Cum Town | Premium | 01/01/2018
[00:00:02] Let's get it started boy. I'm not a bad man. It's good to see my fellas again
[00:00:06] You know I'm a hot eating hot day in DC. Yes, we got separated. I lost my I lost my fucking holiday boy
[00:00:14] I know you know I've been feeling good lately. I feel like a changed man. Mm-hmm. You know I got the ring
[00:00:20] I got sick happy I came out of it happy because you know what I mean
[00:00:25] I couldn't couldn't smoke and couldn't do blow for a couple days
[00:00:27] That's right, which I'm not addicted to either by the way
[00:00:30] I know a lot of people think it's a big funny joke to accuse me of being some sort of degenerate drug addict
[00:00:34] But the truth is is I'm just being open and honest about my modest use yes
[00:00:41] Your modest three weeks in a row every night because I know the fucking rule and I've said it before is that the only
[00:00:47] The way you can tell if someone is a co-catic is if they vehemently deny that they're a co-catic
[00:00:52] Yeah, so now I put in the awkward position of being like it's been a week and I haven't
[00:01:01] Yeah, also like coke is a very shameful drug to brag about like bragging about weed is like really cool
[00:01:07] No, it's not none of it is cool. No, no, no, but first of all no one's bragging people don't think just describing a thing right
[00:01:13] Right, right. You're supposed to say if I said I had diarrhea all last week. That's not me bragging
[00:01:20] For a whole week just any diarrhea for a week. No, I don't I take little deer turds
[00:01:38] Like you know I do I'd throw up little pussies
[00:01:43] Think about that. Yeah, actually that is the reason
[00:01:46] I was just my weird digestive system that turns cheeseburgers in the pussies I
[00:01:52] Was shitting out like shit like ribbons of shit for a while nice. I don't know what that was ballerina
[00:01:57] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, if I move my ass just right I could make it a little bow stop just like
[00:02:04] You know low-key lighting prancing across a
[00:02:11] I'm just a long-turd. Yeah, and they were green too because I was trying to get I was trying to get back into those smoothies
[00:02:18] So that's what happens when I go from eating like shit to eating well. There's a ribbon phase. We have like an Asian asshole
[00:02:28] Mm-hmm. I do I definitely do well all the dumping I
[00:02:30] Yeah, I guess I should just because people are gonna find out anyways
[00:02:34] I should mention that I did crossfit this morning
[00:02:40] Well they open a crossfit like two doors down
[00:02:44] But like you know I end up taking cabs to my gym and green point all the time
[00:02:49] And so it'll probably be shake outs be around the same and you'll probably go away more because it's right here
[00:02:55] Yeah, yeah proximity is huge to go to the fucking gym. It's true
[00:02:58] I mean taking a fucking train to go to the gym. I would never go to the gym
[00:03:01] I barely go to the gym now. I'm about to hit planet fitness the story once I get back
[00:03:05] Yeah, dude you are playing fitness. That's right. I'm the planet fitness
[00:03:08] I went Greek planet fitness. I joined the why because it's around the corner for me
[00:03:13] But like it is one of those gyms were half the people are wearing jeans. Yeah, even on the truck
[00:03:19] The black guys that show the gym that are like
[00:03:22] There it's funny because you can tell that they would just be Jack no matter what they did. Yeah, they don't really need to work
[00:03:27] Yeah, they just come to the gym and they're bad at exercising
[00:03:30] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like look at him. Tim's and jeans and a wife and a wife
[00:03:35] And there's one guy who brings his own speaker and like puts on. It's awesome again Jada kiss
[00:03:44] There is a guy at the rack the other day at the Y
[00:03:47] Who was just on a phone call on a Bluetooth headset the entire time?
[00:03:52] jeans and blue I love it just doing the bench press 40 times with horrible basically yeah horrible
[00:03:58] Form big ass cell phone like big ass droid on a clip on his belt
[00:04:03] Just fucking doing squats. Yeah, I'm sorry these two guys in my gym and they were
[00:04:10] Like doing curls over the back of like a bench like one of those reclining benches
[00:04:16] Yeah, I put their arms over the you know the head part and then they were doing curls on that
[00:04:23] But the gym has a preacher curl. Yeah, they already have that. Yeah
[00:04:31] An exercise they could have just been doing they're doing box jumps on like phone books that they stacked up
[00:04:38] Do you do box jumps? No, I don't do any playa. Well, why not Felix does that?
[00:04:43] Yeah, it is. Fucks up his shins. Really? It's always fucks up everything. I'm trying to do plies
[00:04:48] I'm trying to be able to dunk. Yeah, how strong you think my leg?
[00:04:51] Could I do plyon to like a dunk? Let's you become a crossfit. We talked about this on the yeah, I don't know if you guys have heard
[00:04:57] But crossfit gave me a hand and be a pipe off me up. Yeah, I can't do put cross don't ever plug your other show
[00:05:08] Get rid of me, which you know what I respected
[00:05:20] Guys, I know they read Machiavelli Prince Prince Machiavelli Prince Machiavelli son Zu whoa this
[00:05:26] Prince Machiavelli Carmella got the Cliffs notes not for me, but the Sun Zu guy very smart
[00:05:32] What was the Mach is Machiavelli even like that? What is that book about the book is called the Prince?
[00:05:37] It's called the Prince right? So he died Machiavelli. I thought the guy's name was Prince Machiavelli right right?
[00:05:43] I've heard the phrase I've heard the thing Machiavelli and is it really a book about like stealing power from people?
[00:05:49] It's basically ideas. Yeah, and justify the means. Yeah, so you do it. I like what happens is it a narrative or is it like a how to?
[00:05:57] I've never read the Prince. I've never read it either. I have never read Sun Zu either
[00:06:01] No, I mean those aren't they literally our books you read in jail
[00:06:06] What's his name gorka Sebastian gorka is really into Sun Zu he's got a
[00:06:11] But isn't that isn't that the shit that was going on when it's like war was like you got fucking sharp rocks on the end of bamboo sticks and shit
[00:06:19] Yeah, like is it wasn't some of the shit he says. Yeah, some of the shit's like
[00:06:24] You know surprise them or whatever like go much better to listen to contemporary is like Tony Robbins
[00:06:31] Yeah, exactly how to interact with people. He jumps in a cold pool every morning. Do you know that?
[00:06:38] That's why he looks like that. Yeah, having a fucking head with a four and a half foot diameter
[00:06:44] Is that my rule syndrome or is that a different?
[00:06:46] No, it's like you probably had like a tumor on his pituitary gland. Yeah, yeah, which I want dude
[00:06:51] I want to fucking huge head. Uh-huh. I want people to be afraid
[00:06:54] Dick you get a big dick and you do not know your dick is actually what this big growing system is
[00:07:00] Fucking horse from the ball. Where's the life act to get a big dick? No, well, you remember you remember when you're like a kid
[00:07:06] I don't know if it happened the same for you, but like my dick got huge when I was like 13
[00:07:13] Nice, I didn't grow for like really you had a big ass dick. Yeah. Yeah, it's great
[00:07:18] Your dick just gets bigger than I just didn't like I grew a little bit, you know, right?
