Cum Town | Premium | 01/08/2018
[00:00:00] this is a very special episode of Chappo Traphouse.
[00:00:07] We have a weird gender balance on this one.
[00:00:12] This is the most masculine show we've had in years.
[00:00:15] We got two girls, but we're missing the regular girl.
[00:00:22] Adam went to South Africa to participate in the Blackface Festival in Cape Town.
[00:00:34] Desha, our African intern came over as part of an exchange program for Adam.
[00:00:46] Yep, and we're going to keep it that way.
[00:00:50] That's kind of the best position to be in.
[00:01:00] The first time we hung out it was that you were like,
[00:01:09] That's a typical Chinese move to go to a Chinese place to buy fucking,
[00:01:15] I don't know, the dragon costume that your whole family wears.
[00:01:18] But that's why they do sell those things.
[00:01:21] Yeah, do they have like a four person dragon costume?
[00:01:26] Yeah, what is Chinese people who are known as Amber's room is just filled with
[00:01:29] pictures of waterfalls that are backlit.
[00:01:33] And then little golden cats that wave at you.
[00:01:37] Well, I'm really like Gujang music now.
[00:02:01] No, unless you speak Chinese, you don't get it.
[00:02:06] And then a guy that's like, blinking the law, blinking.
[00:02:11] I would listen to the fuck out of that, dude.
[00:02:25] The Chinese restaurant used to go to in Catonsville, Maryland, when I was a student at University
[00:02:27] of Maryland, Baltimore County, home of the Chesapeake Bay Retrievers.
[00:02:40] Anyway, golden Phoenix, I believe it was called.
[00:02:43] They would play like Chinese versions of Bon Jovi and shit.
[00:03:00] You just hear like, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,
[00:03:07] And chimes and shit, and I'm just sucking down low me.
[00:03:09] I was listening to one of those, the times of my life.
[00:03:13] One of those like that you know that like Tejano music that's like Walt's music mixed with yeah
[00:03:23] It's influenced by like to all the Germans that moved to Texas
[00:03:29] Check people too so it's all like that like bump bump bump bump bump up up
[00:03:35] But I was listening to one of those radio stations one time and the song just continued and it was like DJing so kept switching and
[00:03:40] So it's like bump bump up up and at one point it goes like
[00:03:48] When so again the first one goes off dude, yeah, I would bump that shit
[00:03:53] Yeah, there's weird things because they still have those kind of cars
[00:03:56] Mexico that like me guys come over here as grown men and they've like struggled so much to get to America
[00:04:02] You know like hiding inside of a donkey's ass right?
[00:04:06] Yep, and the border patrol is like who is oh, it's a donkey. Let it go
[00:04:10] Yeah, yeah, they don't have there's no rules. There's no rules just right when they get here covered in donkey shit
[00:04:16] It's hard-wethered men and then they like they're like I love a poo bear
[00:04:28] Another way of dating him Jackie with T-gor on me
[00:04:33] I do explain a lot of my social economic background by the fact that I have like a lot of adult aunts that love Tweety Bird
[00:04:39] Fuck yeah, and Betty Boop the hose love Betty Boop. Yeah, yeah
[00:04:45] But now you know when they're sucking and fucking they got Betty Boop on yeah when you retire from strange
[00:04:52] That's when you move to Tweety Bird as a kid
[00:04:56] You know Betty Boop women and you don't realize until you're older. It's like oh they fuck. Oh they fuck big
[00:05:01] That's why she's got a Betty Boop shower curtain is yes, she fucks. She's been fucking the hairdresser that my mom is tired now
[00:05:08] From fucking mm-hmm. Oh, I remember and I would like those women because I knew I knew that they fucked
[00:05:13] If apart of me new like that there's this lady used to cut my hair. She had a Betty Boop tattoo
[00:05:19] I think oh yeah, that's why she used to cut your hair cuz I she's the only those children's cuts otherwise
[00:05:24] I'd go back to her plus. She's in Baltimore. My hairstylist is here. I have a whole team now
[00:05:30] They kind of kind of sculpts, you know, we kind of have a strategy doesn't matter an entire Dominican salon
[00:05:36] Yeah, yeah, I like to watch a cockfight and just get my hair buzzed
[00:05:39] Which there is a there's a place in Astoria where Eldis and Ryan get the haircut
[00:05:44] But I cut my own hair to save money actually that's the actual reason
[00:05:47] And that plays cock fights they stream cock fights from like the DR or something or fucking rules
[00:05:53] Anyway, I used to love how she would put her titties on the back of my childhood head
[00:06:05] Would require that bro. Oh, I can tell you all I can tell you I felt titties look if her titties were big enough for that to happen
[00:06:12] She shouldn't be cutting hair. She should be receiving disability. Yeah, bro
[00:06:21] Ability the ability the dick to fuck her. Yep for money on camera. I think it's gonna work
[00:06:31] Listen all I can tell you is come on you got your haircut
[00:06:33] You never enjoyed getting a pair of titties on your back
[00:06:37] I fucking hated getting my hair cut because it was always like
[00:06:42] Mm-hmm one time I went there and it was a white lady. I'm like, thank God and then she goes she's like
[00:06:51] Wow, she's like you had to hit the top me to stop
[00:07:14] She's like I don't know about these identity politics
[00:07:22] What the fuck Floyd's 99 barbershop? Yeah, there was a
[00:07:27] A throwback sort of white trash lady retired Betty Booper, and I'm like, all right good
[00:07:32] I'll still feel these old white trash titties on my back for for all time sake
[00:07:36] But she tried to fucking she tried to make me Christian about Floyd Floyd. Come me gay weather
[00:07:42] You know yes, okay Floyd coming gay weather Floyd coming
[00:07:48] Floyd coming. Yeah money. We were watching
[00:07:51] Transvestigation video and the Wayne Newton before the show it turns out he's trans yeah, cuz a gay guy yelled at a bunch
[00:07:57] Yeah, yeah, I didn't realize how fat his cheeks were in his youth
[00:08:01] Well, I thought that was a plastic surgery
[00:08:04] Tried to like put them back and it's very weird looking now. He has some kind of like certain that when he's like 15
[00:08:10] Congenital like maybe you know unique. Yeah, he probably shaped the shop does not
[00:08:14] He probably has like like fucking XX Y chromosomes or some shit
[00:08:18] Who's got down syndrome of the dick and balls you think he's got a little pussy in his balls
[00:08:27] But we were saying what if the seam of his balls is a very little pussy that'd be cool
[00:08:32] That would be kind of cool. Actually you can figure your own little ball pussy. I would fuck my balls
[00:08:36] Sure you have to kind of you do it you talk around you put it in you go
[00:08:46] Boom boom boom boom. I am gay. Yeah, but we were saying how about brain new yes
[00:08:53] Absolutely song donka Shane for a second. My dad
[00:08:57] Is that Donka is that thank you in German. Yes. Thank you. Nice. Thank you very much. Oh
[00:09:03] He's not thanking someone named shane Elvis's fucking catch-fry. Oh, but he made a crowd made it. Yeah, because he loved Hitler
[00:09:09] Way Newton loves Hitler. Yeah, actually way Newton was an experiment created by mangalie
[00:09:19] How do people know that yo Elvis back in the day my transvestigation?
