Cum Town | Premium | 10/22/2016
[00:00:22] and this is comptown premium just fit and we're talking about Roxanne gay
[00:00:35] and we started we have to start to have a time to fuck around and sorry mister moly trying to make brownies tonight
[00:01:01] I always jack off before I fuck my wife,
[00:01:09] Well, that's the concept of a fluffer, right?
[00:01:12] Fluffer is, wow, talk about fucking up in Hollywood, huh?
[00:01:18] You're like, I'm gonna be an extra on Joey.
[00:01:23] And you hit a guy that sucks other men's dicks
[00:01:30] and be, she's like, how's acting going?
[00:01:39] I met a guy the other day, you know, at the car wash.
[00:01:42] She said that I look like Walter Mathau.
[00:01:46] So, you know, maybe that means something.
[00:01:57] I gotta get back in there, mom, at the day job.
[00:02:06] You know, I just don't worry about what I do.
[00:02:29] I love the idea that you're in the porn business,
[00:02:33] and you suck dick, but you don't even get to be on camera.
[00:02:45] Like, what do you, do you think you go from
[00:02:52] Maybe if you can't keep your dick hard,
[00:02:56] Well, Disney mostly do the do fucking gay porn or straight.
[00:03:07] I doubt you would agree to do gay porn.
[00:03:09] These guys, like, Peter North always said,
[00:03:12] That was just, you know, for the paycheck.
[00:03:16] if you watch the scenes where he's fucking man,
[00:03:24] How much of the scenes where he's fucking man, have you watched?
[00:03:26] I've actually only seen Peter North's gay porn.
[00:03:44] I just, like, if they want to, you know,
[00:03:49] We're talking about a professional environment.
[00:04:01] Yeah, that's the ultimate misogyny is sucking other men's
[00:04:06] Yeah, there's a certain kind of gay guy who's the most
[00:04:10] He's just fucking, but both of you went to your phones.
[00:04:20] Yeah, she's like, hope you can make it, which means if I can.
[00:04:28] I've got a little bit of a respiratory thing going on, which
[00:04:39] Raspy's sexy for women, but he wants a Raspy dude.
[00:04:43] And they're like, can you just get away from me?
[00:04:56] Here's my impression of, uh, this is Jack Nicholson.
[00:05:05] Raspy men are like, uh, like older, older black men get Raspy.
[00:05:26] You're gonna come home with me and you're gonna be my son.
[00:05:45] Jackson's first movie role was at like 55 years old or something.
[00:06:03] The first time I saw Andy Dufres, I knew I wanted to fuck him.
[00:06:08] Andy came in to Shawshank with the school boy, Luster, the eight year olds I used to
[00:06:18] I never, I never imagined an asshole could be so pink.
[00:06:27] And his ass was the pinkest asshole I have ever seen.
[00:06:34] He just goes out of that field and he opens that box and it's just pictures of.
[00:06:47] Well, I don't know why they call me red, probably because that's what his asshole looked
[00:07:02] I feel like it's rated as like the number one movie on a bunch of lists and it's like,
[00:07:16] Shawshank is like the movie that bros could watch to feel emotional and feel like it's
[00:07:24] First of all, the bad guys in Shawshank are the sisters, right?
[00:07:30] I do love that it's both a really, it's the pretty powerful gay characters, you know?
[00:07:52] Not the singing and dancing makeup kind of gay, the evil gay.
[00:08:11] I fucking accidentally took a, I took a fucking edible at like early shit and the person who
[00:08:19] I took one and it didn't hit until like, I don't know dude, an hour ago.
[00:08:29] The last time I did edible, I ate an edible and then got to the airport three hours early.
[00:08:38] And then I was at Newark and there was.
[00:08:42] No, well Newark just redesigned the terminal I was in.
[00:08:46] So it was all like iPads on every seat and like sushi restaurants and wine bars and shit.
[00:08:55] And I was like, I would pay $50 right now for a subway sandwich.
[00:09:02] I don't want a fucking wine bar experience at Newark Liberty Airport.
[00:09:10] Man, I love being, I love hanging out at the airport.
[00:09:19] I owe thousands of dollars to the Hudson News company.
[00:09:27] Like whenever I was going to like summer.
[00:09:30] LaGuardia is the best airport to steal from.
[00:09:32] They have this fucking dumb like buffet system for like all the merchandise.
[00:09:41] So you can just take shit and then like I was looking for the line and then I couldn't
[00:09:44] find it and then I saw it but I'm like, well I guess if I already couldn't find it then
[00:09:53] I mean it's like entirely possible that I couldn't have found the line.
[00:09:58] So you have that plausible deniability.
[00:10:05] Yeah, that's sort of like the whole foods hot bar, right?
[00:10:08] Like you can just take the food and then sit down at the table and eat the food.
[00:10:13] Yeah, I used to at the giant by my house in Baltimore.
[00:10:17] I would immediately stop by this buffet, take a fill it up with fried fucking catfish and
[00:10:30] I used to eat lunch there every day and I would get a hork, a handle, a horn, a hormel
[00:10:46] And there would also steal a fucking kind, kind bar.
[00:11:01] Is that why I haven't been losing weight?
[00:11:04] This is actually, it's a simple sensitivity is coming from a industry.
[00:11:08] The food industry has secretly been pumping women with hormones that make them gain weight
[00:11:19] Is it true that because of like bovine hormones and stuff like that's where we're all nowadays
[00:11:25] have bigger titties than the other two?
[00:11:28] Because we have a couple of cow orders.
[00:11:34] Women now, these days they all have seven stomachs.
[00:11:37] And they're all for processing different, the different comes of each race.
[00:11:40] So they have one stomach for Asian calm and there's stomach for a black calm.
[00:11:46] And it's because of the bovine hormones.
[00:11:57] com town segment where it's called that's true.
[00:12:01] We come up with things and then you guys have to relentlessly vandalize Wikipedia.
[00:12:08] Because you're not going to get anything to stick.
[00:12:12] There's my, my, I've had one thing ever stick on Wikipedia.
[00:12:17] A couple years back, probably almost seven years ago.
[00:12:21] I went to the article for the movie Operation Dumbo Drop.
[00:12:29] And I just did like a find and replace and change the tents on the whole thing.
[00:12:31] And then I added it to the article for the US involvement in Vietnam War.
[00:12:34] After the heading operation gray cloud.
[00:12:42] And I was bragging about it on Twitter.
[00:12:44] And that's how somebody on Wikipedia found out because in the notes they raced it.
[00:12:47] And then the notes are like, some lady was bragging about adding this.
[00:12:52] There's no evidence that this happened or whatever.
[00:13:06] You know, Charlie, Charlie is out there.
[00:13:12] This like VC general kills this villages elephant.
[00:13:16] So the American army gives them another elephant, but they have to parachute the elephant into
[00:13:25] So these three army rangers have to escort an elephant.
[00:13:44] And Martin Sheen is or Marlon Brando's sacrificing a bull and then spilling the blood.
[00:13:51] Actually, that's what happened was Martin Brando killed the first.
[00:14:22] You know, I could have been, I could have been like Tommy.
[00:14:35] There's just, there's like Martin dressed as Shenanay on like a, on like a, like a, like
[00:15:03] As mentored by the fat doctor, the fat doctor.
[00:15:09] Yeah, he used to come to the Ys acres open mic and just sit on the stool and then Mike
[00:15:15] Everybody has to watch this man's a legend.
[00:15:17] And then he would do like popsicle stick level comedy.
[00:15:21] You know, and judge $400 for his class.
[00:15:25] Can you imagine the fucking audacity of people that got into an industry when there was 200
[00:15:35] And then they, you know, 35 years later when they have zero success and a guy they knew,
[00:15:39] you know, 35 years ago happened to become famous and they're like, I'm actually an expert
[00:15:49] You realize everyone in this room would have been famous if they had started when you started.
[00:15:54] Comedy fuck up when there was only 200 guys.
[00:16:05] He's taking his class, Tom Myers had started in 1982.
[00:16:10] He would have had a fucking, you know, canceled after seven episodes sitcom on NBC.
[00:16:22] He goes, he quits his job as a comedian to run a small little league tournament in his
[00:16:34] And Tom, which burial plot do you want?
[00:16:39] And then the bad guy in the show is Mickey Coachella, who's heavily inviting Tom onto
[00:16:49] This is the thing's up online anywhere.
[00:16:53] The very best one of them was this clip of Mickey going on.
[00:16:57] Magoobies had like a, they tried to set the record for a movie show.
[00:17:05] If, you know, if John Deere made a lawnmower and they advertise it as the world's shittiest
[00:17:15] But they deleted Tom's set because I guess Tom felt that, but Tom did like 20 minutes
[00:17:23] Did Magoobies end up setting the record?
[00:17:26] No, I don't think they had a certified person there.
