14:49] And then they have like a fucking a trailer on the tractor.

[00:14:52] And that's got hay seats in it.

[00:14:54] And then you try and sit on the hay seats.

[00:14:56] And then the tractor goes around an area

[00:14:58] where there's a bunch of hay.

[00:14:59] And you try and fill a girl's pussy with as much hay as you can.

[00:15:03] So whoever's girlfriend has the most hay in her pussy wins a prize.

[00:15:06] I think we remember.

[00:15:07] I think at my like, Step Sisters High School,

[00:15:09] there was a story about like some kids

[00:15:11] at lunch going out into the woods behind the school

[00:15:13] of smoke pot and a girl passed out.

[00:15:15] And they like shoved dirt and like leaves and shit

[00:15:18] in her pussy or whatever.

[00:15:19] What the fuck?

[00:15:20] Yeah.

[00:15:20] And then the guy, I think there was like a police got involved.

[00:15:23] And then it was, they were like, it was a prank, dude.

[00:15:27] And that's the thing is like, that's why like men and women

[00:15:30] can't be friends, at least at that age.

[00:15:31] Because I can kind of understand where those boys

[00:15:34] who are coming from.

[00:15:35] Like if that was your friend that passed out.

[00:15:37] Oh yeah.

[00:15:37] You know, like.

[00:15:38] You put stuff in his ass.

[00:15:38] And then you think about like, if you teabag the woman.

[00:15:42] Oh yeah.

[00:15:43] That would be national news.

[00:15:44] Of course.

[00:15:45] And like they didn't just fuck her.

[00:15:47] They put her balls in her mouth.

[00:15:49] But if you're like teabag a man, it's like you're gay dude.

[00:15:53] I remember the one time.

[00:15:56] There's this kid we all didn't fuck with.

[00:15:59] There was like a basketball tournament.

[00:16:00] You like sleep away and this kid just sucked.

[00:16:03] And then I remember somebody be like,

[00:16:05] can't we teabag fucking me?

[00:16:06] Nah, this piece of shit.

[00:16:08] And I saw the video.

[00:16:09] It's like we guys taking turns putting their balls in dicks.

[00:16:16] It is my own 15 minutes dude.

[00:16:21] It was kind of his best.

[00:16:23] It was sexual assault.

[00:16:24] It was straight up.

[00:16:25] They were like, I can't.

[00:16:27] That's like worse than Steubenville.

[00:16:29] But it's like you watch that video.

[00:16:31] And even a prosecutor would watch that and be like,

[00:16:33] huh, they're right.

[00:16:33] He's gay.

[00:16:35] They got him.

[00:16:37] They got him.

[00:16:37] They got him.

[00:16:38] Look, it's written right on his face in Sharpie.

[00:16:40] It says, I'm gay.

[00:16:41] I can't my friend Tommy put.

[00:16:44] He did this thing called the Egyptian goggles to this guy,

[00:16:48] Dan, Dan, Arabian goggles.

[00:16:50] The Arabian goggles.

[00:16:52] Where you put either of your balls in their sleeping eye sockets

[00:16:56] and then your dick on their mouth.

[00:16:59] Do you guys ever do the ultimate?

[00:17:01] He woke up and slapped him right at the dick, dude.

[00:17:04] My friend just crumbled.

[00:17:05] Like, yeah.

[00:17:06] Oh my god.

[00:17:07] Do you guys ever do the ultimate push up?

[00:17:10] No.

[00:17:10] Or I'm sorry, ultimate sit up.

[00:17:12] Where it's like, oh, no.

[00:17:13] Someone's doing a sit up, right?

[00:17:14] And you do this thing where it's like, you push.

[00:17:17] You're like, dude, let me show you the ultimate sit up.

[00:17:19] And you just do it.

[00:17:20] And they cover your eyes with their hand.

[00:17:21] They push up as hard as they can.

[00:17:23] And you're like, oh.

[00:17:25] And you really try and push against the force and shoot up,

[00:17:28] right?

[00:17:29] And then so they see you do this.

[00:17:30] And then you're like, all right, man, your turn.

[00:17:32] So you cover their eyes and make them push up as hard as they can.

[00:17:37] And then it's just someone with their ass

[00:17:39] is standing over top of them.

[00:17:41] So they just like, full force, put their nose in your ass,

[00:17:44] essentially, when they come up on the fucking sit up.

[00:17:47] It's one of the best ones.

[00:17:48] That's definitely the way to hold up your sit up.

[00:17:51] Isn't that sort of just like, there's no 15-year-old girls

[00:17:54] hanging out tricking each other into drinking their menstrual

[00:17:56] fluid, like, no, Katie.

[00:17:58] It's cranberry juice.

[00:18:00] Yeah, my daughter.

[00:18:02] You're fucking, you're a lesbian.

[00:18:04] Oh, you fucking lesbian?

[00:18:06] Isn't that just like healthy gay experimentation, right?

[00:18:10] No, that actually, I don't think it was gay.

[00:18:12] Yeah, that was bullying with everything.

[00:18:13] Yeah, it's not experimentation.

[00:18:15] There's no consent there.

[00:18:17] And it's not sexual, honestly.

[00:18:19] Making some kids suck your balls.

[00:18:20] Please, I'm sleeping.

[00:18:24] It's still very funny.

[00:18:26] One time, the only good one I had on this fucking kid,

[00:18:30] Roosevelt, was, I was just like, again,

[00:18:34] in a basketball tournament, I just straight up classic,

[00:18:37] took his toothbrush and just absolutely rubbed my balls

[00:18:41] all over it.

[00:18:42] And then just put it back.

[00:18:44] And he was just putting it right back.

[00:18:47] And we were all sitting at breakfast the next day,

[00:18:49] and he had this fucking, his roommate was this fucking

[00:18:52] idiot named Nissi.

[00:18:53] And he was just fucking, he was like, hey, Roosevelt,

[00:18:58] did you brush your teeth?

[00:19:00] And he was like, yes, he was like,

[00:19:01] did your brush him real hard?

[00:19:03] And he was like, what?

[00:19:06] He's like, yeah, I brushed my teeth.

[00:19:07] He thought we were making fun of him for not having,

[00:19:10] and we were like, yeah, stop rubbing his balls.

[00:19:11] And he was just like, no, I never brushed my teeth.

[00:19:13] I never brushed my teeth at all.

[00:19:14] I had never did.

[00:19:15] And he just like, that was probably one of my finest moments.

[00:19:17] Yeah, I remember in like junior high,

[00:19:19] me and my friends were hanging out.

[00:19:20] And there was like a hat, and like just on the ground,

[00:19:23] that my friend Bernardo found.

[00:19:25] And he like, just pulled down his pants

[00:19:27] and took a shit in the hat.

[00:19:29] Holy shit, that's awesome.

[00:19:32] He was like this younger kid, he was like, yeah, put the hat on.

[00:19:35] He's like, no, get away from me.

[00:19:37] They're put it on.

[00:19:38] Then he just has this shitty ass he has to go around with.

[00:19:41] Smell like a shit of Cali.

[00:19:43] That's awesome.

[00:19:44] No, that shit's hilarious.

[00:19:45] So anybody put the hat on?

[00:19:45] I did, there was one night, like me and my friend,

[00:19:47] Brendan were driving around drunk.

[00:19:49] And we stopped at this kid, Kevin's house,

[00:19:51] that we didn't like, and I took a shit on,

[00:19:53] they had like at the end of their driveway,

[00:19:55] like a lit like address, like with the numbers

[00:19:58] to their address, but they didn't backlit.

[00:20:00] And I just squatted over the thing,

[00:20:01] and took a big fucking dump, like right on top of it.

[00:20:04] He just like laid it down.

[00:20:06] Just so perfect and clap.

[00:20:07] There's no thought, I'm gonna shit on something.

[00:20:10] Yeah, and then I got back in the car

[00:20:13] and it just reeked of shit.

[00:20:15] Because I couldn't wipe my ass.

[00:20:16] And he was like, what the fuck, dude,

[00:20:18] did you shit yourself?

[00:20:18] I'm like, no, I checked.

[00:20:20] And then eventually the smell went away

[00:20:22] after like five minutes or so.

[00:20:24] Yeah, dude, you don't realize how much

[00:20:25] the water absorbs the smell.

[00:20:27] Mm, yeah.

[00:20:29] Interesting, interesting.

[00:20:30] Yeah, that's why I never understood that prank

[00:20:32] where people are like, yeah, you get dog shit

[00:20:34] in a bag, and you light it on fire.

[00:20:36] Yeah, it's like, you know, just use your own shit.

[00:20:39] I don't know how you can evolve a dog.

[00:20:41] You also make shit.

[00:20:43] Yeah, it's true.

[00:20:44] Fuck man, I love the ones that aren't like thought out at all,

[00:20:47] just shit, one time I just took this kid's skateboard

[00:20:49] that I didn't like and I just pissed on it.

[00:20:51] That was it, that was just a solid prank.

[00:20:53] I used to love pissing underneath the stall divider

[00:20:56] onto like onto someone else's shoes.

[00:20:58] Yeah, that's good, that's a classic.

[00:21:00] What the fuck?

[00:21:01] Like, what do you do when that's a drink?

[00:21:04] I'm like, oops, sorry dude.

[00:21:05] They get really sick.

[00:21:06] Yeah, they just live their fucking legs up.

[00:21:09] Fuck man, chill.

[00:21:11] Just piss all over their shoes.

[00:21:13] Yeah, dude, fucking soaking public bathrooms

[00:21:15] with your urine.

[00:21:16] That's like a, that's a classic move.

[00:21:19] That'll never stop being fine.

[00:21:20] I did that in this Chinese restaurant one time.

[00:21:25] Oh man, I was like, me and my mom went to dinner

[00:21:27] at this Chinese restaurant, this nice little Chinese

[00:21:29] restaurant and we got a word like takeout

[00:21:31] and I went into the bathroom and it was like,

[00:21:33] very nice bathroom and they had like,

[00:21:35] you know, nice wall, nice like paisley pink wall paper.

[00:21:38] And I just started pissing all over the walls.

[00:21:41] I was just dying laughing.

[00:21:43] I was just laughing, sorry.

[00:21:44] I pissed all over the mirror.