[00:07:23] Yeah, you were a child with a big dick basically. That's what it's like for all guys that rules dude
[00:07:32] Yeah, yeah, five to adult penis dude that rocks. That is really good. I'm pretty sure that mine was the
[00:07:42] Kind of the opposite. I didn't get pubes to like ninth grade
[00:07:46] Really? Yeah, all my friends were like I like I think I pretty much lied that I could masturbate really
[00:07:52] Yeah, I started jacking off when I was 10. No, I think I started like I could come at like maybe seventh grade
[00:07:58] Mm-hmm. But yeah, I was jacking out for a while before I could come wait you didn't come jizz
[00:08:04] Or you just you felt like you came though. It's way more of a powerful orgasm than yeah
[00:08:10] I used to rub my dad's children now because he knows he's so powerful
[00:08:15] Yeah, because it's about it's about power. I used to jag out about sex. It's about power
[00:08:21] Is there to come to Korysica? That's in Sun City George fuckers George fuckers George fuckers took us a while to get to that
[00:08:36] Yeah, no, I remember I saw this HBO softcore porn one night about a guy that got a sex
[00:08:43] Like a real doll, but it was like an Android like a like she was like could talk and no
[00:08:48] There's no way you saw a real sex about that that technology just came around. No, no
[00:08:52] It was like a softcore porn just now. Yeah. No, no, it was like probably
[00:08:57] You know 2001 or something. Oh, but it was like a fake narrative thing. Oh, so it was a real woman pretending to be a sex
[00:09:05] Yeah, pretending to be a sex. I saw you that it's almost 2020, you know, yeah
[00:09:10] The show 2020 a year of Barbara Walters
[00:09:13] You're damaging an entire industry that's 60 minutes. Oh, yeah, Barbara trying to fucking shame Kory
[00:09:21] I came from yeah saying he got raped. That's who it was the view that dead man who's very Corey Feldman
[00:09:28] It was felt yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm more like Corey felt boys up. Mm-hmm. That's well felt men
[00:09:34] We felt like a man. Yeah, felt men and boys. Yeah felt man is asked. Did he do it as an adult?
[00:09:40] I thought that was just I mean like the only reason he's like he's like I can't say these names because he could be
[00:09:47] Also diddled. Yeah, that's the only fucking reason the culture of Diddles
[00:09:52] Yeah, and I understand like but he doesn't know how to frame it where it's like yeah
[00:09:55] It's a cycle of abuse and yeah, I raped nine children
[00:09:59] But I deserve to be forgiven because I think people would forgive him
[00:10:03] You know as a as sort of like a PR guru. Yes. Yes
[00:10:08] Yeah, you think whenever yes, okay, I actually advise your work and I said
[00:10:15] Everyone knows who you are and certainly remembers super size right right right you are in the public eye
[00:10:20] You need a new shopping of this to take you down. Oh, yes guy. We all forgot people really give a fuck
[00:10:27] Yeah, and still do know so you should write a letter that said is I raped and
[00:10:32] Then but if you do it then people be like what a fucking hero. He's like Spartacus
[00:10:53] Shut said he heard I wasn't home on Christmas
[00:10:56] I wasn't at the apartment, but he said we had some net new neighbors in pain. He said he heard I'm just
[00:11:01] Screaming at a child on Christmas just you're ruining
[00:11:05] Christmas like the kids should have never right they were right to say that to him. Oh, wow they're screaming at him for shitting his pants
[00:11:12] Yeah, that's funny. Have you ever been scolded for shooting your pants Adam? No, I've been celebrated for it. Oh, yeah
[00:11:18] Yeah, that's a big part of the we had a really progressive religion. That's part of your bar mitzvah heart the Jewish religion
[00:11:24] That's when they're you're up on that chair and they're bouncing you up the town
[00:11:28] To get the dirt out of your ass. Yeah, and if it falls in the rabbi's beard you get good luck for seven years
[00:11:41] I'm so I'm sleepy. There was a woman at the show last night. She had this like I guess she was Moldovan
[00:11:49] Oh, yeah, the woman in the in the fur coat. Yeah, and I
[00:11:54] Guess what she sounded like Russian or Polish. Yeah. Yeah
[00:11:57] Should I take accent she goes I always get kicked out of comedy club
[00:12:03] And like that combination of like third world accent with first world problem is so fucking funny. So good
[00:12:09] I went to kid every time I don't my my grandmother lose finger to uncle winter waiting in bread line outside of Joe Kojo
[00:12:18] And they kick me out for asking for chicken wings during his punchline
[00:12:28] She says she got kicked out of multiple jokes Joe Kojo's she says you got kicked out of a Louis CK show
[00:12:34] Okay, she started DMing me on Instagram. Oh nice. She look good. No, I
[00:12:43] I said what's up at Jewish summer camp? They got a Moldovan kid to come over and like go to camp with us for the summer
[00:12:51] We like bullied him constantly nice and he was like also like six three. We're only a small Jewish kid
[00:12:57] Yeah, yeah, and one day one day he got so fed up. He like he fucked your ass
[00:13:04] Walk me until I no longer made fun. No, he raised he raised his head was like no
[00:13:12] He raised his hand like in the air and he goes who is ready for the cockslap
[00:13:18] He thought a cockslap was just like a style of slapping
[00:13:25] Does weird Eastern European countries where everyone's just waiting around in track suits for the beat to drop
[00:13:30] I think well, don't it's kind of nice is it maybe not well one of my just like more of Ukraine bullshit
[00:13:37] I think they yeah, they have like nice like wine maybe all of them have like a weird thing like like
[00:13:47] Lithuania they're all good at basketball for some reason. Yeah, it's great a basket
[00:13:52] They have like a lot of like like fucking scan the Navy and slob really yeah
[00:13:58] Yeah, it's the ball to state. Yeah, I'm all sick states are like different culturally
[00:14:03] Yeah, then then you know just fucking former Soviet trash Lithuania was from
[00:14:09] They were but you're Lithuanian. Yeah, I'm three quarters Lithuanian. No way. Yeah one quarter
[00:14:21] Very effective quarter. Yeah, yeah, it's small. It's right. Yeah, what's what's what's constantly wait
[00:14:28] Here's a good joke for you. What's what's what kind of ethnicity is more Jewish than being a hundred percent Jewish
[00:14:41] Yeah, yeah, I'm a quarter Jewish nickel interesting
[00:14:50] My my friend his family adopted they were Jewish and they adopted like a Lithuanian kid from or one of those Latvian
[00:14:59] He came over and he was like a big strapping and he just had a huge ass dick
[00:15:03] Yeah, they said it really like it had nothing like their little Jewish American dicks like they it was like traumatizing for them
[00:15:11] He just had a giant monster cock and it like set them back like personally and emotionally for years
[00:15:16] Yeah, no, I mean that's if I'm adopting a kid from the kid store
[00:15:24] Nick Nick not cuz I want to suck it, but just I want him that confidence. He doesn't have real parents
[00:15:29] He's gonna have to get over that hurdle. Yeah, make sure he looks good in bicycle shorts
[00:15:38] On that bike early, that's my favorite part of Borat is
[00:15:42] People the picture of his son and it's like that gay porn show that looks like a kid for some reason
[00:15:47] And he's just like got his face next to his cock and he's doing a thumbs up. I
[00:15:54] Love that shit. I love and there are like honestly the funniest movie of all time
[00:15:58] I'm gonna be home soon with all the CrossFit. I'm planning on doing your dick gets your dick bigger. What what that's
[00:16:04] I mean they got there was a federal injunction against them putting that in the advertising copy
[00:16:09] You were doing that for a while and and they said you can't do that anymore because everyone knows the truth really
[00:16:15] Yeah, should I do CrossFit you should do CrossFit still looking for that hard hard big deal a lot of people
[00:16:20] No, but the goal of CrossFit is just to get hot enough to fuck the teacher
[00:16:24] Is she good looking your teacher? No, but you know it doesn't matter, you know even if it doesn't even need to be a woman
[00:16:30] It's about power. It's about power. It's about power. It's about power girl guy. I don't give a shit
[00:16:35] You know, let's do squats until our dick's don't work for up in each other's mouths
[00:16:38] That's CrossFit that's CrossFit sex with CrossFit
[00:16:43] Hit some damn good ass watch that's out to my little brother Nick for training me
[00:16:48] He's an athletic if you're a trainer in the Baltimore area holler at me
[00:16:51] So I get very powerful brother. He is he is and he's a good-ass trainer. I worked out with him
[00:16:56] He was training a group. He trains a gook. No
[00:17:01] I did not say good was he with the like Chinese gymnastics? Yeah, he's the yeah
[00:17:08] Don the doctor. Yeah, he's the doctor for the US. Oh, then yeah shout out to him
[00:17:14] That was the darkest me to that was wild
[00:17:17] I mean like I don't know girls to sleep the darkest and then they'd wake up in hotel rooms
[00:17:22] I think the darkest one was when you pretended you were on canal street to just get a regular massage
[00:17:39] Sorry, we promised never to talk about this 100% true stories. I brought up the fact that I got a happy ending massage
[00:17:46] I want to get a real massage. Where should I go for that? Here's another three years?