[00:17:30] They were just like, we're in this long ass show.
[00:17:36] It actually sounds like that's what hell is.
[00:17:40] Is the Magoobies longest stand up show of all time?
[00:17:45] I mean, Tom Myers did 20 for Christ's sake.
[00:17:48] I actually believe that we're already in hell, that this is all a simulation.
[00:17:52] That's what I've been watching the show Westworld, which is actually like it's really smart
[00:17:56] and deep, even though it's a show about.
[00:18:00] The entire time the guys shooting each other.
[00:18:02] But it's actually, it's for like smart guys because Anthony Hopkins is in it, which you
[00:18:07] So he wouldn't associate with himself with something that's just pure trash.
[00:18:17] And of course, you know, like immediately people are angry that I said it was bad.
[00:18:26] Well, you know, people are like, oh, no, you fuck.
[00:18:27] And people got mad at me when I said stranger things was bad.
[00:18:35] The night of fell apart after three episodes.
[00:18:38] The pilot was one of the best things I've seen in a while.
[00:18:41] But that show turned into a huge piece of shit.
[00:18:46] I saw someone had a tweet that was like, Jake listens to the podcast.
[00:18:49] So I don't want to fucking outright shit on it, but I'm pretty sure Jake is watching
[00:18:52] Westworld and have serious conversations about it with people.
[00:19:01] There's actually the thing is it's like, it was actually based on a book that I know
[00:19:08] about because I looked at the Wikipedia page for the show.
[00:19:17] I thought it was fucking the guy who did Jurassic Park did that shit.
[00:19:30] Just like when people were blowing True Detective out of proportion.
[00:19:37] It was shot well, it was well acted and shit, but people were like, what does it mean?
[00:19:45] Well, they never tell you who the True Detective was.
[00:19:50] I think you've done that joke on this podcast like seven times.
[00:19:53] I've told that joke maybe a hundred times.
[00:20:00] I told you, the coffee's just put, don't fucking drag the goddamn microphone into the kitchen.
[00:20:06] I'm not dragging the microphone into the kitchen.
[00:20:09] Do you remember those kitchen phones with the cord that was so long?
[00:20:15] So a cord of the phone is like tangles.
[00:20:16] My mom's fucking, he could go to the back door.
[00:20:18] My mom has a 35-year-old telephone in her apartment.
[00:20:32] My mom, she has a prepaid cell phone that she doesn't, I mean I guess she uses it, but
[00:20:37] yeah, she's like, well, you need a solid landline.
[00:20:46] She's like, what if there's an emergency?
[00:20:47] It's like then call someone with your cell phone.
[00:20:52] When have you ever needed this cell phone and you couldn't use it during an emergency?
[00:20:58] I mean, the fucking, it's just the technology that you used to have.
[00:21:02] This is just a better version of that shit.
[00:21:04] Like there were probably people who were like, oh, I can't use the phone.
[00:21:08] Yeah, no, I mean, but then you know, then the flip side of that is like, we're probably
[00:21:11] going to get to the point where we're like, you know, still using laptops, even though
[00:21:18] Yo, I, I was in fucking Providence this weekend.
[00:21:21] And the owner of the club had a fucking, one of those fucking VR like galaxy shit.
[00:21:34] It was, yeah, there was just some bits like writing your dick and like fucking dating
[00:21:43] And she would like, I mean, this shit was, I was, I would have for real come in my pants,
[00:21:48] if like left to my own devices in front of a fucking room full of people.
[00:21:52] Like, I know, I know how those fucking, you know, when they tell their stories about that,
[00:21:56] that theater that like ran when a fucking train when they heard of that, when Edison
[00:22:01] for like, I understand how they felt completely.
[00:22:06] Like, 100% understand what was going through their minds.
[00:22:09] How funny would it be if Edison just shot a video of a woman's tits bouncing out the
[00:22:13] ground, the whole theater was like, oh, just fucking pants.
[00:22:17] There was just, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
[00:22:26] no, no, that's what got from the studio like, it was really cool.
[00:22:31] Obviously, it wasn't that kind of scene.
[00:22:32] So, you can't hear your Darcygunmaker there right there like, all in bro, yeah.
[00:22:39] The only scene in the studio, I don't want to, I don't want to, I understand, or sometimes
[00:22:52] like that, CHTAC is from your journalism or me.
[00:22:55] You know with 3d it's 3d, but you have to cross your eyes to make the 3d work
[00:23:01] So that the image combines in the yeah, because you look at one inch image with each eye
[00:23:06] Mm-hmm, and I beat off that a couple of times so I just sat on my computer cross-eyed
[00:23:12] Which is what they tell you masturbation does to
[00:23:16] It's true. Well, we met eventually once the technology advances. That's when you go cross-eyed
[00:23:21] You just have to be cross-eyed. Yeah, that's like a magic eye dude
[00:23:29] Oh, you have to fucking not focus on it or whatever well you have to yeah, you have to make the images combined Wow damn dude
[00:23:36] That is was that better than beating off to regular porn? No, okay, dude. This shit was like I'm not even kidding
[00:23:42] We fucking incredible dude. I want that PlayStation one dude. Yeah, it's really good. My friend's sword. Just got one
[00:23:48] I fucking so wanna yeah, I want to play I hopefully like Gran Turismo works with that. Oh, that'd be so sick
[00:23:54] Yeah, we all be awesome shit people driving in Monica. That would be fucking yeah
[00:24:02] That's what like I think the only thing I wanted when I was like yeah, I'm 10
[00:24:05] It's like a video game that was totally immersive. That's what we thought it was gonna be when we were little kids
[00:24:10] Is that dream the Nintendo glove? That's what you thought you thought you're just fucking gonna like do VR
[00:24:15] And then it was just yeah, and then you they had like virtue like virtual boy, which my neighbor had
[00:24:21] It's like this is just fucking stupid. Yeah, my eyes hurt
[00:24:24] Yeah, it's a shadier version of the games on my yeah one the game sucked too
[00:24:29] I remember the only one he had was Mario tennis
[00:24:32] It's like a tennis game. Apparently the PlayStation VR is the best one like I've tried the the Google one the cardboard box joint
[00:24:40] Yeah, you put the Samsung phone in it and it makes you feel sick like after five minutes
[00:24:45] Well, I would trust Sony to do a better job with that shit than anybody even developing games for you know ever
[00:24:51] Yeah, and they got fucking movies and shit dog
[00:24:58] What what like movies because that's not the way the director shot the movie right to be viewed through?
[00:25:04] You know a fucking virtual reality thing. Yeah, it was like when DVDs came out and they had that multiple angle option on the DVD menus
[00:25:11] So like imagine how many fucking directors had to be like no fuck you. I'm not doing that
[00:25:18] Pressing them fucking yeah, you got a shooter from alternate angles. That's so lame. Yeah
[00:25:23] No, I mean the film supposed to be presented a certain way like imagine if you went to a fucking art gallery and they're like
[00:25:30] You've never seen the Mona Lisa like this and they just have a woman dressed as the Mona Lisa sitting there
[00:25:35] They're like now you can look at the back of her head
[00:25:37] It's no point to that. It's not what art is
[00:25:42] You know like my fucking take dude. I fuck. I'm with you. You can take. Let's fuck this shit up
[00:25:50] Yeah, dude. It was a da Vinci is a da Vinci trans well no, it's actually that's why the Mona Lisa smiling because Da Vinci was trans
[00:25:59] There's like it's like the big mystery Wow
[00:26:04] Angelo da Vinci is at the end of that movie Mona Lisa smile is that we find out yeah, you find out
[00:26:10] What's your name fucking Julia Roberts is trans yeah? Well that well we all know that yeah
[00:26:15] Did you know Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie broke up because Brad Pitt is trans now
[00:26:21] Yeah, she wouldn't accept that the children were misgendering him so beat the fuck out of them which you know
[00:26:28] You can't disagree with them someone said that it was because he blazes too much. Yeah, I'm sure he wasn't fucking anyone
[00:26:37] Yeah, it was a fucking any more there was no chance. Yeah, what is he doing?
[00:26:41] You know I'm gonna marry Angelina Jolie the hottest woman in Hollywood in 2001 and that's gonna last forever
[00:26:47] Right, right. Yeah, she does not she is hot. She is good anymore. No, she was fucking what's her name that like incredible French action
[00:26:56] I think that was just a rumor dull co T art co T art would never do that to her fucking man. It was so
[00:27:03] Beautiful. Yeah, dude. I've beat off to her quite a bit as well. I'm in love it put that on the spreadsheet will I
[00:27:09] Would fuck every actress. Yeah, I think that's true
[00:27:13] Like literally every actress and people are like television movies and I'm like every actress
[00:27:18] Every single one community theater fucking well, that's a woman that lies
[00:27:29] Community theater is tough though, dude. Is it like you'll you might get some tough responses with any actress?