[00:09:24] You think they could have you think Nazis could have made really good trans people you think they were interested in that
[00:09:28] They were very not happy with any kind of any kind of gay thing. No, but I'm sure mangalie probably tried it
[00:09:35] I mean, yeah, just imagine you're a fucking psychopath and the people like you have like Hitler says to you like you can do
[00:09:47] So twins together he was probably the happiest person in the world for sure for sure
[00:09:54] You got to do at whatever he wants like a fucked up like some guy on a message board
[00:09:58] Yeah, dreams of fucking killing drifters
[00:10:01] So it would feel the drill a hole in someone's head and pour boiling water directly under their brain. Yeah, really fucking good
[00:10:07] Yeah, it'd be awesome. He probably had a hard day at work doing that to other people
[00:10:12] And then he just wants to blow off some steam on someone's brain
[00:10:17] Steam pipe up did he have hobbies we think mangalad does to chill he would hobble children
[00:10:23] He would crush their ankles and then that's where hobby comes from yeah from hobbling
[00:10:28] Because you whittle oh nice nips dude. Thanks, man. Nick's got a fucking cute ass outfit
[00:10:33] I got he's got a fucking gold gym gay guy tank top blue electric blue
[00:10:43] Muscle Beach no hollywood hollywood the gay television center. Yeah, West Hollywood. No regular hollywood
[00:10:59] Mm-hmm, you know the normal one for guys that got raped trying to be on Hannah Montana
[00:11:09] Getting their limp dick sucked by a fat bald you
[00:11:15] So they're back to raping now, right? Oh, yeah
[00:11:19] Yeah, I'm going to Hollywood tonight. Oh damn watch out. You want to you want a gun casting couches you want a gun
[00:11:27] We should get you a gun to protect yourself. Do you have a taser yet? I do I have a taser
[00:11:35] Tase a little Jewish guy. You should you should how big are they the taser? Yeah, the producer
[00:11:50] That's pretty good. It's so nice to have someone you respect on the part. It is nice. Yeah
[00:11:55] You should stay now. I hope I yeah, I hope I had a plane crash in pansy family
[00:12:01] Baboon that is who his grandmother is yeah, it's Rafiki
[00:12:06] Just a bunch of day you will be a giant faggot
[00:12:19] To the edge of a rock and he looked at it up and he's like look okay
[00:12:22] Yes, all of this will be yours don't go there. That's where people have sex with women
[00:12:37] Yes Adam watching hyenas fuck women and getting scared
[00:12:46] Adam's grandma said she doesn't want to meet me until there's a ring on my whoa
[00:12:54] I don't want to meet Adam's grandma till there's a ring on my cock
[00:12:56] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got some razz grandpa right here. She's crazy old right she's like pretty old in her 80s. Yeah, so would we call her the tube hog of tape
[00:13:17] I do think she fucked a bunch of guys for real I think she did yeah, she also said Russians love luxury items
[00:13:23] Oh, I don't matter me damn who doesn't love luxury items
[00:13:27] Exactly. I know I love a big leather chair to sit in I want to first of bullshit leather couch
[00:13:35] I want a fur ass coat dude. Yeah, I want a fur wife. I want to marry a some kind of fucked up animal
[00:13:41] Mm-hmm, you know a liger not like a like a Yeti or something. Oh
[00:13:46] Like an answer half an ice fleece woman you can fuck any part of like her suit is um, but it was like
[00:13:52] Ostrocon, I don't want that. I don't first of all. I don't I don't have any detention to go out of mala
[00:13:59] No, so it's the wrong kind of hair. Yeah, they want fur not not course. Yeah, he was on your hand and shit
[00:14:06] I mean there's things you can do they got flat. You know there was a woman who grows a fucking beard
[00:14:10] I was so mad and she like she like took the internet and she was like um, I'm fucking I look good
[00:14:16] I don't care. I'm not shaving. It's like what the fuck why can't I grow a nice fucking thick-ass beer
[00:14:22] No, no, no, it was like a fat white lady because somebody took a picture of some Sikh lady in the airport
[00:14:27] She had like a fucking big-ass beard that rules and
[00:14:30] I think like it's a part of the religion to not be able to remove hair. Yeah
[00:14:35] Yeah, you know they got some from a locked up butt cheeks
[00:14:41] You know that is a fucked up pussy butt cheek area my friend yeah, I mean they're disgusting
[00:14:49] Mean somebody like shamed her in the airport the beard lady. Yeah. Yeah, and then she found it
[00:14:55] And she's like yeah, that's what I look like. What's the big deal and the guy's like, I'm so sorry
[00:15:03] Go even harder. I mean shots out to her for being cool with having a beard, but why can't I have the beard? Yeah God
[00:15:10] Give me a nice fat fucking beard. I'm sure you guys could trade. I'm sure yeah
[00:15:17] Cutter skin off on those cheeks the rosy ass cheeks. I'm medically rosy that it's like that doctor
[00:15:22] Jolly for my good about the guys with stars on their bellies. What's that the sneeches?
