Cum Town | Premium | 12/04/2017
[00:00:06] twenty seven six I don't know man this is the worst part of the show is guessing time
[00:00:11] we are on Sunday we're doing we're getting fucking loud tonight I got my
[00:00:18] replacement blu ray player in the mail oh shit this thing you blu ray players
[00:00:22] the new one because the other one broke so this one is fucking we got what we
[00:00:27] got bridge on the river queer oh god a UHD HDR you know yes fucking 60 year old
[00:00:34] movie oh yeah and you it's seen like never before it does look good as shit
[00:00:39] yeah so this movie's about some British guy that doesn't want to do work right
[00:00:45] yeah it's about it gets imprisoned by the Japanese and according to Geneva
[00:00:50] Convention soldiers officers don't have to become gaseous only soldiers so
[00:00:56] allokinist plays a corporal who doesn't want a colonel who doesn't want to become
[00:01:04] a geisha yes and the Japanese officer the commandant of the camp insists that
[00:01:09] you were all for songs will become gaseous and he refuses and he refused so he
[00:01:16] goes into the box so and then eventually the other the Japanese officer respects
[00:01:21] him and then he oversees the rape of all 200 his soldiers but not his officers
[00:01:29] no he draws the line of his is a British man and a gentleman yeah what the fuck
[00:01:34] man the whole point like he's a hero because he just doesn't he's like I will
[00:01:38] boss my men around not you fucking yeah Chinese motherfuckers yeah basically
[00:01:44] and now this guy this other guy this guy this guy this American guy William
[00:01:51] Holden please commander shears heres sheres heres yeah commander heres
[00:01:57] spears does he do DMX impressions incredible DM listen just for a second I
[00:02:03] don't care what you do general but I will not have a black man open for me
[00:02:11] that's the only reason I ever worked alright general no black men will open
[00:02:16] for me no one's allowed to do fart jokes or impressions did you know Ryan
[00:02:22] Connor told me that story one time is that he was opening for maybe maybe it
[00:02:25] was Ryan Connor or maybe was I open for one pace yeah but it wasn't you that told
[00:02:29] me this story and I can't remember his airy spears or fucking deal hugely no
[00:02:35] screech that's probably screech anyhow the story goes is that their handler
[00:02:40] fucking comes in the green room like oh by the way don't do any fart stuff
[00:02:45] because you don't want to step on his he's got a seven minute bit he goes
[00:02:55] his fucking bitter inos oh yeah me and Aries we're good friends you know I
[00:03:01] open for me the Baltimore comedy factory I was doing six minutes Alabama was
[00:03:06] very angry at me because I'll be gas to the Alabama he wanted me that he wanted
[00:03:10] to open but Aries spears didn't allow a black person to open yet and then I got
[00:03:15] banned from the comedy factory and then the next year I'll be able to just
[00:03:18] didn't fuck me and then the next year when I was I didn't get banished and get
[00:03:23] put a fucking hotel well it was it wasn't downtown and power plant live
[00:03:28] the original bar did you know did you read the original comedy the one above
[00:03:32] Berks yeah no that plays ruled yeah that was like such a cool venue yeah and
[00:03:36] it sucked it sucked performing yeah and it was like but like the look of it you
[00:03:41] know it had this like cool you know it was a being an old factory like a little
[00:03:46] factory it was cool that's probably why they named the comedy factory yeah I
[00:03:50] guess I don't know I mean it just had like a definitive like post-industrial
[00:03:54] right like look to it they made it like such a cool environment and then you
[00:03:59] know yeah I remember fucking worst audience someone was telling me like
[00:04:03] yeah man that's a tough so like a comic who worked it was like everyone warned
[00:04:07] him he was like yeah man that's a tough but tough room you know kind of a bad
[00:04:12] bad neighborhood and he just got there was like they just met there was black
[00:04:16] people there well wasn't even I mean it was always a mixed crowd but it was
[00:04:23] like they were always they were horrible they were touchy they were dumb as shit
[00:04:26] yeah they were dumb like there's Norman used to have this video of him
[00:04:30] Adam has already left the podcast yeah that's fine to fucking you know go try
[00:04:35] on tampons see if they can finally find one big enough for him he's got a very
[00:04:41] big pussy and a very little dick yeah he's got both yeah like a big ass fucking
[00:04:46] slug oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah yeah what was they talking Baltimore comedy factory
[00:04:55] yeah but we turn the volume down on this gay British show it's not a show
[00:04:59] dude it's a movie yo Obi-Wan always his lightsaber he wants some pussy you know
[00:05:06] I hope we want to get some Luke I fucked your father suck me off and I will
[00:05:15] become more powerful sucking dick I am dick getting getting my dick sucked I
[00:05:27] am your father was one of the gayest men
[00:05:30] I thought you're fucked your father today that would be a good prequel if he he
[00:05:42] got raped into the dark whoa whoa sorry I mean he got chill man now I was not
[00:05:48] the honey use the force Luke don't accept no for an answer to use for use physical
[00:05:59] force to it's your it's oh it's the man's decision whether
[00:06:09] there was it there is sort of it does lend itself like the the padawan learner
[00:06:16] the pettow ones yeah yeah I'm gonna get a piece of board
[00:06:23] yeah well actually I feel like jedi's are kind of nerves they don't you can't
[00:06:31] fuck if you're a Jedi right so I would never be a Jedi I'm sick all the way
[00:06:35] that's not my dick you will against your will you will put my balls in your mouth you will
[00:06:45] master Yoda I can't do that do you want to be a Jedi or not faggot
[00:06:54] why did you say that part backwards I got pissed I get pissed sometimes
[00:07:02] everybody gets pissed suck at your fucking way I'm going to get yeah
[00:07:11] just a guy for sure is yeah excuse me I do what I don't think it'll fit yeah I'm
[00:07:25] kind of where is it no one can say I can't even see it you think fuck me Obi-Wan
[00:07:36] Kenobi you think make it fun a star would be dead at this would be done at
[00:07:41] this no yeah here we are 40 years after the original movie beautiful turtle
[00:07:45] territory yeah still shout out to George Lucas also made Howard the duck
[00:07:50] yeah Howard the cuck I can't get any pussy not even familiar enough with
[00:07:58] our the duck yeah we talked now did you show is he wearing pants or is he like
[00:08:07] Donald he's a classic duck style dick out a letterman jacket letterman jacket
[00:08:12] little dick little duck dick out I'm trying to set that up ducky corkscrew
[00:08:16] penises right I thought that's pigs I think you they have corkscrew tails
[00:08:22] and it's right John Nunn's working on some movies that tonight they're blowing
[00:08:25] up a car whoa that's fucking tight yeah down in Chinatown that's wild they're
[00:08:31] gonna blow up a fucking car John Nunn has a great life I don't know John he do do
[00:08:36] I have a met him he's one of those Delco proper guys oh shit okay I don't think
[00:08:41] I've met him personally yeah I fuck with Delco proper that's his funniest
[00:08:45] production work well he's in the Union he's in the 52 oh that rules no they're
[00:08:51] not Teamsters there I asked so my man's got a comedy central show and he's
[00:08:55] actually just in the Union I don't think the Comedy Central shows happening oh
[00:08:59] that's good I think it was just a web series no they did a pilot did not they
[00:09:03] did but I think it's like now everything on Comedy Central has to be like you
[00:09:06] have to be trained black lady answered at Donald Trump right right right fuck
[00:09:10] that show was so goddamn funny so it was like one of the only funny things
[00:09:16] they've produced if you haven't seen Delco proper go fucking see that shit yeah
[00:09:20] shout out to that story told about Tommy Pope where he fucked yeah do you have a
[00:09:26] blow guy no but I fucked the trend that was so funny no but I fucked the
[00:09:32] training one that's comedy folks yeah you know it's real comedy is like it's
[00:09:43] Star Wars but gay yeah pet pet a few and rape and rape forget the rape could be
[00:09:49] any gender yeah yeah yeah yeah you are watching Matt TV
[00:09:55] I don't know man I love that I love gay stories I love it too but I also love
[00:10:04] bad TV yeah oh yeah of course all that shit is funny as dumb as it is it's very
[00:10:09] fun absolutely better than SNL dude yeah in hindsight smarter I was a snob is a
[00:10:15] little kid I was like SNL's good but I loved Matt TV man well yeah I used to
[00:10:19] come on at 11 before and SNL on 11 it was a little teaser so watch my TV
[00:10:25] minutes of Matt TV was always the warm up yeah yep yep shots out to my good