[00:27:35] Through that that's too open-ended. I think you get a lot of Renfaire people
[00:27:41] Like filling out the lower ranks of community theater. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah
[00:27:45] Yeah, are you guys do you guys like Renfaire's no?
[00:28:06] No, I don't I'm not I'm not into I think you are you fucking dragged
[00:28:19] Turkey like see people jousting it's all no, that's medieval times. That's not the Renfaire
[00:28:25] I've never been to medieval times, but I would go to medieval times there. Yeah, cuz it's like dinner theater
[00:28:30] Yeah, I would absolutely go to dinner. Do you remember like like kids in high school that were Renfaire kind of kids that were like into that
[00:28:37] No, there was this kid. I went to high school with Richard who like the whole of high school
[00:28:44] Bitch heard yeah, we call him featured and then like when we were reading Lord of the Flies
[00:28:48] We started calling him piggy. We were very mean to
[00:28:51] Hell yeah, it would be like shut the fuck up piggy door of the conch
[00:28:55] Like so mean to him and anyway like the all of high school
[00:28:58] He was like I have a fiance like he like claimed that he had a fiance and he was also wicking
[00:29:04] You know, it's like always those kind of kids that are into Renfaire
[00:29:08] But one day like my friend was driving behind him like coming into the parking lot of school
[00:29:12] And he had this he had this bumper sticker on his cars like don't be mean to dragons because you're gonna get
[00:29:24] Like saddest shit. I've ever seen my entire life and I found him on Facebook and he really did have a fiance
[00:29:30] They got married. They look very happy the real Seattle. Yeah, good for him. What yeah, we were really mean to him
[00:29:39] Don't be mean to dragons Blake midget had some like white trash guy that he knew growing up who's on Facebook name like
[00:29:46] Lewis Gormley or something who he showed me one time and that guy was great. He like collected swords
[00:29:52] But he had he had one Facebook status one time that was like best female in the world is coming back from vacation
[00:30:03] He had another one on there that was like someone touches my truck two words Mossberg, which I love because that's not two words
[00:30:15] Fuck man, that's so good a guy who loves swords
[00:30:22] There's all there's kind of a shame because you know
[00:30:24] I would never carry a gun in self-defense, but I would love it if I could just carry a katana
[00:30:29] And because imagine how bad you could fuck somebody up with a katana dude. There was some it is my
[00:30:37] Few distinct goals in life like dunking is one of them on a 10 foot
[00:30:52] Somebody tries to rob you a hole on a second and then you just fucking cut their fingers off of both hands
[00:30:59] Same time and they're screaming and they know what to do because they fucked with somebody that obviously has aspers
[00:31:05] Fucking katana. Oh, they've been doing is practicing with their
[00:31:09] Sliced their fucking kneecap songs that news that local news clip
[00:31:14] They like I big on YouTube, but that guy with the katana who's like I'm trained in four different swerve. Yeah
[00:31:20] Yeah, yeah, yeah in Phoenix. He was I think it was in Phoenix
[00:31:23] Yeah, somebody literally dot like there was someone try to rob these fucking nerd these Hopkins nerds
[00:31:31] I remember that story the guy was like hiding in the backyard
[00:31:33] He like came out and the nerds fucking slice them to pieces with that katana
[00:31:37] There was so many Japanese like anime loving black kids you love swords. Yeah
[00:31:46] That's it was the best now that yeah, that's that's the fucking way to go if you're ever if anyone confronts you ever
[00:31:52] Just to slice them into a million pieces
[00:31:57] You're the your gay ass or did that is so demeaning
[00:32:01] That's what makes it better. Yeah, I guess we're gonna die
[00:32:07] He's like he's just like pulls us as you go cards and you're like whoa, whoa, whoa stop stop stop stop
[00:32:12] That's like how that would death by katana
[00:32:17] Quinn because you're a fucking loser. It's not like you know, sometimes you get them sometimes you get God
[00:32:23] It's like no that guy's a fucking loser. You got killed by a game stop employee
[00:32:31] God dude, I'd love to know it was up with your old boss a game stop these days bill. Yeah, Bill Buckley
[00:32:37] William Buckley. So yeah, his name is William Buckley
[00:32:40] I asked him one time I was like is there any relation and he was like, yeah
[00:32:45] So actually I've met him and he is not a very nice gentleman
[00:32:49] I don't know if he was lying or not, but I love the idea well
[00:32:52] This is before he died really yeah, I love the idea of William F Buckley
[00:32:56] Just shitting all over that game stop guy. They're at some dinner in the Hamptons or whatever
[00:33:02] Yeah, extended family and they're like oh great bills going
[00:33:16] You've seen that clip of William F Buckley calling James Baldwin a faggot, right?
[00:33:20] Yeah, I mean it didn't isn't that what firing line was in the 1960s you bring prominent homosexual writers on the
[00:33:27] You're watching firing line on William F Buckley Jr. I guess today is a faggot
[00:33:36] The other guy we carve it all what do you call the doll? He called him a queer queer
[00:33:44] If you call me a crypto Nazi again, I'll sock you in the goddamn face. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly that was it
[00:33:55] The dog got his ass with all cooked them dude
[00:33:58] Yeah, man gourt. What was that? There's another that other video is the Gore vidal versus a who's the guy that?
[00:34:06] Norman mailer what they killed his wife Norman mailer. Did he kill his wife?
[00:34:09] Uh, did he I don't know burrows killed his wife. I don't know if Norman mailer killed his wife also
[00:34:17] But yeah, those like those debates on youtuber actually pretty funny. Yeah, I'm speaking to them
[00:34:22] I peeped that yeah, I love how the on the Gore vidal
[00:34:26] Documentary it's like they're interviewing all these people. It's all these like famous people and then there's just like one
[00:34:32] Like young very clearly gay man. It's just a close friend
[00:34:45] Documentary won't let you say like fucking boy flander. Yeah, X whatever
[00:34:52] Yeah, I just love the pictures of Walt Whitman with his boys. Oh, yeah, yeah, dude
[00:34:57] That's shit. I love telling people that don't know that bolt Walt Whitman fuck kids
[00:35:01] Yeah, what the fuck yeah, he looked like fucking good like
[00:35:08] He's people fucking well, yeah, he looks like a shit, but I just think it's so funny. It's like gentle gay-ass poems
[00:35:14] They're just like about a wha breeze blow through look at wall women was just fucking that boy. Oh my god
[00:35:21] And that's the thing too is because like you know
[00:35:23] He has pictures with the boys he would fuck and back then it took like 45 minutes to take a picture
[00:35:28] Yeah, you had to go like nine towns over. Yeah, so here we go
[00:35:32] Yeah, let's go get a fucking DeGara type of me and this boy
[00:35:35] I fucked just so throughout time everyone will know what I was up to when I wasn't writing these gay-ass poems
[00:35:45] Captain my captain. Yeah, just imagine having to suck him off that old ass man dude his fucking dick price
[00:35:51] Melt so bad. Oh horrible. Yeah, he worked in the fields and shit. He was hairy shit. Wait
[00:35:58] He was like he was from New York, but he moved out to Long Island and then wrote all that shit
[00:36:03] He was a long island kind of guy. What the fuck is this?
[00:36:08] It's so it's it's it's it's two gay guys
[00:36:11] I'm looking at a picture right now. It's black and if you search Walt Whitman boys
[00:36:15] Bing images will just eventually turn that into gay black and white porn
[00:36:18] You scrolling so it's so it's one guy sucking another guy's dick
[00:36:23] But then the other guy's throwing his head back and laughing
[00:36:28] Like a fucking like a socialite. Yeah, and then he's got his legs up. He has his legs
[00:36:34] His knees yeah retracted to his chest while getting his dick sucked
[00:36:43] I guess that's art. Yeah, it's black and white. You can't see any dick either. Yeah
[00:36:49] That's how you know, it's good art if you can't see the dick. Yeah
[00:36:54] But you can still taste it. Oh fuck Adam. You go. What's going on with you?