[00:15:29] You remember that a holocaust thing. No, it's like the old guy comes out
[00:15:32] Children's books are a metaphor for the whole guy comes out. He's like there's too many fucking snitches in this
[00:15:39] Pull up your pants you fucking snitches
[00:16:01] No, I don't remember that particular one
[00:16:05] But it sounds good. I'm gonna check it out
[00:16:08] Yeah, it should be the year stop gets into children's books. I
[00:16:13] Finally finished the Bronx is burning. Oh, wow, congratulations. Very good. I
[00:16:16] I found out yeah, listen, I'm struggling me. Now listen first of all shirt is on as a strong
[00:16:29] It's mostly on if sure you can see my entire belly button, but nipples are intact
[00:16:36] Yeah, you know fair. We've seen more of your yeah, yeah, but I'm wearing I'm wearing a cool
[00:16:42] You know outfit. Oh, yeah, I got it. Yeah, I'm under your stuff. Yeah
[00:16:49] What was that what were we talking about I feel like I was really getting over the Bronx is burning
[00:16:52] I found out Ed Koch won and I should have known cuz I drive over the bridge all the time
[00:16:58] So I had no yeah, he was mayor for like
[00:17:02] I mean, I don't know if he won that one or a later election, you know, he was like nine elections. I
[00:17:07] Don't remember I the only covered one election so I can't I can't confirm or deny your claims Nicholas
[00:17:14] But yeah, good ass good ass book. So check out Bronx is burning everywhere. Thanks. Whoa whoa whoa daughter homo
[00:17:23] I we talked about it before we did it's like you can't do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, cuz you just make fun of your own name
[00:17:30] Yeah, you can't use your I like it. I think he's getting out of in front of it. Oh, yeah
[00:17:34] That's it violates a fundamental rule. There was another person that you would like to make fun of Nick
[00:17:41] SJW is Bella Abzug. She was a fat Jewish lady with big hats and do a little research on her
[00:17:48] I think you'd really hate her. Okay, so maybe next time we could have a nice
[00:17:52] Next time I'm sitting down to do research
[00:17:54] My my afternoon research session I know I'm always trying to hang out and you're like no I have to read the encyclopedia
[00:18:05] We's really indeed he calls it research
[00:18:09] What's the last time you guys cracked open an encyclopedia never
[00:18:13] Remember that thrill literally never in my life. You've never opened
[00:18:17] No, like I've been in the library and they had one out and you'd looked up tits
[00:18:21] I remember just being like so this is what like a compliment even more complex dictionary. Yeah
[00:18:27] I didn't it's the encyclopedia felt basically like there was you know, I used to read them a lot when I was a kid
[00:18:32] Yeah, there was you have the Britannica
[00:18:49] Not more correct than like a Wikipedia article. Yeah, I believe that I believe that
[00:18:56] Good pictures though. Mm-hmm good pics. Yeah looking up pussy. You look up sex vagina
[00:19:02] Penis. Yeah, they should have this rest was a good one encyclopedia Britannica where they just they only have the words people really want to see yeah
[00:19:10] I remember guys see that when I was a little kid. I'd look up vagina and the dictionary and get horny
[00:19:15] Yeah, of course reading the description of course and all the words I would understand any of them. Yeah, it's like now
[00:19:37] I wanted to appeal like that. Yeah, Harry Potter style. Mm-hmm guy. I had the bus stop and cyclical
[00:19:46] I had I thought that story about it. I think this guy is like kind of I think he was a crack at he was kind of just a
[00:19:54] seem around like the bus stops or whatever and he uh
[00:20:01] Yeah, I was a cigarette and he was like motherfucker. I got a whole pocket full of cigarettes
[00:20:06] And he pulls out just a handful of half-smoke cigarettes he found in the garbage salute around the ground
[00:20:16] He's like let me tell you something he's like it's all about pheromones, you know
[00:20:21] Okay, you know that's what the bitch and it's just sweat, you know
[00:20:24] It's explaining like how he attracts women, but it's like this guy is not fuck. He's just fucking prostitutes. Yeah
[00:20:33] He's collecting change to have sex with
[00:20:51] Oh fuck dude. I'm really struggling over here. I had my food night with eldest, you know snow day
[00:20:57] I meant to start 20 2018 like a champ, you know, I meant to hit I was I was doing okay. I was hitting the gym
[00:21:03] Uh, you know, I was getting my cock was getting hard because I was eating right drinking smoothies
[00:21:11] and I but then the snow day happened and
[00:21:14] Uh, I just let myself go dude. Me and eldest baked a whole tray of cookies at 1 a.m. Last night
[00:21:21] And I ate them I ate them and I you know what I did I spread without us
[00:21:25] I spread nut butter stave his own famous nut butter
[00:21:29] On one side of each cookie and I made myself like an Oreo
[00:21:33] With my own nut butter now see me and cyber friends. So I'm going to say good job, dude
[00:21:42] I've told you that you can chew the food and spit it out. It's not gonna work for me dasha
[00:21:46] I don't have to swallow it. Oh, you can fucking smell the coke and then fucking
[00:21:50] It's not lugee it out. Okay. We all have our own we all have our own
[00:21:56] Vices that that is that is terrible advice for fabric. Yeah
[00:22:03] You don't think I've tried that I tried to be believing it's a little kid. I couldn't do it
[00:22:07] I couldn't throw up. It's so funny how everyone everyone
[00:22:09] Everyone everyone could do it tip thing as a teenager. What the move that just the tip move
[00:22:14] Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did it when I had sex with teeny. Yeah, I definitely or you know whenever you start fucking yeah
[00:22:23] That's it that's still a move that I'll try
[00:22:25] Like you just the tip. I mean I can't imagine doing that in adulthood
[00:22:30] If somebody's like I don't want to talk about thank god
[00:22:35] Is all I want is to know that I can fuck that is actually true for me 100
[00:22:40] I'll go to sleep. I don't give a shit. Yeah. Yeah, I've said it
[00:22:43] I do I do like the part where there's you just fucking go to farmers markets and just fucking chill
[00:22:50] You know occasionally fuck when the mood strikes. I mean I like to get slurped off
[00:22:54] I like the part where she asks can we go to the farmers market and I say I'm real busy today
[00:22:59] And then I just go to the farmers market by myself. That's the part of hoping to get hoping that she sees you
[00:23:07] Because you're too much of a big step actually air your feelings
[00:23:13] Oh, yeah, no, I was not gonna come but then I you know
[00:23:18] You didn't have the right size at the regular supermarket
[00:23:28] Yeah, I probably can't live with elders, but I'm never gonna stop that's my man
[00:23:32] Our friend actually Pete we meet Pete Nel this met in preschool
[00:23:36] That was the first guy I ever bullied was elders. Yeah, he came in
[00:23:42] Trolling it took a long time for him to start school. Yeah, but once it started dude. What are those?