[00:10:30] friend Aries that's my good friend already laying smoked smoked menthols
[00:10:34] in the green room did he mm-hmm that had to have been fun there were a lot of
[00:10:38] there are a lot of funny people on like the last couple seasons like key and
[00:10:42] peel we're on it yeah and I feel like they yeah I don't know we've talked about
[00:10:45] my TV a lot vine star well this show is sort of the spiritual success for the
[00:10:50] Matt TV absolutely you know I mean that's what all the critics say yeah yeah after
[00:10:56] that write-up we got somebody fucking reach out to me and they're like I want
[00:10:59] to write an article about come town and I'm trying to pitch it to vice and
[00:11:03] village voice and they're like I promise it's not gonna be a bad faith
[00:11:06] takedown of it's like yeah there's no way it's not going to be yeah you're
[00:11:12] just gonna write about how much you love this show where they say slurs I can't
[00:11:17] wait to see how that plays over and vice was it was it what's his name from box
[00:11:24] I don't know I just like I'm not I'm not Jeff's not Jeff Stein no he's washing
[00:11:28] and there's no there's no reason to ever talk to anybody that works in media
[00:11:32] there's no reason no snitching well not snitching but it's like I have a
[00:11:37] platform to say how I feel about the things that I do I don't need it to go
[00:11:42] through someone's editorial process mmm there's no there's no fucking benefit
[00:11:46] for me to you know talk to somebody or even if it is a good like like a glowing
[00:11:53] you know response to come town there's gonna be a response article to that
[00:11:58] that's good action a man Donald Trump all presses good press isn't it didn't he
[00:12:02] say that yeah he's right he's right that was he came up with that I think it was
[00:12:07] him it was in the art of the deal yeah that's why I'm saying you got to start
[00:12:12] doing some you know what's hot right now Adam call out culture so you got to get
[00:12:18] called out for something to put us over the top or I thought we could just call
[00:12:22] someone out no no no you have to sexually harass someone well or just get
[00:12:27] called out for oh yo how about Matt Lauer he had a door his door locked from
[00:12:34] the inside of his office like James Bond straight up like yeah like fucking
[00:12:38] Mr. Burns we were laughing on real-life podcast today about how much of my suck
[00:12:42] to get like sexually assaulted at the today show a bunch of people outside
[00:12:56] Hoda and Kathy Lear drunk you think you think I'll broke her ever harassed oh
[00:13:03] yeah he made people he made people suck his skin flaps would make men fuck his
[00:13:07] stomach for holding vertically stomach use it like a pussy use it like a like a
[00:13:19] V word I don't want to say it I can we say it I'm not gonna say fuck that is
[00:13:30] wild dude that fucking Matt Lauer thought he could just just do whatever the
[00:13:36] fuck he wanted I love the move like inviting people in your office and then
[00:13:39] just showing them your penis and then when they're like what are you doing
[00:13:43] you're like get out I mean I mean he was I mean he was at work that's you know
[00:13:53] try to say that Louie that's like how that's how like an ape Fox yeah yeah
[00:13:59] oh oh oh well just got gals here that's a good it almost makes the drugs in the
[00:14:05] drink guys look a little bit more respectable you know yeah it's absolute
[00:14:08] absolutely definitely that's so true yeah that is fucking yeah my that man it
[00:14:22] was he woke up before I am at like to him nighttime is like to so it's fucking
[00:14:28] daytime and Mal hours pulling his fucking bald ass cock out yeah his
[00:14:32] dick's bald like his head is yeah shiny is top of it has doesn't have hair on
[00:14:35] yeah you got a place I'm like a normal dick that's got a nice beautiful yeah
[00:14:40] you got a nice nice fucking I got I got a pompadour of hair absolutely much it
[00:14:46] looks like that guy from stranger my Elvis ass dick yeah yeah lots of people
[00:14:54] have different styles of pubes mm-hmm I'm completely bald except for the head
[00:14:58] of my head of my dick I have to part it to come which has a greaser hair I put
[00:15:05] a little leather jacket on it and sunglasses yeah there's different styles
[00:15:09] of bodies my dicks my dicks in a gang called the four skins and it's me
[00:15:13] eldest George and my friend one of my brothers and there's four of us and we
[00:15:18] all have four skins what happened to your other brother an escalator accident
[00:15:22] yep he tripped in a toy's our us he got very excited and his cock got stuck in
[00:15:28] it got ripped off yeah that's Jeffrey Jeffrey the giraffe has his foreskin now
[00:15:32] they imagine how good it will get your dicks up by a giraffe it's only a man
[00:15:36] dude they have fucking big teeth they would cut it off I know they have a
[00:15:41] really I want to put my balls in a pelican's mouth no fish hole dude they
[00:15:47] would just go gobble up your that's what I like dude I like it rough pelican
[00:15:50] that pelican neck bit fucking our workers yeah keep me that pelican Becky love
[00:15:59] getting neck and pelican ass neck sloppy toppy from a pelican bro I put a
[00:16:07] little sardine on my cock get it fucking in tree like is our mean right yeah all
[00:16:12] birds are fucking bullshit to you I don't fuck with birds dude because I'm a
[00:16:16] fish yeah cuz you're a bitch yeah I don't fuck with birds you just breathe
[00:16:24] in your fart no you farted in I did not fart yeah birds because the fact that
[00:16:31] birds are dinosaurs make so much sense to me because they're little mean cock
[00:16:34] suckers yeah and I do not fuck with them dude I want that on record chicken
[00:16:38] suck you chicken suck I was at someplace recently and they had chickens
[00:16:42] there and I forget who I was with the gay guy that you know it was it was
[00:16:48] Josh and Droski and his girlfriend never like I look at these chickens or
[00:16:53] whatever it's like these they suck they're fucking meanest shit I saw it
[00:16:58] animals I think I told the story but I saw I went to the zoo when I was like
[00:17:02] second grade and I saw them peck a mouse to death and it's traumatized me for
[00:17:07] the rest of my life like they're gonna eat the mouse the Baltimore zoo they're
[00:17:11] just fucking chicken they have a chicken house that they feed rats yeah yo the
[00:17:17] mouth kind of bullshit zoo as I know no I know it is bullshit but they were
[00:17:22] there I would say I don't remember if it was good or not oh we got to check out
[00:17:26] the fucking pigeon exhibit they've got dogs yeah yeah dude's fucking hamsters
[00:17:36] mm-hmm we're in the feather the feathers from a pillow
[00:17:44] behold nature's feather a drawing of a zebra we're showing we're showing fucking
[00:17:54] Madagascar on a big screen this one is just a guy from Honduras please can I
[00:18:02] go home please you said that I only had to work well I'll be here now I think
[00:18:11] shut up don't ever ruin the shoe for real there are white children at this zoo
[00:18:17] but I know I'm okay put on your costume my name is the gorilla costume back on I
[00:18:26] leave in Boudharsi I leave in Brinston Boudharsi he's a blood
[00:18:42] yeah the Baltimore zoo I don't I guess it's not good because all I
[00:18:46] remember is a chicken you can there was a there's a monkey of course there was a
[00:18:51] lizard house they always have reptile houses yeah a long time like when I was
[00:18:55] a stoner I'd be like oh it's it let's fucking blaze and go to the zoo mm-hmm
[00:19:00] the most depressing thing in the entire prison dude just being high like seeing
[00:19:03] the it's a prison yeah it's a fucking prison for fucking animals deep apes it's
[00:19:09] just like a depressed guy just sitting in a fuck on the ground yeah yeah you have
[00:19:14] to fuck apes vape you know that would be so smoking a smoking apes vaping
[00:19:20] apes that's good I got all my vape it apes vaping apes that's bathing apes I want to get
[00:19:25] bathing apes dude it's a new one but you said smoking apes yeah they used to have
[00:19:30] smoking apes and now they did yeah you don't remember those pictures of the
[00:19:34] chimps that smoked cigarettes no is that why that place that the oysters
[00:19:37] places called that smoking chimp smoking chimp no it's maybe that's a go ahead
[00:19:43] someone say something racist well it's a part of the gentrification process
[00:19:47] obviously you know they only want a certain type of client hell so they make
[00:19:53] the name as racist as possible yes people off that's right like a certain bar that
[00:19:59] we know that had a racist incident the other night yep the bar that we were
[00:20:05] all at oh yeah yeah which will remain nameless for business reasons yep that's
[00:20:15] so far yeah those Jamaican guys huh he's from Ghana they're out of control oh