[00:21:48] Sunk the toilet paper.

[00:21:50] The toilet paper is the best one.

[00:21:51] To leave it on the roll but piss on it.

[00:21:53] I don't think I got a drop of piss in the toilet.

[00:21:57] The funniest part of that is you returning to the table.

[00:21:59] Yeah, like, table.

[00:22:01] Like leaving and like, as I leave the bathroom,

[00:22:04] that she's like handing me the food.

[00:22:06] She's like, have it, it's not.

[00:22:07] I'm like, just crying, laughing.

[00:22:09] I'm like, thanks.

[00:22:13] Knowing the bitches about the walk in that bathroom.

[00:22:16] No exactly who did it.

[00:22:19] There's no mystery.

[00:22:21] I'm like, oh fucking crime scene dude.

[00:22:24] It just piss all over the walls.

[00:22:26] And it was like soaking into the wall paper.

[00:22:31] Fuck man.

[00:22:32] That's so mean.

[00:22:33] I wish I had seen your face.

[00:22:34] Well that's the thing man.

[00:22:35] That's just the meanest shit is when you get to,

[00:22:38] I mean, like that's why there's a blowback

[00:22:41] against like edgy shit or whatever.

[00:22:42] But I feel like the reason a lot of like edgy shit

[00:22:45] doesn't work anymore is because a lot of the moral scolds

[00:22:47] are actually mean people themselves.

[00:22:49] So it's not funny to them because they are just looking

[00:22:53] for a way to justify being shitty to people.

[00:22:55] Right.

[00:22:56] Through moralism or whatever.

[00:22:58] But when like, if like, and there's moments

[00:23:01] where I've been like expressing empathy

[00:23:03] and I've been met with somebody

[00:23:04] just doing the meanest shit possible

[00:23:06] and it fucking makes me laugh so hard.

[00:23:09] There was like a retarded kid one time that, or like,

[00:23:12] you know, he was just, he was like autistic or something.

[00:23:14] I was just my friend Nathan.

[00:23:16] And like the kid had like a Game Boy or something.

[00:23:20] And he was like, hey kid, where'd you get that Game Boy?

[00:23:23] And the kid was like, I got it from Santa or whatever.

[00:23:26] I was like, oh, okay.

[00:23:27] And then he's like, Santa's not really fucking idiot.

[00:23:30] Oh no, dude.

[00:23:32] The kid was like five.

[00:23:36] It just struck me in so funny.

[00:23:37] But the best example of that, I told it on,

[00:23:39] I did their podcast the other day.

[00:23:41] The Frost Crispin shout out.

[00:23:43] If you wanna shut up.

[00:23:44] Oh, that's how it froze Crispin.

[00:23:45] By the way, you don't subscribe to the Premium Episodes.

[00:23:48] This is a Premium Episodes you're listening to right now.

[00:23:51] So I guess you already do, never mind.

[00:23:53] You got friends you wanna tell them about the Premium Episodes.

[00:23:57] Yeah, if you wanna hear about the ways

[00:23:59] we bullied people in gay ways.

[00:24:00] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:24:01] No, there was this, I remember,

[00:24:03] I used to work at this like cell phone kiosk

[00:24:06] and with these like two Persian brothers.

[00:24:10] And like the older brother had worked his way up

[00:24:13] with Radio Shack or whatever got really good

[00:24:15] at selling phones at kiosk

[00:24:16] and that was like business or whatever.

[00:24:19] And the younger brother was just in it

[00:24:21] since he was like 11 because the older brother

[00:24:23] like brought him on.

[00:24:24] Of course, yeah, yeah.

[00:24:25] And I was like friends, I was friends of both of them,

[00:24:27] but the younger brother was closer to my age.

[00:24:28] He was probably like three years younger than me.

[00:24:30] But like all he did was sell shit.

[00:24:33] Right, right, right.

[00:24:34] It was like a stereotype where he's like a Persian.

[00:24:36] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:24:38] So me and him would just rip people off.

[00:24:42] We worked at kind of like a shitty or mall or whatever.

[00:24:45] Right, right, right.

[00:24:45] You know, most of the people that came in,

[00:24:46] like I learned to occupational Spanish

[00:24:48] just to fucking sell legal immigrants like, you know,

[00:24:51] $900 next cell phone so they didn't need or whatever.

[00:24:54] Like, hey, Tiena, sell you a lot?

[00:24:58] You know, and then be like, no, no, so Seattle needed.

[00:25:01] And then he just fucking signed them up

[00:25:02] for the most expensive plan.

[00:25:04] And yeah, me and him had like a contest one time

[00:25:08] to see who like, you know, rip people off the most

[00:25:10] with like, like these, like some used to sell ringtones

[00:25:13] back when you could only put like five ringtones

[00:25:15] in the phone.

[00:25:16] And so we're selling them for like 20 a piece, 30 a piece,

[00:25:20] sometimes.

[00:25:20] Just ringtones?

[00:25:21] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:25:22] Because we were really good at sales.

[00:25:24] She's, you know, like talk people into it.

[00:25:26] Yeah.

[00:25:27] They're like, yeah, man, it's like, you know, we really,

[00:25:29] you know, we got to offset the cost

[00:25:30] to all this equipment.

[00:25:31] That's the problem.

[00:25:32] You know, this laptop is like $8,000.

[00:25:35] Like just lying or whatever.

[00:25:37] It's so funny.

[00:25:38] The idea that a ringtone could be posted.

[00:25:39] Did like, did you keep the money or what was that?

[00:25:42] We got commission on it.

[00:25:43] So yeah, it was like, you know, like a probably,

[00:25:46] could be the ringtones because there was zero overhead.

[00:25:49] It was like, you know, the store gets fucking 15%

[00:25:51] and then, you know, we keep, you know, whatever.

[00:25:53] We got like, you made a shit ton of money on.

[00:25:55] Oh, wow.

[00:25:56] Yeah.

[00:25:57] But, so this was like, I was probably 18 at the time

[00:26:01] and there had been different iterations

[00:26:03] of like these kiosks that I had known these brothers through.

[00:26:06] And we were working at one,

[00:26:08] it was a different company.

[00:26:09] It was a little bit more professional.

[00:26:12] And like, cause like the one I met those guys at,

[00:26:16] there was no, you know, a lot of people

[00:26:17] watching out for a call of time.

[00:26:19] You know, we had fucking, we had like a monitor

[00:26:21] on the screen that we were just using

[00:26:23] to bully the Pakistani guy that worked there.

[00:26:25] Put a picture of him on the screen.

[00:26:27] It was like, guess how old this man is.

[00:26:30] And when he like looked like shit, even though he was 21.

[00:26:33] People are like, Fiddy.

[00:26:35] Fiddy is old.

[00:26:36] And they'd be like, nope, and be like, you know,

[00:26:38] the Pakistani guy would get old.

[00:26:39] I'm saying that's a little in the corner.

[00:26:41] Anyhow, so like it was, you know, one of the,

[00:26:45] now we got, you both phone guys now?

[00:26:48] Oh, I'm sorry, I'm trying to book the show.

[00:26:51] All right, I don't know why I've been telling the story.

[00:26:52] So no, I'm listening.

[00:26:53] Yeah, I'm just listening.

[00:26:55] Yeah, no, no, I'm serious because there's very little pay

[00:26:57] off here.

[00:26:58] Yeah.

[00:26:59] I just started on the topic of like,

[00:27:02] when you see somebody bully somebody.

[00:27:04] Right, right, right.

[00:27:05] Okay, so here's a story.

[00:27:06] So we're working at like this other kiosk or whatever.

[00:27:09] And this woman came in and she was like a return customer.

[00:27:14] Like somebody who already signed her up for shit

[00:27:16] and she was coming back with a customer service issue,

[00:27:18] which like we don't see any money from.

[00:27:20] Right, right.

[00:27:20] So our fucking time we work on commission.

[00:27:22] So like nobody really wants to deal with this shit.

[00:27:24] Yeah.

[00:27:25] I hate these people.

[00:27:26] And she was like 50 and she had her like adult retarded son

[00:27:31] with her.

[00:27:32] Oh yeah.

[00:27:33] Weird guy with this like weird like bird face and like,

[00:27:36] you know, just like weird posture.

[00:27:39] Just like, you know, in his pants,

[00:27:40] but he dressed like Adam, but like not ironically.

[00:27:42] Right.

[00:27:43] He's getting Kirkland signatures for real.

[00:27:45] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:27:46] So, you know, and she's there with him and she just looks

[00:27:50] fucking worn out and like she probably got ripped off by

[00:27:53] somebody, you know, right, of course.

[00:27:55] And Sprint phone in her first bill is like literally a

[00:27:57] thousand dollars because the fucking cell phone companies

[00:28:00] do so just do that.

[00:28:00] Right, right, right.

[00:28:01] 2006 or whatever.

[00:28:03] And and she's there with this, you know, her retarded son

[00:28:06] that just like, you know, would quite he would just he

[00:28:09] would quietly say to her like, Oh, I want to go to the games.

[00:28:11] You know, yeah.

[00:28:13] Yeah.

[00:28:14] Name stop and like, you know, just look confused.

[00:28:16] And she's like, we'll go after this.

[00:28:18] I have to take care of this or whatever.

[00:28:20] And so the younger brother was like helping them or whatever.

[00:28:23] He's like, nah, it's he does part of the plan that's in the

[00:28:25] contract or whatever.

[00:28:26] He's like clearly like losing his patience with this.

[00:28:28] But I'm watching this and this woman's like strung out.

[00:28:30] She's like, I just I just don't have the money to pay for,

[00:28:33] you know, right, right, right.

[00:28:34] And then I'm like constructing this story in my head

[00:28:37] with this woman and her like poor son.

[00:28:38] And like, yeah, she's like, you know, you want to have a kid

[00:28:41] and then you have a kid and then it comes out disabled.

[00:28:43] That's a fucking disappointment.

[00:28:44] But then it gets to a certain point where like, you know,

[00:28:47] she's up at night like, why isn't he dead yet?

[00:28:49] And I don't think that, you know, like, you know, like,

[00:28:52] just the torment of like having a like a 37 year old.

[00:28:56] Jesus, you know, I just, you know, something you have to take

[00:28:58] care of and I'm like almost at the point of like, I'm like,

[00:29:01] I'm like, you're only about to cry.

