Cum Town | Premium | 10/30/2017
[00:00:00] So we just double check, make sure the levels are good, where they should be.
[00:00:05] No headphones, so there's no way to guarantee it.
[00:00:08] I'm sure there's headphones somewhere here.
[00:00:10] So I think about like, you know, it's like, hold on, I have a song to open up.
[00:00:14] It's a day labor and he's in a room of normal people.
[00:00:18] I got a pretty good song, you know, and then he shits himself quietly, but then everyone
[00:00:24] starts to notice and then they look around and then they look at him because they realize it's him.
[00:00:32] You know, skating, and he starts to cry a little bit, but he keeps saying, you know, skating.
[00:00:50] Yeah, I guess that would have been a good cold open and then we could have gone into the Mexican guy.
[00:00:56] Yeah, yeah, I know, but mine was a nice intro.
[00:00:58] Also because I didn't blow my load before the show, you know.
[00:01:00] Yeah, you should have saved three months.
[00:01:02] I used to jack off before every episode, but I'd stop doing that.
[00:01:24] It's your, it's your, it's your, it's the girl sunglasses.
[00:01:32] No, these are women sunglasses that you wear.
[00:01:36] Hey, Adam, they have a mooch with men's store called.
[00:01:40] They wanted to thank you for being a number of women customers.
[00:01:45] Another man to have sex with our one millionth customer.
[00:01:50] Is that the, is that how the punch card works?
[00:02:04] Everyone's upset about my hurt shoulder.
[00:02:06] Everyone's been talking about it nonstop.
[00:02:09] I got that racing wheel for Gran Turismo.
[00:02:15] I think, I think, you know, they put all this emphasis on, you know, it's about racing now.
[00:02:26] If you like, if you go over the grass, the force of feedback changes.
[00:02:29] It's like, it's, it's, like if you're going around a corner, like you can sense understeer
[00:02:33] or oversteer in the wheel, which you can't do with a controller.
[00:02:39] So you got way more control over your video, Kim.
[00:02:50] Would you call, would you call, you know, uh, like let's say an airline pilot that's doing
[00:03:02] You would say, well, you know, what's he wearing?
[00:03:05] Here's, was this a game when the 9-11 hijackers practice how to take off planes and not to
[00:03:16] It was pretty funny that no one was like, so you guys are, you're, you're good on landing,
[00:03:21] We tried to ask him, but they don't speak English.
[00:03:28] They kept, they kept sharpening their box cutters every time we asked them if they wanted to
[00:03:40] If you were the guy at that flight school, that was her teacher, it was like, you know,
[00:03:53] It'd been great if not a lot of his life.
[00:03:57] It'd be great if not a lot of it happened now.
[00:03:58] And there was like prior to this, a BuzzFeed article that's like, wow, look at these Muslim
[00:04:05] This is exactly the kind of diversity we need in flight schools.
[00:04:11] What if the guy who was the instructor was racist, but like how nice Muhammad Ata was,
[00:04:15] like, started turning it around for him?
[00:04:22] Maybe this is like, I don't know, like they tried to spread this, but like apparently the
[00:04:31] Sort of like how they say bin Laden had a ton of porn.
[00:04:35] When they think they're just trying to make them, you think they're trying to say those
[00:04:37] lie so Allah doesn't let them into heaven.
[00:04:40] I'll like, you can trick him really easily.
[00:04:47] I love that religion can't save you from horniness.
[00:04:51] No matter what kind of like, you know, extreme, you know, adherent to whatever your bullshit
[00:05:00] religion is, that's the one thing that gets everybody.
[00:05:02] You know, I feel like a Buddhist setting himself on fire in the middle of like a town
[00:05:09] And then like, are you thinking that it shut the fuck up?
[00:05:20] No, you were trying to fucking say numerous times.
[00:05:22] I fucking was saying what you were saying.
[00:05:30] I want to hear the rest of this Buddhist thing.
[00:05:35] You're just going to do it as a stand up.
[00:05:54] So if you have in the next 15 minutes can get to Times Square.
[00:06:03] Yeah, you should pick up learn how to pick up on social cues.
[00:06:08] That's why I feel bad actually is because I have the ability to pick up on social cues.
[00:06:13] I'm like someone that can like in part of fucking social cue and Nick doesn't understand.
[00:06:21] Nick only understands the getting in the way of bits part.
[00:06:26] He doesn't understand the like like saying hello when someone walks in a room part or
[00:06:30] when someone said yeah, yeah, or like saying, are you supposed to say hello when someone
[00:06:37] He just said hello in a gay way to cheer them up.
[00:07:08] The fuck you don't even have a fighter.
[00:07:09] Is there a new PS coming out anytime soon?
[00:07:14] No, they just came out with a PlayStation.
[00:07:22] Yeah, she kind of like hit an apex with, you know, the ability to put new hardware
[00:07:27] and stuff like it's it's like the original Xbox like the difference between the Xbox
[00:07:32] 360 and like the Xbox one in terms of like, you can't really tell the difference.
[00:07:39] It's not like to jump between super Nintendo and fucking like, you know, Nintendo's
[00:07:45] Remember when like when like a bikini was like just a different colored block on peach
[00:07:49] Yeah, you can still jack to your fucking horny horned up on that shit.
[00:07:57] You look at pictures of what the original Laura Croft look like.
[00:08:02] I remember my cousin in Greece, La Nida unlocking the titties and being horny as hell.
[00:08:11] Well, in Greece, everyone jail broke every like game system.
[00:08:14] So you could just steal everything and actually businesses would sell bootlegs like the only
[00:08:19] the businesses would bootleg would jailbreak your PlayStation for you.
[00:08:23] And then they would rent you like DVRs, CD DVRs that they just burned of the games of the
[00:08:30] So take that Sony, Greece, Greece fucking scammed your ass.
[00:08:42] Why aren't there why aren't there like porn video games?
[00:08:47] Porn VR, but I don't it's different than like their game.
[00:08:51] Leisure suit Larry, where is the guy like trying to fuck the whole time.
[00:08:55] And if you you got AIDS if you lost or something?
[00:08:56] No, there's definitely like I mean, it's not like they put them out on, you know, PS4
[00:09:02] that like we is going to have like smash brothers in the fucking girls.
[00:09:08] You made peach squirt right right next to like cooking mom.
[00:09:17] You like have to get them online for the computer probably.
[00:09:25] It's like a like you have to like hit on an anime girl.
[00:09:30] I remember there was a kid that had like a like a like a I forget what they were called
[00:09:37] but like before before like iPads and shit.
[00:09:48] And the personal you play his anime dating Sam and my boss with a little little like a stylist.
[00:09:56] You somehow found a way to do something gayer than math.
[00:10:06] I remember though there was some good ass games on.
[00:10:07] I just sit there and I pull my eyes back at all the Asian kids.
[00:10:12] That happened at the baseball game last night which I quit.
[00:10:18] But this guy hit a home run off of a Japanese pitcher and then did squinted guys.
[00:10:36] Like remember like a couple years ago Spain the Spanish national like.
[00:10:40] Like a team to get team photo where they were doing like Asian eyes.
[00:10:44] They were all like it was like an official team.
[00:10:47] I mean not an official team photo but the whole team was there wearing like the jump.
[00:10:51] It was like right before the award ceremony or something.
[00:10:56] You know it would be a good feel good movie a movie about a guy named Blackie Robinson.
[00:11:02] Who did blackface to get into the Negro League.
[00:11:06] Because he wasn't good enough for regular baseball and then he's still the worst player.
[00:11:13] And then he can't get into the Negro League and it shows you and then he's just a guy
[00:11:16] going around in blackface and a baseball costume.
[00:11:29] And people keep calling him a racist and they savor it when they say it.
[00:11:39] We don't serve racist in this best by racist.
[00:11:44] He's like I just I just want to play basketball boss.
[00:11:54] Only woke white women are allowed to appropriate AAV.
[00:11:59] That's the only group that's allowed to do it.
[00:12:11] I only had an apple for breakfast today.
[00:12:20] So I feel like I could have done more on that riff but just my head's not there.
[00:12:24] How do you make your own almond butter and the Vitamix?
[00:12:26] You know I was going to start doing that but I'm a Costco member now.
[00:12:34] It was like seven bucks for like a big ass tub of it.
[00:12:37] But you can make if you can find a good deal on nuts.
[00:12:39] That's one of those things that in the almond the Vitamix it was like yeah you can make your
[00:12:44] And it's like yeah I guess theoretically but there's a lot of my own shit that I could
[00:12:49] make that seems like a fucking waste of time.
[00:12:52] Imagine if I made my own vacuum cleaner.
[00:12:58] Because you can mold and have an attachment molded to your cock.
[00:13:03] You could again you could do that with a regular vacuum.
[00:13:07] Yeah but you can make this one special for your dick that knows just the way you like
[00:13:19] I think certain things should be bought particularly vacuum cleaners to stick your dick in.
[00:13:27] I will never accept an agree to disagree.
[00:13:31] Anybody that says agree with me is going to be beaten down until they say they're wrong.
[00:13:37] Hold on if you don't agree to disagree that means you agree with me.
[00:13:45] Because either you disagree or you agree.
[00:13:46] You can agree to disagree or you can disagree to disagree.
[00:13:54] The opposite of agreeing to disagree is to disagree to disagree.
[00:13:59] So that means that I reject your we have to agree.
[00:14:06] Which means you have to come around and disagree with me.
[00:14:12] I'm going to kick your ass until we're on the same page sweetheart.
[00:14:16] Yeah guess what Nick doesn't want to come to the dojo bitch.
[00:14:22] When's the last time we all had a nice physical.
[00:14:30] I don't think we've ever really gotten to know.
[00:14:32] No we've like slapped each other around.
[00:14:39] Yeah a couple of times but it's never like you know it's not.
[00:14:55] Yeah you should get punched in the face I'd say once every two years.
[00:14:58] I've gotten punched in the face before it's weird.
[00:15:02] I've got punched in the face but I don't remember what the circumstances were.
[00:15:05] That thing like from like that they tell you about boxers is like real.
[00:15:09] It's like where you're like you sort of like for a second it goes black like.
[00:15:15] Why are you punching the face for interrupting people for talking in general.
[00:15:19] A couple of guys are doing a nice bit and you kept trying to clarify.
[00:15:23] You blew the opening to the podcast by interrupting what would have been a very funny bit.
[00:15:30] I tried saying it like three times and you did adding questions and interjecting.
[00:15:34] I just didn't understand what you were saying.
[00:15:42] You said that earlier but you still making excuses dude.
[00:15:45] Real leaders you know when they say it was their fault they own up.
[00:15:49] No real leaders you never make up to anything being their fault.
[00:15:52] You go down to the grocery store after this you get a couple of gala or Fuji apples.
[00:16:05] Why don't you make- I have some apples behind you right there.
[00:16:11] They're gala nice and- I said Fuji apples.
[00:16:21] They're double gala when they go in your ass.
[00:16:36] Dude I don't give a fuck pump them shits full of chemicals.
[00:16:46] I like an apple with a tight skin that's got a little bit of pop to it.
[00:16:51] Then it gets a little softer right on your shoulders.
[00:17:03] You bite into the apple it pours out into the apple.
[00:17:16] What I love about them honey crisp apples is you can see individual.
[00:17:21] It looks like someone blew up an apple on a shitty printer and you can see the pixels.
[00:17:35] I want that KFC shit where it's chickens with eight legs and shit.
[00:17:42] If spiders were meaty like chickens I would eat spiders.
[00:17:52] You fucking open its head up and it's shit.
[00:17:58] A little bit here and there on the side.
[00:18:09] It tastes good. I don't give a fuck. I'm not supposed to eat a lot of things you dumb motherfuckers
[00:18:13] Are you supposed to eat fried foods? No, are you supposed to drink alcohol? No?
[00:18:18] No, it's like if you got a steak and you were like, oh, can you leave part of the colon and the shit in the state?
[00:18:23] Hey, man, if the shit tasted good and rubbed on a little bit
[00:18:26] First of all, that stuff doesn't taste. I think it does the mustard does not taste it's flavorless. It tastes good
[00:18:32] It is not flavorless. Throw a little old bay in there throw it on a fucking little
[00:18:36] You're just like that's free food right there free food. I'm not trying to waste that. I'm not throwing away dog
[00:18:41] Also, also also cleaning a crab is such thankless work that once I once I get it open. I'm sucking it all
[00:18:48] Yeah, I expect to be thanked for eating
[00:18:53] It's tough a going bro. That's all I mean you guys talk about crab and shit and Maryland type shit all the time
[00:18:59] But to me that's too much work to eat crabs. Well, it's an experience. Yeah, it is a lot of work
[00:19:05] But I mean, it's nothing better than fucking sitting out can you know fuck them?