[00:20:19] wasn't he Sylvester yes still he's like no he's like you you can call me
[00:20:25] slide yeah kick me off because I'm black hey how the fuck did Sylvester get to be
[00:20:30] sly that's a nice move for them it should be still like why is he why is he
[00:20:36] sliced alone now why is fucking nickname Teddy short for Theodore yeah makes
[00:20:41] sense to me why is bill short for William there isn't even a bee in there but the
[00:20:45] ILL and Theodore you just chop out the H Ted why is D short for Richard that
[00:20:54] one I got nothing for you it doesn't make any sense to me you don't understand
[00:20:57] how short names work huh obviously just don't understand I do Nicholas Nick yeah
[00:21:03] yeah Adam Adam yeah right yeah damn damn yeah motherfucker that's for sure
[00:21:14] damn cool that's what his name stands for yeah
[00:21:19] damn fool that boy Adam you gay man man shit boy I'm I'm in charge of naming
[00:21:29] people and that boy is a damn cool you know fuck I love piff yeah guys I'm I'm
[00:21:42] a week today oh did you day yeah we daytime we guy yeah yeah I was like your
[00:21:48] first time in like six months probably wow did it feel good I took one hit went
[00:21:54] to the movies it was pretty cool what you see three billboards oh I want to see
[00:21:58] that shit that being good it was okay it was okay I've heard rave yeah don't
[00:22:04] spoil anything but I'm gonna go see it we'll talk about it we're gonna really
[00:22:07] like it I'm gonna watch it in Cleveland probably I mean I really like Francis
[00:22:11] McDormand and Sam Rockwell's man he's so funny he's such a good actor I'm always
[00:22:16] not though yeah from he was from why did you say I've always thought that yeah
[00:22:21] is it was that to establish that you were a fan of Sam Rockwell no whenever he's
[00:22:25] in something I'm like oh cool but why is like Avatar I've always been a fan no
[00:22:30] you have did you like him an avatar was he an avatar you know what I like never
[00:22:34] saw about this you piece of shit here's what I like them in the teenage
[00:22:37] you mutant ninja turtles yeah we've talked about this yeah for a lot seconds
[00:22:42] but but if you want to kid if you want to play talk about like eight times oh
[00:22:47] yeah there's a bigger Sam Rockwell fan it's Nick yeah not you never fucking
[00:22:52] liar you're bigger same Rockwell fan I am what about it wasn't in that one
[00:22:57] Chuck Polanyak movie yeah choke choke I never saw that other it's about what
[00:23:02] Adam does to guys Dix every night and he goes on stage of your comedy exactly
[00:23:07] you know who shows are tits in that movie is the lady who's become famous
[00:23:11] since then she was in community the blonde lady brie oh the other one the
[00:23:17] fuck is her name Amy Schumer no Allison Brie's got a nice fat parrot at that
[00:23:22] Don Niles though yeah you can see them on that Netflix show yo yes you can yeah
[00:23:27] the guy from Mad Men gets his Ted Tona is that Greek no it's I think it's a
[00:23:31] spanic everyone's well when I'm looking at it's born agar and Greek is just hot I
[00:23:36] think it's ancient yeah is Greek vis vagina vis yeah vagina no vis yeah
[00:23:43] vagina come on first yeah vis yeah all right that's a fun one way to say tits
[00:23:52] actually Hebrew seat seem to seem yeah see see sometimes you'll say to see if
[00:23:57] you're naked he says to see it eh you're naked that eh I like that they don't
[00:24:02] like that there's a certain words that they're like it should just be sort of
[00:24:05] very close in every language yeah because people want to know immediately
[00:24:09] there's so many words for boobs though in English yeah it's like how the Eskimos
[00:24:13] have a bunch of words for snow yeah well titties are the snow yeah yeah if I had
[00:24:18] a race I'd have I'd be the esk I guess Eskimo of fuck snow yep oh yeah that was
[00:24:24] the first flashlight called him out already we did you know our feelings on
[00:24:30] them I call him God bless them those you know because they're my people what do
[00:24:34] you guys think of Eskimo pies or is that move what is that when you and the
[00:24:38] another guy come into it yes no Conan he did come into the same woman same
[00:24:49] condom yeah go ahead explain my joke Adam sorry go ahead no no no it was good it
[00:24:56] was it was the problem was too funny oh that's what it is
[00:25:04] we just take a eating break let's all but I don't take on Mike because we get met
[00:25:08] they get mad well let's take a five minute break and we don't need to we're only
[00:25:11] well I guess we are only 25 minutes when we eat on Mike how long are we in will
[00:25:15] flip out this looks good dude those are stops oh yeah I was wondering where you
[00:25:20] weren't upset about me fingering your food yeah should we take a break and eat
[00:25:26] yeah take a quick break take a quick break thank
[00:25:30] well that was delicious yeah it was pretty good why don't we tell everyone
[00:25:37] we hate I well since I'm a vegetarian now guys new lifestyle new lifestyle
[00:25:43] change I'm not a paleo war anymore I'm going I'm transitioning into a vegan
[00:25:48] warrior not quite there yet but I had oh fuck oh damn Ernest slacks up Adam's
[00:25:56] neck that was Nick you use Ernest as a knife on me
[00:26:01] dude cat claw necklace dude Ernest do not come over here really yeah of course
[00:26:08] yeah you should put some badges so on that got him wait you're allergic and we
[00:26:14] do the podcast here every week why don't we just go to hear me sneeze like
[00:26:19] 50,000 times no I just think you're being a bitch I think you're allergic to
[00:26:23] good bit so lying yeah he's lying he's not allergic he's just afraid of cats
[00:26:28] afraid I used to have a cat yeah wait you did oh that's right too far you're
[00:26:32] afraid of it they can't suck he was but he sucked that cat was an asshole make
[00:26:37] it was garbage but he was a cutie I'm happy he went the other way in the divorce
[00:26:43] yeah yeah that was your Chinese girlfriend I wonder what she's up to
[00:26:49] just don't making that disco music yeah yeah she's doing yeah there was heck no
[00:26:55] guys are listening to kisses disco album no no it's pretty fun I've actually
[00:27:00] never listened to any of his album what kiss socks dude come on dude love God
[00:27:04] no kiss they got a song called love gun it's about his dick yeah
[00:27:09] this is love good video fucking George Lopez George Lopez so funny
[00:27:16] she was fucking making me laugh so hard with that shit yeah that was fucking
[00:27:22] funny shit you guys should watch that Louisiana skin yeah yeah yeah yeah we were
[00:27:27] on that the George Lopez or something was that that was drunk there's some reason
[00:27:32] he was on the kiss grooves didn't show yeah so I subbed Adam stop pretending
[00:27:38] like you were there you know what no I wasn't I was at the weren't there I was
[00:27:41] hanging out with you don't know what we're talking about you don't know what
[00:27:44] we're talking about you weren't there I was at a movie you're never gonna be
[00:27:47] there you're not I was actually out of pretty you weren't there what do you I'm
[00:27:52] never gonna be there a bit on the pot you never been on it yes I have going to
[00:27:56] yes I have now they're doing blackface on this movie oh shit
[00:27:59] the Asian girlfriend yo that's awesome though we're talking about rich of the
[00:28:04] river imagine being over there and you're like on a fucking mission you're just
[00:28:07] fucking on the side yeah all war is just having some money yeah I mean I like
[00:28:14] the amount of like rape that happens in more I guess that's true I guess it's
[00:28:18] not for all of human history yeah we're just fucked up man I don't fuck with it
[00:28:22] that's my take on war dude you're a peaceful war that shit yeah I mean I'll
[00:28:27] scrap if I have to if my loved ones aren't fucking peril I take out those
[00:28:32] people there's people are like say you would ever you want to me I don't care
[00:28:36] but if you met fuck with my friends I like I literally get so angry like I
[00:28:42] will probably kill someone fuck me in the ass shit in my mouth go fine but you
[00:28:48] knife directly into my dickhole but you so much is say some fucked up shit to
[00:28:53] my grandmother I will kill a whole orphan in a yeah in a in a hypothetical
[00:28:58] situation that's most likely never going to happen that's when I become not a
[00:29:03] pussy did that is when all bets are off pal and I become the warrior I pretend
[00:29:12] I am in my own head to justify why I'm a huge pushover it lets people walk all
[00:29:18] over me never asserts themselves I'm not a bitch I'm not a bitch it's just the
[00:29:23] situation where I'm cool has I know I'm like one of those guards at Buckingham
[00:29:28] Palace go up come on their face calm you know the F word the F gay slur I
[00:29:34] said that just means cigarettes I saw somebody say yeah they'd be like what