[00:17:50] I'm gonna I'm gonna get a shame because you are the best at massages
[00:17:54] You're gonna have a massage as good as fuck you
[00:17:57] I know if you can massage yourself if I could only massage myself. Do you imagine that does have a goal of what?
[00:18:05] That guy is great a massage. It's became a massage himself, but doctor so he has to kill
[00:18:11] And name wait Prince. Yeah, what move is that? Oh the Prince? Oh?
[00:18:16] Oh much of a much of a really Prince much of a jujaj. I need to hear something for new years
[00:18:22] Here's how I'm thinking about bringing the year go to fucking Koreatown get a massage E Korean barbecue
[00:18:27] What's better than that? I'm relaxed. I'm eating my favorite food. You're gonna get your dick
[00:18:31] See I would do the same move but in Chinatown. I'll go with you and you're gonna get your dick
[00:18:37] Maybe I don't know it's New Year's. I'm not gonna plan on fucking chair massage
[00:18:40] You don't have to worry about that shit go to a place that has a fucking window. That's all it takes
[00:18:45] To get you guys if you want to see everyone do something into some fucking Chinatown basement that smells like
[00:18:52] Oh, I'm surprised to find out they tried to jack me off. Here's the thing. Here's the thing
[00:18:57] I'm not gonna look for a happy ending, but if the Lord decides that's literally what happened to me
[00:19:04] Then I'll fucking accept thing. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna spit in God's face in my Savior who made it happen
[00:19:11] You want me to do that? I won't I'm a religious man. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's literally what we I want
[00:19:20] She was I don't want like a grandma jacking me off. I got dragged off by a grandma. Yeah, she was older
[00:19:30] We all know as soon as you said I got jacked off in Chinatown. We know
[00:19:34] Exactly what you were talking about. She had a cigarette hanging out of her mouth
[00:19:44] Is who's to getting those jobs every job in Chinatown is shit. Yeah, the person that stacks all the frogs together
[00:19:52] Mm-hmm. You're the person that spins the gun for Russian rule underground Russian rule
[00:19:58] Yeah, the opium and then do their fishing jackets the ones that pack the bowls of the really long pipes of opium
[00:20:07] That seems cool. That needs a fucking comeback. I would be down as hell for an opium
[00:20:11] That's the one part I watched the Nick and it's like, you know
[00:20:15] Why the fuck don't we still have that in Chinatown? I know you can literally still go get sucked off illegally. Yeah fucking bring the opium
[00:20:23] I'm with you brother. I want to recline. Let's get both pillows. I want to yeah
[00:20:27] I want a really long pipe. I mean talk about enjoying suck. I want to see you're on opium pukes
[00:20:32] Just a Chinese woman's pubes and she's like, are you finished? You probably can't get hard. I don't know
[00:20:40] That's probably true. Adrian said that she said you haven't been able to perform as a man
[00:20:46] When Chris had his intervention. Wow. She put him on blast for rolls boys. I forgot that part
[00:20:56] He can't get hard and then he duffs him out for disrespecting his mom
[00:21:03] Yeah, let's get an opium. I came I came into the office your head was in the toilet your hair was touching the water disgusting
[00:21:14] Yeah, let's bring opium dense back get sucked off
[00:21:18] Let's bring dense back in general. Dan a den is nice wood paneling. Yeah, you know an extra TV
[00:21:23] That's a little shittier than the good TV Dan. Yeah, I miss Dan's I haven't been in a den in the hot wood paneling is great
[00:21:29] Fuck I feel like every teenager should learn how to drink at a wood panel. Yes. Yep. Yeah, yes
[00:21:35] We didn't have bass finger awkwardly in one of those learn how to drink. Yeah, watch some fuck play GameCube
[00:21:41] That sounds awesome. Yeah, I remember the like one of the first the first time I think I got like really drunk
[00:21:47] I remember what no you know what it was the first time I got really high and drunk nice good combo
[00:21:53] Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it was in a wood panel basement and we watched the Bruce Bruce
[00:22:01] Maybe the half hour. I remember that it was the one with the joke where he's like everybody got an uncle to laugh without cracking a smile
[00:22:14] There's the woo at the end and I remember like laughing so fucking hard at that joke. Yes. Yeah, it's a good joke
[00:22:20] Yeah, he had a joke. It was very problematic. Maybe it was him or another fat black man on a comedy such a presence
[00:22:26] That was like one of the first times we know I'm bonded over comedy
[00:22:30] It was like he was saying like if you've ever like had sex with a man your gay forever
[00:22:38] And he was like mom loved it. Yeah, we were just dying dude Venetia was which is you know usually she's actually very woke woman
[00:22:45] She was anti-sled shaming way before the whole wave was
[00:22:49] She I remember she yelled at a kid she yelled at some kid who we were carpooling with and she's like a
[00:22:58] He was trying to get on his MRA shit my mom fucking she said him shut him down in that fucking Dodge
[00:23:10] The soccer practice vehicle care of an you know, that's right. Yeah, it was a care lord of it
[00:23:16] My mom is a care lord she cares. She's my princess. She's my queer mom sounds like a real moral. She's my angel
[00:23:22] Yeah, your mom sounds gay dude. You take it back now
[00:23:25] My I thought she was cool when she handed me those cookies. Yeah, but now that I know that she's oh by the way
[00:23:31] That fucking cocksucking Albanian ate your cookies
[00:23:35] We let there's a few left. I'll bring him tomorrow. I literally motherfucker. There was 40 fucking cookies
[00:23:41] Well, yeah, we saw the same we saw this there's four of them