[00:19:12] Going through going through like fucking 80 crabs and you're like barely eating anything
[00:19:17] Yeah, you know, just filling up all the food
[00:19:19] Yeah, because you get but here's the other here's if your dick is really fucking humongous
[00:19:23] You get some other shit on the side you get some shrimps you dip in butter you get some fried fucking clams and shit
[00:19:29] You get corn and the shit's just coming all goddamn day
[00:19:32] You're drinking literally 14 15 beers and you're just having a nice time
[00:19:37] Smug a little spliff of Rooney fuck. Why don't we do that this summer? We did
[00:19:42] Didn't win. Oh, I mean not collectively. No, yeah, but but we all went and got crabs at some point
[00:19:48] Yeah, but I'm talking about going we should go back to Baltimore or somewhere down there sit by oh
[00:19:54] We should go to the damn shore next summer. Yeah, sure for sure the sure fucking footses in the sand god damn
[00:20:00] Let's do it right now. I'm down, but I typically only go to the Hampton
[00:20:05] I go to the Hampton do they have crabs up here? No, right? Yeah, there's crabs everywhere
[00:20:10] But there crabs there. I don't know the Hamptons. Yeah, but it ain't a thing like it is in body more baby
[00:20:17] No, I think body more murder and rape is more of a thing over there. The hump. Yeah got them. Yeah
[00:20:23] You really got those people that you literally hang out with
[00:20:26] That's not your to be no, no, you love going to the Hamptons. You're like you literally
[00:20:32] I've been to you literally go to the Hamptons
[00:20:33] I've been to West Hampton three times a summer twice and from what I'm told West Hampton
[00:20:39] It's not even a Hampton. Oh, yeah, it might as well be called East Queens. Oh, what's wrong with Queens dude? I
[00:20:51] We should go to some warm weather cities, bros
[00:20:53] Yeah, what's a good for the winter good for the winter a good fall meal a butternut squash soup, bro
[00:21:00] I make a man. That's the story. Thanks giving food. I'm a guy Shepherd's pie or something
[00:21:06] Even though that's kind of year that's winter
[00:21:10] Shepherd's pie is a winter. Honestly some ribs
[00:21:13] Yeah, I had brisket last night. Oh damn. I got extra brisket in the fridge. I forgot about that
[00:21:18] Where'd you go barbecue brisket? I don't know some shit off seamless. Oh, you're good. Yeah, it was pretty good. Hmm interesting
[00:21:24] Yeah, let's see a nice fall meal. I'm with you on the soup butternut squash
[00:21:28] Mm-hmm, but that's a very minor part something to get you started. Mm-hmm. Something to slurp on all right
[00:21:34] We got to talk about us. So Steven Patek
[00:21:37] Maybe a roasted boar. We got to talk about this Steven Patek his his brother. Oh, yeah
[00:21:43] His brother gets caught with 600 images of child pornography
[00:21:49] There's like a they indict people on like counts of child pornography impressed like they do it per image
[00:21:55] And I just like to imagine like, you know the guy and like the crime scene investigation unit
[00:22:00] And he's like got all the child porn there and he's like
[00:22:02] One and it's like pictures a little boys
[00:22:18] Three oh, I just heavens I'm gonna take all night. I'm gonna have to take this home and finish it have to masturbate
[00:22:24] Anyhow, yeah, you got caught with a bunch of child porn the LAPD had to be like yeah
[00:22:31] I was unrelated to the other investigation mirror
[00:22:34] You know, but I guess like, you know, Steven Patek
[00:22:38] Shot up all his people and then you find out his dad was on like the top 10 most wanted most wanted
[00:22:44] Pia Jesus Christ, so you know that dad is just like yep, that's my boys
[00:22:49] Yeah, well my boys. We got a mass shooter world fucking record and pedophile. I'll raise them right
[00:22:55] I love how the pedophile is the best son
[00:22:59] Who did the least damage to the world the pedophiles by far the best son much better son. Yeah
[00:23:04] Damn, dude. I didn't know who Steven Patek's brother listened to our show. Yeah. Thank you. That was a dig at Shane
[00:23:11] No, yeah, it was no, it's just a general dig it are all of our fans the real lunatic asylum
[00:23:18] Yeah, everyone's not how it's not only a pedophile, but also trans
[00:23:25] If we're gonna generalize, yeah, it's true
[00:23:32] Yeah, people still interested in Patek like our people
[00:23:36] I mean like the New York Times seems to be obsessed with that shooting. They're like we've created a
[00:23:42] Step-by-step walkthrough of exactly how it happened. Yeah, they shit did care like
[00:23:46] You are it but yeah, here's why people don't give a shit because the guy never said or thought anything
[00:23:53] There's no reason he did it and the only way people know how to react to these stupid fucking things is by you know
[00:23:59] Like oh see it's because he was a white guy, you know, but it is because you know
[00:24:04] Boring that like you know you can call for gun control the thing that they wanted band was bomb stocks and the NRA was like
[00:24:10] Yeah, probably and then that's it like that that people
[00:24:14] There's no nothing else to give a shit about what are you gonna do go online and fucking I mean
[00:24:19] But that's even fucking scary. Hey, remember that shooting that happened pretty bad, huh?
[00:24:24] But isn't that fucked up that it's like a guy
[00:24:25] I've mosed out a bunch of people for no fucking reason and then all you get out of it is being like well
[00:24:31] This little fucked up things that were already should have been illegal
[00:24:34] Let's definitely make them illegal instead of like maybe you don't get fucking assault rifles or something like that
[00:24:39] It is fucked that we just like every time I just out of curiosity
[00:24:43] It'd be interesting to know why you did it
[00:24:45] Like it's crazy guy who fucking wants to be like just a middle-class normal guy, right? I don't know dude
[00:24:51] No, he had like money. I think he had like millions of dollars that he made gambling. Oh, is it from gambling? Yeah?
[00:24:58] Sounds like mental illness maybe was right now. He was probably a genius
[00:25:01] Maybe listen to Marilyn Manson too much. He was probably like one of the smartest people in the world
[00:25:07] And those people are prone to and I social behavior
[00:25:09] I mean look at Neil deGrasse Tyson confirmed rapist found that out this week
[00:25:14] Drag him. Yeah, you thought he was just smart. No, it turns out he's a rapist
[00:25:18] Do you think anyone won't rape? No, everyone's a rapist
[00:25:22] But I mean going back to that I do consider the Stephen Patek thing and you don't know his motivation
[00:25:26] But like the only additional detail we have is it is
[00:25:29] Brother is a pedophile and then you start to think and it's like okay. Well now the pieces start coming together
[00:25:36] Stephen Patek killed all those people to get his brother to protect them
[00:25:42] From before his brother could rape them. So once again the villain becomes a hero interesting
[00:25:47] Story plays out like we've seen a million times absolutely. So it's like what you're saying is like Batman
[00:25:52] He is the smartest guy in the world. Yes, it's like Bruce Wayne
[00:25:55] And instead of our been dead of a bunch of like cool gadgets and you know karate
[00:25:59] He just murdered people indiscriminately to protect them from the Joker
[00:26:07] Sounds about right to me. That's like that's a miniseries Russian Batman
[00:26:14] We guess the seat the no one can be killed
[00:26:19] Everyone that lives in the city to protect them from Russian Joker
[00:26:24] Who is a capitalist yeah, yeah, exactly who wants to let the gay guys kiss each other
[00:26:33] The Joker's just a gay guy wearing makeup
[00:26:38] One gay guy moved into a neighborhood in their gas the whole place
[00:26:44] Michael Prokoroff we should call this the selling part of the net Batman podcast
[00:26:49] Oh a lot of Batman. We really do a lot about Batman. Yes. I have my classic bit about Bane being occupy
[00:26:56] That's not first of all that is not your take a million people made that point. Mm-hmm. No, it's not my take
[00:27:04] It's just something yeah, yeah, it's something you're doing my dirt and then you know you're saying it is a bane
[00:27:09] Read it anywhere. I don't read. Oh sure yeah, right bitch. You read the most
[00:27:19] So what's going on with the switch thing you say you're getting a Nintendo switch the shit looks cool
[00:27:24] You so game it with Mario Mario Mario and Shit yeah, he's had his man. He throws it he gets a magic hat
[00:27:33] Think yeah, it's Mario platformer games are always fucking fun. Yeah. Yeah, it's true
[00:27:38] I haven't played one since six I downloaded like a Wii emulator on my laptop and I played like five seconds of one of the galaxy
[00:27:46] Games was it good? Yeah, they're fun. They're always good. They're always well done
[00:27:50] They just released the first like 30 minutes. I think of gameplay. I'm the new Mario. Oh really?
[00:27:55] What's called Odyssey? I think so. Are you Odyssey? Homer dude. That's Greek shit right there, dude. No, it's
[00:28:02] Homer wasn't actually Greek. Yeah, it was
[00:28:04] No, take it back. He was a Albanian. No, no, no, no he was Turkish. No, he's Georgian
[00:28:14] Civilization that was all grease bitch. We took all that shit and then the Turks fucking stole it from us and kicked us out
[00:28:21] Well, then it was all Roman. So I guess like you're not Greek. I am Greek. No, it was a Roman
[00:28:28] We talk about because that was all Rome
[00:28:30] No, no, no, no at the time that Homer says him after it was green came after Greece but all of that okay
[00:28:36] So then what's something from that period?
[00:28:39] From Greece bitch hummus hummus hummus is it us?
[00:28:43] I take I don't take hummus that ain't us hummus
[00:28:48] That was actually the down they invented the food and I became morbidly obese
[00:28:52] Dude I'll take that inventing food they invented imagine how shitty food was though in like the year
[00:29:00] It's like three thousand two thousand people. Apparently. That's why the Spartans were such like angry shit heads
[00:29:05] It's because they would eat like dirt. Yeah, really? Yeah, they just didn't know how to eat
[00:29:09] They never like developed any kind of cuisine whatsoever
[00:29:12] So they'd eat like grass and leaves and shit and fucking yeah, the Spartans were fucking not chill bros
[00:29:17] They would just like punt retarded kids into like a creek and shit
[00:29:20] Yeah, and if you were like weak they'd kill you and like that's cool. Yeah, they call it the river snacks
[00:29:27] They love snacking there's a whole river filled with retarded souls
[00:29:34] You go by they would throw sour patch kids rappers
[00:29:38] Greece was never like a country. It was just never unified. Yeah, well, I mean the I don't know
[00:29:43] I fucking remember do city states. I used to remember the city states Argos
[00:29:48] Athens yeah Sparta. I don't know the rest
[00:30:00] Remember B.T. Wario world Italy was like that too Italy wasn't a country until like the 19 hunt like 19 like last century
[00:30:07] It was like city states forever. I mean soft core history. Yeah
[00:30:18] Should I remember being smart dude shit sucks. Yeah, dude. I feel like flowers for Algernon dude
[00:30:24] You know we should do when I was smart now I'm returning again
[00:30:27] Cuz I'll do it before we put the podcast up
[00:30:30] But let's take a look at those edits and then pick one of those
[00:30:33] Those cuts to upload okay. Is there a new one? Yeah, Ben sent me a couple more during the week
[00:30:38] But I haven't had time to look at it. No, I thought you're really going and work on it
[00:30:41] No, they just took a they took my notes and have you looked at any of them? I have and I haven't had time
[00:30:46] You know with I mean what have been sent you like a track. Yeah, that's sure you have been pretty busy
[00:30:55] Can you is this a joke of yours or can you actually get real certification for race car driving?
[00:31:02] They said when it was in like beta that that was like something that they wanted to do there's no chance
[00:31:07] No, I mean like there's people that have transition from playing Gran Turismo to being professional race
[00:31:17] It's absolutely true I believe it I mean like literally if you go to flight school
[00:31:21] They have you play a flight simulator sure sure for you know, so grand Gran Turismo is like the best
[00:31:28] Driving simulator. It's kind of a piece of shit. It sort of felt by like the wayside
[00:31:32] I mean really then yeah the new one like people hate it the reviews are oh shit user reviews are fucking terrible damn
[00:31:38] And it's because they like the older games
[00:31:40] It used to be there was a career mode and you just like collected a shit ton of cars
[00:31:45] Like I think Gran Turismo 6 had like a thousand some cars or whatever and this one is like a hundred and sixty
[00:31:51] There's maybe like three or four from each of like the major manufacturers
[00:31:55] But the emphasis is on like racing like they want to do the actual gameplay
[00:31:58] Yeah, cuz like you know 10 15 years ago first-person shooters switched over from being like games with like a pretty solid
[00:32:07] Single-player campaign mode mm-hmm likes shit like halo or like the single-player game is like huge
[00:32:13] Right, you know right to where it is now with like even like the biggest games that a shit ton of money goes into like battlefield
[00:32:19] You can play through the campaign in maybe two hours, right?
[00:32:24] It's an online game and they're like what they're trying to do with Gran Turismo is get it like that
[00:32:30] So that the emphasis is on like online racing
[00:32:32] Mm-hmm and the way they implemented that is with like
[00:32:36] These safety ratings now. So if you're you know like ramming other cars. Oh getting people off the course. You can't do the fun shit
[00:32:43] That's not fun. It's fucking annoying ramming
[00:32:46] That's just fun. I mean you can't do that in real life
[00:32:49] It would be like maybe I give you out a first-person shooter and then like you can be like oh well, I'm losing
[00:32:54] I guess I'm just gonna have like a death ray. That's the funnest part
[00:32:58] I remember my friend my girl. You think that's fun after fucking Dale died dude
[00:33:02] My favorite she after fucking Earnhardt died
[00:33:06] Dale Earnhardt was just a shitty driver and that was his fault
[00:33:09] No, it wasn't you take that bad deserve to die
[00:33:12] You my favorite shit on halo was to betray my the people was playing with all I love that shit
[00:33:16] The best game to do that in was left for dead the zombie game
[00:33:20] So which was like so great game. That was one of the best games to play with friends. Yeah, we should we should fire it up
[00:33:26] That's funny shit now. I got boring real quick though
[00:33:29] For old for left for dead the way it works is like you're in like some setting the zombies everywhere
[00:33:34] You have to go from safe out to state house and the safe houses are like I don't know two or three miles apart or whatever and
[00:33:40] You just like work your way through like a town as a group and then you get to the safe house
[00:33:45] But what you could do is if you're playing with strangers online
[00:33:49] My preference was younger Hispanic children
[00:33:53] They would get them they get the most mad they get very upset
[00:33:57] You like run through the whole map to get to the safe room because you're supposed to work like either as a
[00:34:04] Area by area to clear all like these waves of zombies
[00:34:07] But you can just rush past everything get to the the safe room and then on your way there shoot every car to set off
[00:34:16] And then you get to the safe room early injure yourself and then use all the med kits so that there's none left for everybody else
[00:34:25] And then you just keep if you go to the door and you like keep hitting the door open and close button
[00:34:30] The door will just sort of like glitch and like go back and forth and then you can lock people out of the safe room
[00:34:36] And then you just sit there and listen to you know 14 year old Hispanic kids scream and cry
[00:34:59] This shit is so good. It's hilarious. There's nothing better and that like
[00:35:04] Xbox 360 we sort of the peak of that you don't I don't like I play games online now
[00:35:08] And I don't hear anyone talking ever. Yep people less interaction because when that first started they were like everybody
[00:35:14] So cool with each other online. It's like you fuck a faggot. Yeah, right away
[00:35:18] Oh, yeah, of course for trolling Pete Xbox that is so much more that is so much like more sophisticated than my shit
[00:35:24] I would just love to get on Halo and get on one of those like things we did everybody dry
[00:35:29] Yeah, you get everybody in the fucking warthog and then you drive
[00:35:38] You or torn my or what was always fun is when you and your friend were on different teams
[00:35:43] Yeah, and you just would team up and betray each other like guys what I love to modern warfare to there were certain like most maps
[00:35:51] Yeah, if you if you used one-man army and the grenade launcher attachment for any assault rifle
[00:35:58] Um as soon as like the match starts like there were certain things in like the skyline that you could always aim at that
[00:36:05] Would launch the grenade across the map to the spawn of the enemy team
[00:36:09] Oh nice, and so you could just get like seven kills immediately
[00:36:14] and then call a hairier strike and then chopper gunner and then tactical new for some reason they put in tactical nukes is like a
[00:36:21] Killstreak reward nice game, which just ends the game. Yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:36:24] Because it's a nuclear weapon. Yeah, it just kills everyone and is the game
[00:36:31] Oh, I like the idea that like they spawn I like the idea that like a fucking like just infantry
[00:36:37] Yeah, US Army infantry it an individual could be like we need to drop a new
[00:36:44] On this town that we're in and they're like calling it a
[00:36:47] A thermonuclear weapon. Yep. I am I dropped out of community college and I think it's I think it's a
[00:36:57] Smart idea to drop you understand. I've killed 25 people
[00:37:01] Were they civilians that's tough to tell you know, they were running at me. Yeah
[00:37:08] Battlefield the George W Bush edition there was there was definitely one of those
[00:37:17] Fuckin what I'm trying to remember whatever is talking before we started checking your Instagram. Yeah, there was a
[00:37:27] Keep let I keep letting go silent air for
[00:37:35] Level in modern warfare to read just mow down a bunch of civilians in a in an airport. Oh shit for real. Yeah
[00:37:46] Like that's what you have to do. Yeah, there's it open you're in an elevator with this giant fucking machine gun
[00:37:52] And then the doors open you get a video you get a video instructions from Hillary Clinton
[00:37:57] No, you're following this Russian guy. He's like he's like don't say anything in Russian and then they just start gunny you like
[00:38:03] The computer players start just murdering civilians in this airport
[00:38:08] You have to just start shooting them. Yeah, it's it was intense
[00:38:17] It's an airport and they're like waiting to go like yeah, it's just people like imagine walking into an airport and then just
[00:38:22] Gunning down like hundreds of people what? Yeah, you have to give me an ass oker. That's pretty my cousin is a tester for them
[00:38:29] Yeah, my cousin Jared. Yeah for call of duty. Yeah, please
[00:38:35] Subway Jared runs in the family. Yeah, you know, it's not so much. It's nice. They let him work from you
[00:38:39] You met him you met him in LA didn't you I don't remember going to you just plays video games eight hours
[00:38:45] We did we didn't go to prison in LA to see your cousin is that where he is?