[00:37:15] Board shorts and nothing else but he's got his dick and balls pulled over the board shorts and the other guy's sucking his dick when the guys
[00:37:28] Got his dick soccer guys got his eyes closed and he's sucking the guys days. I get really hard
[00:37:32] Yeah, he's really hard, but then the board shorts guy who's getting his dick sucked is bending over like Neo and the Matrix
[00:37:40] He's like, you know, oh that's so fun. Yeah, so what are you saying that I can dodge bullets like it looks like no
[00:37:47] Neo, I'm saying when you're ready you won't have to
[00:37:51] It looks like he's sucking his soul out of his dick like that's how hard he's gonna
[00:38:04] The hey guys the gate tricks the gate tricks the gate tricks. What are the chances that made major dicks made
[00:38:16] That I'm tran one white house he's like I'm trans now and then five years later the other ones like
[00:38:21] I'm trans they cognitive you know what it is. It's like they were a creative team
[00:38:26] But one of them is like, you know with the common brothers where Joel is the one that's actually talented
[00:38:30] Yeah, guys a fucking water Ethan. Yeah, he's not you might be good. We don't know
[00:38:36] But and then but you know, that's what it is with the Ochoskis one of them is the workhorse and so who Lana or the other one
[00:38:47] Jesus Christ. What are you doing? I'm not doing anything. It's your closet
[00:38:51] Just all this stuff fell out. Yeah, the answer that had nothing to do with you fucking touching shit
[00:38:58] Dude, I want to hear about the wall cows keys
[00:39:01] So dingus is the smart one dingus is dingus and Waldorf and Waldorf is the smart one
[00:39:07] I guess and he decided he was gonna be trans first and the other guy was like, oh, yeah, yeah me too
[00:39:15] He was the one that came up with the animatrix the copycat trans
[00:39:20] There's no way the wall cows keys are hot, right?
[00:39:32] Like dressing like sort of like matrix people like dreadlocks. Oh, yeah, so the pink dreads pink dreads Lana's got pink dreads
[00:39:41] And then they both fucked the maryvangian
[00:39:44] That character that dumb ass character. What's the maryvangian? I enjoy every single eye that makes the pussy tickling cake
[00:39:51] Yeah, yeah, that you see girl come look at this cake. I have made to tickle this girl's pussy
[00:39:57] He's like every language that you humans have
[00:40:03] Every language is trenches the most perfect. It's like wrapping your ass with
[00:40:07] Yeah, that's the best. It's like why bigger ass with
[00:40:13] With a matrix to the first one a trip to dude the American second one whose wife is a wild ride
[00:40:19] I'm gonna kiss me like you used to oh, yeah, she helps Nia
[00:40:24] I have to have jump out of the cells and I will survive you
[00:40:32] That his chick was like whack like I was always like was Nia so into this girl who Trinity train it
[00:40:38] Yeah, she's not hot. She's not maybe she sucks dick good. He could have like had any you never know dude
[00:40:44] Yeah, yeah, I mean one if you have the power that's I didn't understand that first movie ends
[00:40:48] And he's like it's a man born with the power to change anything he wants in the matrix
[00:40:52] Right and then the second movie starts off and like all we can really do is fly. That's it
[00:41:00] Poor cry from changing anything he wants
[00:41:05] God that first movie is so fucking good. It's okay. I haven't seen it a long time
[00:41:11] I remember it being like the first time I saw what I was you know what I haven't watched in a long time
[00:41:15] That I liked a lot when it came out is V for Vendetta. No, it's bad. No, it's not
[00:41:20] Pretty good. Yeah, I just think it's bad cuz it inspired all those douchebags where those masks. Yeah. Yeah
[00:41:27] Guy fuck's got his name is Guy fuck's he was like the guy that like got the most laid in
[00:41:32] Yeah, we're talking and that's why he had to bomb Parliament because they were so they were jealous of him
[00:41:39] He ate because he was because Guy fuck's fuck. I fuck's
[00:41:43] Fuck that's pretty good. What about guy fuck's he airy. Oh, that's good
[00:41:50] Hey, we're remembering the fifth of November with honey barbecue
[00:41:54] Hey, check this out boom. I'm drawing my Corvette all the way to the barbecue restaurant
[00:42:00] We get nine show me and Dan sorter were laughing about you know the intro to that show of dryers driving the dives
[00:42:06] This is like keeping him driving that Corvette or whatever is it a Corvette? I thought it was like a hot rod
[00:42:10] Yeah, I don't know what the fuck is stupid car. Yeah, but they shoot that every time and he totals a car
[00:42:18] Have a budget of like 80 million dollars. He's like hey, I'm God for you
[00:42:22] I'm crass smoothie. It's up on the sidewalk
[00:42:28] All these children. Yeah, they have to pause production because he has 12 months of like really intense rehab
[00:42:35] You like it's like raining my name's guy and there's like one guy in rehab is like on there come here
[00:42:41] We're in a meth lab and then blew up and kill my daughter and they're like I'm guy. I'm here for milk shakes
[00:42:53] Have you ever looked at pictures in before he looked like that. Yeah, I have here weird
[00:43:00] Pictures of Dan Whitney before his layer the cable guys you see that video of Larry the cable guy breaking that guy's arm
[00:43:07] Oh my god arm wrestling. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, look at the swells
[00:43:15] You know that's that's fucking photo. That's not that's a Photoshop of him is a real. No, that's what he looks like
[00:43:20] No, dude. No, I think that's real. That's photoshopped
[00:43:26] Fucking bitch. No, it's real. No, it is not. Yeah, it is. All right. His name is Guy Fairey. That's funny. He changed it
[00:43:39] Wow damn, I would love a fucking chicken a Parmesan
[00:43:42] No, chicken of a giant. We're fucking a chicken that pussy giant a negplant Parmesan my dude
[00:43:48] Eggplant pot on me John because I'd be good like a split up
[00:43:54] Red bitch you eat too many edibles and then you just sit there being like goddamn dude. You know what I'm gonna love
[00:44:01] Some white castle sliders do the craved case
[00:44:07] How much how much goes into a craved case is that 40 slides? It's 30th 30 and it's like a suit case
[00:44:13] I seriously don't look good Guy Fairey before
[00:44:26] Yeah, I'm I want to have a podcast where I just document me trying to figure out how to make barbecue sauce
[00:44:33] Yeah, I just get in the kitchen. Yeah, what is the mesquite is the type of wood? Yeah?
[00:44:41] Fucking it how do they put the wood in the ketchup?
[00:44:44] Yeah, they got well, you put the wood in the ketchup use liquid smoke when I don't know how that works
[00:44:50] But I'm assuming you take like a it's basically like a bong I guess
[00:44:54] And then that goes through some suspension liquid. You just pull a boil or something you may be like vegetable base of it
[00:45:01] I have no idea. I have no idea where probably tomato sauce. I would I would love to just learn how to make all that stuff
[00:45:08] Essentially yeah ketchup's a big fucking component. So you're supposed to know all this shit. Yeah, it is bitch a fucking
[00:45:15] An easy fucking barbecue sauce recipe is just catch up fucking some honey and Worcestershire sauce
[00:45:21] Yeah, and then you got it baby. Yeah, you know, it's the one to go fucking crazy
[00:45:25] Let me drop some knowledge on you really good really good recipe. You take ketchup. You mix it up with mayonnaise
[00:45:40] Is that what Russian dressing is for real? Yeah, dude, you know that come on
[00:45:46] Heard that around but no, I just tasted a little different. You know what?
[00:45:49] You know, it's great one time. I made shrimp cocktail and I made my own cocktail sauce and blue daintance mine that it was just for horseradish and ketchup
[00:46:06] So should we take a break sure we could do that. Yeah, we're gonna take a break and then come back
[00:46:10] See you little been gone for a nice amount. No, we haven't
[00:46:13] We'll be back and I'll tell you guys the second half is gonna hit hard. We're gonna do some bits
[00:46:17] We're gonna sober stove up. No, I'm fucked up dude. All right. Well, sorry. Sorry to the subscribers
[00:46:25] Obviously my co-host taking the ship for granted. No, and they can take a hike if you ask me come on man
[00:46:32] We'll be back one dude. You are about to enter my room and all its messy glory. Yes
[00:46:40] My TV 32 inch I think it is or it's 40 inch I don't know something like that
[00:46:49] Samsung 1080p came with the sound system
[00:46:53] That's an external hard drive a ps3. Yes dusty my 360 with a custom faceplate
[00:47:10] Some books that all down there shown in jumping showed you be that's not even all of them
[00:47:17] Postures ps3 yes and printouts. Yes, that's chobits manga
[00:47:33] It's not one I would have preferred but it's all right
[00:47:37] Post right guy years ago in new tape or something. This is a side of my bed manga. Yes
[00:47:50] Is my computer, but you have a video of already
[00:48:02] Hello, yes, my hair is a bit of a mess. I'm going to bed in a few minutes. Okay, so give me a break
[00:48:08] That's a book shuffle of random crap mostly VHS tapes
[00:48:12] That's a desk that used to have my computer monitor on but yeah
[00:48:16] I heated sitting down on that chair was uncomfortable that chair ps3 yes
[00:48:24] It's about 10 years old I think that's the one monitor. Yes
[00:48:33] Is now it's I don't know. That's a care about
[00:48:46] We're back bitch and with back baby and one and we're back. Oh, we gotta bring this up
[00:48:54] Complaint for my girlfriend's Davros. She says that you say faggot too much on the show. Oh, that's probably
[00:48:58] Yeah, that you come off homophobic interesting
[00:49:02] And it's like, you know, everyone knows that this is just irony basically everyone that we're doing
[00:49:08] None of them are actually racist or homophobic, you know, they're all they're all good people doing irony
[00:49:14] I'm being ironic. I probably do you know, we just let our hair down here everyone's
[00:49:19] You know, it's like a warm bath of saying bad words
[00:49:22] I think that's what yeah, you know, we're three comics trying to make each other laugh
[00:49:27] You know, that's that's the point of the show
[00:49:30] But I like have a bunch of friends that I haven't really hung out with at all
[00:49:34] But I told about the show a couple months ago and it turns out they've listened to every episode
[00:49:39] So that's how they've maintained a relationship with me. Oh, man
[00:49:42] So whenever like they hit me up they'll be like what's up. You fucking retarded faggot
[00:49:46] I'm like that's not yeah, no, I need to know what I'm into and it's a red-eye I get messages from people like that
[00:49:53] I'm like you fucking faggot idiot queer good job on the show
[00:50:00] And we're like, you know, I'm I was speaking of hopefully we're not we're not
[00:50:19] When people will say like well, you're acting as a conduit for that or you're enabling it in other people and it's like no
[00:50:27] I'm fucking absolutely not they might feel like they're comfortable saying that kind of shit to me or whatever
[00:50:33] But I'm not fucking empowering anyone to do anything and even if I am I'm not responsible for it. Yeah being adult
[00:50:39] Yeah, yeah, you can't fucking blame me for what other people do. Yeah, that's true
[00:50:46] Yeah, I guess so yeah, that's how we feel about
[00:50:50] What about the gift the guy did of us fucking that was good
[00:50:54] I want to save that and then pitch it to shows is like a picture to like cartoon planet. That's like a show for kids
[00:51:01] That should if kids listen, I'd say you want to
[00:51:05] I'm a homophobia put a put a show on for children. That's just men fucking
[00:51:16] That's it for us. Here's what you do you fucking beautiful
[00:51:20] You want kids to stop being problematic?