[00:29:38] F gay slur which is who is my favorite author by the way the F gay slur I don't
[00:29:43] know if you guys are all lit poetry but F gay slurs is a really good he's this
[00:29:49] Chinese guy that he does columns like Twitter psych she DM'd me we got lit
[00:29:56] vans damn Daniel and the New York review of books called him the smartest
[00:30:02] motherfucker that ever read the entire world please think we're cool please
[00:30:06] think we're cool millennial intellectuals music cool yo should I write some all
[00:30:11] lit poetry I think all lit is done already is it that yeah it had like a
[00:30:15] two-year window and there's this girl in raped and then there's a girl that's
[00:30:20] like like making a ton of money off of her who's that guy Steve Roganbock was
[00:30:25] like the big one yeah what's that like mumble it core literature that's it's
[00:30:32] all all lit yeah what's that lady though so sorry Siri Siri yeah something
[00:30:38] Kapoor yeah I don't know it's why I asked you her poems are like two words
[00:30:42] suck me come on yeah oh yeah oh yeah earlier off off Mike I remember that
[00:30:57] Seinfeld episode double dip the chip I said yeah you don't you double suck my
[00:31:02] dick I remember it I was telling the people man because that's good stuff I
[00:31:09] need to be on the record remember how you said we have a platform and there's
[00:31:12] certain things we want people to hear we don't think about that enough this is
[00:31:16] the shit I want people to hear I don't have opinions here's I want double
[00:31:19] suck my dick out there if you're one of these motherfuckers out here that
[00:31:22] likes shitting on seasonal lattes because you think the pumpkin spice shit
[00:31:25] is funny if you ever dare come for eggnog lattes I will do whatever you want
[00:31:33] to say whatever you want to say whatever you want to come for eggnog lattes fuck
[00:31:37] egg knock knock on the door fucking bitch sniper rifle point blank oh whoa that
[00:31:43] seems like the wrong weapon for that situation is how ultimate signs disrespect
[00:31:47] I stare your ass down to the scope I even look at your eyes well I'm about to kill
[00:31:52] you yeah I want to make sure I get the direct center your fucking brain nice
[00:31:57] I'm gonna blow your brains out with my Barrett 50 cow ooh I put the tripod on
[00:32:01] your collarbones damn that would really fuck someone up yeah a lot and the
[00:32:10] police they come by and they're like oh we didn't realize this CIA assassin
[00:32:14] lives in this game carry on about your business nothing to see here folks
[00:32:22] Nick you shot a gun before yeah of course we've talked about it we have I've
[00:32:27] shot every type of gun really every single word with your uncle a bazooka
[00:32:31] no shooting ranges he shot a bazooka yeah a flame thrower every gun I know is
[00:32:37] from Grand Theft Auto my training I've fired multiple different types of fire
[00:32:41] oh you're training for being a tier one yeah
[00:32:49] how about you Adam do you have a story is that why you said it no you guys see
[00:32:52] that one video that guy he's like I got a million fucking guns or whatever and
[00:32:57] his wife died and like it a fucking explosion and then at the end it's like
[00:33:01] he just lives with a bunch of mannequins she that video no no it's fucked up
[00:33:06] dude you guys check it out sometime oh fuck what's going on here they got a
[00:33:10] little pussy yeah the British officers when they're P.A.W.s. they
[00:33:17] entertain them now it's literally just a woman wearing a skirt no they weren't
[00:33:22] women was that really men's were the British officers doing a drag show for
[00:33:27] each other they entertain each other did you rock paper scissors because the
[00:33:31] thing about war is that morale is where you only got into being a soldier so that
[00:33:35] you could do the blackface oh yeah to sneak in at night sneak yeah yeah that's
[00:33:39] good I'm not a racist I'm sneaky was a son of a lot killed by a guy in blackface
[00:33:45] yeah probably awesome oh yeah it's interesting to think about it that way
[00:33:49] yeah powerful right mm-hmm so black they're sort of taking it away they're
[00:33:53] co-opting it there's something good I'm not in blackface I'm honoring seal team
[00:33:58] six mm-hmm that's my stance oh fuck are we gonna see titties in this movie do
[00:34:05] they show titties back then no right yeah they did really yeah of course
[00:34:08] awesome every movie wait they are in drag holy shit that wasn't women yeah no
[00:34:14] it's British why would there be women in the prisoner of war now is it they give
[00:34:18] them like a fucking little bonus for making a bridge no British people love
[00:34:22] plays where they have to dress up like women holy shit this is weird man that
[00:34:27] was the point of the British they were getting horny for that I mean whatever
[00:34:30] that's fine if if you like you know that kind of thing look at the noble
[00:34:34] proud Japanese I want to live in a Japanese house me so floor all the time
[00:34:38] and write letters to yourself yeah yeah draw doors yeah karate chop through
[00:34:43] you eat fucking bullshit rice and then you write letters that you I guess he's
[00:34:48] gonna hang that on the wall yeah is he gonna kill himself is he about to commit
[00:34:52] seppuku oh shit the British disgraced him by making did doing what he couldn't
[00:34:58] do making that bridge oh no because he cracked on when the officer was in oh
[00:35:04] this is some fucking weird shit also why's the big guy the lady now why is it
[00:35:07] little guy the lady it's funnier it's more tomfoolery I see you see British
[00:35:12] people are all about tomfoolery they did build a good ass bridge general silliness
[00:35:15] here's what I don't get why why are they building the bridge for the Japanese
[00:35:19] so they have something to do so they can keep morale high it's all about morale
[00:35:25] hooked up dude all it is about to pull some seal team six shit are they gonna
[00:35:30] blow it up yeah nice so this is the part of the movie if you guys are familiar
[00:35:34] with bridge of the real choir where the rescue operation plants a c4 explosives
[00:35:41] oh is this a rescue I thought they're just blowing up the bridge no they're
[00:35:45] blowing up the bridge and then Alec Guinness gets all pissed off because his
[00:35:49] precious bridges being blown up that he built for the japanese you're a
[00:35:54] trader deal British pure trader to the fuck to the queen the jolly old queen
[00:35:58] who by the way now the princess is gonna be black yeah I see that deal with that
[00:36:04] oh is there a black princess yeah but she's hairy Harry is marrying a black
[00:36:08] American lady she's sister is she says yeah well doesn't even count yo imagine
[00:36:15] a trans princess now we're really talking isn't the prime minister Muslim
[00:36:18] yeah reason makes me is yeah she's yeah she has to take breaks and Parliament to
[00:36:25] pray to Mecca yeah yeah and the taxpayers have to pay me blow herself up
[00:36:30] she gets pissed enough I like to imagine that you know it's like an entire
[00:36:36] religion of people that are like you know the guys from Bomberman I just blow
[00:36:42] each other up yeah if you never seen Bomberman wait no Bomberman plants bombs
[00:36:46] what are you talking about I forget what Bomberman is
[00:36:49] you talk about Metro is that like Mega Man is that one is that one is it
[00:36:55] Bomberman one of Mega Man's Mega Man was hard as shit you let's have all these
[00:36:59] different guns from from from from the bomb guys from Mario that you know you
[00:37:05] get too close to them oh you know and they start pissing and following yeah
[00:37:10] yeah yeah those guys they have a little fuse that goes off some of them are
[00:37:15] black some of them are red none of them are white though yeah I showed you
[00:37:19] something yeah wow that's like a fucking metaphor like the turtles the cats are
[00:37:24] fighting again should we kill one of them ever if you had to kill one of the
[00:37:30] cats which one would you kill Ernest oh but he's got a good personality though
[00:37:36] he's a nice all right you heard here we should kill Ernest he's a nicer person
[00:37:40] than Phyllis is are they like Cambodian what are these ladies yeah this is in
[00:37:47] Southeast Asia but it's Japanese yeah they're in Burma so Burma yeah they're
[00:37:53] Burmese that place is fucked up now isn't it huh yeah Myanmar they keep
[00:37:56] changing the name you case like not democratic at all they could like fuck
[00:38:00] people shit up yeah some some shit like that yeah that sounds pretty good
[00:38:09] they have a cuisine in Burma they've like yeah yeah they got Burmese Burmese
[00:38:16] burgers wings a big fat long noodle yeah like eight feet wide
[00:38:24] yeah Burmese long noodle that's a snake isn't there a Burmese python there is
[00:38:30] a Burmese python they eat it whoo look at you you think snake tastes good no you
[00:38:36] know what I'm gonna be in the winter guy the guy that just wears a dead snake