[00:38:48] I thought it was somewhere like in Indiana or something
[00:39:04] That that should be a separate crime is framing child pornography like on a wall. Yeah
[00:39:13] Could you get away with putting like child porn in an art gallery well that was yeah if you've ever been to like a
[00:39:23] Don't know how much would it have to be art would it was a watercolor?
[00:39:25] I mean like I don't know care who it is if like an artist tried to put a photograph of them fucking a child
[00:39:33] In an art gallery. There's no way what if it was Photoshop
[00:39:37] That's I still illegal I think or it was from like 93 until
[00:39:43] There is there's that's what they just that's what they just passed you know that guy was in a tuxedo
[00:39:48] And they passed a secret with thing in the Senate
[00:39:53] The past that bill to like let no class action lawsuits against like big corporations
[00:39:59] I'm also snuck in the you can draw child porn and it's illegal. Well, it's it's it's yeah
[00:40:05] Yeah, we're first amendment. Yeah in like 93. It was like
[00:40:12] Ashcroft versus like the free speech coalition that decided either whether you could or couldn't have
[00:40:22] Like the free speech argument which like I kind of support is that if something simulated then there's no victim
[00:40:28] You know you shouldn't ever be able to say this thing I created out of nothing is illegal, right?
[00:40:37] The counter argument is that it enables pedophiles to continue being pedophiles and that just seems like bullshit to me
[00:40:47] So they are pedophiles. They're not like yeah
[00:40:51] Yeah, and then the problem is that once things get more realistic it becomes hard for like law enforcement
[00:40:56] Did determine what's real and what isn't but like even then I'm I don't think that that should be a reason why?
[00:41:03] Something should be illegal. So what if we have illegal illegal?
[00:41:08] Right now, I think it's legal okay certain point they read they changed the laws around I feel like it
[00:41:14] They have a lot of that's good pan. That was that's good cuz I don't well
[00:41:17] It's illegal in Canada there was that guy they got arrested for bringing Simpson's porn into Canada
[00:41:22] Right, I don't know if you have a rudimentary drawing the candidate has all sorts of thought crimes
[00:41:26] I mean the US is like really the only place where we have like a constitutional amendment that says you can say
[00:41:32] Mm-hmm. Fuck you want. Mm-hmm. Hell yeah, dude
[00:41:35] Well, I'm glad it's legal cuz I made I would have to lose a lot of money on my gallery
[00:41:40] Opening next week. I was I mean I've personally drawn Bart like fucking Lisa's mouth
[00:41:52] Like view Renaissance art though like a lot of it is just basically child porn out for sure
[00:42:00] It's the quote unquote baby Jesus as like a baby with his baby
[00:42:05] Oh, yeah, and half that shit had to have been created by four petafile
[00:42:10] Well, yeah for a priest exactly to have it as fuck the office or whatever
[00:42:13] Yeah, you think they wanted to think of the Catholic Church Commission
[00:42:16] Damn child pornography by some of the greatest artists in here is John the Baptist
[00:42:23] Just a reminder the Jewish people currently suck off
[00:42:26] Infants penis all Jewish in the interest of
[00:42:30] Personally has done it in the name of Yom Kippur. That's what actually Kippur means baby penis
[00:42:41] Kippur the end of the child's penis. It's not the entire penis get it. Yeah, that's the point you suck off. Yeah
[00:42:51] Damn, that's crazy. I never thought of that boy. Yeah, that's what yeah
[00:42:54] I went to the cloisters that place in Washington Heights. It's a collection of four skins that Adam sucks
[00:43:00] But yeah, you see all this like Renaissance art and it's like oh shit like these purvers just like yeah paid for
[00:43:06] Indeed to paint really ornate beautiful pit portraits of
[00:43:12] They only want a god as a baby. Yeah, make it now
[00:43:16] That's like a point of contention people have it like the ACLU is that the ACLU is kind of like more on the free speech side when it comes to
[00:43:23] Child pornography laws. Nice. Who knows anymore though. Yeah, I mean now that they won't depend Nazis
[00:43:29] It's like always like a weird thing cuz I got be like thinking about it
[00:43:33] They they won't think it should be illegal is something that harms somebody right?
[00:43:37] Right, it shouldn't be like evidence that a crime had happened right, you know
[00:43:42] Well, yeah, like you can't yell fire in a movie theater because that will directly encourage like a stampede
[00:43:47] Wait, what do you tell her I'm confused?
[00:43:50] What should be illegal just if you actually harm someone? Yeah, the thing like possession of of like child pornography, right?
[00:43:57] Yeah, like the the crime that happened was the creation of right?
[00:44:02] Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right?
[00:44:08] the argument for why possession of like evidence of the crime should be illegal is that pedophiles use it and pedophiles have like a
[00:44:17] anti-social criminal impulse and that the pornography
[00:44:22] enables that impulse and would lead them to harm the kid at some point you can't make an argument that the
[00:44:30] Material pornography itself is something that's like does something bad. It's just evidence. Yeah, but you're crying
[00:44:38] Yeah, but it is you're sort of supporting that crime in a way
[00:44:43] But even if you support a crime like if I were to go out today and say Steven Patek was right
[00:44:47] It was good that he you know shot up that even like unironically if I were to say that that shouldn't be criminal right
[00:44:56] Wait, so you're consuming if you're consuming child
[00:44:59] The only the only problem child pornography is that it that it would encourage
[00:45:04] Further behaviors. Yeah, that's like that that has to be the that I would say the legal argument as to why it shouldn't be
[00:45:11] It's a wonder what it is the people that
[00:45:14] Use it. It's an actual kid that got fucked though. You're you're looking at something that's fucked up
[00:45:19] Yeah, the more if you had if you had like a video of a murder. Let's say they had already caught a murder, right?
[00:45:25] Uh-huh somebody had been murdered. Let's say you had like a the video of OJ
[00:45:31] Witnessing whoever actually killed me right?
[00:45:36] Yeah, yeah the video he actually has yeah of the guy who actually killed it's before you say it's different
[00:45:42] It's not different at all. There's a victim. No, no, it's different because you're not if you watch that video
[00:45:47] You don't fucking get hard and they're like because you're hard
[00:45:50] You're gonna murder someone but if you watch that shit you do get hard and you might fuck a kid that
[00:45:55] No, oh if you're not a pedophile you're not gonna see if you're not a pedophile and you see child born
[00:45:59] You're gonna be like that's fucking gross right but if we're saying but it is the kind of thing that's a lot that might get people like
[00:46:05] Hmm, maybe I'll fuck a kid. No if you watch porn
[00:46:08] You think if you saw a child or you're already a pedophile not no
[00:46:12] But he'd like he's saying if you're a pet like if you watch regular porn right yes
[00:46:17] And you don't come aren't you warned up and you're like maybe I'll go fuck a woman
[00:46:20] But it's the same thing with like a fucking pedophile
[00:46:23] But if somebody had sociopathic impulses and would murder somebody and they watch the video of a murder in fact most people that are
[00:46:29] That are like you know serial killers will research murders and we'll look at oh shit
[00:46:33] I didn't know that yeah, so like then yeah, don't show those and our but I don't again
[00:46:38] I don't think that's illegal. I don't think they are if they're not yeah, of course not
[00:46:44] I mean if if if it's like you have evidence of a murder if you're like watching you know a murder video
[00:46:50] Yeah, salt and only you have that video and the police find out that might put you in like a situation
[00:47:02] If it was like the murder you know like the blood-dewire video
[00:47:05] I mean that's a suicide, but like any video of like a you know a public murder
[00:47:09] This is all I'm who's saying yeah, there's Saddam Hussein execution or I watch damn
[00:47:15] They found my men in a spider hole with a fucked up beard and shit
[00:47:18] Yeah, Dom deserved you to go out like a soldier
[00:47:23] The point is like those those are like the areas with in terms of freedom of expression where it's like you know
[00:47:29] Questionable and you really have to think about it. Yeah, I have a lot of thinking's game a lot of empathy for
[00:47:35] That group of people it's the worst kind of person you could be who murder society
[00:47:41] Petit falls oh so you're saying you're coming at his pro pedophile Adams to pedophile
[00:47:46] I'm just a pedophile you heard here. Yeah. I
[00:47:50] Mean that sucks if you genuinely want to fuck kids like what do you do your mentally ill?
[00:47:55] You probably get an apartment and and did your friend rents out to you and good yeah
[00:48:01] Tcl TV a pit bull named Isis doesn't he get a girlfriend to throw people off the scent
[00:48:06] But she lives in a different city so you have time to beat off the kids on your own friend
[00:48:12] To pretend listen my secret can never get out
[00:48:18] That's the group I have the most sympathy for is pedophiles
[00:48:29] Children is who I have the most sympathy. I didn't say that I never said the most of the record
[00:48:35] I have no fucking sympathy for pedophiles. I just care about freedom of expression. Oh, I have sympathy for pedophiles
[00:48:42] Mental ill well, there's a lot of people that are fucking mentally ill
[00:48:45] Well, you're impulse isn't the fuck kids sociopaths. It's not there. So you guys don't or psychopaths
[00:48:50] Don't choose to be what do you but what do you do?
[00:48:53] What do you do you do not you don't fucking murder people and you don't fuck kids?
[00:48:57] Okay, but like what do you do if you legitimately want to fuck kids a strange fuck them?
[00:49:02] No, I'm saying how do you do if you legitimately really want to murder people?
[00:49:06] Don't come me off and like characterize my argument cuz you know you're not that's not I get your argument
[00:49:11] It's just a strange what do you do you tell a therapist you say I want to fuck kids
[00:49:15] I don't know what to do and what do they tell you there's no medication for it or is there is depot pervera
[00:49:21] It works very well. What is it? Castration? Yes chemical castration, but it's just depot pervera shots. It's entirely reversible
[00:49:28] It's not like you know, so you just can't get bonus
[00:49:31] It's not it doesn't do a fucked up thing where you become a different gender remember when I guess it's like
[00:49:40] Remember when they used to do that to just gay people to gay people in general that guy was named Turing he was smart
[00:49:45] And he was just gay and they were like well listen you hit you helped us out
[00:49:49] We're just gonna cut your fucking balls off and I don't think they cut him off
[00:49:53] But you cut a part of his balls off didn't they chemically cast yeah, that's cutting a part of your balls off well, yeah
[00:50:00] And you if talk like mrs. Doubtfire now probably I guess that would be pretty fucked up if the government like man did they're like well
[00:50:06] If you're a pedophile yeah, but think about this chemically castrate think about this
[00:50:10] But like legitimately that is probably the only solution but also they could all become singers
[00:50:15] singers because when you cast strata yep, they could start a
[00:50:28] Yeah, that was the crown jewel of Italy was men with the test because strata is childhood. That's why opera started
[00:50:34] Yeah, that's that's too many Italians were better files. They had to make a whole industry
[00:50:39] That's that's the actual real group Adam has the most empathy for is the guys that don't want to fuck kids
[00:50:45] They just want to cut their balls off because they love the opera so much
[00:50:50] No, I am not a pedophile. I just love seeing
[00:50:54] I cut off all of these boys dicks and balls so they can be bad at it see
[00:51:00] The Vienna boys that's actually the new Mario game. That's the gameplay you're so excited about Adam
[00:51:07] Had I explained Mario's magic had the cuts off boys balls
[00:51:11] No, he's at singing him to sleep in the crib that Adam sleeps in by the way people don't know that at home. I just had
[00:51:21] Is it like an open world? This is like GTA Mario. That would be tight, dude
[00:51:25] It's yeah, I want to do the cheat where remember that thing that has eggs that lays eggs
[00:51:31] Blink blinky or some shit. I don't know maybe you could fuck its nose
[00:51:38] You know I'm talking about the one in super mario 2 the one that was like actually just another game
[00:51:47] It was like toky door. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love that game people didn't fuck with it
[00:51:51] But remember that little egg thing that shoots eggs at you and you just have to have one bird birdo birdo
[00:51:57] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe you can fuck a sexy birdo. I thought that was your she's wife
[00:52:01] Oh, it should have been with you. She's wife. Yeah, and if eggs come out of its mouth. You know that means yeah, right?
[00:52:06] Oh shit. So his mouth is for sucking dick. Wait, yo, she's a boy, but he lays eggs
[00:52:11] That's not a girl thing. You're like a boy, but you have a vagina
[00:52:15] To lay eggs out of so fucking I don't have a vagina. Yeah, you do. I have a penis
[00:52:26] Number one thing Adam's wrong about is liking pedophiles and thinking that Adam Friedland staunchly pro pedophilia
[00:52:33] Come on. You just said I did not say that he sort of did though
[00:52:40] No, I said I have sympathy for people that are like man. Look it's a group. I have most sympathy
[00:52:46] No, I didn't say most sympathy. Yeah, and first of all you're a group
[00:52:49] So you applied that they've they've all teamed up to fuck. That's right in your mind
[00:52:53] That's what you like. Oh shut up. Think about how much more kids we could fuck if we split costs
[00:52:58] The stupid scale up both of you completely agree with me. You're just teasing me right now
[00:53:03] I'm gonna agree with you. It's a strange thing to come out strongly towards
[00:53:11] Cuz I don't give a fuck that we'd be talking about be fucking kids for like 40 all I'm saying is is that like I want to keep talking
[00:53:18] It's the worst. It's the worst. It's the worst kind of person you can be
[00:53:22] I have no the worst kind of person you could be is the the
[00:53:25] Chinese children that have to make stoves clothes
[00:53:29] Seven children died just to make one shirt for stuff. It's true. They get sucked into the sewing machines
[00:53:35] The teams of sewing machines society loves murderers
[00:53:40] We love yeah, of course you Tony's the pranny what you're so your argument is okay your argument is not that the crime
[00:53:47] It's that you fucking society is defined. Yeah. Yeah, fucking kids is cool
[00:53:51] Yeah, that's exactly what I think there's no girls. They're like I'm obsessed with pedophile shows
[00:53:58] Doesn't love murderers with cereal. Yes, they do. No, it's a fictional
[00:54:02] It's we're obsessed with murder. That's definitely a type of girl. It's like I love cereal killers. Yeah, of course
[00:54:10] Tandy girl killers because they like they like to be dark or whatever right? It's like a very boring
[00:54:16] Dumb girl thing to be into cereal killers. Yeah
[00:54:19] I mean, that's why Adam's in the pedophiles. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is hipster version of being the cereal killers
[00:54:25] Jesus Christ who are your favorite top five top five pedophiles Adam
[00:54:30] Name them. What do you allen rovin pellancy subway? Okay, first of all that's a strong three
[00:54:38] Palance. I hear this thing. What do you know? Not guilty of?