[00:51:22] You get a show and you put the animal planet music in the background and it's just videos of srs surgery
[00:51:29] It's people getting their dick cut off and
[00:51:34] They're calling grafted into the hole to form a facsimile vagina, uh-huh, and but then there's like
[00:51:43] Like slide whistles and stuff going on in the background
[00:51:47] Yeah, yeah, you know camp town race is doing that dude. I do
[00:51:51] As balls off yeah, and then camp town races and then you know like the subdermal hormone implants, you know
[00:51:58] It's uh-huh, you know, they have it and like that kind of stuff and kids will be responsive to it
[00:52:02] If you just have like, you know, maybe like a cartoon cat that's like hey guys, it's me normal the cat
[00:52:07] This is this is normal by the way gets my signal of approval. Yeah
[00:52:12] That's how you do it. There's a lot of ideas
[00:52:14] We'll be in charge hashtag give the children shows to white men. Yep
[00:52:20] It's true if you gave us the corporation for public broadcasting sponsored by viewers like you
[00:52:27] I mean, yes, you just think about how how like, you know problem that I mean they have like, you know Barney is a dinosaur
[00:52:35] That's threatening. He's also you know an acridistic and extremely old-fashioned. It's true
[00:52:43] You'll get a dinosaur, right, you know, uh-huh you have you change it to uh
[00:52:47] You know something from the future like a future creature. That's the thing is I look for that's how you instill ideas of
[00:52:54] Progressiveness and children is you don't go old timey animal that doesn't exist anymore
[00:52:59] You go future animal like a dog with a huge pair of breasts
[00:53:05] That'd be cool. Yeah, yeah, that would be cool. Incredible. Yeah, would it get in the way of it walking or they'd be on its back
[00:53:11] No dogs will develop bipedalism in the late 20s
[00:53:21] It has the face of a dog it has its dog it just says huge just fucking it's like it was
[00:53:28] Go down hang like ours hang. Oh, yeah, they're still fucked up like dogs. It's like if goofy had jumbo yum yums
[00:53:35] Yeah, I'm talking about but their faces just look like now I'd say that what it is is it's goofy
[00:53:40] But instead of the teeth in the front they're just huge tits
[00:53:45] The mouth that would be fucking awesome to go or Max. It's like dad everyone could see your tits
[00:53:52] Dad get out of here. You're fucking embarrassing me everyone. Good to hear huge mouth tits
[00:53:57] That's what the goof-treat movie is yeah, that would have been a much better movie. I don't fucking shit on goof
[00:54:03] Did you identify with the fat neighbor?
[00:54:07] Whoever the cool one was this is a carly sure
[00:54:18] To be that guy dude Paulie sure in all he played the same character every movie for like four years until he stopped a career
[00:54:24] I don't know because I love his mom's mitzi. I loved all those movies. Yeah, I do. I saw biodome and theaters
[00:54:30] I saw it in theaters. I fucking love I remember see I remember walking out of the theater
[00:54:39] When I saw biodome and being like that was so good
[00:54:45] Wait, what was this film with a capital F?
[00:54:55] Steven Baldwin a lot of stoner hilarity and soon. Yeah
[00:54:58] Um, you know Steven both it was like a polyurel
[00:55:02] You guys before you ever smoked weed think weed was cool. Yeah, of course. Yeah, me too
[00:55:07] Yeah, but see they didn't they didn't ever explicitly say they never talked about weed. Yeah, there's just guys that were stoners
[00:55:12] Yeah, I mean, but I tell you half baked is the reason I smoked weed. Oh me too
[00:55:17] You know you saw half baked and you're like yeah
[00:55:23] Of course dude, I remember at camp there's like a group of guys like in a circle just quoting half baked
[00:55:31] Their summaries of half baked and then I quoted it to other people as if I'd seen half baked
[00:55:48] I thought this was a safe base I could open up no you can't do but that shit sucked people
[00:56:02] I'm friends with some of those guys. That's tight
[00:56:05] They're gonna be friends with you after they hear that that's fucking what if that what if you still hadn't seen half baked dude
[00:56:13] There's movies I'm like that with but I don't remember this shit like I never see I never saw the princess bride. Oh
[00:56:18] Yeah, yeah, I'm not gonna watch it. I'm not gonna fucking watch it now. Yeah, what you're about
[00:56:24] They're like you have to watch it. I'm like yeah, no, you don't really fucking go. Yeah, it's Ted Cruz's favorite movie
[00:56:30] That makes sense. That's awesome. Yeah, take if you ever seen the clips of Ted Cruz in the the crucible in his law school
[00:56:38] his law school did a play and he he played a
[00:56:42] he played John Proctor I think in the crucible and he's like
[00:56:51] During the primary because it's my name and it's the only one I have
[00:56:55] He's so weird you know the game out of the primary is a been high school
[00:56:59] They were like what are your plans for the future and he's like world domination
[00:57:02] You know he says that and people were like this is shocking and chilling that he would have said that and it's like he's clearly joking
[00:57:09] Yeah, he's a retard 17 year old. Yeah. Yeah, it's making a joke about going into politics
[00:57:14] It's just like you know, you don't even know if he's like fucking talking about going into politics
[00:57:18] So what what it doesn't matter what he fucking I didn't know what the shit out of me
[00:57:21] Yeah, I mean that's crazy to think that and and we've let it we've been letting him get his plot achieved
[00:57:26] Yeah, he's just running for obviously winning. There's no no secret thing
[00:57:31] It was like that last debate went as soon as he said nasty women. I'm like, oh, yeah, all the fucking just dumb
[00:57:38] Bitches, you know like I mean not to be mean
[00:57:40] That's that's like, oh, yeah, I guess I'm a nasty women. Let's take that back. Let's claim
[00:57:48] There have been a lot of better was like please was like women trying to
[00:57:54] White women trying to use African American vernacular English with the nasty girl thing. Yeah, like of course
[00:58:01] Yeah, Debbie Wasserman Schultz be like yeah, sorry Donald
[00:58:05] But I've been you know like I'll be I'll be I done be a man I done been a nasty
[00:58:18] Because let me tell you some honey child
[00:58:21] Baby girl my man said he got you got the whole sandwich in his pants
[00:58:39] Let me hold them all fucking dice. Why should you slap them all fucking dice in my hand?
[00:58:44] Debbie are you okay? You need to go to the hospital. Oh, sorry. I was having a moment there
[00:59:22] on her head. I feel like screen cap. Clara Jeffrey having some
[00:59:33] fucking I saw that Anita Hill thing. That was what she's
[00:59:36] she's like, there's a picture of like an email and I bonk a
[00:59:38] Trump and Clara Jeffrey was like, if I had to know she what
[00:59:42] she says, she's like, if I had to decipher her hands right now,
[00:59:46] she would be saying girl, I don't want none of that or like,
[00:59:49] yeah, yeah, yeah, something like real real like.