[00:23:44] I'm like I was with the fuck dude. He's like, oh, sorry dude
[00:23:51] And then he was like don't you have some there's like yeah, I'm giving those to like they were like another gift wrapped one
[00:24:00] Well, I'm gonna judge all Albanians, but I accidentally ate all the cookies
[00:24:05] I'm a heartbeast I'm a sneaker head my total sneaker head. Oh
[00:24:15] I love sneakers. What'd you get? I'll show you afterwards. Okay. Yeah, those air max 294
[00:24:21] Oh those white on white. I can't fit air max is my feet or two wide. No, they're not they're the like ones that look like basketball
[00:24:27] They're like the hot no, I know they don't I can't any oh wait a second the maybe I can't they're like before the more
[00:24:33] I remember these yes. Yes. I actually can wear those I used to have the red one. They're sick
[00:24:38] I got it for 80 bucks. I'm trying not to spend money, but I might have to buy a couple more pairs
[00:24:43] Now I gotta just get rid we're such idiots. It's springtime in the springtime. I might have to read it. Yeah, whatever dude
[00:24:50] Who cares? I buy shoes isn't a big deal. I like it. That's fine. I'm trying to save money
[00:24:54] I want where the shoes, you know, yeah, you get a dumb purchases a little hundred dollar racing wheel that you
[00:25:05] On wide shoes, I probably will never use that racing. That's awesome. That's so fucking good, dude
[00:25:10] I know salute to you for that. Yeah, you know, I it's like I hate myself, but then I'm like
[00:25:15] Well, it is pretty funny to just have something like an idiot
[00:25:19] I am you could sell that and like no you can't really who the fuck is buying a race some idiot like you I
[00:25:26] Don't I don't want to talk to people like me. That's sure. That's a very good point
[00:25:31] No, I want to keep the contact with people that I have things in common with such a minimum. Oh never
[00:25:37] I can't even look at a mirror. Yeah. Yeah, I'm with you
[00:25:40] It would be and then you know it sucks because it's like you meet people that are like fans of the show or whatever
[00:25:47] Like just come out to the spots and they're just you right right right
[00:25:51] Just like a version of you that didn't do stand-up do the thing and you're like didn't get molested in the way that made you fun
[00:26:10] You're like no, I'm bad. I'm an idiot. I hate my man in DC. We're like oh, yeah
[00:26:15] We start about that. Thank you to everyone who fucking came out. We mentioned it. Oh, did you oh, that's right?
[00:26:19] Yeah, yeah, and again the sound guy can suck my fat nuts
[00:26:23] Yeah, and I feel really bad about that because I would have loved to release that episode
[00:26:27] It was really good. It was a really good app
[00:26:29] But we're gonna go on a fucking tour that that confirmed it and we just got a fucking sit down and look at some calendars
[00:26:34] But she has everyone have access to like let's say probably 300
[00:26:39] Yeah, 300 seedy venue and like a major city
[00:26:42] Maybe LA people do like some bigger a bigger little kind of slightly bigger one. I lose my dick every let us know and
[00:26:55] Mm-hmm. I don't know what that nice means, but yeah, we want to go coast to coast get our Cox rubbed every in every city
[00:27:01] We're definitely trying to do like Austin Chicago
[00:27:05] Now man, I'm trying to get my cock rubbed in every city
[00:27:07] At Atlanta hot land out I'm trying to get a little rubber duchly-o down there New Orleans
[00:27:13] I'm trying to get sucked off by a crawdad
[00:27:18] We should do there's you know, it's a fun. It's fun to do is like smaller East Coast cities like Trenton or Easton
[00:27:24] Those are fun. Yeah, we can do podcasts wherever fucking yeah
[00:27:30] Yeah, no, I've done trend I've done comedy trend. It's it's like fun. Yeah, why do we do Philly though?
[00:27:36] We'll do Philly to you both. I'm saying like you fucking you will do bigger shows and bigger cities
[00:27:41] Well, yeah, you do no you do smaller shows you just keep you do multiple shows
[00:27:47] You know instead of like two nights in Philly you do one night in Philly one night in Trent
[00:27:52] Split it and people could take a choice of which one they want and then you just do smaller venues
[00:27:58] Trying to get my cock rubbed in Trenton. Yeah, every city dude fucking open it up
[00:28:02] I like the little city because that means that's more cities. I'm gonna get fucking my nuts massage did yeah
[00:28:10] Yeah, get your balls played with like one of those Chinese stress. Yeah, like it's one of those chairs and
[00:28:18] Pull your balls out put a quarter's in put a quarter in there have a nice time put my pants all the way down
[00:28:27] The mall like what I paid extra for the happy
[00:28:32] The scurvy arts like sir, you're like I'm all my way to GameStop. I
[00:28:37] Will arrive at the GameStop at my leisure
[00:28:50] Damn well, man. I'm so tired from CrossFit being an athlete this morning
[00:28:55] Mm-hmm. Well CrossFit athlete well guys it is the 30th of December. Mm-hmm. That's true
[00:29:02] You're best of lists we could do we could talk about our year 30th of December 30th of Pussies
[00:29:09] The dirt is okay. Let's let's let's talk about the dirtiest Pussies of the year
[00:29:17] Fucking gross. I keep my shit real nasty. Yeah, you do. Yeah
[00:29:23] I've been prescribed multiple creams and ointment. You know speaking of elders. I'll make fun of him
[00:29:33] And he did like it's not from his girlfriend. He's from fucking cookies
[00:29:42] Yes, I don't know guys good. I know he's gotten it before
[00:29:46] What is it? What is that like I think it's just like cock is too swampy his balls and sugar too
[00:29:53] Do you have to dance? Yeah, it's like a swamp in it. It grows yeasts
[00:29:58] Like a petri did what the fuck does it smell like on the hands?