[00:54:42] Mollesting. I think that's bullshit cooked up by Mira Farah. I agree
[00:54:45] Uh, what he is guilty of is marrying his
[00:54:48] Yeah, that's fucking and and doing a bunch of bunch of art where it's like wouldn't it be cool if I could teenager
[00:54:56] That's been hattin dog. The guy did some fucked up shit. There's no way woody al hasn't done fucked up
[00:55:02] I mean roman polanski dated Klaus key he he beat the case or he didn't beat the case
[00:55:07] He he fled the case. Yeah, he still yeah in in the united states then moved to europe and then started dating Klaus kinsky's 15 year old daughter
[00:55:14] Jesus Christ, dude. That's fun like disgusting. Yeah. Yeah, fuck. So those are the people you empathize with it. Look good though
[00:55:38] This has been a truly interesting performance. It's a good app
[00:55:51] Wait until all of my my numerous detractors to think you're good for some reason find out about this
[00:55:58] Who are those people? What do you mean that think you're bad and i'm good?
[00:56:02] I don't know. There's a few the other who thinks that all
[00:56:05] Are tricked by a rose emoji, which you definitely had in your username for a while. I've never had a rose
[00:56:13] You were rose emoji Adam your your abby was you with a
[00:56:23] I publicly as of right now because of my obviously issues of pedophiles that have come to
[00:56:35] Why aren't you a member when you give them money? I gave them 40 dollars. Yeah, so why do you reject?
[00:56:40] Why are you a member? I just invented the shit. That's true
[00:56:44] Yeah, cool are all my thoughts because I came up with socialism years ago as a bit
[00:56:48] Yeah, well, not as a bit. I mean, you know, I'm an inventors
[00:56:52] I'm a creator. I have an artistic spirit. I thought you know be a good idea a place for people to accuse each other of sexual assault
[00:57:00] Where you can convince yourself that you're fixing society
[00:57:08] People in a room and we're gonna accuse each other of sex assault until we have universal. Yeah, we're fucked man. It sucks
[00:57:14] Yeah, it's just the can we just have fucking health care god damn it
[00:57:21] Because I mean that should happen that should have abolished but that's not a polish private prison
[00:57:26] Yeah private, but I mean like which is still want some which is what fucking prisons are
[00:57:31] No, but but it's a ball is abolition. It sounds like and abolish the police police weren't invented until like the fucking late 1800s
[00:57:38] It's not like it's not like a thing that like society absolutely needs
[00:57:43] the only argument for really keeping the police is that
[00:57:46] We've had them for so fucking long and that if you suddenly remove
[00:57:50] An aspect of society that large people would engage in wide space right criminality
[00:57:55] And really the only way to test that is by getting rid of the police and then you know if it does happen oh fuck
[00:58:01] Well, it's like this idea was bad, right?
[00:58:03] You can't do something like that what all I'm saying is it's just like I grew the idea of like complete like
[00:58:10] Shrinket and like make jail or whatever more fucking reform base
[00:58:14] But it sounds extreme as fuck and it seems like a hard sell when you just say abolition
[00:58:19] Yeah, but the theory with that is that you you take a fucking hard position
[00:58:23] And then you compromise and the compromise in the middle is is prison reform and getting rid of the death penalty and shit
[00:58:30] Yeah, okay. I'm down with all that shit. I don't know you guys sound like pedophiles to me right now
[00:58:34] You stop trying to spin zone us. I'm spinning this
[00:58:39] The area above Adam's crotch where he puts a four-year-old boy
[00:58:46] Put some on his he does the ghost thing where it's like a spinning
[00:58:50] Yeah, he puts a four-year-old on his dick and then the four-year-old goes easy
[00:58:56] And Adam spins him around he's like can you feel that he's like actually no not really is his fun though
[00:59:06] No, what Adam does is Adam is on all fours and a toddler waddles over and pulls down his diaper at him having sex
[00:59:18] He's like trying to kiss it but his head is like a foot and a half below his head
[00:59:22] He keeps bobbling into neck he can't stand still
[00:59:29] We looked in the crib and Adam Friedland was having sex with our
[00:59:34] I like the idea of Adam on all fours and the baby's fucking him doggy style. It's just standing on a bunch of phone books
[00:59:45] Well, I'm glad I'm glad the bug thing is probably gonna go away. It's a baby bug
[01:00:02] Look man, if you didn't want us to make it funny of you, you shouldn't have said I am a pedophile
[01:00:10] I never did where the record Adam is not a pedophile psych. Yes, I
[01:00:18] And that's what you get for interrupting
[01:00:26] Interrupting great great bit a couple of weeks a Buddhist monk on fire and then a naked woman walks by and he starts jacking off
[01:00:33] Well, he's burning the death there we go. That is good
[01:00:37] Because horniness comes for us all. Oh, yeah, especially the pedophiles like Adam
[01:00:45] So yeah, we're gonna do I guess we can end this segment early because we have a
[01:00:58] You can do the show and then by the way that doesn't stand anymore
[01:01:01] That was a one-time for money and I gave her Adam's address
[01:01:07] He didn't want to do it in his place. Oh, yeah, she would only have Adam's address
[01:01:11] I'm not the one who brought in person you brought into our lives
[01:01:16] Yeah, she can go she can go to the Adam Friedland household
[01:01:19] Um, okay. Well, we got a show coming up next week, right
[01:01:24] It's second and fourth of every fucking month
[01:01:28] So it's uh, no, no, it's not it's the 13th
[01:01:31] Joski eating is the 13th. Um, I'll be in Tampa the 16th through the 19th
[01:01:36] Oh, and then if you're in Cleveland, I'm headlining a sunday at hilarities
[01:01:43] So come through and I might do a show Wednesday before Thanksgiving around Baltimore
[01:01:47] We'll talk. I don't know if that happens. I'll holler at you how I'll let you boys come through
[01:01:55] Listen to me and Adam's basketball podcast where he doesn't talk about fucking kids
[01:02:00] Add Nick on Gran Turismo so that he can become a certified driver. Yeah, dude. I'm gonna become a fucking race car driver
[01:02:07] I'm doing as soon as I'm done with this podcast and shit. Mm-hmm. You better believe your ass. I'm gonna be
[01:02:15] That'd be cool if they hijacked race cars and drove race cars. Oh
[01:02:20] We didn't do that with trucks in France. Yeah
[01:02:24] People straight up love getting run over
[01:02:30] It's like their favorite. Yeah, the front sides. Uh cigarettes
[01:02:35] Kill me. I am. I am slowly walking in this highway
[01:02:39] I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it
[01:02:50] B sexuality and getting murdered by trucks
[01:02:55] Citroen around the mail. Well, a Mac and Trujillo
[01:03:00] Puzio do they make trucks? I don't know, but they got that cool lion. I like pizos. Yeah, france Loki has like four
[01:03:07] Alfa Romeo. I mean, that's Italian. That's the tallest logo too. It looks great. I just care about cars
[01:03:13] Loki has four times. It's not that big of a country
[01:03:18] Yeah, they've been keeping that on the rap secret
[01:03:21] But we have carmen. It's not that big of a country. They have they have like three or five car lines citroen alpine
[01:03:28] Puzio, puzio, rino, rino. Oh, that's a good one too
[01:03:36] Citroen we said I already said that opal opal
[01:03:40] No, I think it was the Ford wing in uh, I think
[01:03:45] Italy and then the uk oh really? I don't know. Yeah, four don't so they have Ford in
[01:03:51] Okay, man. Fuck france in the uk whatever. I want an alfa Romeo just because that cool snake and shit and the cross
[01:04:01] Subsidiary in australia just closed their factory. They've been there a long fucking time. Well, was it holding?
[01:04:07] Uh, it sounds gay, dude. Yeah, australia cars. Yeah, australia has a domestic market. Oh, don't know
[01:04:13] Australia. Yeah, I was looking at who would like the best player of an australian basketball of all time was
[01:04:18] There was just like some guy who couldn't eat patty mills. No, no, no, uh, it's patty mills Australia. Yeah, I thought it was canadian for some reason
[01:04:26] Anyway, who cares fuck this? Oh, yo, you know, they actually can't guru in australia. Yeah. Yeah, why wouldn't they?
[01:04:34] Isn't that crazy? No, I met someone look at all the meat on that motherfucker. I thought that's wild, dude
[01:04:39] I thought that's like yeah, they eat it. It's like eating a mascot, dude. They're eating their national animal
[01:04:45] Shit is fucked up apparently. It's tough meat. Yeah, I'm sure it's super like strong
[01:04:50] Like it's also we eat mascots here. I guess that's true. Like what? I don't know buffalo bills captain
[01:04:57] He does you eat wings ate the filly fanatic
[01:05:02] Barbecue that motherfucker. I bet that tastes like duck the filly fanatic
[01:05:06] Um, yeah, oh, yeah, it looks like it's duck related. It looks like it's a like a platypus in the platypus family
[01:05:12] Yeah, you know, well, whatever it is. It's a minority
[01:05:15] Mm-hmm, and you need to respect it. I will from now on I will yeah
[01:05:20] I'll be funny after like people are like
[01:05:22] We need to hire more minorities like there's plenty the filly fanatic
[01:05:29] Remember that they got milk guy that was just the filly fanatic but blue. Oh, yeah
[01:05:33] The Yankees had a guy that was like that too. That just ripped off the filly fanatic. Yeah, hot scene guy
[01:05:39] Yeah, Benny the bull. That's just a bull, but he's red Indian
[01:05:43] Uh, Denver Broncos we forced yeah, do you remember the Chicago Cubs?
[01:05:47] Cub came out a couple years ago and people kept photoshopping a dick on to it because they're not wearing any pants. Yeah
[01:05:53] That's pretty good. That's good stuff. Yeah, a real bird's pretty good one time at a Greek festival. We got pelicans
[01:06:01] Yeah, who wants to eat a pelt? I see you dumb fucking bitch
[01:06:05] Yo, don't fuck with our money get your dog, dude
[01:06:07] You almost fucking unplug your shit control your animal. Do you control your bitch?
[01:06:15] You hear that what you're Dutch you know that is what it's my gun. You didn't see me cock my shotgun. Boom
[01:06:22] That's a power. That's a warning shot. You just got shot right in your pet of fall day
[01:06:27] Let's castrate at him. We should we should chemically castrate at him so I can't hurt anyone
[01:06:34] Okay, so is this part over was she here yet? Uh, no, she's not here yet
[01:06:42] And we still have 25 seconds to go before we've hit the time a lot. Did you guys get called out for anything this week for what?
[01:06:50] Concedate of women. I'm in a constant state of being called out, but that's just for jokes enough for anything you've done
[01:06:57] I don't know. I mean once they figure out the combination to my
[01:07:11] In Ariel Castro Ariel Castro, but now I'm thinking who's the who is the Austrian guy? Yeah, yeah, that was that dude
[01:07:21] Yeah, he was daughter and had a kid with his daughter and then fucked his granddaughter
[01:07:42] That's when you fuck each generation in succession. They call that a rock star part of the the rape multiplier
[01:07:51] Oh boy, well, yeah, that guy really made Ariel Castro look like you know, Dwayne Wade maybe
[01:07:57] Yeah, you know like good, but not no, I'm always getting called out some idiot will like discover my I feel like it's a every three
[01:08:05] Months kind of thing right and then like March and then now and it's the same tweet. Yeah, that's six months
[01:08:11] It's the same tweets which a lot of times now are just screen grabs at somebody else
[01:08:19] Fuckin like look at this thing that somebody else already got mad about it didn't result in anything
[01:08:25] Right. What do you what do you fucking want to happen?
[01:08:29] Please explain to me what kind of redress you would like besides the DSA shouldn't be associated with him
[01:08:42] That thing you like yeah guess who came up with it. That's capital. That's uh
[01:08:50] Um, okay. Well American socialism, which is just you know telling on people and
[01:08:57] Getting mad the best is when the best one of my favorite tweets the last three weeks was when josh
[01:09:03] Apologized on twitter and there were some dude
[01:09:15] You sir take that take that rose out of your name right now right this set immediately
[01:09:24] That is so i'm sorry. It would be fun to go up there's no other word to describe that other than that is the gauge
[01:09:34] Figure out where the computer room in that guy's house is where he's typing that and just go up to the window and just start
[01:09:40] Pissing through the window onto his face
[01:09:42] While he's using the computer giving him the finger laughing out
[01:09:46] No, not even just sort of casually pissing directly onto his face
[01:09:50] He's like what do you do when he opens his mouth to complain you redirect the stream to the back of the street
[01:09:57] Doesn't think he doesn't think to get out of the chair or log off or go away from the computer
[01:10:02] I'm being he's just we just live tweeting it to get his mouth pissed and while complaining about people using his precious rose emoji
[01:10:12] Is that that highly respected rose emoji that only the most
[01:10:17] Big ass motherfucker you have to have yeah
[01:10:19] There's there's an approval process that you have to go through to earn the rose emoji. It's a privilege
[01:10:25] It's a privilege is not just in the emojis that you get with apple. Yeah fuck that guy
[01:10:30] I mean fuck all that shit dude. Whatever. I think we're done. Yeah, we're done
[01:10:37] Gerby coming up next hopefully we'll keep it short, you know
[01:10:41] Maybe she'll only be here five minutes. I'll be perfect
[01:10:46] Like three thousand miles. Yeah, we should get it a call in from outside. Oh, yeah. What is shame?