[00:59:58] Fat black lady. Yeah, that's why they're good to be best
[01:00:01] friends with. Best friends at your job.
[01:00:12] Oh, no, she's too, she's too sassy. She's too sassy. She's
[01:00:16] getting exploded. Help. Help me. It's like, excuse me, what
[01:00:24] are you actually doing this office? Like, I don't think I
[01:00:27] send you your business. Like, while I'm your supervisor. So I
[01:00:32] don't get paid to tell you what I do. That's not what I'm
[01:00:35] here for. Why the vending machine out of high fire cheat
[01:00:39] offs. I want isn't that your job? I want anti caps hot. Why on
[01:00:46] that any hot fries and Sprite? They should come in the same
[01:00:50] package. I shouldn't have to water two different things.
[01:00:56] God, I I that's another group of people that either despise me
[01:01:05] or absolutely love. And what fat black women like older
[01:01:08] flat fat black women. You know, with my dog. Yeah, here's the
[01:01:11] trick though. They all despise you. I pretend to like you
[01:01:15] because they have to. Does it work? If an older black woman
[01:01:21] calls you baby, it's like feels it feels really nice. I don't
[01:01:25] think so. I don't like being called baby by anybody. No one
[01:01:31] no, no, no, that's a big boy. He started baby. It's an old
[01:01:36] it's like an old lady saying it like grandma. It feels like
[01:01:40] disingenuous. It's like wait for his calls with sugar. I fucking
[01:01:45] hate that. Yeah, I'm with you there. That fucking shit noise
[01:01:47] the hell out of me. Yep. Yep. Yeah. How you doing? Han like
[01:01:51] shot the fuck up. Yeah, I hate when waitress. There was one
[01:01:54] waitress who was so good at being a waitress that I felt like
[01:01:57] the way strip club guy guys and strip clubs feel about strippers.
[01:02:01] Yeah, I was like, she is like into me, dude. This waitress is so
[01:02:04] like she's just like, but she is clearly not. She's like a
[01:02:08] fucking gorgeous whatever job and she's so good at it. I'm like,
[01:02:12] she's a fucking professional. Yo, literally, when she dropped the
[01:02:15] check, she like she had it down. She like took her hair down.
[01:02:18] She looked even hotter. I swear to God, it was crazy. What a
[01:02:21] what restaurant. She was in Tampa. It was some fucking like some
[01:02:26] kind of steakhouse place. Shout out to that bitch from the
[01:02:29] steakhouse in Tampa. Have you guys have you guys been to a
[01:02:33] Chili's or an Applebee's recently? No. Why? They got iPads on
[01:02:38] every table. Hell yeah. So fun. One thing to do with what I did
[01:02:43] was you can sign up all your enemies for the Chili's to go
[01:02:47] email list. That's a I love doing these. You go to the
[01:02:52] Verizon store where they let you put in your name on the the
[01:02:55] kiosk. Yeah, it has everyone's name up top. You put your name
[01:02:58] in as Steven hit head or or Daniel ick dick face. Yeah, it
[01:03:04] just is dick face. Or Nathan Eggers, which is oh no. Wait,
[01:03:09] what was that? That was too far. Nathan Eggers. Does that
[01:03:17] count? What's that? No, it doesn't count. It doesn't count.
[01:03:21] It does. That was a guy's real name. Does it fucking count?
[01:03:24] It's not that counts as almost hard are. No, get out of here.
[01:03:28] You still have to talk out of here. We're talking about
[01:03:29] assembling something. Yeah. We're talking about deconstruction,
[01:03:33] which is the only way to end racism, by the way. It's true.
[01:03:36] It's just a word Kramer taught me that. Yeah. Kramer's not a
[01:03:40] bad guy. Kramer's a good dude. Yeah. Amazing. Amazing physical
[01:03:48] comedian. I just want to know what the bit he was doing was
[01:03:52] before that happened. I think there's something. It's really
[01:03:54] bad. I remember looking this up. Yeah. It was very stupid.
[01:03:57] And then he's doing crowd work and he's bombing. So he starts
[01:04:00] calling them. He just like starts being racist and shit. And
[01:04:04] then he was like, I remember the scene. Where's that? The
[01:04:06] factory? Yeah. And what he said 200 years ago, they'd be hanging
[01:04:10] from which way to be upside down with a fork up your ass.
[01:04:14] Which before you know, since he was putting forks and people's
[01:04:17] asses. What kind of that's like a mob thing?
[01:04:21] Yeah, that's why we'd be upside down. Give them give them the
[01:04:24] pasta. You put a fork up someone's ass and you twist.
[01:04:29] Yeah. That's how you uh. That's how you fuck also. That's how
[01:04:34] you collect spaghetti. So I guess uh what are the characters
[01:04:38] we got going on this? Oh, we got some really good ones.
[01:04:40] When does this come out? I have to put it up tonight, dude.
[01:04:43] Okay, so then if you're listening to this and you're in New
[01:04:46] York, our show is on Monday night tomorrow night at nine.
[01:04:49] Come on everybody. It's gonna be a good one. It's gonna be a
[01:04:52] good one. We have a surprise guest probably who's a big hot
[01:04:57] shot. It's gonna be Mort Saul. Yeah. Mort Saul is gonna be
[01:05:00] there tonight. It's gonna be the ghost of 168 years old.
[01:05:07] It's gonna be the ghost. But he's still got opinions.
[01:05:09] What's his name from the 90s? The observational guy that killed
[01:05:11] himself? Richard Jenny. Yeah, Richard Jenny. Richard
[01:05:14] Jenny's a good comic. He's a really good comic. You got the
[01:05:16] ghost of Richard Jenny. Was he gay? Is that why he killed him?
[01:05:19] No. You are though. All right. No. Come on. Uh-oh.
[01:05:23] Hold on. Hold on. Yeah. Hi. That was me and Nick Highfiving.
[01:05:27] Well, first of all, because Adam's gay. First of all, I want to
[01:05:29] say thank you because I think that it's cool to be gay and I
[01:05:33] think it's cool to be called gay. How to hurt my feelings.
[01:05:36] I don't think it's an attack. So thank you for calling me gay.
[01:05:39] Shut up, dude. But it's not accurate. Well, I just heard the
[01:05:43] news today. It seems that Adam is fucking gay.
[01:05:49] I'm a faggot. I'm a faggot. I'm a faggot. I'm a faggot.
[01:05:56] I'm with the ass white. Oh, shit. I suck a man off.
[01:06:02] That says that song's actually about Adam. Like Creed song
[01:06:07] with ass white open. Yeah. With ass white open.
[01:06:23] Something I like finding out is like girlfriend's pregnant or
[01:06:26] something. I don't know. I thought it was all Christian.
[01:06:29] Yeah, but that song's about like, you know, bringing a life into
[01:06:32] this world. Well, that is nice. Uh, is it? I don't know.
[01:06:38] Freed sucked, right? Yeah, Creed sucks.
[01:06:43] Oh, whoa. Sovereign's what a controversial hot tech.
[01:06:46] I liked it. They had they had one time.
[01:06:49] No one should band. I liked like legitimately stabbing
[01:06:52] Last word. I don't know them. You would know them if you heard
[01:06:57] them. What's their good? What's their big hit, baby?
[01:06:59] Um, I'll play a couple. You know what band I legit like?
[01:07:04] What the D tenacious D. Yeah, I would listen to some
[01:07:08] tenacious D. No joke. I think they're good. Yeah, I straight up
[01:07:12] like comedy music. I know it's not. I know it's not cool.
[01:07:17] What do you like? Like listen to it. I like I like little
[01:07:20] Dickey. Like I like like actually kind of like some of I like
[01:07:23] music that's funny. I like that's funny. I I think the lonely
[01:07:25] island's incredible. Yeah, Captain Jack Sparrow song is like
[01:07:29] unbelievable. Hell yeah. They were like, who's I guess it's
[01:07:35] industrial. This is click click like pop. No, no.
[01:07:40] Yo, what about system of the down though? Dude, no dude.
[01:07:43] Antisomatic dude. Okay, let's just what is the anti-Semitic
[01:07:46] anti- there are anti-Semitic by bringing up the Armenian
[01:07:49] Holocaust. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, we actually it's anti-Semitic
[01:07:53] dimension. Any other guys? Yeah, it's true. All Cambodians are
[01:07:56] anti-Semitic. All Cambodians all in the
[01:08:01] Indonesians that died in 60s during the military coup.
[01:08:06] Yeah, all Armenians. We're competing page over here.
[01:08:09] Oh, somebody loves Holocaust. Listen fam. Listen fam, if
[01:08:13] there's one thing you're both folks with, that's uh, you know
[01:08:17] what I love? The Holocaust. I love all of the Holocaust. I
[01:08:22] actually really like kind of do. You know what I mean? I read
[01:08:26] non-fiction books about well, not about the Holocaust but about
[01:08:29] the Nazis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. More specifically.