[00:23:50] Some callous ons day province. Oh for the front walls from chabbard and goulot
[00:23:58] A constable day preference of aunt fin lot vu ados. I want to chain new good items
[00:24:05] Hold on. I'm reading French. Where can I get a chain a gold chain literally anywhere in this neighborhood. Yeah, are they good?
[00:24:12] Peabay, I got to try and see how they rest between my titties. I see I don't know. Yeah, I think you should go pretty long
[00:24:19] I'm gonna get into turtleneck, dude. That's not bad. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna be a black turtleneck and track bottom guy. Oh
[00:24:26] I'm wearing interest. Oh, yeah, you are
[00:24:30] The gold chain over the turn to do that. So what's in the Provence?
[00:24:34] Um here. Let's let's stop eat all of you. No, I don't want to
[00:24:39] Stop just have one really just one you think
[00:24:41] I mean maybe one I won't be rude to you amber
[00:24:54] That's no there's no need for that language. Wow. I was trying to be nice. That's incredibly
[00:25:00] Indulgent. I know you need more of a tiger mom. I do. Yeah, I do want to fuck an Asian woman. You're right
[00:25:06] That's what a tiger mom. Yeah, we should find an Asian woman to berate you
[00:25:10] That'd be cool. If she sucks me off. I'm totally fine with that
[00:25:13] I just don't want to be berated and have nothing to show for it. Yeah, I have heavy nuts at the end of my berating
[00:25:22] With some light nuts. That's when a woman forcibly puts a berry on you
[00:25:27] You're like you can't see the katie now, bitch
[00:25:34] That sounds kind of that sounds like some good foreplay dude
[00:25:36] An Asian woman trying to pin a berry on me and if she wins kinky game, she gets to fuck me
[00:25:44] Here's the secret she always she always wins
[00:25:53] I was laughing at like stop stop being like
[00:25:56] Like his next thing comedy is to be like one of those girl comics. It's like
[00:26:00] You know like about how like women are so bad at sex
[00:26:03] You know whatever, but you're like, yeah, they can never find the dick
[00:26:21] Now, you know because you know they push behind the they push the fat out and they can barely see it
[00:26:27] Let me start spitting hoping maybe that'll do something
[00:26:29] It'll hit the head. They're looking at the lips. They're sucking on the lips
[00:26:43] Develop your dick all they can do is find your very long foreskin and suck on that
[00:26:51] Man my man knows what's up. No, I don't I don't know man. I do not know
[00:27:02] Damn, that's good man. Thank you. Yeah, I'll be at the standing room tonight at 10 8 10 p.m
[00:27:06] I'll also be at the standing room. Is this coming out tonight? No, of course not. It's coming out when tomorrow sunday
[00:27:13] Damn, we're both at the standing room. Try to answer it. I love not knowing what time or day
[00:27:19] What a fucking waste-oid life I live. Oh made possible by viewers like you dude yesterday
[00:27:27] That's how I figured out what how dumb my life is was the snowstorm didn't affect shit except
[00:27:32] I had to walk to get my fucking sandwich instead of getting delivery because I didn't want to wait
[00:27:38] That's the only difference the snowstorm had and if I'm out, I'm gonna hit the fucking cookie aisle
[00:27:49] The one I've created myself in in the garden outside
[00:27:57] By the way, come town is brought to you by Tate's cookies
[00:28:01] Tate's official sponsor of come town. Are they?
[00:28:08] Any company that's wrong to you who we claim they're an official
[00:28:14] Tate's is great. Tate's rules. Yeah. I actually like I like it's actually I think it's a black-owned company
[00:28:19] It was a woman that says she goes because I love the way this takes
[00:28:27] Very nice my friend. Oh, thank you for that setup
[00:28:35] We're saying the way black people pronounce months. That's a good game. Yeah, that's more of an off them
[00:28:44] All right fine. Just say whatever the February was great. I forget it was really good featherberry
[00:28:54] I mean not black people a specific character. Yeah, right. It's a cookie characters. Isn't that way?
[00:29:00] Yeah, we ran it by our lawyer who handles racism cases
[00:29:08] Well, now I was laughing about like the same somebody done sucked that boy dick. Mm-hmm lady
[00:29:14] But she's like uh, she's like really into the Joker now
[00:29:20] Oh, yeah, I was telling several just the other day, you know, I see myself as like um
[00:29:28] You know, I just want to see this world burn. I just I would like to see the world burn
[00:29:33] And me and Sharice we went to Pilates last week and I told her I cannot wait to kill myself
[00:29:49] Morning, you know, just I start my day off. I let myself have one
[00:29:56] And a cinnamon roll and that's it. I'm done with sweets for the day. Mm-hmm because I'm I'm crazy
[00:30:10] That's such a fun voice to do. It really is the shaking is the best part though. No, they're quivering
[00:30:17] Is it a black lady or black man? I always assume it's a nice hour lights can go. Yeah, exactly. Yeah
[00:30:29] All the family pilot yesterday and there were some truly elegant
[00:30:34] Miss speaks there and I forgot that that was like an ongoing thing where they spoon-arisms or malpropisms
[00:30:40] I think that's both and I realized I always thought about it. It's a trailer for each thing
[00:30:46] Yeah, but it was definitely no family thing all the family best tv show ever fucking made
[00:30:51] Yeah, it's pretty funny. Yeah, it's really part-place. Yeah
[00:30:54] of the malpropisms. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's up there in his ivory shower
[00:31:04] Yeah, yeah old tv shows are good. Yeah, you know, that's my takeaway
[00:31:10] You're like stupid or bad. Huh a busting. That's thing does feel good. Yeah busting makes me feel good
[00:31:16] Yeah, I had a nice couple busts of ruties. Yeah, although I'm I'm sitting on a hot shit arena in the chamber right now
[00:31:29] Yeah, oh you're waiting till you get home. I think so. Oh really enjoy it. Really enjoy it
[00:31:35] I might have to go in and brush my teeth real quick
[00:31:43] You shit it's like you shit, but you also brush your teeth
[00:31:53] I was trying to shield it for my kid's articles in my mouth. There's a bunch of sour patch kids all of my
[00:32:09] Uh, fuck dude, I've been brushing. I've been getting my oral hygiene backup, you know
[00:32:14] Good for you. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I can only do certain things. I'll take it's two things. I love brushing my teeth
[00:32:23] Putting a gun in my fucking mouth and saying do it bitch
[00:32:26] You know I look in the mirror and I say I don't need this world
[00:32:33] Uh, man have a nice little tap yoke of pudding for lunch sometimes
[00:32:38] You know because that's it and then I'm done with sugar. I thought you I thought you were done earlier
[00:32:58] But that's coffee you see that's for energy
[00:33:00] Yeah, because you need a little pick me up. I say let me get a dunk of chino
[00:33:04] And let me put my makeup on and I ask people you want to know how I got these guys
[00:33:11] Because you don't I tell you right now you don't want to know
[00:33:17] Uh, fuck well gang 2018 do we have any goals for the year, you know any
[00:33:29] It's because it's the nickname and then maybe you know to really lean into what is his obsession
[00:33:38] Smaller than his tits. They should yeah, that's why I'm saying plump them up. There's still a woman's tits
[00:33:43] Yeah, yeah, they're not like I'm thinking by getting at his body trying to escape
[00:33:48] Stop you should get a lift because you got the meat. Yes. You just want them higher. Yeah. Yeah
[00:33:54] I think I could get my hips really looking really good. Yeah, get just from sculpt the body sculpting
[00:34:00] Yeah, if you had to do plastic surgery, what would you do for real?