[00:29:02] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:29:03] Like watching this woman and I was like, it was like,

[00:29:05] you're the holidays too.

[00:29:06] Yeah, of course.

[00:29:07] It's like really sad.

[00:29:07] It's hard. Yeah.

[00:29:08] Yeah, it was like really fucking sad witnessing that.

[00:29:10] And then eventually like, you know, you know, they leave

[00:29:13] or whatever and my are the younger brother or whatever.

[00:29:17] I'm like watching them walk away and I'm like really sad.

[00:29:19] And he's like, just looks at me.

[00:29:21] He's like, yo, that dude was a fucking loser.

[00:29:24] I'm like, oh my God.

[00:29:29] He just wants to fucking.

[00:29:31] Yeah.

[00:29:32] I fucking I laughed so hard.

[00:29:34] That is so funny.

[00:29:35] It's so funny.

[00:29:36] Yo, that guy's a fucking loser.

[00:29:38] He's like, I think all's retarded, Abel.

[00:29:40] Oh my God.

[00:29:41] He just wants to fucking.

[00:29:43] Yeah.

[00:29:44] I fucking I laughed so hard.

[00:29:46] That is so funny.

[00:29:47] It's so funny.

[00:29:48] Yo, that guy's a fucking loser.

[00:29:50] Like just completely read that situation.

[00:29:53] No, but the end completely took me out of it.

[00:29:56] Me and him used to bully the fuck out of people.

[00:29:58] There was this Indian guy that had a store like a kiosk right next to ours and ours was

[00:30:03] enclosed.

[00:30:04] But we would go outside of it to like, you know, like, hey, man, would you get like,

[00:30:07] let me see what kind of phone you have, you know, and talk to them because we have to

[00:30:10] make sales, isn't it?

[00:30:11] And he had a purse store called Lucky Bags.

[00:30:14] Hell yeah.

[00:30:15] It was this Indian guy that had this Indian, this big fat Indian wife and he would complain

[00:30:19] to mall management because we would bark at people in the direction of his kiosk.

[00:30:23] Right.

[00:30:24] And he'd be like, they are stealing my customers.

[00:30:27] It's like, it's completely different businesses.

[00:30:29] No purses.

[00:30:30] Yeah, you fucking idiot or whatever.

[00:30:34] And so he would like constantly him and the wife would be like, do not talk to people

[00:30:38] in the direction of our store, you know, whatever.

[00:30:40] And the wife would like, did this weird posture where she'd keep her back straight and put

[00:30:44] her like, you know, arms behind it.

[00:30:46] Like, clasp arms behind her back and like sort of patrol the store.

[00:30:49] And so I would like, you know, make eye contact with her and then just jerk straight and like

[00:30:53] mimic her posture.

[00:30:54] He's been doing impression ever to her face.

[00:30:59] Just hide on the other.

[00:31:01] Yeah.

[00:31:02] Yeah.

[00:31:03] No, I was a teeny jean.

[00:31:04] Yeah, I did.

[00:31:05] Yeah.

[00:31:06] He's a bully to shit out of the guy.

[00:31:07] I like called up the mall management one time and I was like, this is LB from Lucky Bags.

[00:31:12] Santa is stealing my customers.

[00:31:14] And like demanded that they kick Santa out of the mall as well.

[00:31:18] Okay, we'll look into that.

[00:31:19] They believe that it was him.

[00:31:21] No, but they probably heard from himself fucking much.

[00:31:23] Right, right, right.

[00:31:24] They thought it was funny.

[00:31:25] That's fucking good.

[00:31:26] Holy folks like that.

[00:31:28] So, you know, I feel like I've kept this shit going.

[00:31:31] Yeah.

[00:31:32] Yeah.

[00:31:33] Did you really win him on that?

[00:31:34] Bullying Adam or did you get bullied?

[00:31:36] Yeah, I feel bad about it in retrospect.

[00:31:38] What'd you do?

[00:31:40] Like my friend Tommy growing up, I bullied him pretty hard.

[00:31:43] That's what you do to him.

[00:31:44] Well, he was like, he was like, he went to camp with us because his mom was Jewish.

[00:31:50] But he was not a Jew.

[00:31:51] His dad was Italian.

[00:31:52] So his name is Tommy Georgiotti.

[00:31:55] Hell, yes.

[00:31:56] His brother's name is Joey Georgiotti.

[00:31:57] Hell, yeah.

[00:31:58] And he's like a, he's a mind freak now.

[00:32:01] He's a street magician in Vegas.

[00:32:03] He does like magic.

[00:32:04] So we deserve to be bullied.

[00:32:05] Yeah.

[00:32:06] Well, I feel like he's a bully.

[00:32:08] We bullied him into being a street magician.

[00:32:10] Into street magic green.

[00:32:11] Did he go to be a little pizza yet or no?

[00:32:13] No, we didn't.

[00:32:14] Oh, you fucking idiots.

[00:32:15] God damn it, dude.

[00:32:17] But like, he would literally do anything for money.

[00:32:20] So he had this massive chest concavity.

[00:32:22] So like we stole like milk and cereal from the dining hall at camp.

[00:32:25] Oh no.

[00:32:26] And we had him like, you did cereal bar to class.

[00:32:28] You did cereal bar to class.

[00:32:29] Out of his chest.

[00:32:30] Out of his own chest.

[00:32:32] And like, he would just literally do anything for money.

[00:32:36] And like, we make him suck.

[00:32:40] He was, we were like, I went on like an Israel.

[00:32:44] Did you guys all come in the chest?

[00:32:45] Can you have it?

[00:32:46] No, I went on like, he's got a big old bowl of commerce chest.

[00:32:51] Now let's make him breastfeed the gay kid.

[00:32:54] That's some great a bully.

[00:32:56] He would literally do anything.

[00:32:58] Like at camp, we had like a climbing wall and the front climbing wall literally went back.

[00:33:03] Like, yeah, yeah.

[00:33:04] What's it called?

[00:33:05] Like a reverse cowgirl.

[00:33:06] Reverse cowgirl.

[00:33:07] No, like the incline was like beyond.

[00:33:10] 90 degrees.

[00:33:11] It was like a overhang or something.

[00:33:12] 60 to 90 degrees.

[00:33:13] And we're like, yeah, Tommy, climb it without a harness for $2.

[00:33:16] You like jumped over the fence.

[00:33:18] We're like, you could die.

[00:33:19] You could die halfway up.

[00:33:21] Oh, you mean it was like dangling over the fucking.

[00:33:23] Yeah, it was like, like, you know, the, your feet would be up in front of your arm.

[00:33:28] Right, right, right.

[00:33:30] But we were, we were.

[00:33:32] Our parents sent us on this Israel summer trip.

[00:33:35] Shouts out all of our all of our all of our.

[00:33:37] We got sucked off by the braces.

[00:33:40] Russian.

[00:33:41] No, well, no, how many times has been Israel?

[00:33:45] Twice.

[00:33:46] Twice.

[00:33:47] Okay.

[00:33:48] Yeah.

[00:33:49] Okay.

[00:33:50] Point of the story is he did like taking a shirt off because of the chest and cavity.

[00:33:53] Right.

[00:33:54] He went to the Dead Sea, which is like a natural wonder.

[00:33:57] Yeah.

[00:33:58] You can float on the water, but he didn't want 120 pounds.

[00:34:00] Yeah, yeah.

[00:34:01] Anyone can.

[00:34:02] You little twink.

[00:34:03] He didn't want to go, so he like went to the gift shop and like we get on the bus and

[00:34:08] he just bought like, I think like 30 porn magazines.

[00:34:13] He like opens up his backpack and just pulling porn out.

[00:34:17] There's just like a, like, you know, like a spread with like a, like eight or like 12

[00:34:22] inch dick like going into a girl's face.

[00:34:24] Oh, yeah.

[00:34:25] I'm like, yo, there are people around.

[00:34:26] You know, put this away and we get to like the hostel.

[00:34:29] We're in the Holy city.

[00:34:30] We get to Jerusalem.

[00:34:32] And he's like, we're like in our room and he's like, Adam, I haven't beat off in 11

[00:34:36] days since we got to this fucking country.

[00:34:37] I have 40 porn magazines.

[00:34:40] I need the room.

[00:34:41] I need, I need the room.

[00:34:43] So like I left and more like a jizz real.

[00:34:46] Thanks guys.

[00:34:47] Yeah.

[00:34:48] Remember this is a comedy.

[00:34:49] That was good.

[00:34:50] You got to do puns that look big right now.

[00:34:53] So I knew he was jerking off in the room and then I saw my friends.

[00:34:56] I was like, I've realized that the window to our room was open.

[00:34:59] They only the curtains were closed.

[00:35:01] Oh, yeah.

[00:35:02] And then like my friends were like right outside our room.

[00:35:05] And I realized it was like leading into my room.

[00:35:06] So I told my friend, I was like, Oh God, I told my friend.

[00:35:10] I was like, Tommy's beating off in there.

[00:35:13] So my friend, my friend, I'm not going to censor this because we're immature kids.

[00:35:18] But my friend literally like walks up to the curtains and he opens them up and he's like,

[00:35:24] got any crack nigga?

[00:35:26] And like, Tommy, Jesus, he just shouts it at Tommy.

[00:35:30] Tommy is completely flat on his back, just wearing socks and holding holding his dick

[00:35:36] in one hand and the magazine the other hand.

[00:35:38] He just looks up at my friend Isaac.

[00:35:40] He says it.

[00:35:41] And literally his body like levitated like off the mattress and like did a 180 and he just

[00:35:47] landed like erection into the mattress.

[00:35:51] So fucking hard.

[00:35:52] And there was just the shriek of pain because he like literally broken his bone or like

[00:35:57] birds flapped away.

[00:35:58] It was like, oh my God.

[00:36:00] Because his penis hurts so much.

[00:36:03] Did he have to go to the desk?

[00:36:04] And then he saw me standing there.

[00:36:05] Everyone's laughing.

[00:36:06] You know, he saw me standing there and he just like went nuts.

[00:36:10] And he started like throwing all my stuff out of our room.

[00:36:12] Was he naked?

[00:36:13] Just yeah, he's completely naked.