[00:38:40] around the city and dead snake is a power move because I've seen guy wears a
[00:38:45] snake but never a dead snake just dragging a fucking giant dead snake how
[00:38:50] long would until start smelling bad do you think why did you say could be so
[00:38:53] funny that it's freezing out I'm like whoo cold today snakes just dead yeah
[00:38:57] yeah yeah yeah people are like what did you kill that snake you think it would
[00:39:02] smell bad yeah of course well it would probably freeze you know they don't have
[00:39:07] them scales I feel like wouldn't smell bad is they why they're called Boas
[00:39:11] because you were supposed to wear them tie him up on your head on your head
[00:39:14] they initially they were like oh you're supposed to wear these around your
[00:39:19] neck these snakes and then they got show things by yeah I think so I think
[00:39:24] that's why they're called that what an interesting world
[00:39:30] we're really firing out also what is what is that a world full I got something
[00:39:36] you can fire up first of all Adam you've never fired a single cylinder I
[00:39:39] fired I already do is bring your bullshit opinions I'm not bringing okay
[00:39:43] first of all things you saw my opinion medic critic is a better review
[00:39:51] aggregator than Ron tomatoes though yeah is it it is Ron tomatoes what is that
[00:39:57] a big old pair of gross titties yeah I think it is yeah you know what your
[00:40:04] fucking mother is Frankie big old pair of rotten tomatoes and that's why I
[00:40:09] beat us that's my Italian father that's good explain to his only Frankie
[00:40:18] fuck have you guys ever have you guys ever been vegetarian or no never I
[00:40:25] tried for a week not even for a second oh damn and and amber's eating fucking
[00:40:30] fried chicken right now she looks good as five barbecue sauce but I just one
[00:40:37] thing but I just love animals to Boston barbecue oh God I the fucking love
[00:40:43] Boston barbecue there's nothing that gets me fucking ribs kid you ever had
[00:40:48] some fucking smoked ribs kid Boston barbecue it's beer and then they fucking
[00:40:53] so-called piece of fucking chicken in it oh yeah you know there's that's the
[00:40:58] end of that bit that's what I want and hey you fucking idiots
[00:41:06] we were all molested you say that's why I love barbecue I love being
[00:41:12] molested by the church oh church molested I go to church and I get
[00:41:20] molested by the father that's why they do that the sign is they do the thing
[00:41:28] with their fingertips all three used to be in the in the like we'll cause the
[00:41:33] great schism in the Russian Orthodox church Orthodox and Catholic yes they
[00:41:37] used to do the sign of the cross with the just the fingers up but then they
[00:41:42] switched it to the three fingers father sign the Holy Spirit no it's holding a
[00:41:46] little boy's penis give me that give me that fucking little Hershey's kiss
[00:41:54] you got oh yeah were you were you baptized or confirmed Catholic thing no I
[00:41:59] was baptized a piscopalian but both my parents are Catholic what why I don't
[00:42:04] know they're both like labs Catholics I guess but a piscopalian is like that's
[00:42:07] like you only you fish conservative Protestant right or the most like
[00:42:11] Catholicism yeah yeah really it's like the church of England right the church
[00:42:17] of England they're like more egalitarian yeah I mean we never fucking went to
[00:42:22] church you didn't go to church once in your life yeah yeah I mean maybe once or
[00:42:25] twice on Easter with like my grandma yeah grandma still goes to Mass all the
[00:42:29] time is there like a bar mitzvah for Greek people no but do something like that
[00:42:33] but I did there's a you know your baptisms big I got baptized in Greece
[00:42:37] shuts out the Ios on donis church that oh that's the Saint Saint Antonio
[00:42:42] suck dickus no I think that's where you got baptized Saint suck dickus yeah
[00:42:47] I just put a patron saint of having a thick two inches yeah it's small but it's
[00:42:57] dead baby yeah they call me chode Eric you want to know why what do you mean no
[00:43:05] bitch you don't understand I read an article in men's health that said it's
[00:43:10] better it's better to have a big fat button like a clown's nose maybe around
[00:43:22] this is a deposition with Jeffrey Epstein or the guy questioning him is like is it
[00:43:26] true that you have an egg shaped penis really yeah and his lawyers like you
[00:43:30] don't have to answer that he's like no it's pertinent to the investigation
[00:43:34] one of the the victims said that Jeffrey Epstein would then expose himself and
[00:43:39] he had a very weird shaped penis it was almost an egg shaped really yeah are you
[00:43:45] serious that's fucking incredible yeah my favorite shit is the Donald Sterling
[00:43:53] deposition oh that was great that oh my god fuck let me show you I'll find that
[00:43:59] shit he was she yeah they yeah he so it was when you you remember when he got
[00:44:05] kicked out of by his girlfriend yeah he got set up she recorded him saying you
[00:44:12] could have sex with black people just don't take them to my basketball games
[00:44:17] yep and he said some fucking hilarious shit fuck where the fuck is that shit
[00:44:24] it's so good I'm blown it here but it's really funny
[00:44:32] oh he's something about sucking me and kissing my toes and shit like that yeah
[00:44:38] it's really good guys I'm glad we took that detour into remember yeah I'm Sterling
[00:44:42] that was a funny news story mm-hmm it was it was a guy's in the movies I always
[00:44:49] have watch caps that don't get fucked up my watch caps are always fucked up
[00:44:55] what's a watch cap it's like a knitted hat like a beanie mmm yeah lose I never
[00:45:04] wear a beanie like the five dollar Chinatown ones no I've bought all
[00:45:09] different styles and varying prices really yeah what's the most expensive
[00:45:14] hat you've ever bought the most expensive hat I ever bought his Panama
[00:45:18] hat yeah yeah the Panama how much was that a hundred and fifty dollars no I was
[00:45:23] like 80 bucks a lot of money for I mean not for a beautiful beautiful hat that
[00:45:30] makes people respect me oh my god is that the Jurassic Park guy yeah which is
[00:45:40] what Spielberg said to all the children yeah what percentage do you think
[00:45:46] Spielberg's part of this whole thing what do you mean what percentage yeah like
[00:45:50] you are you're not a hundred percent convinced but I what what level can
[00:45:55] Vince I am yeah yeah oh honestly that's that's even at the top of the pyramid
[00:46:03] not that I don't know what the pyramid is I mean there's an overlapping
[00:46:06] people no there's not a first of all it's not a pyramid it's just people with
[00:46:10] like oh it's always a perfect maybe prep predilection it's always a pyramid
[00:46:16] at the top it's got nine it's watching out for a little boy I found the thing
[00:46:20] it's really good well I fool around sometimes I do when a girl seduces me
[00:46:25] and tells me all of these hot stories and dirty things and tells me how much he
[00:46:29] wants to suck on me and take my shoes off and licks my feet and touches me
[00:46:33] when I'm in a limousine she takes all of her clothes off the limo driver said
[00:46:38] what is going on and she started sucking me on the way to Mr. Coons house and I
[00:46:42] thank her I thank her for making me feel good sir the question was is this
[00:46:55] they asked him if this is a handwriting and he's talking about getting his dick
[00:47:00] sucked at his feet licked on a limousine he was also like 99 years ago that
[00:47:05] rules man he was so old that guy you know what he got his money's worth you
[00:47:10] must be awesome be a fucking billionaire man anyways the answer is 80% convinced
[00:47:15] you're 80% the Stevens Billberg is yeah yeah mhm you're Michael Jackson you're
[00:47:23] 80% convinced that Michael Jackson is attracted to children 100%
[00:47:27] okay because I was gonna say I'm didn't the next to shoes interview him to
[00:47:33] next to Susan is also pedophile you're correct in the statement that you may
[00:47:37] not be a no Martin Bashir yeah yeah not to nash to see you look kind of like him
[00:47:42] I was a George Clooney's wife yeah I heard I heard an actor married a famous
[00:47:52] lawyer guy or some guy married a famous you be funny if George Clooney's wife
[00:47:57] it would raped somebody and then the headline is George Clooney's wife is a
[00:48:01] rapist and everyone's like she has a name oh fucker they about to blow this
[00:48:09] bridge up right now well this is the climax of the movie damn they're about
[00:48:14] to get these Japanese motherfuckers what they're whistling like the big song
[00:48:18] from this movie which is like oh that's from this movie that's from this movie
[00:48:23] I know that song yeah yeah da da da da da do you know the one about my penis
[00:48:31] no what was it it was Hitler he only had one ball