[00:34:05] What my lips done just plumped up just nose real small eyes real big mouth nice
[00:34:13] I'll get my eye color changed to what green electric green. Yeah, something cool
[00:34:19] Brown brown so boring that guy at the uh at the big hunt
[00:34:23] Looking like a muppet for long enough that I would be really uncomfortable looking more human
[00:34:27] Well, then go even more go even more muppet. Okay, you know and fuck it. I'm doing I
[00:34:33] Would go for yeah, I would go for fillers everywhere. Yeah
[00:34:37] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:34:44] But like proportionally around the whole way get the way Newton cheats every part of my face slightly bigger. Mm-hmm
[00:34:44] And then my eyeballs get those enlarged nice. I would get a little pussy in between my balls
[00:34:51] I'll let it on my nose like an inch. Yeah, like an inch
[00:34:54] My nostrils slit down to the bottom and spread out another maybe like inch and a half on either side
[00:34:59] Mmm real ethnic ass nice and wide. Yeah, okay. You should get the thing where you spill your tongue in half
[00:35:05] I would get that that extra bone in your cock. Yeah, like a chicken or a dog or leg permanent penis. Yeah
[00:35:17] Okay. Now. What are your goals my goals for the year? Oh, I don't have any you know
[00:35:23] What's in your vision board? What's on your vision board?
[00:35:25] How sentimental guy what's on your vision board man? Nothing. I don't know. I got here. I guess yeah, that's your cross figure
[00:35:31] Cross-maker you have goals. They're just very gay. You know what they make you said go having abs
[00:35:37] That's a gay goal that you have well. That's that'll happen. I mean just lean out and clean up my diet
[00:35:42] Yeah, I'm pretty close. I don't want to have abs. I just sort of be so I don't really want to be healthy
[00:35:48] I got to be attractive. I ruined last summer by being fat. So now I got to get lean in the winter
[00:35:53] I don't know if you're doing it. I mean there's plenty you know, you have like your cool guy
[00:35:56] Like you for the reasons, but yeah, I guess
[00:35:59] Anyways, I ruined my summer by getting too fat. Yeah, I mean yeah, you like weren't even a person. I know
[00:36:09] I know you're kind of pretty like more sympathetic than ever
[00:36:20] I'm like come on man. I just I just want my bills
[00:36:26] You can't have them all fucker. Yeah, I guess I guess it's true
[00:36:32] Like for you like you weren't always fat or getting a little fatter like that could be a problem
[00:36:36] But yeah, I mean I guess like other people's like not a big deal. No no
[00:36:38] It was disgusting. You sure? Yeah, dude getting fat is probably the worst thing that could happen
[00:36:46] Not not even human. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I don't know
[00:36:50] I think probably it's weird because there's something from the more person but less
[00:36:56] Yeah, you know it's quantity over quality. They have to buy extra seed on Southwest, but they're not worth the ticket price
[00:37:04] I would yeah, I think for the most part you're probably right, but there's like exceptions to the rule like just got people
[00:37:10] Maybe like people you guys really don't like work with or good friends with maybe those are exceptions
[00:37:16] Anyway, we don't have to keep taught this boring who gives a fuck
[00:37:20] Um, yeah, I'm trying to lose five pounds. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was gonna say you do look fattish it in you dasha. I'm gonna go you nick
[00:37:30] Don't get less don't look at little my eyes
[00:37:37] I wish there was a program where I could eat for you dasha. How would uh, you know, yeah, I'm sure you do wish
[00:37:44] Or anyone else or you guys yeah, wouldn't that be there is a program? It's called pregnancy
[00:37:51] Other people that would rule that's the that's the plastic surgery yet. We're gonna have a womb put in your ass and then we're gonna install dasha in there
[00:38:09] It's fine. Oh, I had a long night last night. I accidentally ate 35 brownies
[00:38:15] Who said it was an accident, dude. Yeah, don't slander me
[00:38:18] Yes, I guess you've never seen we don't have to do that junior. Have you seen junior?