[01:10:51] You got a free vacation right uh to a far brand ruin a podcast, you know, we should get she's never listening to the podcast
[01:10:58] Yeah, I seriously doubt she has no I asked her. She said I've listened to why I'm allowing this to happen because Nick told her
[01:11:04] Because I said yeah if you're in New York, I didn't think she would fly across the country to do a fucking podcast
[01:11:11] Whatever, you know, you got to respect the hustle. She wanted to show now. I'm gonna get every idiot that
[01:11:16] Yeah, you fuck this is where you really fucked up. Well, who cares that kind of believing in open door policy anyways
[01:11:22] To every comic that asks us now we have to have them on I mean, that's literally what has happened
[01:11:27] That's no there's nobody that's asked to do the show that I haven't let do the show
[01:11:31] Erwin loring is on next week. Yeah, Dan and I is coming on sweet. All right get erwin. Uh, yeah, we can get erwin
[01:11:51] Adams Adams like the Matthew McConaughey character and days and confused but outside of a daycare
[01:12:17] Uh-huh. Why do you give me the twiggy one? Shut the fuck up
[01:12:36] Special segment of the show we have gerbi gilmo here. It's so great to be here
[01:12:41] Hey gerbi, is that your christian name? It's you know, it's so interesting, you know to see the boys in action. Yeah. Yeah, what do you think?
[01:12:48] How about that weather? It's like a 69 degrees
[01:12:52] All right, well, um like a stream of 15 minutes, you know the cross town
[01:12:59] Ooh across from where? You know from downtown downtown. Yeah downtown. Yeah
[01:13:05] World Trade Center top floor. I was told what upstanding neighborhood. This is now. Yeah
[01:13:10] You could you could talk to anybody. Mm-hmm. Yeah, did you mean my neighbors?
[01:13:15] My Ecuadorian cab driver Samuel told me that this is the best neighborhood in New York
[01:13:20] Really? Not to Samuel, you know, yeah getting people around you guys like his phone number you can call me in New York
[01:13:28] Really? Yeah, it's 347. No don't give us four number out 61242 89
[01:13:35] Give him a call for you to arrive. I'll tell you about his daughter. She's in business school. Oh, yeah. Wait. Did she have a picture?
[01:13:42] I mean, I mean, yeah, what's the daughter's phone number?
[01:13:56] Tell us about how you got here why you wanted to do the show you've never listened to the podcast
[01:14:01] She's listened to five minutes. I listened to the part we called me mentally retarded
[01:14:06] He said mentally ill I said mentally ill which is frankly worse. It is worse. Yeah, it's it's like being mentally retarded stands the candy
[01:14:16] Oh, yeah, that's true. I guess I wanted to do the show because I knew it would make people on twitter really jealous
[01:14:23] Yeah, okay. I don't know. I'm getting like Travis
[01:14:26] I'm like giving like the threats and my two or three people. Oh, no
[01:14:30] I'm out of you that you're coming on the show. They're like calling me all these names. I looked at your
[01:14:35] Reddit. Oh, don't do that. Yeah, we don't even look at the red. Didn't you do an amma on our reddit?
[01:14:41] No, you didn't say like I'm going on comtown amma
[01:14:53] Then all these people started calling me like names
[01:14:57] Oh dead don't engage then like I got like 17 offers just saw my dirty underwear
[01:15:05] For like 16 cents or something. Oh, it's not much money. You can make more than that. That's that's such a funny opening
[01:15:19] Um, well really the reason you're here is because you're the only person that's like taking the initiative to ask to do the show
[01:15:25] Oh, fuck you so many people. Nobody's nobody's asked to do the show. Are you full of shit?
[01:15:29] I'm not full of shit. Nobody's asked people of that. Nobody asked me to do the show
[01:15:34] I did not beg to be on your show. You've asked me numerous times
[01:15:41] And then I was bored and I got fired and I was like oh for what are you working?
[01:15:45] What'd you get fired for? We're not gonna talk about that. Oh, come on. Everything else
[01:15:55] God forbid that we accidentally sold it in really gave you sweet Samuel
[01:16:01] Maybe a phone number you could I don't know you it seems like a thing you do. It's just somebody's phone number
[01:16:09] There's just that guy Samuel the cab driver rapist
[01:16:13] 87 years old because he's a cab driver. Yeah, he used the hard R. Did he? Yeah
[01:16:21] Oh, rape. No, he said I was real pretty
[01:16:26] He went hard R. The hard R is any R word you say with an erection
[01:16:33] Yo, hell yeah rhombazoid in geometry class you're
[01:16:40] Getting off the subway last night and this kid started like mumbling like mocking me
[01:16:45] So I told him that why were you mumbling?
[01:16:48] No, I was like just talking to my buddy and he was like
[01:16:58] He was like you want to dime bag for 20. I was like
[01:17:01] I can't smoke weed anymore because I just had a sex change operation
[01:17:13] If I smoke weed they won't stay taught. Oh, yeah word the ice like you got to do the ice. I'm like, yeah, you got to do the ice
[01:17:24] Down the street for like four blocks. Oh, no, damn that sucks. Yeah, this city. Uh, they want to show the trash people
[01:17:33] Like long term I would love it. That would be great if cat calling was replaced with mumbling retard mockery voice
[01:17:45] I got a funny story that just happened last night. Okay. What happened?
[01:17:54] My roommate has all these fucking roommates and he's got this like little baby that lives over
[01:18:03] I don't know. He's like come sleep in the bed with me come up on Michael bed. Come sleep in the bed with me. The baby
[01:18:09] Yeah, he's a literal baby. Yeah, he's like 22 year old. Oh, that's a man. Oh, okay. I thought you were talking about an actual baby
[01:18:15] He had a he has a piggy bank on his nightstand. That's the uh arc
[01:18:20] Oh, nice. Yeah, it's got like a giraffe on it. Whoa. Is he when you say is he like retarded?
[01:18:26] Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's retarded. Okay
[01:18:29] He's probably more of a faggot. I don't know. Okay. Oh the double. I'm sorry. Oops. Was I that's supposed to say that? No, please
[01:18:37] Not to say the n-word. So I really feel like I should you can if you want, but I have job interviews on monday
[01:18:44] So where are the other podcast I do in New York like all the comic podcasts?
[01:18:48] They like have a segment where they make a point of using the n-word
[01:18:51] One of them one of them even has a song no race wars. They have a song. Oh, yeah using the n-word. The song's pretty funny
[01:18:58] It is pretty funny. Yeah, I have the power. Yeah, they did like a human. They did the word power. Okay. Can I do my one joke? I thought up?
[01:19:09] Is it the one word? How's it going? Pretty good. Who's there?
[01:19:23] That is fucked up to that half bonus. Yeah, I don't trust that you know, I mean you shouldn't it has that happen if you ever
[01:19:29] Sinked up with somebody you don't like no just with donors never like
[01:19:33] You get hard at the same time as another no, I get my period when guys get
[01:19:38] Uh-oh watch out. You're about to be flowing, baby
[01:19:44] Um half a mexican seales just to get me going today. So oh, hey, do you think you're carriless into the show for sure?
[01:19:50] Yeah, I was talking about him yesterday. Yeah. Yeah randomly our friend
[01:19:55] Our friend Josh was on the prices right before he became an activist
[01:19:59] Remember Josh if two years ago when he was just taking shrooms and going on tv
[01:20:04] Game shows and now he's a political activist that has to apologize to people with PTSD
[01:20:11] All right v Josh of yesterday here. Yeah, I mean still a fuck with Josh. I still fuck
[01:20:22] Why are you talking about? I don't know who he is
[01:20:26] He's a friend of ours that took that picture with the chap o guys next to the the bill Cosby star the rape memorial
[01:20:32] You know why that upset me so much what the picture oh it did why because when I want to have an orgasm
[01:20:39] I think about bill Cosby slowly fingering me. Oh, I see like they kind of took it away because their faces
[01:20:46] Now there's yeah, oh yeah, no one can come when they think about Mac
[01:20:54] Directly on top of bill Cosby's walk of fame. Yeah, yeah, which is where all of the crimes took place
[01:21:00] A lot of people don't know that but all of those assaults are on Hollywood Boulevard Hollywood in mind
[01:21:06] Baby right on the fucking star. We're gonna take a little walk homeless homeless
[01:21:09] homeless spider-man was there like telling people to turn away like yeah, yeah, yeah
[01:21:14] With great power comes great responsibility
[01:21:17] Did you see this block is closed the Freddy Krueger guy?
[01:21:21] Mr. Cosby has been working security the Freddy Krueger guy got into a fight with somebody
[01:21:25] Oh, yeah, he has real knives fucking slit somebody
[01:21:28] Yeah, yeah, cuz they he just had real knives on his hand
[01:21:31] And never bothered to check. Yeah, are you kidding? Just that
[01:21:39] Yeah, he's somebody's prison wife now. I guess oh fuck they let him keep the knives in prison too
[01:21:44] Yeah, that's it's part he identifies as a Krueger. Yeah, it's fucked up to take away his yeah
[01:21:52] My general if you could get surgery to have cloth the crew. Yeah, I'm gonna get screwed up
[01:21:57] I would have to have wings big wings wings
[01:22:07] Because I feel like I'm not vulture those are big vultures are cool. I think contours are the biggest bird
[01:22:14] Uh, yeah, like in terms of biggest fan. Yeah, the biggest bird that can fly. Yeah. Yeah
[01:22:27] It's cruegg frat frank frat frat frat frat crueg complete coincidence
[01:22:33] Nice well done. So we've been drinking today how much
[01:22:37] So I woke up at 7 a.m. Damn after doing drugs damn bitch 7 a.m. I
[01:22:49] And then so I woke up and then I walked around their house naked because they all sleep till 10
[01:22:59] And these fucking people I'm staying with
[01:23:03] One I've known since I was 12. Oh, that's Portland. You're from Portland. No, I'm from Alabama
[01:23:10] Whoa cool. Yeah. Yeah, it's real roll tide
[01:23:19] Like roll tide. Yeah. Oh no, yeah, all burn
[01:23:31] It's true. It's really like me and style. I feel like it's some
[01:23:36] Pretty intense sexual frustration going on there. Yeah, it's also fun to play sports though
[01:23:41] Is it like what kind like water sports? I played football. No, I've never
[01:23:45] Pissed on anyone one time. I was gonna this girl. It has a bit once as a bit like in the shower with this girl
[01:23:50] I peed on her and she didn't think it was not sexually weird. Yeah, it was a four-year-old with the wimes. Yeah
[01:23:56] What I don't know they're into it. People make you pee on them. I don't know
[01:24:01] It's it is weird and I'm always like yeah, I guess I can
[01:24:05] You're so fully shit. No, I swear I didn't pee on this one girl that I was gonna randomly hook up with
[01:24:10] You asked me to fucking yes. I did pee on my mom. Yeah, I mean to be honest like who hasn't pissed on them
[01:24:16] I'm sure you everybody has a baby. It's just a baby's pissing shit inside the mom's pussy during that's true. Yeah, it's true. Yeah
[01:24:30] Me there is piss and shit in her uterus and then this guy that got her pregnant. He's still fucking your voice. She's pregnant
[01:24:42] Scientifically all that checks out and then she might go down on him afterwards. Yeah
[01:24:47] Well, here's the thing that is real is that babies have like fur and inside the body
[01:24:52] Oh, and then at some point they shed all the fur and they eat it nice and then when a baby comes out it's first shit
[01:24:59] It's called mcconium. Nice and in Africa to eat it
[01:25:02] It's like an owl pellet. Yeah, it's like a delicacy. I love their song going club going up on a Tuesday
[01:25:21] Uh, which one is that just what respect? Yeah
[01:25:28] I only know five things about this show hit us with him. Nick talks too much, but he's not talking at all
[01:25:35] Yes, it's interrupted a lot. No, no, you've got it all wrong, but that is
[01:25:38] For life and I have some stuff to sell you no, you're wrong. Oh for three. What's the last two?
[01:25:44] I was making stuff. Okay, so it's gerbilite. Oh, that's good. There you go
[01:25:50] Well, you do you guys we got 10% royalties. What do you have? I got some weed. That's Adam. That's my weed
[01:25:59] So portland they got bikes there, right? You can bike everywhere. I have good questions
[01:26:04] I know it's got to be done already, but with nylda grass Tyson has anyone done a in space no one couldn't hear you
[01:26:11] That's good. No, I don't I mean someone I even said it for the last two days. I figured people will be all over that one
[01:26:16] That's good. I don't think I've seen it in space. No one can hear you
[01:26:19] People are no one can hear you scream. Why would you change? You're right? It's doing changes
[01:26:24] I feel like that that one got buried. I feel like nylda grass getting called out. You're right. No one's been talking about it
[01:26:31] I have a scientific question. I've been thinking about this for a really long time. Maybe you guys can hold it. Sure me
[01:26:36] So okay, like you know your your blood's kind of blue inside your body right?
[01:26:41] Your veins your veins are blue your blood's red inside your body
[01:26:45] Take that. I thought it's like you exploded in space. You would be blue. No because even then it's oh, I see there's no oxygen
[01:26:52] I thought it'd be really cool like why don't people do that in movies because that's authentic
[01:26:58] Yeah, you're I think you're right turns like a bit more of like a purplish color in your veins because
[01:27:03] The your body's like sucked the oxygen out of it
[01:27:06] But if you're inhaling oxygen the blood in your arteries is red
[01:27:12] Oh, yeah, what do people blow up in space and marvel?
[01:27:16] I don't know. I don't think she knew what she meant by that problem. What sort of related to that
[01:27:20] It's interesting if you blow air into a woman's vagina. You can kill her by giving her an embolism. Whoa
[01:27:27] And that's what Neil the grass ice room is
[01:27:33] And his I don't know your pushing is like a volcano
[01:27:37] Oh, I brought you guys something. Yeah, what's that? It's good a gun. Oh, dude. We die right now
[01:27:44] That would be that would be tight if you got it through TSA. You could kill us is organ like a gun place
[01:27:49] I know like organs like that's where the bundles are. Yeah, it's all like anarchists, right?
[01:27:57] Like elite rich people on the planet and they're liberal but actually the most racist conservatives have ever met in my life
[01:28:04] Yeah, like Nike's over there, right? I just thought this related to all of you guys you can have it you share. What is it?
[01:28:12] Who's Tony? This is great. You should keep this. I don't want it. Who's Tony alamo? I don't know
[01:28:20] Go to the subway hang out for a while. Yeah a couple of his buddies handing this up. This is a whole newsletter from the Tony alamo Christian
[01:28:29] Oh, this is great. Oh my god. Dude. Their crucifix is dying as gold
[01:28:34] With that different precious stones lining that rules. It's like a grill
[01:28:38] Yo, can we can change so yesterday I got in a fight with one of the like moderators?
[01:28:45] Hold on. I want to make another objection. Yeah, go ahead volume
[01:28:50] That's possible. Yeah, there's no way there's been 23,500 volumes
[01:28:55] This lexic be nice. No, that's just not knowing how fucking numbers work. That's not dyslexia. Why is he slandered though? What's it says?