[00:30:06] I accidentally fucked a bunch of pancake batter. I've got a bread dick
[00:30:16] God damn it shows so funny dude fucking yeast infection
[00:30:20] What a fucking idiot is so fucking stupid. Yeah, shout out to all this. Yeah. Yeah, he's gay. He's probably the most referenced
[00:30:29] Person on this podcast we go if we tally no, it's probably the Nick the show the Nick. Yeah, that's not a person though
[00:30:51] The greatest it's pretty good fucking burn myself making a fucking a roast at Christmas
[00:30:58] Yo the spread I made a Christmas though my dudes. I had a fucking butternut squash crab bisque
[00:31:05] Fuck with your boy. Okay. That's that's a appetizer
[00:31:09] Zucchini fritters go look you took a fd this for those initiated
[00:31:14] Those are just zucchini fries zucchini fritters. Yes. Yes. You fucking you
[00:31:18] Tread them little batter, you know little onion little fucking salt
[00:31:24] Beautiful and then I made a fucking rib roast a rib eye roast and I rubbed it down with fresh ass herbs
[00:31:30] Ribeye or rib roast ribeye. It's like ribeye. It's a ribeye that wasn't cut. It's like three bones an uncut ribeye
[00:31:38] That's what I like. That's my cock. It's my call my cock is the uncut ribeye. I love getting my tube sucked. Oh
[00:31:49] Hell yes, bitch, but other slips around this tube and get the fucking whore
[00:32:16] I got a tube steak for you Adam. Oh fuck never saw those videos as tube steak videos tube steak. Yeah
[00:32:32] I like to get my fucking tube interacted with
[00:32:40] My tube fuck you know what I'm saying try get my tubes suck my tube
[00:33:02] Sometimes we'll me and George will refer to pussy a square get a little square
[00:33:13] It's funny. I love getting square fuck some rhombus. Oh
[00:33:21] Yeah, you know really I my man's saying shapes over here. Mm-hmm
[00:33:25] I'm a no-alder damn shape. I can't tell them sick is I hate when are you like finished me and sick and then it's still like
[00:33:30] You're still congested. Yeah, you're still congested for like another couple of days. Yeah
[00:33:34] I feel like I get sick longer the sickness ends when the chap lips go away. Oh fuck
[00:33:40] Maybe I am sick cuz my lips have been getting chapped as fuck. It's also weather. Yeah, but I've been feeling you got it
[00:33:45] You gotta use chapstick a couple. It was like two winters ago. I got vaseline dude my fucking
[00:33:50] I'm probably my shit down a vase my nose was I had like dry skin on my face damn and I get that
[00:33:56] Yeah, well, I didn't my face was just burning and I didn't I was like did I get sunburned?
[00:34:01] Yeah, yeah, and my cousin's fiance was like no you need to use lotion. I'm like fuck that dude. I'm not gay
[00:34:08] Never gonna do that. Yeah, it's I guess that's a party
[00:34:14] You know, you know what all black people know. Yeah, you get ashy mm-hmm
[00:34:20] I've I don't need I did grow up around people applying lotion all the time. However, I have beautiful
[00:34:26] Mediterranean skin that stays soft all of all of I used to put olive oil on my nose when it was dried out
[00:34:33] I don't know this is freaking the fuck is like deaf now
[00:34:39] Nom flashbacks. Yeah, he's like afraid of ghosts right now. How old is Ernest like 22? No
[00:34:45] I mean, I've been living here two years and Amber told me it was 20 when I moved in holy fuck really yeah
[00:34:51] My man was born. Let me do a little quick math here 1997. Is he seriously 22? No, he's not
[00:34:59] Yeah, it's like the oldest cat in the world. I got according to Amber. I mean Amber got him. That's not a rescue
[00:35:04] So he's still probably at least like 18 years old. He's fucking old. He's an old
[00:35:10] Yeah, I mean look at him. He's like scared of his hair is like rotting off. Yeah shit
[00:35:15] You think he's gonna die soon? I mean, he seems pretty fucking spry. He does pretty sad when Ernest dies
[00:35:20] Oh, I'll be devastated. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't really fuck me. I really like him. I think I like him guy
[00:35:26] Yeah, he annoys me, but I would be sad it when he's annoying and he dumps and throws up everywhere
[00:35:32] But well, he's a very affectionate cat. I mean like he's like yeah in spite of all that stuff
[00:35:43] Husky yeah, husky mix how old one year so fully grown fully grown but small and cute. Yeah
[00:35:50] That's what I got icy. I fuck with dogs dude. I've changed my mind on dogs. Well, you're never that nice to I see yeah
[00:35:56] I'm not and she's like the nice stop. You're like bad with animals. I'm not good at it with animals
[00:36:04] I've never claimed to be good animals except for that squirrel family that lifts in your
[00:36:08] Girl family lives in the fucking in the walls in the walls of my home of my childhood home
[00:36:13] No, we never had animals. We were never like that animals. We weren't either
[00:36:16] But I fuck with I like babies. I'm better babies than I am
[00:36:21] I feel in babies. I think people either animal or baby people we met nix and ease on the way back from you
[00:36:27] She's cute. I met the need you we met the same the knees
[00:36:31] So we're all her uncles and Nick was sick
[00:36:40] Sick I should know the baby like oh no, it's fine. She has an ear infection
[00:36:43] Yeah, the baby just had a hundred four fever you're both sick. It's fine. Yeah, is that how germs work you fucking idiots? Yeah
[00:36:52] Chats out to your family though. They were very hospitable. Yeah, very nice offer me donuts
[00:36:56] I did not take them up on it because I'm trying to change turn my life around. I should have taken one
[00:37:03] Yeah, they're very hospitable here have a baby
[00:37:06] Yeah, they gave us nix nix we are now raising it and kind of for the show really we needed content
[00:37:17] Oh my god, Ernest is ears so freaking out dude. I don't know my jaw hurts. What the fuck it like her
[00:37:23] I'm sucking dick. Oh, but down on the bottom. Yeah, I don't know
[00:37:27] But I think that might be like sinuses actually that might you might be honest something. Yeah, I feel like shit
[00:37:32] You know that are it's like you got a tooth or go to
[00:37:35] Tooth or gum issue. I just throw it to the Costco food court for lunch. Oh my god
[00:37:41] I'm not trying to go to I was just talking about the Costco food court yesterday
[00:37:45] Dude, I'm not driving the fucking Costco in the snow motherfucker. It's not that far. I don't want to do this like 20 minutes
[00:37:49] No, that's far 15 in the snow. I drove here already. I'll try to go there. I got you. I'll pay guy
[00:37:55] I got a bunch of financial stuff. I gotta go through I gotta go to do I gotta do all the expenses for the
[00:37:59] Yeah, I just need to buy a suitcase for the fucking just don't buy a fucking suitcase
[00:38:03] Just go to fucking make me bring back gifts go to Macy's get a duffel bag
[00:38:07] Go to the fuck I don't want to go on the train with a fucking suit go to the eighth floor Macy's
[00:38:16] And you tell him that I sent you Nick sent me and hope T. Don't know first of all his name
[00:38:24] Goes night. Oh, yeah, we get any goes Nike
[00:38:29] Nike yeah, that's sure I remember as a kid
[00:38:33] Uh often non whites would spell my name Nike really yeah, they just couldn't spell Nick
[00:38:40] They thought it was Nike and it's like you know what the fuck Nike is you know how to pronounce it. That's right
[00:38:47] People used to pronounce it and I choose to pronounce it differently
[00:38:52] So I can prolong the conversation about how my name is Nike
[00:38:56] Because that's certainly something I wanted to have the conversation would have all the time if my name were
[00:39:03] Nike's a good as name for a brand. I'm gonna name my son Nike. Are you yeah, I'll be tight
[00:39:08] Hmm. I'm gonna name my son Jordan. Oh nice after Michael Jordan
[00:39:13] I don't even like Montel, Georgia. I actually would name my son Kobe though
[00:39:17] I would I would my son French like French Stewart after French
[00:39:27] Dominate my son Jonathan Taylor Thomas. How kiss I'm gonna become famous off this podcast and have a stupid celebrity baby with a retarded name
[00:39:38] Do you know how much retarded shit we really?