[00:36:14] He put my sweatpants on and he was like doing lunges like rubbing his balls on my sweatpants

[00:36:19] and stuff.

[00:36:20] And then did he ever come like a week later?

[00:36:23] Yeah, did he come?

[00:36:24] At least somebody ever creeped and came at the same time.

[00:36:27] He never came and then like a week later I was sleeping and I felt like in my sleep

[00:36:32] someone straddled me and I opened my eyes and Tommy was like above me holding a pillow.

[00:36:38] And he was just like looking down at me is like Adam fucking Friedland.

[00:36:42] You betrayed my trust.

[00:36:43] Oh man.

[00:36:44] He humiliated me in public.

[00:36:46] Holy shit.

[00:36:47] And if you ever humiliate me again, I'll fucking kill you.

[00:36:51] That's bad ass.

[00:36:53] I was hoping he was about to beat off on your face.

[00:36:56] I'm going to talk.

[00:36:58] Don't fuck with magicians.

[00:37:00] Yeah.

[00:37:01] And now he's a now he's a mind free street magician.

[00:37:03] Jesus, can you imagine the degree in which Chris Angel was fucked with by other kids?

[00:37:09] I mean, I really think that is the best.

[00:37:11] That's a low level Vegas street.

[00:37:13] Right.

[00:37:14] Right.

[00:37:15] Right.

[00:37:16] The amount of tea bagging that happened to Chris Angel.

[00:37:17] Where he's like, I'm going to fucking drown myself in front of everyone.

[00:37:21] Now this is job.

[00:37:23] I'm going to fucking lock myself in a box of water and don't open up 15 minutes.

[00:37:28] And I'm going to be wearing eyeliner and jewelry.

[00:37:31] And I'm not gay either.

[00:37:33] David Blaine got molested into being a magician.

[00:37:36] Yeah.

[00:37:37] Well, David Blaine's like cool, you know, he is cool.

[00:37:41] Yeah.

[00:37:42] He's like a cool guy.

[00:37:43] He was friends like Michael Jackson.

[00:37:45] He's like, he's like the guy that was like, you know, I feel like he was like on streets

[00:37:49] addicted to heroin.

[00:37:50] And he's like, all right, either I start sucking dicks.

[00:37:53] I do the coolest fucking magic tricks in the world.

[00:37:55] I get this dope.

[00:37:56] Yeah.

[00:37:57] And the drug dealers are like, that's that is my car.

[00:38:00] So, you know, here's a balloon.

[00:38:04] He's very low key.

[00:38:06] I don't know.

[00:38:07] He's like laid back as hell.

[00:38:08] Yeah.

[00:38:09] I mean, I, I, he fucks too.

[00:38:12] He fucks like hot women.

[00:38:13] I think you remember when they gave Michael Jackson that award and he's like, first of

[00:38:16] all, I'd like to thank David Blaine.

[00:38:18] Your magic is real.

[00:38:19] It's like the first line of his acceptance speech.

[00:38:23] I don't remember what the fuck the fuck most kids fucked.

[00:38:26] Twenty two thousand three award.

[00:38:28] No, it was like artists of the millennium award.

[00:38:32] Oh, yeah.

[00:38:33] But he didn't like he was on so many drugs at that point and like just looking like such

[00:38:37] as scariation woman, you know, who could have beaten him?

[00:38:40] Who else was an artist in the millennium of the millennium?

[00:38:43] Al Jolson.

[00:38:44] We've talked about him before.

[00:38:45] Yeah.

[00:38:46] He was probably a second best.

[00:38:47] I remember too.

[00:38:49] The greatest performing artist of the 20th century.

[00:38:52] Yeah.

[00:38:53] Who do you think?

[00:38:54] Well, it's the millennium.

[00:38:56] So I mean, shouldn't that go to like Michael Angelo?

[00:38:58] Yeah, right.

[00:38:59] Exactly.

[00:39:00] Not Michael Jackson.

[00:39:01] I like Michael Jackson.

[00:39:03] Fine.

[00:39:04] But yeah, he was around for like the last 40 years.

[00:39:06] How about Mozart?

[00:39:07] Or I'm sorry for being Eurocentric.

[00:39:09] Maybe some, you know, African guy that invented gold or chimney.

[00:39:13] A chibbe.

[00:39:14] Yeah.

[00:39:15] Yeah.

[00:39:16] Yeah.

[00:39:17] Yeah.

[00:39:18] Yeah.

[00:39:19] That was great when that, when that girl Kevin Zane or Kavunzavana Wallace or whatever

[00:39:26] the fuck, Kavunzane, yeah, something like that.

[00:39:29] And then like during that award show, and this is like 2011.

[00:39:31] Oh, yeah.

[00:39:32] The onion, right?

[00:39:33] It was like 2000.

[00:39:34] Well, the onion shit, but yeah, it was that award show.

[00:39:36] It was like Golden Globes 2011.

[00:39:37] So it was the beginning of like the woke period where like just the biggest fucking retard

[00:39:42] are going on Twitter and like legitimately being like, wow, they can't say her name.

[00:39:47] And it's like, yeah, you can.

[00:39:50] Yeah.

[00:39:51] You're typing.

[00:39:52] Yeah.

[00:39:53] Yeah.

[00:39:54] Yeah.

[00:39:55] It's juicy.

[00:39:56] Yeah.

[00:39:57] Okay.

[00:39:58] So.

[00:39:59] I think it's Cavazina.

[00:40:00] Yeah.

[00:40:01] K.Cavazina.

[00:40:02] It's Mexican food and that's she was on Sanford and son.

[00:40:03] That's what fucking.

[00:40:04] Yeah.

[00:40:05] Did you imagine?

[00:40:06] Like, okay, okay.

[00:40:07] So buzzing.

[00:40:08] Can you imagine the next chicken in?

[00:40:10] I'm coming, Elizabeth.

[00:40:11] And that's how she would be addressed on the show.

[00:40:13] Can you imagine a small bottle of Viseen that you drip into your eye and liquid Mexican

[00:40:20] cheese comes out?

[00:40:21] That is a gruesome visual.

[00:40:23] That would suck.

[00:40:24] That's where parents named her after.

[00:40:25] Especially had to become a star.

[00:40:28] Listen, when you're a star, you can name your kid whatever you want.

[00:40:32] Her name is Grabham on the pussy of Guabas.

[00:40:35] Look, Billy, we've got the theme of bullying.

[00:40:39] Did I tell the story ever about how the baseball team at my school almost tricked the kid

[00:40:44] into sucking all their dicks?

[00:40:46] I go on.

[00:40:48] Dude.

[00:40:50] I remember these motherfucker.

[00:40:51] Boy.

[00:40:52] That's sadistic, dude.

[00:40:53] This was like.

[00:40:54] So fuck.

[00:40:55] Was he a gay kid?

[00:40:56] No, no, no.

[00:40:57] Okay.

[00:40:58] So he was like the kid he'd been trying out for baseball.

[00:40:59] He was like the kid who played Cavazina.

[00:41:01] I like this.

[00:41:02] I like this is the alternative plot to Angels in the outfield.

[00:41:04] Like, Dad, are we ever going to be a family again?

[00:41:06] Yeah.

[00:41:07] You suck all the dicks.

[00:41:09] The Angels.

[00:41:10] The Angels.

[00:41:11] Yeah, yeah.

[00:41:12] Dude, this kid was like, so it was baseball and everyone's like, everyone who played baseball

[00:41:17] was like football athletes on, you know, like a different half of them played.

[00:41:23] I think that was it because it was spring, right?

[00:41:25] So he looked so it was like football guys and just this one, like white kid who loved

[00:41:29] baseball who just like a total spaz.

[00:41:32] He played JV all for three years and they were like, finally his senior year, they let

[00:41:36] him ride the bench on varsity.

[00:41:38] And these motherfuckers, dude, it took them a whole season.

[00:41:42] They like set up.

[00:41:43] They were like, so like the first part of the season they would be like, he would, they

[00:41:47] would, he would walk in and like one guy would be on his knees and they would get up real

[00:41:51] quick and be like, Oh, oh, sorry, Jonathan.

[00:41:53] I didn't want you to see anything.

[00:41:54] He's like, Well, what's going on?

[00:41:55] What's going on?

[00:41:56] I was like, No, don't worry about it.

[00:41:57] So like set the groundwork.

[00:41:59] They made him like walk in on them, fake sucking each other off a bunch.

[00:42:03] And then there's so much better everything.

[00:42:06] Like, it literally hit everything.

[00:42:08] And they were like, Yo, dude, he's what we're going to do.

[00:42:10] We're going to make a play.

[00:42:11] It's going to have nine acts.

[00:42:14] And last and entire.

[00:42:15] Dude, it literally lasted the whole season.

[00:42:17] That's some like, like fucking that is Shakespeare.

[00:42:20] That's it was a row.

[00:42:21] It was incredible, dude.

[00:42:23] And so and I remember and I was friend, I played football.

[00:42:26] So they were like, talent.

[00:42:27] I was like, this is crazy.

[00:42:28] They would like keep me posted on the shit.

[00:42:31] And so and then once so then over the course of the season, like one of them pulled them

[00:42:36] aside.

[00:42:37] It's like, all right, man, we trust you.

[00:42:38] Dude, here's what happens.

[00:42:39] If you're really good friends with someone and it gave you suck his dick as teammates.

[00:42:44] He's like, he's like, Oh, okay.

[00:42:46] He's just buying everything he's saying.

[00:42:48] And it's like, it's like, yeah, maybe one day we'll let you in.

[00:42:50] He's like, Oh, yeah.

[00:42:51] Okay.

[00:42:52] Cool, cool.

[00:42:53] And then like one, they just towards the end of the season, they fucking they're like,

[00:42:57] Hey, man, come come in here.

[00:42:59] And they take him like the fucking supply closet or whatever.

[00:43:02] And it's like, dude, it's a big day.

[00:43:04] He was like, we trust you, man.

[00:43:05] You're our teammate.

[00:43:06] He walks in.

[00:43:07] There's like fucking five dudes in there.

[00:43:10] And they're like, they have, they're about to get their dicks out.

[00:43:13] And this kid's on his knees, he gets on his knees.

[00:43:17] And then the coach comes to get a bat and he's like, what the fuck is going on here?