[00:48:35] himler he had nothing at all or something like that oh really yeah that's pretty
[00:48:41] good I think maybe I made up the second part my grandfather taught me that when
[00:48:45] I was a kid yeah what else did he teach you he taught me about how to take advantage
[00:48:50] of of innocent you said it not me you heard it here first folks and what's
[00:48:56] going on why don't they why aren't they blowing it up okay so the bridge troops
[00:49:00] march across the bridge over the river River Quai and their explosives
[00:49:05] underneath so they're not trying to kill the British guys no but they're trying
[00:49:10] to kill the Japanese they're trying to blow up the bridge over the river Quai
[00:49:15] this shit is taking forever dude just fucking do the thing yeah it's a four and
[00:49:19] a half hour movie is it yeah yeah fuck that's no he goes hard dude who's this
[00:49:24] Ang Lee David lean he also made Lawrence of Arabia right yeah David lean mmm
[00:49:30] David lean over and take this be what really yeah that's his name yep you bet
[00:49:39] you betcha you better believe it I'd rather not do this use so oh Obi-Wan
[00:49:46] does look like the guy played pink panther though and this because they got
[00:49:49] mustaches similar mustaches well you know all continental man looked the same
[00:49:54] yeah see that see we're not like one of them now with the thin mustache yeah
[00:49:59] I've got a very good continental look to me with that in the hat you got a total
[00:50:06] occupier kind of look yeah which I enjoy you know I want to look like a guy
[00:50:11] that didn't know how to exercise but did it all the time
[00:50:16] mid-century British man doing weird half squat jumping jacks and smoking 45
[00:50:44] fuck he sees them he's senses something not my bridge yeah don't do it to my
[00:50:51] bridge I want to fuck my breed she and T plunger I want to do that yeah whatever
[00:50:55] happened to those they should let you do that at the gun range yeah you just
[00:51:00] push it down yeah blow up Daffy Doc I guess now everything is a button huh
[00:51:04] everything's a fucking drone uh-huh I'm an old fat call me old-fashioned I like
[00:51:10] to plunge my fucking victims I like to hit a damn fucking plunger and fucking
[00:51:16] kill people yeah would you think people be mad if Isis had a guy in the United
[00:51:20] States drop a piano on somebody that would be so funny yeah I mean if it was
[00:51:27] like a bat well who would it be I guess depends on some fat guy a fat guy would
[00:51:31] be really funny like an obese guy and he splatters everywhere breaking news a
[00:51:35] fat guy was killed in midtown Manhattan today after Isis dropped a piano
[00:51:40] on his head I go live to his family how long was your husband fat excuse me
[00:51:49] he's dead by moo's lamic hands I just I'm really waiting for the blow up this
[00:51:56] fucking bridge man yeah dude we are struggling to fill an hour tonight I
[00:52:01] just it's this fucking movie I want to see what happens yeah it's not the movie
[00:52:05] I thought the movie I've been I've been on a fuck I've been like non-stop
[00:52:08] podcasting for like 15 hours oh damn yeah and also the we shouldn't have it
[00:52:14] was my fault I said I was hungry and we broke for food yeah I thought the first
[00:52:19] half was a little pretty sharp it is you thought you're right it is my you know
[00:52:22] it's pretty sharp this knife I'm gonna hold a glass you keep in your ass to
[00:52:27] prevent further sexual results that would be that would hurt a lot glass you
[00:52:33] keep stored in your eyes it would hurt but it would also hurt madams ass is
[00:52:36] filled with silica packets with to keep it nice and dry yeah nice and fresh and
[00:52:41] dry he likes to have a nice jerky ass fuck man I love beef jerky that was you
[00:52:50] know what okay so I was I was vegan but I did eat beef jerky two times that's
[00:52:55] fine that's allowed that's allowed it's not really me right yeah it's so thin
[00:53:01] is veganism by definition it's too thin to be me yeah by definition just
[00:53:08] means you eat things that aren't cooked yes and your jerky isn't cooked it's
[00:53:12] not cooked it's cured it's cured dried it's cured they've they remove all of
[00:53:17] all traces of HIV from yeah it's got it's undetectable in fact yeah
[00:53:24] yeah what the fuck Obi-Wan you're fucking the shit up too much honor if you want
[00:53:29] to blow up this bridge you're going to have to suck me why we movies this long
[00:53:33] man didn't people like 90 minutes in and out movies are long now again to I guess
[00:53:38] it's four hours well fucking the new blade runner which is like you sit there
[00:53:42] for us two hours and so we're one people three hours and 50 minutes and you sit
[00:53:47] there and it yeah it was you fucking bitch shut the fuck up and it was it
[00:53:52] was fucking way too long and you get out and it's like well I guess I I guess I
[00:53:57] sat there for hours yeah you know but I don't get it people would go would
[00:54:01] dress up in like suits and shit to watch movies back then right yeah but people
[00:54:04] used to dress up in suits to go to lynchings I mean they did a lot of dumb
[00:54:09] things I just mean it was uncomfortable and movie seats weren't that fucking
[00:54:15] cushioned probably dude have you ever been to the train the MTA transit
[00:54:19] museum like Wall Street no it's in downtown Brooklyn but they have like
[00:54:24] all the trains the for like whoa really way that's kind of cool and like back
[00:54:28] like way back in the day I guess in like the 1915s or 20s you're made out of
[00:54:33] like wicker yeah yeah they'd wicker chairs on there yeah you're out on like
[00:54:37] you know some racist porch really we go belt-driven fans and it's like I just
[00:54:42] imagine some homeless man shit being pressed through the wicker slats before
[00:54:48] we had nice sterile you know fiberglass really we sit on now
[00:54:53] now they can be soaked into was it was a train expensive back in the day
[00:54:58] um I'm I'm wicker is probably for the rich oh shit they're gonna blow up this
[00:55:04] fucking train again this has found the TNT line and the train is now approaching
[00:55:10] the bridge of the river choir what a fucking loser he's a snitch how about
[00:55:15] Alec thickness you know and he's a big he's got a big fat ass fuck him that's
[00:55:21] it too I just want them to blow up the fucking bridge already for fuck's sake
[00:55:26] got to you've got to yeah stab him boy I have to do it
[00:55:40] um okay so we need to talk about something for God damn it I just want I
[00:55:44] just want to see the bridge blow up exactly ten minutes we have to talk
[00:55:48] about something can you fast forward to when the bridge blows up man the bridge
[00:55:51] will blow up all right you know what folks listening at home stay tuned I know
[00:55:56] that listening to silence for ten minutes is going to be annoying we'll do an
[00:56:01] extra ten minutes at the end yeah stop gets to see his precious bridge blown up
[00:56:06] no stop you fucking snitch let him blow it up you're British dude with get that
[00:56:11] specs that he's an off stiff upper lip bro yeah kill that motherfucker cap his
[00:56:21] ass dude what the fuck watching the movie this is bullshit why the fuck he's
[00:56:26] helping you're on the same side man this is making me fucking upset dude is
[00:56:32] this how you watch every movie no Dorfader's a bad guy don't let him blow
[00:56:38] up don't you can't but he's supposed to be one of the boys guys not supposed to
[00:56:43] do I hate I hate Obi-Wan he's hoping on the bad guy no he's a good guy he's the
[00:56:47] he's the bad guy he is in this case he's fucking the whole shit up it's making
[00:56:55] me mad dude don't don't that boat there's an iceberg coming no that's a
[00:57:01] totally different situation because you know what happens no cuz they're not
[00:57:06] dragging it out so long all right I mean Jesus Christ we got to talk about
[00:57:13] net neutrality here all right here let's do it Lewis is against it why what I
[00:57:19] don't know cuz Dave just told him to be yeah Lewis watch the video I saw I saw
[00:57:26] he was tweeting about it sure she do trust the government or you trust
[00:57:30] corporations yes I don't just either that but corporations suck my dick
[00:57:35] hard as shit the guy from Nestle doesn't want people to have water but he does
[00:57:40] make good chocolate chips you're Nestle made the gas that the Germans used in
[00:57:44] World War two no it was chocolate it was chocolate whoa that sounds like a
[00:57:50] delicious way to die all of Nazi Germany's chemicals are made by chocolate
[00:57:56] they are extracts poison from the Hashi kisses he was on the Jews who cannot eat
[00:58:04] chocolate because they are dogs they are dog race we cannot handle the
[00:58:11] so Tobler owns a pipe when shit really needed to go off yeah you'll do it fucking
[00:58:18] pull the goddamn bridge up all right this is coming quickly one of the worst