[00:39:41] Record we should all we should all make sure kids we should all mix our common the Vitamix and then inject it into a woman
[00:39:49] That's a great idea. We don't know and know we don't know who's son. I mean it'll be so obvious. Well, we do
[00:40:02] It will be so clear who's good, but it would be funny to do well, that's why you got to use a black woman
[00:40:07] Oh, so their little makes their superior jeans very nice
[00:40:12] Fuck up the kid do a degree where we can't tell who the father is
[00:40:15] Yeah, but it'll have all three of our traits. Yeah, and then we can go on Maury and that'll be the next
[00:40:25] There's morey Baltimore. It's really funny. What do you mean? Well, it's like sketch some guy did. Oh, it's funny shit
[00:40:32] It's like what's up more you thought me? I thought you meant Maury had his own
[00:40:43] No, it's fucking good this next comedian
[00:40:49] What's the work at the White House with Hillary Clinton with
[00:40:53] So she can get back at Bill. She's gonna want to get revenge and for all that shit bill pulled I
[00:41:00] Just quit smoking funny every time man. I watched it yesterday
[00:41:04] I watched it yesterday and it's still the greatest stand-up set of all time. Yeah, I think the British are coming
[00:41:11] Dude getting high and saying I think the British
[00:41:18] I'm just like fucking lazily walking around my apartment high by myself saying I think the British are coming
[00:41:35] Say smoke he said I've tried pot. Yeah pot. Yeah awesome
[00:41:40] Do you guys want to score some pot do pot? Yeah, you know what I really love to do is score pot and get my tubes up. I
[00:41:59] Love that shit so much dude. Yeah, Doc my fucking two birds
[00:42:14] I think I have another yeast infection in my tube
[00:42:19] Something's wrong with my tube. Yeah, this is tube is just a press and roll tube
[00:42:24] My tube my tubes turn into a grand role
[00:42:34] You know I just remembered you told us about the first time of the Bruce Bruce thing
[00:42:37] I'm meant to ask Adam. What's the first time you got drunk? Do you have any memories from it? I got drunk
[00:42:43] Yeah, like I throw up like pretty was it was my friend David's house my friend David
[00:42:49] His parents like always had a lot of money on some suspicious shit and they had like a really big house
[00:42:55] And so Adam would have to go over there and they would make videos in the basement
[00:42:59] Yeah, that's where their money came well
[00:43:02] We did think that it was porn for a while. Oh really like mom hot it was like it looked like one of those like
[00:43:08] Encino houses where they shoot porn in LA fuck it was in Vegas
[00:43:12] Wait, wait, wait, he was his mom that was getting my dad told me one time my dad like they used to have parents parties
[00:43:20] Like and like they all the parents just get blackout and then me and David like play like PlayStation like suck each other
[00:43:38] Whoa, I remember that was like one of the things that he said like she's got no pubes forever like driving home
[00:43:44] He's like it. It's incredible that she's she said that she doesn't have she got them laser removed
[00:43:54] Yeah, we weren't ever really sure but then like his parents were like so his parents were like really bad at supervision
[00:44:00] They go to bed and likes, you know, we'd hear them fucking and smoke nice
[00:44:14] Yeah, yeah, like drive to the other side of town like drive like 45 minutes away get drunk drive back drunk really?
[00:44:21] Yeah, yeah, we were like freshman and just the boys
[00:44:24] Yeah, me and my barely have pubes me and my friend David and Alex yeah
[00:44:27] We get and you don't have pubes and you have a little day. I'd like throw up in the back of his dad
[00:44:31] No, this is all facts that Adam stated earlier. Yeah, I'm tying it together for the fans. I'm painting a picture
[00:45:20] It's gonna be hard for me not to say to next time I get my dicks like oh, yeah to be like suck that
[00:45:41] Coming I'm a fucking hire. I'm gonna come
[00:45:43] Like me her new but me your big big hard dack there's a guy there's a guy that ran open mics in DC
[00:45:50] That was clearly in the closet and he would like talk about girls, but he would talk about it like a gay guy
[00:46:05] She's so sexy so hot fuck her. She's so elegant
[00:46:11] I just want to like put my hand in her pussy. Mm-hmm. We lost some great riffs on that
[00:46:17] We're talking about that that's sure life doing that. Yeah. Yeah, we're talking about the Koch brothers. Yeah. Yeah, so well
[00:46:28] I was like we're gonna I was like let's talk about this. Yeah, we talked about him why it
[00:46:36] Then he was like a laggis one when I say that went nowhere meant I didn't have any good riffs right?
[00:46:42] Yeah, right right right. I got you that was there. That's my job bum that showed
[00:46:46] I'm the fucking riff. I'm the riff guy. Hey, man. Sometimes you got to set it up. That's what the show is
[00:46:50] It was strange. I'm an Adam had a good one. You're the fat one. I had a good one. The unnecessary
[00:46:55] That was my good one. That was your good one and then I talked about him being gay and stuff
[00:47:01] Yeah, and you did Ralph for like 10 minutes. Yeah, I'll do Ralph all the time at live shows
[00:47:05] I'm basically nothing at the live show. No, you know, you were fine. You did good. We all did good
[00:47:11] It was fun. I started acting really like drunk towards the end. Yeah acting. Yeah, you can get fucked up
[00:47:16] I mean, I was doing my drunk character. All right, drink for tequila sodas throughout in an hour
[00:47:24] Like a guy that no one respects character my girlfriend's bringing me another drink
[00:47:29] I was doshy doing it. She recovered from from seeing that cut of whatever that movie was
[00:47:36] Yeah, she didn't like what movie she saw a movie. She was in and she was like, oh gosh. Oh, no. Yeah
[00:47:43] Yeah, they told her you wouldn't be able to see your asshole, but yeah full as you see the whole ring
[00:47:48] Yeah, she get it bleached out. Yeah. Yeah now like the fucking come-town reddit is gonna be like we gotta find out
[00:47:57] The shit this your home page. Yeah my home page. That's what comes up every time I walk on to the internet
[00:48:07] You said earlier that my jaw thing could be a gum issue. It's a second dick issue. Yeah, it could be you could have like an abscess
[00:48:13] You need to go to the dog. Dude. I don't know. I hate this fucking shit. I just like offer like
[00:48:25] Say to you like I could be this and then I get fucking an undated with messages like you don't know what the fuck you're talking about
[00:48:31] All right, I'm a doctor and it's like well if you're a doctor
[00:48:34] Why are you listening to come to those children instead of listening to fucking you know the best podcast ever?
[00:48:47] What are you two cats you guys resolution?