[00:43:23] And to this day, I don't know if they would have made him suck their dicks, dude.

[00:43:26] That's the weirdest part of it.

[00:43:28] How much do you want to bet that kid is absolutely voting for Donald Trump?

[00:43:33] But that's the guy.

[00:43:35] People are like, how could you vote for him?

[00:43:38] He's like, shut the fuck up.

[00:43:40] Shut up.

[00:43:41] Don't shut up right now.

[00:43:43] Oh my God.

[00:43:44] I remember Jesus guys.

[00:43:46] I don't know about that.

[00:43:48] I'm so sad.

[00:43:49] I legit don't know if they would have made him suck their dicks.

[00:43:52] He would have done it.

[00:43:53] He would have just done it.

[00:43:54] But it's so like, what's the payoff of that?

[00:43:57] I don't know, man.

[00:43:58] They're gay.

[00:43:59] Is that to have a boy suck your dicks?

[00:44:01] Maybe their gay is the other option.

[00:44:02] You're kind of pranking yourself.

[00:44:04] Well, the prison gay.

[00:44:05] They're prison gay, sure.

[00:44:06] Yeah.

[00:44:07] That's why that happens in jail too.

[00:44:09] As a bit, as a goofy bit.

[00:44:10] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:44:11] It's because they're grown men that don't know how to stop pranking on a fucking eight

[00:44:15] year old level.

[00:44:16] God, the pranks in jail got a big half a day of this guy.

[00:44:20] He was recording like a vlog or whatever.

[00:44:23] I used to just, I used to sit and refresh YouTube used to have an option where you could watch

[00:44:27] videos as they were uploaded to YouTube.

[00:44:29] Oh, I remember that.

[00:44:30] Yeah.

[00:44:31] Back before.

[00:44:32] Nice, man.

[00:44:33] Back before.

[00:44:34] Nice.

[00:44:35] I think you might have twice.

[00:44:36] Yeah, yeah.

[00:44:37] No, that was it.

[00:44:38] That's all right.

[00:44:39] Yeah.

[00:44:40] So that was like back before like, you know, a million videos are being uploaded at time.

[00:44:45] Right.

[00:44:46] So you just refresh and see things in real time as they were being uploaded.

[00:44:50] And there was a video I saw one time.

[00:44:52] It was just sort of like, you know, kind of fat black dude.

[00:44:57] And the story, the title of video, all caps, of course, was like, how I've raped a guy

[00:45:02] in jail.

[00:45:03] You told this on the podcast.

[00:45:04] No, did I?

[00:45:05] Yeah.

[00:45:06] His name was Tom Henderson.

[00:45:07] Yeah.

[00:45:08] Yeah.

[00:45:09] You said you did this one.

[00:45:10] There was any other weird shit because I feel like you were on the internet.

[00:45:13] What was the weirdest shit you saw before it got like, I saw it on YouTube.

[00:45:17] I had to like flag it and report it.

[00:45:19] And I was like, Oh, fuck.

[00:45:20] But there was like one time there was like a seven year old girl.

[00:45:23] Oh, okay.

[00:45:24] And I was just like, I was like, I don't know.

[00:45:27] I was like, I was just like, oh, no.

[00:45:30] I was like, oh, no.

[00:45:32] I was like, Oh, no.

[00:45:33] I'm like, Oh, no.

[00:45:34] I was like, Oh, no.

[00:45:35] So like, Oh, no, no.

[00:45:36] Jesus Christ.

[00:45:37] Jesus Christ.

[00:45:38] Yeah.

[00:45:39] Yeah.

[00:45:40] Something really chill was happening in that house.

[00:45:41] That's for sure.

[00:45:42] I'm sure it was a very cool place to grow up.

[00:45:45] Yeah.

[00:45:46] She's a free spirit.

[00:45:47] Jesus Christ.

[00:45:48] Yeah.

[00:45:49] It was the said, I should just re-upload it with the seventh half of the team.

[00:45:54] I told you guys, I told before we recorded the end, but I told you guys that story of

[00:46:00] when I was a, I was a broad and that little kid came up to my friend Perry and asked how

[00:46:04] old he was.

[00:46:05] Oh, yeah.

[00:46:06] Yeah.

[00:46:07] Yeah.

[00:46:08] This is like little kid came up to my friend.

[00:46:09] He goes, how old you are and my friend just like looks at like this seven year old boy square

[00:46:14] in the eye and he goes old enough to suck your dick.

[00:46:18] What did the kid say?

[00:46:20] No, you told that English.

[00:46:21] No, that I said it before.

[00:46:24] I don't think it was on the episode.

[00:46:25] Oh, see, I can't, I can't remember.

[00:46:27] This is why we got to stop hanging out.

[00:46:29] I know.

[00:46:30] We can't be friends.

[00:46:31] Yeah.

[00:46:32] We just fucking, yeah, we just record all our friendship.

[00:46:36] Do the best of friendship.

[00:46:37] We should have loved Mike's.

[00:46:38] Honestly, man, I thought this one was going to be bomb.

[00:46:40] We took that little break.

[00:46:41] I did nothing.

[00:46:42] I didn't have cell phone service for two days.

[00:46:44] That's cool.

[00:46:45] I didn't even tell my story about fucking Tampa.

[00:46:48] I was just fucking, first of all, Tampa.

[00:46:51] It's such a weird fucking city.

[00:46:53] It's the strip club capital of America, right?

[00:46:56] All the girls are like, they're like every woman in Tampa.

[00:46:58] I tweeted this, but it's like, they're just like the hottest waitress at a bowling alley.

[00:47:02] That's what they look like.

[00:47:03] They're like this trashy.

[00:47:05] Every single one has like a fucking, like a flower on their shoulder.

[00:47:09] That's the tattoo that every woman in Tampa has.

[00:47:11] And every, so many dudes have like, like they look like retired professional wrestlers.

[00:47:17] Like they all have a lot of them down there.

[00:47:19] Yeah, there's something down there.

[00:47:20] These are like just Hulk, Hulk City.

[00:47:22] Hulk City.

[00:47:23] That's where Hulk got got, that's where he fucked the bump with the Love's Bunch's wife.

[00:47:25] Yeah.

[00:47:26] Well, he lives there.

[00:47:27] He's from Tampa.

[00:47:28] Oh, shit.

[00:47:29] In and out.

[00:47:30] Yeah.

[00:47:31] Damn, I didn't see him.

[00:47:32] Hulk, Hulk, Hulk, uh, Hulk, uh, Hulk.

[00:47:33] No, I was trying to think of Hulk.

[00:47:34] I think of Hulk, I mean, a pun for the city, but I'll tell you what, folks, Tampa mania

[00:47:37] thought it was going to get pizza and I didn't.

[00:47:39] So I can't think of a fuck ponds, dude.

[00:47:42] I fucking, I can't wait until that's not a fucking thing anymore.

[00:47:46] It's always going to be a thing.

[00:47:48] No, it's, you know, it's the two most annoying group.

[00:47:50] In groups of people like puns tweens and old men.

[00:47:53] If you, if you think puns are funny, then you probably enjoy Lindy West.

[00:47:57] Sure.

[00:47:58] Her big thing is like she came up with puns and typing capital letters in her, her essays

[00:48:04] and that's why people think she's funny.

[00:48:06] That sucks.

[00:48:07] So hard.

[00:48:08] What do you mean typing capital?

[00:48:09] Like half her essays are like, yeah, guess what?

[00:48:12] That's called rape guys.

[00:48:14] She invented that.

[00:48:16] She's using caps lock.

[00:48:18] All caps.

[00:48:19] Yeah.

[00:48:20] I'm not used to doing that.

[00:48:21] Kanye gets a pass from me always, but I made out with like a 65 year old woman.

[00:48:26] No, you didn't.

[00:48:27] And my support.

[00:48:28] I was waiting.

[00:48:30] The shows were over and I was just like hanging out.

[00:48:32] I was like, I wasn't Bobby left.

[00:48:34] I don't know what he was doing.

[00:48:36] He was hanging out with some friends and I was going to try and fuck some girl, but

[00:48:39] you know, nothing really materialized.

[00:48:41] So I'm just about to leave.

[00:48:42] I ordered my Uber and there's just some crazy old.

[00:48:45] She was at the show, but she was like heckling.

[00:48:47] She was like a problem.

[00:48:49] And she was like, where are you guys?

[00:48:52] She's like fucked up.

[00:48:53] She's like, why are you sitting here?

[00:48:54] I just sit on this bench next to this old woman and just like I'm making out with her.

[00:49:00] And then the old woman, like she starts laughing while you're making out with her and then

[00:49:04] she pulls off a mask and it's like a black kid from your high school.

[00:49:07] He's like, you fucking gay.

[00:49:09] You prank.

[00:49:10] You're gay.

[00:49:11] Yeah, it's damn it.

[00:49:12] It's great.

[00:49:13] Dude, yeah.

[00:49:14] And I just fucking I made out with this old lady and until my Uber came, she kissed

[00:49:18] good.

[00:49:19] It's pretty good, dude.

[00:49:20] It was weird.

[00:49:21] She had an old mouth.

[00:49:22] She's like old people and sloppier kisses.

[00:49:24] She was sloppy and no joke.

[00:49:25] I'm in the Uber and I'm just like, my mouth feels weird.

[00:49:28] And I'm like, you know, smacking my lips and shit.

[00:49:31] There was numb and like, I'm pretty sure it was or a gel.

[00:49:34] Like I'm pretty sure I'm like, shit was numb from like, it wasn't coke, dude.

[00:49:38] It was like old lady fucking dentures shit.

[00:49:40] She's probably like 42 years old.

[00:49:42] Like a coke lady.

[00:49:44] She was not a coke lady.

[00:49:45] It wasn't coke.

[00:49:46] We got to do another cocaine episode.

[00:49:47] I got good feedback.

[00:49:48] I'd love to do a coke.

[00:49:49] I wasn't here for the coke app.

[00:49:52] So the guy that offered me free of the free impact wrench.

[00:49:56] He liked the cocaine episode.

[00:49:58] By the way, guys, if you want to offer us any free stuff, we'll take literally all

[00:50:01] of it.

[00:50:02] Yeah, I turned it down.