[01:08:32] That is pretty interesting. I just finished uh,
[01:08:34] Eichmann in Jerusalem. Which is uh, this is the
[01:08:38] come town uh book corner. Um, what's that for? Eichmann in
[01:08:42] Jerusalem. It's about the trial of Aida, Aida Feichmann. It's
[01:08:46] called the banality of evil. Um, is the sub that I guess
[01:08:50] Eichmann in Jerusalem is a subtitle. People know that book is
[01:08:53] the banality of evil. But basically it's about how
[01:08:57] when the Nazis after the war was set. When they're confronted.
[01:09:02] Okay. All right. The psychology of someone they could do.
[01:09:11] No one me, me, me, me in real life. That was so funny.
[01:09:17] It's basically like how could you do these brutal, terrible things.
[01:09:26] And justify it as like be a normal person.
[01:09:30] And justify, you know, doing the Holocaust, doing some of the
[01:09:36] most, doing some of the most gruesome, one of the most
[01:09:39] gruesome things that I would guys, can you feel a little bit
[01:09:42] more respectful of, I'm trying to explain this book, the
[01:09:45] banality of evil. Yo, we gotta go to the Holocaust Museum,
[01:10:01] Just somehow blowing bubbles while you're asleep.
[01:10:06] You can't keep that for blowing bubbles at the tour guide.
[01:10:10] He started sucking on his thumb and blowing bubbles.
[01:10:12] Fuck man. Anyway, so it's a really good book.
[01:10:23] You guys should check it out. It's it's amazing. It was
[01:10:26] actually, I've never read a book. It was actually, yeah, read
[01:10:29] books is lame shit. When's the last time you read a book for
[01:10:31] real? I read the banality of evil recently.
[01:10:34] I was, I don't know, dude. I want to be smart again.
[01:10:37] You think I'm just dumb forever? I feel like I was smart in
[01:10:39] college. You're pretty smart. You know, and Nick's very smart
[01:10:43] too. Nick is smart, but you guys play up the thing that we're
[01:10:47] dumb, but we're actually very smart guys. We're not smart.
[01:10:50] I'm actually, I think, pretty dumb, to be honest with you guys.
[01:10:54] I'm good at knowing one sentence about each subject, but I'm not
[01:10:57] good at knowing anything in depth at all. I want to be smart,
[01:11:00] dude, to fuck with to fuck smart women. I think it's the coffee
[01:11:05] maker today. Yeah. That made me feel smart. That's pretty smart.
[01:11:09] Yeah. You just did it on your own. Yeah. That's pretty smart.
[01:11:11] Open that bitch up, clean the contacts under the switch.
[01:11:14] We're back in business. I love you. Yeah, bro. Yeah.
[01:11:17] That's what I like about you, dude. But I like about Nick.
[01:11:21] Dude, dude, dude, dude. The romantics. The romantics.
[01:11:23] Yeah. You know, everyone in that band, after the band broke up,
[01:11:28] individually went to jail for child porn, I remember.
[01:11:31] No, that's... And they didn't know they were pedophiles when
[01:11:33] they were in the band together. Oh my God.
[01:11:38] Okay. I'm just... I'm very good at knowing one fake fact about
[01:11:42] everything. You bring anything in. You remember when we were in New Orleans
[01:11:45] and we kept pointing to different places? You're like,
[01:11:47] this is where Phil and Selma... Dude, Phil and Selma,
[01:11:50] tour of New Orleans. Phil and Selma, tour of New Orleans.
[01:11:55] Oh, Roberta Steiner, this is a classic place.
[01:11:56] And Selma used to come here all the time and he actually sucked a dude's
[01:11:59] dick in the bathroom. Just how fucking mad
[01:12:02] you're a panterra fan. Which is like, no! Damn, damn.
[01:12:07] I'm a cowboy from hell. We're just so pretty.
[01:12:09] We shot stupid but it's actually really tough, okay?
[01:12:13] RIP Dimebag, first of all, second of all, it's really funny that you know
[01:12:17] Phil and Selma is from New Orleans because that's a Texas band.
[01:12:21] Yeah, they're a Houston band. Or Dallas band.
[01:12:23] I think Dallas band. They're known as a Texas band.
[01:12:26] But, and Selma is from New Orleans. But, I guess Nick knew that
[01:12:33] Everyone in that band had like a 45 inch dick.
[01:12:39] Phil had huge dicks. Yeah, Phil and Selma's dick legitimately goes down past his
[01:12:43] knees. Whoa. No way. It's just like cartoon
[01:12:49] Big fat honker, dude. Yeah. Imagine being Panterra.
[01:12:54] Would you trade your life for Panterra's life?
[01:12:58] No, if I could be in any band, I'd be in that band Great White.
[01:13:02] Yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah, that's great. Great White was the band that
[01:13:05] they had a tragedy. They had a show in Rhode Island.
[01:13:08] Yeah, I think it was Massachusetts or somewhere in New England.
[01:13:11] Yeah, it was like their finalist, well obviously their final show.
[01:13:14] And they had like a pyrotechnics issue. And the venue like one of the emergency
[01:13:18] exits was blocked and like a hundred people burned to death.
[01:13:21] Yeah. What the fuck? And there's video of it, dude. There's a video of like the
[01:13:25] doors are locked. You hear people screaming and burning the door.
[01:13:28] Yeah, it's really scary. Yeah. Yeah. So if I get any band, I'd be in that one.
[01:13:32] The most good reference dude. What happened to them afterwards, dude?
[01:13:35] Well, they fucked. I ever died in the thing. Yeah, in the thing.
[01:13:39] What? Yeah. The rest of the band got out. Great White.
[01:13:45] This fucked up, dude. If I could be in any band,
[01:13:48] shit. If I could be in any band, I'd be in outcast.
[01:13:57] To be Brad Knoll. That'd be cool. I'd be in out.
[01:14:00] Brad Knoll, the probably the worst songwriter in...
[01:14:05] In American pop music history. Now Brad Knoll. Sublime.
[01:14:09] Is his last name Knoll? Yeah, isn't it? Yeah, Brad Knoll.
[01:14:12] Brad's something. I don't... Yeah, he's terrible. Yeah. Yeah.
[01:14:16] But yeah, remember that song, Date Rain? And Two Joints? Yeah.
[01:14:20] Yeah. I remember being like in seventh grade and being like,
[01:14:23] this is what being cool is, dude. Oh, yeah. I thought that was cool.
[01:14:26] Is it funny? It's crazy to think that those were grown-ass men or adults.
[01:14:31] That shit was awesome. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
[01:14:34] Those were adults making that music. It was in children. Yeah, that's really funny.
[01:14:38] Yeah. Well, this is funny about Blink 182. Is that they're still doing music that it's like,
[01:14:42] if fucking socks be in 17, you can't just do what you want. Yeah. Yeah. You're 68 years old.
[01:14:50] No, one of them just left because he's... He's like, I'm too grown up for this.
[01:14:54] Oh, yeah. He's left at like 48 years old. Wow. Tom Delont.
[01:14:57] But anyway, he got out right at the right time. Yeah, because the aliens, he wants to investigate
[01:15:03] aliens. He's like, I don't know if Tom for Blink 182, my thing about was aliens.
[01:15:07] Oh, I'm glad he's finally a freshman in college. Yeah.
[01:15:10] Yeah, my thing is, aliens now, and I'm sick of this fucking immature ass shit.
[01:15:16] Yeah, my favorite thing to do now is, you know that song, is this song, what is it?
[01:15:21] What's my age again? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, the lyrics are like,
[01:15:25] I picked her up and I took her out. It was a Friday night.
[01:15:27] And it's something that I feel right. It's like, you know, yeah, many things.
[01:15:32] And that's when I turned on the TV. And then it's like, then I called her momma from the payphone.
[01:15:37] And I said, I was a cop. You know, he's like probably playing Pray to people.
[01:15:40] And then it's like, no, because no one likes you when you're 23. Yeah.
[01:15:45] What the hell is Asperger's? You changed Asperger's instead of ADHD.
[01:15:49] And then the song's relevant again. Yeah, that's true. That would, that would really give
[01:15:53] me a second when you're 20. What the hell is Asperger's? My friend say, I should act my age.
[01:16:00] What's my age again? What's my age again?
[01:16:02] Fuck to blink away to that was that good shit. No, they sucked.
[01:16:07] No, dude. I was much bigger off spring fan than a blink when you took in.
[01:16:11] I was a fan of both. Pretty fly for what? But I was a fan before and I'm out of the state.
[01:16:15] I was like, that I was like, I like dude, Reg and Cheshire Cat and Buddha. I was. Yeah.