[01:29:03] He slandered. That's why this is great. It says it. I mean the minute I accept that Jesus is my lord
[01:29:08] And savior around 52 and a half years ago, which is he's one of those like he counts his ages and half years like a four-year-old
[01:29:23] The Vatican he's exposed is I'm gonna I'm gonna we're gonna go we're gonna have a deep read on this later
[01:29:28] That one's pretty good. Good gift. Thanks. You found that guy in the subway Tony alamo. He found me
[01:29:34] Yeah, he we locked eyes on the actual guy
[01:29:36] He he's dead. Yes. Oh nice. He killed him. No, he just he just died. I don't know. Oh fuck
[01:29:43] Strange. I never saw him again. So just assume have you done a crime have I done a crime? Yeah?
[01:29:48] What's the worst thing you've ever done?
[01:29:51] Over nine times. Whoa times arrest you been arrested ten times
[01:29:56] Over nine times one doesn't count. That's why I said over nine times which one which one doesn't count
[01:30:01] The one that got dropped. Uh, what happened? What'd you do? What what what do you want to hear?
[01:30:16] Wait, it's you've been arrested 10 times for different charges. Yes, but that's ever had the same charge
[01:30:22] Whoa, you're not like a chronic shop lifter or something. You're like you you do
[01:30:25] One of them is definitely you're a career criminal. That's why I don't have tattoos
[01:30:30] I want to be inconspicuous. Okay. All right. Well, then the only one I want to hear about is art thievery
[01:30:37] That's not so I guess we are going to go to jail for that. What are they what are all of them assault one?
[01:30:45] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, rattle them off like uh like your irish Catholic brothers in
[01:30:51] Chronological sure whatever whatever makes you feel comfortable
[01:30:54] Irish person you know that scene and what Tommy Bobby
[01:30:57] Tommy Bobby fucking Trevor Taylor do that. I gotta speech
[01:31:01] Say him again and you're being ableist right now
[01:31:06] Do you do you talk like daffy duck if you don't really focus hard enough? No, I just
[01:31:11] Like I like slur my words and I stutter. Yeah, we do a lot of slurring on this show
[01:31:16] You want to get me stuttered on you? I don't necessarily want you to stutter. I want to hear about you
[01:31:23] And I want to hear about I want to hear about the crimes you're doing
[01:31:26] List them off. Yeah, I'm not doing it in an accent. Okay, that's fine. No accent
[01:31:32] You're you're turning 18. I gotta do you I okay. The day turned 19. I got a DUI. Hell yeah
[01:31:37] You said you're going to say it twice you you just contradicted yourself, but that's fine
[01:31:42] Um, I also had pills in my car. Okay, a little tack on
[01:31:53] I was repossessing a car. I didn't have tags they pulled me over my license was suspended
[01:31:59] Then they were driving around the car was like 100 fucking degrees in New Orleans
[01:32:02] And they had the heater on because they didn't want to put
[01:32:07] So then I'm like sweating and they're like answering my phone calls and I had a date and they were like telling my boyfriend like
[01:32:13] Oh, yeah, she's like in the back of the cop car. We're having a good time back here
[01:32:17] He like hangs up my phone he turns around. He's like you're gonna make a good wife one day and I'm like
[01:32:26] I went into lock up and I met a couple of girls and I had lost my job obviously because I just got arrested
[01:32:32] Resessing a car. Oh, yeah, you're a repo girl
[01:32:35] So she hooked me up with a job slicing deli meat at the at the grocery store called orouses
[01:32:42] Hey, that's a new Orleans. Look at that people say jail doesn't rehabilitate people
[01:32:46] Yeah, got you a fucking got you a deli slicer friendly. I would love to work at a deli candy. So that's number three. What's number four?
[01:32:54] Did you get free deli meats real quick?
[01:32:58] No, I'd always like steal like their sushi
[01:33:01] Okay, I have friend that was like you don't want you touch and deli meat all day. You don't want to eat that
[01:33:05] I don't know I friend it was like a club dog
[01:33:07] To clean one of those machines. Oh just steal all the time the best thing about a slicer
[01:33:17] Oh, I like a ham steak do some ASMR kind of
[01:33:23] We were going to the grocery store one time and he just walked behind the deli counter
[01:33:27] And like the fucking guy in the deli's just looking at him and he just starts filling his pockets with chicken wings
[01:33:33] Salute salute to that hero and then he just walks out and then he was eating chicken wings out his pocket
[01:33:42] What you do? You can say it on Mike say it on Mike you've done that or is it what are you?
[01:33:53] Okay, so okay, you go to jail you become a deli girl. Okay. Yeah, okay then what happens
[01:33:58] Oh, okay, and then I worked there for a week mouth on the mic then I worked there for a week and I go to
[01:34:04] A show and I held my arm out of the streetcar and I broke my
[01:34:13] Bro the way you did that though implies that it like
[01:34:17] But I was so drunk at that and you feel it Jesus
[01:34:20] It's like a compound fracture where the bone came out of that it was I have no no the bone didn't come out
[01:34:27] I heard I was a kid. I saw some girl fall off like the
[01:34:30] The monkey bars and like she's fucking you know
[01:34:35] And then she got up and she's like screaming and like confused and we're like go just go away
[01:34:45] So my mom used to make me go to these like church camp things after school
[01:34:49] She's single mom bone conversion and they had those like wooden place that you know I'm talking about like all the bolts and yeah
[01:34:55] Yeah, yeah, yeah, the kids like standing on the tire swinging. He's swinging real. He's going real crazy
[01:35:01] Swinging and swinging and then he just hits the top of his head
[01:35:05] Right on the ball and he's like oh stunned for a second and then blood just going
[01:35:19] Is he dead I think it really fucked me up is he dead is that kid dead maybe
[01:35:25] Damn bro. Is he local government? Yeah, I would I followed him into the bathroom. I just watched him scream
[01:35:35] You should have gotten that damn really
[01:35:37] My dad made me watch it like 17 times when I was 16 years old
[01:35:41] Why the video of the guy and hollywood blind slicing people out?
[01:35:56] So we got two d uis one with pills. Okay, so four was yeah, you broke your arm what happened after that
[01:36:02] Oh, and then and then I had to quit my job at the grocery store
[01:36:06] And I got a job at the video store nice and they could treenah happen
[01:36:10] So then I get back to norons like a week after katrina
[01:36:14] And I'm like you're one of the people that raped in the super dome
[01:36:22] Oh, come on. Yes, I was raped. It felt oh no, no, no, I said did you
[01:36:28] Did I rape become a rapper in the super it was a bit wait who here thinks rape's funny?
[01:36:34] I mean, we don't we don't think the actual act of rape is
[01:36:38] If you want to have a discussion about like
[01:36:41] We can prove it's funny right now and you guys should rape me like
[01:36:44] Right now we can show everybody how it would be fun. Yes as theoretically if I've guys
[01:36:53] I'm just trying to think of a super dome joke today. Yeah. Yeah to bounce out of this hole that stops put us in so
[01:37:01] Good job. You know what I would like. Go ahead. You do this. I don't do the heads
[01:37:05] You know what I'd like you see you have my favorite kind of dome to get super
[01:37:10] Yeah, I put on a cape and suck off a guy's dick
[01:37:15] Because you're a suck stick has got to be a real saint
[01:37:19] Yeah, I was thinking I put the cape on it second guys
[01:37:22] It could use a little word. You think a little tweaking? Yeah, you should throw in their new mascot somewhere
[01:37:27] Yeah, fuck the floor to lead by the way. What a gay ass shape
[01:37:30] It is a Louisiana and you like that shit. You're a fucking moron. Yeah, that's like a pubic errands
[01:37:39] Like bleached asshole tattoos florida. Is the original
[01:37:45] Shape to be possessive or yeah, we're the french part of america. It's like a spear, but it is also a flower
[01:37:54] That you're right. It's a gay weapon it is like every single raw iron fence and norlin's has it on top
[01:38:02] I saw a guy down the street. It's like a metal worker like a couple weeks ago
[01:38:07] I was just walking home and you know like that he was fucking
[01:38:16] You know time and time in place. What about a dildo one? It's like a florida Lee in the top. That's just a spear
[01:38:23] Nix line. He was like buddy save some for
[01:38:27] Was one of those like you know those flower boxes they have on the street, but that still looks like shit
[01:38:31] It's like nubbed down like a pencil. He was adding florida Lee's to this shitty like iron
[01:38:37] Oh, yeah, it's just somebody paid to have that done is to get a dog shit station
[01:38:45] Oh with those weird fuck those. I don't know. They're saying wait wait. What's like this?
[01:38:48] What's the what's the laws about those?
[01:38:51] Do they belong to the people in the house next to it? I think it is technically an easement
[01:38:59] Something I learned in the one real estate class I ever went to and I can't remember the thing is like belongs to the city
[01:39:06] No, there's there's certain property rules where
[01:39:09] The property owner doesn't have they have right of use to the land
[01:39:13] But it technically owns to the city and then also the the owner of the adjacent property is responsible
[01:39:22] The shit so like the sidewalk in front of your house if you got like ice out there
[01:39:26] Like if it's one of the driveway, it's your responsibility
[01:39:28] Somebody slips on it and breaks your neck as on you
[01:39:31] But the city could like park a fucking van on it. That's when you go outside of your house and you go
[01:39:36] Proven motherfucker, right? Yeah, that's when you are one of the cringers did
[01:39:41] That's when you get out of your car traffic and go around Los Angeles harassing minorities like Michael Douglas
[01:39:47] Yeah, because that's how that movie is fucked. Yeah to to hurt poor property owners. Okay. I miss the best part about the second dui
[01:39:57] Seriously being dressed. Okay, so I was like freaked out about the dui
[01:40:03] And I went up to this pizza joint. I met with some friends and I saw this like wasted cop at the bar
[01:40:09] I was like, hey, I just got a DUI a few weeks ago
[01:40:12] Is there what do what do I have to do so this doesn't like fuck me up forever? He's like
[01:40:18] Pay my bar towel take care of it. I'm like what I was like
[01:40:23] Really he's like, yeah, I'm like give me your phone number. You're really drunk. He's like, I swear. I'll do it
[01:40:29] So I like call him like a week or maybe a few days before
[01:40:33] I have to go to court and I'm like, so we're good. He's like, no, I got you. I got you
[01:40:46] He like whispers and the judge like comes back. He's like this and missy
[01:40:50] You don't get a bite out of the apple twice
[01:40:53] So you never really think about your life and what you're doing with yourself because you're going down the wrong path
[01:40:58] And I'm like, thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you
[01:41:05] Cop and I am like what the fuck just happened. He's like, oh, I busted this big meth house and I said you were gonna inform it
[01:41:12] And I'm like what the fuck is your problem? Did you get jumped by any toothless people?
[01:41:17] I was terrified for months that I was gonna be murdered for like
[01:41:21] Being some fake informant and then it turned out he like pulled women over and like fucked them. Oh, no
[01:41:58] Hey, you fucking fake. I want some of that bacon flavoured cack in my mouth
[01:42:10] People should do that they should go around fucking catcalling cops until they make it
[01:42:16] What's that porn the rape police officers in their face? Yeah, whatever
[01:42:20] What's that porn where it's like black dudes in jail beat like having sex with well, hold on
[01:42:25] This is only something you know about. No, no, no, no, yeah
[01:42:33] It's too not it's I'm coming because I'm watching no, it's a whole website. Yeah. Yeah. It's what's that website
[01:42:40] We talked about it. We've talked about it. But yeah, the genre the scenarios are all like black guys getting arrested by like
[01:42:47] White cop women and they end up fucking them. Yeah. Yeah, I've only seen one good one like sort of forcing them into
[01:42:53] Yeah, it's sort of my favorite of all the like bang bros properties was eight street latinas
[01:43:00] It's like what's eight street? It's a place in Miami. Oh, is it?
[01:43:05] I just thought they like picked a street
[01:43:07] That sounds wait someone someone told me four four thousand latinas. There's a bang there's a bang bus with one of the kids from that movie stranger things the note
[01:43:27] What are the kids from a project ex? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[01:43:32] Can't get hard. I think they call that kid west coast beer nerd. He's a friend. Yeah, he is like beer nerd. Yeah. Yeah
[01:43:50] It seems like it's probably good for your esophagus. I think yeah, yeah
[01:43:56] It's the farting of the I don't poop anymore cuz I don't drink anymore. I miss being a drunk when I would just fucking constantly be blowing gas
[01:44:03] You know pop pills like normal people. What kind of pills you got? I need it. I've been on a leave all week. Nice
[01:44:10] But where'd you why'd you mouth is she said later?
[01:44:14] Mouth later. I thought I find you're gonna dose you. Yeah
[01:44:21] I thought you I thought you mouthed at a roll. All right. So I got a lot of dough she right now
[01:44:26] No, no, I don't want to do it right now. I have stuff to do during the day, but later why it doesn't matter
[01:44:31] I know we all we all work. We all have to go to work tonight. Yeah, we have to do like business stuff after this
[01:44:36] Yeah, it'll be fine. We got to go to wall street after this
[01:44:40] No, we had her standards in practices. You are such a coward. I'm not oh fuck. I'm not a well
[01:44:45] What do we got? So the only good porn I ever saw. Yeah, we're talking about pornography
[01:44:49] What and then we want to circle back which is the best and then we want to circle back to your crimes
[01:44:54] But go ahead. That's fine. We talk about my crime. Yeah
[01:44:57] I'm thinking about getting into hand ties seriously
[01:45:00] Older than everyone's turned around when I said a year ago
[01:45:04] You'll pop everyone's beat off the hand tie. No, but I'm saying it's worldly
[01:45:09] You're doing it at the wrong time. I'm picking the right moment for it the fall
[01:45:13] You know, it's about death and shame warm colors. You know oranges a lot of oranges and browns
[01:45:19] Yeah, it's seasonal. It's seasonally appropriate
[01:45:22] We're in the middle of summer talking about jacket off the hand tie. We're supposed to read John Stein back
[01:45:27] In the fall tortilla flat you read that every fall. I've never ever read it
[01:45:31] Every october are you supposed to jack off to that because I think that's where we're the topic
[01:45:36] What it's pretty sexy. He buys her vacuum cleaner and she doesn't have a carpet. Yeah, does he fuck her?
[01:45:41] Oh nice. She fucks a hell lot of them guys. Nice. Okay. Damn. I'm about to start buying dirt devils. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
[01:45:50] Man, those vacuums are so fucking expensive. I got a device in porn because yeah, I want to hear about this porn
[01:45:55] Okay, so it's like, you know, like typical porn setup, but everybody's like in
[01:46:05] And there's like, you know, the girls are topless with they have like short short mouth on the mic camo
[01:46:14] I really hate it when men tell me what to do
[01:46:24] Damn it bros battle. All right, get this stand. I have to go watch
[01:46:29] I was just roasted. Oh, I'll take drugs. I just wanted to know what they are. No, what are they?