[00:50:03] Including naked free naked pictures.

[00:50:06] Yeah, if you want to sex us.

[00:50:08] Yeah, if you want to just tweet your pussy directly at, you know, any one of us on Twitter

[00:50:13] will read for you.

[00:50:16] Yeah.

[00:50:17] I'll retweet you.

[00:50:18] If you want.

[00:50:19] If you want my massive following to see your your holes.

[00:50:24] Do you see come town fans is going a little crazy today?

[00:50:27] No, not what about the Podesta emails?

[00:50:31] No, that means like losing his mind a little bit.

[00:50:35] Yeah, I mean, all those emails, I mean, people haven't had a chance to go through them all

[00:50:39] yet, but I'm sure there's some pretty juicy stuff in there.

[00:50:42] Yeah.

[00:50:43] I don't know anything.

[00:50:44] Donald Trump is bad.

[00:50:46] Yeah.

[00:50:47] Yeah.

[00:50:48] Damn, that's crazy.

[00:50:50] I can't wait to see what he's going to say on the third debate.

[00:50:52] He's going to just.

[00:50:53] Well, my third debate is Fox News.

[00:50:56] I didn't realize he might say verbatim.

[00:50:58] Is it?

[00:50:59] That's awesome.

[00:51:00] Yeah, that's great.

[00:51:01] Well, that's to his advantage.

[00:51:02] It's got to be you think he was what's the wildest shit you think he'll say you think

[00:51:06] he'll say Bill Clinton is a regular.

[00:51:07] He's going to say nigger.

[00:51:08] Jesus.

[00:51:09] That's the last thing that's left.

[00:51:11] You think you will know he could call he could say, come on, first of all, let's take a second.

[00:51:15] That is the first time the hard R and.

[00:51:16] That was super in the show.

[00:51:17] Yeah.

[00:51:18] I'm just saying that's the last thing that he has.

[00:51:21] That also violates the rules.

[00:51:23] It's a pre.

[00:51:24] And I said fourth for when you can say the N word on this show.

[00:51:27] If it's a quote, if you're quoting another white guy.

[00:51:31] I'm quoting Donald Trump.

[00:51:33] He didn't say it yet.

[00:51:34] He's going to say it in the third debate.

[00:51:36] No, you're fucking.

[00:51:37] No, he's okay until the third debate.

[00:51:39] No, it's the financial term.

[00:51:40] You're leveraging here.

[00:51:41] Yeah.

[00:51:42] Yeah.

[00:51:43] You're buying it.

[00:51:44] You're not saying it.

[00:51:46] Yeah, yeah.

[00:51:47] Unsafe as it.

[00:51:48] Yeah.

[00:51:49] Future is trading.

[00:51:50] Yeah.

[00:51:51] You future futures.

[00:51:52] I don't want to create an N word bubble on this show.

[00:51:53] I'm not trying to.

[00:51:54] No, listen, there's going to be an N word collapse and the fucking value.

[00:51:56] I'm just saying the last thing left for him to do is go hard.

[00:51:59] I know what you're being the Goldman Sachs of saying the N word right now, dude.

[00:52:03] You're the AIG.

[00:52:04] You're the NIG.

[00:52:05] You're underwriting the N word.

[00:52:09] Oh my god.

[00:52:10] Damn podcast.

[00:52:11] And I won't be privy to it.

[00:52:12] What's the black version?

[00:52:15] Oh fuck.

[00:52:16] The ask, ask, see.

[00:52:20] Come on.

[00:52:21] That was harder than.

[00:52:22] Oh, see, fuck.

[00:52:23] What is it?

[00:52:24] I don't know.

[00:52:25] That's a double A.

[00:52:27] Yeah, sure.

[00:52:28] How about this?

[00:52:29] The N-I-G.

[00:52:30] All right, all right, all right.

[00:52:32] All right.

[00:52:33] Next riff.

[00:52:35] And scene.

[00:52:37] We have to cut that like a shitty improv.

[00:52:39] Yeah, they had to cut me on red eye.

[00:52:40] Really?

[00:52:41] Yeah, I did red eye and like they were talking about like, you know, they just have like

[00:52:45] a million fucking.

[00:52:46] They're like, all right, here's 10 news stories and they run through them.

[00:52:49] And one of them was like this video of like a selfie drone that they have now, which is

[00:52:52] like so it takes.

[00:52:54] And the girl like the, you know, who are you on with?

[00:52:56] Yeah, I don't know.

[00:52:57] Some sexy Fox girl who I will refer to as legs.

[00:53:01] That's all of the Fox women.

[00:53:02] Yeah, yeah.

[00:53:03] She was all right.

[00:53:04] She's okay.

[00:53:05] Yeah, she was pretty cool.

[00:53:06] But.

[00:53:07] Did you fuck her?

[00:53:08] I didn't want to say this.

[00:53:10] But yes, dude.

[00:53:12] Yeah, nice on television.

[00:53:14] That's what they had to cut.

[00:53:16] Nice.

[00:53:17] Yeah.

[00:53:18] Good job.

[00:53:19] They're like, Nick, stop doing that.

[00:53:20] I'm like, make me.

[00:53:21] And then they're like your fucking man.

[00:53:24] That's awesome.

[00:53:25] Oh, yeah.

[00:53:26] Fox News.

[00:53:27] No, I didn't fuck her.

[00:53:35] So the, uh, what?

[00:53:37] Yes.

[00:53:38] You were just lying to me.

[00:53:40] Yeah, I was, dude.

[00:53:41] I'm sorry.

[00:53:42] I was trying to impress you.

[00:53:43] Yeah.

[00:53:44] Actually, it was, uh, orally raped by five black men at Fox News.

[00:53:48] But to be fair, they pranked me.

[00:53:51] They tricked me into it.

[00:53:52] So it's my own damn big prank store.

[00:53:54] It was the central park five.

[00:53:55] It was in that park.

[00:53:58] They're in that park.

[00:53:59] The trick in young boys.

[00:54:00] Listen, they got this game.

[00:54:01] They get you on the baseball team.

[00:54:03] Don't.

[00:54:04] That's why they always tell you don't play baseball with them.

[00:54:08] That's why there's none of them in major leagues.

[00:54:11] Cause they, they rape everybody.

[00:54:13] Look, somebody's doing the raping.

[00:54:15] That's going to be the debate.

[00:54:18] I heard this story.

[00:54:19] You're not going to believe this story.

[00:54:20] Jennifer Flowers is right next to him.

[00:54:23] Jennifer, you're not going to believe this.

[00:54:25] I was saying how funny it would be if like this week, uh, Donald Trump also raped Juan

[00:54:30] E. De Broder.

[00:54:31] Look, I fucked up.

[00:54:32] I'll admit it, but that would be awesome.

[00:54:35] I, I, I did it.

[00:54:36] You know what?

[00:54:39] I did it.

[00:54:40] You did it.

[00:54:41] Everybody's done this.

[00:54:42] Jesus Christ.

[00:54:43] Everybody's done.

[00:54:44] Okay.

[00:54:45] Did you see the press conference?

[00:54:47] Well, hold on.

[00:54:48] This is when they had to cut me on red eye.

[00:54:49] It's like we were talking about the selfie drone or whatever.

[00:54:52] And the Fox girl was like, why would you pay $600 for the, what is essentially a selfie

[00:54:57] stick?

[00:54:58] It's just so you don't have to do this.

[00:54:59] And she like raised a prong like she had like a selfie stick.

[00:55:02] And I was like, well, I'll tell you, you can't do that.

[00:55:04] John McCain.

[00:55:05] I can't raise his arms above his head.

[00:55:07] They cut you because of that?

[00:55:08] Yeah.

[00:55:09] Well, and then everyone got really silent and I'm like, no, I can't raise because of Vietnam.

[00:55:13] They, they fucked up his shoulder.

[00:55:14] They can't be kind of like looking at me and they're like, yeah.

[00:55:18] Okay.

[00:55:19] And I'm like, what?

[00:55:20] That's a good point.

[00:55:21] I guess I just, I guess I just, I guess I just, I guess I just, I guess I just, I guess

[00:55:22] it's a good point.

[00:55:23] Dave Smith's like, that's not a good point.

[00:55:24] Oh, do you want with Dave?

[00:55:25] Yeah.

[00:55:26] And Dave didn't give me anything on that one.

[00:55:28] No.

[00:55:29] Uh, Dave, I don't like meeting him.

[00:55:30] Don't really riff well.

[00:55:31] None of those guys.

[00:55:32] Interesting.

[00:55:33] Yeah.

[00:55:34] Yeah.

[00:55:35] And Dave's a libertarian, so he's on there to be like, actually 36% of, you know, blah,

[00:55:39] blah, blah.

[00:55:40] It's like, all right.

[00:55:41] Okay.

[00:55:42] Right, right, right.

[00:55:43] Uh, actually taxes give me raids.

[00:55:44] Yeah.

[00:55:45] Yeah.

[00:55:46] Yeah.

[00:55:47] Yeah.

[00:55:48] No, I mean, he goes on there to actually be a news guy.

[00:55:49] Right, right, right.

[00:55:50] He knows what he's talking about.

[00:55:51] Like a pitch.

[00:55:52] And I mean, I'll just do it because they'll, they, you know, yeah, give you a free limo

[00:55:54] right there.

[00:55:55] Right.

[00:55:56] Right.

[00:55:57] Some coffee in the green room.

[00:55:58] Yeah.

[00:55:59] Some macarons.

[00:56:00] Shit.

[00:56:01] I want to do it.

[00:56:02] Scopo was on it, dude.

[00:56:03] Wasn't?

[00:56:04] Um, I watched part of it.

[00:56:06] Yeah.

[00:56:07] Well, they're like, yeah, we're going to have to cut that John McCain thing.

[00:56:09] I'm like, what the fuck?

[00:56:11] Why?

[00:56:12] And he was like, well, his children watch this show at three AM.

[00:56:15] Yeah.

[00:56:16] I'm like, I, okay.

[00:56:17] If you say so.

[00:56:18] Yeah.

[00:56:19] They were like, do you have anything you want to plug?

[00:56:20] I was like, my podcast com town.

[00:56:21] They're like, yeah, we can't do that.

[00:56:22] All right.