[01:16:21] Yeah. Because like, you know how East Coast kids were all into like, Jamban type shit?
[01:16:25] They're all to like fish and Dave Matthews. Like, I think that was more bad music was pop punk.
[01:16:31] I think all the Jamban stuff was like that there was a good distinct turning point when
[01:16:35] bros went from listening to only like rap music to liking Jamban stuff. Yeah.
[01:16:41] Dave Matthews and stuff. Yeah, because I remember my like cousin overnight.
[01:16:44] That shit fucking sucks. My cousin went overnight from like being really into like fucking,
[01:16:49] you know, Jada Kiss to like, up now it's all Jack Johnson.
[01:16:54] Music you listen to on the way to your very nice vacation.
[01:16:56] Right. That makes sense though, dude. It's the it's about time bro. Got back to being as white as
[01:17:01] possible. Yeah. Well, no. Yeah. When they were like boat shoes and fucking pink polos and shit.
[01:17:06] Yeah. Yeah. I fucking. I want. I'm gay. Sweet.
[01:17:15] Not show. Nothing. Yeah. I just like, you know, I love that.
[01:17:23] I like this a teenager that would have been embarrassing or whatever, but I like literally
[01:17:29] stop listening to new shit when I was like 17 or whatever. So it's all the same shit.
[01:17:34] I know, dude. I still listen to the same little Wayne mixtapes. Yeah.
[01:17:45] 2007 was like drought to dedication three. Yeah. It was when he was like,
[01:17:49] exactly coming out with a mixtape every week. That's exactly. That's Nicki Minaj on dedication
[01:17:53] three. Dude, that is. I'm sorry. No, the drought three. I have a I have a dream. I don't know.
[01:17:59] I'm presenting it that way. It's something that's very easily accomplished, but I just want to make
[01:18:03] a best of compilation of all of my favorite songs from the like 2007 2008. We see like mixtape.
[01:18:11] That would be fucking good. Yeah. It'd be good. I want to I want to I have a dream. I thought
[01:18:16] you're going to say something about fucking Nicki Minaj. I really think she'd be so disappointed
[01:18:22] that it would actually hurt my feelings. So I don't know if she's too mean. Do you see what she
[01:18:28] said about Trump or about Ivanka? What? She says some shit at a concert like I don't know.
[01:18:37] You're fucking idiot, dude. Why would you even bring that up?
[01:18:40] You got nothing for us here. People wouldn't I've said good things like I'm sick.
[01:18:48] Stop a too many brownies. He thinks he did edibles. That's actually just his fucking blood sugar.
[01:18:54] The skyrocketing. I'm having a stroke. His pancreas is on his last legs. It's like please just stop.
[01:19:03] I was just toxins. Yeah. Yeah. That washerman Scholz thing is pretty good.
[01:19:12] Yeah, that was good. That saved that saved the podcast. That hurt me another month.
[01:19:17] No, well, they get to five thousand. They get to five thousand. Dude, you're off the pot. No, I'm not.
[01:19:20] That's just no. No, it's not. I'm not. Stop. No. We did. Yeah, me and next. Dude. We fucked him.
[01:19:27] He's a good. No, we didn't fuck and we didn't turn him into a girl. I fuck you, dude. You don't
[01:19:31] have a fuck. I identify bitch. No, shut the fuck up. I'm a you gender reassignment. I'm a
[01:19:35] Donnie. You're like a child walking into a movie theater. All right. If stuff has a sex
[01:19:42] reassignment and you fuck him, then I'll leave the pot. Yeah, what he fucked me. But those things
[01:19:46] would need to happen. I'm wearing lipstick right now. Guys. Yeah. No, you're off the podcast at five
[01:19:52] thousand dollars. And then at ten thousand dollars, we get we get Lewis Jacob mess. What's up, dude?
[01:20:02] I'm on the podcast now. And if you think if you think stop says faggot a lot. Wait until we get.
[01:20:10] My apologies. Yeah. I'm actually on the real last podcast this Wednesday. Oh, yeah, I'll be the
[01:20:14] guest. Yeah, Lewis. I actually asked Lewis to be a guest on this one today. Yeah, it'd be
[01:20:18] a pleasure to schedule the conflict. We should get him on here. Yeah. I like that all his friends
[01:20:22] are really mean to him. I like that. Yeah, that's pretty fun. Everybody's mean.
[01:20:26] That Bobby said to him at the roast. The roast was so funny. Yeah. Where he was like, you are
[01:20:32] so unfunny, Lewis. Yeah. He's like, you have I've never heard you finish a joke. He's like, that's
[01:20:39] why you're hosting. He was like, that's why you're up there. You're not sitting here roasting.
[01:20:43] God, I didn't even know Bobby keep you that mean. That was so funny. He could be the meanest guy.
[01:20:51] Yeah, Bobby's, but they're all funny. You're all good. Yeah.
[01:20:55] Yeah, I really did not put the effort forward. Well, I guess I did. I just thought it was going to
[01:21:00] be one of those things where like either they'll think it's really funny that I'm calling him the
[01:21:03] pedophile because like, you know, I'm the pedophile guy or whatever. Yeah, that's it.
[01:21:10] That is your yeah. And then it's like, I'll tank and then that'll be the end of the fucking thing.
[01:21:13] And then it's tanked and I'm like, well, all right, I don't know how this is gone. Yeah.
[01:21:17] Yeah, it was, I don't know, man. The other thing is, JP is hard to fucking roast. No, he's not. I mean,
[01:21:23] you get old money, I was staying, you make fun of him for, you know, being fucking tall and being
[01:21:28] pale. Yeah, it would have been easy to write. But what I'm saying is easy to write those jokes.
[01:21:32] It's just that's not funny to me. Right. What I'm saying is you got to stay true. You got to stay
[01:21:36] true to yourself. I just want to do shit that I think is funny. Yeah. But that's what I mean is like,
[01:21:42] they had that other battle where it was like two dudes whose whole family's had died. Oh my god,
[01:21:46] that's incredible. Like Evan and Scott Chaplin had both had tragic death of parents who died.
[01:21:53] That's hilarious. Like a cop dad that beat his family and then died.
[01:22:00] That roast was there. They were incredible. Yeah. I mean, then Evan just fucking whatever.
[01:22:06] Yeah. He's saying that fucking song. Yeah. That's what that's easier to fucking roast.
[01:22:10] Someone's had tragedy. Yeah, that's true. Adam, why don't you do a roast?
[01:22:15] I could do it against you. Ian Fide-ance. I can definitely go right now.
[01:22:23] Coming to the stage, Adam Friedland, hometown of fucking the bank in Israel.
[01:22:28] Got it. Got it. Do you fucking get it? Do you get the joke? Yeah. Everybody.
[01:22:36] Idiot. Coming up next to the stage, Ian Fide-ance off the wagon, Delaware.
[01:22:43] Off the wagon. Oh yeah, he went nuts. Did you see that? He like was posting the N word on
[01:22:48] Janelle's Facebook page. I think he's doing better now, Ian. You're in our thoughts.
[01:22:54] We love you. Don't worry. This is premium.
[01:22:56] Oh good. Fucking. We can mention the instruments. That episode, a bunch of people told me the
[01:23:02] episode we had him on was like amazing. It's really funny. Yeah, we had fun with that one.
[01:23:07] The best part is I told them we were going to ask him stories about like-
[01:23:09] Nah, he didn't say anything. All the prostitutes. He fucked the shit.
[01:23:13] Yeah. And then he, so he told his girlfriend, look, I'm going to go on a podcast. I'm going to
[01:23:16] say some stories. He's like, okay, well, I just want to hear them first. Until they're all the
[01:23:21] stories that he didn't tell a single one on the podcast.
[01:23:25] Yeah, no, we didn't even talk. Yeah. Who's barely guests? That's what we need to do.
[01:23:30] We need to have a guest. So we just bully. That's what we need.
[01:23:33] Yeah, I mean, it's that worked well, especially like when he started doing the impressions.
[01:23:37] Now we're talking about other podcasts we've done. It doesn't matter, man. This one's going
[01:23:41] on way too long. Okay. It's pretty bad. It hasn't been bad. Well, I'm sick. I'm fucking sick. I'm
[01:23:47] burnout. I just want, I want that goddamn fight and the explander. You'll get one, buddy.
[01:23:53] You'll get a vitamin. I really just need a $700 blender.
[01:23:57] It's true. That's what I need in my life. That and a laser printer. And these are my new purchases.
[01:24:02] Our friend, our friend Michael got a, a blend tech. Yeah. And he was straight up depressed about
[01:24:09] the fact that he had the second best blender on the market. It's like he could have had the first
[01:24:13] fucking idiot. Sounds like an idiot. Yeah. All right. Well, that's the episode. Bye everyone.