[00:48:50] Fucking furious that I put the real-ass podcast on the patreon and you know because the episode got fucked up
[00:48:56] Oh, really that'd be a nice thing for people and like I guess I listen back to it and as soon as you hear the theme music
[00:49:02] You're like oh, this is a completely different show. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They have a rap rock theme song. Yeah, and I guess if you you're
[00:49:10] uninitiated to Lewis you don't get that like
[00:49:13] All of your criticisms of Lewis Lewis like is aware of an embrace
[00:49:19] Saying he's doing irony, but he's definitely leaning into the yes. Yeah, yeah
[00:49:25] Which he does better than anyone else. He's so funny. Yeah, Lewis is the one of the funniest fucking people there is
[00:49:31] We'll dial it back a little bit be a funny the funniest person
[00:49:35] On earth I mean he's Lewis J. Gomez. He's like what 35 he rides a small skateboard. Yeah
[00:49:43] Penny board he'd be laughing and shit. He was like he was like dude Ron Bennington was there and like fucking apparently back
[00:49:49] When he was young like a young guy like us. You had this issue with there was like a heroin needle left out or something
[00:49:55] I was like young guys like us. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's 40 years old. Yeah, you have a child. You have a year old child
[00:50:07] Yeah, remember it takes it takes breaks every like half hour. Yeah, just smoke a blunt
[00:50:13] Yeah, not even to like just hit a bowl. No last time. We did realize podcast. He's just like hotbox the fucking studio
[00:50:20] Me and Tim are like can you just we're recovering alcohol
[00:50:23] Yeah, I mean I don't have a problem with weed I can be around weed. It's like I would prefer not to have a fucking contact
[00:50:32] High while I'm already like trying not to say dumb shit right right right. Yeah deal with fact checkers
[00:50:39] Right also in fact check podcast what a noble role to play in life
[00:50:44] To make sure that nobody says dumb shit as if this isn't just like a
[00:50:49] Recording of real life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah suck this tube
[00:50:59] Take a ride on the tube. Yeah, why don't you snog off my tube you hog girl. Why do you hop up?
[00:51:05] I want a big hog girl to snog my tube. Yes, my tube in it. Yeah
[00:51:10] Hey listen here boy governor boy governor. That's sucking me to I love it
[00:51:15] I know British people say governor. I know that's the funniest shit. I've not
[00:51:20] Yeah, it was like something that cockney people said in the 1800s. What do they not have got suck cockney?
[00:51:26] Yes, suck my cock suck my cockney. I think I got a chimney you can see all those guys
[00:51:32] They had to take it around that's where that accent comes from. Oh, they were suck cockneys
[00:51:36] Yeah, they're on their knees. I got and it got shortened to cockneys. Yeah
[00:51:39] Hmm. Well, they're on their knees to yes cockneys. Yes. Yes. Yes suck cockneys. Oh, I know the score
[00:51:46] Mm-hmm. I know 69 to 69. Yeah tie game overtime. I know where it's at. I guess it's time for our book review section
[00:51:57] So do you want to talk about that? Yeah, I could talk about it. I'm gonna talk about now
[00:52:01] You can't talk about it at the 12 pages of Bronx is burning. I've read in the last two weeks
[00:52:05] I love that dude. I love I love it when like somebody that doesn't read picks up a book and they get five pages in there
[00:52:12] Like I'm actually reading I'm getting into reading
[00:52:15] I am trying to read bitch. I'm trying to be a smart motherfucker
[00:52:21] Just be just embrace your imping. No, I'm dumb as shit 30 of the birthday. Hey, man 29th relax
[00:52:26] So if you should get this book I just got around the corner for Christmas
[00:52:31] Having sex with women for dummies. No, look how soft this is. I want to fuck Amber's clothes
[00:52:35] Is that fur? Yeah, it's a nice fur. Are you putting her on blast right now? No, that's some bourgeois
[00:52:44] Damn nice brisket fucking whatever that word is
[00:52:49] That's it. Oh sure you got there, man. Yeah, bro. Sure. Yeah, bro. Sure. See bro. Sure. See. Yeah. I know rich people real out of brochures
[00:52:58] For vacations and shit, I know what this shit is I want to stick my dick in this sleeve
[00:53:06] Do it dude if you're one dude my friend that's no one tell Amber that I've been fucking her clothes
[00:53:12] Our buddy my lembers like Amber comes up. She's like did you fuck my clothes and like no, what the fuck?
[00:53:18] What are you talking about my tube stays inside?
[00:53:30] Love slamming my tube into some square baby
[00:53:36] Movie about like an alien that came to earth and you're trying to fit in
[00:53:40] It's just the my craft version of sex. I can't wait to have my tube polished
[00:53:50] Did you guys see that Jomma Nee Sun said we're canceled for 2018 are we canceled?
[00:53:59] He like pretends to be a child or some shit. It pretends to be a retarded person nice. Yeah
[00:54:05] Well, I gotta tell you what I got some fucking real racism for Johnny Sun
[00:54:10] I will fucking slur him up and down and bring your fucking dumbass alien gimmick
[00:54:24] Therefore it is racist. So if you or someone that thinks that something is racist
[00:54:30] Therefore, it's completely right. Did anyone call them out for doing a retard character?
[00:54:34] Yeah, a lot of people were like your whole thing is that you act like you have down
[00:54:38] You know unique in my criticism named cusprous that it's a Barney the dinosaur for a dog
[00:54:50] Yeah, I had some mutual friend with him on Facebook and they posted one of his tweets
[00:54:54] Jomma Nee. Yeah, they posted one of his tweets and I was like that guy fucking sucks dick and then Jommie
[00:55:00] Responses like yeah, I think he does, you know like to like try to self own no not to self own
[00:55:06] But to be like yeah, I can see that you wrote that or whatever. Yeah, and it's like yeah. No, I think you suck
[00:55:20] Nice ironic homophobic. No, I actually am just describing you filating a tube
[00:55:33] Do you know in England they call the subway the tube?
[00:55:37] Yeah, that's a thing man cuz like this show is fucking low. It's just bullshit
[00:55:45] It's a nonsense show. We don't put any effort into it. It's garbage. I understand it's racist. I understand it's bad
[00:55:51] It's stupid and bad of course. That's fine
[00:55:53] Yeah, but the benefit of being bad guys is we never fall into this fucking more or less bullshit trap
[00:55:59] Where you pretend you're helping the world with your shit right quote-unquote comedy, right?