[00:58:23] episodes who you've ever done no we'll do we'll do ten after there we go finally
[00:58:27] collapses it's a toy train anyways I don't know what you're excited about
[00:58:31] not a little real a little toy train that's absolutely a fucking model that
[00:58:37] rocks all right we can turn it off let's let's do the podcast again let's turn
[00:58:42] it off though because it's distracting no it's over there you go they're right
[00:58:46] all right will we talk about net neutrality some shit we're talking about
[00:58:49] jet neutrality everybody should be forced to read jet magazine in a in a
[00:58:56] free market you know you got to find out what the sister girls are up to
[00:59:01] whether you like it or not what were some of the things you talk about on
[00:59:07] those other podcasts let's just steal them oh yeah that's a good idea I actually
[00:59:11] had a couple good bits this morning all right let's try it let's do them right
[00:59:13] now I already did I'm gonna burn that I did all my podcasting in the am dude
[00:59:17] you can't you can't be given out the milk for free you know yeah why is that
[00:59:21] why they're gonna fuck a cow you just a second milk that's right that's the
[00:59:27] expression yeah why fuck the cow when you can just drink the milk suck its titties
[00:59:32] suck on that cow's big old fucking tits damn I love titty fucking a cow it
[00:59:39] probably sucks to drink cow straight out of the other or milk share of the
[00:59:42] other oh it's sky warm as shit blood in it yeah yeah raw milk is fucking gross
[00:59:48] damn non-pasturized milk no like raw milk like straight from the titty yeah
[00:59:53] it needs to be like strained or some shit that does a process yeah it's like
[00:59:57] all fucked up and chunky it's disgusting well we shouldn't guys we should be
[01:00:02] illegal you can't like if you have like raw cow milk if you bring it across
[01:00:06] straight lines as or state lines as a federal crime damn it's a federal crime
[01:00:10] to sell it yeah it's like not didn't wasn't there like some guy what was that
[01:00:14] meme going around with like some fucking congressman did it did legislation to
[01:00:19] pass make it legal to drink raw milk he drank it and then he got fucking diarrhea
[01:00:24] immediately afterwards on the set of floors yeah gentleman allow me to
[01:00:30] demonstrate the beauty of raw milk my friends I must inform you that I have
[01:00:39] gone to the bathroom I do regretfully declare I have filled my pants with
[01:00:48] diarrhea and I must excuse myself to the page's restroom so I may put on my
[01:00:55] second pair of pants which I brought as a contingency plan this I'm sorry that
[01:01:00] this is now my third presentation on the set of floor feeling my pants with
[01:01:06] explosive diarrhea I retract both my raw milk legislation and my grilled cheese
[01:01:13] sandwiches for everyone and also my we should drink vising it makes you trip
[01:01:21] piece so we so the weed and vising which one of my friend that man named
[01:01:32] scooter I met his gifts where often spent my afternoons told me if I drink
[01:01:38] visor if I put vising in my mikis I would get even more fucked up this is now
[01:01:46] the third time I have filled the gracious halls of the American Senate floor with
[01:01:53] massive amounts of people god damn did you ever did people actually say about
[01:02:05] vising no right yeah no I mean if you drink vising you will shit yourself yeah
[01:02:09] isn't that what happened in Mission Impossible they squirt a vising in that
[01:02:13] guys coffee yeah so he could do that one time I watched that like hanging scene
[01:02:21] like where he can't touch the ground when I was coming up on mushrooms and I
[01:02:27] freaked out I ran out of my friend's house it was really scary yeah why cuz I
[01:02:32] got really scared that the guy was gonna touch the ground oh fuck that would
[01:02:36] be a classic floor is hot lava did you ever trip on any fucking do you ever do
[01:02:40] fucking what's that shit called the salvia yes I have oh yeah yeah what
[01:02:46] happened to you I've lived in this guy my freshman year Dave Hartman who like
[01:02:50] was this rich kid from L.A. Hartman gay fart man yeah who like the first week
[01:02:55] of college everyone he got a nickname which like doomed him the rest of
[01:02:59] college called eight gig Dave eight gig hit eight gigs of porn yeah that cuz
[01:03:03] remember when you're in a dorm and then up iTunes you used to be able to see
[01:03:08] everyone else's I guess yes yes a porn whoa in his iTunes any good shit
[01:03:14] you're beat off the porn to Dave's porn I never actually found it out but
[01:03:19] everyone else in like the dorm knew about it and they call him a gig day
[01:03:21] anyway you just started blazing and doing nothing never going class you got
[01:03:25] kicked out of school and he used to wear a open Hawaiian shirt he had
[01:03:29] six Hawaiian fuck yes white t-shirt Dave Ross brother he had a list to any
[01:03:34] sad he's not a little bit like Eric nice so one day I like coming to the dorm
[01:03:38] he's like hey Adam you want to smoke a little foul no he doesn't sound like
[01:03:41] Eric Adam can only do one impression no I'm actually pretty good an impressions
[01:03:50] I am good at impressions you're just no I just wanted you can't do other than
[01:03:54] Eric and then that one you stole from that British I could do Tim Gunn
[01:03:59] oh yeah Michael Kane designer time game go ahead do it then bitch oh my god
[01:04:07] what are we gonna do without you that's not that much that just sounds like you
[01:04:11] make it work yeah start the impression I don't get it that's not my go ahead
[01:04:15] speaking voice oh that's pretty good that does sound like Tim Gunn say no
[01:04:18] it's not a normal speaking voice but it's your speaking say do it again Adam
[01:04:24] that's good that's a good Tim Gunn sign anyway yep that's good too that sounds
[01:04:29] like him I was like holy shit that's an incredible Tim Gunn sorry dude we
[01:04:36] apologize well keep doing it now do that impression of the sound of cum
[01:04:41] coming out of a man's penis and going into an ass that sound I just know that
[01:04:47] whoa what the fuck sounds exactly like it's incredible dude all right retracted
[01:04:53] that's retracted you're right yeah that's a good liberal I might want to save this
[01:04:57] I just put on 4k Blade Runner come on don't start it now let's finish the show
[01:05:02] we are finishing the show anyway by starting Blade Runner
[01:05:07] the way everyone wanted us to holy shit listen that sound Jerry
[01:05:13] Peranchino that's a good name this is the reason I got all this shit for fuck
[01:05:18] for Blade Runner in the podcast oh fuck yeah dude I might have to turn this off
[01:05:26] and just do this high later yeah oh yeah you don't want to do this right now so
[01:05:31] the the movie basically Sarah St. Ford is a robot right Harrison Ford is a
[01:05:36] pedophile thanks a lot dude is that the movie yeah oh yeah he's a robot nice spoilers
[01:05:43] ooh little fart dude it's not that easy when the light the bright lights are on
[01:05:48] yeah it's like you know everyone talks shit hot seat I let off a brian James
[01:05:54] what a cool name it's not brian it's brian oh that's a guy's name yeah oh
[01:06:00] so pretty pretty gay yeah now he would beat you up dude yeah he would and actually
[01:06:06] it's pretty actually brian is a cool gay guy's name and it's not even an insult
[01:06:10] yeah my name is brian whoa I was doing his regular voice again yeah the impression
[01:06:18] of himself that's really good it's a really good impression of yourself
[01:06:22] I'm not doing an impression myself whoa that's a good Richard Simmons dude that
[01:06:26] wasn't Richard yeah well you're doing it again yeah go ahead talk well that sounds
[01:06:35] exactly like the guy from the Mr. Hands video you sound exactly like him
[01:06:42] whoa good now you really sound like you're watching a video no so fucked up
[01:06:49] that guy being fucked to death by a horse oh yeah it's called Mr. Hands yeah
[01:06:55] he let a horse fuck him in the ass and I was just too far into the day oh no
[01:07:01] like tore his fucking coal in a well you know he died doing what he loved
[01:07:06] yeah it was worth it for the walls yeah I mean that's gotta be you know I'm not
[01:07:10] saying it's right but imagine how good that feels to have a strong animal fuck
[01:07:17] you to death while your balls deep in a child whoa he was fucking a child
[01:07:25] I forgot we didn't do that bit yeah no we didn't you're just going back to a
[01:07:28] thing we were doing while eating this is worth it just for the soundtrack yeah
[01:07:39] van Gelly dude no but I mean like the way it's mixed van Gellis he did it Greek
[01:07:45] guy yeah no but just the van Gellis y'all should have I get leave your pants
[01:07:50] fuck with Yanni yeah I watched I watched Yanni live with your crop was a couple
[01:07:54] times your parents are like this is our guy yeah everywhere every person is