[00:38:23] Throwing a Schwarzenegger and dane de vida. Mm-hmm
[00:38:26] She could be it could be a c-section. I think yeah, I think that's how he was born. I think of her more as a tape worm
[00:38:32] Definitely more in Paris. Okay. All right. I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt here
[00:38:37] What was why do they keep making dane de vida on all sorts of they were there'd be it'd be nice to end like sometimes
[00:38:42] Adam could come over to your place inside of stops ass. Yeah, instead of always having to go to adam's place
[00:38:48] That's true Adam crawling into my ass nose first
[00:38:56] I've never seen that but it looks cool. Oh
[00:39:01] Probably the only anime I've ever liked
[00:39:06] Uh spirited away and like the more popular ones when they came out. It's like this. It's just fucking boring
[00:39:14] No cartoons. I like cartoons, but like it's just not my bad. I'm not a baby
[00:39:21] I watch Barney in France. Yeah. Yeah, I watch it like that
[00:39:25] Yeah, it's like but it's like it's like film
[00:39:27] And it's live action, you know and some of the kids are older they may have a pub or two
[00:39:31] It's not like it's kind of for a lot of the jokes in barn here for grown-ups. They're for grown-ups. It's like it's like two levels, you know
[00:39:40] I love watching baby hanstein because they write shit in there for the adults watch
[00:39:43] Yeah, like when Barney is like this is the square. It's like of course I know that yeah
[00:39:51] So would a child know that no they're learning but I already know it and it's kind of like a sort of a wink to me
[00:39:59] I'm like the alphabet. Yeah. Yeah, you know cleaning up everybody do their share. I think that's like it's it's satire
[00:40:09] We all know that that's not how the world works. Nope. And that's why Barney's a very good show
[00:40:17] Those are two great satires and then yeah
[00:40:19] Gemon yeah a lot of people know this but inside the Barney suit that actor scrawled the n-word and blood all over
[00:40:25] Whoever the inside of the helmet really yeah, and he would just read dark
[00:40:29] He would just read it to himself in his head all day
[00:40:31] And that's how he lived with himself being that dinosaur interesting. It was a black guy that was Barney was it? Yeah, yeah
[00:40:38] And Elmo. I could have been anyone. No it was
[00:40:42] Those were the only jobs black men could get
[00:40:45] That's how you worked your way up. Yeah. Yeah, that's Sammy Davis, Jr
[00:40:50] It was the black guy. He was in Barney. He was in the Barney suit was he his last job in and his show business
[00:41:02] Yep, that's why the head was so big to fit his afro. Yeah, you know
[00:41:07] Shouts out to Cornell West. That's out to Barney Sanders
[00:41:18] Yeah, how about horny sanders yeah, we did that last
[00:41:24] Which I like I like horny sanders. I like these horny and he fucks. Yeah, you know man. What a lazy day it is
[00:41:32] I feel horrible man. I feel terrible. I can't believe I shoveled a spot in
[00:41:40] Are you ready for your flight back to it's delayed obviously. Oh, is it yeah?
[00:41:45] It's a tinsel town. What's the problem is Adam causing problems. You want us to rough him up
[00:41:49] Should we fly to South Africa and fucking slap move?
[00:41:54] No, I feel like helpless. What would you do if Adam got gored by an impala?
[00:42:02] Oh my god, should we get Adam to put a life insurance claim in?
[00:42:07] And then and then we kill him we hire someone to kill him
[00:42:11] And then we collect all the money now. We'll edit the sound nickel edit out. Yeah, I'll do some
[00:42:16] That's some point in my life. Do we make the plane crash or do we hire a sniper to kill him?
[00:42:23] Yeah, we get an assassin. I feel like they're cheaper in Africa
[00:42:31] In South Africa. Oh really that's pretty cool. Did you make a mob movie about South Africa? I think there are some are there
[00:42:43] I would just prefer to do it myself kill Adam yourself. Yeah, I'm kind of like a guy
[00:42:51] No, it's about the it's about the price
[00:42:55] How would you kill Adam competent, you know, how would you kill Adam garrot nice? Yes
[00:43:04] We'll sit him into a car a little bit of piano wire right across this road godfather style
[00:43:08] Yep, like Connie's husband real quick and easy and take him out, you know roll him up at a
[00:43:16] Rug or something. Mm-hmm. We mount the trash just leave me the trash
[00:43:23] Yep, I'll be done with that feet sticking out of the trash can and shit. Yeah, that's the afternoon for me nice
[00:43:29] You just get the gaming easy breezy. So I guess we should do our movie review segment considering we have 20 minutes to burn
[00:43:35] We have nothing to talk. Okay. Here's one
[00:43:37] It's a sleepy day the best the best movie of the year call me by your name. What's that shit?
[00:43:43] Yep, yeah, dasha saw it. I saw it. What's it about? It's about it's actually about you really
[00:43:49] It's about a cool guy that everyone that everyone respects
[00:43:53] I thought maybe look kind of corny, but I mean a lot of you a lot of like a young gay love story
[00:43:59] Have have a summer wait a second. It's really you said it was about me, but it's about gay guys
[00:44:04] It's about gay. Yeah, it's not no. I totally I totally get that I totally get that going in, but it was great
[00:44:10] Yeah, it was really great. Did they fun? I mean obviously there's like those pitfalls to fall into but it was like great performances by both of them
[00:44:17] And they really has I've become kind of resistant to like any art that's supposed to be like a wonderful
[00:44:24] That's like praised by progressive whatever it's like I never saw moonlight, but apparently it was really good
[00:44:30] But I was just like never saw it either. I'll be really annoyed if I would have gotten to horny
[00:44:37] It's I mean, it's an art house film. It's not like
[00:44:41] Virtues signaling. It's like yeah, do you see cock grounded?
[00:44:45] But like I don't mind a little yeah, I just I don't like being pander'd too. The guys are hot. Yeah, that helps
[00:44:56] You see like you see the florida project. I didn't that was the best movie. I saw all last year
[00:45:02] I'm jealous of that girl. Yeah, I cried what happened. I got some distance from three billboards
[00:45:07] She was amazing too. She was absolutely amazing. And that's another thing that could have been like emotional and manipulative
[00:45:12] About star wars though. Huh? Yeah, star wars. Did you like it? No, it's just in star wars. Also
[00:45:18] Yeah, lord derns got purple hair that new piece. Yeah, this is really I really wanted to fuck lord during it
[00:45:22] That new bd Anderson movie was so fucking bad. I liked it with who not like it
[00:45:32] You fell asleep. I I woke up in the movies on I fell asleep before started
[00:45:37] So would you go to a theater or you steal it?
[00:45:43] Regal app to purchase something good. I use the regal app
[00:45:54] To get a free popcorn yeah after five movies you get a free for real. Yeah, you don't have a movie pass
[00:46:00] Uh, no, I don't have movie pass. Oh, you gotta get you gotta hop on the movie pass way
[00:46:03] All that shit every movie I go see and every like movie I buy on like the only reason I don't just steal shit anymore
[00:46:10] So I try to like blow as much money as I can on things that I know I can write off because I want a higher overhead
[00:46:18] You know when your business grows. Yes. Yeah, you already have so should I what should I buy for the business for my business?