[00:56:04] That's why you should commit to just being a piece of shit right be who you are right exactly
[00:56:09] And then you don't have to fucking worry about like accidentally developing a big head over your garbage content
[00:56:15] Yeah, imagine thinking you're like an important person because you like throw a couple extra M's and ends and do fucking regular words
[00:56:22] Yeah, which I feel like is basically what he does well. He's got yeah
[00:56:25] He's got book deals and shit. Oh, we should get a book deal
[00:56:28] Of course, we should get a book deal. It's speaking your other kind of deal. Yes rhymes a book deal
[00:56:46] Is your rule apply there buddy, but don't say it
[00:57:04] I like the burden of a man's penis and I'm mad at ass as a dick
[00:57:13] The tensile I got I got really I was like laughing real hard about Pablo's Don La Fontaine joke again
[00:57:19] Yeah, dude, that is when I was 12 and 13 still still that was my favorite stand-up comedy still good
[00:57:33] Yeah, and then a bunch of people just do it little tortilla
[00:57:40] Yeah, dude. They chop up. I mean you can't do any of the voice you know
[00:57:43] I watched expendables three last night. Hi shit
[00:57:46] Arnold says get to the chopper and it rules it says a line from a different movie
[00:57:56] X I watched expendables three oh expendables three. I haven't seen any of the expendables movies which I know
[00:58:02] Surprising it is surprising. I missed out on the first one in theaters. They're pretty good. You know, I don't they actually are not
[00:58:08] I can't participate in this world. It's fine. If you're like really stoned. Yeah, I was stoned a shit
[00:58:13] To do you know this was more fun when your stone watering around your apartment saying I think the British
[00:58:21] Weed in moderation, you know you smoke weed once a month you get like a million fucking bits out of it
[00:58:26] I've been I've been doing that. I've never got like one hit a weed
[00:58:29] My tolerance is so not dude Andre steakhouse. That's weed. You know, I'm sure some other shit
[00:58:35] I fucking said all right, and these are all great bit
[00:58:47] Yeah, yeah, thank you to everyone who shouted that
[00:58:51] Just one guy who really wanted to see a shout out to stop for tearing his pants while hosting the show
[00:58:56] Oh, yeah, how do we not mention that until now? I?
[00:59:00] Fucking straight up. I was hosting the standing room last night shots out to the standing room in the stand giving me a
[00:59:05] Nick some nice spots and we're like text exchange with Patrick and I don't know who is it fault and he probably would resent me
[00:59:14] Discussing it discussing it, but I'm an open guy. Yeah. Yeah, he was like, you know, like he's like
[00:59:19] He's like he's a game in spot. I'm like, right
[00:59:22] He was like by the way, I like I booked you big because like a merit, you know
[00:59:25] Not because like you have an audience that will be a show and I think it was because I said on the show that like
[00:59:30] You know, they'll book me now because I have right right right right right?
[00:59:33] So I guess shout out slash apology to Pat
[00:59:38] Implying well it is merit. You're a good comic. Yeah. Well, yeah
[00:59:42] I mean I don't think I'm a bad comic, but it's like I do have like the only reason we started a podcast
[00:59:47] It's so we could have an audience to leverage it to get more sure sure sure what the fuck out
[00:59:51] But I think we would be working at the stand no matter what yeah, probably I mean they were booking me before I before this podcast
[00:59:56] Yeah, I guess if I and I didn't really consider it
[00:59:59] But if I if anyone interpreted what I said to mean that the stand, you know makes booking decisions based on like
[01:00:07] Popularity that's not a case now they have the like sometimes they book they book some of like the most book the best comics in the city
[01:00:14] Plus two of the honestly night is I've ever seen in my life
[01:00:18] And that's you know, it's a pretty good cross
[01:00:22] Yeah, I'm nice. I'm shit. This shit is on fire, dude. Yeah, I stand rules. It's the best of them
[01:00:27] Mm-hmm good food too. Oh, the food is fucking oh my god that tuna dude. Yeah motherfucking tuna steak pretty good, but fuck the breakfast
[01:00:37] That's they have good breakfast to make you right. Yeah
[01:00:40] Avocados avocados if you're nasty. Yeah, yeah
[01:00:45] I was so tempted when I walked past you on stage last night where you were hosting to go to the bathroom
[01:00:49] It was very tempting not to say but the breakfast
[01:00:52] Yeah, people shot that out on the road now, right? I get applause breaks when I do that show
[01:01:03] So if you haven't seen it, you don't know what I'm talking about come to a live show gang
[01:01:06] I'll do it and I want to hear you a plug knowing that is to have your bits said back to you
[01:01:11] Oh, yeah, it's the worst worst thing, but that's the best way to piss off in comedian. Yeah, it is really me
[01:01:16] Uh-huh like I used to do when I was like I don't know 2021 it's just it was funny
[01:01:23] I was like hooking up with this girl and then I wrote a bit about how I fuck ugly girls now
[01:01:33] Well, I'm like what's it like why like why would you try to fuck somebody hotter and it's really just only to impress other men
[01:01:39] You know, right and then I could say can act out like oh, I can't wait till Steve hears about this. Yeah, yeah
[01:01:46] Or like this feels as good as like Steve's approval was the punchline. Okay fucking Lucas Moanda's kept saying like we were doing something
[01:01:54] And I was like I went to lunch, you know, it's like this is pretty good. He's like really does it feel as good as Steve's approval
[01:02:06] Yeah, like the fucking that's why I'm I'm a little back and it's just uh, yeah, you know, it's I will never bow to this pressure
[01:02:14] Yeah, well you'll never bow you're physically
[01:02:18] Amen, I guess I can I can't wait until you get my dick's darity back. Yeah, your dick's darity my dick's
[01:02:26] Um, I am getting flexed ever wanted me to show you this picture of uh, this guy. That's just you but porta-ree
[01:02:32] That's not me. That's you. Let me see. It looks exactly like him. Oh, that is you that literally is just some dude pursing his lips
[01:02:39] No, that's you know, he doesn't have a little guy
[01:02:42] He does have buggos guys stupid. He has better hair than you better hair than you
[01:02:46] Okay, first of all every hairdresser I have tells me I have the best hair for a man
[01:02:50] No one's ever said that to you. It's true. Anyway, he has better hair than you then. Yeah
[01:02:55] And every hairdresser he has says that as they grab ahold of his hair by the roots and presses face further into their pelvis
[01:03:05] That's right when Adam hears it. I don't get it. I don't understand. What do you mean you don't get such good hair?
[01:03:25] Have those lips around my tube. I love getting tube dog
[01:03:30] All right, well, that's gonna do it for the premium for this week. I think so happy uh, happy new year
[01:03:35] Happy new year. We'll see you guys do everything a plug once the next funny moms the next funny moms is the 20
[01:03:41] Second or 23rd or 23rd or 23rd or 23rd or both nights two shows
[01:03:44] Come on out funny moms. Come on everybody. It's the 22nd of January. We don't have yeah
[01:03:51] We have okay anything else have if anyone's in South Africa and once it was in South Africa wants to chill
[01:03:57] Uh me and it's right to stand this week and the standing off
[01:04:02] So check those out miss you boys. I'm you know you got a month two weeks. We're gonna hang we're gonna hang before that land before time
[01:04:09] Going back to see my grandma. Yeah, I hope she dies
[01:04:17] She's got some tight shit in her apartment. I've never seen a yoyinks
[01:04:21] I've never seen her apartment before but I FaceTime with my parents who are there right now
[01:04:25] She's got some fun trying to grab some of that. I remember how'd you get all this cool shit? She's like, I sucked tube
[01:04:33] I sucked black teeth sucked all the tube in a set even
[01:04:51] Grandmother all right. We gotta end the show
[01:05:03] Alright, yeah, we gotta get you we're gonna do like an ancestry dot com thing and get every member of your family
[01:05:09] Go through one by one. That'll be awesome. Yeah. Yeah, five all the the blacksmith
[01:05:14] All right, that's enough jokes from you we get in but