[01:46:35] Stop take the drugs, but if she offers a trip to bill Cosby's holly
[01:46:42] Anything illegal. Okay. It's a research chemical interesting. It's a her she's kiss
[01:46:53] It's never too early for a bit. I feel like you're kind of a mess though
[01:46:57] And you always do drugs and stuff and I like to keep it to nighttime
[01:47:04] I know I'm a bitch, but go ahead. I want her about this porno. No, no the porno
[01:47:11] Porno crimes and then we can talk about drugs. Yeah, yeah your favorite porno
[01:47:14] We gotta go to the porno and then we gotta go back through your top 10 or your 10 rest
[01:47:21] I'm feeling a lot of sexual tension between two of you and Nick and I are on this other side of the room
[01:47:25] You guys are angry at each other. Well, I've got I've been wearing a classic romantic comment pink speedo on she thinks you're repulsive
[01:47:31] You think she's annoying, but you guys really love each other. Oh little Harry Met Sally
[01:47:36] She's got the local bookstore. You run the borders, right? You're coming in here. Oh fuck your Tom Hanks, right?
[01:47:42] You just got a well, you've been talking you've been talking to this girl online
[01:47:46] You're gonna bend me over the whole twilight song Adam. Did you get another hair? Yeah, sounds good to me
[01:47:53] Rather shoot a gun up my vagina than have you touched me? It's sort of the same thing. Yeah. Wow
[01:48:10] This is okay, I'm gonna cut the porno. Yes porno. Anyway, so we're doing good on time. So let's just do it now
[01:48:17] This is going fun. Yeah, it's going fun. Go ahead. You guys he's complaining about work and no we just
[01:48:33] Now who's a street eraser get it. Stop it
[01:48:43] Please stop it. You found your light bulb
[01:48:46] I do I do this thing where I come over here and I unscrew Adam's light bulbs and I hide them around the
[01:48:52] I don't know it feels feels some need I have yeah, I'm some broken
[01:48:59] It's just so you did you I can't get a good fart out before you do. No, please do
[01:49:12] It's always sexual everything's sexual. Yeah, some people
[01:49:21] That's why Freudian he doesn't think anything is yeah, the only thing I agree with on Freud is that you should do
[01:49:27] Cocaine all the time. Yeah, and Freud said that. He's a D. Yips. Yeah, you know that oh he would fucking he would like my man was
[01:49:35] Water he would put it in water and drop it in his eye. Oh cool. Yeah
[01:49:41] Freud also smoked like 20 cigars a day similar to me. He's
[01:49:46] He's always a stokey man. Yeah, I got it
[01:49:50] My dad quit smoking. He smoked like 15 cigars a day. So he didn't put smoking
[01:49:59] Everyone around me is getting married and I'm not doing that shit, but I will smoke the fucking cigars. You know I'm saying smokey steg, baby
[01:50:05] Yeah, yeah, I want a little nub. We've talked about this. I want a little chocolatey nub cigar. Let me shit
[01:50:10] They're good. Wait wait like the Robusto shorts shorts. I'm learning all the cigars not a Robusto though
[01:50:15] Cuz I like a mild I like black and mild
[01:50:21] And that black I think it's like a million different cigar words and it's never consistent across the brand
[01:50:26] I think church shows are the big dick ones. They're sure chills are sure chills are long
[01:50:29] But you can have like a that the one Clinton used on Monica. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he shoved that in no
[01:50:35] He shoved a chode cigar in a pussy actually a chode is that what so how do you put actually speaking of Clinton?
[01:50:42] What you said you might actually have if he got his ass eaten instead of a blowjob
[01:50:47] Of course he got his ass and that's like before the ass eating like had it the rest of us
[01:50:54] Bit of a fight the first black president
[01:51:02] No, it's not it's become popular in the last couple years
[01:51:12] There has been a shift recently where everyone's
[01:51:17] Oh, you like you like drama I eat but and like get my buddy
[01:51:21] What are we doing? Oh, I don't know. I have no fun time talking about what being a Clinton the thing
[01:51:26] The thing you said about sleeping for two hours
[01:51:29] So bill clinton has an actual genetic mutation where he doesn't need sleep
[01:51:33] Oh, yeah, he's one of those guys only sleeps four hours
[01:51:35] He's one of those guys are like John groodens like John groodens like that too
[01:51:38] It's weird because Adam has to sleep like every two hours. He also has to be burped and changed
[01:51:42] Yeah, and I need to eat and put in the sun. Yeah, he's a lizard too
[01:51:46] No, it's have a little stick and a piece of grass in his room. I hate the whole thing damn go go go deep on the breakfast sandwich
[01:51:54] Go horse. Yeah, it was like a really good biscuit. It was from this
[01:52:00] And it had like rosemary in it and then oh I love it when they do that. Fuck yeah over easy
[01:52:07] Ham and bacon. Do you miss waffle house?
[01:52:10] Never never and hold on hold on still let it finish but the focus you can smoke in it, which is can we chill
[01:52:15] Yeah, I'm bacon first of all two breakfast meats salud. That's beautiful. Thank you. I got the extra
[01:52:27] Kind of cheese what kind of cheese chowder, baby. Okay, get that salt. Okay, give me all salt
[01:52:33] I love that. That's that breakfast. That sounds amazing. I had to put the sunglasses back on you look like a cool baby
[01:52:45] She's not gonna have sex with you for three hours because of this. I'm should be like, oh no
[01:52:50] They're gonna come. I don't have the I don't get to have sex with a woman. I really wanted to
[01:52:57] He just keeps putting the glasses on yeah
[01:53:00] Adam looks out the blinds make sure if she's gone and then she goes he goes to a naked man dot
[01:53:13] Because he thinks that he takes the laptop under the sheets in his bed with a little reading
[01:53:20] Adam in real life this visual is like making me so creeped out
[01:53:30] Rolled up. He totally doesn't yeah, I think that was a very adorable depiction of what I do in my private time
[01:53:35] Whatever you want to tell yourself. Hey, maybe
[01:53:40] Come at night. Whatever. What goes can't get through us under the covers
[01:53:44] Do you want to know like how hard it is for me to not go to the world traits in his life?
[01:53:50] Why don't you ask grave because ghosts make me horny is
[01:53:53] They would they also got down there is the like
[01:53:56] They have a nice cemetery. It's just a black people cemetery
[01:54:00] All that down in the fight hold on hold on hold on too many things going on. Yeah, Nick. Oh, no, you go ahead
[01:54:07] Get no let the guest speak all right Casper you can't watch Casper because you get too horny
[01:54:12] What Devin saw or the CGI anime, but it's a hot child
[01:54:17] Yeah, and he's a sexy child before every girl had a crush on Devin saw well back
[01:54:21] No, they didn't they all did who's Devin saw he was he was the real life Casper. Yeah, he was actually
[01:54:36] Okay, so you have had plenty of time to get arrested all those times
[01:54:41] Uh, oh you're so about this porn. Yeah, okay, so they're watching like this guy on the tv
[01:54:47] And he's like talking about like the revolution. They're all like getting like yeah
[01:54:50] Yeah, but when the when the fuck the pizza get in here
[01:54:58] No, it's really really old one. I can't find it
[01:55:00] I've been looking for forever and um my friend worked on a tugboat and he found it on the tugboat
[01:55:07] Because it's all guys and they all jerk off on the tugboat all the time because
[01:55:10] Like weeks and a little bonding little male bonding. I can't find it. It drives me nuts
[01:55:15] Anyways, so the pizza comes and then you know, it's like, hmm. I want my ditch suck
[01:55:20] So, you know, she's like this is the pizza guy
[01:55:24] This is after the pizza came and they're they're eating the pizza
[01:55:28] He's eating the pizza and he's like I want my dick suck
[01:55:31] Okay, and she's like oh, yeah, okay, baby
[01:55:34] So she's like sucking his dick and he's eating the pizza at the same time. He's like
[01:55:39] Yeah, it was pretty good. Yeah, she's like you like that baby's like
[01:55:43] Maybe like flaps or the pizzies like the fucking pizza you bitch
[01:55:49] Actually, awesome. I want to shoot a porno where it's like the clubhouse in the back of the bing, right
[01:55:55] A bunch of Italian guys and they're like we think of a lunch fellas and like, oh, let's get a pizza
[01:55:59] Right as they get a pizza. The pizza shows up
[01:56:01] And you would have to shoot it where the guy who's got his cock through the middle of the pizza
[01:56:07] So you like green screen him out in post but then he reshoot the whole thing
[01:56:12] So that you can just so the pizza there's a disembodied enormous cock coming out of the middle of that
[01:56:19] So that you know the day goes they open the fucking pizza
[01:56:22] Yeah, the day goes like what the fuck is this? They said anchovies. They got a fucking giant moolies
[01:56:32] And they're like what we're gonna call this place back up and fucking whack this guy and they're like, I don't know
[01:56:36] They close at 5 p.m. We can't throw out a pizza. I'm fucking starving and then they'll take turns sucking the good
[01:56:45] Like hey look I would just be clear fellas. I don't want to do this, but I ain't gonna fucking turn down pizza
[01:56:50] You got you got to pitch this. Yeah, I will
[01:56:53] I love how you blow the budget on the green screen where you could easily just get a deal. That's not blowing the budget
[01:56:58] That's the fucking editor's job. Come on. Okay. All right. You gotta have somebody color
[01:57:03] I think you could easily just put a dildo in the middle of the pizza. No, what are you fucking retarded?
[01:57:11] This is why this is why you were not involved in the pre-production process
[01:57:16] Slather that dick with coconut oils real shiny. You should have seen the props I made for our web series
[01:57:21] No, I'm gonna have to see them. I'm a fucking artist. Wait. Can you use coconut oil for sex or can you you can be?
[01:57:27] Good it's bad for it. I've used it. It's not that good. Okay. Sorry. All right
[01:57:33] Out of use is sucking not oil. You know I'm talking about he's calm
[01:57:37] He's a man's calm in his mouth. You can use that for sex literally, you know
[01:57:42] Have you guys ever had balls in your mouth? No. Yeah, that's weird. Is it weird to do that? Yeah to have balls in your mouth. Yeah, it seems weird
[01:57:53] I don't know. You know Arabian goggles. You ever hear that one? Yeah, you put balls on your
[01:57:58] Why is that why is it called Arabian goggles? It's because that's what they had to get the sand out when it's a sandstorm
[01:58:08] Wait, they're not a race. They're not a race. They're Caucasian technically. Yeah, they're technically white
[01:58:14] Oh, well, Arabian. I've got a whole other Mediterranean. No, you're a peon. How dare you?
[01:58:20] God you guys are just so smart Indian people. They're whitish. You're dumb as shit
[01:58:27] It sucks being so dumb. Can we hear about your crime? So we've got two DUIs
[01:58:32] Exploitation. No, no, it's talking about it's interesting. I don't have any crimes. I would tell you
[01:58:38] I had him. Have you been arrested? Almost
[01:58:43] Okay, this was a near mess. So this isn't a legitimate. So I may have exaggerated
[01:58:48] I forget because it has happened so many times
[01:58:53] I was driving home drunk at 4am. I had three flat tires. I didn't know it was raining. I got pulled over
[01:59:01] This like a lot of tires. Yeah, dude. It's kind of hard to figure out
[01:59:06] Your your mouth your mouth in the mic came up to me and he was like
[01:59:11] You're drunk. I was like, yes. I am. He's like, okay. I'm gonna run your card. I'm like, okay
[01:59:15] So I just like text all my friends. I'm like, I'm gonna be in jail. Give me on the morning
[01:59:19] And he's like walk home. I was like, okay
[01:59:22] And then he let me walk home. So that was another one. What happened to your car? You need to get arrested
[01:59:32] like spare tires and changed my tires and this is comic
[01:59:36] I used to know Ruby who was like a fucking like notorious drunk driver. She fucking loved driving
[01:59:41] And she would get so trash and her car was so funny. It was like this shitty fucking like 98 jetta
[01:59:48] All scraped up with but yellow from like the pylons and
[01:59:56] Every fucking rearview mirror smashed out even the one inside the car
[02:00:00] There was a plant like growing I think growing in the car that we're on the floorboards both airbags deployed
[02:00:06] And then all all four tires. What are those cars where you can see the airbag? I got I got I got
[02:00:17] She had a Monroe piercing and she was in the passenger seat. Oh fuck that's all
[02:00:21] Jammed it up first of all tore all the skin off her face
[02:00:28] Up up into her face and they had to fucking like dig in there and pull out the metal
[02:00:33] Fun don't airbags hurt because they hurt really your face heals faster than any part of your body
[02:00:47] Your heart heals the slowest slowest. Yeah, especially when you'll be back
[02:00:53] In a minute, you know, I heard delilah's son killed himself recently
[02:00:58] Bet that bitch didn't see that coming, huh?