[00:56:23] I haven't been able to plug it on anything, but I'm just like, check out my podcast.

[00:56:30] Yeah.

[00:56:32] I watch it.

[00:56:35] But that's fucking hilarious that they're like, yeah, we couldn't air the John McCain

[00:56:38] thing, but we're going to stick with Trump calling him a, not a calling him a pussy, essentially

[00:56:44] forgetting captured.

[00:56:45] It's true.

[00:56:46] Well, it's news.

[00:56:47] It's not news to produce a show where they have some no name comedian come on and insult

[00:56:52] John McCain.

[00:56:53] You mean, so dude, I actually, yeah, no, I would say, I mean, I, I mean, I framed it.

[00:56:58] So it was like, you know, who needs this is?

[00:57:00] John McCain.

[00:57:01] And I'm insulting disabled veterans by saying who that's true.

[00:57:03] That's ableist for them to cut it.

[00:57:05] Yeah.

[00:57:06] Yeah.

[00:57:07] I was saying it was good that they had that, that's all that drone.

[00:57:10] It is ableist and I won't stand for it.

[00:57:11] Who the fuck is buying drones?

[00:57:13] They have ads for drones on the subway now.

[00:57:15] And it looks like a fucking minority report.

[00:57:17] Yeah.

[00:57:18] I don't like it.

[00:57:19] Drones are really big with like monster energy Trump kind of guys.

[00:57:22] Are they?

[00:57:23] Yeah.

[00:57:24] Like, especially like people who live in rural areas, they go out in the fucking desert

[00:57:27] and whatever.

[00:57:28] Fuck with the drone.

[00:57:29] Fuck around with some drones.

[00:57:30] The numbers fuck with a little dude.

[00:57:31] Like Dan Bilzerian kind of guy.

[00:57:32] Hell yes.

[00:57:33] Yeah.

[00:57:34] Love drones.

[00:57:35] Bilzerian.

[00:57:36] Yeah.

[00:57:37] There's a, I can't believe I said the N word.

[00:57:38] I just feel so.

[00:57:39] I can't wait for your parents to hear this.

[00:57:41] It was the first time being cut and then placed into the theme song podcast from now

[00:57:46] on.

[00:57:47] Yeah.

[00:57:48] Just Adam straight up dropping the N bomb.

[00:57:51] I'm just glad it wasn't me.

[00:57:53] Yeah.

[00:57:54] Yeah.

[00:57:55] That is crazy.

[00:57:56] I can't believe you did it.

[00:57:57] I was saying, I mean, like, let's be honest, every white guy said it.

[00:57:59] I have maintained that any white person that says that they haven't said it is either lying

[00:58:04] or they've never played a video game where you can put in your own name.

[00:58:08] Because if that is not your name.

[00:58:13] I do.

[00:58:14] I do.

[00:58:15] You know, it's best the more childish the game is, the funnier gets.

[00:58:18] I played Pokemon Snap the other day.

[00:58:21] And that's it.

[00:58:22] Professor Oak is just calling me.

[00:58:24] And all caps.

[00:58:25] Yeah.

[00:58:26] This is a great picture of Pikachu.

[00:58:29] If they ask only if it's like an arcade game, they only want three initials.

[00:58:35] You got to go N G A or R or, you know, F A G or F A.

[00:58:41] It's only three.

[00:58:42] I always go F A G.

[00:58:42] I go SMD suck my dick.

[00:58:45] Suck my dick.

[00:58:46] I also fuck what I was playing some game where it was like, I thought it was just for

[00:58:51] me.

[00:58:52] And so you had to put put in your name.

[00:58:54] And I was like, it was like some fighting drag, some gay ass like dragon game on the

[00:58:58] foot, you know, app games where I thought I was just like, I'm just going to pass the

[00:59:00] time.

[00:59:01] And they asked me for a name.

[00:59:02] So I put eight off Hitler.

[00:59:03] And I was like, and they wouldn't let me do it.

[00:59:06] And I was like, this fucking lame.

[00:59:07] So I just spelled it wrong.

[00:59:09] Like, but I was sticking with Adolf Hitler.

[00:59:11] And it was just like, it was like the whole game was super social.

[00:59:15] It was just like, you fight other people and you like destroy.

[00:59:18] You set fire to like other college, like people's villages and shit.

[00:59:22] And it's like, you've been burned by Adolf Hitler.

[00:59:26] I can't believe I didn't get fucking like banned from that shit.

[00:59:29] Yeah.

[00:59:30] I remember I was playing Call of Duty Modern Warfare two one time.

[00:59:34] And you know, they have like the other people playing their names right above their like

[00:59:38] character or whatever.

[00:59:39] So I'm like waiting for somebody to come out of like a, you know, I'm like trying to

[00:59:43] shoot somebody in their building or something.

[00:59:45] I'm like waiting for them to come out and my teammate runs by and I just see him come

[00:59:48] on the screen and he's like slowly going around the building.

[00:59:51] And then his just name appears is just Hitler was right.

[00:59:54] But then he's just, you know, playing the game.

[00:59:59] Right.

[01:00:00] He was a good teammate.

[01:00:01] Yeah.

[01:00:02] Well, what's better about that is what the fuck.

[01:00:05] Let me check this.

[01:00:06] My car.

[01:00:07] It's not your cousin.

[01:00:08] Somebody holding yet.

[01:00:09] Somebody holding the horn down folks.

[01:00:11] I live in a pretty wacky neighborhood called Bedford Stuyvesant.

[01:00:16] You may have.

[01:00:17] Oh, man.

[01:00:18] I'm bed for Stuyvesant.

[01:00:19] I've stayed last night and there was like a, there's like a family having like a birthday

[01:00:24] dinner next to me.

[01:00:25] It was like, you know, they were like, what is that kind of brown Chinese?

[01:00:28] I guess like Phil, Philomano or something.

[01:00:31] No, they were like, Philopino or something.

[01:00:33] Okay.

[01:00:34] Yeah.

[01:00:35] And the party.

[01:00:36] Yeah.

[01:00:37] Like the Asians, you know, like steel cars.

[01:00:39] Yeah.

[01:00:40] Yeah.

[01:00:41] Asians other Asians look down among.

[01:00:42] Yeah.

[01:00:43] Amongst, Filipinos, right?

[01:00:44] Yeah.

[01:00:45] It's Filipinos.

[01:00:46] Oh, yeah.

[01:00:47] Shout out Bruno Mars.

[01:00:48] Yeah.

[01:00:49] I think I, I thought he was lesbian.

[01:00:52] He's both.

[01:00:53] Yeah.

[01:00:54] Man, his music is catchy as hell, but just what a fucking like derivative formulaic.

[01:01:00] It's all just very shitty versions of my connection.

[01:01:02] Yeah.

[01:01:03] Yeah.

[01:01:04] Yeah.

[01:01:05] Yeah.

[01:01:06] Yeah.

[01:01:07] It's like Morris Day and the time.

[01:01:08] Yeah.

[01:01:09] Yeah.

[01:01:10] That don't believe me.

[01:01:11] The uptown funk song was dope.

[01:01:12] I'm sorry.

[01:01:13] Well, the new one's pretty good.

[01:01:14] I'm not going to apologize.

[01:01:15] I don't really.

[01:01:16] 24 carat magic.

[01:01:17] Yep.

[01:01:18] All of the weekend.

[01:01:19] Yeah.

[01:01:20] Yeah.

[01:01:21] No, they had them on the, on the Today Show or whatever.

[01:01:25] Or they were talking about it on the Today Show.

[01:01:26] I got broadcast to television again.

[01:01:27] So I watched the Today Show.

[01:01:28] Yeah.

[01:01:29] I was going to say with the fuck.

[01:01:30] Yeah.

[01:01:31] Got the Gigi antenna.

[01:01:32] Digital antenna.

[01:01:33] Uh oh.

[01:01:34] Yeah.

[01:01:35] I liked that the electronics are just creeping out of my room.

[01:01:37] Yeah.

[01:01:38] That and that come town.

[01:01:39] Yeah.

[01:01:40] Yeah.

[01:01:41] Uh, fucking Today Show has not changed at all.

[01:01:44] It's just like still loud.

[01:01:46] We're going to be old out of touch, old women talking about pop music for a second.

[01:01:51] Like, well, I tell you that Bruno Mars, that really, that's just a digging groovy tune

[01:01:58] that I'm listening to.

[01:02:00] All right.

[01:02:01] Great.

[01:02:02] And next up we have a retarded girl who has cancer.

[01:02:04] And we're giving her mom a makeover.

[01:02:05] And then they cut the moms outside for some reason.

[01:02:11] She's like outside waving at the window.

[01:02:13] Oh yeah.

[01:02:14] She has to sit outside in the cold.

[01:02:16] Is everybody else been those corrals?

[01:02:18] Those people that get balloons that want to be seen on TV.

[01:02:22] It's like all they talk about is their Facebook right for the rest of their life.

[01:02:27] And then this makeover is always like, well, she looked like shit before, but now she looks

[01:02:30] like a substitute teacher.

[01:02:32] So we did it.

[01:02:34] She's still not fuckable, but sorry, your kid has Lushia.

[01:02:38] She'll be crying out this blue eyeshadow and anything on the car ride home.

[01:02:42] Yeah.

[01:02:43] And then we have a clip of, what is it with a Catholic, Catholic, like Giffords brings

[01:02:48] on the autistic boy?

[01:02:50] No.

[01:02:51] Who, this is like some school where like a jock, it's like, you won't believe this story.

[01:02:56] Where in, you know, shit, all Kansas, a small town of five people where a little autistic

[01:03:03] boy with no friends that was a loser that nobody wanted to hang out with.

[01:03:07] He sucked, frankly.

[01:03:10] And one of the jocks from the school made the brave stance of not bullying him and pretending

[01:03:15] to be his friend.

[01:03:17] You know, and then they like, like sitting with him at lunch.

[01:03:21] Yeah, sitting with him at lunch.

[01:03:23] Yeah.

[01:03:24] And then so they bring him in and then they have the autistic boy there.

[01:03:26] And then all the women, Catholic, Giffords and like her, those other dumb women on the

[01:03:30] show, they've just been like hot cunts their entire life.

[01:03:34] You know, they're rich and like they can't relate.