[01:07:57] that hill with the fucking yeah castle it's no it's not the castle it's the
[01:08:02] Parthenon Parthenon the part yeah it looks cool as shit Adam you don't say it
[01:08:06] after I you don't say it most of the things you say are right immediately
[01:08:12] after I said no that's not true that happens all literally part of the non
[01:08:15] school it never happened you guys ever you know I'm saying something I'm
[01:08:19] about to say it and you said it right up to me you interrupt me to say that's
[01:08:25] how good you are interrupting me oh you said you just do it all the time have
[01:08:32] you ever been that museum in Queens the museum of the music moving image they
[01:08:36] haven't yet the model of this really this building it's really cool that's
[01:08:41] cool yeah nothing you've ever done in your life has been cool what are you
[01:08:45] talking about you know you're not a cool guy you don't do it it's pretty fair I
[01:08:48] don't know like what's a cool thing you've done Adam you know cool thing yeah just
[01:08:52] say one cool thing you've ever done in your life the makarena hell yeah the
[01:09:00] microwave we had a run out of ever done the margarita thanks for bailing me out
[01:09:05] I have only I had I still do the only you have but the
[01:09:10] good money makarena fuck yeah I'm a genius I love the makarena do you think
[01:09:25] those three old guys that sang the makarena got pussy off that for sure of
[01:09:29] course the macarena the makarena was huge so big right before the internet to
[01:09:35] you know it was a summer hit dude like every baseball game they do makarena
[01:09:39] and they weren't just getting old lady pussy they were getting young you think
[01:09:43] they're getting hot like hot young em busy you
[01:09:48] Univision presenters kind of like oh absolutely yeah cuz where were they from
[01:09:54] Mexico Mexico oh dude she could come on of course there were a couple of
[01:10:00] Chicano fellas well okay all right well no we're almost there Jesus
[01:10:08] even this is 44 minutes yeah we stopped the first one at like 24 you
[01:10:13] got your bonus 10 we have to do a bonus 10 we owe them more than yeah you fucking
[01:10:18] cheap piece of shit I'm not she I'm trying to cheat the subscribers out of
[01:10:22] their extra 10 minutes I'd like to give of good shit anyway we did my
[01:10:26] great let's do the election I have a defense for being kind of off I've been
[01:10:30] laboriously podcasting you've been in the podcasting minds yeah and I'm
[01:10:35] recently a new vegan so my body hasn't hasn't adjusted yet it's your excuse I
[01:10:40] really have not much of an excuse yes that's right you know what and that's why
[01:10:44] right now publicly on behalf of you and you on behalf of the three of us I
[01:10:49] take full responsibility full responsibility about time I'm a team
[01:10:54] fucking player I think that's what the fans wanted yeah they just wanted an
[01:10:58] apology yeah I'm so sorry to each and everyone you beautiful fucking people
[01:11:03] out there yeah that I will you suck their dicks that I routinely let down will
[01:11:08] you go we had a couple of bits on this one you know make a fun of the
[01:11:12] impressions well we started with gay Star Wars that was funny yeah the
[01:11:17] gay Star Wars is great the first 25 minutes was great I know a lot of you're
[01:11:20] gonna say this episode is bullshit I can't believe you know you you once again
[01:11:26] derailed the show but putting something on in the back how many times little
[01:11:31] eating on Mike is the week the free weekly one I was playing video games the
[01:11:38] first half and went great I was not paying attention the podcast yeah but
[01:11:42] that's more passive able to come in and you know snipe your food zip zap you
[01:11:46] know well that's thing you were sniping in the case here and I did it yeah it's
[01:11:50] not fun to watch someone play a shooting game online as as it is to watch a oh
[01:11:57] fuck cinema classic you know I've seen it oh but it's I forget how good it is
[01:12:03] yeah this is where you see the real quality in the 4k video yeah this is
[01:12:07] unbelievable look how damn Asian that woman you think you get fucking
[01:12:13] epicantic full how the fuck that solid in Blu-ray 1080p fuck sir somehow this
[01:12:20] is how I lost my job but best buy even better than the new yeah you know I'm
[01:12:25] sure I can tell you're like myself you care a lot about racial purity and
[01:12:29] you're anything now I don't want to be watching something and find out later
[01:12:34] that he's one of them white Latinos you know I'm saying that's why I prefer a
[01:12:39] high quality HDR string where I can see every morsel of this skin tone and know
[01:12:45] if they have that sort of sweaty humid look yeah that's all fired okay I have
[01:12:52] to go home that's all right yo this looks incredible for real how do they
[01:12:57] shoot where did they shoot this this there were models oh models yeah damn
[01:13:02] movie man yeah like that big triangle building the the building where the what
[01:13:07] do you call it corporation takes place oh Monsanto no what's the corporate Tyrell
[01:13:12] yeah Tyrell well the premise is that black man was allowed to start a
[01:13:18] company in the whole world he was good at robots though you go on the
[01:13:23] Tyrell's secret robots yeah yeah you later find out that it's Jared let it
[01:13:27] was like a what yeah in the new one in a new one he's playing a black trans woman
[01:13:33] the whole time we have to get away from the Tyrell corporation I'm I don't want
[01:13:40] to find out that I'm a robot this belongs in a museum damn I want to watch I want
[01:13:47] to watch the new one now just because just not seen it off the strength of
[01:13:50] these how good these first 30 seconds of the old one are I want to see how good
[01:13:56] this looks for how old it is well I wish out on film film looks better than
[01:14:01] digital right I mean but like the like the the build I mean it really does you
[01:14:06] can't tell the shit some models do you can't tell it's yeah who made this that's
[01:14:09] what they said about Adams mom you can't tell she's a much she's ugly but she's
[01:14:14] still not know you can't my mom is a model she's a model but she's a high
[01:14:17] fashion can't tell that she's a model because she's so ugly but did still her
[01:14:22] job damn got his ass looks like you better kill yourself damn at it's Harrison
[01:14:33] Ford this sounds more like parks are right guy one Ron Swanson Ron Swanson
[01:14:38] I just took a shit out of my ass there's one thing I love it's taking a shit out
[01:14:48] of my ass oh oh yeah oh yeah speaking of shit out of my ass that's the podcast
[01:14:54] you guys were great thank you thank you December 11 funny moms no December 22nd
[01:15:01] no December 22nd in DC December 11 December 15 no no
[01:15:05] wrong place and black cat club wrong place wrong date black cat December 22nd
[01:15:13] December 11th the final funny moms of 2017 in New York we were playing HFS
[01:15:19] of old this year we're putting up opening for Jimmy's chicken sack check
[01:15:23] we'll be at Coachella and Bonnaroo yeah twenty dollars off if if you can tell us
[01:15:29] where Johnny Riggs got that child pornography oh we're also a DC deep
[01:15:34] cuts yeah we're also gonna be at art basil in Miami oh fuck yeah yeah so I
[01:15:40] would love to be there what does that have to do it's like DC it's plug yeah
[01:15:45] I was just doing plug do a DC joke DC joke Mary and Barry dudes mayor's
[01:15:50] Mary now we're talking Adam's Adam sir the Mary and Barry of this show it's
[01:15:55] true girls name grace grace what what is that all about the call you grace
[01:16:03] last night because you're willing to take some of the secretary oh yeah yeah yeah
[01:16:09] now I got it your will in grace no it's not from willing grace your will let's
[01:16:13] right secretaries name and Adam's the secretary yeah yeah and that is not my
[01:16:17] job you could be Deborah if you want Deborah messy that's what I that's a you
[01:16:23] know a pet peeve I have with comics so do a bit and like the bit revolves around
[01:16:27] saying a name at the end yeah like oh yeah Deborah oh I hate that Deborah is that
[01:16:33] what the break and it does if you take it out it doesn't work John Oliver show
[01:16:37] does that all the time that's not your toy Jonathan give it up Jonathan it's
[01:16:42] not your toy like he doesn't okay just taking shots John Oliver I think that's
[01:16:47] a great show yeah I guess jealousy shows itself any TV show
[01:16:53] a little woman named Grace that's not true whose mom was a model I can't tell
[01:17:05] I've written on a TV show fucking bust when I had the IMDB taken down because
[01:17:09] because I'm humble oh really yeah yeah to catch a brother brainer or those hot
[01:17:14] takes just to the fucking boy this is only great credit it's typing okay let
[01:17:21] me see your dick in the game chat all right good night goodbye everyone