[00:46:25] Um, I don't know you're gonna be fucked on your taxes. No, I'm not
[00:46:29] Yeah, why would I be fucked because like everything for the podcast I pay for
[00:46:34] No, it comes out of like my money. So no like what?
[00:46:40] Yes, I do food reviews. Yeah, it's gonna be great when you get fucking audited for eating
[00:46:49] I have a running tab. I have it. I haven't counted. I have an account. Thank you very much
[00:46:55] I hope you get audited. I hope you get audited bitch because you are cooking with some major
[00:46:59] I just got a letter from the IRS that said you owe on your 2013 taxes
[00:47:07] Look at bitch. Who cares. Don't fucking get you dude. You can't you can't I probably made
[00:47:18] $22,000 that year. Yeah, but do you think if you would actually done your taxes you could get that 22,000 down to like
[00:47:24] $7,000 and gotten all the money back. Yeah, well, I'm not good at
[00:47:31] And in fact, it's it's better to be bad at it because then you can just fuck everything up
[00:47:34] But if they're like what happened here, you're like, I don't know how to do this shit. Yeah, the government
[00:47:53] I want you know you want you want like a fucking you want like a fucking a guy who hates the government to do your taxes
[00:47:59] Who sees it as war against the government?
[00:48:01] Not a cpa just a man who has an assault rifle. Yeah. Yeah, exactly
[00:48:08] I'll fill out paperwork until you're done doing push-ups. Mm-hmm. And then once that then we switch
[00:48:18] No, dude, I paid for the state of the art in new studio wink wink
[00:48:22] Uh, you know the eight flat screen TVs for the war room wink wink wink
[00:48:28] The thing is you can buy all that shit. Yeah, you just actually have to buy it
[00:48:32] You can't just write down that you bought that no I did buy a lot of shit. Oh, yeah, you're fine
[00:48:36] Yeah, dude. I love spending money all the oobes and shit. Yeah, dude. They're rappers my business Ferrari
[00:48:45] My series of business fleshlights my business flesh Lambo
[00:48:51] You can fuck any part of this automobile car goes faster the harder you fuck
[00:49:01] Yeah, I've got a show called top queer and it's four British guys that try out having sex with different kinds of exotic
[00:49:07] Italian men that's good and they're tops. Who's the top? Yeah, I too British guy. I tune off
[00:49:14] I really tuned myself. I tuned my cock like a rate old timey radio
[00:49:19] I love I love dialing my tube. Yeah, I love dialing up my tube hitting the right frequency
[00:49:31] Oh, yeah, we're gonna lose maybe $3,000 the amount of time we say to
[00:49:42] Tube dialed in tube dialed in is really dial is great
[00:49:49] I just want to fucking stuff my tube into some
[00:49:51] I would lazily stuff tube today though. I can't fuck today. I'm trying to do it. I can't get like today for sure
[00:49:59] I'm trying to do a solid number on my tube later. I know we've been trying all morning
[00:50:06] God it's been so fun podcasting. Would you get yeah, would you get stop hard as a friend?
[00:50:12] Not the fuck stopped, but to help him so he could go out into the world
[00:50:16] Right, you know, I'm putting like putting mittens on
[00:50:20] Yeah, yeah, yeah putting mittens on him and budding in his code up and to say it's a cold world
[00:50:27] We do it all the time post podcast we all get each other hard prepared for the world
[00:50:31] I hear next ago hang out with a girl. I fucking I fluff him. I fluff the tube up
[00:50:44] I want to die dude. I feel horrible. Oh, is there any way I could get my tube serviced here?
[00:50:51] TV repairplaces and just say that and have them to be like, yeah, of course and then just laugh
[00:50:58] Uh, is there any way I could come in there and get my tube service
[00:51:07] Yeah, that's all we do is be service to yeah, just go to different businesses that actually use tubes
[00:51:13] Yeah, go to a supermarket is like a little can of Pringles. I'm looking. I'm gonna get my tube dialed in if you know
[00:51:29] Is that even a business anymore? Yeah, it's keep you repair. No, the team is close like a hundred dollar. Just buy you one
[00:51:35] Also a flight they don't use tubes. Yeah, they just have panels and if they break you just have to get another one from
[00:51:40] The Korean factory. Mm-hmm. They make the panels. It's gotta be bad for the world man
[00:51:46] Consumerism yeah, I think it's in business
[00:51:49] Asian business bad for the world. I think we can all agree. Yeah, if you see an Asian business owner
[00:51:54] Lute that store. Yeah, what you got to do is you take a meat hook and you put it through his eye
[00:51:59] Okay, and then you become you say I'm my brothers and you kids on the block. Yeah
[00:52:16] Shouts out to young Mark Wahlberg getting sucked off. Shouts out to old Mark Wahlberg, you know, that's true every era of mark
[00:52:26] Just young man committing hate crimes. You get to be famous
[00:52:29] You're not particularly talented, but then you're in one movie. That's good. And then you say it's bad afterwards
[00:52:37] Did you see that he said boogie nights? Yeah, he's read to boogie nights
[00:52:44] He got faith and that's also why he like
[00:52:47] He's like it's okay that I committed that hate crime because it's not
[00:52:55] Nick's rubbing the microphone on his face like it's a guy's penis and he's about to suck it
[00:53:04] I use I use the man's penis to put on my Joker maker
[00:53:10] I got it from the particularly porous dickhead
[00:53:12] Why oh yeah, I'm gonna make this dick disappear
[00:53:26] Yeah, man. I'm so sleepy. Oh shit. I just realized the Joker did the pencil thing from john wick
[00:53:33] Quicker before john wick did no john wick is original
[00:53:37] No, remember the joker kills the guy with a pencil
[00:53:39] The only time I was thinking of that is because you I was I was imagining you
[00:53:44] Sucking a dick like that pencil. Yeah, john dick john dick. There we go. It's like uh, do you have any idea who's dick you suck
[00:54:02] That was my wife's dog that she gave me before she died in a dick something
[00:54:14] She's cool. She's doing backflips or a nightclub sucking ever guys
[00:54:28] Man sometimes this show it'll peter out
[00:54:33] What are we doing anymore? And it's like then you hit john dick
[00:54:38] I'll smile for the rest of the day. I'll tell you what
[00:54:43] I just want to watch that a nicholas cage movie where he plays like a bright and beach russian
[00:54:48] Oh lord of war. Yeah, dude. That is that is such a fucking bad movie. Oh, oh his accent in it
[00:54:54] Well, he has this like the most california accent
[00:55:06] Yep, that's me a Ukrainian immigrant who sounds like this
[00:55:18] It's fucking the cage explaining the plot of them. You think it's like monologue
[00:55:22] Right you think it's gonna be a little bit of exposition up top, but then you're like an hour and a half of the movies
[00:55:30] It actually picks up like halfway through and so I should like sit down with it
[00:55:35] And also hear him continue to speak like a brine beach russian in a california
[00:55:40] I think the first line of actual dialogue in the movies he comes outside of his like family's restaurant and jared leto plays his other brother
[00:55:51] He goes how's it going and jared leto goes it's not
[00:55:58] So it's like it's cool. It's like real cool 30 seconds to mars you guys ever listen to that. That's his band isn't it?