[01:03:37] There's no way they could possibly relate to this autistic boy.

[01:03:40] And she's like looking at him and she's like, and Jonathan, how does it make you feel when

[01:03:44] Brock, you know, I don't know feelings.

[01:03:46] Yeah.

[01:03:47] Yeah.

[01:03:48] He's like, I don't know.

[01:03:49] Fine.

[01:03:50] And she's like, but isn't it just so crazy that he wanted to be friends with you?

[01:03:52] Isn't that just make you feel great that, you know, somebody and she's just handling it

[01:03:57] so poorly.

[01:03:58] And she's saying to them.

[01:03:59] Yeah, the song from the guy and then they had some guy, they had some fucking guy write

[01:04:03] a song for the autistic boy and it's like, Kathy Lee performed it.

[01:04:06] Yeah, Kathy didn't, oh, yeah, she sings the song.

[01:04:09] She sings the song.

[01:04:10] The lyrics of the song are like, when you're a fucking loser.

[01:04:14] Yeah.

[01:04:15] Yeah.

[01:04:16] And the both and the kindness of a strange job, you know, and the kid that come back, the

[01:04:23] kidney is crying.

[01:04:25] And then she's like, why did you, why are you crying?

[01:04:27] He's like, make me sad.

[01:04:29] Oh my God.

[01:04:31] There's a really good Stern Stern segment.

[01:04:34] About it.

[01:04:35] Yeah.

[01:04:36] Yeah.

[01:04:37] When you cut in with that at the beginning, you fucking shit version of it.

[01:04:40] Was it paying attention?

[01:04:41] And then I found out you're yeah.

[01:04:43] Fucking.

[01:04:44] I told you my friend's uncle was like a huge Stern head and he was a New York City cop

[01:04:51] and some guy like called from the George Washington Bridge.

[01:04:55] He's like, hey, how would Baba booey like I'm gonna kill myself.

[01:04:58] How would it be?

[01:05:01] I just Baba booey.

[01:05:02] I'm a big fan, I'm gonna kill myself, throw myself off the George Washington Bridge.

[01:05:07] And so my, my friend's uncle was just in the squad car and he heard it and he's like,

[01:05:11] he just pulled around, got on the George Washington Bridge and then Howard, it's incredible.

[01:05:17] It's all on YouTube and Howard's like talking him through it and telling him why he shouldn't

[01:05:21] die and it should kill himself and Howard's being like hilarious.

[01:05:24] Right.

[01:05:25] And then my friend's uncle like saves him.

[01:05:28] Whoa.

[01:05:29] And then he takes the phone.

[01:05:30] Hey, Howard, big fan, I was listening.

[01:05:33] Detective Bleaker here, big fan.

[01:05:36] Yeah, just now we get saving lives.

[01:05:40] River people called on 9-11.

[01:05:42] Yeah, I was a sketch I wanted to do is just go to the studio.

[01:05:45] There's all these on YouTube, they have like calls from the towers and it's 9-1-1 calls

[01:05:49] where people are like, there's a lot of smoke in here.

[01:05:51] You got to get somebody up here.

[01:05:53] You're in tower two.

[01:05:54] You got to get somebody up here and it's like, just stay with us.

[01:05:57] Stay on the phone.

[01:06:00] It's like synced up to videos of like the towers falling or whatever.

[01:06:03] So you got to get, and then it cuts off as a tower phone.

[01:06:07] It's like terrifying videos.

[01:06:09] But like to redo those but have them be like, yeah, there's a lot of smoke up here.

[01:06:14] Anyhow, I love you, Howard.

[01:06:15] And you know, Baba boy, love the show.

[01:06:19] Shout out to crackhead Bob.

[01:06:20] Rest in peace.

[01:06:21] I love the show, Howard.

[01:06:23] Just why, oh God.

[01:06:25] I just want to say, Robert, I love you at Motoboy City's Day there.

[01:06:30] Beetlejuice, you're the funniest retort I've ever seen in my entire life.

[01:06:37] Big fan Howie.

[01:06:38] I just wanted to be on this show before I died in 9-11.

[01:06:43] Never forget me, please don't ever forget Howie.

[01:06:46] Fuck man.

[01:06:47] God, he's the fucking best.

[01:06:49] He's the fucking H Stern.

[01:06:51] Well, come on.

[01:06:52] Let's not plug other shows on here.

[01:06:54] Come on.

[01:06:55] Lose our audience.

[01:06:56] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[01:06:57] I mean, he's like my second favorite podcast, but behind us.

[01:07:02] Yeah, tied.

[01:07:03] Yeah, fuck Mark Marin though.

[01:07:05] I think it's safe to say we have a much better show than Mark Marin.

[01:07:08] Easily, much better thought out, better guests.

[01:07:11] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[01:07:12] First of all, we take when we do have big guests.

[01:07:14] Yeah, we try harder on the internet.

[01:07:16] This fucking happens.

[01:07:17] Right.

[01:07:18] Have fucking the president on and be like, so what was Dan Nine and like?

[01:07:22] No, he doesn't.

[01:07:25] He had the president on.

[01:07:26] He's like, so he just so weird guys, like who are your guys growing up.

[01:07:31] He had the president and he just talked all over basically talking over the president.

[01:07:36] Any point is like, come on, man.

[01:07:37] Let's listen to a baracki Obama speak.

[01:07:41] Who's with me?

[01:07:43] Oh, I feel like you're going to hear the president talk whenever.

[01:07:48] I think it's I think it's fun.

[01:07:49] I want to ask him if he comes though.

[01:07:50] I just want everyone in the podcast lane to think me, Mark is as cool as Barack Obama.

[01:07:57] Do you think that Michelle Obama fucks Barack Obama?

[01:08:03] Well, first of all, she's a gay man.

[01:08:05] He's, that's my favorite conspiracy theory.

[01:08:08] Is that Michelle Obama is a gay man?

[01:08:10] Yeah.

[01:08:11] And Obama is a gay prostitute.

[01:08:14] Yeah.

[01:08:15] And during the Benghazi attacks, I would combine it because he was doing cocaine and having gay

[01:08:21] stuff.

[01:08:22] Which is like, who is your, who is the fucking, you know, the, the, the source of that conspiracy?

[01:08:29] It's got to be a 12 year old boy.

[01:08:31] They're all like, yeah, this guy's the fuck the president.

[01:08:34] I will say this.

[01:08:35] We'll break this on come town.

[01:08:37] Oh, yeah.

[01:08:38] This hasn't been in the press, but Chris Stevens, the ambassador during Benghazi was my friend.

[01:08:44] And what, like, anyway, it's, it's pretty much a fact that he was in that house.

[01:08:50] The State Department told him not to be in that house, but he's visiting his gay lover

[01:08:55] in that house during Benghazi attack.

[01:08:57] Really?

[01:08:58] It's true.

[01:08:59] You just break that?

[01:09:00] I just broke it on come town.

[01:09:01] They can't get anyone on the record to say it.

[01:09:03] But you Adam Friedlin, but he was visiting his gay Libyan lover in the Benghazi house.

[01:09:08] Yeah.

[01:09:09] It was actually the four Marines that died.

[01:09:11] They were part of an organization called the US Marine Corps.

[01:09:13] This is actually a cover for having gay sex.

[01:09:17] It's true.

[01:09:18] Yeah.

[01:09:19] Yeah.

[01:09:20] If you ever, if you ever see anything that says USMC, that's actually a secret code that

[01:09:24] means you suck men's cocks.

[01:09:30] Yeah.

[01:09:31] Yeah.

[01:09:32] Under, under secret men cocks sucking detail.

[01:09:35] Yeah.

[01:09:36] It's true.

[01:09:37] The Navy seals that stands for sucking, eating a lot of loads.

[01:09:41] Yeah.

[01:09:43] Delta force.

[01:09:44] Delta force.

[01:09:45] Delta force.

[01:09:46] Dicks entering tiny little tiny assholes.

[01:09:50] Little tiny assholes.

[01:09:51] Yeah.

[01:09:52] That's, that's just a fact.

[01:09:53] Delta force is actually a group of pedophiles.

[01:09:55] With the Marines.

[01:09:56] Let me tell you this.

[01:09:57] If you're a tier one operator and you're out there listening to this, I'll kick your ass.

[01:10:02] Dude.

[01:10:03] I'll fucking.

[01:10:04] I'll meet up with you and I will beat the shit out of you.

[01:10:06] I'll tell you something right now.

[01:10:07] You're a fucking domestic.

[01:10:08] You see all and you want to fight me?

[01:10:09] Yeah.

[01:10:10] I'll be prepared to fucking lose.

[01:10:11] I'll tell you something right now.

[01:10:12] I'll beat you up and I'll steal your fucking little hat and I'll wear it around because

[01:10:15] now I'm a Navy seal.

[01:10:16] Yeah.

[01:10:17] That's a fucking rule.

[01:10:18] Yeah.

[01:10:19] If you beat up a Navy seal, that's how you become a Navy seal.

[01:10:21] So you can suck my stone valor dick.

[01:10:23] Jane could do it.

[01:10:24] Some woman in Jane.

[01:10:25] Yeah.

[01:10:26] She got a Jane.

[01:10:27] Yeah.

[01:10:28] Yeah.

[01:10:29] Great job guys.

[01:10:30] You let a woman with breast cancer become one of you.

[01:10:32] Not a big deal.

[01:10:33] You knew it would, you know what a woman with breast cancer would ever do?

[01:10:35] Be on my podcast.

[01:10:36] Don't ever get to that level of prestige.

[01:10:42] She's just fucking crazy.

[01:10:46] Never.

[01:10:47] Never.

[01:10:48] So let's defend him right now.

[01:10:50] Right now.

[01:10:51] I won't stand for it.

[01:10:54] Yeah.

[01:10:55] Okay.

[01:10:56] Great.

[01:10:57] Yeah.

[01:10:58] All right.

[01:10:59] Well that was a good podcast.

[01:11:00] So yeah guys, thanks for listening to premium content.

[01:11:02] And remember that offer stands.

[01:11:04] You're out there.

[01:11:06] You're in the service and you want to get your fucking ass kicked.

[01:11:10] See you with that.

[01:11:12] See me with the hands bitch.

[01:11:34] You're out there.

[01:11:59] Oh Hey