[02:01:03] She's this radio host that does this show like where she's like it's about love basically
[02:01:17] Tongue green and the bum bum song sucking hoes by juicy j. There's the only three songs
[02:01:23] You listen to tom green the bum bum song no what he's hip-hop
[02:01:28] Did I say tom green yeah, you did that was the second thing you said
[02:01:33] You said bella the you said bella legosi six Tom green and three six mafia
[02:01:40] That's tom green. Oh, you said Tom green. You said Tom green. Oh, I mean you said tom green
[02:01:49] I didn't drug you. Yeah, this is a constant problem for you and slipping tom green in there
[02:01:54] Tom green was a rapper in Canada before he became a comedian really yeah, that was his first career
[02:02:08] David Blaine for pulling an old Neil deGrasse
[02:02:16] Okay, all right, we don't have to do all your crimes. Give us a highlight. I'll do give us a highlight
[02:02:21] The funniest one or the most interesting one top crime top crime top crime top crime top crime
[02:02:27] There's the most fucked up one. I don't think any of them were funny. Okay. I'm sure
[02:02:34] The most fucked up one is a little long
[02:02:36] Okay, you have to say that one. No, no, you were this spokesperson for a sandwich restaurant
[02:02:47] The big pants I was oh, okay, so I worked at a headshot nice
[02:02:54] And I sold like 5,000 stop you want to jump in on the headshot, huh? No, I'll pass
[02:02:59] I was like the best sales person sold like $5,000 a day worth of shit stop you want to jump in on best sales person
[02:03:07] Yeah, I did I got the most headed a headshot, but I was the best and yeah, he was the best salesperson
[02:03:13] I sold the most head. Yeah, got it. Yeah, so I was supposed to go open a store in Kentucky
[02:03:22] So then I go with my boss and we get in a cab and there's like this hot guy and he was like
[02:03:28] Cool or whatever and we both wanted to fuck him immediately nice
[02:03:31] So we both were kind of like dueling to fuck him and then I won he got mad the guy kicked me out of my
[02:03:39] Yeah, he was a gay man. Oh, okay. Oh boo
[02:03:48] Stop chill. We have plenty of gay listeners. He's a retard. Okay, now we're back
[02:04:01] Multiple times that's still there, but I had to wait out wait. This was where on the cab to Kentucky
[02:04:07] No, no, no, I met him in a cab. We hooked up with him because we wanted to buy weed from him
[02:04:13] But we both wanted to fuck him. I ended up getting to fuck him
[02:04:16] Was the guy you buy or anything? Why did the gay guy? Where's your gay boss mad? I don't fucking know he's dumbass
[02:04:22] Yeah, I don't give a shit. Okay, so then I
[02:04:25] Get back he fires me so I'm going up bender and I like start hanging out with my ex and I was like
[02:04:32] Let's go fucking the park. Let's get drunk and he's like, okay cool
[02:04:37] and then I like didn't want him to touch me and then
[02:04:41] My other ex called me and he has saltwater swimming pool. So he invited me over those are nice those are nice
[02:05:05] And it's girlfriend ties fucking cocaine and her two friends are there
[02:05:09] And I'm just talking to my ex. I'm ignoring my other ex
[02:05:14] Two exes who sounds like a real party of five. Yeah, I've never seen party of five by the way
[02:05:20] I think someone gets cancer. I think there's five people. It's a show
[02:05:23] It's a movie show. It's a show at fox, you know drama and about five friends who live in an apartment a man
[02:05:29] Had a fuck each other. Yeah, it's like your life. Yeah, I know it's gonna go this way
[02:05:36] At least I my penis party of five 30 a five for this Ross Rachel
[02:05:40] What yeah, yeah, I started flirting with Randy your ex
[02:05:45] The ex that I met at the pool. Okay, I have Campbell was on that and his girlfriend got mad real firecracker
[02:05:53] So at this point, I'm not exaggerating this literally all
[02:06:09] And she starts pushing me with her feet and hands up against the side of the pool
[02:06:14] What are these homies doing and her friends are standing there and they're trying to kick me in the skull?
[02:06:19] No, what's your what were the bros doing? They would kill you?
[02:06:23] Willing to murder trying to kill me Jesus. Oh my god
[02:06:27] Out of their mind. Whoa and Randy's like I'm done with this shit. I'm like, yeah
[02:06:33] Really? I'm not let's keep going did Randy help you out sarcasm. No folks just goes to show you
[02:06:40] That's what that's what happens when you have a gay boss
[02:06:49] Next thing you know you're being drowned in the saltwater pool that was stolen from an orphanage
[02:06:54] Those poor orphans had nothing in this world, but that beautiful saltwater pool
[02:06:59] And then a gay business owner took it away from them for murder
[02:07:06] All right, so everybody everybody bales because Randy called the cops and I was like fuck this
[02:07:11] I'm gonna swim. I hate these hate everything as
[02:07:17] Around and then I hear a cop car pull up and I was like, all right, so I didn't pull my clothes on
[02:07:31] Where does it need to be right right just in front talk directly into it. Yeah
[02:07:39] So I decided to bail because then what the cops come find me in the pool
[02:07:43] So I started walking down the street and then the little wired cooked up bitch started screaming
[02:07:48] That's that whore. That's that whore right there. Look at her. So I just went like
[02:07:54] Like just like hawk the hugest fucking ludie in her face
[02:07:58] And then the cop just like slammed me into the wall and like penned me
[02:08:03] It was like super like sexual. They were really getting off on it. I was like in a bathing suit
[02:08:10] Handcuffs on my feet and then they connected the handcuffs from my wrist to my feet and carried me like a suitcase
[02:08:18] God, no, I wouldn't tell them my name. They took me back out of the car
[02:08:24] They slammed my face up against the wall and busted my nose open
[02:08:29] It gets worse. So we finally get into intake. We're like in the little place where they like let you out of the car
[02:08:39] Brother people's pussy. Thank you. Orleans Paris prison. It's a jail
[02:08:45] Well, we got to take a little trip down to New Orleans and tell them that we just came up with a better name for the
[02:08:56] We used to know me and Adam used to know this black dude that was like not cool at all
[02:09:04] He goes the best rapper is big daddy came
[02:09:09] He's like we're talking we're talking top five rappers. He was like a black guy to talk like that
[02:09:14] Top five rappers. I gotta get big daddy cane
[02:09:22] Guys on the west coast and like immediately they tell me they feel my aura and then they went to smoke weed
[02:09:29] Nice. Is that a beer seems like date rape to me a trip pal? Yeah
[02:09:34] Baby, I used to love that was my drink dude a triple bullet on the rocks
[02:09:40] So I get a new people here and other people's pussy
[02:09:46] Staring at like the boys be boys. So I had the cuffs still on
[02:09:51] We're connecting the feet and the hands off, but I'm still cuffed shackled damn
[02:09:59] Then they cut my bathing suit bought bathing suit off in front of all the mail jesus christ get officer scissors in here
[02:10:07] Parasyte these scissors and they were all lined up on the wall
[02:10:11] It was like this weird like Guantanamo base
[02:10:17] And then it locked me in a room with no toilet
[02:10:19] I'm just gonna say Guantanamo Bay sounds a lot nicer than it is
[02:10:29] Margaritas, baby. Yeah mojita. You don't want to eat they will make you eat because they care about you
[02:10:37] I want I want a two like jam down my fucking nose until it enters my stomach
[02:10:42] Make sure you're eating and then on the other end it goes to a Chinese buffet. Oh fuck
[02:10:48] Imagine how great that was some reason like the human centipede just came into my head
[02:10:52] Just like china buffet like shit coming out of like how about a movie called human butterfly
[02:10:58] Right where there's a scientist that kidnaps a man and makes him gay
[02:11:07] But like acting gay, you know like I'm a long life. Yeah, the well the German scientists
[02:11:20] The mothman prophecies would a fucking shit movie you beg for these I won't yeah, whatever
[02:11:27] Yeah, continue wait wait wait wait continue what the continued all your clothes are being
[02:11:33] Yes, they are making me sick. They're naked in front of all these guys. They arrested that night
[02:11:37] They locked me in a room. I was begging to piss. They wouldn't let me pee
[02:11:42] They're like pee on the floor like an animal. So I've just a little like an animal
[02:11:47] Wouldn't give me any shoes. They wouldn't give me anything no clothes
[02:11:52] They made me tie my bathing suit back together
[02:11:54] It's all I had for five days. They lost five days
[02:11:58] They lost my paperwork on purpose. Jesus. They threw it
[02:12:01] They did not log me for five days. No one knew where I was and I was stuck in the cell
[02:12:06] I just slept the entire time and this lady underneath me. She would mumble at night. She'd be like
[02:12:12] I'm coming for you. Snow white. Oh, she's no way. I'm gonna come get just no white. Wait, you were in the big red
[02:12:20] She kept taking care of me like braiding my hair. This is just a plot of oranges in new black
[02:12:28] And she was like braiding my hair and I actually met up with her at a bar and I was really creepy and I wish I didn't do it
[02:12:34] She was the only person in the cell block that could get cigarettes
[02:12:38] So it was a good person to have but the lady that wanted to kill me you get issued a cup
[02:12:43] Yeah, no, this is just the tv show you're describing
[02:12:48] Let me tell you a real-life story about my life. My parents were murdered by bats and I'm a
[02:12:56] Oh, why would I lie? I've never heard of my bats now. I I fight a a man that thinks he's a clown
[02:13:06] I'm sorry. There's an understanding of oceans. I think that's the funniest part about the Joker is that he just thinks he's a clown
[02:13:12] That is how easy it would be to be an actual clown and he's just he never does it, you know
[02:13:18] He doesn't understand why people are serious stop. Can you get my shoulder again?
[02:13:21] I get yeah, okay girl finish finish. I'm really good at giving with size
[02:13:26] You got five days and then how'd you get out find that knot wherever it was?
[02:13:30] Um, but didn't finish telling you about the chick that wanted to kill me big red. Okay. Yeah, so you get issued a cup
[02:13:37] And she wouldn't pee in the toilet. She would only pee in the cup
[02:13:39] She was issued and she was on her period
[02:13:42] And at night all night she would scrub her shoes in the shower and like mumble to herself
[02:13:47] So you were just like a giant like communal self. I had to borrow somebody's like wrist bracelet to get phone calls out
[02:13:55] But if they saw me on the phone, they'd cut the phone and tell you what if you had an apple watch that wouldn't have been a problem
[02:14:00] So you can make calls directly from the apple watch wow you're smart
[02:14:04] Wait, so wait, what the fuck they were just illegally holding you in a prison for hawking a lugee
[02:14:23] A teenager with apostrophes in his name is given that treatment. Fuck dude. That sucks
[02:14:30] So I finally got in touch with somebody
[02:14:32] I had a girl call because I realized they saw me on the phone
[02:14:37] So I had to get someone to call and tell someone where I was I finally got out at midnight
[02:14:42] And the cab driver bought me a six pack and I drank the whole thing like by the time I got to my house
[02:14:48] And that was the worst time I ever got arrested. Fuck dude. That sucks. It was bad. Holy shit. Yeah
[02:15:02] I was one night. I was waiting in line for the new apple watch to come
[02:15:07] Are you wearing an apple watch right now?
[02:15:13] Yeah, he watches sponsored his podcast. He watches all the movies. I get all you get all apple shit for free
[02:15:19] Yeah, all the movies. Yeah, you could just torn you ever heard a link before time
[02:15:23] I got everything for free because you know
[02:15:27] How many gigs I got huh? I don't know like 420 something like that. Yeah
[02:15:33] Adam, what are you looking at the time the levels dude? I think it's gonna be a little fucked. Yeah, you can fix it. I gotta clean up
[02:15:38] Sorry, it's my fault. I mean it literally is
[02:15:42] That's why I said it was my fault. How do people don't understand like it?
[02:15:45] Listen do this shit all the time. Yeah, I was bad at it. My unless you're a pro
[02:15:51] Okay, unless you move a little back on there and then find that not that's right behind me
[02:15:55] I thought I had them. So right now. Stop is giving me a massage. Yeah, they're like doing it really weird and me and Adam are very uncomfortable
[02:16:05] Uncomfortable. Oh, yeah, we're technically done. Yeah, this is fun. Kirby. I gotta say
[02:16:11] Really you knocked out of the park. Yeah, this is great. This is a great apprehensive
[02:16:14] I thought you're just gonna be combative and shitty
[02:16:18] No, seriously, thanks. I guess you know what you're sorry for calling you a mental retard
[02:16:25] I know you called me mentally ill which it seems like he was kind of on right. Yeah, I don't think I'm mentally
[02:16:32] That I won't we're all mentally ill here, but you especially it's the police for abusing you now you're permanently damaged
[02:16:38] You literally have the word damage dad. You have the word damage tattooed across her forehead in person. Yeah, right
[02:16:47] Uh fate. Oh, here's the question. Yeah, if you're for Halloween
[02:16:50] You're going as Michael Jackson as a white person and you lighten your skin
[02:16:54] Is that technically black it is actually technically blackface? Yes, because you're doing a black man. I'm just saying I'm wondering
[02:17:14] You play the hits, you know people like it. Yep. Oh, yeah, I go
[02:17:20] Uh all of them literally every child he was actually never fat. That was just him and
[02:17:25] Suitful of he probably got his salad toss by baby
[02:17:30] We actually this is funny. We just did an episode where like 13 year old girls
[02:17:37] Yeah, it was all he made like a girl go to his hotel. He used to adopt him as a pre-insurance from korea
[02:17:46] And return them. Yeah. Yeah. They're like castor matches
[02:17:48] You know, he had a baby named named soon me calm and no one knew it was a cruel joke
[02:17:58] Never gets caught. Oh, that's so brave of Jared to adopt that boy soon me
[02:18:06] You know who sort of completely got away with the pedophilia thing. Yeah, what do you know?
[02:18:12] Like he did legitimately like no one like yeah, you know what?
[02:18:16] They brought it up a couple of months ago, but no one cares no one cares
[02:18:20] It's gonna be a thing now because you said it yeah, no joke. You're about the Hannibal and dude
[02:18:25] I'm about to handle bursa. Yeah, my hand
[02:18:27] That's really the best a comedian can hope for these days. It's not writing a good bit
[02:18:31] But figuring out which rag down another great comic
[02:18:36] I mean to be honest bill Cosby probably top five comics of all time like
[02:18:40] Yeah, I mean now. Yeah now. Yeah after the I would have said that a couple years ago
[02:18:46] The crazy thing about about Seinfeld was that you it wasn't like at the beginning of the show
[02:18:51] He was like it was like season eight knows at the end. He was afterwards. I think no
[02:18:56] He was like he was like 39 years old. Yeah, you're 40. Yeah, you're 40
[02:19:02] Oh, yeah, and he decided to fuck a 17 year old. Yeah, just some Jewish
[02:19:06] Sounds like you want. Oh, yeah, that's a little yeah, either you don't have any money or you have all the fucking money
[02:19:11] Anything in between you're a piece of shit. I feel no I like being in between them
[02:19:15] I'm a piece of shit. Why are you in the middle? No, I'm
[02:19:19] You go you're fine. You're good. Yeah, you're good. Cool. We're kind of kind of suck now
[02:19:24] Yeah, it's true. You got a nap watch. I know that's what I mean
[02:19:28] We suck we're like come in your balls, but they're only putting the tip in right now
[02:19:32] I don't know if I was if I will go full force if if I was real money
[02:19:36] I would have had the Apple watch for a day and then I would have given it to a homeless person
[02:19:40] Oh, that rules. That's cool. That's what Dame Dash. You should do that. I love giving homeless people shit
[02:19:44] They can't use yeah, that guy was yeah, I'm gonna go to a charity or go around giving homeless people faberj a
[02:19:55] Wow this guy is getting homeless men faberj
[02:19:58] It's getting beaten in the stolen immediately
[02:20:02] You can't put anything in it. You can't put do anything with it. It just says they're like what no they open
[02:20:08] No, you think you have an Easter egg. There's candy in there. No, I think there's a hand in time. Yeah, I think she's right
[02:20:20] Well, I'm gonna go to Chinatown and get my shoulder fucking worked out
[02:20:24] I'm gonna go to a Chinese weird rave with a whole bunch of people they're gonna
[02:20:28] Thanks for doing the show. That was a lot of fun. Yeah, it was great. Thanks for having me
[02:20:32] Yeah, thanks to everyone who paid for your trip out here
[02:20:36] David Cross apparently did he paid for her ticket. Oh really? Yeah, that's cool. That's what grubby told me
[02:20:48] Do that voice no, I think it's good. I think it's funny. I think it's funny when I read that I couldn't help
[02:20:55] Of course I laughed I laughed right in Charlie knees face through the internet. I thought it was a very funny thing to say