[00:56:04] Yeah, that's wild dude. You're a band now. He's an actor. I don't like that shit
[00:56:08] Well, he's picked one as an actor then he was in a band and then i was an actor
[00:56:12] That band was too successful for an actor's band. I know
[00:56:17] Fuck that shit. I don't fuck with that. How about 30 seconds till hard?
[00:56:23] Do you know what i take back my plastic surgery choice? I want a little countdown clock above my dick
[00:56:30] What's it getting down to either until i get closer until i get both both
[00:56:34] Yeah, it's different color t minus that's what buzz aldrin does when he fucks his wife
[00:56:49] Five and his dicks like right here posting whole four
[00:56:59] Get off of me get off me you're not meal you'll never be fucking me
[00:57:07] In that lunar lander a woman can never understand that
[00:57:10] To be deep and passionately inside somebody in zero gravity. Yep. You'll never know that
[00:57:22] Really not me. It's about all of them except me
[00:57:26] That's what I took away from. Do you think people have fucked in space?
[00:57:30] They actually did a study where they made people fucking space to see what happens nice. Yeah, what happens? They turned gay
[00:57:39] Fuck what if you did it with gay people it would be funny to light even get even get in space
[00:57:46] And then you get like one of those little asian fans and you like
[00:57:49] You fan it towards you fan it towards your like astronaut friend
[00:57:54] Well, he's at the front of the spaceship and then when it gets maybe about a foot away from your head you go
[00:57:58] Uh, hey brian and he's like yeah, and then it just
[00:58:02] Right in his face. That would be pretty funny. He's like, uh the cum trick
[00:58:09] I used to laugh about the idea of like because you know cities used to have matic tubes to deliver the mail or whatever
[00:58:14] I know that man. Yeah, it seems like tubes and no, it's a great idea
[00:58:19] But like it had had been one guy that figured out you can just stick your dick in there
[00:58:24] And then somebody was like richard. We have posts
[00:58:28] Right in her face. Of course probably felt so good. It's probably a gentle suck. Get your dick sucked by the mailbox
[00:58:37] Yeah, that's why i'm not allowed to drive through the bank anymore
[00:58:51] I'm getting my tubes fucking dialed in and noobed off dialed in give me that motherfucking lollipop
[00:59:01] Suck my little dick suck my little dick. I a right?
[00:59:07] Yeah, sure. I don't even know my new ma song
[00:59:10] Didn't what I don't remember how the new minuma song goes like that
[00:59:13] I remember that was the beginning of me starting to really hate the internet. Mm. Was new minuma. I was like this is bullshit
[00:59:20] There's a fat guy involved in that. Yeah, the lightsaber. No, that was a different guy
[00:59:25] Really? The fact yeah, that was that that was a great video star wars kid
[00:59:29] Yeah, that fat kid that like like made a personal video of himself pretending to be darth mall
[00:59:35] Oh, yeah, and then bullies found the tape in the av room at his high school and they're like oh, this is going on the internet
[00:59:42] And he like tried to kill himself his parents had to leave town. It was a cool vid though
[00:59:47] Yeah, my man had some skills. No guy slain raza. That was that kid's name. Nice. Yeah, you see up to now. It's guy slain
[01:00:02] You know how in the oh, I shouldn't I shouldn't spoil
[01:00:07] Some i've stopped I got a video I got to show you after this. Okay. I can't talk about it on the show is a gay porn
[01:00:13] No, it's one of the best things you'll ever see all right in hell. Yeah, but unfortunately I really can't talk about it on the show
[01:00:22] You gotta can't wait to watch that video of uh dasha pegging adam
[01:00:31] And him asking you are you sure there's not a bigger one over and over again
[01:00:50] Fuck dude, I can't wait to just lay in the fucking
[01:00:52] That'd be just like a good plot for one of the episodes of the web series is
[01:00:56] Adam wants a bunch of people to go into his ass so he decorates the inside of his ass exactly like his apartment
[01:01:01] And he's like i'll just throw a house party
[01:01:06] And then people will go inside my ass. Yes, that's right. Everyone's in there and they're like where's Adam? He's like i didn't think about that
[01:01:20] Then he like peaks his head in and people are like come on just go are you coming?
[01:01:23] Why are you only poking your head and he's like oh, you know, i'm outside having a cigarette
[01:01:28] Like no just come all the way into your apartment wouldn't his head be really big though if it's a size of his ass no
[01:01:43] His asshole is so much bigger than his head and his actual ass i see no that makes sense absolutely i'm sorry
[01:01:52] Anyway, yeah, i'm sorry i'm not as learned as you member. Yeah, then we're at the climax of our story act two
[01:01:58] You know and uh and then someone pulls him in all the way into his ass
[01:02:02] Then the whole apartment just sort of sucks and deflates back into and it's like when you pull up a table cloth off of a set table
[01:02:11] You know and then the apartment just changes back into his regular apartment
[01:02:15] But he's standing there completely nude because he gets sucked and inside out though. Yeah. Yeah. Oh shit
[01:02:20] Everyone's like what the hell just happened. He's like nothing
[01:02:43] Yeah, so yeah subscribe to the patreon. We got a new
[01:02:46] You web series episode. I'm so tired you guys were fun. Thanks. Thank you dasha. Thank you amber for
[01:02:56] Vaging up this episode. Yeah, and not attracting any bears with your awful fluid